#idk really if it's too early to vent about this but ofc i also listen to my feelings so :((

[bluelolblue]

just wondering if you have headcanons on santino d’antonio!! ;0

Why of course I have thanks for asking :D! I never wrote them down but here they are <3

Santino D'Antonio - my hyperfixation for a very long time and I just love him so much :3

He doesn't have a good relationship with his father (daddy issues) his father also traumatized him at some point :(

Idk why I think his father wasn't so nice to him, just didn't pay much attention to him and didn't like Santino's interests into drawing, writing or whatever he would like to do

So he is more of mama's boy, I like to think she was very nice to him and listened to his little yapping about random stuff, she had lots of patience with him. And she would sometimes join him with drawing. He could always cry in front of her and she would comfort him

Speaking of drawing and writing, I like to think that he used to draw and write when he was little but his father ruined all that, ruined his motivation for it

He likes cats and dogs. He always wanted to have either a cat or a dog while he was little but his father wouldn't allow it, so whenever he saw a stray cat he would pet it...and ended up being scolded by his father because "they're filthy"

He was the one that cried the longest when Gianna's and his mother died. Since he was very connected to her, it was too much for him. I like to think Gianna tried to comfort him during those times

He likes to drink cappuccino, he is fine with any kind of coffee but has some preferences

Red or white wine, he's fine with both (maybe a slight preference to the red), also likes cocktails and liqueurs

When he gets drunk (doesn't happen often tho), he either talks nonsense in broken english or italian or he'll kinda vent about his childhood or whatever

Oh and he is not a morning person. He hates to get up early, he is just so moody and doesn't wanna talk to anyone bc if he does he's just gonna snap at whoever asks him something. So he has to have coffee in the morning to wake himself up and not be a little bitch

Can cook and has the will for it and is pretty good at it

Definitely likes art, mostly the history art type since he grew up with that

Likes to read any kind of book but preferably romance or criminal

And likes to listen to music (mostly the famous Italian ones), even classical music

Also likes to watch movies, even horror. He's up to watch anything really. But will make comments while watching it so to some he gets annoying with that

Has a short temper, especially when something doesn't go his way or the way he planned it

Everything has to be like he planned it, otherwise your house might gets burned down :)

Acts like he's better than anyone when he actually has so many problems with himself

Gets jealous of his sister way too often but is too proud to admit that

Has a room only for his best suits, his suits have to be made from the best designers

Rings. Likes to wear those fancy rings and ofc a watch. The most expensive one (has so many of them too)

He felt so proud when he got to help John with the impossible task that he actually fell in love with him

John was his crush for a long time but after this he fell in love completely

Someone like John asking him for help? Immediately falls for him

Sure, he also likes Vincent (they share the same fancy taste into suits and art and other stuff) but...John is his number one

Flirting. Oh he's good at it, ofc he's Italian he has to be good at it. But when he gets really nervous, he gets flustered and doesn't know how to respond anymore so he might tries to change the theme

Kinky. He's kinky

Who says "how exciting" after being threatened to be choked to death? Santi...because he's into it

Likes to be called good boy, no matter if a girl or a guy calls him that

Praises. Yes. Likes to give praises and be praised (a result of lack of affection from his father during his childhood)

Likes when someone (preferably John) goes through his hair with their fingers, so like playing with his hair

Likes to be kissed while holding his face

Likes the soft kisses on his face and body

Likes to hold hands

Likes to cuddle

It's just that he doesn't show that soft side to anyone

Likes cars...idk much about cars but I think he does

Likes to wear perfumes, especially cologne or some other nice men perfumes

Likes winter and summer, however prefers summer and going to the beach

Smokes...a nasty habit he got from his father and he doesn't like that, he always says how he's gonna stop so that he isn't like him but...it's a struggle. He doesn't want to be like his father

Is good with words and can manipulate

But also knows how to use a gun

Always has to look fancy (in case John appears)

But yeah he does like to dress up fancy

Will act bitchy for no reason

He admitted to Ares that he would love to smash with John (she approves and would also smash him)

My twink of John Wick movies and I'm always happy to talk about him :)

I probably have some more headcanons for him but can't remember at the moment

Hope you liked it :3 <3

[starlighthan]

very small vent(?) idk i just wanna release it for a bit ever since i posted my new fic

it's seriously so hard to tell if ppl did not like my fic or they just forgot my existence here in stayblr 😭

just kidding, it's just past 12 hours since i posted my new fic ... i shouldn't demand for any reactions to it right away since it's pretty new

god i sometimes wonder if it was a good decision to take a break last month 🥲 the lack of response just makes me insecure istg idk if it was write to come back even since i still do think i suck at writing in general

idk too if ppl are not into my ideas or what but the amount of notes in my fics have been up and down and i seriously dont know what ppl can enjoy

this is a problem now right?? with the lack of feedback, i cant even tell what to write for readers so they can enjoy what i post :(( i also want to please those who've been reading too obviously

i hate to compare, but i feel so sad when i saw the other fics in the tags getting lots of notes already while i barely get 20 notes :((( jealousy is kicking in here ig dont mind me

ofc im working hard in what i write, but i noticed that fics would do well if ur a remembered author here who posts a lot of fics. and it didnt go well with me now obviously because i didnt post any work for almost 2 months. while i was active a few months ago, i still get a good amount of notes... it's very slow today bc i just came back

like i said, im getting back to writing so i hope my insecurity and disappointment goes away for a bit after writing more :(( ik i shouldnt depend on notes and feedback alone but i needed it so much so i can write more and improve (and i kinda use it for validation?? i do get back to readers' comments in my fics quite a lot)

i hope i'd get any comment for arbttb, even just a short one, in the next few days 🥲 i'd appreciate it seriously

[spotsupstuff]

What is Skullplum in your Fruit Twins AU? Are they a couple or a friend-like dynamic between the two characters?

