#idk.... guess i'll just wait and see...
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#well ladies. what does it mean when he tells you he doesnt wanna keep in touch with the others anymore but then joins the server anyway#in which you know that the only person he tolerates (dare i say likes) is you#or maybe i sound insane idk. wish he'd make a Move on me already but then xmas IS v close so i mean#i get it#n also say it goes bad right.... have to see eaxh other at graduation#what im saying is..... if no moves have been made .... gonna ask him out in feb after graduation GZUDDTJITTDTDIZJT#IF i still feel the same and i think he'll say yes. hhhhhh this shid is so hard#im also like ... worried that the guy i made friends with that turned out to be snakey is like.... going to attempt to turn everybody#against me bc like...... one of my friends isnt answering me rn. tho she could be busy... im just Worried#he'll never turn the guy i have a crush on or my other friend against me tho. they dont like/trust him at all XTXIXTDIITDDIT#idk.... guess i'll just wait and see...#i cant stand... dealing with ppl that act like theyre still in hs. like come on ur in your 30s 😭😭😭#n e way... a lil rant LOL#personal
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Weed smoking girlfriends! But they can just be hanging out if you prefer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Happy 4/20!
#if i work on this any more you will never see it before the day's out#and if i dont post this today I'll be PISSED. cause i did NOT finish that fic and idk that I Can before the day is out 😔#anyway enough your transfem scott treat everyone im going to go smoke weed and make ravioli now#sp comic#spvtw#spto#fanart#kim pine#ramona flowers#scott pilgrim#ship stuff#sckimona#scott pilgrim fanart#spto fanart#scott pilgrim kim#scott pilgrim ramona#scott pilgrim scott#transfem scott pilgrim#kimona#sckim#scottmona#this almost had... such a caption. idk. nonsense.#this image does have alternate versions. and i am in fact going to make another version after posting this w my personal tweaks for pilgrim#(dyed red ends. i meant to add them before posting but i Forgot and if i make my roommate wait any longer for food he's probably going to +#+ start whining 🙄) (idc really im just being dramatic or silly. ect. you understand i hope)#scott pilgrim comic#almost forgot that. probably forgetting other things! but as you might guess. i am high! so idc
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LAW & ORDER: SVU ↳ 13x11 | Theatre Tricks
#nick amaro#fin tutuola#amanda rollins#law and order svu#law and order: svu#svu#idk if it actually happens#but i just finished this episode#and the moment nick gave that little smirk in the last gif#i felt SURE that he and rollins are gonna hook up#guess i'll have to wait and see#my gifs#rollins and amaro
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all for the game, the locked tomb, and severance are all in the same boat for me as in i've known about them since 2022, knew about them before they became majorly popular but now know less about them than the average person because now they're so popular, and i wanted so so so so badly to read/watch them from the moment i heard about them in 2022 . . .
. . . but they aren't finished so i don't do anything about it
#guys do you understand the PAIN i went through waiting for alecto the ninth to come out#it was bad. it was so so so so bad#guess when it was supposed to come out. just guess. the answer? THE YEAR TWENTY TWENTY THREE#WHAT THE FUCK. hello. what#it didn't. so then i was like okay fuck that. 2024's our year. and then it didn't happen then either#now it might be pushed back to 2026 . . . pain . . . agony . . . suffering . . .#(not blaming tamsyn btw i have just been wanting to read this series for like two YEARS now and i can't)#anyway idk when severance is gonna end. probably in like 2037 or something. i'll probably cave at some point though#i'm more flexible with tv shows and two seasons are already out so. who knows#if they announce that season three will be the finale then i'll wait until it comes out or else i'll just watch what's out#aftg seems like it comes out on a relatively consistent basis though so that's good#like every year or two years or something idk#this is the way i choose to live . . . i get that . . . however. hnghhhh#do you guys see how that unending middle grade elf series has ruined me. i've been traumatized by it#stria speaks#aftg#tlt#severance
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I've been thinking about making an altar when I go to college, but I have a lot of conflicting feelings. I love the idea because I'm very limited in what I can do right now, but once I move into my dorm I'll have much more freedom. But it'll also be very limited still because I'll likely have to hide it in a box to both sneak it out of my house and because I have no idea what kind of person I'll have as a roommate. I just feel very bad about both hiding it in a box as well as having things for three gods in one space instead of having distinct places for all of them.
