#idk what drove me to draw it 4 days early

[soft-cheek]

ANYWAY its now officially harpers birthday so i can finally post this

[isrustandstardust]

1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

[boy-banders-writings]

Meant To Be

Group: SF9 Member: Taeyangie! Genre: Fluffy-angst because that’s all I’m good for. Soulmate!AU, non-idol!Taeyang, and some mess; collegeAU because I’m trash Request: Yes! Hello~ I saw that your requests are open! Could you do your take on a SF9 Taeyang scenario? Maybe something involving the soulmate trope of being able to see what is written on your soulmates skin on your own :) //I fell in love with your recent Taeyang scenario and just had to see more >< Length: short|medium|long-ish|idk man A/N: This has been a WIP for a while & I hope whenever it is finally posted you enjoy it, thank you for requesting. I really hope everyone understands it takes so long because I’m a college senior who has none of my shit together ever! *nervous laughter*

At the age of fifteen, all of you kids were told about the soulmate system if you guys didn’t know about it already. They had an Elder come in and explain it to the room full of rowdy kids what the system is, how it works, how each of them will find their soulmates one day.

It didn’t really interest you at first, in fact you thought the system was rather dumb. You didn’t get to choose who you loved, you were assigned someone who was “perfect” for you. Whatever that meant. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to find the person you’d end up spending your whole life with because you wanted too so badly. Your parents had showed you early on in your life just how wonderful the system could be. They were the perfect example as to why you secretly could not wait for your turn. They were happy together, they were a support system for the other. They were the poster couple of a happy and healthy marriage.

However there were always downsides, your soulmate was assigned to you and it was a societal standard to marry when a couple found each other. It was taboo to marry someone that was not your soulmate, yet there were plenty of stories. One person had fallen in love with another, they would have created a life plan even if they knew in the back of their minds it could fall apart. Then a soulmate would show up or happen upon the couple. If both chose to stay together then the soulmate was left to be alone. That was something that scared you, meeting the love of your life only to have them want nothing to do with you. Those horror stories stayed with you from the first time you heard them, always at the back of your mind.

Of course as teenagers no one took the system seriously. Everyone had a few serious relationships here and there, dating was mostly casual since parents were strict about the soulmate system. It drove everyone your age mad and  it wasn’t a huge deal until you turned 20 anyway. None of you teenagers could understand the need to be so proper about things when you wouldn’t even be able to start looking until then.

Because for whatever reason on your twentieth birthday you were able to see any mark on your body that your soul mate made on theirs. You essentially became white boards for the other. There were countless stories of soulmates sending messages via this system, leaving addresses on arms or names on hands, even numbers on hidden body parts.

The day you turned 20, you awoke with a scribble on the back of your left hand. It seemed to be a girl’s name and number. The audacious feeling that boiled in your stomach had sat with you all day. 

“Good morning birthday girl!!” Inseong busted into your room, a small wrapped present and a cupcake with a single candle.

“You’re especially annoying in the morning Inseong.” You groaned as your brother started to loudly sing to you, the pillow you put over your head not doing a damn thing.

“C’mon! You can finally see what your soulmate is up too!” Inseong was a hopeless romantic who ate the soulmate idea up, “You can find him! Her! Them!” You peaked up at him from under your pillow. “You know I don’t discriminate. Especially since I thought the guy down the street was mine.”

“I know Inseong.” You chuckled, remembering how quickly Inseong had accepted it himself when he saw a similar writing on the wrist of a guy in the neighboring apartment complex as his. “You were ready to propose to him the next week.”

“If it were meant to be, I feel I would have been very happy. He was a nice guy, but his soulmate is much sweeter than him. And that guy can cook!” Inseong set the cupcake on your bedside table and sat beside you.

“You still meet up with them?”

“Of course, almost confessing to a complete stranger lead me to Sammie.”

“That’s right.” You thought back to Inseong’s current girlfriend, who was more of a really good platonic friend where they both act like a couple because they haven’t found their soulmates yet. “How is she? She hasn’t been over lately.

“Her last message to me yesterday said that her workload was recently tripled because two coworkers quit in the same day and she’s currently dying.”

He moved you around and pulled you into a sitting position and started examining your arms.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking for signs of--AH HA!” He pulled the back of your hand closer to his face. “They’re a player? I’ll have to fix that.”

“Okay, keep the protective older brother in check please.” You tried to laugh it off.

“If your soulmate is a shitty person I’m beating the shittiness out of them. Now old still.” Inseong pulled a black marker from his back pocket and scribbled over half the numbers, in no particular order to render the number useless. Then he drew a weird looking animal out of the name.

“Why does it have to look so phallic Inseong?” You groaned, looking at the new mess on the back of your hand. “I have class in a few hours.”

“They’re already being a dick, so it’s fitting.” Inseong ruffled your already messy hair. “Just scrub it off in the shower, if it still looks like a dick afterwards I’ll draw something less, dick-ish.”

“I swear.” You grumbled. 

But you made a wish, blew out your candle, thanked your brother, and bounced off to the shower. After you had gotten yourself ready and managed to get most of the phallic picture scrubbed from your hand, you flew down the stairs to find Inseong in the kitchen.

“Eat before you go.”

He had prepared a simple breakfast for the two of you to eat together. After you made sure all you would need for class was on the counter by the door, you helped Inseong set the table and happily started eating.

“You think you’ll find them quickly?” Inseong was moving his food around, not really eating.

“I -- I don’t know.”

The atmosphere had taken a more solemn turn suddenly. You stole a glance at your brother to see him staring blankly into his bowl.

“It doesn’t really bother me if I do or not.” You shrugged. “I have a lot on my plate right now, and I have you.” You paused to grab his hand. “We have each other and frankly that’s all I need right now. But if fate were to bring whoever it is to me, then so be it.”

“I hope it would end up Rowoon ya know.” Inseong joked. “Zuho even, if it were someone we both already knew it’d be so much easier.”

“You and I both know I’d end up killing Zuho, he’s my polar opposite.”

“Opposites attract!” Inseong rolled his eyes.

“No, if you hadn’t drop Social Psych you’d know that’s not true.”

“Technicalities.” He waved it off. “What about Rowoon then?”

“He’s my best friend Seong, of course I love him but I don’t think I do in that way. If he ended up my soulmate I wouldn’t be upset it’d just be weird.”

“That’s understandable.” Inseong smiled at you, ate a few spoonfuls of food before putting his stuff in the sink and grabbing his things. “I took an early shift today so we can go out for your birthday. So don’t make too many plans after class and invites your friends, it’s on me tonight.”

“Alright, don’t work too hard, I’ll see you later Seong.” He waved as he slipped on his shoes and left the apartment.

Ten minutes later you were mirroring his actions and heading to the bus stop to meet Rowoon. He was half asleep as you tugged him onto the bus after you and found a pair of open seats. He mumbled a quiet happy birthday before nodding off, head on your shoulder. Knowing he was probably up late either working on assignments for his classes or playing games well into the morning with Zuho, the latter being more plausible. You wake him up at the stop outside the university and the two of you trudge to the cafe on campus.

“My usual please.” Rowoon told the older cafe worker behind the counter we knew as Jaeyoon. “And her usual, it’s on me today.”

“Ah! Morning kids!” Jaeyoon’s smile blinded you so early in the morning. “I’ll get them, just a moment.”

Jaeyoon jumped into relaxed action, doodling your names on two cups and going to work. Rowoon waited by the counter making lazy conversation with Jaeyoon as you stepped towards the display. There wasn’t a lot of baked goods out yet since the cafe had been open maybe an hour. You had been mindlessly wondering around the familiar cafe for only a few minutes when Rowoon called you over.

“C’mon (Y/N), our classes start in twenty.” You looked down at your watch an noticed it was in fact 7:40, your 8:00am class was on it’s way.

“Thank you Jaeyoon.” You smiled at him as he finished your drink on the bar just out of your sight. “Why are there sprinkles on it?” You tilted your head a bit to the side.

“Happy Birthday!” He grinned bright, presenting you a colorfully topped drink. “Rowoon made the request so blame him if it tastes funny.”

“Thanks Jae.” Rowoon rolled his eyes. “You could have just acted like you knew.”

“I knew it was coming up but with the extra hours I’ve been working the actual dates have slipped my mind the last few weeks.” He shrugged. “And the last time I tried to flare up her usual she didn’t talk to me for a few days, our (Y/N) is very particular.”

“It was a day, mainly because I was busy but believe what you want.” You  stuck your tongue out at him. “Inseong is taking me out to eat tonight and said I could invite some friends, when do you get off?”

“I’ll be done about 4 today, since I opened.”

“We’ll both be out of classes by then, we’ll meet here and you can walk back with us.” 

“Sure, that’d be a lot of fun, thanks kid.” He ruffled your hair.

“I’m in a decent mood so I’ll ignore that.”

“Okay you two, we have class remember. See you later Jae.” Rowoon tugged you away as the two of you were playfully glaring at the other smirks adorned on your faces.

As you bid your see you laters, you took your normal seat in class. Your creative writing class had an interesting array of students, from wide-eyed freshmen to stressed seniors hoping for an easier class amongst their major based classes. You pulled out you notebook and pencil, loaded up the slides on your ipad mini and took a few sips of your drink as the rest of the class filtered in.

The room was chilly like usual and you were thankful for grabbing a thin hoodie on the way out. You had tucked your hands into the pocket of your hoodie as you heard the usual classmates enter and take up the row behind you in the amphitheater-esk classroom. Without meaning to, in the rather quiet classroom you listen to the conversation going on behind you.

“Hwiyoung, did you finish the short story for class today?” A voice you’ve heard all semester sounded tired.

“I finished it yesterday after class, is that look saying you didn’t?” The studious younger guy behind you chuckled.

“Dawon wanted someone to go drinking with him and obviously you can’t go, and he guilted me into it.” A soft voice groaned from directly behind you. “I only got about half of it finished.”

