#idk how else to tag this I am just sick of staying at hotels and places only to get super sick

[creative-chaos-apparently]

PSA for anyone who owns a dog, cat, or hairy pet:

If you bring your pet to an Airbnb/hotel/any overnight stay-location that is SUPPOSED to be pet-free.

Fuck you. Fuck you BIG TIME.

I understand the love people have for their pets and it’s incredibly valid and I UNDERSTAND it can be hard to travel with your furry friends. Especially if you own an emotional support/service animal.

But this is your reminder that pet-friendly locations exist for a reason. People like myself who have severe pet dander allergies are at risk for getting incredibly sick after renting a supposedly “pet free location”.

I am currently staying in an Airbnb that was marketed as pet-free but it is very obvious that whoever was here before us snuck their animal in. I am wheezy, sick, covered in itchy skin, and I’ve had to use an obscene amount of allergy meds just for it to be somewhat bearable.

Just as much as food allergies, other kinds of allergies deserve to be respected.

[izzy-b-hands]

Quarantine Tag Game

Tagged by @dabitchisback thank you!! I needed something to get me through this very slow morning of work!

Under a cut because y’all know I’m a wordy motherfucker lol.

Are you staying at home from school/work? 

Yes I am! I actually requested to be moved to work from home in part due to the COVID-19 stuff and due to some coworkers behaving like high schoolers and flat out bullying me (and I had had enough of that shit once it started making it hard to do my job lmao.) 

So just as they were setting it up for me, the clinic suddenly started realizing how serious this was and all of a sudden, they could find all the money for all the work from home equipment for a bunch of us in the non-direct patient contact side of things (funny, considering I’d begged to work from home over a year ago due to how bad my anxiety was getting with coworkers and patients when I was still in the direct patient contact part of it all, even offered to pay for the equipment, and was told it would always be too expensive and never be in the cards, even after my therapist recommended it for the sake of my mental health and blood pressure. Funny. that. Real funny.) 

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

Mostly my cat, Nisha. My mum works at the same clinic, but is front desk, so they’re rotating who goes in to the clinic and then who gets days off “to keep the financial health of the clinic” aka begging anyone who stays home for a day off (or in my sector who takes a day off due to reduced call volume) to take that time unpaid and not use PTO or EST...but we both have that time to use, so it is Being Used or we won’t be able to keep the lights on or the condo lmao. However, she does have assigned days off coming up, so on the weekend and those days off, my mum is here too. 

Are you a homebody?

Ohmygod yeah. The older I get, the more I dislike going out in general like. I work a full time job, I barely have time for chores or relaxation after, even now being work from home because scared patients asking you questions you can’t answer or don’t have an answer to (because no one has answers right now) just...idk how to explain it. But it gets weirdly exhausting, even though it sounds like it shouldn’t, and by the end of my 8 hours I just wanna lie on the floor and nap usually. So going out has never been my thing too much, because then my writing/chores/nap time gets neglected lol. I don’t mind the occasional appetizers and drinks night with mum and her friend, back when we could go out, but tbh it’s just nicer still to drink at home. Even on vacation, I go out more than usual, but also if there’s a night we can drink in the hotel with the mini bar, and just enjoy being somewhere other than home...I will take that night in a heartbeat. 

My anxiety also doesn’t love going out, but I’ve been working and getting better at dealing with that. Of course, current times might mean a bit of a setback, but I’m going to work really hard for it not to be too bad. I haven’t been in six years of therapy for nothing lol.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Um...does my root canal count? And I wasn’t really looking forward to it per se, I just am afraid of the tooth getting worse and starting to have worse pain. 

Other than that, it hasn’t been cancelled yet because we’re playing it all by ear (but I admit I’m afraid it probably won’t happen due to the virus stuff, even if it’s over by the time this thing was supposed to happen), but I have a trip to New York City planned with a good friend in August. Even if things have calmed down, I know New York has gotten hit extremely hard, and if they’re still fighting with the aftereffects of it all...might not be fully open for business by August so to speak. And besides, with everything as it is right now, and the talk of a vaccine being at minimum over a year away, with periods of possible social distancing needed even if this calms down but possibly goes through flare ups until a vaccine is ready...travel might not be back to normal for awhile, I can’t say more than anyone else on that I suppose. I’d really like it to be, by August, I admit that as selfish as it is. I was just really looking forward to it, kind of living for it even, and now...yeah. 