#idk I just feel really bad#I'm also afraid that I'm trying to rush things so that I'm no longer brand new to hellenism so maybe I should wait longer for an altar#I still have over two months to think about it so I guess I'll see what happens#hellenic polytheism#hellenic pagan#hellenic polythiest#helpol#dionysus devotee#aphrodite devotee#hypnos devotee
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#TKO_art 25#got so angry then spiral'd into an existential crisis#still in that crisis but if i don't think about it then i wont think about how nothing matters oh god its 2 late#at first it was a random angry side profile and then it turned into wuxia beatrice#which i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not and i think this looks too cringe so i'm not gonna look at this anymore#i just wanted to draw bea with an undercut#this reminded me of the time i actually wanted to draw beatrice in that wuxia style at the very beginning of my art journey#core memory unlocked#anyway i'll probably revist this sometime later#again bc their clothing is nice#i'm kinda annoyed because i didn't look up any refs for this and this looks pretty much like beatrice and i know when i go to work on#[redacted] it's gonna be a fucking pain#but also lets not discredit the fact that i was looking at beatrice refs for 3 hours before a small break and then this#sometimes i forget how much i love art#my existential crisis was making me doubt if doing art really is worth anything while i was sketching angrily#and really it was just me falling down a pit of oh this is what my next days will look like working on art to just be disappointed by the#end result that i forgot that it's a journey thing but most importantly u have to trust the process#but i also forgot making art is a slower type of gratification + serotonnin#i guess the thing is i'm waiting for the shoe to drop: burnout stage of art#where i do not want to touch art for years#and it's kinda because i push myself to do art like i'm going to die very soon that i'm worried about it#but also at the same time hmmmm idk bc seeing art is just so inspiring and makes me jealous that i kickstart myself into doing it#what are we talking about anyway blah blah blah
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i wont lie lads. sometimes i still do think about danny phantom
ive said it before on occasion but i cant help but feel weird when i think abt it nowadays bc the last experience i had in the fandom was a negative one which is why i havent rly posted about it since early this year, but deep down its still rly important to me and prolly always will be, and sometimes i do wish i could happily draw more of it sometimes without feeling icky about it :(
i miss my old blorbos.. o<<
#maybe one of these days i'll feel better abt it but idk when thatll be bc ive been saying that for a while now#i cant force it after all. i just gotta wait it out i guess#like idk i still follow like. one dp blog#and sometimes i see Glimpses into the fandom and i just think. damn. what are yall up to nowadays..#i Will say that when that next graphic novel comes out im jumping on that shit so fast i dont even care
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having nightmares/weird dreams on two different ways where i confront a friend because i have unresolved resentment towards them for something they did yet i let by because i didn't want to make a scene over something small is perhaps a sign
#i don't know if i wanna have the conversation tbh#like rn i'm just waiting to be done with my exams and see how i feel about this issue in february#but at the same time i'm not sure#i do love them and care about them and miss when we were close; but i'm not really sure if#i do want to be close with them again and i'm content with us as we are now?#idk it's confusing. but it's on my mind regardless#i don't wanna break the friendship that's for sure#i guess i don't wanna be burdensome by asking for behavioural changes?#like maybe my friend hasn't really done anything wrong and we're just having compatibility issues#okay i'll stop now
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for some reason ever since I was maybe 12 or 13 everytime I had a new hyperfixation or new fav character I would go on tv tropes for it and read the entire thing and then get akinator to guess all the characters
#not all at once but it was more like#a few weeks into the hyperfixation and then i'll suddenly remember OMG I get to reexperience the joys of akinator guessing my fav#OMG I get to read through a whole new entire tv tropes page#idk why. fun i guess. but this tradition still goes on. like the most recent one was for coronation street in 2023#which is also annoying bc how have i not had a new hyperfixation since 2023#it's just been my ocs and then various old recycled fixations coming back#but yeah the current one I'm like ''omg YEAH let's go see what- oh wait no i did that in 2013''#''it was probably the first one i ever did it for...''#I'm trying to think of other hyperfixation routines/traditions but idk these two were always the most constant lol#ramble
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just finished o.td ep1!!!!!! replaying on higher difficulty for unlockables but.......... like......... while i would have to play w canon to get us to work out (and im usually a post-canon-but-very-much-canon-adjacent shipper in most regards)........ if i didn't have two characters in the microwave already i probably would put one character in there for a minute or two and see where that took me ;;;;
#i'm only focusing on that aspect here bc this is The Shipping Blog. but holy shittttttttt i'm genuinely so sad that i'll have to wait#for the next ep to release. ughhhhhh like the ep0 demo was really good!!! but it was a demo.#enough to chew on but not enough to really savor? i guess??? this kept building and building literally up until credits. bravo.#i think i'm gonna remake my ancient liveblog sideblog (used to use twt for that but. gestures. yknow....)#and when i do....... i will put screens of The Character on there. this only released 2 days ago so i want to be Very Careful.#those who do see the post with The Character will Have to laugh. i'm nothing if not predictable.....;;#and then i'll do some kind of liveblog for ggg? on twt i could do stream of consciousness liveblogging#but that's just Spam on here kJNASKDJn so i'll have to maybe. do it in chunks. idk. figure it out as we go etc!#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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yeah no I think Savour screwed up my gender by taking most of the masculinity with him so now I'm just Confused™
I don't feel as man as I used to, but I'm definitely not a woman, and I don't think I feel like an androgynous gender, so.. wtf am I?