Short answer: friends with (all kinds of) benefits turned revenge-made-empty-husk-of-her-former-being and clinically fucked up murderous untreated sociopath who is Lowkey addicted to her cuz magic n while he recognizes she isn't able to reciprocate any real nice feelings back and will never again be able to show him the care he craves, he's too Desperate for a face he can trust to listen to his common sense and rather gives in to his delusions of possibly having what they used to have once she gets what she wants

The only time Anything romantic came up between them was pre-vibe check in the form of Six confusing his feelings for romantic ones cuz he was new to this whole "relationship with someone who I don't consider part of my monkey family", but he realized quickly he’d rather love her platonically after they had a small talk together. Both agreed that kissing each other on the lips makes their skin crawl, being all mushy in early mornings and sharing themself to the other 100% at times are all commitments they EITHER aren’t ready for yet or just don’t feel comfy with

More in detail answer for their FT!history: HOOOOO BOY

So it all started with the fact that Six Ear has had some rough decades behind him. After the burning of the Huaguo shan, 49 years of complete radio silence from SWK followed which made everyone think that their king was deadass dead which was very stressful for the general public and absolutely soul crushing for the other two monkey siblings. Ma, bless her poor heart, wasn’t able to stop asking Six Ear to just Try and find SWK with his supernatural hearing every day for like 10 years because of how distraught she was about it, so one can imagine that Six, the youngest of the little royal monkey family, Was Going Through It already while also having to balance taking care of the famine plagued mountain sometimes all by himself.

After the 49 years, finally came the moment when Buddha trapped SWK under the Five Elements Mountain and like immediately Six knew about it. So that was a relief. He and Ma came to visit SWK, Ma cried and cursed the fuck out of SWK for deciding to lead that war on Heaven while kissing his forehead and cheeks and then Six tried to free him but to no avail ofc. WHICH means that the 500 additional years of famine, suffering, stress and crushing reality that their King is Right There but they can do literally NOTHING about it has begun.

As expected, Six have had multiple breakdowns about this whole situation (the other Stalwart Generals did too) even though they had support from the Bull Demon kingdom and one day he decided he should vent to a tree on White Tiger Mountain (WBS’ residence) n he got pretty loud, ending up beating the tree into sub-atomal level out of frustration. White Bone Spirit heard that and was like “who the fuck is destroying my trees, I ain’t got many of those”, some of other demons living on the mountain came rushing to her shouting bout some powerful McFuck walking around the mountain, scaring them shitless, so she decided that “Okay, maybe I should really deal with that, don’t what that Other demon stirring up chaos in my house” and so she came down.

They ended up fighting cuz Idk, Six was in the mood to kinda fight and somehow the fight ended up being a lot of fun for the both of them cuz they were pretty evenly matched. At some point Six started cracking out sassy remarks which WBS hasn’t really experienced before so it intrigued her beyond reason. She Be Curious Lil Lass.

Fight ended as a draw and they decided they should start meeting up cuz both were interested in the other for entertainment purposes, Six really needed some more lighthearted less-emotion-draining activity than taking care of the Huaguo shan and WBS was just “👀 fun?”

Cue around 250 years of relationship building, they danced together, sang, playfought, talked about their issues, taught each other some moves be it magic based or martial arts based, Six Ear ended up telling her small tidbits from future that he listened to to pass the time. WBS was especially interested in his special ability which really flattered him so the future telling was a common occurance. This is where the whole Destiny shtick that WBS has in the show gets birthed and it also explains why she is so certain that she will one day get to great power.

After the time BDK pulls back his support to Huaguo shan because of Red Boy being born which causes even more complications for the monkey kingdom and Six ends up having to say goodbye to WBS cuz at that point he’s. kinda the only food source for his whole home island thanks to his shadow hopping to mainland. WBS understands and they part ways without any drama, hoping to see each other again one day when things will be maybe better.

And Then JT/TW Stuff Happens.

SWK is freed by Tripitaka, they get the rest of the pilgrims on team, meet WBS, Myerder Of She happens except instead of Actually dying on the third hit she doesn’t keel over and instead switches into bossfight mode. The pilgrims end up having to trap her in Her Bones Box. Journey goes on, the conflict between Six and SWK happens, SWK ends up having to kill Six, Six’s body is buried at the roots of Himalayas and he takes a trip to the 17th hell (like presumambly he did in canon). Few years pass, the journey “ends” (it ends a bit differently in Fruit Twins than it does in the og novel) and the fake Mayor or, at the time, the Fragment, revives Six thru some of that WBS magic he has going on. Poor Six woke up in his own grave still buried, half reformed from being just skeleton at this point and had to dig his way out of there all by himself. Turns out the Fragment was looking for him under the wrong tree.

Six wasn’t in a good shape cuz of the whole Hell Thing + the injuries from his fight with SWK stayed as if he JUST finished the fight and cuz it was an immortal being that beat him up he couldn’t heal those things up quickly as he would normally, so the Fragment ends up taking him to The Bones Box where WBS is able to talk to him again. The Fragment helps Six recover and Six helps WBS craft her whole Destiny plan that is applied in the LMK time through his future hearing.