But, better to be at home and healthy in the end, travel insurance exists for a reason, and trips can always be rescheduled. 

What movies have you watched recently?

Haunt (Mum and I never got to see it when it was in theaters), Queen Rock Montreal (my go to oh no I’m sad movie), Tammy (a fave of mum’s, and we both just like Melissa McCarthy in general), and Jojo Rabbit. I’ve got a bunch I bought and rented just last night too (maybe not a smart financial decision, but I’ll deal with that when I have to lmao), since it feels smart of have a backlog of stuff to watch right now.

What shows are you watching?

Mostly rewatching the IT Crowd, the Office, Travel Man, and other tried and true faves. It helps mum to relax since she loves all those too (including any episodes of 8 out of 9 Cats Does Countdown I can find, I finally got her hooked on that!) Basically if it has a chance of Richard Ayoade or enough episodes to keep us going for a bit, then it’s on the list to watch.

What music are you listening to?

So many. No, but legit, I’ve been all over on Spotify as of late, especially searching for music to help the fic writing. A lot of Queen, Elton, Clams Casino, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar, David Byrne, Childish Gambino, St. Vincent, and Moses Sumney especially.

What are you reading?

Fanfic, trusted news sources like AP, Reuters, updates from WHO, wanting to reread Mercury and Me and Elton John’s Me, and really need to get back into reading And The Band Played on by Randy Shilts (started it right as shit started to get wild, so it got put to the side, but I want to finish it asap.) 

What are you doing for self-care?

Trying to enjoy that this is also the trial time to see if I want to make work from permanent (work is making me make it a trial, I’ve wanted to work from home for years so...yes is the answer to that lol) and what I can do now that I’m home, like work more on my writing and music. Not to mention, eating foods that normally upset my stomach/I have sensitivities to like meat and dairy (I might be developing straight up allergies to them, but we all know I can’t afford to see an allergist lmao) but that since I’m safe at home where I be sick and still work...I can indulge. I can also play music more and movies so long as I pause them if I get a phone call during work hours, so overall I’ve been a lot more relaxed and my BP is down during work as a result, which is something I’ve never really felt before in my life, and I’m rather enjoying. 

Aside from that, video games have also made a resurgence in my life, especially Saints Row, and that’s been fun as well. 

All of this in between taking care of Mum of course, who worries and panics, and tends to believe everything she hears and reads and watches without thinking critically or carefully, so...that’s been a thing. 

Actual therapy appointments would be my best self care of course, but the last few have been cancelled due to everything going on. This week, however, my appointment is supposed to be done via telecommute and I should finally get to catch up with my doctor, which I admit I need pretty desperately right now. It’s getting hard feeling like I’m on my own, helping soothe others but struggling to soothe myself most of the time. But, c’est la vie, right?

Tagging (if y’all feel up to it and wanna!): @skylinepigeon, @freebooter4ever, @bearkare, @rathernotmyname, @galaxy-starheart, and @youdontrememberthesomme

[shawnpetermuffins]

Allergies

Request by @prettylittlethingggg: how about the reader’s allergies are really bad and shawn tries to help (maybe on tour idk your choice)!!!

A/n: thank you for the Request! I loved the idea! Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1.8k

***

Touring with Shawn is a dream. I get to spend every moment with the love of my life and I get to watch him do what he loves most in the world.

However, I was not prepared for the effects this constant travel would have on me. Going from one city to the next, one country right after the other, it's exhausting. Which is probably why I've suddenly become so allergic to nearly everything outside.

Okay… so I know it doesn't work that way, obviously. I've had allergies my whole life. My main triggers being flowers and dirt.  So that phrase, "stop and smell the roses" never really applied to me. But it seems like all Shawn ever wants to do is go outside. Which I guess I get, he's constantly on planes or in hotel rooms, or in arenas and he never truly gets to see the beauty of the places he's in.

