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#idk im just upset at this pattern
animationismycomfort · 9 months
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why is it that most lesbians I’ve seen on here are either rudefams(I’m not calling them rad or fem they don’t deserve that) or exclusionists like….come on I thought y’all were better then that
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barkingangelbaby · 4 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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autopsy-angel · 1 month
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its so wild how fast i can go from admiring you to resenting you. and its all due to the shit you do and the fact that that shit just continues n it all piles up. and i can feel myself growing more and more with disdain for you.
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hereissomething · 5 months
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still thinking abt that broughtons article and im not at all happy
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piplupod · 8 months
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(can i please get a waffle voice): can i PLEASE having a coping mechanism that doesnt turn maladaptive. can i PLEAAASE have just one !!! i am Begging you, on my hands and knees !!!!! AUGH
#tfw your coping mechanism detaches you from reality and now you're watching yourself warily to make sure u dont fall into That Pit again#skirting around the edge and unhooking my claws from the coping mechanism and holding it gingerly with the tips of my fingers#praying i do not have to put it down entirely. because man..... its slim pickings around here for shit that actually Works fhfjdkl#the issue with reality being nigh unbearable ... is that you cannot bear reality. and thus detach. but u cannot go too far away from it.#or else Bad Shit happens. that i don't especially want to experience again fhdjdkdl#it'd be so cool to have a brain that didnt do this. so i could just freely la-dee-da along with fun things#instead of the fun things turning Bad bc they went too far fjfkdl#or having to keep a very close eye on myself when i get into new things bc i can see they have the potential to go badly for Me w my brain#sobbing forever honestly. i feel awful. this sucks shit. im trying to be funny about it to cope but im Upset fjfjddkl#im so sick of this type of thing fjdkdl I wish i could just like... be okay. for a while. without it going badly like this fjfkfl#i thought maybe i was on the up finally but nooooo it's just bc i was getting too far from holding onto reality properly#god i hate this pattern. im so fucking angry w it tbh fjfkfl i cannot believe i let myself think this was going to be different fjfkfl#but anyways!! onwards we march and hopefully i figure smth out fjfkdl im uhhhh very tired#going to crawl into bed at the ripe time of 8:30pm and just go listen to music and draw or smth idk fjfkfl this is frustrating#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#uuuuummmmmm hypomania? bitch what? like huh? huh?????????#fucking hello???? like that's fucking like clearing whats happening at this moment#like i mean. im still grounded but like high energy. notably elevated mood. deminished need for sleep. im like fucking on right now#and but like i really really should not b. like hello?#but like its weird bc like what does that mean? like it happens every so often like too much energy that feels unhinged#but like it doesnt really affect my life too much it just feels kinda wild and upsetting to me bc its like not in control#but like i mean right now this is notable with respect to what i normally experience. like energy higher and mood higher than normal#like its midnight and im not even a little tired after having a fucking week like what???#not looking forward to when this breaks and i crash. but like whats the pattern her? how long has this been happening?#im gonna have to start tracking my mood bc idk i feel like im noticing it more now. like i dont remember this happening always cyclically#and like in the past it usually lasts like a day or ill have a few days where im like high energy but also fried and kinda up and down#but like im not going like full on way way high for long periods of time. but its hard to tell bc i have so much emotional dissonance#like ill have this like frantic energy while im standing completely still and i wanna grin in an unhinged way but its black static down#thr middle. so its like am i happy? and i depressed? fucking idk. im usually mostly depressed i think as a product of being so anxious all#the time. i don't usually go super low out of nowhere. i mean. i think its more linked to hormore stuff but i also think this is as well#idk its weird just. thoughts. i should start tracking my mood and ya kno also probably talk to a doctor#but like im about to lose my parents health care as i turn 26 and also fucking atrocious executive function#issues. like. it feels like my brain has holes in it. or i heard my lab mate say she was worried she had a brain tumor#bc its just like. something is not functional in the way its supposrd to be. ya kno? but like its fine#i mean. its not fine but like its fine#sigh. god im gonna forget to track this shit. like im already like my braun is disintegrating in my skull#can i pls be exused from being an adult while i have some sort of episode lol. but like idk#itll b fine. ive got a level head and an analytical brain and big control issues so i can keep myself on the rails#dispite the trashfire haha. ugh wtf do i do tonight tho. lay here abd try to sleep i guess#hope the mood stays up tomorrow so i dont like collapse into a puddle#ay ay ay. interesting. very interesting#im like a commit pinging around. a pinball bounding of those little pin thingys. ill meet with my boss Tuesday like yooooooo#idk if u havent clearly noticed but ive been a bit ya kno emotionally#unstable ✌️ or maybe ill b back to my normal sad sack self by then lol. idk weird vibes. real weird vibes but good 4 now#unrelated
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yarrowleef-babbles · 2 years
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(it case it needs 2 be said, when i make speculative live-blog thought posts like this, i Do Not want anyone to confirm or deny or give me hints about what happens later, unless i specifically ask plz and ty)
ANYWAY jumping off that last post, one of the things I consistently saw in fanart before i knew anything was a queer pairing involving...SOMEONE, couldnt say who since my memory is being filtered through a me that couldn't keep any of the names straight. I ALSO could not for the life of me tell if it was *actually canon* or if it was one of those instances of a fan pairing getting really popular and taking over fanworks, even though its just ""subtext"" in canon (which often translates to 'the characters hang out a lot'.....i'm not *mad*, i have simply been mislead and then disappointed by canon when it comes to fandom habits like this more than once)
but it felt so consistent that i THINK it may have actually been based on canon. so i have spent this reading wondering who and how it was going to manifest
like is Ronan having vaguley homoerotic nightmares about Adam but twisted up and colored through the Catholic Guilt(tm) filter or am i reading it wrong lmao