This is also the time when his “addiction” to her becomes a thing. My idea behind it is that as a shadow being, Six Ear needs an inner “light source” to be able to use his powers. Before all of this, he had SWK, what with the King’s strong golden glow and all. This whole bond is purely spiritually gained and it was very strong with SWK since they are literal Yin and Yang pieces. They belong with each other, compliment each other, empower each other. Loving twins power and all that.

After the JT/TW fight was done, SWK severed this bond, therefore leaving Six without any light to fuel his powers. During his recovery with WBS, she offered her own light. In the show her light is, I’d say, much more mellow, soft, one could say almost weak when she’s not trying to use it to Intimidate. This all is VERY good for Six because yanno how shadows grow longer and darker at dawn. Thanks to her type of light, he wields more power than he ever did when he was light-bonded with SWK.

And he just can’t get enough of that. The power is intoxicating. It’s sweet, it runs down his arms nursing his burns from the 17th hell. The blue glow bends to his will easier than the golden light. He can twirl it around his finger, he can tear any shadow from a wall. He can create a giant shadow avatar, an extension of his own self. ...it’s a comfort of someone being there after he was oh so unjustly left by brother and casted out by sister.

It’s great...

Never does he want to lose this.

After he recovers he says his goodbyes to his beloved friend and goes on his way to adventures throughout the euroasian continent for the next centuries. WBS, at that point, is already incapable of producing a genuine positive emotion. For all purposes, the yaoguai Six made friends with is gone for good, but he doesn’t really realize that until reflecting on his recovery time with her some decades later.

But, still, even after that realization, when the Fragment comes to fetch him to help out with finding the Skeleton Key (which is lost in Fruit Twins rather than given by WBS to Six), he comes without much protests. It takes the two of them multiple years to finally fucking find the thing, but Six is a clever little shit with great contacts all over the place and shit ton of experience at this point thanks to his mercenary work and journeying, so they manage. The Fragment takes on the name of the Mayor and Six sends him to Wan Qian Cheng to set everything up. HE is going to come a bit later to them. His reason for that is to gather more information on Sun Wukong cuz “Oh fuck, my brother is showing up after all this time?? I need to figure out why the cunt is doing that.” and subsequently on the Qi Xiaotian team as well.

Then the s1e9 happens, s2e7 follows up and he still gets choke held by the Mayor but he doesnt struggle much cuz he knows he isn’t in actual danger and at this point he just doesn’t give a shit about anything that doesn’t Actually pose a danger to him so he lets it happen (thats how I explain to myself the weird lack of overall reaction at the end of that episode). The Mayor drops him off at WBS’, she gives him the offer to become HER marshal and he almost takes the offer cuz everything is great, right? It’s his old friend, he trusts her with his life- fuck, she GAVE this life to him, he should be grateful about that.

But he refuses because of the kid she is possessing.

See, Fruit Twins!Six has a weakness for kids (like proper kids, Xiaotian/Xiaojiao don’t count. they’re young adults n all). Normally he’s a ruthless gruesome fighter, but if a kid is around he’s trying to be somewhat decent and get the little ankle biter to safety. He has a strong mom instinct cuz of him being of the Yin and seeing the Host, a 14 year old girl in THAT kinda position, was like getting dunked into freezing water. He knew that the Lady wasn’t what she Used to be, but he didn’t expect This.

So he ends up declining her offer.

He attempts to escape, but because of the shadow lantern WBS catches him and traps him in there until she is able to leave the Host’s body and be physical without the girl’s unwilling help. After the s2 finale, she is able to do so.

The girl ends up in jail-cellars of the Spider Queen’s lair, WBS lets Six out and with the kid out of the picture, he pushes all common sense away for the sake of being able to be with someone he knows and trusts out of desperation for safety and rest. He hasn’t been able to really relax for a few centuries now and he Knows he gets to do that with WBS right there- the time he spent with her during the Huaguo shan famine is the evidence! And she DOES do that for him, she doesn’t hurt him or truly leaves him before either asking for his full consent and/or informing him.

After ages of social deprivation and loss, the Six Eared Macaque couldn’t be happier.

AAAAAND that’s where the fruit twins version of s3 picks up n this single relationship changes how it goes almost completely because it’s basically the exact opposite of canon! -glares at canon Mac-

[dameronology]

obi-wan kenobi relationship alphabet

as requested by the lovely @read-and-rec - i hope u enjoy!!

a - actions. what sort of things do they do to show they love their s.o?

for obi-wan, it would be in his every day actions. he's not all that big on grand gestures - can't be drawing attention to a relationship he's not supposed to be in after all - so it's reflected in the actions that show how well he knows you. like, he always flips the pillow before you come to bed so that it's cold, and when you have a particularly early start, he'll get up 20 minutes before you to make you breakfast

b - beginnings. how did the relationship begin? how has it changed?

i don't think obi would get into a relationship in the casual way -- he'd probably have to be in love with his best friend (that's u, ofc) and it would take a life threatening event for him to finally confess his love. not a lot would change, bc you're still best friends, but obviously there's the added closeness and love.

c - comfortable. how comfy are they with each other? peeing with the door open close, or would they rather keep the mystery?

he'd let you determine that. but also bc most of your time together is spent within your quarters, due to the natures of your job and the risk of people seeing, you're within close proximity a lot of the time so you're bound to be pretty comfortable around each other. you wanna burst into the refresher when he's in the shower cos you you had twice as much coffee as ur bladder can hold? he's not gonna stop you

d - dates. do they consider dates to be important? what kind do they prefer?

