#if i survive this month i'll be done with uni

[vainlungs]

She

[yohankang]

i fucked up majorly at work today and i will have to deal with it tomorrow so i'm going crazy rn

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

[arlecchno]

mission accomplished [ scaramouche x reader ]

four | step 1 - be friends

prev masterlist next

classes start, and you're back in uni again. befriending viktor seems like a great opportunity for you to investigate more on him, and scaramouche shuts you out once more.

warnings: swearing, mention of guns and drinking, scara kinda cares for you lol

a/n: once again, sorry for the delay! i'll try to update as much as i can once i'm done with my midterms but please bear with me for now 😔 also i might start to write longer chapters so that you guys can enjoy it more. currently the average count of words in this series are around 2.2k to 2.5k. i still feel like they're a bit short so hopefully i can write longer ones in the future. happy reading!

grammatical errors may occur so please let me know if i've made any mistakes!

if 21 year old you told you that you'd be back in campus learning again, you wouldn't have believed yourself. but here you are, sitting in the class hall for your mass comm class that's about to start.

seems like you're the first one here.

you took criminology for your degree and immediately went to the police academy upon graduation, so mass comm is a pretty new area for you to learn.

hopefully it's not as dreadful as your former field of study, thinking about all of the stressful work you've done for your criminology class back then already makes your head sick.

if you went through 4 years alive in criminology, you definitely could survive in mass comm for a couple of months.

what pisses you off is that you're gonna have to take criminology again for some reason. that witch, you thought, thinking about the captain from your precint.

captain tsaritsa was the one who made you apply for an extra field of study and she insisted on you taking criminology. has that woman not learnt from her uni days? criminology was hell. you continued thinking, placing your palm under your chin and staring off to the void.

coincidentally scaramouche also applied for criminology. you're not sure whether the tsaritsa made him do that or he'd actually rather take criminology again, but you couldn't care less about him.

you didn't go to the same uni as him so you wouldn't know what kind of student he was. for all you know he was a top student and had a huge interest in criminology, and now he's willing to go through another few months in hell again.

that's what you assumed anyways.

"luna!" a voice called. you darted your eyes towards the person who called you by your fake name. it was viktor.

right, he said we should sit together in class the last time i met him, bringing your hand back to the table.

"oh, hey." you said. "looks like we do have the same schedule."

yes because as if captain tsaritsa wouldn't assign you on different schedules, when you're supposed to be going undercover and get more evidence from the one and only viktor stepanov. the one that's standing right beside your seat right now.

"yup! you're here pretty early. that eager to start your first ever class in campus, huh?" he mused, taking a seat beside you and taking out his laptop to prepare for the lecture in a couple of minutes.

you already had all of your stuff taken out from your bag on to the table, with a cup of coffee you made from your dorm before heading out. and the other students seemed to only arrive now unlike you, who arrived 10 minutes ago.

huh, you really do look like you're looking forward to this.

"well... it's safe to say that i'm an early riser. i usually wake up this early to get to work—" you said before stopping abruptly, almost slipping out the fact that you're working full-time. at a job that lets you legally hold and shoot a gun at that.

"w-work out! i'm usually up this early to do my work out routine." you quickly covered up, hoping that he didn't catch on.

you can barely get up from bed every day to go to work and suddenly you're working out, very ironic.

"that's interesting! you didn't seem like the type of person to be working out. but since we're friends, i guess it's nice to know a thing or two about you." viktor said.

great, now people can see through me that i don't work out regularly, you frowned.

it's not like you don't actually work out. your police job requires you to have the agility and physical endurance to chase and fight bad guys, so working out is pretty much obligatory. you're just... a bit on the lazy side is all.

viktor noticed the frown on your face and immediately tried to cover up his words upon realising that it sounded backhanded. "i-i mean, it's not like you look like a lazy person. ah, how do i say this..." he scratched his head. "you already look healthy so um, it's good that you're taking care of your health more!" viktor defended.

it's not exactly like the kind of compliment people would give, but viktor didn't seem to notice it. whatever, you thought, as long as he doesn't catch on your made up stories.

"maybe you can teach me how to work out sometime, i really need to get these muscles working..." he continued after a moment.

"sure, i'll let you know when i have the time for it." you replied nonchalantly, staring blankly at your laptop screen.

viktor smiled, turning to his laptop. "i'll hold on to that." after a few seconds, he turned back to you again.

"ah, i almost forgot."

"hm?"

viktor opened up his bag and rummaged through it before taking out a piece of flyer and handing it over to you.

"it's a party i'm hosting this weekend, it's at a frat house i don't use. i usually only use it on occasions like these or for some other personal business." he informed.

"everyone on campus is welcomed, so it'd be rude for me to not invite you. you're my utmost welcomed guest after all, just treat it like a welcoming party. and feel free to bring along your friends too! the party is just a little booze to get out from your cramped classes and loosen up a little before midterms." viktor said, almost as if he's pleading you to come to the party.

"i'll... think about it. thank you for inviting me, viktor. i'll let you know if i'm available for the weekend." you smiled at him, before the professor of the class arrived at the class hall.

"i'll be sure to wait for your answer." the tall man said, turning back to his laptop and focusing on the class that's about to start.

step 1 - be friends with viktor stepanov ||accomplished ✓

you opened the front door to your dorm, exhausted from the 1 hour lecture today.

well, to be honest it was 1 hour and almost 30 minutes. the 1 hour being the lecture and the latter was just you getting to know viktor better. he was the one who insisted on it, saying that it's good to know a few things about one another.

at least i've got some information on him, you thought.

"had fun on your first class as a returnee?" scaramouche asked, snickering at your limping body at the front door. he was on the couch, writing something on a book.

you flipped him off before heading to the couch and flopping right beside him. letting out a huge sigh, you leaned your head to the back and relaxed for a moment.

"i forgot how exhausting being an undergrad student can be, or grad, whatever. i don't even know if we should be called undergraduates when we've already graduated years ago." you mumbled, looking over towards scaramouche.

he was wearing his glasses. truly a rare sight. usually, he only wears them in occasions for reading and writing. hence why he never wears them in public. he'd never want to be known for using glasses.

you figured you were the only one who knows that he wears them, since he never bothers to put them away whenever he's with you.

you've always known everything about him, not like it's a surprising thing considering that you've been working with him for the last 5 years. he's a though nut to crack, but he's comfortable enough to loosen up around you once in a while.

"whatcha' doing?" you asked, pointing out to the book in his hands.

"writing some stuff about viktor. just some leads that we've gotten so far. you've got any?" he put his attention away from writing on the book, darting his indigo eyes towards you instead.

"ah, wait. let's see..." you muttered, taking a moment to think.

"he said he likes cooking."

"not related to our case."

"um, he wanted me to teach him how to work out."

"again, irrelevant to the case. and you? working out? you can barely get out of bed whenever childe calls you to go and have a mile run with him." scaramouche scoffed.

"shut the hell up. i almost slipped out and that was the closest word i could think of." you fought, staring daggers at scaramouche.

"anyways, he told me that his dorm is a few blocks away from the human resources building. he didn't say which though, but he did say that i'm always welcomed if i want come and visit." you said, taking another few seconds to think of other information he's said to you.

"ah, he did mention that he has a pretty packed schedule and that i'd have to call him up first before going to his dorm, in which i do have his number." you continued. "it's really suspicious considering he only has 4 classes a week."

"and he told me he doesn't have a roommate so he basically lives alone, pretty much adds up to the case..." scaramouche hummed, listening to your current leads.

"and last but not least..." you opened up your bag and took out a piece of flyer you've gotten from viktor. you shoved it right in front of scaramouche's face.

"what?" scaramouche asked coldly, snatching the flyer away from your hand. "frat house party...? y/n, just because we're back as students for this case, doesn't mean-"

"ah, ah— i haven't told you the news yet. look here." you said, pointing out to a bold text that says 'viktor awaits you' at the bottom of the flyer.

you smiled at your next words.

"apparently viktor has a frat house he doesn't use. every semester he hosts a frat party and invites everyone in campus to have a bit of fun. it just so happens his upcoming party is this weekend." you finished, grinning up at scaramouche.

"oh—oh no. nope, we're not going." scaramouche quickly refused.

"dude, come on! it's part of the case. we are supposed to do everything in order to get enough information on viktor and this is one of the greatest times to do so! do you really want to stay cramped up here, with me, your sworn enemy?" you pressed, shaking scaramouche's shoulders violently.

"do you even remember what happened last time you got drunk at a party?" scaramouche glared at you, shoving your hands away from his shoulders.

ah— that time.

you got extremely drunk and almost got run over by a dumpster truck. pretty ironic, knowing how slow dumpster trucks are.

"i promise i'd be sober this time! we're supposed to catch up on leads, not partying our asses off." you pouted.

"well, it also wouldn't hurt to have at least a bit of fun..." you mumbled.

scaramouche was glaring at you again and you immediately continued your sentence.

