#if Icarus wants that chance again they have to earn it

[lillybearrie]

Hi chat hello this is a reminder to yall that Rae basically disowned Icarus (which tbh was a long time coming let's be so fr) they're next interaction is gonna contain yelling at best violence and injury at worst we can't keep suggesting that they go talk to Rae when they're in an emotionally fragile state It will not go well not to mention they don't need to dump that on Rae because if Icarus shows up bawling their eyes out Rae is either gonna slam the door in their face or he'll push down his own feelings on his brother to help an old friend

Guys they cannot be around one another right now not until Icarus finally let's themself believe that they don't have to keep killing people then and only then can any sort of progress be made can bridges be mended

[swappingbryn]

Always Save Before You Exit

Kenny was tired of the drudgery of life, working, gym, his nagging girlfriend, even his friends were boring him. It didn’t matter that he was good looking, rode a motorcycle, he was just bored, which wasn’t helped by his tedious construction job.

He’d heard of a new service where you could rent out your body, you’d set the price, set all the limits, and if any conditions were violated, the rental would automatically end. He’d been thinking of doing a trip across the country during the summer, and this would help him be able to afford it.

He set up an appointment and heard them out. He wasn’t sure, but he figured he’d give it a chance, he had nothing to lose, if no one liked his price or the rules, they’d turn him down. He started simple, no smoking, no unprotected sex, no tattoos or permanent marks, he opted to be unaware of the time he was being rented, he chose not to give the person access to his memories, and then shot for the moon with the rental fee, $1,000/day, clicking “Save” after each page. Once he got to the last page, he clicked “Save” once again and walked out, unaware he didn’t click “Submit.”

As he walked out, he didn’t see anyone else around, but that was a mix of adrenaline and tunnel vision, as there was an old, thin man sitting in the corner who entered the room next to fill out his profile.

When Icarus walked into the room, he noticed the computer was still opened to Kenny’s profile, and he could still make edits. Icarus went to town making changes, knowing he’d love to have Kenny’s body. He changed the limits, the rules, the settings, even the price. And then he clicked “Submit,” finalizing Kenny’s account, and setting up his own.

No less than an hour after he arrived home, Kenny received an email saying his body had been rented. The email noted the renter agreed to everything Kenny listed, and so if Kenny accepted, no further bargaining was needed. Kenny was prompted with a warning when he clicked accept “Warning: All rentals over five days required additional disclosures. Are you sure you want to engage in this rental? All rental funds will be placed in escrow earning interest until the end of the rental period. Do you agree?” Kenny happily clicked Yes. He was expecting to wake up a few days later, with a huge deposit into his account.

However, Kenny was instantly unable to move, with his body moving on its own. He was petrified, thinking something had gone horribly wrong. His body was moving without him in control, he could hear his voice talking, “Hmm, this feels so good. This voice is so deep, and I’m so young and hot. This is the best use of my annual bonus from work. I don’t regret spending 7Gs got this body.” Kenny realized he never looked at the rental time, but figured while he hated this arrangement, it would only be for a week. His body went into his bedroom and jerked off, several times, with Kenny feeling it each time. Then his girlfriend came home and Kenny heard his voice say “Hey Clarice, want to have some fun?” To which he thought ‘how does he know her name?’ She relented after a few minutes and they fucked, over and over, with her moaning how much better it felt than usual. Kenny also realized how good it felt, and that his body wasn’t wearing a condom.

Kenny realized how much he’d fucked up. Whoever this guy was, he somehow had access to all Kennys memories, Kenny was aware of the rental, and apparently none of the rules were in play. Kenny felt his body smoking like a chimney, felt tattoos being applied, felt his body fucking like crazy, his girlfriend, random women, even men. It wasn’t until the eighth day Kenny was scared, as he was still unable to control anything.

This hell went on for days beyond count. Kenny eventually gave up and retreated into the recesses of his mind. Until finally, he woke up and had control. He woke up to kids running around, jumping on his bed.

His phone, which he knew was his, but it was much different and high tech-y pinged, “Thank you for using our service. The rental fee of $7,300 plus 5% annual interested has been deposited into your account. We hope you enjoyed your rental.” And “A deposit of $19,369.08 has been made to your account.”

Kenny ran from bed and looked in a mirror. He was old now, grey hair, leathered skin, he felt a craving for a cigarette which he instinctively lit, and he saw tattoos covering his arms and chest.

He ran to the rental office to demand answers. It turns out he now had six kids, from four different women, still the same shitty job, and the same bike. It was only then that he was shown a copy of his rental agreement. “No rules, full awareness, full memory access” was all that was written, not the pages of rules he set up. And then he saw that the rental amount was different too, rather than $1,000 per day it was $1. Kenny had given up twenty years of his youth for $7,300, and while that almost tripled in size, he now had a huge family, a bad job and a nicotine addition.

@malevessel for the picture and rental idea

[angelsanarchy]

Fever Dreams: Mike x Y/N One Shot Series PRT 01

Tagging: @icarus-star @chainsawgvtsfvck @romanroyapoligist @liquidsmoothdomme @madamemaximoff06 @drazenka @blacksoul-27 @444rockstargf (let me know if you wish to be tagged)

Mike sat in the passenger seat of Leff's 1970 Chrysler Newport which he treated like the child he always wanted. He was pissed to have been dragged out of bed so early to sit in the Train station parking lot. He had no idea who they were picking up or why he had to be with him but he was annoyed and tired.

"You're gonna need to get in the backseat." Leff said without looking at him.

"The fuck for?" Mike looked over at Leff who narrowed his eyes at him.

"Because I'd rather not watch Y/n embarrass you this early in the morning." He explained. Mike knew very little about this person they were picking up. He knew that they worked for Leff and just returned from doing an import run.

"He can sit in the backseat just fine." Mike laughed but when he felt Leff's gaze on him, he looked over at him.

"Are you fucking serious? I'm already comfortable, why do I have to move just because of them?" Mike whined.

"You sound like a fucking child." Leff groaned.

"You treat me like a fucking child." Mike argued. Leff rolled his eyes and continued to puff on a cigarette watching for this person to make their appearance.

"What's so special about this guy? I mean you made me take a fucking Uber from the airport when I got here but we're picking this guy up at the train station?" Mike asked curiously.

"Y/n works harder than you ever thought about working." Leff kept his eyes on the platform and Mike rolled his eyes.

"Y/n isn't a guy either so be respectful. Did your mother teach you any fucking manners?" Leff asked with frustration. Mike let out a laugh.

"So what? You fucking her?" Mike asked with his eyebrow up. Leff gave him a death glare before Mike put his hands up and got in the back seat mumbling about never getting any respect.

"Okay so this chick...what does she do exactly? I mean is she like Sicky? Is she like me, a runner?" Leff snorted.

"A runner? That's what you call yourself? She's not like either of you because she doesn't need a fucking job title to earn money." Leff explained.

"She's also off limits so don't even think about being cute with her, she'll cut your dick off before I even get a chance to slap you around for being an idiot." Leff pointed at him in the rearview with a warning.

"So you are fucking her?" Mike pressed and Leff swatted at him but he put his hands up.

"Jesus Christ! I'm just curious. What's her deal? Why am I not allowed to even ask about her?" Mike was getting irritated with how uptight Leff was being.

"She used to work for a nightclub that one of my competition works out of. I was fucking a few of her coworkers but she had reached out to me about your mom once." Mike's attention was piqued.

"What do you mean?" Mike pressed.

"When your mom was trying to get her fix, she would go to places like that and try and score. Y/n kept an eye on her for me but her boss wasn't too happy about it...tried to have her dealt with." Leff explained.

"But she works for you now? How did that pan out?" Mike was confused.

"Technically I paid a fee to take her out of the night club. The club boss didn't care, my competition still tries to make moves to bring her back into the fold over there." Leff shook his head.

"How can you trust someone who worked for the competition?" Mike asked and caught Leff's gaze in the mirror again.

"She got her ass nearly cut into pieces for getting your mom out of a deal gone wrong. I saved her life, got her out of that assholes crew. She doesn't have to suck dick or get her ass beat over here. She's worked her ass off and has never said no to a tough task. She's the best worker I got." Leff wanted Mike to know the situation with Y/n and how important she was to his team. She was a trustworthy person and had even known his mom. Mike really wanted to ask her about his mom but he knew Leff would probably shut that down.

It was still something that was too hard to talk about.

"There she is. Keep your dumbass comments to yourself or I'll kick your ass." Leff popped the trunk as she approached and she tossed two large duffels into the trunk before climbing into the car. Mike was surprised she was so attractive. He knew she once worked at a nightclub but she had naturally beautiful features.

"Who's Brokeback Mountain?" Y/n tossed her thumb to the backseat.

"Oh fuck off." Mike groaned in annoyance.

"That's my nephew, Mike. He's apart of the team now." Leff started to drive and Y/n turned back to look at him.

"Is this a permanent look or are you going through a phase of sorts where you like to suck dick?" Y/n asked with a smirk.

"You're one to talk with lips like that. Are you going for New York homeless or DC prostitute?" Mike fought back.

"Mike!" Leff growled but Y/n laughed.

"Oh he's going to be fun. I like him already." She turned in the seat and extended her hand.

"Y/n, I will absolutely be ripping you to shreds verbally on the daily." She smiled brightly and Mike felt a little part of him melt a little before taking her hand and shaking it.

"Mike and I look forward to going toe to toe with you any day sweetheart." He shook her hand and she flicked his cowboy hat.

"So does the hat get you any pussy?" Y/n asked curiously and Mike smirked.

"Why? You want to get in line?" He teased making Y/n laugh.

"This one is going to be trouble, you know that right?" She looked over at Leff who glared at her.

"Don't encourage is dumbass behavior. It will get him killed." Leff gritted.

"He'll be okay. You know Sicky and I will take good care of him." She tried to reassure and Mike was curious as to the touch she gave Leff's shoulder. Maybe she was into Leff? He needed to talk to her and get her story before he let himself get too interested in her.

"So you knew my mom?" Mike asked abruptly and the care grew silent. She looked over her shoulder and nodded at him.

"I did. She talked about you a lot....I'm sorry how things ended." Y/n looked at him with remorse and he wasn't expecting her to look so effected by the mention of her. He made a note to ask her about what she knew when Leff wasn't around.

"Are we done making friendship bracelets and braiding each others hair" Leff asked breaking up the silence.

"Don't' be jealous Leff. We can get you a cowboy hat if you want." She openly teased Leff and her glared at her. There was so much about her Mike wanted to know.

[retaliationrp]

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: Cemre Sunar 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 & 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒: cis woman & she/her   𝐀𝐆𝐄: 35 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  private investigator 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  Civilian 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊:  N/A 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌:   Fahriye Evcen

+  practical, ambitious, disciplined -   fatalistic, grudging, relentless

Cemre is methodical, too controlling of her own life. Too much, in fact. The weight of wanting to be perfect and to avoid any sort of flaws came from sharing the attention of her parents with her siblings. Somehow, Cemre pressured herself into being close to perfection, metaphorically it was the reason why she'd burn herself nearly as much as Icarus trying to fly closer to the sun. Trying to reach the intangible notion of flawlessness.

In the construction of who she would become, it was transparent how family was important to her — despite the competition Cemre created inside her own mind between herself and her younger siblings. She’ll quite often put them first in her life and would do anything for them. It was also why in high school she was constantly having her sibling’s back whenever it was needed.

Although a joyful child, she was used to being a quiet child in the same proportion. There was something interesting about paying attention to everything that happened in her surroundings, learning more about people as they were the ones to engage in conversations and offer so freely who they were and what they expected from the world: expectations, dreams, complaints. It gave her the chance of learning more about others before they were even aware that they were doing so. The one place that she would find herself being more talkative, it’d be around close friends and family. And that was why Cemre was never a popular person at school.

And she didn’t care about being popular or not, studies were what mattered to her during this time being. Cemre wanted to leave her mark in the world, to construct something important, or to, at least offer her knowledge to those who needed it. Her type of intelligence came in the shape of interpersonal intelligence mostly. Cemre adored observing people, and it was easy to find her studying instead of partying, hardly being the troubling teenager she could've been. Besides the idea of wanting to make her parents proud and watching her father’s career were enough for Cemre to decide that  Criminal Justice would be her choice in college.

Everything was following her plans, she felt in control of her own life for a long time. So, when she was able to get a scholarship to study in the United States, it didn’t surprise her at all. And moving away from her family was the first moment she was able to be independent and to let go of most of the ties that caused her to act trying to make them happy instead of her own self.

There was only one moment in life that Cemre felt she had been a disappointment. Despite earning some maturity and working on building the career she aimed to have, it was during a heading to a party with friends that she met him. A few drinks, the touch of an unknown man that was just there to visit a few friends and that was all it took for her to find out a few months later that she was pregnant. At first, the news merely frightened her, but Cemre couldn't terminate it, yet she had distaste towards the idea of letting her family know about the pregnancy

The one person she was able to tell was her current boyfriend at that time. In a turmoil of emotions, once she finally discovered the pregnancy, she could only rely on him to have someone around despite how much sharing that she was pregnant with someone else scared her. Because if he left, she would be alone… again. But he didn’t.

Ever since her child was born, there was a switch of careers inside her mind. Becoming a Private Investigator would give her more money than anything else, and that’s what she would focus on for the sake of providing a good life for Deniz. And that has been her goal for the past ten years.

Her boyfriend at the time not only was there for her, but became the father figure she aimed for her son to have, since Cemre had no clue who Deniz's father was and didn’t know how to search for him. Getting engaged to the love of her life was also the easiest choice she had to make; however, time shattered their connections unexpectedly. Cemre didn’t know exactly what had happened that led to his decision of breaking up, despite the reasons offered, she felt there was something more.

Maybe a bad habit, or simply Cemre knowing how good she was at her job, she attempted to find out more about her ex-fiance, what was happening and why he acted the way he did. And the potential answer — while still with plenty of vacant gaps — gave her a location: Lancaster. And an issue: the clubs installed in the city.

Despite the potential danger, she wanted to know more about it. In hopes that no one would even figure out that she was investigating the whole situation, what she had in mind was the excuse to move closer to her ex, since Deniz missed his father all too much. It’s been a year that they are in town. Cemre thought it’d be an interesting change and hopefully a good place to raise her son, despite it all, while also making a name for herself in her own field of work.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 11

A/N: bit of a shorter chapter this time, so i was able to get it out quicker! scott pov again :)

Warnings: injury, fever, unconsciousness, mild amnesia, corruption/infection, self-blame, self-worth issues, talk of death

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

Scott drifted in and out of consciousness, unsure of what was happening. He didn’t even register where he was at first, just heard faint but familiar voices. Then he was being lifted up, his head gently tucked into the crook of someone’s neck, and someone else’s delicate touch supporting his wings. Then some innumerable amount of darkness later, and he registered laying on something soft before there was a hand on his arm and a yelp. The yelp had sounded like Gem- had he made it to her empire? More murmuring voices, and Scott drifted out again.

The next time he drifted towards a more semi-conscious state, he was instantly filled with relief. He hadn’t really realized how warm he felt until something cool was placed on his forehead. If Scott had the energy to, he would have let out a grateful sigh. Then a hand gently ran through his hair, and Scott just about melted- in a good way this time, instead of the fever-warm kind. He must have made some sort of reaction, because he heard a half amused, half relieved chuckle from above him.

“I think the compress is helping,” the owner of the chuckle said- voice so devastatingly familiar but Scott’s brain was too fever-addled to remember who it belonged to. Inexplicably it made him think of slimeballs and glimmering scales, but he didn’t have the slightest idea why.

“Or playing with someone’s hair is the cure for corruption,” another voice teased. There was an indignant reply, a laugh from the second voice- but Scott sank into darkness again before he could decipher who either of the voices were.

-

Scott was shivering the next time he came to some semblance of awareness. Something soft was pulled over him, and whatever was put on his forehead before was adjusted. The hand in his hair was gone though, and he managed to make a distressed sound at that. There was a soft murmur, some comforting words that Scott couldn’t quite make out, but then there was a hand in his hair again and Scott sighed in relief. He managed to blearily blink his eyes open, and met the gaze of a pair of soft brown eyes wide with surprise and concern. The owner of the eyes had a mess of blond hair on his head, and somehow that felt wrong to Scott. The eyes he knew, but the hair… he felt like it was something he shouldn’t be seeing. But at the same time he felt he had seen it before, on a night with shimmering bronze details, dancing, and betrayal. But Scott couldn’t place why he remembered those things when looking up at the person gazing down at him.

“Easy, you’re alright. Let’s try and get some water in you, maybe a health potion too,” the devastatingly familiar man said. He shifted away from Scott, causing a distressed sound to leave his lips. The man chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Just gonna help you sit up a bit,” he murmured, doing just so and letting Scott lean on him when he couldn’t stay upright by himself. His wings reflexively stretched out, and Scott let out a relieved sound at the ache in his wings lessening slightly. An amused giggle came from somewhere on Scott’s other side.

“Guess we should probably make sure he’s not resting on his wings too much, huh?” the owner of the giggle said in a teasing tone. That got a semi-flustered nervous chuckle from the man holding him, who had started to gently prod Scott out from where he had been tucked into the crook of his neck. Scott made a displeased sound, trying to nuzzle into the man’s hold further. Another giggle sounded.

“Gem, stop laughing at me and help, he’s being clingy,” the man pouted. Wait- Gem? Scott knew that name. Why did he know that name?

“Don’t act like you don’t like it, Jimmy,” the other voice- Gem, apparently, teased back. The name Jimmy definitely sounded familiar, it sparked butterflies in Scott’s stomach and reminded him of teasing banter and cocky smiles. The man- Jimmy- sighed and finally got Scott out from his hiding place in the space where Jimmy’s neck and shoulder met. His head was tilted back, and something cool was pressed to his lips. He eagerly drank down the water, earning him a gently reprimanding “slow down” from Jimmy. But soon the water was gone, and despite it helping him feel much better than before, Scott found himself incredibly drained of energy as he slumped back against Jimmy. He made a distressed sound as he felt darkness tugging at him again.