And I'm usually willing to go out and see the world with him. But that just isn't the case this time. We'd been exploring nonstop only yesterday, and now my eyes are red and puffy. My nose is stuffed up and running, my throat itches and nothing will help with it. Not to mention my throbbing headache now that the sun is filtering brightly through the thin, sheer curtains of our hotel room.

Shawn's arm is wrapped around my chest, making it even harder for me to breathe seeing as I'm having to inhale deeper since I'm breathing through my mouth. I manage to push him off as gently as I can and make my way to the bathroom for a hot shower, in hopes that the steam with open up my nose a little bit.

It helps a little. I'm still stuffy and my throat and head are still fighting for top pain spot - my head is winning, but not by much.

When I step back into the room, my warm, red skin wrapped in a towel, Shawn looks up from his phone. "Hey, baby. Brian wants to go look at this cool record shop he saw yesterday when we were coming back to the hotel. You wanna get dressed?"

I sigh and dig into my bag, searching for clean underwear and a bra.

My heartbeat is so loud in my ears that I barely register the soft patter of his feet on the carpet and nearly jump out of my skin when his hands find my bare waist. He immediately removes himself from me and I feel bad.

"Sorry," he whispers, now only placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Y/n, look at me."

I do and his face softens with concern, "Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?"

I sniffle, shaking my head. "Just don't feel good." I slip into my underwear and drop the towel to clasp my bra, but Shawn reaches the straps before I do and does it for me.

"What's wrong? And you hurting? Do I need to get you something? You can't take Tylenol right? You're allergic to it?"

"Shawn," I say softly, barely trusting my voice which is raspier than I expected it to be considering it was just an itchy throat. But I forget every time just how bad my allergies get. "Don't worry about me."

He glares at me, "Don't tell me that. How can I not? My girl doesn't feel good."

"I'll live. Go out with Brian. I'm gonna sit this one out."

"What? No." He pulls a shirt out of his suitcase and hands it to me. "Put this on. I'm gonna run to the drugstore and get you some medicine, okay? I'll be back as quickly as possible."

"Shawn, I'm fine. Go hang out. Please."

"I'm not just gonna leave you while you feel like shit. I'd lose good boyfriend points."

"I'm not keeping score," I mumble, sliding into the soft fabric of his shirt.

"I am. And I'd be a horrible boyfriend if I left you alone while you didn't feel good."

"You would n-"

He put his phone up to his ear, holding one finger up, basically telling me to be quiet and I kinda want to punch him for it. Maybe I should be keeping score.

"Brian, hey. So, I can't go today… no, I know, but y/n doesn't feel good. I need to keep her company… No. Yeah. But that not the only reason I called. I have to get her some medicine from the drugstore. You think you could come to our room and just keep an eye on her until I come back?" He's silent for a second and I sigh dramatically, falling back onto the bed. "Oh yeah, they probably would have something downstairs, eh? I'll check there first. Thanks, bud. I'll see you in a minute… okay, bye."

"I don't need a babysitter," I groan, resulting in a cough.

"I know you don't but I would just feel better if you had someone here."

"It's allergies, Shawn. I'm not dying."

"If it's allergies, what bothering you? Eyes, clearly. Nose? You sound kinda stuffy. Do your ears hurt?"

"They just don't work," I roll onto my side, curling into myself and looking up at him while I talk. "One minute you sound really loud and the next you're muffled."

"Okay? What else? Throat?"

I nod, "and my head."

He sighs, "I'm sorry, baby." He leans down to press a kiss to my temple; I melt into his touch, but he pulls away too soon for my liking. "I'll get anything I can. I'll get water and gatorade. Hell, I'll get everything. Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

He nods, finding a pair of socks and a hoodie thrown carelessly in his bag. "I'm gonna get you something anyway. You need to eat."

I roll my eyes, "then why ask me if you're gonna do it anyway?"

He sighs and comes back to sit next to me. "I'm just going to pretend that you're not giving me attitude because you're sick. Can't punish you when you're sick," he smirks, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

"Hmmm… promise to do it when I'm feeling better?" I ask without opening my eyes.

He chuckles in response, "we'll see, honey." There's a knock on the door and he's off the bed in a second. "Hey, buddy. Thanks for doing this."

