#idk man. theres not really a solution is there

[igneouswyvern]

being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc

however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

because im less breakable than you

[bigquestionmark]

THIS JUST IN!!! ALL COPS ARE DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE!!!

[redacted-metallum]

Yknow. At risk of being accused of being a mens rights fucko. I do think the "male loneliness epidemic" should be addressed.

But like

Instead of framing it as "male lonliness epidemic" we should focus on how one: being a "man" in white American culture in particular is a deeply isolating experience and two: being isolated is like the number 1 thing that leads people to joining cults or otherwise adopting pretty horrific ideologies

Like theres guys out there who need help but feel they can't ask for it because it will make them seem weak and that goes counter to their idea of what a Man should be. This hypothetical highly isolated guy who is suffering in silence finds the wrong message board at the right time, and then he gets lead down a really dark path. Almost entirely because of toxic (white) masculinity

Idk what the solution is, since obviously women don't owe it to men to be therapists and educators, but also these guys are often either unable (broke) or unwilling to see therapists. I'm just saying words on the internet.

Idk what my point is beyond

Sorry i could only find the italian-american version of this meme.

[saintshadow]

this PAC is for romantic and platonic connections!

The connection between you and whoever is on your mind.

P I L E O N E

You could have a very watery feminine energy & Your person could be a little strict or strained sometimes in their love language. Saturn as well as Black Moon Lilith in Aquarius came out here. So, we've got a lot of saturnian energy going on, especially with Libra being in the mix. Your person might encourage you to be your authentic self, while struggling to maintain that for themselves.

I keep seeing images of a couple arguing on a dock while a storm is just blowing. The woman looks frantic and upset, and the man seems very disconnected and unworried.

You could have very powerful thoughts and emotions, you could have water in your big 3 and you might be a beach girly or something, I also did hear marine biologist so idk if that applies to someone 🤣

It feels like your person has a hard time letting people know when it feels dark inside of them. I feel like they can be a bit restrictive at times, they could make you feel trapped or lost sometimes. Like you don't know where you're headed or what to look towards.

This person seems very unhealed. It feels like they will literally rip themselves apart for whoever they love. They intend well, they may have a tendency for secret self harm? Or very cruel and negative self talk and self image.

They could also be in the process of ending this cycle of self harm & being a martyr. It seems with the 6 of air that they are trying to start a new cycle in their lives. I guess we're getting a very balanced look at this person 🤣

They may be very traumatized.

Afraid of reality, or scared of vulnerability.

Mercury by Steve Lacy just came on, this person could be a Gemini!

Ykw. The 8 of earth just came out, this is some goddamn Virgo energy 🤣

I feel like this is the type of person who has a very practical improvement and solution oriented approach to life and relationships.

They could have Venus in capricorn, or DSC in capricorn (cancer rising).

It feels like they are fiercely loving & protective & loyal.

They really care about you, they care so deeply it hurts them sometimes. Because you may remind them of something or someone. Something they felt they could never have or attain. I feel like this person could be elevating your status somehow.

To me it feels like they're very methodical and forward thinking but also very eccentric and a bit chaotic mentally as well.

A very unique person, could be some intense uranian energy here as well. (Moon/mercury/ASC/10h aspect to Uranus)

I heard maladaptive but also thought of the word malediction.

So they could get very stuck in their head to the point they create almost like very negative manifestations of reality into existence in the world around them.

They're very scared of being hurt again & it honestly feels like they avoid deep connection. It's like superficiality can be easier because it is easier to maintain. This person could be very scarred by their past. It feels like a lot of trauma and loneliness was experienced by your person. They try their best to forget and it seems almost like whatever they experienced penetrated their heart very deeply.

They may have loved someone before that hurt them very very very badly. It feels like theres almost this innocent scared child inside of them. I heard sad eyes, it's important not to get into a savior complex.

Don't take on unnecessary baggage, if this is something you do want to engage with and they are working on themselves & healing I think this could be a really positive connection.

It feels like this person is a soul nurturer. They know how to make you feel like the center of their universe & It makes you feel very warm. I keep thinking of like velvet textures and sort of a 70's aesthetic in my mind. I'm also thinking of bootsy collins, they could have a retro aesthetic or vibe to them.

They may also like funk music, funkadelic/Parliament in particular comes to my mind for obvious reasons lol.

This person is really eccentric, they just stand out. It's weird the dichotomy of this person. They almost feel like a walking paradox 🤣

They could be very surprising, maybe they do & say a lot of unexpected stuff. You might never know how they'll respond to something or fully guess what they'd think about it.