“It’s alright, you can rest. I’ll be right here, I promise. I won’t let you go, ever again,” Jimmy said with gentle determination. He wasn’t sure why, but Scott felt relieved at the assurance. His eyes slipped shut, and he dimly registered a hand smoothing out his feathers as he let the darkness claim him once more.

-

Scott’s next semi-coherent moment was one full of pain. It felt like there was fire spreading out from his forearm, all the way up to his shoulder and down to his fingertips. There was something pulsing and squirming beneath his skin too, in tandem with the pain in his arm. He let out a choked scream when someone touched his arm, the pain intensifying so much that Scott felt like he could barely breathe. Someone took his other hand, and there was a hand gently running through his hair. Scott relaxed ever so slightly at the familiar reassuring touches, even as tears of pain started streaming down his face.

“It’s okay, breathe Scott, you’ll be alright. Squeeze my hand if you need to, it’ll be okay. I’m here, I promised you I’d be right here, remember?” a voice said- and Scott wanted to remember. He wanted to remember this person’s reassurances, wanted to remember why this person’s voice inexplicably meant so much to him- but all Scott could do was scream as the pain intensified again.

“We have to stop, this is only hurting him,” another voice said, cool and collected with an undertone of worry. The pain stopped, and Scott sobbed in relief, his hand loosening the tight grip on the other person’s hand- when had he started clutching at him so tightly? His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, his already blurry vision darkening at the edges.

“You’re alright, sorry about that, we thought maybe that would work. We’ll figure something out, I promise,” the first voice said, running a hand through his hair. Scott wanted to ask how this person was so confident that everything would be okay, but he passed out again before he got the chance.

-

The last time Scott woke up, he thought he was dead. This was the most coherent he had been in a while, but despite that, he somehow saw Jimmy sitting beside him, eyes closed with his cod head nowhere to be seen and a hand loosely clasped over Scott’s. Surely this had to be a dream, or some sort of bizarre afterlife where he saw visions of Jimmy actually caring about him. All those hazy memories from before, of someone Scott now definitely knew was Jimmy soothing him and reassuring him? That couldn't have been real. Why would it be? Scott had betrayed Jimmy. He shouldn't want anything to do with Scott… but that didn't mean Scott didn't want to enjoy the fantasy while it lasted.

Jimmy suddenly stirred beside Scott, hand gripping his own a bit tighter and causing his heart to flutter. Soft brown eyes blinked open, hazy for a moment before they registered Scott staring right back. An elated, relieved grin came over Jimmy’s face, and Scott really must have been dead or dreaming to earn a look like that. No way that the real Jimmy would care about him that much after everything that Scott had done.

"How are you feeling?" Jimmy asked softly, and Scott could only blink in confusion.

"Am I dead?" Scott blurted, voice hoarse from such little use. Jimmy let out a nervous chuckle at the outburst, shaking his head fondly.

"It was admittedly looking pretty bad… it's still not looking great if I'm honest- but your fever's finally gone down. So you're alive," Jimmy gently explained. Interesting. So maybe this was a fever dream then? But if this was real, and Scott really was going to be okay… he had so much he needed to say to Jimmy. He needed to explain himself, properly apologize for what he had done. He had to take this chance, even if it wasn't real so that Scott could at least finally live with himself- if he was even going to live at all.

"Jimmy-" Scott started, but was cut off with a choked gasp as pain suddenly flared in his arm, shooting all the way up to the top of his spine. It felt like there was something clawing inside him, trying to latch onto him and pull. He was suddenly gasping for breath, hands clutching at the sheets and at Jimmy’s hand.

"Scott? What's wrong, I'm here- Gem!" Jimmy called, standing up but still tightly holding Scott’s hand as he leaned over him with a worried expression. Scott was shaking now, trying to hold back whatever the hell it was clawing up towards his head. Tears sprung to his eyes as he gasped and shuddered, a death grip on Jimmy’s hand.

"I'm sorry," he managed to gasp through the pain. "Sorry" didn't even begin to cover it, there was so much more that Scott wanted to say- but the whatever it was suddenly latched onto Scott’s mind, like claws digging into his skull and forcefully pulled. His body seized one last time with a cry before going limp, his hand loosening his hold on Jimmy’s as well, and his eyes fluttered shut.

And then Scott saw nothing but red.

-

Taglists below! Ask to be added or removed!

MCYT General Fic Taglist: @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @gattonero17 @hetapeep41 @space-ace123 @vyeoh 

AIAHS Taglist: @anty-kreatywna @beepa99 @devilwoodkitty18 @riobug 

[dragscore]

a series of one shots to do with the dragon brothers grieving their abusive dad after he died.

tw self harm in the last one shot

| you left me but i never left you // i never had the chance to. |

‘Your father died last night.’

Aidoneus didn’t know how to feel at first.

 It was more- Whatever, right? His father was horrible to him. The dragon had better father figures in his life. His uncle, Mimir. His father in law, Sylvain. He more or less compartmentalized the horrible things his father did to him, and found comfort in the fact his husband, Ambrose, could be there to listen to him vent his hurt.

 It had only been a week since he found out. His older brothers regarded the news with their own complicated reactions - but his oldest brother seemed… Numb. Aido didn’t expect that. They had more of a chance to wish for love from their dad, while Aidoneus flip flopped on it for years.

Hamtaro wanted his father’s love and approval. He was his first born. Aido was sure he had a complex that was threatening to come back from that. But for the moment, he was more focused on being a father. Which… Made sense, he supposed. 

Onyx wanted his father’s hatred. That was easy to earn. But he wanted to drive him fucking mad. His only reaction, from what Aido heard, was to hoot and cheer, taking a shot as he mocked his name.

Aido was sure Onyx felt a way about it, despite his jokes. 

He was just glad his only other sibling he knew about didn’t know that was her dad. He didn’t want to imagine how it’d hit her. To her, she was just seeing her brothers react to the death of the man that attacked her. To her, he deserved it for hurting the people she loved.

 The dragon was more preoccupied with painting - flinging new types at a canvas as he listened to Rose in the background, humming an old religious hymn to himself. The usual silence that grew comfortable, as both men worked on their art form of choice. Rose, carefully adjusting the stitches on one of Aido’s pants. Ruined from their dog, Icarus, ripping into the side during a play fight. 

 He stared at his canvas - beginning to look like a vast image of black and blues. Starting to see something in its splotches. When he painted like this, finding images in the chaos was nice. He never explained the meaning of his abstract pieces to people - more content to see what they thought. 

 One of his favorite things was to place a painting in front of Rose, and make him question the meaning. What he saw in it. Sometimes he saw faces. Angels. The sky. Perfectly aligned with his husband. Rose was the only person he felt on the same level with when it came to explaining what he saw - Aidoneus was always too embarrassed to think about his methods in art. And when it came to people asking, it bothered him.

So he focused on the splotches forming. A comfort in the chaos, knowing how fun it’d be to ask his husband what he thought.

Faces. He saw faces. Familiar eyes. Familiar horns.

He aimed the next ball of paint, hoping for something new to form. 

… One eye.

Kept throwing. He grit his teeth, staring at the canvas.

 He wasn’t sure if it was just him. But the chaos had a pattern now. Hair, framing whatever this was. Crazed, blue hair. Horns twisted as they climbed for the sky. One eye blotched out. The other open in a chaotic splatter. Blue. Black. Blue. Black.

He didn’t want to stop - if he went to get a new color, it’d ruin the composition. But…

Deep breaths.

 Throwing again. And again. Losing the form but still seeing its outline in the dark of the black he started to use. Soon enough he wasn’t looking for a concept. He was just throwing. Angrily flinging the paint at the canvas, as he tried to snuff out that image. That goddamn image. Those goddamn eyes. 

[He deserved to die but I wanted him to suffer for all the shit he did to me and my siblings.]

If he had it in him he could have taken out both. 

 It was mostly black, besides some blue peeking out from underneath. Something about that color was pissing him off. He grabbed another fistful of the black paint, flinging it harshly at the canvas, feeling his eyebrows pull together in frustration.

[He wanted us all to die just for existing. He wanted me to die for existing.]

 His arm hurt, but it didn’t matter so much. He was praying Rose wouldn’t look over, and see him senselessly throwing paint. He missed a few times, watching the paint hit the wall instead. Oh well, he could cover it up later. He tended to cover those spots in paint anyway.

[He had to blame his goddamn trauma on me. He had to treat us all like it was our fault we were even fucking alive.]

 It was funny, to be so angry at the color blue. Blue was a color to indicate sadness. Calm. Stability. Wisdom. But right then, it felt like he was a bull staring at a scarlet blanket. It wouldn’t go away unless he just covered it all in black.

[What was so fucking wrong with me?! What was so wrong?!]

He grabbed onto something hard, as the anger rose in his chest.

[You never got what you deserved, you wanted us all to suffer!]

 It was the platform holding his paint. He didn’t realize until it missed the canvas, clattering against the wall instead. Making a loud racket as it crashed to the floor.

[Dying was your last goddamn way to get back at us! To make us suffer! To make me suffer! You want me to hold all of the shit you did to me so you can just run the fuck away!]

He didn’t hear it at first.

He just grabbed onto the little stool the platform sat on, prepared to throw that too-

“Aidoneus!”

 Cool hands wrapping around his wrist. He stiffened, shaken out of his angry haze. The dragon looked over, and stared at his husband, who looked back at him with wide, concerned eyes.

“A-Aidoneus, what is it?”

He wasn’t sure what to say.

He just swallowed, feeling something burning in his throat. His eyes.

“I-I’m-” He breathed. “Sorry.” He wasn’t sure if that was okay. “You were focused, I-”

“Aidoneus, you’re crying. What is it?”

“Uhm-”

Deep breaths.

“I-” Aidoneus stammered, eyes darting to the canvas. Rose looked too, and made a noise.

“There’s paint everywhere… Y-You’re not doing one of your usual…”

“It-It’s fine, anything that got on the wall can stay, it’s… I-I was just practicing-”

“The canvas is black.”

“You can see some blue.”

“Aidoneus, why are you crying? Please tell me.”

 Was he seriously crying. Aidoneus used his free hand to touch at his cheek - oh god, he was. He swallowed, looking at the ground. He felt Rose touching his hand to his cheek, as he tried to get him to look back up. Fuck, it really was hard to stop now. He just started gasping, closing his eyes tight as he felt them start to fall.

Admittedly, he was a very emotional dragon. It was easy to make him cry. But right then, he wished more than ever that it was harder to make him cry.

“It’s- It’s stupid, this is stupid, I shouldn’t feel this way-”

“Aidoneus, if you’re this hurt, it isn’t stupid,” Rose calmly said, as he gently sat him down on the ground. His hand so lovingly holding his, soft fingers wrapping around his. Aidoneus couldn’t lie to himself - the warmth of his action made him cry harder.

“I just- It’s Dad, I-” He started gasping again, leaning to press his forehead against Rose’s. “I, h-hate him, I hate him, I hate him.”

“Y-Yes, I hate him too,” he said softly, trying to hide the contempt flashing on his face as he told him the root of the problem. “It’s okay to hate him. You aren’t stupid for hating someone that hurt you so badly-”

“I want him to fucking come back.”

“... You want him to what?”

“I want that piece of shit to come back,” Aidoneus started to say, speaking through grit teeth, “I want him to come back and answer for all the shit he’s done.”

Rose took a deep breath, staring at him with worried eyes.

“I’m such a piece of shit, but I want him back so I can hurt him. He shouldn’t have died so fucking peacefully. It should have been one of us. One of us to kill him.”

“Aido…”

“He didn’t get what he deserved. He died like any normal goddamn person!”

“I know, I know,” Rose softly said, as he rubbed his hand affectionately. “Your father should have died painfully. It’s unfair he didn’t feel a fraction of the hurt he put any of you through. Especially you.”

“I-I can’t stop- thinking about it- I don’t want to hurt people but I wanted to hurt him. I-I spent so long feeling like a goddamn mistake for how I was made, because he put on me all this goddamn trauma that he went through because he thought I could shoulder it!”

 Rose was just pulling him over to hold him now. Wrapping his arms around him as he made Aido lay his head against his shoulder. Rocking him slightly, trying to calm his tears. Aidoneus just continued sobbing, crying harder than he had in a long time. 

“Who does that? Who tells their child in deep detail about their goddamn rape?!” 

“Aidoneus, please,” Rose murmured, pulling him to rest between his legs. “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s suffering for what he’s done somewhere else. I know you can’t see it, but I know he is.”

“I want to see, I want to be the one doing it, he wasn’t fucking done living yet. Why didn’t he just fucking love me?! What was wrong with me?! What was so fucking wrong-”

 His words were gone now. He just mindlessly sobbed into Rose’s chest as he sunk lower against him. Barely realizing he was getting paint on his clothes. Just whining into his shirt as he kept crying. Aidoneus didn’t realize it’d hit him this way - or that it’d hit him at all. He didn’t want it to hit him. He wanted to feel nothing. Like Hamtaro. It was a waste, why did it hurt? Why did it hurt like this?

“There is nothing wrong with you, Aido… You’re lovely, you’re a good person. I love you so much and nothing your dad felt about you makes you any less worthy of love. Nothing was wrong, he was just…”

He took a deep breath, getting his words together. 

 Rose stayed steady, lovingly running his hands through his hair, not caring about the paint. He just calmly spoke to him, whispering I love yous and peppering kisses over the top of his head. Trying to soothe the dragon from his breakdown.

“Just… Seeing it this way would be what he wanted,” Rose whispered, avoiding his damaged horn as he pet his head. “If your father saw dying without consequence as a way of payback, he’d want you to realize he got away with it and be angry.”

“How could I not be angry?”

“I’m not saying don’t be. I’m saying letting it take over will make him feel good. Do you remember what happened the last time you channeled your anger into something?”

 Aidoneus looked up, staring at his husband with tired, bleary eyes. He shrugged, sniffling. Rose kissed his nose, wiping a tear from under his eye.

“You made art. Just like now. We can do something fun. We can both throw paint and I’ll help you pick the colors. We can take you places to do murals. Maybe desecrate his grave, if we have to. Make him feel angry even in death.”

He stayed quiet, listening to Rose.

“Your father’s treatment of you still doesn’t say what kind of person you are, Aidoneus,” he said. “Alive or not, he was horrible, and he’s not winning anything by being dead. You know where he is? The void. Nowhere. He’s gone. In shreds.”

“Is that part of your religion?”

“Yeah. He’s suffering and he’s nowhere at the same time. Forever stuck with himself in pieces. Isn’t that so much more powerful and comforting?”

He sniffled, staring down at the ground for a moment, before he looked back up.

“That image does make me feel better.”

“I know it won’t solve the immediate problem, but I think you should see it this way. Your dad can’t do anything to hurt you or your siblings any further now. His influence is gone. No assassins, no new memories, no petty bullshit. He’s really gone now.”

Aido took a deep breath, leaning his head back on his chest.

“I just want these memories to disappear.”

“They won’t, but they’ll stop hurting as bad. You have me to help, right? Me, all your friends. You aren’t dealing with this alone, Aido. I won’t let you.”

 He peppered kisses over the top of his head, and it started to calm him down a lot more. Aidoneus sniffled, reaching to grab his hand, as he stayed in Rose’s comforting hold. He didn’t feel immediately better, but he was happier to just lie there and forget he just broke one of his palettes.

“You aren’t selfish. You aren’t bad. You’re handling this naturally. That’s okay. It’s okay to cry. Even if the person wasn’t good. You deserve this much, Aidoneus.”

 He didn’t have more words. He just wanted to listen to Rose. Aidoneus closed his eyes, pulling to hug onto his hand for comfort. He just listened to him, sniffling. He loved him so much and he couldn’t put it into words at the moment. 

“Do you want anything? Anything at all, Aido?”

The dragon took a deep breath, curling into himself as he lied in Rose’s lap.

“Milk. And a book for you to read to me.”

“Chocolate milk?”

“Please.”

“I can read The Tale of Despereaux to you, if you want.”

“You’ve read it for me like 5 times, is that okay?”

“It’s your favorite. It’s more than okay.”

“Please.”

“All right, Aido,” he smiled, as he sat up. “I’ll get you to your bed and clean your hands, and then I’ll go get everything. You can be as needy as you want, okay?”

“O-okay.”

 Rose led him to his bed, and helped him get comfortable, then leaned back to grab one of his rags, and started working on scrubbing paint off his hands, humming.

“I love you, Aidoneus. I’ll be here while you figure this out. I always will be, especially now.”

The tired dragon smiled tearfully, limp as all hell, tired from his crying fit.

“I love you too, jewel.”

| would i do what you have done? // i like to think i’m a bigger man than that. |

Last night was an absolute rager.

In terms of the party’s quality, and his headache.

 Onyx groaned, rolling onto his side. He wasn’t gonna be getting up today. He could tell already. He reached out to his nightstand, hoping to get his hands on something to drink, but of course, he didn’t get anything. Ugh. 

 Uncle Mimir was still home, so maybe he could ask him to fix something, but… Ah, he was too exhausted to get up. The dragon instead grabbed a pillow, burying his face in it as he groaned again.

Genius idea, dragon. 

Look, it was a good reason to party.

Yes, and now I’m in pain too. Do you ever think of the other guy living in here? 

Not really.

Rude.

 Last night, as he thought to himself, interrupting the rude eldritch god, was definitely a lot. He went out to a bar and offered drinks for everyone. Lots of basic civilian drunks, lots of mercenary drunks, all declaring him the man of the evening. Onyx was ecstatic. 

It wasn’t exactly a great reason either - at least, before you knew why he was celebrating.

 He was celebrating his father’s death - news delivered to him just the night before last. He remembered his uncle coming to him when he got back from some small mercenary work, looking absolutely wrecked. He wasn’t in tears, but most definitely in a state. And he told him his dad died. His own fault - the motherfucker couldn’t keep it in his pants and he caught something. Naturally. 

 The man told no one and accepted no help. And so he died alone in his miserable goddamn castle. Just like he should have. Onyx would expect that much from him.

 So, in his typical fashion - he went to the nearest bar he favored and got shitfaced. He had a big feast and used a hefty amount of his savings to treat everyone. And then he came home, drunk as hell with food to offer his family. He remembered - at least vaguely, before he passed out - passing his uncle and aunt the food before he blanked out. 

