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#idk at this point but i felt like i needed to get it out there ya kno
vivwritesfics · 3 days
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hi 🥹🥹 idk if this is okay but can i request a os ( or a series if you think it’s worthy, you decide ! ) where lando and yn are exes and they meet during a party after soooo many years and they are still super angry at each other (no cheating because i read your rules but idk, maybe they broke up because of distance?? or lando wanted to focus on his career ??). Despite that, tension builds up and they end up having sex all night and then they confess they never forget each other and idk a lil happy ending?
a right person wrong time ex lovers to enemies to lovers again sort of idk ahahahahahah
love youuuuuu
I've been pretty away from things for the last two days and I'm sorry, but hoping to get back on track real soon
Verstappen reader
Warnings: light smut, fingering
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When you break up with someone you're still in love with, it sucks. It really fucking sucks. So much that it's easier to let yourself hate them than miss them.
It was years ago, but she still hated him. And seeing him on her television so often made her hate him more. It would have been easier if he hated her too, but he didn't. Her brother made sure she was aware of it.
She'd managed to avoid races, has done for years at this point. But Max was about to win his third championship, and he wanted her there for it.
So, he flew her out to Qatar.
For the entire race weekend, she ignored him. She ignored him with everything she had. Hiding out in the Red Bull garage, walking the other way whenever anybody dressed in orange came towards her.
But then Max won the goddamn championship. That wasn't what she was mad about. She was so fucking happy that her big brother had won the championship. She couldn't say no to going out partying with him.
Neither could Lando, either.
He didn't know she was going to be there, didn't know that she was even in the country. But, the moment his eyes met hers, fuck. He couldn't stop himself from striding over to her, drink in hand.
"Hey," he said, a little breathlessly. Well, she she looked incredibly fucking good.
Her hand reached out and struck his face. Lando held his cheek as he looked down at her. "What was that for?" He asked, but he knew. He knew how he had fucked up and he regretted it so much.
""Fuck you," she spat, stepping closer. But then she backed off to find her brother.
The night kept going on like this. They kept running into each other, dancing together for just a few minutes before she remembered who she was with and backed off.
Lando hadn't kissed her at the end of the night. He hadn't climbed into her lap as she sat in a booth (something she did to her). With her situated in his lap, hands on the back of his neck, she pressed her lips to his own.
"Fuck," he grunted against her lips as he grabbed her waist.
She whimpered and began trailing kisses down his neck. "Take me to your room, Lan," she whispered.
Her voice was so soft, how could he ever say no?
That was how she ended up in his hotel. Lando laid her on his bed, his hands touching her like he hadn't forgotten how. She moaned as he pulled down her underwear, his hands touching her thighs. Even this was better than anything she'd had in the years since they broke up.
"I've missed this," he whispered as his finger ran through her folds. She tossed her head back as he felt just how wet she was.
Fuck, he needed her now.
Lando dropped his trousers. He slowly and gently thrust his fingers into her, opening her up before he entered her.
It was like he was made to fill her. And he did, over and over again, until the sun shone through the window and light filled the room.
The new day came a new sense of clarity. She'd fucked her ex. Who the hell made the mistake of sleeping with their ex? She couldn't help but feel stupid as she looked at him, sleeping in the bed beside her. She'd missed him, so damn much.
But he was the one who didn't want her.
As she slipped out of the bed, a hand reached for her. "Don't go," he said. "Stay with me, please."
She couldn't stop herself from letting a sigh loose from her lips. "Why should I, Lan?" She couldn't stop the nickname from slipping out. "You don't want me, so why should I?"
He couldn't help but groan. "I do want you," he said.
She pulled away from him and gathered her clothes up from the floor. "Then start acting like it."
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mikobeautifulheart · 2 days
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How about JJK Men touching your weak spot, like on ur back or something in public and it makes you jump and them laugh.
IDK what ever you want to write but something like that.
TEHEHE YESSSS
Not edited btw :(
Weak spot
Including: Yuji and Yuta
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Yuji
You were standing at the door to Yuji's dorm. He told you earlier that he would be 5 minutes late and that you could just head inside.
Was he sure, could you really just freely walk in? I mean what if he left stuff out that your not meant to see...or if he left his things out and forgot about it.
You reached out to turn the door knob before pushing the door open slowly. Everything was...normal. Clean, neat, nothing out of the ordinary actually. You walked in quietly, this place was to quiet to clean...there's got to be something he's hiding.
Well he is Yuji, he wouldn't hid anything...would he?
First you looked under the couch.
Then his desk draws.
And then in the book shelfs.
Nothing. Maybe you were just to caught up in trying to find anything interesting, in reality you knew there probably wasn't even anything there.
Finally you opened his bed room door and were about to peek under the bed when you felt something gently run down your spine making you jump slightly.
You heard Yuji's laugh "Your spine really is your weak spot"
You stood up and grabbed the pillow off of his bed and whacked him with it.
"YUJI YOU SCARED ME!"
"HEY! CALM DOWN" He said wrapping his arms around you, pushing you on his bed, his body on top.
"What were you looking for?" He asked
"Mmm nothing Yuji, I was just looking around. I guess I was right, you don't seem like a guy who hides things"
"I don't need to hide anything from you babe, I have nothing to hide" He said smiling while kicking his old Jenifer Lawrence poster under his bed.
(He forgot to throw it out before you got there)
Yuta
You were sent on a mission with your boyfriend, last one of the day. You were practically on edge after the past few nights with little to no sleep. Worked to the bone and tiered.
You and Yuta had pretty much finished the mission, but there were still traces of cursed energy so you both spilt up.
Man this sucks.
You swore as soon as this was over you were going to collapse into Yuta's arms and sleep all the way back home. But in the mean time you just had to hurry and finish this mission.
Walking down the hall way you heard something inside of a room, that was it, it was the last curse. It would be an easy kill, if only you could find the damn thing first.
You swung open the door and was hit with a wave of exhaustion hit you making your eye lids get heavier. Your vision blurred and your limbs became heavier.
"Not now" You mumbled to yourself seeing the curse move away in the corner of your sight.
You stumbled into the middle of the room and swung your arm aimlessly, managing to punch right through the curses body.
A sigh escaped your lips. Finally. Or so you thought until you felt overwhelming cursed energy behind you. Before you could turn around and react you felt a small poke on the small of your back making you jump and your knees go weak, body falling slowly backwards into something...you close your eyes to just accept your fate at this point only to be met with the sound of a light hearted chuckle.
"Y-Yuta, you rat. You know that's my weak spot" You mumbled looking up at him, seeing his smile.
"Sorry, sorry I couldn't help it." He lifted your body up bridal style and carried you out the building.
"Where's Ichi when you need him" Yuta said looking down to see you peacefully sleeping.
THANK YOU FOR READING ♡
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AUTHOURS NOTE: So random but i'm dying with out requests, I only have two more to write and I've nearly finished them. PLEASE.
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Text
Mistakes and regrets
☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader
☆ Synopsis: Loki is a prisoner that sees his way out through pretending to date you, but when he finds true love he doesn't know how to deal with the guilt of making a very similar damage to the one that had been done to him when he was used for what originally were selfish reasons.
☆ Word Count: 10.5k, I think that's my longest fic yet, and written in the shortest time lapse, not sure what that says about my mental stability rn.
☆ Notes: As I proofread I noticed this could be interpreted as generational trauma, sort of... given I made Loki sort of mirror what Odin did to him. But I wasn't trying to be deep, I just felt like shit during the week and used this to cope. The fic might be cringy as a result, I am honestly not sure.
☆ Warnings: Depression and guilt are the focus points of this storyline. Loki starts is kinda toxic his behavior here isn't meant to be romanticized or intended to be extrapolated to real life, I just wanted to explore a narrative surrounding poor decisions and the dealing of its consequences. The reader is kinda a Mary Sue of sweetness but I just wanted to hammer in Loki feeling bad and guilty. I don't know if this is a trigger but I touch the vault scene of Loki and Odin and Odin being forgiven is also handled, Idk if that's trigger warning worthy but I know most of the fandom hates him.
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“You’re not making it any for me brother.” Thor spoke through the glass.
“I want my freedom, brother.” Loki sighed, sitting down on the uncomfortable bench. “Don’t think of me as ungrateful, but as much as I appreciate not being executed, I can’t exactly call this a life.”
“Director Fury insisted, I’ve tried explaining to him that New York was a complicated situation. But he wants to be sure you are not a threat to Earth– uh, Midgard.”
“You've surely adapted well to living here” Loki rolled his eyes. “Pathetic.”
“Cooperate with me, I brother” Thor begged. “I want to help you, but I need you to help me first.”
“I’m not sure what I am expected to do from here” Loki huffed annoyed.
Thor sighed and gave his little brother a sympathetic look. Loki was frustrated, and he couldn’t blame him. He would be too if he got brainwashed, had all his anger, sense of betrayal and resentment exploited to torture an innocent planet, and still be the one to pay for said crimes… Sure he wouldn’t be all jokes and laughs.
“I’ve been negotiating a way to test your stability and get your freedom” Thor smiled hoping to cheer up his brother. And he made Loki look up. “It’d be a bit uncomfortable at first. But I know you can prove yourself. You’d have to wear cuffs or a while, but you’d be free to walk around with me and the others on trips to the city.”
“Hooray…” Loki rolled his eyes.
“Please brother, I’m trying, I just need you to be patient.” Thor spoke sadly as he made his way out. “I hate this as much as you do.”
“Do you?” Loki said. “As far as I know, you’re not the one in a crystal cell.”
“Alright, almost as much as you do.” Thor joked softly and Loki did chuckle weakly.
He agreed that Thor had been furious. But it all happened so fast.
Thor had managed to land a fatal blow on Thanos’ chest and soon Steve, Natasha, and Bruce had arrived to back him up and retrieve the Infinity gauntlet. They opened a portal to bring back Tony, Doctor Strange, and the Spider Ling… And surprisingly a weird group of space travelers.
When Thor realized they could travel to anywhere in the universe they opened a portal to rescue the Asgardian ship. There were a lot of severe wounds but surprisingly Thanos had failed, he underestimated the strength of Asgard, and most people could be saved.
“Thor!” Valkyrie screamed and rushed to hug the king.
“Valkyrie! You are alright! Thank goodness!” Thor smiled in relief and hugged his friend.
“Thor you have to come quick!” Valkyrie urged him. “It’s Loki!”
Thor’s heart sank, his heart couldn’t stand burying the only family member he had left. Thor had lost his parents… he had seen his whole planet die. But not his baby brother. Not Loki. Not again.
“Please… not now… Let’s treat the wounded ones first…” Thor spoke with a knot on his throat. “I want to focus on saving lives first.”
“Thor, you don’t get it! He’s alive!” Valkyrie scolded him. “But he’s in a critical state! We need to take him to a safe place to treat him.”
A tear streamed down the new king’s face, and he felt as if he had finally put down a enormous boulder he had been holding onto. He didn’t lose Loki.
“Take me to him!” Thor urged them.
Valkyrie took Thor to a damaged room in the ship that had been used as an improvised infirmary. In the corner laid a figure Thor knew too well being treated by healers.
“Brother!” Thor said. “Oh Gods… You’re alive…”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily thunder brain… ugh…!” Loki joked weakly as he groaned in pain. The healers begged him not to move as they tried stabilizing his condition. His neck had been nearly obliterated.
It was a miracle Loki hadn’t died and that the healers had managed to find him on time.
“We couldn’t abandon him” one of the healers spoke politely to her king. “After all, it was because of you and prince Loki that Lady Valkyrie managed to evacuate the survivors. We apologize for not finding you, my king.”
“It’s no problem at all” Thor laughed in an uncharacteristically quiet manner. He was breathless. “Thank you for saving my brother’s life.”
The lady healer let out a sheepish giggle and bowed. Loki rolled his eyes, earning a lecture from the healers that were still treating him. King or not, Thor still had that charm that seemed to make most people swoon.
The reunion was interrupted by a group of soldiers that broke in with a logo on their uniforms that made Thor’s blood boil when they pointed their weapons at Loki. SHEILD.
They picked up the stretcher where Loki was laying in and took him away to lock him up.
Apparently, the news travel fast, but SHIELD travels faster, and hearing Loki was alive was enough to mobilize and capture the injured God and lock him in a crystal prison cell in a SHIELD base. If Loki had a coin for every time that happened… he’d have two.
He couldn’t say Thor didn’t do anything about it. He could hear the thunders and enraged screams from his brother, demanding for an explanation and Loki’s immediate liberation.