“It needs to be turned in before the end of class, if you want to finish it I’ll take notes for you.”

“The notes are online but I’d appreciate that.” You heard him get settled and start up his laptop before you heard their loud friend, the one named Dawon enter the room.

“Taeyang, Hwiyoung, I’m gonna need notes from one of you, I need to sleep.” You rolled your eyes at that, this Dawon guy never took notes in class. Granted, the class was an elective for most and a seemingly decently easy class.

“Did you at least finish the short story?” The tone from Hwiyoung was doubtful, and his question was followed by a crunching sound.

“Of course, 750-word story? I finished that before I went out last night.” Out of the corner of your eye you say Dawon shoot them finger guns before he folded his arms on the table in front of him and thumped his head down.

“Incredible.” The disbelief in Taeyang’s voice made you smile to yourself.

The trio made class pretty entertaining with Hwiyoung always up to participate in discussion, and on the days Dawon is awake for the lecture he’s always making the 8:00am lecture more lively and enjoyable.

A few quiet moments later, aside from the quiet snoring from Dawon, the creative writing professor walked in at the bottom of the room and set up for class. You resigned yourself to doodling on the open notebook page when you felt a weird tickle on your left forearm. Like someone was writing on your arm.

After a moment and a quick glance to see if anyone was looking, you slid your hoodie sleeve up just enough to see in plain and quite pretty print a simple statement.

You can see me now

A chill ran down your spine. You soul mate was reaching out to you. The tickle came again as you watched the words appear on your arm.

Happy Birthday soulmate

In your neatest print you use the black pen to the right of your notebook to reply just under the last message.

I can uh thanks

You watch as a small daisy is sketched onto your arm and a blush rises onto your cheeks and you start to feel too hot in your thin hoodie.

I’ve waited for you for quite a while

Oh? How long?

Turned 21 in February

Just a bit older then

Only a year

You looked up every few moments to copy notes, the tickle on your arm making it hard to focus on the lecture but the thrill of actually talking to your soulmate sent your heart into an erratic beating pattern.

What are you doing?

Lecture, unsuccessfully taking notes

Am I bothering you?

No, the lecture is boring. What about you?

Trying to finish an assignment, also unsuccessfully

Already pretty similar aren’t we

You added a smiley face as an after thought because if this were a text conversation you’d have sent the laughing emoji. The conversation, if you can call it that, pauses as the lecture drones on. By the end of the class you realize how covered your arm is in this person’s pretty handwriting and yours.

In a haste to get to Rowoon to tell him you quickly pack your things as the professor dismisses the class, reminding the class about the short story due in ten minutes. You hear a grunt as Dawon wakes up and stretches and a successful sigh directly behind you. You don’t realize your sleeve is still up until you stand and see Dawon staring at your arm. In a sudden flush of embarrassment, you yank your sleeve down and shove your stuff into your backpack. Just as you stand straight up and turn to leave you come almost face to face with Taeyang behind you, who was leaning forward to get the rest of his things from the edge of the table just behind you.

As your eyes meet, for the first time being this close you can see how pretty and clear his eyes are. You’re so close to each other in this moment you could count his eye lashes. Dawon sees this but stays silent. Hwiyoung is who breaks up the moment by asking them if they wanted to grab something to eat at the campus cafe before their next class.

Embarrassed you run off, leaving the three guys standing there, Taeyang’s two friends trying to figure out what they missed.

You bolt towards Rowoon’s classroom to see him waiting and the two of you head off towards the Social Psychology class the two of you have together. As you walk across campus you fill Rowoon on what happened and show him the writing all over your forearm.

“Look at that? Barely old enough for this soulmate business to have taken affect and you’ve found them.” Rowoon smiled as he ruffled your hair much to your dismay.

“You know I don’t give the soulmate idea much pull in my life.”

“I know, but wouldn’t it be nice? To find the one meant for you.”

“I guess, but I don’t even know who they are. Inseong asked me something similar this morning.” You shrugged, as the two of you entered your classroom and found your seats.

The conversation dropping as class started soon after you got situated. Class flew by because you loved Social Psych, lunch went by quickly as well. Then your last class each, yours being a 3-hour lecture, went by surprisingly quickly and before you knew it you were back at the cafe to pick up Jaeyoon.

“Drinks are on me!” Jaeyoon giggled, raising his hand to catch the server’s attention. “I made bank on tips today.”

He quickly asked for a few bottles of soju, even though he knew that you wouldn’t drink nearly as much as the three guys around you. Meat was cooking and conversation was flowing. The stress from the day melting away from the group gathered around you.

“I know as kids we’re warned about eating dessert before dinner, but I brought this from the cafe for you.” Jaeyoon’s grin went to each ear as he pulled a small box from his bag and set it on the table before you. “It’s only right that we have cake in honor of the twentieth anniversary of your birth.”

“Why did you say it like that?” You giggled, covering your face with one hand as you opened the box with the other. “That you Jae.” You thanked him sincerely, eyeballing the cake before you. “It’s big enough for all of us to have some too!”

“I didn’t know what else to get you to be truthful, Seong here was suppose to go with me to help pick something out but this asshole doesn’t make time for me anymore.”

“Sounds like a lover’s quarrel.” Rowoon muttered, hiding the remark in his glass of beer.

“Sorry I’m late!” Zuho waves as he drops down in the open seat between Jaeyoon and Rowoon, giving you the biggest smile he can muster. “Happy Birthday (Y/N)!” And he slides you a gift, as he notices the situation.

You heard Rowoon’s remark and choked on the sip from your own glass of beer. The coughing fit draws the attention of the tables directly beside you and Inseong quickly apologizes as Rowoon pats your back holding back his giggles.

As you look up you see at the table directly ahead of you, your three 8:00am classmates staring right at you with two people you don’t recognize. For a moment, everything freezes before Rowoon smacks your back rather roughly and you shoot daggers at him.

“That hurts!” You whined, bending out of the swing of another pat when that tickle hit your arm again. “You shouldn’t be mean to the birthday girl.”

“Okay, quit playing the meat is done cooking, let’s eat.” Inseong pulls all the attention to him as he’s cutting the meat into a pile on a plate in the middle and putting more onto the grill. And the eating begins, the conversation dies down to occasional comments, like Zuho informing all of you that his dance classes he is teaching are going well.

The table straight across from you and your friends and brother keeps looking over after hearing your coughing fit earlier. You don’t notice because of the four guys around you keeping your attention on them.

“She’s in our class.” Dawon addresses quietly, metal chopsticks resting in the corner of his mouth, waiting as Hwiyoung and Chani finish cooking the meat.

“(Y/N)? Right?” Hwiyoung asks, looking between Dawon and Taeyang.

“Yea, that’s (Y/N).” Taeyang agrees quietly, focusing on the drink in hand.

“What class?”

“Creative writing Hyung.” Dawon looked from the table you were at to his friends around him. “The class Taeyang is always staring into nothingness during.”

“Nothingness?” Hwiyoung perks up, “He’s always staring at her!” He very obviously points at your table.

“Don’t do that!” Taeyang jumps and jerks Hwiyoung’s arm down.

“Oooooh! Is she really pretty hyung?” Chani teases, his back being towards your table and not having seen you.

“She’s the quiet type in class, very cute and studious. She’d put our Tae to shame with her grades.” Dawon teases Taeyang by pulling on his ear.

“All his stories are about her.” Hwiyoung adds, ducking when Taeyang goes to smack the back of his head.

“Ah, this is the girl you’ve told me about.” Youngbin rests his chin on his hand, watching Taeyang blush.

“Can we not talk about this here?” His friends watched in deluded joy as Taeyang’s face was pink.

“It’s her birthday.” Dawon’s tone is casual. “If you haven’t talked to her before, why not now?”

“We’ve have a few times before, mostly in classes we’ve had together.” Taeyang tries to play it off. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to her right now.”

“How about ‘happy birthday’?” Chani laughed at Taeyang’s discomfort.

“Here.” Dawon pulls the bag from his side and hands it to Taeyang. “Figured since you like her so much you can give her this for her birthday.”

Taeyang, under the watch of his friends around the table, very slowly peaks into the bag to see a small plastic box with a red velvet cupcake and a small bouquet of daisies and some other tiny yellow flower.

“Her favorite flavor of cake is red velvet and she likes daises.” Dawon chirped, feigning boredom.

“How do you know that?” Chani asked completely and blatantly shocked.

“We have a mutual friend. (Y/N) and I.” He shrugged, a glint in his eye. “Besides, something tells me that Taeyang here and (Y/N) would make a good couple.”

“The only problem here is she is surrounded by three friends and her brother, and they all look intimidating meaning Tae will never make it over there.” Hwiyoung pointed a chopstick at his older friend.

“10 bucks he does.” Chani stuck his hand out towards Hwiyoung.

“Really? Alright, 10 bucks he won’t.” They shook on it.

“I can help.” Youngbin stood, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The remaining guys at the table watched in shock as Youngbin walked over to the table you were at and sat down between your brother and a friend.

“Inseong?” Youngbin smacked your brother on the bak lightly. “I don’t think I’ve seen you since we graduated college!”

“Youngbin! Wow! What are you doing here?” Inseong spun around and gave the new face a quick hug.

“This is where some of my juniors frequent and they invited me here tonight, what about you?” Youngbin turned to face everyone at the table. “Hello, I’m an old classmate of Inseong here, I’m Kim Youngbin.”

“I’m Kim (Y/N), Inseong’s younger sister.” You bowed your head, greeting your brother’s friend.

The rest of the guys introduced themselves as Inseong sat there beaming.

“We’re here to celebrate (Y/N)’s birthday!”

You noticed the way Youngbin stared at your arm for a second, the arm that was still covered in the conversation with your soulmate throughout the day. He caught sight of a familiar hand writing before smiling to himself and focusing on your face.