 That was embarrassing, though. He hadn’t been blackout drunk since he was a teenager. Especially coming home to his family. He’d need to apologize later. 

You’re a grown dragon. What’s the use in apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong coming home.

Yama, you don’t exactly understand the idea of feeling bad for being a disturbance. This isn’t something you’re well versed in.

He could practically hear the god scoffing.

I’ve never felt bad for being a disturbance. What a waste of time.

Yeah, sounds about right. 

And what’s that supposed to mean?

 Onyx wasn’t having it. He tried to mentally shut the god out of his mind - grumbling loudly. Yeah, no, Yamaraja wasn’t going to help his headache any. Goddamn motormouth. Was he the eldritch god of hedonism and wrath, or was he the eldritch god of annoyances?

 Rolling onto his other side, he reached to grab his body pillow, before his hand grasped onto something… soft? He frowned, looking at his hand, before he realized it was a little plush partridge. 

“The fuck?” He mumbled to himself. Maybe Ren left it with him while he was passed out. If he or Hamtaro got sick, she was prone to leaving stuffed animals to cheer them up later.

Oh well. He pulled it over, deciding to hold it anyway. He’d just get some more rest and-

“Oh, you finally saw mister Rotundo!”

 Onyx shrieked, pulling his legs up to his chest as he realized there was someone watching him. He hid his face for a moment, before realizing-

Oh, that was REN.

 He quickly tried getting himself together, sitting up as he looked at his baby sister. The poor girl was spooked too - but immediately burst into giggles as she went over to sit on the edge of his bed.

… You got that scared of your baby sister?

Shut up! I didn’t expect to see someone here!

… 

That silence brought on by the god was deafening.

“I’m sorry I scared you!” She laughed again, covering her mouth. “I was just hoping you’d notice. I’ve been coming in and out all morning…”

“Holy shit, what time is it?”

“Past noon. Papa wanted me to bring you lunch, but you were still out. We do still have it waiting for you, though…”

“Oogh,” he groaned, hugging the bird plush. “I would love food, but it might not agree with me.”

“That’s why Mama made plain stuff for you! She said white rice or bread might help, so she made rice for you. She also has some icky drink waiting in the fridge. Do you want either of it yet?”

“Maybe later. I just wanna wake up. Sorry about coming in so drunk, Ren. I hope I wasn’t too annoying.”

“Oh, nah!” She pulled her legs up on the bed to sit cross legged as she reached to pat his shoulder. “You were just cuddly and loud. You went to Papa and told him you loved him and got food for all of us because you love us.” She giggled to herself, rocking in her little spot now. “Mama tried to get you to stop almost crying because you were full of a lot of love! And then you begged to hold her hand.”

“Holy shit that sounds bad.”

“And then you fell asleep at the table and Papa had to take you back to your room.”

“He carried me?!”

“Well yeah! Papa is strong, of course he can.”

“I know that- I just- oh gods they’re gonna be saying something about that later.”

“And then I brought mister Rotundo in here because I thought you might want something or someone to hold. I would have stayed, but Mama said she didn’t want me to get caught in the barf fest you were bound to have.”

 Onyx groaned, hiding his face in the chunky bird plush. He couldn't believe how much of an idiot he sounded. He peeked at his sister, whimpering.

“DId I at least not vomit?”

“Sorry, bud. You barfed.”

“Fuuuuck.”

 Onyx sighed, reaching out to hold the end of his sister’s tail. Affectionately rubbing his thumb over it. He had a weird little thing - that sadly manifested in his drunken stupor - where he liked holding onto people. Even just idly. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes to ignore the light hurting his head.

 He could hear Yamaraja laughing in his head. Clearly her reaction was funny. Did he see him get that drunk too?

Yes. I did nothing to stop you.

Yama. I trusted you.

… You trust me?

Not�� Really, but I at least trust you to pilot this stupid meat prison when I can’t.

No thanks, ‘piloting’ a drunken vessel is irritating. I’d rather be ripped from existence.

Oh, I’ll rip you from existence all ri-

“Why did you get so drunk, though? I don’t remember the last time you did that,” Ren asked, pulling him from his verbal warfare. Onyx hummed, tilting his head.

“Normally I stay with a friend or I’m doing work if I do that. I uh…” He shrugged. “I don’t like Uncle Mimir or Aunt Scylla seeing me like that. I don’t want ‘em to think of Dad.”

“Was he really like that?”

Aah.

“I… Yeah. Dad liked alcohol a lot. He was a stupid drunk and I’m sure it’d just remind them of him. I mean, Dad was meaner, but… I just don’t want them to see him.”

“I don’t think they’d see your dad. You’re really nice, and funny when you’re drunk. Momma didn’t mention him at all, anyway. She was more concerned about getting you to bed.”

 Onyx sighed, feeling a little better. Ren smiled as she reached over to brush his curly hair out of his face. He swallowed, staring up at the ceiling.

“I didn’t really answer you, huh?” Onyx laughed, looking at her. “About why I got drunk.”

“Not really. I’m curious, but if it’s weird or just boring you don't’ gotta say.”

“Nah, I can. It was just Dad related.”

“What? Were you sad about him like Papa?”

 Mimir was sad? Well, he figured he would be. Maybe sad in the sense he lost his brother. He could see why. Uncle Mimir hadn’t been in everyone’s lives until a little while after he met Ren, from what Onyx was told, so he figured he regretted not being around more. He’d have to ask and see if he could help sometime.

 Onyx shrugged, looking at the ceiling again. Looking over the stickers left up there from Ren when she was younger. She used to leave things up there to agitate Hammy - mostly in good fun. Hammy was always so much taller so he wouldn’t have problems reaching up to get it off. After a while he stopped, mostly just reacting in shock to make Ren laugh.

“Nah. I uh, just thought it worked. Have a drunk party to laugh about how shitty my dad was. I sorta… Do a lot of the same stuff he does, I guess, and I thought it’d be funny to get wasted and have a toast to him dying.”

Onyx paused, furrowing his brow.

“That sounds fucked up.”

“Eh, sure, but it’s not that horrible. Your dad was a poophead.”

Why doesn’t the girl just say shit.

Eh, it’s stronger that way.

Are you serious.

Well, you don’t swear all that often either.

… It’s like seasoning. You can’t have a lot of it in your sentence.

That’s sorta her reason too.

Shut up, dragon boy.

 Ren sighed, patting his forehead. It was nice to feel that contact. Onyx hummed happily, closing his eyes. He honestly wasn’t looking to get out of bed today, so he hoped his aunt and uncle wouldn’t mind it so much. He sighed after her, opening his eyes to stare at her.

Something was eating at him, honestly. Something fierce.

“Can I say something, though? Something that might be… I don’t know, a little ridiculous of me to say.”

“Well sure, your secret’s safe with me, Onyx.” Ren smiled sweetly, tilting her head.

 Onyx took a deep breath, chewing on his lip. Just the topic of his fear he’d be like his dad got him thinking about it already. And it was slowly starting to hit him. He didn’t want to dump all this on anyone else either. Aidoneus had his own shit going on, and Hamtaro was trying to take care of his fiancee. Onyx didn’t want to bother either of them, and Ren…

 Ren thankfully didn’t know anything about the fact Idan was her dad, anyway. She was far more concerned with making sure Aunt Scylla and Uncle Mimir were okay. Which, he couldn’t blame her - as far as she knew, he was a stranger that clawed her in the face. Just because she wanted to introduce him to her mom and make her happy.

He swallowed hard, tugging on his shirt slightly.

“I’ve spent a lot of my life doing the things I do to prove to my dad that… I dunno, I favor him in a lot of ways, but I’ll never be like him,” he started. Onyx took another deep breath.

“And you aren’t,” Ren said.

“I spent a long, long time trying to do that. I always… Dreamed, about telling him up front that I did everything better. That I wouldn’t hurt the kids I have, or that I wouldn’t hurt anyone I was with. I was smarter and knew better. I just wanted a chance to finally see him like…” Onyx paused, staring at the ceiling as he just toyed with a button on his shirt. “I wanted to see him realize how bad he fucked up.”

“But that’s why you kept his last name and stuff, right?”

“Yeah. I wanted to make it mine. I guess you could say the focus I had on showing him up was sorta unhealthy… I mean, eventually I didn’t care as much, but there was still a part of me hoping that everything I did would make him feel so ashamed, he’d curl up and die from the shame.”

 Onyx stopped for a moment, realizing how odd his voice sounded. He never said these kinds of things before - admitting so frankly he had all these scenarios in his head of how their next meeting would go. The type of suffering he wanted his father to live through, just because Onyx did it better.

He didn’t like the feeling he was getting from this.

“I… Hate it. I want to find a lot of joy in the fact he’s gone. The bastard deserved to die, especially the way he went. Alone, in pain and agony at his stupid fuckin’ castle. And somehow I…” Onyx swallowed.

“Onyx?”

“I feel empty. Like I’m not. There’s no purpose. There’s no reason for me to keep doing the shit I do. Living the way I do. Not when there’s no one to prove. I’m just… Doing shitty things, and for what, proving to a dead man that he sucks and I’m better? It feels almost pathetic. I’ve been at this for so long and I…” He bit his lip, eyebrows pulling together. “I want to be a better man. I do. But I enjoy the shit I do. I always will. But it feels like I should stop. I should stop what I do and just stop trying to prove I’m better, when…”

Onyx wasn’t sure why, but he was beginning to choke up.

“When he’s gone. That piece of shit doesn’t care. I spent all these years caring. Pretending I didn’t. I wasted so much fucking time. And it’s probably what he wanted. For him to consume my every thought and to be a part of my life in some way. Some way that he didn’t have to try too hard.”

Hey. Hey, stop that. Stop talking like that.

“Onyx, he wouldn’t know. You’re a good person,” Ren said, rubbing his shoulder. “You find enjoyment in the stuff you do, right? Maybe it isn’t just to prove him wrong.”

“But I still do all these shitty things. I do all these things and he never realized I was better. How am I better if I never got that validation? The chance to see him realize someone did better than him. I…”

 He couldn’t stop thinking about it. All those fantasies were gone. All the hopes that he’d piss him off - he was so much better and Idan could finally shut the fuck up and realize how much of a piece of shit he was. Onyx would be a better father, brother, son, lover. And his dad would suffer. He would disappear.

No. He was gone and it didn’t matter. Onyx was just obsessed with revenge. And it didn’t matter.

“I… Am such a fuck up. I let all these stupid fucking things happen to me- I-”

You didn’t let that happen. I. I let it happen for too long and I tried to wake you up.

“Proving him wrong worked, though. You proved him wrong to us, the other people he hurt. You’re so nice and so much smarter,” Ren got closer, trying to comfort him. “You help us so much here and you wouldn’t hurt any of us. You aren’t a screw up.”

“If I didn’t have you, I would have been a shittier person. I guess that’s sort of an opposite, at least I’m a better dad to his daughter than-”

Onyx stopped talking.

Onyx.

 He stammered, tears starting to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t believe he did that. He fucked up. He fucked up oh gods he fucked up and let it slip. Oh god. Oh god-

“Ren, I didn’t, mean, I- Meant his niece, his-”

“It’s okay,” Ren breathed, brushing his hair out of his face, reaching to wipe away a tear. “Please don’t feel bad, I-”

“I’m fucking sobbing to you about my stupid dad issues I brought on myself and I just, told you- I wasn’t supposed to tell you that, why am I such a fuck up? Why, why, why-”

“Onyx, I knew already!”

…

He stammered again, eyes opening wide.

… She knew?

Onyx couldn’t reply to him. He just stared at Ren, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“... did I fuck up somewhere?”

“No, I…” Ren sighed, looking down. “I knew… for a long time.”

“H-How? I thought- We were…”

“How could I not realize? How hush you and Hammy were about it, the fact Mama was always so awkward at first when I said Papa was my dad. She and Pap weren’t even together until a few years ago. I always knew there was something off. And besides, I… I favor Idan a lot.”

She knew?! The girl knew! I can’t believe she realized! You were so subtle about it!

Ren is smarter than she lets on.

Well obviously! I’m just commenting on the fact she figured it out so easily!

“You… You do have the same endless hair he had…”

“I never wanted anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to feel bad. It was easier that way. For you all to think you were protecting me. I don’t like it, but it made everyone happy.”

Onyx swallowed, reaching to take her hand.

“Do… You resent us for that?”

“No, well… Of course not. I get it. It was better to think of Papa as my real dad. He never hurt me. He welcomed us in and he took me into his arms like his own daughter. I’ll always see him as my papa first. He loves me and I love him. But I know Idan is my real dad. And he just saw me and tried to kill me.”

She sighed, looking away. “Not too far from how he tried to treat his other kids, but… I always knew. But I don’t really care about him. I care that he hurt you guys and my momma.”

“I’m… Sorry we kept it from you,” Onyx said, swallowing. “I never want you to feel the way me or any of our brothers do, it was… Easier. And Uncle Mimir loves you so much, I think it’d hurt him if he ever thought you didn’t love him like a dad…”

“Well, yeah. I never want him to know either. Maybe one day, but not now. I… Love Papa, I couldn’t ever see him as anything but my dad. So I just kept it to myself.”

 Onyx sniffled, sitting up to pull her into a bear hug. Ren squealed, surprised, but returned it, taking a deep breath as she began to laugh.

“I’m sorry you slipped, but please don’t let Hammy or Momma know. Or Papa. Not unless if I’m ready.”

“You really trust me with that kind of information?”

Obviously.

“Of course I do. You… Sorta get me. You were calmer with me growing up and you always understood me better than Hammy at times. I love him a lot, but sometimes he’s a little…”

“Dense.”

“Yup. And… Well, you needed it. I don’t want you to feel so sad right now… Because really, Onyx, you do some of the same stuff, but…” Ren smiled, trying to wipe his tears away again. “You do a lot better than Idan did. You saw me as a kid and you wanted me to be safe. He saw me as a kid and he wanted me to be dead. Doesn’t that say enough?”

“It… Does, but-”

“Shh, you just sound like a poophead now.”

Oh, I see why she uses it! It’s demeaning and childish!

Shut up.

“I just… It’s rough. I hate that I sort of miss him. Just because at least things make sense. There’s always some goal, and-”

“Well, see it this way. Your new goal is to just be better for yourself. Isn’t that nicer? Idan didn’t improve at all. He just got worse and worse until he died because he was a dumbass.”

Yeaaah, I see why she spares the swears now!

Yamaraja.

“And you learn, right? You always do. Like when you made me cry the first time. Or when you hurt Hammy by accident that one time. You’re even taking anger management stuff with the cross stitching.” She paused, gasping. “By the way! Momma said she’s impressed with the hummingbird one you made.”

“Oh, I’m glad,” Onyx said, actually touched in the moment.

“But in all seriousness, you’ve already proven yourself to someone. That’s me, Momma, Papa. Hammy. Even Aido. You don’t have to feel like the reason to keep doing better is gone. Idan didn’t matter. But we do, right?”

Onyx smiled sheepishly, staring at her with upturned eyebrows. “... Yeah. You do.”

“Then you don’t need to feel so bad. It’s okay to miss him, even, but there’s no reason to feel like giving up. I think it’d be worse if you did.”

“That… You’re right,” Onyx said, squeezing her tightly in another hug. “I’m… Still gonna feel pretty shitty, but you helped a lot, Ren. I didn’t really think of it that way.”

“Course ya didn’t, you’re kinda stupid,” she laughed. “But like, in a nice Onyx way. Not a dumb Hammy way.”

“Maybe I should prove myself to Hammy,” he laughed. “That’ll show him.”

“Please don’t try to cook. Not again.”

“I’ll learn after I’m done with my cross stitching journey.”

 Onyx laid back, taking a deep, ragged breath. Holding his sister and feeling the pain in his head ebb away was pleasant. He closed his eyes for a moment, working to stop sniffling. He hoped his dad didn’t see that, if anything.

 Ren rose her head, poking his nose. He opened one eye to peek at her, chuckling as he realized she was staring pointedly at him.

“So, would you like the rice, or the drink? Momma might think you’re dead if I don’t get you something.”

“Bring me the drink. Rice might fuck me up.”

“On it~”

 Ren happily hopped up, grabbed the stuffed partridge, shoved it between his arms, and left the room. He could already hear her calling to her mom, asking for the nasty hangover drink.

| i met you once over the phone // you sounded sad and you seemed alone. |

The news didn’t leave much of an impact.

 Hamtaro took it quietly. His uncle stood in the room, delivering the news softly to him that night. He passed away last night. His immediate reaction was to just stand there, stunned. Like maybe he told him it was snowing during the summer months. Confusing. Foreign. 

 Hamtaro had no good response. He just came to hug his uncle, and hoped he wasn’t in horrible shape. A lot of the time he just stayed like that, tending to his family. It didn’t really hit him. He always had such a turbulent relationship with his father. Hamtaro knew everyone around him felt… Well. Strongly about him. And he did too. 

It just. Didn’t hit him.

 He had other things to focus on, honestly. In a few months, he and Aislinn were going to be parents. He still needed to figure out their wedding. Needed to find out where they’d both be staying. He still wasn’t sure if they’d be at the home he grew up in, or somewhere Aislinn wanted instead. Both were indecisive, but fine with the decision in the end. 

 Idan’s death meant nothing to him. He was pleasantly… Numb.

 It didn’t come to him in dreams, or when he’d do something that’d remind him of his father. No. It was barely an issue. Hamtaro was just carrying on his life as normal, remaining a good source of support to anyone who needed it. 

 He just happened to be spending his time that particular day, humming to himself as he worked on a simple meal he hadn’t tried making since he was young.

 He was used to making more elaborate food. Testing his talent, finding what he liked best. Learning to make new dishes was something he enjoyed, and thankfully his family were happy to try anything new. Just as long as it was good. 

 But tonight, he wanted something simple. Just some soup. Vegetable soup. He had rolls sitting in the oven, and he was debating on making tea for it. Maybe a generic sweet tea. Maybe juice instead. Whichever seemed best for Aislinn. 