#it is kinda fun knowing (maybe) that its a thing but trying to rule out who it applies to#like i think its ronan and i am not against it being with adam#largely because adams doomed relationship with blue is depressing an id like it to be put out of its misery#adam made a passing comment at ronan in book one about him being 'not straight'#and declan glared at him for laying too close to adam in the car. that felt significant#but what i dont know is if ronan is actually *out* to anyone or to himself#because he's never directly addressed it#like the prologue alluded to a type of secret that one doesn't want to admit to themself#and maybe??? its that??#im just saying he describes adam as very pretty fairly often but still in a plausibly deniable way#BUT ALSO. theres A LOT of shit going on with him. idk if 'being gay' is a big enough deal to warrant being a real ~secret~#when compared to the life and death nature of the other sorts of secrets in this story#BUT HIS FAMILY *IS* VERY CATHOLIC#which could MAKE it a big cataclysmic deal#idk!! theres a lot i still dont understand about ronan#the narrative definitley isnt always straight forward about why he is feeling certain ways#he just Feels Something and it upsets him and you kind of have to figure out the pattern yourself#which i appreciate but also no idea if inam projecting completley the wrong narrative onto his emotions lol#he gets occasionally internally angry when gansey fixates on adam. hes randomly very hostile towards blue. idk. whats up with that bud.#i mean i think it would be very interesting if it were implying that because i always appreciate complicated crushes portrayed subtly#without the author holding your hand with whats going on#i just hope im not missing some Bigger More Important Thing by thinking about it like this#yarrow reads trc#trc#the raven cycle#dream thieves#cause Adam also...made a vague sacrifice to some talking trees#and THAT could very well be the only reason Ronan is dreaming of him in such bizarre ways
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lovecrazedpup · 2 years
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hm
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bloodyke · 2 years
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its that time of the night where you start reflecting on things and realize that you actually ARE mad about things you thought you moved on from ages ago
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giverofempathy · 1 year
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horrible day everything sucks 🙂
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hpdgirlfriend · 2 years
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my friends let something im talking about just be abt me and my topic and not abt themselves for once challenge!
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 2 years
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Whoo boy i finally figured out what about submas angst hurts me so much, even when it's not meant to be angst. As i suspected it is an inner problem of mine mixed with the lack of closure. What the fuck happened to make me so sad over characters who are alone. I know exactly what happened actually but nvm that.
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strwbrryeyes · 5 months
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𖦹°。⋆ haikyuu boys as my breakup playlist
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⟡ featuring: suna, oikawa, tsukishima, atsumu
⟡ cw: angst, idk still bad at these
⟡ an: i found my old breakup playlist from three years ago and took inspiration from that so these songs are old lol. writing this was silly because im in a loving relationship but it was like i felt all the pain of a breakup again </3
⟡ part two, part three
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⟡ suna rintarou: you broke me first - tate mcrae
suna would be the one to break things off with you. when you first started dating he genuinely thought he loved you but as time went on and he became more distant, you started to feel like he was losing feelings for you so you asked him about it. in his words, "i think you were just the first girl to give me attention after my last relationship" and "im not ready for a relationship". a week later, he starts talking about all the girls that have come to him after the breakup and started talking about his hookups to you. this bothered you and hurt you deeply so you decided to cut things off with him completely and he was not a fan of this. so he tried everything to try to get you to talk to him again saying that he misses you and that he wants to get back together. you couldn't care less though, he's already broken your heart too many times for you not to notice his pattern of wanting your attention just to make you jealous or upset. in the end, it actually did end up hurting him and made him realize what he lost. he knew he fucked up but there's no going back anymore.
⟡ oikawa tooru: over breakfast - ellise
it's been a few months since oikawa left for argentina. it's been hard for the both of to be apart for so long and in completely different timezones. you could feel the connection fading but neither of you wanted to admit it because you both loved each other so much. but the longer you guys try to keep the relationship afloat, the more frequent you end up arguing over text or facetime. but you both decided that it could be something to figure out when oikawa visits for the holidays. well, the holidays come around and you finally have time to see each other and talk in person. from the moment oikawa entered your apartment, you both knew it was over. you could tell so many things have changed over the course of the last few months but instead of facing it, you just decide to spend one more night together just to have one final time to say that you tried. it was bittersweet and it hurt a lot but you didn't want the night to end. maybe you could fix this over night? in the morning everything will be better and you can set aside your differences! unfortunately, that morning, nothing had changed and you and oikawa finally came to terms with the fact that maybe you two just maybe weren't meant to be.
⟡ tsukishima kei: high definition - waterparks
when tsukishima was still part of the sendai frogs, he traveled a lot. it's not like he was off in another country like some of his old teammates and rivals, no, you lived with him. even though you two had been dating for quite some time by this point, tsukishima still had trouble expressing his love for you. he tended to push you away whenever he was stressed even though the one thing he wanted the most was your comfort and loving. he was just worried he would end up snapping at you and making you hate him. he didn't know that you'd end up upset with him regardless. you loved him so much but you don't know how long you could going on like this. i mean come on! tsukishima was always away for volleyball matches and even when he's home...it's like he's still not even there. tsukishima knew that you were starting to slip away from him so one day he sat you down and explained how he was feeling and it was finally then that you understood why he acted the way he did. you tried protesting his decision to break up with you but he kept insisting it was for the better. by the next week tsukishima had moved out leaving you alone in the once shared apartment, wishing and hoping he'd come back one day.
