#idk i dont think most people care about this bc it doesnt actually matter

[sieglinde-freud]

the moral dilemma of marrying off owain and inigo in awakening knowing they fuck off to fateslandia and have kids right after vs not marrying them off and constantly having the support tab glowing orange with an exclamation point for all of eternity

[dreamcast-official]

mmmmmmm

[ganondoodle]

you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)

soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)

it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)

or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*

or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)

(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)

[kind-of-a-shitty-wizard]

hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL

OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn

like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)

i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:

^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it

on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:

"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol

not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:

his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!

and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:

^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.

this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs

him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:

^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that. and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:

i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)

anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:

^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!

ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3

[ge]

can I hear more abt your trans chung myung thoughts please

.

HEHE ANYTHING FOR YOU MY ANGELS... trans chung myung is like my number one, most well loved & personal, firmest hc evur.. no matter what he is always trans to me idk..he is like the most trans character ive ever seen its sooo real to me.. ive said it once ill say it again, chung myungs lore is literally impact by his transsexualism and im the only one who sees it.. if u get it u get it... a little cw for minor transphobia out of ignorance, not prejudice..⬇️

i always imagined that chung myung knew he was trans since he was very young, like 'beginning to comprehend words and what they mean' young.. he always got angry and aggressive when his sect siblings called him young lady or samae, sajeo, etc, lashing out even at elders to the point hed get in trouble over it... i think pretty quickly everyone figured out if they just 'humoured' him, he'd get over whatever phase he was in and stop being so troublesome, so they did.. at first they began using more masculine terms and honourifics in a 'wink wink nudge' indulgent kind of way but they noticed as he got older, he started inserting himself into more male dominated spaces, even going so far as to bathe and groom himself w the other male disciples

at first it kind of set off red flags for everyone who were still under the impression chung myung was still just going through his little 'phase' but i think chung mun was the first who stepped up and actually ASKED chung myung about it.. he pulls chung myung to the side one day and asks WHY chung myung keeps doing the things he does and chung myung frowns and says because im a boy sahyung..DUH.. chung myung explains the best he can but bc he doesnt really know how to articulate himself on these matters (doesnt know any other trans people or experiences outside of his own and cant put it into words properly) and bc chung mun is cis, chung mun is still a little confused but now he understands chung myung isnt like..joking about this, or going through some sort of phase.. he seemed genuinely put out and upset when implied chung mun didnt understand him so from that day forward chung mun very firmly introduces chung myung to everyone in the sect as their littlest brother and that was pretty much that..

it probably took some people a while to wrap their head around, but because i dont want anyone in mt hua to be transphobic LOL they all understand and accept chung myung as their new baby brother pretty quickly and soon they dont even bat an eye seeing him train topless or bathe w the rest of the guys, doing other guy dominated activities, etc.. when he got older it was just normalized that one of their brothers had boobs..literally nobody gaf theyre REAL trans allies.. mount hua most PROGRESSIVE MARTIAL ARTS SECT

also majorly hc chung myung does not have any bodily dysphoria/morphia and is perfectly fine w the way he looks, especially after he gets older and starts building lots of muscle, so he never undergoes any gender affirming surgeries but he does take wuxia testosterone pills.. cuz i think the idea of wuxia magic hormone pills is hilarious and awesome

ive also put some thought into whether cho sams body would be trans or cis, because either could be interesting.. i feel like if cho sam were cis it would actually invoke body image issues and dysphoria in chung myung, having been thrust into a body so unfamiliar & alien to him than the one he spent the most time living in and caring for.. i dont really think too much in depth about this tho so my thoughts on it are pretty vague.. is cho sam cis or trans? (shrugs) up to you!

ummm *scratches ass* i cant think of anything else to say.. trans chung myung is so awesomesauce and i love projecting my own transmasc wants and desires onto him and into a world that accepts and loves him for who he is.. i have more thoughts about his relationship w tang bo and the world around them and how they view him but those are a little more personal and nuanced so i wont get into all dat.... when rotmhs gets more popular i hope trans chung myung hc blows up cuz its sooo real... something something chung myungs reincarnation into cho sam is a trans allegory

[nines-09]

idk if its just my tumblr feed but i see A LOT of ship discourse on here. um and i am just curious. why anyone cares. bc like these r the main arguments

"i dont like that u made those two characters kiss!!! i dont understand why u would make them kiss they barely interact on screen!!!!!" ok. uhhh i mean bc i like it. i like these two characters. idk

"i dont like these two characters shipped!!! you should ship that character with this character bc i think it is better/canon/makes more sense!!!!" ok?? both ships can exist at the same time tho. it doesnt necessarily mean one is better than the other. they both just. exist. bc ppl like to ship characters

"grrr!!!! how dare u insult my favourite ship! UR ship sucks, not mine!!!!!!! [insert above argument]!!!!!" ok ya man i get it. but also. ppl r allowed to dislike things. and ur life would be a lot more peaceful if u just cared a little less about whether people do or do not like something u like

and finally, the argument i find most fascinating...