“Happy Birthday (Y/N), my juniors were just saying that you looked familiar. Do you have class with any of them?” He motioned towards his table and everyone looked in time to see the four very obviously pretend they weren’t trying to listen in.

“I have a class with Dawon, Hwiyoung, and” You paused, locking eyes with Taeyang, “Taeyang. We have a lecture together.”

“So you do know them,” Youngbin’s grin seemed mischievous, “One of them heard it was your birthday and got you something but he’s too nervous to come give it to you himself. I know it’s your birthday and all but if you go over there he’ll give it to you.” Youngbin nodded behind you and as you looked up, Dawon left for the bathroom.

In the next moment Hwiyoung grabbed Chani by the sleeve and dragged him away, a wrap hanging out of Chani’s mouth. You once again locked eyes with Taeyang and you felt your entire body heat up.

“Oh, Inseong she’s blushing.” Youngbin loudly whispered to your brother.

“Go on.” Inseong encouraged, ignoring Youngbin. “We’ll wait for you to get back.”

“Alright, I’ll be back shortly.” With a deep breath and an encouraging look from each of the guys, you stood and moved towards Taeyang.

He quickly started scribbling a message in the card he found at the bottom of the bag. A quick happy birthday and well wishes. When he looked back up his hand froze because you were right in front of him.

“May I sit?” You gestured to the seat beside him Youngbin had previously been in.

“Go ahead.” Taeyang’s voice was quiet, just like in class. “I -- uh, here. Uhm... Happy Birthday?” He offered weakly, his cheeks and ears pink.

You looked down to see a cute card in one hand with a cupcake box resting on top of the card and a bouquet of daisies in the other hand. Shock was evident on your face at the thoughtful gifts, you hadn’t talked to Taeyang as much as you would have liked so you had no idea how he knew you liked these two things so much unless he made a lucky guess.

“Dawon helped pick them out. He uhh - he said that you liked daisies the most. I can’t take credit for the gifts. But please accept them.”

You gingerly took them from Taeyang, trying to control your own blush when you practically held hands as you took the gifts from him. You smelled the flowers first, daisies smelled so fresh and pleasant. They were simple and beautiful too. You looked into the cupcake box to find quite a large single red velvet cupcake with a little edible heart on the side. Then the note that fell onto the table caught your attention. You set the box down and cradled the flowers as you opened the card. His little message and the encouragement at the end made your heart swell a little, even if it wasn’t completely his idea it was still really sweet. 

“Thank you Taeyang, this was really sweet. Thank Dawon for me too. I appreciate the flowers and the cupcake so much.” He watched with a smile as you put the card into your pocket. “I must return to my brother and friends though, they get rowdy with my watchful eyes.”

“Of course.” Taeyang stood with you. “It was no problem, (Y/N). Uhm, happy birthday again.” He watched dumbfounded as you sent him such a pretty smile.

“I’ll see you in creative writing later?”

“Yea, of course.”

And then you were walking back to your table and Taeyang’s heart was beating so fast he felt it was going to give out. Youngbin apologized for interrupting and promised to call Inseong later that week and rejoined Taeyang at their table. Slowly the rest of the table returned, Chani was ten dollars richer, Hwiyoung was ten poorer, and Dawon seemed to be waiting for something to happen. Before anyone could ask him about it, especially Taeyang, they heard you gasp.

You stood back up and walked straight to Taeyang, a small card in one hand you hadn’t seen before. You immediately grabbed the sleeve of his jacket of his left arm and pulled it up to reveal all the writing that was a copy of the writing on your arm. You just stared for a moment, Taeyang started to panic because you weren’t saying anything.

You wordlessly pulled the sleeve of your hoodie up to show him your arm, a perfect match to his.

“How?”

“This.” You handed him the note you found hidden in the bouquet.

All it said was “Check his handwriting again” which definitely would have been weird, but when he looked between your arms he understood what it meant instantly.

“Dawon?” Taeyang spun on his heels, without force enough for you to let go of him. “How did you know?”

“I saw her arm this morning in class. I recognized that handwriting immediately. It felt too good to be true and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Especially since you woke up me freaking out about the picture you woke up to on your hand.” Taeyang flushed again.

“Oh my god.” You covered your face, Taeyang had seen the dick drawn on his hand this morning. He must have thought you did that. “Inseong drew the dick this morning.” You admitted sheepishly, only to find yourself wrapped in a hug.

“I’ve waited quite a while for you.” Taeyang murmured to you. “Who would have thought that my soulmate would end up being the only person I’ve crushed on since high school.”

You moved to check your ears, had Taeyang just confessed to liking you? Liking you for an extended period of time? After a moment, you hugged him back, just burying your face into his chest and holding him tight.

“I don’t really believe in this soulmate stuff and I’ve heard you talk about how you don’t either but if you’d give me a chance, I’d like to try believing.” Taeyang asked quietly, trying to look you in the eye, but the focus flitted around a lot. “I mean, if you’re meant to be, we could alteast give it a chance right?” 

“I’d really like that actually.” You could only smile, things worked out surprisingly well, like it didn’t feel real.

The cat calls and hollers followed from the mixed of the groups you two had been eating with. Inseong and Rowoon were cheering the loudest, almost being overtaken by Dawon who single handedly was screaming.

“I knew you’d find them quickly.” Inseong mused, staring at the two of you with hearts in his eyes. “But looks like we need to take a talk, your name is Taeyang right?”

You chuckled when Taeyang gulped, ultimately agreeing to take things slow since the two of you weren’t too far into your college degrees. Even with the slow burning relationship you were happy, and the fact that this happened so quickly after being about to really see your soulmate, it felt like a 1 in a million chance.

[thedappleddragon]

how's about 4 days worth of logs because I kept getting too sleepy ok go

Today I fucked around made a lot of pasta spent too much time outside with my cat cut some more paw pattern pieces hand sewed the fingers as much as I could started makin the lining but gave up took a shower and did some much needed moisturizing did dishes ate candy and drew caras oc and started Anna’s final render but I need to do some cleanups

I woke up from a dream that my mom got the dog she signed up for but it was like a golden retriever that actually turn into a fat copy of my cat with bad eyes. Had a bagel for breakfast and saw my dad got chive and onion cream cheese :) Igot ready for the dmv and realized I should probably do laundry soon and put away clothes I’ve let pile up. Left for dmv after a while, went around the area a little bit, it started raining, waited inside dmv, a little nervous but not much, talked to same lady as last time (she was very nice and funny :) ) we had to sprint outside to the car because it was POURING OUTSIDE during the first half of the test and suddenly cleared up the second half. Ran over a big puddle. HOORAY I PASSED! Picked up subway, at half at home, went to grandparents house to look at old photos and read my moms old diary from her last family vacation before marrying my dad, stayed for entirely too long, came home, finished subway, laid down, drew and finished the princess lineup, now it’s only 1 am butn sleepy good night. Perhaps I will remember to post the past 2 days in the morning. Yesterday made 2 pastas and resin-Ed old new leaf charm

Writing the days summary through text for the 3rd day in a row because I am sleepy

I woke up pretty damn early, before 9am. Went outside with my cat, played webkinz, snacked. Then mom asked me to pick up her city barbecue which was my first time driving truly all by myself. I trusted myself to know how to get there but I was one street over and then going from the wrong direction and had to turn around, it was a mess. But I got the food just fine and got home safely and without problem. I wanted to drive a little more, so I went to the park, walked a lap around the perimeter, and came back home, sitting in the driveway for a little bit. I hung out for a bit, played stardew valley, quit because I accidentally died in the volcano, fucked around, idk. My friends ex tried snapping me but I didn’t answer and instead texted shit about him with the groupchat. Then we started talking about lgbt labels which tbh made me a little mad and overwhelmed and frustrated, and people were talking faster than I could type, and we talked about asexuality and lack thereof and everyone got uncomfy and fuckin. AAAAAAAH. I got mad and got a headache from hitting myself stimming and decided to try calming down by washing my hair in the dark. I like showing in total darkness occasionally. There’s nothing I need to see anyway lmao. I found myself not even noticing it was dark if that makes sense. Then my dad scared me by opening the door which I didn’t realize I hadn’t locked and telling me dinner was ready. I ate and we talked a little bit about job applications until I went back to bed and got in a weird board mood, and a mint chocolate chip Klondike bar, and now I’m going to sleep I guess. Lily is better at eating and existing on the floor like an animal after I put her food on the floor

today was very rainy and nice. I went with my sister to drive around and pick up food for mom. we dropped it off at home and went to go get our own food. Emily got a gyro and I got 5 guys. the gyro place had a little store attached off to the side with very cramped isles and kinder eggs, which was interesting because I thought they were still banned in America. 5 guys was very overwhelming because of how busy it was. after getting our food we drove to the top of the parking garage and ate there, looking over the main roads and stores and everything, watching the rain. we ate and watched tiktoks and hung out until we decided to go to mcdonlds for water. 2 large waters was only 54 cents so I paid in coins lmao. we sat in the target parking lot for a moment before shopping around. Emily got some shorts and a face wash, and I got a succulent in a bunny shaped pot. I'm 80% sure there's not any dirt in there, and the succulent is glued in, so I got it mostly for the pot. it looks like the bunny is holding the plant, so I think I'll use it for holding pens when the plant dies. right now it’s sitting on my window, looking very cute. after driving home I sat in the car for a bit watching tiktoks until my sister called me and my phone died. apparently my cat was looking for me and even jumped up onto my sister’s bed. so I spent some time in bed just hanging out with her, playing Webkinz and hopping onto animal jam for th first time in months. theyve added some stuff which is cool I guess. I'm not gonna try to log in every day like I did when I was hyper fixated on animal jam, feral, waking, and Webkinz Next all at the same time. that was A Time. maybe I'll jump onto feral tomorrow to see what’s up there. it’s a very pretty game, and the few mini games they have are fun. I just wish there were easier ways to get new avatars, or at least have more than one design for one species. bleh. anyways my friend sent a tiktok she made about our friend group so I spent the next several hours drawing it but as our royal bloodshed au sonas. saving all the frames to my camera roll filled up my phone and I had to delete Tumblr. its fine because I haven been able to use it on mobile for over a year now I think. my phone is so stupidly fulll because I don't delete messages or pictures x-x I just need to upload them all to a drive and delete them all or something. im proud of the animatic but I've only gotten one response in the grouch so far, probably because everyone’s asleep lmao. now it’s midnight and I'm just gonna take a Tylenol and hang out until I fall asleep.

