#if I can be completely fr rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

siriusfelis · 9 months

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New year again?

#it’s been a rough year #but I made it through somehow #hopefully 2024 is better to me I reaaaallly hope 😭#🎨#if I can be completely fr rn #this was one of the worst years of my life #my mental health was scarily bad like. the worst it’s ever been #but I’m here! and I’m doing a little better #so! hopefully 2024 will not kick me in the balls every single day like 2023 did

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heartofarcanum · 10 months

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OK AND ANOTHER THING

I have to give credit to Amen and Evthys’s enemies to lovers plot and Amen’s character. How many times have I read “it’s enemies to lovers” and it’s just two people who sorta hated each other but now it’s fine. How many times have I read “he’s brooding and bad and has done horrible things” but he also saves kittens from trees and helps orphans in his spare time?

Like she pulled no punches. Amen wants to kill Evthys, he thinks about it often. Evthys knows he will kill her, knows and loves him almost against her will anyway. They know what they are, they know they’re destined for tragedy but they can’t help themselves. That is what enemies to lovers should be.

And the follow through with Amen. She told us the man is a monster and the man is in fact a monster. He doesn’t have a heart of gold, he doesn’t secretly help orphans or donate money in his spare time. He is a hunter, a killer, and he does not pretend or act otherwise. He tortures and he kills and he isn’t kind about it even when she asks him to be. There’s no way to excuse his actions and there shouldn’t be. There should be no “but it’s ok because” — it’s not ok, it’s fucked, and that’s the point.

Their relationship is fucked, but it’s what enemies to lovers is supposed to be. He’s what a morally gray character is supposed to be. These are not supposed to be happy or kind things. In scn they’re not sugar coated in any way and that’s part of what makes it just so freaking good.

If you hate Amen, good you’re supposed to. If you love Amen anyway, good you’re supposed to. That’s the trap and tragedy of enemies to lovers—it’s a car crash you can’t look away from, because no matter how bad it gets you’re always hoping they survive. You’re always hoping that somehow all of this will end and they’ll be happy, no matter how unlikely that is.

#I have brain rot how can I not #good GOD this book #I feel like I’m on a ledge rn fr #like she said he is a monster and he is a MONSTER #there’s no excuses to be made and he makes none and it does something for me #it was just all so well written #dia doing everything she could to the end #amen being completely unforgiving #he has not made a special exception for evthys he’s just not sure what she is yet #but what will he do when it comes down to the wire?#can he really kill her? even he doesn’t know #AND IT MAKES ME CRAZY #romance club #rc #song of the crimson nile #scn #rc amen #rc evthys #amen x evthys

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magistius · 2 months

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they did nothing wrong [said with understanding that they are a nuianced character but that theyre villainized to hell and back and you stand in support]

#this was written after milgram t2 report and jackalope said that once again kotoko isnt completely in the wrong for what she did and even #lampshading it for fuuta who is frequently compared to kotoko and villainized compared to her despite her vigilante work being MUCH worse #and mentioning that fuuta wouldnt have felt remorse if it didnt happen even though in bring it on he clearly understood that it went too fa #and GRAHHHHHHH DECO*27 WHEN I GET YOU!!!!#anyways this can be about anyone #milgram #main tagging bc fuck it why not this could be about like basically any milgram character lets be so fr rn

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evanescentsun · 9 months

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inspired by @hakucho-art ‘s vampire enemies to lovers au heheh, and her art. (I can’t get over touka’s design it’s so cool. @/harleyquilt is so big brained for the design FR. )

#tokyo ghoul #touken #kanetou #hehehehhe this was SO fun to draw #it’s so nice seeing the end result after the painstakingly long (loving) procress behind the scenes #it went through so much! it improved so much from the first drafts! im such a proud mom!#and I have… learned so many things from drawing this.#as to draw the whole thing and compose FIRST before heading rn in and being so impatient #because it’s gonna bite me back in the ass #as in: the reason help Kaneki is drawn in a v diff style #but I guess it also adds tho.#im so in with the touka fr. vamp teeth. blood. angy. what MORE can u have #I peaked there #I have lil context for the scene but cba to go into it JFJJFKFK #also yes I did Give Up on this drawing JFJFJFJJFJDJDN #but it IS complete in its own way<3333 #I love it so much ahhhhhh #YOU KNOW WHAT. after looking at this days after rn. it does not as bad as I thought #heh<3 🥰

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b1mbodoll · 10 months

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repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please

#♡.gabi barks #im okay i prommy (im crying rn)#like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but #apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞#like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize #im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz #like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!!#ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!!#im just a girl #if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!!#i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it #anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist)#no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :(#i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad

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fulgurbugs · 7 months

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i just threw my back out wtf did i even do

#i can only sit straight up or completely flat rn owe #im… im just like my dad fr