"—just to fit in! wouldn't want people to get suspicious of us. come on dude, i already miss my desk and i want to be back before winter hits. you know how winter is in snezhnaya. campus is not a great place to be spending your winter time." you pleaded, looking over to the balcony of your dorms.

the leaves were molten-red and the fall breeze gives a warm welcome to the autumn season. it's one of the only seasons you get to experience without the snezhnaya snow hitting the grounds and freezing up the weather. it gives you a nice feeling to have the opportunity to do the most before winter comes.

"...fine. i suppose a couple of hours there wouldn't hurt." scaramouche reluctantly agreed, looking to your direction. he takes up on the view of you looking over to the balcony. though still pretty early in the afternoon, the view in front of him is mesmerising.

upon hearing his reply, you turned your head back to him, smiling giddily at him while clasping your hands.

scaramouche swore the smile was genuine.

"well then that's settled! i'm looking forward to this weekend." you happily said, standing up and heading to your room.

scaramouche on the other hand was still on the couch, slightly frozen from the sweet smile you gave him a few seconds ago.

his ears were slightly red and he had an embarrassed expression plastered on his face. he blinked a couple of times before bringing a hand up to his face that's currently burning up.

what in the world is happening, he thinks.

it's probably just a fever.

"heading out already?" you asked scaramouche, whilst drying off your wet hair with a clean towel. you just got out of the shower a few minutes ago.

1:32 pm, the clock on the wall read.

he doesn't have class until 3 pm, that's almost an hour and 30 minutes. why is he going out so soon?

"i just need to take care of a couple of things outside of campus." the short male said, taking his car keys from the key bowl you contended on having, saying that it's a nice addition to the dorms. he took his shoes on the shoe rack and slipped them on.

"you've been heading out to run errands outside of campus lately. mind i ask why?" you questioned, heading off to the kitchen to get a drink. he's been leaving the dorms to run off to his car and leave campus for the past few days now.

it's not like you're worried, it's just highly suspicious.

you've always wanted to ask what sort of errands he needed to run that he needs to go out frequently, guess this is a good time to ask.

"what, wanna come?" scaramouche raised his brow, unlocking and opening up the door.

"ah, no, not really. i just wanted to know-"

"then don't ask." he snapped at you suddenly, slamming the door.

you winced at the sound. "jeez, i was just asking. grumpy much..."

you shrugged. well, it's not my business to pry. whatever the hell he's doing outside, it's not my right to need to know. it's not like he'd say it even if you asked him nicely with pleading eyes.

you moved to the couch and took a seat, taking a few moments of relaxation before opening your laptop to finish up more of the investigation work you have on viktor.

you huffed. there's a lot of stuff you'll need to update on before sending it to the precint.

"i wonder what they're all doing..." you mumbled, referring to your co-workers. you miss hearing pulcinella's daily good morning greetings to everyone, childe and his single life problems, signora and her bashful words, and so on.

even if they can get annoying sometimes, they're the reason you enjoy working on this tedious line of duty every day. it's nice knowing that there are other people that are willing to place their lives on a thread just to keep snezhnaya safe.

your phone on the coffee table vibrated. heading to the living room, you took your phone and opened the message you received.

scara

i'm gonna come home a bit late after i'm done with class

i've got something to do.

there's some food i made for you while you were in class

it's in the fridge on the middle

make sure to eat

scara replied to "ive got someth..."

don't bother asking me.

well, looks like you'll have the dorm all to yourself the whole evening.

scaramouche sighed, looking at the texts he sent you.

he appreciates your respect of boundaries. you never bother to pry into his business when he asks not to, while still being caring and thoughtful. it's one of the qualities he likes about you. it's also one of the reasons why he still can stand you after all these years.

he leaned back against the leathered seat of his car before looking back at the parking lot of the dorms.

i'll tell her when the time comes. eventually.

hehe don't be fooled with the title it's just y/n and viktor being friends

taglist; @beriiov @cloudsandrenoswife @thenightsflower @bleedingwhiteroses222 @yuuki4646 @hopesandlegacy

send an ask or dm me to be in the taglist!

[caphayzardous]

man I wwish studnt alllowance paid twice as much it's really not enough to live off.

And it's not because of my extracurricular activities lol (nightclubs and gym membership). This fortnight I had to pay student fees and a doctors visit and it's done such a number, after a scraping-by fortnight before it, and I had to get materials for an assignment today, and I just know the next fortnight will be difficult too, on and on...

Sometimes I go ok w the limited budget but atm I'm goin thru a mentally ill week it seems and it's tough that I can't actually afford food...? Lol. Let alone a "treat" of nice food? I've been living off fair-game household bread for a month gettin kinda sick of it. anyway watch me still wdraw from savings to nightclub because thats the treat I opt for.

Anyway its fine or whatever just a low day today. Just also doubting the entire degree right now, in part because of last weeks Bruised Ego incident (making me feel like I'll never survive in the real world because I'm a sook) but also because I think about the future and I'm like gee I dont know lol. Still contemplating pivot to science / "what if I get a THIRD bachelor degree after," but tbh I barely know if I can tolerate another year of student allwance living finsihing this degree let alone more uni after, unfortunately I do need to just Work For Real sometime. sssssss.

[baekhvuns]

BAEKSY I'LL KMS FOR REAL 😭 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. So my messages didn't go through, I literally deleted and re-installed the app, but it logged me out and I couldn't access my account - not that I use it. But I couldn't message you without it 🤡🤡🤡🤡 I tried on desktop, but the messages wouldn't send... this fucking app is really against me.

Anyways, I've been so busy and in a slump, March was rough, so was April, hopefully May is better 🙉 except my allergies won't leave me alone and the cherry blossom season almost took me out. I almost didn't survive 2 weeks in Japan, but Korea wasn't much better. But I persisted somehow. Work is also kicking my ass, the good thing is I have days off every once in a while, so whenever I'm done with work I can travel or have fun, but sometimes I just stay inside and rot ahdjdksjwisiajak

How are you doing and do you know a date of your graduation? Maybe I should show up to the Avo Uni 👀 I'm travelling to Canada in a few months actually - DV 💖

omg im so sorry this is late my notifications for tumblr have been glitching so i don’t get any 😭😭

BAEKSY I'LL KMS FOR REAL 😭 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. So my messages didn't go through, I literally deleted and re-installed the app, but it logged me out and I couldn't access my account - not that I use it. But I couldn't message you without it 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 I tried on desktop, but the messages wouldn't send... this fucking app is really against me.

NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭 WHAT IS THIS APP, i don’t get notifications or anything thing from this app, the way it’s gone downhill since last year is crazy ???? BUT HEY IT WENT THRU NOW 😭😭

Anyways, I've been so busy and in a slump, March was rough, so was April, hopefully May is better S except my allergies won't leave me alone and the cherry blossom season almost took me out. I almost didn't survive 2 weeks in Japan, but Korea wasn't much better. But I persisted somehow. Work is also kicking my ass, the good thing is I have days off every once in a while, so whenever I'm done with work I can travel or have fun, but sometimes I just stay inside and rot ahdjdksjwisiajak

no bc ur so right why was the last two months just plain ridiculous???? everything and everything went wrong 😭😭 im blaming that eclipse, “cherry blossom season almost took me out” HELPJSJDKSKDLC 😭😭😭

omg how is ur work!! i love that, u get a mix of days off and on, is ur position like a contract or a permanent (say permanent 🔫) “stay inside and rot” GDKAHDKAHDKW ME IN THIS MOMENT ACTUALLY i also saw the heat in sk is rising up pls wear sunscreens 😭😭

How are you doing and do you know a date of your graduation? Maybe I should show up to the Avo Uni 👀 I'm travelling to Canada in a few months actually - DV 💖

im doing okay! rotting currently on my blanket as it’s a lil cloudy outside, watching the special queen of tears ep’s,,, have been going thru it since last dec <3 i, SEE I DO KNOW IT but im unsure if it’ll be that bc somehow my uni is not offering upper level courses this semester 🤡 and i need to get into the 2 they r offering but im waitlisted at number 89 😭😭😭 and everyone in my major is lined up in it,,, so it’ll extend me but for sure not graduating in winter bc id freeze to death

OH UR COMING HERE????

DROP TIME AND PLACE RN 🔫 ETA 🔫

[grim-faux]

my updates for TuNe The TRanSMiSsion might be sporadic for a bit with college starting up, I had a rather bad start to my classes - which was beyond my control. Just typical uni having its wonderful shit together.

Maybe I'll do some work on From the Snow of the TRanSMiSsion since those stories are meant to be small and fun oneshots

I say, as if I've ever done short work.

I am over worked rn, but like I said I rejuvenate myself through writing and working on my stories. I'll do my best to survive the next few months and do better with my updates.

Thanks to everyone who has stuck by for updates. I enjoy being a part of this fandom so much and all the stories we've done together and ideas we've shared about this horror series.

[shaymariff]

The past couple of months have been hectic; the stress from uni + three jobs to juggle on top of that. It has been quite overwhelming, to say the least.

I survived, surely, yes... but not without sacrificing my emotional and mental load.

