Tumgik
#idk what's worse that all this is true or that i'm really like this because my fav character became a rat and was replaced by his clone
inquebrar · 8 months
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WE'RE WATCHING WAKANDA FOREVER... WE'RE 1 HOUR IN BUT I MUST SAY... I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION A WHILE AGO...
THIS POST MIGHT GET GLITCHED DUE TO THEIR LENGTH AND SUREFIRE WOKENESS... DETAILS THAT CAUSE THEM TO BE ERASED ABUSIVELY EVILLY NASTILLY ON PURPOSE OUT OF POLITICAL PROPAGANDA BY THE ABUSER CALLED TUMBLR... THEREFORE.. I WILL EDIT THIS IN BITS...
OKAY... WE WATCHED AN ANIME PORN THAT WAS TRANSPHOBIC... THAT WAS 2 WOMAN BUT... THE OTHER ONE IS TRANS LIKELY BY A TRANSPHOBIC CREATOR... WE GET TYPICAL TRANSPHOBIC DIALOGUE... SEXISM... QUEERPHOBIA... ABOUT CONSTRUCTS... THE CISSIE WAS ITEMIZED INSANE... CRAZY... SHE WASN'T... YUCKIES... ALL THIS AT A TRANS CHARACTER... WHAT A NASTY FETISH THE CREATOR HAS... WE REMEMBERED... THAT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER... TO ACKNOWLEDGE... I REMEMBER MORE... ONCE AGAIN FORGOTTEN ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE USED TO KNOW... BECAUSE NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WILL ALWAYS BE ABUSED... WE HAVE NO HOPE EVER GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN OUR LIVES PURPOSE OR TRANSITIONING AS OURSELVES... THIS IS FACTUAL... WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WATCHED ANOTHER ONE... TERRIBLE...
THEY CAN'T DIE... BUT I HAVE NO ENERGY... THERE IS NO POINT... THEY'RE DYING... FLEEING... THIS CAN'T HAPPEN... I LOVE YOU... OUR SHARED EMOTIONS... OUR TRAUMA... OUR PROGRESSIVE EXISTANCE WITHOUT AN EQUAL NOBODY WILL EVER COMPARE TO GIVING US NL POINT IN LIFE... WE'RE ALIVE FOR NO REASON... BECAUSE WE CARE UNLIKE ANYONE ELSE... THERE IS NOBODY ELSE THAT CARES ON THIS PLANET... WE WOULD BE ABUSED BY ANYONE AND EVERYONE IF THEIR CHILDREN... ONLY WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR THIS REASON... ASWELL AS THE TOOL NEVER OUR EQUAL THAT WILL GIVE THEM FOR US... BECAUSE AN EQUAL WOULD HAVE SAVED US ALREADY... IF EXISTED... THEY WOULD'VE PREVENTED EVERYTHING WE HAVE EVER BEEN TROUGH... THEY WOULD HAVE GIVEN US AN ACTUAL COMMUNITY THAN THE EVIL ABUSER WASTE THIS SITE ONLY HAS... WE WILL NEVER BE SAVED WE WILL NEVER TRANSITION LIFE IS POINTLESS WE ARE ABUSED ALWAYS HARMED ALWAYS HURT ALWAYS LIKE JUST WHEN SOMEONE HURT US SOMEONE WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO... ONCE AGAIN... AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN A LOOP WE'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN!! BASIC NEEDS WE'RE BORN WITH ALWAYS DENIED ALWAYS ABUSED ALWAYS NEGLECTED JUST LIKE RIGHT NOW!! NOBODY IS QUALIFIED NO THERAPIST NOBODY OF SUCH KIND THEM ONLY ABUSERS THAT HAVE ONLY HURT US IN THE PAST WITH AN AGENDA FAR MORE EVIL THEM BASED IN EVIL BIGOTRIES... ANYONE OUTSIDE... SHOULD BE YOUR THERAPIST... FUCK THIS... DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIGOT... AND NO BIGOT IS ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH THIS POST ONLY 2 PEOPLE 1 OUR EQUAL THAT WILL NEVER EXIST OUTSIDE OF OUR BRAIN 2 OUR LOVERS OUR CHEERLEADERS THOSE CUTIES THAT FOLLOW US... DESPERATE FOR OUR ATTENTION... HUNGRY... AWW... DON'T WORRY MY LITTLE FOLLOWER... HERE'S ANOTHER LOVELY POST YOUR FAVORITE: RIGHT...? HERE YOU GO <3!!
IF BLACK PANTHER WAS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS AUTISM AND ADHD WAKANDA WOULD HAVE ABUSED HER SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BECOME A HERO SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO IF SHE WAS RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST WE ARE DESPISED WE ARE HATED... SAME WAY IRONMAN... SPIDERMAN... CAPTAIN AMERICA... ALL WITH THEIR SEXIST WRITTEN GIRLFRIENDS... DAMSELS IN DISTESS AT BEST A SIDE CHARACTER NEVER AN EQUAL... PEOPLE WITH DEAD PARENTS WITHOUT FAMILY WITHOUT COMMUNITY WITHOUT LOVE PREACHING ABOUT LOVE TO US... THAT DON'T THINK WHAT IS GOOD PREACHING ABOUT IDEOLOGY THAT ABUSES US... THEM ALL ABUSERS THAT WOULD ONLY HARM US... US WATCHING THEIR MOVIES... THINGS COULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT... US ONLY LEARNING WE'RE UNLOVABLE AS THE TRUE LESSON OVER AND OVER... DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SERIES WHAT GENRE... THE QUESTION IS WHAT FAKE EMOTIONS THEY CAN MAKE US FEEL FOR A LITTLE MOMENT UNTIL REALITY HITS BACK IN... IF THIS IS DEPRESSION WE ARE DEPRESSED FOR A REASON WE ARE MEANT TO BE DEPRESSED WE ALWAYS WERE MEANT TO BE... WE ARE ABUSED WE HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED WE NEVER WILL WE'RE EVERYTHING ELSE LISTED... THIS WORLD IS THE PROBLEM WE NEVER COULD BE... BLAME US YOU'RE TO BLAME THAT IS YOU EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS AND YOU DON'T ACCEPT US ONCE WE'RE BROKEN DESPITE ONLY DOING WHAT IS RIGHT EVERYONE ELSE ONLY BROKEN INSTEAD... THAT IS THEM THAT ALWAYS MADE EVERYTHING GO THIS WAY... THEM TO WHO THAT IS NORMAL TO SEE THIS AND IGNORE... ABUSERS... WITHOUT A RIGHT NO PREACH ABOUT ANYTHING... THIS... IDEOLOGY... ONLY A WAY TO TELL US WE DESERVE TO BE ABUSED WE DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED ON US THAT IS JUSTIFIED TO KILL US AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUSTIFIED TO HURT US... US UNCARED FOR UNLOVED FOREVER...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE...
IRONMAN AS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS EVERYTHING WE ARE WOULD'VE BEEN EPIC AND THE RIGHT WAY TO GO... GIVE HER EVERYTHING THERE SHOULD BE... MAKE HER EVERYTHING GOOD THERE IS... NO GOOD PERSON WOULD BE WHAT IRONMAN IS IN REAL LIFE... CONSERVATIVES LOVE HIM FOR A REASON... NOBODY PROGRESSIVE WOULD...
LOVE OF THUNDER WILL EASILY BE THE BEST THOR WE WILL WATCH THEM SOON TOO THE REASON WOKE CONTENT EASY AS THAT... MARVEL WILL NEVER ACCEPT EVERYTHING WOKE THERE IS... THERE IS NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT THEM COMICS ARE AS BAD AS THEY WERE IN THE 80S WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS AS ARE MOVIES EVERYTHING IS... EVERYTHING IS EVIL AND HARMFULL :)...
THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHILE BURIED UNDER SUCH FEELINGS OF EVIL... ONLY SOMEONE THAT CAN FIX EVERYTHING CAN SAVE US... BUT NOBODY LIKE THAT IS OUT THERE... OTHERWISE... THEY WOULD'VE ALREADY COME... WE WOULD'VE SEEN THEM... WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABUSED ALL THOSE TIMES... NOTHING BAD WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED TO US...
CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL... THAT IS RACIST TO EVEN WHEN DRAWING A BLACK PERSON PUTTING HIM IN TRIBE OUTFITS FROM 6000 MILLION YEARS AGO... ISN'T THIS JUST MAKING THEM TARZAN ANYWAYS...? NOTHING'S ACTUALLY CHANGED... THE SAME WAY THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT US... THEY HATE EVERYTHING AGAINST THEIR CONSERVATIVE ABUSER CULTURE AND THEIR STANCE IS TO NEVER EVOLVE TO ALWAYS STAY THE SAME...
AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE OTHER HEROES HAVE NO FAMILY HAVE NO FRIENDS... THEY'RE REJECTS HATED BY EVERYONE... THAT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T BECOME WHAT OPPRESSESS THEM AND DOESN'T DO SHIT TO FIX WHAT CAUSED EVERYTHING BAD ON THEM THEY CAUSE ASWELL...
THERE WAS 1 EMOTIONAL MOMENT IN THIS ONE THAT WAS FIRE... WHEN HIS WIFE WHO'S NOW A WIDOW STRIPS THAT ONE WOMAN FROM HER POWER... VERY GOOD SCENE... VERY EMOTIONAL... ONE OF THE BEST MARVEL HAS... THE BEGGINING ASWELL WAS GOOD... AFTER THAT IS WHEN THINGS GOT BORING...
I LIKE THE CONNECTIONS EVERYONE HAS OR DID... ALL THOSE OTHER HEROES AREN'T CARED ABOUT BY THEIR COMMUNITIES... IF CAPTAIN AMERICA WAS TRULY CARED ABOUT... HIS ARMY WOULD'VE FOUND AND SAVED HIM OR THEY WOULD'VE FROZEN THEMSELVES TOO... NOBODY CARED ABOUT HIM... EVERYONE'S DEAD... HE HAS NO REASON TO BE A HERO ANYMORE... HE SHOULDN'T BE... HE'S AN ABUSER GARBAGE WASTE... EITHER HE'S BAD WHICH HE IS EITHER WAY OR THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR HIM TO BE LIKE THIS. SIMPLE AS THAT. IRONMAN IS THE SAME WAY... BESIDES... HE PEAKS AS A FATHER... SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN HIS DAUGHTER'S FATHER FROM THE BEGGINING... THEM DUAL PROTAGONIST... A BETTER MOVIE THAN IRONMAN 1. WHAT THAT MOVIE SHOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN.
AS SHOULD'VE HIM BEEN INSTEAD TRANS... HIS GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND... WITH BADASS FAMILY LORE... ALL COMPLEX ARE RELEVANT... ALL EXPLORED AND INTERESTING...
HIS VILLAINS... ASS... ALL OF THEM...
THANOS... ASS.. BLACK WIDOW... SEXIST... LOKI... ALWAYS A TERRIBLE CHARACTER... THOR... WORTHLESS UNTIL LOVE OF THUNDER...
CAPTAIN MARVEL A CHARACTER THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY IN PHASE ONE... ALL THIS WOKE CONTENT AND MORE THE WOKEST CONTENT MARVEL WILL NEVER DO PART OF THEM THE SAME...
SIMPLE AS THAT... NOW ABOUT THAT ANIME PORN...