“I demand my brother is released immediately!” Thor yelled.
“You should consider yourself grateful we’re allowing your witches to go and heal that world-level threat! He would be better off dead!”
“Don’t you dare speak of my brother like that! Me and all of my people would’ve died if it wasn’t for him!”
Loki wasn’t sure if he was amused or if he felt bad.
It did stroke his ego being called “Asgard’s hero” in the middle of the yelling. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Nick Fury was just as loud as Thor when angry. He couldn’t complain much. It made it much easier to hear what was going on, which was good, he was too weakened to use his magic to spy on them.
The healers tending to his neck sure seemed awkward overhearing the fight. It must have been uncomfortable to be doing your job in a high security cell. So, he tried entertaining the healers as he could. Although all he got was a lecture when his magic drained his energy, and they needed him awake to monitor him.
Soon he got better, he but wasn’t allowed to be out of his cell. It was a bit nostalgic, in some dark and twisted way. It even made him want to fix his old horned helmet, even if Thor would call him a cow for wearing it.
And when things couldn’t get worse… he met you.
“It’s lunch time” a voice said in a weirdly friendly tone before you head popped by the entrance as you balanced a tray of food on your head in an attempt to amuse Loki. He wondered if there were buffoons in Midgard, but you always tried to draw a laugh from him… Tried.
“Tough crowd, eh?”
Loki couldn’t not be baffled by the way you talked to him. Although he couldn’t decide if that was because you surely knew his reputation as Midgard’s terrorist or because you always talked in a friendly and goofy tone in a maximum-security prison in a super-secret spy agency. You also seemed to be awfully young to be here, but you couldn’t be much older than the girl Barton took as his protégée.
“What’s on the menu today?” Loki asked in a more formal tone.
“Why the hurry?” you asked, “don’t tell me you got somewhere else to be.”
“You think you are a lot funnier than you really are” Loki rolled his eyes. “And it’s not very nice to make fun of someone’s disgrace.”
“I hear you think I’m at least a little bit funny” you smiled as you kept balancing the tray of food on your head.
“Please don’t drop my food, I’d like to have at least something to eat” he rolled his eyes.
You tripped on your feet, and he saw the tray falling down, you caught it last second with your shins, and gave him a little sheepish grin.
“Alright, alright, I’m impressed” Loki groaned. “Can I eat now please? Or is having you torment me part of some attempt to break me?”
“Why are you so moody?” you asked. “More than usual, I mean.”
“I’m starving, and you humans eat way too little” Loki finally admitted. “But that is still better than nothing… Please.”
You stopped playing around and you looked at him as you got the tray into his cell.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were eating so little.” You admitted.
“I barely have energy to cast small illusions, which would serve to entertain myself.” Loki complained as he sat to eat and you sat by the table and looked at him, you didn’t seem afraid, curious at most. You watched him eat and took his dirty plates by the end.
You weirded him out.
You always did something along the same lines; you came to bring him food, teased him a little and then left when you were gone. Although this time you had asked more questions about him. And you seemed more pensive while he ate.
And later that day he got a surprise. Usually, he just saw you to deal with you while he ate. But today you returned with a brown paper bag on your hands and a backpack, you never carried personal objects with you.
“What now?” he groaned.
You said nothing but opened the door to pass him food and slid the bag inside. Loki opened his end and grabbed the bag, it was warm, and it had a strong smell inside, he reached and pulled out a weird soft cushion with a white cover.
“Bur…ger? What this?” he asked as he read the yellow letters.
“It’s food” you smiled. “Cafeteria is closed until dinner, so I thought bringing you something else might boost your mood.”
“This looks like junk” he snarled, making you laugh.
“It’s something like that.”
Loki looked inside the bag and looked at you.
“There’s no fork.”
“You eat it with your hands” you smiled and pretended to grab a burger and bite it. “Like a sandwich.”
“What’s a sandwich?” Loki asked, making you laugh again.
Loki tried to take a bit, imitating your gesture, but you stopped with a squeaky laugh.
“Unwrap it first!” you laughed. “The white thing paper is not edible.”
Usually Loki would’ve argued more. But he had been really hungry, so he agreed.
“The taste is agreeable enough.”
“Try the fries!” you said eagerly.
“These yellow sticks?” he asked pulling out one fry from the bag, and you giggle once again, he was learning you were quite easy to amuse.
“Yes, the yellow sticks, they’re potatoes with salt and soaked in hot oil to cook them” you smiled.
“That sounds unhealthy” he said, but he surely didn’t pass up the extra meal, and while he’d never admit it, but it was tasty.
“It is on the long run” you agreed. “But you don’t eat these every day. It’s more like… something you eat when you particularly crave it. Like a treat.”
“What’s on your bag?” Loki asked, a lot more agreeable now with a full stomach.
“Ah, you said you didn’t have much to do” you said and passed him bag. “It’s a portable DVD player and old movies.”
“I understood the word portable from that whole sentence” Loki said in an obvious tone.
He wasn’t new to technology, but unlike Earth, Asgard only used technology for practical purposes like travel and fighting. Never for entertainment.
“You can watch recorded over produced plays on the screen” you said adapting to what Loki might be familiar with. “Fury said you can’t have access to internet, so I thought since I don’t use this anymore it’d keep you entertained while Thor negotiates your freedom. And if you need something else, I could surely get it for you.”
Loki was trying to process it all while he followed your instructions to set up the devices you brought him. Now he’d finally give some use to the electricity plugins on his cell.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Loki asked.
“I don’t know” you shrugged. “You seem like you could use some kindness.”
“I’m a charity case?” Loki asked, not sure if he was thankful or offended.
“You wish. If I was charitable, I would’ve brought a fancy brand of fast food, and you’re a good junkyard to bring my old stuff” you snarled, making Loki laugh, for real this time.
Your cheeks flushed and were soon surrounded in a clod of silver mist. And when it disappeared you had vanished already.
Now that… Loki didn’t see coming. He had heard of your kind when he took control of some of SHIELD agents, humans with supernatural abilities. You were a mutant, and for the looks of it, one with teleportation powers. Now it made sense why someone seemingly so ordinary was in a place like this, flirting with a prisoner.
Interesting.
The next few days you kept bringing him food as usual, but two things had changed. One, the portions were bigger now, Loki now got to eat to a point where he was satisfied. Two, you joked around a lot less, in fact, you simply brought the food and stayed nearby in silence, and Loki had caught you staring at him with rosy cheeks.
So, you did fancy him… Truly interesting. And quite flattering too, he at least had to agree you were quite appealing to stare at.
“I watched one of your… Dee Bee Dees…” Loki started the conversation while he ate. “The one with the funny doctor…”
“That… doesn’t narrow it down much” you finally spoke. “Sarcastic asshole with a wounded leg?”
“He is sarcastic, but he treats patients with joy and laughter and goes against the rules. Like the pair of legs at the entrance” Loki specified. “It was a sweet story… I did feel bad for him when he lost his… you know.”
“Ah, yeah…” you said sadly.
For a few more days, the routine kept like that, you seemed a lot shyer than before and now Loki was the one pursuing your attention and with an arsenal of movies you had watched he always had a way to start conversation.
When he was sure he had properly understood your interest in him, he made his move.
While Loki wasn’t as flashy as Thor, he never had much trouble swooning anyone of his interest, with years of etiquette lessons and nourishing his mind with the most exquisite novels and books Asgard had to offer he knew how to charm anyone he desired.
And soon enough he was courting you. He recited for you the collection of the most exquisite verses he had memorized and casted his illusions of roses and butterflies for you to enjoy a romantic set up.
Soon Fury had two people demanding for his liberation. And since Loki had been in his best behavior Fury didn’t have an excuse to keep Loki locked up and while he had a tracker on his ankle and Asgardian magic bracelets capable of suppressing his magic.
You were there when they let Loki out and he made sure to hug you first. The more in love he seemed, the sooner he’d be truly free. You melted against his embrace and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug.
Loki felt a light tug on his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time someone out of his parents and Thor been so eager and happy to hug him.
“I had been dreaming of this…” you spoke softly. “And your hugs are even cozier than I imagined.”
That felt like a dagger to his heart. Why were you so sweet?
“Alright, Bambi, if you try something your little sweetheart will let us know right away, got it?” Tony warned him.
You wrapped your arms around Loki’s bicep pressing yourself against him.
“He’s gonna be perfect” you defended him. “And if I’m wrong you can lock me up as well for helping a criminal out.”
Second dagger. What kind of idiot were you trusting him so blindly? Could you really not see he just wanted his freedom?
Loki finally had a proper room, or something like that. He would be staying in the Avengers Compound when the Helicarrier landed… until then there was a room where he, Thor, and basically everyone stayed.
Your bed the one right above Loki’s. Loki sighed. Just a few more days. Loki laid down and saw you looking down at him, peeking from your bed with big sparkling eyes.
“Yes?” Loki said in his best sweet loving tone.
“S-Sorry…” you mumbled as your cheeks got red. “I’m just really happy you’re here.”
“Aww, young love…” Kate cooed.
“SHUT UP! I’M OLDER THAN YOU!” you screeched and threw a pillow right at her face, making Loki smiled softly.
“You’re both babies…” Yelena grinned.
“Shut up, you hag!” you and Kate argued.
“You’re all babies…” Bucky corrected.
“DON’T STICK YOUR NOSE, YOU FOSSIL!” the three of you argued.
“I’m… not gonna join this argument being 1,500 years old” Thor laughed and soon eased the mood in all laughter again.
Meanwhile Loki wouldn’t stop thinking what you said to him. “I’m happy you’re here.” Third stab… How could you be so happy and attached to him so easily and quickly?
The next few days he had resigned to adapt to train with you. He had been a warrior all his life, but being a soldier was too boring for him. It was a lot of training, gym workouts, more training, and meetings. He saw you nodding off during the latter. Where did you pull the energy to play and joke around with him when you went to bring food to him while he had been locked up?
You yawned and rested against his shoulder as you dozed off during lunch once. You were so warm and trusted him more than he deserved. You seemed awfully comfortable around him.
Every spare moment you had was dedicated to him, you were awfully cuddly and touchy. Loki wasn’t used to this in the slightest. At first playing along seemed impossible. But your kisses were so gentle and tender, more often than not he found his eyes fluttering close and his hands wrapping around your waist in a loving way. Even sharing a room with a lot of people seemed more fun if he got to study your reactions.
“Take that!” you screamed as you and Kate smacked each other with pillows, but when a stray pillow hit Natasha in the back of the head, it was war.
Everyone was throwing and hitting each other with pillows until someone pushed you to Loki’s arms who had stayed out of the war as just a bystander. No one seemed to be paying much attention to him, but now you were.
Your face was beet red, and you were blabbering apologies if you had hurt him, (which, you hadn’t). But Loki simply smiled and grabbed your sides and started squeezing them, causing you to squeal and burst out laughing.
Oh, of course you were ticklish, he should’ve known. Hel, you irradiated this aura that just screamed “tickle me!” And as the God of Mischief, he was drawn to ticklish little things such as yourself, to make sure he could exploit every ticklish little inch of your giggly body. It had always been a pretty harmless way to ease his need to cause mayhem.
Soon the entire room was in fits of laughter since Loki had unintentionally inspired a tickle war.
“H-Hohohohoney! Pleahahahahase!” you begged Loki, “thahahahahat tickles!”
“So? I hope it doesn’t bother you, my dear” Loki purred in your ear as his fingers traveled up and down your ribs, causing you to screech. “I think I’d like to play with my pretty little toy some more…”
“Nohohohoho! Please! Hehehehehe! S-Stop it!” you giggled until you had proofed to reappear at the top bunk bed, right by the time someone else had surrendered and called truce.
Thor. His stomach was sore from laughing and he needed a break. But the big Asgardian was confident enough to not be affected by being the one to surrender in such harmless play fight.
“I’m nostalgic” Thor laughed. “Reminds me of the sleep overs with Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun and Sif.”
“I wouldn’t know, I was never invited.” Loki said.
“WHAT?!” you gasped and threw a pillow at Thor’s head in Loki’s defense. “JERK! TO YOUR OWN BROTHER!”
“What do you mean?” Thor asked. “You rejected us every time.”
“What are you talking about? You never invited me, brother” Loki explained. “By the time I had found out, you were all locked in your chambers.”
“Sif and the guys always said you said no” Thor said. “That’s why I always made smaller sleepovers with just you and me. I thought you hated big groups.”