[yuhb0y]

Hard to believe this post was 3 years ago. My first suicide attempt led me to be institutionalized and it was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I remember waking up in the middle of the night one day and crying harder than I had ever cried, I don’t really remember what it was about this specific day but at some point throughout the thought came into my head that this was finally it.

I wrote a letter to my family and texted the girl I loved a huge apology. This was all going on during the worst drug binge I had ever been on. I took one last shower idk why but I did, I sat down on my couch and really reflected on everything I could for as long as I could but in a moments notice I realized that I didn’t really want to overthink the whole situation so I gathered about 12 or 14 norcos in my hand and just swallowed them whole. I continued to do so til there wasn’t anything left of the 2 bottles I had gotten my hands on. I remember going in for the last handful and feeling some sort of relief.

And just like that I leaned back and could feel my head get lighter and lighter and I as I got higher all I could remember is crying. Even in the moments I had hoped to be my last I felt inadequate. There was no peace, there was no instance where this all made sense to me, I found nothing. This was everything I had allowed to eat away at me taking all control and I just sat there crying because it was the worst realization I had ever made.

Eventually I blacked out and I guess my mother found me with puke coming out my mouth. I was still a bit coherent but everything was so fucking hazy. I don’t really know how my mom did it but she got me into her car and drove me to the hospital where she worked at (and ironically the one I was born at.) It was about 5am and I remember seeing rain fall down on a world that wasn’t quite awake yet out the car window as I came in and out of this horrible state I was in, my mom kept shaking me to stay awake.

When I got to the hospital I was in a drug induced frenzy, I tried to fight staff and police cuz they wanted to strip me (staff even stole my phone charger but I don’t blame them) Eventually I was put into an er room. Too much time had gone by and they said they couldn’t pump my stomach, so I had to wait out the worst high of my life. I spent about 9 hours vomiting, crying with my parents, and slipping in and out of consciousness cuz I was not allowed to fall asleep under any circumstances in case I didn’t wake back up.  This was it, this was my defeat, nothing after this would be the same whether I lived or died, everything would change.  

All I really remember was thinking about my siblings and my late grandmother. My siblings and my parents are everything to me and all I felt was shame. More shame than I’ve ever felt in my life. I had to start training for a new job that week and all I remember thinking is “What do I tell them?” “Does the rest of my family know?” “How do I explain this to anyone?” I was at the lowest I had ever been in my life and I thought no one could understand.  

The whole 9 hours I was in the er I wasn’t allowed water for fear of choking to death. I vomited the entire time and cried more than I had ever in my 19 years of living, I confessed my feelings to my parents and everything I had felt up to that point, I told them I had been depressed since I was a child and how I was hiding this drug problem from them, and they both just kept telling me they loved me and that everything was gonna be ok.  

I really didn’t have a choice when it came to being put in the psych ward, my parents really pushed it and I didn’t really know what to do in this situation. I signed a dotted line and hugged my mom and dad like it was the last time I was gonna see them. I was stripped searched one last time and taken to a room with the clothes I arrived in.  

I remember sleeping most of the time when I first got there. My roommate was a rich kid like two years older than me with a history of drug abuse and destruction of property. His name was Michael and he was there as part of court-sentenced rehabilitation, he had taken abunch of xanax and crashed his rich dads car into a building. He was kinda scary and read the bible all the time in order to “get right with god.” He even stole one of my tshirts by proclaiming to me one morning “This is mine now Eli.” We had planned to stay in contact when I got out but that never happened. Most nights we’d talk til one of us passed out, when you’re put into a setting like that it really changes alot of things, I feel like he knew me better than most people know me now. I hope he’s doing ok where ever he is, I hope he’s better cuz he atleast deserves that.  

I actually made friends in there and they helped me out more than any of the therapy or group activities. Our lunch table consisted of me, this man Mark that was an alcoholic and decorated college professor with 4 kids, grandkids and a girlfriend, he attempted to hang himself from his bedroom window and ended up falling 3 stories and breaking his arm, this was his 6th stay in a mental institution. There was Greg, a theater actor that was down on his luck, he never told me how he tried to do it but that didn’t matter, he had struggled with depression since he was a teenager and by the end of his stay he was really stoked on getting this part in a play. There was another Michael he was also my age, he was in there cuz he almost drank himself to death and received alcohol poisoning, he had been away at college when it happened and his family thought it’d be good for him to check himself in before going to rehab, we talked about death metal and videogames all the time and he was the only one that ever wanted to take walks with me. Finally there was Dave, he was a terminal cancer patient with a degree in architecture, he had two kids and a wife, he slashed his arms with a kitchen knife, he was usually on bed rest but he was the only one that was ever up as early as I was and we were always the first ones up for breakfast, I think I helped him more than he helped me. These men helped me out so much, especially Mark, I couldn’t believe such a smart and experienced person could feel the way I did, he was the first person that really taught me about coping with depression and he just taught me so much about regular life stuff and I’m forever grateful for that, I had tried to contact him when I was out but could never get a hold of him. I hope he didn’t die, that’s my biggest fear. I hope no one died, I hope they’re all still here. It’s horrible to think like that but it’s hard not to.  

While I was in there I got regular visits from friends and the girl I was in love with, she even made out with me once in there and some staff saw and scolded me but I just thought it was funny. Seeing her was the one thing I looked forward to the most cuz she came everyday and I would literally count down the minutes and hours til she arrived and I couldn’t help but get super stoked everytime, I was really in love. Visits helped me alot since I had no means of contact with the outside world. I remember writing letters to my mom and dad and said girl. I would draw alot and write alot and I even read some books which I never do. One thing I couldn’t do was listen to music and that was probably the most annoying thing ever. I watched movies everyday too with my roommate and we even started a “movie time” in the wreck room, I remember watching A Bronx Tale one day and 2 ladies were really offended cuz they swore alot, we didn’t care though.  

I was in there for about 8 or 9 days until I was discharged on short notice. My aunt Maggie had lost her fight with diabetes and had passed away while I was in there. She was the only one that ever came to my shows and she was my mom’s best friend, she was a wonderful person and I loved her alot, it just made my situation worse losing her. The hospital let me out early so I could attend her funeral. I was diagnosed with dysthymia and prescribed anti-depressants and handed a 2,000 dollar medical bill and sent on my way.  

It was all surreal, the day i got out my mom picked me up and we headed home to pack since we were headed to Wisconsin to bury my aunt on her tribes’ reservation, I brought my girl too. We were off to Wisconsin, here I was not even 12 hours out and on my way to send off my beloved aunt, I didn’t know how to feel, everyting was happening so fast. The funeral actually wasn’t sad, of course my family and i cried but it was a very beautiful native american ceremony. There was dancing and a huge bonfire and a feast and we told stories about Maggie, it lasted 2 days, there was a ton of my family and none of them knew what I had just been through so i had to just pretend like I was ok, but either way it wouldn’t really be appropriate to talk about that shit there. The only person that knew was my uncle who’s wife we were burying, I remember him hugging me and telling me he loved me and I just held him and told him I loved him too, I felt like a jackass cuz he already had enough going on. We burried my aunt next to her mother one morning and I put a rose on her casket. Death is a very real thing and I had been face to face with it and this whole experience was insane.  

We stayed the whole weekend on this beautiful reservation and I remember just being with my girl and feeling lucky to be alive. It was like some straight up movie shit, I remember one night I was just hanging out with her in front of this lake and just kissing her and it was dark and we were in the middle of all this scenery and the whole time the weather was gloomy since it was fall and it was cold but I didn’t care I just kissed her and told her I loved her, it was intense.  

When I was back home I got back into the groove of things and began to live life again cuz I didn’t really wanna think about all I had been through for a bit. I remember talking to friends and family members about it, some conversations were more sincere than others. When you almost die everyone loves you.  

Depression is a very serious thing. It doesn’t take a break, it can take over anyone, your mother, your girlfriend, your boss, your teacher, no one is really in the clear. Depression is a monster that eats away at alot of us and some of us don’t make it out in one piece. If you ever feel like you’re going through something, please don’t do it alone, even if you feel like you are, you’re not. It took a drug overdose for me to realize that and it shouldn’t have been that way. Feeling like shit about yourself is completely normal, we’re literally the most complex organisms on this planet with even more complex feelings and ideas, it’s perfectly alright to feel down sometimes, it’s completely natural. I’m just saying you should never feel like you need to hide the way you’re feeling and you should never be scared of reaching out to someone, we all have people that care about us and if they’re all real, they’ll definitely understand. Don’t wait until it’s too late like I did. Don’t wake up one morning after bottling everything up and make a decision you can’t take back. Don’t break your mother’s heart. Don’t let this take you. You are more than this and you deserve more, you owe it to yourself. Love yourself and let the love of others guide you down this dark path, it’s the only way.  