his favourite kind of dates are the ones where he gets to be close to you - whether that's wandering round the temple gardens after dark, or curling up in bed and watching a movie. if you ever get the chance to catch a break and escape to a far, far away planet, he'd definitely be up for something more grand.

e - engagement. how would they propose? who would even pop the question?

i don't think he would propose - more on that later - but if he did, it would be low key. even though there's like 0% chance of you rejecting him, he wouldn't want to put that pressure on you by making a big, public ordeal of the occasion

f - fundamental. for them, what is the most fundamental part of a relationship?

support & commitment. for obi-wan, he needs someone who's gonna be there for him through thick and thin; someone who will listen to him when he needs to vent and someone who will lay with him in bed when everything gets too much. he also needs someone who is committed and in it for the long run, bc he's lost so many people and can't face to see another go (especially by choice). of course, you get both things in return from him.

g - gratitude. how do they show their appreciation for you?

he just says it how it is. ten times a day really, but especially before bed - "have i ever told you how much i love and appreciate you?"

h - home. a random domestic headcanon.

he's terrible to share a bed with. you'll fall asleep on your respective sides of the bed, hands interlinked, and then get woken up two hours later by him spreading out on the whole mattress like patrick the goddamn star fish, forcing you onto the floor

i - infinite. do they believe their love is endless, or is there something that could break it?

obi-wan is both. if you turned to the dark side, or betrayed him or his cause, he could never forgive you, and the relationship would most certainly be over. it doesn't mean he'd stop loving you though - he couldn't ever do that. not even if he tried his hardest. so, his love is infinite but there are things that could make him turn away from you.

j - jokes. who's the funny one?

if you like dry humour, he's definitely the funny one, but with practical jokes and puns, that would be you.

k - kiss. how do they kiss? favourite type?

every morning before he goes to work, obi-wan will pull you towards him and give you a deep, breath-taking kiss; with one hand on your back and one on your neck, it'll be on your mind for the rest of the day. that's his favourite type of kiss.

l - longing. who's the clingy one? how are they with long distance?

neither of you, but also obi-wan sometimes. obi-wan becomes a thousand times clingier when he has nothing to do; if he's between missions and meetings, he'll stick to your side like a golden retriever. it's cute at first, but then when you can't even sit down for twenty minutes to do paperwork without him wrapping himself around you? that's when you drop the council a message and beg them to do something with him. anything.

m - marriage. do they wanna get married?

initially, obi-wan isn't all that bothered by marriage. he doesn't need a ceremony or a wedding to prove either person's commitment - and he just kind of assumes that all those vows and promises are a given, regardless of whether you have a legal document to hold you to your word.

but, if you're still together after order 66, when he's on tatooine? he'd never be opposed to it. if it's important to you, he'll respect that.

n - nicknames. what ones do they like?

he likes when you call him obi, and for you, it's either my darling or my love

o - over the top. are they ever ott? or are they more low-key?

maybe in battle, but obi-wan generally relies on subtle & low-key gestures rather than massive displays of affection.

p - picture. what's their favourite picture of them and their s.o?

there's a selfie you took on your second or third date (idk if selfies exist in the star wars universe but...we move). he has his arm around you, and you're pressing a kiss to his cheek. it's so simple, but it means everything to him.

q - quintessential. what is one they would refuse to compromise in their relationship? what's a deal-breaker for them?

again - the dark side. even if he breaks the code to be with you, obi-wan is going to a dedicated jedi til the day he dies and it's something he holds in a regard as high as his love for you. so, he could never, ever be with someone who ever went against what he believed in, or someone susceptible to slipping.

but if he did see the person he loved turning to the dark-side? he'd do everything in his fucking power to stop it. he'd lose sleep and risk his life to help you, but once you're gone, that's it. if he couldn't save you before, he knows there'd be no chance once you'd turned.

t - tattoo. would they ever get matching tattoos with their s.o, or a tattoo for them?

probably not a tattoo, but i don't think he'd be opposed to subtly engraving your initials on his lightsaber

u - understanding. how understanding are they? or are they a little difficult?

understanding KING. it doesn't matter what the issue is, he's gonna be there to listen and make you feel valid. even if you do something that irks him a little bit, he'd still have all the patience in the world.

v - vases. do they buy flowers?

all. the. time. sometimes for special occasions, sometimes just because

w - wandering. do they wanna travel? or immediately settle down?

before order 66, obi would love travelling with you, provided you both work in a similar field and he can make it look conspicuous. if it's after, he's not entirely enthusiastic about planet hopping when darth goddamn vader has it out for him, but he would absolutely love to settle down.

x - ex. how many exes do they have? any horror stories?

one word: satine.

y - you. favourite thing about their partner?

just...everything. he could never choose a favourite thing. he could say your eyes, and the way you sparkle when you laugh, but then he'd feel bad for forgetting your butt, and the little dimples in your hips, and the way your brow creases when your confused. see what i mean?

z - zeal. how excitable are they? who's the calm one?

he's definitely the calm one. he can be very enthusiastic in battle, but in other aspects of life, he has the chilled out aura of someone who has consumed a pound of the devil's lettuce

[lovespelt]

I HAVE THIS AU SOMEWHERE DEEP IN MY BLOG THAT LITERALLY NO ONE KNOWS OF BUT I WANNA SHARE THIS LITTLE THING I HAD COME TO A HEADCANON WITH.