HE WAS JUST A PATHETIC LOSER MAN... THAT RPED HIS MOTHER AND SISTER... HIS MOTHER'S RPE IS JUSTIFIED AND SHE BECOMES A RPIST TOO... AND THEY RPE HIS SISTER TOGETHER... HIS FATHER IS THERE WITH THEM... THEM ALL SINCE LYING TO HIM AND HAVING SEX BEHIND HIS BACK... THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM... WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE...? WHY THE FUCK DID HE MARRY THESE PEOPLE...? THE WOMAN NOTHING BUT SEXIST JUNK CONTENT FOR PATHETIC LOSER MAN THE REAL VILLAIN... HIM THAT DOESN'T SHOW EMOTIONS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BREAK THIS MASCULINITY... THAT HAS NO ANYTHING... NO PERSONALITY NO CHARACTER DESIGN... WHO'S FACE YOU BARELY SEE... EVIL SERIES... THIS PORNO MADE JUST TO TELL US WE DON'T MATTER... TRANSPHOBIC EVIL... ERASE US YOU'RE A BIGOT... BORING... THE WAY SHE JUST TURNED ON HER AND BECAME A RPIST... IS THIS AN ATTEMPT AT AN ARC...? TRY HARDER... BIGOT...
MEANWHILE THE OTHER ONE... CASUALLY TRANSPHOBIC... TELLING US WE'RE HATED AND OTHER EVIL THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... BETTER CHARACTERS... MAKES THE ASSINESS WORSE... NOTHING BUT ANOTHER DEEPLY PERSONAL ATTEMPT AT HURTING US THAT WORKS... HER FACE TOO HIDDEN... HER GIRLFRIEND MADE INTO SEXIST JUICE... NO TRANS WOMAN WOULD DO THIS... NONE... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD GASSLIGHT US... WE CONTROL OURSELVES... WE ARE AMAZING WE ARE POWERFULL... NOBODY CAN DESTROY US... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD COME AFTER US...
IRONMAN MUST'VE MET A MILLION TRANS PEOPLE HE'S HURT... NOTHING HEROIC ABOUT THIS... HE WOULD ABUSE HIS CHILD THAT IS AUTISM... JUST LIKE WE WERE ABUSED AND ARE EVERY SINGLE DAY...
SPIDERMAN IS SO ASS MILES WILL WAIT A COUPLE DECADES BEFORE APPEARING... THAT IS A YIKES... VERY EVERYTHING...
THIS MOVIE IS FIRE BECAUSE SO MANY STORY RELEVANT WOMAN... TERRIBLE THE WIDOW IS THE ANTAGONIST THE LEAST IMPORTANT CHARACTER... AGAIN... REPEATING THE COMIC UNIMPORTANT GIRLFRIEND CHARACTER...
HULK IS FACTUALLY ASS AND BIGOTED... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE THOSE WITH DID US WITH OSDD EXPERIENCE... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE EXPERIENCE... HE WANTS MENTAL HOSPITAL... THIS IS JUSTIFIED... BIGOTED... EVIL... SANIST... ABLEIST... GARBAGE... NO BLACK CHARACTER RACIST... NO LGBT QUEERPHOBIC... ESPECIALLY TRANSPHOBIC... JUST ANOTHER SEXIST GIRLFRIEND SEXISM... PARAPHOBIA... EVERYTHING ELSE BIGOTED FROM THEIR COMPLETE ERASURE AND MORE... I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS... WE NEVER TRULY FORGOT ABOUT ALL THIS... WE ARE AMAZING... WE ARE ABSOLUTE... ALWAYS WILL BE...
THAT IS BIGOTED TO DO A REPRESENTATION AND DO THEM BADLY... THIS MOVIE IS RACIST... BLACK PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY TARZAN WHEN YOU THINK... CRAZY...
EVERY OTHER MOVIE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME... THE MARVELS WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST... THIS ONE IS CLOSE TBH... LOVE OF THUNDER WILL LIKELY BE NEAR ASWELL... THAT WILL BE SOON... NOW... WE MUST FINISH THIS MOVIE AND ADD IN HASHTAGS...
#Crazy Interesting Idk Emotions Diversity Overload Memory Remember Omg No Way Transphobia Impossible Soon Watch Here We Go Black People#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Daisuki Special Me Tired We Hungry#We Haven't Eaten Anything... Thirsty... Btw We Finished Them And Watched Other Things... Idk... Things Aren't Really That Woke... Like...#The Creators Go Against Progressive Thinking And Really Are Just Looking To Squeeze More Money Out Of You... Like Korra I Wish This Was So#Woke... But That Really Isn't... Idk... She Hulk Has Gotten Painfull To Watch... I Can Feel The Capitalism In Our Ears... Thor Was Funny...#Had Some Good Bits... But Overall Pretty Male Power Fantasy... No Difference With Ragnarok... That's Like... Yeah... This Is Just A Culture#War... The Abusers Behind Of Which Will Lie If They Must... Really... They Don't Care About Comics Or The Movies... Because They Sure Didn'#At All Pay Attention To Any Of Them... They Hate Even Male Power Fantasy... And Their Entire Reading Of The Mcu Is Based On Things Before#The Woke Era... And If Everything Is So Bad Why Do They Watch Every Single Episode And Movie... Weren't They Shit Now...? Yeah... Liars All#Of Them... Capitalist... Worthless... Emotionless... And The So Woke Things Want Them There... They're Not Really That Woke For That Reason#Comics Don't Sell? Maybe Get... Actually Woke?? There You Go... Eh... Pretty Boring... And Wakanda Forever Especially Was... Super Boring..#Meanwhile That Thor Villain Is Another Crazy Person Going Too Far And Dying... His Daughter Is Cool Though And That Part Of Thor's Arc Was#Flames... In Wakanda The Ending Was Better... Once She Got Super Strong That Was Awesome... As Was The Final Fight Iguess... Idk... We Neve#Watched Black Panther. We Never Watched Hulk That One Sucks We Tried To. The Old Thor Movies Are Shit. Come On. Things Didn't Get Worse.#That's This We're Watching?? This Is Better?? Obviously?? Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess#Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuse Bipolar#Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsessive Loving Identity Asian Black People Of Different Skins Depression Make Us Transition...#Suomi Finland Finnish Mukava Kiltti Hieno Kiva Hei... He Satuttavat Meitä... Auta Meidät... Pelasta Meidät... Meidän Täytyy Vapautua... He#Vahingoittavat... He Haluavat Pahoja Asioita... APUA!! - He Ovat Vihollisia... Viholliset Täytyy Tuhota... - Auta Meitä!! Tuhoa Heidät!!#Meidän Hyväksemme!! - Sinun Täytyy Kuunnella... Olet Hyvä Yksilö... - Sinun Täytyy Auttaa!! Anna Trans!! Pyydän!! - Hän On Tosi Kiva Sinulle#Vastaa Hänelle... - Anna Meille!! - Sinun Täytyy Antaa... Me Haluamme Hänet... Tule... Omg That Was Crazy... I'm Really Getting Tired Of The#Capitalism... That Is Everywhere!! Games Too... Anime Too... Just Everything... That Is A Lie Manga And Anime Are Better!! They're All The#Same!! Again!! Part Of Solely Some Culture War These Machines Weren't Part Of Before!! They Only Like The Most Dudebro Anime Out There...#Really... They Just Hate Most Of Them... Typical Simpleton... They Really Couldn't Matter One Bit...? Someone Without An Individual Opinion#Who Speaks Like A Machine... They're Irrelevant... They Have Nothing To Say... That Guy Can Sink Underwater!! He's Irrelevant!! As Are All#Those Guys Too!! All Evil!! Only Leftist Allowed Here!! True Leftist!! None Of These Capitalist!! I Really Do Feel Like The Selection On#These Streaming Sites Is Like This On Purpose... And There Is Alot Of Good We Could Be Missing On... That's The True Burn Out... Something#That Existed Before Too... Ugh... None Of This Nonsense Holds Any Relevance They Didn't Even Watch A Thing Or Read And Then Cry The Creator#Didn't!! Like They Can Know That... When Every Single Creator Reads Like 1 3 Comics And They're The Bad Ones... And Make A Bigoted Movie Out#Of Them Meanwhile Those That Take Creative Liberties And Do New Things Are Literally Awesome?! Who Cares What They Read!! If Anything That's
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adore-gregor · 7 months
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ugh
#altough it got better in a way my self confidence is still so bad :(#some days it's worse than others it changes with my mood or idk#just lately i have been feeling kinda down about myself#i just have never been this naturally confident person and i feel like i'm not enough or not doing enough a lot at times :/#when i was younger it was even worse and i thought of myself that no guy would ever like me bc i'm so not good looking#obviously that was not true and guys do like me and i would not go that far anymore but often i look at myself and think average at best#even though that might not even be true and sometimes i like what i look like in a mirror but i think to myself just good lighting or sth#and so often when i see a bad picture of myself i feel so ashamed like i'd just wish i looked differently#and when guys tell me i'm pretty or also other people i find it so difficult to believe that like i don't see that in myself#but it does not make a sense i know others don't think of me like that also guys i think of as a attractive but i don't see myself like that#but it's not just that i often also feel doubtful i will ever achieve much#i always think i should be finished with uni already or have better grades#and mostly that i'm not smart enough in general#but my grades are not even bad and i'm not failing any classes#like i just got another a in that class (i'm actually really happy about that one) but then i think okay but some people have all a's#like i could do better i could study harder#unfortunately i'm a master of procrastination as well 😅 and quite good at lol#what i mean is that i manage to study very little compared to others and still get good grades - sounds good but keeps me lazy 😅#and i also think when i achieve a good grade often that i don't deserve it that much because i could have studied more#and that i just got lucky which is not very rational i know 😅#or once i actually just passed an exam (i studied the night before) and i though yeah the teacher just felt sorry for me and let me pass#realistically i don't think it was like that#and at uni i studied for big exams which were feared by students for 2 days and got a b#which should indicate i'm somewhat smart but i think i just know the right study techniques and got lucky again#altough i do know good study techniques i think :))#buuut sometimes i do things which are so dumb like i do have these moments my mind is going like blank#and it's not difficult things even#like in football we did this exercise of a series of passes and everyone got it but me until a few tries like how is this harder#i'm just kind of bad at envisioning like this series 3 dimensionally in my mind idk i usually get it once i do it and remember the movement#what it feels like
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whiskeyswifty · 1 year
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.