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tvrningout · 9 months

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staring at my hands and wondering if i haven't just been burned out for ages actually

#so glad y'all are so patient bc when i say the motivation has just been low since....... i dunno when #i dunno bc i have lil spurts here and there where i have a ton of inspo and a ton of motivation bc i'm excited #like when i started writing all the dorverold stuff i was writing a ton about it and when i start creating things in general #i tend to have a burst of energy however! i still hit a block -- it took me ages to write kojirou's bio and i haven't written yoshi's #or ciaran's #i'm holding onto a lot of asks and threads that i wanna write rn and it's been like that for a while and not just bc i hoard things #i dunno i just hope once school is completely done i can stop struggling so much with motivation/energy #also my memory.............. i just remembered i owe two people original asks and 4 of y'all asks for my inbox call #y'all are saints for waiting on me like this fr and thank you so much ;;;;v;;;;#get ready to ramble | ooc

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aberooski · 10 months

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Y'all are gonna get Sons of The Stars (Abby's version)(from the vault) like this week at this rate aksksks

#I just redrew the wardobe and I ended up changing so of the looks a little bit so I was going in to change the appropriate-#-outfit descriptions accordingly to be accurate with the new and tbh fr final designs and now I'm just adding a whole bunch of shit aksksk #like I'm completely overhauling chazz and alexis's relationship rn like the whole last 10 chapters of their interactions have to be changed #because of something I added in during chapter 14 #I wasn't planning on doing any if this extra stuff but well here we are akskskksksks #hey sustained by hate (abby's version)(from the vault) really elevated that one so you can imagine what's happening here hehehe #I love this one so much already too I can only love it more #I'm on chapter 20 and when I finish I'm probably gonna back up to the first half a little bit before I publish these updates but MAN #there's some good shit in here #abby's fanfic writer power hour #yugioh gx fanfiction

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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as lonely as being aro can be I honestly wouldn't have it any other way because as a kid I felt like my life would be over in my 20s once I married and started having kids but the first time I realized I didn't have to do that shit was akin to a bird getting released from its cage

#like idk. i remember watching my mom growing up. no time to read or paint or sing or do anything she wanted to do #because she was always doing chores and housework and taking care of the kids #and she said she chose that life and was happy with it but it felt like a cage to me every time i thought about it #and in the ''religion'' i grew up in anyone with ovaries was supposed to get married and have lots of babies as soon as they could #so yk. 20s.#and as a kid growing up in that environment i Literally thought i would only get to live for 20/25 years #and then i'd be miserable and locked inside the house for the rest of my life #and all my friends growing up Wanted that !! they wanted marriage and a million kids and all the things we were told we needed to have #and im sure a lot of this was just the culture we grew up in. even now after leaving years ago im still struggling to unlearn things #and as kids ?? we didnt know Anything.#but idk. i remember watching brave and connecting with merida so much because i didnt want to get married either !!!#but i thought i had to !!! literally that movie made me cry so many times fr #but finding out what aromanticism was was literally so insane it was like. i dont have to do any of this bullshit actually.#it was literally the most radical thought i'd ever encountered at the time #it felt like i was defying everything i've been taught and it took me a long time to separate myself from the mindsets i grew up with #and then longer still to eventually separate myself from that environment completely #but idk. im a little lonely sometimes and my siblings and friends are all getting married and paired off #but i dont have to. my life isnt over and i can live it however i want.#idkkkkkkkk im feeling kinda emotional rn. being aro is incredible fr #winter speaks #queer #personal

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c0rpsedemon · 1 year

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watch Gundam 00 it'll be funny I swear

i WILL but i'm going in release order bc i'm. actually fucking insane. and i'm not quite there yet

#srry anon but i can get so so so obstinate abt going in release order 4 literally everything bc there is. smthing seriously wrong w my brain #+ i'm into both type-moon and haruhi suzumiya so like. that's only made it worse #so yeah. i literally dropped g-witch bc despite being in its own completely unique universe the knowledge that there's more gundam that cam #out b4 it fr prevented me from watching. this applies to like. vtubers and shit too. n e ways. romeo gundam 00 watchthrough will happen #eventually i prommy. but eventually means 'not rn'#romeo.txt

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daiseukiis · 1 year

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— NO WAYY YOU WRITE ON WTP???

i literally love oc x readers so much, even more so than x readers!! THESE ARE SO GOOD BTW ALL YOU GUYS ARE SO GOOD AT THESE

haha yes ! when it comes to series i like to write on wattpad, it’s just easier for me to do so.

and yeah there’s like six managers! one for each team and a general manager that kinda goes around. their usual tasks are like filing up water, writing notes down and making sure everyone is there but other than that their main goal is to get verified on tiktok— hence the fic being called verified ! other than crack i swear there’s also a plot to this 🤭 like for example this is the prologue to it hopefully you can hear the audio in your head 😂