Ok so hear me out—

Shouta and Inko as relatives AU—

OK SO YOU KNOW HOW IZUKU HAS MOSTLY BACK HAIR WITH LITTLE GREEN HIGHLIGHTS AT THE END???

What if...

It comes from Inko's side family genes instead of his DAD.

That would also explain why he WAS quirkless in the first place (bcz of shouta's quirk)

Inko and Shouta's Genes are really strong but their quirks are a bit weak in some perspective.

Ok so why I had this headcanon—

Let's have a little backstory to this—

So I'd like to imagine that both of them were really close when they were young but they got seperated and lost contact of each other throughout the years.

(Maybe they were disowned or their remaining family dies or idk)

They lost contact of each other since they got to highschool and stuff and Inko got married and is trying to get a divorce while Shouta realized he was gay and dated Hizashi.

Fast forward to when Izuku got in UA. Shouta thought he looked quite familiar but didn't realize it was his nephew bcz of the surname (coz at this time, Inko is still trying to divorce his deadbeat husband so the surname is still there—)

And Inko didn't know it was Shouta bcz he changed his surname too, for privacy reasons.

Shouta became a little bit softy for his problem child bcz of how similar he acts to Inko, like the crying waterfalls and all that.

So timeskip to the parent-teacher conference and they were shocked when they saw each other again for the first time all these years, and pulled out a 'how have you been all these years' liner and for the rest of the hour they talked about how they were.

Inko was surprised to learn Shouta had a boyfriend and a secret little student he was training from Gen ed(his son—*cough* Hitoshi *cough*)

And Shouta listens to Inko's on going divorce and how she ALSO has a boyfriend (*cough* YAGI *cough*) now.

And they both exchanged numbers (personal numbers, not the school or work ones) and Inko went out as Shouta called the next parent.

(right on cue of the realization when Shouta has the most reckless nephew in the world struck in his head and he's starting to have a migraine because of it)

Soooo Inko told Izuku and Izuku freaked out ofc and the next day he awkwardly asked "should I call you Uncle?" And Shouta, who is suddenly feels like being crushed to death by a noumu doesn't seem so bad, replied ".... Outside of school grounds only."

And Shouta feels the need to vent to someone about this so he vented this to Hitoshi while he's training him bcz he doesn't want Hizashi to scream at him for not telling him sooner and how many gifts does he need to buy and give to his relatives and all that.

Oh and Hitoshi is dating Denki.

And Izuku is also dating Katsuki.

And Inko doesn't tell any of this to Toshinori bcz it would be awkward to for him to have one of Inko's relatives where he works.

Goes the same for Izuku and Hitoshi. It would be weird to tell their boyfriends about how their teacher is related to them. (Hush let me indulge in my Hitoshi is Shouta's secret love child theory)

So when Inko wanted a Christmas get together with all of them, they know it would become a mess.

Shouta told Hizashi about going to his Relative and Hizashi snapped his head to look at him so fast, you'd think he had whiplash because he did NOT know Shouta had any relatives. And Hizashi is all like "WHAT." and Shouta is all like "Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about that I just recently got in touch with my remaining relative, also tell Hitoshi to come along to meet us in this location—" lifts paper with address"—and to bring his boyfriend with him, it's about time for him to introduce us to his 'special guy'." And Hizashi is all like "WHAT." but louder coz how did he not know his little Toshi was DATING?? SHOUTA HAD RELATIVES THAT WERE STILL ALIVE??? SHOUTA WHAT THE FUCK—HEY DON'T IGNORE ME SHOUTA—

And they bought lot's of gifts (Hizashi insisted, Shouta could not resist his boyfriend's cute puppy eyes DAMMIT)

And on Inko's End, she called Toshinori to come over this Christmas and meet the rest of her family and Izuku's boyfriend. (Izuku did not revealing about him dating Kacchan with is dad mentor yet oop—) and Toshinori, the clueless idiot that he is, happily agreed.

Izuku said that Katsuki was also visiting for a bit and he told Katsuki that he'd meet his other family too and Katsuki also wanted to come bcz he wanted to visit his boyfriend for Christmas and to eat some of Auntie Inko's most delicious spicy curry. (Oof Izuku KNOWS this is gonna be a mess.)

So when the day came.

Everyone was already going. Katsuki arrived early and went up to Izuku's room, after a little while Toshinori arrived as well and went to the kitchen to help Inko.

Then while Hizashi and Shouta were walking they saw Hitoshi and KAMINARI(?!?!?!) waiting at the door of Inko's house and Hizashi screamed, making Inko go outside to see all the ruckus, Toshinori following, Izuku and Katsuki looking out from Izuku's window above.

Their whole interaction went like this:

*Silence*

Hizashi:*whips head to the sound of the door opening * *sees Toshinori* ALL MIGHT?!?!

Toshinori:*looking at Shouta, Blood spilling* AIZAWA?!?

Shouta:*sees Inko* Hey Inko.

Inko:*smiling and nodding* Shouta.

Katsuki from the window: DUNCE FACE?!?!

Denki, looking up: B-BAKUGOU??!?

Izuku, happily waving: Shinsou!! :D

Hitoshi, smiling lightly: hey Midoriya.

And when they went inside it was hella awkward until Denki said that he didn't knew that Katsuki and Izuku were dating until now and it all went downhill from there and they all started screaming.

Inko, from the kitchen preparing food: oh my.

