#and i know the saying goes dont believe your brain after 9 in the evening but like

[just-spacetrash]

🌕

[grahamcarmen]

hello. i have come here to inform you that. redcrackle

~ guess

...rys? Or rxc...

@rys-redcrackle ...

Or @redxcrackle ...(calender...)

Sorry if I got it wrong...

....yes. thank you them ☆.☆

Been rotating them on the brain...like the whole Himalayas scene is like basically one minute?? And it did all that?? Uhhh grays face drenched in red lighting and 🥺 while she says goodbye to his face and then him glaring at her back?? When she cant see ?? And she's like 🥺 as she's flying away like?? >:( he said enemies i can do this i-...glad you failed buddy

But also forever the way she just was like here to say sorry I couldn't attend my date with gray 🥰 and dgjdkdkd he's like slow your roll graham asked you out... and then she just goes :3 gonna go to the heart of this VILE building and just pick him up 😊 and dbndjdkdkd Iloveyou but youre skipping steps im in crackle mode

There's something so interesting how they're both on cloud 9 and the others grounding force. Do good and see truth.

And uuuuggggh like never gonna agree that the downward spiral to her learning to lose her trust just as he'd become trustworthy is a button for that AT ALL . I'm glad gray will be happy as long as she's ok but leaving it like that is ...no.

But I always LOVE! how happy! She is that he existed in her life! And when it gets dangled in her face that maybe again! Even if in a slightly different way! Shes like yes.

And he's such a little dude . He's so neat. Like he's very straightforward. He just. Uhhh today I think it is about how wholeheartedly he reaches for VILE and power and then just slips up and does this 🥺 at carmen. He owns all his bad choices . Gladly. Pragmatically. but OBVIOUSLY can't hide that loving carmen means something to him. Like actually him. * I was there * to 🎬 action

[And also lowkey how that relates to dark! Carmen b/c- stopping here thats a different thoughtprocess]

[its still...interesting to say the least to see gray casually use the fact that he's an orphan to shut chase's theory down]

And she's so ! Good. Like she loves the world a lot its nice to follow her for it.

And like operacaper is just so...soft to the possibility of him being more flirty and specifically that he would make sure he wouldn't forget her 😉 and she just // carmen vs what she wants and ONLY giving it up if she can conceptually see it as the noble choice rather than what she should do (player bff king looking out) and I think ? One of the few times she seems bummed that the noble/right choice IS the answer at this point in time. She goes [not seeking my mom rn is ok because I chose to do the right thing and she supplements it with she loves being with team red . Duh. They're great.and eventually she does get to do this :D] But she like flat out sighs when she's like . "It's the right thing to do...I guess. But because I'm protecting him ok don't twist it. I want it to be because protecting. "

And I think gray in his protectiveness is literally so funny. But also just in his straightforward. Means for my goal. Mindset.

1) he literally got told dont tell any one which he went well no one would believe me so thats easy. And then he's like ACME ☆.☆ might know where she is and SPILLS (dude like graham is gray is crackle he still has soooo much of his tendencies he just actually does the. Oh wait yeah we're not doing bad stuff right as graham. But only like after everything is done so dbfndjdkdk) because chance for carmen info? Say less. *opens his mouth*🤣

Chief: less

Never crossed his mind that they didn't think she was the greatest thing ever

2) AND WHEN I SAY CARMEN WAS RIGHT THAT HE IS LIKE HER I MEAN IN THE HE GIVES IT AAAAALL UP. ALL HIS CARDS. anything he can when he knows that freeing carmen is it. The right thing. And ugggh the line. Very baby steps but like when?? The rod?? How long?? But he's got a goal. Straight to it.

Sndjsk like he needs to solidify his moral compass by a lot but when he does he's just as active for it

Please come back...*flips a table*

😞dark! RC kinda pretty co captains couple tho...

Look at this ballet au pick rose gave me for them...

I DID HAVE AN AU DAY (NOT BALLET) BUT I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SUBTITLE IT WITHOUT GOING?? I NEED TO ELABORATE? THE SPECIFIC ASPECT I WANTED FROM IT??

And this isn't it either but I wondered if Anastasia had a ballet and It DOES but not n..ntotheversionofthestoryiwant. I was wondering if it even lends itself to that format but eh. Like even musical version had some trouble getting accepted? I hear?

Problems by mm for them but only if I can balance it with something sappy and happy af so hot tea by half alive for them being together (finally!) Has been it(tm)..but also someone who loves you by Betty who.

RYS IF ITS YOU DID YOU KNOW BENEATH THE BRINE IS AN ALBUM?? LIKE A WHOLE MUSIC ALBUM. ON TH E TO DO LIST BUT -

🥰think they should kiss and stay together forever /

[moonbinscirera]

I'm back!! Sorry for not replying for a hot second 😭 yess let's get lost together 😂😍🤩

It definitely is so hard and I dislike it greatly 😕 pleaseee racism porn is such a good word 😩 so real that our experiences are not universal and it's weird to expect it as such!!

Angst 🫦🫦🫦🫦 and yess brain itching omg we got to love the feelings becoming real - that oh shit moment is so good + bonus points if there's more angst after that because you know - unnecessary feelings 🥵

Ooh a rare pair! Life is so hard for no reason for rare pair ships 😔 I feel like no ship should be too underrated and yet they are 💔 omg wonhao dynamics!! We need more 95z with their baby 97

Hehe jsjakakak you are so totally normal and super chill about hao I couldn't even tell 😗 hahaha don't worry I am very much the same with my own bias I believe 🫣

*gripping my armchair* no stress no stress no stress hahahahahahahaha -

So true that we're the harshest critics 😩 I will NOT allow you to be too hard on yourself though >:( but it really do be treacherous waters out here... I'm definitely grateful for the support I've received despite it all

Omg!! Health IT seems like a really cool field 💪🏼 wishing you so much luck, I know you got this 🥳🙌🏼🫶🏼

LMFAO AT THE JAY WHY PEE PIC I LOVE IT!! 🤣😂🤣😂

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ I think I asked you what colors you like to work with BUT what about your favorite colors just in general? I'm gonna guess blue might be one you like 🤭 will you prove me wrong hehe?

omg u accidentally left me on read and then i accidentally left u on read 😭 so lets call it even 😭 i was even gonna say i dont mind but then we got busy tryna drive home and then i slept all yesterday 😮‍💨 so sorry

shsyshsss YES! because then homies all like "no theyd never like me back its all for the act theres no way it isnt" its so 😚😚 whats ur fave fanfic trope? ( im sorry if u already said 😔)

no because when ur a rare pair ho ur archive be less than a thousand deep spread out over 5 years your standards on what u wont read drop like a egg 😮‍💨 and i need more 95 the way cheol folds up into peak bby girl for hao??? joshua is always tryna smooth over his sulking 😭 jeonghan... idk i cant get over that hide n seek game they did for gose when hao was so mad at hannies cheating he hunted him down my mans put on his sonic shoes to get him 😭

well then i wont let u be harsh either!!! 😤😤😤

thank you 😭 its supposed to be a very flexible field that has alot of different types of places i can work for so i hope itll be a good move 😭 idk

i cannot prove you wrong~ blue is in my list of fave colors i like but green is my absolute favorite! it goes like 1. green 2. blue 3. purple 4. pink 5. black 6. Red 7. white 8. orange 9. yellow 10. brown 😌 how bout you 👀

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[ah-yes-paris]

beatles harmonies that cured my depression.

It is important that i discuss this. Well, not really important I just really wanted to share. This is in no particular order either it's just the ones that come to the top of my head lol. Feel free to reblog and share your own 😎

1. The "Woahoooah AHHHHH" from When I Get Home.

Not even words can describe the battery power that starts coursing through my veins when I hear this harmony. I cant even,....LIKE HELLO??? i have never heard such a blessing... Such a well-fitting triplet of voices singing a vowel thats made me feel like i can run 10 miles straight. They aren't real. The Beatles, of course. To this day I don't understand how this harmony exists in this universe. My ears melt everytime. One of my favorites, in case you couldn't tell.

2. The obvious.. "yeah yeah yeah YEAHH" from She Loves You :)

LET ME TELL YOU. oh my god let me tell yo u .. Way back when, when I was a new fan... Good lord. I was literally ascending. ASCENDING. i felt every inch of my body start to lift off the ground. Im sure im not the only one who's experienced this. I remember thinking 'how the wiggle wubble do 3 men sound so GOOD TOGETHER' IT DOES NOT ADD UP PEOPLE THE BEATLES HAVE TO BE SOME SORT OF ROBOTIC BOY BAND GROWN IN A LAB THIS ISNT POSSIBLE how do we live on the same dimensional plane that this harmony lives on..

3. "The magical mystery tour, is coming to take you away, Coming to take you away!" from Magical Mystery Tour.

...

guys. Guys you dont understand. This one line, adds, YEARS. LITERAL YEARS TO MY LIFE SPAN. At this point I am fully immortal. The "coming to take you awayyy" makes my heart POUND. i love this song so much... And this line especially... It makes me go insane. Basically the beatles are manic melody genuises that have successfully spread one of the biggest diseases in musical history. Personally, I think this line was a clear example of why.

4. "Last night I said these words to my girl", "Please pleaase me, oh yeah, like i please you...", "...With you! Oh yeah, why do you make me blue" from Please Please Me.

do i even have to say anything. Well, i dont but i will for the sake of the post. There is so much. So much. About this song that I. I cant even,,. I would choose this song over SO MANY BEATLES SONGS DUDE. not that its cause i think its better than all the others but it just holds such a special place in my heart. Its the only song thats Ever made me feel some intense wave of nostalgia for a decade i wasnt even born in. Its one of the songs that continue to make me question the beatles existance. How could something like this ever come to reality. My brain has never been so pleased in its life.

5. "Carve your number on my wall and maybe you will get a call from me" from If I Needed Someone.

The way that this song was added into my Liked playlist SO QUICKLY...... God. I love george. Hes my favorite after all. Rubber Soul as a whole makes me feel warm inside but this song and this one line just hits so much more intensely for some reason... Their voices just flow insanely well and I just DONT UNDERSTAND HOW. its like an angel choir making its way through the clouds as you see the gate to heaven start to appear. Wonderful song and mind-blowing harmony... The beat is so good too and i just explode.

6. The "ahhhhh Ahhhhh AHhhhh *inhale* AHHHhhhh AHHHHH *inhale* AHHHHHH" from Day Tripper.

HOLY JESUS CHIRST THIS SONG HAS SO MUCH TO UNPACK... There are undeniably A BUNCH of other flawless harmonies in this song but my god the beatles knew what they were doing. Thats all I'm going to say really.... But once again. Power. In my veins. A few listens to this song and you'll find yourself having the strength of 1,000 men.

7. "Oh, now", "All I want is you" from Dig a Pony.

FIRST LYRIC... ITS LITERALLY 2 WORDS AND YET IT CONTINUES TO BLOW MY MIND. Something about the "Oh" ...... Its like an arrow passing through my heart I dont even know guys. Im not lying when I say it makes me feel like im floating. It makes me feel like i can quite literally grow wings and fling myself towards the sun. Dont even get me started on "All I want is you".......it literally triples the effect. It makes me go ballistic. The song is just mindless lyrics but the harmonieeesss.....

8. "Ah girlll.... *inhaeahelrlsseeesh* Girrll...." from Girl.

no words. Like. No words. I cant even. I seriously dont need to explain this one. Im just going to drop the isolated vocals version because if you havent listened to it you are MISSING OUT... you thought the originally recorded song was the greatest cause of your heart palpitations? Well you thought WRONG.

THIS IS.

9. "I love youwoowooowoowoooo...", "ask me WHYY..", "I can't believe.. Its happened to MEeee", "i cant concieve *doo doo doo do doo* of anymore *dun dun dun* MISERY" from Ask Me Why.

GOD OK LISTEN im just gonna say this now i absolutely adore and favor the please please me album so much i dont care what anyone says ok im such a sucker for their early sappy love songs ITS SO MANY GOOD HARMONIES ESPECIALLY FROM THIS ONE. MY GOD i listen to this and i feel like im with a lover late at night and we're like at one or the others house keeping each other warm and being all romantic and happy. Specifically the part that goes "ask me whyy I say i love you.. (OOOOHHHOOOO) and im always thinking of youuhoohohoo..." LIKE COME ON PLEAEE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO WARM INSIDE AND I SMILE IN AN INSTANT GOD I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. Whenever i think im sad i go "no im not because Please Please Me." And its like all the sudden everything im sad about just poof disappears!

10. "If theres anything that you want.. IF THERES ANYTHING I CAN DOOOO" from From Me To You.

I am so in love with this song you guys i have no idea I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT HAS THIS LITTLE SWING TO IT SPECIFICALLY BETWEEN THESE 2 LINES THAT MY BRAIN SEEKS FOR NEARLY EVERY DAY. the amount of blessing i get from this song is more than i can comprehend its literally insane i cant even. How does someone do this how did the beatles make music guys I am seriously so dumbfounded like they just sat there and wrote banger after banger like WHAT. this song makes me believe that life isnt as horrible as it seems and if im lucky enough i can just sing and dance to this song for all of eternity. There are also so many other good harmonies in this one as well...

---

In conclusion the beatles have had a chokehold on me for 3 years but I mean their stupid groundbreaking songs keep drawing me back in so.... This has also made me come to the conclusion that the Beatles simply arent real because I still dont believe a band can not only write consistent hits, but also harmonize in a way that causes me to spin around while doing backflips.

Thank you for your time.

