#idk everything else in my life kinda sucks but at least i have friends

[vibrantvenus]

Sometimes I'm worried that like. Because I don't have a romantic partner that I'm missing some kind of vital experience and then I hang out with my friends and I'm normal again.

[ofmdee]

MAN i am so close to getting the next part of BU written, im like at the very end of the chapter but im having a hard time wrapping it up, i think because i Know that means then i have to do the pictures 😂

the chapter kinda started off as a freewriting thing, a pwp i wasn't planning on sharing, but then i realized it Could actually be a good filler chapter, and once that happened i was like oh i can't write anymore 😅

but i added a few plotty things, including a conversation i wanted ed and stede to have re: ed's transmogrification which i think is important, and ed giving stede a pearl he finds. he's bringing stede little trinkets like a kitty bringing gifts. mermaids are just big cats 2 me.

and then stede starts calling ed his pearl, etc etc

i WANT TO want to write, i want to keep creating this fic, i love it so much, it's my passion project etc, but i am just having such a hard time with it lately! i am rly trying to follow this advice and be gentle w myself and not push it, but it's hard! i worry that by the time i Really feel like doing it again, anyone who was interested will have moved on. i compare myself to other ppl too often, and i feel like holy shit ive been working on this for over 2 years, i should have SO MUCH more to show for the amount of time i put into it 💀

and then ofc i always doubt myself, like this isn't good, ppl are just reading it because they are my friends/feel sorry for me, the sims stuff is Cringe and im so amateur and embarrassing and everything i do sucks!!!

but also ive been rereading the fic during downtime at work, just to try and get a feel for it again, and im like oh, this is actually NOT awful? and it's making me like hmmmmm maybe i WILL get back into this....... i really do love it. i love reading it. and that's so important, i think. i like what i create, even tho i am also convinced no one else will. idk when my self confidence fuckin TANKED man but i think so little of myself and i hate that! i wanna think im the shit. or at least okay.

anyway idk what im even talking abt anymore, lmfao, just. fic stuff!!! being obsessive abt stuff. fandom stuff! i'm thinking abt taking an edible later and then trying to churn out the rest of the chapter so i at least have the framework to edit but idk, i rly AM also trying not to force it. i have ts4 open still from making my new icon/header and im like hmmm i could load my photoshoot save and start working on the pics.... but idk.

i HAVE gotten really into diamond painting over the past month or so, tho, and i think having another hobby, one that isn't tied to the internet in general, is rly helping me balance some things a bit more. here are a few pics of things ive made:

ive even ordered a custom ofmd kit, using one of ann's edits as the picture, im soooooo excited for it to arrive!!! ive been rly obsessive abt this since i started, but it's rly relaxing? it makes my mind go (white noise static sound) and rly helps me forget abt being anxious. but then i can also end up getting anxious about doing it Too Much, but that's a whole other can of worms re childhood trauma etc etc w/e

this turned into kinda a life update post lmfao, i just wanted to untangle some fic thoughts but it got away from me. oh well! idk thanks if u read this and thanks if u read my fic, i promise i haven't forgotten abt it 🧜‍♂️

[tohisprettyc00l]

Hunter alphabets

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Idk why but I feel like he would love to give gifts. Especially homemade ones. He likes to see your reaction :).

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Honestly, he's so nice (have you seen how he acts with Gus-) He asks for book and show recommendations. Bro if you ask him for recommendations, you better have at least an hour because, for each book/show, he recommends he has an at least ten-minute ramble about it.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) He loves to cuddle so fucking much. He's usually a little spoon (Dude NEEDS to be held) But he also loves to hold you. Any chance he gets to cuddle with you he will happily take <333.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) He's great at cleaning! Cooking on the other hand 😬. We all saw Thanks To Them, right? He was a part of that weird monster food that he, Willow, Gus, and Amity made( That was definitely not fit for human consumption.)

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) Bro wtf- why do you have to do this to me??? I feel like he wouldn't be able to say it to your face. So he'll probably leave a note in a place he knows you'll see it. After that, he does everything he can to avoid you. He can't bear to see your face again.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Fears commitment 😨. Yeah, Belos has destroyed this mans trust. Takes a few weeks to months (Depending on if we're pre or post-Thanks To Them) But once he does trust he trusts you with his life. He wants to get married like right away but he is responsible. He isn't going to propose like ever but if he did he would wait. He doesn't want to rush things.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) He is the most gentle person you'll ever meet when it comes to both. He'll do everything in his power not to lose you. If he ever hurt you either way he'll probably be more distraught than you. Will be begging for forgiveness even after you say you forgive him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Read the last few sentences of gentle to get even an idea of how much he needs hugs. I've said this throughout this whole chapter but he can not get enough of physical touch. Once he learns more about what a hug is he'll be asking for it all the time!

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Ethier says like a week after dating or a year in. No in-between. Yeah, I have nothing else to say on the topic.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?) Okay, I've been trying my best to avoid mentioning the fact that this was written after the fluff alphabet. But there's the exact same question as that one so just read rn or wait.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) He sucks at kisses. He does like to give you kisses on the cheek and likes to be kissed on the cheek back though.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) I have to admit this man is horrible with kids. He wasn't raised well as a kid. But that's all he knows so he thinks it's normal. Don't worry he doesn't yell or hit any kids though don't worry. Though he is kinda unnecessarily mean to these like eight-year-olds. He does eventually stop.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Breakfast? Not in bed but on the table. He wakes up hella early tho so at first he keeps on making the food too early and has to put it in the fridge. And if it's the weekend he'll watch some episodes of a show you both like, with you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) We all know that on top of getting up early, he goes to bed late too. Despite him having a bad sleep schedule he WILL NOT take you also having a bad sleep schedule to >:(. If he sees that you are late like him he will force you to go to sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) I think I've said enough for you to know that it takes him a while to open up.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) It takes a lot for you to angerhim. This comes from a mix of not being allowed to question Belos and his fear of losing you. Though he does speak his mind so while he doesn't get angry quickly he does talk when things bother him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Remember a lot of the smaller details. Not every detail is more than most others. Also not sure if I have to clarify this but he does remember a lot of big things about you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) It might be kind of cheesy but your first date. Him finally being able to make good relationships outside of the emperor's coven. If it went perfectly it's one of his favorites it's his favorite for obvious reasons. It went just as perfectly as he sees you <3. If it went wrong he loves it because despite all the flaws you still ended up with him <3.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Protective, but only really acts if you are in danger. He is kinda nervous whenever he leaves alone because of your association with him. I mean being with a gut who is wanted by the Emperor himself is a reason to be cautious.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) When it comes to the first three, you would not believe how much effort he puts into them omg. He takes hours planning dates and anniversaries, making sure everything will go to plan. As mentioned before he loves to make gifts for you. Also with everyday tasks, he puts the normal amount of effort into them lmao.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Often views himself as worthless :(. Also feels the need to prove himself to you, even when you tell him there's no need.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Ehhhh it's complicated. He is not really concerned with his looks. But he does wanna look nice to you. So after you start dating he does start putting more effort into his appearance.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Does he feel incomplete when you're gone? No. Does he miss so fucking much. Obviously 🙄. I feel like he would try to sing when he's alone idk.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) The one time he tried melatonin he passed out for like the whole day. (Me? Projecting even the smallest thing onto Hunter? Yes.)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?) I feel like he hates messy spaces. Ecsapilly if it's a place that you're supposed to work in. He immediately cleans it himself.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) Look at those bags under his eyes. Are you telling me he has a healthy sleep schedule? Absolutely not. He goes to bed at 2 A.M and wakes up at 6 A.M.