I don't hear what Brian says, he's speaking much softer than Shawn and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful.

"She's laying on the bed."

"Hey, y/n. How you feeling?" He asks, looking a bit amused with my current state. I know I look like absolute trash.

"Fine enough to stay in the room without a babysitter while Shawn goes downstairs."

"Well, while I would agree," he sits next to me and pats my head. "Shawn doesn't think so."

"It's literally just allergies. I just need to take a pill and I'll be fine. He's fussing about nothing."

"I'm still here, you know?" I hear his foot hit the floor after he shoves his shoe on.

"I'm aware," I grumble, scooting closer to Brian so I can rest my head in his lap. He chuckles and runs his hands through my hair, causing my eyes to grow heavy.

"I'll be right back, baby."

I nod the best I can through my lazy state, eyes closed, and listen for the door to close.

---

I don't know how long he's gone or how I ended up back on my side of the bed instead of on Brian's lap, but I wake up sometime around noon. Shawn's nowhere to be seen, but I hear him strumming a guitar from the small living room. My headache, thankfully, has dulled, and I waddle over to where he's sitting on the couch.

He smiles when he sees me, and I kind of wish I had been a little quieter so I could listen to him play a little longer. "Hey, baby! Have a nice nap?"

I nod, my eye fluttering shut for a second.

"I'm glad." He sets his guitar down and reaches for the bag on the coffee table. He's pulling out all different kinds of medicine, four different gatorade flavors, lots of snacks and I just stare in awe at this man.

"Okay," he says without looking up. "I wasn't sure what was bothering you most, so I kinda just got you one of every allergy thing down there. So we have runny nose, sore throat, itchy/irritated eyes. There's one for congestion, I think that's what allergies are sometimes, right?" He moves the boxes around while talks. "I got you some water. They ran out of the red gatorade, and I know that's your favorite, so I just got you a few other ones in case you still wanted that. I'll get you a red one after dinner. And I know you said you weren't really hungry, so if you're not in the mood for a meal," he clears his throat and I smile down at him, resting my head against the door frame. "I got you some snacks. There's gold fish, some granola bars, a few bags of Chex mix. They had fruit roll ups, and I didn't know when the last time was that you had one, so I got a couple of those."

He finally looks up at me beneath those long lashes and I could melt right here. "What's wrong? You're staring weird."

I shake my head with a small smile on my face, "I just… I'm in love with you."

His cheeks instantly redden. "Well I'm in love with you, too."

I make my way over to him and he spreads his legs a little, giving me space to slide between them. His hands rub soothing circles on my sides and I hum at the soft contact. "Thank you for bringing me this stuff, and for taking care of me. You really didn't-" I stop myself just in time to sneeze into my elbow. I sniffle and continue, "you didn't have to."

Shawn's laugh rumbles against my stomach, where his head had found it's resting spot and my fingers thread leisurely through his thick curls. "I did have to. Can't have you feeling like this the rest of the week."

"You're perfect," I mumble into his hair and his grip on my waist tightens.

"Come on," he pats the back of my bare thighs and looks up at my albeit still red eyes, "let's get you some medicine and lots of fluids."

"Since when did you become a doctor?" I laugh lightly.

"Since I watched all of Grey's."

"Should I call you doctor Mendes?" I mean it as a joke, but he takes it another way.

A smirk plays at his lips and he squeezes my thigh. "We'll save that for another time," he winks and I immediately cover my face.

"You're incorrigible."

"You love me," he presses a kiss to my clothed stomach and I nod despite my better judgement.

"I do. Sometimes, I think a little too much."