I remember going on what I call a "reset"; a system where I remove myself from social media and enjoy life as it is for three weeks. It was meant to be for 30 days but I grew impatient and logged back in. However, in that three weeks, I gained clarity and a sense of realisation about my life. It made me more... attuned to the kind of people I want to have in my life.

I used to think that it is selfish to cut people out of my life without giving them a chance, but the older I grew, I realised that it is not selfish to put myself first, sometimes, especially if it concerns my mental health and well-being. Maybe I should have been more forward and honest instead of ghosting them, but they did both of us a favour and we're no longer friends. While I do appreciate all the things that they've done for me, sometimes I have to stop and ask myself if whatever they've done before to hurt me, will persist, or will they realise it and change their ways? In no ways am I saying that I'm a saint but I believe that people lack awareness and refusing to acknowledge it just causes further damage.

I'm constantly working on myself, always trying to improve myself and better myself. I do what I can to make sure that I am considerate of people's feelings but one's kindness can only go so far. I'm constantly at war with myself, conflicted between between kind and nice, and firm and bitchy. It took me years to understand what boundaries are and how important it is to set boundaries with the people around me. When I finally set firm boundaries with people, they do not take kindly to it. I realised that boundaries filter out the people that are not meant for me. Sometimes, you have to be selfish in order to be happy. No one is responsible for your happiness except yourself.

I have struggled and still struggle with setting boundaries but I have gotten better. I know I have. The reset has given me confidence in understanding myself, understanding my needs and wants, and my goals. Of course, nothing's ever set in stone or certain, but one thing I know of is that, I shouldn't give up now. I've come a long way, I still have a long life ahead of me, it's not the end of the world for me.

One day, I will be where I want to be, I just need to have a little bit of faith.

Until then, I'll keep working hard.

Sincerely,

Shay

[goldenkid]

ngl I'm. kinda goin thru it rn

[jinstronaut]

do you sometimes think like... i don't know how to explain ;-; every day i think about my past and how i'm living right now, and it just gets clearer and clearer that i won't be proud of who i am today in the future, just as i'm ashamed and regretful of who i used to be. it feels like i'm getting much more far away from who i wanna become, not the opposite :( i see the boys' story and they were following their dreams at such a young age, all of them, even jin who's the oldest, they were always working hard. i know i shouldn't compare myself to them, i should use their support as a help for my own path, but i feel strenghtless. i ended high school at the beginning of this year and i haven't entered uni (i really have no idea of what i want), which means 2022 will be another year of studying hard for me, and honestly i don't think i will be able to survive this. i used to be good at studies when i was younger, but even this part of myself fade away. now this is the hardest thing to me. it's the first time in my whole life in which i can't see or believe in a future for me. .. you probably will desagree, but when i think rationally about this i feel very realist, not negative :( i wish i could find a job so i'd feel less like a burden and more like a person worth of something more, i guess. sorry, i've talked about this so many times with my closest friend and my cousin, but i feel like they're tired of this same thing over and over and i don't blame them. you seem like a cool person so i sent this, if you decide not to answer it, i'll understand ❤💓💓

hi sweetie nonnie 🥺 first of all thank you for trusting me with this and opening up to me!!! i hope i can be a good soundboard for you during what's obviously a rough time right now 😞

firstly, i want to make something really clear to you: you don't need to know what you want to do. there's always such a weird societal pressure that once you've graduated high school, you need to have your life figured out, and that's just not true!! i know it's a lot easier said than done, getting into that sort of mindset where you can just exist and be okay with that, but i really want you to know that it's okay that you're not sure what you want to do. if you want to go to university, then go for it! don't pressure yourself to fall into a certain routine -- the best part about college is the amount of classes you can take in a variety of different subjects. you could find something you really love to do, or you could realize that maybe it's not what you want it to be. both are super valid and it's a good reminder to keep in your back pocket when your brain tells you that you're not doing enough ♥

i also know it's really hard to not compare yourselves to others, especially success stories like bts. they're all incredible and work really hard for what they have and what they've gotten, but their path doesn't always equal your path, you know? you can still work hard and apply yourself to whatever you want in the moment and it'll be successful. it's not about measuring things in terms of huge achievements, sometimes it's about celebrating the little things you manage to do on a daily basis. like taking a shower, for instance, or getting out of bed a little earlier than usual, or applying to some jobs even if it's tough. take that into consideration, and truly give yourself some credit where it's due in terms of the things you do every single day -- it's not about being the best and being the biggest, it's just about being yourself!!

i also also think you need to give yourself a little bit of a break :( we've lost nearly two years to a worldwide pandemic that's certainly shaken the foundation of everyone's lives. the world was in lockdown for nearly a year, and some places are still in lockdown. some places are trying to pretend that covid doesn't even exist, and the state of the world has been incredibly volatile since march 2020, maybe even before that. it's all right that you haven't managed to do something like get a job -- the job market is really rough right now, considering how little people are willing to pay others to essentially risk their lives every day. it's all right to take a break and still try to ensure that your safety is coming first. being healthy is much more important than being put in an uncomfortable position by capitalism. one of the most important life lessons you can learn is putting your own self worth over a paycheck.

a little insight into me, for example: i'm the same age as jin, 29, and just recently do i feel like i'm finally on the right path. literally, this revelation started in may. may!!! that's only 3? 4? months of me feeling like maybe i have my life together, and i'm 29!! life is wild in the sense that things are always changing and moving and evolving. i've changed passions so many times, been at extremely low lows and incredibly high highs, but it's a constant work to feel like i'm a good version of myself, someone that past emmeline would be happy to know. if i can instill any wisdom into you from what i've learned over the past decade, it's that you don't always need to have all the answers. it's extremely valid to feel a little panicked and down -- like i said, the world is a hard place right now -- but what comes first is you.

maybe try some new hobbies! do something that you know you love a little more often every day, just to ensure that you're feeling happy. if your hobbies no longer excite you, don't be afraid to try something new! i know it's scary, but the first step is having the confidence to admit that you need help.

i hope this soothes you a little bit, nonnie :( i don't know if this makes sense in one whole go, but when i read your message i felt really touched, and i saw a lot of my younger self in your worries. i want to let you know how valid your feelings are, while reassuring you that things can change and get better when you least expect it. i'm here for you!!! and i'm sending you all the positivity that i can 💕💕💕

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

To Do List:

What's up, my Herd of Nerds?

Anyway, as you can tell, tomorrow is AU Sunday. But, because it's one after a 'my input' one, it's a follower input AU day! Yay!

So, send me your AUs and I'll put all of em in a hat to pick one randomly. The winner is picked and posted and we'll all try and make headcanons about your AU.

Done:

Zombie Apocalypse AU :: (https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618314308275863552/zombie-apocalypse-au-masterpost)

Pirate AU ::

Currently In The Raffle:

-Toy Story AU.

-Ever After High/Descendants/Vaguely 'nex gen priness' AU.

-Eldritch Horror AU :: Or if that's a bit too out there, a more normal Monster AU. I don't care, but in my heart, I know Cleo is some kind of eldritch horror. Zombie is far too easy.

-Eldritch Monster AU! Hermits are all Lovecraftian horrors who all individually decided that they wanted to pretend to be normal and are all trying to hide their otherworldliness. I also feel like Mumbo or X or someone as the one actually "normal" player on the server would work well. Most hermits don't know that everyone else isn't normal either, but some find out about friends maybe.

-Rabid Debate Club AU :: Random weird au idea where it's basic hs/uni au but like two of them try to start a debate club, then invite some friends just so there's enough people; cut to like two months later, it's all the hermits just fighting over whether or not pineapple should go on pizza or not lol it isn't very good i'm sorry but ya know rabid debate club AU.

-Animal/shapeshifting AU :: (Suggested Twice.) Every hermit can shapeshift into one token animal. (If it's something like "dog," they can only turn into one breed and color of dog, EXAMPLE: doc can shift into a black sable belgian malinois, but not anything else.)

-Wedding Planners AU :: Hermits work in various unrelated businesses such as a bakery, flower shop, etc., but see each other semi-often bc they're semi-often called upon to work together by another hermit's wedding planning business (obvs if you couldn't tell i know absolutely nothing abt wedding planning & businesses n shit lol but it's the /concept/ of it yannknow)

-Avatar: The Last Air Bender AU. (Suggested Thrice.)

-Fusion AU :: (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested Twice.) What if Hermits could fuse with each other? (Viva and Jumbo fused into MumboJumbo.)

-SCP AU :: The hermits have spooky powers and are kept locked up bc of it (or they have to keep the world safe from monsters and cursed objects!)

-RPG AU :: I feel like someone already thought of that but I am just wondering about it lately :p -🍋

-Adventure Time AU :: The hermits live in a post-apocalyptic world and the Lich (bad guy) is making everything decay. They need to gather all the gems (belt colours) to unlock the Enchiridion (a book) and have one wish each granted from Prismo (multiverse wish granting dude) before the Lich does. Only 4 elements can enter the multiverse: Slime (The Lich & Jevin), Redstone (Tango or Mumbo?), Ice (Stress), and Dirt (Grian, much to his dismay). Only the elementals can see the book. Grian's the protagonist with his sidekick Scar. He originally started collecting the belts because they were shiny but eventually decided to read the book and find out what they were for when Scar said he didn't see it. Doc, False, and Iskall are major obstacles because they don't believe the book exists.</p>

-Total Drama Island AU.