Three years have gone by. Three years. I still struggle everyday with these thoughts in my head and some days are harder than others. Sometimes I feel like giving up and making everything go away. Three years have gone by and I don’t do drugs anymore, I’ve had my moments of weakness but I never went back to that shit. Three years have gone by and the friends I had back then are still here, and I love them with all my heart. Three years have gone by and some friends have parted ways with me but I love them too. Three years have gone by and the girl I wrote those letters to burned them all. Three years have gone by and I attempted suicide again. Three years have gone by, I’ve made some progress and had some setbacks. Three years have gone by and I’ve fucked up alot of things in my life. Three years have gone by and I’ve hurt some people and have been hurt myself. Three years have gone by and I’ve done some cool shit. Three years have gone by and music has always been there for me. Three years have gone by and my relationship with my parents is better. Three years have gone by and alot has changed. Three years have gone by and I’m happy I’m still here.  Three years have gone by and I hope if you’re reading this and you struggle with something similar I want you to know that it’s not gonna get better right away, this horrible feeling will probably never leave you but goddamnit you are strong and you are amazing and life is amazing and there’s so much of it you gotta see. And when it’s all said and done you will be more than this.  

Always remember that I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here for you even in the darkest times. Maybe you’ll feel different when the sun rises.

[rysonbran]

Asks Challenge: Late night 🌙 Tea ☕️ and Spring Awakening 🌸

Spring Awakening Lyrics ask meme

Mama who bore me- What’s your relationship with your parents like?

I have a gr8 relationship with my parents, they’re divorced so I do most general stuff with my mom and then most cooking stuff I’ll do with my dad because we’re both food nerds

No sleep in Heaven- Are you currently worried about something?

nah

Thought is suspect- Do you have any unpopular opinions?

I mean not that I know of?

All will know- what are your plans for the future?

Idk man whatever happens happens

Her silver call- What gives you hope?

The future

The bitch of living- What do you dislike most about your life?

Ummmm highschool lmao

This mess of a life- Do you find it important to feel in control?

Fuck yeah but it doesn’t always happen

It’s so where I live- Do you or your family have any unique traditions?

We do family dinners every Sunday and Christmas competitions every year

To shore- What’s your “happy place”?

At home with my doge and a blanket and some tea

All is forgiven- Is there anything you can’t forgive yourself for?

I mean my anxiety says yes but

Just too unreal- Did you ever get in a situation that felt too good to be true??

Not that I can remember

Grasping at pearls- Do you tend to jump to conclusions too quickly? 

yessssss oh my god

I don’t scream- Are you more likely to protest something that you don’t agree with, or keep it to yourself?

Protest lmao I’m stubborn

Just like she never saw me- Have you ever felt like your problems were getting ignored?

Yeahhh

Well, fine- do you often lie? what do you typically lie about?

I have a lot of little white lies lmao

You tell your soul - What do you do feel better when you’re down?

Text my best friend and cry into food lmao

Flip on a switch- What never fails to brighten up your day?

My doge!

The whispers of fear- What’s your biggest fear?

Spiders, the death of everyone I know, my dog dying, morbid stuff lmao

I believe- What is an important belief of yours?

My belief in equality probably

Peace and joy be with them - What’s the best thing someone said to you?

Probably that I’m pretty

the season for dreaming - What’s your dream?

To be able to travel the world and see stuff

This brave new you that you are - What’s something that changed for the better about you?

I don’t think anything’s really changed but I’ve been attempting to be more open, not that it’s worked

Floating high and blue- What would you consider to be the ideal life for you?

Living somewhere other than the states, working a creative job with intelligent people and having a dog

Beneath the rising moon- What’s your favourite thing about night time?

It’s quiet

Through the open books on the grass- What’s your favourite pastime?

Reading or drawing or being on this blue hellscape

Winter wind sings and it cries- Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist?

hahahaha pessimist  All things he never did- What’s something you always wanted to do, and didn’t (or didn’t yet)?

I’ve always wanted to go to London, which I did, and not I want to go to Ireland so that I guess

It whistles through the ghosts still left behind- What’s a memory you often think about?

The time I wasn’t allowed to wear a bowtie with a uniform but I didn’t fight it

There’s a moment you know you’re fucked- What was your biggest fuck up?

I made someone faceplant at work lmao

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah - What’s something stupid you remember you or some one else saying?

Something about D.C. being in Virginia

Travel the world within my lips- Ahat was your first kiss like?

Cramped and hot- temperature wise but good

You’re gonna be wounded - Did you ever do something risky that ended up being worth it?

Ummm no I’m not a risk taker lmao

So let that be my story- What’s the biggest lie you ever told?

That I was going to hang out with friends but instead drove 45 minutes away

Something beautiful, a new chance- What are you looking forward to?

Currently? Dinner lmao

You’ve left them far behind- What’s something you decided to leave in the past?

Idk man

And I’ll see their thoughts are known- What are some ideas you feel are important to spread?

Equality, comprehensive sex ed, kindness

The butterfly sings - What makes you feel free?

Nature despite the fact that I hate bugs

Tea ask meme

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

Peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

Sugar cones

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

No but I love my mom’s cowl neck infinity scarf it’s so soft

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

Like half a goddamn hour lmao

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

Macarons, I’ve only had them once and I tried making them and I failed

6: What does your umbrella look like?

It has crowns all over it from the tower of london

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

No

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

Rain storms

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love? 

Little acts of kindness that happen in public, like someone paying for someone else’s coffee or something

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

Blue and mint green, pastels, pink and orange

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

Wobbly lines

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

Both

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

Yeas pumpkin spice

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

Yesss multiple times it’s fun until you get a tick

15: Do you have glasses? 

Yeah but I wear contacts most of the time

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

Sign language or French

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

I love spring, probably like may

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

I have a thick pair of wool socks I got from a gun show and I love them

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

Oh my god uhhhh moana?

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

UHHHHHH

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

Gummies or popcorn

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

Best in Show

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

YEAS

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

I like succulents

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

Nah man it’s art I like all art

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers? 

Kiss them probably

27: Do you like nicknames? 

Depends on the nickname

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

Yeas

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

Yeas

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?) 

My 11th doctor costume was lit, I want to cosplay newt Scamander

31:  Are you a fashionable person? 

I like to think I am

32: Do you like watching holiday movies? 

Yeaaasss

33:  Cookies or brownies?

Brownies

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

Yes lmao

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing? 

Sometimes

36: Do you like cobblestone streets? 

Yes they’re adorable

37:  How often do you doodle? 

A lot

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

Idk at least 6 months ago

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

I have a mannequin head in my room lmao

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

I pick at my nails

41: Any birthmarks?

Nah

42: Thoughts on freckles?

Love em

43: First video game you ever played?

Probably mariokart on the DS Lite

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

Idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

Yes lmao

46: Thoughts on spring? 

I love it

47: Ideal temperature outside?

Like 65 or 70 where it’s warm but not hot… sweater weather

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

Partly cloudy but cloudy makes for the best lighting

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

I don’t hear them but I see them, i live like 30 mins away from an airport

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

Ehhhhh

Late night ask meme

cosmos: what’s one thing you wish you could say to someone you are no longer friends with? 

 Bye bitch lmaogalaxies: what are three things you want to do before you die?Travel the world, meet brendon urie, and perform with niall horan or ed sheeran lmao 

 waxing: what is your proudest accomplishment?

 I got pictures accepted into a local arts fiesta

 waning: what is your biggest regret? 

 I probably have a lot but I can’t remember them atm 

 full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?

 A humble famous person

 contemplation: if you could wake up one morning and everything in your life was perfect, what would that look like? 

 No deadlines, I’d have a doge and a big house and a huge kitchen somewhere European 

 night light: who/what makes you feel safe?My doge

 ponder: what do you want to do with your life? 

 Something great, I’d like to be able to help people

 sunset: who is someone you thought would be in your life forever, but you no longer talk to? 

 My best friend from elementary school 

 midnight: are you a different person late at night than in the early morning?

 Early morning do not speak to me lmao late at night I’m more chill

 Candle light: are you an indecisive person? 

 Yes oh my god lmao

 reflection: have you ever changed something you liked about yourself to satisfy someone else?

 I’d hope not

 sweet dreams: are you happy?

 Are you bo burnham? I mean for the most part 

 nightmare: what are you most afraid of? 

 See the one above 

 constellations: who is someone you could talk to for hours and never stop?

 My best friend probably 

 reminder: who is someone you will never forget? 

 My sister’s dog Corona who passed away last year 

 11-11: what’s something you want, but feel like you will never have?

I don’t feel like I’ll be completely satisfied with my life ever, which isn’t completely bad but at the same time it is.

shooting star: who is someone you trust to help you make the right decisions?

My best friend or my fam I love my fam

earth: where do you feel most at home?

.... my home...

soothe: what’s one thing that always makes you feel better when you’re upset?

My doge! 

slumber: what’s one thing that helps you fall asleep when it feels impossible?

I have this silky pajama shirt thing I sleep with, so probably that or like the little stuffed giraffe I got as an early christmas gift

[meitanreax]

day 4

hi bebu!!

hope you have a good day exploring town tomorrow!! im excited to see what tea and little sights u see ^__^ please send some photos and tea over hehe! i love you lots !! so much, forever, more than anything, with all my heart!!! <3 _ <3 every letter is one step closer to seeing u!! we only have 10 days left WOOO after tomorrow we’ll be in the single digits ^.^

im excited to call u tomorrow!!! also THANKS FOR ADDING SONGS TO THE PLAYLIST LOL majority is still me so u should catch up:3 ive been listening to clear & our playlist next to you, nonstop!!! im probably gonna listen to it a lot too the next day since it’s gonna be a 7-8 hour drive back to my cousin’s house...RIP

so in response to ur challenge: i want u to draw us on the phone talking to each other, u with pupy and me with buny!! or us in japan or us reuniting in the airport...LOL theres a lot of options but ^_^ HEHE U CAN CHOOSE!! here’s my doodle for the first prompt :3 pls send me ur photo when u r done!! i look forward to it!! 

ok!! so here’s for my day!! so i woke up around 530 am cuz of jet lag..and cuz i slept at like 930 LOL so it wasnt too bad!!! i got breakfast and stuff and then left the hotel around ~945 am? here’s some photos before i left!