⟡ miya atsumu: better off - ariana grande
everyone knew that atsumu could be hot headed most of the time when it came to volleyball but what they didn't know is that it would sometimes affect your relationship with him. much like tsukishima, he would close himself off from you whenever he was mad at the world or whatever else there is that could make him upset. it was starting to get tiring for you. you felt like you had to walk on egg shells around him just so he wouldn't snap at you (wether he meant to or not- his mind would always fog up). towards the end of your relationship, you could feel yourself start to get numb in regards to your feelings towards atsumu. atsumu couldn't really tell at this point that you were losing hope for the relationship. if anything he thought everything was normal but that was only because half of the time he was too much into his own thoughts to notice any flaws between the two of you. it wasn't until he came home one day after an away game on the other side of japan and found that all of your stuff was gone along with you, that he realized nothing is what it used to be. he found a note from you that explained that you weren't happy in the relationship anymore and that you felt trapped. you also stated that you hope he figures out his issues and that you'll always be there for him if he needs but that right now you just needed space. atsumu spent that night crying and angry at himself for letting your relationship get to this point.
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wambsgansshoelaces · 4 months
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hi, i think u did a similar one already but could i get a hc on how succession characters react to their s/o crying? about feeling sad , or stressed , or losing a loved one , idk , just something mildly serious. i wasn't feeling great today and i started crying and my sister told me to stop crying and was like mean af to me and i could use some gentleness and affection :|
aw anon im so sorry :( I know I’m really late with this but I hope you’re doing much better <3 I’m always here for you in my ask box or pms!! your sister is an asshole you can cry whenever you want all of your emotions are valid and I love u u are so worthy
I hope these make you feel happy <3 enjoy x
serious issues (succession main cast)
Kendall
ᝰ when he notices your mood is off, he immediately goes solemn
ᝰ while if it were something smaller, he’d leave it and let you come up and talk to him on your own
ᝰ but he can tell it’s bad
ᝰ and he’s not going to let you stew in this by yourself
ᝰ he will help you
ᝰ whether you want him to or not
ᝰ he gets you a glass of water
ᝰ and forces you to drink
ᝰ then sits you down and makes you tell him what’s wrong
ᝰ when you do
ᝰ rather, when you burst into tears in his arms
ᝰ he can’t help but feel horrible
ᝰ he cradles your face in his hands and kisses away your tears
ᝰ he apologizes over and over
ᝰ he’s rubbing your back the entire time you tell him what’s going on
ᝰ “cry it all out. i’m right here.”
ᝰ he talks you through it
ᝰ he’s cosplaying his therapist
ᝰ if it was a death, he gets the name of where the service will be held and pays for it in secret
ᝰ over the next few weeks, you can just show up in his office and cry on his shoulder
ᝰ and he won’t ask any questions
ᝰ he always lets you
ᝰ the night you tell him, he keeps an arm hooked around you, keeping your head to his chest
ᝰ he plays with your hair and strokes soothing patterns into your skin for the rest of the night
ᝰ as you recover emotionally, he makes sure to check in on you
ᝰ even long after the incident, you both make sure that you have no bullshit check ins with each other
ᝰ “how are you really”s
ᝰ he makes it clear to you that he will always support you
ᝰ and you’re glad
Roman
ᝰ not really the best with words
ᝰ or emotions
ᝰ or being serious
ᝰ however
ᝰ the only time(s) he is 100% serious is when you’re severely upset
ᝰ the first time it happens, it’s like he stops breathing
ᝰ “hey, come here. something’s wrong. i need to know what.”
ᝰ you tell him
ᝰ it’s the hardest you’ve ever cried
ᝰ the entire time, he grips your hand, gently stroking the back of it with his fingers
ᝰ he’s never been more focused on anything in his life
ᝰ he wishes he could help talk you through it, but he’s physically incapable
ᝰ so what he does is murmur a few comforting words then take you out on a boat ride
ᝰ because of course he has a miniature yacht on call
ᝰ “you can relax, take your mind off everything. i’ll take care of things, don’t worry.”
ᝰ the rest of the day is spent the two of you cuddled together, looking out over the water
ᝰ he doesn’t say anything
ᝰ he feels bad because he doesn’t know how to help you sort through your emotions
ᝰ because god knows he can’t
ᝰ so instead, he spends every waking moment with you, at your beck and call
ᝰ regardless, he’d do anything for you
ᝰ incident or not
ᝰ he listens to you when you talk, of course
ᝰ he just can’t give you any sound advice
ᝰ the nights on the boat, when you’re at your most vulnerable, he makes sure you fall asleep before he does
ᝰ so that he can kiss you to sleep
ᝰ and make sure you fall asleep soundly, feeling safe
ᝰ he’ll never be happy unless you’re happy
Shiv
ᝰ she notices something’s wrong, but doesn’t say anything at first
ᝰ when you don’t come to her at all and instead stay holed up in your room, that’s when she knows something is really wrong
ᝰ she crawls up onto the bed with you, and you feel her hands smooth up your back
ᝰ “what’s wrong? tell me.”