Loki never thought Thor had been clueless, if anything he thought it had been him who rejected him, it never occurred to him it was the rest that orchestrated Loki’s exclusion. It made sense in retrospect, they were more Thor’s friends, not Loki’s.
“I enjoy time to myself,” Loki agreed. “But I’ve never been against big events. I always thought it was you who didn’t want me near your friends…”
“Of course not, brother…”
“Don’t feel bad, Loki” Yelena said in a tone that eased the mood. “Nat used to have sleepover with friends and ban me from her room the whole night. But we’re sisters, adopted or not.”
“I said I was sorry, and I was 11 you resentful crybaby!” Natasha argued with a laugh.
You noticed that had hit a sensitive spot-on Loki and went to sit behind Loki to give him a hug from behind. And it was unexpectedly comforting, he sighed as you kissed his cheek. Growing more and more used to your doting affection, you were also rather good to read his mood by now.
It just made him feel more guilty, so he tried changing the subject.
“You poof around when tickled, hm?” Loki chuckled. “Noted.”
“Not just when I’m tickled, when I get worked up by almost anything…” you explained. “I can’t always control it.”
“I see… so, I get you all worked up…” Loki flirted, making you jolt and squeak with a red face. “Heh… I’m flattered.”
“What about you?” you asked when you calmed down, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Does something like that happen to you?”
“Mmm… my magic is also very tied to my feelings is mostly surges of magic when I’m pissed off.” Loki shrugged. “In a way, the source of my magic abilities come from my control of how I feel. Which is why Thor could never learn sorcery… he couldn’t ever keep calm and focus enough.”
It felt a bit of a cheap answer, his guilt told him you were always vulnerable with him. There was another thing…
Alright, now that no one was paying attention to you two.
“When I was little, I used to have a lot of nightmares, and my mother stayed with me and taught me this spell… it allows you to invite someone else to your dreams, to put it simply. She taught me that spell to help me with the bad dreams… And sometimes I still cast it involuntarily while I sleep. It’s… what’s the word? Automatic, at this point.”
“You haven’t used it since we met” you pointed out.
“There’s these preventing that” Loki wiggled the magic cuffs on his wrists, and you shrank sheepishly. “Maybe one day I’ll have you sleep visiting… who knows…”
You smiled too eagerly at the idea… it was painful to see the adoration in your eyes.
The next night you were chatting happily, you laid on the floor with your feet hanging on Loki’s bed. Surprisingly he didn’t mind too much, he found himself much more engaged on the conversation. He simply rested his hand on your shin, caressing it with his thumb.
But at some point during the chat his hand brushed by your ankle, something that should’ve caught his attention way sooner. A location tracker like his. He brushed his fingers along the band, and you jolted, quickly making a bad excuse before rushing out. A terrible liar dating the god of lies. How ironic.
“I didn’t know… I thought I was the only one with one of these…” Loki pointed to his tracker.
“All mutants and non-SHIELD affiliated have one” Tony explained with a yawn. “Basically, if you have superpowers, you have two options, be an agent or an avenger.”
“Or locked up” Loki concluded, and the way no one answered, confirming his suspicion.
“You’re gonna be joining us, right, brother?” Thor smiled.
“Do I have a choice?”
Loki chuckled, he had been thinking about this prior to this information, the fear of actually losing his brother when Thor was ready to leave him forever in Sakaar had been too great.
But what about you? You didn’t strike him the superhero style, a were a fragile and sensitive little thing, and he couldn’t picture you in the battlefield, but being a soldier was clearly taking a huge toll on you. You seemed perpetually exhausted living like this.
“Has my darling decided yet?” Loki asked, he didn’t plan on the pet names, but it felt weirdly natural as it rolled off his tongue. It felt right.
“Not before meeting you, we had tried, but I’d say with you two together… things have changed for the better.” Steve assured him. “It’s a relief though, you two would be great assets in the future, and the life at the compound is bit freer and more independent.”
For some reason, Loki smiled at the sound of that.
“It’s gonna be for the best” Bruce smiled. “Fury can be quite severe, and the soldier life isn’t for everyone…”
Loki couldn’t see you long term here, you’d be overworking yourself for a lifestyle too demanding and that you didn’t even like. It would be for the best to be an Avenger… at least that’d give you some more freedom.
By then, the mood had died down and everyone went to bed, turning off the lights way before you arrived. A few more minutes passed… and nothing. Loki considered going to find you when you opened the door, guiding your way with your phone’s flashlight. You had a messy damp ponytail, and baggy pajamas. You arrived and sat by Loki’s bed and immediately collapsed right beside him, invading his bed. He was ready to climb and use yours when you he felt a tug on his shirt.
“Let me stay with you…” you mumbled with your eyes closed, it seemed you still had some consciousness.
Loki nodded and laid down beside you, wrapping his arm over you, and tucking you under the bedsheets. He had to keep appearances. Yeah… Of course.
He studied you for a while. Your hair was soft, and it smelled like wild berries, shampoo he had started using as well because it smelled so nice. Your skin was soft and smooth, it was addictive to trace his fingers along your body. He traced circles along your side.
“Nooo… thahahat tickles…” you giggled and shifted in your half-asleep state, making something stir within Loki. “You can tickle me all you want in the morning, okay baby…?”
“Ohoho! Is that so?” Loki chuckled. “That’s dangerous thing to offer to the God of Mischief don’t you think?”
“’s okay… I trust you…” you yawned snuggling against his chest.
“Y-You do…?”
“You’d never do anything to hurt me…” you assured him, even with your brain fighting with all it’s might to not succumb to exhaustion.
Once his eyes adapted to the darkness, he stared at your face. Your features were gentle, with a pureness that only a heart that hadn’t been corrupted with cruelness and malice would have. It made him feel weak.
“I love you” you mumbled, kissing his lips before finally falling asleep with the most peaceful smile he had ever seen on anyone that was this close to him.
“I… I love you too…” he whispered and kissed the top of your head.
Now Loki genuinely wanted to stab himself through the chest, he deserved nothing less.
The next morning was the last time he’d be in the Helicarrier for a long time if he could help it. Both of you got the trackers removed and he was officially free. The magic cuffs were taken off of Loki and he immediately summoned a huge illusion that had a radius of a few kilometers as he stretched and showed off.
A huge double rainbow, oh how he had missed using his magic like this. He noticed your eyes sparkling in admiration.
Thor helped him unpack and you two were assigned neighbor bedrooms so the lovey dovey couple could stay close. You seemed ecstatic, you set your room and invited him to see it.
It was very much what he expected from you. Cozy and cute, just being inside made him want to lay down on your bed and sleep. And of course you had a pile of stuffed animals. He laid back on your bed, sinking in the mattress and fluffy covers.
Adorable.
“Honey bunny, I’m gonna go to the city alone today… don’t follow me” you warned him and proofed away before reappearing for a second. “And don’t snoop around my stuff! Love ya!”
And you disappeared in a gust of silvery white mist. Loki napped on your bed for a while, but… he couldn’t resist, he was curious by nature. He walked by your desk and saw the mirror of had a bunch of photos of him stuck to the board, he wasn’t smiling in any of them, and most had been taken him by surprise. Loki would’ve thought it weird, but the two of you were dating. And you only did what was normal for someone in a relationship. He smiled softly at how purely infatuated you were.
“Loki!” you called for him, so you had returned. He went to find you.
You had smiled so brightly as you jumped to his arms and showered his face in loving smooches.
“I missed you!” you smiled between kisses.
“You just left an hour or so…” he chuckled.
“It’s still too much time away from you!” you snuggled with him. “I missed this pretty face.”
“Heh…” he chuckled.
“I bought us something.” You smiled and handed him a golden bracelet with a round item on the middle. You kept the silver one. “It’s a distance touch bracelet.”
You touched your bracelet, and he felt his buzzing. Oh. He knew this couldn’t have been cheap. And you still didn’t hesitate to get it for him.
“Now you can feel me close, even if I vanish, or if we can’t be with each other.” You giggled.
His heart fluttered. How could there be someone so overly sweet? To him, of all people.
“Thank you…” he smiled.
Days passed and Loki’s sanity was evaporating in thin air. Guilt was eating him alive.
You were in truly, madly, and hopelessly in love with him. You wanted nothing but the best for him and you always showered him with love, affection and the sweetest kisses he had ever tasted. And worst of it all, he was falling in love with you. He deserved no love from you, but he had it… And it filled his heart with a warmth he didn’t deserve. Oh, you poor lovely thing, if you only knew how cruel his intentions had been to start your relationship.
He did what you wanted now, trying to make up for it. He didn’t want you to feel like you did all the job in a relationship anymore. Soon the photos were more couple y, of kisses and hugs, Loki took photos of you more as well. He invited you to read and nap with him.
He tickled you lots, and making you giggle in his arms as he held you close. He hugged you tight, trying to squeeze in all the love he had develop for the kind soul that had been nothing but sweet to him. In a wordless pray for your forgiveness.
He did everything that occurred to him would make you happy.
“No way! You’re ticklish?!” you gasped with an ear-to-ear grin.
“Terribly so, I can’t stand being ticked in between my ribs” he smiled as he rested his chin on your head, with you sitting on his lap. “My magic acts up on its own if I get overwhelmed, like you.”
“Really?” you giggled and caressed his sides. “Can I try?”
“For a kiss…” he smiled and puckered his lips for a smooch, which you complied with a huge grin. “I adore you… Fine, you got one minute to tickle my ribs.”
“Just one minute?” you whined with that lovely smile of yours.
“Thirty seconds?” he smiled.
“Eh?!” you whined. “One minute!”
“See how convincing I am?” he grinned.
“Oh, you—” you said and turned around to start poking and prodding his ribs, Loki couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“Ack! Hehehehe!” he whined, you were too good at this, he was laughing his heart out. “S-Stohohohop! Hehehehe! I-It’s been a minute! Hahaha! S-Stop!”
“I’m not done with you, you pretty tease!” you giggled and kept prodding between his ribs.
“Oh yeheheah?!” he laughed and skittered his fingers along your belly.
You were squealing and giggling in the blink of an eye. But you didn’t stop tickling him.
“Hehehehe! Hic! G-Give up!” you giggled and squirmed as you prodded his sides.
“You give up! Hahahahaha!” he giggled squeezed your tummy and skittered his fingers along your armpits.
“Ack! Noohohohoho!” you whine and squeezed above his kneecaps, making him jump and ergo you fell off his lap and onto the couch.
“You’re in trouble…” he grinned and his fingers, poked, drilled, kneaded and scratch over every sensitive spot on your body, and it didn’t matter if you gave up. He didn’t stop until you were breathless.
Only then he stopped and held you in his arms.
“Remind me to not tickle you again, you’re sadistic” you smiled.
“You know it, darling…” he smiled and kissed the top of your head. “Did you have fun?”
“Mhm…” you smiled and leaned against him. “I love you.”
You were beyond ecstatic. You melted under all of his affection and more time he spent with you, the more he couldn’t deny his feelings for you.
He did it everything he could to make you happy. But nothing he did alleviated his guilt. He could only imagine the amount of heartache you would feel if you found out he had only used you to try looking better adjusted and be free, and that he had pretended to fall in love.
He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. He was going insane. He walked around the compound like a ghost during the night. He did a stop to throw up in the toilet.
“You’re awake,” you surprised him despite your gentle tone. “Is something bothering you?”
“N-No, love. I just wasn’t feeling very tired.” He assured you. “Don’t worry. Go back to sleep.”
You placed your hands on his hips and leaned closer to him the way you did whenever you were going to kiss him. But you took a little sniff—probably smelling his bad breath—you stopped and smiled at him with kindness.
“Mmm… Insomnia, hm?” you smiled and pulled him to the kitchen. “I know just the cure.”
You heated up water and prepared him a tea with honey. The warmth of the drink ran through him as the sweet drink got rid of the bad taste, and he sighed a tear streaming down his face.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, cupping his face.
“I’ve done so many awful things… And…” he spoke softly. “I don’t know how to fix them… I don’t deserve any forgiveness…”
“Oh Loki…” you hugged him. “No one blames you… you didn’t mean it… I’ve seen your pretty heart, and you deserve all the love in the world… Gosh, if I could take all the pain, you’re feeling for myself, I would.”
“Please don’t say that…” he begged. He couldn’t handle anymore guilt, but he didn’t know how to tell you the truth.
You gently guided him to your bedroom and tucked him in your bed, wrapping your arms around him in a protective way.