They might really enjoy contrast, I also heard contrarian. So they may like to break the boundaries and barriers and ideas that people try to place upon them. This is very Aquarian/Uranian 🤣

We love a rebel

If you want a more detailed message on this person you can always dm me for a 1:1 in depth reading on this topic for 50$ 😚

Channeled messages:

Condescending, Let your hair down, Atrophied, Catastrophic, Nails on a chalkboard, Lonely, Drowning, Swallowing, Brown hair, Virgo, Gemini, Cap, Libra, Aqua, Cap venus

P I L E T W O

I feel like your person is goofy as fuck, they may be a stark contrast against people you've liked before. It seems like this person has brought you a lot of simultaneous joy and connection as well as heartbreak. I feel like this is someone who may be a provider, or who could be very humble. This is someone who will get the job done, one way or another. They may be the type to take on mundane or frustrating tasks. I feel like one of the ways this person shows love oddly enough is by dousing out their flame. It's not on purpose, but I think that this person may silence their selves and their needs super frequently in favor of allowing others to take up their space too. I feel like this person is very in their own mind. I heard "brother" and "sibling" so this person could feel like family to you. I also feel like this person makes you feel different. Like, almost as if you are your unique self expression. They could make you feel soft and feminine in ways you haven't experienced before. Which results in a lot of anxious, internalized, almost deflective energy between the both of you. In the Eve Oracle card which came out, her back is facing towards Adam as she holds an apple. It could be that you overlook this person's love at times, thinking that there is something better for you out there. That this person isn't worth your time, which, granted I can't tell you what to do or what your experience is. But, in my perspective, I think you actually need to give this person more credit. You need to be honest with them, and maybe put down the walls. I heard can't forget the past, so it's possible y'all had a difficult run. If that's the case & you can't forgive I feel like you need to ask yourself why you still participate in the connection. They clearly adore you, and it seems like you don't understand that they are capable of adoring you. They have a very deep admiration for you, I feel like they always have. This person may fight for you and defend you in ways you aren't aware of. It feels like a passive form of protection, you don't always understand that they are a bit more passive in their love language. This is someone who is more thoughtful than passionate. I feel like you two manifested each other in some way shape or form, especially if this is a romantic connection or friendship. I heard soul connection, your souls came across each other in this lifetime to help each other unleash and integrate your shadows. To purify your souls, and to release what no longer serves you. I just keep feeling that this person is very unique, they're nothing like what people might expect of them. I see here where you may not know it, but this person is kind of a master manifestor.

You could've also been family in a past life, the Mother Earth card came out with Saturn. So it feels like this is a very karmic relationship. I see where you may feel driven to let them go, or almost this push or pull to be with them simultaneously. I heard something about "the moon wants you to be together" which is weird? For someone this could have to do with Hekate. I also heard Lilith. I feel like this person is trying to step up to the plate but you aren't seeing it. For some reason astrology is extremely important in this connection, looking at the synastry between y'all could help you better grasp the magnitude of what you are both experiencing. It's crazy how this song is lining up in a way the lyrics are "Feel the warmth coming through Streams of light come into view In a daze, but coming to Slipping away, falling through"

I honestly recommend listening to this song for clarity, Invisible - The Groovy Nobody It feels like this connection was fated or destined, I heard written in the stars. You guys really need to look at your synastry together or something. If you and your person are into astrology. I also have Neptune with Black Moon Lilith in Pisces and Black Moon Lilith in Leo. It feels like your shadows almost become projected unto one another. The Sun also came out, it feels like you two Mirror heavily. I'm not big on twin flame shit, and never have been- HOW IN THE EVER. IF that's something that's come up HEALTHILY, and not in a dynamic that is actively harmful and abusive then MAYBE it's something you should POSSIBLY consider pondering as a concept and learning about soul connection. If this person treats you like shit then forget about it, immediately, and do not engage. I don't care how much they love you, if they're actively causing you intentional or unintentional damage in the same pattern even if you've communicated about it, and if they are unreceptive and unwilling to change kiss their ass goodbye.

Know your worth. I just want to make one thing abundantly clear here, which is the matter of the fact that any point you can come out of alignment with someone. The thing is, that everything is part of a cycle, and part of a collective. That's how collective energies work, so just as there are plenty of you in this particular collective having this particular experience there are more and less evolved versions of that same person. Different people of course, who are unique and different from your person. Yet, who have a similar energetic composition or depending on how things go that could even be YOU shifting into a new collective or them shifting into a new collective. This is about matching energy, but not in a petty way. Learning that the two of you are literal mirrors to each others souls', so just keep that in mind.