-Magical Girl AU :: Zedaph's the lead magical girl and rounds up a bunch of other magical girl hermits.

-Pokeman AU :: What are the Hermit's roles in this world? Who's the Champion, Elite Four. Are they scientists? Trainers? Do they compete in competitions, do they specialize in types? Who's everyone's starter? Has anyone encountered any legendaries?

-College AU

-High School AU

-Wizard101 AU :: I (🦊) recently got this AU idea and recently started going off somewhere with it in terms of writing, but, like, Hermitcraft meets Wizard101. Tons and tons of magical shenanigans, monster hunting, and idk what else.

-Magic AU

-My Hero Academia AU :: Headcanons can be about which hermits would have what quirks and occupations based on them.

-So I'm writing an AU where there's a second game of Demise but 5 years later. So far the first 2 hermits (Joe and Xisuma) have died, and their dead forms are cracked with an arrow in his chest (Xisuma) and cyborg (Joe). So since it's Saturday, I'm looking for what some skins would look for.

-City AU :: I mean this is really just a normal everyday AU.

-School AU.

-Terraria-Minecraft Fusion AU :: Who chooses what class? what events do each hermit prefer? how to they deal with the world infections? preferred biomes? Favourite NPCS? It has potentiallllll.

-70s/80s Teen Horror AU :: (like Stranger Things, Carreie, The Lost Boys, Halloween, etc.) -🦇

-Demi-God AU :: Sort of like percy jackson (everyone being the children of different gods from all different cultures.)

-Supernatural AU

-Marching Band AU :: Xisuma is the band major and all the show music is the remixes. I need to come up with some ideas for uniforms. Outfits and flags for the colorguard too.

-Different Eras AU :: (Suggested Twice.) All the hermits are from different time periods or eras. Like Wels is from the mediveal/dark era, Mumbo is from 1890-1920's, Iskall is from 2030, TFC is from 2020(?), Cleo is from 2130, etc!!! Like the mobs/animals became feused with humans, is when the mob players came from.

-Star Trek AU :: Like maybe they could be on one ship and each have different roles like engineers or doctors? I don’t know if this has been suggested but hope you enjoy! - 🐦

-House Mates AU :: ApartmentAU but scaled down?

-Atlantis AU :: (Could be merged with Mermaid AU???)

-Fighting Game AU :: Some influences would be Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Ultra Instinct, that kind of stuff.

-Time loop AU :: The hermits each have to deal with their own time loop.

(All those above in red are from our community's lovely Anons!)

-Superhero/superpower AU :: They each have a unique power/powerset that is in some way connected to their personality. (ie Mumbo *could* control electricity because of his love of redstone) Some Hermits may even choose to be "villains" and prank their other servermates. If you need power ideas, I've got a couple. (12u3ie)

-Daycare AU :: The recap peeps are the caretakers :P (-@tikauniverse.)

-Incredibly Long Cross Country Train Ride AU :: they all are in the same train car, telling stories of where they’re going, backstories.)

-Stuck In An Airport AU :: pretty similar to train au but they can be going diff places.

-Doctors AU :: they’re all doctors working at the same hospital.)

-Circus AU (Also suggested by an Anon.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Spy AU (Also suggested by @shadeswiftdraws.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Runaways AU :: The hermits are all teenagers who have run away from home, they all live on the streets until TFC takes them in. Head canons can be about backstories, living on the streets, or when they’re with TFC.

-Criminals and Police Officers AU

(-@lookitsspacekween)

-Dancer AU :: I mean, I already got a list kind of planned out, but headcanons for why specific styles are chosen would be appreciated! :) (usedtobelucythefallenangel)

-Broadway/Musicals Hermits AU :: The hermits are all casts of various musicals and when this newly-built theater opens up they all fight for which musical gets to play in it first (they have a riff-off maybe?) musicals mainly included are Hamilton, BMC, DEH, SiX, Beetlejuice, etc (feel free to add more!) (-@heyitsroby.)

-DnD AU (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested twice.)

-Mermaid AU :: In honor of the end of Mermay

-Space exploration AU :: There could be different ships, command centers, aliens.... Maybe someone could even get stranded/crash on a new planet? Who knows, could be fun.

-Paranormal/ghost hunter AU :: A couple Hermits could be the ghost hunters going to haunted locations to prove/disprove their hauntedness, others could be camera crew, owners of haunted buildings, or even the ghosts themselves.

-Camping/Vacation AU.

-Summer Cottage AU :: They all spend summers/weekends along the same shoreline and do different summer activities together. Outdoor fun and shenanigans!

-Space AU :: like star trek or similar.

-I would say evil clone au but I think that's pretty much the entire Hermitcraft tumblr right now lol. (Suggested twice.)

(-@shadeswiftdraws.)

-Magic AU :: Magic exists and all the hermits have powers. They can also summon a weapon but what that weapon is depends on the hermit. I'm thinking it'll take place in a sort-of Demise 2 in S7 with a big war. So far I've got: Grian - Cloning himself to his different personas (each has a different power). Xisuma - Making barriers, teleporting, and transforming into different mobs. Scar - Making mutant plants & boosting other hermits' attack & health. (-@datsaltyperson.)

-Demon AU :: Something enters the overworld and turns into a supernatural style-demon through Dimentional Distortion. Who gets posessed first, who goes crazy, and who actually kills it? Honestly I think that, if anything, Tango would know how to gank it, for obvious reasons. (-@fireflower-dusk.)

-High Street AU :: Everyone owns a different shop on the same street or some run a shop together (-@violets-arepurple.)

-Cat AU :: Either they're were always cats, or Hels turned everyone, including himself, into a cat, and they have to survive and overcome challenges in the Season 7 world. An example of a challenge would be Cub's a Sand Cat(the cats that always look like kittens no matter how old they are and live in deserts), and everyone's not sure if he can actually swim, so they have to find a way for him to get around without involving water. (-@scp10000.)

-How about a secret AU.. Every hermit has their big secrets and when Grian joined. He doesn't really know anything about those secrets even till season 7. Not many hermits talked to him in S6 anyway.. Mumbo was the closest to him so they would have regular chats For Iskall is mostly business related things Grian wants to know why so he set out on a quest to force the others to at least talk to him so he wouldn't be lonely. (-@babylightstudentbiscuit.)

-Hermit Family AU :: Xisuma is very busy dad but when he isnt busy the kids and younger hermits annoying the hell out of him. Grian once asked to use Xisuma's computer and crashed the whole thing trying to download illegal gamesites and get money off the internet. Mumbo and his trains run through the entire house and Xisuma trips on them daily. (-@gamerutx.)

-College AU!! But they are not students. THEY ARE THE TEACHERS (-@ivi-prism.)

Ones I planned to do anyway but Hermitblr Hivemind and all that:

Battle of The Bands AU: i believe u once mentioned a bands/ battle of the bands au... thats my jam... (Anon.)