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @bbellbagel @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste @dino-16-avocado

Hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[clumsyclifford]

hello!! i am back and on desktop this time. the blog is just as pretty. alex + yellow = v v attractive jfc. this is a long one so buckle in.

to begin: i hope you have the most fun on your day road trip and sing your heart out to atl and taylor swift. i love driving long distances and idk just driving in general is fun. have the absolute best time MWAH

my birthday is in november!! november 23 to be specific. i share it with miley cyrus which is something i always found to be very cool when i was growing up and watching hannah montana. it also means i am a sagittarius and funny little fact i realized is that my best friend is a gemini. alex and jack are also a sagittarius and a gemini. from being 13 i know that tyler and josh from twenty one pilots are also a sagittarius and a gemini. something about sagittarius and gemini besties idk.

also yeah!! ao3 year in review!! it's a bit complicated to figure out at first and if you read a lot the finding pages thing can be pretty tedious, but it's def worth it once you figure it out. it gives you a lot of different stats about everything you read and it's pretty cool. now i am going to go look at your fics to remember my favs. you deserve the praise so i am willing to offer it. jeez you write a lot i respect the motivation sm. you write quite a bit of angst and i won't lie i try to stay away from angst so i haven't read your fics that seem super angst-y based on the tags. BUT there are still so many i recall reading and loving nonetheless. on a quick scroll-through: i usually don't read high school AUs but "paint me in trust (i'll be your best friend)" was super adorable and lovely. "thank god i'm yours" is one of my favs iirc. also i love love love "it's not always easy (but i'm here forever)" like yes please romanticize alex gaskarth i love it sm. "i won't be silent (and i won't let go)" and "i fell asleep in a city that doesn't" are both super fluffy and romantic and are favs of mine. in case you haven't picked up on it i adore very fluffy and romantic fics lmao. alright i am continuing to scroll and there are so many more i could list that i love but this section is getting quite long. just know if it's about a kitchen or hotel rooms being for lovers i probably read it and adored it and that pov is so valid.

waterparks!! will not lie i only really started listening to them about 6 months ago having been distantly aware of their existence for several years by being a fan of bands in the same genre. listen as long as you let yourself be vaguely annoyed by awsten is prevents you from being in love with him. follow him on any social media platform for like a day and you'll be sick of him typing in nothing but all caps within hours. simply do not romanticize him and you can keep yourself from falling!! so this is coming from a slightly fake parx fan, but some of my favs by them have been peach (lobotomy), crave, numb, fuzzy, violet!, you'd be paranoid too, and lowkey as hell. that is a very songs-from-their-most-recent-album-heavy rec, but whatever. i did give the disclaimer about being a fake parx fan.

yeah hayley does have 2 solo albums now!! petals for armor and flowers for vases / descansos. pfa is the one i didn't really like upon first listen but has grown on me. i haven't even listened to the second one in its entirety oops but we won't mention it. dead horse is good but simmer (pretty sure that was the other single??) just ain't it for me. the album has some lovely songs but it's just a hit or miss album all the way through. some favs of mine on it include pure love, taken, crystal clear, watch me while i bloom, and why we ever. it's sorta a storyline album about healing if that adds anything to it?? but anyways. i started listening to paramore around the time after laughter dropped and it grew to be one of my fav albums in existence. idle worship is probably one of my fav songs like ever. i def understand being slightly put off by bands with songs that make religious references (me with twenty one pilots' earlier music that makes a lot more religious references considering i'm not religious whatsoever) but i think i am blinded by being in love with hayley williams and just ignore it. idk that she's like super religious?? she's addressed believing in god and stuff a few times but she's def not the "rub it in your face" type and if she's making refs in music more recently then they're subtle enough i'm not noticing them. ik albums like brand new eyes had a lot more because it was shortly after that the band split and the songwriting process was essentially her and ex-bandmate co-songwriter arguing about their religious beliefs (turns out he ended up being super homophobic and transphobic all based on his religion so do with that what u will and thank the clown for leaving). i feel u on the "i meant to start listening to them" because that's essentially how i started listening to them. i told myself i was going to and then finally forced myself to do it. fuck falling for awsten knight what's more risky is falling in love with hayley </3

also yeah!! you've articulated my feelings towards tde. every song is so vastly different that it's hard to like it all. #1 fan is pretty decent though, and that's not just my bias about finding both ross and his gf hot and a cute couple and getting to see them together and ross half naked in a mirror in the video nope not at all. he's my fav himbo!! he has no personality!! no thoughts head empty!! i still love him and his strawberry-growing saga on twitter tho <3 the hazard of being in love with ross lynch since i was 12. girlfriend better be a fucking banger and there's quite a few already released singles in the tracklist so i have hope. i believe my show is in chicago on november 19 which is a thursday. kinda sucks since i intentionally bought the chicago tix nearly two years ago (the show was originally supposed to be april 25 2020. lol.) because the show was on a saturday and i have to drive 3 hours to get there. obviously i can't speak for them as tde but r5 shows always fucking slapped and i can vouch for them (realized i haven't seem them live since 2016?? 5 YEARS?? wtf) so if u genuinely like them. would recommend going to see them.