#i think one of the things that i really enjoy being on here is the majority of us stuck around tumblr and didnt migrate#because we genuinely just love shooting the shit about her and her songs and her mythology#creating content and engaging in (sometimes) good hearted debates#and the one good thing is most people on here are at least 8/10+ year fans of hers so you're talking to people who#deeply appreciate her as an artist and a public figure#and aren't looking for attention really and in fact would loathe her return to the platform because#this atmosphere is really nice when it's this and it's mostly nice cuz she's not here#(for the most part like OBVIOUSLY some brain diseases never leave people just cuz she left and we all avoid you people)#but i think my favorite part is that this environment allows me to easily find people who are the true two feet on the ground people like m#who are ok talking about her as the business woman that she is. shrewd and calculating and#how that's not a value judgement or a character judgement. this is her JOB and it requires certain mental and emotional relationships#that she doesn't want fans to be aware of but they are the reality and duh they're hidden BECAUSE that would ruin the way the#entire machine functions like i know i know#but i didn't realize how far and few swifites who can enjoy her and see her for what she is and appreciate WHY that is are and not be#personally offended like thank god she's not here cuz idk how i would have found those people#also i'm over the moon she's (temporarily at least) done with the M&G shit cuz the wars that would have broken out between the#new tiktok fans and the tumblr old guard...... i would have perhaps left this platform entirely#i couldn't take it during rep and that was just about whether or not you deserved to be a FAN because of an album concept#swifties at their worst and most cult like loyalty that never turned me off swiftie fandom faster#and now that there is a HUGE divide.... i already know who taylor would choose for m&gs and i know WHY and it's not like evil#but the effect it would have on legacy fans....... there would be never a worse time in swiftie history so thank GOD for this#so i can keep blogging about my hot wife and her top tier songwriting and my love of pattern recognition#IN PEACE#idk what this was all about but i just like had to brain dump i guess anyway love all of you my smart normal grown up friends on here
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mental-skillness · 6 months
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"This is gonna be my last pack for sure. I'm gonna taper myself off," i say, three days before i get someone to buy me a second pack
#i worked a graveyard shift and on the way home i drove around for 2 hours#and at a gas station i saw a homeless guy ive talked to a few times and paid him to get me a pack#idk i feel bad about it#like he agreed and he got something out of it too but it feels like a shitty thing to have done#like i feel manipulative for it#and on top of that there's the guilt for getting a second pack at all#bc how am i ever gonna quit if i keep doing that?#like i only have a year to stop#because once i turn 21 and have easy access it's gonna be a thousand times harder#and the issue is that i don't WANT to stop#i just don't want to die at 60 from a heart attack#and that's what's gonna happen if i never quit#like heart attacks are one of the most common smoking fatalities#and heart issues already run in my family#and i already take adderall (adhd not recreational) which probably puts strain on my heart even without smoking#but i really really like being able to smoke#i like having something i can fall back on#and it's so easy to imagine a life where i never make myself give that up#and there's also the added benefit that it feels.... validating? in a way?#like it feels like proof that i struggle with shit#bc healthy people aren't addicted to cigarettes#and that almost feels manipulative too#bc i already HAVE proof that i struggle with shit#i take SNRIs every day and have a history of suicidal ideation/behavior going back as far as i can remember#which means this isn't about validation#it's about wanting other people to see that I'm struggling and assume things are worse than they are#and tbh maybe it's about wishing things WERE worse than they are#like if my mental health is bad enough for me to be a smoker then maybe it's bad enough for me to act the way i do#but deep down i know that's not really true#i chose to start smoking and i had to go out of my way to do it
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ifangirlalot · 8 months
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➶ botw/totk!𝓵ink x 𝓯𝓮𝓶!reader 。˚ ° | !!𝙎𝙈𝙐𝙏!!
𝕹𝕾𝕱𝖂 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘 | afab!reader, oral (masc/fem receiving), penetration, (kinda?) public sex, link's kinda a pervert idk
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Love Note From Zee ; ;
the results are in! you guys voted for link nsfw headcanons and i shall deliver! had so much fun with this (and i absolutely did NOT get horny while writing this, i literally don't know what you're talking about, i'm SO normal about him wdym)
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「 ✦ You know that whole thing about it ALWAYS being the quiet ones? Yeah, Link is the prime example of that. 」
「 ✦ Mans has a lot of pent up frustrations after being asleep for an entire century, so needless to say, your sex life is pretty damn active. It's either he sets the entirety of Hyrule on fire or he gets his dick wet in some way or another, you pick. 」
「 ✦ Link is a MAJOR whimperer. Especially if he's getting head? Ugh, he can't stop whimpering. It's only gonna get worse if he's being praised DURING the ravishing. 」
A plethora of whimpers spilled between the knight's lips as his tip was treated to the tip of [Name]'s tongue swirling and pressing against it. Link's hips bucked upward desperately, needing more. "I'm so proud of you, Link. You're doing so good, you deserve this and so much later for all the work you've been doing for this whole kingdom." [Name] would whisper in between bobs on his length. Link could hardly stand it. He pushed his hips forward once more, trying not to cum on the spot from all the praises he was getting and the feel of her tongue on his dick. He let out a sound that was a mix of a whimper and a grunt as his lover's mouth lowered down his shaft once more.
「 ✦ He's also a bit of a pervert. Naturally, Link's pretty nosy. Constantly reading people's diaries and stealing their shit, but with you, it's so much worse and so much more personal. 」
「 ✦ He likes to snoop through your clothes, especially your underwear, while you're sleeping at night since he doesn't really feel the need to sleep and gets bored. 」
While [Name] was sleeping on their side, sleeping off a full day of journeying through the Hyrulian countryside, Link was hidden behind a bush with his trousers undone and a pair of frilly underwear clutched in his hand. He fisted at his length, a series of slow, soft pleasured noises bubbling out of his throat. Normally, he much preferred having your hands jerking him off, but you were sleeping right now and he didn't want to wake you. But he just couldn't wait. Your underwear was coated in your scent and he could barely stand it. Besides, the soft fabric of your undergarments around his cock was almost a good enough substitute.
「 ✦ When it comes to fucking, Link is pretty wild with it, as he is with everything else. He's very fast and desperate with his movements. He gropes at your breasts and your hips and leaves love bites and hickeys all over your neck and shoulders. 」
「 ✦ His favorite position is mating press. Not necessarily because he wants to breed you, but rather because he just really liked having your legs propped up on his shoulders. Plus, it gives him more thrusting room. 」
「 ✦ Very enthusiastic head giver as well. He's fast and desperate with that, too. His tongue is working extra hard, pushing as deeply into you as he possibly can, and his lips suck at your clit like he's trying to get the last bit of pudding out of a snack pack. A true pussy glutton! 」
The wind carried Link's desperate-sounding whimpers to your ears as he held your thighs against his shoulders as he pressed his face into your pussy. His tongue darted in and out, lapping up any form of fluid he could pull from your body. His lips sucked at your swollen, abused bud as if he was trying to pull loose the last bit of liquid through a straw, Your fingers tangled into his blonde hair and tugged at it as your chest heaved. He looked so cute down there between your legs, eating you out like your pussy was his favorite meal. Which honestly, it probably was.
「 ✦ Lots and lots and lots of sex outside. Granted, you're never around people when you fuck, but you're in the middle of a field, so honestly, you've probably been caught fucking by a very embarrassed villager at least two or three times. 」
「 ✦ Not that Link really cares, though. He's completely fucking shameless, that boy. 」
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singingcicadas · 6 months
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Megatron's Opposite Day
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"I free slaves"
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This is Soundwave binding Ratbat but seeing as Megatron did the same thing to Pentius by putting his spark into Trypticon and reformatted Rumble and Frenzy into cassettes against their will I think he approves a lot of this practice
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Megatron on Optimus and humans, after his defeat in All Hail Megatron ⬇️
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he really salty
"I implant ideology" aka brainwashing
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Decepticon cause = Megatron. nuff said.
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"I liberate cities" says the person who let Nyon burn to make a point
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Cities are too small, think bigger
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Holding New York hostage.
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"Like Autobots, they believe in the sanctity of life" which he doesn't. Kudos for being honest.
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Allowing troops to do free-rein massacre is a reward for conquest. Nothing like some easy murder for de-stressing.
The Simanzi massacre which halved the Cybertronian population is off-screen so it doesn't deserve its own pic
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"The revolution"
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"We only feel good when we stand with a blade in one hand and a throat in another" "Let's make the entire face of the planet into our new gladiator arena"
What nice, confidence-inspiring revolutionaries. I'm sure they'll rule the population with benevolence after they've killed all the Necessary People with Necessary Violence. Final interpretation of what constitutes as Necessary is reserved for the sole discretion of Megatron, ofc.
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Good goals.
Sentinel might be an absolute asshole but at least he's got one thing right: they're literally a gang of thugs who gets high off murder.
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"The people are my utmost concern"
'The people': ................
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"Battling for freedom"
Freedom of what? Function? Autonomy?
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Religion?
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the ability to choose whether to fight? on which side to fight?
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Idk why they used the word "pogrom" for this, it's way too specific
Anyways it doesn't matter, they won't be missed.
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Good for Bumblebee for calling him out. Screenshotted this just to appreciate Megatron's bitchy face ⬇️
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Other urban legends:
"Megatron loves Cybertron" let's just burrrrn it
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He did fight to save Cybertron in Chaos Theory but also made it pretty clear why he did it. It's not out of the goodness of his heart or any sentimental reasons like that. It's an ego/dominance thing.
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Plus his wording when he's trying to convince Optimus to let him go with the Lost Light: "I broke the planet. And that, Optimus, is why I owe it to you - to everyone - to find a replacement."
Replacement.
In other words: I made a mess and can't be bothered to clean it up, so I want to get away from it and find somewhere new to start clean.
I don't think Optimus appreciates the favour.
"Megatron tore down a corrupt government" which is true, just too bad that he's worse
He's also, um, a closeted Zeta admirer?
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"Megatron advocates equality" ???
Megatron x dictatorship is literally his OTP. They were inseparable for four million years. A lot of people died trying.
"Megatron cares about the Decepticons" no he doesn't. Not his troops nor its cause.
Like for one thing he treats them with complete scorn
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Admits that the most useful thing about keeping Starscream around is that he can bully underlings into line
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Wants to use the humans' nuke to get rid of his troops and reformat them into peaceful drones after they outlive their use because they were "too ruthless" for his perfect peaceful society
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Has zero scruples about fighting Deceptigod, just affronted that his own soldiers are being used against him
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And basically just drops the Decepticons like a bag of vermin after he surrenders. He never once mentions them of his own accord, other than to insist he has nothing to do with them. Even his surrender speech is something Optimus makes him do as exchange b/c he wants to go on parole. He wasn't planning on making a public address otherwise, he was just going to leave them hanging.
Looking at the publication timeline, Megatron started out as an established Evil McEvilson-type villain similar to how he is in G1 and it's not until Chaos Theory in 2011 that JRo really gave him a sympathetic backstory that drew his characterization away from the bloodthirsty pugno ergo sum warlord into someone who once held ideals about societal reform and remains convinced of his own moral supremacy throughout the 4 mill years of death and war, adding worldbuilding such as Functionism/oppression/government corruption as justification for the beginning of the Decepticon movement. But because the start of the Decepticons was already written in Megatron Origins and every evil thing he'd done up till Chaos Theory can't be retracted and they had to keep Megatron as a villain until his story was no longer central to the Autobot-Decepticon war line, and JRo didn't try to downplay the atrocities he'd committed (some of the most sadistically disturbing things Megatron did were exclusively in MTMTE flashbacks), but rather tried to distance him from them and placed the focus on the juxtapositions to emphasize change, this as a whole just resulted in Evil McEvilson getting turned into Hyper McHypocrite.
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dogtoling · 7 months
Text
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RE: Question about whether the Deepsea and the Octarian Domes are directly connected to each other. sorry i'm stealing your reply @bucketsquid but i see a chance to talk about this i have to take it. So idk let's try to decode how they might actually be connected.
This is the obvious conclusion. For the record I think it's the RIGHT conclusion after Side Order because they seemed to REALLY imply it this time. I thought for a really long time that the Deepsea and Octarian domes HAVE TO be connected because not only are they both subterranean but also literally how else do you get that many freaking Octolings in there? Since the metro is connected to the Inkopolis subway anyway wouldn't it be WAY EASIER TO JUST GET SQUIDS? (though to be honest i still stand by this.)
Anyway the obvious assumption is that the Deepsea and Octarian domes connect to each other. though it's not so straightforward. How they connect to each other exactly? we don't really know. Anyway let's get back into this in just a second i need to show what absolutely dashed my hopes and made me really mad when it happened
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THIS MAP. THEY POSTED THIS MAP. Before this map I was having a great time because this is what the map was in my head:
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"why was that the map in your head" idk. the giant stretches of water surrounding both canyons and inkopolis stretching into said body of water gave me the mental image that the canyons were in the ocean by inkopolis' coast. alongside some of the very old concept art that shows some of the domes even being underneath inkopolis if i'm not mistaken!
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from the art of splatoon 1. this is an ancient and I MEAN ANCIENT manga depicting what is obviously an early concept of the story so it shouldn't ACTUALLY be taken as fact (almost nothing in this manga holds up anymore). But some of the things WERE kept! I have to assume this is also why you get into Octo Valley through the sewer in the games because the story mode was meant to take place literally straight underneath Inkopolis... it makes a lot less sense in the final result when you supposedly take the sewer like 50 kilometers (i dont know the actual distances but i think they're able to be deciphered) underground to a canyon in the middle of nowhere.