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: What are you going to wear to Ro's birthday? Fraze: Pick whatever you like for this fantasy where I'm going Bea: You have to Bea: you have no excuse not to Fraze: I don't need an excuse now that I'm too big for my ma, or da come to that, to drag me anywhere Fraze: I don't wanna, I don't have to, end of Bea: It's still family regardless of anyone's ability to literally make you Bea: anyway, she needs the numbers Fraze: I don't hear her begging Bea: She's not about to, is she Bea: you know what she's like Fraze: And you know where to find me when you've had enough of what she's like Bea: Well if you must know I don't think I'll bother to come back either then Bea: why should I make any effort Fraze: 'Cause you had a solid enough argument there with the family obligation bullshit, even if you lost it with the part about keeping numbers up Bea: Joe isn't coming, you aren't Bea: so fuck it, clearly Fraze: She ain't our sister, she's yours Bea: Seriously Fraze: Come on Fraze: I know you didn't expect a different answer Bea: You know literally nothing Bea: How can I lecture her about being part of this family if that's how you feel Bea: and how can I expect her to feel like a part of it if she isn't, apparently, for fuck's sake Fraze: She is with the rest of them, don't start Fraze: How can I act like it's all that black and white when the only thing that is, is how I feel about you? Fraze: we've been over it Bea: You can't pick and choose Bea: that's not how this is meant to work Fraze: Well it's too fucking late Fraze: I already did Bea: Great, so she gets to be right Bea: fantastic, thanks Fraze: What do you want me to do? I can't unlove you Fraze: I have tried, like Bea: Have you? Fraze: What was most of our childhood if not that? Bea: This isn't relevant Bea: I need someone there Fraze: You asked, I gave you an answer Fraze: she's got Ali and Tommy, that other one he used to dance with Bea: Because I can ask any of them what she was like and get an honest answer Bea: there's a divide, you said it Fraze: You'll get a brutally honest answer off ma if that's what you want Bea: I want you to do this one thing for me Fraze: is that as nice as you're gonna ask? Bea: I'm not playing games Bea: I'm not in the mood Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: alright then Bea: Thanks Fraze: whatever, I'll do it for the pleasure of you owing me Bea: you can check my calendar to cash that in Fraze: give me a chance to check my own first, Red Bea: I assume you have a handle on your own schedule Fraze: I ain't never been able to stop your assumptions Bea: You should be grateful I'm giving you that props Fraze: Oh cheers Bea: You're welcome Fraze: yeah, open arms at this party Bea: I doubt she's got a candle for you Bea: you'll avoid that Fraze: Jesus Bea: Yep Fraze: I ain't going to church, fuck that Bea: I think only Ali is doing that anyway Fraze: gutted she still ain't getting sainted for her patience Bea: Pretty sure you have to be dead for years before they get 'round to it Fraze: Trust you to know that, babe Bea: It's common knowledge Bea: Teresa was an exception Fraze: common knowledge to cunts thinking that far ahead Fraze: let me get to grips with my fucking uni schedule Bea: You gave yourself away Fraze: you wish Bea: I'll take my props away now Bea: You've been back nearly a month Fraze: And I've had fuck all to do, it ain't Cambs Bea: All the more time to work out your schedule Fraze: Worry about your own Bea: I am Fraze: You gave yourself away there Bea: Ha Fraze: you're not in the mood, I heard you the first time Bea: Good Bea: I'll leave you to it then Fraze: Alright Bea: [Skippity skip?] Fraze: [makes sense] Bea: [okay, turn up with ya BFF as a hot ass mess to this stale ass party] Fraze: [he'd be shook and fuming in equal measure, imagine his face please] Bea: [aren't we all tbh like join Ro at that table lol] Fraze: You could've said something Bea: I posted on my stories Fraze: Like I said Bea: It wasn't planned Fraze: And it ain't the longest plane ride but you had enough time to tell me you were coming Fraze: it becomes a plan once you've bought a ticket, like Bea: Hardly, it's not like it sells out, or there isn't one an hour later if it does Bea: we turned up, end of Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: I turned up here for you, the least you could've done was said I didn't have to Bea: I'm late, so I did need you here Fraze: what's his excuse? Bea: ? Fraze: Why do you need him here? Bea: He suggested I come Bea: I still wasn't sure Fraze: hand holding then Fraze: how sweet Bea: Fuck off Bea: She's my sister, I should be here, regardless of how unwelcome I am or want to be Fraze: gladly Fraze: and yeah, no shit, I told you that Bea: It's not an original concept Bea: is this all the people that showed or have people left? Fraze: I'll be the first out the door Bea: Tragic Fraze: What else did you expect? Bea: She was making such a fuss I thought perhaps she'd put a bit more effort in this time Fraze: only setting yourself up with that kind of thinking, babe Bea: More her problem than mine Fraze: Yours if you care Bea: Whatever you're trying to imply with that is stupid either way Fraze: I'm not implying anything, I said it in a dead straightforward manner Bea: Either that I do or don't care Fraze: I know you care, you wouldn't be here if you didn't Bea: If I cared I would have just showed up Fraze: you have Bea: Not before telling her I wouldn't and having an argument so Fraze: Exactly, you didn't have to and you still did Fraze: she ain't gonna appreciate it and it weren't easy for you in any sense Fraze: so you care and you're fucked by it, end of Bea: Nah Fraze: Yeah Bea: I literally just wanted to piss her off but alright Fraze: that's an added bonus Bea: If you like, Fraze Fraze: it ain't about me Fraze: but you can have pissing me off too if you like Bea: Why would you be pissed off at me Fraze: Think it through like you reckon you ain't fuck all else Bea: You were meant to be here regardless Bea: and now you can go Bea: nothing lost Fraze: it's nothing to do with any of that Bea: I'm not in the mood for guessing games either Bea: tell me or don't Fraze: Forget it Bea: Alright Bea: enjoy the rest of your evening then Fraze: I'll take my odds of that over yours Bea: I'll survive Fraze: I know Fraze: my offer still stands though Bea: I'm just here to see Ro Fraze: You're leaving tomorrow then? Bea: tonight by the looks of this Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I doubt it'll be a late one Bea: Surprised she's still here honestly Fraze: I'm surprised any of this went ahead in the first place Bea: Sure she's been planning it since her last Fraze: don't mean she wouldn't cry off it on the night Bea: You can go tell her you're proud of her if you want Fraze: fuck off Bea: 😏 Fraze: [IRL 😏 at her] Bea: [LOOK back] Fraze: [always gotta return a LOOK] Bea: [but go get a drink with Bronson, obviously] Fraze: [go get your own because you're fuming at that and also I need a reason for you not to leave thank you] Bea: [you can force Tommy to dance with you and dance with Bronson] Fraze: [just like 👀😒 downing this drink haha] Fraze: [we both know he's eventually cutting in though there's only so much looking on either of them can take] Bea: [saying something about not dancing with Fearghal and Rocky yet like wait ya turn but 😏 again] Fraze: [we're having this moment ™ because this party is too dry to deal with] Bea: [you wanna see some romance hen] Fraze: [giving Laoise's brother ideas and the confidence to 💋 with their energy LOL] Bea: [I snorted, oh lord] Fraze: [like we said before, going from that long summer to nothing when they're back at uni would be a killer so the vibe is strong] Bea: [excuse us everyone that'll be awkward to see for you] Fraze: [I hope y'all are busy having your own fun and in Ro's case getting smooched so] Bea: [y'all be trying anyway, God bless] Fraze: [mcvickers having their own dance because they don't wanna be here either, awww] Bea: [das cute] Fraze: [we should've given Laoise a little sister for Rocky to have a childhood romance with, that would've been so cute cos the fams hate each other] Fraze: [maybe there can be a girl at the caravan park cos always there with his bff Carly] Bea: [I like that idea, v cute] Fraze: [look at me getting derailed as per] Bea: [my bubba] Fraze: [go get another drink and calm down a shade please boy] Bea: [you could get away with this extraness if it wasn't such a dry party alas hensss, I should probaby think about what present you're throwing at Ro] Fraze: Do you want me to tell you I'm proud of you then or what? Bea: For what? Fraze: Doing the dance rounds, how well you wrapped that gift, take your pick Bea: I don't think that'll make me feel any better, but you go ahead if it will you Fraze: Nah, not really Bea: Don't bother then Fraze: consider it not done Bea: Then we're all happy Fraze: No need to take the bullshit that far Bea: That's what her happy face looks like Fraze: Christ Bea: Told you it was tragic Fraze: I didn't dispute it Bea: Do you know the neighbour kids name? Fraze: Is that a trick question? Bea: Um, no Bea: I want to look him up Fraze: 'Course I fucking don't Bea: 🙄 you're so helpful Bea: bet you know the sister's name Fraze: don't be placing bets about me and girls my sister's age Bea: Lighten up it's not like she's a kid Fraze: She was Ali's friend when she was a kid, hardly a turn on seeing her trying to catch frogs or cast spells Fraze: but cheers for your permission Bea: Unlike our sisters, respectively, I'm sure she's grown up some since then Fraze: Like I said, don't bet on it Bea: Whatever, I don't wanna fuck her Fraze: Me either Bea: Cool Fraze: [go and do your theft of the church wine boy because this party is still not it] Bea: [go find him but under the guise/that's not a total lie doe of needing a fucking break] Fraze: [have another moment in that confined space] Bea: [drink that nasty wine, not even asking just taking it] Fraze: [letting it happen cos she needs it more than you tbh] Bea: [swigging way too much of the blood of christ before passing it back with a shrug like whoops, so soz] Fraze: [giving her a look like steady on like this wasn't your idea] Bea: ['you act like you come up with every plan' ref-ing to doing this as kids, obvs] Fraze: ['I do' that's a barefaced lie sir] Bea: [scoffs like oh please] Fraze: [scoffs himself to show what he thinks of her ideas in reference to this messy uni era that he's acting like she's solely responsible for] Bea: [takes the bottle back like if you're gonna be like that] Fraze: [takes it off her so he can actually get some] Bea: ['you did not have all the good ideas'] Fraze: ['Alright, you can credit him one for bringing you'] Bea: ['I