#idk if it's relationship anxiety or commitment issues

[crowboss-whore]

one thing i'm wondering about regarding your amazing fic is how you're gonna do the romantic relationships with both monkeys- like, will both monkeys and seer be in a single relationship or are there gonna be different endings for the story where the seer is with wukong and macaque?

I plan for all three to be in a relationship together. Wukong and Macaque are definitely on the more "Shit is kind of complicated" side since I'm unsure if I really want to do the whole Shadowpeach stuff.

The dynamic between the monkeys is going to depend on how the story goes. Their interactions are more... tense compared to interactions with Seer. But I do want them to reach a point where they lay their problems with one another bare to help them grow together.

It, honest to god, just depends on how the story flows and the dynamic between the three of them.

[songmingisthighs]

Lonely Breeze

group : ateez

pairing : poly!yungi × reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort

wc : 3.1 k

tw : angst, poly relationship, heavy stuff maybe; relationship issues, psychological issues, mentions of blood (injury), mentions of anxiety, ngl I'm just rambling at this point so if this is not your thing, pls skip lol.

a/n : this is why i don't listen to anything produced by mingi. I'm textbook kubler-ross every single time and idk how to feel about it. and yea i wrote this in 2 hours

buy me coffee ?

It had been three days since you ran away.

Can it be counted as running away? You're a full-grown adult with intact mental faculties and 'running away' sounds rather juvenile.

Life had gotten too hard and you were overwhelmed. Despite having wonderful boyfriends like Yunho and Mingi, this time you truly didn't know what to do but you knew that you had to get out of there before you completely exploded.

To be honest, Yunho and Mingi were one of the reasons you had to run away.

It was nothing against them per se but you felt bad for having to always rely on them all the time.

The three of you met on the cusp of adulthood, at a dance academy workshop. The three of you didn't mean to join that joint workshop because each of you was from different area branches of the academy but you all just clicked. From then, you and they planned your lives together even down to which university you three will attend. But it wasn't until nearing the senior year that you three decided to pursue a romantic relationship. You still remembered it like it was yesterday. How you, Mingi, and Yunho join your other friends on a countryside trip to celebrate the end of the 6th semester only to find out that the cabin was at maxed capacity so you three had to rent a small, dusty place on your own. Little did you know, you, Yunho and Mingi had each planned separately to come clean about your feelings. You were the first to confess after having a particularly tiring clean-up session (just so you won't inhale the dust that had accumulated in the cabin), accidentally telling them how you could see the three of you in your 30s cleaning the apartment you will share together. You remembered the dread that washed down on you when Mingi asked what you meant. Like the reliable pillar he is, Yunho was the one who helped you calm yourself down and told you that he could see the same thing, how he felt the same way about you and Mingi. Then Mingi confessed his own feelings and from then on, you three were even more inseparable than you had ever been before.

While it surprised people that the three of you decided to commit to a relationship that was far from orthodox, no one was really fazed. Everyone who knew the three of you had at least assumed you three were sleeping together which was why no one approached either one of you romantically all through university.

Some called it fate, some called it dedication.

You believed in the former more than the latter.

But recently?

You feared that you had trapped them.

Maybe it was a quarter-life crisis but you suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of your life. It wasn't like things were falling apart. On the contrary, the pieces of your life were finally falling into place; you were starting to really shine at work, and you were finally able to start saving whilst resolving some of your financial issues. Your relationship with your boyfriends was even at its peak, there was more love than the three of you ever needed and you three were beyond happy.

Then one day, one day a week ago, things crashed down on you.

You didn't know what it was, you didn't know what caused it, but you suddenly couldn't breathe. You remembered holding onto the bathroom sink while your body trembled, tears streaming down your face like a busted faucet and you couldn't move. The cool bathroom suddenly felt suffocating and the sound of your boyfriends laughing just on the other side of the door felt deafening. It took you a long while to break free from that state and you only managed to do so because Mingi had knocked on the bathroom door asking for you to let him in because he needed to use the bathroom. That night, you found yourself unable to sleep and even finding their presence too much for you to handle even after switching position with Mingi so you could be at the edge. You had slipped away and cried yourself to sleep on the couch, sobbing silently until fatigue took over.

That whole week you were distant until three days ago when you came home from work to see a note on the table from Yunho who let you know that they were out for a bit to get something special for you.

One second you were pouring yourself a glass of water to calm your trembling hands and the next, you were in a train with a duffle bag heading to the countryside, cradling your hand that had a gash and fresh dried blood.

When you arrived at the dark and lonely cabin, you finally broke down, wailing into the emptiness as you hugged yourself in the middle of the room.

Neither of them was aware of what happened.

Or so you thought.

The first person who noticed how distant you became was Yunho. He had sensed that something was wrong since that day in the bathroom. He could never forget the look on your face as you stepped out. Your usually lively eyes were empty and you didn't even react when Mingi pressed a kiss on your forehead. At first, he thought that you might have had a bad day and that you were just not in the mood but as the days passed, you seemed more silent and distant. Yunho wanted to ask what was wrong but he didn't want to make it seem like he was prying so he tried to let you know that he was there for you in different ways; soft touches, words of affirmation, little presents in the form of your favourite drink or plans of going on a trip. He wanted you to have all the space you needed.

Mingi on the other hand immediately jumped into worrying about you. Suddenly he kept texting about your whereabouts and your feelings. He had even asked if he should pick you up early from work and even showed that he was already in front of your building. Mingi knew what it felt like to be all alone stuck in a headspace and it had taken him so long and finally relent, letting you and Yunho pull him out and believing you two that you were there for him. So he wanted to repay all that especially since you were the one who gently washed his tear-stained face and slowly fed him until he regained his own strength. He remembered the pit and he didn't like the idea of you being there.

So when they were met with an empty apartment the day you left, they went into panic mode. The sight of a couple droplets of blood near the broken glass and your work bag thrown carelessly on the couch was enough to send them into a frenzy and sadly, they even turned on each other.

Yunho wanted to calm himself and Mingi down first because neither of them even knew what happened and where you had gone to while Mingi, pointing that out, stated that they both needed to catch you before you could even go far. Then they fought over the fact that they were fighting when they should be looking for you and it ended with Mingi leaving the apartment when Yunho ran into your shared room, trying to charge his phone to see if you had contacted either of them.

Essentially, the three of you were alone at that moment in time. Nothing made sense and none of you had any ways of getting an answer.

You were alone in the cabin, crying your eyes out about... Nothing. You felt stupid for feeling bad over your life that was going rather well and you felt bad for leaving your boyfriends without an explanation. It was simple, you could've simply grabbed the phone and texted either one of them to let them know... Something. You could tell them that you needed time alone. But do you really? You could tell them that you were sorry. But were you really? You could tell them that you were overwhelmed and that they were not making your situation any better by being so supportive. But were they really? You felt like you were not worthy to even send them a text because who the fuck were you to be acting like that and then asking for understanding?