Astrological placements: 12H Sun, Gemini moon, mars in cancer/4h Mars, Mars square moon, Mars conjunct sun, moon in the 9th house or 9 degree moon, Aquarius Sun, Aquarius Moon, Venus in Capricorn.

Channeled words: Dominance, envy, compassionate, bones, baby blue converse tennis shoes, Santa muerte, stellaris, Planetarium, Cassiopeia, Vashti, Cereal Milk, Vampire Diaries, Courage the Cowardly dog, City of Angels,

P I L E T H R E E Whoever holds Feminine energy in this connection is a very powerful being. This is someone who has a commanding energy, very womanly, very witchy, very much dark Feminine energy. This Feminine is very in tune with their shadow, it seems like second nature to them low-key. This person may push the boundaries and limitations of what you previously thought you knew. This person may be contemplating their next moves at the moment. They could feel like they want to make shit work out in their favor in life for once. It's such a cosmic energy, it's so powerful. I feel like if you're the feminine energy this is your energy, I don't think the feminine energies in this pile fully grasp their power. You deserve what you desire. Anyways, back to you and your person! It's so crazy, because as I was pulling cards I kept thinking to myself how your person feels like outer space. Or like a void, but not in a negative way, it's just that their energy is very deep and almost reminds me of the darkness that exists within and without. This connection is likely deeply transformative for you in some way shape or form. Anyways, but ASHERAH fell out and I remember my mentor telling me before that when Asherah divorced from Yahweh she went to space. He told me about this because at the time I was super curious about Jack Parsons and asked about his suicide. A lot of people believe he killed himself to be with Asherah. ANYWHO LOL, This connection is meant to guide you towards your purpose. I heard high level soul mate, so you and this person could be very in tune and in a healthy state. There feels like a lot of passion and admiration. I'm channeling Dirty Woman by Pink Floyd, lmao wowww the song is 3:33 3 is the number of Saturn, and I low-key see this in a sense of longevity. This may be your person frfr, I feel like there's sooo much passion here. It's giving Aries. You could have Aries Mars, Moon, Venus, or Sun. This is deep awe-inspiring passion that lights your heart on fire. It feels like there is a deep creative or sexual connection here, take what resonates!

I just heard Mars in the 12th house? Idk why I started channeling I wanna be Evil by Eartha Kitt, I feel like this person is incredibly unorthodox. They may be a bit of an edgelord (it Is very Aries energy tho, so are we really surprised?) I feel like this is someone who can be sultry, passionate, and outgoing, but also is highly intelligent. Someone with a huge personality, they could be very Theatrical in their self expressions. It's very much giving Leo and Black Moon Lilith in Leo actually came out LOL with Queen Jezebel and The Black Madonna, and The Sun... so like, are we surprised at how big this person's energy is? It feels like you've never experienced someone like this person almost? I'm getting a lot of channeled Songs for this pile, The next one is 11 AM by Incubus. Your person could be depressed. They may be struggling with a lot of difficulty in how to move forward with this connection. They may feel estranged or disconnected at times, I feel like there is a deep wound they are healing. I also keep hearing evil eye, so you may need to be more private about your relationship or this friendship. This connection is very special, and people don't always understand it. I think there is at times judgement from others regarding this connection and it makes them feel pessimistic and isolated.

Don't be afraid to communicate with your person, I feel like they really care a lot for you. I keep feeling a weird feeling in my stomach, it could feel like the prospect of love is scary for one or both of you. Connection could be something that feels very dissonant at times to someone? It's important for you guys to not dwell in the past, to move forward with great passion and vigor is the best thing you can do. I think this pile needs to do some cleansing and hex removal, you'd possibly benefit from revisiting some of your old notes for some of you? Something in a notepad, or on a computer. Notes of some kind. Something about clues? that's so specific lol. Channeled Songs: I wanna be Evil - Eartha Kitt, Dirty Woman - Pink Floyd. Placements: Aries (Sun, moon, Mars, Neptune, Venus), 12h Mars, Mercury conjunct Jupiter Channeled messages: Past life energy, "keeper of keys", I heard "master of none" as well, catch me if you can, count your blessings, "I can't wait to meet you", FNAF?, LMAO tell me why I just channeled master builder (I need to rewatch the lego movie soon fr),

[joleneghoul]

Gender ramblings

I feel like i live in a really weird space physically with my gender because at the end of the day I believe its something for only me to understand...but I am interested in physically transitioning into more of who I feel I am.

But as of now, i mostly live my life socially irl as a woman in most peoples eyes. Theres like 15 reasons I have the mostly live in the closet, mostly family and ableism, its not how I'd prefer to live but whatever I'll make it through.