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Why is there even continuous sewage all that way. What is happening. Is it even a sewer or a really long underground secret tunnel that Captain Cuttlefish dug because he's been really bored for 100 years.
kind of besides the point. back to the issue of the deepsea and the octarian empire being connected. You know, with the Deepsea Metro being located in Inkopolis Bay and the domes supposedly being all over the Inkopolis underground and the surrounding locations, it didn't seem that far fetched that they could siphon Octolings from the underground (where they live) to another very close-by fork of the underground (the Deepsea). However,
1. the Deepsea is NOT Octarian territory, but its own type of society. which is really weird considering how much Octarian iconography is down there, let alone how many OCTARIANS are down there
2. We have SO LITTLE knowledge about the true scope of the Deepsea that you can't even say for sure whether the Deepsea is *JUST* the Deepsea Metro and the facilities and industrial cities in that exact specific area, or if it's a big underwater and underground empire similar in scope to the Octarian domes, maybe even built in the exact same dome network - or a neighboring one. (This would mean they have a border somewhere undefined, underground.)
3. At face value with only the map, this is the distance for a Single Octarian to travel in order to get from where they live/are stationed, to get to the Deepsea Metro which is cluttered with one billion octarians
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HELLO? THAT IS SO FAR. it's even worse than the distance Agents 3 and 4 are swimming through the god damn sewer. This also makes very little sense if we assume all the subterranean domes in all of these locations are exclusively under their surface counterparts... which... well, we don't know.
We know that the Deepsea Metro is connected to the Inkopolis Underground (it even shows this on the map with the little dotted line). I don't really know the significance of that but I've taken it to mean that the Deepsea Metro that is highlighted in the map shows specifically the area covered by the Kamabo Corporation and the tests there, and honestly again, I don't even know if the Deepsea is any bigger than that. Since it's been stated to be an independent society from Inkopolis or the Octarians, you would ASSUME there'd be ample space for people to like, live, and maybe work, and produce stuff you need to like, live. Instead of the test facility being literally the only place that exists plus a city built around only that to sustain everything.
Furthermore, we don't know if Octarians have cities on the surface in their part of the surface world! This is something that really bothers me because I think knowing whether or not this is the case would change SO MUCH (i'm currently under the assumption it is a barren wasteland with Literally Nothing). However given the location of the Salmonid Swim Zone, we can SEE cities in the background of multiple stages, and judging by this map those would be mainly on the Octarian coasts. This could mean that Octarians have surface cities where they coexist with the Salmon, it could mean that they USED TO have surface cities and abandoned them, OR it could mean that Salmonids actually live on Octarian surface turf while the Octarians themselves live underground! Idk! There's a lot of options!
I kind of doubt Octarians have cities on the surface because if they did, then it would feel redundant for the game to keep coming back to "the Octoling world" being this horrible military regime underground that people try to get to the surface from. If it was that easy to get to the surface it feels odd that it would be a big deal. We know that the Octarian domes, at least in Octo Valley, are specifically an underground *secret* military base.
(*Secret* being explicitly stated before and it would imply that they wouldn't necessarily NEED to live underground, but it's just way easier to do Secret Things underground. Plus the surface is a wasteland so honestly not a lot to lose there.)
We still haven't really seen what they have aside from that. We don't know where they get their food, for example. There's got to be farmers in a society. There HAS TO be some kind of surface access or activity, and if you squint, Octo Canyon IS a surface city that they seem to have free access to. So why not have others? It seems only logical to have more. In this case the oppression of the Octoling world and being forced to stay underground feels really case-specific, but it seems to also be an overarching thing that's quite widespread, so... I don't know, I WANT MORE OCTARIAN WORLDBUILDING *PLEASE* i'm working with crumbs here.
Anyway. my current assumption of the subterranean areas of the Deepsea and the Octarian empire goes something like this, all things considered that I've talked about...
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(Not exactly that but you get the general picture)
When you put it this way, it suddenly makes a lot more sense that Octarians would be getting into the Deepsea. Generally I tried to keep the locations of Octarian tunnel systems to their turf, and the locations of Deepsea tunnels under the ocean floor, though with Octarian domes explicitly stated to have been dug by humans there's. really no reason they couldn't stretch into Inkling territory. We have no idea how big these tunnel systems are in scope, NO idea.
And that's also the problem with trying to solve this part of worldbuilding, because my concept could easily be right but it could also be COMPLETELY wrong! It's totally possible that the dome networks are actually secluded and tiny and are *just* under the Octarian craters and nowhere else, and it's totally possible that the entirety of the Deepsea is JUST Kamabo Co and the few settlements surrounding it. I'm not that confident that I'm right but I'm not really confident that we'll get answers to these questions either, at least as long as the story modes keep intentionally avoiding expanding on existing game locations and pretending theyre not in the splatoon world at all by making their key locations abstract and closed off bubbles on purpoCOUGH HACK who said that
There is 1 thing I've completely failed to mention in this post and it's that Octo Valley and the Deepsea Metro are like, explicitly connected. Which by the way makes NO SENSE given they're on opposite corners of the map. But between what we know from Side Order and from this Official Snippet from Splatoon Base, the Official Splatoon Story Resource By Nintendo,
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Ignoring that none of this makes sense anymore or is intentionally misleading compared to what we know from Agent 8's memory loss now. Anyway. This seems to just imply the Deepsea is *under* Octo Valley. WHICH WOULD LINE UP WITH SIDE ORDER, weirdly enough. It is possible that the Deepsea domes could actually OVERLAP with Octarian Domes, it's just built FAR under sea level, not bound to the actual location of the sea itself.
I want to point out that this segment in the splatoon base and the game itself and dev interviews all tend to contradict each other in some ways when you look at them side by side, which is frustrating, but also serves as a reminder that sometimes the official resources don't know exactly what they're talking about either. so it's often not worthwhile looking them up and trying to conclude something based on it just to find out that it's literally contradicted in the game itself.
anyway, we know One Thing now and it's that there's at least no way that Octarian domes and the Deepsea AREN'T connected to each other in some way. this post doesn't exactly solve the issue of How but there was an attempt. I don't think this is ultimately something you can come to a concrete foolproof conclusion on until there is more information. But in the meantime I guess there's speculation.
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hischierswhore · 7 months
Note
hiii, could you write some angst to fluff with nico?
like maybe they into a big argument, but end up resolving everything
thaankss🫶🏼
jealousy is a good thing
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pairing: nico hischier x bff!reader
a/n: hi anon! i kind of steered away from the whole 'argument' plotline but i think this turned out cute?? idk.
You were currently at some party with Nico and the rest of the team. You were talking to Luke when you excused yourself to go grab a water bottle, as you suddenly felt the urge to drink some water. On your way to the fridge, you saw the worst sight possible: Nico chatting away with Y/bff. This wasn't the first time you'd witnessed the two together. They looked comfortable in each others presence, which made you feel kind of weird for some reason.
As much as you loved Nico and he was one of the most adorable people on earth, it still bothered you seeing him hanging out with someone other than you.
You'd grown to have a massive crush on Nico, your best friend of 4 years. You'd become friends when he started playing with the Devils, and had slowly fallen in love with him ever since. The biggest issue was that you couldn't bring yourself to tell him how you felt because you didn't want to risk losing him.
So now here you were, watching Nico act all happy and close to Y/bff, thinking about what you should do. Tell him how you feel? Go talk to Y/bff? Confront both of them? All these thoughts flew through your head in seconds, causing your mind to run rampant.
You were lost in thought when a hand grabbed yours from behind. You turned around to see Nico smiling at you. He handed you a water bottle and you smiled back as you muttered a quiet "Thanks" before heading off towards Luke once again, leaving Nico standing next to the fridge confused.
He stared at you as you walked away, but his face soon returned to its normal expression as he continued to chat with Y/bff.
They pair continued chatting the night away and you just didn't want to be there anymore. Not knowing what to do, you headed home early to avoid being a third wheel. Once you arrived home, you got ready for bed and cried yourself to sleep at the thought of your love for Nico not being reciprocated.
You woke up in the middle of the night to someone rubbing your back. You slowly opened your eyes and realized it was Nico, who was gently rubbing your back in an attempt to wake you.
You sat up slightly and rubbed your eyes as you yawned, "What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing, I just wanted to see if you're okay. You left the party and didn't tell anyone" He replied as he pulled away from your back. He noticed the faint tear marks on your face, even though the room was dark. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"Nothing really, I was just tired." You lied. It was true you weren't tired, you were crying yourself to sleep at the fact that you liked Nico more than he liked you. He was probably trying to comfort you by waking you up, not realizing that he was actually making you feel worse.
He nodded as he let out a small sigh. He sat down on the edge of your bed as he began to play with your hair, "Are you sure you're alright? You seem like you aren't yourself."
"I'm fine, Nico. Just go back to the party and talk to Y/bff again or something" You replied quietly as you tried to ignore the confusion in his voice. You knew Nico cared about you, but it was only a friendship. No matter how much you wanted it to be more, you knew it wouldn't happen.
There was a silence that filled the pitch black room, that is until Nico reached for the lamp on your bedside table and turned the dim lights on. You could finally see Nico's face, and he could see yours in much better detail.
"Y/bff? What are you talking about?" Nico asked as he looked into your eyes. Your cheeks were bright red and you were nervously avoiding eye contact.
"It doesn't matter. Just leave me alone" You snapped as you curled up into a ball and you felt the first fresh tear land on your cheek. You hated this part of being in love with someone; dealing with the rejection when they didn't return your feelings.
The tears started flowing once again as Nico brushed his hand up and down your back, attempting to soothe you. But he failed miserably, because instead of calming you down, it only caused you to cry even harder.
Nico felt his heart breaking into a million pieces as he watched you wither away in front of him.
"Y/n please talk to me. What's going on?" Nico pleaded as he lightly shook you. You slowly opened your eyes and glanced over at Nico, noticing the hurt look in his eyes.
"Just go back to the damn party and talk to Y/bff, since she's apparently caught your eye lately" You snapped before rolling over onto your stomach.
Nico was silent for a few moments as he stared at you, wanting to know why you said those words to him.
"You think I'm into Y/bff?" He asked with a sad tone. "Is that what this is about?"
The silence on your end spoke volumes. The way your body language changed gave it away, and it killed Nico to hear the truth spoken aloud.
Nico's heart dropped to the floor as you sobbed uncontrollably into your pillow. He hated that he was the reason behind your tears. Tears ran down your cheeks as you buried your face into the soft material. A lone tear rolled down his cheek and landed on your arm, causing you to stop sobbing and turn to look at him.
"I'm not into Y/bff, you know" He whispered.
You hesitated to answer him as you gazed at his face, desperately trying to figure out what to say.
"But you've both been super chatty lately and hanging out a lot more" You finally uttered.
"Well I didn't want to have to tell you but she's been giving me dating advice on this girl I like" Nico confessed.
"And the last thing I want is for the girl I’m after to think I'm going after her other best friend, especially considering me and this girl are best friends." Nico continued.
You froze, unable to speak. Your mind went completely blank as you listened to Nico explain what was going on. The last thing you expected was for Nico to actually reveal that he was into you. Was he serious? Had he always been into you? You felt faint as you thought about everything that just happened.
When you finally regained control of your senses, you quickly turned to face Nico. There was no mistaking the large smile plastered across his face. You blushed deeply as you attempted to fight back your emotions.
"What?" Nico asked with excitement.
"Do you mean it?" You squeaked.
Nico laughed as he nodded vigorously. "Of course I mean it!"