Mingi was running around aimlessly with worry sitting deep in the pit of his stomach. He had gone to several of your friends' places, friends you trusted who wouldn't blab about your disappearance. He hated being in a state of not knowing because he felt helpless. He hated being helpless. Mingi was not a helpless person so he didn't want to be associated with the feeling. First things first, he had to find you. But where could you be? Why had he never taken the time to ask you places you wanted to go to, thinking that you had gone alone because he was too busy with himself. Seeds of doubt planted by the negativity of the situation started sprouting its ugliness. Was your leaving his fault? Was he too self-involved to not have taken the time to dedicate his attention to you once in a while? Was he taking too much of Yunho and your attention? His head hurts.

Yunho, in defeat, slumped against the bed you three shared. Your pillar, your rock finally broke down and with each sob, his mind found it even harder to make sense of things. All the decision in his life was made on a strong foundation, Yunho was a sure man, and he didn't regret the choices he made and the path he took. But was he too sure of himself this time? Out of the three of you, Yunho was always the tie-breaker because he makes his decisions carefully and with logic. He never found any reason to resent that part of him until you left. Did he miss something? Were there signs that you had needed a different kind of treatment? Had he gotten too overconfident this time? Had his so-called level-headedness cost him something important?

Whatever it was you hoped could happen or appear by running away alone never came. Each hour you spent trying to make sense of things or finding a way to calm yourself only made it clear that you were all alone.

Dark thoughts started plaguing your brain, skewing your happy memories into something that was far from reality. The memories you had of banding together into a trio with Yunho and Mingi turned into fear that maybe you had inserted yourself into their friendship. After all, they found themselves together first before you bumped into Yunho and told him how you were alone, effectively guilt-tripping him. The thought of how they have always had your back turned into anxiety that maybe you had leaned on them too much. You relied on them more than you should and now you were a burden to them. The things you told them, should you have told them? Especially the dark ones, the ones that stemmed from your bad mental state. Were you manipulating them without realizing it? Were your promises of the future even really promises? How could you be sure that it wasn't you pressuring your expectations to them?

It had been three days. Were you still alone because they thought you were better off alone? That they too, needed time away from you? Maybe you never needed your own space, maybe it was your subconscious telling you that you needed to give them space from you.

Loud bangs broke the train of thought and the more you came back to reality, the more you recognized the voices.

"Mingi?" you inhaled sharply, seeing the face of one of your lovers on the window as he banged the wall.

Thinking that you were hallucinating, you turned your head away and stood up. There was no way he could be there.

More bangs were heard and when you turned around again, you saw both Mingi who was now with Yunho staring at you from the window.

"(y/n), open up!" Yunho called out.

Normally, you would register his voice as is but your brain, in its unstable state, thought that he was demanding you to let him in. Mingi too, though he was only standing there looking at you, sending knocks on the window as he wanted to hold you once again, your brain took that as him glaring at you and being in fury.

Anxiety shot up and your head shook violently. "N-no..." you whimpered, bottom lip trembling as you took a step back only to trip on a carpet and fall.

The sight of you on the floor caused Mingi and Yunho to abandon all reasons and logic and all they wanted to do was to help you. They started banging and trying to pry the door open, needing to get inside to be there for you but all it did was send you into a deeper spiral without them realizing. Your body curled into a ball while they were yelling for you to open the door. The more you heard them, the worse you felt and before you knew it, you were yelling for them to leave you be, leave you alone, you didn't deserve them.

It wasn't until you started yelling at how you should have never burdened yourself on them that they stopped banging on the door. Their eyes welled with tears hearing the things, untrue things, you hurled at yourself. It hurt them to hear you think so low of yourself like that. You were everything to them, you were something so precious and special and to think that you believe they would be better without you, it was like a serrated knife had been plunged into their hearts multiple times.

"That's not true (y/n), please..." Mingi rested his forehead on the door as his eyes closed slowly, letting tears wet his cheeks, "Please let me in, I... We... (y/n), please," he whimpered.

Looking around, Yunho remembered that the owner of the cabin had told him about a spare key a long time ago. Thinking that it was worth a shot, Yunho was glad to see that there was still a key hidden under the cushion of the porch lounger.

You were too busy bawling to realize that Yunho had opened the door successfully which was a good thing because had you realized, you would have done something stupid like run out into the field in the cold January breeze.

Mingi tried to rush inside only for Yunho to stop him, holding onto his arm as he watched you cry with a broken heart.

"Yunho, wha-"

Wordlessly, Yunho pulled Mingi down to sit in the doorway while maintaining his gaze on you.

Though confused, Mingi followed along, sitting down and looking between Yunho and you.

"We should go in there. She needs us," Mingi said, voice cracking as he shook Yunho slightly, trying to convince him to go inside. He knew he could definitely go inside himself, but for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't.

For once, Yunho didn't give any explanation and just shook his head one more time. Soon, however, his hand took one of Mingi's and they sat there with you with hands linked, waiting for you to... Well, they weren't sure what they were waiting for but they were sure they would understand soon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You must have passed out from crying because you remembered feeling cold and alone but the moment you came to again, you realized that this time, you were... Warm.

Sitting up, you noticed that the skies outside were dark and when you turned your body around, you saw Yunho and Mingi attending to the fireplace. The cabin was dark save for the illumination provided by the warm fire.

It took a bit of time for your eyes to adjust but when your eyes really focused, you noticed that Mingi was holding onto your favourite blanket that you forgot to bring. How did they even got inside?

For a moment, you only watched them do their thing, comfortably sitting in silence as if enjoying conversation done by the soft crackles of the fireplace.

Mingi felt something on the back of his neck and when he turned his body slightly, he saw that you were staring at him with puffy eyes. His instinct told him to run to you and envelop you in a hug and tell you how worried he was and how much he regretted things that he thought he did. But his better judgement stopped him from making a move forward. Instead, he cracked a gentle smile and ducked his head down, carefully opening your folded blanket as a silent invitation.

Your body moved automatically towards him and before you knew it, you were suddenly sat in between Mingi and Yunho.

While Mingi draped you with your blanket, Yunho made final adjustments on the firewood before he sat down close to you and even moved so that you and he were shoulder-to-shoulder.

You were sure that they were going to ask what happened, what was wrong with you, why you ran away. But minutes passed and all there was was... Silence. You were sure that when you saw them again you'd be anxious because you had to explain yourself but all you felt was a sense of calm. It was rather ridiculous but you could feel the anxiety melting off of your body.

"I'm tired," finally you opened up even though your voice cracked due to how hoarse your throat felt. "I'm so tired," you exhaled as you closed your eyes, your bottom lip trembling once again.