But also im out to people and theyll refer to me as the correct gender and pronouns socially to people idk...which is always an odd situation bc that is how i want to be perceived but i know when im talked up as a "man" and i show up how i look its just confusing for people. Which is a really weird feeling bc i know ive always been an object of confusion for people but it doesn't make it feel better.

It also makes me hesitant to make irl connections for the longest time bc i felt like im trapped into some sunk cost fallacy of femininity or that when i make connections im pretending to be someone im not and i feel fake. Anyway! Idk. No solutions for this rn just a lame fact of my life.

[doobledabbadoo]

Hi hiii!!! Just wanted to magically appear in here to say your art style is SO GOOD I JUST WANNA EAT IT UP!!!!!

Also! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any HTF ships ya like? Don't feel like ya have to answer, if ya don't wanna! Take care!! 💕

hi hello!! tysm for finding my art scrumptious!

& to answer your question, theres a few ships that i do really like! i mostly like whichever feels cute or funny though theres like. one or two i put thought into.

Flippy/Russell: one of the more recent ships ive been thinking about & could potentially be fun to explore !! ive noticed that, in “Get Whale Soon”, russell did lash out at the inside of the whale in a similar fashion to how flippy usually flips out, and i thought, “huh. thats weird. what ever happened to that.” I think that’s pretty interesting! i like the idea of flippy & russell being therapy buddies together and learning about each others’ experiences, interests, hobbies, & especially triggers to avoid or at least learn to cope with. maybe while doing so, they could even get closer together in the process !! i also like the idea of russell being the more outgoing & playful half to flippy’s more reserved and mindful half.

Discopop: another ship ive been getting into lately !! i genuinely didnt hear abt it until recently & i think its cute! its got a lot of comedic potential too me thinks. like i can imagine disco bear trying to impress pop by being a responsible parent to cub in the cheesiest, most obnoxiously 70’a way possible & pop just thinks, “wow. this guys corny. so corny. idk how i love him but im not complaining.” (bonus points for old man yaoi)

Handy/Petunia: a canon ship i really like !! i think the episodes they appear together in are really sweet & i especially appreciate how they come up with creative solutions to their problems in “I Nub You” !! i think theyre very neat !!

Lumpy/Mole: mostly due to the episode “Blind Date”, but more specifically about how lumpy just casually accepts mole’s offer with a shrug & an “ok why not?” i also like the idea of the mole being more romantic & personal while lumpys more casual & chill with him.

Cuddles/Giggles/Toothy: mostly because ive seen people ship cuddles with giggles & toothy separately & thought “cuddles has two hands. why not date both of them” & bam! polycule! (also i think giggles is allowed to have 50 billion boyfriends despite what the fandom consensus about her is /hj /lh /ref)

Sniffles/Nutty: something ive just been thinking abt as ive been writing this!! i find it really sweet that these two already get along very well but i also think it would be funny if sniffles first met nutty & thought, “wow this guy has 1279.85 different things wrong with him. i need to study him under a microscope” like the curious lil nerdy scientist he is. theyre also very neat to me

if theres any ships my htf followers/mutuals would like to hear my thoughts about, my inbox is open !! (bonus points if you enlighten me on why theyd be epic together & got me into ur vision!!)

[jennrypan]

...sometimes I think about Lore Olympus--

And me and my friend came up with this crackship of Minthe x Daphne x Thanatos..and honestly it was so slay..

And also Echo x Minthe-- (cuz i refuse to acknowledge that Hera x Echo nonsense cuz..no.) Minthes 'redemption' could've been way better. Idk why the solution to her problems was..become a teacher??? That made no sense.

Also Daphne should've been able to call out Persephones shit way more instead of being her yes man (which her and Eros quickly became.) Also we [me and my friend] had the headcanon that Cerbereus actually really liked Minthe and was upset when she stopped coming around.

Like yeah I didn't like Minthe at first but geniunely..she and Hades were BOTH shitty and logically..theres no way a nymph had any type of power..over a God. Like Hades wasn't..the best guy to use the 'men can be abused too' lesson cuz it falls flat when he has financial and physical power over her at all times...Rachel didn't execute that well at all, especially cuz it seemed he pursued HER in the beginning..Idk I think Rachel really wanted Hades to seem like the victim so people would root for him cheating on her but it fell flat. They were both terrible for each other, they had several issues and being together didn't help them. He was using her to fill the DEEP void in his chest..cuz hes empty inside 💀 and she was using him for money and security.

So-- yeah. Not to beat a dead horse but this webcomic was a good portion of my time for a WHILE so-- I miight..go back to my rewrite honestly.