 The dragon would joke often - ‘You’re eating for two!’ - but in all honesty, he was just going by whatever was best for her. He found himself asking his aunt, Scylla, what it was like when she was pregnant. She was the only mother he knew he could speak to about it. He just knew cravings and he knew that handling pain and keeping Aislinn’s health in check was important.

Honestly, her cravings weren’t so off the wall, either. Just that she wanted a lot of vegetables. That sort of brought on that night’s meal.

 The smells were always so comforting. It was a favorite to make at Nali’s tavern - but his version involved ground beef. He felt it gave it a different texture that was needed. Different tastes and everything. He made it as a child - it was his first recipe - after his father shared some with him. When it was just the two of them in that big castle, besides some of his workers. He wanted to make it himself after he learned his dad liked it a lot.

And he remembered he liked what Hammy came up with. It was… Nice.

“Do you want any peppers in this, Ais?” He asked, as he saw her walk into the kitchen. “I have some left over from dinner last night.”

“Sure, you don’t need to go too heavy, though. I have a feeling we might just eat the bread and forget the soup,” she laughed. She sat down at the little island, watching him.

“That’s exactly why I’m trying to make it heavy. We’ve let too many soups go to waste in favor of its side dish.”

 They laughed together as he continued periodically stirring the dish. Humming to himself to keep the noise in the room at its usual level. Aislinn was busy flipping through a book, having already set up their little table. 

 Hamtaro enjoyed dinner with his family, but it was always a lot more simple and fun having it with just his fiancee. He didn’t have to clean up as much, and there was always more than enough food left over for the both of them. He loved his family, sure - but he didn’t have to make nearly as much food to give everyone seconds.

Especially with ravenous siblings like Onyx and Norene. He always worried he wasn’t making enough for them...

 Finally getting their bowls ready, he nicely placed two rolls on Aislinn’s dish and just one for himself, then turned away to start cleaning up a little bit. Just covering up the pot and getting anything that spilled. Before turning to look back at the redhead.

“Is it good? I haven’t made this since I was a kid, so I’m hoping it doesn’t taste too weird.”

“Oh Hammy,” she laughed in between bites, already making it through her roll, “it’s perfect. You haven’t made a single dish I didn’t like. I think you should do this one more often, it’d be good for when one of us gets sick.”

“Oh,” he laughed, face turning red, “I don’t know- The one time I did, it was for my father and he…”

 It got quiet for a moment. He had to pause the memory. Didn’t want to think about one of the few pleasant moments he shared with his dad. He swallowed, turning back to continue clearing up his work space.

“How… Is everyone?” She asked, as the quiet settled in further.

“My siblings?”

“Yeah.” 

“I don’t know. Onyx is planning a big party, he’s been calling it the ‘anti-memorial’. Aidoneus has been…” He clicked his tongue. “Ambrose told me he’s on a break. He’s never really needed one.” Hamtaro stared at the shining reflection on the stovetop. “Uncle Mimir is only sad because he lost his brother, Ren… Mostly doesn’t care, but she’s been taking care of her mom-”

“And you?”

Ah.

He took a deep breath, staring back to smile at her.

“It’s cruel, but I feel nothing. The same as ever. I’m more worried for my siblings than anything.”

“And that’s… The truth?”

“Yeah. I’m not dancing around it. I tried to see if maybe it’d hit me later, but nothing’s budged.”

“If… It does, you need to tell me, okay?”

“I will. It’s okay.”

 He got himself together, and came back to start sharing dinner with her. It was mostly a comfortable silence - Hammy describing the ingredients he used, and critiquing his own meal. Asking Aislinn about her own day. They handled things as normal, and they even had a moment to talk about her stomach. It wasn’t quite showing yet, but they were sure that within the next month she’d be getting a bump.

 After they were comfortably full and the rolls were gone (but the pot of soup still ‘mysteriously’ nearly full up), Hammy got up, deciding it was time to clean more. Just wash their dishes, store the leftovers, and get Aislinn to bed if she felt it.

“Have you decided if you want a baby shower?” Hamtaro asked, as he set up the water and got ready to start washing things.

“Not really. I haven’t figured out if we really need the help getting anything. I mean, I can pay for everything, and everyone knows I’m pregnant. It’s not something I really need.”

“Oh, but it’d be fun…” He pouted to himself. “If anything it can just be a fun get together. No gifts or anything.”

“You just want to make a big meal for friends.”

“Maaaybe,” he laughed.

 The smell of the soup was extremely nostalgic. The scene itself holding a special feeling in general. Hamtaro remembered his father was sick, it was part of why he wanted to make it. He wanted to make his father feel better. He remembered how much he liked it, especially with the extra meat. Preferring his food to be hearty as all hell. He suggested he make rolls to dip in it next time, and…

That’s what he did. Huh.

 If things were better… Would his dad have been happy to hear about this? Would he like the rolls? They were crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside. Perfect. But would he care? Would Hamtaro… Would he have shared a bowl of it with his father if he wanted it?

 He listened to Aislinn in the background humming, the sound of her reading that book again. His father was pretty happy with what he made that one time. He felt worlds better after a few helpings and good night’s sleep. It was one of the only times- Well… The only time he complimented his cooking.

Every other attempt, he disliked.

He swallowed. That always did hurt. But not because he… Wanted his father to approve of his talents, or anything.

 When he was younger, he seemed more interested in humoring him, at least. Hamtaro remembered him suggesting foods for him to try making. You could argue that he was just making him get out of his hair, or that he was just using him for his budding talent, but… Hamtaro really wanted to believe it meant something.

 Taro stood up, getting dishes together and making his way to the sink. He wished he asked his father what his favorite food was. Food was a love language, why didn’t he try harder? His father seemed nicer before Hammy put more focus on Onyx when he got left with them. So why didn’t he just cook more and involve him in more of their business? Wouldn’t it have…

Why didn’t he appreciate what he did, anyway?

 He swallowed - he wasn’t sure why it was bothering him now. It had been an extremely long time since he made that meal for his dad. He didn’t care then, he wouldn’t care now. He was dead. It didn’t… He swallowed again, closing his eyes as he held the little bowl in his hands.

Something reminded him of-

 This stupid bowl his dad had. Okay, it wasn’t stupid. But he remembered his father using that bowl for most of his meals. Some kind of attachment. Hamtaro saw the same trait in Aidoneus, who preferred a certain spoon over the others. His father used it when he made the soup, and he remembered seeing it was full one night - he must have made some kind of pasta thing. Taro couldn’t remember.

It was full. His father didn’t come to dinner that night. He didn’t bother.

He swallowed again.

 Hamtaro closed his eyes, took a deep breath. It didn’t matter what his father thought of him. Idan didn’t care about any of his kids. Their existence annoyed him. Even when it was just Hammy, even when it was him and the others. What he thought of his cooking didn’t matter. None of it did.

 He started working on scrubbing away at the bowl, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing- he wasn’t sure if there were any stains anymore. Just that he needed to keep doing it. He swallowed again. Trying to get that lump in his throat to go away.

 Why wasn’t he happy with him? Hammy had some pleasant memories. He was sure there was something else there. He was sure there was more to Idan. He always was, deep down. A man afraid of being taken advantage of, a man unable to accept his own mistakes- why was he trying to see more depth in a person who didn’t care if he was dead or alive? A man that tried to get him killed?

Hammy’s hand slipped, he bit his lip, staring at the bowl in the sink. 

Broken, cracked. He swallowed again.

“Hamtaro, what happened?”

He didn’t really process the voice, just-

 This overwhelming urge- he was supposed to be together, all normal and supportive. Hamtaro didn’t have a deep reason to be so hurt. It didn’t matter. Onyx had bigger issues. Aidoneus had bigger issues. Even Norene - he was sure something was wrong. Hamtaro was as close to a favorite as you could get. Why was he such a screw up?

 Hands moving, barely processing. Why did he do that? He broke the damn bowl. He stared at it in the sink, water rushing over its cracks. He could have fixed everything. He could have calmed his dad down. Why didn’t he take the brunt of his anger? Taro was capable, he could handle it. Onyx couldn’t. Aidoneus couldn’t. Ren couldn’t. 

So many people suffered because he couldn’t figure out how to calm his father.

That was the responsibility of the oldest child, right?

What was so wrong with him?

 He didn’t realize he had rolled up his sleeve, claws already digging into his arm. No scratching, just digging. Squeezing. He grit his teeth, hunching over the sink - this burning wave of self hatred hitting him full force. A long whine left him as he broke the skin, he closed his eyes tight, head pressed to the faucet.

“Hamtaro-!”

 He didn’t process the voice still - but felt warm hands firmly grabbing onto his wrists, pulling his claws away. Taro let out a long breath, startled after a moment, looking at who had done it.

Oh, that’s right-

 Aislinn stared at him in terror - horror? She stared at him, eyes darting over his face. She started to pull him away from the sink, keeping both his hands separate from each other as she intertwined her fingers with his.

“Hamtaro, w-what’s- Why are you-”

“I-I screwed up.”

“You didn’t screw up- You dropped a bowl, that’s okay, that’s fine-”

“I’ve been screwing up since the day I was born,” he blankly said, tears running down his cheeks.

“No, you haven’t-”

“I could have just kept involving my dad in stuff and he wouldn’t have been so horrible to my siblings,” he said, looking down. “I could have kept him from being that way if I was just nicer and less of a coward and-”

“No, this is not your fault, Hamtaro,” she said, eyebrows pulling together. She started leading him away from the kitchen, while he stared back at the sink. Still holding a handful of dishes.

“Aislinn, you don’t understand. I was the first born and I saw him at a time he was a lot less angry. I could have done something.”

“You were a kid.”

 He stopped himself, listening to her tone. Voice cracking. He was hurting her. He swallowed, trying to stop the guilt from overwhelming him. Letting her lead him to their room - while his thoughts bounced back and forth in its chaotic whirlwind. She didn’t even see the descent - she wouldn’t understand why he went to this thought process so fast. But she was already trying to help. Why was he such a nuisance?

 He couldn’t help that thought - that maybe there was something surrounding him that absolutely ruined the lives of his siblings. Hamtaro tried to listen to her footsteps as she led him to their bed, but his skin was buzzing, his head pounding. Wrists burning. Panic was imminent and-

“Come here, come here Hamtaro, come here,” she breathed, pulling him to the bed, already enveloping him in her warm hold.

“I-I just don’t-” he took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from interrupting him, “I don’t understand why I screwed it all up so badly.”

“You didn’t. Hammy, look at me-” she held his face, trying to wipe his tears away. “Everything that happened was because your father was horrible. He tried to kill you.”

“I reminded him of a time he clearly regretted.”

“Then he shouldn’t have gone around fucking without protection.”

“B-but-” 

“Shh.”

 She pressed his head against her stomach - he at first thought she was aiming for her breasts, but the softness of her belly was just as good. He blankly stared at the wall for a moment, listening to her breathing. 

“Please just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Please,” she said, running her hands through his hair. 

He had a million things to say, but somehow, only one thing came out.

“I’m- I’m scared.”

“...Scared?”

“O-Of everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things being my fault. The fact that maybe I could have fixed things with Dad if I just… Stayed, or was more insistent with him. What if he was like me? What if I got some of my traits from a younger him?” Hamtaro swallowed, sniffling. “What if he was gentle and kind and… Having more kids just changed that?”

“It was his choice, not any of yours. He was at fault, Hamtaro. Abuse is a choice.”

“But what if he still had good in him?”

“He wasted it, then.”

He swallowed, tugging on her shirt a little. Holding on tightly to her. Her breathing was so soothing. “What if I have that potential to be that awful? W-What if I end up like him- what if-”

“Hammy, shh-” Aislinn whispered, leaning to kiss the top of his head. “You’re too good to act like him. The fact you’re so scared says enough.”

“B-But what if I’m just like him and I’m horrible to our kid? I-I’m so scared, I don’t want to screw up- I can barely handle breaking a bowl, let alone hurting any child of mine, I-I just-”

 Aislinn was quick to shut him up. Pressing her hand to his lips and getting him to stop. She just pressed more kisses to the top of his head, smoothing his hair out of his face, then making him lean against her stomach again. He whimpered, tugging on her as he tried to listen to her breathing. It was hard to get his thoughts rational, but she just hummed softly, stroking his hair.

“It’s okay, Hammy. You’ve done what you could, considering the circumstances. You were scared. How could you not be? Your dad was fucking terrifying. You were a child. You just took care of your siblings and that’s the best you could do. There’s nothing you did wrong just… Trying.”

 Hamtaro sniffled, closing his eyes. He couldn’t fight her words. He knew she was just saying what she could to keep him from breaking down worse. He just sighed, listening to her soft voice.

“You’re so much better than he could ever be. Just the fact you’re afraid and telling me says more than anything he ever did. You’re so much more careful and sweet, and you would definitely not hire someone to try and kill your child because you got tired of them talking to you. Hammy, you’re so much better than your dad. I promise that.”

 She took her time, pressing more kisses, until she just leaned back, holding onto him tightly. Listening to her breathing and keeping his head against her stomach was… Nice. He didn’t feel as terrified, it was so much more comforting just listening to her talk and try to cheer him up. 

“We’re gonna do great. You’re gonna do great. Just… Please, rest your head and sit with me. We’re gonna be a good family. I promise you. It’s gonna be us and… baby nameless, and it’ll be wonderful.”

 The elf ran her hand through his hair, lingering to gently brush against his horns. She propped one of her legs up on the back of his legs, just trying to stay closer. Pressing kisses to the top of his head, humming.

“We might screw up, but that’s okay. I want to be here and I want to help you figure out whatever ‘screw up’ you may make. You forget I’m a first time parent, too. It’s gonna be the both of us, and I know we can do this.”

That was… Really comforting. He looked up, sniffling as he blinked lazily.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it’d… Hurt so bad. I wanted him to love and accept me for so long that I wonder if coming to his house to get my things was a way of trying to reconnect…”

“Well, he’s not worth it. He never was. And now you’re even more safe. The only thing you got from that was meeting me. And I’d like to think that was so much better than whatever else could have happened. You really… Changed my life, Hamtaro. And I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere else but here.”

 She smiled, holding his face with both hands as she leaned in to press a tender kiss to his lips. Rubbing her thumbs sweetly against his cheeks. Hammy couldn’t believe he was still carelessly upsetting her, but in the moment, he couldn’t hate himself for it. He just smiled slightly, before shyly hiding his face in her belly.

“I… Really am happy it ended up the way it did,” he said, voice wavering. “I don’t think I’d be as happy if it didn’t.”

“Well, you’d be dead if it didn’t,” she laughed, rubbing his head. 

“... True. That’s not something I really want…” He sighed, looking up at her. “I-I’m sorry I almost… Relapsed really bad, I-I guess thinking about dad and then breaking that bowl really set me off…”

“That’s okay, Hammy,” she smiled, kissing him again. “We can just take it easy. Just let yourself calm down and we can figure it out later, okay? This isn’t easy, I’m sure, but I’ll be here every step of the way to help you figure it out.”

 The girl continued leaving kisses, until he started to laugh, reaching to hold her hands. He felt so loved and safe, the panic was really starting to melt away. He just wished she didn’t have to see that, especially being pregnant and so stressed as it was.

“I… T-Thank you. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but you being here will make it easier to figure out.”

“I’ll do my best. Come here, just take a nap with me and baby nameless and we’ll talk about it when you’re good, okay?”

“O-Okay. I love you, Aislinn.”

“I love you, too.”

[petersasteria]

That’s The Thing With Love - Haz Osterfield

Pairing: Haz x Holland!Reader

Requested? Yes! By anon x

Hamilrequest #43

“Love doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes. And we keep loving anyway. We laugh and we cry and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there’s a reason I’m by her side when so many have tried, then I’m willing to wait for it.”

Anon asked part 3 for Hamilrequest #38

Tagging my good friend @lovingsiriusoswald​ <3

You ended up staying at Tom’s for a month. Harrison didn’t bother you, because both of you knew that it wouldn’t end well. He would text and call you to talk to Harley.

Harley missed his dad. He started throwing tantrums, because whenever Tom tried to do something Harrison usually does, he’d freak out and shout that he wanted his dad. You and Tom wouldn’t tell him why he hasn’t seen his dad. It made both of you guilty, because at some point, Harley thought Harrison abandoned both of you.

Tom told Harley that Harrison was on a trip for work and Harley believed it. You were thankful that Tom said that, because you knew you couldn’t think of an excuse. After all, you were still deeply hurt even though the situation has died down now. 

“So, why aren’t you filing a divorce yet? Or are you even going to?” Tom asked after you got home from bringing Harley to school. It was your day off from work.

You shook your head, “No. I won’t file a divorce. I’m doing this for Harley.”

Tom scoffed and rolled his eyes, “If you hate him so much and if you don’t love him anymore, just leave him."

"I didn't say that I hated him and I didn't say that I didn't love him anymore, Tom." you glared at him. Tom looked at you and sighed.

As your older brother, Tom loved you and he supported you with everything in him. You're his best girl. So if you planned on still staying married with Harrison, he had no choice but to respect that.

“Look, I understand that you’re looking out for me, but please let me just handle this one.” you sighed. Tom pursed his lips and nodded, “Ok-”

He was cut off by the ring of the doorbell. Both of you weren’t expecting anyone and the twins only come by sometimes, but if they do, they come by when Harley is home from school. So, you and Tom were surprised.

Tom walked to the front door and opened it. By the look on his face, you knew it was Harrison. You walked towards them and invited Harrison in. Tom widened his eyes at you as you closed the door. You hissed, “Tom, just go upstairs or something. Harrison and I need to talk anyway.”

Tom walked upstairs not before telling you that if you needed him, he’ll be in his room. You went to the living room where Harrison was sitting and you sat down on the same couch where he was sitting, but on the other end. You two didn’t look at each other. Harrison didn’t look at you, because he was ashamed. You didn’t look at him, because you would breakdown.

After a moment of silence, you cleared your throat. Harrison looked at you and said, “I know you hate beating around the bush so I’ll just get straight to the point. Let me start off by saying sorry for everything and for the pain I’ve caused you. I have no excuse for what I’ve done and I take full responsibility for it.”

“I swear it only happened three times. Now that I look back, I don’t even know how and why I didn’t stop after the first one. I don’t even know why I cheated in the first place and for that, I’m sorry. This is all my fault and I’m so sorry I fucked up.”