This time, Yunho moved to sidle even closer to you so he could guide your head gently to rest on his chest. "You... Can you find it in your heart... To rest in mine?" Yunho spoke up finally, voice cracking as well. Mingi then moved closer until he was able to wrap his hands around your waist whilst leaning his head on Yunho's strong shoulder, effectively caging you securely between them. "You can rest in our hearts, love," he added, ducking to press a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

Nothing else needed to be said because nothing else should. The three of you had been through so much together in your youth that it felt like you were all alone. But, with the stars as your witness and the fire as your companion, you realized something that was always true. Even lonely, you were always together and your inadequacies made you whole. While pain exists and will always find its way back to remind you of your faults, it allows you to remember who and what you are, but most importantly, what you now have from that.

network :

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taglist :

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[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems 

Part 4

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: sexual language, angst, past relationship trauma, touching in a sexual way, commitment issues, mentions of sex, trust issues, neteyam is head over heels for reader, fluff, a bit more about when neteyam and reader would see each other around before the beach party, mentions of drinking too much, reader is allergic to romantic feelings (but it's actually just her trauma talking), confessions of feelings, yearning, sexual tension, some funny vibes, heartbroken neteyam. Not sure if there's more. If there is, pls, tell me <3

Hi, hunny bunnies 💕 I'm really tired and sleepy rn (as I always am, right? lol) but I got inspo and finally got a break from my writer's block so I just rushed to wash the dishes as fast as I could and as soon as I finished it I ran to finish writing this chapter (a part of it had been sitting on my Google Docs for a while lol) and now I'm posting for you guys 🥰 Hope y'all like it and I'm so sorry for any mistakes or some parts that might not make total sense (if there are any lol who knows). I'm so sleepy that idk if I'll be able to proofread it completely now. But I will soon! Leaving comments down below will make this writer as happy as a kitten drinking milk teehee 😸 I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH kiss kiss ‼️💌

Slightly proofread.

Part 3: I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

𓇼

My boy was a montage

A slow-motion, love potion

Jumping off things in the ocean

I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

Midnight Rain (Taylor Swift)

𓇼

You woke up with a ray of sun shining way too bright directly at your eyes. You realized with a startle that you were in Neteyam’s arms and as you slowly became aware of your surroundings and your memory became clear… oh, shit… You had sex with him last night. No, no! Why did you drink those three glasses of champagne last night? Everytime you drank too much you ended up doing something stupid. Of course last night would not be an exception.

You could feel his slender, soft but toned legs intertwining with your much smaller ones. You felt his warmth, his strong arms holding your tiny in comparison figure, helping you stay warm even if the ocean breeze was chilly so early in the morning in Awa'atlu.

Neteyam's heart was big, very big when compared to the one of a human male, so, as he peacefully slept while embracing you, you could hear his heartbeat extremely clearly. It was soothing, though. A little louder than the human guys you had been intimate with previously and had slept by their side but it was calming. His embrace felt comfortable, like a place you could… call home…?

You felt a stab in your heart. Anxiety. Nervousness. Almost like a fight or flight feeling. No, you could not be getting attached.

His scent was good, cozy and you could easily get used to having it all over you, to wake up to that, to smell it on your clothes so very often.

And that thought scared you. Saying you had commitment issues was an understatement.

You felt Neteyam moving behind you. He was slowly waking up.

"Morning, oeyä sevin syulang" (my beautiful flower) His voice was hoarse as he had just woken up and he had a heavy na'vi accent when pronouncing the "R" in "morning". His accent lured you in way more than you liked to admit. 

You hated how much Neteyam could make you feel vulnerable. You did not like the feeling of vulnerability.

Everytime you let a guy get on your vulnerable side before, you ended up sobbing while sitting on the floor, listening to a stupid, sad break up song and, sometimes, stuffing your stomach with chocolate, ice cream or pizza. And that was when you were able to eat. Sometimes the lump in your throat was so big you couldn't even swallow without being reminded of the pungent ache in your heart.

"Morning." You said nervously. It sounded dry. You did not mean to sound rude or distant but you ended up sounding exactly like that.

“Did you sleep well, tawtute?” Neteyam asked, his eyes still half lidded and he was smiling tenderly at you

Damn, you had to admit he was freaking cute when all sleepy like this. Just like a house cat waking up from a good deep sleep…

Ok, stop it!

“Uh… yes. Yes, I did sleep well. Thank you.” God, how awkward was that?

It seemed like Neteyam was too mesmerized by you to even notice your awkwardness.

“You’re beautiful. My sevin tawtute.” he said

“Wait, what?! Yours?!” you protested, a frown on your face

“Yeah.” Neteyam smiled, a bit sheepishly “Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” his expression looked like he was being sincere

“It’s okay.” it was all you said

“I wanna tell you something.” Neteyam said, smiling softly though he was afraid of your reaction once he said what he wanted to say

“What in hell could he want to tell me? Oh, God…” you thought

“I…” he hesitated for a while. Was he getting shy? “I’m in love with you, (y/n).”

“You’re what?!” You sat up on the hammock in a swift motion

“See?! I should have never come here to meet him in the first place. That’s what you get for following your instincts and not your rational brain.” those words ran through your anxious mind

“Hey.” Neteyam said as he sat up too, trying to calm you down as you truly seemed alarmed. He smiled but you could tell there was tension all over him too. “Hear me out, please.” He pleaded. His tone was as calm as he could manage to keep it. “I just didn’t want to tell you because I could tell you’re afraid of falling in love. I’ve heard you talking to your girl friends about boys, about your lame ex boyfriends and how they made you want nothing to do with relationships anymore.”

“Were you spying on me?” You said, incredulous

“No, tawtute!” Neteyam chuckled at your accusation “It’s not like we’ve never been close to each other before the party. I know you’ve seen me before when you came to my tribe to conduct your scientific researches. I always made an effort to be around you, I just never approached you but I never tried to hide the fact that I had a crush on you. I was always staring at you. And I know you noticed!” He chuckled “One time you caught me staring from afar and met my gaze but you soon looked away and after that I started feeling like you were avoiding looking in my eyes again. Was I right?” he questioned, with his brows furrowed but he still didn’t seem to feel defeated. Even after you had reacted like you were afraid of his words, Neteyam still had his lips curled up in a slight smile.

You looked at him with eyes that let him know you were trying to conceal your embarrassment. You did know Neteyam had noticed you had been trying to avoid him at all costs as soon as you noticed he seemed to be attracted to you but having him throw that fact in your face felt surprisingly uncomfortable and your cheeks did get a little pinkish.

“Maybe I was.”

