#idk idk like i said this has been hard for me

[bitchfitch]

My mother's bf had a fairly major surgery (he's fine and recovering well DW) and he's going to be housebound for his birthday this year, so I've been enlisted to come up with a fancy birthday meal for the special birthday boy that's primarily fruit and veg, sweeter than savory, and is something he's never had before.

Bc I'm making watermelington. It's beef Wellington, but watermelon. bc my mom only found out recently you can use watermelon as a tuna substitute. And I know that you can substitute most higher quality beef cuts with tuna or salmon.... usually. Anyways the idea fascinates her so I'm hoping to use that for bonus points.

Now he's off his ass on pain killers so I can't like. Ask him if he's ever had something before. so to meet my brief I've decided to just. commit a novel hate crime against the British I guess.

Anyways. I'm writing this because I need to walk myself through this process and think it'll be surreal enough to be worth taking y'all along for.

So, Beef Wellington. In its most basic bitch arrangement is a beef tenderloin wrapped in prosciutto/really thin bacon, with a layer of mushroom and onion mush, that has been further wrapped in mustard slathered puff pastry.

We will be ship of Theseusing this. bc beef Wellington is like. the opposite of what he wants. Which is why it's funny.

Puff pastry-> it's still just puff pastry

this one doesn't have to change (aka I can't be fucked to do pastry prep and I'm just gonna use store bought it's Fine.)

the prosciutto is also just going to be prosciutto.

Thin meat

Beef tenderloin-> watermelon,

Tbh this is a pretty 1 to 1 substitution. I'll bake the slices at like. 250-300 for an hour or so ahead of the rest of prep to dry it out a bit. bc you can't like. Sear watermelon to seal in the water like you can beef. By definition it's a very wet fruit (like me when I fall into the lake). Ill Add salt and chili and lime juice while baking maybe. this is the easy part

The mushroom mush-> salsa done bad style

As the word mush implies, this is meant to be a very soft mix. It adds a lot of nuttiness to the wellington that rounds out all of the salt from the meats. I'm replacing it with white person salsa(the birthday boy can't handle spice). Tomato, lime juice, parsley, avocado, cucumber, feta, and maybe mango so I can have an excuse to have a lil mango treat. I said I wasn't making it spicy. I'm still putting a bit of chili in it. bc it'll be better like that. This is also a ridiculously wet bit of mush, Even the original mushrooms have too much water. I'll figure something out.

Mustard -> jelly

He lives in a big city. those preserve sections are massive. I'll find a weird one. maybe apricot.

Prep:

We're in the mind palace kitchen, I have not attempted any of this. We're just thinking real hard about it and I'll edit as needed on the day and post results.

The watermelon

Preheat oven to eh. 300f? We want low and slow to dry things out without it taking a year. but idk what his oven is like. If it's gentle I'll bump it up another ten-twenty.

Slather some watermelon slices in salt chili powder and lime juice mixture.

bake for 30 min on a wire rack or directly on the oven racks (after cleaning thoroughly) if he doesn't have a wire rack. with a drip try underneath to catch the drippage. check frequently. Have one slice that's for being poked to see if it's approaching being meat. Bake longer if needed.

Salsa bad style

chop everything up and add it to a pan with some oil in it. Tbh I don't think the type of oil you use for cooking matters if you're not like, getting near any smoke points. Most people can't tell the difference unless you made your food bland as hell.

Anyways there's some wildly different moisture contents on the list so there has to be an Order to cook off as much water as possible without getting yucky.

Tomatoes and cucumbers go in together with some salt to get the cucs softening, then the mango chunks and lime juice. Once most of the water is gone the avocado feta and parsley can go in. There is a good amount of water in avocados but they're delicate and don't pan fry well, so we're just going to ignore their water crimes and hope for the best. They just need to be evenly mixed through the rest of the mush.

Putting it together

lay out the puff pastry, cut into sections to wrap each watermelon slice individually with.