“Forgive me love... Please forgive me…” he begged between mutters. “I take it all back… please… Please don’t hate me… please…”
“Shh…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s all gonna be okay… I’m always gonna be here for you.”
               Between the warm tea, his exhaustion, the previous sleepless nights, your comfortable bed, and your loving touch… his body gave up on him and he fell asleep.
Everything was dark, and cold, covered in ice and a cruel wind. Loki had a good tolerance to cold, but he was freezing.
“Monster…” a voice echoed so loudly it made Loki’s ears ring. It was his own voice and it came from everywhere around him.
“Traitorous rat…”
“Murderer…”
“Beast…”
“Liar…”
“Frost giant…”
“Monster…”
“Manipulator…”
“Liar…”
“We finally had someone’s trust…”
“Of course, you just play around with others!”
Loki was completely surrounded by copies of himself, all at least twice his size, blue skin, Jotun attire, and eyes red like blood. True frost giants.
Loki simply took every blow and insult. He deserved them.
“Loki…?” a different voice called. “Is this what you meant by inviting someone to your dreams?”
No please… you couldn’t be here.
“Darling… wake up… please don’t be here…” Loki begged you. “Please…”
“I’m not leaving you here on your own…” you spoke and kneeled beside him.
Loki felt his body change, every muscle vanished leaving him as practically skin and bones. Small. Weak.
“Loki… what’s going on?! What’s happening to you?!”
Loki tried to shapeshift back to his natural look, but he had no control of his own body. At this point in life, he should be desensitized to nightmares where his magic didn’t obey him… but…
“Please… leave me here…” he spoke as he could, but he could barely hear himself.
“Don’t say that... What’s… what can I do for you?”
There was something about dreams, and especially Loki’s dreams, that always seemed to be extra dramatic. It must have been so confusing to be in one as an outsider.
Loki’s body changed again, he grew twice his usual size, and his body was blue and muscled. Exactly the body of a Jotun.
“STOP BEING SO GOOD TO ME! CAN’T YOU SEE I DON’T LOVE YOU?!”
“What?!”
What?! No! That wasn’t true…
Loki tried to take it back, but he was in autopilot. He was in the passenger seat of his own mind.
“I DON’T LOVE YOU! ARE YOU THAT GULLIBE TO THINK I’D FALL IN LOVE WITH A MORTAL?! I HAVE BEEN USING YOU!”
“No… no, you're not… You wouldn’t…”
“I JUST NEEDED A COVER, TO SEEM WELL ADJUSTED ENOUGH TO NOT BE A PRISONER! AND YOU WERE ANNOYING ENOUGH TO BARGE IN DEFENSE OF ME! I’V BEEN PLAYING WITH YOU FROM DAY ONE! DON’T YOU SEE YOU ARE JUST A TOY?! YOU’RE PATHETIC!”
The look on your face was heartbreaking. You looked crushed.
“I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF A WAY TO GET RID OF YOU! I CAN’T SLEEP AND I WANT TO THROW UP THINKING I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU YET ANOTHER DAY!”
You curled up on the floor and Loki lifted you but your collar’s shirt.
“GET IT INSIDE YOUR HEAD! I COULD NEVER LOVE A MORTAL AS UNNERVING AS YOU!” Loki screamed at you before slamming you against the floor.
“NO!” Loki sat up with a gasp and his body drenched in sweat. He looked around and saw you curled up on the bed, your back facing him. “Love?! Thank goodness… I’m so— Love, w-what’s wrong…?”
You were stiff and you had a hand on the back of your head. Loki shifted and stretched a bit and saw your face. Your eyes were full of tears, yet he had never seen you with such a cold expression in your face.
“My love… and what’s wrong?” Loki placed a hand over your arm, and you slapped it.
“Why did you say that?” you asked him.
“I d-don’t know… I wasn’t… I didn’t…” Loki stuttered. “My dreams are like that…”
“No. I mean, what you said was really specific. Why…?”
“I don’t—I don’t know why I—”
“Tell me the truth, Loki.” You ordered him. “Did you, or did you not pretend to love me for your freedom?”
Loki stayed quiet. He didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth, but he didn’t have the heart to keep lying to you. With that confirmation tears started falling down your cheeks again.
“Y-Yes but I—that was before…”
“Get out…” you spoke.
“What? No, darling, listen… I…”
“I don’t want to hear you.”
“Please love… let me explain…” he tried holding you.
That made you snap. You started hitting him, being a human it was impossible for you to harm him, but not once in his life had he felt more pain.
“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TALK TO ME!”
“Darling please…”
“I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU EVER AGAIN! GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”
He had no strength to fight you, he was defenseless as you kicked him out of your room, slamming the door on his face.
There were a few faces popping out of their door to try seeing what had happened and that quickly retreated back to their rooms. Loki had no choice but to go inside of his own bedroom.
The next morning, he nearly tripped on his way out with a box by is door. It was full of books, quills, a coat, photos of you together. And… the silver bracelet that matched his own. It tore his heart to shreds. He didn’t feel as guilty anymore. But remorse and the memory of how brokenhearted you looked was even more sadistic. He heard you crying often from across the wall.
A few days later the others started giving him dirty looks. Knowing you and considering that this didn’t happen right away he assumed they had found out after heavy interrogation and now everyone knew he had used you. Even Thor seemed upset, not angry, but he had this… disappointment in his eyes.
“I hate dealing with moving companies” Tony sighed as they all sat for dinner. “But Fury wants to have our little Houdini enlisted by the end of the week. It’s a shame… The kiddos enjoyed being around each other.”
“Tell me about it” Clint sighed. “Kate is devastated.”
“Speaking of devastated…” Natasha said as she stood up, and Loki would’ve sworn she was shooting daggers at him with that glare. “See if I can be more convincing about eating something, otherwise Fury will have a corpse enlisting.”
You were moving out? To become a SHIELD agent? But you hated being a soldier. Had he hurt you so bad that you preferred that lifestyle and ruin your life forever… than being around him?
This all felt awfully familiar. Loki excused himself and went to his room and lock himself inside. He closed his eyes, and part of him wished that they’d never open again.
“Am I cursed?” Loki asked, choked up by the last bit of hope.
“No.” Odin responded the worst thing he could've said him. A curse would've been better.
Loki placed the casket down, weakly, it suddenly felt like a very... very heavy thing to carry. And the weight stayed there, right on his chest even after the casket had been placed back at the pedestal.
“Then what am I?” Loki asked softly, afraid of the answer.
“You're my son.” Odin answered, and Loki doubted his own magic since he couldn't detect dishonesty in his father's words.
Clearly that was a lie. So why didn’t his magic detect that? Loki felt rage spiral out of control like a boiling pot.
“What more than that?” Loki growled, still trying to keep his composure as he walked towards his father that was by the stairs at the other side of the corridor. “The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”
Odin looked him in the eye. Unable to deny it any longer. It had been to many years with that secret. As Loki walked closer, Odin just started at him in silence as Loki reached the stairs.
“No.” Odin finally said. “In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the Temple, and I found a baby. Small for a giant's offspring— abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son.”
That felt like a dagger piercing the young prince’s heart. Out of all the things he was insecure about, it turned out he WAS an outsider. Out of all the things he could’ve been, he HAD to be a Jotun, a monster. Out of all the Jotun’s in existence, he was the son of the worst of them all. And out of all the reasons he could’ve been adopted for, was because even his own biological family didn’t want him… and his adopted family never told him any of this.
“Laufey's son...?” Loki finally managed to gasp out, he was choking up on his own tears. “Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?”
“You were an innocent child.” Odin said, sounding more exhausted by the second.
“No!” Loki begged his father, knowing that Odin was a strategic warrior. There was always a meaning behind his actions. “You took me for a purpose, what was it?”
But Odin didn’t answer. The physical toll of delaying his Odin sleep to prepare Thor to rule, preventing a war, the emotional toll of having to banish Thor and now… having his youngest child doubt his love for him because of his foolish decision of not telling him the truth earlier were overwhelming him.
The All-King saw with pain how the little child that once smiled at him with love when he picked him in his arms after the battle now saw him with fear, pain, and resentment.
“TELL ME!” Loki demanded loudly, no longer capable of remaining calm.
“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace... through you.” Odin confessed.
That was the final blow to Loki’s poor heart.
“What…?”
A tool. All he had been adopted for was as an instrument of peace between Asgard and a race that everyone saw as blood-thirsty monsters.
“But those plans no longer matter.” Odin clarified.
“So, I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up… here, until you might have use of me.” Loki inquired in pain.
“Why do you twist my words?” Odin asked softly.
“You could have told me what I was from the beginning.” Loki urged, desperate to makes sense of what easily was the worst day of his life. “Why didn't you?!”
“You are my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth.” Odin said softly, in a fruitless attempt to calm his poor child’s heart.
“Wh— B-Because I-I-I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?!” Loki asked, flooded by all the scary stories about the frost giants growing up. All those times he and Thor played heroes as kids fighting those monsters.
“Don't...” Odin begged as his strength slowly abandoned him.
But Loki couldn’t listen anymore. The grief was too great, and the feeling of betrayal didn’t allow him to trust Odin anymore.
“It all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years.” Loki yelled as he started walking up the stairs to yell at Odin as the All-Father slowly lost his strength and started passing out on the stairs. “Because no matter how much you claim to “love” me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the Throne of Asgard!”
Odin kept trying until his last second of consciousness to beg his son for help, forgiveness… anything. But he had been too weakened to dedicate his young boy some kind of love or reassurance as he fell prey to the Odin sleep, he had delaying for so long.
Now Loki encountered a similar dilemma. He had been stupid, dishonest, and selfish to someone who offered him nothing but unconditional love. He betrayed your trust and there was no way now that Loki could prove that despite his original intentions his love wasn’t any less real.
He laid down on his bed, with his arm draped dramatically over his eyes.
“Troubled, my son?” a voice spoke making Loki sit up.
“Father” Loki smiled softly. “I ruined it. I had the most beautiful love in my life… and I was stupid and lost it because of my own selfishness.”
“That sounds familiar” Odin chuckled. “You truly are my son, after all.”
“You had always been will always be my father…” Loki said the words he had denied for several years. “I never understand your reasons. Cruel as they were…”
“Not holding back against your old father, hm?” Odin laughed.
“Sorry…” Loki smiled softly.
“My original reasons were foolish, selfish, and even cruel as you rightfully… but I always hoped to do what would be best for the 9 Realms” he spoke. “But that didn’t mean the love I had for you wasn’t any less real. You are my son, regardless of the kind of blood that coursed through your veins.”
Loki smiled softly; it was weird. He knew Odin would have never say all that. But now, after growing up so much, he understood it wasn’t because he didn’t feel it, he had always been too proud and formal, too much of a king. And while imperfect, it was still his father.
“That’s why you never caught me lying when I called you my son or said that I loved you.” Odin spoke. “In my heart, you’ve always been my son.”
“I know, father” Loki smiled. “I’m sorry it took me so long to understand it.”
“I’m sorry I never told you before… I feared you wouldn’t take it well…”
“Me? I would never” Loki joked softly.
“We always loved you as our own” a female voice added making Loki turned around.
“Mother.” Loki spoke breathless. “I know… I know… I knew, I was just too scared I could’ve been wrong, and you didn’t…”
“You were too much of a charming kid not to love you” Frigga said compassionately. “Your little human surely thinks so too.”
Ah… that… Loki wasn’t so sure.
“I ruined it, I deserve nothing but the hatred and disgust I’ve earned from my darling.” Loki huffed out. “I manipulated, lied, and destroyed the trust of my love.”
“Dear, there’s nothing final in these matters…” Frigga smiled softly. “If that loved blossomed once, you may rescue it and nourish it again. But first… you need to apologize.”
“I don’t think I’m wanted anywhere near hearing range.” Loki explained.
“Do you think the love between your mother, and I always had a perfect relationship?” Odin smiled.
“Your father was too temperamental for that” Frigga intervened with a smile and both parents looked at each other with love. “But when you truly love someone and you make a mistake, you swallow your pride and make up for your wrongdoings.”
Loki smiled softly, he remembered it well. When Odin’s temper got the best of him because of the stress of being a king, Odin made sure to make up for Frigga know how truly sorry he was, and Frigga who already knew her husband’s temper was an expert on not letting her affect her, knowing it was never personal. She had truly been blessed with infinite patience given she dealt with three men with bad tempers and yet her kindness and loving nature knew no end. It was not rare to see Odin gifting Frigga fancy gifts and spend long hours apologizing and dedicating the day to her. It wasn’t the perfect arrangement, but no relationship was.