“Of course you were. Everybody noticed. Lo’ak even made fun of me for that.” he shook his head from side to side while chuckling at the thought of his younger brother teasing him

"I'm sorry." You couldn't help but laugh a little bit

"Don't apologize. It's fine. I like a challenge." He smirked at you in a flirtatious way

"Neteyam, I think we should-"

"Just let me tell you everything I need to, please!" He interrupted, almost begging you

You sighed "Okay…" You sounded tired and a little annoyed

"After I got a good chance to talk to you last night, at the party, I fell for you. Hard. It's not just a crush anymore." His pretty face looked happy while he confessed his feelings for you, even if there was a little bit of angst inside his chest "I didn't bring you here to my hammock just to fuck you. I brought you here to make love to you. It wasn't just sex for me. I wanna ask you to be my mate. I hope you don't run away scared now… 'Cause that would kill me, my sevin tawtute. You're so perfect... I wanted you last night and I know I will want you forever. Please, please, let me be your mate. Or your husband, as you humans say. I know it's unexpected and it seems too soon, but this is our way. My people don't necessarily have to know someone for a long time before choosing them to be their mate." He explained to you "I don't want to ever be away from you. I couldn't. Not now that I have talked to you, laughed with you, laid next to you…" He brushed his warm hand through the outer part of your thigh, moving it upwards "Felt your pussy around my cock, so soft and inviting, so warm and wet inside, all for me..." Neteyam's breath was a bit labored, his hand still touching your skin, while he whispered those dirty words to you, remembering what you two had done while it was still eclipse "Please, be mine." 

"It'd be great." You said. Neteyam smiled widely, not being able to grasp the real meaning of your words "But it could never work. Not between you and me. Not between a na'vi and a human. I'm so sorry. I have to go. My friends must be worried about me. I didn't tell Adeline where I was going before I left last night. She must be worried sick. See you around. I guess..." You said, as you got out of Neteyam's big hammock, as fast as you could, feeling the warm beach sand covering your toes as soon as your feet hit the ground, leaving Neteyam confused, still trying to wake up from his wishes and touch reality.

He knew you were afraid of committing to a lifelong relationship but he thought that maybe you would say "yes" to what he was proposing to you. Or that you would at least ask for some time to think. Neteyam did not think you would reject him so fast and bluntly like that. Especially since he was used to having girls crushing on him and throwing themselves at him all the time. Not only na'vi girls, there were many human girls who tried to seduce him as well but even though he did feel attracted to some of them, he felt that there was always something missing. Neteyam did value personality a lot, even if he was just going to mess around with the girl, and none of the other human girls had a personality that he truly liked. But you did. And of course you would be the one to reject him. His ego was screaming like a spoiled little brat at that moment as he laid back at his hammock, throwing his body with full force against its surface and exhaling strongly in frustration.

There was a lump in his throat and his heart was hurting like never before. No girl had ever made Neteyam feel that way. All he wanted was for you to accept him, to want to be with him.

𓇼

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@creepytoes88

@live-laugh-neteyam

@swaggygurlbae

@neteluvr

@layla2-49

@a-blog-name-2003 (you left a cute comment on the last chapter so I figured you'd like to be tagged ♡ lemme know if I'm right in the comments pls lol)

@lala-1516 (you also left a nice comment on the last chapter so I'm tagging you baby <3 lemme know if u want me to keep tagging u)

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen

@yeosxxx

@iaratezaewa

[celestie0]

Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.

[lasirenatarot]

Could you do a reading on Lewis Hamilton. There were rumours about him & Shakira (which I highly doubt) ...

Ohhh, this one will be long bc I want to find out about the Shakira stuff👀

Lewis Hamilton:

Question 1: What is going on in his life currently?

Cards: justice; knight of wands; 2of wands; 4 of swords; page of swords; judgement

He’s thinking about 2 equally good options he has to choose from, that probably is about work.

He may be having a hard time leaving the past and past successes behind, hard time getting used to the fact things are not the same anymore. (Probably work again) Things may be out of his control and he needs the trust the Universe, or God or whatever u’d like to call it that he will get what he deserves even if it’s not the same thing he tought he wanted. He needs to keep it 100% real with himself and decide what he does not need anymore in his life, he may be thinking it’s better to follow a new career path idk? Im not saying he will, but I am getting that he is definitely considering it.

He might be quite petty and more cut throat with his words these days and not have a filter on what he says to ppl, he needs to be more careful with that for his own good tho. He seems quite energetic and ready for new adventures, travel etc while at the same time resting, healing and thinking things thru. He may go on a holiday retreat or sth to clear his mind.

Question 2: What is going on in his love life currently?

Cards: 9 of pentacles; 9 of swords; 5 of swords; 6 of wands; 2 of swords

Lololol it’s funny that it’s getting shown in the cards, basically his very well-off financial situation is helping him enjoy his life to the fullest currently; his main/base needs are fulfilled (yk what😂); he is having a lot of options to choose from;

Someone ( a fling possibly) is not having the best interest when it comes to him, may be using him for attention, trying to taint his reputation. He might win this “argument” against this person and get away without losing anything, but it might feel somewhat demoralising for him.;

He may be currently realising his past mistakes when it comes to love; he probably has some anxiety/worries around the topic of relationships (commitment issues?). He probably needs to find balance between his love life&professional life.

To finish the reading i pulled few oracle cards:

What is the dynamic between Lewis and Shakira?

- Nothing we have not already suspected honestly😂

From his side I feel it’s just random meetings, more like business/friendship, nothing serious. She seems like is more open to dating him (although I doubt she actually likes him fully), starting sth with him in order to find solace, move on from her ex.

Idk, to me it looks like they both are using each other (and they both fully realise that); briefly, strictly business, good PR, nothing serious from both sides. If something IS going on tho, again, nothing serious, probably hooking up, although I don’t see it in the cards..🤷🏼‍♀️ /posted on july 27, 2023/

[ne0nwithazero]

Wait how is Klieg with Rouxls then? Not the nsfw part I mean Rouxls called Klieg his husband? sorry

Aromantic people can still get into relationships, have children etc etc :)

In my AU, Klieg is a bit awkward on the romance side as it does not come naturally to him At All and it often ends up feeling performative (Something which I also struggled with a Lot when I was in relationships...) so he often finds himself expressing his affection in other ways <:)

He's very comfortable with Rouxls and likes being around him a lot, which is super rare for him because Klieg very much struggles with anxiety and him being mean is his weird way to protect himself LOL He's like a cat whose idea of hanging out is just chilling in the same room as you even if you're not doing anything hehe

idk if they'd personally care to label their relationship a QPR or anything of the sort, but I feel it's closer to a very committed friendship, partners in crime sort of situation... Who end up having a daughter at some point in the timeline LOL

Rouxls is more than fine with this! Admittedly I've wanted to explore an arospec interpretation with him as well, but I never got around to it hehe He's bi and transmasc in my interpretation!