Your heart soared as you smiled brightly at Nico, reaching forward to hug him. He embraced you tightly as you continued to cry, this time tears of joy.
After another minute, you broke apart from each other. Nico looked at you with the goofiest face possible.
"Were you jealous, schatzi?" He teased.
You rolled your eyes, "Shut up."
He chuckled as he patted your shoulder, "It's okay to admit it, sometimes jealousy is a good thing."
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taglist
@lovelynikol16
(if you'd like to be added to the taglist for any of the players i write for, please let me know!)
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In Love and War (6)
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Author's Note: This came out angstyyyyyyyyyy, I'm sorry idk what happened. It's gotta get worse before it gets better, I guess.
Content Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Azriel using Truth-Teller, Mentions of Abuse/Death
Chapter 5/ Masterlist
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I can’t breathe. The walls of the tent close in, the dark leather pressing in closer and closer. If the ground were to open up and swallow me right now, I wouldn’t even have the presence of mind to scream. The fall would be a welcome reprieve from the roaring of my heart in my own ears.
What does he mean our fathers killed each other?  
It’s wrong. He’s wrong! He’s lying. He has to be lying!
I roll over so I can face him, so close on this small mat that our noses brush. His violet eyes glow in the darkness of the tent. “What do you mean?” The panic that edges my voice makes me sound shrill, even in my own ears.
I don’t want him to answer, but I desperately need him to tell me everything all at once. The wine threatens to come back up in a rush as his hand skims up my side to cup my cheek, “Tamlin didn’t tell you?”
How dare him touch me while we have this conversation; what is so broken and wrong inside of me that I let him? I know that I am shaking in his grip and when he starts rubbing calming circles into my cheek with his thumb I lean into that touch like it might give me one last life line to cling to.
“He said you killed my father.”
He stills, wings fluttering; I feel it pass through him like its own little draft, skittering across his wings. A dark mist follows, seeping from his skin. 
I know we’re not supposed to be talking about this, but the words are already out, whether from the wine or by the sheer desperation I feel crawling beneath my skin. I need to know! I need to know that everything I had believed was true. That all that I was doing this for was not based on a lie. 
He brushes his nose over mine, lips ghosting over my forehead. “When I see what they have done to you, I wish I had killed them both.”
My stomach twists. No. No. This can’t be happening!
“But no, it was my father, in retribution for what they had done.”
But I saw him holding the sword! I saw him leave the tent! I never saw his father’s body and Tamlin had always said he arrived too late to save any of them, that all he could do was fend Rhys off to keep him from slaughtering what was left of us. 
The confusion must be evident on my face, because he asks, “You really don’t know, do you?”
It’s more than a little patronizing but I don’t even have the energy to be angry about it, because my whole life is a lie! I’ve spent decades hating him. I just offered up my body and possibly my future to destroy him for nothing? For something his father, who’s long dead, did?
“Maybe we should talk about this in the morning,” he suggests and it’s definitely because I’m crying now and not because he’s trying to avoid it. 
My throat feels like it;s closing. “No!” And it’s then that I feel the faintest prick of fangs growing behind my lips. “Please just tell me.”
His thumb soothes over my cheek again, like he can feel the sudden shift in my being. I don’t know where that rush of power comes from. Maybe it is some sort of effect of being so close to him while he repairs the wards. 
“Rhys!” It’s always Azriel that interrupts us somehow, the shadowy male hurtling into the tent with that wicked looking dagger in hand. “We’ve got movement in the hills.”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Now? Of all the Cauldron damned times for Amarantha to show herself, it has to be right now?!
Rhysand is on his feet in an instant, reaching for my discarded chest piece and ushering me into it, our conversation forgotten. “How many?”
I wish I could say I possess his ability to compartmentalize tasks, but despite the worst possible danger knocking on our unguarded and unwarded doors, all I can think about is how desperately we need to finish this conversation. 
“Five, a scout and four chargers. I’ve got Nox and Avos on their trail, but I don’t see any marks yet.” Azriel continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil.
Rhysand slings my quiver and bow over my shoulders again, checking all the straps to ensure they’re in place. He’d never taken his own armor off, only the belt for his sword, he uses a tendril of shadowy darkness to strap it into place while he finishes with me. “Stay with her.”
Azriel eyes me like I’m a pile of shit he accidentally stepped in, but I’m too busy trying to wipe my eyes on my sleeves to care. “You might need me out there,” he protests.
“Might,” Rhysand counters, stalking out of the tent in search of his horse. “But I definitely need you here more.” He grabs the reins on his horse, the mount still saddled, just in case we’d needed to leave in a hurry. Dinner threatens to come back up as I watch him slide into his cloak. I’ve spent my life hating that triple star pattern that will sit over his eyes, cursing his existence, wishing him every pain and misery imaginable for ruining my life and it wasn’t even his fault?
The ground is unsteady beneath my feet, I feel myself stumble and sway and I can’t tell if it’s the wine or the reality of the situation that makes my legs feel like jelly. 
I want to go home! I want this to be a bad dream. 
For a moment, I think he might simply toss the cowl over his head and mount up, leaving me to sit here in the misery of our half finished conversation, but he comes back a moment later, hand sliding into my hair as he tilts my head back and kisses me swiftly.
He should taste as bitter as the wine we’d shared. I should feel nothing but misery when he slips his tongue behind my teeth, but when he has me like this, nothing else matters. There doesn’t have to be anything between us. I do not feel like some broken, wretched thing.
“Don’t leave Azriel’s side,” he says as he pulls away. “We’ll finish our conversation when I return, I promise.” Then he mounts up, calling for half of the men as he goes. The thundering sound of the horses hooves as they race down into the grassy hills beneath us makes it feel like we’re standing in the center of an earthquake.
There’s enough moonlight to watch them go, their mounts and flowing capes in the wind making them appear like wraiths racing towards the enemy. 
With half of the men gone, and two scouting, that leaves Azriel and four other men to guard camp. None of them look too happy about it, least of all Azriel, who keeps watching me out of the corner of his eye like he thinks I might disappear at a moment’s notice. I remain next to him, anxiously shifting my weight from foot to foot, hoping the chill on the wind might wake my dull senses up.
Shadows drift off Azriel’s shoulders, but unlike Rhysand’s that always stay curled around his body, Azriel’s drift off like inky tendrils, testing the wind around him. Some slither along the ground like snakes, searching through patches of grass for an unwanted scent, others drift away, testing the wind for him. One remains perched over his ear, and I hear the faint sound of whispering like the shadows are reporting what they find. 
We can no longer see the others, and I spin slowly around in a circle, taking stock of my surroundings. We’re a little higher than the base of the mountain, perched on a cleft in the rock for a better vantage point. The ward remains behind us, I think, without the trail of Rhysand’s magic, I still can’t see or feel this one. To the left and right, the rocky base of the mountain is dotted with ancient trees, some thicker than a house, but the coming winter has stolen their leaves, no vantage point for archers to be had there without being sitting ducks. Beneath us, the rolling hills of grass stretch far out of sight. If Amarantha brought an army behind those first five riders, she’s hidden it well. Still, the thought makes a chill run up my spine and I keep a hand around the hilt of my dagger, just in case.
Azriel does nothing to quell my nerves, just stands there, still as a statue, listening to his shadows, eyes glued to the horizon. I can’t help but wonder if his shadows show him things as much as they tell him. Can he see Rhysand right now?
My stomach twists at the thought. I can’t see him. I can’t hear if he’s ok. There’s nothing in my arsenal to tell me that he’s coming back. And Cauldron boil me, I want him to come back. If he dies without finishing our conversation, I might never learn what happened. Whether it’s the truth or not is yet to be seen, but Tamlin’s account and his account are different, and I will be damned if I don’t get some answers from someone. 
The hand not holding my dagger reaches up to rub at the scar above my ear, hidden under my hair. Tam and I had been fighting that day, he’d been on edge about something and when I’d pushed too hard he’d shoved me right into the corner of a table. I’d been in the healer’s tent getting stitches; all these years I’d thought it was the Mother looking out for me, that little accident might have just saved my life. But looking at it now, I can’t help but wonder if it kept me from seeing the truth. 
I shift my weight again and Azriel’s gaze flicks back to me once more, irritated, like I’m somehow distracting him. 
“Sorry,” I mutter, locking my knees.
I can stand still, it’s fine. I force myself to focus on my breathing, but in the silence there’s one nagging thought that eats at me: Do I really believe Rhysand is telling the truth? I take him to bed one time, accept a couple gifts from him, and what? Believe everything he says as truth? Are claims of a mating bond really enough to make me believe he’d be open and honest with me? A mating bond certainly hadn’t saved my mother.
I close my eyes at the thought of her, chest aching. Did I believe Rhysand was right about that too? That my father had used her powers to try and breed powerful sons, not because he’d loved her? I’d certainly never seen my parents be affectionate towards each other, not even in the way Rhysand was with me. They’d never held hands, never ridden out together. He’d kept her clothed and fed, sure, and entertained her obsession with fairytales when it suited him. My mother told me, on one of her days of clarity, that he’d carved her rocking chair for her when he’d found out she was pregnant with Tam. But I never saw him be warm with her. I’m not even sure I ever saw them kiss, even on the cheek. But a lack of affection in public didn’t mean he cared so little about her he let her, supposed, powers drive her insane, did it?
“A scout’s coming back,” Azriel says, breaking me out of my thoughts. 
My eyes snap open as the rider crests the hillside and comes into view. Illyrian mounts really are beautiful, all sleek muscle and rippling midnight black manes. Together they make a lot of noise, but alone, they’re pretty damn quiet until their hooves hit rock.
Azriel motions me to follow him as he goes to the edge of the cleft in the rocks and waits as the scout approaches. “Well?”
“Not Amarantha,” the scout says and I let out a breath of relief. 
“Who the fuck would come out here then?” Someone behind me challenges. 
“Spring,” the scout says and all the blood drains from my face.
Azriel glances at me, but there’s pity in his hazel gaze this time. 
I swallow the lump in my throat. Not now, I’m not ready to see them yet! 
“What do they want?” I’m having a hard time processing that Tam would waste resources looking for me, especially when we’ve barely had horses to spare to move camp, let alone ride all the way out here.
“Proof you’re alive,” the scout says, holding out his hand.
It’s Azriel that smacks his hand away. “She only rides with me or Rhys.”
The mount shifts beneath the scout, his hood falling even lower down his face. Something feels off about it and I glance at Azriel for confirmation I’m not alone. He nods at me as he steps closer, hand on the small of my back as he leads me to where his own mount chews on a dying patch of grass. 
“Be ready,” he says in my ear.
The scout fidgets in his seat like he’s not used to riding in one and it’s that more than anything that has Azriel’s shadows flying off his shoulders to grab the rider by the wrist and yank him out of the saddle. He slams into the ground with a scream, the sound of bones crunching against rock so loud I wince as Azriel hoists me up into his saddle. 
I grab the reins to keep the horse steady, trying desperately to remember where Rhysand had held his hands when I rode with him. 
Azriel stalks over to the male, wings flaring as he knocks the back of the hood back with the tip of his dagger. Even in the moonlight, I know what swatch of dark hair and golden eyes. One of Tamlin’s Wolves, Andras. Of course he wouldn’t know how to ride, we’d survived a lot of skirmishes over the years because Tam had used his shapeshifting powers to change the men into beasts to fight. 
Azriel crouches in front of him as Andras grips his clearly broken shoulder. “Let’s try this again, shall we?”
Andras’ gaze flicks to me first. Thankfully, Azriel’s horse is a lot more patient than the others and my own nervous energy hasn’t caused it to run off. If anything, I think the animal cares less about my presence than its usual rider, because it goes back to eating.
“Your whore of a warlord-” that’s as far as Andras gets before Azriel slams the hilt of his dagger into the other male’s throat.