Shouta, helping Inko with the rice: yep.

Izuku, preparing the table, whispering to Hitoshi: our boyfriends are really loud.

Hitoshi, who just went there bcz he didn't wanna deal with the loud screaming: yep... Hey Midoriya.

Izuku: hm?

Hitoshi, looking at the screaming people: we all have the same type.

Shouta, who overhead this comment: what do you mean Hitoshi?

Hitoshi, pointing at their boyfriends: Loud Blondes.

Inko laughed and wheezed.

THAT'S BASICALLY IT. A TYPE THAT RUNS IN THE FAMILY AHAHAHAHHAHAHA

(hope you enjoy this shitty headcanon I made lmao, it's unedited and I didn't reread it but I hope you like it!!!)

dudeee this is so cute ;-; me reading this was just like

[foolgobi65]

i really wish the writers of lucifer hadn't turned chloe and maze's friendship into such an afterthought! like ok:

- when they start in season 2, both of them are in pretty isolated places socially. chloe, already a pretty introverted workaholic, is just newly divorced and has exactly one (1) friend: lucifer. maze has finally split off from lucifer and has two (2) friends: linda and trixie, but for the purposes of this comparison linda really is maze's one friend. maze has just accepted that she's not actually going back to hell, that this time on earth isn't really just a lunch break before they go back to the real world (hell) and so she now has to figure out how to build a real life in LA.

- basically, both maze and chloe are kind of in similar positions in terms of being isolated and really only having a singular overwhelming relationship with someone as opposed to having a network they can rely on so that all their eggs aren't in one basket. you can see where this backfires on both of them throughout the series when linda spends the week not talking to maze after seeing lucifer's face, and when lucifer runs off to vegas and suddenly chloe is stuck with all these feelings she can't express (and crucially can't talk about to him, her best friend.) ofc lucifer and maze's relationship transcends friendship just based on their immense history and is its own weird thing that i also kind of wish they had given more thought to, but w/e.

- enter: maze and chloe's friendship! i think for both maze and chloe, the other person is as "far" as you could get from themselves, but is fascinatingly still someone they can like, respect, love, and be loyal to. for a good while (and this is something i REALLY wish they had maintained) chloe, maze, and dan are basically raising trixie together which takes so much respect and trust that the other person is someone you want having a hand in influencing a kid you love! i think what's interesting is that, unlike lucifer who is trying to answer existential questions about his place/purpose in the universe, maze is really just focused on the people she cares about and having a good time (which is rooted in her doing meaningful work as a bounty hunter.) chloe is someone who pursues duty to the point of self-sacrifice, and obviously her friendship with lucifer helps her loosen up, but the pedestal he places her on/reverence he sometimes feels for her prevents him from really popping that bubble in the same way maze does. also chloe and lucifer's relationship gets SO much more complicated around the time maze enter's chloe's life so the role that lucifer once had to shock chloe out of her comfort zone kind of goes to maze once chloe has to draw some personal boundaries with lucifer.

- i think the key to maze and chloe's friendship is that they're both people who desperately need someone who embodies the other person's best trait. while this tendency isn't always healthy, maze is fundamentally someone very loyal to those she believes deserves it. obviously she's also betrayed people a billion times but at her core she's deeply committed to those she cares about which is something that i can see chloe find really appealing. at this point chloe has spent so much of her life in this weirdly precarious position where, since her dad's death she hasn't been able to fully trust anyone or open up to them. obviously she loves dan, but its clear that even when they're still "good" he doesn't trust her instincts or potential like he should, and when he spent those months gaslighting her the issue for her even beyond the fact that he shot malcom would have been that he didnt support or trust his wife. the appeal of lucifer is that from the beginning he identifies that she's smart and moral with good instincts. he trusts her, and strangely over the season she begins to trust him too! and then he runs off to vegas, etc etc lol. maze's primary loyalty probably isn't to chloe, but we see that to the best of her capacity she wants chloe to be happy -- she gets the prison warden killed, she "tries" and then really does listen to chloe venting about lucifer, attends the parent night chloe was stressed about, sets aside her grudge with lucifer to find chloe.

- in turn, chloe's best trait is her ability to accept people as they are and see their potential. of course she doesnt really have that many friends, but the people she is attracted to are all works in progress (dan is obvious, as are lucifer and maze lmao, but there's also ella who confesses something very personal and scary to chloe and gets a hug in return, and even charlotte who chloe's had clashes with both as charlotte and Mom for years but still gets the benefit of the doubt.) maze does have to change when she comes to live with chloe and trixie, but we see trixie grow up heavily influenced by maze in ways that makes it clear that chloe must genuinely like maze, or those influences like the handshake and the passion for gore and the knife training wouldnt have been allowed. we know that the reason maze is so loyal to lucifer is that he was the first person to ever accept her for who she was unconditionally, without shame or judgment. we see that for lucifer chloe is that person, especially because she sees his potential for growth just as she sees maze's. because she doesnt have preconcieved notions of what they're supposed to be she only sees them as people going through a difficult period of growth and supports them as best she can: reminding maze that they're friends, worrying about her in canada, trusting her with trixie who is the most important person in chloe's life.