[shreddeddescent]

finally getting back into reading WCS after losing track of the fic for a bit and there's so much good stuff but i wanna say, honestly I really appreciate Big Mama being a fucked up therapist. I'm only at chapter 20 at the moment so idk where exactly she's gonna go lol, but it's super common to have "going to therapy" held up as like a Perfect Cure for Everything with no real understanding of how therapy actually works or how it can affect people i feel like? and i think people tend to forget that therapists are, in fact, their own people too. they aren't perfect and sometimes they do in fact do things that are harmful, like when she restrains Slash and brushes off the fact that it hurts him physically. idk I so often see therapy held up as like this perfect solution for everyone with little to no understanding that the therapist is actually a huge part of how well it works out, so it's nice seeing a therapist character who definitely has ulterior motives going on and clearly doesn't always have the turtles' actual best interests in mind

sorry this is so long lol

OMG DONT APOLOGIZEEEEEE fuck man. love a long ask. now i feel like i gotta give you a long reply. excuse to yap YIPPEE (noting youre only on 20 to not spoil for u)

okay cuz like. man i mean it seems pretty obvious based on the fic itself that ive never been to therapy (lmao) and i probably said that enough in the notes. given the stream of consciousness way it was written, it was sort of just some... concept of the characters going 'well we cant just you know. exist like this without outside help. theres no way that will work.' but that didnt mean i ever thought it would like. BE the solution? if that makes sense? but i was technically coming at it from an angle originally of 'yeah this is helpful and good'. but then of course. arbitrarily applying the therapist position to big mama means. ahahah JUICE.... CARDS LYING ON THE TABLE.... PERFECTLY ABLE TO PICK THOSE UP ARENT I?

so to be honest, the fact is... my not knowing how it works kinda LED INTO her being a more fucked up person than she was letting on. and the fact the kids dont know SHIT about SHIT also means they have no idea if what shes doing is good or not. they just kinda assume its normal, cuz parts of it are def helping. but then yeah, things like how MUCH she has raph go, how reliant he seems on her, or what she did to slash WERE fucked up. but shes got mindgames on mindgames, enough so that even he had to be like.... i guess that was just how that works. (mostly)

cuz WHY did she do that? speedrunning healing? trying to genuinely keep leo from getting hit? or just so after the fact when raph woke up she could coo at what a good job he did? she can tell hes got mommy issues obviously. maybe it was a bit of everything? but if i let her just sit there BEING so obviously untrustworthy (also GIVEN that its big mama) youll question what shes up to as much as the characters are (mostly leo)

cuz i mean. fact is. shes giving them SOOOO much. for NOTHING??? hm....

so yeah. i both do and dont have strong opinions on like therapy as a thing that people consider the be all end all solution to problems, but i think its really fun to have the person youre supposed to rely on being the person you shouldnt. i mean, given all the parental issues going on lmfao

[shoezuki]

whos ur fav HSR Aeon ,,, or top three

OOOAUGHHG OK. Fuck theyre all so cool to me...

Okokok naturally.. i really fuck w Aha. Like ya ok thats predictable but aha is jus. So much to me. Like aha is seemingly an extremely selfish aeon and unpreditable entirely in that they act towards whatever brings them amusement. But ALSO the path of elation is. Entirely centered around sentient beings. Theres an inherent mortal quality to aha due to the path being derived from an emotion. Like idk its so much to me. Joy being something positive and freeing but also chaotic. Fuck yes. And aha is in the you know i had to do it to em pose so thats good

Another that Slaps is nous cuz like. A man made supercomputer becoming an allpowerful all knowing entity? Fuck yes. One thing in the wiki description of nous is that 'they are not a god that provides solutions. All they offer is an infinite number of questions' n that is interesting to me in that i like to imagine nous speaks entirely in questions. They exist to desire all knowledge but not necessarily to share it so i wonder like. What if he did know everything? Is that even possible?

[malewifesband]

trying to go back and actually write this scene w kabru and rin. my stupid illness is worse again so im struggling but id like thoughts if anyone has them. on like any aspect

to establish: i feel like kabru takes rin for granted like by far the person he seems to treat worst is her. hes not a terrible person for this no way but like the way he teases her about liking him despite having no feelings for her ... idk i feel like he counts on rin always being there. like nothing could push her away so he feels he can be a bit cruel and hell be forgiven--not like she doesnt rag on him all time, right?

but i think things change when he falls in love. like it finally hits rin that man, its never going to be her. shes watched him date around for years, and never truly fall for someone, so there was always that hope that one day hed just realize how he really felt about her. and now she cant delude herself thats true, she can just fuckin tell how bad he has it for laios after spending two years living between the castle and her apothecary. she starts trying to breakaway from him, because every time she talks to him theres a reminder that he loves someone who isnt her.