“I didn’t reach out for a month, because I knew you needed time and I hope I gave you enough time for it. After a month of not being with you and Harley, I was a wreck and I still am. I’m really thankful that you made me even talk to Harley, but I think he hates me now. And you know what? If he does, I don’t blame him. I’d hate me too.”

“But then I realized that you haven’t planned on getting a divorce and I thought that maybe it’s not too late to fix this. So, I’m here today to not ask for forgiveness, but to tell you that I’m planning on winning you back. I know that you wouldn’t forgive me just like that; I’m not an idiot. I know that I have to earn it and I’m telling you that I’ll do everything to earn your trust back and to earn a little ‘I forgive you’ from you.”

“What I did was something a poor excuse of a man would do. A decent man wouldn’t do that. But I’m here in front of you in full surrender telling you that I’m man enough to own up my mistakes. I’m not afraid to tell you that I fucked up and I will forever regret that.”

You didn’t want to interrupt him. You didn’t even know what to say. Instead of talking, you just looked at him.

“You and Harley mean the world to me and it would kill me if I didn’t do anything to keep both of you in my life. I love you both so much and I’m deeply sorry for not showing it enough. I hope that you’ll give me another chance to let me show both of you, especially you, how much you mean to me. I want us to be a family again and I know it’ll take us awhile to go back to the way things were, but I won’t give up.”

You didn’t know how Harrison was able to say that without crying, but you knew he meant it. His eyes held sincerity and the look on his face had guilt with a mixture of shame.

Everything was like Greek mythology. He was Icarus and you were the sun.

Icarus had always been in love with the Sun; head over heels for her warmth seemingly reaching through any cold corner she could and cast away the darkness within the deepest recesses of the Earth. He indeed flew too close, but he wished to bathe in her rays once more for the rest of his life. And the Sun, though her heart broke at his pitiful plight, took his hand and moved closer to him.

“Thank you for being man enough to admit your faults. I really appreciate it. You’re right. It’ll take me a while for me to act like before around you, but if you’re willing to fix and this, and I can see that you are, then I’m willing too. Other women would be stubborn and they’d act cold even if the man was already changing, but I’m different. I’ll still feel tense, to be honest. But I won’t pretend to be blind in everything that you’ll do.” you gave him a small smile and that small smile was enough for him to tear up.

Both of you didn’t know what the future may hold. You didn’t know when you’ll forgive him and you didn’t know when everything will be back to the way it was. But one thing’s certain: in time, everything will be okay. After all, forgiveness is also a form of love. And sometimes, you’ve never really loved someone until you learn to forgive them.

* * * * 

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​​​​​​​ @silencetheslaves​​​​​​​ @peachmaybnx​​​​​​​ @imeanlifesabitshit​​ @joyleenl​​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​​​​​​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​​​​​​​ @rubberducky-jrr​​​​​​​ @petersholland​​​​​ @osterfieldnholland​​​​​ @miraclesoflove​

[petitprincess1]

My Heroic Au (The Fourth One)

Warning: Longish-er Post!

Yep, it’s another one (for those who have read my last three XP). If you wish to read the other parts, here they are:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 They aren’t entirely mandatory to read, but give you a better idea of what I’m going for in this AU. Anyway, no need to delay this any longer. Here are even more of my OCs! Once again, if anyone I commissioned doesn’t want me using the images (despite me being the one who posted them), just message me and I’ll take it away.

Lorelei (created by @hriundymundy​) Age: Pretty young, around 100 Height: If she were laying flat, ~5 foot Job: Rouge Species: Mermaid/Siren Background: Lorelei knows very little about her own self. All she knows is that she was once a part of a group of sorts before she got separated, waking up in a small grotto. Since she doesn’t really know much about her birth family, Lorelei doesn’t grieve for them or anything. However, she does find herself imagining what her family possibly looked like.

Lorelei does sing to lure her victims to her waters, allowing them to get close enough to the edge of the pond. However, once they’re close, she takes off her face mask to reveal a horrifying amount of sharp, jagged teeth within a lipless maw. Before anyone could realize what’s happening, Lorelei grabs them and drags them under the water. Don’t worry, she’s not merciful. She doesn’t bother waiting for them to slip into unconsciousness or even let them die from drowning, just immediately tear the flesh from their body and listens to their muffled, panicked shrieks. Personality: Surprisingly enough, this mermaid does have a bit of a personality besides murder. Lorelei does love to come out of her grotto at times, even creating legs, and explore her surroundings. She especially loves finding flowers to decorate her little home. Although, she also does this to get better at being out of water for too long. It’s not that she can’t be out of water, she just feels a little paranoid being out of her comfort zone for too long. 

She also will casually practice her singing skills at times and doesn’t mind a traveler or two to listen. Oddly enough, Lorelei doesn’t kill them or even tempt them to her waters. She’s just happy to have someone listen to her.

Since she often stays in her waters and doesn’t venture too far, she has no idea of what Hastville is or who White Hat and Black Hat are. Neither does she know anything about heroes or villains, she’s just happy to be in her grotto, luring people to listen to her siren songs.

~~~

Naima (created by @hriundymundy​) Age: 38, but most likely a lot older than what she appears Height: 5 foot 9 Job: Rouge Species: Kitsune Background: Naima was once a part of a village that had many kitsunes and other species that lived peacefully in the woods. However, due to kitsunes possibly holding untold amounts of wisdom of the universe- especially those that earned their nine tails -they were easily taken away and stolen from families. Those that tried to put up a fight or even run away had their tails cut off and were executed on sight. Naima was just a child, so she was easily taken away from her family.

She was often just used as a servant, bringing whatever would satisfy “owners” just to end up either being the butt-end of a joke or even flat out getting harmed for even existing. Whenever she was asked to reveal secrets, despite being too young and not having nine tails, Naima would often get thrown into a small kennel within the house, leaving her locked for days with very little food and water, just enough to keep her conscious. 

Luckily, she escaped that abusive place when she was around 12 or 13 from finally having the courage to use her fire powers and wandered far into the woods, where she still remains for many years, hoping to find her family or any kitsunes. Personality: Naima, unsurprisingly, is a loner and prefers to keep it that way. She has had a few run-ins with a few people that have opened their home to her and allowed her to stay. While she does respect their hospitality and stay just for a quick meal, Naima ends up running out the moment that they have their backs turned or not paying attention to her. It’s not like she wants to be rude or never wants to trust people ever, she just can’t take the risk.

Naima is very fiery, no pun intended, and tends to get irritated somewhat easily. However, she often tends to keep that side of her away. So, more than half of the time, she often seems very stoic. However, she can actually pretty considerate and  generous if given a chance. Just don’t expect her to stay around very often.

She may have had ran in to Lorelei more than once and may have listened to the siren sing, but she doesn’t know if she considers her a friend.

~~~

Minx (created by @visionthefox​) Age: ~250 (appears to be in early 20s) Height: (without boots) 6 foot (with boots) 6 foot 1 Job: Villain Species: Succubus Background: Unknown. Personality: Minx is very overconfident and highly sexual, which is a given due to her species. She’ll often use her sexual prowess to gain information from others or even slip them into a hypnotic state to be her temporary mind slave. She also is definitely the type of person to never back down from a fight, unless you’re Black Hat, even if she’s taking on multiple people. After all, she’s used to taking more than she can handle~

However, despite being an actual threat, most people tend not to take her seriously. Her over-the-top appearance makes people think that she’s just another person who uses their body as a weapon, possibly even thinking she has no brain either. This causes her to get flustered and immediately attack without warning, making heroes and villains realize that she may actually kill them. Minx also has a poor habit of making more enemies than allies, so not too many people like this, well, minx. But she pretends to not care, she has people throwing themselves at her. Why would she need friends?