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A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them? He would love to tell you about the books he's reading, and vice versa! If you tell him you want to read the book he's talking about? He'll get so excited!!! Will constantly ask you where you are in the book and your thoughts. Okay, I got a little sidetracked but bottom line my boy likes reading and talking about it.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them? He finds you beautiful no matter what you look like <3, and he admires your kindness! He has been so starved of kindness so like any amount of praise you give him will be greatly appreciated.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.? Has he had many panic attacks? Yes. Does he know how to help with one? No. All he knows is the basics. Comforting words, hugs n cuddles, and not much else. Though if you tell him what helps he will try his best to do it!

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o? He just wants to have a nice comfy life. After everything he's been through a lot, he wants to want to be calm and cozy, with you He would love to drink hot drinks and read books. Have the definition of a cottage care life.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive? This question makes me uncomfy.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting? If it was something small he forgives you after a day or two. But if it's something bigger Belos cough cough it takes him a while. But after a while, he will forgive you.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them? This answer should be obvious, he is so fucking grateful. He can't put into words how grateful for you, especially if/when you help him escape Belos. He is very aware and he is still kinda in the mindset of needing to prove he's useful to you(because there's nothing worse than disappointing someone who thinks you're special.) But after a while, he gets used to having a healthy relationship :).

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything? He tries, though he does tend to hide things for fear of disappointing you. Though, one thing does eventually slip and panic. He is surprised when you aren't mad (you do discuss communicating better because withholding info isn't healthy.)

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems? I feel like the answer is pretty obvious: you changed him and he (probably) changed you. If you ever pick up a new hobby he is so encouraging. If you even handedly say you want to try baking. The next time you see him he has a whole baking set + ingredients.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it? Ehhhhhh kinda. He worries that you might leave him when you get really close to other people. But more of an "oh God what if they replace me" way. Though after a few affirmations, he's good.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

This man had/has no idea what he's doing 💀 If you don't initiate the kiss then it's not happening. Don't get me wrong he loves kisses, he's just too awkward to initiate them.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o? It's either an accident and just slips out, or it's super duper cheesy. But I like the cheesy idea better. He uses one of those pickup lines like "Do you like raisins? What about a date?" It's super cringey and cute.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like? Yep mans wants to get married so badly. Though his ass is not proposing. Especially if he was the one who asked you out. He can not handle being that nervous again. Being married is pretty much the same yet it feels more special

N icknames - What do they call their s/o? he calls you: pumpkin, honey, princess//prince/royalty (Also if you are a woman he 100% called you unironically called you baby girl and had no idea why you were laughing)

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings? He thinks he's so good about hiding his feelings (He's not.) It's super obvious, you're just oblivious. He is a blushing mess around you.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching? When you're around others he doesn't do much PDA. But when you're gone and he's around others, he brags about you so much omg. He has gotten into many fights with Amity and Luz (separately) about whose partner is better.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship. Dudes fumking strong also at one point he was the Golden Guard.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative? He is pretty cliché, at least at first. He has no idea what counts as being romantic, so he binge-watches a bunch of romantic movies and copies lines from there. Though throughout the relationship, he starts being romantic in his way.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them? Kinda already answered this with the inspiration prompt he very much believes in you<3. He, himself, would even try to get into the activity too. He would ask you for tips about the subject and sometimes it actually helps him find new hobbies.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? No. Like not at all. This boy NEEDS even a little bit of stability, that's not to say he doesn't like to try new things. But he doesn't like to keep changing things around or just jump head first into things.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic? He's pretty okay at reading facial expressions, so if you're an expressive person it's a lot easier for him to tell what you're feeling. But once he does figure out what you're feeling, he quickly tries to comfort you if you're feeling bad.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it's worth in comparison to other things in their life? I'm not sure how much more I can emphasize that you mean the world to them. Your so fucking important to him and theres little to nothing he would choose over you.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon. He made a wolf fursona the millisecond he found out about in the human realm. Luz has watched sad movies with hunter, she warned him beforehand and he was like "No I'm not sensitive enough to get sad at a movie." And he was way more sad than anyone else. If Luz and Hunter find out they like the same show/book they would 100% write fanfiction together.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle? He loves to cuddle you!!! He also loves to kiss you and when you kiss him <3. Whenever he gets the chance he will ask for cuddles (and hugs when he learns what they are.)

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner? Depending on the time of day (or whatever day it was) He will either try to do as many missions as he can. Or he will mess around with flapjack and read.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of? Very big lengths you are his everything. If you were dating him as the Golden Guard your relationship is that one simpsons clip that is like "I'd kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you." "No Goldie-"

[scary-monsters]

I genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this

I try to keep mental health shit off this blog as much as possible bc that's not what it's for, it's supposed to be a place to share the things I make and to support others that love the same characters as I do. But also I need to be human sometimes

I haven't been getting enough sleep, my body won't let me rest more than 6 hours a night because I'm constantly riddled with anxiety and the pressure to work work work, be productive, do things or else you're useless.

I don't eat nearly enough because I can't afford to buy groceries most weeks and rarely have time to cook on the days I work. Most of the time I eat one meal a day and that's only on my 30min break at work. My body doesn't even like to take anything more than that.

I haven't bought new clothes in at least 2 years, because I can't afford to and why would I when I never go anywhere except work? If I have a day off I don't have the energy to try and look nice, I throw on old jeans and a t-shirt. And it sucks because clothing has always been a passion of mine and I used to take so much pride in the way I present myself. I miss that part of me.

I'm miserable all the time, if I'm at work I'm only thinking about suicide. I cry all the time. Yes I go to therapy, yes I have a psychiatrist, yes I take medication for my disorder. But it feels like nothing helps anymore.

My therapist asked me two days ago what the barriers to my goals and happiness are and I didn't even hesitate when I answered "work". My job is draining me to a point that is scary for me, I feel trapped in it because no matter how many applications I do, I always get 'no's. The jobs I do have a good shot at pay significantly less than what I currently make, so I can't risk losing that pay. I live by myself, I pay for everything by myself. I don't have anyone else to lean on.

We recently had a loss in the family, and while I handled it pretty well it also brought up all the other loss I've experienced in my life, and there's been a lot. To a point where if my mom calls and says "I need to talk to you", I immediately assume someone else has passed. So all I can think about lately is all those people and all the missed opportunities I had with them.

I'm tired and I don't know what to do, I feel lost and I can't help looking at suicide as my only option to get out of how shitty everything feels all the time. I'm only happy when I'm making art or writing or talking to friends, but when I don't have the energy to do those things?? What then? I sit here and stare at a screen and cry and wish I could be anyone other than myself. I can't measure up, and I'm kinda tired of trying.

I had to call in today because I can't do it, I feel myself falling apart at the seams, I've been snapping at coworkers and having attitude with customers, that's not me, but I feel like I'm losing myself. But because I called in I've now lost a quarter of my paycheck for this week. Every single day I have to pick whether I'd prefer experiencing suicidal ideation for 10.5 hours at work or sitting at home and feeling lost/lonely and crying instead.

I've been pretty good at hiding it and masking this year but idk, I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I'm lost, y'all, I have no direction and I don't know when/if things are gonna get better for me

(also I don't need anyone telling me that I could use vacation money to fix some of these issues; vacations are how I escape, and I need to do that. Plus I always save up PTO/money specifically for them.)