thought you reckoned that was your idea too'] Fraze: ['Point is, it weren't yours'] Bea: [🙄 'I'm fine with being here not being my idea, tah'] Fraze: ['Unlike me being here' like there you go another bad idea] Bea: ['doesn't bother me' like unlucky] Fraze: ['You came to find me, not the other way round, babe'] Bea: ['I came to get away from everyone else, there's a difference'] Fraze: [looks around like there's loads of places to do that which is true cos there's literally no-one at this party] Bea: ['if you want me to go, say it'] Fraze: ['If I did, I would'] Bea: [a look like shut up then] Fraze: [shakes his head in an affectionate way like fuck knows why I want you around] Bea: [just like likewise with her everything] Fraze: [offers her a 🚬 like they're not indoors in the tiny priest cupboard] Bea: ['a way to get more guests' like when the firemen show Fraze: [a fearghal style big lol 'see, I'm full of good ideas'] Bea: [can't help but smile even if we're like mhmm] Fraze: [smiling because we made her smile, it's a lil moment] Bea: ['why haven't you left?' but soft not like accusatory or like get out] Fraze: [looking at her like you know why and we're stealing her words ''if you want me to go, say it' in a tone which obvs makes it clear that's not what we want] Bea: [says nothing to say it all] Fraze: [turn that look into a LOOK boy] Bea: ['why are you mad at me?' whilst casually getting on his lap to make sure he can't be] Fraze: ['why did you have to bring him here?' but everyone knows he's not that mad anymore because she's literally in here with you sir, priorities] Bea: ['see what you'd do' like we're joking but not not true either, just tracing all his features with your finger right now like it's been FOREVER since you saw each other] Fraze: [There's a time and a place' like I'm not gonna beat the shit out of him at this fam function even though I want to but also please don't bring him to fam functions ever again thank you] Bea: ['Maybe I didn't feel like being alone'] Fraze: ['You're not' pulling her even closer to him for emphasis] Bea: [a NOISE like 'scuse me 'not now'] Fraze: ['you're not alone ever' could sound creepy but we mean it in a loving and supportive way] Bea: [a look like we both know that's not true] Fraze: [a look like we both know it's always gonna be me and you, no matter what] Bea: [shakes head like that's not what I mean/the point] Fraze: [softly cups her face so they have all the eye contact like I mean it but you can still tell me what you mean] Bea: ['if we weren't ever alone, none of this would be happening'] Fraze: ['I don't regret that this is' like we're joking about being in this priest cupboard having a throwback moment but we're also saying that we're glad she's here and glad of any time we have rn so] Bea: [shaking our head and breaking eye contact as we get off him] Fraze: ['Shit's always gonna happen, we can't stop it' you can't save anyone vibes 'I only know one way that comes close, like'] Bea: ['what's that then?' but we're already not listening properly and getting up to go] Fraze: [a KISS to stop her in her tracks because it's that, like they are stopping time for a sec] Bea: [have your moment lads enjoy it been a long time coming] Fraze: [literally would feel like it's been forever anyway and even moreso because they are both having a shit time rn] Bea: [you can't get carried away, I vote the fun people at this party start playing hide and seek so you gotta break it up hens] Fraze: [I love that because I would suggest murder in the dark cos spooky girl energy but Ro's scared of the dark so we can't until she has left] Bea: [lol it's so against your everything to be scared of the dark that amuses me] Fraze: [she would play hide and seek though if only to get away from her bf] Bea: [so lowkey everyone will be playing therefore you must play lol] Fraze: [literally because Rocky, Ali and Carly have probably made mcvickers play by ganging up on them haha] Bea: [the entire guestlist hen, everyone else would be down, soz baze looooooooooooooooooollllllllllll] Fraze: [he's so just staying in this priest cupboard and we all know it] Bea: [such an obvious place boy you'll be seeking so soon, you better go find Bronson hun] Fraze: [likewise will just go for a 🚬 when he's supposed to be finding people because we're playing under duress] Bea: [we know you don't need to keep this close a watch on him like he'll be down but you know, moment gone here] Fraze: [good luck acting like you're not fuming that she went straight to him even though staying with you wasn't really an option] Bea: [this should be made into/they should play a different team game and be on opposite teams 'cos so competitive] Fraze: [always a mood so I 100% agree] Bea: [like idk what but take it way too seriously when no one else is lol] Fraze: [literally does not matter because like you said nobody else cares and you two are just on your bullshit, who should we say wins?] Bea: [i think firstly it's who gets Ro] Fraze: [he should because we don't need a beeline brawl] Bea: [you can have Rocky then Bea as they are equally as big a handicap so that's fair] Fraze: [lbr nobody is as big a handicap as Ro but he can have Ali who's great at everything to balance that out] Bea: [then she should have Tommy and Carly and he should have Bronson and Kayne] Bea: [Meena go where you like lol] Fraze: [he will be THRILLED to have Bronson on his team lol] Bea: [ha I know, like did that so you have some decent peeps but also for the awks] Fraze: [please don't brawl lads we can't be having that] Bea: [focus on winning, Fraze probably should] Fraze: [yeah otherwise he'll sulk haha] Bea: [and he already is so that would be rude] Fraze: [true enough] Bea: congrats Fraze: Say it like you mean it Bea: I don't so you know Bea: forced sportsmanship is all you're getting Fraze: come on, babe Bea: shut up Fraze: Don't be a sore loser Bea: you're so annoying Fraze: Nah, that was the team I had Bea: like mine was any better Fraze: Like you wouldn't rather have your sister, who you reckon you're just here to see, and your boyfriend Bea: I've seen her Bea: if you're hoping for a reunion beyond that, I'd stop Fraze: If you reckon that's even crossed my mind, you're losing your touch at more than kid's party games Bea: I'm saying I reckon that was a poor attempt at a dig, is all Fraze: you started it, like Bea: did I fuck Fraze: what else do you call that piss poor attempt at a congrats? Bea: sportsmanship Bea: I told you Fraze: Bullshit Bea: 🙄 fine, don't accept it Fraze: I don't Bea: so don't Fraze: Alright Bea: [drinking moodily like 😒] Fraze: [go for a smoke and calm down boy] Bea: [thank the lord this shit show is winding down, reminds me] Bea: Did Ro and Ali just walk past you? Fraze: Yeah, she said she's taking her home Bea: Wow Bea: I thought they were getting air, or some other stupid thing for another stupid ritual Bea: is she for real Fraze: Are you really that surprised? Bea: Pissed off and surprised aren't the same thing Bea: she actually got me to fly out Bea: for this Fraze: Do you want me to go after 'em? They only just went past Bea: No Bea: it's her party to ditch Fraze: at least you can too now though Bea: yeah, I really fancy the airport right now Bea: never mind getting back to Cambs just in time for rush hour Bea: fuck this Fraze: Then don't go to the airport Bea: This has been a massive waste of time Fraze: Cheers Bea: Come on Bea: you didn't want to come either Fraze: when I thought you weren't Bea: no, and before Fraze: Come on Bea: find you when I was done, if I recall Fraze: whatever, that's not the same as you shitting over all my attempts to make this bearable for you Bea: because you tried really hard to do that Fraze: obviously not hard enough, yeah? Bea: You said it, not me Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: forget it Bea: Done Fraze: Grand Bea: ['cos what you really need is to go out and get messier, lol, so rude not even gonna help everyone else clean up this shitshow] Fraze: [we all know he ain't staying to help either soz lads] Bea: [lol @ everyone else doing that work] Fraze: [do you wanna skip to later when they are both messier or go straight to the aftermath of this if she's going to the hotel?] Bea: [I vote still go home 'cos wasted enough money coming here it isn't like student funds goes that far Ro, gotta save for xmas too] Fraze: [honestly legit Ro you rude hoe] Bea: [we don't even need to be getting a travelodge honey, the sofa can stay so yes, we can skip] Fraze: [oh the joys, you messy bitches, so tempted to have him bring someone back for the drama] Bea: [that would kick off big time 'cos he's not allowed people at theirs 'cos it's their bed and she'd have to burn it lol, but he could not come back for drama but less than that if you wanna] Fraze: [good idea we don't wanna cause Bea to have a breakdown] Bea: [like I assumed you didn't wanna go that far lmao] Fraze: [I'm not that evil] Bea: you got your keys Fraze: I don't need 'em Bea: you aren't here, I had to go in and get some PJs Fraze: you don't need my permission to go in your own room Bea: I know, but I know you aren't back yet, is my point Fraze: By the time I am ma or da will be up, was my point Bea: alright Bea: I'm locking the backdoor too, as we're in the lounge Fraze: Don't be stupid Fraze: there's an empty bed, there's no point you sleeping on the sofa Bea: I've not slept in worse places Bea: it'd be rude to leave him on his own Fraze: and you wouldn't wanna be rude to him Bea: obviously not Fraze: obviously not Bea: How gone are you? Jesus Bea: well I've told you, so don't come through waking everybody up later Fraze: I've told you I won't Bea: you don't need my permission Fraze: I'm not asking for it Bea: then go do whatever you're doing Fraze: We can't even talk now Fraze: this plan of yours is fucking epic, like Bea: If you wanted to talk right now, you wouldn't be wherever the fuck you are Fraze: Nah, if you wanted to talk I wouldn't be Bea: 'cos that makes any sense Fraze: you couldn't leave fast enough, how else do you want me to take that? Bea: that wasn't about you Fraze: I never said it was, I said you don't want to talk to me Bea: would I have specifically taken a flight to come talk to you, when I'll be back for Christmas in a month? no, probably not Bea: that hardly means I don't want to talk to you Fraze: Do it then Bea: that's how conversation works now Bea: you demand it, I jump at the chance? Fraze: at least I'm making demands Bea: really Bea: how's that working out for you? Fraze: as well as the opposite is for you Bea: I don't want to talk to you, apparently Bea: nothing to not demand Fraze: you reckon you apparently do, there's loads to demand Bea: yeah, 'cos talking in circles with you right now is really thrilling Fraze: Thank Christ you've got him to talk to Bea: he's asleep Fraze: that makes sense if fuck all else does Fraze: 'course you'd leave it til then to say anything to me Bea: because I was going to go to bed and wanted to lock the door Bea: it's not anything more or less than that Fraze: so go to bed Bea: yeah, you aren't telling me what to do Fraze: I'm telling you to do yourself a favour Bea: you say what you like Bea: I don't care Fraze: I don't need your permission for that either Bea: then say something worth hearing or piss off and leave me alone Fraze: I meant what I fucking said, I don't wanna leave you alone Bea: Well good job because I am Bea: and no one has said fuck all to me today about it Bea: not even my sister Fraze: I'm sorry Bea: Yeah Bea: you've got loads to say? bullshit Fraze: There's fuck all I can say about this, we both know that Bea: No, there's fuck all you want to say about it Bea: 'cos no one wants to talk about it, so I don't get to regardless of if I might Fraze: Don't Fraze: you know me better than that Bea: Well why ain't you then? Bea: you're the one banging on about it, as if you've actually tried Fraze: I don't wanna be the cunt backing you into a corner and I know you better than to reckon that'd work Bea: This is working amazing then, alright Fraze: Well I reckoned you'd eventually come to me, more fool me Fraze: shit's changed Bea: Right, 'cos you made it so obvious you were up for talking Bea: saying you weren't coming Bea: it's encouraging, my mistake there Fraze: It should be obvious that you can talk to me about anything Bea: When Bea: you aren't here now either Fraze: whenever Fraze: you know nothing's more important than you Bea: okay Fraze: Say it like you believe me Bea: I can't Fraze: Bea Bea: I'm sorry Fraze: Don't Bea: you said things have changed Fraze: 'Cause they clearly fucking have Bea: They were bound to, I suppose Fraze: you could've warned me if you knew that Bea: What do you think taking a break was Bea: for you to figure out what you wanted Fraze: Don't blame me, I know what I fucking want Bea: Do you? Fraze: nothing's changed for me Bea: you can say that Bea: but this all points to the opposite, doesn't it Fraze: Bullshit Bea: You aren't here, we can't even talk Bea: nothing's the same now Fraze: What did you expect me to do? You pissed off with him, there weren't no invite going spare Bea: because you're an arsehole to him, I drag him here for the shittest party ever and then make you two have an even worse night out? what would be the point of that? Fraze: I'm not gonna cosy up to him, you do enough of that for the both of us Bea: I get it, you don't like him, that's why you weren't invited Fraze: You brought him, knowing I don't fucking like him, don't make me the cunt Bea: I'm allowed friends, no matter if you like them or not Fraze: we're both allowed to do whatever the hell we like, I ain't forgotten the rules Bea: as I'm not fucking him, the rules have nothing to do with it Bea: I never told you to not hang out with your mates Fraze: I'm not telling you what to do either, I'm telling you why I ain't there Bea: that's ridiculous Fraze: Fuck you Bea: it is, for Christ's sake Bea: he's asleep on the sofa not fucking me on our bed Fraze: you don't believe me, why should I believe you? Fraze: it's ridiculous that you brought him here in the first place Bea: I'd have time to be messaging you Bea: you're just being stupid now Bea: how is it ridiculous? Fraze: You've already made me look stupid Fraze: did it make you feel any better? Bea: To who, your brother, my sister? Bea: I couldn't be on my own today Bea: I tried and I couldn't, that's all it is Fraze: You don't need him, you've got me Bea: I'm not meant to come to you for everything, I'm meant to give you space Bea: give each other Bea: that's what this whole thing is about Fraze: this whole thing is bullshit Fraze: and even if I reckoned it was a good idea I'm not just gonna pretend your parents didn't die today to go fuck a Trinity student Fraze: there's a time and a place, like I said Bea: Fine Bea: well he's here now, what do you want me to do about it? Bea: I can't send him home Fraze: There's fuck all you can do, other than don't lock me out Bea: I knew you didn't have your keys Fraze: you do still know me then, yeah? Bea: If you hadn't forgot, you'd have lost them Bea: should probably change the locks, honestly Fraze: if you don't keep me out, I'll keep any robbing cunts out Bea: I'm not going to lock you out Bea: you don't need to promise heroics Fraze: I know you can't sleep, I'd be a new level of callous bastard if I gave you anything else to worry about Bea: it'd be a distraction Bea: doubt your parents would appreciate it though Fraze: Well I can easily give you one of them Bea: not that you rate yourself or anything Fraze: it starts with me, yeah, no fucker else is volunteering to sing my praises right now Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Don't rub it in how skint I am as well Bea: well you and me both Bea: be eating plain rice when I get back Bea: at least your ma makes sure you have decent food still Fraze: I'll send you something to put on it Fraze: or something to drown your sorrows with Bea: where do you think all my money goes, like Fraze: you and me both, babe Fraze: these Trinity girls aren't cheap dates, like Bea: My sympathy can only extend so far Fraze: the night off from it is appreciated enough Bea: uhuh Fraze: you don't believe me, I heard you the first time Bea: it was never part of the deal that we had to talk about it Fraze: I know Bea: so I don't want to Fraze: I'm shutting up and coming in Bea: Good Fraze: come and have a drink Bea: [does, of course] Fraze: [giving her the bottle for the mems of Jesus blood and always] Bea: [take a big swig like you need to remotely lol 'thank you' with sincerity at last] Fraze: [shamelessly checking her out in whatever pjs she's wearing obvs, though I vote she's wearing at least one item that belongs to him so he's like 😏 and gently pulls on whatever it is like that's mine without saying so out loud] Bea: [deffo, and has done it without even noticing so it's like oh, raising a brow like you want it back?] Fraze: [yassssss because they are that coupley goodbye but he shakes his head because looks better on her anyway and takes the bottle instead] Bea: [even though it would've been ages since you did that it's just habit, shrugs like 😏 your loss] Fraze: [such a LOOK of course] Bea: ['where'd you go?' like where did you go drink, not WHERE WERE YOU vibes] Fraze: [telling her the name of somewhere studenty with his own shrug, I like to imagine he's like casually getting ready for bed here also as a habit because it doesn't feel awkward to just get topless or whatever] Bea: [casual face of disdain but 'makes sense'] Fraze: ['nothing happened' because even though she said she didn't wanna talk about it and neither do you, you want her to know that and you're drunk enough to just say it] Bea: ['doesn't matter if it did' blatant lie but okay] Fraze: [a look because we know it's a blatant lie but we're coming to put our arms around her cos it's been such a shit day] Bea: [big sighs] Fraze: [just having a snuggle and it will forever fuck me up cos he's so tol and she's so smol] Bea: [OG tol and smol, we mumbling into his chest like scuse you what you saying] Fraze: [she's like me and Clove, failing to thrive honey, so if you think he's not cradling her like a little Clovey you'd be incorrect] Bea: [just have this moment of softness, gotta allow it] Fraze: [very deserved and needed] Bea: ['this is such bullshit' like true but specifics where] Fraze: ['I know' because you don't need specifics cos everything is for you too like you literally thought she was slipping away from you same as Joe did and you've realised you hate uni it wasn't just 1st year being crap] Bea: [that must happen so much 'cos allegedly everyone hates 1st year but then it just carries on like oh] Fraze: [it really does happen a lot hence he's like well shit it's not that and I don't actually wanna be doing this] Bea: ['there's fuck all to do, is there?'] Fraze: [repositioning however necessary for eye contact because there's always something they can do, that's like their entire mantra and we don't need to express that with words] Bea: [gestures like ugh I know that but seriously, right now, this has been hard since this time last year] Fraze: ['if you wanna throw all these bullshit rules out, tell me' like ldr exists babe we don't have to get randoms involved] Bea: [shakes his head 'it's about what's right and needs to be done'] Fraze: [kisses her like you can't tell me this isn't right gal] Bea: her* scuse me Bea: [going in on that kiss, not just so we don't have to sort this out but you know lollollol] Fraze: [likewise allowing it and not only from the standpoint that we need them to be messy and struggling for a while yet but also because he would] Bea: [deal with some of this tension hens] Fraze: [it's the first real chance you've had so I'm not gonna stop you] Bea: [it'd be silly to say it wouldn't happen so we cannot sorry] Fraze: [exactly] Bea: [okay, so obviously we're falling asleep together and equally as obviously you still have to be back asap for school etc so you're probably leaving early AM, not just for the drama of it lol] Fraze: [makes sense but I vote he brings you breakfast in bed before Bronson wakes up because 1. cute 2. you don't have to deal with Ro who's always up ridiculously early lurking and he remembered what you said about eating rice when you get back] Bea: [you've probably not had breakfast in a thousand years so that's a novelty] Fraze: [like it probably wouldn't be good cos he'd accidentally burn the toast or whatever thanks to how messy they were last night but the romantic gesture has been attempted] Bea: [tis the thought that counts henny] Fraze: [my thoughts exactly, just trying to look after her but keep it casual so she's not 😒] Bea: [we can't get too mad over some toast, even if we'd probably try not to eat it at first like g2g] Fraze: [gal you know he can keep you in that bed, don't test him] Bea: [or do, depending how much time you've left yourselves lol] Fraze: [mhmmm] Bea: [either way, you're leaving and you're gonna be folorn] Fraze: [literally would take all his willpower to not just come with you cos uni sucks but as you've not talking about it yet and can't really have the convo now that ain't happening hun] Bea: [soz babe, not at that realisation for a while yet but you did a good job sowing seeds] Fraze: [didn't wanna go too heavy handed with it because not gonna trump dead parents but like it is happening so] Bea: [you wanna end this here or do a bit of aftermath] Fraze: [I think we've covered a lot so tbh unless there's anything we want to specifically address in the aftermath it's probably good]