Loki chuckled softly.
“Thanks…” he smiled and both parents tended a hand to him with a smile. “I know what I have to do.”
Ready to say goodbye, Loki placed his hands on top of Odin and Frigga’s, and with that, the figure of his parents faded under a green light as Loki’s palms stopped glowing. Loki let out a little laugh as he wiped his tears.
His illusions had never been so benevolent towards himself, they were either torturous or for a fake sense of gloating and dissociation. But your compassion had changed him forever. He could use them for closure and to guide him with the stuff he knew but needed to hear. And… you deserved that at least.
He got up and went outside and went to a trip. It took him around an hour to get to the city and a couple more hours to get his several stops get several gifts. A lovely white bouquet of flowers, a box of your favorite chocolates, a necklace with a cute silver heart shaped locket and got it printed with a small photo, a copy of a photo he had carried from one of your first “dates” you got where you were giving him a small kiss in the cheek and cupped the other one, a symbol of your shared love.
On his way back, Loki held the original photo close to his chest and sighed. He prayed this would work as he was on his way to see you. He knocked on your door and hid his gifts behind himself, not even remembering he could’ve concealed them with his magic from how nervous he was.
His chest tightened as you opened the door, your eyes and nose were red, and your cheeks were stained with tears. Oh Norns… He had hurt you really bad.
“Love… Please… let me explain” Loki spoke softly.
“What do you need to explain, Loki?” you asked and sniffled, practically murdering him when you called him Loki instead of one of your lovely cheesy pet names. “That I was just a toy for you to play with and pretend that you loved me, so you’d be a free man? I got that quite clearly.”
You were ready to slam the door on his face, but he reached his leg to stop you. He nearly dropped one of your gifts. You looked at him confused, eying him up and down before sighing in defeat, opening the door he walked inside of your little room. He saw the little night table covered with used tissues and the bed’s decorative cushions were all over the place. It broke his heart.
“What do you want, Loki?” you asked tiredly as you sat on the bed, placing a cushion on your lap and against your chest.
“My darling, I was the biggest, most cruel and inconsiderate imbecile of all 9 Realms” he said, kneeling before you as he handed you the bouquet of flowers. You gently placed the flowers on your lap, still looking at him.
“It is true, that I was looking to just find a relationship to pretend I had adapted to living on earth” he spoke. “It was a selfish, shallow, and dishonest reason to make you mine… But I did it. It was heartless and there’s no excuse or reason for you to forgive that. But I beg of you to stay here… never speak to me again if you need, but don’t settle to a life of misery just to avoid me. I will happily accept being locked up in a dungeon for a hundred years, so you don’t see the likes of me again…”
He handed you the chocolate, and your gaze softened for a second as you saw the chocolate, he remembered which ones you liked the most. You opened your mouth to speak, but a gentle squeeze to your hands let you know Loki still wanted to speak.
He had caused all of this for not telling you the truth, and now he wanted to fully bare his soul to you now.
“You offered me boundless kindness, patience despite my flaws, understanding to my pain and sins of the past, laughter like I hadn’t enjoyed before, you fed with the most delicious and warm foods I had ever eaten, you showed me the concept of dates and you bared me completely vulnerable to your touch and heart and you bared yourself completely to me without fear of me…” Loki continued, as tears streamed down his face, drowning in regret. “And all I did was play with you and betray the trust your selfless heart gave me without asking for anything in return.”
He placed his forehead on your knees and sobbed, completely ashamed of what he had done to you. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, but he felt like he’d die without you. And he’ deserve it.
“I don’t care” you finally spoke, and he looked up, he saw the tears streaming down your face. “You’re the God of Mischief and Lies, there are countless stories of how you lied and manipulated to get away with anything you wanted… I should’ve expected I’d be just that.”
“No— No, darling!” Loki held your hands and pressed his lips against your knuckles. “No, my sweet, you— I was selfish. I wanted a cover up, yes, but what I found was love, I found the butterflies in my stomach you always speak of. I found the warm of your hands lingering on my skin after our dates. I found myself awake during the night sighing over those lovely eyes I’ve now so cruelly filled with tears…” Loki spoke softly.
You were shaking in your place as you did your best not to cry and interrupt him. He brushed his finger along your cheek as in appreciation of your effort.
“None of what you heard that night was true in my heart…” he assured you “I never felt so disgusted I wanted to vomit; it was guilt that was killing me from the inside… knowing I was hurting such a beautiful flower.”
He handed you the heart locket and you opened it, seeing the photo made you sob as silently as you could.
“I was selfish and a liar. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me and want nothing to do with me again. But please know that my heart beats for and because of you only.” He spoke. “I fell hopelessly and irredeemably in love with you. I swear that on my life.”
You looked at him and smiled, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed now freely and unrestrained. Time seemed to stop for Loki as he hugged you back, taking in your scent and caressing you. Tears fell down his face and he held you, afraid you’d disappear if he let go of you.
You forgave him. He didn’t think he’d ever be so lucky to find a kind soul that would forgive even his worst mistake. But he found it, you were kind enough to do so. Your wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug and Loki was able to let all the pain and guilt go… He couldn’t undo his mistakes, but he could be better, and he wanted to be his best self for you.
“Thank you… Norns, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he repeated over and over between whispers and tears as he held you tight.
You sat up straight and cupped his face and laughed softly as you still cried happy tears.
“You’re gonna have to buy me a new box of tissues, you booger” you joked softly with a sniffle, and pressed your forehead to his and grabbed a tissue to blow your nose.
“I’ll give you the entire world if you so desire, my love” he spoke with a gentle smile. “Just say the word.”
“I don’t need the world” you smiled and kissed his cheek. “I have everything I need right here.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” he chuckled softly as he grabbed a tissue to wipe his tears and blow his nose. “I’m a disaster and somehow I still found the most precious little dove all for myself.”
You held him tightly in a hug… in silence for a few minutes before you spoke again.
“Did you think I was annoying when we first met?” you asked with a stern look on your face. “I want the truth.”
“Truthfully… you were a nightmare…” Loki admitted in a soft playful tone.
“HEY!” you whined and dug your fingers into the crevices of his ribs making him burst out laughing. “I said honest, not mean!”
“Ehehehe! Lohohohohove, let me finish!” he giggled, letting you have this, it was the least he could do. “P-Please, s-stohohohop that! Not there!”
You smiled and went to tickle his belly. Oh, you had really not liked that.
“Plehehehehehease, dahahaharling! I surrender!” he laughed and did his best to not squirm.
“Fine… what is it?” you asked, as you sat sideways on his lap, already happily cuddling with him.
Thank whatever superior force that was out there… Oh, you’re a wonderful blessing.
“You’re a nightmare turned into a dream” he clarified and he didn’t even bother fighting the urge to squeeze you tightly.
“You have 3 seconds to explain how that’s a compliment o I’ll tickle you until you puncture a lung.”
“Ihihi— I mean like, when you start having a bad dream… but it turns around as the most wonderful of dreams, those that you still think about after waking up.” Loki said, and as those words he was sure he had fried his brain because he didn’t make any sense.
But that was enough for you.
“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You grumbled.
“C’mon… don’t be mad at me for being foolish and wrong” he smiled as he squeezed you tight. “Surely you thought I was insufferable at first as well, we’re so different after all.”
You smiled and shook your head.
“I love my pretty prince” you smiled and picked a tissue yourself to clean your face. “Flaws, differences, and all.”
“Do you, now?” he grinned cheekily. “I sure am a lucky one to be called yours.”
“A Loki one” you giggled, and Loki made a scowl of disgust. “Sorry! I thought it too late when I said it and— hehehe!”
“Oh, that was awful— C’mere… you!”
“W-What?! NO! NOHOHOHOHO! LOHOHOHOKI, STOP IHIHIHIT!”
As he made you laugh and held you against him, he couldn’t doubt how fortunate he was to be so undoubtedly yours.
| MASTERPOST |
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orshii · 3 days
Text
Will I ever see you again? CHAPTER 2: Slow Down
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Author: orshii
Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader
Warning: cursing, violence, alcohol consumption, drug use
Word count: 5 k
Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?
Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?
A/N: Chapter 2 is here finally, sorry for updating so late, I just needed to figure out some things in the story. More secrets are coming to the surface and their connection gets a little...hotter. Poor Wooyoungie tho. Idk about you but I love this possessive Hj haha, and it'll get more interesting. Thank you for reading, byee!
Taglist: @bvidzsoo @vixensss @deltamoon666 @scarfac3 @chatsgotmytongue @xiang-zalea (taglist is open if interested)
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The four men stared at me like they were the hunters and I was their prey.
"Now that fucker, Yunho, will give back the money he owns us, for sure." The tallest man said, stepping closer to me.
I slowly stood up; they were only inches apart from me. I inhaled deeply, trying to get myself together. There was no point in panicking. No one was here to save me, I needed to save myself. I looked around, two men were standing on my right side and the other two were on my left side. They were blocking my car, the takeaway food was splashed on the dirty ground, and my bag with my keys was meters away from me, getting to my car wasn't a choice now; I needed to run.
"What money?" I asked and slowly, very carefully stepped back, trying to appear confident.
"Your brother robbed us, and took all of our money, so he will pay now." Again, the tallest man stepped closer to me as I stepped back. I guessed he was their leader.
He grabbed my chin and lifted it aggressively, "We should play a little with this slut." His mouth was barely inches away from my face. I felt disgusted.
Fuck, this isn't good. I needed to think, very quickly. Suddenly, Hongjoong’s words were echoing in my brain.
If your timing is perfect, your enemy will be on the floor in seconds.
 I remembered what Hongjoong taught me. Four against one isn't fair. I can't just knock them all out. A stupid plan started to form in my mind as I took in my surroundings carefully, analyzing where I could run, and I knew— It was now or never baby. The man was trying to say something when I suddenly shouted.
"Look, what is that?!" I said as the four men looked behind themselves. I quickly punched the man in front of me, right in his solar plexus, and he was on the floor in seconds. But I had no time to wander around. I started to run, run for my fucking life. I ran opposite my car, into the dark streets. I looked behind me and the three men were running after me, the fourth a little behind. I was breathing heavily, I wasn't used to running, it was ridiculous, this predicament was a joke. Adrenaline crawled through my body as I was still running, and looking behind my back, I saw the four men slowing down. I guess they weren’t used to running, fuckers. I knew this town just like the back of my hand, so I knew a place where I could hide, I just needed to get there.
I ran down short and narrow streets, turning left, then right. I don't fucking know what kept me going, but the adrenaline pumping through my body gave me some kind of superpower. I even climbed over fences; I was running like the Flash. I didn't recognize myself, it was as if someone kept me going, giving me the power to go, to not stop. Then I let myself look behind me again, and I saw no one.
However, I didn't stop running until I reached an old building where we always played with Yunho when we were little. The memories suddenly hit me at once: numerous times when we’d snuck out with Yunho to play here because somehow, we felt happy and safe here. That is why I came to this place, it always gave us security, making me believe that I would be safe this time too. When I finally went into the building and sat down, I held my breath for a short minute, just to make sure no one was following me, and that was when I finally started to panic. Suddenly, everything hit me like I was a punching bag. I took quick breaths, trying to understand what the hell happened mere minutes ago.
 Did they try to kill me? Who knows what the hell they wanted to do to me…
What the fuck did Yunho get into? What money were they talking about?
My body was shaking from running and from the overwhelming emotions that flew through my system. I started sobbing, lifting my knees to my chest, grabbing my hair with my hands. Then I started to laugh, at this whole situation, at the fact that my stupid plan worked. I needed to cry because I did not know what all of this was, I was so confused about what just happened. My heart was beating fast, it felt like it might explode at some point. After ten minutes, somehow, I got myself together, and after breathing in and out a few times, I pulled my phone out to text Yunho.
ME: Someone fucking attacked me, and they talked about some money you owe them. What the fuck Yunho?
For a moment, quiet overtook the abandoned house, and then suddenly, my phone's screen lit up. Yunho was calling me.
"Where the fuck are you?" I heard Yunho's voice immediately as I picked up.
"At the old abandoned house." I told him.
"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yes, I ran away." I said quietly.
"Stay there, don't go out until we arrive!" He said, his voice furious, and hung up quickly.
I waited in the dark, it swallowed me like I was one with it. I just stared at the white wall in front of me, which seemed almost black from the lack of lightning as it barely lit up the abandoned house due to the streetlights being faulty.