[moonjxsung]

baby! congrats on your raise, you soooo deserve it! and probably moving to LA is such a big deal too! there’s nothing quite like a nap in your childhood bedroom! i just woke up from one bc i visit my mom every weekend and decided to stay here one more day😂

idk if i ever told you that the black kitty’s building took my offering of the spay appointment, but they did. and we took her and she was already spayed😭 so yeah, it seems someone either tnr’d her and didn’t ask for an eartip cut or she was actually abandoned. which sucks fr, im glad she was spayed and everything (since they had to open her up to confirm, we told them to make the eartip cut). but it kinda sucks that she didn’t have the eartip bc we could’ve used that spay for another tnr case that was brought to us afterwards😪 but im still glad that we took her in and got her eartip done so nobody else tries to spay her again😂

and i love hearing about people converting their bfs to kpop. i saw this vid yesterday and asked my bf to rank his faves based on this: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLL8EEyf/

and he completely changed his answers from what i expected😭 he said, in no particular order (bc he just wouldn’t rank them): minho from shinee, mingi from ateez, san from ateez and bambam (who is the only one that didn’t surprise me). and i asked him about his other faves like jimin, taemin, changbin, i.n, scoups and bangchan (yeah he got a lot of biases😭). and he was like “they’re in a different category, i love them.” 😭😭😭

i would’ve loved a whole presentation but i think he’s even too indecisive to commit to a permanent list😂

and also your friend is so real for his felix gifts! that’s too freaking cute. pls life bless me with an irl like him🙏🏻 i only have one friend that likes kpop and she isn’t into skz so i get my kpop full from social media and/or yapping to my bf about it😂

ily baby🫶🏻 i hope you have an excellent week💜

-🐈‍⬛

THANK U BABYYYY I AM SOOO STOKED 🫶 LA definitely isn’t confirmed yet but my sister lives in SoCal and my parents want to move there eventually so they’re like why don’t you just go there too?? And now I am seriously considering it bc I don’t want to be away from any of them! Nothing set in stone just yet but I will keep you posted 👼 PLEASE I visit my parents every weekend too and usually we just watch a movie or something but sometimes I have to ask if I can just nap there bc naps in your childhood home hit SOOO DIFFERENT…..

Also NOOOOO I can’t believe she was already spayed! And they didn’t bother to cut the ear tip! ☹️ that’s so unfortunate that it could’ve been used on another kitty BUT I’m glad at least she is spayed so she’s not out there having a million babies and shortening her life span. Thank you for caring for her regardless, I’m so glad to have an anon who cares for kitties the same amount that I do LOL I could listen to stories of cats all day 🥹🫶

HELPPP THAT IS SOOOO FUCKING FUNNTTTNRJKJE also the Kai rover edit is SO REAL…… the fucking things I would let him do to me 😦😦😦😦 my friend has become SO OBSESSED with Felix (probably because I post about him nonstop on my ig stories) and he sends me Felix content all the time now 😭 he and his girlfriend texted me earlier today and said they’re heading into town this weekend to their closest kpop store to look for Felix stuff for my Felix shrine™️ LIKE THEY ARE THE FUCKING BEST PEOPLE I KNOW ACTUALLY…… these texts he sent me just this week totally geeking about felix 😭 the second one was literally an hour ago like he catches Felix’s posts before even I do 😭 I love him so much I’m so lucky to have a friend like him

I LOVE U BABY ANGELLLL have the best week ever!!!! 💓💕💓🩷👼🫶

[idk-ilike5sos]

Dear El,

Hawkins isn't as bright without you. The flowers look duller than they did last spring, and it's taking longer to get hot out. The sun isn't warm anymore - hasn't been for a long time - it just burns, makes my skin feel tight and leathery. Recently cut grass isn't refreshing, it just tickles my nose and gives me itchy rashes. I hate it. I hate it here, without you.

I didn't know you right away when I got here, but I must've sensed your presence or something. Before we met, it kinda sucked but it was a new start. I met The Party, got friends, and they told me all about you. The Superhero, who completely saved their asses last year. You sounded awesome. But when we met, you didn't like me and it hurt. It hurt way more than it should've. Then, all of a sudden, you came to me one day, and you became my entire world. You smiled, I smiled. You laughed, I laughed. You cried, you could bet your ass I would too. I never really knew what it was like to have another girl be my friend, and I know you didn't either, but I knew what we had wasn't that. We were something special.

That's what makes this so hard. You left, and I'm still here. My whole life shattered that day Billy died, but at least you were around to be my pillar to lean on whenever I needed to rest. Which was often. Those three months before you left were the last time I had any semblance of peace. Call it cliche, but for that time, you were more than just my world. You were my everything. It wasn't even that nothing else mattered - nothing else existed. So, without getting too sappy, thank you for that.

You're more than some superhero who I instantly got a fangirl crush on. You're more than my everything, my something special. You're you. Jane "Eleven" Hopper. And, honestly, that's more than words can describe because I love you. I love you so fucking much. But I know I'm dragging you down. I know I can't give you what you need anymore, not when I'm like this. You deserve someone better. I'm sorry. And as much as I already regret doing this, I'm breaking up with you.

I'm going to need some space before we can be friends again, but if we can, then I'd really like to be. But, please, if you ever need me, then reach out. I’ll be here, no matter what.

Love Max

[Idk idk, but AU: Max and El started dating in s3, then Max (in her depressed self-sabotaging state) breaks up with El via a letter to Lenora(??)]

[the-kipsabian]

just wanted to say thank you to everyone for today, i love you all 💜

im putting the rest under a read more, in case you wanna stop reading here, but um. trigger warning for suicidal thoughts

i tried writing this yesterday but it didnt come out right, but after dealing double with these emotions and then some today it feels like i can finally kinda put things into words that maybe make sense

i guess everythings just kinda hitting me very hard right now cause ive been 31 for four hours now and its just. in my brain right now that i didnt think i'd see this day honestly. like i had doubts about this even as lately as earlier this week. literally two days ago. so its kinda like. very mixed feelings. ive been thinking a lot about how i dont deserve this, deserve to be here, that im taking this space away from someone else. i dont know why, but its just how ive been viewing my existence lately

this year has been rough to say the least. yes i know ive had some incredible ups as well, but rarely have i felt like i deserved them in the end for one reason or another. ive struggled immensely, ive been going a steady downhill since the change of the year with no idea how to change it or when to change it. its been incredibly taxing mentally, and im just.. idk. oftentimes its just very overwhelming as youve probably noticed

it all just kinda came together today, with the previous thoughts as well as being largely ignored by my family today. like i know im very low contact with most of them, but when you have two people completely forget you and one only talking about themselves and asking when youre going to give them grandkids and start a family "since youre old now" it just.. sucks a lot. ofc this is beautifully balanced out by every friend thats been so wonderful today (literally had one busy friend jump into a voice call with us earlier just to tell me he remembered my birthday like... it means so much honestly) but. yeah. idk it just makes me feel like im at the age now where since i dont have life figured out im very useless and not worth their attention and..

i dont know what life brings these next 365 days. i really dont. all i can hope that it brings something that lets me keep going. its a tough topic for me to talk and think about rn but i feel like its better for me at this point to bring these out either way cause.. for whatever reason and somehow im still here. the fact that i saw through the entire day when i turned 31 just feels very significant right now. knowing i passed another safe point makes me feel safer tonight, no matter how much ive cried both good and bad tears tonight

thats all i think. just.. just wanted to get this out. i love you all, thank you for existing in my phone even if i dont talk to like anyone regularly cause im so mentally exhausted by just having thoughts on the regular its really hard for me. thank you 💜