#savour stole my gender :(#now I have to deal with the long process of introspection I guess#endogenic system#median system#plural system#alterhuman#hey wait I just remembered that Savour posted about species confusion last night so hah.#It came to mind for me to post about this because it occured to me that I vibe with certain types of strong women#like again I'm definitely Not a woman myself but idk there's something there#maybe I'll turn out to be agender or something we'll see#just so odd for there to be a blank spot where there was once a strong sense of gender#maybe I'm leaning into the alien side of my gender and just haven't been able to parse it yet#because of all this I am dealing with dysphoria too so#dangit savour.
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The recent fanfic asks reminded my of my old DAO writing -- which I never brought over to AO3 when I moved there from ff.net; I was still in the depths of my divorce with the franchise when that happened -- so I hopped over to ff.net for the first time in ages to glance at them.
... and I had never realized until now that, reading them, you'd think my main Warden was a Cousland 🤣
#don't get me wrong i did run an entire DAO+Awakening playthrough with cousland#but my main always has and always will be tabris#but i have like. absolutely zero writing on her lmaooooo#apparently the way 2010-hira's brain divided it was: tabris = art; cousland = fanfic#i never noticed#i guess to be fair i had been planning on an entire fancomic with my tabris' story before i noped out of the fandom#so maybe that's why; i'd been saving the writing on her for that? i honestly don't remember anymore#it was just very entertaining to realize lmao#anyway#now toying with the idea of bringing them over to AO3#but idk on the one hand it'd be nice to have all my stuff in one place#on the other... they're super old. and i'm still twitchy about DA#but i mean; i can always backdate them to their original publish dates so they won't be front and center...#maybe i'll just wait for a bit. see if this is just random nostalgia talking XD#withoutwords
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I have to admit I'm still not very happy with the time jump/story shift as it pertains to Barry (the character). With one episode left I think I need to give up hope on ever getting a satisfying look into his childhood - learning about what happened to his family, the details of what Fuches meant when he referred to "raising [Barry] like a son," and specifically what must be incredibly complex and interesting stuff about his dad considering the somewhat contradictory facts that Barry a) has clear daddy issues and said he "never had a good male role model" and b) decided to name his son after his dad. You're telling me we set all that up and we're not actually going to expand on any of it? cool. cool
And I am just . . . not that interested in his motivations as a religious family man or whatever. There are so many aspects of this character I want to see explored, and I just don't care enough about this new stuff that was introduced for him. Like yeah, I understand the point of it - on the surface he's trying to protect his family but what he really wants is to protect the facade he's built for himself. I get it, I find it vaguely intriguing, and it makes sense for his character, but imo it's not AT ALL the most interesting thing they could be doing with him, and it's worse because it's most likely coming at the cost of not exploring the things I've wanted them to explore since season 1.