this is the little garden/plaza in front!! p cute!!!  so literally....like i said our 4 hour drive ended up taking...7 hours..LOL we arrived at like 445 instead of ~130-2 RIP LOL but like i said!! everything that couldve went wrong on the trip, went wrong!! and i was like wtf hmph!!! first the baby yacked, so it was YACK SEAT, and then it was a flat tire!! like bro!! and i kept needing to pee, even worse!!

omg also on the road there was A BUNCH OF “road work ahead” signs and i literally thot of drew gooden’s “road work ahead? uh YEAH, i sure HOPE it does” LOOOL and there was like another sign that said “end road work” and i was like NOOO THE ROAD IS BROKEN NOW LOL

here r some photos i took on the road! we drove through a bunch of little towns idk what was going on and it sucked the road was literally one lane the entire way...LOL and we passed by the ocean at one point!! it was really pretty

we finally arrived around ~445!!! i took some photos of the place we’re at. it’s a place called vigan (pronounced like vegan LMAO) and we’re staying at a bed and breakfast...the wifi is hella jank so i ended up using the fucking hotspot again RIP..oh well at least it works p well ^_^ LOL

i ended up getting my own room with ez!! so i can talk and stuff and do whatever without my parents being loud or annoying LOL (fcking thank god) 

so after we settled down and stuff, we went out to walk around, and see the cobblestone areas, cuz this town is supposed to be an old spanish settlement so they made it more like europe and added cobble stones and stuff, and there are some spanish architecture here!! it’s SOOOO fricking humid though and im fucking DYING i literally started sweating 2 minutes out there

i think this town was actually one of the coolest ive been to in the philippines!! anyways yeah we just walked around looked at the streets and stuff. there was a bunch of horse drawn carriages o.0 and like a lot of tourist pop up shops LOL bro i got annoyed at some r00d filipinos who kept walking in when i was trying to take a photo!! i literally sighed so loud and they looked at me so i think they got the hint LOL ;-; 

but anyways, we walked around, got some water at a 7/11 and i got nutella bueno snacks and pepero and ferero rocher :3 i wanted to get cup noodle but im like hMMM LOL 

here r some cute photos of me that i took today LOL ^.^ just in case u missed my face hehe ( i sure hope u do!! )

after walking around and stuff, bro...we walked to a church and theyre like leTS go InSIDE LOL and im jsut ??? EVERYONE STARTED KNEELING AND PRAYING LOL and im like uh...ok..so i just walked around like i was looking around instead of prayign LKDSJLFKDj dude i found the lil chair the priest sits in during confession and i was gunna sit in it until my dad yelled at me and i was like o

ok

LMFAOOO ;-; i thot it was funny cuz i was speaking through the screen like “helLloOOO” LOL my fucking dumb ass dude!!!

we went back towards the place we were staying at, and then ended up across this cute lil cafe!! 

i also found a CUTE japanese cafe called sweets forest or something and the inside was soo cute there were little vines and flowers everywhere and fairy lights and a little neon sign and i was like sigh ;-; just like cali..and they had japanese crepes!! i wanted to go but my mom was like no we go to church n i was like wtf LOL

but yah across this cafe was a lil bakery, and i got coconut/taro mix ice cream in a lil tub and it was p good!! i gotta say!!

we walked back to our hotel now and now im just chillen here waiting for u hehe :D gonna shower and stuff then just relax!!! excited to talk to u !! thanks for putting in time to wake up early just to talk to me ;_; i rlly appreciate it bebu!!!

ok for tomorrow’s challenge:

do the piccrew drawing :3 LOL also! take photo(s) of something interesting in the town and tell me fun facts or something interesting about it o.0 give me some information!!! be the tour guide :D

thanks for making the break more bearable bebu!! love u so much!! it really warms my heart knowing how much effort we’re both putting into making this work over this long break ;_; im really glad i get to see you soon and i rlly rlly look forward to it!!!! hehe IM EXCITED FOR THE TEAS TOO AND THEN ALSO JUST HOLDING U IN PERSON <3

i love you so much!! forever!! MORE THAN ANYTHING WITH ALL MY HEART BABY!!! i love you soo much!! T-10 DAYS LEFT!!! we got this!!!! POWER THROUGH!!!!! 

[beckettsam-blog]

( RICKY WHITTLE, thirty one, cis male, he/him ) – samuel “sam” beckett also known as agent orchard has been an operative for project icarus for a year and a half signing up for the initiative because they want to protect innocent people from the conflict and are currently undercover as a detective. they’ve been described as +altruistic & +valiant. i’d watch out though, because they’re also known to be -indecisive & -restrained, which is probably why they’re referred to as the taciturn

samuel had a pretty happy life before the incident, but he always felt a bit lost

his whole life was a sequence of finding one thing he feels like he can connect to, noticing its faults and how he doesn’t 100% believe in it, leaving, being soooo lost for a few months and then finding another thing…

raised by two english teachers, sam grew up surrounded by books but more than reading them, he had always loved to illustrate them. he could never finish a book without having at some point drawn a scene of it - bringing something that was stuck inside the confines of words or his mind to reality always made him feel quite accomplished

his parents took note of that and always encouraged him to pursue art but also … he was a very lonely kid. no siblings, didn’t really make many friends at school because he was shy and would much rather be by himself with a book or a sketchbook. they got him into boy scouts (yes he was literally a boy scout amazing), various sports because he always has a hard time enjoying any

they tried really hard but he just wasn’t really good at socializing…. and didn’t really care a lot about that

you know what sucked for him? majors. he must have changed them faaaar too many times because he could…. never find passion for any of it, but art. got really really into animation at some point but never really pursued it because it seemed like a far-fetched dream. ended up graduating with a degree in forensic science

and because lmao what is a life plan, after that he joined the marines. there he met some of the very few people he’d ever consider close friends, theo mendoza and parker hart. he only did the four years minimum of active duty before leaving but in those years he saw some shit he couldn’t really let go of. while some things still haunt him to this day, he definitely doesn’t have it as bad as his two buddies - but also doesn’t talk about it. some drawings can be found around his house of destroyed cities, gory scenes and all the horrors of war. it’s the way he channels it and deals with it tbh

why did he join? a mix of not knowing what he wanted to do next and this feeling of worthlessness. the world had problems, what was he going to do to solve them? how could he help? the marines sounded like a solid plan, but soon he started to notice its flaws and disagree with lots of things about it

after that he did the training and joined the police force. after a few years, instead of being promoted to csi as his background would expect, he became  a detective. was he any good at talking to people? no. did he have the energy and boldness to do what it took? ya. plus military service was bonus points for him

he’s very holt like can’t u tell

at some point before being promoted, sam left the job for a few months on leave, after being badly injured in a raid that also killed his partner. he hit a really low place. took his time exploring his alcohol limit (and painkillers at some points), and got so scared once he realized what was happening to him that he never drank again

his relationships never last for long. again, he’s stuck in this cycle. thinks that yeah this is it this is the guy i can connect to, notices that his heart is just not in it anymore or that yup he misjudged them once again bad judge of character when it comes to his personal life and break up. is heartbroken for a few months, meets someone he thinks he can connect with…

has probably rotated through so many lifestyles lbr he’s been vegetarian for 5 months and a quaker for 4

things seemed to be calming down, making some sense at last. he had been dating the same guy, david, for three whole years (after some on and off dating before that). and THEY WERE ENGAGED like he got his shit together for long enough to actually propose to him. he was enjoying his work. felt like he was finally clicking with the people at work. had made some friends which was… not as bad as he’d thought it’d be. and then the incident

david was in town when it happened and he did make it. for a few months, he was a promethean as well, cooperating with government research and all. sam was weary of it all, but hey his cute fiancee was an airbender that’s cool. he didn’t really have any formed opinions on prometheans then, just that there were others like david and as long as they were okay but also trying to keep other people okay, he had no problems at all. and then david got caught in reapers vs fireflies early crossfire

he doesn’t care which side did it. he only knows that the fact that there are sides and they are fighting is not safe. how many others will get killed in their conflict? how many innocent ones? some people approached him a few months after david’s death, talking to him about project icarus and after a looong debate with himself, he joined it, keeping his actual job as a cover

he holds no grudge against prometheans, but fear of what they can do if left to their own devices. above all, he just wants to be a barrier between those who are actively fighting and the innocent ones like his fiancee or humans

sam still sketches to this day. it’s the one thing that always made sense and still does. has a lot of sketches of david, but people don’t get to see those. lots of drawings of the incident and of what some powers might look like

he’s lost again. all that stability he finally found was taken with david. the months it took him to somewhat recover (but lbr he’s still not okay) he drove a lot of his new friends away, isolated himself a lot again, and everything still feels a bit surreal. his life was so quickly changed.

he’s been burying himself in work, trying to find stability through it. and it works at times. he gets really invested in some cases and just has this rush and passion !! and at times it fades away and he’s forced to just drag himself through it

he’s been considering some change. perhaps apply for a csi position at last. maybe move to another neighborhood. date again? he just doesn’t know someone help him

he really likes mangos

….. recently he’s been taking some more notice of the nature of his work for project icarus. not agreeing with it and its methods as much as he did before. paying closer attention to the prometheans he encounters. yup internal conflict again oh boy

he is the quiet awkward guy in the room, who says some joke no one finds that funny and then laughs at it by himself. stammers a little when he talks to some people. is always losing track of other people’s conversations because he got too distracted with his own thoughts. wants to do things by the book all of the time, gets really stressed out when he doesn’t or others don’t

is fiercely loyal like hufflepuff loyal

will follow people who are going off the book with so much saltiness and complaining, but more in a ‘i'm going to make sure no one here gets capital punishment’ sort of way

shit he’s also alec lightwood

he’s the mum friend. a very socially awkward and quiet mom friend

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

COVER FOR ME - detective partner!!! maybe they were officers together and then got promoted and always try to work on cases together. maybe they met as detectives and just… felt right. (icarus people or even PROMETHEANS for the angst)

I PAINT MY OWN REALITY - art buddies, who maybe have seen each other sketch in some park or coffee shop and just… started talking about it. giving each other tips. something very casual, not too personal, just people with the same passion

GHOST FROM THE PAST - childhood pals !! they’d have to have lived in manhattan for at least a bit as that was where he was raised. maybe they lost touch after college or the military, and they’ve seen each other again and !!! could be awkward, could be sweet, maybe they left in not such great terms as keeping in touch with people is not sam’s forte so they could be bitter idk

CUT YOU OUT - a friend he’d gotten very close to a few years ago, when his life was stable, but who he completely shut off after david’s death. now he’s trying to recover that friendship but it’s not easy because he really did disappear while grieving and hasn’t tried to reconnect until super recently

A CHANGE OF HEART - a promethean he’s gotten to know well, either specifically for the project or just out of coincidence. maybe they’ve told them they’re a promethean or he’s seen it OR maybe he doesn’t even know yet. but the conflict between the fearful ideology of the project and this person he knows and how it all fits together

THE BALANCE - okay someone who’s the total opposite of sam. someone who’s very loud and talkative, maybe even over sharing and who’s just so eager. and then there’s him, quietly nodding along. maybe they try to get him to leave his shell sometimes.

