#if i hate it in a year ill come back

[theheirofthesharingan]

“Tell me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am, or what I’m not?

Tell me, mother, which should I regret: what I became, or what I didn’t?”

- source

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

thinking abt kenny and his anti-neet agenda

[heeliopheelia]

no cause i've just listened to sweet venom and it sounds so... generic to me 🧍

ever since tamed-dashed enhypen hasn't put out a comeback that i actually enjoyed 👀

[ninjas-and-coffee]

Current Ninjago *wip* Projects List

Ninjago Arena: Ninjago but a Mortal Kombat game animation project

NRB: Ninjago but i wrote a bad rap battle or like 3

Darkleys Graduation: I made darkleys more serious and whatnot

Animatics: Dont be Sad -Tate McRae (Morro) Rockstar - CallmeKarizma(Jay) Thot -Tokyo's revenge(Llorumi critical/joke)

Art Projects that will take me 20+ hours to finish feat: Overjay au, Overlord Possesion type study??, Post-Possesion au(art and writing) Ninjago: WhatIf (art+writing). Other long ass art starts

For all the people who didn't ask why i keep disappearing or why i mention a project you've never heard of. There's a lot. And I'm not even including the 17fic backlog. Ufkbfkabfakb.

Feel free to ask about any of these, I just answer asks slowly because of anxiety around disappointing people or just not having an immediate response. Or if they're compliments i just save them for encouragement.

[bakedspoonie]

narcolepsy is hilarious, I fell asleep but my brain didn’t do it all the way so I kept doing my tasks. Finished several quests in Skyrim, made a cup of tea, and fed my cat (I’m assuming I also gave her her pill but I can’t verify that like the other things). Was awoken by a call from my mum about the puppy she’s driving 7 hours for. I was in the middle of a fight in Skyrim and have no memory of the things I did. felt like I was back in school leaving class with a notebook full of notes and no memory of doing it. One time a teacher stopped me on my way out and thanked me for my insight on something, I still don’t know what I said but it was good I guess. Sleep me is more well spoken than awake me was something I learned.

[veronicathegoddess]

i hate when someone invites me to like do something or go somewhere but they also invite someone i dislike, that they know i dislike and when i say i don't want to come because that person is there they're like it's fine, just ignore them...because i want to spend money i barely even have to spend time around people that have hurt me????? like if i don't like the person, idc who else is there and if i can ignore them, i'm not gonna put myself into a situation like that and idk why that's so hard for people to get

[ducktollers]

girl help i hated almost every second of being in school but now that ive graduated im feeling nostalgic for it

[mejomonster]

I would like. To be in mutual love

[n0phis]

this was rly fun to make bc i barely drew for 8 months of the year and also only had a computer mouse to draw with until april when i graduated to my Phone Notes App!

the last third of the year has been so fucking amazing genuinely like. im back on my mojo, i havent made art this consistently in over a year bcos of ipad troubles and lack of motivation and i was so worried i was losing my touch (given. again. i only could make very basic shit) but HELL YEAH BLOCK BOY FANART PROVED ME WRONG! i did forget to draw in october but shhhhhh

[theygender]

My throat hurts like fucking hell and it's only getting worse and I really hope it's not fucking COVID

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

[letsdiscoverkitty]

31.08.23

I keep thinking about coming back to posting online but every time I finally manage to fight the anxiety and make it back to this page, I draw up blank and end up leaving again...I suppose part of me is incredibly ashamed and embarrassed (about everything that my 'life' is/has been/become) whilst also being utterly exhausted and tired of hearing and saying the same things over and over again. I hate it.

This space was such a positive space for me in recovery in the past, it helped me beyond belief and I met some of the most incredible souls through it. Right now I need everything I can get. Life has been feeling incredibly heavy and hard for longer than I care to admit. I have not been okay (even typing that is hard) and I am finding it hard to see/believe that things can ever get better.

[simfulwonders]

simopeia >> simlycupid

[charonte-simi]

.

[yoonyia]

my humanity in a book series now that I actually think about the premise is so weird.

the original concept is just to prove that all of humanity's pain and suffering and joys and gifts can be shown in just a few books, that a lot of our struggles are shared and a lot are unique but that they're all inherently human.

no matter what experience you go through it's going to be a human experience because you are a human, and no matter how isolated and alone or exiled you feel the rest of humanity you are still infact human and take that part of you everywhere

you will always be a step in some direction of humanity no matter what that deed is

it's not meant to be read as comforting, in all honesty most of the characters find the idea of never not being human to be sort of disturbing. But that's a part of the human experience too. To look at humanity and say "man we suck"

But now I'm looking at it and it's more then that

the book is set in the 32nd century

although because of my lack of imagination I can't think of what the language would be like I did haphazardly put together a culture that I personally felt like matched the common trend of development in humanity

everyone is given a livable space, concept of currency really isn't a thing (but that's less on humanity and just because the space colony is made up of roughly 10,000 people and trade is impossible, there's more reasons too but I won't get into them at this moment) and in all honesty the society is fundamentally different then most societies on earth.

It's what you would call a utopia but it's such an obvious system that no body even considers it good. They talk only about the unfairness of the council members and the inhuman layout the colony is built on to make it relatively fair between all people. (I say fair not equal because they do take children, occupation and just size of person into account, which yes is a nightmare for everyone invloved)

but I dont know if you see it but there's a disconnect

they don't value the things we value, they don't have the same desires the same ambitions the same secret indulges, many conflicts are the same as they are now but they have a completely different context, different reactions from people, different tones and no real recognizable side we usually see in modern debates.

it's worse then if it were completely different conflicts, then you could just do some narrative translation and make it based off of the modern lense but you can't do that because it's the same conflict. ofcourse it's not to a point where your brain thinks "I can't compherehend this at all" but actually that makes it worse, because it is compherehensible it just isn't common

it's a story trying to tell you that all human experiences are inherently human but it's showing you a humanity that you can't really quite connect with

things you think are basic desires exist but they're not considered the core things that makes someone human, there's something alien about these people that you can't really agree with the actions they take and can't make sense of the movements and words they make.