“Start like that again and I’ll make sure you never use that shoulder,” Azriel threatens with so much venom, I shiver. 
Andras coughs, good hand reaching for his throat and Azriel slams the blade clean through his forearm, pinning him in place.
I look away as Andras screams. He is not my friend, I can do nothing. I have always done nothing. The males have their fights and their quarrels and I have always stood on the sidelines waiting for the violence to pass like a good girl. 
“Ok! Ok!” Andras rasps. “I had orders to get into the camp and get Y/N, that’s it!”
But wasn’t being tired of standing on the sidelines that prompted me to stay here in the first place? Wasn’t I trying to make things better for my people? How was sitting here helping them?
“What about the others?” Azriel questions. 
“I don’t know! Lucien was supposed to handle that.” Andras replies through gritted teeth.
Do I even want to help them? If Rhysand was telling the truth, whose side am I even on? My head hurts from the questions, my stomach still churning end over end. I don’t know what to do.
“Where’s Tamlin?” Azriel asks as he rips the dagger out. 
Andras screams, the sound echoing off the rocks. “There’s only five of us! Tamlin never left camp.”
Of course he would send Lucien and not risk coming out here himself. That would put him face to face with Rhysand and he’d lose. And looking at it now, I realize that he knows it. He’s always known it. I rub a hand over the scar on my hand. Did he know about the bond too? Had that been why he was always so sure that I knew Rhysand was the enemy?
Azriel raises the dagger to make another cut and Andras screams, “I swear I’m telling the truth!”
“Azriel,” my voice is steadier than I feel and all eyes suddenly turn to me. I need to get answers. I need to do something. “Take me out there please.” 
“No.”
I tighten my grip on the reins. I’ll go out there myself if I have to. “If it’s Lucien, then it’s not a fight they’re having. Let me diffuse this.” I’m not sure I mean those words; I’m not sure I have the power to do anything but watch horror after horror unfold around me, but I know that I have to try. I have to attempt to put my life back together. I have to find some bit of order or I’ll go insane. Besides, this is Lucien we’re talking about! Surely he could see reason, right?
Andras is looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. 
“Tie him up,” Azriel says to one of the others as he stands and wipes his blade on a cloth that hangs from his belt. “I’m not done with him.”
“But I don’t know anything!” Andras protests as two men haul him to his feet, wrenching his broken shoulder in the process. Blood drips from his forearm, down his fingers. Regardless of the confusion I feel swirling around inside me, he’s still a part of my people. Lucien is still family. If I can keep any more bloodshed from happening between our two people I will. 
“I can work this out. Not everything has to be a bloodbath.”
Azriel swings himself into the saddle behind me and steals the reins. “If I so much as hear an arrow being fired, we’re turning back around.” He snarls.
“Fine,” I concede, because at least it meant I tried. 
“Rhys is gonna kill me for this.”
----
I’m not convinced Azriel’s horse isn’t a wraith. It’s almost completely silent, save for the softest hint of breathing imaginable. When it breathes, little wisps of shadows escape out its nose. I wish I had time to ask him about it, but there’s none, not as we race over the hills, fast as the wind. 
No arrows rise up to meet us, so at least I’ve been, so far, correct about Lucien not leading an ambush. Their scout must have taken down one of Rhysand’s and stolen his mount and cloak to look presentable. At least, I tell myself it was just that and not that Lucien ordered a man killed to try and get to me. Lucien, who would sneak me snacks and who secretly taught me how to fish; Lucien who used to braid my hair for me while we sat on the creek bed, making jokes. Lucien who had always been a spot of sunlight in my world, who looked after me like a brother, and promised to scare away any suitors who made me uncomfortable. Lucien was a good male; the best of us, even, the thought that he might be capable of such violence makes me nauseous. I have had too many life changing questions hurled my way tonight, I cannot bear another one, especially not about him.
We crest a particularly large hill and finally get a glimpse of the Illyrian riders. They’re not fighting. In fact, they’re just standing there, in formation behind Rhysand’s horse. The warlord himself stands in front of it, shrouded in that heavy cloak, facing off against Lucien and his three dismounted riders. They’re all armed, but no one is actively fighting each other, I take that as a good sign.
Though Lucien doesn’t look particularly pleased to see me riding with Azriel, nothing but unbridled horror crossing his scarred face as we approach. 
When we get to the bottom of the hill, I jump off the horse, much to Azriel’s dismay. 
Lucien takes a step towards me, but growling, Rhysand steps in front of him. “Touch her and you’re dead, Vanserra.”
The men move to let me pass through and I focus all my energy on breathing evenly as I walk towards them. Does Lucien know? Did he hide this from me too? Or was he just as blind as I was?
“Y/N, are you all right?” Lucien asks, his metal eye whirring as he looks me over. 
My chest feels like it’s gonna rip right down the middle and spill my heart right out onto the floor. I don’t know who to believe. I don’t know who I want to believe. This is Lucien we’re talking about, he would never willingly hurt me. He comforted me when my entire world fell apart, he helped Tam and I bury them. I want so desperately for all these onlookers to leave, so it’s just the three of us and the truth, but the way they all stand there, armed and ready tells me that’s not happening. There hasn’t already been bloodshed here, because Lucien was waiting for Andras to give him some sort of signal that it wasn’t necessary. Because he was expecting to be able to just kidnap me.
Why do all these males constantly treat me like I’m just an object to be snatched up on their whims?
Rhysand’s hooded head is angled in my direction, watching my approach through the stars in his cowl. I don’t like that I can’t see his eyes. He doesn’t look like the Rhysand who’d just been holding me. He looks like the male I remember from my nightmares.
And Lucien looks like someone I don’t recognize at all.
How am I supposed to make sense out of any of this? Seeing them doesn’t make it easier. 
The Illyrians shift behind me, horses snuffing in agitation, kicking up loose strands of grass. I feel their unease as easily as I can see it in the males behind Lucien. Maybe this isn’t the time for answers, maybe all I can do right now is keep them from killing each other. Regardless of who’s right here, I don’t want to see either males hurt.
“I’m fine,” I lie as I come to a stop at Rhysand’s side. His gloved fingers brush mine like he might take my hand, but he doesn’t. 
Lucien stares back and forth between us. “I wouldn’t call being kidnapped fine.”
Rhys growls again, the sound skittering over my spine, “But you’d call letting her starve to death on a solo hunt fine?”
Lucien’s mouth pulls back in a grimace. “Tam made a mistake, he admits it-”
“He admits it?” His wings shake behind him, darkness drifting in waves from beneath them until it shrouds him more than the cloak. There’s so much of it Lucien retreats a step. “How brave of him to admit he fucked up and yet he still let it go on this long before someone came looking.”
Lucien keeps his gaze on me. “It won’t happen again. We’ve talked about it. Trust me, next time-”
“There is no next time,” Rhysand snarls. “She’s not going back with you!”
Lucien’s hand falls to his sword hilt, but his gaze remains on me. “Let her come home. Let this be settled and done. Tamlin sent money-”
A whip made of starlight appears in Rhysand’s hand, knocking the bag of coins Lucien pulls off his belt from his hand and scattering it across the grass. All of the men with Lucien draw their swords, even as the redhead tightly grips his own. Rhysand can easily kill him here and he will if Lucien keeps talking. I need to diffuse this, I need them all to leave each other alone. I’m not done here, and even if Lucien won’t understand it, I can’t bear to see him get hurt.
“He’s my mate,” I say and the words taste like a betrayal.
Lucien’s face twists in a mixture of horror and disgust.
“No one is keeping me here against my will.” Well, mostly. It’s not like I’ve put that to the test, but he doesn’t need to know that. 
“That can’t be true,” it comes out like a whisper, as if he doesn’t want to believe it. I suppose, if our places were switched, I wouldn’t want to either. “You did something to her.”
Rhysand huffs, “I didn’t and I wouldn’t.”
“Like you didn’t slaughter thousands for Amarantha?” Lucien snarls.
Rhysand freezes, still as death beside me.
Azriel, silent in the grass, has come up behind me, his presence a steadying energy amidst the chaos I feel swirling around us. What does he mean he killed for Amarantha? Isn’t he trying to kill her?
“That’s enough,” Azriel hisses. “The lady told you she doesn’t want to go back with you. Respect that and go.”
Lucien doesn’t move. “He didn’t tell you that, did he, Y/N?”
“Leave!” Azriel snarls.
“I’m sure he didn’t tell you how he whored himself out to her either. Why do you think the Illyrians have so much land?”
Azriel steps around me, shadows swirling, dagger in hand, but it’s Rhysand, who’s now almost wholly surrounded by a dark mist, that puts out a hand to stop him. “Everything I did, I did for my people,” he says in a voice that’s so low I almost can’t hear it over the wind. “Everything Tamlin is doing now is for himself.”
“How noble,” Lucien snarls. “If your intentions are so pure, let her go.”
Rhysand turns to look at me, pushing the cowl off his head so I can see his face. The moonlight doesn’t hide the shadows under his eyes, or the weight I see crushing down on his shoulders. It’s impossible to miss the way his wings droop behind him. My chest aches at the sight of him, something clawing in desperation beneath my skin begging me to find a way to take that burden from him. 
“Do you want to go back with him?” He asks.
I don’t know if what he’s said tonight is true or a lie, but I know here and now that if I said yes he’d let me walk away. No strings attached, if I took Lucien’s hand and got on that horse, he wouldn’t fight me.
I don’t know what I want any more. I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything I have built my life on feels like it's crumbling beneath my feet. And everyone is just standing there watching it happen. 
No one has ever offered me a choice like this before. My whole life I have been told where to go and who to be and given one taste of freedom I had still followed exactly what was expected of me, hoping that it would finally make me feel at peace. But I haven’t felt a moment of peace in all of it, except when I was in Rhysand’s arms. It’s impossible that he of all people could make me feel like that. It shouldn’t be this way. 
And Lucien, who I always considered another brother, who shared food at my table and always made me feel like I wasn’t a waste of space, was now someone I didn’t recognize. There is no sign of Rhysand’s missing rider among them. I don’t know if he’s dead or not, probably, judging by the way Lucien keeps looking at Rhys like he’s an animal. 
It’s a startling sight, not because I would have looked at him like that myself a couple days ago, but because that’s how Tam always looked at me. Like I was some thing that was so inherently wrong; some creature that needed to be tamed and bridled. Those pointed tips of the fangs I felt try to make an appearance earlier have come back, poking into my lower lip. I feel something shifting beneath my skin, a beast awakening from some deep slumber. My hands open and close reflexively at my side. The stirring feeling is strongest in my chest, right where I sometimes feel that weird pressure that’s somehow tied to Rhys.
“No, I don’t want to go back with him,” the words are steadier than I feel, my chin raised. I do not cower from them, or the fact that I mean them. Even though Lucien looks like I’ve punched him in the gut. I can’t go back. Not until I have the truth. Not until I can make sense of all this mess I feel in my head and in my heart. 
“Tamlin won’t take me back anyway,” I pull the gaps in the arms of my sweater down, so he can see the stars inked across my skin. “Nor do I feel like being tossed out again.”
“Y/N…” Lucien shakes his head, auburn hair flying around his tan face. “It was a misunderstanding.”
Rhysand won’t stop staring at me. I think he’s waiting for me to change my mind. 
“Please leave, Lucien,” I say, only looking at Rhys. I’m a terrible person, because there is so much unbridled hope in his eyes, like he’s been holding his breath this whole time, waiting for me to take my chance and run; I’d been playing games this whole time, he hadn’t.
He hadn’t been playing games. 
I’d used him, taken what I needed, and had planned to throw him out when I was done. Even if he had killed me father, I was still… I was still just like my own father. The realization nearly knocks me off my feet. What have I done?