[nextstopparis]

3 9 20 29 for arwaine? (I'm the weakest link :))

JKNDXWKJX I KNEW MY CYBERBULLYING DAYS WOULD COME TO HAUNT ME but its not like it worked anyway</3 rip. THANK YOU!!! ive been missing gwart (ALSO THIS GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY):

3. Most common argument?

probably some really stupid shit like. who the better swordsman is. and then they keep trying to find out but BOTH OF THEM KEEP CHEATING. or hm. if its modern times then it'd be like. even dumber. gwaine would make it his lifes mission to (make arthur rip his hair out) convince arthur that like. canada is fake. or that the sun is a planet. OR OH MY GOD YOU KNOW WHAT? THERES THIS ONE CONSPIRACY THEORY THING called last thursdayism or something?? where one believes EVERYTHING was created last thursday, like memories and monuments and history and stuff and there is NO WAY TO DISPROVE IT TECHNICALLY so gwaine would keep bringing it up. arthur goes red in the face every time and needs to leave the room to calm himself down.

9. Who worries the most?

omg arthur. that mother hen r u kidding??? worrying is like half of his dna lmfao. esp. bc gwaines you know, heh. A LIL chaotic (only a tiny bit though. obviously). so he gets in impossible situations like ALL THE TIME so arthur has to have like. contingency plan after contingency plan on all the diff ways to 1)keep gwaine out of trouble or 2)how to get gwaine out of it bc 1 didnt work out (and it usually doesnt bc gwaine's ~snazy~ like that and works around 1). also he would worry abt the little things too like. he forces gwaine to wear his hair in a bun during training bc the suns too hot and also bc it keeps getting in his face. (this isnt to say gwaine doesn't worry tho bc he'd be the one to drag arthur away from reports and stuff so that they could hve some fun sword fighting since its both of their favourite activities).

20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

i think their friends are ECSTATIC (bc they r in LOVE and also theres just so much teasing material and like. they were tired of them dancing around each other u know) and also equally fucking ANNOYED bc they are both annoying but HOLY SHIT together???? goodness give me a break. all that "im better with a sword" "no i am" "no youre not" "yes i-" like goodness. give them a BREAK!! did u see how fucking annoyed merlin was in 3.12? thats what its like. all the time. but also theyre the annoying couple that are disgustingly adorable and just. everything is so all over the place. but its fun. and cute. but annoying. but charming?

uther tries Not to think about it and gwaine's sister keeps teaming up with arthur and tells him stupid baby gwaine stories. in retribution, morgana helps gwaine push his "last thursdayism" or whatever agenda. at least everyone can say theyre never bored??

29. one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

this is rlly hard bc gwarts my feel good ship:(((( hm. i dont think either would ever truly believe/know how much the other loved them tbh. like i think arthur would be in constant awe of it/never really know why he deserves it and would always be really scared of doing One wrong thing bc he thinks its so fragile that one thing would end it all. gwaine, likewise, i think would always hve that low self worth quietly eating away at him. like. what if someone better comes along or what if he gets bored of me or whatever. like i do think the other would always somehow ease those fears (unintentionally bc GOD FORBID THEY TALK ABT FEELINGS) but you know. the brain can b a real bitch.

[dangan-meme-palace]

Do you find Saihara's characterization weird in chapter 6? Because I do :( He's become super confident, optimistic, and leader-like too fast, especially if you compare to ch5 and before...I understand that in the last chapter all protags get pumped up to end the killing game but...he's quoting Momota and he also developed a 'hunch' like him...even Harukawa says 'sometimes you're so much like Kaito' pls no I like Saihara the way he is, meaning, not like Momota :( but that's just my opinion! ^^

Shuichi's characterization is all over the place. It's not even like... "he's inconsistent because humans are inconsistent" or whatever, it's literally just that his personality changes whenever the narrative needs it to without anything but loose, barely-there excuses to try and justify why it happens.

Chapter 1:

No problems with believing in his detective work, he's actually quite shockingly confident in them for how much he downplays them.

His actual problem is not thinking his skills are where they should be according to professional standards, which is an accurate assessment if the rest of the game is anything to go by actually.

Calls Kaito a reckless idiot for doing something reckless and idiotic. This is the only time he does this.

Learns a lesson?? I guess?? The lesson was apparently supposed to be "don't be afraid to reach for the truth" but it came off more like "you shouldn't let everyone die just because you liked Kaede the most, picking favorites and having bias is bad because you have a duty to remain unbiased so everyone doesnt die"

Then everyone conveniently forgets that he was willing to let them die.

Chapter 1 was the best for his characterization except for the trial. I wish he had acted like this throughout the entire game.

Let him investigate. Dear god why doesn't the detective investigate, or even cast doubt?

Chapter 2:

Kaito is starting to become his Bro now. He's not super biased like in later chapters, but you can start to see it happening.

This is the chapter where he tells everyone not to let their biases get in the way of logic, which is funny considering what he's like in other chapters.

Big sad about Kaede, but a few of the characters (Ryoma, Tenko) comfort him so he's choosing to turn this tragedy into a growth moment. I guess it's kinda like what Chihiro did, except a girl had to die for it and he didn't get brained with a dumbbell at the end.

He's the nicest to everyone in this chapter. Don't worry, it won't last long :)

If he had kept the weird sort of optimism he had during this chapter plus the logical thinking instead of leaning into the angst he might've actually developed and Kaede's death might've been worth a damn.

Chapter 3

Maki gets the spotlight so there's not much to say except for the fact that he's gotten super awkward and is getting progressively dumber.

Honestly Maki is kind of right when she keeps calling him a dumbass for asking questions with very obvious answers.

Literally how the fuck did he ever solve infidelity cases when he can't even figure out shit that's this basic.

Smh.

Oh yeah, the odd hopefulness is gone now. It's buried next to my hope of him turning out to be an interesting character.

Put your hat back on if you're gonna angst again emo boy.

Investigation? Dont know her. I only know the Grind 💯 and hanging out with the Bros 😤👊

Chapter 4:

One of his worst chapters. I fucking hate this chapter.

Everyone patted him on the back before the trial and it felt shoehorned in. I'm not even sure why they did it honestly?

Kokichi = Evil

Kaito & Maki = Good

But dont worry guys, he's totally not biased or anything! (/s)

He's mega biased.

During the trial he has a lot of confidence, like the good kind he had back in Chapter 2. Especially when he lied and when he stood his ground against Kaito. He'll be punished by the narrative for going against Kaito, but for now I'll enjoy his limp-dicked rebellion.

Apparently he cares for Gonta except he never once talked to him during the main story and even insulted Gonta in his head during their FTEs. When did he start to care about Gonta? He didn't, but now he does I guess.

Chapter 5:

Another bad chapter. Hate this too

Officially graduated from Kaito's Bro to Kaito's Simp.

Also his confidence is entirely dependent on Kaito. When Kaito wants him to do something, he's sure Kaito's plan will work and gives him all of his support. If Kaito expresses displeasure, he's ashamed of himself and has no confidence. I-... y'know sometimes I genuinely worry about their dynamic.

Kokichi = Evil ×2 combo

No detective work or reasoning. Why would the gofer project want a cosplayer to go to space and preserve humanity? Or an ex murderer? Or an assassin? Or a detective? Are they going to be solving space crimes? Shuichi should have been so god damn suspicious- the MOST suspicious, even- but he's practically braindead at this point in the story.

Investigation skills, when will you return from the war?

Goes from suicidal to "uwu I'm a hopeful student of Hope's Peak Academy" way too quickly for someone with supposed confidence issues.

Seriously, how did he go from "the world has been destroyed and I cant fix it so I might as well die" to "yeah! we will definitely fix it! we dont know how yet, but we'll totally do it because we're Ultimates even though in Chapter 1 I didnt even think I deserved to be an Ultimate but shhhh" so quickly?

Kiibo and Shuichi kinda sounded like Kaede when they saw the Hope's Peak Flashback and it's so fucking weird because there's no justification for it

Chapter 6:

Literally what was this chapter

Why did it take Kiibo threatening to blow up the school to get him to investigate the mastermind again? 9 people have died since Chapter 1, but he acted as though he couldn't do anything about it. He even says he "can only help after people die", but Chapter 1 disproved that because he literally almost caught the mastermind without anyone dying so-

At least he investigated, I guess. It's sad that a detective investigating is considered a miracle, but here we are.

During the trial he's rapidly switching from hopeful to suicidal to hopeful again and it gives me so much whiplash, like god damn. Chill out a bit, buddy.

Much like the now-late Kaito, Shuichi tries to convince everyone to die with him to make some sort of stand against TDR. Somehow this worked and they also somehow didn't die and we aren't given justification for either.

The confidence came from the fact that the narrative needed him to be confident. That's it. There's literally no justification for this. There's no justification for anything, honestly.

What even was that ending, like what the fuck was that? None of their arcs got wrapped up at all...

So basically

Shuichi is confident but he's not but only when Kaito believes in him but he can stand against Kaito when he needs to and also he's not actually confident and Kaito needs to baby him. Shuichi is also not biased because he learned a lesson about that, unless your name is Kaito, Maki, or Kokichi, in which case he is incredibly biased to the point of putting the lives of other people on the line, but he wants everyone to survive because he learned a lesson about that. He's also incredibly dismissive of most of the cast in his head, to the point of being cold, but it should be noted that Shuichi really cares about his friends and is really nice and supportive of others. He's a big doormat except for when he doesn't want to be, unless it involves Kaito, because then he is always a sidekick except for when he isn't.

Hope that cleared things up! As you can see Shuichi is a very consistent character :) (/s)

-tech

[whiterbone-a]

i wanna know what your take on the nanami / gojo relationship is ?? cause a big part of me is like nanami isn't someone who really talks , like you won't get inside of him and he'll make jokes here and there with the whole work is shit thing . but i think he lost his heart and happiness alongside yuu and i think he even said this wasn't a mission first years should be on and the fact that yuu looked up to getou and gojo so much and still got killed was like a fucking blade to the stomach.

i mean do you think there is a romantic possability , i do play around with it but at the same time do you think it would be comforting ?? like i know the big ship is gojo and getou because of how close they were but what is nanami to gojo , a tool and a function or a friend and possible lover ??? and how will his death effect him ???

also were gojo actively smiles , nanami only smiles when death is around the corner and i am like red flags here and there . but sorry this got so long and please feel free to ignore it .

hello and welcome.  take a seat and thank you for joining me.  if this doesnt make sense just pretend u know what im talking about, its the adhd for making my thoughts so scattered everywhere

so in concept the nanami and gojou ship in a romantic concept is rly cute in concept like u have an ex - salary man whos serious doesnt allow himself the luxury of acting his age but on the other end u have someone who still acts like hes a child and never takes anything serious even when hes fighting.  they both endured the trauma being a jujutsu sorcerer entails yet they have nothing in common -- gojou dresses like hes a reflection with the moon and nanami, the sun.  also the fact that gojou thinks that he, himself, is ascended above all he works with while nanami is just a human living his day to day, and lot of ppl use this as nanami to bring down gojou to his morality just like a nudge or a friendly reminder.  he even tolerates and puts up with him a lot more than he should.  hes very patient but very honest.  a lot of the fanart of them is SO CUTE esp when theyre married and living happily with one another.  i even ship them, its actually one of my top ships next to satosugu but like in reality its not so great unfortunately

honestly?  theres a small slim of a possibility but due to the nature of the clash of personalities and what their job its like ... not rly possible

nanami, even out of being a salary man, fully treats being a jujutsu sorcerer as a 9 - 5 job and refuses to work overtime. he has small luxuries like he enjoys reading and eating left overs after a day of working hard like who wouldnt and not to mention hes the type to keep his relationships strictly professional. gojou has probably asked him several times to take him out for drinks after work (altho work never ends with gojou which is ironic) and has said no.  it’s funny now that i think about it,  shouko probably asks him for an occasional drink after hours and he accepts because at least he likes shouko and he knows theres no ulterior motive from her just a couple of coworkers doing some heavy drinking but nothing ever more than that -- hes even said that he wants to get married but when hes no longer a sorcerer

sucks tho, because like everyone else, nanami sees gojou as someone who is extremely powerful and only sees him for his techniques except more like hes a nuisance and extremely annoying, even to the point of having absolutely no respect for him.  he realizes, yeah hes strong but as for the full package that is satoru gojou?  there’s absolutely nothing to respect about that man

and while we’re talking about gojou, i’ll say it, he’s mentally unstable.  i mean, we all knew that -- hes got a couple of “screws loose” as he puts it inside that rattling brain of his.  on the opposite side of the spectrum, hes not capable of handling a romantic relationship.  hes always always busy, its rare that that he gets a breather for himself.  hes always being sent out on missions out of country and ive always portrayed gojou as the type of partner thats not even gentle on his partners in terms of being playful, childish, and being a nuisance.  his mental health is absolutely terrible (i’m not saying nanamis is any better but) hes always acted much younger than what he is altho i do blame his upbringing for that.

and gojou treats everyone as good friends but does like to particularly pick on ppl who take themselves too seriously (nanami and utahime), mei mei and yuki are exempt from this.  he also doesnt rly care for ichiji but like, that doesnt matter LOL.

i do see nanami eventually giving in for one (1) after dinner ‘date’ after work but when gojou is actually less himself, hes tolerable to be around which isnt saying much tbh.  you should def listen to the nanami and gojou drama audio if u can!  they’re so fucking funny as a pair, which solidifies them as being cute but were not talking about that rn.

in terms of being ‘what are they’ to each other, its hard to tell.  i talked about it briefly as nanami reminding him of his morality and being his humility tho gojou doesnt act like it, he fully believes hes above all and everyone, lovers and close friends are included in this.  i read a lot of nana/go fanfics and they portray nanami as someone to push down his ego;  to remind him hes actually Not all that great, a child in an adults body, etc.  he’s a brutality honest man and gojou can take critic and criticisms to his person but that doesnt mean hes going to listen (and he doesnt, hes even self aware that his personality sucks ass but does he bother to change?  absolutely not and he wont start now nor for anyone else).

yuu did definitely help nanami change and shift his ideas about the world, esp hating the jujutsu society afterwards.  like, i dont blame u king, it sucks ass.  tho, i dont think nanami looked up or cared for gojou and getou that much.  getou he looked up to more so because at least hes as a respectable guy, strong, good looking, and stimulates intellectual conversations.  gojou?  not so much.  nanami probably thought that it doesnt matter if u have techniques that is extremely rare to acquire and even more so to master but u suck ass and u dont stimulate joy to be around.

nanami is a good friend and high school buddy to gojou and nanami would definitely call him ‘coworker’ or something along those lines when hes annoyed him too much or doesnt want gojou to benefit too much from simple acknowledgement.  gojou thinks hes an ascended being but he definitely respects and finds nanami to be a strong sorcerer and was rather surprised when he took the 9 - 5 job but it was definitely safer.

death ... ah, i think about this all the time.  it’s like losing suguru all again except he didnt go rogue and kill a whole village.  hes absolutely confident in nanamis abilities to fend off curses and hes too stubborn to let himself die as well, so the idea of him dying doesnt ever cross his mind.  thats a true stab to the gut to hear that nanami has died, maybe a moment of truly being unhinged and a darker nature but we wont rly know until it happens in the manga, which i cant wait.  i mean, at least mei mei, utahime, and shouko are around but this is nanami were talking about.  if this was in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a simple seemingly one - sided friendship of enjoying of being around that person but that person just tolerating him and hoping he goes away eventually.  i can’t say, i can’t say!  just take these thoughts with like a grain of salt.

also that last statement in the ask, gojous smiles are fake and a mask while the rare times nanami does smile, its genuine.

regardless of what i said, i think it can be a comfy ship!  this ship isnt toxic but any means (unless u make it toxic then well, thats a you thing) so just enjoy it!  i know i do i think as long as u recognize that maybe neither of them being a relationship would benefit the other then go stupid go crazy, i know i will.