ᝰ does not leave you alone until you do
ᝰ listens intently
ᝰ literally memorizes what you’re saying so that she can help fix things
ᝰ the entire time you’re speaking, she massages at your skin to soothe you
ᝰ and it works
ᝰ thumbs away your tears when they fall
ᝰ she refuses to let you go through this alone
ᝰ she helps talk through your issues
ᝰ nonstop reassuring you that everything you’re feeling is perfectly valid
ᝰ and telling you that if you’re upset, she’s upset
ᝰ and that she’ll stop at nothing to make you happy again
ᝰ in all honesty, she’s extremely inexperienced with cooking and baking
ᝰ but she figures it out just for you
ᝰ she makes you a fudge with strawberries and raspberries frozen into it
ᝰ and it’s surprisingly really good
ᝰ your tears ease as the two of you eat together in bed
ᝰ you’re still sniffling when she gently urges you to lay your head in her lap
ᝰ even when you’re this upset, she’s utterly mesmerized by you
ᝰ your lips when you chew, your cheeks, the plush of your thighs as your pajama shorts hike up your legs
ᝰ “i know it’s hard, babe. i’m here. i’m not leaving.”
ᝰ and she doesn’t
ᝰ she’s at your side for the rest of both your lives
ᝰ she holds your hand through all of your difficulties
ᝰ she always listens, always helps you with your issues
ᝰ she’ll never, ever, let you suffer on your own
ᝰ she wishes she could take your pain from you
ᝰ you’re her sun and moon
Tom
ᝰ the personification of a massive teddy bear
ᝰ when you’re upset, he’s in SHAMBLES
ᝰ he swears he can feel your pain
ᝰ he soothes you every way he knows how
ᝰ he keeps you close, rubbing his hands up and down your sides
ᝰ he makes you your favorite meals
ᝰ refuses to let you do any chores
ᝰif it was a death, he organizes these massive baskets to be delivered to everyone affected
ᝰ and the biggest one goes to you
ᝰ it has all of your favorite sweets, a bouquet of beautiful flowers, a blanket
ᝰ and a love letter detailing how you’re the strongest person he knows
ᝰ and that he loves you more than anything
ᝰ of course, he gives you space if you ask for it
ᝰ but he’s always concerned for you anyway
ᝰ he gives you your time to recover while slowly helping you along
ᝰ after a couple weeks of leaving you be and taking care of you at home, he starts making you go out with him
ᝰ “we’re getting you used to things again.”
ᝰ he stays at your side through all of it
ᝰ will always let you vent to him
ᝰ and always does his best to give you advice and help you through your issues
ᝰ every night is spent the two of you chatting about your days
ᝰ making sure the other is really okay
ᝰ his arms are always warm
ᝰ your bed even more so
ᝰ he always makes sure you’re feeling warm and fuzzy
ᝰ he just loves you so much
ᝰ he’ll never let you go cold
Greg
ᝰ when you start freaking out, he also starts freaking out
ᝰ but he gets himself together
ᝰ because you’re a big deal to him
ᝰ and he loves you
ᝰ so he’ll do everything he can to help you
ᝰ in his own way, of course
ᝰ he honestly sucks at talking you through things
ᝰ but he listens to you
ᝰ he loves listening to you
ᝰ after you tell him what’s going on, he pulls you into his arms
ᝰ he just hugs you for a while
ᝰ he doesn’t let go until you do
ᝰ and you only do that to go to the bathroom
ᝰ when you come back, he has a favorite movie of yours pulled up on the tv
ᝰ “why don’t we watch? I think you could use the brain break. relaxing is good for you.”
ᝰ he keeps you pulled tight against him
ᝰ softly stroking your hair, your neck, your shoulder
ᝰ he’s just hoping your mood is shifting
ᝰ which it is
ᝰ he’s not the best with words
ᝰ and he’s not exactly sure if what he’s doing is helping
ᝰ but bottom line, you know he cares
ᝰ and he wants to help, needs to help you
ᝰ he spends the next few days doing his best to make you feel loved
ᝰ he makes you lunch to take with you to work
ᝰ he makes sure your favorite snacks are always stocked in the pantry
ᝰ always asks things along the lines of “do you want coffee? iced tea? I’ll make anything for you” even though he doesn’t know how to cook or bake anything
ᝰ but he figures it out
ᝰ because the only thing that makes him happy is you
ᝰ and he’ll fucking die if he sees you crying again and he can’t help you
ᝰ his world revolves around you
ᝰ and he loves it that way
Stewy
ᝰ honestly, you being so viscerally upset puts him off
ᝰ his world falls off balance
ᝰ demands you tell him everything
ᝰ keeps your face sandwiched between his hands as you talk
ᝰ his eyes never leave yours
ᝰ he nods, makes soothing noises
ᝰ “okay, here’s what we’ll do. we’re going to go have fun tonight.”
ᝰ he takes you out for dinner
ᝰ the entire night he’s just like eyeing you trying to see if you’re still upset
ᝰ in reality, he’s just a smooth talker
ᝰ he has no idea how to actually get serious
ᝰ so now his efforts are put into making you feel better
ᝰ when you pick at your food, he takes your hand
ᝰ and tries to be profound
ᝰ “I know I kind of suck at this whole handling things seriously thing, but I want you to know I’ll listen to anything- everything you have to say. I don’t… you’re not going through this alone, is what I’m trying to tell you.”
ᝰ it comes out really messy
ᝰ but it’s obvious he cares
ᝰ it’s obvious he loves you
ᝰ and that in of itself makes you feel leagues better
ᝰ you decide to walk off your dinner
ᝰ you both take a stroll, hand in hand, through the streets
ᝰ the night chill is strangely calming
ᝰ but you know that’s just stewy, not actually the chill that’s making you feel at ease
ᝰ “we can try stargazing tonight.”
