#identity discourse is so stupid

[mallowsweetie]

I think its so funny how people clutch their pearls when others use a label they havent heard of before. Like instead of asking "hey what does this mean?" or even looking it up, they're all like

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE UP A NEW WORD OR PHRASE THAT DEFINES YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME????"

and then when said person defends themselves or simply says like "its my life this is how i identify get over it."

Suddenly they're chronically online

but whats more chronically online than being bothered by how other people label themselves and their relationship? Like clearly you're unhappy if thats all you can think of to do in your spare time.

[codgod-archive]

i will honestly never understand the urge to reclaim the r slur like . it’s got the fucking ooze on it why would you want to even touch that

[ventisslut]

Are you 5?

Also like...what the fuck does venti have to do with the fact that your family deals with alcoholism? you're acting like as if he's the one who caused it?

I'm not even gonna address the other claims cause like...we said this a billion times, he does not sleep voluntarily. He came back to Mondstadt to save his people and fought durin, he also came back to help dvalin. He is NOT constantly drunk it's a charade he puts on to seem weak.

How about we start blaming the actual villains like Rhinedottir and Khaenriah for creating destructive dragons and machines and waging war?

[weedle-testaburger]

I've been thinking this for a while, but I finally feel like saying it: I think people who hate on Heartstopper for being 'too soft' are out of their minds. If you claim a series which shows teenagers dealing with things like homophobic prejudice, self-harm and eating disorders, and who (in the comics and books) have sex without it being fetishised like most teen dramas, is 'too soft' because the characters get through that stuff and have happy lives and relationships, that says some really shitty things to me about your attitude to queer media.

[tremendously-crazy]

"i'm sorry i committed the crime of being born this way," says michael, fourteen year old cisgender heterosexual male after a teenage girl says she'd pick the bear

[bearfrosts]

sometimes ppl don't hate your fave character just bc she's a woman with strong opinions. sometimes she's a background character literally written to be a conservative devils-advocate type that exists only to have contrary opinions

[mars-ipan]

I'd like to remind you that "Man" should not be treated as the Default Human Identity— all men have an Intersectional identity inclusive of their gender; that they aren't women/etc. doesn't mean their gender doesn't factor into how oppression axes impact them.

You seem like you missed out on the Masculinities section of Intersectional Feminism— you should fix that before misinforming people on what intersectionality (as a tool for feminist analysis) is used for by claiming that Privileged Positions (white/cis/male/etc.) are somehow not their own "Intersectional Identities" bc they "aren't oppressed".

i very much don’t think that men are non-oppressed? i know that men are oppressed by the patriarchy, in ways that are subtle and often overlooked. men as a whole are oppressed on a societal scale, because the patriarchy oppresses all that are in it. men who are in some way marginalized— queer, non-white, neurodivergent, physically disabled, etc— will have to face this oppression in tandem with the other identity (or identities) for which they are marginalized. this is a fact, and not one i have ever tried to deny?

please don’t put words in my mouth like that. also, in the future, if you disagree with me on a subject, just say that and approach me in good faith. when you come into people’s inboxes with accusations like this (especially on anon), you’re just going to make them want to go on the defensive. i’m not one to get in online arguments, especially not over topics that i explicitly stated i dislike discussing, but being this aggressive with people isn’t going to get you far if you want them to actually hear what you have to say.

[stressedjester]

Me if I ever find whoever decided to take "queer people aren't a monolith" and decided to spin it into the weird "queer people of separate identities NEVER have overlapping experiences with each other and are ALWAYS different all the time and to suggest or have experienced otherwise makes you homophobic/transphobic/lesbiphobic" rhetoric that I keep seeing everywhere

[onlyfangz]

is there a difference between bisexuality and pansexuality? not really tbh. this has not once ever been a real problem, however, and if it bothers you that much, you may need to seek help.

