#if it accidentally made it onto the broadcast lol

[dancedance-resolution]

scene from @i-am-robie’s morning glory au

[jeriafterdark]

The Ring Saga: Part 2/4 - The Rings to Rule Them All

Part One - setting up CP and homophobia in entertainment

Here is the 2nd part of the Ring Saga, my treatise on JunZhe and How I came to believe they're a real couple. All of the following are compiled from tons of sources, and are our own fan observations.

1. Background on accessories for events:

It’s not unusual for actors/idols to wear rings. Many times their clothing is sponsored and/or their stylists will choose a variety of clothing for them to try on and wear. It also depends on their particular studios and how they want to represent their employees. Luckily, ZZH and GJ have a lot of autonomy over their choices because ZZH was under Zhao Wei’s company, which invested a lot in him specifically and gave him a degree of autonomy. GJ has his own studio, so he could effectively make his own clothing choices. Most red carpet events will have stylists who choose clothing for their clients. However, accessories are a different story. Artists can use their own personal accessories and/or sponsored ones.

In ZZH’s first mini concert in October 2020, he wore his famous red suit + stacked rings on his ring fingers. It’s likely that his red outfit was chosen by a stylist, but the stacked rings may have been his own choice.

He also wore these stacked rings again in other photoshoots. Normally, if you want to cultivate a fanbase, you’d stay away from things that make it look like you’re in a relationship, i.e. having rings on your ring finger. ZZH flouted this by boldly wearing STACKED rings during his mini-concert, where he famously invited GJ to attend 3 times, poor boy. He was really smitten wasn’t he? (still is)

Tasaki, a Japanese jewelry company that ZZH was very fond of and has worn jewelry from before, announced ZZH has its brand ambassador on August 2, 2021.

 So he actually wasn’t sponsored by them during the May 4-5, 2021 concerts. Now that we have that done…. LET’S GO TO THE CONCERTS.

2. May 4-5: Youku tried to hide the rings, but only made it MORE suspicious.

The Concert is where the ring CPN really took off because people could compare an accidental broadcast of the rehearsal (concert ring 00) with the actual released BTS later.

Apparently, Youku had some technical malfunction and accidentally broadcasted the rehearsal live, and many people recorded it/took pics of it. Then a month later, Youku released the BTS footage of the concert in its ~20 minute special. Fans compared the two versions and noticed an odd discrepancy…

By the flowing text across the screen, it was a recording of this accidental stream? I think. And fans noticed that GJ was playing with a ring in his hand. This ring actually was EDITED OUT in the final BTS version.

GJ playing with ring (below)

SUSPICIOUS. Meanwhile ZZH was allowed to wear his ring, the famous hexagon rings from TASAKI. People also call it the “nut” ring because the hexagon resembles a nut as part of a bolt/nut combo.

If you’ve seen the unreleased BTS of this, there’s one moment where ZZH is threatening to kiss GJ if he goes off-key, and GJ says, let’s just kiss first! And then a staff member runs over and whispers to ZZH and points at the camera - reminding them to keep the gay down. Clearly, the staff also asked GJ to take off his ring, but he just keeps holding onto it without even putting it in his pocket! So the poor editors had to go in and delete it frame by frame. It didn’t work. It was JUST MORE SUS.

He’s so clearly still holding it! And in the 2nd image above in the blue shirt, there's a mark on his ring finger o.o.

He even posted on his social media a pic of him getting ready, and on his left hand? His ring finger? A SUPER OBVIOUS blur. This man is very loud and didn’t want to hide that ring lol.

MMMM? What is that? Is that my heart growing two sizes in realization that true love really exists and JunZhe is IRL wenzhou??? Hello? I've hit my picture limit, so I will continue in ...

Part Three: Youku Antics to hide the ring continued & a Lone Gong's Journey to show he's married af

[farfromsugafanfic]

Heartbreak Weather

Genre: Weatherman!Jin, Metropolis/loosely based off comic books, Rivalry, soft Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jin/Male Reader

Warnings: all the sexual tension lol, hurricanes

Synopsis: The rival weatherman at Channel 5 just so happens to be Kim Seokjin who you just so happened to have had a thing with in college. Sort of. When a hurricane brings the two of you back together again, the forecast calls for love and dredged up feelings.

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

"Will you please turn that off?" you asked, taking a sip of your coffee. Normally, you took it with a little vanilla-flavored creamer, but much like that morning's coffee, you were bitter.

"Aw, why? Seokjin looks so cute in his turtleneck this morning," one of the writers said, fawning over the Channel 5 weatherman. "Maybe you should start wearing turtlenecks. It might boost our ratings." 

You rolled your eyes as the red light came on indicating that you would soon be on camera. You set your coffee to the side and stepped in front of the green screen. 

"Good morning, Metropolis," you said. "You can expect some light rain on your commute today. It should clear up by lunchtime though and it will be partly cloudy for the rest of the day. You watched as the map viewers saw at home shifted as you shifted the topic. "As you know, a hurricane is forming a few hundred miles off the coast. We are currently predicting landfall early next week. I will be traveling to Diamond Beach as the storm approaches to give you the most recent updates. Thanks for watching Channel 4 News, now here's Andrea with traffic."

The red light switched from you and onto Andrea's camera on the other side of the studio. You let out a sigh and walked back to your desk away from the main set. 

"You went to school with him, right?" the same writer asked, still watching Seokjin on the screen. His station gave him more screentime because he was so well loved in the city, often they pan to him coming back from commercial breaks and whenever there was a view question or poll. 