Slather in jam

Take the prosciutto and lay it out on half of each section of the pastry,

spoon the salsa onto that

Melon

Another layer of salsa

another layer of thin meat

Fold the pastry over the top and pinch the edges bc watermelon slices are not a rollable shape and I don't want to carve a watermelon into a tube for this because that sounds irritating.

Brush with egg wash and more parsley

Cook in oven following the pastry's preferred temp and time. it's fucking watermelon, you're not getting ecoli from it.

watermelington :)

I'm serving it with baked sweet potatoes and spinach based salad with whatever toppings are left over from making the salsa.

anyways thank you for joing me on this thought experiment. I will post updates once the deed is done. I'm sorry to every British person ever.

[lia-loves]

moth to a flame- ratio x reader

synopsis: when veritas feels lost in his research, you’re always there for support.

warnings: me swearing twice (bitch and shit used), possibly ooc ratio?? (idk i tried to make him funny), uhh this is vv short bc i hate writing long fics, nothing other than that :) 

this was very self-indulgent in honor of me being almost done building my ratio hehe (i am, in fact, not as almost done as i thought)

word count: 302

taglist: @sheyfu, @ayrastv. lmk if you’d like to be added!

veritas ratio could be seen as stubborn by some, and they would be right. the man has eight doctoral degrees and never seemed to quit anything (see the eight leaves on his head that represent his doctorates). he also never voiced his struggles. he was always too unwilling to admit he needed help, and that was something he told you he’d work on- and in his defense, he has gotten better. but old habits die hard, most notably seen in veritas’ office. one of his students had asked him a question that deeply puzzled the man, which was rare, but still happened. and now he’s cooped up in his office trying to seek answers. a gentle knock was heard at his office door. his head turned so quickly it could have given him whiplash, and he almost cringed at his own reaction. 

“come in,” he said. 

and in you came. you brought him his favorite snacks, drinks, a blanket, and honestly, veritas almost teared up at the gesture despite his arrogant facade. 

“wow, you look like shit. you need a break,” you said. 

“such a nice and endearing way to address your partner. you almost forgot the 'hi, veritas! how are you?' anyway, I can’t. i’m so close to finding the answer, and i cannot stop when i’m so close,” he argued. 

“Okay, and have you seen how exhausted you are?” you counterargued.

That shut veritas up, and while he wasn’t typically up for debates, he was thankful you won this time. and like a moth to a flame, veritas ratio found himself wanting to be in you embrace, in your warm and tender embrace. You spent the night cuddling in his office and just reassuring kind and encouraging words to each other. veritas may act like a cocky and arrogant son of a bitch, but he was such a sweet and tender man, something you wouldn’t expect of him to be. 

© lia-loves 2024. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost my writing on other websites. all of the writing you see on this blog has been written by me.

[lightningfilledsaber]

I can and will make everything about being trans

[sevenines]

i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.

two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!

[crybaby-bkg]

Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.

you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.

the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!

but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.

you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.

you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.

"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.

"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.

"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.

"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.

"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.

[harbingersecho]

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[unforth]

Ngl as a small business owner who puts out something extremely pirate-able and who has never earned enough to make a pay check, this...

...is extremely upsetting.

Do y'all realize that most small business are maybe a handful of people? Do y'all realize that company's like LLCs exist to protect owners from legal and financial repercussions if the company falls apart? I'm not a company because I have stockholders, I'm a company so that if the business goes bankrupt the banks can't seize my fucking house. It's not evil to use existing legal structures to protect my family's assets. It's not unreasonable to ask people not to steal from businesses like mine.

It's like on Tumblr when it's One Artist or One Author Doing The Thing Themself you guys are all about it but the minute anyone tries to collectivize to do better we go from One Person Against The World to The Embodiment of Capitistic Evil with no in between, which is especially insane coming from the website that claims to think individualism has turned toxic and we should do more with community organization. The minute lots of people are involved in a business, there HAS to be legal structures like contracts and shit to protect the people involved. The Lone Creator Forging a Path is great for that one person. What about everyone else?

And so... some of us try to make a company to lift up a group.