[thatyanderecritic]

i really like the yandere dynamic but i dont openly post or reblog about it anymore cuz i've had people give me a hard time over it being problematic. and i get told im terrible, get called a freak... idk. do you have any advice for dealing with this...?

Hey anon, sorry for not getting to you sooner. We have a lot of questioned queued up to be answered but I decided to put you first since this is a pretty big issue. 

To be a yandere fan, we’re in a rather precarious position. Like any fandom, we are plagued with bad apples that end up painting the community’s face as a whole. You know the type of bad apples that all fandoms have: the overzealous stans that either attack those outside the community for not sharing a view or catering to our fandom. We also suffer from infighting/bullying between yandere fans because not everyone shares the same views on what a yandere is or even for something as stupid as a yandere headcanon for a character that never was a yandere, to begin with. But unlike most fandoms, the works that we support tend to go against us at times. That is to say... since we’re a bit of an under “funded” (e.g. don’t have enough yandere media. Especially for male yanderes) fandom, people tend to quickly put CrAzY characters on a pedestal without question. And this hurts our credibility, ALOT.  Having group within the fandom worshipping some non-yandere, psychotic girl as a yandere just because she’s kawaii while the more “sane” fans try to explain, “No, we swear yandere’s aren’t like that” doesn’t look good for our case. 

Is there anything we can do about people attacking us for our preference? Not exactly, I’m sorry to say. The moment humans gained self-awareness and free will, universal mental unity became a myth. There will always be a disconnect, even on concepts that all humans should be in agreement on. Would you believe me if I say that some people don’t believe that people should be allowed to have a livable wage? Of course, people will have their reasons as to why they think a certain way regardless if it sounds logical or not. Just because they have a reason doesn’t mean it’s reasonable but in a world where emotions is king, logical will never win.

People who attack you for liking yanderes most likely were victims of abuse and went through some sort of trauma that yanderes are usually identified/linked with. If they weren’t direct victims then they know someone who is a victim. And if it isn’t either of these two, then they’re most likely a bleeding heart with a “higher than thou” sense of morality. Regardless of the reasoning, they all have their hearts in the right places but rigid in their perspective of the world. Already, the decision is cemented and may never change. To most, we’re as egregious as pedophiles and incest-lovers just because we like villains. After all: “How in the world could anyone remotely ‘like’ such awful people?! Clearly, there is something wrong with THEM.” Of course, we have our reasons for liking yanderes but most people close their ears and eyes since they already judged us based on our interest. For those who were victims of abuse or know someone, I understand that they’re reaching out to attack those who seem to defend characters that may or may not be similar to their assailant/abuser. They attack, they defend invisible victims, and in a way, looking for purpose... looking at how they can turn their trauma into a positive. But most of the time, they overstep their boundaries and try to enforce their authority in something they don’t understand. 

The only way we can approach these types of people is to send an open invitation for a diplomatic talk in trying to reach a middle ground. While a change of opinion would be nice, it would be nearly impossible since a lot of people are grounded in their personal moral compass. If they are open for a conversation, then all hope is not lost. Ideally, if a conversation is open then the most important thing is to validate their emotions invested in this situation. 9 out of time 10, people are stubborn in an argument because they feel like they’re getting personally targeted either by their identity, their pride, or their emotions. Therefore, they double down and become louder in their argument, not because of their view but because they believe they are defending themselves. From there, once the other recognize that you aren’t attacking them, you shift the conversation onto yourself and point out how they were making you feel the same away but they were actively attacking you; not only that, treating you as less than human just because you prefer villainous FICTIONAL characters. Ideally, at this point, the other recognizes their hypocrisy and you both agree in staying in your own lanes. If by some miracle they’re open of a different perspective, then you’re given a platform to say why you like yanderes... typical reasons being the idea of unconditional love or coping. 

But this is all hypothetical and the most desirable outcome. But more than often, people are more than comfortable at screaming at you every time you try to open your mouth... most likely something they learned because someone shut them down in such a way. Not only that, they most likely formed their own counter-arguments already since a lot of yandere fans have the same reasons as to why they like yanderes: unconditional love or coping. The counter-argument can usually be boiled down to two reasons: unethical and risking future victims seeking a “yandere” partner. Ethicality... this is a low hanging fruit to argue. Everyone (well the majority of people, again it’s universally impossible to be on the same page) would agree that it’s bad to stalk a person. Even a yandere fan would say never to stalk a person IRL. But because of this, they think they got you in an “ethical checkmate”. It’s a cheap argument and they’re just trying to make you feel like a monster for your preferences in fictional characters. Funny enough, this is a tactic that abusers would use to shame their victim into compliance... hm...

The second counter-argument people use is “think of the youths!” Let’s be real... it’s scientifically proven that kids and teens are easily impressionable because of their underdeveloped brains and lack of experience. Not only the concerns of the younger members of society, they fear that by allowing us to enjoy our media, we are “normalizing” abusive relationships in society. Considering the state of the United State’s government, I understand where the fear is coming from. But they’re barking up the wrong tree and especially using the wrong method in preventing this dystopian future. I always see these people bring up the ‘Jaws’ case as to why there should be no yanderes and no support for them. You know, the case where there was a sudden increase in shark hunting due to public fear which pushed certain shark species into endangerment. It’s always this argument, I swear... anyways, they always toss this without never diving in deeper as to why this happened. 

Before Jaws, people didn’t know anything about sharks in general. There just wasn’t any interest in sharks because we humans just didn’t find time interesting at the time. They were there and we can’t really eat sharks. But, there were already tales about sharks being “man-eaters” from those stranded out at sea or curious citizens. The stereotype was already there. But Jaws brought sharks to the forefront of public scrutiny and shark hunting competitions came up because “what’s the harm? Sharks are man-eaters”. This dropped the shark population, but because of this there was an interest in sharks, funding to research them suddenly increased. Scientist turned their attention on sharks while later on fed to informing the public, making them educated and less scared of shark attacks. Jaws came out in 1975... Shark Week on the discovery channel came out in 1988... there’s a reason, folks. People became interested in sharks. Yes, Jaws hurt the shark population but it’s slowly been going up. Damage takes time to repair. But it also brought about awareness. While the stereotype isn’t dead (that’s just humans at this point and it’s always been a stereotype ever since man was on a boat), it opened a conversation. And that’s the key point here. (Here’s a link. But you can go even further if you research)

Abusive relationships, manipulative people, toxic actions... these are nothing new. “Getting rid” of yandere fans will not solve this issue, just like telling your kid “there are kids starving in Africa” will not end world hunger. For the Jaws example, I point to the argument that politicians make about how video games create violent people. We know that it’s nonsense, you know it’s nonsense. But there is a fear of the “unknown”. People back then thought that cartoons like Tom and Jerry would cause kids to grow up violent. And even further back, people thought that reading books created lazy people. The fear on what’s on TV is a fear people had since the beginning of time. People aren’t as soft as they believe they are but they can lack information... Instead of shutting down people and censor what goes on TV, use it as a stepping stone for the bigger conversation. It’s a lack of knowledge and fear of the unknown that killed the sharks but it is knowledge that is now protecting them. 

This is especially important for our younger peers. Raise of hands, who actually changed their minds as a teenager after someone called you stupid or told you “no” with giving a logical reason besides “because I say so.” I’m going to guess we got an empty room here. Attacking our younger peers or those who are older just because they like a character trope IS NOT HELPING THEM AND ESPECIALLY NOT MAKING THE ATTACKERS LOOK LIKE HEROES. THEY LOOK LIKE JACKASSES. Fuck man, the younger ones want acceptance and looking a supportive group by joining a fandom. Calling them toxic just pushes them to the edge these people never wanted them to be. The same applying to the older ones. We all got our issues and y’all never know what it is. That’s why I hate seeing people in our fandom gatekeep against our younger peers. They’re going to come in even though you say crap like “Lmaooo, my blog/game is 18+! Okay, byeeeee!” If you want to protect them then be their fucking guide, my dudes. You can have a mature conversation with them and explain the difference between fiction and reality and what’s wrong and right. “Yanderes are pretty cool, ay sport? But notice how that guy gaslighted the girl? That is a common tactic people do IRL. Be sure to recognize it as a red flag.” Fuck, is that so fucking hard for everyone? Some people act like they never grew on the internet during the early 2000s.Y’all were a teenager once. If what you’re doing wouldn’t help teenage you in the past, then you’re doing it wrong. Smh. 

Finally, I do want to make a point for those who use coping reasons. While I do understand where you’re coming from, you guys are our most vulnerable to these attacks but also the reason for the attacks as well. It’s the mindset of “How could you support something like this?! You must be a horrible person.” I know a lot of people aren’t like that but also, we got bad apples... people who take this for coping reasons way too far. To them, I ask them to come back from the edge and let’s look for help together. Using yanderes to embrace “yandere tendencies” or rationalizing your abuse as normal isn’t the way. Use it to help you breathe and help you feel grounded but don’t let it define you... especially don’t make it a lifeline. As for those who know the difference and can separate fiction from reality, I applaud you but you got some work in helping those who are too deep. I’ve seen some of the yandere Tumblr group chats on the app. I’ll be real... YIKES. It’s a bit of an echo chamber. I ended up having to message a user on a side since I saw red flags in the group chat when I was lurking. People were trying to give the wrong help by encouraging their actions. Just... don’t do this y’all. I get you relate but don’t get your homie in jail or a court date for a restraining order. 

Anyways, I’m sorry anon for pulling farther and farther away from you specifically since this is a big issue that everyone tackles and I’m also sorry that I can’t give you an “end all” answer. First, you can try having a civil conversation with these people. Try for the middle ground and if you feel like you can push further, then try to do a change of mind. But I know this is hard, especially when tensions build and emotions get heated. But it’s important to never explode that anger... or at least direct that anger into a logical response. The moment you explode and made an error of judgment, you will lose and suffer publically. If a conversation isn’t possible, then encourage these people to stay in their lane and unfollow you. Why the fuck are they following you if they hate the things you reblog? Sounds unhealthy... suggest some hobbies or blogs to follow instead. From there, if they try to continue the hate, just block them and delete the messages. As they say, don’t feed the trolls. Y’all may think you’ve seen all the hate anons we get but we get a lot more than what we answer. We just delete them because they’re typically incoherent or stupid. They don’t come back lol. 

From there, anon, surround yourself with people who you find agreeable and who you relate to. A lot of yandere blogs are down for a talk, I’ll be real. Just be sure you open up that you want to be friends lol. So... yeah. I’m sorry this isn’t perfect, but I hope it helps. Don’t be afraid of being yourself!