#I may or mayhaps not started it bc im having the biggest Loki brain worm in my head for no apparent rzn rn #and I’m a og wtp author been in there for like 10+ years tbh #but yeah you can tell by just the snippets of my writing it’s not even gonna be a proper fic 😂#tbh once Neo egoist league is done im probably gonna also finish the fic up #or idk what to do w it #but yeah all that’s in my head is the side commentary and all the random shit their managers are gonna do #like imagine bastard munchen just going to eat and all the managers are in their building playing uno so obnoxiously loud #one of them is so flirty that the players are even jealous bc she’s so affectionate towards the managers but to them she’s like fuck off #another one is a complete saint and ness protects her !!!#one has the biggest crush on Loki that she embarrasses herself on a daily basis just breathing beside them #another kisses EVERY FUCKING PLAYER ( by the check ! ) and will constantly annoy the shit out of rin bc she knows her brother #dude my head is so full of manager moments and tiktok shit it’s brazy fr #༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish #༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing #༊*·˚ a wish upon a goddess

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faaun · 1 year

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AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#waiting for smn is soooo #idk #idk how to feel what to think #anyway asked my friends for advice on it #they were all like u should have a convo abt it. bc like #emotional support is important in a relationship and receiving none of it is bad #like how come we r both having a tough time and yet so far i was like aw theyre having a horrible time theyre dealing w #depression thats why they cant support me :(( like.#im also having a tough time dealing w depression and ive been there 4 them consistently !!! and im sorry but like when i was horribly #depressed like 10x worse than this yrs ago i remember i still did my best to be there for whoever i was dating at the time #but rn its so one sided like im excusing a complete lack of emotional support under the category of mental health stuff #and even tho i told myself it was an explanation not an excuse it was in fact both. it was def an excuse #depression can make it hard for u to be there for others but when theyre ur partner and ur best friend and u cant even respond #to them stating how they feel properly that is bad !! viewing them telling u their current emotion or feeling bc thats what the topic is #as ~putting stuff on you randomly~ is bad!!#like fr whenever i feel sad i have to eat up my feelings and cry on my.own bc im afraid theyre not going to respond well to me telling them #that. its not like i vent or anything either (w/o asking. but i dont even do that) its just #UGHHH IDK #anyway ive been avoiding this convo w them for a while bc i have been trying to be patient and just. wait for them to get better #and maybe someday they would be there for me!! maybe my friends r all the emotional support i need if i feel so bad that i cant keep it in!#but its just not fair on me i think. ive been feeling shit too!!! i forgot that i existed #until i finally told my friends abt it and they were like. relationships r a two way street etc etc #anyway yh #idk how this will go x #taking some time away to collect my thoughts n so are they so

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loverboybitch · 2 years

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𓆩♡𓆪 crazy that there are infinities inside me for real.//.

#imjustsittinghere #my friend texted me from berlin right now just like #he said all the outfits hes seen so far are crazy and that id love it there #he said its montreal if montreal was serious lol #literally how i was like maybe ill move tomontreal or berlin like. if that isnt serendipitous #gonna make my way there one day i swear #maybe ill actually make a plan for next year #think i might try to spend some time in malta maybe meet up with some friends in berlin? would be kind of cool for like a week or something #spend a month in malta if i can maybe?#ideally if i could get someone to sublet my room in toronto that would be perfect so i wouldnt waste all my rent money #but if i hold onto my job i can bring my laptop there and work a couple shifts so its not like a complete write off u know?#maybe next fall...thatd be the fun time to go i think anyway n gives me a lot of time to save up #if i can stop myself from spending money on clothes i could fr do it lol #jus gotta focus on making my own #n i just got a brand new dope ass hoodie so im satiated for now #extremly jealous tho my friends are in berlin rn and going to paris for a couple days #going montreal at least tho next weekend with some other friends n going skiing n probably to a cool skate bar #at least thats hype <3 #on my evil villain arc which really just means im trying to be less scared and follow my dreams a little #hope it works : )#really do love the whole my boss said i look like a villain thing tho im latching onto that heavy #kind of been playing with this creative space/idea of embracing the lil demon imp that lives in me so it just seems very timely and fitting #jsut really identifying with the word imp idk more on that later

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paeonie-s · 2 years

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SONNY BOY !!!!