[gayestcowboy]

i think that whenever you’re engaging in online discourse it’s always a good idea to 1. imagine what you would say if you were engaging in this discourse in real life and 2. imagine how you would explain this discourse to someone irl who isn’t directly involved. i think a lot of genuinely pointless online discourse could probably be resolved in this fashion 🤷‍♂️

[sapphymayeyeplease]

Im so happy I don’t interact with the wider fandom for regretevator. my friends and the people I follow are cool but some of the things that happen in this fandom. some of the drama that goes down… ._.

[murphysiblings]

if someones identify is “contradictory” or just doesnt make sense to you the easiest response is to just mind ur business and move on

[mushbones]

me actually needing meds to sleep or eat or function on any level pulling "old man yells at cloud" every time someone forgets that they literally can influence how their alters form, it's not like, super hard to learn, you can still be "traumagenic" but that word is meant to help you understand, not to LIMIT you. You literally can just define things about alters. And just because something doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it isn't real? If someone says they hallucinate i don't go "but you're not REALLY psychotic unless XYZ" i just go damn bro i got spiders same whats up

[genderkoolaid]

lets talk about the whole "mogai hell" trend from the exclusionist discourse and how fucking evil it was lmao. literally seeing people framing a ton of queer and mostly nonbinary identities as bad and inherently wrong and corrupting, something that Smart Good El Gee Bee Tees will naturally "escape" from, did material damage to me as a young multigender person. i spent YEARS stuck in gender-sexuality limbo cause I had read so many people talking about how terms like "omnigay" and "lesboy" (terms that had begun to help me put to words my genderfluidity and the overlap between my gender and sexuality and my connection to lesbianism) were stupid and dangerous. I'd read pages of people talking about "mogai hell" and stigmatizing any queer language that fell outside an extremely narrow and EXTREMELY binary range.

like there's lots to discuss re: the aphobia of it all but also i don't think we have really delved into how fucking much exclusionist discourse fucked over many nonbinary people. the ONLY "good" way to be nonbinary was to be binary-aligned in one direction and never identify in any way that might confuse binary gays and lesbians. do y'all understand that i spent years lost and confused because I would go back and forth and back between identifies because I literally had taught myself to hate the idea of being both a man and a woman and neither. and whenever people talked about genderfluidity they NEVER treated genderfluid people as real men and real women, just a vague third thing that could either be an identity or just an aesthetic and either way wasn't as deep or real as being a binary man or woman. so i was truly fucked until I got out of exclusionist hell and realized I could just. be a faggot and a dyke and anything i'd like

anyways binary trans people it would be really cool and sexy if y'all paid attention to this kind of shit and took it seriously!!!!

[imjunebitch]

hey chat, if you claim to be a progressive activist, and your willingness to show compassion and advocate only goes as far as your own identity, you are bad at activism!

to get this out of the way, i certainly don't consider myself an activist, im not even fully out of the closet, im slightly active in gsa, and I post discourse on tumblr occasionally, that does not make me an activist. a lot of queer people or otherwise marginalized people aren't, or can't be, or just don't want to be, and that's okay! most people shouldn't have to be, in my opinion! but i Poast as I do bc i try to be compassionate and when I see shit I Feel The Need To Address It.

look at all the damn TRFs on this site, essentially. You'll note some things about the group as a whole, and this is a generalization, which is a bad thing, i apologize and promise im not shit talking any of these associated groups, im gonna make a coherent point i prommy! but the vast majority of them are white, perisex, gender conforming, binary lesbian transfems. nothing wrong with that, that's cool! but you'll note that all they ever seem to advocate for is, well, white, perisex, gender conforming, binary lesbian transfems, and they continually shit on everyone else.