[sandroila]

Hey Sondroila, can I share this real quick? I think a big reason why (some) analysis acc’s never rest is because they’re so used to questioning EVERYTHING at this point. Like, it’s okay for things like the Osaka Vlive, because there are so many things in that vid that are questionable and highly suspicious. Some stuff in there is just blatantly obvious even. It’s also just fun speculation and a fun exercise to be honest. Same goes for analysing music videos. (1/9)

But, they’re really going way too far. Because they they always question everything, they think absolutely everything related to BTS has some deeper layer or meaning. There’s always some underlying problems or issues (did I mention it’s always negative questioning for some reason). They don’t ever take things for face value. Take Tae’s song for example. Instead of just enjoying the song or actually listening to Tae saying how happy he is with the response and result, they have to say stuff (2/9)

like: “Why isn’t it uploaded to ibighits channel. Why is the song in English, is bighit forcing him?”. Also, don’t get me started on people complaining about how it’s only Jimin who promotes songs, and how the other members apparently don’t give a shit about him because they didn’t ‘tweet’ anything when Promise was released (because according to them, real life support doesn’t exist, it should always be public support only). (3/9)

They really take pride in being negative don’t they. They take stuff and put an even more horrible spin on it, because they can’t help to always negatively question everything that bangtan says or does. I sometimes question why they don’t just leave the fandom, but they have this deep inner mission of protecting the boys. They do have a funny way of showing it (like telling Jimin to leave because BTS hates him, or telling Namjoon to not give Jungkook pointers). I would also like to mention (4/9)

that they do have a pre-existing narrative in which their theories exist (I’m talking, of course, but she who must not be named, her followers and disciples (lol)), one of which is that BTS are nothing but colleagues to each other and not friends. (5/9)

Recently, I saw a post about how Jungkook being dissatisfied with a performance wasn’t normal. First of all, just because the audience doesn’t see (or hear) the ‘mistake’, doesn’t mean the artist doesn’t. It’s like when you mess up a presentation. Mostly, the audience will not know you’ve forgotten a part of your text. But the presenter can still feel frustrated because he/she missed a part (especially if he/she rehearsed it frequently). Secondly, in my personal experience, I’ve never met (6/9)

anyone (especially if they’re passionate) who right away after a personally dissatisfying performance will go: “Oh well, at least I did my best”. That usually takes at least a few hours or day to sink in. If you rehearsed for some kind of examination, and you expected a 9 but you receive a 6, you’re not going to right away say that you did your best, are you? What I’m getting at is that Jungkook reacted perfectly normal, (7/9)

and that analysists are blowing this WAY out of proportion (did I mention that JK himself said that he doesn’t hold on to stress and in his Vlive in Germany he literally told us he was finding a positive way to deal with his foot injury by focusing on other perfecting aspects of his performance and that he said he matured a lot? But of course, these blogs on twt don’t believe him do they?) (8/9)

I’m sorry for my dissertation on this, bit I just needed to let this out. It’s frustrating but I have to find peace with the fact that they’re always gonna be around. Anyway, I really love your account and I think you’re great💜 (I also love you @chaotic-jikook, @jiminkoo, @blarhiv and @bulletfrootboyzz.) (9/9)

First of all, sorry for taking so long to answer. I had to take a few days off, since a lot is happening in my life again, and through that my mental health was suffering a bit.

Anways. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. And I mean it. Nowadays people are just looking for the tiniest “clue” that could indicate something is wrong, or they are mistreated, or their relationships in the group are breaking. Or literally ANYTHING.

I think analyzing their reasoning, way of thoughts, acting, words, even clothes, just everything, is bullshit. None of us are in any position to do that. We never talked to them, we never saw how they act off cam, we never saw them act when no one was around, we can’t look into their brains. But way too many people act like they do know ALL of that.

Most of them act like they have a degree in psychology and have years and years of experience. And even if they had that, you need to talk to them to understand them. Not one psychologist could analyze such deep thought processes and feelings, by just watching videos of them. Especially considering that all those videos are of them “at work”.

But those people think they could.

Hobby psychologists, with a hint of conspiracy theorist. Who project their mindset onto them. Like Jimin is hated by Jk (because they dislike one of them), that BH is sent by the devil (because they dont understand how the industry works and need a scape-goat for everything), that Jk has depressions and is even cutting himself (because he can’t be THAT happy and flawless).

Some of them also just want drama, cause happy friendships/brotherhood and happy people, are boring. 

All of that are reasons why I hate analysis nowadays, no matter what kind of analysis. 

Before it was on a normal level, but now.... Everything is evil, everything is bad, everything has some dark deep meaning, there is nothing good on this planet, everyone hates another, all of them have depressions, all of them have something against the others, all of them are used by another and by bh.

I hate it.

Not that the world is already depressing enough, but those people dare and try to destroy the only light for many many people, with their disgusting thoughts. They need to corrupt everything.

[lostinathoughtonceagain]

Im not sure where to start although i feel like i alwyas start with that.My mom says i seem to be doing  alot better and inn truth i am. I feel more myself and joyous and mre personality, and than theres still an emptiness that creeps in. The sort of weird shame feeling i used to get in mornings or without a shirt on, i got it today after grabbing clothes from my moms. maybe this is just a personal issue but im trying not to isolate myself in my emotions. TI appreicate and find it hard to understand the idea of common humanity. It is true humans all epereince these emotions and it is only to ones disadvantage when we tell ourselves were the only ones who have ever felt these emotions. In truth we are the only ones who experience things given we all have different perspectives, childhoods, personalities, and biology of our brains.. yet i think that an important to try to find the common humanity. empathy, relating to one another. we are more alike than we are different. YOu know when your on the freeway and you wonder where are all these people going. Myabe some are picking up there kids, going to a booty call, stopping to grab bananas at the store, and we wont ever know, everyone is all doing there own thing, eveyone is jsut driving just going to work doing things and im wo dering if anyone else is freaked out about what is happening. Why the hell are we here?n why iseveryone not freaking out with the little time we have, i want to make the most out of what is happeing i dont want to waste any more time not being  where i want to be, i wanted to be skinny so i can go on with my life. But i geuess thats alos the point of life. ive been so worried about living that i havnt actually been living. Im failing at an attempt to handle my shit. I look back on the past and how come i can only think, mostly think of the bad things. The relationships that i shouldve ended sooner cuz i didnt really lvoe them as i thought love would be. THey were all merely a disspointment. That sounds rude but to put it this way i alwyas thought there was something better for me. MY parents used to say at times “its never enough for you katie” maybe that is true. maybe im never satisidef. Maybe it was because they were tired and had tried there best and i failed because my needs wernt meant. not that they were needs. I think back to guys ive hooked up with and wish i had higher standards. why did i find satisfaction in attention from people that didnt even care about me. WHen guys used me and i was glad to let them. Especailly when i had previous ly had crsushes on them. FUCK BOYS WITH J names. i dont know why im writing as if im writing a story. maybe it makes it easier maybeim trying to articulate my thoughts into something there not. I think about things that have happened and hope i can maybe use them as a testimony maybe ill meet the love of my life adn get to share all these stories... but i dont things play out like that and thats a weird perspective to have on things thsat occur. Like as if im a narrator. I would get so ecited to send cute pictures of myself when i was  baby and show my boyfriends, or share things with them but then i realized something. they dont care, well definlty not like me. That ecitement about it is not the same as the one im epereiecning and when i was sent baby pictures of them, i didnt feel that warmth in my heart. maybe that makes me a bitch or emotionally disconnected. but how do i know if im feelin. what connections have i made. I used to want to be under the influence and gina my therapist said that people go to substances to feel connection. When i was on coke, life was beautiful i could talk to anyoe and everyone adn words flowed so well. In my head, looking back i probably looked like a crack head and thats the reality of it. I can manipulate my reality but to what is its value if its a lie. if no one else feels or sees what im seeing. ona  nother thought  i think we can make up these sotries in our heads that arnt even true. like somone tells us something or we feel a certain way about ourself so and it ends upso our whole olives our affected by this painting in our head only to find out no one sees what were seeing. my dad said that we can change the past, welll we can change our past by changing how we look at it. and i think if we could grasp it it would change our lives. I think that i could look back and not feel that shame, or not feel that embarressment. But am i not a sum of all the words thoughts and actions ive done or had uot o this point? thats depressing, but if it were something i was proud of then yes i would like to be. but the truth is all wehave is the now and you can start now being a totally different person, but you cant run away from all the consequences of the past i guess they jsut dont matter if you decide to change. but then what about bridges burned. i guess my plan b ina  sense is to run away to another country. but then theres legal issues and this whole system and ates and bad guys and tso m8uch to worry about that i dont feela  sense of freedom. my information is online and under a sytem and i undertsadn why i just wish everything could be quiet for sa sec. mayeb i dont want to be aktie stowers anymore. I get jealos of girls born and raised pretyy. all ive done is starved myself in the process of becoming what i want to be but thats not even me. if i have to starve to et there then i feel as though i dont actuallyl deserve to be skinny. and i fee l so vain for obsessing over this fucking thought. iw anted to be skinny this is what ive said from the beginging can someoine please help me do it. the probelm is that im in treatment for anoreica sub purge type and the reality is that i cant lose weight withought going to etreme measures. it became the most important thing in my life and ive been strung up on the same thought since fucking march of 2018. talk about time wasted. although i know thats no way of looking at it. ive learned lessons and have ad so many beautiufl things happpen. I get told very kind things about myself. i wonder if im actually a kind person or i only do things simply to be a kind person. if eel kinda selfish but i guess we all are. i mean think about how amny bad things are happening in this world and children starving and here i am buying things i dont need anf focuing on myself. but im not doing anything about it. i mean i try to tip etra give to homless ifi can i just feel guilt because i could be doing more but ijalso know that im not responsibly to save the world. jsut seems wrong the way things are. thats why i believe everyone goes to heaven. maybe because i cant wrap my head around the possily fact that barrett wouldnt and also becasue the idea of eternal damnation dosnt seem like the character of a god i want to serve. i see so much bullshit in the church and i just dont know . am i jsut angry. I became so jdugemntal of those judging me and thats just as worse but when theres almost a cluba nd you dont fit into there critera it fucking hutts. and that dosnt feel liek jesus i think jesus wouldnt let us be seperated by rleigion or if you drank last weekend. I think we should all unite and love each other and thats what reallly matters. yet here i am obsessed over being skinny. im down to 4 hour as of yesterday and i feel so much better i do. i just wish i could have one long 2 day therapy session whre i fucking figure out all my shit. ive gone to so much therapy and its been etremly helpful i jsut dont wanna waste anymore time with this baggage. I dont wanna go a minute longer when i could giure all this out. i guess what im saying is i want my life tp be an open canvas and not be unravveling and my childhood issues poopping up.. i want to go into the fututre knowing what i know adn epeireicning my life as it plays out. but i am 18 ishouldnt be thinking this much into things huh i should just let it be and lvie my life. i should be doung homework an teting my frienfds or going on a date. but thats not ther eality of things and alos i think ill look abck and things will be different. IOm also int reatment rn so oviously my situation is not exactly normal. i really do love to write i used to always want to be an author. but i dont kno0w anymore. i jsut dont really like how the sytem works i hate how we all have to go to college amd study things i dont give a fuck about and then some struggle at there 9-5 to merely surve eand ig uess i dont like the thoughr of that. and i know were suppsoed to find joys in the little things i think things are jsut freaking me out. iw ant to quit smoking nicatine but everyday i go out and do it. ig uess that meanns i dont really want to stop because if i did i would. i  and then i feel slightly guilty and opackiy because his is the only boduy im given. like does that not freak everyone out. this is the only way we are able to eperience life. think about how quickly it can be ended. i think that is too much pwier overmyself. nmot that im suicidal but i do think i hgave the power to find out super son what is after this life. judgment day, pure nothingness, maybe ill become a=one of the many ants i ahev enjoyed killed as a punsihemtn for msyelf. or hoe[fully and maybe ill entire a heaven with a lovuing god. a state of being with loved ones. I think thats why people like the idea of heavn the idea that you will see people later. but that discount the factof pain. when someones child dies they dont feel any less pain because a verse about being reunited with the,. because the truht im scared to tyee is that theres a possibility heaven isnt rela. and the loved one that is lost will never be in your reaach again.i feel sad for how ome peoples lifeves go. i hope they get a chance in the after life to have what they wanted. but then i think abotu abd guys. i wouldnt want them in my heaven. i guess maybe who we all our at our core is who would be in heaven beyond all the nasty. yet i dont believ flesh is nasty and i dont believ trying my whole life to not be something i was made to be. if my flesh is evil adn mankind is doomed what the fuck is that. i dont think god would set us upnto fail and i believ ehe understands we are human. and gpd is god and god knew everything that was going to happen up to npw. u know whats crazy is that on the time line we are on the edge of what is to come. being aluive rn. and its crazy that i wont be here in 100 years. ill be merely history. but rn we are whats happneing 7:12 november 11th. we are up to datebecause we are merely aliver. unless there is different universes and this is m,erely a simulation. but besides the point. barrett was talking about just how many books songs and information there is. that makes me pancik there is so many people so many things i could learn and musici could listen to that no one can listen to it all. maybe theresa song out there that is my favorite son that ill never get to lsiten to but i gues si jsut have to trust that the universe ligns up as it should and my life will happen as it should. and alll these things are happneing and were floating in the middle of space and yet i feel like people arnt freaking out. like what hthe actual fuck is happneing. and why do iu want to soedn my one life doing shit that dosn matter or something i dont even love. but thats how life works because you have to have moneya nd i do love bying things. and i jsut need to relax. because when people look back on there past they think if i could only tell msyelf its going to be okaya nd to have fun. why cant i do taht i mean i can but tehn these thughts come in. iwant to be skinny i also love food. starving was easy and i like d seeing my bones show,. i wanted people to see me and know i was hurting but people dont wanna be sround sa dpeople i guess i just wanted o be rescued. and at the same time it was nice to focus on the thingsd because even if all went ot hell if i restricted enought hat was okay my eating idsorder would tell me that  everything was going to be okay because i was taking care of the one thing i actaully wanted. writing this makes me sound crazy to msyelf. i have so many things i want to larn and do and so having an eating disorder makes me feel limated. amd truly it does limit me. it dosnt allow me to worry and think about these tihngs. i just really want to be skinnya dn i dont know where this started or why its so impiortant but i just am not a fann of my boyd. and i know tis terirble because im more than m y body and i know i cant stave mtyself and i know that this makes me self cenetred i know that it didnt pkay out as the damsel in distress that i wanted i know wthat i pushed loved ones away and made desisions taht really arnt alligned with my values because truly i didnt care i just wanted to get skinny i know i didnt look healthy bu in my mind that s the best ive eever looked. i know that the husband i meet is going to lvoe me for whats beond my appreance so it dosnt matter and getting atention from others isnt satisying and only leaves me feeling empty i knwo lifes to short to count your calories, to walk around feeling fraila nd loung every seconds. to reach 109 and not see a body close to what was at 116. to talk about numbers because they w]makr improtant parts of my life adn to allso swear that i dont care that much about the numbers. i care about the look. but if what they say is true and i ahve body dismprhia thats impossible. they say the eating idpsrder says itll never be enough. it will nevr be satisiuded. “ its never enough katie” never enough

and so maybe its me maybe im just this warped person. why do memories come back so weird and hwy did i have su h weird thoughts a s f\child. why do i get filled with so much rage. somtiems i think im the most grogeous girl and others i want to killmsyelf because i fel worthless. imm not suicdial but i can remeberthe first time i thought about killing kmyself i was in the abck seat of the car my brothers wre all teasing me about soething but for whatecer reason i was upset by it. i remebr crying and thinking how bad thye would feel if i killed myself. i carried this idealation iwht me later on. gina says i used this as a coping skill.w whenevr someone was mean, didnt say the right thing, didnt invite me, or a aprent said something hurtful. o thouhgt about it as if i were a ghost. watching how sad they were that they had not done better with me. that they said those angry words last to me instead of teeling me uhow much they lvoed me. that when they gossiped ghey felt so bad after because i was dead. i sometimes wish i could watch this unfold. but thats demented and evil. my ghost smiling with satifdaction as she watches loved one who id love and people who were simply lvingnthere life be affected by this. what good would it do to me or them. it would ruin them, does thaa amke mf evil. and then i realzie thats not how death wokrs. ill go to  wahtevr is after this.a dm why would i waste my eistence on a disguestingnromantizsm of revenge.  shpuld move on better msyelf and make connections and share with my lovedones hwen theyve hurt me or that i need more love.  i love treamnt. i love the lif3 im having. besids hating my body i love doing art and larning life skills and if eel like pooeple love me for me there and i can really be myself and support others. but i cant live my life in treatment. i want to relapse theres a few pros to this. one i get skinny againa dn can take pcitures while im skinnya dn try to do it a healthier way. 2 i can jsut go back to treatment and 3 thats a big fuck you to insuracne and theyll realize i coudlve used more help. my ancupucture lady said i need to let people help me adn its tru. i can read boooks hae copnversations go toa therapist but what goofd does it do if its not evn sticking with me. if i dont allow it to change me. im so stuck in that i want to be skinny. but im also tired of haojng my body, the thought about being okay iwht my body is sad to. ill jsut be ugly and not care? amd i wont be ablr to beas beautiful as i want to be. the law of attraction streases me out to because what if everytihng im writing is manif3sting as we speak. hut io cant just iugnore all thse thoughts. its good to journl ane write. i smoked the other night and told susan and brooke but lied to my treatment team. but honestly i was anxious the whole time and outside of playing with myself and dougna  trippy spiritaul mediaiton itwasnt the best time. it ,made me realize i enjoy beig sober bcecause i can do lall the things i want to do and not be stupid and i can be mindful. but then i feel a little desperate at the idea of not having anys ubstances. i sjsut need to create a good ralit y formyself. also i just don tfeel like im the little blon girl in my baby photos like me and her arnt \even the same person but i am i am her in 18 year old form. i jsut dont even know who i am or whats happening. iw ant to chilla dn i need to find balance. maybe this is because my brain has more room oto think about thoings. it kinda hurts me that my mom dsont know that much about eating disorders but yet she says she knows how bad these thionhd can get. likes he can talk so much about me needing help and this and that and yet she hasnt veen taken the tiem to udnerstand what it is im goi g throug. but i shoudlnt epect her to i dont evn knkw what is happneing. cons of relasping is more time wwasting life farther form my hoal. what is my goal all i can think abou t is working on my body bye cercising and eating healthy after treatment. iu dont underdstand why people dopnt think this is a huge thing for me. it makes it so i cant wear what. im so tired of caring. i want to get out of my head. but reality is i am katie and i have to deal wiht whats going on it dosnt do any good whining about it. another con is that my family would be disapinted. im kinda scared i ahev cancer ir im going ot die and jus stop breatinh. its probaly jsut anxiety . nbut i think about the drugs ive done and all that ive smoked and when ive starved and i wonder if im jsut shutting gdown. but i guess were all shutting down. but you cant tell kids these tihngs they dont care and they wouldnt undertsnad. i guess im jsut freaking out at my very eistence. im also very thankful to ebe alive. the fact were all ehsiting rn is crazy i think everything happens for a reason and theres a beautiful lessona nd “work of art called love” desinged by the creator. i ksut dpnt think itds what people think its actaully is. julian is just dsigusing why was i ever ino him. but i cant stop 16 year old me by being into him. but he really wasa dick adn oi dont think hes aw the value in me. my idea of him thinking that was because hesa  lot uglier than me or the line in fredys song where he says “ why would a girl like you fall for a guy like me” and he saud thatr eminded him of us i thought that was so sweet. MO that dosnt mean he values me. why was i so okay with accepting bullshit.a nd nathan. i really liked nathan we were bestfriends. but i got really cazy jealous. i was supposed to eat2 and ahalf hours ago and im not rally hungry. hence my hunger ques are off. i lost 4 lbs over the weekedn and im on weight restoration i was given till friday before i have tonadd even more additions because im not supposed to be lsoing weight. but i dint feel sad baout it. i felt eciteed i guess my bodys ina  place where it can lsoe weight easily. i feel like i should take advantage of it. is this litterally the eating disorder tuyping as we speak am i poseed. it is katie stowers. i guess thats what an eating idorder does. i think i ought to steer clear of caffense and weed. make things a little less harde.r and truly i shuld try to quit nicatine. ots just so nice to do but i think i ought to just not do it. i think idts a porblem because i can already mpciture me going outside after break and smoking. “evntually ill quit shes aid” when i quoted julien baker in her song ahppy to be hee to esther it says “ i miss you the way that i miss nicatine” she waled away after. felt a little judged honeslt and i dont think it was cuz of me but i am better than to smoke nicatine. i think im gonna not do it tomorow. adn if i succeed well see about friday. but it is a hbit i shoudl break. but anyways theres a lot to worry about and be ecited about to and im having a hard time manging it all. and i opuld go on times ten of whats been happneing in my brain ina  therap y session but it dosnt happne.

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x10 Commentary

Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.

Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9

14x10 Nihilism 

-I did not want to see Jack like that again thanks

Zeta: true

- And there was a need for some wings there honestly .

[ comes back crawling]

HERE

Zeta:  the bar sceeeene

-.....THAT’S A DAMN SQUIRREL WITH A AVIATOR CAP ON ( also I re wrote squirrel four times before getting it right) 

- MOOSE!!! 

-......The Moose has a tag with “FAMILY BUSINESS” written on it----lol Jensen

Zeta: What’s her name

- PAMELAAAAAAAA . Damn woman I went a bit Bi there

Zeta: OH YES.

- [Music: and I’m searching for a rainbow] .....WOW

-[on the counter] Daphne loves Fred.

 my monkey dirty brain: Daddy loves tips. 

-hot. want that.

Zeta: the tequila or the bartender?

Bitch please . both.

- D: “ What are we, savages?”

Zeta: Oh the lips

-Cosmic Cowboy. *chokes*

-FB

-why is it always a ghoul case?

-Lol but who’s the drunk guy tho

Zeta: Bitch, look at her biceps

- some Bi slippage there too I see. FOCUS

Zeta: also indeed. Who is he?

-D:”I’ve never had anything this nice”

Also....I would be like Dean if I had a bar. One for the costumer and one for me! woohoo .

- D: “How come you always have a boyfriend?”

  P: “How come you always want what you can’t have?”

[looks into the camera like in the office]

- D: “This is my dream” 

I kinda see it tho....old grumpy Dean Winchester being the Bobby while running a bar like that. Yes....I like it.

- I knew it . I wanna see someone closed behind that “closet” *wink wink*

Zeta: Oh oh

Zeta: the slo mo.

-NICE .You are welcome for this gif where I let you enjoy the full over the count jump. Nice healthy middle age man over the fence jump ( nevermind this is an italian oil ad ).

-The blood. So cute

Zeta: I’m famous

- mmm

Zeta: shit

-Hello M boi, I missed you fam

Zeta: Changed clothes

- OMFG are you saying that the Archangel Michael macVanity von DramaQueen really just angel mojo changed into his Peaky Blinder wanna be in front of them?

He’s so flamboyant , I love him .

Zeta: The close up

- M making three men kneel with so much as lift his hands.  WHAT A MOOD. WHERE CAN I GET THAT? I WANT 10.

- M : “ I saw everything”  Yeah no shit we kinda see that coming too

-DoN ‘T IntERrUPt mE 

Zeta: Don’t interrupt me

-I’m-

I’m so bothered right now. Dom Michael for the win

-OH WOW

- Sam just “assbutted” Michael lol.

Castiel : Sam....did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?

Sam: uh ....No?

- HE ANGRY

- Dean’s not home right now...

Zeta: Please leave a message

*giggling* I love him

Zeta: His voice GOD DAMN

-yes

- Castiel hair tho.

Zeta: Do you? Cocky much

-but needs to play it cool. Can’t risk to mess up the pomaded hair.

- S:” We the angel cuffs on , Michael is under control”

 M: “Keep telling yourself that “  ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I *clap* LOVE *clap* HIM *clap*

- S: “Dump him in the trunk of the Impala” ... DUMP HIM .ahahahahaah

-Garth is in the trunk

Zeta: it’s a big trunk

-M: “ It’s a party!”

- J: “ It’s not like any of us can fly”

 M : “ Well one of us can”

 S: “ STFU”

- J:” Sam, are we gonna die here?” ... wow Jack...babe...stfu

-Yes OMG I forgot about the stalky reaper

Zeta: You mess up so many things

- it ain’t wrong

- [in john Mulaney’s Trump voice] we locked Death away and enslaved the reapers

Zeta: Poor Cas

- ok but WHO....death? Michael is asking himself that too.

-Yes , put him in the dungeon. HOT

Zeta: shit

-I can hear you

Zeta: Shit

-Ahahahahahaahah

Zeta: SHIT

-I’m loving this

Zeta: Bring back Crowley.

Zeta: We left Garth in the trunk looool

- that....everytime we don’t see a character for long that’s it...they are in the trunk.

Zeta: Castiel

-CASTIEL . so strange, I love him, he’s such a sarcastic asshole.

- M: “Yes, uh, put a chair against the door”

Zeta: This pretty smile as I rip you apart

-I’M SHAKING. YAS.

Zeta: Control yourself

- S: “Cass this is all we’ve got”

Zeta: Again?

- well it is a loop.

-MORE SHOTS.  (me)

Zeta: The only thing missing is “heat of the moment”

- what if the woman is his conscience trying to get him out and if he sign he’s out? ...like....testing his resolution?

-Little insulting

Zeta: you’re nothing

Zeta: Why is he so perfect in this?

- J: “Dean---is strong”

  M *disgusted face*: “ Is a gnat “ . WOW

-OH SHUT UP OOOOH

Zeta: Emotional abuse.

- M: “ he was not happy, but he didn’t care-- Cause you are not Sam, you are not Cass.” 

[ me looking smiling to the Castiel/Misha hateclub]

-M: “You are a weak helpless thing”

- Jack , babe ....get away tho 

Zeta: LISTEN TO YOUR DAD

- M: “no I’m not and I can still hear you”

Zeta: Prick

- Love that prick..... literally 

- I care so little for the others I swear

- M: “Look at you, play nursemaind for a nephilim”

-C: “You are confusing loyalty and compassion for weakness”

Zeta: Damn what am I watching?

- [looks into the camera like in the office] Sexual tension

Zeta: so done. this. Close up

- M “and now...that I’m in here, I know why” 

-CHUCK

Zeta: He churn our draft after draft

- M speaks like he’s singing and mocking you at the same time. He has this musicality in his speak and I love it

- C: “Why would he do that?”

 M: “BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE!”

- good lord I swear all the angels are just brats throwing temper tantrum because they have a trash dad.

- M: “But now , I just want to burn every one of his little worlds until I catch up to the Old man”

Zeta: Even god can die.

- oh ok....overachiever much

Zeta: Hurt Jack

- No no Jack babe...keep your fucking soul .

Zeta: Cool science project

- Michael’s mind: if you mess up my perfectly combed hair Cass I swear-

- M: “ I give it a solid B- .....uh oooh”

 me nervously: .....wtf lol 

- M: *snorts* Oh Cass, I believe in you.

So rude...so nasty 

- j: “ What should I do?”

Zeta: Pray

-Thanks Cas, that’s-......that’s great

Zeta: You are all mine

- ..... YESSIR TAKE ME

Zeta: Dean’s mind.

- ..... if it was a funny episode they could have made so many jokes about being empty lol.

- me looking around haters mind ^

Zeta: This is what you are gonna become

-omg

- THAT WAS DEAN IN HELL.

- Dean’ “NOOOO “ at Castiel death is vibrating into my bones.

- S: “Dean is strong”

- C: “Sam, we’ve been through a lot and Dean is more than strong”

- S: “Dean thrive on trauma.” 

WE’VE BEEN KNEW

Zeta: Smart moose

- Somebody has been reading some meta tumblr posts

- P: “You really know how to talk to a lady don’t you?”

 me already at Castiel’s feet : wha

- That’s us fans watching 14 seasons of supernatural ^

-Bloody Cass is 100. *licks lips*

- P: “get me a shot. With your braaaain”

Zeta: Well hello.

- C:” That was- that....DeAN ThAt WaS An ACcidENT”

Zeta: Babyyyy

- them baby faces

- C:” WE NEED YOU TO COME BACK”

- S:”POUGHKEEPSIE”

- Dean’s mind : [ old modem sounds]

-M [Slow clap it out.] : Hey Fellas

-AND THE HAT IS BACK

Zeta: I’m you

Zeta: He gripped you tight and raised you from perdition

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’M DYING SO BAD.

-BITCH I’M DEAD AND GIGGLING I CAN’T.

-but also....but the fuck is Mary at?... like wow.

- also....everything that Micheal is saying right now is causing me actual fucking pain.

- Ok and both Sam and Cas faces? well thanks

Zeta: He’s buying time

-WOW. Slow smile, oooooH

-S: “So in here, you are all talk”

- oh that’s why he doesn’t use his powers. Serviceable .

Zeta: So happy. Fuck

Zeta: Prove it

- Um...yes hello 911? 

Michael getting his hands dirty is too hot for me.

-Fucking Tiger man.

-Come on baby 

Zeta: Jack will do something “stupid”

- Well he is his parents’ son *shrug*

Zeta: that

- D:” Then we don’t kick him out, we keep him in”

-oooooh M goes in the closet, lol

Zeta: Oh my god.

- ....Well that was stupid AHAHAHAAH 

- I can’t stop laughing .

- M [ROAR] 

  me: ....

Zeta: I’m the cage.

-HE IS THE CAGE. That doesn’t seem right tho...come on.

Zeta: So now Dean has Michael locked up

-ooooh the magic hurt him. Forgot about that. My baby.

Zeta: Concerned Dad.

- The way Cass say : “you understand?” killed me....so soft...so worried...

- The little smile! Kill me now.

Zeta: He’s not ok.

-Dean is not ok.

Zeta: [henley alert]

-He’s like....naked. ( still has another tshirt under it tho)

-Oh he’s mad 

- I’M CRYING . HE LOOKS LIKE MY CAT WHEN I REFUSE TO LET HIM OUT .

amazing.

( Sorry for the not that clear gifs but I wanted to cut and past all the bits of that because it’s amazing)

Zeta: He’s suffering so much.

-That troat

- That door is not that sturdy tho

Zeta: Oh hell no

- oh hello death . 

-Aw hell naw.

- Death :” Except one”

-AW HELL NAW

Zeta: Which one?

- UGH

Zeta: No

-NO

Zeta: NOOO so much hurt

-OH FUCK

Zeta: Actual literal pain in my chest

YA KNOW WHAT?....I DON’T LIKE THAT LOOK .

NOT ONE BIT.

.

- lol I don’t even wanna look at tumblr now

Zeta: well you know me....I have

- of course you did

post gifs comment: I didn’t do my crack gifs for now, but they will be done in a separate post.

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If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie   @mariekoukie6661   @dragontamerm    @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat   @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc

[yanjunmyworld]

When This Story Ends

Pairing: Yanjun x OC

Gif: linyanjun8

Genre: fluff, supernatural

A/N: i was inspired after watching the 2018 little mermaid movie. Its such a good new take on the story if you havent seen it you should check it out! I hope you like this story! Dont forget to leave some feedback ^^.

The bustling crowds paraded through the old market of Tianzifang, looking for whatever unique presents they could take home to their lovers and families. Little did anyone know that down one of the alleyways laid hidden the famous Iqyi dance studio. Famous for its rigourous training and producing only the most dedicated of dancers. The class consisted oh 9 boys and 2 girls; which is where we find our lead male.

The harsh beats pounded through the speakers, as the young taiwanese boy practiced last weeks choreography. Yanjun always made sure to arrive atleast 20 minutes early to recap every piece they learnt. He worked hard to get into this academy and wasn't going to waste a single second of it. He always knew he wanted to perform and share his passion with the world. To hopefully inspire others to follow their dreams like him someday and this was going to be his first stepping stone. Despite this being the main reason for his early arrival, there was another situation which also made his early practices seem the best possible solution. Y/N was the only other person to always be early to class. She was the object of his desires. He loved to watch as her body so effortlessly and gracefully balanced out the moves she was performing. How she would get the cutest of smiles whilst dancing, revealing her two faint hidden dimples. Y/N and yanjun had always had a good chemistry together. They were always eachothers partners and constantly flirting with bad pick up lines. So much so, that the others always tried to set up ways to make them kiss or something to move their relationship along. However for the past 6 months no matter how much they flirted, she would always denie his request for a date and have a different excuse prepared. This frustrated the young male. He has always been a smooth talker and never void of a womans attention but no one compared to her. She was his perfect match and he would do anything to try and make her see just how much he cared for her.

One day, another class mate Zhengting suggested he follow the girl after class to see where she goes. That way he wouldn't have to listen to Yanjuns conspiracy theories anymore. So thats exactly what he did. He followed her to Shanghai rail station onto the express train for Jinshan. He stood in the carriage next to hers leaving just enough space for him to see her and still be hidden. To conceal his identity even more he put on a black snap back and face mask. As he adjusted the brace straps and smoothed down his white shirt. He watched as she smiled looking down at her phone, her bright sparkling doe eyes lighting up as she tries to follow along to the choreography shes watching. Cute he thinks. He recalled her mentioning something about living in Jinshan, when it dawned on him that she was most likely going home. Great. Now I'm gonna look like those weird creepy stalkers thanks to Zhengting. if she catches me, I'm done for. He thought.

50 minutes later they arrived at the small seaside town. Various market stalls lined up against the seashore, selling a variety of meat and fish as well as grills to cook them on. The town wasn't particularly busy, most likely due to the autumn weather settling in.

He followed her down the sandy beach as she gazed at the rippling turquoise water. Her lighting up,exactlt the same as when she was dancing. As he followed her, he noticed them arriving at a smaller more secluded part of the beach, with a small alcove to the side. He watched as she dug up a small seashell box and placed her phone, money and travel card inside; before re-burying it. What a strange thing to do. He thought. However things kept getting stranger. He noticed the female starting to strip off her clothes which brought a light pink blush to his face. No matter how much his brain was telling him to look, he adverted his eyes out of the respect he had for her. It was only once he heard a splash that he looked back to find her gone. He couldnt even see any ripples in the water. How could she just dissappear. That's when his thoughts kicked into overdrive. His first instinct was that she was drowning and so he quickly stripped off and rushed into the water to look for her. Once again finding no sign of life anywhere. That was until he heard a faint melodical voice and a light splashing. He started to walk as quietly as he could further into the ocean not caring that the water was now up to his hips.

Thats when he saw it. A aquamarine tail gently bobbing up and down against the current; as a young girl perched her elbows up on a rock. The more he stared the more he knew he recgonised that small face and bright brown eyes all too well. It was Y/N but with a tail. The young taiwanese male rubbed his eyes causing them to sting slightly from the sea water to make sure he wasnt seeing things. His mind couldn't comprehend what he was seeing to be true. Mermaids aren't real. He thought. He watched as she sorrowfully sang to herself as if the whole weight of the world was on her shoulders. Which was a 180 degree change from the happy go lucky gurl he knew.

"It's so enchanting,I'm trapped and drowning here for everyone to see.

They didn't notice.

How far away i am from everyone and everything.

Silly to have gambled with my heart out on the line

I guess thats just the way it goes. But I'm holding on

I know a day will come when i can be myself again.

And i hope someone will love me.

When this story ends."

Without thinking Yanjun rushed forward screaming out.

"Y/N"

He body jumped fro. the startle of his voice and as her eyes locked with his, they opened wide before she quickly dive into the ocean and swam away.

Since that day y/n had stopped comming to class. Naturally all the boys teased him saying he scared her off with his stalker antics. Which was sort of true but if only they knew. After a full week of absences Yanjun couldn't take it anymore. Everyday his head ran with thoughts and theories and how much he missed her; how he needed answers and he needed them now. Otherwise he would believe he really had gone insane. He decided from that point to go to the beach every single day in hopes of catching her once again. Atlas every day ended up in failure. On the 7th day, just as Yanjun was about to go home, he had the strongest urge to stay until nightfall. So he waited aimlessly staring at the ocean hoping for even a glimpse of her.

Finally he saw a glint of her aquamarine tail again. He made his way out into the ocean to see her perched up on the same rock as before. He stealthily made his way around another rock so he was close enough but still hidden in order to not scare her again.

"Y/N! please don't run away, i just want to talk... I'll even stay hidden so you don't have to see me." He pleaded.

"You do realise i know you have been there the whole time right." She sighed.

"What! I thought i was being an ultimate ninja."

He peered his face out from behind the rock only to discover no sight of her again. That was until he felt a splash of water trickling down his back, followed by a faint giggle.

"No,this is called being a ninja."

How he had missed her laughter. He turned around to look at her and studied every detail. How her long black wet hair shone under the moonlight. How she flashed the soft dimple smile towards him, earning his dimpled smile in return.

"I missed you y/n. Why don't you come to class anymore? Why did you run away? How are you a mermaid? I mean not that your not a hot mermaid but i always thought they were fairytales." He rambled on.

"Slow down Yanjun. I suppose i should answer every question, seeing as you havent left this entire week."

"You knew?"

"Yep"

"So you was just torturing me!" He laughed.

"Yes and no... I...I was scared"

Her voice trailed off as she sat herself uppn the rock bobbing her tail up and down and gestured for Yanjun to sit beside her. So he wouldn't catch a cold.

"I haven't been comming because i was scared what you thought of me. Scared that you had told everyone and that they would outcast me... i haven't exactly had the best luck with humans who found out."

"You don't know how insane I've been going without you! I even have to partner up with Justin and you know how unfocused he is!!! If i told people, they would assume I'm crazy." He laughed

"You might just be crazy Junnie."

She laughed poking his cheek. Yanjun then wrapoed his arms around her and pulled her down into his chest; gently stroking her damp hair and placing a soft kiss upon her head. Resulting in a small pink blush appearing on her cheeks.

"I would never hurt you y/n... you're too important to me."

"Don't you find this weird or disgusting?" She pointed to her tail.

"Nothing about you could ever be disgusting." He smiled.

She the wrapped her own arms around his waist, smiling as she listened to the soft beating of his heart. This was a new experiance for y/n and she was loving every bit of it.

"Tell me everything y/n...please." He pouted as he continued stroking her hair.

"Well...I've always been a mermaid. But one day i saw a group called Nex7 performing on the beach and i was so captivated by their dance style. I had always wanted to dance. The way human bodies could move like that on two legs was beautiful to me. Especially when i could see couples dancing together. There were so many wonders to the human realm that i wanted to be like you people... we have a legend in our species. That a mermaid princess made a deal to become a human for the sake of her love and if she failed she would return to being a mermaid forever. No one knows the ending of the story, so i went to our king and begged for my own chance. The king hates humans...but he's not heartless so we made a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

Yanjun's voice was very concerned by this point. What had she gotten herself into. Was it dangerous? Was the king actually evil? Is he gonna have to run a boat through somebody like in the disney movie? The possabilities were endless.

"I have 1 year... to pursue my dreams of dancing and finding love but i can only be on land for 4 hours before turning back... should I fail or fall for someone who is not my true love... i will be forced to remain a mermaid forever and never have the chance to become human again..." Her voice trailed off.

"So that's why you can't go on a date with me."

"It's not that i don't want too... but i physically can't."

"How long has it been?"

"11 months... my time is running out"

she sighed before diving into the ocean again, letting the salty water cover up her tears again befire resurfacing.

"How do you know if its true love or not if you dont try y/n."

Yanjuns deep brown eyes gazed into her own with such a pleading look, that she couldn't help but feel sadder. She liked Yanjun she really did, but if he wasn't her true love she couldn't take that risk.

"I dont know... one time a seer told me that we will have a instant connection and he has the blood of the ocean within him."

"Just give me a chance, I've been flirting with you long enough" he laughed. "I promise i won't kiss you or anything and i will come to the beach every day so we can date like this."

He smiled jumping off the rock and taking a hold of her hands.

"One chance y/n. Thats all I'm asking for."

She thought about it hard as she observed the young male. How his height towered over her but wasn't intimidating. That soft look he had in his eyes,whenever he looked at her and how they would sparkle when he was dancing. The way his dimples revealed themselves to her and how esoecially breath taking he was at the moment. With his short black hair a watery mess and small water droplets trickling down his abs. Her time would soon run out and she had to make a choice.

"Well even if you aren't my true love,with such little time it looks like im gonna be a mermaid anyway... so I will give you the chance Lin Yanjun." She smiled.

A small grin appeared on his face as he pulled her into his chest again. The heat between them made the cold nights ocean feel like a pin prick. He kept the promise of comming everyday with her after class so they could have their dates. No matter how many times Yanjun wanted them to skip classes so they could go on a real date, Y/n always denied him. She knew his passion for dancing was just as strong as her own and she couldn't let him waste his time on her. Especially if time did run out she knew her dreams would carry on through him.

They'd have picnics at the beach that Yanjun would spend hours preparing, thanks to Zhangjing teaching him how to cook. They'd slow dance on the sand and she would show him all her favourite spots and hiding places so he could always find her. Yanjun always wanted to steal kisses from her but it took all his energy to stop himself out of respect for their promise. The more time he spent with her the more he fell. The way she would sing him a different song every night. How she would gift him rare seashells or other treasures she'd stumble upon. He marked down every single date so he could remember what they had done and how long they had left. But as time went on he found himself not caring if she stayed a mermaid,he would find a way for them to be together.

Before they knew it,it was their last day together. Luckily it fell on the day of the annual beach festival. Various attractions and market stalls were set up on the beach and he finally convinced y/n to sacrifice their dance class so they could spend their last day properly. They walked up amd down the different stalls, y/n getting more excited each time as she had always wanted to attend one of these events. Yanjun made sure to buy never ending supplies of ice cream and candy floss as they ran up and down the beach playing. Dancing along to the smooth beats of the music playing. Y/n had always wanted to ride a ferris wheel and luckily enough one was there lit up by the multicoloured lights against the night sky.

As they headed towards the que,Yanjun noticed a fortune teller gesturing to him. He sent y/n ahead using the excuse that he needed the bathroom before heading towards the young male. The mysterious man was dressed head to toe in a red and black theme with his short black hair slicked back. He had a innocent smile upon his face as he gestured for Yanjun to sit down.

"I got a strong urge when i saw you to read your future."

"And you are?"

"I'm the great Fan Chengcheng. 100% accuracy, never failed." He giggled. "Now give me your hand."

"Why?"

"So i can read your palm idiot. The cosmic spirits are urging me to do it and if i dont they will never shut up."

Reluctantly Yanjun gave him his hand and the young male started to study it.

"You're a very interesting person, i see great fortune in your future... but theres something unique about your blood and the spirit inside you."

"Go on."

Yanjun made his way quickly back to the queue to discover y/n nearly at the front. She hit him gently for taking his time.

"If you were gonna poop,you could of said. Everyone kept looking at me pitifully like i was a loner."she pouted

"I wasn't! I got distracted by a seller and just about escaped! As long as no one hit on you that's all that matters."

Time passed quickly and they were already at the top of the ferris wheel. Y/N was fascinated by the view and how small the town appeared from the height. Her attention was so distracted it was like Yanjun wasn't even there. So he got up and sat himself next to her, pulling her into his chest again.

"Yanjun!!! I wanna see!"

"Let's just stay like this a bit...please."

Y/n smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist listening to his heart beat again.

"I'm going to miss hearing this..." she sighed.

"This heart only beats for you,so without you it's non existant."

"Yanjun..."

"Even if i have to become a merman or something, I'll never leave you and I'll never love another person."

"You cant do that for me.... your hopes and dreams are worth so much more than this fantasy of us and you deserve so much love."

"I would give up my world for you y/n. I love you"

"I...i love you too Yanjun"

He took ahold of her hand and rushed them over to her spot as time was quickly running out. As she jumped into the ocean turning back into a mermaid, he glanced down at his watch. 2 minutes left.

" Yanjun... thank you for everything." She struggled to hold back the tears. "You are truly the most beautiful human I've ever met inside and out. my world has changed for the better because of you. I never thought i could find love, after the way the men in this world treated me. But i realise now, I love nothing more in my life than you."

"I told you from the day we met, that you were my angel that fell from heaven. I meant every word. I love you and only you. I will mever love anyone ever again. I will find a way for us y/n. So never forget me."

"I could never forget you Lin Yanjun."

Just as the last couple of seconds to midnight passed away, she pulled his neck down and placed her soft pink lips against his. Yanjun gently biting her bottom lip begging for for entrance as their tongues greeted eachother passionately and then she was gone.

"DAD WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WAS GONE!" WHAT SORT OF STORY IS THIS? SEE THIS IS WHY I SAID I DON'T BELIEVE IN MERMAIDS." the eldest boy yelled.

"I haven't finished the story yet son." He laughed.

"I believe daddy!" The youngest smiled gripping her teddy bear tight.

"Do you want to know what the fortune teller told him that day?."

"YES" they both screamed."

“He said you have the blood and spirit of a mermaid inside of you.”

Both kids looked at each other with eyes and mouths wide open.

“THAT MEANS!”

“That means it’s time for bed.” 

A young woman walked into the room, her white dress flowing as she walked towards the two young kids and tucked them both into their beds, placing a soft kiss upon their heads.

“Mum, we want to know the end of the story!” The eldest whined.

“You’ll find out the rest, when this story ends.” 

She sang slightly before giggling and turning on the night light for the children. The young man turned off the lights as he took a hold of his wife’s hand and walked out of their kids room closing the door.

“Yanjun we promised we wouldn’t tell them until they are older!”

“What’s the harm in them thinking it’s a fairytale for now. A beautiful romantic fairytale. It did me no harm!” he stuck out his tongue at her.

“That reminds me. You never told me Cheng Cheng said you have mermaid blood within you. Or that you met that sly Fan Cheng Cheng at all!” 

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking towards him dissapprovingly.

“If I had told you, then our last moment wouldn’t of been as romantic...plus how was i meant to know he was the seer you met in the ocean, he was human!”

He laughed as he placed a kiss upon her lips.

“You ass! I really thought I was going to lose you then and you knew all along. Do you know how much courage it took for me to kiss you!”

“Not as much courage is needed now though.”

He winked and smiled picking her up bridal style carrying her to the bed in their bedroom and placing her gently down upon it. before placing another kiss on her forehead.

“Who would of known my grandfathers stories about a mermaid and a human were true all along.” He laughed

A/N I hope you liked it. The song she sings comes from the sound track of the little mermaid 2018 movie and is called when this story ends! Which is where i got the name of this fic from too haha.  In regards to fated blood i’m taking a short break from it until i can work out properly where things are going with that, but i will have many more smaller fics in between that time.

[awolspaceman]

how my dysphoria manifests i guess

just gonna warn u right here: this is gonna get in depth talking about dysphoria. if that triggers you, keep scrolling and have a lovely damn day! (also, i anticipate that this is going to get l o n g)

so i’ve seen a ton of shit coming from tucutes about how us “nasty horrible transmeds believe you need to despise yourself to be trans!!!!!!! they’re so harmful to the trans community!!!!!!!” so i just wanna dispel some of those myths. please keep in mind that i’m one person and my experience is totally not universal. i have trans friends who do hate themselves due to dysphoria, and i have friends who aren’t super dysphoric but still experience gender dysphoria. it’s a varied experience. here’s mine. 

i don’t hate my body. if we add up all the things i like/love about my body and then subtract everything i don’t like, we still end up with a positive. i got blessed by the genetics from my parents that i have a relatively masculine face, as well as a pretty pronounced adams apple by female standards. i have really nice eyes in my opinion, and i have some of the thickest eyebrows that i know of. so yeah, i got a masculine face. 

i am very unlucky with the rest of my body. from the neck down, here’s some of the things i like about myself: my collarbones, my shoulders, my hands, my arms, my calves, and my feet. those are all pretty masculine if you ask me. i’m 5′7 and wear US men’s size 9 shoes, and i’m a broad dude (my dad is disappointed in me for one reason and it’s that i don’t competitively swim). unfortunately, i’ve got a big chest. i don’t just have a big chest by trans guy standards, i have a big chest by female standards (if you wanted to put me in a size i’d be a 36 DD, which means i have a bulky ribcage and an even bulkier chest). i’m never perfectly flat while binding, and trust me, i’ve tried on a lot of binders. i live in sweatshirts. i’m also pretty damn curvy, with a smaller waist and thick thighs (mostly muscle, but it still makes me fairly hourglass). apart from my shoulders (which are probably the reason i don’t have that “perfect” hourglass figure thing), i have a super feminine build. that’s just how it be. we’re not even gonna talk about bottom dysphoria because i think you get how my entire body is contradicting itself.

so how does my dysphoria manifest, i hear you asking. my dysphoria is this weird thing that never really goes away. however, it’s not complete and total self hatred. let’s use the shower i took tonight as an example. when i look at myself naked, my body doesn’t register my feminine “bits” as mine. seriously. my brain cannot comprehend that my chest is a part of me. it cannot comprehend my lack of penis, so its circuits overload and i just feel... nothing about it. that feeling of nothingness is then replaced with a similar feeling to touching raw meat. just kind of “huh, that’s weird and kind of gross. i’d like this to be over as quick as possible, please and thank you.” i’m currently sitting in bed, and my chest is pressing into my stomach slightly. i’m not constantly focusing on it (yes, it’s physically uncomfortable, but it’s not making my dysphoria make me want to die), but in the back of my mind, the “ew raw meat” feeling is constantly running. not a fun time. my brain would like to be rid of that feeling as soon as possible. problem is, i’m kinda stuck with it. no matter how much i bind and how much pointless youtube i watch, it’s always there and isn’t going to go away until after i’ve had surgery. 

you know those cursed images that make you go “yeeeeeeeeesh, that’s n a s t y oh god it gets nastier the more i look”? yeah, that “ewwwwwwwww” feeling is the feeling i get. it just feels wrong, and i sure would like it to feel right. do i feel this way all the time? pretty much, unless i’m super distracted, which i try and do all the time. does my dysphoria get to debilitating self-hate sometimes? yeah. lemme explain, with a few choice excerpts from my life. 

this was june, 2018. not that long ago. i needed some sports bras so i could work out, go on long road trips, etc, without binding dangerously or for too long. let’s just say, buying high support sports bras for people with large chests is.... difficult. so, since my mum is a Saint and understands how my dysphoria works, we measured me and bought stuff online. when the stuff came in, there was a return deadline, so i needed to make sure it fit. this is where my dysphoria becomes near debilitating. i ended up sobbing in my room and writing in a small journal i had about how horrible i felt, and this is the gist of what i remember: i want a knife to cut off my chest. i dont care how painful it will be, i just need it GONE. 

i’m on a medication called norethindrone. it stops ovulation and therefore, i don’t get my period (its a fucking blessing. i gained a little weight with it but it’s not too bad, no heavy mood swings, and so if ur a trans dude who wants to stop your periods, check in with your primary doctor about it! they can prescribe it to you, you don’t need to be in gender therapy or anything). however, my natural hormones overloaded it once, about a year ago almost to the day. i got my period for the first time in four months (i had only been on the medication for about that long), and it was hell. i was having more cramps than i had ever had, and my dysphoria was just skyrocketing. i’d had the privilege of not menstruating for a while, and so i’d gotten used to it, and wasn’t prepared for the mental toll of my medication failing. it was horrible.

tomorrow, i’m going into the city with my parents to meet with some people to talk about freezing my eggs. it’s the one thing i need to figure out before i start HRT, so hopefully we figure it all out rather quickly (testosterone is on the horizon babey!!!!! we’re talkin like hopefully under a year until i can start it but idk). however, the thought of even talking about my uterus makes me feel sick. my brain refuses to acknowledge that i have it, so forcing it to acknowledge a part of me i try hard to ignore is 1. exhausting and 2. really distressing. talking about it with my parents made me dysphoric, and when this special flavor of my dysphoria rears its ugly head, i swear i can feel my internal organs shifting with discomfort. so, yeah, my dysphoria gets pretty nasty. 

so let’s just review. personally, my dysphoria manifests as this weird thing my brain cant quite comprehend but definitely does not enjoy, and sometimes it spikes to those self-hating, “everything about me sucks and i want to die” levels, but those are normally induced by me getting deadnamed or misgendered or i’m forced to think about aspects of my body that i work hard to ignore. this is my experience and i’m allowed to share it. not everyone’s is like mine, but i think maybe, just maybe, one person who sides with tucute ideology will read this and maybe, just maybe, they’ll change their mind about the “horrible self-hating transmed ideology” that other tucutes talk about and demonize. 

have a nice night y’all. get some sleep and eat breakfast tomorrow.

[galoismyhimbo]

1-97 for Emily! Do them all.

akdjsasdas I wont back down from this, anon.

SO BUCKLE UP KIDDOS THIS GONNA BE A LONG ASS REPLY

1. What is their favourite food?

Probably, pancakes. Just plain ol’ pancakes with syrup, its simple and thats why she loves it.

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

Emily has a HUGE phobia of spiders. She see’s one across the room, she’s already setting the place on fire to kill it.

3. What do they wear to bed?

In the summer, just some shorts and a baggy shirt. In the winter, a star wars onsie.

4. Do they like cuddling?

yES! She is a slut for cuddling

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

Nope. At least not yet.

6. What do they look like?

Long, dark brown hair. Light brown eyes, pale skin, scarred face and body. Buff af, shoulders are bit wider than her hips. Wish i had a full body reference lmao.

7. Do they like chocolate?

Yep!

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Good: Loyal, lowkey softy, brave, perseverance, and has a strong will to protect the innocent.

Bad: impulsive, big ego, holds in her anger till she explodes, and reckless

9. Do they have any artistic talent?

Yeah, shes drawn in her free time and has gotten pretty good.

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

Her bedroom. Just laying in bed, watching tv or something. She likes the quiet and seclusion. 

11. Do they believe in luck?

Ye

12. Can they do magic?

Nope

13. Do they believe in dragons?

No, but there’s always the child in her that does.

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs?

When people chew loudly or talk with their mouth full.

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

umm… depends on where she is in her life. If I stick to the events of FC5, then after she woke up in the bunker with Joseph.

16. What is their sexuality?

Birom Ace 

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend?

Sharky is her best friend. She loved his dumbassery, cause shes a dumbass too at heart. So they would just run around causing havoc for the cult.

Her other best friend is @deputydonewithyall​‘s Hope. They are really gay for each other and are REALLY close. Emily really is dating her best friend. :^)

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship?

Yep, with Hope Pillar. And they still are. Cause you know what brings people together? Shared trauma.

19. What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect.

She used to be close to her family and relatives. But over time she drifted away, especially after her father died. When he did, she left to Montana after her brother was able to live on his own. She’s only seen them on some holidays.

20. Do they have a pet?

Fangs for hire basically.

21. Do they have a familiar?

No. But if she picked one it would be a leopard lmao

22. Are they a supernatural being?

Nope.

23. How do they usually wear their hair?

Usually down, but she also wears it in a ponytail. She looks great in one.

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play?

Nope.

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

Average. She did well in school, but she wasn’t in any clubs. She just wanted out.

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won?

Yep. With many during the fight with the cult lmao.

27. What is their favourite holiday?

Christmas, she LOVES it

28. If they could have one wish, what would they wish for?

For everything to be normal again, no more cult, no more pain. Just her old life back. :^)

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more?

She’s not opposed to having kids. And she gets one eventually. But she doesn’t want it :^) my bunker story explains that LMAO

30. Do they have a job?

Deputy

31. Do they know how to drive?

Ye, she’s a great driver

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

Nope, not really

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Nope.

34.Have they ever broken the law?

Before the cult? No. Well she’s gone over the speed limit but thats it lmao

35. Do they own a plant?

Who got time for that

36. Have they ever rode a horse before?

No but she wants to so badly.

37. What is their favorite gif?

38. Do they get along with others easily?

Not really, but she tries her hardest

39. Do they have any tattoos?

Nah, but she’s not opposed to it

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly?

She has a pretty strong jawline, her gaze is sharp. She just has strong facial features in general i think; plus the scar on her left eyebrow and the one going across the right side of her face makes her badass.

41. What is their favourite breed of dog?

Bernese Mountain dog

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

Not currently, but in the future she lives with Hope

43. Where is their dream vacation?

Going to anywhere in Europe in the winter honestly

44. Do they know more than one language?

Nope.

45. Are they a quick learner?

Yeah, she can adapt quickly.

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

Emily won a drawing contest in like 3rd grade. She got a badge and everything, she was so proud of herself.

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with?

They would go up onto a mountain with Hope, Sharky, and Boomer. And they’d just hang out till the last moment. Those three are the most important to her, and she would spend her last moments with them over anything else. 

48. What does their room look like?

Her floor is clean, but any desk in her room is covered in things. She lowkey a mess

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

A Tasmanian Tiger

50. If they got called out by someone, what would they do?

Throw hands. Only if it was really bad lmao

51. Have they ever shot a gun before?

Ye, many times before

52. Have they ever been axe throwing?

No. But take her on a date to one and she’ll be all yours 

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

Her sanity back :^) shit goes down in my story

54. Do they know how to fish?

Yeah, she’s actually pretty good. And she finds it relaxing

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

Go on roller coasters. She fears them but man, they look like fun to her and she feels like she’s missing out.

56. Do they own their own baby pictures?

Actually yeah, she keeps photos back at her apartment. She also has a photo of her, her siblings, and her dad years before he died in her pocket.

57. What makes them standout among others?

In all honesty, her brute force. She is a buff gal, and could handle herself in a fight, even playing dirty. If given the chance, she could fight Jacob. It would be a tough one but she’d have a chance.

58. Do they like to show off?

YEP. She has an ego.

59. What is their favourite song?

If I go, I’m going - Gregory Alan Isakov

60. What would be their dream vehicle?

A motorcycle

61. What is their favourite book?

She doesn’t have one.

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food?

Pratt. Only because one year he made something for a Christmas party for their department and it was hella good. Though someone else probably could’ve made it.

63. Are they approachable?

Not really? She a tall, very buff looking woman with a scarred resting bitch face. But if you do approach her she’ll open up.

64. Did they ever change their appearance?

Nah.

65. What makes them smile?

Memes. lmao jk, just little moments of peace with friends and loved ones.

66. Do they like glowsticks?

Hells yeah

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile?

Someone giving her a little gift and saying it reminded them of her. OR someone leaving little love notes around for her.

68. Are they a day or night person?

Night.

69. Are they allergic to anything?

Nope.

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them?

Her bravery. Which is also connected to her recklessness; she will risk her life to save an innocent or someone she cares about.   

71. Who is their ride or die?

Sharky and Hope. These three are an iconic trio

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one?

YEP. Hope.

73. What attracts them to another person?

Honesty, loyalty, and gentleness

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh?

Sharky or Hope. 

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home?

Emily doesn’t like alcohol so no, she hasn’t.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy?

H O P E. And Boomer lmao

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day?

Sharky, Boomer, and Hope. And actually Joey before the cult stuff.

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

Hope. But that can change sometimes.

79. What object to the care for the most?

Her necklace.

80. Do they like other people’s children?

Depends. With baby Rye, she adores her. But other kids she may not be the biggest fan of.

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home?

”…You got to be kidding me.”

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach?

HOPE MAKES EMILY A HUGE SOFTY, YALL DONT UNDERSTAND. Sorry i got excited

83. What is something that they are good at?

Archery.

84. What is their neutral expression?

Resting Bitch Face.

85. Do they like to cook?

No, she wishes things just appeared in front of her to eat

86. What is something they can’t leave home without?

The necklace her father got her years ago

87. Who is someone that they rely on?

👀👀 Hope.

88. Do they liked to be tickled?

No, and she’ll punch you if you try

89. Have they ever been a sword fight before?

No. But she’d be down to at any moment

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

Basically memes and stuff lmao

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain?

In Hope county, Emily liked to go to the church in Fall’s End to just relax. She was close to Jerome as well so they would just talk when things were calm.

92. What was their childhood like?

It was actually pretty normal for the most part. After her mother died on duty, her father raised her and her two siblings for a long time before he eventually died. She knew her relatives and stuff, had big family dinners, get togethers. She remembers her mom getting up really early every Christmas to make a large breakfast for the family and relatives. She loved waking to the smell of bacon.

93. What are they like as an adult?

She has her life together, but she’s also a wreck. Like, eating ramen for 4 days straight cause she doesn’t want to go grocery shopping.

94. Do they take criticism well?

Yeah, she knows its to improve on something. But she’s annoyed on the inside.

95. Have they ever jumped out of a plane?

Only ones that have been crashing LOL

96. Who do they like to make jokes with?

Anyone of her friends. She loved pulling pranks on the other deputies before the cult issue.

97. Have you ever drawn them before? If you are comfortable with it, would you post a picture?

Hell yeah. Though none are actually finished so here’s a WIP

[garethito]

You know... I've been meaning to ask you about this for a while, and yesterday's tag thing that you did with those Bale gifs only like... fueled? My curiosity? Lol, if that makes sense. Could you like... relive? The Champions League final from this year for us? Like, your perspective on it? Or maybe even the actual whole day of the final? Sorry, God, I know this is weird, but I just love how you tell stories from your life! I have seen you do it with some other anons once!

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this like, you guys always send me such interesting questions and Im so??? and OMG no this is not weird stop this is such a wonderful question to ask!! And omg you liked how I told the stories to those anons that is so sweet thank you so muchhhhh ❤️❤️💝❤️💘💘💞💞💘

But also this is making me really emotional I dont think I will be able to write this without tearing up but here we go!!! I was at school today and we had a special day so we didnt make any classes, so I had time to formulate an answer to this, and to complete it at home 💞

Quick WARNING?? Yes I am perfectly aware of how crazy and overdramatic this whole story sounds, but the thing is that this is how I truly feel about this day in my life. So yeah lol. Football is basically my life!

I would like to start this by saying that the day of the 26th of May 2018 is the most important day of my entire life as a football fan. There is nothing that could even come close to this. Absolutely nothing. Never in my life have I cried like in that night. Never. Absolutely never. I have looked at my life as a person, at my hardest times, when I cried a lot, but not even that can even slightly compare to the amount of crying that I have done on that glorious day of May 7 months ago. When I say crying, though, I dont actually mean crying, no. I mean violently sobbing, screaming at the top of my lungs, shaking and feeling numb. But in the best way possible, the happiest tears that I ever shedded.

My actual perspective, like you said, though, starts from the 2nd of May, a day after our semi-final second leg against Bayern. From that day, until the 26th, my mind, my body, my soul only thought about the final. I could not even focus on the Clasico on the 6th, neither on the last La Liga match. I was so fucking nervous, words are not sufficient to describe….. At least once every 2-3 days I would go to the bathroom with severe stomach aches and sit there until I would try to calm myself down so that my grandmother wouldnt get worried. I thank God, the Universe, or whoever you think invented life for the fact that highschool had nothing special during that period, just a few tests, that I got the best grades on, because had there been something big, I would have surely failed. That was a nightmare. Just think about it. Horrible La Liga season, then those fucking shaky as fuck second leg matches against Juve AND Bayern. I was literally so pessimistic that I am scaring myself right now thinking about it. All these bad scenarios played through my head ”What if Zizou loses his job? What if this will be the start of our downfall? What if this is the last Champions League final we will play? What if, what if, what if….”. I always tried to tell my brain how stupid I was, that we are Real Madrid and that we will win, like we always do, that we are the best fucking team in the Universe and that nobody even comes close to being like us. But its like these voices in my head wouldnt stop, it was so scary.

Come 25th of May I was an actual lifeless corpse. No matter how much I tried to call my best friend, who was in Bulgaria at that time, and telling her that I cant take this anymore, and her telling me that its going to be okay like it always is, that she doesnt really know my team well but she knows we will win, no matter how much of that was happening, I couldnt fucking stop being nervous and constantly thinking about this match.

On the morning of the 26th I woke up with a severe headache at about 8:30-9 AM. The only things that I remember from that whole day are the constant empty feeling, the amount of times I listened to Hala Madrid Y Nada Mas and the amount of pictures, videos, promotional/support videos I saw and watched. I called my friend one last time and I told her that now I am optimistic, that we will win.

My whole emotional state was ruined, however, by Gareth not starting. I dont need to explain the whole February-May Gaz-Zizou situation because I think everyone knows it too well by now and what I fucking felt about it. I have never been so enraged in my entire life. After all he has done, still no place in the starting XI. Though, this is pretty much the only thing that has ever angered me about Zizou. I love that man too much, I dont think there will ever be a coach that will ever come close to him, a coach that I will ever love as much as I loved him, but this whole situation really, really angered me. As I said, not going to get into details, I think that is enough. Though, I tried to only focus on my hardly achieved positivity about the match. 

The match started and my emotional state reached its lowest point. I couldnt take it anymore, I felt impossibly sick from being so nervous, I got the most severe migraine ever, my eyes were literally about to pop out ugh again, remembering that gives me chills. Dani got injured, and I got angry again, because he didnt deserve it, the World Cup was literally about to start like God give this man a break!!!

Halftime at 0-0, my optimism grew, believe it or not. I felt like we will have more urgency in the second half and that we will win this.

The second half came, with me just desperately hoping for a goal. Because we were playing so well, we deserved a reward!! And it did come, with Benzemas goal, God I felt so relieved and happy. I have seen people saying that his goal was not good but? You literally take everything that is being offered to you in a Champions League final! He scored, he gave us a goal, we were 1-0 up, and I was literally screaming from joy, I was shaking so much and I was the proudest person alive. God, I love my team. Then, Liverpools equalizer came. I didnt think anything of it. I wouldnt get rid of my optimism. I was looking at my boys and I knew we would win.

And Oh My God, here we fucking go. 

Minute 61. Gareth comes on. I was so grateful that he at least got to play 30 minutes, I literally only wanted to see him. At that time, considering everything that was happening, I was already emotionally starting to prepare for his departure to another team. I was watching him in those moments, flashbacks through my mind of all the glorious times I got to see him, all of his goals, everything.

And then…

All of a sudden…

62:58

That moment. The moment in which my soul has definitely left my body. The most beautiful moment I have ever lived in watching football. The moment in which I was the proudest person alive. A moment I will never, ever, ever forget, for as long as I get to live. The moment I have literally seen history being made, right before my eyes. The moment in which I literally evaporated, left the Earth, idk how to explain this but I hope you understand me. My idol, that had suffered so much that season, scored a fucking bicycle kick in a FUCKING UCL FINAL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. The happiest, most full of joy, best, most emotional moment. Ever. No exaggeration.

My perspective on this? Oh well, brace yourselves. If you think everything that I have written so far seems insane, get ready for this.

I was on my bed, watching the game, shaking. I saw the passes, beautiful passes, that ended up with Marcelo controling the ball (incredibly, as he always does, my Brazilian sunshine). I saw him swaying to the side, and then passing a high, aerial ball in the box. Gareth came up to meet it, with… a scissor kick. That he scored. I literally fucking exploded like there is no other word. I jumped off my fucking bed and I ran literally across the house and came back, making the most inhuman noises ever I swear. I came back to my bedroom and I collapsed on the floor and I literally started fucking bawling my eyes out, and even that seems like an understatement. Screaming at the top of my lungs, bawling my eyes out, literally all of it happening on the floor. My grandmother literally came in and she thought something happened to me, but then I just pointed to the screen and she understood lmao. And from that point onward I cannot say anything anymore, because I dont remember anything else but me on the floor, literally. After like 15 minutes I hardly even managed to get back on the bed, and guess what?

82:41

AGAIN. 

A

G

A

I

N

???? I dont know what to say anymore. Like he literally toyed with everyone that night, he didnt care about anything. Again, with a pass from Marcelo, he literally goes from FAR FAR FAR away and he shoots and… scores?? How much do you think my poor fragile self can handle? Like, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO THAT?? Except for bawling your eyes out even more, if thats even possible? Its been 7 months and I still dont have words for what happened that night, like 2 goals ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND I WAS LITERALLY DEAD LIKE ??? I LOST EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MY SANITY THAT NIGHT. 2 goals, 2 goals in 20 minutes, he was about to get a fucking hattrick. A fucking HATTRICK IN HALF AN HOUR, but Karius unfortunately stopped that shot.

The match ended and… I dont remember anything other than barely seeing the screen, I literally had a blurred vision.

We fucking won it. We DID IT. THE DECIMOTERCERA WAS OURS.

In the moment in which Sergio lifted it I… I dont have words, did I go into another Universe, did I ascend, did my soul leave my body I dont even know but what I do know is that I spent the rest of the night, up until like 6AM, crying my heart out. And this is what I mean by ”I have never cried so much in my entire life”. Like I have never spent a whole night crying.

I went to bed at like 6:30, woke up at like.. 10?? I think you can imagine how I woke up, I literally felt like I was going to die but I spent the rest of the day catching up on everything that happened the entire night.

And then, of course, the celebrations, Cibeles, Bernabeu… of course your sensitive girl bawled her eyes out again lol!

Every day ever since it happened, I have always been thinking about this day. About all of it. No point in counting how many times I rewatched the goals lol! But I think you can imagine haha 💘

So yeah, this is pretty much it DSLKFDKJFKDFJKDFK. The story about my best ever day of watching football I made it unecessarily long (Im so sorry). I think the only conclusion that I can get from this is Hala Madrid Y Gareth Y Nada Mas lol! 💘💘