- of course, chloe and maze have lucifer and linda but narratively lucifer and linda become so much MORE for chloe and maze. the show sunk linda/maze lmao but linda's clearly the adult maze cares most about just as lucifer is chloe's. and for both in s3 this person they each place so much of themselves into suddenly hurts them and they both spiral. i think there was real potential for chloe and maze to become each other's support and develop into a really steady, enduring friendship in contrast to the chaos of their individual romances (you will NEVER convince me that triangle was about amenadiel rather than linda lmao.) even post s3, they don't really address that maze really hurt chloe by pushing her towards pierce, and that chloe hurt maze by lying to her. i really think there could have been a lot of growth from maze going back to living with chloe and trixie after making full ammends and chloe realizing that actually, yes she can deal with this and it isn't that scary and then the tragedy of her maybe missing her shot with lucifer becomes more stark. we see chloe and maze teaming up in the first episode of 5A but then they blow that up too! i get that chloe needs space and its clear they're both using the other as placeholders for the people they really want, but there's no reason that they couldnt have come back together later and re-established their friendship on screen. obv they wouldnt work together after lucifer comes back, but to me this is where i believe they should go back to living together. without that, maze's connection to trixie in terms of what they can show on screen becomes tenuous and chloe's home life just becomes less interesting/worthwhile to see bc it'd just be her or maybe her with trixie. without that, it feels like we just see a lot of chloe either at work or in relation to lucifer (bc thats the best bang for your buck in terms of interaction!) we do get to see maze with linda, which is nice, but idk just feels like a step back from early s3 when maze felt more embedded in a community of people who liked, accepted, and cared about her wellbeing.

- i think one of the issues is that chloe and maze's friendship might have seemed like a knock off of their "main" relationships with lucifer and linda bc they have similar dynamics with them, but idk! there's a sense of fun that we get from their friendship that we dont really see from the main pairings because those are so serious and passionate and the main mechanisms by which the 4 grow so there isn't as much room for the lighter stuff. i know i said that chloe sees the potential for growth but she's not really pushing maze to talk about her feelings. she's doing the dishes maze won't, smiling at maze and trixie's handshake, shrugging off the fact that maze is throwing knives at their rented walls. maze and chloe create space for each other to be seen as themselves, good or bad, in ways that linda and lucifer can't for whatever reason. they don't really push each other, just let the other person be. it wouldnt be the ideal dynamic if they were the only person in each other's lives, but i think its vital to have someone in your life who can, in chloe's case, gently push you outside of your comfort zone and in maze's case offer acceptance, friendship, and trust.

idk this is just going in circles as i repeat the same points over and over and over but i really wish they had put more thought into sustaining the maze and chloe friendship throughout s4 and s5 because it would have brought out notes in both of them narratively that i think are lost otherwise. also its just sad for trixie that someone who was basically part of her family who she was living with is just...not there anymore and that's never addressed. : (

[mikkock]

i'm not the anon, but i do want to hear about your OCs!!!!!!! i'm bad with details but i vaguely remember you had these two gay bois and maybe one was a computer programmer or something?? idk but i think you had an art piece of him at a laptop,, anyway they were v cute

alright since i got a lot of gay boys i had to go searching to make sure i had the right gay boys sdhjfghsgsfg why do i have so many gay boys i do wonder mh

so im thinking u mean vince n xiaoli cuz of that piece of the latter 

if not then oops u gon have to hear about them anyway uwu (im putting this under cut cause i tend to speak a lot and i dont wanna clog up people’s feed ya feel) if i got it wrong feel free to scream at me and demand explainations of other characters lmao

its em

Those two got a whole ass story (not a story about ass i just keep putting the word ass everywhere). 

They were besties as kids, like, very young kids, talking inseparable besties. But, one day, quite suddenly Xiaoli’s family had to move back to China and so the two were seperated with no ways to contact or even ideas as to where the other was (factor in the fact that they were still very young and all, and if we take time into account that must mean they were in some time of barely no internet for everyone so prolly didnt have even emails tbh). The whole story i got planned for em is about how they grow up, evolve, yet still try to find each other again through the few pieces of useful information that they remember from back in the days. (and since im a sucker for happy ending it aint no spoiler that they do find each other at the end or smth like, pls, id die if they didnt. the important part is the path they took, and all the shit that happens in between ofc)

 but who cares bout plot tbh, the important thing is the cHARACTERS (i kno cause my studies include storytelling classes so like bitch, i kno the story is the characters and all that jazz) so lets talk about the boys themselves some more, shall we uwu

Lets start with Vince, who’s the youngest of the two :

first thing i gotta say is that he changed a LOT design wise, like his first looks ?? wack.

who are you i dont know you u look rude im scared what happened to your hair ? so many questions

anyway now he looks like a baby and that’s all that matters.

(that was def done for a school exercise but look how cute he is awn)

He lives in the US, born of Ecuadorian parents. Ever since he was tiny he wanted only one thing, and that is to Win Gold at the olympics (yeah i know, small ambitions, what can i say he’s a realist at heart) for tracks (aint decided yet what exact part of tracks cause im not knowledgeable in track n field and i still gotta do my research boo bad me for procrastinating). 

So he runs. A lot. That’s his main thing. A big part of his identity.  But not all of it naturally otherwise he’d be a running robot not a guy.

He’s still very young so he can be a tad stupid, naturally. He’s also close to his family. And he big gay. He’s a friendly guy, the puppy type with others. He’s really big on listening to his friends vent out since he believes it does a lot to relieve stress (and ya cant be stressed if you want to perform amazing !!!)

