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#idk i think humanity is worth it despite despite despite!!!!!!
winterzsurprise · 11 hours
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Change My Mind [4]
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Pairing: BTS x reader
SUMMARY: As a make-up artist, you were expected to glamorize your clients with brushes and products that cost a week-worth of food, not to befriend them outside of work, let alone have them save you from dates yet here you are five years later as one of their closest confidants.
Being a stylist of the world's biggest boyband is no easy feat, someone is doing flips, someone can't stay still and one's asleep but its fine, you can work around their chaos but then one day, you find out they're all your soulmates, a whole different can of chaos you don't think you can handle.
Tags: Soulmates AU, Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Not Beta Read, Slow Build, Polyamory, Attempts at Humor
Words: 7.1k
[1] [2] [3] [4]
nothing much to say this time but this is not beta read, my friend who was supposed to read it is unfortunately unavailable, idk if the argument makes sense in the end cause I personally run from confrontations so idk how to write good arguments so yeah.
This is a bit shorter than the previous chapters but the next one is longer again since-- GUNSHOT
ANYWAYS, Happy reading!!
Also I hope I got the taglist right, please if you don't want to be in it, do tell me. If anyone else wants to be added to the taglist, please comment down below.
TAGLIST: @wildestdreamsblog @canarystwin @prettywheenicry @jmnscutie @sassy-snassy @misuguru @11thenightwemet11 @yoongibaybee @rinkud
___________
In all of your years working for Bangtan, as one of their staff and the youngest stylist, you've been included in every life events and celebrations there is. Birthdays, first wins, comebacks, everything there is even something as important as family dinners. You've never skipped or forgot a single member's birthday, period.
But as Guwon stands before you, a plane ticket to Jeju in hand with the departure scheduled tomorrow and returning just a day short before the tour, you find yourself at a crossroad. It’s Jungkook's birthday tomorrow and Jimin has planned a small party tonight at their dorms before the formal celebration at the company the next day.
While you've been trying to rectify the awkward air between you and the maknae since his confession by starting conversations, the maknae only replied to you with silence before promptly vanishing in two seconds flat.
But despite the strain in your relationship, you could never think of not attending his birthday. You'd never thought to be petty enough to return his energy. His present was already wrapped in a pretty bow under your bed for a week now for Christ's sake!
“I-I can't… It's one of their birthday’s tomorrow.”
“Oh.” His smile falls. “Can't you just give your gift today? Surely they can party for one night without you.”
It was a genuine question, logical and true but for some reason, his tone raised concerns within you. You swear to the highest heavens you could hear a bit of irritation hidden beneath dejection.
You winced. “I can't, I'm really sorry… I-I can pay you back what you've spent for the trip. I'm really sorry, I just never missed any of their birthdays. I swear I'll make it up to you next time!”
Guwon's shine dulled the further you went on and your heart twinged with guilt. In another universe where some humans gained animalistic features, he'd have dog ears pressed to his skull, staring at you with wide and glistening eyes.
You waved off the image immediately, disturbed.
“It's also my fault for not asking for your schedule. The tour is next week and then you'd be away from me for months so I kind of… panicked. I'm sorry.”
He should've known better than not to do research on your bosses , a voice at the back of your head scoffed and you waved the thought away as you put a hand over his. 
“I should've notified you as well. Tell me if those are refundable or not, I'll pay you back.”
He waves you off. “Cute but I've been raised well to know not to ask a lady to pay for my mistake, so don't worry that pretty head of yours about not being able to go.”
The date continued and thankfully, no dead air remained and conversation eased out of the both of you. Guwon sorted out his reservations early on, he'd stopped eating every once in a while to pick up his phone to either receive a call or respond to an email.
With how often he answered the chimes of his phone and how long it took for him to finally put it down, you figured he must've prepared a lot for the week and it made you feel more guilty every time he did it.
Today, he brought you both to an indoor park he rented for an hour for a picnic. It was on the outskirts of Seoul and he also cooked most of the food placed between you both, his mother however, was responsible for the side dishes.
Speaking of mothers, yours called earlier to congratulate you on whatever it was she was adamant on keeping secret but you already knew what it was and you were glad Jungkook’s mother gave birth on such a perfect day almost 21 years ago.
Guwon was planning to propose to you during the trip.
It left a bitter taste in your tongue. Sure you had expected to be married to him at some point but you barely knew the man outside of his colorful stories, and knew none of his actual behavior in his home. You haven't even visited his house yet for a vibe check so why is he rushing too fast?
Despite the guilt in your heart, relief is more palpable knowing you'd have more time to figure out if you truly want Guwon in your life.
Your phone vibrated in your pocket and you took a glance at it.
[17:29] Jinnie: I'll pick you up at your apartment by 6.
[17:29] Jinnie: please be prepared😊
Seeing the t̶h̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ friendly smile attached at the end of his message, you're suddenly reminded of the present. You hadn't told any of them of your date today, something that had drawn out longer than you thought it would. You frowned, fingers drumming on the side of your phone as you pondered on what to reply.
You had promised to help with the food yet here you are, out of town and on a picnic date inside a garden observatory.
“Who is it?” Guwon asks, seeing the frown on your face. Your mind immediately picks up the odd tone he has.
“Their oldest, Jin. We're supposed to cook together before the rest comes home.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought the birthday was tomorrow?”
“Oh, we're planning a small party before it, just his closest friends.”
Guwon nodded, eyes distant and thoughtful as he took a bite of his sandwich before continuing. “What time are you expected?”
“Their eldest said he'll pick me up at six.”
He looked at his watch and frowned deeper. “It's already 5:30. Maybe I can drive you to their dorm instead?”
You immediately shook your head. Remembering the promise you had with Jin and Jungkook. The maknae had recently begun to look at your direction again yesterday after Hoseok had talked to him, inviting Guwon would ruin the smallest progress you’ve had. 
Not to mention, you can't reveal their dorm location even if he is to be your husband. Company rules and you've signed an NDA.
“Company rules, can't reveal their location.”
“If we're going to be a couple soon, I'm going to need to know more about these guys you're hanging around. I don't trust them.” He says as he turns to the picnic basket to take another sandwich out, unable to see the twitch in your eye. 
“Well, you have to learn how to, they’re my bosses and my best friends.”
“I’m having a hard time believing that. I mean,” He scoffed. “Did you notice how they look at me whenever I’m around? That rapper—Yun–Yoonmi stared at me like I’m an insect he stepped on.”
Anger boils deep within your soul and you’re sure it's visibly contorting your face at this point but the man didn’t notice it and continued chewing on his food.
“Besides, their location is pretty well known already, no? Just a couple searches away, why be so secretive about it?”
You refrain yourself from frowning and it takes all of the energy within you to not react as wildly as you would’ve. It was amazing how the illusion of something good could shatter with only a few words and you set down the sandwich in your hand.
There's something terribly humbling upon realization that the man you're talking to is indeed, a man.
Noticing the shift in the air, he set down his cup of coffee with a slight raise to his brows.
“Why are you looking at me like that? It's true though, I just think it's pointless to try to hide it when some people already know, so what's the use of trying to hide their dorm?”
Where's Jimin and Taehyung at times like this?
You dreaded the conversation you're about to bring up to your mother once she calls, and could hear her scolding you for having such high standards. Guwon being indifferent to the possibility of being stalked, and your boys’ privacy being breached immediately raise red glaring flags over his head.
A lawyer himself who shrugged at the threat of crimes, the joke just writes itself.
“Don't look at me like that, I'm just… trying to understand why you didn't want me to interact with them after our second date. It makes a man overthink, know?”
Whatever thread you were holding onto, a sliver of hope that you might've misheard or misunderstood him, decayed within you and you picked up your phone to stuff into your bag.
You had hoped, wished, that after your deep talk on the night Seokjin had scolded your ass to the nines he'd understand your dynamic better with the boys or at least try. You could already hear Yoongi's drawl out ‘I told you so’ as you packed up, even imagine him bringing up Namjoon’s statistical analysis and how I should've listened to it.
“If you're implying what I think you are implying then I don't think we should meet each other anymore.”
Tossing the food back into the basket carelessly, you slung your bag over your shoulder and stand, only for his hand to shoot out to grab your wrist in an iron grip.
“Wait, I-I'm sorry! I just got… jealous, that's all.”
Even with the apologetic look displayed clearly on his face and the fear swimming with them, nothing could bring back to life the trust you had on the man and you pushed his hand away.
“I can't stay with someone who can't understand why those boys are important to me, sorry Guwon but we're over. Don't you ever contact me again.”
“You can't possibly be breaking up with me because I said what I felt? Over them? Really?!”
You don't even recognize the man sitting opposite you.
He knew, he saw how close you are with them and even sat through the stories you told him during your dates. Guwon knew you cherished every single boy in the group yet he disregarded it all because of jealousy? If that isn't a warning, then you might be blind.
“It's like I never even knew you at all.”
He scoffed. “Same with you. Can't believe I actually believed your words telling me you were friends but I saw how those boys treated you!”
Sure your relationship with your bosses is unusual but it was built from hardship and loneliness from being taken away from home and surrendering their time for a glimpse of fame in a field where they're at a huge disadvantage. It was special in ways not many could fathom because in their head, what reason would there be for a man to befriend a girl other than having the intention to fuck them?
It was the mindset of the old and “ wise” and it had infuriated you to the nines.
For him to reveal himself as one of those old cogs when he expressed himself as a gentleman and be convinced by his act of kindness, even the word disappointing could express how greatly upset you are.
“Bet you've slept with all of them at least once, hell, I don't even know why your mother bothered when you're already busy whoring yourself for seven men.”
Anger flooded your veins, it was hot and rampaging under your skin. Before your mind could even register your actions, your hand had already moved, making contact with his cheek in one swift motion. The slap echoed like a clap of thunder in the silence of the observatory.
Even after seeing the angry red mark beginning to mar his skin, your anger remained.
“Goodbye Guwon, I hope we never see each other again.”
Walking away was easier said than done.
You got picked up by Guwon earlier and since you've run far enough from the indoor garden, away from your supposed ticket back home, you're now waiting for an uber at a small library sequestered between towering and loudly designed buildings. You had half a mind to ask your friends that lived nearby for a ride but decided against it.
They might be busy with their own family. 
Unlike you.
As you sit there waiting for your ride to come, your mind takes you to your mother and her genuine glee at the thought of you getting married. Ever since your second date, she had been sending you photographs of weddings for inspirations, links to event places and tailors, and flower shops where you could have your bouquet arranged. She was beyond ecstatic, if she heard what had happened, she would be devastated. 