I didn’t even realize how much time had gone by when I finally heard a car quickly stopping with its tires screeching and two doors slamming shut. I stood up and looked out the window, and saw Yunho and Hongjoong. Of course, Hongjoong just couldn’t stay out of this. I stepped out of the building and was met with two pairs of worried eyes. Yunho quickly ran towards me and hugged me.
"Fuck, are you okay?" He grabbed my face to check if I was hurt.
"Yes, I'm okay." I pushed his hands away.
"What the fuck happened?" Hongjoong asked, stepping closer to me and checking my body, trying to find an injury.
"I was at Granny's ordering some food and when I went out to my car, suddenly four men appeared and they pushed me onto the ground—and they were talking about some fucking money and Yunho—I somehow ran away, I was lucky, I guess—I don't get it, what the hell—who are they?" I quickly told them what happened, stammering as I felt overwhelmed again.
"Fuck, this is because you couldn't shut your mouth, Yunho!" Hongjoong said, angrily looking at him.
"What the fuck, Hong?! It was necessary for our plan, what else could I do, do tell me, please!" Yunho shouted at Hongjoong.
"They fucking attacked Y/N! Who knows what the hell they are going to do next time." Hongjoong pointed at me. "Your plan is shit; we can't do this anymore." Hongjoong stepped closer to Yunho, staring at him with sharp eyes.
Again. Like I was not even fucking there.
"What plan? Oh, my God, tell me something for fuck's sake!" I shouted at them.
They looked at me like they were surprised I was there too.
"It's none of your business, we will take care of it, don't worry." Yunho said, trying to hold my hand.
I scoffed and pushed him away. "Yeah, of course. Take me to my car." I went to Hongjoong's venom-green Mustang Shelby and sat in the backseat.
I was so fucking angry, I felt sick. The fact that they never tell me anything at all, made me feel again like I was just a fucking object, never truly acknowledged and cared for. I hated them. Yunho and Hongjoong.
As I got angrier, so did the familiar melody I heard playing in my head again…
≫The furious dragon sped through the clouds
Just to bring the storm to the people who deserve it≪
When we reached my car, as soon as Hongjoong stopped, I got out of his car and went to collect my things that were still scattered around the dirty ground, and went right to my car, sitting in it. I locked the car so Yunho couldn't sit inside too, because I knew, that from now on, they were going to turn into my fucking babysitters. I turned the engine on and quickly drove away, not wishing to see them.
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The next morning when I woke up, I felt like a zombie. I hadn't slept well because I had nightmares about dark figures trying to push me down to the ground, just until I drowned in the sudden water that appeared out of nowhere, hands that seemed like shadows pulling me deep down to the bottom of the ocean.  
I went down to the kitchen so that I could eat something before I attended my classes as yesterday night I had no appetite to eat anything. When I was close to the kitchen’s door, I overheard Yunho and Hongjoong talking.
"We have to find them before they find us." I heard Yunho say, his voice still raspy as I assumed he got up just a few minutes ago.
"Yes, but we don't know where they are. They are not the foolish type to stay in plain sight, this whole thing seems to run way deeper than it initially seemed to." Hongjoong said in a low voice.
"I easily fooled them still." I said stepping inside the kitchen, and they looked at me surprised.
"You just had luck." Hongjoong said with fierce eyes, looking at me only for a second before he returned to the table.
"Are you kidding me?! If I would've panicked, I wouldn't be fucking here." I scoffed at him, going to the counter to grab a glass and pour some water for myself.
"I'm glad you were smart and tricked those motherfuckers, I'm proud of you." Yunho came to stand next to me, pecked my temple, and ruffled my hair.
I wanted to slap him, but he slipped away chuckling before I could, "You coming to Mist tonight? There's going to be a party." Yunho asked.
I shrugged, "I don't know, I'll speak to Yeosang to see if he’s going."
"Alright. I'll grab my stuff and then we can go, Hong." Yunho said leaving the kitchen.
I poured water into my glass and turned around, leaning against the counter.
I looked straight into Hongjoong's eyes, "Will you tell me who those men were? I want to help you; who knows, maybe I can recognize the ones that attacked me." I said, lifting the glass to my mouth to drink, but Hongjoong stood up and came right in front of me and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from drinking it.
"Don't try and bump your nose into things you shouldn’t, just be a good girl and stay low. You saw what happened, so just stay the fuck out of this." His eyes burned me like I was a match waiting to be lit up, burn me down until I was nothing.
"You make it sound like this is my fucking fault. Is it my fault that four men tried to fucking kill me? Were you there? No. So stop telling me to ‘stay low’, when none of this is my fault." I yelled at him furiously. I was sick of this shit already. His face remained impassive and cold, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn't want to see him, so I went back to my room to get ready for my classes having lost my appetite.
The furious melody did not want to leave my mind again, playing it over and over, until my mind found the right words to match with.
≫The world sees you as a fool
Like you are the fault in the stars≪
My classes went by quickly, thank God. I was with Yeosang the whole day and we decided we'd go to the party. We really needed some partying before our exams started. It was a good excuse to let go of everything. I needed to catch a break from my thoughts because if not, I might drown in them.
Yeosang helped me choose my outfit for the party, which consisted of a tight black skirt, paired with a white crop top, alongside black high boots reaching up to my knees. My hair fell onto my shoulders naturally, and I put on some make-up and accessories. Yeosang wore black ripped jeans and a green blouse with a low cut, his collarbones exposed. He put on a necklace with a padlock on it. I figured he wanted to find someone that would have the key to open it. Well, anyways, that’s what I told him, making him laugh, until he suddenly turned serious and said,
‘True’. I was sure he’d find someone tonight because, damn, he looked so beautiful I got nothing on him.
When we arrived at Mist it was already crowded. It took us longer to arrive because on our way, we decided to buy Whiskey and then we secretly drank it on the bus, on our way towards the club. We laughed loudly during the ride, conversing animatedly, drawing attention to us, pissing the people off around us. So, by the time we had arrived, we were already tipsy enough to start dancing, joining the crowd. We became one with the dancing bodies, becoming one of them. This was what I needed—To get away from my thoughts.
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I felt the rhythm of the music slowly engulf my being, spreading from my head to my toes. The strangers’ bodies hugged around us as I held Yeosang's hand while we jumped up and down happily to the strong rhythm of the music. The music was loud, the colorful lights blinding us as we danced like there was no tomorrow. After a while, we decided to drink something as we had started sobering up, and that wasn't the plan at all. So, we went to the bar.
"Two gin tonics and tequila shots, please." I shouted to the bartender, trying to speak over the loud music. I knew him, he was from Yunho's friend circle, Jung Wooyoung.
"Isn't that too much for a pretty girl like you?" Wooyoung looked at me with his sharp foxy eyes. He had two piercings near his eyebrows, making him look even more intimidating. He wore a simple black T-shirt paired with ripped jeans. He had a few earrings and rings too. I couldn’t lie; he was handsome as hell.
"It's not, and I'm here too." Yeosang stepped in, next to me, staring at Wooyoung pointedly.
Wooyoung chuckled as he started preparing our drinks. I looked around, but I didn't see Yunho anywhere. Maybe he was making out with a girl, somewhere deep in the crowd, or was trying to piss Mingi off. Suddenly, my eyes landed on someone. Someone who was smiling, and that someone was Kim Hongjoong. I promise to God, it was a rare sight to see his smile, let alone hear his laugh. A girl was next to him and as he leaned against the wall, he whispered something in her ear while holding her waist. It was quite obvious what he was doing, shamelessly flirting with her. It was weird seeing Hongjoong like this, he never really did things like that. At least not when I was around.
He was wearing jeans that were two colored, these colors the opposite of his hair black and white hair. The top part of his body was hugged by a white T-shirt and a denim jacket, black boots his choice of footing for the night. He had a good sense of fashion, that was obvious.
The longer I kept staring at him, the more I realized I should do what he was doing. I should let go and just feel free for one night, if possible. I turned back to face Wooyoung as he had finished mixing our drinks. Yeosang and I downed the tequila shots right away, and then, he suddenly leaned closer to me.
"Can I leave you here for a little bit? I might have found the one holding the key to my padlock." Yeosang winked at me.
"Yes, of course, go." I smiled at him, pushing him away playfully. I watched as he disappeared between the dancing bodies when suddenly an idea came to my mind. I turned towards Wooyoung again.
"Do you have something—stronger? You know…" I looked at him while trailing off, hoping he knew what I meant.
He slightly frowned at me, a small smirk present on his lips, "You mean, pills?"
"Yeah." I said, trying to sound and look convincing.
"I do have some." He kept his sharp eyes on me while he wiped a wet glass dry, "Do you want some, pretty girl?"
"I do, actually." I looked at him, batting my eyelashes at him with a sweet smile on my lips.
I wasn’t really sure if he knew whose sister I was, and so, I wanted to take advantage of that.
He leaned over the counter, face close to mine, "If you dance with me, I'll give you some." He whispered so close to my lips that they almost touched mine.
I looked down at his lips, then up into his sharp eyes, “Don't you need to work?"
"My shift is over, pretty one." He said smiling charmingly, never taking his eyes off me.
"Okay." I agreed in the end, I could use some fun too.
He smirked and moved away from me to get the pill, and then walked around the counter. He stepped closer to me as he held something in his hand. Then he slowly poked his tongue out and placed the pill on it, his eyes never leaving mine. He raised one of his eyebrows as if he meant to say, 'Take it if you want it', while leaning towards me. My heart started racing. Fuck, he looked so hot like this, why wouldn't I take this one-time opportunity? I slowly leaned down, closer to his face, feeling his hot breathing puffing against my lips. But he didn’t wait until I was close enough to kiss him. Wooyoung eagerly closed the distance between our lips, crashing them together like there wasn't a pill slipping past our entangled tongues. I felt when the pill finally was passed onto my tongue, into my mouth, but we didn’t pull away straight away. His lips moved against mine, rushed, his tongue discovering my mouth as I moved mine along his. My arms slowly crawled around his neck as he pulled me closer to him by my waist. That is until I felt a strong hand grabbing my left shoulder, yanking me away from Wooyoung. He bit my bottom lip painfully due to the sudden motion. I could taste blood, mingled with Wooyoung’s saliva.
I turned to look stunned at the one who yanked me off, it being none other than Hongjoong. He looked so furious I was afraid he might kill someone. And I wasn't joking as he grabbed Wooyoung's shirt and pulled him close aggressively, his T-shirt threatening to tear apart at any second.
"What the fuck were you thinking, Wooyoung?" Hongjoong said in a low tone, he was shaking as he held Wooyoung.
"Dude, chill, what the fuck did I do?!" Wooyoung asked, looking confused.
"Did you give her pills? Are you insane?" Hongjoong pushed Wooyoung a bit, still not letting him go.
"Yes, because she asked. Now let go of me, you fucker." Wooyoung pushed Hongjoong's hands off himself. As Hongjoong released him, Wooyoung tried to straighten his T-shirt.
"She’s Yunho's sister; you should be grateful I was the one who found you two like this." Hongjoong said, looking at me for a second, making me feel little under his sharp gaze.
"So what? It should bother Yunho, not you. What?” Wooyoung asked, lifting his pierced eyebrow, “Are you fucking her behind his back?"
It truly was the worst idea to provoke Hongjoong, because as he heard the things Wooyoung uttered, he lost his morality. He didn’t care that the guy in front of him was one of his best friends. He punched Wooyoung with the force of a boxer, obviously, and it made Wooyoung fall to the ground immediately. Luckily, Hongjoong didn’t knock him out, I guess he still had that very little sanity in himself still. I gasped, however, hardly believing my eyes. Did Hongjoong just hit Wooyoung?!
"What the fuck, Hongjoong, are you out of your mind?!" I shouted at him, my body trembling from the sudden anger I felt.
He suddenly turned around, coming towards me. He grabbed my chin and lifted it up to look straight into my eyes. "Spit it out!" He commanded like I didn’t have a choice at all.
I poked out my tongue, just to show him that there wasn’t anything on it anymore, "Fuck off, you are not my brother Hongjoong! You are acting ridiculous." I said to him, pushing him away and turning my back to him. I wanted to go back and dance, lose myself to the music and the people around me.
But suddenly, Hongjoong pulled me back by my wrist. "I'm going to take you home, right now." He said with a face void of emotion, making me unable to read what he thought and felt, it was fucking annoying.
"I'm not going anywhere!" I shouted at him, trying to free my wrist from his hold.