"well ACTUALLY!! my ship is good and valid and the best because of THIS canon evidence!!!!" sure yes sure, theorize all u want. but frankly it just does not matter. bc u literally do not need an explanation for a ship besides "hehe i made the two characters i like kiss". it is not that serious

[arundolyn]

do you mind if i ask how you rip guilty gear animations? ive been wanting to get into ripping however there are very limited resources and few accounts are active that still rip. advice is very appreciated, thank you:)

just realized how stupid long this got right before posting so . cut

the way i do it for strive is, via unverum just for ease of use bc you can flip mod on/off at will before opening the game, get the mods that change the background of ajatar hunting ground to black/green/blue (i think it's by ultima?) and use the color of your choice (usually i use blue because black can screw with the outlines and green can cause weird lighting issues. blue can as well but it seems the least invasive of all of them to me, you can only really notice on stuff like zato bc eddie comes out sorta bluish bc he's translucent. there may be mods to help with that kind of thing but i havent looked)

pick whatever characters you want and go to training mode (unless you need something specific, like win/lose poses, of course. if it has to be during a fight you can just go to local vs with a controller and make the other character your keyboard so you dont actually have to fight) and record with OBS. pick whatever settings you think look best graphically both in strive and on OBS, idk if i can advise with those choices too well bc my hardware is beefy enough to handle max settings for stuff, ymmv

after recording, go to photoshop (doesnt matter what version, mine is ancient and ill gotten gains ive had for years. find your means. use something similar. idk) just drag the video in (no need to import it any special way) and literally just. go frame by frame copying the stuff from the animation you want into a new file and after you have all the frames go and erase it by hand. i usually use the magic eraser thing on around 50 tolerance (may need to be adjusted at times) and with anti aliasing (just cause i like the outlines not to be smooth, that also can make the "sprites" transparent and have an ugly white outline around it in gifs, do whatever you think looks good) and contiguous unchecked (contiguous just so that you dont have to go around clicking every blue/green/black spot individually, as that takes much longer. sometimes this cant be avoided, like if your character has colors too close to the background or an effect you want to keep is too close to the background color youre erasing)

additional mods i use at times are ones that turn certain characters im not focusing on invisible (like chipp or i-no, cant remember who made that one) just so i dont have to worry about cropping around another character if they do an idle animation or something, and theres one that disables lighting effects (like gio's glowies when she has full meter, or certain moves like baiken's dust or tsurane sanzu watashi) so that the gifs look nicer devoid of the like... engine based context. of that makes sense

as for XRD, i used to use a cheat table camera mod for rev that was kinda adapted from the one for sign, but since the rollback update it looks like its broken and i dont think anyone has cared much to fix it, but also havent had the time to mess around with it myself. the sign one might still work? theres a reddit thread with it out there somewhere still i think. be warned re: sign tho bc the models are kinda janky and lower quality, which probably isnt noticeable to most people but its definitely glaring to me when i moved from sign to rev. they did some major improvements on like everyone in rev

last but not least, a word of caution regarding certain things. i'd warn against trying to do any overdrives or anything that has a superflash (when the camera focuses on the character using a move, usually, like jack-o's forever elysion driver) or the strive pre move cutscene things (like baiken's tsurane sanzu watashi) as well as intro/outro cutscenes, since making them transparent not only will be a pain in the ass but probably would look weird due to the camera movement + lack of background. same goes for stuff like bursts or walk/run cycles where the character moves significantly and the camera angle might change, since not only will it be a bitch to line up correctly so it loops properly, but if the character's location or the camera angle changes it might end up looking off because the model is being viewed from a slightly different angle. not sure how obvious that would be to someone who didnt Do it but ive learned that through trial and error. might also just be perfectionism on my part. id usually get around this on xrd with the cheat table bc you could lock the model in place (but it would still move technically, which was nice if you didnt want effects like the little dust clouds when you dash getting in the way) but ive never seen anything similar for strive. from what i know it should be possible for sure, just slightly tricky to some extent and i dont really know how one would go about doing that or have the time to learn. the console for UE is locked in strive and idk if theres a way to unlock it, but that would potentially be a way to freeze models in place quick and dirty if necessary. there ARE a few camera mods out there for strive, but any model freezing aspects are just like.. full game pause, not frozen in place.

hope this is comprehensive enough to help somewhat. have a slayer

[bunnihearted]

‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅

it all keeps going round and round in my head. i think about it constantly and im really trying not to, but i just cant stop ruminating and obsessing about it. i go over it again and again and again in my head. i could've done things different; but that's easy to say now that i have received more context that i didnt have then. plus i was in a certain space concerning my fear of letting ppl close and all of my issues regarding that. i really tried so hard but it takes time.... that's just how i am. and i dont blame anyone for not finding me worth enough to wait it out. at the same time... it doesnt really take years and years, it mostly doesnt even take a full year. im only asking to get to know someone steadily but a little bit slower rather than the full speed that most ppl seem to operate on. i cant believe anyone could ever like me plus im scared of being abandoned and hurt.... which is what everyone has done to my except my mom. everyone else i've known has left me and then im like.. what even is the point in getting to know someone, care about them, only for them to ditch me at a point i wont even see coming or have the power to stop?

anyway. that doesnt matter. i know the only way for me to ever connect to ppl is to shove all of that down and pretend i dont mind the blood dripping out of my mouth from biting myself in the tongue. i have to put on a mask and pretend to be a human being. but also this doesnt matter either, i dont really feel like.,. i dont wanna get to know anyone rn just to have them leave me. everyone leaves. everyone. and they always has someone else that fills my space, while i love true and real and i cant just exchange people. idk. it just hurts so much. why cant i be so special to be kept? im always thrown away.

also that doesnt matter. i couldve done things differently but only now when im at that place in my fear curve. but that doesnt matter and it's too late. but also i said things. i said i love u, i said i wanted to work things out even if you have a lot to deal with rn, i said u're the only one i wanna date, i said you're my favorite and the most important to me. and to that i didnt receive any reciprocation. if i had kept saying more hadnt it only been harrassment? it all makes me so sad and i keep going over it and over it bc yes i couldve done things different, but i said what i wanted to say. i said im in love with you. didnt really get anything that i knew what to do with. only that maybe the time wasnt right bc there was too much going on. said i love u i love u i love u. ????? said you're the only one i wanna date - static. what was i supposed to do with that??? i felt so so so rejected over again and it made me so confused bc i thought that i wasnt the only one with those feelings (based on words actually said not my fantasy/imagination).

isnt.. i love u. i wanna be with u. you're the only one i wanna date... clear? how more clear could i have been... yes i was messy and confusing and pulled away but i tried talking about it all i wanted was to talk about it and see where we were standing and if if if if if ....

and it hurts and is humiliating to love real and love true because im here all alone all alone in this space. and me? i dont even leave a space behind. i dont even leave a void behind. that space is already filled and im fading more and more like i never was at all. why am i such an awful person for being upset that i never leave a mark? im never special or important and like omfg i love u sm i'd also do everything for u i wanna work this out i wanna see if this can go somewhere i love u i dont wanna lose u. i always tell the things i also wish someone (mutually) would say back. i dont really blame. bc i get it. but it makes me sad bc i got to hear things that made me think that my feelings were reciprocated. and then .. theres not even any talking about it. the fact is that i loved so deeply that i wanted to fight for it and do anything and everything i could to make it true. and the fact is that... i was never even asked. how do u really feel? what do u think? i wasnt so special so important to even be talked to. just ... thrown to the side. thats fine. your love doesnt matter anyway. maybe there was care. but not the love that i feel. and that just makes me so sad bc u cannot force love i know that.

the fact is. that i am here all alone, crying and missing someone... loving them so deeply... and they are talking to someone else everyday. not missing and crying and loving me with the force and intensity i do. life is cruel. esp to someone as sensitive and emotional and true and loving as me. we always get fucked over by everything and the entire universe. pain everyday. love is painful. i wish i could surgically remove it from me bc the person i wanna drown in it doesnt want it. thats sad. but thats life. no ones fault even. i dont blame. no anger. but im sad that i never even really got a chance. not a question. not a choice. no opportunity. no chance no chance no chance. just all alone forever

[haemosexuality]

i went insane rambling on the tags of this post about princess bubblegum and ran out of space so i copy pasted it here so i could finish writing. under read more bc idk

tbf i dont think i would say pb is like... Good. well actually. wait. im gonna go on a rant.

i think it depends on how we classify ''good''. what makes someone a good person? what makes someone evil? thoughts or actions‚ past or present‚ etc. i honestly dont think i can firmly say bubblegum is either good or evil. shes one of the few truly morally grey characters ive seen. like

no matter what you think makes someone good or bad she has most certainly been bad in every single way. and also good in every single way. hm.

. she is not a naturally empathetic person. thats not to say she doesnt care about people‚ she does‚ and sometimes those feelings influence her actions a Lot even if she doesnt realize it. but also‚ even when it comes to those she cares about‚ emotional empathy is a struggle. shes the definition of thoughts over feelings 100% scientific brain facts and logic. she is Very egoistical‚ she likes being in control and having power over people (not bc shes power hungry per se but bc thats the best way to keep control over others. shes Logical. and if she has control than nothing can go wrong)‚ she likes not being questioned and she did and still does often disregard other peoples rights and privacy to get what she wants and to be on top/have control over them. she does care‚ about a bunch of different things in a bunch of different ways‚ but caring about someone/multiple ppl and naturally feeling empathy are different things. she needs to make an effort to take other peoples feelings into consideration‚ and while not feeling empathy and etc obviously has absolutely NOTHING to do with morality‚ the thing about pb is that most of the time she does not make that effort‚ and actively does things that hurt other people for her own gain‚ or for Science™ or the Kingdom™. she doesn't care ab how other people feel or their privacy and she does like government crimes and mass murders and a surveillance state about it. she cares deeply about her people for example‚ but not really them as individuals‚ shown when she likes fucking kills them or put cameras on their bodies etc. shes more worried about them surviving than their autonomy. she cares about finn‚ but specially at the beginning she treats him more as an asset than anything‚ and does shit like implant a gps on him without him knowing. and while shes Always liked control and been all logical alpha brain and shit‚ and struggled with sympathy‚ she used to care a lot lot more. or better, she used to Allow herself to care and to love and to feel‚ she build herself a family because she felt lonely and she loved marceline deeply. but like the post and the show said she kept being hurt and she needed to protect an entire kingdom alone‚ which meant repressing all that to fucking hell and back. so she slowly just build up and let her ''no sympathy no feelings only Facts And Science'' side rule until she forgot anything else

and thats how we meet bubblegum in the show: manipulative and head of a dictatorship and with no one she truly cared about close to her, doing awful awful things and not taking time to remember about others. what are morals. being just so very fucked up

like

your thoughts and brain and whatever do not make you evil. your actions do. but her actions are terrible and she does the things she does bc sympathy and caring do not come naturally for her, but being waaay to super mega smart and wanting control Do and she has hardened and isolated herself enough that she has no one to like, pull her out of that. keep her in check. remind her to make an effort to consider other people.

in the show, we see her begin to try and be good again. by letting other people in, by letting herself feel, letting herself be a Person outside of being a Princess and a Ruler and a Scientist, she begins to make that effort again. and bc shes like a war criminal that comes not only in the form of apologizing for those who are or were close to her and she was awful too, but also destroying the surveillance system and stop spying on people. she tries to begin having good actions. she realizes what she had been doing, and feels guilty about it (for... probably the first time honestly. she was very indifferent about it before. everything she did was the most logical thing to do, after all.) i say shes still firmly morally grey tho bc while shes no longer like Evil, she still. goes back to spying on people and etc. shes still Like That, just toned down. all that show that while shes getting Better shes still not good, and probably will never be, because thats just how she is. crazy scientist manipulative pink candy princess. shes the best

she was also never truly evil tho bc even at her worse her actions were not to cause harm! Most Of The Time! and when they were to cause harm it wasnt just bc she was idk a sadist or something, it was with a goal (usually the neutral goal of Science or the good goal of protecting her people) in mind! Theyre still not excusable tho bc they did cause harm! a lot! to a bunch of different people! and like she does care a lot she loves marceline she loves finn she loves netty and she loved shoko but she just doesnt KNOW how to love people and all of those feelings are like behind a brick wall in her brain so she just tries to science everything out and it doesnt always work. like ARGH such a good character. such a good morally grey character. i ❤ bubblegum. i love watching the show and flinching at all the terrible shit she does and being like jesus christ bubblegum what the fuck

anyways here are more good pb analysis

xxxxx

i want to keep ADDING THINGS but this is huge so im just gonna reblog a bunch of posts ab her now goodbye

[chainreh]

rambling about the fell xenologue royals bc i can ↓ spoilers for the entire dlc

okay first off im gonna say its a missed opportunity to not give them alternative designs bc then even if someone didnt like the story they could be like well at least i got to see goth alfred or something. im not a character designer nor am i good at fashion but id say firene have a more muted colour pallette, with like navy blues and grey rather than the bright blue of their coat of arms. brodia less flashy. i love the armour of brodia its very cool but doesnt super suit their ideals in this au. ivy in purple and golds contrasted to hortensia in just like. white idk. make her look like a commoner. and solm also less flashy. maybe like mustard yellow colours. idfk. someone can probably do this better than me.

anyway i am firene biased but i really liked the idea of alfred being more of a figurehead whilst céline is actually the one in control. yes this isnt outright said but i think its kinda implied from how alfred seems kinda nervous and depressed and is like "i have no idea how to be a king" whilst céline is like "alfred if you dont approve this invasion im just going to do it myself". even at the end where theyre "redeemed" céline says "i am here to support you, alfred. lets head back so you can rest, hm?" which just seems like our céline right? when alfred was dying she studied and prepared herself to be the new heir in case he passed away and she had to inherit the throne, but after his recovery she instead dedicated herself to supporting him the best she can, as well as focusing herself on taking care of the more unsavoury parts of ruling. but i think from everything we've seen about céline in this world, she's still just taking charge. céline is proud and angry, alfred is unconfident and depressed. and céline loves alfred so much that she's basically controlling him. she's not the opposite of our céline, she's just gone to the extreme.

contrasting this with the relationship of alcryst and diamant. like Alfred and céline, diamant is not confident and alcryst is proud and thinks himself more suited to leading. i dont think its ever said why their personalities are like this (other than rafal like controlling them and stuff) but its my headcanon ever since the trailer came out that perhaps morion died much earlier in this universe, where alcryst was too young to remember. so diamant grew up with one of his biggest fears being true, and i dont imagine bereavement counselling would be too realised in fire emblem universe, so it kinda manifested into extreme anxiety maybe causing the people around him to give up on him becoming a strong king, instead resorting to grooming alcryst to be the way he is. and alcryst seems to be planning to kill diamant and take the throne himself (i think diamant even has fears about this if u fight him with alcryst). alcryst instead of having a inferiority complex has a superiority complex bc everyone in this universe is like "diamant is so useless as a king, you 'd be much more suited alcryst" really showing how your environment can shape you.

for ivy first off i have to say, her and zelkov being besties in the alternate universe is literally so fucking funny. more importantly i've seen some people saying "oh she's like how we all thought she'd be before the game came out!" which i dont really agree with? bc everyone thought she'd a camilla clone right? but i'd argue the most important part of camilla's character is that she loves her siblings and will protect them no matter what which alt ivy is Definitely not doing. this ivy also hates poor people and values her devotion to the fell dragon above all else. like ofc a big part of our ivy is her devotion to the divine dragon, but it's also very important to her character that she prioritises her subjects above all else (i think the givre port chapter highlights this, wanting to hurry to help people who are alive rather than clear the port of the corrupted), but alt ivy is too busy trying to revive sombron and slaughtering the solm army to care about who dies. and hortensia. oh my dear sweet baby girl i fucking CRIED at alt hortensia vs ivy oh my godddddddddssdd. it seems ivy inherited at lot of her mother's beliefs in this universe and hates hortensia and has also killed all of her other half siblings hahaha :'). anyway hortensias abuse from her sister seems to have really impacted her self worth. and i think "parents died much earlier" should also be taken for the elusians as well bc hortensia got a lot of her confidence learning from her mother right? one thing that sorta sucks is hortensia vs. goldmary being like "the three of us wanted to stand out" whilst shes standing there in her fucking silly little clown outfit and decked out pegasus, so once again, alt designs would have really elevated the dlc imo. anyway alt hortensia i am giving u a big hug my baby i love you🫂

and onto solm. okay im sorry but timerra was so lame. they could have really done something cool with her being serious, stoic, and essentially robotic in her rule but its literally just "merrin what are you talking about you hate animals! and im a vegetarian and i hate singing! and panette you hate ghosts!" and like that is the extent of it. they didnt even bother to explain what solm was like in this universe and feels like they just added her into the elusia chapter to be like "look three way battle! just like three houses!!! you guys loved three houses right???" im sorry timerra they did u so dirty :/. fogado on the other hand. ough its so good. so fogado is dead (theyre all dead technically but fogado is dead dead and aware it) and instead of travelling the country to aid timerra he's instead working directly for rafal as assassin, and is implied to hate timerra (he says something like "i always wished i would be the one to kill my sister but i guess i'll to settle for killing her lookalike" in his vs. timerra dialogue). and i dont this this dislike is mutual (alt timerra says she wants to hug fogado in her vs. him dialogue iirc). this fogado seems to be more... bloodthirsty ig and less into the like. sneaky fighting he does in our universe. he mentions in his conversation with bunet that bunet is a brute on the battlefield (alt!bunet neurotypical confirmation where?) and fogado seems really fixated on how bunet looked covered in his own blood. we know that our fogado is actually very scared about the war underneath his friendly persona from his supports with pandreo, but alt fogado seems much more emotionless about it. in fact this might tie into solm in this universe thinking about it, instead of being free they all repress their emotions or something, bc even though alt fogado still talks in a sorta lighthearted candace, if a little more intense sounding and sounds Especially off whilst reminiscing on bunet and pandreo's deaths. his final death quote being "im not scares. ive died twice now... whats one more time?" sure okay buddy i believe you.

thats about it for my thoughts. tbh i wish we got more screentime with these guys. nel and rafal and the winds are great dont get me wrong but i wish they had focused a bit more on the royals and how they are different to how they are in our universe (even tho there are a lot of unique boss convos with them most of the ones I've seen were not super interesting or insightful :/and you definitely cant get all of them in a single playthrough im pretty sure). sorry for the long post ty if u read this far🫶

[upsidedowngrass]

reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

[trixstriforce]

hello :) i saw your posts about lu and idk if you were gauging interest in people hearing your opinions. personally i would be super interested in reading what specifically about every lu character is ooc! i am similarly frustrated with the current dominance of lu characterizations in fandom as a ww fan. ive been following for a while i just logged into this side account because i am scared to ask on main :( i hope you do not mind the somewhat bare blog. thank you!

oh my god oh my god oh my god someone wants my opinion??? do u wanna make out???? u do not understand the power u r giving me rn u do not understand how annoying and nitpicky and very passionate i can get specifically about lu bc i care so much about link its unreal and also bc i just like things like linkedmaze, dimensional links, and minaslinkverse better characterization wise bc to me they have shown the "found family links meeting up" thing a lotttt better than lu when i still read it

but to be fair i STOPPED reading around the part where four split due to the way the lu community reacting to the person with DID, a very stigmatized disorder who genuinely just wanted Jojo to acknowledge they messed up in the past and present and didnt like the vauge ass apology she gave making me actually disgusted. ppl talk about accountability then rallied against 1 tumblr user who was uncomfortable bc ppl liked Jojo's comic so she doesnt have to explain that now she respects nonbinary ppl and understands how past things were wrong for her to say we just infer this bc lu good :/ like hey maybe Jojo owned up to it afterwards or something bc she made 2 apologies that would make a YouTuber blush so i was done w/ the community and it was only rlly after that and after i played a few of the actual games + read some mangas i realized wow actually i do not like lu as much as i thoguht i did they butchered my boy, also i feel i should say it literally wouldnt matter to me do what u want in ur au but lu is now a fandom of its own and its influenced a lot of other aus and interpretations of link so i do take issue w/ how ooc these guys end up being

OK HERE R THE MOST BASIC ISSUES W/OUT GETTING INTO EACH LINK RN:

for one i dont know for me having link as a secret hoarder who would rather DIE than use the full scope of his abilities around OTHER HEROS is just no bc thats fucking stupid levels of wanting to appear normal around OTHER HEROS possiblly the ONLY other ppl to ever understand what u r going through

for me having every single link act like a frat boy/standard teenage white boy who is emotionally constipated is a no??? have u SEEN link he is so sociable and kind and understanding to other ppl WHY r the links like this, so many fics just...make them stew in their issues for angst and not trust the others and be incredibly insecure about the other heros(which is lu canon for at least hyrule and wind i think?) and like ok that is definitely fine for 1 link but why r they all like this in the games link is clearly not like that he wouldn't be this closed off and wouldn't hesitate so much like my dude he just inserts himself into other ppl's lives to make them better than leaves he wouldn't pussyfoot around other heros like what

also another major issue is the mergings just lead to certain characterizations or important backstory for certain links(FOUR. LEGEND.) being completely erased and the nuance of their journeys lost like when u merge links who r canonically 100s of years apart not just in the timeline but in the GAMES? yeah u lose things that make that link special

also bc u mentioned wind waker i found it kinda fucked up that wind waker link was delegated to The Kid TM even tho his entire journey was about moving on from the past to a brighter future and he took on the mantle left behind by the hero of time on his own volition and did what Time COULDN'T do which is kill Ganon but he is constantly underestimated and made into the Kid Who Wants Approval trope specifically around Time which sucks ass ngl he deserves to be an equal him still being a kid while the others got to grow up, including Four who's first journey arguably would have been a better fit for this archtype of wide eyed kid, is just side lining one of the most interesting links especially considering most of the other links were YOUNGER than him when they started

this is all general stuff plus 1 of my issues w/ Wind bc ur a Wind Waker fan bc as a Spirit Track fan i feel a kinship, im gonna make another post for specifically each link breaking down my issues w/ how they r portrayed later bc rn it is 8am and i ment to just say haha ty for the permission but then my inner ranter came out i am INCAPABLE of being normal about lu especially after i actually experienced zelda games bc lu was my FIRST introduction to zelda outside of smash bros lol

toast if u r reading this say rip to ur dms bc i am once more gonna talk to u about a comic for a videogame franchise u only know about due to my rambles and forcing u at gunpoint to learn about link...godspeed comrade

[curiouskurona]

 ( for context , this was originally a comment on this post but i tend to be long winded / i could tell it was gonna get long so i decided to just maek my own post bsdjhgfkjdhgja . also abuse discussion tw for tha following + tha post i linked to , as well as spoilers for Princess Tutu )  

 ive made my peace with rue and fakir-- well , not 100% completely absolutely , but ive come a long long way from where i was when i first watched tha show , where i hated fakir SO much , and i had more sympathy for rue but wasn't fond of her either . in fact , where before i was adamant that i hated fakir , i can say i actually liek him now . didnt think i would ever get to this point lol . and i liek rue as well , though her turn around came easier for me          

 i feel like i would have warmed up to them a lot faster if liek . they got ANY consequences for their actions . im not talking about either of them being sad / having other troubles , im not talking about cosmic punishment / karma , i mean direct consequences for the way that they treated mytho . ive heard people argue that " well mytho doesnt have feelings so it doesnt matter how they treated him " , but that argument falls flat fast when you point to tha fact that they both KNEW mytho was getting his feelings back , and they did absolutely nothing to change their behavior . hell , they might have even treated him worse , because of the stress of tha situation or whatever . fakir pushed mytho's face against the mirror and said " look at this repulsive face thats regained the feeling of loneliness " . rue backed away unsettled when she saw mytho smile . there is no argument of " well he didn't feel anything " or " well they didn't realize " . they knew what they were doing   

 and they kind of just ... get away with it . they dont really have to acknowledge the way that they treated him past an almost throwaway line from fakir in the end where hes liek " damn i was kinda mean huh "         

 i would probably be moar forgiving about it if they got ANY sort of consequences ( narratively or through fandom perception ) for their actions , but most ppl dont really care enough about mytho for that . and seeing his situation be largely ignored made me defensive and bitter towards them [ fakir and rue ] . as a trauma survivor myself ( who heavily relates to mytho ) it was a really high hurdle for me to look at them , fakir especially , in a positive light , regardless of whether or not i could recognize their own traumas / understand why they did som of tha things they did .  

  and yeah ppl change n whatever . wounds can heal , relationships can be mended . but fakir never even tried to mend theirs . mytho never got any closure or an apology or anything and it just sucks so much . i mean yeah he got to tell fakir off as r!mytho during that one battle . but most of him being all * evil laughter * at fakir wasnt even him , you can see he doesnt even consider himself that person when hes staggering back to his dorm clutching his heart going “ what are you , who are you , whats goin on ” . mytho got to be a lil scoundrel to fakir as r!mytho but thats not tha saem as any meaningful acknowledgement / apology on fakir’s part      

 and im just . idk . im hesitant to put this in any tags , i dont think i will . bc i know ppl love fakir . but liek . please . can we at least acknowledge what he did . or are we going to keep pretending that his worst offense is being abrasive / grumpy . im sorry to have to tell you this but fakir’s ( and rue’s * ) behaviour towards mytho is literal actual textbook abuse . they isolate him , control him , berate him , lock him up , get in his face and yell at him , manhandle him , tell him who he can talk to , tell him what he can read , tell him that he has to listen to them and no one else . liek . hello . i know you dont want to hear this about ur fave characters but theyre abusers . its not even subtext its just THE text    

 the fact that fakir grows softer after meeting ahiru is irrelevant . him treating ahiru better as the series goes on does not mean that he is treating mytho better as the series goes on . him softening up and growing into a better person is not equal to an apology or any kind of closure or comfort for mytho  

 and dont even get me started on how mytho and rue should not have ended up together . no piece of media is perfect , i do have some things is disliek about PT , and one of them is definitely the ending unfortunately . but thats another post . and its purrobably not even for tha reasons you might think i have    

 also , this is not to say that i think fakir or rue are evil , or that they dont care / never cared about mytho . i dont think its as black and white as that . fakir and rue arent such one dimensional characters , silhouettes laughing evilly to themselves as they take joy in hurting him . i dont think that the fact that fakir abused mytho means he was never worried about him or didnt care about him . i dont think tha fact that rue abused mytho means that she never cared about him either . its messy . they were all put into a very straining situation . ive talked in other posts acknowledging the strain fakir was under , and ive talked at length with friends about why rue felt the need to act the way she did , too . but that doesnt make what they did okay . and i just wish that mytho got any sort of apology , closure , or comfort . instead of everyone going “ well glad thats over !! lets move on with our lives while pretending we all [ sans ahiru ] didnt just abuse mytho this entire show “       

 anyways this post isnt very organized and i purrobably didnt maek any sense . i was just rambling i guess . this is something that ive thought about a lot    

 * if youve noticed im leaning harder into fakir rn , its purrobably bc ppl are moar willing to acknowledge rue’s behaviour . shes loved as an evil gal girlboss or whatevar , even if its often joaky ppl are moare ready to go “ yeah lol rue was so fucked up “ , and have made a lot of serious fanart about the toxicity of her relationship with mytho too . but for tha moast part ppl shy away from putting fakir in any serious negative light . aside from a few posts ive seen ( that were a breath of fresh air honestly ) that talked about his actions , moast ppl portray fakir as someone whos grumpy and abrasive , kind of a jerk , maybe even a “ tsundere “ , but ultimately harmless . so i guess im harder on fakir for that . because im frustrated that ppl only care about shipping him with ahiru , and are more than ready to downplay how horrible he was to mytho so that they can pretend its all sunshine and rainbows with him or something . again it goes back to them receiving no direct consequences for their actions , narratively OR through fandom perception . rue is at least acknowledged as someone that doesnt have a totally great track record , in tha fandom                   

[1centillion]

Reading internet fights doesnt have to be an internet activity that rots you (ie doom scrolling, falling into the tiktok algorithm hole, etc). Reading internet fights can light up your brain in a similar way to reading a newspaper article or playing a computer game from when you were 8.

The key is to read the good ones where people are arguing really niche topics but both sides (no matter how well or mis informed) take the time to explain the proofs of their conclusions. Like they write out the math of what theyre arguing. Because when someones wrong, this style of argument lets someone else cut them down by pointing out faulty premises or pointing out non sequiturs. When you can read the thinking processes of each side it feels better taking a side because you just saw all the work theyre doing to get to there. Reading good internet arguments can be different from falling in a tik tok hole because the serotonin feels likes its sourced from developing my thinking skills (vs receiving it from being shown something new every 8.7 seconds).

Internet arguments are bad and make me feel like im j watching a car wreck (engages you but not for a good reason) when they give me undeserved credit. Such fights include but sre not limited to (from most to least readable) people debating a proper ranking of priorities or thingd, (and this is one full tier below Ranking Arguments, usually) logical fallacies, introducing tangentially related but ultimately off topic arguments, generalized blanket statements, making statements that are j truly objectively wrong observations about material reality

Cherry on top is when a the Cool Arguer hits all the thoughts you were thinking when reading an Uncool Persons comment AND adds something you didnt think of (learning!) The cherry on top of that cherry is seeing Uncool Arguer get ratioed.

Its important to remember that even tho internet fights dont always have to be soul sucking, even the best of them are only the equivalent to drinking orange juice from Ralphs (idk if this is the most equivalent comparison but im too lazy to think of the right one). Its not soda, it probably wont do too much harm if you have some for brekkie every so often. Definitely shouldnt be drinking it everyday when theres water and teas and seltzer water around. You wont be the microbiome or kind person you want to be on OJ and internet fights.

And this is because 1) you do not want to be a person who has a habit of deriving entertainment from the conflict between others and 2) especially so when theyre arguing over a cause important to you. Example: if theyre arguing about transmisogyny, at the end of the day we want to get rid of transmisogny because 'transmisogyny is an issue you care about because you love trans women *not* because you want transmisogynists to be wrong' (thats j the fun perk). But internet fights abt transmisogmy can only exist if transmisogny exists! So letting those internet arguments become fodder for your attention or a source of receiving joy from the internet is not productive to the true end goal and cause you care for. *And* you dont want to revel in the by products of transmisogyny bc its just gross! Best relationship to good internet fights is 'phew! Comforting to know theres other people who reason things out in the same steps i do! no man is an island!'

not sure if this line of reasoning can be applied to good internet fights on topics i dont care about. I think if an argument is silly and in good nature then its all fun (and actually those types of arguments are good reading, more like water than the good internet arguments on issues i care for, because theres no stakes its just people having fun and connecting with each other thru the medium of the internet) and if people are having a good internet argument over something i dont know about (ie best cars engines from the 80s a la mona lisa from my cousin vinny) well then its also more like water than OJ bc its low stakes with less repercussions and reading it will teach me something. But all these are still a lil bit OJ bc ..babe cut down ur screentime

newaze, internet fights are fun when they exercise your brain!

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[cronaz-diary]

TW: Rape/death threats. If you're not in the right frame of mind, please delete or read this later - as much as I disagree with you I don't want you to hurt yourself.

hey i don't know if you even like... care about this. but lesboys frequently receive graphic death and rape threats. regardless of what your personal opinion is on us the least you could do is not add fuel to the fire. i personally have gotten countless death threats, a dox threat, and a couple rape threats from exclus. it's never okay to tell anyone to kill themselves. please try to make the internet a kinder place. the people you disagree with are human too.

thatz awful and ppl shouldnt be sending that to u i waz mostly refering to ppl who fetishize lesbianz or make fun of lesbianz in my post idk why ppl cant grasp that or deny it when itz so easy to find ppl do that (not referring to u just saying thiz so ppl who told me that doesnt happen stfu) i dont get lesboy still and think itz still a harmful term bc lesbian haz alwayz been a sexuality that isnt for boyz no matter how many ppl who sit on their computer all day say bc itz only like recently ppl tryna add men to lesbian (not he him lesbianz or genderfluid) which iz weird bc all these ppl say they wanna listen to elder queerz yet go on to listen to young bad ppl labelz r there for a reason and have meaning behind them and yea i shouldnt of said kys in my post but i waz upset and wasnt rlly thinking straight and upset bc i kept seeing ppl talk abt lesboyz and ppl using it to mock lesbianz and kept seeing ppl say they r it just bc they wanna get with lesbianz those ppl honestly should be away from like everyone they r actual freakz, all yesterday and still today im getting death threatz, rape threatz, slurz, called horrible shit and ppl being actually fucking stupid and when i tried fighting back no one cared abt those ppl oh no i waz the problem when im guessing most of these r adultz from the way they r talking, talking abt how tthey hope me, a 16 yr old child, should get raped and killed and calling me a dyke and lesbo which also most of these ppl arent lesbian so they never had a say in the first place, most lesbianz all dont like lesboy bc it goez against what lesbian iz therez already so many other termz ppl can use that isnt harmful to a group of ppl or made to hurt otherz or the ppl who say transmen can use it r also transphobic bc they r jsut calling transmen fake men or the transmen who use it dont wanna admit they r stright half the time and thiz frustratez me more bc u never see ppl make anything abt gay (mlm) but girlz so why do that for lesbianz? like i said therez already many termz ppl can use and already termz for butch so ppl need to stop harrassing me and otherz and instead be nice or dont say shit at all and educate themselvez