(although they might occasionally show some solidarity with nonbinary people. oh, but only "TMA" nonbinary people. grabbing them by their hands and explaining the existence of intersex people I stg, drop your fucking bigoted false dichotomy that inherently forces nonbinary people to reveal their assigned sex to you to even be respected by you and still defines them by that anyway. drop your system that treats intersex people like an unimportant afterthought. collateral damage in your shitty quest to have a short snappy acronym you can drag through the mud because you don't have the fucking guts to just say that you hate trans men with your whole pussy) ⬅️ period of foaming rage over now

so here's the problem. they want to be activists! they really do! but their interest in activism stops where they stop, and they have no interest in forming compassion, alliance, or any sort of bond with anyone outside of that group. and in all to many cases, they have real, actual ire against people not in their group. even groups that have so much in common with them! what else could aphobia in queer spaces be? or intersexism in trans and queer spaces? or racism among queer people, or transandrophobia among trans women and fems? what does all of this have in common? two things really.

it's so fucking stupid that trying to explain it to a friend who isn't online makes you feel like you're just rambling because it is genuinely so fucking stupid. all of you exclusionist assholes are so genuinely cartoonishly stupid and so completely blind to intersectionality and just fucking compassion as a concept that trying to explain your stances and how fucking MANY of you there somehow are makes ME look like I'm just rambling away. had to get that off my chest

they come from a fundamental unwillingness to engage with anything outside of whatever they have defined as the in-group.

it boggles my damn mind that a trans person could say intersexism and exorsexism aren't real, or that a queer person could shit on asexual and aromantic people, or that a transfem person could say that a transmasc person doesn't actually suffer from their own kind of oppression, or that so many white queers are so shitty towards poc queers. but all of this comes from people saying "i want progress, but i only want it for myself, and the groups I relate to and nobody else." tma/tme shit is this at its absolute clearest. let's impose a dichotomy of who is and is not oppressed, let's define "oppressed" as "suffers in a way similar to me" and now let's shit on everyone who isn't "oppressed." (which again is clearly just shorthand for transmasculine, about 70% of the time. work your fucking issues out, trans men and mascs are not the oppressor.)

but look guys. I can go outside. i can read the news. i can talk to and hang around with my friends and partners, and through doing all of this i can see that you're completely full of shit. i can see sexuality being forced on asexual people,listen to stories from ace and around people about being forced into relationships and see that clearly things aren't fucking sunshine and rainbows for ace people! i can see and hear how people dismiss or deride intersex people and see "huh looks like intersex people are made invisible and ignored or otherwise treated as if something is wrong with them, damn, wish we had a word for that, how does 'intersexism" sound?" i identified as nonbinary for a while so i fucking know firsthand how people, even sometimes other queer people, just treat you like your assigned sex, especially if you don't present as androgynous. i can go to queer events and see how fucking unwelcome poc queers are, and I can fucking hang out with my friends and my partners, the "TME queers" you fucking ASSHOLES love to shit all over and see, fucking firsthand, how they are treated. how trans men are simultaneously infantilized and treated like predators for existing, how gnc people are treated like they're subhuman or novelties, how all of us queer people threatened, and hurt, and beaten down by bigotry, transfem or not.

and then I get to come home, and i go online, and i see you fucking vultures tearing apart other marginalized groups. people like them. people i love. because I guess that's fucking easier isn't it. it's easier to blame your problems on a nonbinary teenager who uses pronouns you dislike and say that xe's the cause of your oppression, or to shit on a trans man who can't bind or cut his hair because his parents would kill him instead of actually doing something to help your own fucking community. fuck you.

help your fucking community, at least. if you can't even bring yourself to try to advocate for others, then damn, at least spend your time advocating for your own group and not contributing to the issues of another.

I'm tired, yanno.

[renthony]

The way people mock "booktok" is so often just...badly reskinned misogyny over women daring to read, and read things that mainstream society considers "frivolous" or "vapid" or "inappropriate for girls." Oh no, women are reading fluffy romance! Oh no, women are reading things that aren't smart and sophisticated enough for the nearest academic! Oh no, women are reading about sex!

See also: the way people talk about "YA authors" being uncannily identical to 2010 Mary Sue "stupid teenage girls who think they can write about Real Topics" discourse.

Fun fact: books written by women, as well as marginalized people of all genders, are frequently miscategorized as YA by bookstores, libraries, and sites like Goodreads. It's a known phenomenon among authors and other folks who run in bookish circles, and once you're aware of it, it's blatant.

My own book was never intended to be specifically for a YA audience, but Goodreads insists that it's "YA." Even though the main character is in their 20s and I have literally never advertised it as YA once.