#rewatching it w mel rn. one of my fave shows of all time i love it #three eps in already thinking abt how much is gonna change and be revealed. makes me so insanely emotional #tho a quality of it i rly appreciate abt the show that i can finally put into words is that the. the chs dont act like normal chs #typically i feel some connection to chs BC i can understand or relate to them on some level even if theyre personality and bg is completely #seperate to mine #and i wouldnt say most of sonny boys chs are v complex but it still does a phenomenal job specifically making me feel isolated from all but #select few (nagara mizuho rahjdani and later asakase and mb nozomi). which idk its like uniquely comforting #bc sonny boy is all about growing up and developing a sense of self in an ever changing world and connecting with others and for me i feel #like my experience w all that was already so alienating. so flattening the chs w the strongest social lives just feels like natural to me #bc i fr do not get or understand social ppl. love my friends but it feels impossible for me to ever understand anyone else or have them #understand me. there is just a degree of disconnect there that can never be solved and i feel like sonny boy is a piece of media #which acknowledges that disconnect and still allows its chs to form friendships beyond it. which is what i need in media #this is crazy if anyone understands this um. hi. are we abt to kiss rn #sonny boy #🌸.txt

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astrxealis · 11 months

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went out w friends today super duper fun i'm really happy but anyway just on here to say it's my break now so i'll be a bit more active i hope, it's my bday soon too, and i got asked my gender today which was p cool 😙🥺💗✨

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i miss it here but real life has been so fun again that i'm just. really happy JEGQKDJS #LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS SM u guys here and those irl and elsewhere online and yes <333 #it's crazy tbh i went to a mall today w my friends in class as a yk gala but also in advance for my bday ... they r all so nice i love them #they kept hyping me up and idk it's a small thing but i love how observant they r SNIFFS maybe i'm just not used to it all so it means a lot #but either way it means so much fr. AND THEN OK the weekend after this one i'm watching a movie w my other grp of friends from arti's class #hehe 2nd time hanging out w em but we'll be more complete this time around <3 !!! and thennn at school i hang out w a variety of friends at #diff times and then online i've been connecting in diff ways w my closest friends online too and even randomly here yk and then yeah it all #just makes me vv happy that for the first time in... what. 6 years. i've been truly myself w interacting w others #BCS YES i am shy introverted quiet BUT ALSO the complete opposite but in a nice way. best of both worlds fr.#idk IEHSJDJS JUST REALLY HAPPY I'M 'BACK' to who i kind of rlly am but either way i am Me #sniffs..... okay but i'm not gna get emotional rn LOL #it's not rlly break yet until sat tbh which is my bday :P we're just staying home for the rest of the week but there's still school #i was worried at 1st i rmbr i wouldn't like my class but i had my thoughts and ideas which were good #and BOOM they actually did come true. it's amazing. oh my god.#also bad moments have come n gone but i've been dealing w them healthily and generally always trying to be as best as i can be healthily #DAMN. i'm thriving. but even if things go sour i know it'll go through and yeah. amazing #so tldr touching grass is rlly good and loving urself lmfao #the thing is i admittedly have always loved myself so. good for me! genuinely i have always and knew for a very long know i always will love #myself :] rlly nice to have that stability but ig it stems too from a very ahaha childhood WHWHJD i've fastforwarded growing up mentally #it's p sad but ig i wouldn't have it any other way since who i am is who i am. so. yeah.#YEEHAW OKAY GN !!! i shut up now hehehe #i miss writing... ye gods

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nomaishuttle · 1 year

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i think my solution 4 the streak system issue btw is to cap it at 3 and if im able to keep it up for 4 weeks then itll go up to the easier difficulty ykwim.. so its worth less. so like if im able to meet the goal for my Single red task (which is outside time) 4 weeks in a row itd move down to a yellow task.. and the streak would reset and once i get it 2 4 again it goes to a green then to blue and etc.

#but im also hrmmmmm... bc ideally some of these things will judt become second nature thats the whole point #but where theyre also to determine my free spending money.. do u guys see the predicament here #ideally id just be able to come up eith new goals to add as i complete all of these and they become second nature... so ill have 2 #keep that in mind.. ive been considering once ummmm ummm once my umm. oh i could add laundry thatd be a rly good one since i need 2 make #ure 2 be doing my laundry consistently. okie #bc i think ill do my laundry sundays... since saturday is my day out yk.#and the weekdays where i work until 3 theres no time to dry clothes in the evening #oh but anyways. i was thinking once i finish school Which i will . fucking eventually fuck you physics i hate you i hate you i hate you.#i might replace the school task with reading since thats somrthing i want 2 get into... ive also thought abt maybe just adding likeeee #just a hobby task... thats kind of general but itd be like. when i finally get into sewing and whenever i draw etc. and if i cook more...#see cookings a hard one bc ig its kind of included eith eating well but also eating well is so vague i kinda just need 2 likee. change that #i ALSO want 2 start working on drinking more water.. and exercising Eventually. rn exercising is semi included in outside time since #outside time is just Leave the house and not for worm #aork #not even like fr leave the house bc if i sit on the porch that counts.. just gotta get out sometimes yk.#but yas and of course another way i can keep it in check is t judt up the weekly goal..

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