He’s kiiiiind of an overachiever. Just a small bit. He wants to do perfect all the time, so he studies a lot, trains a lot, cleans his room, does his bed, brushes his teeth, he’s a Good Kid. He’s got a really strict timetable that he follows really closely, and in general, tends to monitor his life, maybe a biiiiit too much ? Even leisure time is a specific moment of the day, a set time, nothing more. Then he goes to bed, early, so he can get a full good sleep and go run in the morning. He needs to learn how to chill a bit more. He does have friends to help him get back into a more relaxed mindset sometimes, and once he reunites with his long lost bestie he definetly will have to accept a biiiit of chaos and imprevisible...

Cause let’s talk a bit bout Xiaoli huhuhu...

At first glance you may think “oh, what a reliable serious pretty boy, he seems nice and helpful” but he’s actually a sNAKE. Or more like a fox ? I’m no vet so I’m not sure what animal analogy fits best...

Fact is he IS reliable, and nice, but he’s ALSO a bitch. If you’re pal with him he’ll help you out with your homework, listen to you rant about a heartbreak, be a total sweetheart, but if you’re his FRieND then you’ll get that but under snarky remarks, teasing, and he’ll probably record you when you’re doing ridiculous drunk antics or just tripping over your own feet...

actually he def will do that.

He’s also very expressive and open, he’s one of those characters that i like to use for expression practice because his face will stretch in any possible way. He still keeps secrets tho, mostly he doesnt talk at all about his search for Vince (probably because he’s got the biggest lead, namely having randomly found him once through his running exploits and discovering his past bestie was now becoming some sort of “upcoming athlete celebrity you have to keep an eye out for” or something...)

He actually studies medecine, not computer science but tbh, I could change it in the future, its nothing fixed nor anything too relevant to his character dshsfsgs, and also he IS pretty tech savy so that’d make sense mh.....can you believe im gonna turn into those creators who take “fan theories” and turn them canon smh

He’s quite likes going out, partying and having fun. He values balance between work and fun above a lot of things, and he’s also not much of a big planner. 

Also since I mentionned it for Vince, lets make it equal : he’s a HongKong resident, his mum is half Australian so that makes him a ? Quarterie ? Is there a word for half-halfie ? Idk man. And he’s very very bi, and quite chill about it, and quite absolutely into getting dates.

Those two got some potential for me to turn them into a story so i kinda hope i’ll be able to some time in the future, who knows, maybe that’ll happen somedays uwu

[fearohsleep]

heh so i just thought i’d vent in here since i can’t talk to anybody about this. we have to keep it in the family we can’t let anybody know that this is happening right now.

Well, my life has been tough (or should i say the worst) these past few days.

last month I resigned from the job that I had been wanting to have, i’m not gonna lie I liked it there but just like any other jobs, there are ups & downs that you can’t avoid. But this one really messed me up in so many ways especially my mental health. This was my first job I learned a lot, enhanced my skills da-da-da it brought out the best in me but i wasn’t really happy with it. thought i love what i was doing, designing, printing, really challenged the “artist” in me. but like i said WAS NOT happy. things were good until it pushes you not to think about your health anymore. we always had overtimes without pay and then come in early the next day, our overtimes wasn’t normal (and still isn’t til today) we tend to work from 8am to 11pm or sometimes EVEN later than that sometimes we would stay until 6am the next day & hah without pay. so many times i attempted to resign last year bc of these restless days & countless breakdowns i even had nightmares abt work lol that’s how much energy & time i’ve put up for this job i was that workaholic. i even brought home work just to finish what i had not finished. So last month finally had the courage to resign bc i might go insane if i didn’t leave and not surprised that i’m still not happy but i’m now able to rest and binge watch. Yay! Now, things are worst my parents are not okay(?) their marriage is messed up and sadly my mind is too. They have been fighting but it’s not new they always always always do ever since we were little but somehow they still talk their way out of it before. but this time i think communication isn’t the answer anymore and it sucks. bc everytime they try to talk about it well shit happens. So my dad is cheating on my mom(?) i’m not sure bec my dad haven’t said anything about it (he said he will) but somehow it shows that he’s cheating???????? ofc he didn’t want us to think that about him. but dad, we‘re not kids anymore we see what you’ve been trying to hide. when my mom finds out about something she tells us and she got proof? and i’m not taking sides. will never do that. they both are my parents. Yesterday, my mom found something in my dad’s bills that was not supposed to be there so they had a fight like always and so my mom tried to kick dad out of the house and my dad wanted to leave also BUT HE’S STILL HERE AND I AM CONFUSED BUT I’M HAPPY HE’S HERE. Right now, they’re still not okay think they’re tying to sort things out like before but this whole situation is fucked up and i don’t know what to do and i don’t know how to fix it.

I’m trying to get my mind off of this situation by watching comedy videos & movies that i love. I just watched Endgame and it didn’t help thanks to tony & natasha. jokes aside. my mom and I signed up for 3 sessions of boxing to release anger & pressure. but i’m done with it. everytime i talk to my mom she finds a way to talk about my dad and i don’t want to talk about it because i don’t wanna fucking go back and cry in my room. I know she’s hurting so i listen to her anyway. But i am hurting too, my 12 year old sister is hurting too, we are all hurt in this situation and best thing to do right now is not to think & talk too much about it. Idk tell me if i’m wrong. Cause all I know is I CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP THE HURT. There’s this big heavy block inside me that bothers me and it can push me to hurt myself. My dad keeps doing what he’s doing. My mom keeps hurting herself. And us, their children are fucking hurting too.

[jieunsapphic]

look at me venting in the tags like a true tumblr user 

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

[anything-advice-blog]

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn