Tumgik
#idk. i need sleep. i need to be up early
vagueiish · 1 month
Text
i've been told a number of times that mental illness is a dirty, filthy, no good liar. but like..... what if it isn't?
#to me anyway. it's lying to the rest of you. dont use me as a guide#but. anyway....#im much more inclined to give the mental illness and negativity the benny of the doubt than not yknow?#there's a non-zero chance (for example) that im right about the people around me merely tolerating my presence#and theyd be much happier if i were to just.... not be there#there's a non-zero chance the opposite is true i suppose but...#i know im awkward and off-putting and weird and also Not Good Looking#so evidence suggests the more negative scenario is true. right?#idk. what if i choose to believe that people do appreciate me and want me around only for it to be revealed that i was right the first time?#this kinda thing has happened before lol :'')#it was a situation i created myself i think so maybe it falls under self-fulfilling prophecy but. it still happened#the brain doesnt care if shit is homegrown lmao#i just dont want to be wrong#yknow?#im fuckin terrified of doing the stuff and working on loving myself#only to come to a point where all the alleged bullshit nonsense i used to believed about myself turns out to be true#is there proof somewhere? something refuting what im feeding myself??#i know confirmation bias or whatever is a thing. maybe i need to be more vigilant looking for evidence to the contrary but. like....#i dont know what im looking for really. or that i expect to find much of anything....#i guess people are nice enough to me but it's horrifyingly easy to find ulterior motives behind being nice#they pity me. theyre nice to the weirdo to feel good aboit doing some good deed. theyre a masochist. etc etc.#and if you ask people straight up why theyre being nice to you they get defensive. understandably i guess but.#why would someone else be genuinely decent to me (says the 'liar' in my head) im not even nice to me#i suppose i should just trust other people but. lol. trust does not come easy#i want to believe people are genuine. i can kind of believe it from a distance#but....#idk. i need sleep. i need to be up early#save me nyquil#to the void with love
0 notes
kirby-the-gorb · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
130 notes · View notes
hollypies · 24 days
Text
Tumblr media
Tomorrow is my first day of my externship, at an actual medical office!! Im. Really nervous and also im going to have to wake up at 6 💀
12 notes · View notes
elegyofthemoon · 21 days
Text
can someone remind me to write up my thoughts about gallagher and the enigmata later or at least compile them somewhere i want to share it but also my Goodness i am sleepy as heck today and i have work tonight 😔
#and its a saturday so its gonna be busy asldfjkasdlkah#im just. im so sleepy man#and i have to wake up early too for work tomorrow so i just. Im going to Die between today and tomorrow count on it#but at least on monday-wednesday ill make myself catch up on sleep#love the work but on the downside MY SLEEP.....#i forgot if i said it here. idk where i was posting bro#but the other day i 100% the theme park and am close to 100% dewlight pavilion so i'll be nearly caught up with all information#that + still need to read#but im also nearly caught up with all the reading in penacony too so thats super fun and exciting !!#but because of that i have thoughts askjdfalh#most of it is towards gallagher and the past of penacony and the watchmaker but. you know alskdjfalskjh#avil plays hsr#hsr 2.1 spoilers#just in case o7#i will say though#its wild i havent run into any information regarding the dreammaster at all really#the one who adopted sunday and robin#who is the dreammaster? why does the dreammaster and watchmaker have beef with each other? whats going on?#where did the shift come from between the watchmaker being the father of penacony to the family being in charge#since the family and the watchmaker are kinda against each other#(shakes the game) I WILL KNOW YOUR SECRETS SOON ENOUGH. AS SOON AS I AM MORE AWAKE ITS OVER FOR YOU.#i wish i had someone to ramble about ideas with and like bounce off of#WE CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERIES OF PENACONY! TOGETHER!#and then probably get our asses killed too by getting to close to the legacy 😔✌🏼 itd be the way of the truth
8 notes · View notes
thatoneluckybee · 3 months
Note
bitches love me cause i sleep until 4
I'm stealing you melatonin I need some
10 notes · View notes
front-facing-pokemon · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