And Klieg is unhinged enough in his ways of expressing affection, if he was romantic about it it would just end up being overkill 🤣🤣 I get the feeling that Rouxls in my AU would be a bit stunned if romance was expressed to him?? I need to explore my take on him more, I feel like he definitely has some unresolved issues from ch1

On a personal note, the more I think about it, the more I realize that if I was partnering, I'd probably be Aro4Aro because it's just a completely different vibe, I can't quite put it into words here ;v;

hngkfj I get just a bit flustered talking about their relationship, but they're both really sweet... I posted about it the other day, but I worry that people would think their relationship is bad or unbalanced or that Rouxls is "missing out" or something like that because of Klieg being aro??? :(

That's just my own anxiety messing with me so I've subconsciously avoided talking about it even though it's not the first time I've explored these kinds of pairing dynamics with my aroallo characters

Rest assured they are happy and chaotic and getting sillier everyday <3

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Ohhh if you're comforable, can you describe how dating more people has been for you? :)

sure! keep in mind, i'm no expert lol, so don't take my word as the Absolute Law And Truth, this is just my experience. i just do what i wanna do!

calling myself polyamorous is sort of a new thing for me, even though i have always sorta acted polyamorous, if that makes sense. not in the sense that i'd cheat lol, but i'd make it clear that i am seeing other ppl and would take great care to not let it be implied that things are exclusive if i'm seeing someone.

however!! it was always expected that once i "like someone enough" i need to sorta commit and "make it serious" (a term i hate), and that's what i'd always do. i'd just like. pick one. lol. and it felt weird and unnatural and always gave me terrible anxiety, which i thought were like. commitment issues. but i actually don't really have those? like i am very happy to commit, but for me that doesn't include being romantically/sexually exclusive to that one person. i think commitment comes in many forms. i can be there for you, and also be there for others. i don't understand why me having sex with someone else would mean i don't value you. i honestly can't grasp that concept at all, never could.

to get back to "being serious abt someone" i also can't comprehend how me also being with other ppl would mean that i am not serious about someone i'm with. like, i just don't get it, i guess. and i really, really dislike that whole idea of oh, you can fuck around but then monogamy is like The Next Level That Is Expected At Some Point, which is how many of my irl friends view it. they're like yeah yeah, but you will Commit at some point, right?? and i'm like... i'm Already Committed lol, as much as i can be. bc i guess i'm in sorta ldr atm, and they're like oh yeah, so you're now poly bc she's not here so you wanna fuck right. and like.... no lol. i'd be poly even if she were right in this room with me haha. i'm not poly bc i can't control my sexual desire and my pussy would shrivel up and die unless i Fuck Someone Right Now (also it REALLY isn't just abt fucking). if i decided to be monogamous, i would be, no matter where my partner was.

like, i find the way most ppl look at relationships very perplexing, and i just always thought i was weird like that, until recently i was like...... Wait A Minute. i don't have to perform monogamy lol.

i had a gf prior to this realisation. i was in a committed relationship that lasted 3 years that wasn't the healthiest, but We Tried lol. and then after i broke up with her, the idea of being in a monogamous relationship just seemed so... unnatural to me? like, i literally made myself be monogamous. and i didn't mind it! it was a choice i consciously made. i was willing to make that sacrifice for her bc i knew she would be very uncomfortable with me seeing other ppl and i did love her very much. the relationship didn't work out for other reasons that are irrelevant rn.

however what Got Me was that each time i had to consciously decide to be monogamous. and i was like hey wait a min. if i have to Decide this every time, perhaps it's not what's natural to me? if i'm like, oof, okay, now i must Act In This Way! perhaps i should just... stop?? why WOULD i make that sacrifice for anyone if there are ppl out there who will love me as i am? i can just be polyamorous?? idk why that hasn't occurred to me before, i guess just bc i thought no one like... Does That except very Woke ppl lol. and i was like yeah idk if that's realistic for me (???? what does that even mean????).

so yeah, i guess i'm identifying as polyamorous now, even if i always have been! as for how the experience of dating (idk if i would even call anything i do dating, i just vibe with ppl while we vibe lol) more than one person is for me? natural, liberating, normal, non-stressful. i just slipped into it like it was the most natural thing in the world, bc to me, it is. i had zero angst abt it once i allowed myself to just do it. my relationships are healthier, i am happier, i feel at peace, i attract more ppl than ever. i don't have that scarcity mindset like OOF better catch One!!!! unless you wanna Die Alone!!!! thing lol. i would always be like but sadjkhfdashfdsa wdym catch one adskhdsafdshfdhjsjfdhs this is so stressful. like that part is totally gone. i'm so so so happy. i feel loved and i have much loved to give. it feels like it's always been like this.

hope that answers your question!

[akookminsupporter]

yk i used to have an old frnd who i was very close to. like really. we used to talk all the time even though we live miles away and haven't met in like 7+ years. but we always got along. she had a really wide and kind of a different approach to life than other people which i really found admiring. i learned a lot of things from her and i honestly miss her presence sometimes. we don't talk anymore. time got us. there wasn't any fight or anything, we just gradually drifted apart and that's what hurts the most. why am i telling you this? because you remind me of her sometimes. she was strong, opinionated and never feared stating whatever was on her mind. that's a quality i acquired from her. so yeah... reading your messages (replies to the anons) remind me of her sometimes.

hope u do well in life, get everything u want and keep up with your spirit, rosie. i wish you the best in life and i hope everyone around you shows their love in their own way to you. and it's my request to you too, that if you have something to say to someone, say it. you never know when things might change, nothing is forever even the best of relationships (platonic, familial or romantic) end sometimes and you don't know when a stranger might become your new special person. so please don't ever hesitate to show your love to your loved ones. i've lost people and it won't be a lie if i say i barely have friends right now (i'm not forty years old, sigh. just ended high school) but that's fine i still have a lot more things coming. i could meet new people in college and hopefully form new definitions of friendships and relationships. but yes, from whatever i have seen so far, what i am sure of is that nothing is forever. i talk to everyone and you won't believe me people see me as a "happy go lucky girl" which i always like, because why being sad in front of people and making them feel sad when they can't do anything to help you? (in a good way. but i have this serious issue of bottling things up and that lead to anxiety. bad one) i literally have these thick walls because of how scared i am of forming bonds just for the fear of losing them. sigh. i just told you nothing is forever but i, myself have a hard time accepting that. easier said than done, isn't it? lol anyway a lot of sentimental and philosophical stuff have been said. geez i might cringe later at myself if you post this. nvm, it's so good that i found your blog, found bts, found armys, and found uh idk everything? yeah, life could be depressing but i try to smile it off because why not?

a frnd of mine was saying she's going to kill herself and i swear i've heard that lot more times from different people. two kids (15 year olds) commited suicide in the last two months where i live. and i was crying in the bathroom because idk who might be next. and it scares me yk what if it's me next? or in future months or years later maybe if i can't smile anymore? it's so disturbing, sigh. and i hate when people joke and say 'i'm gonna kill myself' at the slightest discomfort in life. at least once, just for a second i want them to think of thousands of those people who are surviving under constant fear of hurting themselves for real, who are actually struggling to keep themselves alive, to fight back life harder than it comes for them, and those who want someone to help them out of vicious circle of depression, anxiety and other similar problems they're caught in. i don't like people who make mental health issues look 'aesthetic'. hope they grow up to know better soon.

god i need to learn how to shut up. sorry this long. i love your blog, please don't ever shut this down. ilysm, hope you stay healthy and live your best life. also, again i'm sorry if my message is too depressing. i started off only to tell you that you remind me of my (ex) best friend lol.