And then I see shit takes like this.

Maybe. Maybe DONT fucking pirate from literally anyone just cause they've got the word "company" I'm the name?

Maybe remember that for small businesses, yes even when they're a company, there's a single person, or a family, or a group of friends, who are working their asses off to build something, and actually? Stealing from them makes you a FUCKING DICK.

Like. You realize we're just people right? Other regular people trying to survive the dystopian hellscape that is the now?

Maybe stop acting like you're automatically entitled to the labor and creations of others solely because you've decided that there is an entire huge category of people it's okay to steal from.

Like honestly. What the fuck.

[deoidesign]

.

[aroanthy]

(anthytouga voice) why would i be compassionate to nanami ew disgusting nanami’s literally the worst nanami is a cockroach i hope she dies she’s so fucking stupid oh my god being compassionate to nanami is the worsttttttt so what if the worst things ever happen to her and it’s my fault that’s just lifeohhhhhhhhhhh oh? utena is experiencing the worst things ever and i helped? and i helped? oh well i should just kill myself. oh well i should just kill myself and save her because actually utena is Good. and stupid. but Good. unlike nanami lol nanami was born cursed to suffer haha nanami’s got that karmic punishment coming lollllll But Utena Does Not <3

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

[chrisbangs]

i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?

[purpurussy]

.

[basofy]

i hope when the lisa definitive edition releases old and new players start to see the party members as not only a fun mechanic to progress in the game but also as their second purpose (specified even in their gang page)

which is to tell how different the people of olathe are from eachother from good to neutral to bad.

all of the party members got their own personalities, points of view and goals, which i've always been appreciative of because it makes them all feel like they're their own person and it shows that they're not going to think exactly like you just because they're on your side.

so some of them can be assholes that despise brad for different reasons and are even creepy to buddy and others can just be neutral on the whole thing or don't care about brad but don't hate him and there are others who are nice people who just want someone to hang out and get attached to brad and it pains them to betray him at the end. some of them even got someone they care about too the same way brad cares for buddy.

and all of this is made just so you don't see them only as tools, they are written this way to show you what the people of olathe are like from a closer perspective. the only other way to do this would be using npcs which would go more overlooked, and it already IS overlooked by players

becuz over time i've seen toooo many fans who speak as if absolutely every man in olathe is an asshole and a pedo, which is why they congratulate tooley too much just for being decent to buddy. i like him but you give him too much credit for something other characters do as well.

and they talk like these are just 'olathe standards' and like it's okay for this game when No, this game condemns this type of behavior at all times and it makes it very clear. it's not normal, it's just common

i mean was terry a creep towards buddy??? bo?? carp?? shocklord? birdie? nern? olan? the warlords??? and more characters and there are even npcs who deeply question the stuff going on around buddy or are simply not interested in her

and then i see takes such as "maybe x character is gay becuz they don't seem interested in buddy". pal i can think of a million better reasons to consider a character gay (sometimes no reason at all, have fun). (also again, TOOLEY. i mean he was seen at the beehive, isn't that a better reason to think he's gay??)

you don't need to be a pedo and a rapist to be attracted to women, and it's crazy how little the concept of consent matters to some people, because this isn't the only time i've seen this type of thinking over a piece of media.

this is a way of thinking that comes from people who got into lisa for the fun battles and do not understand the story, and it's sorta okay, it's fine if the battles are your favorite thing or if you're not that fond of emotional stories, but you can't ignore this part of the game, to do that you better just play something else, because my problem is that when you try to explain the emotional matters of lisa's story they never want to listen; they preffer living in their little bubble of misinterpreting everything. (like the amount of times i've tried explaining to other fans why lisa isn't worst than her goddamn dad and it's like talking to a wall) like damn, i love the battles too but i can perfectly have both things yknow.

anyway just my silly little thoughs that have been going thru my mind these past weeks, i take this game too seriously but i also feel like it's dumb not to because that's what it wants you to do.

hope things go well when the definitive edition drops and that everyone enjoys it 8)