Minx also definitely does the “ohohoho” rich anime girl laugh. Only making people take her less seriously.

~~~

The Baxters (created by @jaxk-ass​)

Ages: Icarus(50), Jeannie(47), and Saacha(24) Heights: Icarus(5 foot 9), Jeannie(5 foot 6), and Saacha(5 foot 4) Jobs: Icarus(Hero), Jeannie(Hero), Saacha(Student and Hero intern) Backgrounds: No backgrounds because it’ll take forever Personalities: Icarus is a very stern father that constantly tells his daughter to be home by a certain time, even reminding her to make sure she’s eating right, sleeping properly, not doing anything illegal, and whatever else is necessary to Saacha. Even though she’s no longer living with them. He absolutely adores his wife and will often even go on midnight flights with her just to see her blush beautifully. He also gets very terrified at the thought of his daughter going into the hero business, knowing that Black Hat is merciless. He just wants to make sure she’ll be okay.

Jeannie, who’s superhero name is Supernova, used to be a villain, but Icarus ended up showing her that heroes aren’t nearly as insufferable as Black Hat makes them out to be. It also helped that she found Icarus adorable when he flew into a lamplight when he was mesmerized by her. Plus, she had always resented being a part of the Organization and Black Hat’s methods. Jeannie is just about as protective of Saacha as Icarus is, but she also knows that her daughter needs her space. She also loves to use millennial slang just to make Saacha embarrassed, but also likes to think she’s a cool mom. 

Saacha is always the mom of the group, making sure that everyone is taking care of before herself. She absolutely looks up to White Hat, despite knowing that she finds him a little off. Something about him just creeps her out. She also finds Black Hat pretty interesting, but she thinks he’s a bit childish with his temper tantrums. She also tends to be a little bit of a matchmaker and tries to hook her friends up, just loves to see them all happy. Also, despite being a hero, she is a troublemaker and often ends up in detention.

[thelittlestcheshire]

Self Para ( Open House 2.0 )

To say Ches was at her limit with Chad currently was an understatement, if she didn’t ditch him and stay away from him soon, she was going to lose it. After his little fit during the activity, and everything else that had gone on today, if she didn’t go someplace nobody could mention Callie and Chad were looking for her or ‘oh it’s your turn to watch him,’ at this point all her attempts to not hurt him like she was tempted to would be in vain. As she walked through the halls with him and tried her best to tune him out, she was brainstorming less violent ways to deal with him. As much as she wanted to knock him out, tie him up, and run away - Dom had a point. As much as she hated to admit it, Chad was a child. A child that reminded her oh too much of her brother, but a child nonetheless.

Then she notices the cart next to the janitor closet. The man is nowhere in sight as she notices the glint of metal keys resting on the cart as they approach, an idea actually clicks. Maybe she couldn’t tie him up and run away, but she could lock him up and flee the scene. Sure, she’d still get into trouble, but at least she wouldn’t get a lawsuit on top of whatever Luxor would give her. “And you got a touchdown?” She questions, pretending she’s actually interested in the story he’s telling as she sneaks the keys off the cart. “That’s so cool, actually kinda hot.” She winks at him, even as the thought of Chad being considered hot by anyone makes her want to vomit all over his shiny black shoes. “So hot, in fact, I have a challenge for you, babe. If you win, I’ll let you kiss me.”

That gets Chad’s attention, much to her annoyance. “Why do we even have to do the challenge? I’m the best, you know I’m going to win.” He boasts. The smile Ches gives him is sickly sweet as she tries to hide all the disgust in her tone.

“Sure, but girls like a chase, and when a girl is happy, they give better kisses. I’m sure you’ll fly right through it, but appearances, appearances.”

“What’s the challenge?” There’s a glint in his eyes that feels oh so familiar, between living with Jamie for years and seeing her own reflection in the mirror. A tiger stalking their prey, but this time, Chad wasn’t a cat. He was the mouse.  “We’re going to play hide and seek.” She explains as she starts to move the cart a bit more out of the way. “You go into here to count, starting only after I shut the door, and after you count to 60 you use everything you’ve learned on today’s tour to come and find me. If you find me before the hour is up, you get a kiss. If you don’t, well, does it matter what happens if you don’t? We both know you will!” She tells him as she unlocks the door.

“That’s all? I’ll find you in no time!” Chad grins as he walks into the room, “now run along - the sooner you leave, the sooner I get my kiss!” He doesn’t need to tell her twice, because she shuts the door once she can hear him start to count, she’s locking the door behind her and darting off. She waits till she’s near the exit to ditch the keys, tossing them in the trash before she starts heading in the direction of the student parking lot.

Maybe she’d go grab herself a pizza, possibly drop by the mall for a little and pick up some more perfume if she had the time. Until the administration noticed her missing, she was going to take all the self-care time she could sneak herself. After dealing with Chad, she’d earned it.

----------------------------------------

She was about finished with eating what she could of the pizza she ordered when her phone starts to ring. “Ches’s Pizza Delivery Service, may I take your order?” She answers with a laugh, expecting it to be her Logan yelling at her about the school calling again or her roommate asking her where the fuck she was when she hears who’s actually on the other end of the line.

“Ches, quick question, why am I one of your emergency contacts?” Zander seems surprised, honestly, for a moment Ches actually has to pause to think about her emergency contact form. Logan was her primary - listed under her father, her father’s office was filled in the mother slot in case they ‘couldn’t reach him on his cell phone, always call that first’, and Emmett was her first option if nobody could reach a parent. Between the three of them, she never thought there’d actually be a chance nobody would answer the phone. She’d just used it as a throwaway slot, honestly, after all, it wasn’t like she had anyone else who’d care if you called them for an emergency once you went through the first three contacts anyway. What could her grandparents do from Paris? They were about 6 hours ahead of NY, late enough in the day you wouldn’t be able to get ahold of them without waking them up.

“I figured you wouldn’t mind because you’re already Balo’s and I never thought someone would need to call the last person on the list? Now, you didn’t answer my question about pizza. If it factors in any way, the delivery driver is really cute. I’d order one just to see her. ”

“No, I don’t want a pizza. I do want to know why I got dragged into the office asking if I knew where you went apparently since we’re so close I’m your emergency contact you must have told me all about your plans of locking your kid in the janitors closet, which by the way, you taking the keys with you made getting him out a bit harder than it had to be.” He got dragged into the office to ask about her whereabouts? Well, that wasn’t a part of the plan.  “You should have told me you added me to your updated list, Ches. It would have been a good thing to mention, especially since the only thing I could tell someone about your medical history is ‘deathly allergic to tuna.’”

“Fine, I’ll bring you back some knots though just because I love you!” She gets up to walk over to the counter, moving her phone off her ear when she reaches it. “Can I order a dozen garlic knots too? To go, this time, please!” She’s already pulling out her card to pay when she hears Zander groan on the other line.

“For fuck's sake, Ches. Do you even realize how much trouble you’re in right now? You locked a kid in the fucking closet.”

“Oh, I knew that before I even did it but I figured hurting him would be worse, so I left before I got to that point. Plus, it’s not like I actually took the keys off-campus. I tossed them in the bin near the exit closest to the student parking lot, it seemed like a good place to ditch them.”

“You threw out the janitor’s keys? Hailey, I swear to god-” She can hear him moving on the other end of the line, the frustration clear in his voice as he calls her by her first name. Before she can even point out how rude that was, he’s speaking again. “I can’t believe you dragged me into this. Now I've gotta go fish keys out of the trash.”

“You don’t have to do anything.” She reminds him as she sits down at the table to wait for the garlic knots, starting to close the pizza box with one hand as she talks. “Just because you know where they are doesn’t mean you have to bring them back for me.”

“Oh, I’m not bringing them back for you. I’m meeting you in the student parking lot and you’re returning them yourself. What kind of pizza did you get?”

“Hawaiian, why?” After all, he just said he didn’t want pizza, so surely it didn’t matter what kind of pizza she had run off to go eat.

“Because I didn’t expect I was going to have to dumpster drive to ensure you only get detention, I’ve changed my mind. Knowing you, you have leftovers and I want a few slices to go with my knots, finish up and meet me in the parking lot. And no, finishing up doesn’t include a mall trip so don’t even try it.” He knew her too well, that was apparent as a smile cracks on his lips.

“You know, you’re actually kinda sexy when you’re laying down the law, Zan. You should do it more often.” She teases him, wagging her eyebrows as if he could actually see her messing with him at the moment. “Are you sure you don’t want me to try to hook you up with one of my friends? I bet-”

“Goodbye, Ches. I’ll see you when you get back.” He sounds amused at least before the call ends with a click. She sighs, looking at the time. At least she’d gotten about an hour without Chad before she got a phone call asking where she had run off to. There was no way of twisting what she said in a way she’d have to kiss Chad.

That was a relief.

----------------------------------------

Zander indeed was waiting for Ches when she pulled back into the parking lot and parked her car. “Well, hello Mr. Driskell, fancy running into you.” She jokes as she gets out of the car, “food’s in the passenger seat. You’ve got the goods?” She holds her hand out for the janitor closet’s key, curling her fingers around them as he drops them into her hand.

“You’re lucky I need you for Shakespearean Studies’ group projects, Ches. I can’t believe I had to dig through the trash for keys.”

“I’m lucky you like garlic knots, you mean.” She jokes, handing him her car keys. “Make sure she’s locked when you’re done, I’ll find you to get them back later. I’m off to return these.” She dangles the janitor’s keys, letting the clinking fill the air. “Thanks for saving my ass, I owe you one, Zan.” She doesn’t wait for a response before she darts off. Maybe she was in trouble, but she had to admit, if she didn’t return the keys she’d probably be in even deeper shit then she was to start off with. She doesn’t stop to talk to anyone, just heads straight to the office. “I came to drop these off and receive the verdict for my punishment.” She tells the secretary, before the person at the desk can even call into the office, however, she hears an oh too familiar voice.

“Miss Elswood, I assume Mr. Driskell was able to get a hold of you. Come into my office.”

She takes a deep breath before she turns to follow them into the office to hear what her punishment would be.

----------------------------------------

Icarus (Zan 🙈): So how long are you in the slammer for, Chessie? Ches: Week in detention, and I’m probably gonna have people watching me for the rest of the day to make sure I’m not locking Chad in any more closets or something worse. I think I”m gonna just be good, quiet, and peacefully serve my time, pretty sure I got off lucky after the key thing. LOL

And with that, she puts her phone back into her bag, takes a deep breath, and goes back into the fray.

[theybrightenedtheskies]

icarus and the sun god

here’s an excerpt from the WIP this blog is based on, sharing in the hopes it inspires me to work on it x

One morning in late summer, sometime after my mother’s passing, Apollo wakes me before dawn and takes me to the beach. We walk along the shore side by side, close enough to touch that despite my grief my chest aches slightly. My fingers brush my lips absently and I realise I can still taste the sweetness of his mouth, still feel the softness of his lips pressed against mine. If I close my eyes I am still kissing him, he is running his hands through my hair, my mother is alive and well and watching with a smile–

I inhale sharply and sink into the sand, Apollo almost mirroring my actions. If you did not know him as well as I do, you would think that we both fell together, but I am attuned to the way his body moves, and I know he only fell so as not to leave my side, even for a moment. The swiftness of his movement reminds me of his divinity, and I am humbled by the gesture; a god using his grace for something – someone – as ordinary as I is a special moment. Or it would have been, before. I spread my legs out in front of me and watch as my feet disappear into the oncoming tide.

“She loves you,” Apollo says, looking up at the pale moon. I turn to him hastily and his head snaps up, my sudden reaction causing him alarm.

“Can you see her? Communicate with her?”

It hadn’t occurred to me that, being a deity, he may possess some control or knowledge of the realm of the spirits. He smiles solemnly and shakes his head, which fills me with a sudden anger. I know that smile; it is the same one I have been receiving from every one of my father’s friends upon their hearing of my mother’s passing. A smile of pity.

“But you’re a god!” I almost shout at him, my voice echoing across the expanse of water. “Surely with all of your abilities you can do something to help me communicate with her. Or do you choose not to?”

“I hold no claim over the Underworld, Icarus. Even in my true form I would not be able to communicate with her–”

“But–”

“I am sorry. I should not have started in such a manner, I did not mean to give you any false ideas of reconciliation.”

He pauses, as if gauging my reaction, and when I say nothing he continues.

“I had enough reach,” he starts, untying the cloth bounding his locked hair together and letting it fall around his face. “To ask after her. Your mother earned an afterlife in Elysium. She has chosen to be reborn, but before that requested you be told how her heart aches with yearning to embrace you.”

He stops, and for the first time since my mother passed, the tears running down my cheeks were accompanied with a smile. It was strange to think that somewhere at this moment an infant was being born bearing my mother’s soul, but the uncanniness was comforting in a way. My mother as I knew her may be gone, but her spirit will be walking the same plane as I; we may even meet again. 

I slip my hand into his and squeeze gently. He looks caught off guard, which I cannot help but smile at, as I rarely manage to surprise his godly intuition.

“Thank you,” I whisper, then hasten to release his hand as I remember the last time we touched. I lie in the sand and wait a moment for him to do the same before I continue. 

“I apologise for my outburst earlier. For a moment I feared you were able to see her but just did not want to help me.”

“Icarus,” Apollo replies, and I had forgotten how melodic my name sounds from his lips.

“There is nothing I would not do for you. But we gods are not as powerful as perhaps you have been led to think. We are both stardust, you and I; while I may be a celestial being to you, to the universe we are just as insignificant as each other. There is always a higher power. The Fates bar even the almighty Zeus himself from interfering in certain circumstances.”

His voice enchants me in such a way that even if he were explaining something that I had a chance of understanding, I would still be as dazed as I am now.

“But you’re still gods,” I say, sitting up, not entirely sure if I am continuing the conversation or starting another. “I thought you could act as you please?”

“Being divine is not as carefree as you think. It is a double-edged sword; every benefit has its drawback.”

He sits up so that our bodies are aligned, my knees touching his, his eyes piercing mine. His eyes fascinate me- how could they not? They are a deep brown, like the chestnuts we roast every winter, and from a distance you would not notice anything out of the ordinary. But if you are as lucky as I, to spend so much time with him where our faces are only inches apart, you would notice the gold rim that surrounds his pupils, marking him as divine. 

He once told me that he suspects they are the one aspect of a god’s appearance that can never be changed, and in this moment, I believe him entirely. It feels as though I can see the millennia’s worth of stories held behind them. His eyes wander to my hands a moment before he grabs them with his own and begins to play with my fingertips.

“We have all loved and lost,” he tells me, tracing a symbol I do not recognise on the palm of my hand. “It is the price we pay for our immortality.”

I look at him, puzzled. Does his divinity blind him to humanity’s suffering, even with this mortal life he had been living? Are the gods truly so caught up in their own affairs that they do not spare a passing thought to the mortals dying every day and being separated from their families in the name of slavery? I think of my mother in that moment; the way she looked at me like she was a flower and I was the sun, the way the colour of the sands made her dark, olive skin appear to glow, and above all the never-waning smile on her face that I was to never see again.

“You’re wrong,” I tell him, turning away. “You do not need to be a god to know the pain of loss.”

He must hear the venom in my voice, as he immediately moves his hands to turn my face back to his.

“You misunderstand me, Icarus. I do not mean to undermine the loss of your mother. True, she is gone. But eventually you will be too, as will your pain.”

He does not speak again, and it is a few moments before I understand what he is saying. A double-edged sword. An eternity of life means an eternity of loss. I once more grip his fingers between mine and we turn together to face the water. I do not know how I could possibly provide comfort for an immortal, but watching the sun rise over the crest of the ocean gives him a certain innocent pleasure, and I can at least give him this.

[violints]

STATEMENT OF V.ANYA H.ARGREEVES,     REGARDING A FOGGY EMPTINESS AND A CURSED VIOLIN.      TAKEN DIRECT FROM SUBJECT.      STATEMENT BEGINS.

you said to start at the beginning,      so here is the beginning      :      on october first,      1989,      my father adopted seven children from all over the world.      he was one of the richest people on earth.      adopt may be a strong word      —      there was never any paperwork,      my uncle pogo had to forge a birth certificate for me when i decided to attend college      —      but we lived in a many - roomed house in the middle of new york city,      however it was we came to be there.

i’ve realized in recent years that it was essentially a doomsday cult      —      my father had some big ideas about an apocalypse coming,      and he thought we could stop it,      somehow.      i      . . .      i say we,      but i was never included.      he trained my siblings and i watched.      i was the seventh member of the academy,      but as far as the world was concerned,      i was invisible      —      he framed it as a charity initiative to the media,      paraded my siblings around like his favorite weapons,      and i      . . .      watched it all.

it’s hard to say when things crossed the threshold from unusual but understandably messed up childhood to supernatural occurrence for this reason      :      even back then,      i felt like a ghost most of the time.      everything was just a bit gray around the edges,      and nobody really saw me,      i mean really saw me,      until i moved out and went away to college.      and even then      —      i lived alone,      studied violin in empty practice rooms,      didn’t have many friends.      i wasn’t an outcast,      but      . . .      people saw the name h.argreeves and made some assumptions,      i think.      i went to parties but i was never invited to them.      i didn’t have any of my classmates’ phone numbers.      i was still more of a haunting than a real person.

so it’s hard to pinpoint,      but what i do know is that sometimes,      when i looked up from my sheet music or woke up from a nightmare,      there would be nobody around.      just fog.      i tried describing that to a therapist at the time and she didn’t understand      :      when i say nobody,      i mean that it was three in the afternoon and the just - sunny sky was suddenly so covered in clouds it was dark,      and times square was empty.      i know,      because i thought to go there once      —      i had to run the thirty blocks from my apartment to midtown,      because there weren’t any cars on the road for me to hail a taxi and the subways weren’t running,      on account of there not being anyone to run them.      times square doesn’t get empty.      midtown,      in general      —      new york,      in general,      is never so devoid of people.

i wasn’t keeping very good track of the days at that point      —      my therapist said i was depressed,      and i think she was right,      on top of everything else happening      —      but this happened every couple months from my junior year of college to when i was twenty - three.      more often by the end there.      i’ve always been a lonely person,      so i was used to that      —      but this was beyond that.      this empty blankness.

i think it might’ve swallowed me up if not for the new orchestra i joined.      the icarus theater was having auditions,      and i’d lost touch with my old orchestra during one of those bouts of blankness.      not sure how much of that was standard depression and how much was some outside force      —      in the end,      whether it’s your own mind taking things from you or something else,      the result’s the same,      isn’t it?      the isolation.      you’re left with just yourself and your thoughts.      but i thought      :      a new orchestra would do me some good,      being around people,      playing music.      that’s what i clung to,      when that emptiness became too much.      the music.      i’m a violinist,      i’ve been studying since i was a kid,      and it’s something to hold onto,      you know?

i could have sworn i’d destroyed any chance of me getting into the orchestra with my audition.      i missed a few notes,      i was so nervous,      and i could feel that fog stinging at my legs      —      it was freezing cold.      but the conductor stared at me and said,      first chair.      first chair.      if you’ve never been in an orchestra,      you can’t understand how much that means      —      it’s like being god.

i never got the conductor’s name,      which is weird,      in retrospect,      but i was too happy to notice at the time.      too giddy to see that there was absolutely no chance i’d earned a first chair spot.      you really have to work your way up to that.      it takes years.      not only did he give me first chair,      he gave me a violin      —      pure white,      looked custom made.

he looked at me like i was prey.      i should’ve been scared.      but once he gave me the violin      —      well,      i wasn’t prey anymore.

i think i need to emphasize something here.      the way i am now is not the way i was then.      it’s been two years since i got the violin      —      it’s in its case,      sitting by the door,      i don’t really go anywhere without it.      i was      . . .      different.      shy to the point that i barely spoke at all.      i’d never have thought about giving this long of an explanation of anything at that point      —      i didn’t start talking as a kid till i was five years old,      and i never really learned how to express myself in words.      (      laughs.      )      i think that’s why i liked music.      i’ve always liked the sort of classical songs that sound angry,      you know the kind?      the ones that feel like the composer just wanted to stab every single person they could see with their baton.      but when i wasn’t playing music,      i was      . . .      well,      almost invisible.      i kept headphones on,      wore giant sweaters everywhere,      hid myself whatever ways i could find.

i don’t think the violin changed me so much as made me realize things that were always there.      first off      :      that i was angry.      i was raised in total isolation,      my siblings didn’t give a shit about anyone but themselves,      i had no idea what i was doing with my life.      second      :      that everyone else around me was angry too.      just full of rage and violence.      bursting with it.      it took me a while to notice,      because when you’re so wrapped up in your own worries,       the people around you fade out into the fog.

but i did notice.      every time i practiced,      i’d hear shouting outside my window or from the apartment next door.      when i rehearsed my solos,      the other musicians would get into fights backstage      —      fistfights,      sometimes,      not only verbal ones.      at my first concert as first chair,      a riot erupted in the audience.      you would think we were at a show with a mosh pit.      someone was stabbed.      there was a lot of blood,      but i don’t think they died.      we kept playing through it all.

the next rehearsal,      a cellist tried to beat a piccolo player over the head with a music stand.      i saw the way the conductor looked at me during it.      not at the cellist and the piccoloist but at me,      with the widest grin.      like i was telling him the best joke on earth.      it all clicked for me,      then.      in retrospect,      it took far too long      —      two months since i’d auditioned,      the whole time with this violence all around,      but i’d been so      . . .      joyful,      i suppose.      it was a new feeling.      i didn’t really know what to do with it.