feeling especially pathetic one night, she sees marcille, who is also feeling especially pathetic bc falin is still over a year away from her and enjoying their open relationship, but marcille doesnt. she cant bring herself to want anyone but falin. rins like ok bet. we are the same kind of pathetic and i dont like you but youve also been nothing but nice to me and im not reconciling these feelings. lets have sex

the scene im struggling with comes after

like rin is in the garden again, hoping that marcille will come. she didnt feel lonely when she was with marcille. she felt... special. more seen. she didnt think about how she misses kabru even when hes with her.

but ofc kabru is seeking her out bc he just really fucked up with laios.

she tells him, yeah man, super your fault for pressing the bruise after fuckin kissing him and then refusing to talk about it. everybody knows the dude does not want to get married and have heirs why did u like agree with his dads letter that he has a duty to sire children

she really doesnt want to talk to him about this. she wants him to need her like she needs him--she doesnt want to need him like she does. and she doesnt want to help him fall in love with someone else, but its like he doesnt even realize whats happening.

kabru insists the kiss was nothing, and he shouldnt talk about it with laios bc he was just drunk its just... he wants laios' full trust. and its weird, but sometimes he pictures laios as girl and something about that works. but its a weird wishful thinking bc kabru wants to get thru this barrier they have where (kabru feels) laios feels like he cant trust him bc kabru is good liar and laios cant read ppl. like maybe if they shared something that intimate, them both being trans, theyd understand each other completely

rin doesnt really know what to make of any of that. it feels like further rejection. like it just feels obvious to her that no matter what, he loves laios. and that thorny feeling of jealousy is spiraling around her heart. maybe she says something cruel, gives terrible advice bc she feels so hurt that he cant see how sincere her jealousy is, that he cant see how it hurts her to hear him in love with someone else?

im not super sure where to take the scene from there. i know i want it to end with kabru feeling worse about laios and deciding to avoid him, but without him realizing that rin is purposefully pulling away yet. (he'll realize that later, when laios is the one to tell him she and marcille and seeing each other and he didnt even know. and he'll have to address then that hes taken her friendship for granted)

any thoughts on the kinds of things she might say? or might tell him? i feel like theres an obvious solution im just missing

[mashamorevvna]

yes okay thank you that does confirm my thoughts because i had seen how fucking sick the concept was for wyll and was disappointed how sanded down he became. idk if you agree with this, but i think the easy solution to this would be to (god forbid) include more black characters in the party and storyline so his relationship with his white demon thing is not the odd one out, but im curious as to your own thoughts on whether or not that would have “fixed” the issue, if there was one in the first place aside from optics

yeah tbh adding more black characters would be a straight up improvement to bg3 no matter what, bc it is really noticeable how the only black characters with main story relevance are literally wyll and his dad. theres captain grisly who is, to my memory, the only black woman with side character status, but she is firmly secondary lol

as for whether it would have fixed anything, i dont think so. wyll's problem is mostly of fandom reception, in the sense that i sincerely do not think a mostly white fandom would have extended any measure of sympathy and consideration on par to the one given to gale in a somewhat adjacent situation (romantic relationship steeped in uneaven power dynamics turned sour) no matter how well written it is.

despite fandom being clockwork racist, i still think that at the end of the day having a complex and multilayered work focusing on the interiority of a black man processing his relationships in a way that prioritizes his emotional landscape is a worthy goal to strive towards, even if fandom will be committed to never undertsanding the worth of it in the first place

[alpacahat67]

no im goijg crazy because why is diamond dogs so slept on like as a story i never see no one talk abt the loose story thats there before we get into the 1984 references

i do wish bowie had the ability to go through with the stage productions he had planned, specifically for diamond dogs and ziggy. because id love to see more of both stories.

diamond dogs had some really good world building imo in general, not just within the album. bowie had a lot of pictures in his mind for hunger city and the diamond dogs that, of course, wouldve been hard to piece into an album when you're trying to figure something out thats 1984 inspired but not 1984 because you were told that you cant adapt 1984 into a musical.

i just think its silly that bowie decided that the solution to a world without fuel or power or anything was. roller skating gangs. i think gangs on methods of transportation like that like bikes or skateboards are just so funny. wdym theres a pack of guys who live on roofs and stalk the streets wearing fur coats and expensive jewelry described as "poachers" who ride ROLLER SKATES with SQUEAKY WHEELS i LOVE THAT

halloween jacks really interesting too and im not sure why i like him so much because he was only ever mentioned in the titular song which was thr last to be written and theres very little camera or video footage of shows in which bowie played him because he was quickly replaced by the soul man.

maybe its the potential in the character. i think thats it.

idk diamond dogs was an okay album at first to me and tbf again it was a rebuilding year as bowie had just fired all of the spiders but its grown on me since my first listen

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[thegeminisage]

im FINALLY playing zelda again and exploring gerudo town a bit...