Hi, anon! How are you?

I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful but I was a bit surprised when I read that you recently finished high school. There is experience in your words, experience that is usually gained over the years, with mistakes and frustrations but also joys. You are wise beyond your years, anon. That was nice to see. Although I keep in mind that at no point did you mention your age, assuming you're a teenager is perhaps a bit bold of me.

I think I've said it all day but thank you for the nice opinion you have of me. Thank you for the way you think of me. Thank you for somehow telling me that my sincerity is perceived by all of you. I'm sorry that you and your former friend have drifted apart. Life is funny like that sometimes. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something but not to stay. And in itself, that is also a life lesson.

In part, you remind me of me but unlike you, I have never had such positive thoughts about my future. About other people's? Of course, I have, but not about mine, I guess in that respect I like to preach but I don't apply what I preach.

Thanks for the advice and good wishes. You are a special person anon. Try not to change. Always try not to let life and all its tribulations ruin your way of thinking. Maybe try to be a little more positive about yourself. Trusting someone else people say is a rewarding thing to do, I need to work on that too, maybe we can do it together. I sincerely hope that people come into your life who bring something to you instead of taking something away from you. I hope that people come into your life with whom you can form sincere, honest and lasting relationships. You sound like the kind of friend I would like to have. That I often need to have.

I wish you nothing but the best anon, thank you for your kind words. I promise I won't forget what you said to me.

GRACIAS!!

[misfithive]

Zooming in you could see Omar moving his hands a lot like he was mad and trying to get his point across… also the body language from Edvin wasn’t the best either.

Hmmm i mean i saw the picture now and idk

They will ofc fight this season they are under a lot of pressure and Wille has to balance pressure from both sides i’m sure or at least pressure form the court and his mom and while trying to protect his relationship and Simon. But idk I guess i dont have expectations that they won’t be fighting lol because thats just how relationships go especially a newish relationship that is public and there is a lot at stake for both of them. So make peace with the fact that they will fight AND i dont see why we wont still get sweet moments between them.

I am hopeful they will fight but work through it together as opposed to breaking up or something. I have said before i just dont want them to break up. They can fight as much as they want esp bc they definitely can’t stay mad at eachother for long lol that is like core to Wilmon.

As long as whatever is depressing is not about Wilmon’s relationship i’m fine. Idc if that is silly or delusional. Simon has a lot of depressing stuff going on considering his dad is battling addiction issues and his sister betrayed him and everyone at that school and the monarchy suck. Wille probably has fr depression and chronic anxiety and his mother will make it worse. There is tons of depressing stuff to be had without them breaking up. And if they get in a fight and dont talk as long as it’s not longer than an episode idc. Wille is not giving Simon up and Simon’s “i want to be with you” was a commitment in my opinion.

Im fully convincing myself they will be fine as i type to you lol

[creedslove]

okay I really feel comfortable in your blog so I’m gonna ask. Is it weird that I’ve never had a relationship nor kissed someone and I’m 20? Like I don’t know I kind of fear falling in love and then being abandoned and lose the person I love (like Pedro, that’s why he’s my comfort person, I relate to him so much for this) so I don’t even make any effort to find a boyfriend but at the same time I wanna be with someone older (yes I know I have daddy issues nobody come @ me) but like part of my fear of falling for someone is because I know how guys my age are and there very few of them who are good person (I have many male friends who are sweethearts but I could never imagine myself with them) so I feel like an older person might make me feel better and he would know how to treat me cause he’s experienced but Idk… I feel so late for not having done anything with anyone at this age…

Well, baby... you will always find something wrong with yourself if you compare your life experiences with other people's. I know it because I've done this my whole life and it can be so self destructive and painful. I don't think 20 yrs old is late for that, I mean my first kiss only happened when I was 17 lmaof but I understand why you feel this impatience. I am guessing this fear of getting into a relationship with someone might come from anxiety and/or lack of confidence (because that's the source of my fear of commitment, I'm terrified of being in a relationship for instance) so I don't know honey, there's no problem in taking things slow and doing things at your pace, if you wanna meet people, start a relationship maybe you could try tinder? If it's not your thing then going out is always a way of doing so, but don't punish yourself for anything, people have different paces, some at your age are already married with kids and that's alright too, baby... I'm sorry I am not much of a help, as you can see I am not an example for anyone lol, but my ask box is always open to welcome you 🥺❤️

[bhilasar]

Some similarities between I'm Not Okay With This and Stranger Things

I'm not going to talk directly about ST, because just taking out INOWT will be enough for you guys to see the similarities. They have many themes in common. I just ask you to not restraint yourselves to "character A from INOWT is an equivalent to character B from ST" kind of interpretations. All the characters are way different from each other.

⚠️ INOWT spoilers ahead ⚠️

For the ones who don't know anything about it, INOWT is a Netflix series produced by Shawn Levy, and it's about Syd, an angsty teenage girl dealing with her teenage problems and finding out she's got telekinetic powers.

The show clearly uses Syd's powers as an allegory for her teenage problems, anger issues, repressed feelings and sexuality (she's a lesbian). Everytime she represses and internalizes her anger or suffering, her powers go out of control. She's trying to control them, but her life is a bit of a mess.

Syd has problems at home, she's got anxiety and depression, and she's is figuring out she have feelings for her girl best friend Dina, who is in a relationship with a stupid jock. Syd's also experimenting going out with Stan, a nerd and a weirdo who has always shown interest in her.

Finding out about her dad's past and secrets, and dealing with his death is also a big part of Syd's arc. The show likes to parallel a lot both of them, btw. He also had powers, and, imo, it gets implied he was closeted gay, too. He committed suicide a little before the events of the series, because he couldn't deal with his own super powers and his PTSD from serving the marine (and with his queerness, too, probably). He didn't tell anyone and suffered all alone.

In the last episode of the season, when Syd was getting dressed for the school dance, her mom shared a memory of when she started dating her dad. It was the school dance, and the guy who had invited her ditched her at the party. Then Syd's dad saw her all sad and alone, and asked her if she wanted to dance. Them both seemed happy, and started a relationship right after that.

Later, a similar situation happened with Syd and Stan at the school dance. However, the outcome was different. Stan was ditched by the girl he invited, and Syd went after him to be by his side in this bad moment. They had a heart to heart in which Stan made it clear that he really likes Syd, despite they were not together anymore.

Syd decided to be completely honest with him, saying she also likes him very much but not in that way. She also subtly admitted she likes her best friend Dina, and that she went to the party with her as friends (at that point, yes, but not for so long, lol). Stan and Syd got cool with each other, and Syd took him by the hand to the dancefloor. She danced with Dina later, and found out her beloved bestie was falling for her, too.