i didn’t stop playing as i walked towards the conductor.      i didn’t have my sheet music in front of me anymore,      and i don’t think i knew the piece well enough to have it to muscle memory,      but i kept playing,      and he kept watching me.      not like prey,      but like a gift.      more musicians joined in the fight behind me,      i think,      but that was its own kind of music.      it started to blend with the song i was playing.

and then i was a yard away from the conductor,      and i reached out with my bow.      it was sharp.      sharper than a bow should be.      sharp enough to cut his throat in just one fluid motion.

i’d never killed anyone before.      i wasn’t expecting it to feel good.

obviously,      the orchestra dissolved.      i don’t know why no one caught me.      whenever someone knocked on my door,      i was expecting the police.      i didn’t really have to worry about that,      though      —      a week or two after the conductor died,      i realized the fog was back.      that empty clawing at everything.

i think i panicked.      i don’t remember picking my violin up,      but i was playing it,      loudly,      with every bit of anger i’d realized i had in the last few months.      crescendo after crescendo.      how dare that loneliness try to grab me again,      how dare it try to pull me under      —      i was becoming something else,      something more than that.      it was a blank and empty space,      but i was anything but empty by that point.      i think i screamed,      as i played.      i don’t really remember.

it dropped me off in paris.      when i was a kid,      one of my brothers      —      ben,      he died young,      during one of dad’s training sessions,      and i never really found out what happened to him      —      we’d fantasize about running away.      i don’t know why paris was always the place i imagined then.      i’d never left new york before this,      but i think it was the fog’s last act of revenge against me      —      i got the sense that it hated me,      the way it clung to me that last time,      so much colder than it had ever been before.      my fingers were halfway to turning blue.      when it cleared,      i wasn’t anywhere i recognized.

i had my violin,      though,      and my wallet was in my pocket,      and i      . . .      my playing had a draw to it that it never had before.      i’ve practiced since i was eight years old,      but i can’t put this down to practice.      whatever the conductor had done,      whatever was in the violin      —      along with its violence,      as that followed me too,      it drew people in.

i think you can guess what happened then.      i don’t stay in one place for too long anymore,      but after a few months i get      . . .      hungry is the best way i’ve found to describe it,      but it isn’t quite right.      there’s a hole where my rage should be.      and i play the violin,      and people erupt around me      —      they follow me,      fighting and clawing and bloodied,      until their red stains me and their bodies are behind me,      and i’m playing the whole time,      and it’s      . . .      beautiful.      that’s the only way i can describe it.      it’s filling,      and it’s beautiful.

have you ever cried at a song on the radio      —      really cried,      and not because of the lyrics or any memories tied to the song,      but because the music was so powerful it filled your heart until it exploded outwards?      that’s,      i think,      what it’s like.      the power of it.      i play,      and it bursts out of me and into something angry,      and it goes to whoever’s around me.      it’s intoxicating.      it feels incredible.

(      a pause.      )      you don’t need to worry.      i left the violin by the door for a reason.      i’m not going to play it in here.      i won’t kill you.

i’ve made my way around      —      i’m not close with my siblings at all,      but i did have one of them send me the passport uncle pogo forged for me,      so i can get around.      it’s easy to find orchestras,      and they pay their first chairs well,      here.       i’ve been in london for a month.      there’s enough people here that,      even when that hunger sparks,      i can probably stay for at least a year before any deaths are noticed.      maybe more.

i’m here because it felt right.      i follow what feels right,      now      —      not what’s good or moral or what’ll lead to whatever path i think i should be following through life,      but the instinct of it.      honestly,      i came in to talk about the fog      —      i never did get a real answer about that,      and ghosts seems as likely as anything      . . .      and that’s sort of the deal here,      right?      i’m fine with the violin.      i’m fine with what it’s made me.

and i know nobody will believe you if you try to report me.      that helps,      too.      i can deny it,      or move around,      or kill my way out of it      —      but i have never felt more like myself than in the last two years.      in the center of all that music and light and violence,      there’s me,      and i haven’t seen the fog since that began.      it’s more than worth it.

STATEMENT ENDS.

[diveronarpg]

In fair Verona, our tale begins with GRACE DALY, who is THIRTY-TWO years old. She is often called GONERIL by the MONTAGUES and works as their SOLDIER. She uses SHE/HER pronouns.

She was UNEXPECTED, as prophets and disasters often are. A raven-haired beauty brought into the world a little too soon, she was remarkable only for her insistence, for the way she stubbornly clung to life with too-small hands. She was a girl not quite ready for the world, a bird born with paper-thin wings, but like all resilient things, she grew—into something beautiful, something TERRIBLE, an angel with a halo that burned in the unholiest of ways. Her parents nurtured her like they would a rose, handled her so delicately that they hardly felt the sting of her thorns, but even if they had, they’d have loved her all the more for it. Their darling, their miracle, their baby—she was perfect in their eyes, immaculate when looked at in the right light. But Grace Daly has always been better-suited to the dark, to the shadows, and it was there that she became unrecognizable, a girl grown ROTTENfrom her parents’ sweetness. They created a monster when they loved her into ruthlessness, when they put her on a pedestal even God himself couldn’t aspire to, and everyone would come to see theMISTAKE they’d made—everyone but them.

As for Grace, she made none. Every move she made was calculated, every strike meticulously aimed; she wore her lipstick like war paint and made her laugh her battle cry, terrifying and shadowed and raw. RUTHLESSNESS—it was carved into her bones like an ivory title, aching and yearning and immortal—the conquering of an empire all her own. She only became crueler as she aged, conditioned to believe for all the world that it revolved around her. The only thing her father never gave her was her infamy, red-hot and burning, and she earned that herself, by taking lives and spilling blood that was never her own. Grace Daly was a wicked slip of a girl long before she broke into the Capulet ranks, all light eyes gleaming dark envy and a smile hiding sharp teeth, but she became something more dangerous once she’d fought her way into the fold: BRUTAL. She was everything her sisters were not—silver-tongued and brass-knuckled, a hurricane in high heels, but she embraced the difference because it served her, for the black sheep gets REMEMBERED.

But being remembered was hardly enough—not when her not-so-darling little sister could achieve the same recognition without anyone ever learning her name, so she looked elsewhere, as spoiled children who’ve found themselves suddenly deprived tend to do, and whether by a stroke of luck or a nod from fate, she stumbled upon initiates of a specialized group of Montagues. They were a crew unlike anything she’d ever seen, an assortment of puzzle pieces without a proper place strung together to make something DANGEROUS. But strange though they were, and seemingly ill-matched, they were a well-oiled machine, fueled by fear and hunger and the ichor of ambition, and she saw potential in them—she saw the destruction. She wasn’t the first turncoat to join their ranks, she’d come to learn, and she certainly wouldn’t be the last, but the Daly woman was unique in that she was not taken in like a stray puppy scratching at Damiano’s door, a sinner begging for absolution from a man generous enough to give it. She was INVITED in, given a hand up—not in cruel kindness or pity, but in a sort of challenge—and sensing that Verona was on the cusp of a new age, she accepted, tossing her share of the current regime in with those who sought to tear it down. Treason looked good on her—she liked to think everything did—but a CROWN would lookbetter.

It’s become her crowning glory, this name she’s built of her own volition, this throne slick with blood. WICKEDNESS—it’s etched into the scarlet curve of her smile, every bit a warning as it is an invitation to a reckoning—yours. Desire is impatient—is terror when it’s kept waiting, and her ascension has been years in the making, a slow rise hastened by treason, by BETRAYAL, by knives in the backs of all she held dear. An empress in the making, she’ll build her kingdom on the ruins of the families she once served and do what all girls raised to believe they are princesses so love to do: she’ll rule. The world should know better than to write off a ravenous girl as a dreamer, a long-legged Icarus destined for the fall, for the sun’s not the villain in this story; she is, and queens aren’t born, they’re  MADE.

CATHERINE & REGINA DALY: Sisters. They’re beneath her, not merely in age, but in every way that matters. She’s never paid either of them much mind, too jealous of the attention they stole from her as a child to extend any sort of olive branch and too busy making a name for herself as an adult to tie herself to theirs, but she knows enough about them to be glad for the distance between them. Catherine, the baby, is about as contrary as the Daly girls come, with her blonde hair and heart of molten gold, and Regina, the bridge between the eldest and the youngest, is lacklustre at best. They’d infuriate her if she gave them the courtesy of consideration, but she’s never been so generous with her attention. She’d like to forget they ever shared a home.

BORIS KOVROV: Rival. She’s convinced that the only advantage he has over her is time. She’s heard the stories about them and has done research into it herself. He’s every inch the traitor she is, and—which is more—he was fallen when he crawled up to Damiano’s doorstep in search of acceptance, whereas she’d had the grace and dignity to knock. The door has been opened to them both, two turncoats from opposite sides of an age-old war, but old habits die hard, and it’s in her nature to want with reckless abandon what others have already claimed. He beat her to the punch; she’ll admit it, but he won’t ever have the chance again—not if she’s still breathing.

VIVIANNE SLOANE: Bad blood. It’s strangely fitting and wonderfully hypocritical for a woman who thrived only after she’d abandoned her own son to curl her lip at betrayal; if Grace were more inclined to be preoccupied with anyone’s dilemmas but her own, she might stop to appreciate the irony. But alas, she simply doesn’t have the time. Besides, watching the Sloane woman stew in her own rage is infinitely more fun. Her former underboss has cursed her name lower than a dog’s, but the Daly woman merely laughs, knowing damn well she’ll have the last one. Good captains always go down with their ships, but great ones know when to jump.

IVAN RAHAL: Partner-in-Crime. He was there when she pulled her first trigger and was there to bask in her euphoria of the whole thing. Since then, they have been a fixture in one another’s lives, tied together by spilled blood – which is far more preferable to her than shared blood. Far more damning for it, too. When the two of them get together she knows that all of Verona quakes in fear of these hellions that are likely to tear the wings of angels, to make God Himself blanch at their uninhibited apostasy. But there can only be so much honor among those who think of themselves as companions of the devil – and that is why she has his casket picked out for the day he dies – and an alibi ready to go, too.

Grace is portrayed by KATIE MCGRATH and was written by BREE. She is currently TAKEN by RACHEL.

[refractionrp]

LOADING DATA . . .                                                                                              AHN HEEJIN ( june ) the SCALES OF JUSTICE                                43k.87.056-007.exe / 79. 06. 30 - 43. 07. 01                                eternally 24

life before death

i. average. a painfully dull word that describes heejin’s early life better than any other. aside from her korean roots, there is nothing special about the girl. nothing that sets her apart; nothing that is even the least bit interesting. her father works an office job just out of toronto, and her mother earns some extra money cleaning the houses of the filthy rich. out of three daughters, she is the middle one. the forgotten one. not that it matters much; her parents don’t have much time for any of them. her sisters seem to be perfectly fine living an anonymous life–but not heejin. she was meant to be so much more.

ii. she wonders what it’d be like to be seen. for people to know her name, to whisper behind her back. her hand-me-downs only have her stand out for all the wrong reasons, and she is just so tired of it all. at home, she begs her mother for some clothes of her own. begs her father to give her some pocket money. all the other kids get it, why shouldn’t she? don’t they want to see her happy? don’t they love her? she is sixteen years old, for christ’s sake. girls her age should be discovering who they are, but how can she, when she has next to nothing? when her grades pale in comparison to her older sister, and her looks pale when she is next to the youngest. why doesn’t anyone understand that she is tired of being a nobody? why can’t she be like the rest of them?

why is it all so fucking unfair?

so many questions, so few answers. the girls at school ignore her; the boys don’t even know her name. well, except for that one nerdy girl who always smells like her grandmother’s old house, and the boy with the uncombed hair and broken glasses. they are at the bottom of the food chain–and so is she. unnoticed. uncared for. if at least her grades were top of the class, she could have lived with it. but of course, it is all too much to ask for. so. fucking. unfair.

iii. high school passes painfully slow. nothing interesting ever happens. same old, every day. even her part time job is as basic as it gets, working at one of the local coffee shops. not even starbucks or tim hortons. just a small, unknown cafe. like all else, bland. it would almost be laughable if it weren’t so frustrating.  

eighteen years old, and she still doesn’t have her own room. when is her sister finally going to move out? isn’t she old enough to live on her own? god, if at least she could have a place of her own, perhaps things would be better. but the bitch just doesn’t want to leave. it’s a hot summer night when their parents come home to the both of them yelling at each other; throwing insults and pulling strands of hair. they try to interfere, but it backfires entirely. ugly tears, accusations, slamming doors. why couldn’t they try harder to find a better job? why was she born into this family; why was she even born at all?!

she doesn’t even apologise the next day. instead, she decides there and then to throw her whole life upside down–for good.

iv. it starts relatively small. a twenty dollar bill, twice a week. once from her father, once from her mother. just a little extra to add to her less-than-rewarding pay from the coffee shop, and only so she can buy herself that pretty shade of lipstick one of the popular girls at college had been wearing. her parents never need to know. just this once. doesn’t she deserve it?

that is how she starts to resonate it all. she does deserve this. all those years of living in everyone’s shadow, and finally she is becoming someone worth gossiping about. their attention becomes her heroin; twenty dollar bills taken from her parents become twenty dollar bills taken from her job. they become snatched labels from pretty dresses, tucked away underneath her clothes as she pays only for a cheaper pair of earrings. within a few months time, she blooms from a gloomy outsider into one of the most popular girls in school. the relationship with her parents is worse than ever; her sisters don’t even bother talking to her anymore, and her old friends have literally called her an arrogant snob.

but the jocks chase after her and the cheerleaders have taken her in as one of their own.

she loves every single minute of it.

v. once warm-hearted and gentle, the popularity soon turns her into a shadow of her old self. a monster, as her mother would so kindly dub her. she will do anything for attention, and that includes hurting people. madison, please don’t talk to us anymore until you fix your shower. samuel, what on earth makes you think a nerd like you would be good enough for a girl like me? the harsher the words, the louder the laughter of her friends. she is both one of the most loved and the most hated people in her college, and it has her feeling absolutely invincible. it is better to be hated than ignored, after all. she should know.

vi. it should come as no surprise that heejin snatches a job as a reporter after college, oftentimes spinning the truth enough to make for an enthralling story. it is a known fact that people don’t want to read the boring truth. they want to read something worth their times; something shocking. sensational. is it her fault that people thrive on that? she is simply catering to their needs. who cares if she has to harm a person or two in the process? it pays her bills, after all. what’s more, seeing her name highlighted in the papers is almost magical. she is no longer just a sidekick to the queen bee; she has become the queen bee herself.

vii. something about icarus and flying too close to the sun. she should have slowed down while she was ahead. but of course, she kept on pushing. kept on finding bigger targets. destroyed their names in the papers, just for the hell of it. bragged about her accomplishments at parties and basked in all of the attention that she’d receive; all of the compliments that she was showered in.

and then comes the day that ends it all. 2024. she can vividly remember the cops telling her that she is under arrest before they drag her out of her office. all eyes on her, but for once, she does not enjoy it. case after case after case is being read to her. the lies she’s told in the papers (that have actually ruined companies and people, apparently), the goods that she has stolen (probably should have never bragged about that to old friends), her invasion of privacy on multiple occasions.. seems like having enemies isn’t all that great, after all.

she lands herself in prison with nobody but herself to count on. nobody that wants to visit her. nobody that wants to take her side. her reputation is gone, her credibility is gone, and as soon as her name disappears from the papers, her memory will be gone, too.

life after death

it is hard to pick up the pieces of your life after a downfall as bad as hers. nobody on earth had wanted anything to do with her anymore after her release. no job would take her back in. her family had not even tried to listen to her side of the story (which was crap, anyway). when she finally died, she did so on the streets. all alone.

and she had deserved it.

refraction is everything she had never dared to wish for. a place where nobody knows her name or her story. they don’t know just how terrible of a person she had been on earth or that she had to lie her way to the top. it is a second chance at life, and she will not make the same mistake twice. her very own redemption arc.

she is the self-proclaimed leader of the welcoming committee in refraction, eager to ease everyone into a smooth transmission. her way of adding value to the community and making sure that everyone settles in just fine. besides, it allows her to get to know everyone as soon as they arrive, and it ensure that they know her, too.

and perhaps there’s just the slightest bit of desire left to be known. validated. but no longer does she think that it is better to be feared than to be loved. never again does she want to be lonely again. death had been a way out once, but it won’t be an option again. no more room to fuck up–this time she is stuck here, forever.

(too bad that even her good intentions have a way of landing her into trouble. karma, is it not?)

[aeneasx]

Girlfriends Ranked From Worst To Best According To Their Zodiac Signs 🧚🏻‍♀️🧚🏻‍♂️🧚🏿‍♀️🧚🏿‍♂️

12. SCORPIO (October 23rd- November 21st; Water)

The driving instinct behind this is their brutal honesty. They think just like they can handle criticism on the face, everyone can. Imagine yourself on the first date: God forbid she doesn’t like what you are wearing. Because she WILL say it to your face.

She will also be very passionate. Expressing her love for you (if she does) will never be a problem for her. But again, dare make a mistake and she WILL BRING YOU DOWN. She will be the Sun to your Icarus, like it or not.

But hey, look at the positives: Once you are with a Scorpio, you will be forced to try your best to be your best.

11. VIRGO (August 23rd- September 22nd; Earth)

The driving instinct behind women of this zodiac is insecurity. You might be counting your lucky stars that you met her and how your relationship is perfect at last, but she will be critical of her own looks and in general worthiness. She may keep thinking that she is not worth your time and attention. As a result, any other person coming closer to you will be a subject of her jealousy.

Constant assurances might not be enough.

10. ARIES (March 21st– April 19th; Fire)

For an Aries woman, time is always of the essence. She WILL rush into things. This can be daunting especially at the initial stages of the relationship when you might or might not be ready for further commitment. If there is one thing that you can absolutely expect from an Aries woman, is a domineering personality.

There might be a sensitive side to her personality but she WILL be temperamental.

9. TAURUS (19th April- 20th May; Earth)

The driving force in her life is her indomitableness. She loves her freedom and realizes very well that if she can’t complete herself, you definitely can’t. Her way of trying to gauge the fact that she is in love will be to distance herself from you and see if she misses you.

Do not expect commitment from her first, EVER.

This is why relationships with Taurus women can be VERY slow in their progression if there is any and when they break remember two things: 1. It WILL break your heart and 2. You don’t get a second chance.

Like the Scorpio, make sure you give your best in these relationships. If it still doesn’t work out, don’t beat yourself up too much about it. 

8. CANCER (June 22nd- July 22nd; Water)

If you want clarity in a relationship, Cancers are it. They will pamper your every whim. They are very easy to read because they make things very clear on their face. The negative part is, they also tend to get very easily upset. Gestures of the smallest magnitude mean a LOT to them.

It might take time to earn her trust, but only a second to break it.

Once earned, very few people will care as much about you as her.

Also, she will do her absolute best to never ever disappoint you if you two are in love.

7. LEO (July 23rd- August 22nd; Fire)

(This is one of the mellower fire signs)

She will want to expect everything romantic and have expectations from you that will be very hard to meet. But once you are in, however, she will show you she loves you all the time, so expressiveness is never a problem. She would expect the same from you.

Some people have said how Leos like the idea of “saving” bad boys that how they have a minor Messiah complex. But that is more of an Aries thing.

6. AQUARIUS (January 20th- February 18th; Water)

She is like the flowing water as her zodiac sign represents, independent and flowing to an impulsive and often irrational level.

She may not be dependent on you for much of her emotional needs but ironically she will be fiercely loyal. One more thing, she will need constant assurances that she too is worth your loving.

5. GEMINI (May 21st- June 21st; Air)

Like the twins she is represented by, always expect two sides of the coin when it comes to Gemini. One would be her highly social and fun side and the other, private and pessimistic side.

Acceptance of both sides of her personality and her for her totality is what wins her heart.

Also, second chances are rare.

4. LIBRA (September 23rd- October 22nd; Air)

Again, like the scales of justice she is represented by, she will be just and honest. Conflicts are not her thing; this makes things a little difficult because even if she does think you did something amiss, she won’t be the one pointing things out.

Communication, as usual, is the key.

Because of her personality, she will attract a lot of people. Jealousy on your side will be harmful to your relationship, but then again that is true for any sign/relationship.

3. CAPRICORN (December 22nd- January 19th; Earth)

Capricorns are perfectionists. They expect perfect relationships too, which like the Sasquatch/Yeti are impossible and imaginary notions.

When something goes amiss you can expect a bit of domineering, but she will also make up for it by making it clear that you don’t deserve such bad treatment.

Why we have ranked her so high is for her ability to defend you, through everything. 

2. PISCES (February 19th- March 20th; Water)

Like the fish she is represented by, she will be a bit on the guarded/reserved side in the relationship. However, at the same time, she cherishes your confidence and will guard your secrets with her life.

She will sacrifice what it takes to be your best friend. And she will be one of the most supportive people you will have met.

1. SAGITTARIUS (November 22nd- December 21st; Fire)

She will be insecure and self-critical but rarely extend the same criticism to you. She will continuously motivate you to achieve higher which is probably the best thing you can ask for. Endearingly she will be of the generous type.