[legitimateluffy]

11 Questions

Tagged by @nicefandom​, @sootbird​, @lucy-heartflawless​ AND @celestifi​!! Thanks guys ♡♡

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you. 

Alright, let’s go!!

Nicefandom’s Questions!

1. Your first fandom?

Hmm I’m not sure. It could be the OP fandom actually!

2. Your 3 favorite characters?

Janeth why you do this to me I can’t choose T.T!!

Monkey D. Luffy, Nico Robin and Reiju (THOSE WERE THE FIRST THREE THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD) and Lillie

3. Winter or Spring?

Winter for sure! I hate spring

4. Something funny that happened to you?

Idk why it was funny but the bell had gone so my best friend and I had started walking and I dropped one of my books and I said “Rip” while she said “Fuck”, we also said it in unison and it was hilarious for no actual reason.

5. Why did you start watching One Piece?

I remember I saw it on TV when I was a kid (the 4kids dub *shudders*) and I saw people talk about it on youtube and it made me remember! I guess I was chasing after my childhood?

6. Hobbies?

Making gifs, drawing, hanging out with friends and DnD!

7. Last movie you watched?

Hmm good question..... I think it was Cabaret (some of it anyone) for history!

8. Your biggest fear?

Being alone

9. A reason to smile?

My friends!!

10. A thing you’re proud of yourself?

How much I’ve improved on my art skills over the past few years!

11. Why do you start using Tumblr?

Half forced into it by my soulmate <3

Sootbird’s Questions!

1. What song is stuck in your head right now? If there isn’t one, what’s the last one you listened to?

GO! by Flow (4th opening of Naruto) for some strange reason??

2. What did you wanna be when you grew up?

I wanted to work at Maccas (McDonalds), be a pizza lady and be a taxi driver ‘just like my mum’ because she drove me to places

3. How long is your hair?

It flows down just past my chest so not too long but not short either

4. Are you allergic to anything?

Penicillin!

5. Night owl or early bird?

None really but more night owl!

6. Favorite kind of tree?

The first thing that came into my head was oak for some reason so I’ll go with that!

7. Do you know how to say “sky” in a language other than English?

I don’t! I need to get onto learning another language again after I finish school!

8. Do you dream frequently?

I do!

9. Why’d you join Tumblr?

Half forced by my best friend

10. Did you ever play jump rope as a kid?

Sometimes yes! Although I didn’t particularly enjoy skipping, I was really good at it and I might still be

11. Do you know how to swim?

I haven’t gone swimming in so long but I used to take lessons as a kid so I think I can!

Lucy-Heartflawless’ Questions!

1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Hopefully with a steady job!

2. Hobby/hobbies

Drawing, gif making and hanging out with my friends!

3. What makes you happy?

My friends and One Piece!!

4. What’s your favorite movie and why?

God I don’t know if I have a favourite movie. The first one that comes to mind is Die Hard and I guess it’s because of the amazing action and the great story. Great one liners too!

5. What do you like about yourself?

My blue eyes! And that I love to make people laugh!

6. How are you doing right now?

I’m doing great right now! Just hungry since I’m waiting for my parents to buy me food!

7. What’s your favorite book?

Am I allowed to say One Piece?

8. Biggest fear 

Again, being alone.

9. What’s your favorite place to be in the world?

Probably either at home or in the presence of my friends! Cheesy, I know.

10. Favorite type of music

None really! I’m not that big on music!

11. Favorite color?

Red!!

Celestifi’s Questions!

1. What are your favorite genre of music and why?

Again, not really a big fan of music!

2. What got you into anime?

I just watched Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon on tv back when I was a kid!

3. Do you ever get inspired to start something new?

Sometimes yes! It’s quite rare I get inspired though which is a shame..

4. How many pets do you have or what kind of pets would you want?

I’ve got one Kelpie dog!

5. Explain a moment in your life that made you truly happy.

When I go to conventions and see other One Piece fans cosplayed! One of my friends thought it was weird that I couldn’t stop smiling hahaha

6. Are you old fashioned or new fashioned?

I’d say somewhere in between

7. Are you more into looks or brains.

Brains for days man. 

8. Do you judge a book by its cover.

I do actually although I probably shouldn’t (I’ve got a saying which goes “Don’t judge a book by its cover but what makes you pick it up in the first place?”)

9. What scares you the most and why?

Again, being alone. That thought terrifies me so much. I don’t ever want to not have friends or family I can’t lean on.

10. If you could be a superhero which superhero would you be and why?

Spiderman because he’s so cool and I’ve loved him since I was a child!! I also collected his comics for a few years but I haven’t for a while, too obsessed with OP and I don’t really know where to go from where I am!

11. Is it hard for you to fall in love?

I don’t think I’ve ever truely fallen in love with anyone, I haven’t even really had a crush on anyone for at least 4 years?? So I guess maybe? I just need the right person that’s all!

My Questions:

1. Is there anywhere in the world you want to travel to?

2. Do you consider yourself to be creative?

3. Know any languages?

4. Favourite show?

5. Draw or write?

6. Favourite food?

7. Something you want to try but haven’t had the time to do?

8. Favourite animal? 

9. Favourite type of weather?

10. Strengths?

11. Weaknesses? 

Phew that was a lot of work! Thanks a lot guys that was fun! Now I’ve gotta go do homework :(

Tagging: @mossybrows, @ienudi, @psylxcked, @mr-florg, @miraculous-steph and @sableu! Only do it if you want to!!

[canaryatlaw]

okay, I need to get this written and go to sleep because I have to wake up early tomorrow and go to C2E2!!! I’m super excited. So, I set my alarm for 11:30 because I wanted to sleep a bit but not the whole day, so I got up then and got ready for a bit before heading over to Jess’ place for hair dyeing and other cosplay prep. So we started with trying to bleach her roots because they’ve grown in super dark of course, but her hair is a fucking nightmare, and even though we used like, the strongest possible bleach they have at Sally’s it still didn’t lighten like half of them, at all lol. So we later obtained a dirty blonde hair dye kit that will hopefully balance things out a bit, and if not there’s always the option of wearing a wig, lol. After that I worked on constructing the death totem, which consists of an earring I found in the little antique store we were in in Florida that looks like the death totem, and then black ribbon that I was gonna hot glue to it. I would’ve really liked to somehow set it up so that it appears black on the surface but also glows like it did in the episode, but I have literally zero idea about how I would actually accomplish that, so that’s not gonna happen for now at least. We got pizza and cheesy bread, which was pretty delicious. Then I moved on to my shirt for the death witch, which is a high neck ribbed white tank top that more or less looks like what she’s wearing in the episode, and I had fabric paint I was gonna use to draw the lines down the front of it. I’m like, not crafty at all, and things that I think will be easy often turn out to be much harder than I thought, so I was kinda worried about how this would turn out, and at first it looked kinda weird but I think I got it to look decent at least, so I was pleased with that. And yeah, then I went back and proofread the fic Jess posted the other day without having me proof it first and there were like, 15 errors, because I kept track while reading it, lol, so now I clearly had to fix that for her. A little after that we headed over to Walgreens so we could buy more hair dye and I could get some make up products for my death witch look. I ended up with a few things, a white eyeshadow I’m gonna use around my face and a white primer to go under it, then dark eyeshadow in a few different shades and some other colors to blend around it. In addition to getting the blonde kit, Jess bought one that was like, bright orange for after the con, which is a decision I fully support of course (because I always back impulsive decisions). From there she drove me to the train station because I already had all my stuff together. So I got to school a bit early, around 4 or so, and didn’t have class until 5:50, so I used the opportunity to actually finish my civil rights reading, being that I left the book in the PAD office so I could now access it. So I did that for a while, then worked on some other stuff until it was time for class. I can’t say I was all that tuned in, but I did take a good amount of notes about our next assignment, which is always good. I think I can do a good job on it, and hopefully if I did well on the assignment I just turned in I can maybe save my grade for being in the toilet (I mean, I’m getting out of here anyway so I don’t really care, but I still kinda do). We ended around 7 and I went home, getting here right before 8 so I could watch Arrow while I did a make up test. At some point with the make up I became concerned I was going to look like a panda, and I have no idea where that came from, but I was definitely trying to avoid that. Arrow was....not very good. The whole conflict between John and Oliver felt really forced and like it just came up out of nowhere, because really at no point did it seem like John was actually committed to being the Green Arrow and not just waiting for Oliver to take it back, so that didn’t make very much sense. The Dinah/Dinah stuff was good, not that they interacted, but both of their plots were decent at least. Idk where they’re going with this season’s plot for actually resolving the series, it’s gonna be a rough one. I also hate how they’re always like “this is a threat unlike anything you’ve seen before” when like....there’s no actual evidence to support that claim?? Diaz really doesn’t seem very threatening, definitely not more than past villains have been, and like, you can’t expect him to become this giant threat just by you saying he is one. It doesn’t work like that. Sigh, anyway. After that I watched an episode of Blindspot which was enjoyable, then watched the news for a little before running around to get my cosplay stuff together for tomorrow, got my jacket, shirt, jeans, boots, wig and wig cap, make up, death totem, and contacts, so I should be good to go. After that I started getting ready for bed and here we are. Again, need to get up early, so I’ll leave it here for tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be super epic, and the rest of the weekend will be too. Goodnight my loves. Happy Friday.