YOOOO I CAN DRINK A NOBLE PURSUIT...LINK IS FINALLY 21...............

damn i didnt have to get my own ice or anything lol

tbh. i kind of liked it better when u could crossdress. pretty much EVERY npc has to go out of their way to make it weird that link is here? which i guess it is so it should be? but if we're talking about making him androgynous so anyone of any gender can enjoy playing him...this space reminds you constantly that you are a man. idk. is this less transphobic??? i'm not a trans woman so i can't like Speak On It but to me it feels like it's just a different flavor of bad. a better solution might be to let us cross dress if we wanted to but also still have access if we weren't. then there's no Evil Invasion of Women's Spaces By Predator stereotype but also u can be a girl as a treat if you like

but i have problems with this "girls-only" race of people having their entire culture and identity revolve around men anyway. whereas gorons are all boys and they don't think about gender at all. I Wonder Why That Is. nintendo wrote themselves into a problematic corner here and they're not going to get out of it by being cowards!!!

ANYWAY.

holy shit lol apparently gerudo sleep SUPER deeply and it contributes to them all being so tall and muscley <3 that explanation is such bullshit i fucking love it. and then they need less and less sleep as they get older...

man i wish that was me.

weird, it's still all purple and misty in the secret shop

oh my god SAND BOOT GUY IS STILL HERE???? he's hiding over the secret shop lmao

i think i've got redead ptsd. i saw a couple of voltrfruit cacti out in the distance and froze like a prey animal

anyway it's great the town is back on track and i wanna do ALLLL the sidequests here but...i need my low stakes exploration rn. i think i should unlock the last great fairy now that i don't need to worry about avoiding any part of the map

wait first i see zelda. time to shoot my gf :(

so i warped to the skyview tower and pikango is here?? what even is his purpose in this game...

huh. a light dragon's talon can HEAL when attached to a weapon?? wtf...

lol do i beat bokoblins with it and they get better

omg wait you can just pluck spine shards from her back...no arrows needed...this is nuts

eugh i see an ice gleeok from here. no thank you

its so fun that she goes clockwise around the map. time, time, time

you can see so much cool stuff from up here. i'm really glad totk added that you could ride them bc i feel like if i had more patience i could get such a lovely tour of hyrule from on zelda's back specifically, since she makes the whole circuit...like this game is genuinely beautiful and this is such a wonderful way to enjoy that beauty. and spend time with my gf.

i just wish i could like browse my menu or check my map or something WHILE MOVING...in other cases i would be livid if the game kept going while i was "paused" but i hate that fooling around makes the game's clock stop so if you're say waiting ten minutes for the dragojn to glow again you really do just have to wait

also. i never noticed glowing or lackthereof when the dragons were ready again. i may be unobservant lol

SO many shrines spotted from here btw. foolproof shrine finding method

ok, she DEFINITELY looks like she's glowing (her spines anyway) but nothing happens when i shoot her horns...is light dragon horn not a thing??

google says it's a thing.

oh no wait THERE it is. ok. now that i've seen it yeah thats a huge difference

luckily i'm quite close to that last great fairy now. thanks for the ride babygirl :(

briefly tempted by the fountain from one of link's memories below, near satori mountain...ultimately decided not to go bc theres not gonna be anything but a korok seed. just a little totk gripe

dark link armor to night sprint! i miss people getting jumpscared by it though :(

oh wait they ARE getting scared...weh thats so nice

ok, i have to take a break to do stuff :/ i wanna dot he stable quest!!!!! soon..............

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Man in the Mirror

Wow I just backread all of my diary entries... It's crazy how during September, I was so burnt out with academics. I'm starting to realize that the only way to really pursue art and be successful with it is to focus on your unique niche. That's not how things work with art school apparently. You're taught to be versatile as much as possible to work for companies. Which isn't really entirely bad, but given the art scene here in our country ...it's kinda bad. You're pretty much expected to work on deadlines and any sustainable art companies out there functions like a normal 9-5. It's a very stressful environment. Especially big companies, they don't care about which school you came from. They don't care about creativity. They only care about how fast and efficient you are. Quantity over quality type shit, which is a huge contradiction to art itself as a whole!!!!!!