[spirit-shroud]

Okay gimme 1, 3, and 14 for your little guy

>:3!!!! from this ask meme thing

answering these out of order since question 1 got Lengthy

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

idk how much this counts but it is like. 98% of his personality??

casil firmly believes that every single person is good (by his arbitrary standard) and if they aren't good, they can be "fixed" (unless they're just straight up evil [again, by his own arbitrary standard] in which case they're going to explode.)

as an extension of this, he'll trust anyone, put his life into anyone's hands, etc as long as they're the least bit aligned with his interests. ultimately he wants to help as much as possible but his methods of going about it are oftentimes far more consequential than if he'd just walk past.

he has enough awareness to be like 'maybe i should trust people less' but then he just leans on his friends' morals more and they're. well. they are all making each other better AND worse in wildly different ways in there

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

i think ultimately he wants to be seen as someone who's moved beyond his criminal past and is now some kinda shining beacon of hope and wisdom.

he is a beacon of hope but maybe not wisdom, yet. he's the glue that holds everything together and he's the reason everyone will keep pressing on but, he never really grew out of his background despite desperately wanting to atone for it. so much of him is still stuck metaphorically on the streets that he can't escape it, ykno? if the path of least resistance means picking a lock he's still #1 lockpicking guy

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

first thing that comes to mind would probably be when he lost his oath?

so for the uninitiated, my oc casil is a paladin, oath of devotion type guy. swearing to protect the innocent and his cause. before he became a paladin, he was a thief and he was pretty good at it, until he kept getting overconfident and his 'petty teenaged pickpocket just trying to get by' thing became a 'guy who is two steps away from running a small crime ring with other petty teenaged pickpockets' thing. and he generally got into trouble a bunch. he spent a Lot of time getting arrested and getting fished out of bigger issues with the law by his mom (was a paladin, considers herself retired now, loves him very much)

he's a paladin now because after a lot of this he was like 'ykno. this sucks. i should be like my mom and do better for myself and my friends' and had like a 5 yr training montage of squireship. graduated from squire school. took his oath. got abducted by aliens shortly after. ykno

so anyways, that memory he wants to forget:

tldr trying to get back into his hometown didn't go so well from a combination of him refusing to pay the fine to enter the city and him being recognized as That Incredibly Annoying Kid From Five Years Ago, and they didn't really care to hear about his arc of recovery and finding himself.

so he ends up in jail . a very familiar place for him, and there's nobody who can help him. he broke out of his cell by sheer force of will, picked the locks to get his friends out, got all their gear back, and when the guards swarmed in to be like, 'hey, dude, get back in there,' and attacked him he kind of. freaked out a lot? and single-handedly took out all of them.

he had a tangible moment of clarity and awareness that his oath was broken after the first guard and he didn't really care after that, since, without his oath, he didn't really have anything else to lose, and his friends weren't going to hold him back.

anyways in his current state he'd do it again . and he doesn't want to think about that too hard so he'd rather forget the whole thing. he desperately wants his oath back but he's not sure if that's possible anymore

[x-other-souled-x]

I'm a little upset right now, due to system related things... I just wanna get it off my chest...

.

Our main fronter from I think around 2019 up till part of the way thru this year has disappeared and we havnt heard from him in a while. Actually, around April it feels as if the whole system disappeared and some new nameless, faceless guy got put in front and had to deal with things just... like that. The confusion was not great, I think. There's still a lot of confusion, since this nameless and faceless guy still has no name and feels as though he's an imposter living a life for someone else.

Even when "older" members of the system started popping their heads back in, none of them where any of who had the attachment to friends and life stuff the same way our former main fronter did. So we abandoned those freinds, I don't know how to talk to them and that may sound stupid but genuinely I feel like I don't know them at all.

Despite now having at least 5 active members who cycle in and out, we still have this lonely feeling. It feels downright BAD to have abandoned friends and just straight up ghosted them, while pretending to live life like normal. And I still wish I could reach out and say "hey we are plural and the guy you're used to talking to has been missing for like almost the whole year now and we don't know what to do."

Cuz like what are they going to do with that information?

I kinda just wanna bite that bullet and if they decide we are horrible for it then that's fine, but then I worry if our guy comes back and wants to try and hang out with them again it will be awfully fucked for him.

I'm someone who came about in the system to help out our missing guy back when he first started putting two and two together, we figured out together that whoever "we were" before 2019 is also gone and disappeared and we were the replacements. I'm really attached to our missing guy tbh, and I miss him a lot, and I'm really afraid that he'll be lost forever just like our previous main fronters.

And if that's truly the pattern, one fronter for several years who takes the main role in life and then after that disappears, well then we have an existential crisis looming. And maybe that's why our new guy hasn't been able to feel attached to anything for his own self. Maybe the fear that it will happen to him too is what's keeping him numbed out, no need to worry if there was nothing to loose anyway right?

Its been causing us some stress, lately we are fronting in pairs without him because being out without any attachment to a name or whatever else is keeping him from wanting to be out at all. I don't blame him tbh. Floating thru life and working 40 hrs a week with no purpose or self recognition sucks, it feels like being a zombie wading thru the hellscape of capitalism and not even being able to enjoy the pay you get for your labor. It feels like what I must imagine being soulless and empty must be.

I've tried to help, but nothing seems to stick. How do you make freinds if when they ask your name you just "uhhhhhhh idk" and blank out? We have eachother but even that gets kinda lonely bc we have very limited communication without typing. (I mean we do have communication but it's not constant and it feels like we have to fight some invisible wall to get through so it's kinda exhausting mentally too...)

And some days I wonder if this has anything to do with having a locked door separating the void where we sit from "everything else" in the brain. I've gone in there before, but once you come back out of the door you forget everything that's inside it.

I've rambled way way too much now. So I'll stop there...

[mistergoddess]

never should have smoked that shit now i am dead serious going to move to nyc if It All Works Out... fuck... this is going to be Thing I Am Scared About #1 for the foreseeable future. but it's good :) it's very scary and will be very challenging with my Issues surrounding moving and major life/environment change always being a big trigger for the autismdepressiontrauma megacombo but umm :'))

idk i'm not like particularly passionate about nyc itself which is definitely something people cite as something u need to Make It there but i think it's a cool and good place and end of the day it is just a place . and i like cities, about as much as i like countryside (and i hate cities about as much as i hate the country...) so it's like. the Most city ever (well in this country at least) isn't it. so that'll be interesting. but most importantly bruh idk i'm just. young and have never left my home town and am relatively untethered... no pets no career no partners no real friendgroup car's on its last legs anyway hell i really don't even have any major furniture i'm attached to and need or even find valuable (the one piece of furniture i do find valuable and am attached to is just way too fucking massive to ever work anywhere in ny period so... rip. at least selling that would help expenses, and literally everything else i own is trash) so like.

this is the time man. i cannot just spend my entire life in my hometown and i cannot spend my entire life in the south this is The Time to get out into the world and get some worldly experiences and like having a friend in Big Important Culturally Lush City who may have a roomie slot opening up, which can help me get my feet under me easier than if i just tried to do it solo, is an opportunity i'd regret turning down for the rest of my LIFE like this is it it is The Time Of My Life where i am Supposed To Do Things and Get Out There and here it is and i gotta do it and i want to do it and i CAN do it (and i can afford to do it!!!!! i have Toiled with a capital T for my savings and shit like this is exactly why) so i'm 100% gonna do it but omggg :'))))))))))) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......... i am but a lil ol southern boy... i am but a little fucking creature who does not know shit about shit...........