anyways. i have not listened to luke's solo album yet. i plan on it. this has gotten so long but i tried to respond in all areas and even organized it in different paragraphs this time (thanks being on desktop!!). hope you are well. hope you have a lovely day. hmm what's a little "going on in my life" fact. i got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes essentially said fuck off because adjusting to the new prescription has left me with eyes that hurt and occasionally slightly nauseous. here is to hoping my eyes get their shit together. mwah LOVE YOU TOO - the other bella/cubs anon/idk

okay hi hello. i have put this off because holy hell it's long but let's do it. i am putting a cut because this whole thing is long even without my answer

first: the road trip was super fun thank you!!! i am intrigued by this information regarding sags and geminis, we should do some scientific inquiry. enquiry. i don't know if there's a difference between those words.

aha! well i tried the ao3 year in review thing and i would say it had about 55% accuracy but still i agree it's fun to look back at that kind of stuff. and i feel you on the angst thing i go through phases of writing angst-heavy stuff and then writing very fluffy stuff and it is entirely based on my mental state buuuut i have lots of fluff and i'm glad you found it all and that you liked it yay <333 KITCHENS ARE FOR LOVERS i will die on that fuckin hill. hotel rooms as well but primarily kitchens.

dfgjhgdlfkhgdfmj honestly i dont use twitter enough that i would see his tweets enough that that would bother me also the fact that he tweets in all caps means that i just picture him yelling everything he tweets which i find absolutely hysterical so i don't think that would help. i have added these parx songs to my listen asap playlist and will get to them when i get a chance thank you i am excited also i already know lowkey as hell and it slaps super hard so im very much lookin forward to the rest of these. merci merci

YEAH simmer was the one i didnt vibe with. and honestly i feel zero compulsion to get into hayley williams as a solo artist. i just don't vibe enough to want to do that so i doubt i'll be listening to her anytime soon but maybe if i hear the songs in passing or get super bored one night, idk who can really say. but yeah christianity typically puts me off of music (speaking as a very jewish bitch) although there are notable exceptions in the cases of thomas rhett and the driver era. i'm just not attached to hayley enough to be like ehhh this doesnt matter. does that make sense

FAVORITE HIMBO PLEASE HGSDFGDFGKLFGJ i dont follow him on twitter but i have seen some interviews of ross and rocky and tbh they're great i love the way ross speaks like i like his speech mannerisms and i like his FACE and HAIR and. yeah. i think hes pretty. and i think he and 5sos SHOULD collab i think that would be sexy as hell. can you imagine that. oh my god can you imagine a ross lynch/luke hemmings collab. i'm not even really talking to you anymore bella because i know you haven't listened to luke yet and don't have a stake in it but if anyone else is reading this long ass answer. ross & luke collab. okay im going to move on and not think about that now. but i probably won't see tde unless i get a job this semester because i'm trying to stop spending so much money on big indulgent things like concerts likeee i was in a really good habit of not spending that much and then suddenly i got paid for one summer and i was just goin Crazy and i need to dial it back. plus i wanna see ajr and noah kahan equally bad so like. i have to make some calls about priorities here. it's Much to think about

good luck to your eyes i'm sure your new glasses are hella cute tho!!! LOVE YOUUUUUUU

[ruthlessmeans]

Realtalk: i am super sorry I haven’t been on. We hotel hopped a few times and the place we’ve settled in at has shitty WiFi, so half the time I can’t get a connection. Also I share a room with the old people and they sleep when I’m awake so that limits what I can do.

Mostly though, I was violently ill on the morning of the 4th and wasn’t able to look at my screen to sign on when I was at home that day. I’m gonna take a crack at coming online in the morning and doing some drafts if the connection holds but I really can’t make any promises. I’m thinking... I could probably sign online and cut my replies, then do the rest on mobile. That might work. If not, I’ll have a few uncut posts, but it won’t be longer than my previous reply and they will all be tagged with ( uncut. ) so that you don’t have to see that shit if it ends up being a problem.

Idk man. Just. One of our mattresses burned up so we’re still displaced and staying in a hotel. We don’t even have the room to put another mattress in since the other bedroom is the one that burned. But they’re making a lot of progress. After the fire, that bedroom just... looked like a void. I’ve never seen something so black. But now, it’s starting to look like a room again. They’ve torn out the walls and the carpet ( only to reveal singed, 800 y/o linoleum?!?! ), and it doesn’t feel like I’m stepping right out into nothing. So that’s a start.

I’ll be honest—I feel like I’m crumbling. I’m trying so hard to hold firm but. It’s getting to me, and I know I have my friends online, and you mean the world to me, but irl I don’t have any kind of support network. I can’t talk about how I feel with mom because her response is always “so am I! How do you think I feel? I’m always tired/exhausted/feeling like I’m gonna be sick.” Or “so is everyone else.” You can’t talk about anything with her if it’s not about her. Instead of her offering understanding or support or wahtever( like I assume a mother is supposed to do. But idk. How would I fucking know, right? I’ve had two of them and neither of them gave a shit. ), she gets pissed and acts like you’re the bad guy because, got forbid, you need a shoulder to lean on too. So I saved our house, but I have to bear this alone.

[vamproses]