Anyway, Saturn just entered Aries in my 8th house. New Moon in Gemini also started in my 10th house and all I can think of is.. HOW THE FUCK DO I MAKE MONEY ?!?!?!?!

Okay here's the thing... remember the diary entries last September about wanting to drop out and becoming a full time artist? WELL, THE UNIVERSE FUCKING HEARD YOU! AND IM LIKE WHAT?!?!?! HUH???? ARE YOU FOR REAL??? BUT LIKE-- IM NOT READY!!!! IM SCARED WTF WAIT GIVE ME MORE TIME TO PREPARE IM NOT READY YE---- NO BITCH THIS IS UR TIME IM GIVING IT TO YOU RN NO BUTS NO COCONUTS IM GIVING IT TO YOU RN... YOU WANTED IT SO BAD RIGHT??? YOU ASKED FOR IT RIGHT???? and im like HUH BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE... I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT BUT LIKE AS A DREAM!!! A FANTASY!!! AS SOMETHING UNATTAINABLE!!! and universe was like OH HELL NAWH BITCH WHAT YOU ASK YOU SHALL RECEIVE NOW JUST RECEIVE IT GOODBYYEEEEeeeee

... Well... umm... September me... I want to let you know that uh... May (and June) me got it.... we got it... uhm... we got what we asked for... uhh.. whAT THE FUCK

Prior to this (yesterday), I was actually having a financial and existential crisis. I realized how much valuable time I'm wasting, distracting myself from the real problems. It's hard to fit 3k pesos in 15 days. I feel the inflation and I feel like shit for not doing anything but doom scroll. There's also an irrational fear of not starting the things I want to pursue for some reason. What was really stressing me was the valuable time I'm wasting... but to be fair, Im also overwhelmed with a lot of things.. Theres a lot of things expected from me to accomplish and I see all tasks as important so I dont know which ones to do first... when I look at the things I have to do and achieve, I get so overwhelmed which results me to either doom scroll, or sleep out of stress.

I'm trying to look for a solution that could hit ALL BIRDS in one stone. And I think... I've figured it out. And all this time, it's fucking youtube. BRUH. And youtube has been sitting at the back of my mind for months now. I started doing this few months ago but I didn't have a clear goal in mind. But now I think I do...

I was waiting myself to hit rock bottom so I can push myself to start on projects. I was expecting like the same crash out and rock bottom as the one I did back in March. Bruh, March was no joke. That shit made me lose hope. But surprisingly, I didn't hit rock bottom. I just stayed up for 27 hours and went to my University to lie down on the grass and stare at the trees and the sky for 2 good hours. I also got some Vitamin D and I think that helped. No, it fucking saved me actually. Going there was a very spontaneous decision... idk my room just felt very suffocating and I couldnt sleep because of overthinking. Lying down and seeing nature made me feel a lot better. It really changed my mindset. I thought "everything will be fine. I shouldn't worry."

And from a scarcity mindset of figuring out how to make money efficiently, to realizing that this dilemma I'm facing right now is actually the thing that September has been dying to happen... which was to become a full time artist. When I realized that, it all just came into place... If my manager wants me to improve my art, and I want to figure out how to market myself and put myself out there, I can literally start with Youtube. I can be a full time artist using Youtube!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been avoiding it for a very long time. But God, Universe... thank you so much for guiding me in this direction. I can see that your plan and timing has always been divine. I can finally become the person I'm always meant to be. An artist.

Thank God I took the time to reflect instead of escaping and distracting myself from these harsh realities. This is also the reason why I told him I won't be able to chat for a week. I couldn't really afford a time not dedicated to thinking and reflecting my current reality. I'm also restricting myself from using social media apps so I can always feel that time is ticking and that I need to use it wisely.

If there's anything I've learned, it's to sit with that uncomfortable feeling and recognize it. I can't afford to make mistakes anymore. I can't afford to distract myself and waste valuable time once again. I can't afford to ruin my future and my potential. I have so much little time left, and I have to do everything to make my sacrifices, and my parents' sacrifices for me worth it. I want to live a meaningful life.

As I was filling up water in my flask, the song Man in the Mirror just came to me and I started singing it. This is it. This is the second change. If the first change was about me finally recognizing ignored past trauma and then channeling David Bowie's Changes, this second change is me finally stepping in to my full potential, which is to become a full time artist and a FUCKING MUSICIAN.

It's crazy... I left college for all of this. Last year June, Jupiter entered my 10th house which kickstarted my music career. Now, Jupiter will enter in my 11th house. I don't know what will happen, but I'm very excited. I'm excited of uncertainty.

June... just wait for me June... This is where we leave everything behind. June 2025 will be the starting point of... everything.