#idk ugh im such a mess

[opens-up-4-nobody]

As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.

Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3

It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do

[the-kipsabian]

..do people under the age of 20 still wear wrist watches? like not smart watches or anything that doesnt connect to your phone, just regular watches. digital at most

i need to get a gift for my 14 year old godson and i have no clue about anything lmao

[dromaeo-sauridae]

hes all yall are gonna get for a while

[carcarrot]

i guess im being offered the job lol

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

[madame-mongoose]

lately the only four emotions i have are extremely happy, extremely sad, paranoid, and empty. its so exhausting it sucks

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🌧️🌫️

[jaded-ghoster]

Take a moment to appreciate that Fuyumi Todoroki is a total nerd. She’s a wholesome elementary school teacher who likes cooking, ice cream, and soap operas and she’s a total nerd. Now picture her face next to the biological abomination that is her father.

[critterbutt]

land lady sent nasty email and threatened eviction

because the guy coming to do the electric thing said he DIDN'T need access to the bedroom we were hiding in

even when asked if he did

and that left the inspection "incomplete" and now we're in trouble for it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[the-kipsabian]

so heres the gist of it

im unemployed

that should be the end of it lmao. unfortunately its not

on top of that, i live in one of the cheapest single bedroom apartments in the entire city. and yet according to new rulings that started this spring, im paying 12 euros too much for rent to be considered for the full amount of financial help that i should be able to get to help pay for it, which delays my paperwork every single time i apply for this benefit (thats high key crucial for my survival as, again, im unemployed as fuck) and they keep insisting i need to look for a cheaper apartment (which is impossible, there literally isnt any in this whole city and if there is, they are so sought after at this point people nab them immediately so...) or i might lose most of those benefits in the future. so thats fun

but i cant move cause i cant afford a more expensive place cause 1. im still unemployed as fuck and 2. they wouldnt approve of my paperwork cause even higher rent would be against their rules and the cost limit they are enforcing so...

ive been trying to get a job for a well over a year and a half now. nobody is hiring even tho a lot of people are looking. it always comes down to either being in a location i cant get to (cause its too far and i dont have a car or the hours are so inconsistent i cant make it without a car, usually) or just not being good enough with my skillset or whatever the fuck. it always goes to someone else and its been like that for months now so.. yeah, im kinda stuck with that too

HOWEVER the city has decided to add another fucking wrench into my entire situation since remember, im 1. unemployed as fuck, 2. i dont own a car, or even have a license for that matter, to move around everywhere, and 3. the government is actively trying to get me to move into a cheaper apartment that simply does not exist in this city ffs or they might cut my benefits or at least delay all my payments with taking ages with the added paperwork cause of that :)

so now? they have completely destroyed the bus schedules to my part of the city. nothing moves in or out of here past half six on the evening on weekdays anymore. even worse, on weekends nothing goes past two in the afternoon. which is.. ridiculous. that means that if you work evening shifts, tough shit youre not getting home unless you bike or walk (which isnt exactly a valid option with winter coming soon and lasting for like 75% of the year lmao), youre not getting to morning shifts if they start at 7am cause nothing moves from here before that, god speed if you work on the weekends cause youre really not moving from here or to here almost at all since the schedules were already horrendous and now theyve cut at least three or four drives from that sssssooooooooo

basically what this means is that it cuts my possibilities for jobs i can apply and accept a RIDICULOUS amount. any normal retail job would ask you to be able to work both morning, day and evening shifts; i literally cant do two of those anymore which ofc limits my chances dramatically as someone they would consider hiring. work on weekends? yeah i was already on the fence for it since my saturdays are usually hangout days but i was willing to make sacrifices but knowing i wouldnt be able to work past half two? yeah again, limits my chances so much on being hired

which means. im already struggling to get a job. now with this new schedule they are limiting me so much more on what i can go for and what i can be hired for so i can actually cover any shifts on anything ever. which in turn means im not gonna have that money i need to pay for a bigger apartment. which means im not gonna be able to move. which means im stuck with these schedules. which means im limited in what jobs i can apply and get even considered to be hired for. which means....

you see the issue? you know why im fucking upset and mad and angry and sad and i actually had a screaming crying fit last night cause i cant fucking handle this shit and how inconsidered this whole fucking thing is to literally everyone?? the people who changed the bus scheduling said its cause of the lack of customers (which isnt even true and they compared summer numbers to winter numbers which fucking LMAO ofc people use the busses less during the summer when they can bike or scoot about so much easier. and most of them are not even in town anyways for their vacations so) but also its important to note that i live in the part of town where theres a lot of families and old people and the lack of cars and kids moving around here from school to back is actually very big and yet. YET

im just.. sorry. i needed to get this out. cause its utterly ridiculous and im now stuck in this fucking cycle and i dont know what to do. im gonna send an application for any potential open apartments to the firm i rent from right now since they cover the entire city and have basically the cheapest places here so that maybe i can get something offered to me if anything frees within the next year or so. apart from that i have no idea what to do. i have no desire or money to get a license, let alone a whole ass fucking car, i get anxiety just thinking about driving. im just stuck here, in this goddamn loop that just somehow got worse as i discovered this whole bus scheduling issue last night. and i really dont know how to break it with how these things are all affecting each other

i left the city some feedback about this and got my friends to do it too since we are all fucking mad about this but.. unless they get a noticeable amount of it, i doubt they'll be doing anything about it, or at least not very fast so. im just stuck and im fucked and im upset and im angry and i needed to get this out im sorry if you read this whole thing im just. im going to fucking explode

[inkedhorror]

oh when did that happen...

