#idk im getting tired of writing it and i think thats a sign

[sonic-rebellion-official]

torn between starting rebellion over and doing better or just sucking it up and moving on

[dallonwrites]

at first i was writing a lot of grief stuff to process my own which is still the case but at this point it's mostly the grief has been here for so long and is not going away so and i'm tired so i might as well have fun with it

[pettal00beaine]

Detention - Snape x inocent!reader smut

reader is described as a female, and is in hufflepuff

a/n- idk what possesed me to write this but this is so dirtly yall, im thinking abb turning this into a series but idk. Also its my second post thats an actual fanfic, so hope yall enjoy

MINORS DNI

(Y/n)  (L/n) was discribed as a inocent, kind and soft girl. She had (h/c) hair that ran along her pretty face, (e/c) piercing eyes and a curved, bouncy and round body every boy wanted to touch. Even though she doesn't even know that boys have genitals.

She wasn't given the talk when she was younger and for certain she was discribed as a sparkly ray of sunshine at all Hogwarts. She was a Hufflepuff and was excellent in many classes, greatest being Herbology. 

She was often praised a lot from proffesors. She was the one who earned Hufflepuff many points through the years. But there was one class she wasn't a fan of.

Potions. Lead by non other than Proffesor Severus Snape. He never spoke about the girl, but was strict to her at times when she got a few measurements wrong in her potion. One time instead of healing a frog she turned it into a pigeon. Nobody was really surprised though, her patronum was a pigeon after all.

 But aside from some little incident there weren't tragic mistakes she had made. Until today at class. They were supposed to be making Amortentia, a very powerful potion. But with one slight bump of her classmate she managed to add half a bottle of peppermint oil into the mix resulting in her desk being flooded by the messy jelly like substance. And with one glare from Snape she knew what was going to go down . 

"Five points from Hufflepuff. Miss Glitheard you have detention here later today., at the end of all your classes. Everyone stop experimenting, Miss (L/n) clean this mess up." And with a sigh that left her mouth she begun cleaning the mess. With her head down for the rest of the day she completed all her classes and went to change her robe before going to her second detention at Hogwarts. 

The first one was in Astronomy when she broke a crystal ball. But she just had to clean the whole class of dust and that was it. Plus Ms. Sinistra added five points to Hufflepuff for her hard work. But she didnt know what Snape was like. With one final deep breath she opened the large door of the potions classroom. 

There sat Snape right in the front of the classroom writing onto some papers. He looks up and says: " Oh Miss (L/n) you finally appeared go on and sit down , and dont make a peep." She sat in the way back and put her bag onto the table. After about five minutes she felt bored and started to get pretty tired so she laid her head onto the desk letting herself dream into her sweet dreams of candy. 

(Snape's point of view)

I finished signing all of my paper on grading the fifth year students. And looked up to spot Miss Glitcheard quietly sleeping on the desk. I started to get mad at her actions and took my wand with me and started walking to her desk. I stood there before slamming my wand against the end of the desk letting little sparks fly out of the end. She got startled and fell to her knees right in front of me and looked me straight into the eyes.

I couldn't help but feel excited. "Oh my Merlin im so so sorry Professor Snape!" She quickly tried to get back onto the chair but i pushed her down with my right hand. " W-what ar-are you doing P-proffesore?" she asked as she looked at me inocently and blushed a deep red color. She wasn't lying she really didnt know what was about to happen.

 " Do not move a muscle." At that she sat still as i walked to the door, i pointed my wand at the doorknob and in a deep voice said: "Colloportus." 

With that i turned around to look at her looking at me. I slowly walked over to her as she turned her hair to look at the floor. I moved my wand across her jawli and moved her head up to look at me. "Proffesor my knees hurt, can i please sit on the chair?" 

"No. You are to remain here until i say so and until im satisfied." I said as i tapped my wand against her small but plump lips." Do you know what mens genitals are called Miss (Y/n)? Hmm?"

 "N-no sir i dont i swear. My mama said thats not good. So i dont know." 

She's telling the truth. This is going to be fun, a smirk is already forming onto my face as i look at her eyes. " You can sit down now." She obeyed as she sat down, i quickly made my way over and sat beside her. I started stroking her thigh and rubbing her robe.

"Its a little hot in here isn't it Miss?" 

" A bit." She said. 

I started taking of my robe revealing the pants and pullover that i had underneath. "Why dont you get comfortable yourself Miss?" She looked at me shily before removing her robe reveilng the sweater, tie and dress shirt. Her skirt was relatively short, i could see her chubby thighs. On the were the cutest pair of thigh highs i had ever seen. They were thick considering it was chilly outside and had adorable little pumpkins on them. I could just take them off one by one. But ill be patient. "Tell me Miss do you know what an erection is?" She shakes her head no.

 "Well, an erection is a hardened male genital or so called penis. Its caused by a male getting aroused by sexual tention." She lisened carefully as i suggested: " Would you like to try giving me an erection Miss.?" She looked shoked, she started getting teary eyed and shed a few tears. I cupped her cheeks and wiped away the tears.

" Oh Miss im sorry, whats wrong? " She looks at me with a quivering lip, "Momma said thats for bad people i dont wanna be a bad person mama will be sad." " Oh no deary its only bad if its forced but you want this, dont you Miss Glitcheard?" she looks patheticaly at the ground as i sense her thinking, maybe some old giving in will do the trick. 

I lean in close to her ear as i wispered:" Not even if i give some pathetic points to hufflepuff? Hmm? Wouldn't you like that little Miss?" And at that she looks at me and with a frown quickly nods her head." Alright then,lets get started. Get down on your knees infront of me." 

She obeys my orders as i move the chair to the side. She sits right in front of my legs. I started to move down the zipper on my pants revealing my white boxers. I slowly reach my hand into them as i take my huge cock out. She looks at it with wonder her eyes growing larger .

 "Its already half erect and leaking precum. Go on and put it into your hands Miss." She then slowly took it into her soft hands and squeezed it a little bit."Oh my Merlin that feels soo good. You see those ball like testicles under? You need to squeeze them gently." As she reaches down i cant help but feel excited, than i saw that my cock had twitched now fully hard.

She looked at it in surprise before slowly squeezing my heavy balls. It felt like i was in heaven. But i knew what would make it even better. " Do you see that mushroom shape? I want you to put it in your mouth." 

She looked at me so innocently as she opened her mouth, slowly taking in my tip. As she started to suck on it like a lollipop, it felt as if i was in heaven. I then pushed her head further as i heard her gag and choke, i looked right into her eyes as i saw tears flowing onto her cheeks. 

I tried to reach out to wipe them away as she started to gurgle and tap my thighs violently. I let her go to breath air as she started caughing. After a few seconds i took her back onto my cock, this time i felt i was close so i started to pound into her mouth. 

My balls slapped away on her jaw as she choked. "It'll be over soon i promise, just a few seconds more." I saw her eyes roll back into her head. She looked so fucking hot like that. I soon aproched my goal and for the last time i held her head down to my pubes. 

Her hands violently hit my thighs and her eyes had closed, knowing she was going to pass out i pulled out. I closed her mouth with my hand as i said: "I want you to swallow it all, or else you get punished." She shook her head no and moved back, as soon as my hand left her face she spitted out my jizz leading to a few coughs. 

She looked at me sadly as i just looked at her with slight anger for spitting my load out. " Im sorry i couldn't do it, it was too yucky and salty." "You think that its disgusting huh?" She shook her head yes. "You really are spoiled rotten. You think you can just spit it out like that huh? It takes time for me to make it happen you know. Do you understand that?"

She looked at me with eyes blowing with tears.

" Y-yes i do. Please dont punish me i wanna be a good girl, not a bad one. Am i a good girl sir, am i?" Her lip wobbled as she said that. " Right now your a really bad girl. You wasted what i gave you. And you will get punished. Now bend over the desk." She shook as she got onto her legs and took a few steps, she laid onto her stomach on the table. 

I put my cock back into my pants and walked behind her. I put my hand onto her hips as she shook a bit, trying to look over her shoulder. I then put a hand under her skirt and took it off with one swift motion along with her underwear.

 I kept her thigh highs on though, she looked so hot in them. I then took my wand into my hands and said ill give 10 spanks to your pussy, you will count each one, if you miss one i will start again. Understood?" 

"Yes i undertand sir." She said cutely.

I then so sudenly bought the wand down to her right cheek, making her jump in suprise.

"One!" She yelped. I made sure the second smack was a little more near her cunt.

"Two!" She yelped yet again. I had a smirk on my face as i continued the abuse on her cheeks. 

On the last slap she was crying so beautifuly, while i was rubbing her wery sore cheeks so it would hopefuly relieve some of the pain.

"You were good my sweet little dove, you deserve a reward dont you now? How about 30 points to hufflepuff? Hmm, would you like that?"

"Yes thank you Proffesor!" She said with a cute smile, as always.

"How about i bring us some tea darling, would it make you feel any better?"

"Yes Proffesore, with honey please!"

"Of course sweetheart." Oh how i love her.

[aloera]

Ayyy hi how are you? thank you so much for replying to all points in my long ass ask the other day :) and so succinctly too i will be using your advice thanks i'll think about how to apply it, still not sure if i wanna write in english or spanish(eng isn't my first language think i ate some letters in the last one fjjf but being in this app constantly helps me pratice) excited for your next wips i'll be patiently waiting, and yeah like you said we are in this krbk hell together if you ever wanna talk or atleast kr my darling has a chokehold on me i'll never forget him :( he's just my type of earnest, punkie, sweetheart, spunky boy. Maybe im reaching and sorry if i overshare but i find some similarities with my other fav percy jackson(i know kr is a mama's boy, and also is often labeled kinda "dumb" :/ when that's so untrue, etc.) fudj anyways hori he's mine now sorry

I know him personally, i say that bc first he's a libra and both of my parents(divorced) are libras too and my rising sign is libra 🙈(uff is kinda of chaotic) fjdjd so idk maybe i can peek into his head. And second bc i look at him and i know his weakness are the most insufferable(sometimes blond) men </3 F he can't help his taste fjdh

What do you think of kirimono 👀? (i love their silly beef and maybe they should kiss ab it) waah this got long again sorry again ur one of my fav fic authors, have a good day/week!💝

hi!!! im good thank you i hope you're well too :) please please let me know how your writing endeavours go omg good luck!! have fun!!!!

shut up as much as i love pjo i never actually thought ab the similarities btwn him and kirishima... esp the weakness for blondes LMFAOO thats genuinely so good im obsessed with it i love that u made that connection

can i say. this is so funny just bc both my parents (not divorced. but should be) are also both libras........ why r we the same person LMFAO

OMG. KIRIMONO. i have literally been waiting 4 this one bc my friend sock introduced it to me first i think and since then.... i just keep thinking about them... its SO FUNNY like just the premise alone yk.. like this guy is soooo nice to everyone. except you. and monoma cant even complain ab him bc everytime hes like "ugh kirishi-" everyones immediately like "omg what a nice guy right" "and so strong" "and so handsome!!" "always out there to lend a helping hand!!" and monomas pulling at his hair like NONE OF YOU GET IT... hes EVIL.......

i have a wip in the making rn the premise is that monoma is dumb and kirishima is dumber and bakugou and shinsou are so unbelievably tired.

please literally never apologize i love hearing from you!! mwah hope youre doing good!!! <33

[quantumstarpaths]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

— BASICS! ♡

NAME: jamie

PRONOUNS:  they/them

ZODIAC SIGN: scorpio

TAKEN OR SINGLE: single

— THREE FACTS! ♡

my kitty cat had to get his teeth cleaned yesterday and now he has a naked strip on his ankle from the anesthesia  

i love...b horror movies. like, vincent price, yk? i'm too much of a baby to actually enjoy real horror movies but i love them when they're stupid.

um! idk. im watching the mandalorian rn. its almost over. thats not a good fact. the fact is that im not good at fun facts.

— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED: umm neopets, tapatalk, various little forums, tumblr, text, discord sometimes.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: i love winging it and memes. i don't dislike plotting, i'm just not very good at it and it makes me feel like im not really offering anything, but i'm not completely against it.

— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER: mostly male. it's not really a preference so much as just that the majority of people ive written have been.

MULTI OR SINGLE MUSE: i have both. for a long time i just had single muses, but then i brought all my lower activity muses over to a single blog, and thats still low but then at least i dont have a bunch of essentially empty blogs. and i do love it i love how easy it is.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): nat.alie dor.mer JKSHDF no reason just because i was on tumblr in 2012 where every person in the world used her. also?? jen.na col.eman? for the same reason? like i dont care if you use them i just feel like theyre so popular im tired of lookin at them sdkhf

— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡

FLUFF: i love it. i love soft shit. everythings so difficult all the time i love when characters are soft. love to write it love to think about it.

ANGST: i! i love hurt/comfort. i love. emotional angst. but! ive known people where it's...all the time. and not in a fun way. like constantly theres something wrong and it doesn't allow for anything but. focusing on that. and i hate that. i like angst, but i need it to not be every single thing, you know? like? i love making paul sad. but i also need him to be happy now and then. unless its hurt comfort. literally idc. always. any time.

SMUT:  i! its a little awkward for me, so i really prefer it to be with someone i know, but like...i kinda love it. ive gotten into it more lately just like by myself writing some oc shit but like...its fun. and i always enjoy talking about in a less writing sense too. i love talking about my characters having sex. im admitting. i dont care. even if pauls less than welcoming about it sometimes with anyone but hugh always.

Tagged by: @nebulaties Tagging: you :]! 

[xx-neon]

july 4th

hi again.

i was planning on writing more. the whole point of this was to get my feelings out everyday to cope but its been awhile.

again, if youre not me reading this. good luck.

so my ex broke up with me right? so much happened that i didnt know about. im tired of talking about it really since its been such a hot topic (my ex and i work together too and share a lot of the same friends) thats the cherry on top lol.

he has a new girlfriend. they started dating the day he left.

ouch.

another ouch? 

im her manager at work

looking at it now. this is all one giant hilarious cluster fuck LOL.

im not going to go into details of the messy stuff since its a dead horse at this point.

do i seem happier?

i actually tried killing myself. 

not because of him though. hes a loser with nothing going for him so that would be a waste. i did it because of all the emotions after what happened. i didnt have enough time to find somewhere to live. i couldnt bring my cat with me if i moved with my parents far away. i felt like the whole world was against me and i didnt do anything to deserve it. and it wasnt going to get better. i talked about being in a hole and trying to climb out in my last post. this hole extended 1000 ft in the ground and there was no sign of light. i had no sign of light in me. i didnt eat for a week. i drank everyday. i couldnt sleep. why me? what did i do wrong? is this my karma for being me?

so i really did it.

obviously it didnt work lol. im still here. i spent 6 days in the hospital. one in the ER and 5 in the BHU. i was diagnosed with an eating disorder, major depressive disorder and psychosis. i got help for my drinking too. whoo 

this sounds cringy. but i feel reborn. i didnt mention in my last post but i have BPD (boarderline personality disorder). ive been diagnosed for about 10 years. most of those spent unmedicated and out of therapy so i was really rawdogging life LOL. if you know anything about BPD its probably the worst thing to deal with. thankfully im self aware so i havent ruined my life but fuck man everyone else ruins it for me. 

im in extensive therapy. im on like what... 4 medications?? and i just feel like life is great. ewwww so cringe LOL. but seriously. it is. i dont think ive ever felt so normal in my life. my anxiety is gone. paranoia is gone. my head feels so light now im not bogged down. idk its just so nice. i smile at work now. i smile when i see my friends that i never knew i had. i just know how great life can be.

but then theres this.

schadenfreude

its a german word for basically feeling happy off of someone elses misery.

thats how i feel towards my ex

i know i know its fucked up. but what he did to me isnt?

i never said i was a good person LOL.

i love i just LOVE hearing about how miserable he looks and how happy i look. i revel in it. i cherish in it. i frolic in a field of flowers in it LOL.

okay. we get it. but seriously. i knew karma would come. thats why i learned to stay silent. yes i did lash out and have a mental breakdown wouldnt we all? but he lost friends over this. people think hes fucked up. that in itself makes me feel better. ya know schadenfreude. i do wish he could be a better person but i dont wish him the best. him feeling like this is good. he’ll learn from it. he’ll learn he cant always get away with being an asshole. karma will continue to come his way and she wont hold back. 

ill try to write more now that im happy. 

xx

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] NO BUT THATS GENUINELY EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING 2 MEEE im covering my face fr blush blush like gosh bc i never rlly thought of someone else liking and be influenced with my ideas till i realize. its cus i barely have ppl whom i express it for them to vibe LMAOOO u and other special moots (which is just. 1 other moot i kiss theym) i hold u so dear LIKE YKNOW everytime i have A Thought or i go to my lil private space where ive already word vomit my xiao and lumine bs im like uhehe augh wehehhrhg aur *unintelligible* should i pick this out wud aly like this thoght like i be sending 47827473 asks by then of rewording my jargon to at least be Comprehensible and then again i thought it might not. make as much Sense when in common consensus its not as romantic and too Slow for others but i did have hope youd get it (which u did!!!! and it still blows my mind everytime the joy never gets old to be understood of ur special silly thinkings in overwritten essays cus i cannot. articulate things properly HRHHRHEKDKFHDH)

like i genuinely get worried sumtimes bc with me rambling i mightve unintentionally forced u into my thoughts and agendas even when its just fun exchange and things!! and i really Really dont want mine to override the ideas u have like yknow bc u have god tier ideas too that i still think abt like the fUGK. like i spit Way too much abt zhongli xiao but i also dont see it like the former Pampers the latter too much like a baby than just wanting to ease the suffering like any other person. anyway bottom line i dont want to take away ur prev enjoyment before i came in too cus gosh i get carried away sumtimes but its the Only way to get the interpretation across UEUEUEUE ANYWAY (2) I JUST!!!! GRHGRHSHHH GRAAHHH BITES MY PILLOW U HAVE NO IDEA POPPING INTO THIS INBOX AFTER MY LIL COMMENT ON UR AO3 HAS MADE MY LIL. my little lonely life thinking xiaolumi is a Tad Different feel so Better 💕💗💕💖💞💞💗💞💖💞💞💗💕💖💕💓💕💕💖💕💗💕💗💕💕💗💕💗💞💖💞💞💗💞💖💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💖💞💞💗💞💗💞💗💕💕💗

ILYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY i absolutely pinkie prommie that you have NOT forced me into having any thoughts or being part of any agenda, in the past that would Definitely Be Possible i was like incapable of having opinions BUT i am a grown girlboy now and like. idk even when some of the besties share ideas its rly easy to pick apart "i am adding this to my own thoughts Immediately this is perfect" "oh i genuinely rly like that" "oh mad respect but not for me" "oh What The Fuck" (<- that ones for the dottore fuckers) and to keep my own thoughts intact and such,, none of what uve said has overridden any of my own ideas its more like. a) me soaking up ur thoughts like a sponge or b) ur thoughts Fanning The Flames for my own thoughts adding fuel to the fire etc etc like they consistently add and make things better than what i tend to think of on my own but they've never pushed my own thoughts aside in the process yknow ?? idk if that made sense i am Very Tired writing this sob emoji

i Also get carried away i think we both get mad carried away we are like two little silly guys floating in the wind flinging each other further and further out into the atmosphere with no sign of stopping and i love that for us <3

AND NO BC I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT like. literally it wouldve been so easy for you to Not Comment or to Not check my silly little blog or to Not send an ask but you DID and i am SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love love love talking to you i love discussing our silly little ideas i love losing our minds you are so. idk even if we WEREN'T so often on the same wavelength and weren't interested in the same things you are just so so so fun to talk to and to be around !!!!!! and youre so passionate and it makes hearing u talk abt the things u love That Much Better its so. 💞💗💞💖💞💞💗💕💖💕💓💕💕💖💕💗💕💗💕💕💗💕💗💞💗💞💖💞💞💗💕💖💕💓💕💕💖💕💗💕💗💕💕💗💕💗💞💗💞💖💞💞💗💕💖💕💓💕💕💖💕💗💕💗💕💕💗💕💗 LIKE FR !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ILYSM I HOPE UR DAYS BEEN GOING WELL AND I HOPE IT GETS EVEN BETTER !!!!!! and if any part of it Doesnt go well. well. i am sleepwalking my ass over there to beat up all the bad parts and then we will hold hands amen

[heartachebf]

dude my brains going so fast rn

[whaleofatjme1920]

Red string of fate event

Lynx (ill be writing as Quill, i feel like thats obvious), SCP, she/her, in my twenties

To whomever this may concern

Wait no that's too professional, i dont really have any correction tapes with me at the moment and i dont wanna scribble over the letter so whoops

I dont really know what to write? Dr. Tjme told me to write a letter to a chinese deity and i think thats neat but without a person to write too its kinda confusing

Forgive me if you think i talk too much, i drank a 5 hour energy and i haven't slept for 24. Besides that im sure who ever you are, you'll be great! If this letter is even real...

I just hope who ever my soulmate is can handle me... Idk ive just had lovers in the past and one of the prominent things ive found out about them is that they cant keep up with me, saying im too annoying or im too loud, i totally get it but yeesh man yknow? But i just want someone to hold me and tell me im loved (ew, lol)

Frankly this whole thing has me confused, i just hope this works! And if this is an office prank, well then screw you! You made me spill out my heart and love life secrecy onto this letter

Mwah

- Dr. Quill

Along with the letter, Quill decided to leave an assortment of fruit along side as the offering

[Disclaimer: The Red String of Fate event is a special event I'm running from August 12th, to whenever I feel it necessary to end - right now, I'm giving it to the first week of September! Check out rules HERE]

Long are the nights of wistfully yearning for someone. Long are the mornings wishing for someone to hold you in their arms. As you twist and turn through a restless night, a god sleepily reads over your letter. He smiles as the moonlight clouds around your words and the offerings you've left him. He's especially pleased by the oranges. As he snacks upon the fruits and checks over the people in your immediate life, and those who exist within your circle but are yet to come into contact with you, his cat moves around in his dwelling. He knows you want someone patient, some one kind and understanding but who still can push you to greater heights.

The sound of soft, subtle purrs bring to his attention a man that is also resting, or at least trying to. The sweet old feline hums away, pouncing softly on the floor before bringing back the God's favorite spool of red thread, dripping with crimson zircons and rubies. He takes a piece and ties it to your pinky, the right, and then looks to your soul mate. He chuckles as the thread winds through the streets, over the tops of trees and curls around the earthly clouds themselves.

Yes, Yue Lao thinks as he ties the thread over the man's left pinky, this will be a very auspicious match. And just like that, the God tethers the two of you together, his lips curled into a tired smile before he allows his cat to cut the thread binding soul mates from the spool. He places it down gently, calls his cat to his side, and rests.

In the morning, the man rises. His dark hair curls over his eyes before he tiredly brushes his back. He's unaware of the thread that's placed along his pinky, too tired to even recognize it's tug. His eyes are not yet opened to it like yours are. He goes about his morning before heading off to work, still unaware of its pull.

You wake with a start, feeling the warmth, like a hug, of the red string along your pinky. You gawk at it, amazed that the thread is so bright and glows with every movement from who you assume is your soul mate. You try not to think of it too deeply as you move about your home and get ready for work, following the string alongside your routine. You're vaguely amused that it seems to be leading to a coworker.