800 years is a long time and I wanted to show it but I made a story that's inherently ironic

it still fits the original theme, it might fit it even better since it's telling you no matter how much humanity changes its still going to be humanity

but I left my audience behind, I alienated them to show them that they are human, that despite the alienation they're still apart of this society that they're reading about that dosent feel quite right

it's a weird thing to do

I really thought this book was going to be simple to write but I'm already adding layers and I don't think I'm going to stop

and also the science aspect behind this story excites me so much

I'm no biology major so half the stuff I come up with for the alien planet's are probably going to be impossible but it's fun to write about

espicially the plants, I found the heat regulated Lilly pads to be really fun to think up of

also fox like creatures that glow under uv light, gosh that took so much research

they're adorable by human standards but they are deathly venomous so please don't pet them

this series isn't even the only one in this universe

there's a second story that I suddenly forgot the name of but it's something like 'Colony 1, Brother Lutangalo' or something similar.

oh and if you haven't noticed yes these books are heavily inspired by the enderverse and I just wanted to go more indepth into the parts of the books that was largely left unexplored. So this series is also inspired by the shadow series, so the humanity in a book is more morality, conceptual and personal in nature the col1 brother lutangalo books are more political and more grounded in the main society (the 2 main characters are sent to set up a colony on a different planet so they aren't really on the main colony themselves) the main narrator being lutangalo which is the son of the 108 year old colony leader Lau. (this society also has a euthanization law that all people over the age of 100 by law must die to prevent over population, but religious leaders are protected so they can live pass 100 indefinitely) and is currently 8 when you first meet him. Actually his books don't start until he's 12, we meet him when he's 8 because that's the year the 2 main characters comes back

his books, and I'm calling them his books because this series is heavily centered on the one character rather then the humanity series which is forced to jump between people in different time and space to get the message across because the 2 main characters litterally don't react to anyone else but eachother for the majority of book one, all of book 2 and half of book 3 (at least that's what my planning says but it may change when I get to writing the drafts)

anyways his books are very focused on the family that he's apart of and how they affect the colony, it also focuses on the personal perspective of this one kid which is honestly the closet thing the readers get to a instinctually relatable character, he has all the impulses and needs a person of the current age would have, because he basically lived in the 21st century because of his obsessive need to research about Mr ari who is notoriously a history nerd.

so you're finally getting a person that lives and breathes in the same patterns as you do.

and he's so miserable

he is one of the most troubled, impulsive people you have ever met

but also the calmest and kindest and gentlest person at the same time

he's a horrible liar until he isn't, he's intelligent and self aware until he's shockingly oblivious

just a ball of horrible contradictions that feels way too unstable and flipfloppy to be consistently relatable

yes of course in several moments you will exclaim "ha, he's just like me!" but it's going to be rather hard to admit that all of his experiences and actions are relatable or even compherehensible

unlike the first series it's not justifiable in any rational way

it's messy, it's complicated, it's convoluted and he's honestly awful in some scenes

but thats human too

[57sfinest]

what do you think the best case scenario is for jean and harry's relationship post-martinaise?

okay so not to be Like That but i do have one fic up about this with another one currently in the works

but anyway. obviously their relationship is never going to go back to the way it was. there was just SO MUCH between them that they have no hope of restoring with harry's amnesia, and also jean knows rationally that things shouldn't ever be the way they were again. it's not like they were ever supposed to be that way anyway.

in the best-case, i think it takes MONTHS for them to even start to bridge the gap, and harry has to initiate it. jean is done being the one reaching out, being the fixer, overlooking things. IF harry wants him back, as a friend or anything else- and secretly jean wants him to want him back, but he'll never admit that- he has to take the first steps and do the work. so first harry has to put in the work to recover (if harry kept using drugs, i don't think jean would care, but he'd have to kick the alcohol) and then harry has to put in the personal work and learn how to communicate properly and respect boundaries. even when he starts trying i think jean pushes back for a while and harry has to take his turn being the bigger person and let jean complain or shut him down or whatever and not bitch about it or start a fight, because that will just push jean away more.

best-case is that harry passes these little trials of jean's, and they finally sit down and have an actual conversation about everything and clear the air. i don't think it's a pretty conversation, but they (jean mostly) says a lot of things that have needed to be said for a long time. assuming this goes to jean's satisfaction i think they agree- harry gets ONE more chance to stay on jean's good side.

buffered by the few months of jean REALLY hating harry and resenting him and being jealous of his second chance and all that, i think a friendship between them has a better chance to be healthy at this point. harry is ostensibly working on his shitty habits and behaviors, and now harry probably has kim (and possibly others) to talk to, which takes a lot of the burden off jean, because imo one of the biggest issues harry and jean had was a lack of distance. they just couldn't get away from each other, and ended up not wanting to. so now they have an opportunity to keep a healthy buffer and *choose* to engage, which also allows them to step away from one another if things get heated. yes, they'll definitely still clash sometimes, but it's a lot easier to deal with when they can just agree to leave the argument there and not speak until they've gotten over themselves.

the best-case requires harry to do a lot of personal work but assuming he does do it, i do think he and jean could go back to being friends. their new relationship would definitely start off very rocky and tentative- mostly harry is afraid to ruin it again- but given enough time i think harry proves it's for real this time and they can come to actually trust each other and be comfortable around one another.