He stepped even closer, holding my wrist harsher. I was sure his grasp was going to leave black and blue marks, "Yes, you are!"
But I couldn't really do anything as he dragged me out of the buzzing place, towards his venom-green Mustang, still squeezing my wrist painfully. He opened the passenger side door and pushed me inside. I didn’t recognize this Hongjoong, he was someone else, some kind of demon had taken over him, fighting for who would be in control. I was shaking as I felt terrified of the thought that he might hurt me; he could do anything to me if he wanted to. He probably saw me shake because he broke the silence as he started driving.
"I won't hurt you, Y/N. I would never." He said quietly, looking forward as his hands clenched around the steering wheel.
Still, I looked down at my wrists, where some faint red bruises started to appear. I just leaned my head against the window, to gaze out at our moving surroundings. Tears started appearing in my eyes as I suddenly felt so many emotions all at once that I couldn't handle. I started feeling dizzy, remembering the pill I took. It finally kicked in, making me feel numb, as if my soul left my body. This was the feeling I craved for, but not in this setting, I’d rather be anywhere but here. I cradled my wrist to my chest, 'Yes, you would never…'
The long-forgotten melody crept into my mind, trying to break through my thoughts, break my walls down, to save me from there. I let go as words broke through my walls.
≫The moon has two sides as well, a dark and a bright side
Who knows which one will light the dark at night≪
“Why did you kiss him?” Hongjoong suddenly broke the deafening silence.
I looked at him with a frown, “Because I wanted to?” Words barely came out of my mouth as everything felt blurry.  
He suddenly stepped on the gas pedal, speeding down the way home, “And do you want him?” His voice got lower as he clenched the steering wheel, his knuckles white.
“What are you talking about?” I was looking at his side profile, watching as he got angrier than he was before. He floored the gas pedal and we were flying down the silent streets. 
“Do. You. Want. Him?” He glanced my way, a dangerous glint in his eyes. I held onto the door as I was pushed back into my seat by the sudden force.
“For fuck’s sake Hongjoong, slow down! Are you crazy?!” I shouted frightened as he continued speeding.
“Answer my question!” His voice got even louder now, and he had to shout over the sound of the loud engine of his Mustang.
My heart was thumping like crazy, breathing heavily. I felt overwhelmed and overstimulated from the drug and the alcohol, and now the adrenaline too, the sudden speed making me feel like I was about to collapse any time.
“No!” I shouted, “I don’t want him! Just please slow down.” My voice cracked as I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore.
Then, as if his sanity finally returned, he slowed down, not daring to look at me. When he pulled up in front of our house, it was quiet. It was quiet, but at the same time, it was the loudest as my brain was full of loud noises.  I looked at his side profile, I could only see the black side of his hair, his dark side as he looked like he was still battling with his inner torment, biting his lower lip. I didn't dare move; I was scared if I did, he’d do something brash again.
He then slowly looked at me, "Are you shaking?" He looked panicked.
I couldn't control my body, there was too much happening at once. The alcohol mixed with the pill, I couldn't even think—of course, I was shaking.
I just looked down at my hands, as the world spun around me.
"Fuck, Y/N!" He took my hand, my wrist now bruised.
I looked up, just to see him looking worried. He seemed like he couldn't even believe he was the one to harm me. Yet now, he held my hand in the most delicate way possible, holding it as if it were a treasure.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N, please forgive me." He looked into my eyes with his own teary ones. He was finally allowing me to see the real him, he lowered his walls.
He raised my hand towards his lips and left little kisses on the bruises, whispering little apologies against my skin, as if he could heal it like that.
I watched him, still struggling to process what was happening, "Please, just take me to my room, I don't feel good." I closed my eyes and it was a mistake because I felt like I was on a roller-coaster. He snatched his head up quickly and opened his door when he saw my face. He ran around the car to open the passenger door.
"I got you, sugar." He whispered, leaning down to slowly help me out of the car and hold me up bridal style, holding me close to his chest so that he wouldn't drop me. I hid my face in his neck, his scent hugging me around. It was dark, yet still sweet like honey.
I felt us going up the stairs after Hongjoong had managed to unlock the front door and walk inside the dark house, finally reaching my room. He slowly, and very carefully placed me down on my soft bed. I closed my eyes as he pulled my boots down.
"Do you need water or something else?" He leaned down, holding himself up by his right hand placed next to my head, his two-colored hair falling into his eyes. His other hand caressed my cheekbones. I couldn't speak, so I just shook my head no.
Suddenly, we were staring at each other as if we were like two magnets, not even blinking.
"Kiss me." I suddenly whispered, surprising myself too, having suddenly found my voice.
"I can't, and you know that." Hongjoong whispered, leaning down closer to me, even though he had stated just the opposite of his actions.
"It's just a fucking kiss, don't be a scared little cat, Joong." I whispered against his lips, brushing my thumb over his soft lips, trying to tease him. He would break eventually. And I liked playing games.
I don't know what came over me, but I just needed to kiss him desperately. Even though he treated me like shit, and shouted at me, I was still lost in his eyes, which stared into mine with a flaring desire. He continued looking at me as if he was fighting with himself, trying not to make a bad decision.
"Please." I whispered, looking up at him pleadingly.
"Fuck." Then he suddenly crashed his lips against mine. He tasted sweet, like strawberry cake. The kiss wasn't hurried, it was slow as our lips moved together passionately. I moved my hands slowly up, to bury them in his hair, pulling him even closer to myself. He kissed me even more animatedly, possessive almost as if he were an addict and I was his drug. But the moment didn’t last for long, emotion dissipating just as fast as it came, as we suddenly heard the front door slamming shut. Hongjoong immediately jumped away, standing up to his full height.
"Shit." He ran his fingers through his messy hair. "This never happened." He looked at me with eyes ablaze as I continued lying in my bed.
I pushed myself up onto my elbows to look at him better, "Yeah, I just knew you couldn't resist me." I grinned at him.
Hongjoong scoffed, "You’re crazy." And then he left me there, in the dark, as I still felt his lips on mine.
 ≫Two sins met each other
Just to collapse together like magnets≪
As they were just outside my room, I heard Hongjoong telling Yunho that he drove me home because I wasn't feeling well, and then Yunho thanked him footsteps fading.
Not knowing that Hongjoong had kissed his little sister merely a few minutes ago.
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alllgator-blood · 1 day
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okkk wait this is the anon that sent an ask about autistic narinder and leshy hc 😅 i retract my statement they're all autistic 🤯🤯🤯🤯
I WAS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF ANSWERING THAT ASK TO SAY "I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE ALL AUTISTIC" BEFORE THIS ONE GOT SENT IN, I was two sentences in so your comedic timing was impeccable actually
I know there's like no evidence in-game to back my claims so this is purely a vibe check (and also me being unable to write for neurotypical characters) but yeah no I 100% feel like all the bishops have autism for some reason. They definitely express it in different ways and I was actually thinking about that in the car ride back home tonight??
SEMI-DETAILED HC EXPLANATIONS BELOW THE CUT
For leshy, I feel like since he's the youngest...when he came along, everyone was like "yep. We don't even need to get this one tested" after seeing him in his natural element. Which sounds cruel but that's just personal experience after people in my family started getting diagnosed and we started noticing things about each other better LMAO. I kinda actually designed my iteration of him to be like a big stim toy, I did that shitpost sketch in the last post but even the first time I drew him I was like "this dude is made out of orbs that make satisfying noises when they click together", so if I had to categorize the way his neurodivergency manifests, it's definitely "I NEED TO MOVE AROUND!! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!! MAYBE SCREAM A LITTLE IDK IT JUST FEELS RIGHT!!"
Heket is for sure the one that fights the most against people labelling her with it, just because she's like I'M SO NORMAL GUYS. LOOK HOW NORMAL I AM. LOOK HOW WELL I CAN ADAPT TO CHANGE AND LOOK AT ME NOT FREAK OUT AT ALL WHEN I'M OUT OF MY ELEMENT!! She's the new leader of the family so she does her best to hold it together but if you make plans with her, she's gonna be in Waiting Mode as soon as the plans are made and might tear you limb from limb if you flake or reschedule. Something my therapist told me recently is that me getting absurdly upset over injustices (small or big) is likely directly related to being autistic, so if heket feels like something is wrong she will absolutely be vocal about it. If someone says something mean to her, they are her fucking arch nemesis from that point on. The block button is NOT enough she wants them DEAD
For narinder, I feel like he maybe bonded a lot with shamura over the fact both of them feel pretty disconnected from everyone else? The way his autism manifests is probably the feeling that he's on a completely different wavelength than everyone else, and can't experience empathy the same way his siblings can. He'll like have conversations with people but it feels like someone just talking at him, and him having to mentally choose the dialogue options that make the conversation end the quickest. He probably feels like a completely separate species from everyone else on more levels than just "I am a cat and you are not". I know this doesn't line up with my narinder art so far but I have a distinct characterization of him pre-schism that's completely different from post-schism. I feel like he also resented the other siblings for having the same condition as him but presenting so differently, he felt like he got the short end of the stick.
Kallamar........is a FREAk ABOUT TEXTURES. Bro will actually throw up if he has to eat or touch something gross. He would probably excuse himself to go hurl if he sees leshy combining everything on his plate and shovelling it into his face. I'M actually about to hurl just thinking about it. I have to have lotion on at all times or I freak out when I touch things with my hands, and I feel like kallamar needs to have that famous Cephalopod Mucus Layer in order to exist in his body without wanting to implode. Maybe even a special oil he formulates himself? I also feel like he probably has the most freakouts and has been left crying inconsolably + hyperventilating on the floor over something seemingly stupid MANY times, but shamura is understanding enough to be patient with him and not try to grab him or repeat phrases at him over and over.
LASTLY, SHAMURA DOESN'T THINK THEY HAVE AUTISM. They're like "I love my Neurodivergent Family :) can't relate tho" but all the siblings have unanimously agreed they have something going on up there, even before the TBI. I think they're very book smart, and have little file cabinets of their brain of stuff like "arthropod husbandry" and "dreamcatcher making techniques" but are totally clueless to how other people operate. They don't really know *why* people do the things they do; in my prequel AU thing, they gain most of their social knowledge through people watching rather than like...being normal and just knowing how to behave. Out of all the siblings, they've probably been told the classic phrase "but you don't look autistic!" the most LMAO
Also shamura 100000% has misophonia and that's the reason I didn't have them sitting at the table with the other siblings in the voidpunk comic I did of them. They love their family to death but they have to make the conscious decision to not shake baby leshy every time he loudly chokes down his dinner, so they just sit out meals and eat on their own time. If shamura was real I would build them a shrine and sacrifice my noise cancelling headphones cause idk if they have sound reduction methods in cotl world <3
I know autism kinda encompasses ALL of these traits and isn't something that can be categorized into "this one hates noises, this one needs to follow a schedule..." but I also don't want to just point at one bishop and go "YOU. YOU WILL BE MY VESSEL" because I'd never get to write all that I have in mind if only one character had it. There's definitely overlaps in symptoms between them but I just wrote down what I felt would be the most notable to that specific character. I've been wanting to do a comic about their special interests or the times they just like sync up and have a brain blast jimmy neutron moment, cause usually they're all over the place. I have literally never said the word "autism" so many times in my life I think I gotta cut it here, THIS IS SO LONG. I REALLY DID WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS THOUGH SO THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK GENUINELY. IDK IF YOU EXPECTED A SMALL ESSAY ON THIS BUT I WROTE ONE ANYWAY
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jerejerejere · 3 days
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I absolutely love Lintu's analysis off kot kot!
(Thanks for giving a platform for additional thoughts ♡ i ended up typing so much that i thought i should also put this in a separate post 😅 i'm just curious what you all think!!)
Idk why it hit different when listening to the whole song but i almost ascended with the first couple of seconds it was so good. Even though i've heard it before. Maybe i was distracted then, who knows.
I'm so glad he teasered both elements of the song before the release because i would have died on impact with the kot kot part. Other than that i have nothing to add to lintu's thoughts - perfect. It's wild and chaotic but still somehow balanced and it doesn't feel like trolling but really sincere even in it's goofyness. The lovely moodyness! Totally!
The song adapts really well with every listen. You feel like you don't want to like it (as much as you do) but here you are replaying it a fifth time, a fifteenth time. Like a taste combination you're not sure you like so you have to go in a second time. And before you know it, you're hooked.
(I still don't love the kot-kot part but that's because i somehow just don't like the word, it's so dry idk.)