Syd won't meet the same fate of her dad, yay! - even though creepy things happened involving her powers in the last episode, lmao. It's a shame the series was canceled after the first season...

Other than that, we also have: Stan making Syd feel "a bit more normal", meanwhile Dina making Syd feel different; Stan stanning Syd's powers and calling her a superhero (it's their secret, and he's also the first person she comes out to); Dina having a boyfriend but developing feelings for Syd through the season; Syd and Stan being total losers and weirdos together; Stan not fitting masculinity standards that much, and being called a fag by his own father - he seems to be straight straight, tho. maybe bi? idk; etc.

Anyway. Shawn Levy, I see you! 👀

[mangoposts]

i feel bad for being 23 and having zero experience at all with sex but it just scares me so much , if i think about it my anxiety explodes and i want to throw up. i think that my past "traumas" with men and my bad relationship with my dad caused it, also im so scared of commitment but i really need someone to be by my side and love me. idk i just have too many issues caused by my parents and from boys in highschool that block me at all

Bruhhhh i felt like this for a long time too, i used to stress about it so much bc i would be talking to guys and it’d turn the point where they wanna fuck and i was like uhhhhhhhh im ok. I was scared asf for like a million different reasons but trust it just happens when its right and after the first time you start to feel better about the whole idea of it and it just becomes a lot less scary than you thought it was. There’s noooo need to feel bad at all it takes time and it took me awhile too, it happens when it’s meant to happen yk . I struggled a lot when i was younger with feeling like unlovable or like i would never find somebody who would stick w me but none of that was true 🤷🏻‍♀️ It all changes with time

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay. This is a heavy one, I’m mostly just trying to vent and get it off my chest. Sorry about this one.

I’m worried that I have bipolar personality disorder. I’ve recently discovered somethings about myself mentally. My bf tried to commit suicide recently (back in December) and it’s brining up all of this abandonment trauma that I have, as well as some attachment issues. I’ve been looking into how to deal with these problems and I keep seeing resources about and/for people with bpd while doing my research. I know this doesn’t mean I havw bpd, but I’ve seen a lot of advice for people with bpd and just people with bpd talking about their experiences that I relate to a lot. A lot tips for managing bpd work for me and I show sings of having the disorder.

The problem is, how do I not be a monster? I’ve already said some shit in the relationship that I shouldn’t have and I’ll think of things that I do wrong sometimes. I apologize and he forgives me. I don’t make the mistakes again and I always be sure to check in that he’s okay. We support each other through everything. We love each other and we go good together, but I feel like I might be some kind of monster sometimes who hurts people. How do I not do that? I feel like part of the reason I’m reaching out is bc I’m slipping or something. Idk the terminology but like my brain is changing and my mood is different. Bc I’ll just have bouts of happiness and extreme lows. I wrote this during a low I was having and I’m back now. But yeah, I’ll fall into these really deep lows of anxiety and depression and then I’m fine, normal, and occasionally I’ll have a big ego and won’t think about my actions.

It seems to me that you are doing your best.

But we always feel as if we need to do better, especially when it comes to the people we love.

I'm sorry about your boyfriend's health. I hope he's doing better and taking care of himself. I can see you taking care of him, as much as you can. But remember that taking care of someone requires you to take care of yourself first.

I know you were only trying to vent and I do hope getting this off your chest helped you a little.

But since you were observing people with bpd and were relating to them too, an important thing to remember is that mood disorders such as depression or bpd often become easier to manage when you follow consistent treatment.

I'm simply not talking about going to therapy, but also getting diagnosed and taking anti-depressants etc. As someone who has gone with her friends TO their sessions and seen how much medication and treatment has helped them deal with their depressive symptoms, I would highly recommend you talk to a psychiatrist and see what can be done to help you manage your symptoms.

Even if it doesn't lead to anything, it's always good to go for that first session and ask for professional support.

I hope you do find that support. Please please do.

If you want to talk more, anytime, know I'm here 🤍

[lonleywriters-blog]

Hello, it’s incredibly late at night, or more accurately quite early in the morning so I’m not thinking this through and asking on a whim, could ya, if you have time ofc, do a matchup of Gotham/MCU?(Well that was a run on sentence if there ever was one) I hope it’s not too long idk what I should do

I’m not sure how to even be gain describing myself, but half of who I am is a contradiction to the other half of who I am, I would say I’m paradox but I have strict moral codes that makes sense to me, so instead I just say “well I’m a Gemini so”…I don’t beivle in astrology tho. It just a fun coincidence.

Personality: I am an utter ENTP I cannot express enough how much I enjoy debate. However I don’t like arguments that much, but I’m not afraid of conflict. I have trouble taking things seriously, unless it’s school work then I get a little too serious about my own performance. I’m a musical theater nerd in every sense of the word. I do not lie to people and I hate people that lie about liking me more then people who just say there issues. I am a social chameleon. Throughout this thing I sound liek a buzz kill but I swear I’m not. Most ppl think I’m high half the time…I’m not. I’m a singer I do not smoke. I’m heigh on life 😎✌️…or ADHD

Something that might be helpful???: Through many shy phases of my life I have found a way to be assertive yet reasonable. But that tends to push ppl away. I am emotionally mature I would say, so if a situation arises I always like to have a good conversation about it with people. People tent to get defensive and don’t know how to handle adult situations so people sometimes osticize me. But I don’t tend to care becuase the people that do that never actually carry out intellectual conversations about literally anything. Don’t get me wrong I am good at being polite and having fluff talk with people, but the people who I would ride or die for are those who talk about the nuances in life at 3am with me. I’m observant with the actions of people.

Gender: I have a complicated relationship with gender. Because it’s a social construct that has become to ingrained in our society that it’s important to note how the construct has become real yk? But I’m a woman and I use she/they

Appearance: I’m new to tumbler so I don’t like to say much about who I am but I do know that I am pretty good looking. I have freckles, naturally pigmented lips, I’m relatively skinny with small boobs and bigger thighs. I work out and lift weights so I have muscle. I’m not conceded I’ve just finally gotten to a point in my life where I am happy with the way I look. I have brown hair but it’s died a bit so it’s more reddish and it’s very thick and wavey. A true nightmare.

Hobbies: reading. Singing. Acting. Dancing. Talking with my friends. Analyzing media or ppl. Friends.