Mornings at the Foundation are odd, sometimes busy, but other times quiet. Depending on the task forces being sent out, if there were any breeches, the state of the place, the mornings can be quiet, and almost peaceful. You barely greet the ladies at the front desk as you sign in, flashing your researcher status to them as you follow the twisting string.

The closer you get to him, the more your heart flutters. You realize you're reaching a string of offices. These are some of the higher ups, aren't they? You feel heat rise to your cheeks as the thread glows brighter, a brilliant shade of passion as you draw nearer and nearer. Your right hand is held in front of you as a guide.

And you see it, the office of the man that's your soulmate. Your stomach fills with butterflies as you read the name, barely able to contain the excitement and odd bout of anxiety that's sprouted within you. This is who Yue Lao thought would be your soulmate?

You use your right hand to knock on the door and pull it open when a gruff voice allows you entrance. As you pull it open, you're greeted to his slightly surprised expression that his left hand has been jerked forwards. His emerald like eyes widen as he finally takes notice of the thread. He sees you bathed in a rosy color, unsure of what the hell was going on but the butterflies have come alive in himself as well.

"Good morning, Dr. Kondraki," you breathe, waving your right hand at him.

He waves back with his left. "Dr." He mirrors in an unsure tone. He invites you to sit in front of him, and hesitantly you do so. The two of you stare at the thread linking your pinkies together, then back up at each other, small, almost knowing smiles gracing your lips.

You've never really spoken to Dr. Kondraki before, but there's better time to start than now.

[nahoyaglock]

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

© tomura-heart — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or copying is not allowed. do not translate. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

[bellamyblakru]

omg ok so idk how many im allowed to ask for the otp ask game thingy BUT if this is too many just do the ones you really want:D (SORRY I GOT EXCITED)

merthur & 2, 6, 7, 13, 24, 29, 30

oh my god roya i went ham on these. i apologize in advance 💀i got so excited too siskksksksks thank you so much for this holy shit, it was literally so much fun

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

omg i think it depends on who got the drama arc that day ajclajfefkafn i would say normally merlin is 100% the big spoon LOL he just has that “need to comfort and protect” vibe, you feel?

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

oooo so interesting, like physical features? id wanna say merlin loves arthur’s hands the most. like he can just sit for hours watching arthur signing documents and writing speeches and all that shit, plus arthur is definitely a hands on man (since he was touched starved to the max) so merlin always craves those little moments where arthur’s hand lingers on his own, or on his neck, or on his chest. the first thing to come to my mind for arthur is that he absolutely adores merlin’s hair. like when he forgets to cut it short and it gets a bit longer and more curly, the wildness just fits merlin so nicely. his hair in the morning is just so messy and perfect and the way the light hits it makes merlin feel more ethereal--its in those moments, right before merlin wakes up, where arthur just stares at this magical king and wonders what god he should thank for giving him someone so lovely.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

OH GOD. dude, the first thing that changes for merlin is what he thinks about as he helps arthur dress for the day. now, he notices the subtle way arthur leans into his touch, the way arthur smiles softly when merlin fixes his collar, the way his own hands tremble, ever-so slightly, as he smooths out arthur’s shirt. ARTHUR. man, the first thing that changes for arthur when he realized he has feelings for merlin is EVERYTHING. my mans tries to not change a fucking thing about the routine or day--but he tries way too fucking hard and its painfully noticeable that something is happening in his mind. merlin notices it, of course, but thinks arthur is stressed about something kingly. you know who tells him to fucking stop? LANCELOT. that man walks up to arthur, drags his ass aside, and gently, but not weakly, says “you suck at this” and helps him understand that merlin is already head over heels for him wjsjjsksksks

13. Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

arthur. 100%. touch is his thingggg™️. merlin has probably ached to hold arthur’s hand for years, but arthur does it first. i imagine two different scenarios: one, its fucking chaos out. there is some bad guy or some shit they are fighting, the knights are scattered, they are bloodied, bruised, and tired, but merlin hasn’t left his side for even a moment. the warlock’s back is still straight, his chin is still high, the defiance burning so brightly in those eyes that arthur cant help but reach over and grab the man’s hand to try to gain some of his resilience and passion and strength. two, it could be the laziest fucking day of the year. the knights of the roundtable are laughing and eating in arthur’s chambers, lance and gwen are making doe-eyes at one another, gwaine and percy are stealin little glances, and arthur is just so fucking content. like he looks around to smiles, and laughing, and happiness, and he turns his head to see merlin staring at him in concern. and he cant help it, man, he just reaches over and squeezes his hand. merlin’s eyes widen, but a soft smile grows there. arthur just doesn’t let go though, so merlin leans over and puts his head on arthur’s shoulder being completely beautifully content together.

24. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

BRUH THIS SCREAMS MERLIN. I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH FKHNNSKNR. dudee. imagine it?? they are seated at a Very Important Dinner™️ with some Very Important People™️ and arthur is just about to make a toast and BAM-merlin whispers something outrageously fucking dirty. ARTHUR SPLUTTERS AND TURNS SO FUCKING RED ASDFGHHJK. merlin just smiles (his most regal smile) and turns away to talk to Very Important Someone™️ and arthur has to wait a few more minutes to compose himself and vows to get back at merlin later (he never does because merlin always beats him to it). OR LIKE DURING AUDIENCES? like this fucking farmer is complaining that he thinks his neighbor stole his chicken named Clucky and merlin just walks up to arthur and Says Something™️ that makes arthur cough...violently...and merlin turns around, solves the farmer’s problem, and goes back to his spot like nothing happened. arthur stares at him for much longer than he is suppose to before leon steps in and taps arthur’s shoulder to continue LOLLL

29. one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

oh lord,,, where to start? im not sure if this is a common headcanon or not, but that merlin actually could have saved arthur. he is the most powerful warlock to ever fucking exist, and he couldn’t save him? i call bullshit. i think he had the power to, and i think deep down he realizes that when its too late (like arthur’s eyes fluttering shut too late) and thats what breaks him. what haunts him for literal centuries. the simple fact that he could have saved him. i think he didn’t know enough about his magic yet, or that he refused to acknowledge that kind of power simmering under his skin, or that he just didn’t believe enough in himself because of how many times shit had hit the fan when merlin did magic near arthur. so..yeah…yikes

30. one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

LOL im full of angsty headcanons so hmmm. during arthur’s reign, they used to stay up late at night in arthur’s chambers. it didn’t matter what they did: whether it was arthur teaching merlin how to play chess as merlin complained the entire time that strategy at midnight was a cruel and unnecessary punishment, or arthur helped merlin clean his chambers as merlin hummed an old song his mother used to sing to him before bed, or just the two of them sitting in front of the fireplace with two glasses of wine talking about everything and nothing all at once. but once the quiet hits, its never, ever, uncomfortable. they can sit in silence for hours and never be bored or scared to break it. they just sit there, side by side, leaning on one another like they do in everything in life.

thank you again😭💖💖 akakakakak i might have gotten too excited?😂

otp ask game

[dailyzzy]

What If- and just hear me out for a second- redbone bojack horseman au.

Deku is Sarah Lynn (his job and giving up on his dreams really fucked him up, he mostly uses drugs as a way to cope with everything happening around him. Bakugou was the one that introduced him to alcohol for the first time when they were kids, bragging to his "friends" about drinking his mothers vodka once and calling Deku a cry baby for not wanting to try, Izuku drank, mostly out of anxiety and ended up getting drunk. Bakugou and his friend dragged him home and said that they found Izuku like that (inko lectured him a lot about It but Izuku couldnt bring himself to snitch) which was the start of his addiction.)

The story could pass through Bakugous pov mostly, still being a murder mistery, but with oh so much more angst. Kirishima gives me Todd vibes, so unfortunely for him Bakugou also isnt that good to him. He always assumes kirishima os an extra and didnt bother learning about his life until It was of interest to him. I think that the betrayal that happened in bojack horseman on the first season wouldve happened back in UA, Kirishima told bakugou about his insecurities (mostly with his quirk) and about this wonderful internship opportunity, Bakugou got scared of kiri leaving him once he made a name for himself and made him fail/miss the Interview (idk If he would Just make fake accounts and Bully kiri online so his anxiety was so high he wouldnt be able to do good or If he would just mix up kiris papers in order for him to miss the Interview).

Aizawa is a mixture of princess Carolyn and basicallly every single person on the show who noticed patterns and behaviors, but didnt do antything, hes an enabler. I woudl say later, when he realizes just how bad his ignorance affected those around him he would probably regret It, but for now him caring for Eri and the fact his students are already adults is the excuse he uses to not confront people. Thats not to say he isnt a good father, just like princess Carolyn he had a hard time adjusting parenting with work (he secretly has always wanted a child of his own, but never thought he would get the chance to have one) and pretends to give his child the childhood he never had.

Bakugou isnt the only 'villain' tho, i think It would be unfair to base the whole au around him or anyone in particular (many actions of bojack and character arcs will be displayed in different characters) Bakugou is a mixture of herb kazzaz and a side of bojack horseman. Shinsou was a dear friend to him (Hitoshi noticed the way he treated people, but never really cared) back in the first year of UA, they were rival-friends sort of deal. Shinsou introduced him to drugs, and a similar situation that happened with kid deku happened with teenage Bakugou, katsuki got caught and basically begged Shinsou to give out his dealers contact, otherwise Bakugou would be assumed to have been dealing and selling the drugs himself (seeing the large amount found back at his dorm room) hitoshi said he would do it, but Aizawa put quite a pression on him to deny anything, and thats exactly what he did. Bakugou was almost expelled and got a big red mark on his curriculum. He did save Kota on the Summer camp, and give quite some good advice.

The Bojack drug would probably be called Dynamight.

Shinsou is basicallly another side of bojack and Diane together (severely depressed, basically) , he has addiction problems (many times pushed people to get involved too) and has a deep self hatred, but still tries his best to be a better person. The problem is, hes still selfish and cynical, mainly the person at fault for Todoroki having had to go through rehab on his early 20's and many times inviting Izuku to do drugs together even though he knows just how bad dekus addiction is. He loves and cares for Eri like a little sister, and genuely tries to help Todoroki, but unfortunely good intentions dont mean good actions. Not to say he doesn't do anything selfless or good, he never pressioned Todoroki after rehab (neither Izuku after he became sober (Bakugou would be the one to lead him to his death)) and gives pretty good advice when hes sober. His biggest dream is to do sonething with his life, to make the world a little bit better. Hes quite intellegent and informed in todays affairs (him and Izuku have plenty of good convos and Todoroki isnt an ignorant fool mainly because of him). He worked on a case that investigated the hero comission and risked his entire career to try to expose a bit of Injustice, even If he wasnt sucefull he was still willing to risk It all for his morals.

Holyhock's arc could go through Todorokis eyes, he never quite forgave his mom and she was much more cruel than in canon, Rei would start showing signs of dementia very early in her life. Endeavor cheated quite a lot and had a illegitamet (idk how to spell) child with a side kick. He became sober ever since rehab and lived quite a good life, even with some shitty actions and shitty people around him. Things started to go down after his mom showed up and only worsened once she had to live with him.

(im kinda tired now so ill write more later.)

Wow, you really thought this through 😳 I'm impressed

And although Redbone characters are not as deep as Bojack's (or maybe not as realistic as Bojack's), some behavioral patterns can be found between these two anyway.