but the only way to ever change that is to Get The Fuck Out!!!!!! and big big city with literally anything you could imagine is such a good social and career prospect like. my city is truly very decently sized especially for the south we're one of the bigger/more major/noteworthy cities but also we're a pretty Crappy city compared to other big cities even in the south, like the social scenes and activities options here are a little meeehhhh and the career and economic opportunities here DEFINITELY mehhh so it'll be amazing to be somewhere with so MUCH where any culture or interest or subculture or hobby you can think of is represented and where any food or activity or manmade type of place to see you can think of is represented and where even a little fool like myself could find their way into some seriously cool work opportunities that could mean so much advancement in like skills and experiences and income...... and just like... god this is such a horrible term but literally networking!!! not in a BIG BUSINESS kinda way but just meeting interesting people who can help you and teach you and inform you and connect you to more interesting opportunities! wahh...

and i don't have to stay forever is the beautiful thing if it sucks i can hit da bricks and i think once i've made that initial breakaway to Leave Home like selling my car (genuinely even if i stayed here forever the car is on her way out so what better thing to do than move somewhere where car is not necessary... like if i stayed the car would fucking die anyway and then i'd be in the awful position of needing another one bc you can't not have one here so yeehaw selling her for moving/travel funds and being somewhere that's far less car dependent is the most auspicious move) and my furniture and putting my remaining possessions i can't bring with all at once in storage, then i'll be in a crazy good position to jump off from that point and go other places, maybe even the places i AM specifically personally passionate about and yearn for... so like... i'm GONNA do it...

but it's mad scary for real :) I Have Never Done This Before :)

[our-reality]

python 10, 11, 12

10. do they have any regrets?

i don't know. does he 🙂

AGH THIS QUESTION HURT ME SO MUCH . it's. hard to really say whether or not it regrets leaving skylight. for sure he regrets not taking swift with him to earth, even if sky definitely wouldn't have been as enthusiastic about it as he was, because him abandoning her caused so many problems for them that he should have seen coming before it left. he just. so wishes it could've saved them all the trouble and heartache sky went through

but like. what if she just refused to go. even if he offered to take sky with him. what if he had to choose. is it worth making rest of his life hell just to spare her from that? is it selfish to not want that? and. yeah it struggles with this point a lot. and i must stress how throroughly python does not miss being a god and how much it loves being a human. how much he's learned from others about himself and the world that it would've never learned if he'd stayed as a god. but all of that is at the cost of his best friend's health and the problem just. eats away at it. and it takes him more than a while to fully grapple with the fact that he just. couldn't've won no matter what it did.

of course it gets better when the plot kicks off and he actually has a chance to reconcile with swift, but it also kinda just. puts into perspective just how much he ruined sky by doing what it did. and it sucks ass for him. and he understands why both it and swift couldn't have been humans but how was it supposed to choose? the only reason he even chose to go through with becoming human was because it and swift had an argument over the subject and it made a hasty decision. without that, it's hard to say whether or not it would've ever made the hard decision, just letting it consume him over his years, like everything else has.

and. you know. i could look at all of that and go "yeah that's enough torment for one post" but what if i made it worse. what if i talk about whether or not he regrets the murders. what then

uh. yeah idk if i've mentioned this before but vysel is not. the only person it's killed. vysel was the first person, yes (and he was also the last that's crazy it's like poetry it rhymes or wtv), but that whole Ordeal kinda starts it on a track record of um. murder! basically anyone he didn't like got an axe to their face. and like. he does regret that because it basically had to relearn all of its morals after that and it caused him sooooooo many issues forever.

and it puts a lot of the blame on the vysel incident for this because. well. not only was it the first ever time he intentionally killed someone, but it actually did do exactly what he wanted it to do. without going into too many details by the time the vysel shit happened it kinda felt wildly out of control of his life with how often he was forced to move becase it made too many enemies in one area, or because he was worried its old parents would find him, or anything like that. so that was basically its wait of saying "fuck it this is MY life and i'm not gonna let you ruin my life". and then after that he kinda got the idea that like "oh i don't feel in control of my life? just fucking kill people!!" and. it caused him to do some fucky wucky things to say the least

i could say even more but i will actually die if i write about this anymore so i'll shelve this topic for another post but uh tl;dr girls when they have to make a decision with seemingly no right answer that will deeply affect them for the rest of their lives ❤❤❤❤❤

11. do they have any addictions?

he has a smoking addiction and has had one for the past. 300ish years? his lungs are basically coal dust at this point. he coughs up ash at regular intervals and everyone just sort of rolls with it. at one point ruby's like. hey python do you think you should see someone about your lungs. and he's like if a doctor looked at me they'd have a stroke and die on the spot. and she's like ???? okay. he has no intention of stopping and has no motivation to cuz it can't die by human means and it smells like cigarette smoke literally all the time i hate him

12. do they have any sense of style? regardless of the answer do they believe they have a sense of style?

i mean. he literally wears the exact same thing every damn day. and it's not like the other human characters where i draw them with the same outfit all the time but in universe they wear different shit every day. nah he wears the exact same ratty ass coat and fucked up . shirt that's basically a crop top at this point and shredded to hell and back pants and shoes with soles that flap whenever it takes a step. and it just lives like that. it's kinda hard to get him new clothes too because literally everything is too small on it. he's an actual fucking beanpole

so because it hasn't had new clothes for so long he's just like yeah idk how to dress but i don't care so it's okay 😁 so if he was put in front of a bunch of clothes i think it just. wouldn't know what to do at first . but after a while he starts leaning more and more into it and suddenly it has like 27 well put together outfits and he's like. damn okay . so yeah i think he'd really like fashion and have a good sense of style but it just. doesn't have the self confidence for it <///3 sad!

[gavinsmg24]

I’m gonna respond to the most recent one first baby. Meaning what you just said❤️‍🔥 I know you shouldn’t.. but. Idk. Obviously I’m lovey. N cuddling and hugs and such are flirty n lovey. But also. I am your friend too! You’re someone I care about. So. I know it doesn’t change things. But. I just want you happy n safe and loved. And I’m sure you are! Even thru the bad. For example we had bad times. And. Looking back then. Maybe you would feel how you feel about current partner about me. Like. Idk. It’s hard to be with someone every single day. Like Ben n chase. Love em to death. Irritate the shit outta me sometimes. But I know I do too. It’s just like. Everyone is so different it’s so hard to live with someone else’s routines n habits especially if they effect your own. And like. Not trying to be negative about us. I know good n bad come with everything. But like. I’m not sure if you would consider our bad times as bad as your current partners. Not that I want you to answer that cuz that’s a big thing to compare. Plus all people are different. Anyways. I may seem like an angel and lovely etc. just compared to your current partner. (Maybe just now idk about the soo the time) anyways. What I’m saying is. Yoh left for a variety of reasons. And even tho I know it was hard on us both. I Definitely know we were having a rough time. But. That’s also bcuz we had been together day after day. And that’s why it’s nice to live alone sometimes. It’s sucks. Bcuz. I dont wanna be alone. But I wanna be alone 😂 I feel like that’s such a reality. At least for me. I’d love to be back living alone but also thinking about it I dont. It’s nice to have silly interactions with other people. Walking out of my room just to flip chase off then go back. It’s just silly stuff. Rambling!!