She will consciously think she is not doing her best in the relationship but at the same time, she might or might not do anything to remedy it.

[thorsdiana]

Tell me aaaaaall about Sofya, Helena, Valerie, and Kiara. Put it under a cut if you have to!! I want all the tea!!!

ahhh i love you so much jen!!! you really came through for me 💖💖 okay this is gonna get hella long so i’m gonna put my answers under the cut bc there’s just so much i gotta say!!

SOFYA VOLKOVA

so here’s the tea on sofya volkova! her story is called “budapest” she’s paired up with my queen, natasha romanoff. and her story is full of sadness lol. on new years day in 1937 (aka her 9th birthday), her parents who were well respected scientists for the soviet union were killed in her home and she witnessed their death. she was later taken in by a name named viktor grankin, who encouraged her to join the red room academy under the idea that she could one day get revenge for her parents’ death. it’s during this time that she meets natalia romanova, and the two often clashed that lasted nearly a decade. but they eventually came to respect one another as assassins and eventually led to a relationship that remained hidden from their handlers.

viktor grankin was her handler during her time and he set her on missions that they believed would lead her to her parents’ killer. she would later earn the alias “sparrow” which was given to her by viktor himself. during one mission, she learned that the man behind her parents’ death was none other than viktor. she tried to take him out but failed, but she faked her death (also ending her relationship with natasha) and remained in hiding as she worked up a plan to ruin viktor and kill him. 

she was inspired by the infamous line in the avengers where natasha and clint mention budapest. and since we don’t know what happens, i decided to make sofya and she’s the budapest mission lol. basically clint and natasha get word of a dangerous assassin that they’re meant to take out, and nat is SHOOK bc her old girlfriend is alive and well but also dead set on killing viktor (who basically was given something similar to natasha and sofya). 

her story is so sad bc she’s lost so much and was used by viktor for 21 years. and in order to get her revenge, she had to leave the only person she’s loved since her parents??? and now she’s like a stranger in natasha’s eyes but natasha doesn’t want to lose her again?? i love angst lol!!

HELENA HARTLEY

here’s the tea on my mom, helena hartley! her story is called “second chances”. so’s a revived oc of mine from yeeears ago and i think i love her a lot more now than i did before lol. but she’s the ex-girlfriend of tony stark and the mother of the beautiful lauren stark. she met tony back in 1990 at a science convention and she honestly couldn’t stand him but he always flirted with her and it was cute as heck. they clashed a lot on ideas but they also really enjoyed the bickering?? and formed an interesting friendship. but after the death of tony’s parents, helena was always there for him and something more bloomed.

tony didn’t admit his feelings until like 1992. tony was always supportive of helena’s dreams of being an engineer and even got her a job at stark industries. their relationship resulted in the birth of their daughter in 2001, but they never got married. there were also a LOT of cute dad!tony moments like he spoiled lauren to the point where her only way to sleep was on someone’s chest and listening to their heartbeat. or he loved mentioning her whenever he could during an interview bc he was so proud!!

but tony was prone to self-desctruction and it put a strain on their relationship that eventually ended in 2005. but despite their breakup, they always made sure lauren wasn’t too negatively affected and remained coordial for her sake. helena left stark industries and became an engineer at northrop grumman. but when tony needs help making the jericho missile, the first person he wants on his team is helena (but honestly it’s partially bc he misses her and is still in love with her).

their story is gonna be filled with angst (especially during the iron man movies) bc helena is trying to date other men but tony keeps finding his way back into her life, then tony goes missing and it messes up helena AND lauren (who’s like really young during this time so OW) and then when tony becomes iron man and how lauren is constantly worried about her dad.

i’ve also planned to have helena being an inhuman but it doesn’t get found out until later. and her power was going to be technology manipulation bc i didn’t want her to be a full on hero but have something a little different.

VALERIE BYERS

um so i really love my time traveling bby girl!! she’s one of the three main characters of my fic, “timeless,” and the other main characters are my cyborg bby boy jai graham (who was created by the queen shuri herself) and sarah wilson, who’s the younger sister of sam wilson. so valerie is the only child of tony stark and her mother was an old girlfriend of his named susan byers. their relationship was never liked among susan’s parents and though it ended, susan found out that she was pregnant but never told tony. in fact, valerie never found out about tony being her father until she was 15.

valerie would try to find ways to meet tony, such as going to different conventions he held or was a guest at. but after the battle of new york, she realized how much she needed her father. her mom was paralyzed during the event and it wasn’t until valerie was 20 when susan finally passed. valerie then made it her business to get a job at stark industries, which she luckily did. she would work under tony, but never tell him the fact that she was his daughter.

but due to the events of infinity war, and tony is believed to have died after last being seen going into space, and the avengers fail to save the world from thanos, valerie’s life goes to shit. 

since “timeless” is basically one big au and my own spin on infinity war, thanos actually takes control of earth after the big snap and the chitauri still roam earth. it’s kinda like an apocalyptic setting and humans aren’t as free to do much and the chitauri controls a lot of what happens???

but anyway, valerie meets jai and sarah when she’s out looking for scraps to build stuff and jai and sarah and they come up with the idea fo build a time machine and valerie is the perfect brain needed for the job to help create it. their plan is to go back to different points in time to assist the avengers and stop them from breaking up (bc they believe them being apart was a downfall) and try to find the infinity stones and destroy them so thanos can’t get his hands on them.

and they all lost something in the war; valerie lost her father, jai lost his creator/mother (he really never got to meet her bc she died and her last thing she did was setting him free), and sarah lost her brother who turned to ash. but one happy thing is that valerie is paired up with jai but they’re gonna be hella cute and make s.carlet.vision look like nothing compared to them lmaoo. 

KIARA WILLIAMS

finally, we have my pretty bird kiara! her story is “icarus” and i created her maybe a year or two ago??? she was inspired by the line where sam mentions wanting to impress the lady who worked at the va, and kiara is that lady!! she’s got a younger sister named layla and kiara is also an inhuman (the mcu has ignored them and i love them so i gotta include them lol). her father, raymond, is also an inhuman and he brought her to afterlife where she got the help after going through terrigenesis in her early teen years and gained the power of wing manifestation. when she finally returned to society, her relationship with layla was strained, but they’ve been working hard on fixing it.

she tried her best to live a normal life, getting a job as a receptionist at the va in washington dc and eventually meeting sam wilson (who she’d admire from a distance lol). but when steve rogers comes in and plays a wingman for sam, they start to become friends that eventually leads to something more. 

kiara eventually becomes an avenger and gains the alias “icarus” thanks to a cute interaction she had with sam years prior. basically when it was believed that shield attacked afterlife (which kiara just so happened to be at the moment) kiara was hit in the line of fire and barely made it out with her life and it’s that day when sam finds out about her being an inhuman and her powers. he’s really sweet and helps her heal and he makes a joke saying “i guess icarus flew too close to the sun” and it’s just been her nickname ever since.

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 3/8/18

This week at Bungie, Lord Saladin returned to host the final 4v4 Iron Banner. 

New weapons are directly available from Saladin’s stock, or can be earned through Iron Engrams. This isn’t your last chance to earn those Season 2 ornaments, as Iron Banner will return after Destiny Update 1.1.4 is released, featuring 6v6 gameplay.

Speaking of Update 1.1.4…

Gotta Go Fast

Last week, Cozmo asked you fine readers to set an agenda on what we’d talk about in this week’s article. The overwhelming response: Sandbox! 

While we’re still in the process of finishing development on 1.1.4, Senior Crucible Designer Kevin Yanes and Design Lead Josh Hamrick are here to get a bit more granular with what’s coming on March 27.

Kevin: Hey everyone, Kevin here from the Crucible team. I’m dropping by to share the details on the rest of our changes heading into Update 1.1.4. As Derek mentioned in last week’s TWAB, Iron Banner, Rumble, and Mayhem are making their triumphant returns to Destiny 2 with a few twists. Iron Banner has become 6v6, Mayhem features 90% fewer nova bombs (fixed this issue found during the Dawning), and Rumble has welcomed two additional players into the fray. There is a lot to get excited about in Update 1.1.4 but something the team really wanted to do was go back and refine the core experience. Looking at the feedback, it was clear that the community felt there were two key areas for improvement with the Crucible: “Time to Kill” and “Team Shotting”. So we set our sights on re-working systems, mechanics, and values to tackle those two areas.

“Does this mean you’re changing the Time to Kill?” When we looked at the core feedback on “Time to Kill” in the Crucible, we saw that it mostly stemmed from a lack of excitement or spikes of intensity you all came to expect from a Destiny experience. This came in the form of feedback that stated the game was too slow, or the core loop was too stale. We agree, and have worked with Sandbox to increase the pace of the Crucible as a whole. Josh is going to speak to all of the Sandbox changes here in a bit, and I won’t steal his thunder. So alongside all of the great changes the Sandbox team has made, we’re setting our sights on making the Crucible a faster, more dynamic, and more action-packed experience on the activity side. Let’s get down to brass tacks on how we’re planning to change the Crucible and the delivery of the goal stated above. Here is an overview of the changes we’re bringing in 1.1.4:

Respawn and Revive were tuned in all game modes

Player respawn timers for all Quickplay modes have been reduced to 2s.

Player respawn timers for Survival have been reduced to 7s

Revive lockout time in Countdown has been reduced to 7s

Players no longer lose Revive Tokens on death

Power Ammo respawn timers were adjusted across the board

Power Ammo respawn timers in Iron Banner have been reduced ~50%

Power Ammo respawn timers for all Quickplay modes have been reduced ~30%.

Power Ammo respawn timers in Survival have been reduced ~40%.

Power Ammo respawn timers in Countdown have been reduced ~25%

Ammo counts have been adjusted in relation to these timers, and in relation to weapon type.

In almost all cases weapons either retained the same ammo count or received a buff. Swords and rockets were brought down to stay in line with the rest of the weapon offering.

Enemy players now drop their Power Ammo on death.

This brick is now networked to all players regardless of faction. Secure the power ammo to keep it from your foes or steal off your enemy’s ghost, but be quick because these bricks don’t stay in the world forever.

All these changes coalesce to create an experience that relies less on clumping with your team and focuses more on rewarding quick reflexes, thinking, and movement.

“But what about Competitive?” During development of 1.1.4, we realized that while we’d reduced the “Team Shotting” in Quickplay and Iron Banner effectively, we hadn’t quite done the same to Competitive. Knowing this, we looked for a change that reinforced the following goals: reduce team clumping, reward individual plays, and incentivize flanks. With those goals in mind we looked to take a big step in shifting the gameplay in Competitive and Trials: starting in 1.1.4 we’ve opted to remove the Tracker from all Competitive and Trials game modes. 

This means more communication is required to secure victories in Competitive and Trials matches. It also means that a crispy flank with Power Ammo is all the more powerful. Subverting expectations and reading opponents is more potent in matches with no Tracker. In playtests we’ve already seen some clutch underdog comebacks and we can’t wait to see what you all do in Competitive and Trials starting with 1.1.4. That said, we’re always listening and reacting to feedback so please tell us what you think about this change and all of our 1.1.4 changes once they go live.  

Thank you so much for your time in reading and playing. We’re proud and excited of the work we’ve done on 1.1.4 and look forward to meeting you on the battlefield. Next up Hamslamrick with some Sandbox goodies.

Hamrick:  Hello friends! As I mentioned last time, our goal for this update is to provide individual players with more hero moments by increasing overall speed and mobility, increasing the number of supers you charge to demolish your enemies, and increasing the frequency and impact of our most montage worthy power weapons, especially in the Crucible. With Update 1.1.4 drawing ever closer, it feels like a good time to swing back by and provide some updates and additional clarity to what this patch will bring. 

The first thing you should know: we are VERY excited for this update to go live. After weeks of solid play-testing, some with external participants, we feel like this is really shaping up to be an update you will be happy with. Huge shout out to everyone involved that helped the list of possible changes grow instead of shrink. Also, to those who play-tested and gave us quality actionable feedback. Now, here’s an updated version of the list of changes first detailed in the February 1 TWAB. New and/or updated entries are highlighted in bold:

All three glides plus Catapult and Strafe Lift have been retuned and buffed to make them faster and more unique.

The mobility stat range has been expanded and completely retuned as well. In short, everyone gets faster and the high end is higher.

The players’ ground speed cap has been increased, allowing for faster total movement speed, regardless of how you may get there.

Arcstrider, Sentinel, and Striker all move faster, and at the same speed as one another, while in their Supers.

Arcstrider, as a whole, is performing well in PvP but mostly due to its neutral game perks. We’ve made the following changes in an effort to get the Super to be a more competitive option:

Faster Attack Animations.

Faster Dodge Animations.

Increased range of all attacks.

The previous Shoulder Charge changes are being reverted, allowing Shoulder Charge to be used as a movement mode once again.

Dawnblade has been improved:

Reduced cost for throwing swords, allowing for one additional throw

Increased super duration extension gained from "Everlasting Fire"

Removed all in-air accuracy penalties while "Swift Strike" is active

Reduced the Icarus Dash cooldown

Increased the Grenade and Melee energy "Heat Rises" gives you per kill

Invisibility on Dodge / Smoke Updates:

Invisibility on Dodge no longer breaks Aim Assist or Projectile Tracking in PvP (unchanged in PvE)

Dodging still breaks both Aim Assist and Projectile Tracking, but only for the duration of the actual dodge

Increased the duration of Invisibility on Dodge by 1 second

Increased the duration of Smoke Bomb Invisibility by 1 second

Supers recharge faster for everyone!

Supers now recharge 1:40 faster, a cooldown reduction of 25%.

Mods that reduce Grenade, Melee and Class Ability cooldowns have been buffed to allow for up to 2x faster cooldowns.

This is NOT replacing Mods 2.0, which was recently delayed. More information is available below.

We’ve buffed several weapon archetypes (including, but not limited to, Hand Cannons, Pulse Rifles, Sniper Rifles, and Shotguns) and a few specific perks, as well. A key goal here is to make Shotguns, Snipers, and Fusion rifles more prevalent in the game.

Pulse Rifles

Increased PvE damage for all pulses

Increased rate of fire for adaptive and high-impact pulses

Increased base damage for adaptive, high-impact, and rapid-fire Pulses

Increased precision multiplier for lightweight pulses

Decreased precision multiplier for adaptive pulses

This keeps precision damage close to where it is now, putting most of the buff into body shots, though it is still an increase in precision damage overall.

Scout Rifles

Increased PvE damage for all scouts

Increased base damage for High-Impact Scouts

Hand Cannon

Increased PvE damage for all Hand Cannons

Increased precision multiplier for precision hand cannons

Increased hip fire accuracy on consoles

Increased ADS accuracy on consoles

Sidearms

Increased PvE damage for all sidearms

Increased hip fire accuracy

Increased ADS accuracy

Increased inventory size (allowing more reserve ammo to be stored)

Increased minimum range

Added an ADS movement bonus

SMG

Increased PvE damage for all SMG’s

Set Optics to 1.3x

Increased inventory size (allowing more reserve ammo to be stored)

Linear Fusion Rifle

Increased PvE damage for all linear fusions

Increased precision multiplier

Increased aim assist

Reduced flinch multiplier

Shotgun

Increased PvE damage for all shotguns

Increased inventory size (allowing more reserve ammo to be stored)

Increased aim assist for Suros precision shotguns

Sniper Rifle

Increased PvE damage for all snipers

Increased precision multiplier

Increased aim assist

Increased inventory size (allowing more reserve ammo to be stored)

Grenade Launcher

Increased blast radius

Assault Rifles

Decreased range and aim assist stats for precision autos (Uriel's Gift). Base damage is not changed.

A few weapon perks are also getting some updates:

High Impact Reserves

Increased PvE damage

Kill Clip

Increased PvE damage

Rampage

Increased PvE damage

Increased duration

Dragonfly

Increased damage

Increased radius

Stronger visual effects

Grave Robber 

Reloads .5 magazine instead of .3

Timed Payload

Splits damage 55 Explosive / 45 Direct instead of previous split which was more direct damage

Explosive Rounds

Decreased PvE Explosive Rounds damage

This decrease has been compensated for with an increase in PvE damage for the base weapons - your weapons with explosive rounds will not do less damage after 1.1.4

Just like last time, we have a few additional notes to wrap things up.

Mods Rework

First, let’s talk about the changes to the potency of Ability Cooldown Mods. In our last update, we mentioned that we were going to wait and buff ability cooldowns at the same time we dropped the mods rework. Over the last few weeks it has become obvious that the mod rework was going to need more time to come together due to the scope of the changes. That decision, which has already been accounted for in the last Roadmap that you saw, is ultimately going to be a win for all of us. It gives us more time to deliver something we believe will add value to the game. However, we understood we should not delay the much-needed improvements to ability cooldowns. So, while there are many, many improvements to mods planned for the future, we are going to greatly increase the output for Ability Cooldown Mods in Update 1.1.4.

Invisibility

Nightstalkers, the day of reckoning is soon upon us. Our invisible exploits may have barely been seen, but they have most certainly been felt. In 1.1.4 our ability to ninja-smoke out to avoid any and all incoming fire (and/or lightning) is going to be reduced down to pure skill alone… not that we’d ever admit to it being anything but. As one of only two items deemed nerf-worthy on the entire list of incoming Sandbox changes, we as Hunters shall deal with this as we deal with everything: we’ll take it as a compliment and solid proof of our endless supply of talent, and we’ll never, ever let the ‘Locks and Titans hear the end of it.

Currently:

Initiate Dodge or Throw Smoke

Dodging temporarily kills Aim Assist and Projectile Tracking (allowing you to actually Dodge things)

Smoke just immediately jumps to…

Initiate Invisibility

For the duration of Invisibility Aim Assist and Projectile Tracking remain disabled.

Dodge Finishes

Invisibility Expires

Aim Assist and Tracking are re-enabled

Coming Soon in 1.1.4 (PvP Only!):

Initiate Dodge or Throw Smoke

Dodging temporarily kills Aim Assist and Projectile Tracking (allowing you to actually Dodge things)

Smoke just immediately jumps to…

Initiate Invisibility

Dodge Finishes

Aim Assist and Tracking are re-enabled

Invisibility Expires

Note: Nothing changes for PvE except that they also get the one-second duration increase to Invisibility.

Snipers

In the last update I mentioned how a nasty bug has crept into our scopes and made it near-impossible for us to correctly tune Sniper Flinch. We have good news! That fix has been implemented and those changes will go live in the 1.2.0 update, planned for May. Sweet, sweet sniper action is on the way. 

On that note, below you will find a video pulled from a 1.2.0 playtests that has all the 1.1.4 Sniper changes AND the new Sniper Flinch fixes in and working.

This is not the end…

While we are very excited to get this update into your hands, and we believe you’re really going to enjoy the changes, we all know these aren’t the only changes we’ll need to make to address feedback. It’s just the first leg of a long journey. We hope this makes the game more fun for you all, that it begins to bring back hero moments, and makes you feel a bit more like tiny gods, but we also hope you know there is more to come and that this gets you excited to come along for the ride. See you all again soon,<3 Hamrick

Companions to us all

As Destiny 2 continues to evolve, the Bungie.net team is also hard at work processing feedback and bringing updates to the Companion experience. Today, Associate

UX Designer Joey Carpenter

is here to walk us through some changes that were deployed to the Companion App earlier this week.

Joey: On Wednesday, we released a utility update to the Destiny Companion App. Now you can modify the shaders, effects, mods, perks, and Masterworks of the items in your inventory on the go. All you need to do is fire up your  companion app and open up the detail view of the item you want to modify.Find the slot for the mod, perk, shader, effect, or Masterwork on your item and tap what you want to replace it with. If a change you want to perform will cost you something, the cost of the action and how much you currently have to spend will be listed for you. This update in particular is exciting as the foundation for this work can eventually be leveraged for other advanced actions on your character and gear. Ever wanted to clear out the cruft that’s built up in your inventory a bit faster? Us, too. Vendor purchasing on the go? Or perhaps it’s time for clearing all of the rare items from your inventory that have accumulated throughout your play session? These are all possible scenarios that we're considering for future, to make the most of the same system we built. This work also gives us the opportunity to enable third-party developers to take advantage of this functionality, while providing a secure environment where these actions require your explicit approval. We have a bit of work to do before that’s possible, but we’ll keep you informed as we solidify future updates for the API, Bungie.net, and companion app. As a heads up, this update is currently available on Android. iOS is in the process of being released, but we'll let you know as soon as it's available. Now is prime time to head over to our mobile feedback forums to sound off on what cool new write actions you’d like to see in the future.

In the Know

Recently, we added two new members to Destiny Player Support. You may have encountered them in the #Help forum, troubleshooting issues or sharing Help articles. If you’re having difficulties when attempting to play Destiny 2, they’re at the ready to lend a hand.

This is their report.

EDZ Destination Emblem Last week, we noted that players may accrue 38 Ghost scannables on the EDZ Destination Emblem. Through investigation, we have identified that Ghost scannables found at the Farm do not contribute to these emblem statistics. The issue has been escalated to the appropriate team for further investigation.

WiFi: Convenience vs. Stability While Destiny can be played with a strong and stable WiFi connection, many players have found that using WiFi can increase the likelihood that they will lose their connection to Destiny Services.

Sources of interference for WiFi connections WiFi is susceptible to a variety of different sources of interference.

The process of sending data wirelessly takes time and increases latency. This may increase the total latency of a player's network to the point where they encounter latency, packet loss, or error code disconnects from Destiny.

WiFi connections use one of several frequencies called channels to transmit data. If more than one WiFi network is trying to use the same channel it can create congestion that slows down network traffic. It can even cause data to be lost or the connection to be interrupted.

If multiple devices are connected to the same wireless network and attempting to reach the internet at the same time they can interfere with each other.

The distance and layout of a player's console from their WiFi source can also negatively impact signal strength and stability.

Some home appliances and consumer electronics, such as microwave ovens, can directly interfere with a network's WiFi signal.

If you only have WiFi available for online gameplay, visit this page of the Network Troubleshooting Guide for tips on how to strengthen your connection: Network Setup