You have good ideas, if you ever write a fic or smth, hmu 👀

[serowotonin]

˗ˏˋ 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀 ˎˊ˗

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 ` sakusa kiyoomi ` 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 ` 1.2k ` 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲 ` pure crack ` 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁 ` hcs `

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ` umm idk what this is.. lowkey based off real events? midnight ramblings? yeah that kind of thing i guess... also big thank you to @kaguol​  for giving this a read (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) `

it was sports day at your school and most of the events were over and done with but the teachers didnt allow anyone to leave yet cuz,,,, reasons✨

which is why some of the students kinda just flocked to the gym to chill and maybe play around

that was until somebody suggested they host an unofficial, volleyball game

the net was still up nobody bothered to put it down so yeaahhh

rules of the game were simple: there were none, except keep the ball in the air and get it over the net…however you can

at first only a few ppl played… the “energetic” and “athletic” ones and it still seemed like a typical volleyball game

then more ppl started joining

and it slowly started getting more chaotic

it got to the point where the entire gym was the court

there were ppl running around chasing the ball, others just hitting it as hard as they can in practically any direction, then there were those who just stood there cuz everyone else was standing there so why not ??

now sakusa didn’t want to be there

he was tired because his class had signed him up for ALL the running events

why? well cuz he was tHe OnLy AtHLeCtiC PeRsOn in his class

utter bullshit btw

he plays volleyball hes not a runner

but still ended up winning tons of races just cuz… it was him💅✨ no explanation needed

n e wayss he was tired and wanted nothing more than to go home and take a nice long shower

but ofc the students of itachiyama wouldn’t let him

some of them dragged him into the game early on

again, because he was aThLeTiC ~

but this time they actually got the sport right lolol

honestly he was lowkey annoyed at how un-volleyball the game started to become but continued playing it anyway

it was hilarious how the others tried to receive even his weakest, half-assed spikes

sakusa always made sure to aim his spikes directly at ppl’s arms tho

not out of consideration for their pride or anything no no 

it was cuz whenever the ball touched the ground the ENTIRE gym groaned rlly loud and there’d be ppl going “NOOOOOOOO” 

and that annoyed tf out of him so he was nice with his spikes

then there was you

you were outside with one of your friends when the whole volleyball thing started and only came to the gym cuz the rest of your friends were in there

so you walked in, scanned the crowd, immediately noticed your crush *cough*sakusa*cough* and then found your friends standing in a group on the other side of the gym

now here’s the thing

sakusa has a crush™️ on you too. took him a while to realize and accept it but he did and now he officially has a crush on you

he just hadn’t really gotten around to the idea of asking you out or anything

mainly cuz he just very recently realized his feelings aka last night he was thinking about all the events he had to do for sports day and he groaned cuz ppl made him do it but then he realized ppl wasn’t actually ppl it was just you

you were the one who smiled at him and said “why not sakkun,, it’d be fun” and like that he agreed. then he realized further he actually thought about you a lot. like earlier he was thinking about how’d you look tmr since u weren’t gonna be in normal school uniform and you’d have your hair all done. and then he realized he was looking forward to seeing you which led him to realize you were one of the few ppl he actually enjoyed being around. THEN he fucking finally realized “oh… i have a crush…. on y/n……. oh”

somewhat conflicted abt it for the entirety of the day,,, bois experiencing feels for u ofc its gonna take some time >.<

he didn’t get to talk to you all day though,,,,,, he was busy with his own events and you were elsewhere

either way,, when he saw you walking past in the gym he kind of lost focus

lost focus in that the ball was coming to him and he jumped to spike it but only had his eyes on you causing his aim to mess up and well,,

he hit his target

*your head*

and because he wasn’t focused, it wasn’t a “soft” spike like all the other ones hes been doing 

it was a full-blown sakusa kiyoomi spike

that hit your face

(;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)

sakusa just went: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ

you saw stars,,,,,,,, and fell on ur bum

like a split second later, you heard a calm voice asking if you were ok. you muttered out a yeah and felt arms helping you up

one of them was your friend you were pretty sure, but the other one’s hands were too big to be any of your friends’

“let’s get you to the nurse,” the calm voice said again. 

“mkay,, thats probably.. a smart choice.. yeah….” and, vision still blurry, you were guided to the nurse by your friend and someone whose identity you weren’t sure of yet

sakusa was still standing there

all that, the spike hitting you, you falling, your being escorted to the clinic,,,,, that happened in like 2 seconds

he didn’t even have time to say anything yet

to make matters worse, some random ass guy was the one who came and swept you out of the gym

sure your friend was with you but to sakusa,,, that guy sus af

after they left, the game continued and sakusa rlly didn’t feel like playing anymore

he wanted to make sure you were okay and wanted to apologize 

however,,,, the teachers came in shortly after and told them it was time for the closing ceremony

throughout the entire thing, his eyes flit through the crowds looking for you

he couldn’t find you tho>:((

big sad

after the ceremony was over,, he went to the clinic but you weren’t there

then he just kinda,,, /slump/

figured he’d just pull you aside tmr and apologize then

except,,, tmr came and he still hadnt found a good time to pull you aside for a proper apology?? 

you were just so… busy.?

finally,, at around lunch after you finished eating, you kinda just sat with your friends and were talking and stuff when sakusa decided now would be an appropriate time to apologize

he walked up to you and asked if you two could talk in private for a bit

your friends shot glances at each other. he saw,, but he didnt let it bother him

anyways,, he led you out into the hall and in the softest tone he could manage he says, “about yesterday… i’m really sorry, spiked the ball a bit too hard.. how are you feeling?”

you tell him ur fine,, just that it aches a bit but nothing serious

he nods and mutters another ‘sorry..’

then this happened:

“no it’s ok you don’t have to be so sorry. accidents happen.”

“it wasn’t an accident tho..? so im sorry, it wont happen again.”

“yeah ok,, wAIT WHAT?? wdym not an accident?!?? u spiked the ball into my face on purpose?!?!!?!?”

“WHAT NO- ofc not. i just,,, i kind of lost focus… on other things… at the time… and yeah”

“????”

*sighs* “i was focused on you when you walked past and didn’t consciously control my aim or whatever and ended up spiking it into your face”

“?!?!?!??…. why were you focused on me??”

“cuz i like you dummy” /it slipped he didnt mean to say this/

“oh.... wAIT WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

and that is the story of how sakusa confessed

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ` honestly think it would be better as a fic but uh,,, my lazy ass cant be bothered to write fics rn so uh,, hope this was good for now? lol might mess around and write one later tho.. maybe `

[fairycosmos]

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

[surveysonfleek]

1621.