Thank you @expensivecherry for tagging me!!💗 100 Roses of Me Challenge - Tag 15 People 🌹 1. What is your name? - Sarah 🌹 2. When is your birthday? - April 10 🌹 3. What zodiac sign are you? - Aries😈 🌹 4. Where are you from? - Canada 🌹 5. How many siblings do you have? - 1 🌹 6. What are your three favorite fruits? - pomegranate seeds, strawberries, bananas 🌹 7. Morning bird or night owl? - Night owl 🌹 8. What type of phone do you own? - my phone is broken atm lmao 🌹 9. Ice cream or frozen yogurt? - Frozen yogurt 🌹 10. Favorite season? - Summer or fall 🌹 11. Most recent dream? - Me telling off my dad 🌹 12. Favorite candy? - I like those sweet peach things? 🌹 13. City you would like to live in? - London 🌹 14. Dream date? Watching horror movies 🌹 15. Cats, dogs, both, or neither? - I'm more of a cat person, but I'm going through a dog phase atm 🌹 16. Do you believe in magic? - Yas I'm actually a wizard 🌹 17. Favorite holiday? - Halloween 🌹 18. Beach wedding or church wedding? - Church 🌹 19. Ever fall asleep in a movie theater? - Nope 🌹 20. Would you go bungee jumping for $500k USD? - Maybe, it depends how high I am 🌹 21. Tattoos? Want any? - No and I do want one, but I'm scared of the commitment 🌹 22. Piercings? Want any? - My ears 🌹 23. Mediterranean cruise or Caribbean cruise? - Caribbean 🌹 24. Champagne or wine? - Never had either (aesthetic-wise champagne is beautiful) 🌹 25. Would you rather study theatre in New York City or film in Los Angeles? - film on LA 🌹26. Would you rather study fashion in Paris or art in Rome? - Art in Rome 🌹 27. Do you know how to ride a bicycle? - Yes 🌹 28. Dream vacation destination? - Cuba I think 🌹 29. Favorite flower? - Roses and baby's breath 🌹 30. Ever see any artists perform live? - Yes, Selena Gomez, Taylor swift, and some band called rebel coast 🌹 31. What’s something you want to be known for? - Kind, creative 🌹 32. Biscuits or cornbread? - Biscuits 🌹 33. Have you had any surgeries? - No 🌹 34. Dive bar or club? - Club 🌹 35. If you could have brunch with any celebrity, dead or alive, who would it be? - Lana del Rey or a famous makeup artist 🌹 36. Train or bus? - Bus 🌹 37. Favorite ice cream/frozen yogurt flavor? Vanilla chocolate chip 🌹 38. Thoughts on almond milk? - Had it like once at Judy's house, bish lives on that shit 🌹 39. How are you feeling right now? - I'm sick :( 🌹 40. Do you ever want (more) children? - idk 🌹 41. Dr. Phil or Oprah? - I watch dr. Phil almost everyday with my mom and bf lol 🌹 42. Favorite genre of music? - I'm into everything 🌹 43. Do you smoke weed? - Yeah, never got high tho 🌹 44. Beef burger, turkey burger, or veggie burger? - Veggie 🌹 45. Oatmeal or grits or both or neither? - Oatmeal 🌹 46. French fries or hash browns? - French fries 🌹 47. Dream career as a child? - Something with animals 🌹 48. What languages can you speak? - English...that's it 🌹 49. Spiritual beliefs? - Not very specific 🌹 50. Wii or Xbox? - Xbox 🌹 51. If you had to spend $10,000 USD in a day, what would you spend it on? - Makeup 🌹 52. Would you rather have a vacation home or stay in hotels? - hotels 🌹 53. Beach or pool? - Pool for swimming, beach otherwise -sameee 🌹 54. Best decade of fashion? - 20's, 50's, 90's 🌹 55. Would you rather have a lava lamp or indoor string lights in your bedroom? - I'm obsessed with string lights 🌹 56. Pancakes, French Toast, or Waffles? - French toast 🌹 57. Relationship status? - I have a bf 🌹 58. Last time you laughed? - yesterday 🌹 59. Did you have a teddy bear or favorite blanket as a child? - I had a teddy bear with a bougie velvet dress 🌹 60. Favorite show as a kid? - Lizzie McGuire, Full House 🌹 61. Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts? - Starbucks 🌹 62. Favorite flavor or cough drops? - Wowow idk 🌹 63. Can you sing well? - I wish 🌹 64. Best subject in school? - English and history 🌹 65. Grape or strawberry jelly? - Strawberry 🌹 66. Text or call? - Text, I'm scared of calling people 🌹 67. Netflix, Hulu, or.. ? - I only have Netflix 🌹 68. Can you dance well? - Idk 🌹 69. Most romantic city in the world? - Rome (that's where Lizzie and Gordo kissed sooooo) 🌹 70. Water slides or roller coasters? - roller coasters!! 🌹 71. Coffee, tea, hot cocoa, or what? - tea 🌹 72. Chanel or Prada? - Chanel 🌹 73. Ever been in a commercial? - No 🌹 74. Ever shoplift? - I used to take the flowers off the floor in flower shops? 🌹 75. Favorite band? - Arctic Monkeys 🌹 76. Favorite solo artist? - Lana 🌹 77. Cookies or brownies? - Cookies 🌹 78. Cupcakes or slices of cake? - Cupcakes 🌹 79. How many first cousins do you have? - 6 🌹 80. Swimming or skiing? - Swimming 🌹 81. Can you keep a secret well? - Yes 🌹 82. Do you have any nieces or nephews? - no 🌹 83. Are ladybugs cute? - V cute 🌹 84. Favorite movie? - I just saw rings and I really liked that 🌹 85. What time is it where you are? - 10:33am 🌹 86. Maury or Jerry Springer or both or neither? - I've never seen either 🌹 87. Do you like reality tv shows?- Dr. Phil, little woman La lmao 🌹 88. Can you roll your tongue? - No 🌹 89. Do you have a widow’s peak? - No 🌹 90. Color of your eyes? - Blue 🌹 91. Lefty or Righty? - Righty 🌹 92. What’s one wish you have for this year? - Graduate 🌹 93. Love or Money? - Love 🌹 94. Favourite album? - Born to Die 🌹 95. Do you like pizza? What’s your favorite topping? - Love. Just cheese I'm a basic bitch 🌹 96. Crayons or markers or color pencils? - Crayons 🌹 97. Sweet or sour? - Sweet 🌹 98. If you could be in a movie, what genre would that movie be? - horror 🌹 99. Gummy bears or lollipops? - Lollipops 🌹 100. Any other interesting fact about yourself you want to include? - I'm v boring, my bf is the best, I watch movies all day I tag @ferisbueler and anyone else who wants to do this😘