#barry hbo#barry berkman#barry spoilers#like GOD the jim moss torture shit was such a good opportunity!!#they could've gone into so much more interesting stuff than 'oh no i'll never see my son again'#i mean let me clarify that i don't think a parent's fear for their child is an inherently boring storyline!! definitely NOT what i'm saying#but i don't find it interesting for barry specifically as like. a mental torture/hallucination device#it's this new thing that's just barely been introduced and if we have?? a fucking mental torture scene??? aka an angst goldmine???#i would've much rather had an exploration of more deep-seated issues#instead of an aspect of the character that only exists post-timeskip#if that makes sense#idk i guess the tldr is it just felt like a wasted opportunity to delve into much juicier stuff#show me barry's goddamn father-related childhood trauma i have waited SO LONG#op
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i'm going to a queer school event tomorrow but i'm literally feeling so paranoid about it. what if my mom checks life360 while i'm there, then looks up which event is at that location, and puts the very obvious two and two together. if i put on airplane mode to freeze my location, what if she texts me and freaks out when i don't respond for a good few hours. what if a family friend somehow spots me there and passes the information along. i really wanna go and connect with other queer people here but holy SHIT the thought i could inadvertently out myself simply by taking my phone along is terrifying.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#see like the school was very nice to put all their events on one webpage for everyone to browse#but alas everyone means Everyone and not just students#why can't it just be like. bye mom and dad see you in a couple weeks when you come up for a football game#and then no contact until then#(i know it's bc they care about me. but Actually what they care about is the idea of me they have in their heads#and if they knew i'm queer they would be Oh So Disappointed In Me. spin their homophobia and betrayal into ''''concern'''' yknow)#i guess if i froze my location i could say i was sleeping in#but if anyone calls me at any point on airplane mode doesn't the phone go straight to voicemail??#suppose i could say my phone was shut off#but like. something something panopticon surveillance something. i feel like i have to look over my shoulder constantly#for the people i'm supposed to feel safest with#and it's fucked up! it's fucked up and i hate it#(also i mention her looking up the event bc she has used that website to show me things there is to do. i Know she knows it exists#and that she's looked at it. and she's obviously invested in whether her baby girl is alright or not.#first kid to go off to college problems 👍)#the last example is the most unlikely though. a friend of MY parents?? at a QUEER event??? unheard of.#but idk i'm still scared#so that's. fun.#fuck wait actually i don't know how to get there without gps#i'll look up the route beforehand and try to remember it. shit man.
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#personal#whats literally so funny was that as soon as i saw him walk in the room last year i knew he was gonna be trouble for me#however i never knew itd be this kind n this deep JDJDNDJJDNDJDNDNDN#we are like........ way closer than i ever anticipated. im terrified that we wont have anything to talk about once school ends#i wanna say so much to him but i... theres so much school stress i just.... i dont wanna add anything extra on top for myself or for him...#hhhhhh god lmao. this time last year i hadnt even spoken to him n now im like..... in this Thing that is maybe mutual but maybe isnt#god....... this shit is so hard NFJFJJFJFJFJF#i only see him like 3 more times in the near future......#then i gotta wait a bit.... but i dont want to 😭😭😭#i wanna see him every week.... at least... but its probably gonna be on a month basis even IF THAT....#god what if it all fizzles out............#hhhhhhhhhh#im gonna try to keep it going. im just..... idk. im scared#i hope he tries to keep it going too.....#its just hard.... when its 2 ppl that like.... only talk when they need to...... try to keep in touch JFJDJDJDJDKKDKDKDK#the most we go now is a full day without talking...... like either i'll message or he will#usually its me.... but... im more talkative i guess ... IDK#all ik is that i Know hes not talking to anyone else at school LMAO#one of my friends was like.... ya dont bother putting him in a group chat .. he never answere#while im over here like.... LOL he messages me back always within minutes/seconds#and if hes offline... as soon as hes back online.#JXJXKKXKXKXKZ GOD.#n e way. see him today............ looking forward to it but also nervous 😳#i'll be fine once i see him tho... its just the Anticipation#feel really comfortable around him LOL. never thought id say that#anyway
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wait i didn't know this...... han yujin's taste!!!!!!!!!
#he rose several ranks in my esteem... yujin i'll watch over you... noona will take you out to dinner#for this one. wait what kinda stuff does he like. hold on#i googled it and all i see is that he likes candy... hes so cute... my nephew#i guess noona will take you to the pick and mix IDK#anyway its nice to see hyunes name up there with those 2 im just sayin! take care
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