My main point of all that was. It makes me immensely happy the things your saying. And yes. Maybe you shouldn’t say it. But. Idk. Your mental state is more important. Which is selfish to say but also. Legit! If your not happy n sad and all the other stuff I skimmed (and will read eventually) then you deserve some form or dopamine relief. And im sorry that it has to be me! (That’s me being silly. I’m sure you could get by without me. In fact I know it. Bcuz that’s life. We live and roll with the punches!) (And your strong, cool, great personality, lovey and caring. Truthfully baby! I’m sure you could be anyones perfect princess! You just need a king who deserves all your amazing ness!)

Rambles! Goodness! (Don’t feel like your rambles make me ramble. You know even when you don’t say anything I can go on! You saying stuff just makes it easier for me to say things bcuz I can just respond to you 🙈)

But. Yes. The past and rose tinted glass. I kinda went into the past talking about living alone n such. But like I know how you feel. Like. Maybe the way you’ve been feeling and so on is making it easier to imagine what it would be like if we were still hanging and enjoying each other’s company. It might cloud the arguments and other bad times (not trying to be negative just trying to say that. Partner maybe be meh rn. And it may be easier to enjoy the thought of me. Bcuz! I’m not there. Yanno? Like truthfully we won’t know unless that day comes but. It’s also possible that. In a timeline that we’re still together / get back together that we’d resort back to negative feelings. But at the same time. I loved you then. I love you now and I always will. I just enjoy making you happy. And knowing your happy and well. I’m just a lovey person. And you’re my princess! Blah blah blah ramblinggg!

Gonna flip to the frito thing bcuz I’ve rambled a lot here. I feel it baby. Wanting to go back to what we once did. Like I’d love to be back at my old FedEx. 10x better than this one. But also. Then I wouldnt be here. And for you like your strong but also any physical job has it’s negative effects on the body. So. Im glad your not doing that. But also do what you want! I just didn’t like that job for you only bcuz your manager or whatever. That dude was an unreasonable person. Not really but like. He was way to high strung n picky. Just a person who stressed people out. (Idk if I mentioned but every so often I see a frito lay box being shipped at FedEx and I think of you💘)

I’m sorry I put this at the bottom but I wanted to save the best for last 🙈😘

My H. Absolutely :,0) you know you’d wouldn’t even have to ask🙈 you could walk thru my door rn. I’d squeeze you then hold you in my arms in my bed. Squeezing each other under blankets (although onto your other question. It is warm! It’s currently 78 degrees here! So! I sometimes forget that it’s just now March! So other colder states. Are. Cold!!!) My poor chilly baby! Please! We gotta keep you warm 🥺💘 that’s right. Warmth! Sooo! Come take a nap with me. It would be so blissful. We can just sleep and feel the safe presence of each other ❤️‍🔥

This post is long! So! Enjoy your reading 🙈 I know you won’t mind anyways but imma still say this. I probably will nap here soon so I may respond to the rest when I wake up later. But of course I’ll be able to respond even if you need to delete. Normally once you post I hold onto it just so you can get rid of things if need be.. I hope that’s okay. Anyways! Ending this with!

Nap with me princess. Just sleep. And maybe cuddling 🥺🥰. I. Love. You. H. Promise I’ll respond sometime soon. I’m sure before the weekend if not during I’ll have responded to everything you’ve said (unless you say more 😉🙈) but of course. You never have to! But also. You’re just ranting sometimes 🥺 the point of the blog! I just happen to be responding to your thoughts 😖

Done! Now! I. Love you! Cutie💎

[moved-2-coyotejone-s]

-

[aforrestofstuff]

Chapter 149 Expert Review Time

Hey gamers what’s up time for another CHAPTER 👏 REVIEW 👏

It was looking kinda bleak last time for pretty much everyone so I’m hoping things improved this time around, but it seems Murata and ONE are kinda going through their “I’m going to put my characters through the MOST” phase so… that feels unlikely. But nevertheless… still excited to see my favorite boys.

The 10000th Psychic Sister cover. Murata, I’m begging you. There’s literally like 30 other characters to choose from. I know you like drawing boobs but imma need you to put the pencil down for a minute and take a walk because this just ain’t IT.

“Summer is coming” it is July. Summer has been here for ten years. I’m so fucking hot all the time. Everything has been evaporated out of me and I’m literally a raisin.

The Psychic Sisters covers are just so devoid of life a lot of the time… I wouldn’t mind if it was them fighting or engaging in everyday activities but when they’re posed for the camera and deliberately placed there to look sexy it just sucks all the human out of them. The cover/splash page is a great chance to show characters in a new light!!! It’s mostly set away from the story so you can do whatever you want! Choosing to make 80 fanservice covers is just wasted opportunity for what could be additional character development. It’s gotten to a point where even the smegma-slinging bitchboys on Reddit are complaining about the excessive sexy covers…. When PussySlayer384756 complains that there’s too much tittage being shown, that’s how you KNOW we’ve got a problem. Now, idk how the fan climate is in Japan but I can’t imagine they’re feeling much different over there either.

Also, her anatomy is… janky. Her tit is bigger than her head, her belly is too long, and she’s got like 4 spare ribs. Like, I’m by no means an art expert but it doesn’t take a chef to know the soup is shit, you know what I mean? I feel like page after page of Murata drawing obscene muscle men has made him rusty on what should be (somewhat) normal-looking people.

Darkshine learns what TRUE peak male performance looks like.

You’ve gotta wonder how Darkshine even got to the S-Class to begin with when he pussies out of nearly every single fight… except the one where the opponent was literal water. Everyone says that he just joined the association for additional validation, and I believe it… this boy is not cut out for actual hero-ing. 99% Of the time HE’S the one who needs a hero.

It kinda bothers me how useless he’s been post-Garou fight, especially when we spent like an entire chapter trying to console his ass. I get that’s part of his character and development… but it’s begun to slow things down. We get it. We don’t need to see him be insecure every time a new enemy pops up. One was enough. We would’ve gotten the same effect if he just sat out the entire time post-consolation, because everything that’s happened to him on the surface has been kinda redundant.

Here comes the boooyyy 🎶🎶

Nice callback. I’m glad Metal Bat is finally here. Bitch runs slow as fuck.

It’s nice to see him act on his own agency instead of orders from the hero association. He’s clearly much happier when helping out on his own accord, and has a ton of initiative too. The chapter he got with just he and King meeting up and slingshotting themselves to the fight was really a breath of fresh air from all of the fighting. It’s moments like these where ONE remembers that people like OPM for the characters, and not necessarily the pretty action sequences. I really like this duo. I like Metal Bat. I like it when they’re given time to be themselves and not just vessels for the next fight scene.

I know I said I wanted the heroes to die but Murata I’m begging you please don’t kill the child. You can kill Puri, though. I hate that fucker.

Child Emperor regularly visiting and eating with Bofoi even despite being his lab assistant would be a lot cuter if Bofoi wasn’t the human equivalent to a dog turd. I might’ve overstated that… seems like Bofoi is just using him as an errand boy. The clear lack of respect he has for CE is very indicative of his character and is not necessarily a bad thing plot-wise, but I would still like to beat him with a cane. Additionally, it’s clear that he’s not going to help the heroes here. At least, I don’t think so. His “fuck them kids” attitude seems to be a pretty big pillar in the building of his character and I doubt ONE would jeopardize that just because he’s written himself into a corner. Oh, well. We’ll see.