[pleasedontjudgeme-moldyrose]

Fallout video update

Read more bc I'm shy I don't usually edit videos

I like this more but I'm still not happy happy with it I'm not sure why, but I did add captions for the song so there's that

[bunnihearted]

📚🎀💕

[jrueships]

I think Jalen and Gup will still remain friends but I hope whoever is leaking these video suffer a faith worst than… lol

literally!!! say it louder!! like the de-realism of it all. the 'ENTERTAINMENT' of it all. It's entertainment>emotions always, and it's soo sick. Their relationship is strong still, which I love, but ever since that leak.. it's been overanalyzed and picked apart EXHAUSTINGLY!! Ppl are going back to any material they can find of the two together and just heaping BUCKETS of immaturity onto them. Talkin like 'oh see? This random dude with them made an expression THAT MEANS HE KNOWS AND HE H A T ES THEM. HE IS DISGUSTED.' and it's just SOOOO. UGH. ICK! UGH! i'd zay go find a hobby but being homophobic is literally their hobby. It's just so blatant and disgusting, and media is a GREAT tool for them to dish all that shit out without consequence. The way they can and DESIRE to constantly go back and pick apart the past just from the chance that it can spread even more hate is UGHHHH!!! i HATE it!!! Boundaries aren't SHIT anymore! Respect is trodden and relationships can get rotten AND NO ONE CARES!!!!!

It's a really good thing that jalen green's nature and upbringing as one of the hyped top picks has kind of steadied him through this. He doesn't turn off his comments (for what I know), he's BEEN getting painted nail comments and he just keeps painting them bcs who gives af? They're internet people. He's the People's people.. without even caring about the worser half of that lot. He doesn't care. But it's also kind of sad. But that's just how this world is

What im worried about mainly is gup like... gup's always been more attentive to any kind of hate or would-be hate he gets. Green's even noticed it bcs interacting with the haters (on an image level) is never a good thing. HE'S been forced to learn and get with that kinda practice bcs he's jalen green. He can't speak more as jalen green bcs. He's jalen green. He can only have the comforts of an allowed argument ..in the comforts of a fuckin burner account.

That's one thing I like about Kd, although he might not be a fav player of mine (I just personally don't rlly care for him but can understand why others do. He's very complex and way more interesting than the media tries to portray. I just kinda missed the kd era in bball and moved on, it's just a personal whatever) .. he stopped (for the most part of what we know) with the burners and uses his voice a lot. He's older, he doesn't gaf about not giving a fuck. He doesn't HAVE to , and he doesn't WANT to. He embraces being a hater and a speaker now. Unlike Jalen and Josh, he has more abilities AND experience.

Which is just so sad that alot of the things basketball players need to worry abt can be from off the court. And We're not talking being a role model or whatever, We're talking always having to watch your back ESPECIALLY when your work environment can get very quickly hostile as it is so often sold as hostility being a propelling marketing principle. Nobody can have fun anymore or be kids or a lot of things.

LIKE!!! gup can't defend himself well because he's not trained well enough as someone who's a lower pick so therefore less worry to the business. Bro is just a pawn they can trade away whenever shit gets rough. AND IT'S SO SAD THAT HE H A S TO EVEN GET TRAINING IN THE FIRST PLACE??? on how to WHAT?? Feel less? IT'S SOO. UGHHHHHH!!

When gup posted that picture of him and a woman (with like long pink pedicure nails) holding his face where he was tryin to make it look chill even tho it was very obvious on how hard he was trying to show how that hand holding his face was very obviously a woman's hand and not a man's ... as a 'response' to that video....... like. I saw it n i didn't even screenshot. And yall KNOW me, i love taking photos of things i find funny n sharing it with yall! BUT JUST YALL. YALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS. not to THE PERSON, not blasting smthin that could be embarrassing all over the media. There's BOUNDARIES to shit, even the smallest shit! But what i meant with this is.. u know. Usually i enjoy kinda embarrassing moves. But this? This was just str8 up Sad. Like. That was all he could even do to try and defend himself, his friendships, his LIFEstyle. That was the only power he had was some miserably pr picture without pr in a sad attempt at personal protection.

And of course, the rest of the internet thought it was the funniest shit ever and blew that boundary up. Bcs they don't gaf and the best (perhaps only) thing these young guys can do is try and not gaf either AND THAT IS SO FUCKIN SAD!!! LIKE! THAT'S JUST SAD. I get sadness can be entertainment, yeah... FICTIONAL sadness, i can SEE. an ARTFUL, blossoming yet still Respecting some boundaries while exploring others, FICTIONAL (saying this AGAIN) sadness can be quality entertainment. Quality as in ure not an absolute shithead for sharing it if you still respect it.

BUT THIS SHIT IS REALLL! AND IT'S NOT GETTING RESPECTED. A REAL THING THAT ACTUALLY REQUIRES THAT RATHER THAN A FICTIONAL THING BCS RESPECT IS AND SHOULD BE REAL but it's just NOT so much anymore and UGHHHH!!!!

Their friendship is REAL! THEIR LIVES AND EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS N FUCKIN EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM IS REAL BCS THEYRE REAL HUMAN BEINGS JUST LIKE EVEEYONE ELSE!!! and it's just so DISGUSTING that a reminder and a worry even has to be made but that's just how the world runs when it's ran on entertainment, i fuckin Guess .