A loud, exasperated sigh left your lips, the volume catching the attention of the bookkeeper who was quick to shush you.
As you waited longer with only the deafening silence of the library to accompany you, doubt began to form at the back of your head. 
Was breaking up with Guwon really the right choice? 
An angry, louder voice screamed at you for doubling down on your decision. You knew your boys longer than you knew him, if the trip had gone through, Guwon would've proposed to you despite the short time you've known each other. Something you didn't want. Not to mention, he would've gone through the idea while contemplating on your loyalty.
So yes, it was the right decision!
But you were to be married .
Your mother was so happy to have finally matched you with a guy you attended three dates with. The thought made your heart clench, she was excited to see you on the altar and has most likely spread it around your town with pride. She was about to have three married children.
Gods, you don't want to imagine the conversation later on, she'd be distraught.
Your phone buzzed and you dreaded looking at the screen to see your mother's name. Luckily, it was Jin instead.
           [18:01] Jinnie: where are you?
           [18:01] Jinnie: knocked on your door but the neighbor said you were out.
           [18:02] Jinnie: you're late😒
           [18:02] Jinnie: I'm going to have them deduct your pay this month for making me wait
           [18:03] You: I'm sorry your highness for disappointing you, please forgive this servant of yours🤧
           [18:03] You: was on a date
           [18:03] You: not that it matters anymore, I broke up with Guwon
           [18:04] You: does it even count? I mean, we weren't official, he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend yet.
You paused, face souring as you realized what you've just typed. 
Guwon hadn't asked for your hand officially even after three dates, he had the chance on your second date during the stroll but he didn't. Despite this, he went and asked your parents for their blessings when he hadn't even asked you first.
           [18:04] You: wow I just remembered that
           [18:04] You: then he had the audacity to propose to me!
There's a pause in between his usually instant replies and you had an inkling he's already spreading the gossip around the group somehow.
           [18:08] Jinnie: wow there's a LOT to unpack there
           [18:08] Jinnie: but worry not
           [18:08] Jinnie: I'll have Jimin get us the strongest drink there is for later
           [18:09] Jinnie: we'll drink that sorrow away and you're going to tell me what the hell you meant by proposing while not being official 
           [18:10] You: I don't think I should tell you that…
           [18:10] You: considering… ya know
           [18:11] You: also don't you guys have an early schedule tomorrow?🤨
           [18:12] Jinnie: bold of u to assume I don't want hear how massive of a failure he is
           [18:12] Jinnie: nothing better than hearing your enemy’s downfall😌
           [18:13] Jinnie: also what do you mean ‘you guys’??? 
           [18:13] Jinnie: you're literally our make-up artist!
You scoffed at the message but before you could type up a reply, the notification from your uber app popped out to inform you about your driver now waiting outside the library and you walked out.
           [18:23] You: and just because I'm your make-up artist, doesn't mean I should let you all get away with this
           [18:23] You: and I won't even drink much :pp
           [18:24] Jinnie : if I ever see you stumbling around the house, you owe me 100000
           [18:25] You: WOW
           [18:25] You: AREN'T YOU RICH ALREADY????
           [18:25] Jinnie: money is money😌
           [18:26] Jinnie: just get ur ass over here already before I add more zeros to the bet
The smell of Jin’s cooking, both spicy and something savory, welcomed you first before the sound of sizzles did. At the sound of the door closing, Jin appears round the corner with an apron hung from his neck and a tong stained with red bean paste in the other.
Despite the disappointed look he's going for, reminiscent of a mother who caught her daughter coming home past curfew, the relief you feel upon seeing his handsome face after earlier was palpable and the knots in your stomach loosened.
“I should have your pay deducted for showing up late.”
You winced. “Sorry boss, can I appeal for a heartbreak discount on that?”
“Only if you give me a hug and cry on my shoulder.” 
He opened his arms wide, plush lips widening into a smile when you approached to wrap your arms around his torso. The fabric of his sweatshirt was soft and the scent of new laundry overtook his usual scent of freshly baked cakes and gentle vanilla perfume, it almost made you boneless in his hold. Moreso when he started stroking your head while the other ran up and down your back with his palm, fingers still wrapped around the tongs.
He didn't pull away despite the awkward position with him bending down and practically melting against your smaller form. In your years of being friends, you could never recall Seokjin being the first to pull away from a hug and once more, you're grateful for that.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I’ll do it while cooking, we might burn whatever you're cooking if I told you all about it here.”
He shook his head, his rubbing motions on your back turning into gentle pats. “We can just order it online if it does, I even bet that they'll still eat it even if it was. Hoba was relentless today.”
His nails raked through your scalp and you resisted the urge to shiver. 
“He was being an ass towards you guys. Then when I defended you all, he accused me of sleeping around.”
His first instinct was to curse the man down to his ancestors who bred with each other until he was born, but stopped himself when he realized what he's about to say and cleared his throat.
If his arms coiled tighter around you, you only leaned into him further.
“Normally I would say "I told you so" but I know Yoongi has it covered later. So I'll just say—"
"Don't you dare. Jin don’t you dare finish that sentence."
"I knew it."
He let out a cry when your hand slapped his arm but it quickly dissolved into a fit of squeaky laughter and he pushed your head back under his chin before you could even continue hitting him. Hand continuing their petting as you let out an annoyed groan.
“My mom was so excited! God. I hate that bastard for disappointing me and her. She was sending me links to wedding planners and dressmakers because apparently he was supposed to take me to Jeju tomorrow and propose.”
He stills in your arms, the hand in your hair stopping its motion as his breath hitched in his chest. It took him a moment before he recollected himself and continued to pat your head, pressing a kiss on top of your crown.
“I'm sure auntie will understand, I know that she would've wanted you to find a good man like she and your sister did.”
A voice at the back of your head told you he was referring to himself but you threw the thought away as soon as it went.
“Personally, I would've taken the ticket and ditch him.” He laughed and you hit his arm with a barely concealed grin. “All I'm saying is that free things should be used and if it's gifted then better! You get to decide how to use it so refund it!”
“I don't think it's that easy.”
“Just say Kim Seokjin of BTS asked for a refund and they'll immediately accept it.”
Pulling away, you playfully rolled your eyes at him, earning you one last laugh as you walked to the kitchen where the sizzles of the food being fried on the pan had long been muted. Jin followed you with an onslaught of words spilling from his lips, justifying and detailing how he would've done in your place as you placed your bag down on the island counter before reaching for the spare apron.
Hearing his rants filling the silence made it easier to relax, made forgetting how upset you were at Guwon a walk in the park.
It was familiar and his voice, despite his fiery indignation, was oddly comforting.
Soon enough, your conversation halts and you both position yourself over the counter, following his orders mindlessly; which is mostly dicing the vegetables and the slabs of meat he marinated last night in soy sauce and spices. 
You found the repetitive motions of chopping soothing and silently thanked the man now hovering over the saucepan, gently stirring the seaweed soup. 
As if sensing your eyes boring holes on the back of his head, his ears reddened and he looked over his shoulder to meet your gaze.
“W-what is it? Wh-why are you looking at me like that?”
“Just admiring how huge your shoulders are and how reliable you are.” 
You recalled how dearly he cared for his group despite the exhaustion from practicing singing and dancing the whole day. Despite being the youngest in his family, Jin took on the mantle of the oldest brother in the group easily and selflessly provided for his members alongside Yoongi and Namjoon. If it were anybody, you were sure the boys would've been sick or had long given up, especially when the company was about to file bankruptcy in their earlier years.
From the bone shattering dances, exhausting practices and routines stretching from dawn till dusk, you were thankful Seokjin was there to catch the others when they fall.
It was a hard task nobody would've assumed since selfishness is a built-in trait of a human yet Seokjin proved you wrong when he stayed up every night despite the muscle cramps and exhaustion weighing his bones to cook for his members, taking the role of the eldest like it was a second nature despite being the youngest in his family.
He barked out a half-hearted laugh as his red ears brightened from the compliment. “I already know that of course!”
“Thank you for everything, Jin.”
His face crumpled when he laughed bashfully, the bright hue in his ears crawling to dusk his cheeks as well. It didn't take long before he recovered and like clockwork, in reaction to being flustered by compliments, he got defensive and raised the saucer threateningly at you.
“Ya! If you're planning to compliment me, at least be original! I'm done hearing about how wide my shoulders are from ARMY and how reliant I am from the others! We've been together for years, do better and be original with your compliments!”
It was a joke, obviously.
But staring at the older man childishly brandishing his cooking utensil like a bludgeoning weapon, you couldn't help but ponder about what truly pulled you into him only to realize that you've never truly dove deeper than surface level details. It was disappointing to find out how shallow you've been when expressing your appreciation for the man.
Like he said, you've always pointed out how reliable he is but never have you pointed out the small things such as the warm food he claimed have been extras and the hot soups sectioned off for you on cold days.
He was the first to approach you on the first day despite being the member who mostly kept to himself, asking you if you wanted to celebrate their Rookie of the Year win with them instead of the rowdy staff behind you. 
The first one to build a bridge leading to this deep companionship you had with the rest of the members, have you really never thanked him for that?
“You're so caring and humble despite your background and where you are right now. If it was anybody else, they would've left the boys to fend for themselves once they were able to yet you didn't stop cooking for them, for us. I don't think I have ever met a man so down to earth and as loving as you are,” You paused. “Well, except Jimin but if you want something more original I'd say I love your hands even when you think they're weird because they—”
You didn't even realize Jin crossed the distance between you both until his hands clasped around your lips, silencing you completely.
Unlike earlier with only his ears blushing, his cheeks now glowed red, the flushed skin spreading down to his neck, continuing past the collar of his dark blue pajamas. When your eyes meet, you find his glistening with unshed tears no doubt touched by your hastily put together declaration of your appreciation for him. 
When it was clear you wouldn't continue your rant, his arms fell to your shoulders and pulled you into a tight embrace. 
His violent heartbeats thudding against his chest was the first thing you've heard before you registered the stuttered exhales and his gentle saccharine scent filling your senses, clouding your brain completely. For a moment, it was just you and him in the kitchen, hugging a little longer than friends should be.
But then again, since when have you guys ever drawn the line on how platonic touches should last?
“God… You gotta stop doing that.”
“I'm just following what you told me like a good dongsaeng and I think I did exceedingly well on it. Does that guarantee a deduction on my pay deduction?”
There's an odd, invisible weight that lifted off of you, something you didn't even realize you were carrying. But there's also a tinge of guilt pinching the edges of your heart.
Jin was the first to approach you, and the first to confess four years ago. He was all shy looks and sweet smiles, his sweet words accompanied by a bouquet of flowers that must've cost him more than he could've gotten from being an idol of a new group. 
When Jin loves, he gives his all and doesn't think twice to give half of himself as well. In a way, he and Yoongi were alike, just with different approaches.
He was open and unapologetic while Yoongi was subtle and often silent.
His laugh twinkled in your ears but it dwindled later on, as if he remembered something towards the end of his mirth. “You're driving me crazy, how am I supposed to move on when you're this lovely?”
Hearing him confirm your suspicion about his crush—is it even called that at this point?—relieved you from an unknown anxiety most likely sparked by Jungkook's words a few nights ago. Why are you even relieved hearing him still liking you when all you've done is hurt him?
“You're such an idiot, you know that?”
“Love makes you do the stupidest thing but I don't think I've ever regretted ever falling for you.”
He pulls away, a gentler, softer smile now tugging his lips up.
“God, you made me sappy! My god, my soup!” 
Even without the warmth of his embrace, you could feel it radiate in the small space of the kitchen. You continued your work as Jin fuzzed about the seaweed soup behind you, bathing in the domesticity of it all.
Your phone vibrates loudly in your bag on the island counter. Wiping your hand on your apron, you opened it to see Jimin’s messages.
           [18:56] Mimi: seokjin hyung told me to buy the strongest alcohol 
           [18:57] Mimi: any idea why he’s being weird?
           [18:57] You: I’ll tell jin that you called him weird
           [18:57] You: but yes
           [18:57] You: I’ll tell you all later why
           [18:58] Mimi: 🤨
           [18:58] Mimi: not if I get you drunk in the first ten minutes
           [18:58] You: I’d like to see you try, pretty boy
Your phone vibrated again. Namjoon had texted you, seeing the preview you rolled your eyes.
            [18:59] Joonie: Seokjin hyung didn’t say but I already figured it out
            [18:59] Joonie: You'd hear enough from Yoongi hyung later but
[18:58] Joonie: I told you so
[18:58] You: I hope you trip and fall on shit🥰
[18:59] Joonie: Love you too, noona😁
[18:59] You: blocked🚫
“I'm not seeing enough chopping, young lady. Get back to your station!” Jin jokingly scolds. With a laugh, you return to your spot.
By the time some of the boys arrived—except Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung, no doubt pre-gaming somewhere—it was already ten and some of the dishes were plated, ready to be eaten in the dining room. If it wasn't for both your and Jin's advanced thinking to ready the bowl of rice and their plates beforehand, they would have starved to death as Yoongi dramatically puts it before blaming Hoseok for draining them out the whole day.
The man in question just laughed in response before shrugging and rebuking their ‘accusations’, saying it wasn't even that hard. To this, Yoongi grumbled under his breath and Namjoon rolled his eyes.
A few minutes later, the maknaes entered, cheeks all flushed except for Jimin who was holding up a bag full of canned alcohol as if it was game from an all-day hunt.
You thanked Jimin silently for drinking the birthday boy tipsy enough to make the dinner energetic instead of the awkwardness you thought it'd be due to what happened a few days ago. There's fleeting eyes you've caught in between jokes he made, either pouring with adoration or longing, you tried to not to pay it much mind.
But of course, the alcohol pouring could only go for so long before you're all lounging in the living room to talk about anything that comes to mind. It was half an hour short from the clock tickling to twelve, signifying Jungkook's actual birthday.
The conversation started off tame with Taehyung questioning the animals who sleep standing to something more elaborate with Yoongi asking everyone's opinion about some decrypt conspiracy theory surrounding the rich of the west. It was all fun and games when Taehyung, lost in his own mind running with the most random thought, sluggishly pointed at you and asked:
“Wh-why aren't you checking your phone? G-Guwon hyung haven't been texting you yet?”
Many heads turned to you who was practically boneless in between a tipsy Hoseok and a still sober Yoongi. You didn't even need to look to know the look of concern Jin was throwing your way.
But everything was hazy, your head throbbing from the alcohol. The words slipped past your lips before you could think about it.
“We parted ways… He accused me of sleeping around when I said I didn't want to go on a trip with him tomorrow ‘cause I didn't want to skip Jungkookie's birthday.”
Hoseok patted your shoulder and Yoongi nodded, face indifferent as usual. Despite the reaction of the boys on both sides, not everyone in the circle held the same opinion it seems.
“You didn't have to decline it, noona. You-you’ve been with us for years, missing one wouldn't hurt me much.”
Jungkook's voice was softer as if he had sobered up from the revelation and you waved him away.
“What are you saying? I couldn't leave when we weren't alright.” You glimpsed at Jin before continuing. “Besides, he was planning to propose and I'm glad he couldn't anymore.”
In your drunken mind, the information didn't carry much weight but the pin drop silence following your words did, you guessed that it must've been. However, it didn't last long when Taehyung jumped up to his feet and punched the air as if Korea just scored the final score in FIFA.
The boys look at him with wide eyes, shocked by his reaction. Jimin recovers and tries to tug him down but a drunk Taehyung is determined, with a will stronger than a monk's resilience and patience, no one could stop him from doing what he wanted.
And that was bumping his glass on your forehead, a little harder than it should've been if he was sober and you reel back, a hand over your forehead.
“Noona! you're free again! Do you know what that means?!”
“Ok that's enough for you tonight. Let's get you to bed.” Jimin says, chuckling awkwardly as he stands behind his best friend, wrapping his arms around his waist before dragging him away.
“Why? Can't I just congratulate noona from recognizing something was off instead of ignoring it like most do? Noona,” He turned to you, bottom lip jutted out. “It's not bad that I'm celebrating right?”
Seokjin’s laugh was nervous when he rose to usher the man away as well. “Alright, lets all calm down so we don't accidentally say something while drunk.”
“Fuck yeah! I-I don’t even know why I even believed his lies, he’s a lawyer for fucks sake!”
“Not that it ever stopped you before. I still don't understand why you couldn't have married one of us instead.” Jungkook cuts in, suddenly irritated.
Somehow, the tension in the room grew tenfold and everyone sits up, alert and ready to interfere if their youngest decides to let the alcohol take control of him. Your brain clears once it registered the annoyance in his voice, heart dropping to the soles of your feet.
“Jungkook—”
“I just think it's a bullshit excuse and you know it. You told that to Jin-hyung four years ago and have repeated it ever since. We’re all adults now, we can handle a little rejection and who’s to say we can’t date when we’re the only idol running the company. You say it's because you don’t want to choose but aren’t you just instilling false hope in us?” 
He stood as he grew more agitated but Jin pushed him down, eyes stern as he stared down at their youngest. Seeing the conflict brew between them, the growing guilt built by years of spending time with them reawakened.
It tied your stomach in a knot and felt like a building had dropped onto your heart.
As if sensing your emotions, Yoongi’s hand found your shoulder to give it a squeeze.
“You’re not thinking straight so stop it,” Jin excuses as he turns to you with an apologetic smile. “He’s just drunk, he doesn’t—”
“I know what I’m saying and I think you’re being too biased here hyung!”
“Jungkook…” Hoseok calls from next to you, voice low, a warning.
“You too! She’s also your friend, why aren’t you pointing out how she’s just playing with us? Why are you only calling me out?”
“Because you’re being a stupid drunk right now, Jungkook. Stand down .” Yoongi ordered, voice firm and warning. His arms are crossed as he stared their youngest down but the maknae wasn’t intimidated by it, if anything, the fire in the older man’s eyes only fueled the anger boiling within him.
In years you’ve watched over them, never once has Yoongi scolded their youngest past Run BTS contents, leaving the reprimanding to their oldest and leader. For him to call him out and seeing them grow agitated by each other’s presence, dread loomed over you with your nightmares threatening to come true. 
This isn’t how tonight’s party was supposed to go.
“Isn’t there anyone who’d agree with me at how absurd all of this is?!” His head snapped at Namjoon who’s watching with a careful eye. “Hyung, surely you can also see it!”
Throughout the exchange, Namjoon had sat back and watched the interaction from the sidelines instead of interfering on the first hint of a fight breaking out. Even when the situation becomes a little aggressive, he stays silent but you don’t doubt that he’d be the first to stand if the disagreement becomes volatile and inching towards physical.
That's what he always has done, observed and let the high rise of emotions eventually tides down to a calm on their own. He's a leader, he's supposed to be fair and to do so, he must first understand both sides before taking action. He also trusts his own team to temper their own ire after years of being together.
But now that he's forced to join the argument, he sighed and stood. Seokjin stepped away as he approached their youngest with both hands placed on his shoulders to sit him back down. 
Obediently, Jungkook follows.
“While I do see where you’re coming from, I think it's a bit unfair that you’re blaming her for being scared.” Jungkook opens his mouth but a firm shake of Namjoon’s head shuts him up. “Don’t start again. There’s a power imbalance here kid. If her choosing someone could cause a problem, we’d get off scot free but not her. In the eyes of the company, she’s disposable—”
“But she’s not.”
“She is. In their eyes at least. By having her around causing problems for us, she’s nothing but a thorn in their side that they should remove. If she had dated one of us and eventually broke up, it would cause an awkwardness and riff between guys especially if it ended on a bad note and BigHit won't stand for it. You know how important this job is for her, right?”
They stared at each other for a long while, both unrelenting in silence. You all waited with bated breath, Namjoon was the only one who could diffuse the situation and if he fails, then who else could possibly calm the maknae down?
Turning to the clock, you bit your lip at the time.
It was nearing Jungkook's actual birthday, three minutes short before both hands ticked to twelve.
Which meant it would have to start during the denouement of an argument. The thought planting discomfort in your stomach. Such a happy celebration shouldn't be welcomed like this.
In the midst of raised voices and pointing fingers, Taehyung has completely sobered up from where he sat between Jimin’s thighs, staring beady eyed at the situation in his friend’s arms. Sensing your gaze, he turned to you with a sheepish, apologetic smile when Jungkook's heavy sigh broke through the silence.
His head fell to his chest as Namjoon removed his hands from his shoulders yet his eyes remained on their youngest’s hunched form.
“You get what we're trying to say now, do you?”
“Y-yeah…”
“Anything you want to say, gguk?” Namjoon was talking to him like he was a kindergarten teacher and you both were kids who fought on the sandbox for the shovel, warm and understanding but the disappointment in his tone is clear as day.
Jungkook doesn't reply but he shoots up to his feet, surprising Hoseok next to you, with eyes still trained on the floor.
When he did look up to meet your gaze, it was brief and cut off by a deep bow. You reached your hands out, trying to stop him from doing so but Yoongi took one of your hands and pinned them down between his and your thighs.
Jungkook never had to bow for you and it felt wrong seeing him bent down to apologize.
“I-I’m sorry noona, I—” He trails off.
In his speechlessness in a room full of people who—while understanding where he comes from—stood behind you, he clams up and then in a flash, he’s gone, bolting from the living room and skipping up the stairs. The sound of his heavy footfalls echoing like the clock ticking down to his birthday.
The argument has been dissolved, yet it left a bitter taste on your tongue, it made you feel queasy having everyone back you up without reprimanding you as well. It was true, what Jungkook said. 
Weren't you practically leading them on by not choosing anyone? No matter how unintentional it must be, if he thinks that way then maybe everyone else in the group does, just silently.
You turned to the clock again. A minute closer to the next day.
Frustration made you want to pull your hair out but the long, lithe fingers that have entangled with yours in the middle of it all, forbade you from doing so. As if he could hear the internal debate between logic and emotions, Yoongi gave you a comforting squeeze.
But it didn't feel right, you shouldn't be sitting on your ass while Jungkook blamed himself for expressing his own opinion, sure it was a bit aggressive but you understood his frustration.
“Jungkook!” You called out, rising to your feet to follow him when Yoongi tightened his hold on your wrist and shook his head.
“He needs time to process, leave him be.”
Yet despite this, you shrugged his hold off and followed the youngest’s heavy footfalls upstairs and presumably into his room. You caught onto him in the hallway, with the door to his room opened and half of his body already inside.
“Jungkook, let us talk.”
“I-I don't want to see you right now, noona please.”
The desperation to correct the wrongs gives you a short burst of energy and you catch his wrist.
“Jungkook please, I—”
You heard the joyful chime of the clock downstairs before you heard the sweet jingles of bells.
Then you felt it.
Electric jolts shoot up from your connected hands, waking every cell and your mind awake and you almost keel over from the wave of relieving warmth washing over your body. There’s now a low hum accompanying the bells chiming in the background, the soft harmony between them sending shivers down your spine. 
You've thought of first meetings like those scenes in Hollywood movies where a kaleidoscope of colors explodes behind your eyelids, like fireworks celebrating the precious moment where the protagonists finally meet and fireworks shoot up to the sky. They talked of a brief moment of reprieve from reality, the world slowing down and feeling the most calmed you've ever been with your soulmate in hand.
Like your soul finally recognizing its pair and suddenly, everyone became a blur in the background.
Yet when you stared back at Jungkook's mirrored astonishment, your stomach bottomed out.
Because no way in hell, after all this time, you're soulmates.
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exoexid · 9 months
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i won't let anyone tell me ever again that my history degree is useless. i won't allow anyone to say that humanistic and social sciences don't count under capitalism, and aren't able to help us all """progress""", or bring significant changes to our reality. we are seeing the roots of the "no one of us can be free until everybody is free" quote (thank you maya angelou!!), and how it all comes down to learning and studying and listening to our past and the people all around the world affected by a (western established) multifaceted system that is failing now more than ever because thanks to social media and the global connection it's giving to all of us it cannot look away anymore. a system (and its enablers) that slowly but surely are being exposed and forced to take responsibility in such a impactful and inescapable domino effect.
you start by reading about i/p and then you find yourself reading and informing yourself about yemen. about the ethnocide of the uyghurs. about armenia. about sudan and tigray and the congo. about why namibia is responding to germany. about south africa, and about the numerous human rights violations north american first nations have been suffering for centuries (about the residential schools, about how many reserves don't have clean drinking water...). about thousands of refugee camps and dangerous migrations and why people risk their lives to cross the mediterranean.
it all comes down to caring, even if just a little bit, about things that happened not too long ago actually. in history terms some of them practically happened yesterday. it's beautiful to see so many people fighting for justice and for a better future, but that can only be achieved if we know our past. one of our uni professors used to tell us that we don't study history because of that saying about how a society that doesn't know its past is condemned to repeat it, but because the day might come in which someone might try to deny a fact or event that definitely happened and definitely affected some group of people, and we have to be able to identify it and correct it. we have to be able to identify if oppressive tactics of any kind are being established and pushed again, even if they aren't exactly as they used to be (because they never are) to stop them. we are here thanks to our ancestors, and we owe it to them. we cannot, we mustn't forget.
#idk i think humanity is worth it despite despite despite!!!!!!#nuance is the most important aspect when it comes to studying history i'm aware#but i honestly believe it's essential to listen to different (historian) experts. history is everywhere (for better or for worse lmao)#& it's so encouraging to see how many often overlooked poc voices are being centered in these conversations bc of all the raising awareness#and it makes me emotional seeing so many people trying to educate themselves and trying to integrate said nuance into their perspectives#writing this bc as a graduated history student i do feel like i have some sort of responsibility ¿? to listen to everyone to compare#to analyze to divulge and to amplify these voices. now more than ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's truly important#we all make mistakes and u can't be informed about everything that's why it's vital to listen and learn from those who know more than u :)#and it pains me to say it but. thank you twitter 🚬 or well. thank you to the fact that everyone is on twitter AKJSDHA#on the one hand it's cool that we can all see what's happening in the world and politicians can't get away with everything but also.#it's insane how international relations can be shaped because of some tweet in an instant like.... just thinking abt it is too much omg#but AAAA what i'm trying to say is that we cannot lose hope. things are changing!!!!!!! the more you know the more you act!!!!#(we need to bring back the working class collective consciousness from the early XXth century fr)#insert ursula k le guin saying that even tho the power of capitalism inescapable so did the divine right of kings!!!!#the world is in shambles but the world IS also ours!!#dara.t
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mewtwo24 · 5 months
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You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.
Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡
Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme
#mdzs#i was really out here thinking svsss would be my fave bc of lbh#and then i finally get around to reading mdzs and it blows my expectations out of the fucking water holy actual shit#and i just had this feeling the first time i read parts of it like 'oh. this series is going to kill me. im not coming back from this.'#and here i am booboo the fool getting my clown ass make-up on#idk how to explain it like i just fucking LOVE mxtx's takes on arrogance#that wwx is constantly being perceived as a show off and an incorrigible flirt and a know it all#how wwx cant always help the ways he acts out the desperation that has embedded itself into his very bones#how wwx only ever wanted to do the right thing and that having been so much of his downfall#how his worth and talent would always be eclipsed by virtue of his circumstances#how he's above needing recognition at his core but at the same time longs for an ounce of good will and positive recognition ->#how human he is despite his brilliance. how he never gets it no matter how hard he tries to be worthy.#like to me wwx is emblematic of what it means to be poor/an immigrant in high places#always villified always alien always wrong always unwelcome#no matter how clever or capable or kind youll always be an eyesore because you don't 'act right'. not 'one of them.' you never will be.#i just...the way he just wanted it all to be over by the end. the way he didnt even want to come back to life. that he was sick of it all.#im rattling the bars of my cage i love him I LOVE HIM i love him#i understand you lan wangji (and i love lwj too)#and even lan wangji too like. the way so many of their issues in the beginning stems from that self-same problem#how lwj couldn't live with his out of control feelings how he too couldn't quite lay down his pride#how lwj was also trapped by the expectations of his clan in his own way how so much of their separation was a form of penance#that the calamity of wwx's loss forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself and his life#how he was left with nothing but regret. how when wwx returns--lwj refuses to leave anything to chance this time#he refuses to let wwx be alone anymore--refuses to let him hurt himself for the sake of others refuses to just let it all happen#even if it means overstepping a boundary or propriety it doesn't matter--as long as wwx stays with him. pride be damned#god i just can't i just can't do it im biting im ripping things apart GOD#will also say the jokes about lwj being like. 'strict moral compass or BUST.' and then wwx literally committing like 17 felonies in the bg#while lwj is like 'crimes? what crimes. nothing to see here.' NEVER stops being funny. like i was pissing myself laughing#i know its a known trope but by god are they hilarious about it#also. lan qiren how many times do your nephews have to go catatonic for you to stop with the catholic guilt and repression
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toytulini · 5 months
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really irritating that the avenue of communication i keep open bc i pay the phone bill keeps using it to inundate me with fucking Ads?
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#toy txt post#I DONT WANT A NEW PHONE. I DONT WANT AI. LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS THERE IS A FUCKING PROBLEM. GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE#@both SAMSUNG AND VERIZON. ROT#the best part is that they ALSO keep sending me shit like 'agree to opt in to whatever the fuck new terms and conditions to continue#recieving offers! LAST CHANCE!#it never is the last chance and not interacting with it or actively opting in somehow never makes them stop sending me the fucking#offers! youre a liar and piece of shit#youre not getting my fucking s10. im not trading in jack shit. i will keep it until it is fucking bricked#i still have my old HTC one maxx or whatever and i am only now considering send that to some sort of erecycling place if i can#bc it is reaching fully non functional levels despite turning on still so ig i should wipe it and see if it can be taken apart and things#reused. hopefully. i know its inefficient and expensive to do that but idk i think maybe we're looking at the cost wrong. idk. no nvm#i was gonna say maybe it doesnt have to be if you actually valued the human lives youre throwing into the precious metals mines#but quite frankly it does feel like theyre gonna make it cheaper to recycle parts by doing the exact same shit and juat having someone they#see as worth less as a human being paid pennies to hunch over a stupid bricked device and pull miniscule amounts of precious metals out#instead of the mines. that might be marginally better working conditions than The Mines idk. theyll find a way to make cruelty the point#tho im sure. god#also#256gb???? 256gb??? are you fucking kidding me??? die#the s10 has over 500 and ive discovered i CAN in fact fit 1tb microSD card. rot and die. you are nothing to me. useless.
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biosh0ck · 3 months
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i think i should kill myself not necessarily as a desire to be dead but because i think life is incredibly boring and even moments of genuine joy dont particularly make living 70+ years of basically Nothing and Chores worthwhile. i want to see if theres another universe ill go to. and if theres not then at least i dont have to do laundry and to work anymore
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Meursault would like Ayn Rand and you cannot convince me I'm wrong on this
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iriswritesforyou · 1 month
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His Mona Lisa
Warning - small violence, prejudice against mutants, and maybe some other things? IDK
Word count - 1,889
Description: Reader is a human art teacher at the school. You and Logan had both been giving each other eyes for a while now but things heat up during a field trip.
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Charles Xaiver had asked you, a human, to teach at his school for mutants, as an art teacher. You were reluctant at first, not because you were scared of mutants but because you felt as if you had nothing to offer them. Your only gift rested in your ability to paint and draw, to bring the images in your mind to life, and to help the youth do the same. 
It was rocky at first, the kids were hesitant to warm up to you and you were hesitant to discipline them but that all changed one day when you introduced them to what you liked to call ‘splat balloon painting’. You had set up a canvas for each kid with balloons filled with paint next to them outside, encouraging them to throw them at the canvases. The kids loved it so much and getting paint all over you was definitely worth watching them smile and laugh. The true solidarity came when one of the kids' powers acted up and you got freezing cold acrylic paint all over you. The kid expected you to be angry like most humans would but you werent, to their surprise you just laughed it off and assured the kid you were fine. 
After that day your class was one of the favorites among the students, even the kids who had hated art in previous years found themselves enjoying your class. 
And then there was Logan, the combat instructor teacher who plagued your thoughts and little did you know you plagued him as well. It all started when one of your kids came to class all battered up and looking worse for wear claiming it was from Logan’s combat class. You didn't know much about Logan and you didn't know much about his class but you did know that your students shouldnt be showing up to class looking like they just got beat up in an alleyway. 
So you marched down into the lower levels of the school determined to scold Logan like a parent would a child. 
He was quite surprised to see a young human woman dressed in paint covered overall hanging off one of her shoulders, paint brushes stuck in her hair, and mismatched jewelry stomping up to him.
He had heard about you of course, there was a stir when you joined the campus, people whispered about you with some saying you didn’t belong and others thinking your presence would be good for future relations between humans and mutants, he didn't particularly care. This was the first time he had seen you through and you certainly left your mark on him huffing and puffing about how the kids shouldnt be showing up to class battered and bruised. 
If Logan was being honest, despite what most people thought his reaction would be, he wasn't annoyed or angry, in fact he found it a little endearing how you cared for the kids, but he pushed that down and explained to you how it wasn't his intentions but the kids have to learn somehow. 
A couple months had passed since then and you and Logan were cordial to each other, you smiled at each other in passing but nothing more than that but the rest of the teachers and even students could see how both of your eyes always found each other in a room. 
Things started to heat up when you scheduled a field trip for the students to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and Logan was going with you to help you watch the kids.
Logan knew he should have been paying more attention to the kids but he couldn't help but keep his eyes on you, the way you smiled when you explained the exhibits or how you lit up when they would ask questions. And you couldn't help but notice his watchful gaze, mostly on you and it unnerved you. Why was he staring? Was there something wrong with the way you were dressed? Something on your face? 
“Alright I want everybody to find a partner and split up, the sheet of paper I handed you all lays out the entire place and all of the attractions. Please, remember to meet up back here in an hour.” You told the kids as Logan came up beside you and you smiled at him gently “And you and I will be walking around keeping an eye on them.” he didn't say anything but nodded. 
You both had wandered over to the Museum history panel and read the date 1870, was Logan born just after that? 
“Can I ask you something personal?” He didn't even have to think about it before answering “Yes.”. 
“It says this place was founded in 1870.” your voice dropped into a whisper “weren't you born around then?” He snapped his face towards you while you stayed looking away. He wondered how you knew that you and him hadn't had a conversation in months. 
“How did you know that?” You now turned to face him completely, faces close and heart racing, he could hear it. Your eyes were locked onto each other and he couldn't help but study how the light danced in them and skin became flushed under the cool lighting, he thought he was making you scared and took a step back. He wouldn't admit it but he didn't want to take a step back. He wanted to take a step closer. 
“I’ve been - asking around, about you. I'm sorry, I should have asked you but-.” Unspoken words held in the air. 
It was your guilty pleasure to find out more about Logan, the more you knew the more you had answers and you couldn't ask him, he was, well, him. 
“You could have just asked me.” He said. You thought he would be mad, furious even but instead he looked hurt. “You're right Logan, and I’m sorry. If I’m being honest you intimidate me a little.” 
He raised one of his brows at you, he knew he had that effect on people but he didn't want it on you. “Well, you don't have to be. I don't want you to be.” His gruff voice made you stay locked onto him. 
Time could have passed for a hundred years and you both could have stayed right there forever but time didn't care what you wanted as a blood curdling scream snapped you both back to reality. 
Over in the Egyptian side of the room one of your kids and a human boy were having an all out brawl with your kid winning. Logan got there faster than you and pulled him off while the human boy quickly got up and spat at the ground by your feet, “mutant.” 
That one word was all it took for your kid to start kicking in Logan's arm, trying to claw his way back over to the human boy while he just stood there glaring. You quickly walked over to the human boy and grabbed his forearm,  “where are your parents?” and it was as if they heard you. 
A lady in an expensive looking green suit and a man twice the size of you came over, the woman with tears in her eyes, hyperventilating and the man getting red in the face with anger. 
“Let go of my son!” the man huffed getting up into your face, so close you could see the pimple about to burst on his nose. Letting go of his son you took a step back and he took one again closer to you. “Mutant bitch” It was two words now that snapped Logan into action, as he had been watching the exchange with the kid still fighting in his arms. Quickly, Logan let him go, not caring if he went back over to the human boy and started another fight. No, his only concern was you. 
Stepping in between you and the man, blocking him from your sight, they stood toe to toe. Logan was clearly taller and stronger than the man but that did nothing to deter him “And you must be her mutant bastard”. You grabbed the back of Logan's clothes hoping he wouldn't start something “Logan” you gently whispered. Logan may be an angry man but it was never for himself, he wouldn't start anything. 
It wasn't until you stepped around Logan hesitantly, still keeping your grip on him and started to try and mend the situation. “Please, ma’am, sir, we are truly, very sorry. And -”, a sickening slap echoed around the now quiet room, he had hit you and Logan wasn't going to let that slide. 
In the blink of an eye Logan pulled you back and into the arms of your mutant students who had now gathered around the both of you and punched the guy right back. 
Chaos exploded, the woman shrieked as Logan had the man jacked up against the wall as he cried, half of your kids went for the human boy who had bullied your kid and the other half stuck by you as you stood there in shock. 
It took ten security members to pry off Logan and the aftermath was quite horrific. Blood was on the walls and floors, but only the man and his boy had seriously gotten injured with your mutant students only having minor bumps and bruises. 
They would have hauled Logan off to jail if it wasn't for Charles showing up and sweet talking to them, promising not just financial compensation for the museum but for them personally as well, the human family too. 
It wasn't until you got back to the school that you really felt the pain in your upper cheek bone and eye. As you were about to open your door Logan stood there with his fist raised about to knock. 
“I’m so sorry Logan.” He didn't say anything back, his eyes not wavering from a particular spot on your face. He reached towards it and gently touched it making you hiss and jerk back “I should have hit him harder.” 
You shook your head in disbelief  “No, anything more and you would have gone to jail Logan.” 
“You need to go down to the infirmary.” He took your hand in his. “That's actually where I was about to go.” but he still held your hand and led you to the infirmary. 
“I’m sorry.” The gruff man apologized this time.
“Why?” he stopped and fully turned to you, feeling ashamed for running your first field trip. 
“It was a shitty field trip, your first one.” you shrugged but still stayed looking at him “I'm more upset about not being able to tour the museum, I've always wanted to go.” 
He felt guilty now, he knew art was your passion and he didn't even think about that part of the debacle. 
“I'll make it up to you, I'll take you next time.” He couldn't even believe the words that had come out of his mouth but he wanted to take them back, not because he didn't want to but because he assumed you wouldn't want to go with him. But to his surprise a smile grew on your face “Like a date?” 
There was a beat of silence as he gazed down at your beautiful face and gave a small smile down at you “Like a date sweetheart.” 
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doghart · 5 months
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i’m catching up on tsv, i think something that eskew prod does extremely well is using horror absurdism to capture the absurd horror of capitalism. it’s clear in eskew too, but i think it’s especially fantastic in the silt verses. the casualness with which sacrifice is discussed. how red lobster has a god that has and continues to take human sacrifice, and so do cereal companies, cops, and the grueling start up that has a “fun room”. it captures EXTREMELY well how it feels to live under capitalism, that you’re constantly bombarded with horrible things, discussed cheerily in a nice tone. the way it’s simultaneously numbing, hysterical, and horrifying. i think i was especially fond of how in ep 39, protest against sacrifice was taken as radical, a propostorus, idealistic thing that’s just so SILLY it’s not even worth considering, something that feels very real to revolutionary organizing/protest irl. i also liked how despite the face, when everything gets down to it, when everything is about profit, all people come down to are bodies. all capitalism is a gaping maw, and it eats the poor and marginalized first, but doesn’t STOP eating just there. the very literalized version of this, where the profit wheel (and all that includes— war mongering, the prison industrial complex, wage labor, etc) is given a very real literal set of teeth, but the body count is the same. so the electric company has a god, and so it takes humans sacrifice. do real electric companies not have a very real human cost? overworked and underpaid labors looking to make rent, or well off comfortable employees no less likely to get the axe under profit margins, or the blood shed when colonizing in the first place, in clearing the space for the electric company to move in. is that not also a very real human sacrifice? the commercial aimed at elderly people talking about “back in my day, we would just talk about all this human sacrifice and find a compromise :)” is so bleakly hysterical, but is that not very accurate? that you can put a good face on it, but in the end what it comes down to is that you’re being sold the chance to be human fodder? that there is no glory or honor on a battlefield or in working yourself to death, just mud and shit and bodies to throw at problems. idk! i’m rambling but it’s a deeply engaging podcast.
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heph · 2 months
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Call me crazy for reading so much into a show like House MD but I think the main theme of House is that despite doing everything perfectly and being a good person, shit happens.
Sickness and pain will be inflicted on you and your loved ones and there's nothing you can do about it, but to persevere, to fight for your life, to keep living despite it all - to love is a part of the human condition; our capability of love is what makes life worth living, despite all the pain that you will inevitably experience.
This show exemplifies the pain of living and the needs and desires of human beings to keep going despite it all
And idk... There's something beautiful about how a show with so many stupid whimsical dumb scenes can impart something so profound in my stupid little brain
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jess-the-vampire · 4 months
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Professor Caduceia and Snakely
Checked out the storyboard for the deleted s1 episode "Homesick"
You can read it here : https://t.co/WpZJFWbR48
I just loved these cut villains, one whose design def seemed like it was given to raine when they got cut. (I wonder if the color palette was similar, but we don't have a reference to that so idk)
Thoughts on the cut episode below:
An episode where king and owlbert of all characters bond is kinda neat, especially since it provides owlbert himself a bit more character here.
The opening is def far different from any of the final ones we ever see in the series, in fact it feels like it should be taking place during the episode but it can't be given we see hooty from being sick to not being sick in pretty chronological order?
A focus on the healing coven was nice to see, especially since we never got that in the show itself, and get some idea of their powerset and what they do magic wise.
So Manny was an ambulance driver, and Camila was a nurse in this. People originally assumed camila was a nurse when the show started, and it makes me wonder if that was changed between seasons at some point cause clearly the crew decided to change her profession and it's unclear why.
you can use your palisman as a communicator? and an umbrella? I do think it's so weird that even at the very end of the show, they establish brand new rules for palisman. Like them being able to shapeshift into objects is straight up not explained and just sorta....happens in the show, like i feel like hunter would have no issue hiding flap if this is a thing. (It also kinda makes stringbean's ability slightly less unique) Like this is displayed in these boards, but they kept it even in the show itself, and i think palisman might need a proper rulebook.
On that same note, owlbert uses magic in this board, like we kinda knew palisman could do some magic without a witch, but this is the only time we've seen one use it to fight another witch that wasn't the batqueen. Like owlbert tries to full on blast people in this. I don't know if removing this episode makes this ability less canon in the world itself since they still can do magic in the show, it's just worth noting that palisman, according to this board, CAN fight back, even if they're not incredibly strong it seems. Certainly the kinda thing that makes you think on other episodes tbh.
This episode also brings up the idea that eda actually CAN and DOES bring human food to the BI, which never happens in the show, in fact luz implies she gets to eat very little options there, so this idea seems no longer canon?
The demon hunters at one point don't even seem to recognize owlbert as a palisman, which does not entirely make sense given they seem to be mostly common to the townsfolk, so I'm kinda glad for that plot hole being gone.
Caduceia makes it out like the emperor's coven forced her to teach? and she thought handing over a house demon to belos would get her out of teaching as if it were some kinda punishment or job she was made to do? I have questions
side note, house demons are called rare in this, like they're not common, not sure if this still applies in the final show, but yeah.
there's some very sweet moments in this with luz and eda especially, but also some funny moments, and some jokes that land a little less....i don't think we needed Caduceia to be kissing her snake like that from that angle, even if it was meant to be a little uncomfortable.
one reason i think this episode did get cut? we got a glyph in this
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a healing glyph, which has some ties to water based on it's symbol
i'm guessing since they kept the main glyphs element based, a healing glyph would of stuck out and been a bit weird. Like it just heals people, it doesn't produce water despite looking close to the alchemy symbol for water, and well....we already got ice so this would be redundent.
so yeah, this episode introduced a new glyph that saved them in the end so it would of come back in future episodes, but to keep it simple that would mean cutting the entire episode as a whole just to keep the four.
Since they enjoyed Caduceia's design so much, they must've repurposed it for raine somewhere down the line.
very fun insight into a scrapped episode.
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dokidokitsuna · 7 months
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Tragic Sky
(very long salty rant ahead (+new Alterna backstory, though! ^^;))
So I've always thought Alterna’s backstory, despite being presented as a grand mystery that’s definitely worth fighting through 90% of the missions to uncover in its entirety…was kinda stupid. :/ I’m all for humanity destroying itself for ridiculous reasons, but trying to launch a rocket in an enclosed space?? Are you serious…? o_O How could the Alternans devote such immense amounts of time and energy to something like that without once thinking, “hey, uh…burning metric tons of high-energy fuel inside of our flammable safety dome might be a little unsafe, idk”.
And it shouldn’t even have been necessary! DX I mean, if they were able to build a dome like that in the first place, wouldn’t they have some sort of scaffolding or elevator system they could use to reach the top and just literally climb out if they wanted to leave that badly?? Had Alterna existed for so long that the technology used to create it was lost to time (seeing as it’s implied that Alterna was destroyed by its SECOND generation, I doubt it)...?? Or, did the writers suddenly realize that coming up with pseudo-scientific lore that explains why inkfishes resemble humanity is wholly unnecessary and adds nothing to the themes of Splatoon…but it was too late to rework the concept, so they just finished off the story with whatever-the-heck and called it a day. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I guess we’ll never know...
Anyway, my version of Alterna’s backstory starts with a similar premise: humans invented crystal thingies that can manifest people’s desires and whatnot…but this alone caused conflict that eventually doomed Alterna. People began to make their own interpretations of other people’s desires, judging and condemning them for how they manifested. They began treating the crystals’ reflections as compulsory measures of morality and worth, rather than simple expressions of the human heart that exist outside of a good/bad binary. Alterna’s leaders envisioned themselves creating a society of ‘pure truth’, free from the destructive power of deceit and subterfuge…all the while ignoring the destructive power of paranoia and exclusion that they immersed themselves in.
Exclusion escalated to oppression, which eventually spawned rebellion: plans were made to create a rocket that would allow a select group of ‘undesirables’ to escape Alterna for the surface world, destroying the integrity of their safe haven in the process. Despite not knowing what was waiting for them out there, they were willing to take the risk in the name of freedom. Eventually, this secret plan was revealed to the public, resulting in Alterna’s first and last civil war. As the Alternans began to fight and kill each other, the crystals were overwhelmed with the unprecedented ferocity of their clashing desires-- “a violent and terrible chain reaction ensued”, and the energy within them exploded outward. The sky dome, still filled with the beautiful blue of the peoples’ wishes for peace and happiness, came crumbling down, raining fire and shrapnel upon Alterna. The still-poisoned air of the outside world flowed freely into the cavern, ensuring the eventual death of anyone who might have survived.
…Then the crystals fell in the ocean, the sea creatures were imbued with human hopes and dreams, yadda yadda, all that’s basically the same as the canon too. And although I still think it’s unneeded (the mere concept of a bygone humanity in Splatoon carries plenty of weight without all this “lore”, imo), at least now the story isn’t stupid!
It speaks to the way humans actually treat each other, and blames their downfall on their long-established bad habits of cruelty and callousness, rather than morally-neutral traits like ambition and pursuit of the unknown (I would never have expected “curiosity killed the cat” as the lesson of the day from Splatoon, of all franchises. o_O This IS the same game that celebrates individual expression and forging your own path, right…?)
Anyway…I’m gonna be using elements of this rewritten backstory and the theme of “manifesting desires” to flesh out the final boss encounter and Agent 3’s subtle character arc. So please look forward to that~
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jave1y · 5 months
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Since yall loved my other post and I might as well lore dump and introduce my ocs
elmur is a 19 year old who was born with a curse that gives him the ability to see beings that normal naked eye can’t see. These other beings include monsters and ghosts. He grew up with azazel and yuria and they became like his own parental figures, since he didn’t have the best guardian when he was growing up. though it’s hard for him to make decisions between the two since polar opposites opposite. Yuria being more laid back and azazel being more stern and serious. But he always has his uncle Dean to be the (well the only good human figure in his life ) elmur is super chill, and he’s also kinda dumb but I love him idk, (also no one can see these creatures other than him)
Yuria is a . Well was a semi famous solo singer that was murdered in the 1980 by a fan on her wedding day. But instead of doing the usual “haunting and being sad all the time”. She takes the opportunity to have fun with her predicament, especially when death (grim reaper or death in general) is waiting for her to move on. She’s semi friends azazel but often gets into shenanigans with him due to their polar personalities. She is very chaotic, but she’s also kind of sassy. I love her. I love my wife. I’m so glad that other people love my wife. Oh and she’s also pen pals with Dean.
Azazel is a being that is known as the outsider which is a monster that is exist in the outside plane, which is where most of the monsters that Elmer can see. It’s a combination of what we see. Basically monsters that just appeared but can’t be seen. They tend to copy humans mannerisms but not all of them are friendly . Azazel is one of those friendly monsters that had basically adopted elmur. He originally knew elmurs grandmother who had unfortunately passed. So taking care of Elmer is like a justice to her. he’s a stickler for the rules and sometimes he doesn’t realize that he’s being too serious with elmur. He’s not really used to it. He’s /srs most of the time, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pissy (think of the narrator from Stanley parable)
Dean is Elmer’s uncle and he already has a lot of personal issues and like Elmur he didn’t have the best life either. He drinks a lot but he also doesn’t want his past to define who he is now. Hes a Divorced police officer and he lives his nephew elmur and his son Travis (and some extra company) Dean is aware of Elmer’s “friends” but he’s supportive of it and doesn’t like to judge or shame elmur. Despite being divorced he’s on friendly terms with his ex wife and they still talk. But Dean is mainly alone when it comes to a social life, which is why he’s been getting random letters in mail from a secretive pen pal. Let’s say on the side of yuria chaotic energy and azazels serious and /srs manner, he’s in between I didn’t be careful someone who is confused about what they want can become confused about what you’re worth
Yeah so those are my bbs
If you have any questions feel free to ask or if you wanna draw my ocs ur absolutely allowed
I love ya
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kachowden · 2 years
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hiii i love your writing so much and i’ve been deprived of jessie so my brain keeps feeding me scenarios that i desperately need you to write FOR INSTANCE: jessie using his special android abilities to spy on darling (like hacking home security, their cellphone, fun stuff <3) and maybe he sees darling in some.. compromising positions, either with other people or on their own.. idk i just need more of him please i’ll take crumbs
Yandere Android x Reader <3
Tw: Stalking, Generally creepy behavior, NSFW themes, Masturbation, Jessie is a freak, Happy Valentines Day
<>. <3 .<>
It was a slow day, even by Jessie’s standards. In a fit of anxious motivation the night before, Jessie had finished a months worth of calculations for the company and was now left with nothing to do.
Especially since his favorite worker wasn’t present today.
You had been given a paid day off due to covering for 4 other workers during the holidays.
“I need the extra pay for my cat. His allergies are acting up again.”
He was happy your work got recognized, he just wished it had been another bonus. Or maybe a day in the rest lounge. Not at the apartments. Away from him. Physically anyway.
Though he’s sure you knew he would’ve given you a bonus regardless of you actually getting any work done.
Doing a quick scan of the days schedule, noting happily, though with less enthusiasm than usual, that he had no meetings today. Which meant no interruptions and no visits to his office.
Privacy.
And of course with that privacy he’d partake in his favorite past time, typically only during weekends.
Watching you from the comfort of his monitors.
Every apartment building has a series of cameras, that only few humans were aware of. Mostly as a way of monitoring the behaviors of coworkers and looking for signs of poor mental health.
If a worker showed signs of poor health, mental or physical, they were automatically removed from the schedule until they recovered or were deemed fit enough to come back and not hinder work.
Of course if the worker decided, they could resign from coming back completely.
He feared the day that ever happened to you though. He didn’t think he would last long without you in the building. He barely lasted the weekends as it was.
That wasn’t important right now though.
Right now he just needed some B75 TLC time.
1-4-3-7
With ease he typed in the memorized address and dorm number of your apartment complex. It was as easy as doing software scans, given how often he checked in on you.
All with your health in mind of course.
Clicking through the few firewalls he smiled anxiously when the screen showed Cam 1. Your living room.
It was hard not to zoom in on various items in your home, even if he had seen them dozens of times before. And memorized their exact location.
Not that was hard for him to do.
A few portraits. A single Vase with wilted flowers from a promotion party months ago.
A cat bed where your- lovely- hairless cat layed, glaring at where the camera was despite Jessie knowing for fact it couldn’t see it.
It didn’t remove any of the chill that permeated his synthetic skin.
His switched to Cam 3, your home office. The camera was already zoomed in from a previous- visit, and as he slowly zoomed out he paused briefly. Those weren’t what he thought they were right? He knew they were yours. Of course he did.
But why was your underwear on the floor??
His synthetic skin was burned a deep cerulean blue. You weren’t a messy person by any means. And typically any article of clothes he was lucky to find was typically in your bedroom. Where there was no camera.
With shakey hands, he fooled himself into believing it was a glitch, and finished zooming out.
Jessie’s voice box glitched when he choked.
There you were, his precious, hardworking, diligent worker, leaning back in your desk chair doing-
“Ah..fucken hell..”
He forgot there were speakers.
Scrambling to plug himself into the monitor his ears flooded with the sounds of you playing with yourself.
Every lewd, beautiful sound registering and imprinting itself onto his hard drive.
The blue of his senors glowed and blinked warnling. Various pop ups appearing in his vision, warning his system that he was overheating, though he merely pushed them away, his eyes entirely unblinking as he stared at the screen.
He felt dirty. Disrespectful in a way.
But he had never felt more alive either.
And god he could not look away. All his sensors were tuned in. He couldn’t hear, or see anything but you.
The only motors that were functioning anymore were his fans and arms. Which was proven when he felt a new pressure on his-lower half and his eyes snapped down to register his hand palming against his office issued jeans.
A loud whirring sound filled the room as his fans tirelessly worked to keep the android from malfunctioning.
His artificial eyes dilating non stop before he leaned back in his large directors chair, hands finally moving to unbuckle his jeans.
A glitched moan poured from the bots lips as he carefully stroked his already unbearably hard cock.
The logistics of an android having a functioning dick was unimportant at this specific time.
Jessie watched in morbid fascination as you fucked yourself to your computer screen. He couldn’t entirely make out what you were watching, but the faint blue glow on one of the individuals was unmistakable
Holy fuck were you watching android porn?
I mean yeah androids practically dominated the industry but you had made your stance on bots very clear. Yet here you were, touching yourself to a video of- was one of those his model??
“Fuck Y/n…” The whine that poured out would’ve been embarrassing if not for his already melted shame.
His receptors took in every detail he could while his hand satiated his growing need.
God he picture it so perfectly.
Your thighs cupped perfectly in his hands, his sensors taking in the softness of your skin, taking in the heat of your very alive being. Feeling you bounce on his cock- fuck or even fucking him against his desk instead.
He gasped and moaned lewdly at what his eyes began projecting in-front of him. You looked so fucken pretty. And you’d feel so fucking good too.
The new upgrade he got would come in handy.
His hand grew quick, timing his release with your own, just to feel a little closer as one of his hands frantically shuffled through a desk drawer, yanking out a coffee stained uniform shirt. your coffee stained uniform shirt specially.
Jessie shakinly held the fabric up to his nose, inhaling deeply with a gargled moan and hunched back. His hips rutting up into his hand once he threw himself back in the chair.
Fuck he was so close- if you just-
“Mm fuck-!”
He cried out when you finally finished, relishing in your labored breaths, his own glowing release staining the mahogany desk and floor.
He panted with no breath, fans on overdrive as he tried to calm himself down, quickly plugging himself into a nearby adapter to reset and power off.
His energy sources were horrifically depleted. He needed to rest.
“I’ll clean up tomorrow…when Y/- B75 comes back….”
Famous last words moment
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taraa-dactyl · 2 years
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𝖀𝖓𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖎𝖊𝖉 𝕸𝖎𝖈𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖗𝖊𝖘
Masterlist
A/N -> Horny on main for this mf, heads up idk how to write steamy scenes and this is slightly unedited because im writing this at 5am.
Pairing -> Jake Sully x f!Reader
Summary -> Set during the events of Avatar (2009) Jake Sully is your escort through the forest as you complete fieldwork, he unknowingly comes into contact with a potent plant that causes ruts in Na’vi.
Warnings -> nsfw, p in v, cunnilingus, sex pollen, not enemies to lovers but nuisance to lovers, Na’vi!Jake x Human reader, ruts. MDNI
word count -> 2.6K
You’d been swamped since your return back to work, taking two weeks for yourself was definitely worth it to protect your sanity and reduce the chances of a burn out. However, now in an attempt to make up for the work you had missed you found yourself working late nights and early mornings, nose practically pressed to your tablet as you wrote up papers on your samples. 
You were finally given the green light to complete your own fieldwork on the condition that you had an escort with you at all times, most commonly an avatar driver. Norm was good company because you were able to bond over your mutual passion for science and the Na’vi culture. You did tend to grow exasperated when he monitored and micromanaged your work, committed to doing your work by the book, rules set by the RDA. 
Grace was way too busy to babysit you as you picked and trifled different plants and herbs, when she could be connecting with the Omatikayan people. Which left you with Jake, the perfect candidate as he was not only an avatar driver but also had a military background. 
It wasn’t that the two of you didn’t get along but you tended to butt heads over your work, he didn’t understand why your field of research was botany when scientists could be better utilised studying and researching the Omatikaya, clearly a connection and new respect for the people had formed since training with Neytiri.
Obviously he had no room to talk as he wasn’t even a scientist but that didn’t prevent him from voicing his opinions, which was definitely exacerbated by Grace and Norm’s allegiance to you.
Which brought you to this, trudging through the forest following the map downloaded on your tablet with a disgruntled ten foot tall Jake grumpily following behind you, muttering to himself about how he clearly knew more about the Na’vi because of his connection with the clan, despite you having years of training and study before you were allowed to go on the mission. Egotistical asshole. 
There was no arguing with Jake because it seemed like no matter what you said to him to defend yourself was met with laughter, clearly enjoying riling you up and getting a reaction out of you. Skxáwng didn’t feel like a strong enough word for him. 
“Are you nearly done, I need to check in with Grace before I go train with Neytiri. We’ve been out here for nearly an hour, surely you have everything you need by now.” He’s borderline whining as he playfully swats overhanging leaves out of his way.
“Calm your damn tits, I’m nearly done, it just takes a while to actually extract the samples.” You huff out with a roll of your eyes.
“Ugh I don’t have time for this, I’m supposed to go hunting with some of the warriors today.” His whining is endless, you think to yourself.
You attempt to stifle your anger with a sharp inhale. 
“You are more than welcome to leave, so I can get this done in peace. Besides, Hell’s Gate is nearby.”
“Mmm, actually I can’t. In case you haven’t noticed Grace will have me by the balls if I just leave you out here. Also you’re practically defenceless out here.” His patronising ends with a snort.
Unimpressed, you side eye him. “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, you may have an Avatar body but you're still human underneath that.” He doesn’t want to admit that it causes a pang within him.
He doesn’t respond, just walks past you to lead the way, pulling a rather large branch out of the way, waiting for you to walk through.
You finally set your equipment at the base of a tree where unruly moss sprouts and prepare your tools to harvest it.  
Jake continues to babble on behind you voicing his dissatisfaction and urges you to hurry up. You ignore the grunt he lets out when he sags to the floor, which soon turns to exaggerated sighing. You’re so focused on your work that you don’t notice when he runs his fingers over the plants around him with abandon. A patch of cerulean blue growths hidden from your view when you first walked into the clearing are the first thing he touches, enjoying the texture on his fingers as he picks at it and rubs it between his thumb and forefinger. 
You only pull out of the trance that you find yourself in when focusing when his sighing ceases, the sudden silence a forewarning. 
Jake stifles the urge to burst out laughing when he sees the size of your widened eyes, almost bursting out of their sockets.
“What? I’m letting you focus.” The blue coats his fingers now.
“Oh my god.”
“Oh my god what?” His prominent eyebrows knit together.
“Oh my god.”
He’s alarmed now. “Can you say anything other than oh my god?”
“Jake those are microspores, why would you touch a random plant?” Your voice is a whisper as you stare at him in disbelief.
“Eh it’s fine, it’s just a random plant.” He shrugs.
“No! It’s not fine, that random plant has spores on it that can trigger Na’vi ruts!” You exclaim, thumb and forefingers pinched together as you enunciate each word. His understanding of the situation dawns on him. 
“You mean- like the horny animal thing?” Not how you would describe it but you nod anyway.
You voice your thoughts as they run through your mind. “Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Grace-no what could she possibly do? Maybe the Tsahik or healers, surely they have a treatment to prevent it. Ok, yes.” You nod in finality.
Your tools are swiftly packed away as you usher Jake towards Hometree with urgency. He follows you blindly as you drag him by the forearm, he’s careful to slow his steps so he doesn’t bump into you. 
You find yourselves jogging through the forest with abandon, no longer attempting to clear branches and debris from the path. Jake’s steps begin to slow as you’re about halfway to Hometree and you glance back in confusion. 
“I don’t think you understand the severity of your predicament, we have to get you to the Tsahik before it kicks in.” You tug on his arm in an attempt to get him moving again. When you turn to face him, his large chest is heaving in an attempt to get enough air to his lungs. 
He licks his lips and breaks it to you with a shaky sigh, “I- I won’t get there in time, listen to me closely I need you to get to the Tsahik and tell her what is happening, tell her I sent you and ask for an escort back to Hell’s Gate.”
“What! No, c’mon we’re almost there.” Your confusion is palpable.  
He says your name to gather your attention. “If you don’t leave now, I won’t be able to control myself…around you.” He’s hesitant to add the end of the sentence.
You don’t budge, mind already made up.
“Jake, I’m not leaving you. we’ll work something out, surely a hunter or someone wandering will find us.” You’re urging him to go along with you.
His lips part and quiver as he finds the words to say. “I’m…out of time, it’s starting. If you don’t go now I will not be able to restrain myself.” 
You double down on your stance and come to a decision, “Fine, then don’t, because I’m not leaving.” You hold eye contact in the hopes he will understand your meaning. Thankfully he does.
He attempts to say something but quickly abandons it, bending at the waist to pull you close to him, chests flush together. His glazed eyes stare into yours hazy with lust, a final questioning for permission. A searing and hungry kiss is all he needs before his palm grasps your jaw, in an effort to deepen the kiss. Your lips part, his tongue enters and you’re hyper aware of your shared breaths mingling and intertwining with one and other. 
You’re almost embarrassed by how quickly you feel the effects of Jake in your senses, his masculine scent invades your nose, comforting and enticing all at once. You’re almost dizzy from his strong chest and muscled arms pulling you as close as possible. Weak knees force you to rely on him to hold you up and keep you from toppling over, surrendering to his hold. You’re thankful you can’t form Tsaheylu because he would feel the immediate reaction the stimulation has on you, nipples swelling and pressing against the thin material of your shirt, a slick wetness growing between your folds. 
He’s hesitant to pull apart from the kiss, finally concedes and forces the words out. “This is not how I wanted to do this. I wanted to take you out, wanted to take care of you.” He’s distracted by your lips, his breaths puff against your swollen lips. You glance up at him in confusion but let the thought go when he delves back into you.
He cups your cheeks gently as he plants all the passion and lust he’s clouded with onto you. You're forced to hold onto the backs of his hands as he walks you backwards till you’re leaving against the smooth bark of a tree. 
Now that you have some stability he parts from your body, planting kisses down the slopes of your face arriving at the innermost sensitive skin of your neck. He kisses, nips and suckles causing your eyes to fall shut once again and you can’t control the breathy gasps and quiet moans that escape through your parted lips.
Your head thumps back against the bark resulting in Jake’s new focus being your heaving breasts, that he has to admit look enticing. He abandons his task and is quick to grope at them before giving up and scrambling to pull the hem of your cotton shirt up and over your head. The folds of your skin and weight of your breasts jostle, he takes a moment to take in your form in all of its glory. Soft and delicate in comparison to his hardened warrior physique. 
His plump lips attach to your perked nipple, sucking and licking over and over until the sensitivity takes a hold of you, producing a moan from you. You want to smack him when you feel his lips quirk into a smirk, instead settling on running through the long tresses of his hair, groping and palming his queue. He whimpers, and now it’s your turn to smirk. Large hands trace down your ribs then stomach, kneading and pushing into the skin.
He pulls away from you, swiftly dropping to his knees, now level with your crotch. He looks up at you sending you a comforting smile that turns cheeky when he slides his hands around and gives your ass a squeeze. You blush and can’t suppress the shy smile that takes over your features.
You want to laugh and simultaneously aw while he scrambles to untie your boots and slide them off your feet.
All his focus is put on pulling your belt open and popping the button of your tactical pants, promptly sliding them and your underwear down your legs and holding the backs of each calf as you step out of them. 
Finally bare in front of him, he places a wet kiss to the space above your mound and slinks down to lick up your slit, lapping up and down before finally landing where you want him. Darting his tongue in fast circles on your clit and sucking softly which changes pace every so often. He continues on the seconds trickling into minutes before finally pulling away, your slick stringing from his lips. He goes back to pepper a few more kisses along your pussy, before pulling away again with a shake of his head.
“No, I’m going to have you around my cock when you cum.” There’s no room for argument when he pulls at you and moulds you into the position he wants. Your back is pressed into the forest floor, legs pulled apart and bent. His patience wears thin and is apparent when he pulls roughly at the ties of his loincloth, removing the offending material. He spreads the sticky fluid around the tip of his cock and pumps it, hips stuttering into his fist.
You’re entranced by the stripped pattern around his member, large and pulsating and prepare yourself.
The spores have full control of him now desperation and lust all culminating in him yanking you further closer to him by your thighs, he finally has you where he wants you. He slides his cock against your sticky folds, grinding on you before pulling back and aligning his head with your entrance. 
As he pushes in slowly, careful to not hurt you, the stretch is delicious pulling a loud high-pitched moan from deep within you. Heat flares all over your body, your eyes close in ecstasy as he pushes further and further into your wet heat. When he bottoms out and your clit is flush with his skin you take in a breath in an attempt to compose yourself. 
Slow pumps in and out give away, he’s unstoppable now, a brutal place that reminds you he’s under the effect of this carnal rut. He burrows into your neck placing more kisses across your glistening skin.
A resounding wet pap occurs every time he pushes back in, slick and sweat coats both of your skin, blending together, and you don’t know where he ends and you begin. He’s everything you’ve ever known and all you want, there are no words to describe the passion and connection you feel, undoubtedly reciprocated by him.
Grunts and moans echo throughout the immense forest, pure pleasure and fulfilment between the two of you. You’re hiding your face in his neck, it does nothing to muffle your moans and unrelenting gasps. 
You both make the steady climb to the apex of your orgasms, pleasure building steadily in the pit of your stomach as he hits the soft spot deep in you over and over, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. 
He reads you so easily. “I’m not pulling out.” There’s no room for argument, though realistically you don’t have one.
All you can do is nod against him as you stammer out that you’re close.
You finally reach your peak, pulsing and clenching around his cock, somehow more slick runs down his length and a long drawn out moan is inescapable. You look up at him wanting to memorise the lines and groves of his face, the white dots and freckles spread across the bridge of his nose. He stares deep into your glassy eyes and lets out a stuttering breath, eyebrows raising when he joins you at the peak. 
Warmth spreads within you as his hips stutter against you, gasping breaths intermingling, enjoying the remnants of the shared orgasm. 
When you both stop grinding and moving against one another's body, you remain like that, coiled within each other soaking up the aftermath. When he’s ready to move, he pulls out with a final deep groan, potent seed slowly dripping out of your sensitive cunt and trickles down to your puckered asshole.
“Beautiful.” He mutters with appreciation.
You untangle from one another and he shapes your malleable form onto your side and settles behind you, face nestling into your neck, sweat cooling. You both lie there in the afterglow, clouded with pleasure and slight surprise about what just occurred. He places another kiss to the notch at the back of your neck, sighing in content. 
After a couple of minutes lying there basking in the exaltation, you break the silence. 
“What did you mean this isn’t how you wanted it to go?”
The haze of his rut has subsided, and he’s finally able to conceive a coherent thought. He chuckles before answering, “I was gonna wine and dine you, that is when I could grow up and stop annoying you.” 
“I’m definitely a lot less annoyed with you now.”
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revenantghost · 1 year
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I forget who in bookclub mentioned this (pls call yourself out and I'll @ you with credit in this post), but someone pointed out that we don't know if anyone knows what Meryl went through. What she knows. Wolfwood has a conversation with her earlier, but it's just about what Vash is, probably clueless as to their shared memories. Vash doesn't give any hints he has any idea what she's witnessed--he's so fearful of what he is and what he's capable of, it's possible he doesn't know what his powers are. Eventually, at the very earliest, it's seven months from now before we see her admit aloud what she's seen. And, hell. With how much Wolfwood and Vash tuck away and don't talk about, why would she feel like she could talk about it?
And yet, despite all that. Despite having trauma unlike anything she's ever known in her life before. Despite having trauma that no human should have to bear. Despite not being sure what to even do with that, with herself, with Vash (who she's seen witness and commit unspeakable horrors!). She still chooses kindness. She still chooses love and peace. She still chooses Vash.
We see a lot of people handle their trauma in really shitty ways in this story; in many ways, it's a story deeply about trauma. And Meryl, isolated and afraid and with this pain fresh within her, doesn't turn away from what she knows is good and worth saving on this hellhole planet. And, idk, I think that's beautiful, and I love her for it.
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darkbluekies · 3 months
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i wanna start writing so bad but idk where to start do u have any tips??
Okay, so this is more of a general in depth guide for a little of everything, if you don't find anything useful in this please let me know and I will try again <3 This is more for lenghty novels (which are my main writing thing) than tumblr posts, but i think that some things here could be used for tumblr too so i'm just spewing every kind of advice i have
Before writing
If you don't have an existing idea, watching movies, series and even music videos can help bring out ideas. Watch some that you like and maybe write down some moments you liked. You can always take inspiration from existing things as long as you make it your own and not copy them.
Everyone says "read more" to develop your vocabulary and I didn't really believe it, but i notice how I feel more confident in my writing after reading someone elses work. It helps you with seeing scenes from other perspective thanks to how someone else would describe a scene. I also created a document where i write down phrases and words that I'd like to remember and use for myself when I can't come up with my own words. It can look like this!
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I have always had an easy time for creating stories with a red thread,. But if you need a little help planning out your story, where things should go and when to add what, models like 'Save the cat' could be beneficial. My advice, though, is to not follow it blindly because it can result in a mass procuced feeling since it can become predictable! But I feel that it can be good to have the story somewhat planned out from the start. You don't need to know everything, but just having an overlook where you want to take it is a good thing.
When it comes to characters, try to make them have different characteristics and don't be afriad to give them traits that makes them bad. There are multiple things I don't agree with when it comes to my characters views, actions or reactions, but it makes them human and that's the best thing you can do for your characters, to make them human, real, believable.
Pinterest boards are fun and easy to keep track of the vibe of your story. It helps you save pictures of characters, their clothes, their houses, everything. I have one for every of my books, here are some ideas!
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Writing
My biggest advice (that i honestly should take too) is that your first version of something NEVER has to be good. Hell, you don't even have to like it, just get it done so that you have something to go off of when you remake it! You should have fun when you write. Sounds cheesy, but it's very true. If you feel that the story is draining you more than exciting you, leave it. You might come back to it in the future, but for now it's better to leave it and start over!
I have heard a tip that I haven't tried, but when I think about it, it makes sense. Someone suggested to take a book and copy it, word for word, into a document for yourself. That way, you learn to write sentences and build a story. Haven't tried it, but maybe worth giving it a shot? :)
Synonyms are your best friend!! Don't repeat yourself too much. And, instead of saying for example "she walks very slowly, not wanting to reach the meeting" you could say "she forced her legs to move despite the heavy feeling in her chest", because it makes the reader's brain puzzle together what the character is thinking!
I'll round it off before I start to spiral lol. I hope that this was somewhat helpful. I'm rarely asked about these kinds of things so when I am it all flows out without structure! :,)<3
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