ᝰ “stew, all I can see when I look up is smoke.”
ᝰ because you literally live in new york
ᝰ where rats live everywhere rent free
ᝰ “we’ll just have to drive out somewhere, then.”
ᝰ he actually does
ᝰ the two of you end up in a bit of a rural area sitting in the trunk of his car
ᝰ he spread out blankets and brought pillows and everything
ᝰ he even stopped at a gas station to get you both slushees
ᝰ in the gas station you both mixed flavors
ᝰ and he keeps stealing from you
ᝰ but it’s okay
ᝰ you’re leaning against him, his fingers are in your hair
ᝰ “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
ᝰ “you’re helping me lots.”
ᝰ you give him a kiss
ᝰ “your lips are all blue, stewy.”
ᝰ “the blue raspberry is just really good…”
ᝰ you turn back to the stars
ᝰ but his eyes aren’t even on the stars anymore
ᝰ they’re on you
ᝰ and if he had it his way, they’d never leave you again
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rainswept · 9 months
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you ask for Fontaine brain rot/reqs, I deliver.
So idk if you've done the recent archon quest and lyney/lynette story quest so if you haven;t be careful caus i will be spoling !
SO
That part where Lyney is freaking out over Freminet and Lynette had me SCREAMING especially since ive done their story quest AND ALSO FRIENDSHIP 10 LYNEY SO I HAVE THE LORE AND IT HURTS SM but I won't spoil all that for u-
so anyways, i started thinking, imagine Lyney has a lover who's been with the siblings for years (and also works for Arlecchino) and is considered another sibling by Lynette and Freminet. They were also diving with Freminet when they encountered water from the primordial sea
now imagine clorinde can only take one person with her at a time when she pulls them back, and she saves Freminet first, later going back for Lyney's s/o
Eventually Freminet wakes up like he does in the quest, but the reader just.. doesn't. Hours pass and the siblings are freaking tf out because they don't want to lose anyone.
(now I can't decide if I crave angst or if I want to comfort my babies so ill give my headcanons for both shiguegoe)
angst: Lyney's lover keeps deteriorating, parts of them gradually turning blue and quite literally withering away (caus you know the water and the dissapearances- yeah-) and the siblings can do nothing but watch
Lynette shuts down more frequently and for longer periods, not even saying anything to Lyney
Freminet blames himself for not noticing sooner, for not getting them out sooner
And then there's Lyney.. he blames himself for not only putting his siblings in danger, but losing his lover...
He sits by their bed watching as they wither away, holding their hand. He knows Father will be upset by his lack of comitment to the mission but he can't bring himself to care
The day they pass, no one says a word. They continue with their mission, report to Father, go on with their Fontainian lives until they're alone and they cry. they cry and scream and curse whatever archons or god's are listening.
AND NOW BEFORE I CRY THE HAPPIER VERSION
After days of not waking up, they finally open their eyes.
Lyney is fretting over them asking if they know where they are, who he is, what happened etc
now to throw in a tidbit of angst, what if they awoke with some disability? like they cant see anymore, they can't hear properly, cant walk properly etc
Lyney and Freminet would devasted because they blame themselves. Lynette would be quick to remind her brothers at least everyone is alive.
It'd be bad because with a disability, they can't work for Father anymore, or at least not the way they used to
AHHEOGUHEOG im stuck in a neverending brain rot my guy
Anyways. I was actually going to request for you to write your own take on this but you don't have to if you dont want- even just hearing your take would be nice lmao
also if its ok i reallly wanna be mutuals! I just found you blog and im obssesed!! I really wanna be friends<3
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NO BECAUSE I SCREECHED SO LOUD MULTIPLE TIMES READING THIS !! THANK U SO MUCH YES OFC I WANNA BE MUTUALS/FRIENDS!! genuinely absolutely made my day to have u ask that oh my god??
also don’t worry about spoiling anything for me, i’ve read every little bit of lyney/lynette/freminet lore out there 😭 and i’ve done all of the new fontaine archon quests already (i need help. it’s okay though!)
as for angst — u know me so well already this is my forte. cracks knuckles here i go
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freminet feels as if something is off.
already beginning to panic, he turns to you in a hurry. the water swishes in his ears. when you meet his gaze, wide-eyed, the gut ‘feeling’ turns into a full-blown punch to it. oh, now he realizes; he can’t breathe. his heart’s racing, chest tightening and throat feeling as if it’s closing up.
you reach out, and exchanging unspoken words, you two turn around and make to retrace your patterns with haste. hand in hand, you race against frittered time; but even your best efforts are not enough, and the both of you are forced to acknowledge it when freminet’s vision begins to turn spotty.
he got in the water first; he’s gone before you are. his body floats limp beside you as you drag him along through the water, even as the surroundings grow hazy for you, too. a cold tingle runs up your spine as you consider the possibility; is this the end?
(when you had left for the pipes, the most you had exchanged with lyney was a quick kiss on the cheek as a goodbye. that wouldn’t do.)
but even as you try desperately to cling to life .. the “sea” is a cruel thing, and it does not care for your mortal frivolities. (a proper goodbye? .. foolish.) with cold, disorienting water enveloping your senses from all sides, your only grounding thing being freminet’s (rapidly cooling) fingers against yours — it didn’t take long before you succumbed to the “sea”, too.