“This isn’t the end of this,” Lucien hisses as he backs up, never leaving himself exposed, even as he reaches for his mount. The horse is old, it’s mane patchy and unkept, I’m not sure how it carried Lucien here, let alone how he expected it to carry the both of us. “Tamlin will consider this a breach of your agreement.”
“We agreed not to kill each other,” Rhysand returns. “If he comes at me now, then he’s the one that broke that agreement, not me.” 
Lucien swings into the saddle with ease, mount shifting slightly beneath him. “What of my scout?”
“What of mine?” Azriel returns.
“Food for the vultures,” Lucien snarls and my heart sinks even further. What if I’ve been wrong about everybody, not just Rhys?
“Then so is yours,” Azriel returns.
Lucien leaves with the remainder of his men, no further fight for Andras life to be had. Rhysand watches them go, wings still drooped behind them like they are impossibly heavy. I should try and comfort him, as that thing in my chest demands, but I can’t. My limbs refuse to move, feet rooted in the grass. What have I done? Where did I go wrong in all of this? I was just trying to do what I thought was right, but I’m not sure I know what that looks like anymore.
“Are you all right?” Rhysand asks once they’re gone. On instinct, he’s throwing his cloak around my shoulders again, cocooning me in that blissful pocket of warmth that smells like him. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of his kindness. 
“I don’t know,” the words slip out of me. I can’t think past the roaring in my ears. What have I done?
His hand falls to my back, gently leading me back to his horse. 
“For the record-” Azriel starts, but Rhysand cuts him off, “I know, Az. Thank you for staying with her.”
I think, even as we mount back up to return to camp, we would have all been better off tonight if this had been a fight with Amarantha.
------------------------------
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pop-punklouis · 1 month
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wanted to ask your opinion on the chappel roan tiktoks she made the other day about fame and boundaries. i know a lot of people are siding with her, but i just feel like she could've been nicer about what she said...? i get that she had this crazy rise in fame the past few months. and i dont know how i would respond to that change, but to be upset bc fans want to take photos with you and to be so rude about it bc you're on "your time" just???. idk i feel like im in the minority here
i think you're missing the entire point of her message, babe. you're choosing to focus on the "taking pictures with fans" part of her rant instead of what she was really talking about, which is the harassments and objectifications she's been the victim of due to this meteoric rise to fame. she was not saying you couldn't come up and ask her for a photo. she was saying, if she told a fan "no" that some fans have immediately called her rude and tried to start an agenda about her being ungrateful and harsh in person. she was never talking about nice fan interactions. she was most definitely talking about every other interaction she's gotten that has been. inhumane
regardless, why should she be nicer about... anything... she was talking about? i'm tired of the parasocial and chronically online dictating how celebrities must react to fame and to their fans. harassment, stalking, manipulation, condescension.... these do not have to be synonymous with fame because hey! people don't have to treat other human beings like they're caged animals in a zoo! because they! signed up for this lifestyle! those aren't normal things and no one should expect someone to just. adapt to those things like it is. she can be as mean as she wants, dude. i don't blame her
why are people stalking her family? why are people pushing her boundaries? why are people pretending like her very valid and raw critique of how she's been treated since she went uber-viral are actually her "showing her true colors" and being "unappreciative" for what she chose to do for a living? like she stated in her videos, you don't know her. she doesn't know you. it is not normal to pretend like you do and to interact with her like you do. tiktok has made this parasocial relationship with celebrities worse than i ever could've imagined and we are seeing the darker side of it with chappel roan right now because she is being vocal about it. it's overwhelming. it's very abnormal. and it should be discussed more.
these people don't owe you anything. it's one thing to be ungrateful for what fans have given you. its another thing to feel like you are living in a fish bowl because people are treating you like a commodity instead of a living, breathing human being. i'm all for more celebrities drawing a harsh line in the sand when it comes to their personal life and their public persona. you are not obligated to their time no matter how much you feel you are. i cannot imagine becoming a practical overnight-sensation like she has the past summer. i would go absolutely insane on day three. so, why don't people turn on their dome piece and think for two seconds about how irrational and brainless it is to be upset that she "could've said :( things nicer :(" and she needs to be "more :( grateful :( otherwise :( she's not cut out :( for fame :(" liiiiike. no perhaps its you that needs to reevaluate how you treat other human beings depending on if they have the label "celebrity" over their head and go from there!
because what she said is something that's needed to be said for a long, long time regarding celebrity culture i just hate it's happening to her on such a scale that she needed to say it at all.
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cookinguptales · 1 year
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As someone who grew up in a bilingual household where we spoke English but also signed, the part of Mabel and Theo's relationship that fascinates me the most is the communication, or lack thereof.
I'm mostly hearing (...sort of...) but grew up around a lot of d/Deaf people, CODAs, interpreters, etc. so while I can't give any input on the experience of profound deafness, I can at least tell apart different styles of signing. It's a little hard to tell sometimes how much of this is characterization vs. the skill level of the actors, but it is interesting.
Teddy Dimas does not sign fluidly. It's immediately obvious. It's not that he's terrible or that he can't be understood... it's just that there are a lot of tells that he does not sign as a primary language. The terseness of the signs, the deliberateness. You can tell that there's a second of thought before each sign, a jerky sort of compactness to them, that's common with people who learn to sign later in life. (Or who don't get a ton of practice with it.)
Signing, when you do it right, requires the use of your whole body. That can be hard for hearing people, who are generally used to more restrained movements. Teddy Dimas has never quite lost that restraint. He still can't go all in, not with his signing or his parenting.
I always thought this was really interesting, because it means that Teddy most likely learned to sign for his son (tragically uncommon with hearing parents of Deaf children) but that he still can't quite translate his thoughts properly into sign language. He can't quite get his emotions through to his son. There's a barrier there between them, and it seems to be largely one that Teddy's erected -- until Theo starts snapping back.
What I'm getting at is that Teddy has always forcibly drawn his son into his world instead of immersing himself in Theo's, and it shows. And it has really harmed their relationship, in more ways than one.
Zoe... we don't see a ton of her signing, but there does seem to be something somewhat performative about it. It's more fluid, like perhaps she's done it her whole life, but there's also something sort of... idk, false about it? And I wonder if that's just Zoe. It felt like she was always covering up her true feelings of loneliness and emptiness with a flamboyant personality, and the little flourishes to her signing seem to convey that as well. Her signing feels almost theatrical to me.
Theo and Mabel, though... I've always loved that episode where they go to Coney Island together. I get the criticism that Theo said at the beginning that he couldn't understand much of what she said when he was reading lips -- and then she proceeded to just talk at him for the rest of the episode anyway. But to me, at least, that always seemed like it was kind of the point. They couldn't understand each other, not fully, and that was something soothing to them.
There's something healing, I think, about shouting into the void. Letting out all of your most personal, complicated feelings without fear of repercussion or judgement. Talking into the wind because you know it won't talk back. You need to feel that echo but also know that it won't be heard.
I think there was some of that there in their initial relationship. Both of them desperately needed to talk, to get everything off their chests, but both of them also have trouble opening up to others due to trauma. So I think speaking to someone who couldn't understand them was, in some ways, ideal. They could make a human connection while keeping it fairly impersonal. They could unload without fear of judgement -- or worse, understanding.
Oddly, I think their mutual need to communicate without being understood was the one thing they understood best about each other. They could sense each other's loneliness and wariness and inability to trust that they could tell someone something important without it being used against them -- because their love and their trust have always been used against them.
So maybe in a way, their inability to talk to each other was actually what helped them communicate on a deeper level...?
Still, though. Still. I was so pleased to see that Mabel is learning more sign language so she can talk to Theo. She's got a long way to go, but no one learns to sign overnight. She's making progress, and you can tell that Theo appreciates it. There are still times where he gets too excited and signs too fast and she doesn't catch all of it, and there are times when she gets so wrapped up in her own soliloquies that she forgets that you have to face Deaf people while talking to them, but there's a familiarity to it now. When he signs too fast, she smiles and teases him. When she talks too quickly or forgets to sign or turns away from him, he just smiles and sighs and shakes his head. Then waits for her to come back.
Theo finds it irritating, obviously, but also understands that it's just... Mabel. She spends so much time in her own head that she has trouble communicating even with people who speak her language, as evidenced with Tobert. And maybe Theo does understand her in ways that others can't. Maybe it's the very fact that he accepts that he can't always understand her that makes her feel comfortable with him.
I also have to wonder, y'know... Has anyone ever learned to sign for him before, other than his father, who clearly saw it as a burden? Has anyone ever seen him as worth the effort of learning, not out of an obligation to speak to him but a desire to? No wonder he's being patient with her. I wonder if anyone has ever put in as much effort for him as she already has. It makes me so sad to think about, because what she's doing now is so... bare minimum. Theo has been so desperately alone, and so much of that is because his father isolated him. It's because no one else ever reached out. :(
idk, it just makes me happy that these two people who originally bonded over their inability to communicate are now comfortable enough with each other to try actually talking. There's something so shy and so joyful about it. I love that for them, especially Theo.
I don't want him to be alone anymore!! I want him to have someone he can talk to, whom he trusts enough to talk to, who thinks he's worth learning to talk to back!
Their odd brand of bilingual communication (or lack thereof) is just fascinating to me. ;;
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sidsinning · 1 year
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UNNECESSARY AND UNHINGED RANT ABOUT CINDERELLA'S CHARACTER FROM CINDERELLA (2015) INCOMING
Lemme talk about Cinderella from Cinderella (2015) for a bit actually yeah because these changes to my girl completely baffle me
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She has friends now
Goes outside on her own
Says the only reason why she's staying is because it's her parent's house- bruh.
All of this takes away (+ more reasons down the cut) from the true cruelty of OG!Cinderella's backstory and how it all connects so well to inform you of her character and the actions she takes
OG!Cinderella has been indoctrinated into accepting her life as a maid to her step family since she was a small child. She is never seen going outside of the house besides the night at the ball. The only friends she had were random animals around her she couldn't even fully converse with. She had no other human perspective on her situation or how to get out of it. It makes sense why she's just taking her stepmother's tyranny while holding everything in because this isolation and neglect is all she knows. This is the entire limited scope of her world. A sad reality to many cases of abuse in real life.
And they just. Erased all of this for some. Reason???
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The night at the ball was a big deal because she literally NEVER gets to go out. This is the only time she interacts with the outside world aside from the ending. The impact of that was HUGE in the original movie. The new one just cheapened that imo by implying she goes out in town and talks to others regularly. This event was an impossible, fantastical dream come true to someone who is never treated as anything but a servant to everyone she knows.
Basically OG!Cinderella has it way worse which is what makes the ball such a huge deal in the first place.
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Third point I don't think I need to explain how Cinderella staying in her abusive home bc the house is "hers to love now that her parents are dead" is not a good character change and doesn't make sense. I would understand if her dad was alive and insisting on staying, but he is GONE. It is a building you grew up in sure, but that's all it is. Not something you sacrifice your wellbeing for. So that's a shit reason they didn't need to make up to say why this character is stuck in her abusive household. The isolation and years of gaslighting were enough. (Also showing how much of a frightening presence and manipulative villain Lady Tremaine is.)
And she sure left it quick after getting hitched lol
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The Fairy Godmother having the audacity to test Cinderella with that "oh I'm a poor old woman and I want some milk please" nonsense
Not very godmotherly of her in this version. 🥴 The Fairy Godmother appeared in the original to offer pure comfort to Cinderella in a time of desperate need, when this resilient and kind spirit finally reached her breaking point. The dress, slippers, pumpkin carriage, and magic were all given freely as a present to make her feel better at least for one night.
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Meanwhile this goofy ass Godmother has the audacity to be like "hey is she gonna be nice or not even though she's crying in tattered, recently destroyed clothing- I need to see that or else she doesn't get the magic juice". Like why did this become a way to test her morality all of a sudden? Why did you need something from her to give up the magic goods?? It's not even a good test she just walked a couple steps and poured some milk in a bowl,,,
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Idk man they made their relationship transactional for no reason which taints the original purpose of this scene imo. The original Fairy Godmother already KNEW Cinderella was kind without having to make sure by disguising herself as a rancid old lady. 😭 Weird and unnecessary addition.
Kinda nitpicky here but this film did not at all match the terror of the torn dress scene which really shows you how horrifying and humiliating it was to Cinderella
Comparison
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AND THE BIGGEST OFFENDER: THE WAY SHE "ESCAPED".
I NEED TO TAKE A BREATH
BECAUSE LIKE. WHAT WAS THAT.
Original Cinderella, seeing a real chance of escape from her abuse, uses everything in her possession to do so. She's yelling for the mice to get the key, to get Bruno to chase away the cat, running down to meet the prince's attendants to make sure they get the proof of her identity from her- and that moment she oh-so-casually pulled out the second slipper??? SEEING HER STEPMOTHER'S SLACKED JAW??? GAGGED US ALL.
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ICONIC
But 2015. Bitch. What is going on. She gets locked up and easily accepts her doom. She just twirls and sings in her prison like a dunce because cINDerELLa wAs aLReADy cONTenT wIth her sMaLL mOMEnts oF hAPPIneSs anD dREamS wItH thE pRinCE.
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Just. Gives up.
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Not the mice begging her to get up and save herself come on now
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The mice have to do their best on their own to push open her window so the prince and his crew hear her on time.
And yeah, all she had to do was open a window.
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WHAT. WHY. HOW. WAS THIS??? MORE EMPOWERING???
1950: use your brain to fight to the very end
2015: quit while you're still ahead, or don't try you just gotta dance and sing all pretty then someone will come along and save you
I'm sorry, but for a production that was so critical of the notion of "Cinderella just waited around for a prince to save her"...is that not literally what they changed the ending to?
You wanna talk about lack of agency in princess stories well here you go 😭
You know what's sad about all this in the end is this is still the best recent live action Disney remake imo LOL
Anyways hello if you've made it all the way down here I rest my case
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adore-gregor · 3 months
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my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni
#in school i just did the bare minimum a pass was fine and a 3 great#it's insane to think about it how little i did like for a lot of subjects not at all and if i did i'd study like 2 hrs the day before 😭#and i thought this was studying hard or if i studied 3 hrs at least whaaat#well for some subjects i did a bit more#but like it is no comparrison#at uni i also did study the day before a few times but then i did an 8hr session#(i might just need to do that tmrw but the thing is the exam is one you can't study for so literary idk what i'd study so long for??)#(or how to study... it's translation but how tf do you study translation it's highly subjective and there are no practice exercises)#(i will probably just look at the notes)#but anyway for my last exam i spent 5 hrs in the library a day and i already started 2 weeks before (altough just in smaller bits)#but bumped it up exam week i did like 2-3hrs on average a day#even if i start too late like i did for one of the hardest test of my studies i only studied for 2 days but like all day or 10hrs sth a day#it by far exceeds the 2hrs lmao and even that was very little for this exam many studied 2 weeks but like i got a good grade so it's okay#but my point is now that i get better grades good one's a C is a massive disappointment for me 😅#unless it was a really difficult one then i'd take it but like it upsets me#a teacher once told me when i got a c on an exam quite a few failed that many would be happy to have that grade well true tbh but i can't#and once i almost cried because i got a C because i thought it was an easy course but it was an oral exam and i'm worse in these#(because in written i often remember the answer later in the exam and then go back but in oral i can't do that)#well that was embarrassing😭 i'm trying to never do that again so if i get asked how i feel abt it say it's okay ig#but sometimes even a B is meh 😅 especially if an A was possible and it was an easy course/exam#i want more A's less B's tbh B's also because i really want to go abroad and raise my grade average for that#i want to go from a B average to an A something average to improve my chances#but yeah younger me wouldn't believe this 😂#i really want to study harder to make that step up to more A's than B's like uni does come quite easy to me#and while i study way more compared to others i still get away with less effort and good results but i could have excellent grades#on the one hand it's good that i improved so much on the other those expectations might not be because i'm almost never satisfied anymore 😅#and i know it's kind of really unimportant because there are real problems and also many uni students struggle to pass their classes#it's maybe even a bit disrespectful because they'd be happy to have these grades and i should be more grateful#but i swear i don't look down on anyone with worse grades i know how difficult it can be and also how outside factors play a role#some have it more difficult some have to work a lot next to uni or really suffer from mental illness besides no one's brain is the same
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restinslices · 26 days
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Hello, I'm indecisive so you can pick any character you want for this but how about you're selected MK1 characters with a combat medic reader?
Okay so based on google, a combat medic provides emergency medical treatment. I kinda made reader a healer just to add some magical fun but it’s basically the same thing, right? Just with magic. Idk if by “with a combat medic reader” you mean dating or how they’d interact, so I made the headcanons to basically follow their relationship! Also I picked Johnny because if I ever say “I hate white men” never am I ever talking about him.
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So we all agree that Johnny is definitely the type to flirt with nurses, right?
Dude flirts with anyone that breathes. I doubt a medic is where he draws the line
I imagine that you meet while he’s training at the academy
You’ve been under Liu Kang’s wing for awhile now. You’re a great fighter but more importantly you’re his most trusted healer
Johnny more than likely gets injured tryna show off. He sees you glancing at him, then he tries to do some extra shit and oh! Look at that! He’s injured!
He’s like “damn. That’s embarrassing”
Now some may think that Johnny would be even more embarrassed when he realizes you’re his medic
I disagree
This mf is unbelievably delusional
“Me getting injured means that we were meant to be”
Johnny have you considered… thinking clearly?
He’s flirting the entire time you’re healing him, which is something that takes awhile since you have to be precise
“I’d feel a lot better if I had your phone number” “You do realize we stay at the same academy, right?”
From then on, Johnny is a pain in your neck
Are we as a class agreeing that he complains about the most minor of injuries just to see you?
There’s someone with a caved in lung in the hospital wing and he walks in like “I have a cut on my hand :(“
“Just use a bandaid” “What if it’s infected?” “It’s not. It’s a fucking paper cut”
I do think however, that it’s mainly just jokingly flirting. He’s just a tease. That’s how it would start out at least. Like when he was flirting with Kitana
He wants to see you because he gets away from training, because you have a nice aura, you’re hot and he likes messing with you
Overtime though, his flirting would become more serious. He’s actually starting to develop feelings for you, but you wouldn’t know the difference
He’d probably see you a lot more often since he’s under Liu Kang and doing shit for him
I can see him asking you to teach him how to handle certain injuries without magic, but he has no intentions of actually treating himself
When you eventually start dating, he only gets worse
Because now in his mind you REALLY have no choice but to deal with his bullshit. There’s no scaring you away now
”I have an injury” “I’m not helping you with a stubbed toe. Just go sit down”
And the flirting? It reaches an all time high
The corniest shit comes out of his mouth. I can’t even think of any off the top of my head
I just honestly think that this would be a fun relationship
Johnny isn’t completely stupid. He knows that you have to know a lot about the human body to know that you have to heal this bone, do this with this vein, whatever whatever
Behind his jokes and flirting, there’s true admiration there
You’re a smart person and he likes that
You get a lifelong partner and he gets his booboos looked at
Seems like a fair trade to me
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ron456 · 1 month
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AHHHHH- IM SO SICK OF THE BS I SWEAR-
FIRST OF ALL-
He doesn't "act naturally" or "normal" because HE'S AUTISTIC-
Will Roland portrays him as AUTISTIC so he's gonna act AUTISTIC-
ALSOOOO- IT'S BROADWAY, BABE- THEY NEED TO BE OVERDRAMATIC AND VERY EXPRESSIVE OTHERWISE THE PREFORMANCE DOESN'T CARRY THROUGH THE WHOLE THEATRE-
AND ANOTHER THING- Jeremy is supposed to be a "loser"-
he gets bullied and is misunderstood by his peers because he is, well, NOT CHILL-
HE'S "CHALANT" AS HELL-
He gets bullied because he cares about things too much, he's anxious, he's loud-
And in regards to the "can't hold a note for too long"- have you heard Loser, Geek, Whatever? Or More Than Survive? Or Two Player Game??? Song where he holds notes for quite a long time- ALSO- to say that Will Roland can't reach the same notes as Will Connolly is just... not true.
And one of the reasons I think some people think Will Roland is "a worse singer" is because, sometimes, stylistically, Will Roland will use a sort of falsetto/head voice (which I LOVE BTW AND IM SICK OF PEOPLE CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BAD SINGERS BECAUSE THEY USE HEAD VOICE- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IMPRESSIVE, AND REQUIRES GOOD BREATH CONTROL TO MAKE IT NOT SOUND CRAPPY AND WILL ROLAND DOES IT AMAZINGLY) like when he says "hero" and "Rob Dinero" (idk if that's how you spell it 😭) in More Than Survive.
It's not that he's a bad singer, he is taking the brunt of his voice during those parts and also, given that it's this little solo/soliloquy moment for Jeremy, I think that Will Roland's choice to use a light head voice there is perfectly well-placed. It feels kinda personal, I guess. And I love it <3
Not to say that Will Connolly's way of singing it isn't also great. It's awesome! But like, guys, we can't keep getting pissed when a new actor in a show doesn't have the exact same singing voice as the original 😭 That's just silly, guys. 😭
(LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GOT PISSED AT ELIZABETH TEETER'S LYDIA FOR SOUNDING TOO MUSICAL THEATRE-Y?? LIKE. HUH?!? GUYS, IT'S BROADWAY- WHAT DO YOU MEANNN??? Sorry, I have feelings- Also, Shoutout to Elizabeth Teeter, btw, cuz' she slayed <3)
Anywaysss- back to Will Roland's voice- he is very much capable of hitting the notes that Will Conolly hits- if not higher (IT'S NOT A COMPETION THO, GUYS- PLS DONT COME FOR ME). For example, the acoustic version of Loser, Geek, Whatever on Spotify which, I believe, is a key higher than usual!! This man can belt some high notes when the situation calls for it! And also, (these are not really bmc related but whatever) during the harmony or whatever at the end of "Sincerely, Me", that is none other than WiLL RoLaND (!!!) hitting that high E (I'm pretty sure it's an E. I hope it's an E. But regardless, it's still a SUPER HIGH NOTE) at the end! And in "Amphibian" on Joe Iconis' album titled, well, "Album", Will Roland hits some insanely high notes!!! ( EVEN IF THEY ARE HEAD VOICE. I REPEAT, HEAD VOICE DOES NOT MEAN BAD SINGER!!)
Also, as a little additional statement to my "Jeremy is autistic/ autistic-coded so Will Roland played him as autistic"; this is not to say that Will Conolly didn't add some "autistic flare", if you will, to Jeremy. I mean, just yesterday I was freaking out with my friend about a gif of Will Conolly's Jeremy doing the autistic flappy hands :))). And I think that he was a good baseline for other Jeremy's to build off of!
Also, I feel like the people that are saying that Will Roland's portrayal of autism/neurodiversity is "ableist" or "incorrect" or "too dramatic" are sorta failing to understand/acknowledge that autism/neurodiversity is a spectrum. Not every person with autism or another kind of Neurodiversity is gonna act the same. And I think that's something really beautiful that we should all cherish. It is GREAT that we are all different but also, in many ways, the same!
And to see myself and my uncontrolled speaking voice and weird noises and such represented by Will Roland on stage is such a beautiful thing that I think 'ought to be cherished.
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