[opepin]

june: week two

05: i wasn’t too tired when i woke up. i felt good. i wasn’t 100% when it came to doing cardio kickboxing but i got through it. i think the workouts yesterday made me sore too? LOL. i wasn’t expecting that. then i showered, ate my healthy banana and peanut butter whole grain english muffin, packed my lunch, and put the doughnuts in a plastic bag to cover them from the rain. i said goodbye to kevin and then went on my way to work. i dozed off during the ride and then walked over to the office. i wore my rothy’s today to test them again and they seem fine. i’m a bit closer to keeping them ahha. i wished cole a happy birthday with one of the doughnuts (he chose the one i thought he would choose haha). then i worked the rest of the morning and it felt good being productive. i walked to subways with the devs and then had lunch with them. i don’t think i’ve had lunch with them in a while. then i went back to work and did some internet errands until stand up. i finished working on video stuff and then hopped right into working on axure. mathew helped me get acclimated with layers and then i brainstormed on paper until the end of the day. i was surprised that all the doughnuts were gone by the end of the day :P they were good doughnuts. i waited for cole to finish his call and then we walked to the train station together. apparently, he read ready player one and loved it! huhuhuhu.

the train was packed and my neck was sandwiched between two people’s arms -__-” it didn’t last long so it was a meh train ride. then i snacked a bit and went right into exercise. then i watched the season finale of jane the virgin and the ending is wut. i don’t like where this is going. x__x; anyway, i showered when kevin got back and then i watched videos until kevin finished cooking dinner. it was a really late dinner LOL. we ate at like 10:15 pm? i stayed up digesting and reading my book of the month, ‘chemistry.’ i don’t think i like the short sentences...but i kept reading until 12 am and then i brushed my teeth and slept at like 12:30 am. zzz. i need to fix my sleep schedule.

06: my alarm didn’t ring...so i woke up at 7:45 am on my own and if i wanted to get my morning routine in, i would get into the office late so i wfh today even though i did want to go in. it was raining the entire day and we don’t have any umbrellas (the northwestern one got demolished by the wind last week) so i guess it was for the best? i exercised, showered, ate breakfast with kevin, and then read a bit before starting my work day. ‘chemistry’ is an interesting book. i do wish i got the other one for the month though. the writing is very choppy but the book is really insightful. anyway, i did some work, ate during all-hands, and then hopped on to stand up after. i did a bit of work but i felt so tired and unmotivated. i legit fell asleep at some point without realizing it. x__x it was so bad. then kevin got home early and we spent some time cuddling :3 we both ended up napping because this time, traveling kicked our asses. i think last week, i averaged 4-5 hours of sleep. we woke up, kevin started making dinner, i did my back workouts and some cardio, i showered, and then we ate dinner. kevin cleaned up and showered while i did some planning for his birthday. i was supposed to do more work because i didn’t do much today but i got super sidetracked and i was on a roll. i got to plan everything though! i hope it works out :) i let him know a bit but i’m excited for the rest of it, hehe. i did this until 11:30 pm, brushed my teeth, and then went to sleep.

07: i woke up feeling really sad and unmotivated. my vo2 max score on my fitbit dropped down by 1 :/ i haven’t been feeling really good ever since my trip back to chicago. sigh. i made it through my workout and then showered and left to go to work. it was gloomy in the morning but it got sunny during the day. i was really productive today at work though. i just put on some jack johnson and did a ton of design work. we had a quick meeting with frank and then i went back to wireframing and i also managed to talk my mid-day walk. i got a text from kevin saying that he has a fever and he took a sick day. so i left work at around 3 pm and got us dinner from hale & hearty. i got him chicken and rice soup and i got a spicy miso salad ;D i got back at around 3:45 pm and then made him eat the soup and drink ginger tea. kevin managed to pick up the rotofugi package -- i am in love with the shrine artwork we got. we are planning to order another one~ then i went back to work (because i left early) and then kevin napped. i finished working (was super productive) and then exercised. kevin slept through the entire day. i finished my salad for dinner and then i snacked on the asian snacks and felt terrible after. i got on the phone with hillary for the rest of the night while drawing poorly on the ipad LOL. i went to sleep at around 11:45 pm after washing the dishes, putting away the clean dishes, and then brushing my teeth and stuff.

08: lol kevin woke me up at 6 am because he wasn’t tired anymore and he wanted to make himself congee. i got up at my regular time after and did my workout, showered, and hopped on the train to work. i met with mathew and dave to talk about my project and then went to baja taco truck to get fish tacos with the dev team for lunch. after eating, i let dave and mathew know kevin got the stomach flu and i had to head back home to get him some food. i walked to the roche bros in downtown crossing and got bananas and apple sauce. did you know that they sell apple sauce in large containers now? haha. then i took the train home, got on stand up, and then got on a meeting with phil about moving me to a different project for now, which irked me for a bit. then i did some internet errands. kevin and i also purchased another piece of artwork from rotofugi’s current show :) i got myself back into the work grind and worked until 6:30 pm? then i snacked on life cereal with kevin. we chilled on the couch. i watched youtube videos while he read fanfic. then we ate congee and a bit after that, i did my leg workout. it was pretty intense and i loved it. kevin fell asleep at some point while i was working out and then i showered. he woke up and then went to bed to sleep at like 9 pm. i stayed up, watched the newest episode of reign, washed the dishes, and then brushed up and went to sleep at 11:30 pm. YES, SLEEP! :)

09: mmm it was nice getting 8 hours of sleep today. kevin woke up earlier than me and made himself congee. i did a new exercise video in the morning, showered, and then had some breakfast. then i went straight to work and was really productive for the day :) i’m so proud of myself. i was in a total slump in the beginning of the week :/ i got on stand up and then i stopped working for a bit to bake chicken with lemon pepper and garlic salt mmm.  i also put in some red peppers to bake at the halfway mark and washed the dishes. then i ate a late lunch at around 2:30 pm. kevin and i headed to roche bros at some point during the day to get kevin some bread to soak up all that stomach juice LOL. we got a multigrain baguette. mmm. we got rained on coming back home but it got sunny again when we got back...wth... i finished up my work day after coming back and doing another project. then i cleaned up a bit, watched youtube videos, ate dinner with kevin, and then i worked out. i washed up and we relaxed for the rest of the evening. lol i think kevin ticked me off at night for taking so long in the bathroom so i went to sleep kinda angry but forgave him when he got into bed.

10: i woke up at around 8:30 am and then did my 60 minute cardio kickboxing workout at 9 am. my feet started hurting a lot so i had to take it easy. x_x; then i showered, ate breakfast, and i had kind of a melt down. idk, i just feel so unhappy sometimes ever since my trip to chicago. i feel so unfulfilled in a way but i don’t know what way exactly. :/ kevin comforted me and then we got ready to go to our massage at 1 pm. the massage was definitely relaxing and what we both needed after the crazy amount of family time we had in these past few weeks. after our massage, we ate at kkatie’s burgers because it would be kevin’s first real meal other than bland foods LOL. he got a horseradish mushroom ... jalapeno? burger with truffle fries and i got the veggie black bean burger with curly fries. omg, their fries are so good. we also got their deep fried potstickers and those were nice too. my burger was delicious. i should get black bean patties more often! i finished half of my burger and all of my fries <3

we drove back home and then kevin gamed while i started reading ‘into the water.’ i’ve been holding it off but now i feel like i have to finish this book and also let’s not forget bravely default. kevin made dan dan noodles for dinner and they tasted odd at first bite but omg, they’re sooo good. the noodles we got are delicious and chewy. we both read for the rest of the evening. my feet were in pain at this point. my joints were swollen :/ so i didn’t walk much except when i really wanted to. i fell asleep reading in bed at about 12 am and kevin fell asleep at around 2 am?

11: i woke up at 9 am and then brushed and got back in bed to finish reading ‘into the water.’ kevin eventually woke up in that time and i ate breakfast and finished the book. he read fanfic and then i watched some videos while he got ready to go. we meal planned and then headed out to the mall so i could get my free sephora birthday gift -- i got he caudalie one. then kevin went to get us auntie anne’s pretzels and i went to dsw and tried on some dr. scholl’s shoes and happened upon a pair of adidas on sale?! lol i went in there initially to use my $5 birthday coupon for arch insoles. i took a good amount of time to think about whether or not to get them but i did anyway! with my coupon, they were only $47. they also didn’t have the arch support insoles i wanted so.. haha. we went to target and then we got butter, milk, yogurt, and some buns. then we went grocery shopping and ate lunch when we got back at like 2 pm. well, i ate lunch. kevin ate the new noosa yogurt flavors he got. i went straight to cleaning the kitchen and bathroom after that. man, acrylic tubs are so hard to maintain @_@; 

there was a fire evacuation thingy! we thought kevin set off the fire alarm but then we opened the door and realized it was ringing through the entire apartment complex. so we went out and then waited and walked to lowes and then walked back and everything was fine. then kevin and i ate dan dan noodles for dinner while watching ‘lucid dreams.’ it’s a korean thriller on netflix. then kevin cooked for the rest of the night (literally) and i tried getting in 30 minutes of walking on my painful feet. i think i overdid it because my calves were burning by the time i was done walking. i brushed up, kevin showered, and then we made the bed and i ko’d at like 11:45 pm.