(your last thought as the world went dark was “i’m sorry.”)
(even in your barely conscious state, you feel another wave of panic surge through you when freminet’s fingers slip away from yours — but you don’t have enough energy to hold on.)
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reader lives:
the incessant thrum of the water rushing through pipes rattled in your ears. your whole body was sore, weak and tired; and all of your limbs felt like lead attached to you via shoddy workmanship. your head hurt like hell, and what’s worse is that the moment you opened your eyes, you were immediately met with the sight of the three people you cherished most.
first, there was freminet, who was sitting on the bed opposite to yours. his posture fixes from a slouch into proper the moment he spots you, perhaps in.. excitement? shock? you weren’t sure. his eyes lit up, though.
second, there was lynette. she was .. a bit more on edge than usual. that was .. to be expected, of course, but really. you were out for.. what, an hour or two? come on, all four of you put yourselves in danger all the time. what was different about this?
(what was different was the fact that you were not out for an hour or two. no, make that days. they were sure to remind you of this.)
then, there was lyney. for him, the world seemed to stop.
lyney, who was pacing the room in sheer desperation. he walked and walked, boots timed and in tune with the clocks and dripping water from the pipes. in his nervousness, he had unwittingly created a quite fitting melody.
(the only sounds once he ceases walking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)
lyney, who had rushed to your bedside the moment he had noticed you were up. he looked exhausted, but the second you were awake the mask was .. attempted .. to be put back on. however .. it didn’t take someone as observant as you, or even one who knew him so well, to notice that it was placed crooked.
(how absurd he looked, trying to put on a front everyone in the room knew was one.)
why, even, you would have bet that it could’ve been surmised by a child. once again, emphasis on ‘you would have’, for there was no time for thinking about that when he rushed to your bedside and enveloped you into an embrace. you didn’t miss the way his fingers grasped at the back of your shirt in downright desperation.
(in clear, bold letters, it reads; “if nothing else, please let this be real.”)
he slots himself beside you and, wordlessly, holds you close. he doesn’t need words — neither of you do. this is enough.
lynette and freminet looked on, neither of them opening their mouths when lyney buries his face into the crook of your neck and stays there for just a bit too long. he doesn’t cry. instead, he whispers shakily against your skin; “i thought i’d lost you.”
(the only sounds once he ceases speaking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.
(no one speaks up just yet.)
(the only sounds in the room are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)
(you’re starting to think those were the only sounds ever there.)
when he finally pulls away, you notice he’s fixed his mask. lyney now smiles, and the shake in his voice is gone; but you know it’s not all better, not when he refuses to leave the infirmary even after sigewinne and the traveler inquire. you know it’s not all better, not when the four of you are alone again. lyney sits beside you on the bed, refusing to so much as stand up (he doesn’t want to let go of your hand. you don’t comment on it, but his fingers are still shaky as he holds onto yours like they’re a lifeline.)
you don’t exchange as much as a single word after that. you just bask in each other’s presence, apologies and pleas and “i love you” shared during every lingering glance between everyone in the room.
the four of you don’t need words. this is enough.
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reader dies:
seven mistakes went unnoticed. seven signs went unfollowed. seven things (and five people) went wrong that day.
one: freminet.
it was entirely freminet’s fault, he thinks, it was. if only he had gotten you out of there in time. no — he shouldn’t have even brought you. he sits on the infirmary bed opposite to yours, knees pulled up to his chest, and he clutches pers with a death grip. he dips his head in such a way that his face is hidden with his hair; he doesn’t want to let lyney and lynette see him in this state. they have enough to deal with.
two: the primordial sea.
but they were bound to notice eventually, right?
“it was entirely the primordial sea’s fault,” lynette would remind, hand on freminet’s shoulder. “it wasn’t yours.”
the primordial sea. the cold and vicious waters were such a contrast to those he held so dear; what was typically calming and merciful turned to something suffocating and terrifying. but that didn’t change the fact that it was an inanimate thing.
he drops pers at the contact; it clatters to the floor; he looks down, wide-eyed and apologetic; he reaches down to pick it up. lynette does not put her hand on his shoulder again.
three: wriothesley.
“it was entirely wriothesley’s fault,” lyney wants to scream. he’s frantic, pacing the infirmary and voice cracking every time he speaks. lynette and freminet have seldom seen him so panicked. he needs to do something, he needs— he can’t. he can’t leave. once he gets his hands on wriothesley, he swears he’ll—
four: clorinde.
it was entirely clorinde’s fault. it was entirely her choice to pick only one of you to save. no one can bring themselves to be upset at her, for she did try to save both of you. but the realization slowly dawns upon the three children of the house of the hearth still with a steady heartbeat; it was either going to be you or freminet.
they realize this at different times. every time they do, they exchange a silent, quick glance.
freminet would’ve gladly given up his life. lyney and lynette, however .. they would not have been able to choose.
five: the gods.
it was entirely the gods’ fault. curse the gods, lyney thinks. he’s still pacing the room, and while he never put much stock in the divine, he was practically yelling at them now. he knew it wasn’t logical. but he needed something. what was the point of a god if not to help their people? what was the point of a god if just to watch people suffer like it’s an opera?
was she here now? was she watching? was this a “twist” for her? did she delight in this?
six: lyney.
it was entirely lyney’s fault. he shouldn’t have let you or freminet go. he shouldn’t have. he shouldn’t have let wriothesley play him like he was a deck of cards in his hands. this was all his fault. all his fault. he knew of the prophecy, dedicated his whole life to it — and yet hadn’t managed to save you from its clutches?
seven: you.
in truth — it was no one’s fault. but lyney is still pacing the room, breathing getting heavier and more rapid every time he steals a glance at you. lynette’s eyes still trace his every move, conveniently ignoring the sight of you as best she could; and freminet still has his face buried in his knees as to not look at your decaying body.
none of them can deal with the fact that it was simply an accident. no one meant for this to happen — there was no one to blame.
they needed someone to blame.
so each and every one of them blamed themselves. as lyney’s fingers grasped your cold ones, he squeezed them softly even as they began to turn blue beneath his grasp. he couldn’t bare to let you go.
and after three long days, the sun rose to find your bed empty where you had laid. you were nowhere to be found. for a moment, lyney’s heart practically leapt out of his chest, wondering .. did you get up?
but as he rushes to the bedside, his face falls. he should’ve known not to get his hopes up.
the blankets were damp where you had laid, soaked with water just as the stage in the opera epiclese had been.
lyney didn’t cry, nor did lynette or freminet.
they didn’t exchange so much as a word the day you died.
instead, they put their aching hearts and empty souls into the mission at hand. they worked twice as hard to distract themselves, and they provided excellent results for “father” — but they had barely worked together to do so.
they exchanged cold words and they held each other at night, when the pain became too much — because as much as they tried to pretend like nothing happened, that was a lie, just as the rest of their existence — but there was no mistaking it. they were now divided.
there was always you. and now there wasn’t.
lynette was the one who informed “father” of your .. whereabouts. lyney couldn’t bring himself to.
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jocelynscrazyideas · 2 months
Text
Champagne problems | Dawson Mercer x Fem Reader
Summary: Dawson and Harper(you) get in a heated argument, but you have a past in being left alone. Dawson makes it up to by dancing in the kitchen at night, and it ends up leading to something else.
Warnings: makeup s*x, unprotected, crying, language, not proof read
PLS NOTE: I don’t think Dawson Mercer would ever LIKE EVER make someone feel this way (and idk why he would get angry abt this but he did so yuhh)
I got kinda lazy towards the end- sorry in advance🫶
You book the night train for a reason
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HARPER!” Dawson yells out from our room. I hear his Newfie accent pop out. I think it’s so cute. Then. I hear pound stomps from upstairs in our home. He comes running down the stairs. He turns to face me as he scurries over at me.
Dawson throws my phone that was once in my hand and now is on the other side of the white couch, which I was comfortable sitting on. He never screams at me. I’m scared.
I’m scared.
I run for our dog, Mila. I grab our black lab and pick her up. Mila holds onto me as I run up the stairs with her. I don’t care about my phone, I need to lock myself away. I don’t even know what I did. But I’m is I’m terrified.
I dropped your hand while dancing
I run into the bathroom without a word said. I hear soft foot steps walking towards the bathroom. It’s not just a bathroom, it’s the place where we would take baths together, or when I get to drunk and he would hold my hair back when I throw up, or when he would get sick and I would shower with him.
This isn’t a home, not right now atelast. It’s a madhouse.
I’m not ready. It’s been a strong 2 years together, we have never been through a big fight where I felt I was threatened. I’m so scared I hold on to Mila, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“please, Harper, open up. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. But I’m upset, you pulled out like $200 out if the shared account.” Dawson has a good point to be mad at me. But he has to understand that it’s for bills. I just bought the house, it’s under my name.
“I’m sorry.” I say, and there I go. A tear is shed. Not only one, but it turns into many. I’m now bawling my eyes out. He bangs on the door. I know he’ll get mad if I don’t open the door, but I’m not ready to see him, because I truly feel guilty, but I cannot pay for the bills and in general everything on my own.
“I’m not mad anymore, I’m going to be upset if you don’t open the door baby. Are you hungry?” Dawson says in absolute despair.
My stomach dropped about 12 minutes ago, and I still can’t seem to grab it and put it back in place, my heart is doing somersaults- in a terrible way, not in a lovestruck way, more of a numbing pain. My head is pounding. I hear birds chriping through the bathroom window. I unlock the door taht im sitting against. I let Mila walk out, and I grab air. Then I walk into our bedroom. I open windows.
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn’t give a reason
Champagne problems.
I change into Dawson’s boxers, they have SpongeBob patterns on them, I picked it out. I throw on my sleep shirt. I tie my hair into a messy high bun, I let my neck hit the cold outside breeze. It’s offseason, Dawson and I are getting ready to travel back to his family’s home in a week. Right now, I’m not sure if I wnat to go.
I hear sizzling from the kitchen downstairs. And the smell of cheese, and toast. Is it Grilled cheese?
“BUBBA?!” Dawson yells out for me.
He walks up the steps with a green plate, and he steps into our room, he sees me against our bedroom wall that faces the entrance of the room. The window is above me, he come towards me. Grabs the grilled cheese and splits it.
“Did you know you look gorgeous.” Dawson says, not in a question format, but more of a statement. He opens my mouth and wipes the tear that had fell from my eye. He sticks the grilled cheese into my mouth and he looks at me, and smiles. I see his toothless corny smile. I love him.
“Come here. Baby I didn’t mean to get at you like that.” He says as he grips onto his blue t-shirt and wipes my mascara away.
“it’s my fault.” I say. I don’t want him to leave me.
We finish eating as he explains how it’s okay to take out money,but he should be able to pay, not that I should sneak the payment. He grabs my hand and he takes the plate that he placed the delicious grilled cheese on and placed it into the clean sink. He turns me around and he’s sits me on the cold counter.
“You look sexy.” He says and again, I hear his newfie accent pop out. I’m head over heels for him.
“In SpongeBob boxers?” I say sarcastically and I laugh away my sadness.
“Yes. Anything that you’re in, makes you extra sexy. And..” he says as he trails off as he nibbles at my neck. He kissed my index finger and trailed up to my left ear. I can feel his stubble.
He pushed up against me, and he kissed me. He then picked me up from the counter and twirled me down to the floor. And he continued to French kiss me. He tugs at my waist as he he tucks his head onto my neck. He’s 6”0 body leans into my 5”2 figure.
“I love you.” He whispers into my ear as he sucks into me, I’m sure there is a big bruise awaiting to be seen by his fellow teammates at holding tomorrow. Dawson is missing a tooth, but he’s still really good at giving hickeys. He starts to sway. Ironically, he starts to humthe words of champagne problems. He’s such a girl dad- not yet.
We dance in the kitchen for like an hour as we just talk. The beautiful daylight blue sky turned into a black sky lit by stars. He grabs me and sits me down on the couch that we met at earlier today.
Mila has her own bed in our bedroom, but for today she sat in her own room that she has in the main level right next to the kitchen. Dawson locks Mila in her bedroom and he sets her asleep with her night time water. He grabs me and carry’s me up the stairs. It’s like we are re-living our day.
He pushed me down the bed. He has one hand on my mid torso. And he slides his hand up, up toward my cleavage. He takes a hold of his SpongeBob boxers and slides them off. He smoothly takes my shirt off. He apply little pressure on my shoulders, an my bra is off my chest. He looks at my breast like it’s the first pair he’s ever seen. His face lits up in an eager smile. And once again I see his toothless expression. He takes my nipple into his fingers and twist them.
My breast is really tender from crying earlier today so I let out a little wince. Dawson looks down at me ready to study every little mark I have on me. He takes his shirt off. In a swft motion his shorts are also off. I see his face black boxers, but it’s accompanied by a large tent in the middle of his legs. He’s getting off by me in pain. Wierd kink.
“Daws.” I say, I’m letting him know I’m ready to take him. Dawson holds my hands up above my head and he opens his boxers, I can’t stop thinking off how that’s where he opens his pants to pee, but I take him in my mouth and he’s steady leaking everywhere.
I lick the tip of him and he screams in excitement.
He’s so easy.
He lets out a sigh as he finished inside my mouth, not letting me do any work.
“Okay pillow princess, show me how it’s done.” Dawson says as he flips me on top of him and we roll over to the other side of the bed. He lays down and he pulls off his boxers. He’s bare, I’m bare. I touch myself as I stand on top of him. I look down at him as I decide to squat down. I look at his face, he’s ready to be please, but I just took him inside of my mouth. I swalllow, but I forget… can he?
So I take his jaw in my hand and I tell him to open his mouth, he does so. He is expecting a kiss. But for me, I wnat to make him cum first. So I straddle his face, and I take his hard friend, into my mouth, once again.
Im laying on top off him, he has my clit on his mouth, and I have his dick into my throat. He’s tasty, very salty. He locks me out, and I feel like I need to piss everywhere. So I focus on my job. I need to make him cum. He goes faster on his tounge, he lifts his hips up to my face, he’s about to fall out of his momentum. He thrusts into my throat. And again, and again, he thrusts. He lets out a groan, and he starts to stick his large fingers into my hole. He sucks and fingers at my bottom half.
He’s going to play dirty, so am I. So I grab his large balls and start to rub. He starts to slap my ass, and he runs up and down my waist line. I grab his leg, and he thrusts into my mouth again, he lets out an exasperated groan, he drops his bridge down, and he slides me over.
He arrived, and I haven’t. Maybe I am better.
“No, I know what you’re thinking, you aren’t better than I am.” Dawson says as he walks over to grab a condom.
“No, I like it raw.” I say as I get up from feeling like peeing.
“Easier on me then.” Dawson says as he lifts me up and I wrap around his figure. My boobs are pressed up against his abs, my nipples are sticking straight into him. He lays me down gently as he sticks a finger inside of me. He licks his finger clean.
“You’re still pretty wet for me.” He says, “but I haven’t cummed yet.” I said, impatiently.
I push his anatomy onto me. His cock is pushed up against his abdomen. He kisses me and he did infancy swallow.
He leans back up from our special kiss, and he licks his hand, and pump onto his cock once. He grasps onto my thigh, he spreads my legs apart.
“DAWSON!” I scream out in enjoyment. I’m exhilarated. His shaft ponds into my hips. My pelvis is now perked up into his hands. I need more, but I cannot fit much more. He has so many inches inside of me,I feel like I might puncture ny uterus.
“He shushed me and started to bounce. He thrusted about 4 times before I begged him to stop. And I cimmed right there. He grabbed a tissue that sat on our nightstands, specifically for this reason.
“Okay baby. You wanna shower, or do you want to wait until tomorrow morning?” Dawson says and he always knows the answer. He made sure I wa clean and the bed sheets weren’t wet and sticky for our semen.
He wraps his legs around me, I’m little spoon, and he’s big spoon. We are skin to skin. And I feel safe in his arms as he kissed me goodnight. And I feel ready to see his family on our trip next week. And I’m glad that his friends will see my “burn mark” I got. Which we all know that Dawson took his kisses to strong and he bit and sucked on my neck to leave territory marks.
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