It’s very sweet that even when near death, CE still thinks of Zombieman. Aaaaghh it’s so GOOD when the characters actually LIKE each other. I know realistically not everyone is gonna be friends but man… it would be a lot cooler if we got more insight on their chemistry. Pleaz have more Metal Bat-and-King-esque chapters. I wanna see how everyone gets along.

Also, the concept of Puri just manifesting drilling powers and carving through solid rock with nothing else but pure strength and determination is so funny. A little convenient, sure, but I really don’t care because it’s actually done well. Their reunion scene is hilarious. More stuff like this pleaz….

I don’t even know what to say about Genos here. Dude, I know you made an oath to protect Tatsumaki or whatever, but there’s no shame in a good bail. You can’t even bail anymore because your damn legs are gone. See, this is what happens when you make promises. The secret to keeping your legs intact is doing the bare minimum. Hope this helps ❤️

He’s making a valiant effort but… I’m afraid he just ain’t gonna do much while roleplaying as a worm. Maybe he’ll make a chrysalis and come out as a butterfly. Wait, that’s caterpillars. Fuck. TATSUMAKI IS A GONER, BRO. WE NEED YOU TO BE THE DEUTERAGONIST!! IF YOU DIE WE LOSE 70% OF MERCH SALES NOOOOOOOO

Local man has a heart attack in front of thousands of little monsters and somehow saves the world, more at 5.

King I’m begging you please get that shit checked out that’s not NORMAL.

Yeah, I like this conclusion. Very tasteful cliffhanger. I mean we know King ain’t gonna do shit but SOMEHOW black sperm is gonna get punted like the little cumstain he is. Can’t wait to see the events that unfold next chapter… it seems like every scene that involves King turns out to be really funny and I’m super looking forward to black sperm seeing Jesus.

Also, a little off-topic but I just really like the way Murata inked his pants. Got a real comic book feel to it. I mean, he’s just really good at drawing clothes overall (save for Fubuki’s body-tight dress that is 100% not how women’s clothing works but I digress). Fucker understands fabric physics like I understand how to make a bomb ass chicken parm. I respect it.

In conclusion, lower everyone’s expectations of you and you might get to keep your arms and legs. This has been Life Lessons from Forrest. You now owe me 50$.

[biisexualemma]

crazy. oscar diaz

word count: 1847

warnings: bit of swearing but mainly angsty/fluff

requested: ‘Hey boo could I ask for an imagine with spooky where him and reader fight like crazy with each other like they're friends but they get on each other's nerves a lot and one/both of them realised they actually like the other? And they confess? Idk yhis is dumb I guess but I like the idea of them annoying each other and arguing like crazy before realising they like each other more than they'd like to admit🥺 thank you so much if you go with this!! 💛💛’

plot: best friends / haters / lovers?

masterlist

"suck my dick!"

"gladly!" he shouted back.

your frown deepened when he said this. you groaned with frustration. he always had better comebacks than you did, it drove you crazy in instances like this (which were pretty frequent).

you turned around to leave before the conversation could escalate any further. "you know, you should really watch your mouth, mami," he shouted before you could get to the door, and you couldn't leave it alone.

spinning around, you marched back over to him with a pointed finger. "don't tell me what to do, papi," you poked at his chest as you mimicked his little nickname.

oscars eyes widened for a split second, before regaining his composure. you faltered for a second, unsure of what had just happened. his nostrils flared a little and he closed his eyes for a second. "you're the most annoying hyna i've ever met."

you paused. "so you think i'm pretty?"

he rolled his eyes. "actually, shut up."

you let out a small smile, still kinda annoyed with him, as he was with you. he shoved you away from him, shaking his head and leaving the room.

"yeah, you go to your room mister," you teased. oscar stopped in his tracks and you knew you'd probably teased him one too many times for today. you cracked a proper smile this time, in fear of what was coming. he turned around and saw your face.

he immediately marched over, grabbing your waist as you squealed. he threw you over his shoulder before tossing you onto the couch. you let out a loud laugh as he did. your teasing worked every time, he was so easy.

"asshole," you breathed in between laughs. oscar picked up a pillow and chucked it at you.

"i can't believe it took me so long to realise how much i hate you," he towered over you, you held your hands up in defence.

"no you don't," you cheesed. oscar stared at you for a moment, you held the smile on your face, before picking up the same pillow and hitting you with it again over the head. "hey!"

"get a room, please," both your heads snapped towards the front door where cesar was now standing. he rolled his eyes, dropping his school bag at the door before quickly making his way to his room. "seriously, gross."

"at least i'm not sucking his face off like you with monse!" you shouted as he slammed his bedroom door behind him. "seriously, give the girl a break!" you heard cesar shout something incoherent back which you giggled at.

oscar watched with a smug expression as you interacted with his brother. you might be the biggest pain in his ass but there was something else there. you were the only person that could get away with speaking to oscar the way you do. he kinda liked it.

you averted your attention back to oscar, who you caught staring for a split second before he could realise what he was doing. you furrowed your brows for a split second. you noticed him do this a few times, more and more often.

"whatcha' staring at papi?" you titled your head, wearing a teasing smirk. you did kind of want an answer though.

he shook his head, a tortured smile on his lips when he did. "don't call me that."

"what? you can get away with calling me mami but i can't call you papi?" you sneered. "is it some kind of obscure double standard?"

he shook his head again, ducking. "call me that one more time and see what happens," he stood towering over you. you looked up at him quizzically. you were dying to know just exactly what he would do if you said it again. and you were exactly the kind of person to find out.

"what? papi?" you quirked an eyebrow. oscar rolled his head back, laughing a little.

"don't say i didn't warn you," your eyes widened and before you could protest, he was on top of you. his hands moved to your sides and he begun relentless tickling the life out of you. you squealed, desperately trying to push his hands away in between laughter.

"ok!" you shouted, pleadingly. "ok, ok, ok!" you kicked your feet, knocking oscar off his balance and causing him to crash on top of you. you groaned, the weight of him crushing you. you let out a strained breath. "jesus christ, what do you eat? you weigh a fucking tonne," you teased. oscar choked out a laugh, pushing himself up and off you with his arms either side of you.

he paused, his face hovering just above yours. the smile slowly slipped from your lips, your eyes darting between his as he stopped to look at you. your cheeks were flushed from all the squirming and laughing, your eyes wide and stunned, and your hair was all over the place, falling over your face. oscar pushed the hair out of your face.

you gulped, before whispering. "what're you looking at—" you choked on your words a little when oscar's lips tilted closer to yours. he took this as his cue and kissed you. your eyebrows raised, letting him kiss you for a moment before you retaliated. your hand roamed to his shirt where you balled your hand into a fist around the fabric and pulled him closer.

quickly after you pulled him closer, you came to your senses and pushed him away. you squirmed underneath him, pushing him off you and standing up. oscar sat quietly, mulling over what he'd just done, he wasn't sure whether that was something he should have acted on.

"what— why'd you just kiss me?" you had your back to him, you touched your lips with your fingers. you were breathing pretty heavily. you weren't sure how you felt about it. it felt good at the time, no doubt, but now you weren't so sure it should have happened. it could potentially mess everything up.

"i—" oscar couldn't form a sentence. you spun around to see he was just as baffled as you were. you chewed your lip, trying to think of what to do or say. "i don't know— you just looked at me and i— don't know."

your heart was beating pretty fast.