Likes: Buffy the vampire slayer. Annotating books. Watching people being confused about me and saying “your a mystery” or just straight up “I’m sorry WHAT?” It’s funny. Puns, awful puns. Explaining jokes, it’s a new level of comedy. CROSSWORDS(my current addiction that replaced my Solitaire one). Working on my acting and singing. My “Little Book of Mind Benders and Puzzles”, I bring it to school for when I bored it’s so much fun! It’s actually not little it’s short but quite thick. Like me. And Natasha Pierre and the Great Commit if 1812

Dislikes: multiverse of madness. Wanda deserved better

Mental tw: anxiety, depression, dyslexia, dyscalcula, dysgraphia, ADHD I use humor. Funny story: when I was scuicidal the reason I didn’t slip and slide was cause I thought I was too smart to die. Quote “I would kill my self if it wasn’t for the fact I’ve worked so hard for such an amazing feuture

Thank you so much! I’m so sorry this is long. I’ve been scrolling through your blog cause I couldn’t sleep. I like it a lot. I hope this is good information and that I do not regret this in the morning

Okay darling let's see for gotham I think

He also likes to debate but he will never fight at all. He understands how hard it is for you to take things seriously and he will help you. He also likes theater and he will take you to the best theater with the best seats. He hates lying and he would never lie to you ever. He loves listening to you sing and will dance with you. He loves your pins even the bad ones. He will help you with your disabilities at the best of his ability. He understands that it's stressful and he will be there for you to lay on. He also has strict moral codes.

She doesn't have the best moral codes but she respects yours and will try her best to fit into them but not change herself. She's not that into debate herself but she loves watching you debate. She hates fighting unless it's for the people she loves so she will never fight or lie to you. She also struggles with mental illness and will try to relate and help you. She loves music and finds your singing amazing. She will dance around the house with you. She also likes puns and will come up with dumb ones all the time.

[unsentnotes]

what do i want robbie?

18 OCTOBER 2023 AT 12:20 AM

i want to feel safe and loved and secure. I want to be loved and be cared for, i want someone to be there for me when i need them and for them to understand how i feel and understand that i don't mean harm. I want someone who will help me grow and teach me and lend me a hand during the difficult times. I want someone who wants to place equal effort and trust into our relationship, i need communication and respect as a natural given and understanding. I want to tell someone about my day and not have to think whether it's something questionable i've done or be worried "have i mentioned this person before" or feel weird or event feel any type of way to even mentioning a friend, i wanna hear about their day and their life, their shortcomings and their achievements. I wanna know everything they have to offer, to be delicate with them and cherish their memories with them. i need someone else to help me understand myself. i need someone who is kind and nurturing.

I don't need negativity or hostility when met or faced with an issue. i've dealt with so much of that as a kid. I don't need it as a grown adult. Having an issue and solving it doesn't have ti be negative or be met with aggression or rudeness. It can be solved by talking and understanding and at least some acknowledgment, even saying "i understand how i've made you felt, i'm sorry, it wasn't my intention. can we talk about how i can help prevent this." or even "I didn't realise that the way i reacted was unhelpful to you at the time, i now see how it's upset you, can i apologise and hear you out?"

I need emotional availability and emotional maturity. I don't deserve to feel like i'm just some feeling that you don't know what to do with so you're just gonna carry on like normal until something sticks. We are grown, we aren't teens anymore, the things we do now and the things we feel affect us now. There is no more uni flings and teenage shagging about under the pretence that we're young and wild. We still are but what we do has more emotional impact, we're technically adults. What the fuck are we doing fucking around like this with no certainty, no real promise of commitment or a thought about the future.

I just need someone to be on the same team as me, we're all working towards a goal, one where we are happy and content snd we don't have stress caused by one another.

Most of it is me projecting and becoming a little kid again. I revert back to a child when conflicts arrise, i don't know what to do, i am so unbelievably apologetic and i am genuinely so sorry, and i don't know what to say or do apart from plead and beg until the primal fear of being abused goes away, mental or physical. I do sometimes live in my own little bubble, i sometimes don't think, so caught up in not doing whatver the fuck i did around adam. Yeah i'm not worth him, i'm with you and idk what it is, but i get this anxiety and big fear with texting like,,, i hate it, being chained to someone who constantly has my attention. You're always on my mind, it's unhealthy, and when im with other people i hate being on my phone, i hate looking at it and being distracted. The amount of present times i've not been present at? I'm hanging with a friend, i think it's understandable and easy to clock that im now talking and chatting to them and not gonna be rude and on my phone texting someone else constantly. It's not a you thing. It's anyone. I don't hold long convos over text, i hate that

[muslimintp-1999-girl]

I agree with you that it's always been Bellyjere since the start of the show even in the books I think people miss how she talks about Jere in both books 1-2 (I don't count book 3 as canon that was an abomination) I think Belly just idealized a lot of Conrad in her head they didn't interact that much in the books the show did favors for him giving what Jere did and make it seem like that was Conrad they really did undercut the Bellyjere friendship to me. Also people say Conrad changed when he found out his mom had cancer but they do say he's always been moody and he treated Belly like shit so I think that is just who he's.

I feel like Jenny tried to pass Con off as a complicated, bad, dark, broody, mysterious, introverted, suffering from anxiety, poor little meow meow character but she failed to do so coz she genuinely doesn't know how to write such a character. Coz like we have all seen examples of such characters in media where they are presented so well while Conrad just comes off as annoying isntead of any of those things. So her writing of Conrad is the problem, like he's not a well-written character (if we are assuming Jenny wanted him to be deep & not you know just a jerk even by the end of the books. Coz it's either that Con is written as a straight up red flag on purpose or Jenny tried to make him *complicated uwu*).

I hate the Con was suffering coz his mom was dying & everyone grieves in a different way argument so much coz :

It doesn't give him the right to behave the way he did with jelly esp Belly in the car ride

His anxiety/sadness magically disappears when he wants to flirt with Belly

Belly was the one who delayed dating him coz she didn't want him or Jere to suffer while their mom was sick. And Con honestly didn't care or give a fuck about either Jere or his mom (or Belly when he decided to straight up lie to her coz he couldn't wait any longer instead of respecting her decision), he just wanted to date Belly and he wasn't the one putting a pause coz his mom was sick or his bro might get hurt, it was the girl he constantly calls a kid & tells to grow up who did that.

Again he didn't even give Belly a heads up before coming to her place to pick her up (as far as I know. Plz correct me if I'm wrong coz I skip or forward a lot of their scenes tbh). And Belly still came with him regardless. While he probably knew about the prom beforehand for weeks and he still acted like it was such a big chore. His "sadness/mental health" comes up whenever it's convenient for him?? Like is that a coincidence?? Their relationship being so much on his terms just doesn't sit right with me. It needs to be 50/50.

Now, this one is just purely my opinion and no one has to agree but it was very iffy to me that if he deep down still felt he wasn't fully ready to be in a committed relationship with her coz of the issues he was dealing with, he shouldn't have gone through with the fireplace scene with her. I mean I know he couldn't have predicted their breakup but I like boys who take it slow idk 🤷. I just didn't get the rush. And I have no idea if making this change in Conrad's character in the show compared to the books does him a favour or not lol.

So yeah despite the show being lenient and making his character more digestible, I still find the show Conrad to be annoying and especially just not compatible with Belly (neither atm nor in the future)