#bonus under the cut getting that snout facing right at the camera#camerupt#early 2000s animation cow‚ apparently. that's what someone just said about the bonus image. i honestly never understood this thing's name#i always thought it was pretty obviously a cow. but then its name implies camel. camel erupt. camerupt. is there a specific kind of#camel that just looks like a cow?? or. what. or am i just misremembering what camels look like#either way‚ i still think this pokémon is pretty cool‚ but i don't really use it ever in my own playthroughs. i don't think i *ever* have#not even in pokémon colosseum where i'm pretty sure you can get a shadow numel at some point. bc i already had a fire-type#not sure which one it was but it was definitely one of them. maybe cyndaquil? because of the dudes with the johto starters#that you fight near the beginning in pppp uuuhhh the PHENAC city i couldn't remember the name. for a second there.#i wasn't aware as a kid that their outfits corresponded to the type of the starter they had and also that you could only fight one of them#i think as a kid i was under the impression that there was only the one. for some reason i remember fighting the green one#oh wait they have the second-evos yeah. cuz he had bayleef. and the red one would've had quilava. not cyndaquil#ugh my memory is not very good evidently. i'm writing these tags after work. normally i do them right when i wake up but this time i just#do not have an excuse for not being able to remember shit. this is just on me. maybe it's amplified by the fact that i have yet to eat today#which i have a very bad habit of doing. forgetting to eat all day and not eating until like 5 and then that being my only meal for the day#i'm trynna get better about it but it is Not easy for some reason. for something that should be decidedly very simple#but my brain doesn't often let me eat until i've completed all of my silly little Tasks. so. idk. this will however post the day after i've#arrived back home from my trip which is nice. the first time future me will be sleeping in her own bed again. good luck again future me#you might need it
41 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 2 months
Text
🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
13 notes · View notes
studentbyday · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
mood
8 notes · View notes
itslookingback · 3 months
Text
good night gay little people in my laptop
11 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
Text
...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
7 notes · View notes
Text
i have done everything to make myself as tired as possible so i can sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow but im wide awake😭
12 notes · View notes
phoenixcatch7 · 6 months
Text
Biting biting biting I've got the BEST totk fic idea EVER and I'm NOT going to share it because I can't put it into WORDS.
But it's a totk au and kass and wolfie are there (naturally). If you think this is going to be self indulgent you're right. But I think I want it to be like, expanding on the nature of the zonai and their sky islands vs the hylians and sky loft and the cloud barrier. I want to incorporate all the theories I have about totk I've gathered over the past half year or so. I want to see the crimson loftwing again.
And I also want link to be a sage using ganons stone but I want him to get it before defeating him but that means even more finicky time travel and its already complicated enough ToT.
And I want link to resurrect the great skeletons. And get trapped in koholint. And befriend the baby wind fish.
And iI have this overarching theme so clear in my head but I can't describe it :(. It's like.... Free will and prophecy being the same thing? Schrodingers narrative. Cycles of hatred but you never perpetuated the hatred and you're dubious of the other guys free will but you're kind of sick of him anyway because he got a clean slate and started right back on his old bs and you're pretty sure he saw a lack of you in the past and started causing trouble unaware that fate herself was deeply unimpressed and about to read him for filth.
And there's a third party who gave herself to basically death and didn't expect you to save her over a sword you've never actually needed in either game and she's technically a newcomer to the cycle but she's always the newcomer and aren't you in the same boat anyway? It all comes back to the cycle and you're precisely as young as you are old and there's always a library of Alexandria that gets destroyed and it could all be so easily stopped if evil just knocked it off but free will means it won't and so you'll always respond because honestly screw that and thus free will becomes fate. Because even if he stops someone else will take the mantle and it's always you who responds because you promised. But you never had to agree in the first place because you'd do it anyway and so fate becomes free will.
And it's all a freaking CYCLE and the ground is in the clouds because you were here once ages ago and now you're here all alone because people used to be unable to reach the surface and now they can't reach the sky.
Like how am I supposed to put that in a fic where wolf link tries to eat a stam bulb and makes himself sick like an idiot because dogs can't eat garlic.
7 notes · View notes
neversith · 8 months
Text
someone: anakin. you’re up early.
anakin: jokes on you i never slept.
8 notes · View notes
marsbotz · 3 months
Text
goodnighttttt everypony [demons clawing at me]
Tumblr media
3 notes · View notes
just-spacetrash · 2 days
Text
🌕
2 notes · View notes
dockaspbrak · 4 months
Text
In another life itd be cool if i had a night time only roommate who like came out of a wall and was a human version of an owl (not vibes but horrible lab accident) and we chatted and socialized when i have insomnia and cant sleep so its like. A positive opportunity instead of a failure that will be pointed out 150 times tomorrow
3 notes · View notes