"i look at you all the time, oscar," the frown on your face softened. this was oscar, your best friend. of course you knew how attractive he was, and of course you were a little bit in love with him. but you never ever considered doing anything about it because you loved your relationship the way it was, and you would never want to ruin that.

he rolled his eyes when you said this. "why do you always have to say something annoying? you were the one looking at me with your stupid brown eyes, it's not my fault i got lost in them—"

"you got lost in my eyes?" you were gaping at him. you couldn't help but tease him, it was how your relationship worked. "jesus christ oscar. we kissed once and you're talking like a— i don't even know— like a taylor swift song."

"you're so dramatic," he rolled his eyes again, gritting his teeth slightly. he hadn't given this much thought until it happened, it wasn't something he thought about too much. he'd always seen you as a friend, nothing more. he kind of had to shut off the part of his brain that thought you were unbelievably attractive because otherwise he'd be kissing you all the time. and he liked you as his friend, so that wouldn't work out. "it was just a kiss. i'm not proposing."

"damn right you won't be," you huffed, calming down a bit now the shock of it had passed through your system. "i just don't know what this means. we're supposed to be friends."

"i don't know—" oscar huffed. "does it have to mean everything? can't i just kiss you and that's that? do we have to talk about it?"

you rolled your eyes this time. "you want to sit on this and never talk about it again like you do with everything else? like that has worked out so well for you already?"

he groaned. "i take back the kiss. you're so annoying."

you were both kinda quiet for a minute as you thought about it. you didn't know how to not mock him constantly, you'd been doing it for years, you didn't know how else to talk to him.

"do you like me?" you tried to be serious for once in your life.

oscar shrugged. "i don't know— maybe. i haven't thought about it," you nodded, accepting his answer. it was pretty similar to how you were feeling. "do you like me?"

you moved to sit next to him on the couch. "i probably would if you kissed me again," you said honestly. "it was a pretty good kiss.”

oscar tried to conceal his smirk, 'cause he knew you'd make some sort of snappy comment if you saw. he hummed. "yeah it was."

you clenched your jaw, glancing at oscar who was staring at you again. your eyes moved down to his lips and back up again. you leaned closer, inches away from his face, and when he didn't pull back, you leant forward and kissed him again.

oscar kissed back almost straight away, his hands touching your waist and pulling you closer. you deepened the kiss, your hands roaming to the back of his neck so you could get as close as possible. you were practically on top of him before you had to pull away for air.

breathing heavily, you retracted your arms and stared at him kind of hopelessly. "yeah that was definitely worth doing again."

oscar couldn't help but let out a soft smile, which you couldn't help but mimic.

"you're actually really pretty when you're not being a pain in the ass," you scoffed at his comment.

"i'm pretty all the time," you nudged his shoulder, jokingly.

he hummed, shrugging. "maybe a little."

"what does this mean?"

he shrugged for a the millionth time. you wanted to shove him and tell him to use his words but you decided against it. what it meant was that he wanted to kiss you again and again, but he didn't feel confident admitting that yet.

"we'll have to find out."

"could you be more vague—"

"alright. so i like you, you like me, we just keep this up and see where it goes."

you nodded hesitantly. he reached, touching your arm gently. "don't overthink it."

you smiled a little, rolling your eyes. "alright fine."

his hand moved to your ass, pulling you over, mumbling come 'ere. which you did, you rolled over, straddling him where he sat. you sat back, watching him take all of you in. you felt like you could get used to this. it was definitely better than a smack in the face with a pillow.

[ask-dcf]

*the bottle forms two new notes, ready for reading.*

----

*Chara's note reads as follows:*

"Honestly? I understand. I understand completely. Its scary, yknow? Love is scary. But you deserve it- sides, there aint no going wrong with Frisk, right? Theyre the kindest person, in both your universe and mine.

As difficult as it is, we're all kinda 'chained' in our own way. Trapped. Its a part of life. But whats important is how we handle our prisons, or whatever. Like...decorating a prison to become a home. Idk if that makes sense? Lol I can't exactly think with everything going on, to be honest.

Take as much time as you need, honestly. But don't let personal chains hold you back forever, okay? Trauma sucks, but honestly, i've found that treating it like an asshole animal you're stuck with as a pet has helped. Does that make sense? Should I even be writing this letter right now? Frisk says no but idc youre getting this anyways

Has anyone told you that you're really cool? cuz you should know that. i think so at least. You have snazzy clothes too. You look very suishable. I kinda wanna squish you. maybe someday we could meet in person? idk if thats possible, but yknow.

Rock on, and fuck those buttercups lol

-Chara"

---

*Frisk's note reads as following:*

"So cool to be hearing back from you!! :D its always nice to make a new friend!

Firstly, I wanna say! Chara can hate humanity, without hating you! Sure, you're human, but...cmon, do you REALLY think she isnt at least fond of you? I heard that she sang to you! Only someone that really cares sings to you! And she blushes a lot around you, too! Thats suspicious to say the list :p

And hey! You arent a weak nobody! You're a frikkin Frisk! The savior of Monsterkind! Sure, Data and Chara helped (which is very cool of them :D) but!! You're one of the ones who saved monsters! That DEFINITELY is more than a nobody!

Besides!! You dont have to have committed some giant act to be a 'somebody'!! Everyone's lives have a meaning, no matter what anyone else tells you. That includes yours.

My big sister Celest told me once 'your value is not what you can do, or how well you can do it. it is who you are. And as long as you are something, whether big or small, you are valuable. Even if that 'something' is just being an everyday person.'

And shes right!! You are valuable, and so am I...even if...its hard to understand or remember sometimes..but if we keep repeating that, someday, we'll believe it with our souls, right? so keep your head up!! or cry if you need it!! both are fine!!

You and I both have people we still want to save. I don't know what will come of either of our situations but...at least we will have each other to tell! ^v^

Sincerely, me! <3

(Ps: tell your Chara that my Chara is delirious, which is why their note might be weird =~=)"

*They read their letters. Confused and slightly flustered as they write their responses*

To Chara (Me): *multiple cross outs as if not sure how to respond to some of these* Thanks… I will need alot of time to think, but i appreciate the support…. And well. what i went through was way too much for me… So it will be hard for me to deal with it. Also thanks, good to know i am cool with my poncho (even though its color is different now) and uuhhh not sure on the squishy thing. i dont think i am… And uh. yeah would be nice to meet another Me thats not a murderer. -signed Other you

To new Friend me!: *couple scribbles aswell unable to respond* I genuinely think she more or less tolerates me the same way she tolerates an aquiantece…. i at least want her to see the outside and know that humanity isnt all bad. Maybe if i show her how peaceful it is then maybe ill have more confidence in being her-*big harsh scribbles* Forget that. As for the blush thing i think she is just shy around another human… maybe… And the singing uh…. no comment… haha… And well… its debatable of the save thing… I…. I also had help when i wanted to save the monsters. its hard to explain what i saw but it did involve Data again… I appreciate Your sisters words of wisdom… while i still dont feel confident i…. I want to at least make Chara see the good in humanity… despite its flaws…. maybe that can be enough for me to be happy…. even if in the end… she… doesnt…. you know…… And yeah. good luck on the people you wanna save, ill try my best myself. stay safe. -Frisk

*they put their notes in the bottle. and it teleports. Frisk looks down sad while Chara looks at them with a bit of worry.*