[beckystead01]

The 'How Are You Doing?' Game

Tagged by @tardis-sapphics thank you! x 💕

1. How has your day been?

Today hasn't been too bad which is nice! The days are v.long though! My emotions have been on a roller coaster the past month+ so to have a stable day is really pleasant 😊 Also I introduced my sister to a new anime which she likes! (Fruit baskets is *chefs kiss*)

2. What made you smile?

I baked bread, a quiche and a loaf cake today! I had planned for my family to have a picnic on the back garden. But when everything was ready, it had cooled off outside and my mum didn't want to do it any more. So! I got a blanket from the garage and layed it out in front of the TV and played a video of the disney illuminations from when we went to Paris 😊 it made everyone smile so I'll take that as a win!

3. Whats keeping you entertained?

I'm working on a presentation for my dissertation (I still have to do a viva over Skype which I'm dreading! And I have a "short assessment" in place of exams so I'm procrastinating revision 😂)

Baking... dear god I'm going to be fat again once the lockdown is over 😅

Started Batwoman and Fresh of the Boat recently and damn they're really good series!

I'm learning Japanese again! 🥳

Zelda BOTW is so good!

4. Something you'd like to achieve in quarantine?

I want to get back into my art but its difficult because I'm judging where I am now compared to how good I used to be. So I'd like to get over that hurdle and begin to draw again without comparing myself.

Keep learning japanese :)

Pass uni? 😂

5. Post a selfie, if you want!

Here's one from a few days ago 😊 The sun was out and I had a skype meeting with my tutor so I needed to atleast look like I was surviving 😂 excuse the dead pan eye look, that's my "I'm already done today" expression 😂

Tagging @awesomefandomsunited @pjfangirllvnda @ever-the-optimist @miaisnotasocialgal @onedaywellgotomars @thesociallyawkwardadultlife 💕

Stay safe everyone xxx

[rivkahstudies]

rivkah!!! :3c i only have one (1) matriculation exam left (intermediate math, which i'm retaking because in this house (my head) perfectionism is a thing jksdhfkjsad) and then i'll be free!!! or well not exactly since i'm actually taking a uni class (introduction to social research) which i've been enjoying v much!! but i'm v exited abt having so much free time because i'll finally be able to draw and read more now ;v;)b what r your plans for this month? :0c

Ana!! I’m so proud of you!! You’re in your senior year right??? I can’t really remember how things work over in Finland so feel free to correct/educate me!! I am trying to look on the bright side and that definitely is one of them: more free time to do what I would like. I am home where my giant pile of unread books are, where my painting supplies are, where the beach is. And I’m in a rural area, so there’s less of a chance of me contracting anything. 

My main plans are just Survival™ because I’m still tired on so many planes of existence lol. But I’m gonna do a bit of reflection and goal-setting this next week. I would like to find a good balance between my deadlines and my mental health!! I had done a really good job of finding that this semester, but now everything has been turned on its head and I kinda have to go back to the drawing board, you know?

What about you?? What are your plans post-exams??

[sadlesbeandisaster]

it's official, I'm getting evicted and will be homeless, so this is another donation post

Today my real estate agent gave me a heads up that I will be receiving a Notice to Leave my unit. I have been given two months warning, which means I need to vacate by the 5th of December.

The reason I'm getting kicked out is because of late rent I haven't been able to pay. I haven't been able to pay because I'm in a psych ward right now and can't work.

Being kicked out means a few things. One is that my bond/security deposit will probably have to be used to pay for the rent I can't pay. This will put a bad mark on my rental ecord, but I've come to peace with that.

The second is that I will need to find a new place to live, and pay the bond/security deposit for that AND for movers.

I've done some research and these are my estimated costs

Bond: $700-1000 (4 weeks rent, hopefully I can find a place on the cheaper side or with a roommate)

Movers: $350-400 (if my friends can help with some of it, I'll just need the removalists for furniture)

I'm hopefully going to be able to save money from my side-job (editing and proofreading) and from my regular jobs when I'm out of the psych ward (when this will be, I don't know), but I will not able to to get this much money in just two months. I have no savings, because all my money goes towards survival. I just got rejected for loans twice, so that's out of the question.

As well as this, I have no family to borrow from because I was kicked out of home for being gay. My friends all still live with their parents, in uni housing, or have no room to take me. And they can't help financially because they're all broke students. One friend may be able to house me for a few weeks on her couch, but I'll have nowhere to put my belongings and furniture.

So if anyone out here has even $1 they could afford to spare, please consider donating it. If all my followers donated even 50 cents, I would have half the money I need to move. http://paypal.me/emilygwen

I know these posts are annoying. But I'm desperate. So I'm sorry, but have no other choice.

I will update how much money I've raised every day in my description.

God bless all of you who have helped me before, your kindness and reblogs and support mean the absolute world to me.

[mugoki]

No Buy November 2021 | final week

start, week one, week two, week three, final

- - - - -

Day 22 🌸 [ 22-11-2021 ]

Sister came to visit and gave me an T-rex origami from Happy Meal in exchange to borrow my dog schampoo, cute!

Made pizza bread from scratch 🍞 I usually buy pre-made, wow im so capable

Day 23 🌸 [ 23-11-2021 ]

Shipped last sold online item, successfully ate salad when snack cravings set in! But now I'm all out of salad..

Day 24 🌸 [ 24-11-2021 ]

Borrowed library books. Spent all my eBay money on groceries and dogfood. Got myself one saffron bun (again) and one energy drink.

Livid argument with dad.. 🥊i think that's why i added more things to my coming November order? Like a big box of comfort to look forward to.

I almost ordered the Phantom perfume, i've been eyeing it for some time and thought it would get cheaper during Black Friday but it didn't really.. Maybe another time?

Day 25 🌸 [ 25-11-2021 ]

Because my uni classes for autumn are done, no student funding was sent to me 👐 i have however booked a market table in Stockholm, hopefully i'll sell enough to survive til January!

Day 26 🌸 [ 26-11-2021 ]

Preparing for the market, made a lunch box so i wouldn't buy anything unnecessary during the visit. Fell asleep 01:00 at night

Day 27 🌸 [ 27-11-2021 ]

06:30 walked the dogs, ate a banana for breakfast

07:10 got dressed, make-up, last prep

08:00 walked to the bus stop, mom helped me carry the suitcase and bag because dad couldn't drive me to station

08:20 bus came

09:09 train go, a woman took the seat next to my suitcase ??? and i was too shy (maybe baffled even) to say something so i just took a seat in the corridor where i could keep an eye on my luggage at least. What was she thinking?

09:47 arrived at Stockholm, i had fallen asleep. The woman stood up so i could get my suitcase, we didn't say anything to each other, such a weird situation

10:10 arrived at thrift market, i was the last one there to set up. They open for customers at 11 so i just about made it to pick everything up!

16:00 on my way home, realized my train would go in 50 minutes so i ate my lunch box and ordered a orange chocolate drink as a treat!

Made about €200 (with change and ticket price counted out), woho! Gave my siblings their cut for their sold items, which left me about €150, yay! Will put leftover items up on eBay.

Day 28 🌸 [ 28-11-2021 ]

Woke up with a cough, sore throat like hurts to swallow. Best friend delivered medicine <333 bless her

Found myself browsing online shops, immediately stopped when reminding myself of a upcoming pre-order, like that's why we went selling at a thrift market to begin with, remember!

Day 29 🌸 [ 29-11-2021 ]

Fever, burning up. Threw up in my trashcan.

Day 30 🌸 [ 30-11-2021 ]

Felt better, thanks medicine!

I forgot it is the end of the month, automatic bill payments went in and basically sucked my account dry, what on earth..

Took pictures of the items that didn't sold on the market and put them up on eBay instead!

Overall results:

Did I learn anything despite breaking my own rules all the time?! 😱 Ah.. i think so? My impulse control is not reliable, every time i think "I WANT IT" i should take a moment, step back. Things don't easily disappear even if i miss out, you can always wait and reconsider, sleep on it! I will continue think about this experience.