I love both parts - the rapping and the singing equally although i will say that i don't vibe with the autotune (it's autotune, right?) that much. (I want to hear your real voice Jere :') even if it's not 100% there yet) I love his voice so much. The high-pitched ''missä'' was a special treat 😫
I love the distorted metallic beats under the rap parts a *lot* lot.
Lintu's analysis of the lyrics is so interesting, i haven't thought of it that way - that this is not a song about the now but a projection into what the future could possibly look like.
Also interesting that the voice on the phone was both Finnish and English 👀 (a hint to friends in other countries and the distance they have?)
I really wish the song was longer. I had the same with ruoska, where it felt like the song was over as soon as you got really into it - blip! Over. (but maybe i'm just slow?) I also wish the 2 elements themselves lasted longer - there's no way you can get into them and really *enjoy* them before they end. And then i was like ... waidaminute! This is intentional! Time confetti! He doesn't get to enjoy his fame and/or private time long enough so neither do we get to live in these elements for too long. It leaves you a little rattled and disoriented. As someone else said - it's like edging 😅 it is! Without resolve. Because that would have been my other point - the song feels like working up to a really good climax but then - bok bok.. 😅😭 That sly little gremlin 😫💚
Also every time i caught myself thinking - hm, that's very commercial 😅 the song kicked the legs out from under me right away 😂 So good for him.
Which brings me to my next hard agree with Lintu - i soooo hope it's a concept album! I don't need to love every song but boy do i love when he experiments. I end up liking those later on mostly. So it's a delayed reward treat idk how to describe it better.
Lastly.
None of this, absolutely none of this, implied sexy poledancing. He just did that. 🙏🏽😫❤
So thank you Jere.
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butterflysonnets · 3 months
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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give-grian-rights · 3 months
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can someone tell me why im being abnormal about a character i've barely touched the content of. like yay yippie i watched like 20 hours of you. there's fucking 80 years of content get me OUT OF HERE?
#yeah this is about nightwing. yes im a freak about him no i don't do well with comics#shout out to duke thomas in the we are robin comic i've had in my browser tabs for three weeks now#sorry king.#i mean i guess it makes sense because theres So many characters in media that you can't even get 20 hours out of . but. BUT ITS NOT FAIR.#i want to read comics so bad. i try to. i have. i've started several#blue beetle 2009 nightwing 2016... superman & batman world's finest#i was able to finish teen titans world's finest but that was only. like. six issues#comics as a medium just has this thing where. you're dropped in and it kinda expects you to know what's happening#and leaves you feeling like you started on the wrong page. like blue beetle. loved you but man that was not the greatest first comic to rea#wait i forgot i read hawkeye 2011(?) and that also had the same issue. but more so each installment like#felt like it was starting on a point AFTER something happened like i was meant to be reading another comic before i got to that issue.#i got. like. idk 18? 19? comics into that one. and 12 into nightwing. nightwing wasn't as bad but it just. gah. like several-issue long#stories carried across batman and nightwing and its like.OUGH.#i know im mutuals with a comic person. hi. i know you're cringing.#there are so many good characters to come out of comics. its just SO HARD to get into.#rn i dont have an excuse with We Are Robin. just that i've been infected with needing to play the sims for 8 hours a day.#mika-posts
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dmclemblems · 2 years
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“Claude in Hopes is exactly the same way he is in Houses! He’s always been like that and has the same feelings/morals!”
Claude in GW/Hopes:
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Claude, literally, in Houses:
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Let that speak for the fact that Claude was written with a 180 characterization in Hopes.
Claude wants peace and to bring everyone together; not to tear them further apart. That is his character.
#I’m still in the middle of answering this ask I got but yeah#even Edelgard noticed Claude really loves bringing ppl together in WC#when she says ''you really value that sort of thing don't you'' after the Eagle/Lion (+Deer >.> ) battle#like if Claude's goal was to destroy Fodlan and just leave a mess of it A+++ you did an astounding show stopping brilliantly done job#if your goal was peace well you fucked that up pretty good buddy#in Hopes too like he's literally arguing with Lorenz about it while Lorenz is like ??? bruh wtf ???#literally who cares what some politicians did 300 years ago certainly not Houses Claude#in fact Claude said fuck our history sideways with a cactus let's make peace and be friends#AND he got the approval from the whole roundtable and that's all we know on the topic bc it's all we needed to know#versus in GW where it's explicitly stated that it took some doing for them to allow Claude to be king#meaning the roundtable was not up for what he was suggesting and needed to be convinced#they needed it enough that Lorenz pointed it out to everyone and from a narrative standpoint#AM Claude doesn't need to say how the meeting went and all we need to know is that it worked out#but in GW it's told to us that the meeting was very long and it took some doing for them to trust Claude's judgment#the meeting is presented in a more uncertain light with how the lords felt abt it whereas in AM#it's not told to us how things went bc it's not important. a negative aspect (i.e. the roundtable not being able to come to an agreement)#is an important thing to note and if there was any negative aspect of it in AM they would've put it in there#meaning the roundtable trusts AM Claude's judgment enough when he tells them he wants to put their two nations together again#idk how else to explain that so I hope you get what I mean lol#I just find it completely baffling that people actually say both Claudes are the same person and that he was always like how he is in Hopes#like you can like his character in Hopes and enjoy that portrayal of him but at least admit he's written differently you know?#I hate when I see people say that Claude fans didn't understand his character in Houses at all bc they don't like him in Hopes#when you have literal staunch polar opposite sentences coming out of his mouth in these two scenes#the Claude we get in AM is the same Claude - the same person at his core - as he is in VW and all the routes#Houses Claude does not blame whatever the fuck Leicester and Faerghus did 300 years ago on the people living in their present#he also doesn't blame Dimitri or anyone else presently in power for Daphnel#GW Claude there is just grasping at unimportant and insignificant straws to justify his invasion#pretty sure AM Claude would be like ''hey dimi lemme borrow failnaught back real quick'' and smack GW Claude with it#then kindly hand it back to Dimi and smile and wave
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23meteorstreet · 9 months
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charlie kelly - season 16
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altschmerzes · 4 months
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it's just that sometimes you're so... impossibly happy and full of so much incredible joy that you gotta post about it on the internet otherwise you may get on the roof with a bullhorn yknow.
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gideonisms · 11 months
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See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that
#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier!#i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it#when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to#think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it#idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years#and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse!#but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether#it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid#tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to#i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes#i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with#i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard#sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful#i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think#of doing that doesn't make me cry#emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.
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kohakhearts · 26 days
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
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rogueddie · 6 months
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You know, it's heart shattering that war in Ukraine is almost 2 years and there is no single repost in your blog on that matter...
And the problem is that ordinary citizens of other countries are not aware of the horrors of the war and the real numbers of Ukrainian casualties. The overall figures are based on UN reports, which are far from reality. They do not contain horror stories about the torture of the civilian population, the rape of not only women, but newborn children, not to mention the murders that the Russians carry with them. And there are tens of thousands of such stories if not more...
You know, and now almost every family, even in regions far from the war, feels pain and are suffering, because someone's father, someone's husband or someone's son were killed, whom without being military, went to defend their country.
And for those who say that Ukraine is to blame or that the problem arose because of the EU and NATO, it is not so. Because as we can see, as of today, Ukraine still does not have the opportunity or potential to be a member of these organizations.
So why did I write all this? Because I really love your work, but I can't understand: how is it to condemn the war in one country, but not notice it in another?
The people of Gaza, and Palestinians in general, are not at war. They are being murdered in an ethnic cleansing and my country, and many others, are not only supporting that but providing them the funding they need to commit said genocide against civillians and children.
The horrors happening in Ukraine are awful. It definitely deserves more attention. But you don't need to entirely dismiss the atrocities happening in Gaza to do so.
You are also ignoring vital context; Ukraine has been reported on, spoken on, for the entire war. They've recieved military support. Monetary aid. Everyone is for them and I've never needed to tell my countries governement to support Ukraine, they already are.
But the political powers, right now, are supporting Isreal. They are supporting genocide. And the only times they aren't able to send that support? It is because we, the people, are stopping them from doing so. It is extremely vital in this case, with Gaza, to keep speaking on it and keep people informed. To keep people motivated.
More than 11,000 people have been murdered in Gaza. The UN has called it "a childrens graveyard". There are Isrealis who sit and watch the bombing of Gaza like it's a fireworks display.
I haven't seen anyone blame Ukraine, and I don't doubt that there are people saying that, but I have seen plenty of people blame Gaza. I've seen plenty of people blame Islam. I've seen plenty of people say that they feel nothing for the children being murdered.
Also, if you love my work so much then you probably should have noticed by now that I haven't really spoken about things that could be considered political that much before this. I spoke about things like the Queen dying and the missile that landed in Poliand, during the Russia - Ukraine war.
It's not because I'm ignoring any of it. It's because this is my dumb little fandom blog where I smash Stranger Things characters together like they're my Barbie dolls. It's a way to talk about my hyperfixation without annoying people irl, who I annoy enough by talking about politics, constantly.
But the horrors happening in Gaza, to Palestinians, is so horrible, so beyond unforgivable, that I feel like I have to talk about it. And I have a platform now- reblogging things about Palestine will bring more attention to it and, who knows, maybe one person will feel motivated to do something. I can only hope.
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maxgicalgirl · 8 months
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Archive 81 tv show made Melody Pendras straight we cannot trust podcasts in the hands of mainstream media !!!!!!!
#archive 81#I have mixed feelings about it and as soon as they introduced Gal Pal Annabelle to replace Actual Girlfriend Alexa it should have been a#red flag#conceptually I really liked what they did to flesh out the first season#but they took it in a completely different direction by the end and at that point it’s not even the same thing anymore 🙄#like you can’t even pick up anything from the original’s season 2 because they reconstructed the narrative so much#idk man its not like they’re going to make any more of it anyways but I still felt the need to come on here and bitch#honestly main stream adaptations of podcasts scare me like I revel in exposure for things I like but ultimately so much gets lost in#translation#like archive 81 podcast is weird and nonsensical at times and Tape Recorder Man’s adventures in the Upside Down just don’t translate to a#general audience ? so they gotta bring in reasons for it to make sense like satanism and witches and demons#when that was sooooooo not the point of the original#like seeing how much they had to adjust to appeal to an outside audience makes me almost glad the wtnv tv show didn’t get green lit#can you imagine ???? how the fuck would they get five headed dragon Hiram McDaniel on my actual television ????#standing next to a Cecil Palmer with a canon appearance no less#like adaptations are cool and they CAN work sometimes but if you’re going to have to break and bend the world in order to make it to the#point where it’s a new thing entirely#ESPECIALLY since we live in a world where audio drama is not respected as a creative medium#at that point I’m just like leave it alone it’s fine on it’s own#anyways archive 81 is an interesting experiment into what live action podcast adaptations COULD look like but you can pry lesbian Melody#Pendras from my cold dead hands and that makes the adaptation automatically inferior imo#I guess she could be bi but when you remove Canon Girlfriend and instead make her kiss a man ? not likely#I am just talking to hear myself talk now goodbye#max rambles in the tags
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seariii · 8 months
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The argument for guilty/unforgiven Amane is not just to prevent her from hurting Shidou.
Sorry (⁠。⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠。⁠) I really don't intend to change your vote or anything, but it's been stressing me out that some people seem to believe that's it with our argument.
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Amane has "warned" Mahiru, which to me reads like a threat. Even if she couldn't actually kill Shidou, Mahiru here who is an easy target, who can't move properly, could easily be hurt or killed by her.
And on the other hand Amane doesn't have to kill Shidou, she just has to hurt him, and that could honestly be easy with a surprise and quick attack. She could incapacitate him and prevent him from giving health care to others. And this is important because Haruka is gonna try to kill himself, and he's gonna need urgent care afterwards.
And I've got a feeling some way or another we are gonna get some more people harmed in between t2 and t3.
So yeah we care about Shidou, but we care more about him being the only doctor and what that means to the others. That's why I posted this whole trial feeling like the trolley problem lol.
(there is also the argument that worries me the most that is Amane trying to convert Fuuta, but that's another post that someone else already made)
I love Amane and I honestly don't see her killing her abuser as something wrong, but she sees her murder as something supported by the cult. So I believe neither verdicts will be good for her, I feel since she got voted guilty on t1 she was doomed. But either way whether she ends up forgiven or unforgiven, I'll still be excited to see what happens next. I just don't like people missinterpreting our arguments.
So whether you are an inno or a guilty voter, don't forget to vote <3 and hope you all have a good day
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