If you were given a plane ticket for free right now to Florida, what part would you go to/what would you do? thats easy. disneyworld! and probably miami because ive never been

Do you prefer nail polish with sparkles in it, or matte colors? neither. i just like glossy or chrome

Are you the kind of person who makes a lot of lists? What kind? nope. i only ever make lists when i go grocery shopping

When you get upset, do you prefer to go to friends for support or to be left alone? Do you wallow or do you continue on with life? im happy with dealing with things on my own

Would you rather have the ability to speed up time, freeze time, or go back in time? go back in time without changing anything in the future

Have you ever had a teacher you got really close with? unfortunately i never did :( 

What are three things you wish you could go back and tell yourself 2 years ago? save save save

Which type of pattern/print is your favorite to wear? pretty much floral

What chain restaurant (Applebees, Ruby Tuesdays, Outback, etc..) is your favorite? hooters but they closed everywhere here. i miss the chicken wings and i cant find any places that are anything similar :(

What do you generally use Youtube for (music, specific types of videos)? vlogs, interviews, beauty stuff, music videos

In the summer, what type of shoes do you typically wear? flats, my fake birkenstocks, sandals

Would you rather get a new pair of heels or new running shoes/sneakers? sneakers for sure

Do you think plastic jewelry is cute or tacky or neither? it depends what it looks like

In the summer, would you rather have ice cream, water ice, or freeze pops? i dont really like any tbh. idk what water ice is though

Can you actually picture yourself getting married/having kids, or is that something that seems too distant in the future to imagine? yes. its time

Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? like while driving? no because if u hit the car in front its instantly ur fault

What was the last thing to really really frustrate you? work

Is there some part of your personality that is generally thought of as a negative trait, but that you actually like/don’t mind about yourself? brutal honesty

When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? i saw them just before christmas last year

What kind of lip balm do you use? i have a different brand littered everywhere. laniege at my bedside table, cocoskin at my vanity, aesop in my handbag (which is the most expensive and also the worst lip balm ever) and lanolips at work (my fave!)

Are you frustrated with anything? im content rn

Why did you fall for the last person romantically? idk, it just ended up that way

What’s your younger sibling’s name? rather not say

Can you speak in a different language conversationally; if so, which language? sure can :)

Do you ever fear of falling asleep? no? even at my most tired i wont fall asleep unless im in a bed

Do you have an idea of what kind of profession you’d like to have? nah

What’s the last thing you had to eat? pork adobo and rice

Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? eat all day 

Which countries have you traveled to? too many to list. i listed them in another survey not long ago 

Which beach would you say is your favorite? santa monica. not even for the beach part, the sunsets there are amazing

When’s your birthday? 5 dec

What kind of cookie is your favorite? subway cookies

What is it that you really want right now? money!

Do you write? no

Is there a map hanging in your room? nope

Have you ever gone to see a movie past 9:00 PM? yes

Do you ever pick up your house phone? never lol. our landline is basically inactive now

Would you say you’re a nice person? yes

Would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other? link mostly. he has sweaty hands all the time haha

Have you ever had a churro? yes!

Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? personalities

How is/was your chemistry class in high school? i never did it

What’s your zodiac sign? sag

Would you rather eat rice or bread? rice

[flecks-of-stardust]

Intro post tag thingy

i decided to start a new chain because the old one was so long skdhdksh thanks ash for tagging me though! @melanc-hex

name: ngl i purposefully did not include my preferred name in my bio because i was curious about what people would call me based on my username. i frankly dont care too much, so do as you will here

gender: no <3

star sign: leo

height: 5’ lol

time currently: help i just flew to california and jetlag is kicking my ass. thats all i will say

birthday: id rather not share this, but ill keep the bullet point in for other folks

favorite bands: im terrible at picking favorites uhh. i guess I Prevail counts, and Against the Current. i listen to a few other bands but my music taste is all over the place even if i mostly listen to rock/metal

song stuck in my head: this remix of hive knight’s theme, from the symphony of hallownest remix. go bee boy go

last movie i watched: its technically half of the movie Gravity, but i clicked out of it because i got bored of its writing. the last movie i watched in full would be Free Guy

last show i binged: good question! idk. cant remember. i think it would technically be owl house or avatar: the last airbender, but i was more watching with my friends than bingeing

last thing i googled: … cornifer’s wiki page, i guess? hfkshhkvhd

do you get asks: havent gotten a single one since i started this blog akchfksdh im kind of hoping some will pop up once i get dreamless posted (which is soon; im waiting on finishing ch3 before i put up ch1) but like. eh. im not too bothered about it

why the url: its pretty. and i like space

how many followers: like 11 or 13 last i checked, but i only made this account aug 30th or something so it tracks (edit: its 19, somehow)

average hours of sleep: varies wildly but i try to force myself to get at least 8 per night

lucky numbers: idk how people even pick these but im very hung on the number 6 for some reason so take that one

instruments you play: well i can play the piano (im waiting for the moment i can play hollow knight songs in public. watch me play the white palace theme in some random area) but i havent had classes since i was about 13. so im very rusty with what i can do, but i know how to read a piano score at the bare minimum

currently wearing: my equivalent of pajamas. its too early for me to be up but what can you do about jetlag

dream job: idk can i go be a slug in the woods instead

dream trip: i have too much anxiety about traveling now to have a good answer for this, f

favorite food: this is more of a comfort food, but probably instant ramen. easy to make, tastes good, gets my sodium content up, and its familiar. also noodles are delicious

favorite song: this changes so often its pointless for me to pick one, so heres the symphony of hallownest, heres a metal cover of the grimm theme, heres a good cover of goodbye sengen by will stetson, heres a pale king animatic i keep going back to for that section of music, and heres a playlist of an album i like that isnt hollow knight related, its called trauma and its from i prevail

three fictional universes you’d like to be in: *looks at the media ive consumed* like, none of them please im disabled and tired all the time

im too shy to tag anyone and i know ash already tagged jungl and finch so weh. if you see this and want to do it tag me i cant be assed to stress over who to tag alchhkchd