#i. keep having reqlly bad nightmares and at the end of all of them
Text
hm. hmmmm.
i dont like where my thoughts keeps heading
#im kinda here now hellow#vent#i. keep having reqlly bad nightmares and at the end of all of them#the end is the same.. ive been having really bad self worth issues recently which makes this all worse#the logical part of my brain tells me to expect this#and the emotional part of my brain is not dok g very well either#im trying real hard and ik its all in my head but im scared#its something really dumb to be scared about because tgings liek these happen but idk i dont want it to#i want to be dumb and pretend like i can be happy and loved long term#this is all unfounded and probably just because of the bee pee dee but im ao acared that im not gonna be enough anymore#i dont even think im worth loving so its really hard to fathom that he loves me but i cant fathom living in a world where he doesnt#so its gonna hurt so much when he doesnt anymore#i know its gonna happen one day i just dont want it to#ive been teying to be pretty and nicer and more agreeable and everything and ive even been expressing more too but its not enough#ive lived thru heartbreak before many times so when it happens ill be alright probably#prkbably not tbh. what i feel is more than love wven though my dumb ass can never xpeeas it because my emotions are just. not to be expresse#*expressed that way. does he ven know how much i love him? how much i care? im. ot good with words or wmotions and i know im easily misunder#stood but i hope he knows. i already see myself as one of his exes. only when it gets like this. ik he’ll look back n laugh at how much time#and effort he wasted on me. i hope hes loved in the future#i hope its still by me. but if not i understand#im kinda repulsive to look at and to be around me for ao long. im aurpriaed#i just. feel like my im gonna my heart broken soon. idk why. im trying to brace for it but ii dont want to become distant. idk wht to do#i feel likeif i bring this up itll be aself fuffiling prophecy. i feel like loving me is a chore. i cant see why anyone would or could#idk who to be or whst to say or how to act. i just want to be worthy of love but im gonna fuck up i already have so many times i bet#im. im not doing okay but hopefully one day i will#its 1 in the am and im sobbing in the bathroom. this has been my new normal for a while now#this is dumb! he loves me he goes out of his way to show it. i may not undersrand why but he does and ill cherish him until he doesnt anymor#j think m having an anxiety attack cause icant breath#chesco dnt look
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
yooaremydae
Forever With You
i-lev-you
"two fingers are all I need"
reallyofme
UR
hayachiru
君を殺して僕も死ぬ。
bekhyuin
fearless