"Yeah," you said. There was only one university near Metropolis that offered a robust meteorology program and most of the city's weather people came from it. You and Seokjin had gone through together, even graduating at the same ceremony. 

"Wow, was he still so stunning in college? Like, I don't think I could've focused if he was in my classes."

"Depends on who you ask."

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

5 Years Earlier

"Having trouble focusing?" you asked Seokjin as you noticed his dark eyes were no longer looking down at the computer screen. 

"Hmm, it's a bit hard when you look at the screen like that," he said, smirking and turning around to lean against the desk. "Tell me, what's a guy gotta do to get you to look at him like that?"

"Be a warm front." You watched as a warm front moved towards the city while a cold one moved simultaneously from the other direction. 

"What if I'm a hot front?" He turned to face you, his hip still leaning against the desk, but his body was close enough that it brushed yours as he moved. 

"Seokjin, stop." You clicked a few more times and turned to flip through your textbook. "It's a storm for sure. A thunderstorm or tornado. Shit, it could be anything, how are we supposed to figure this out."

"Its the weather, not heart surgery. We can be wrong fifty percent of the time and still good at our job."

"But, if we're wrong fifty percent of the time, we'll fail this class."

Jin sighed and crossed his arms as his eyes lingered down your body. "Listen, Y/N. We both know that you're going to stress about this for twenty minutes and then figure it out like you always do. Now, come on, let's take a break."

"And do what?" you asked, letting out a breath between your teeth, not tearing your eyes away from the screen.

"I don't know. I have a few ideas though" His breath was against your ear and his body heat radiated against your own. 

"Seokjin, this can't happen."

"Why not?"

"Cause I need to focus on school. I'm here on a scholarship. I can't risk distractions."

Jin sighed and looked down at the weather map on the screen. "It's a thunderstorm," he said. "The currents aren't strong enough for a tornado and based on the patterns, its the most logical." 

You quickly wrote down the answer and his reasoning, realizing that he was right. How he surmised the answer so quickly, especially when he was barely paying attention baffled you. 

"All right, now, come on," he said. "I'm taking you out for lunch and you can't deny me that. I know you're hungry."

"Fine," you said, shutting your textbooks and allowing the computer's screensaver to come on.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Just hours later that same night, you found yourself looking up at the ceiling of Jin's bedroom. Soft cotton sheets wrapped around your torso and they felt softer than even the best sheets you'd ever owned. His shirtless form was turned away from you and you resisted the urge to reach up and run a hand through his dark hair. He'd let it grow long recently, the ends of his hair beginning to grow onto his neck.

"Stop staring at me," Seokjin said, you could hear the smirk in his voice. He turned around to face you. His eyes were calm and soft like the sheets, but you couldn't help but feel the sadness. The knowing.

"How'd you know?" Your voice was small.

"I could feel it. Your eyes hurt, you know?"

You did know. You knew how much it hurt Jin to see your eyes wander down the shape of his torso. That the way you always reached to push his ill-fitting glasses up the bridge of his nose hurt. That knowing he couldn't reach out and sneak his fingertips underneath the hem of your sweater.

"I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

"It's not, Seokjin. We need to move on. Forget about each other. It's best for our futures."

"You know that's not true."

"Seokjin, we both want the same things in life. We'd be competing with each other for every job. We'd rush to get the story before the other. It wouldn't last."

"We don't know that unless we try."

"Seokjin, I don't want to give myself the chance to hate you."

You got up from the bed and buttoned your shirt, pulled on your trousers, and tied your shoes. Seokjin watched you, didn't try to stop you as you headed towards the door. Gripping the doorknob, you walked out and back down to the sidewalk below. 

Following that day, you didn't see Seokjin again. Sure, he still sat a few rows in front of you, he still presented in class, you glanced over his name in the paper when it was announced he was taking over the weather position for Channel 5. You saw him on billboards and on Reddit posts. Yet, you never met allowed your eyes to meet his again. Unless it was through the warm, freshly printed Metropolis Daily.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Nearly no one was heading east towards Diamond Beach. Westbound traffic was full of cars heading into the city to weather the storm, while eastbound only consisted of a few cars. Mostly media and others who couldn't drop everything and run from the hurricane. 

You could just make out the Channel 5 van ahead of you. Focusing down on your laptop which was tracking the conditions minute by minute, you tried not to focus on the fact you would likely run into Seokjin. 

This certainly wasn't the first time a hurricane or tropical storm caused you and Seokjin to collide like convergent fronts. Every year you found yourself at Diamond Beach trying not to watch his broadcast from a few meters down the beach.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Two Hours Later

"Hello, this Y/N Y/L/N reporting for Channel 4 news. Hurricane Roke is expected to make landfall later tonight. Most of Diamond Beach and the surrounding areas have been evacuated as Roke is currently a category four storm. I will be monitoring the storm and providing updates through Twitter throughout the night and I'll be back on the beach at 5am. This has been Y/N Y/L/N covering Hurricane Roke. Now, back to the studio."

You felt Jin's eyes on you as you gave your report. He was about two hundred feet down the beach. He wore a similar coat to your own and even with his hood pulled up you could feel the way his eyes cut through you. 

Once the red light on your camera went off, the one on Seokjin's came on and he began his report. It was nearly identical to yours, Seokjin adding his own flair and charm. Like you wished you could. 

Seokjin finished his broadcast and your filmographer began to pack up. "I'll see you bright and early in the morning?" she asked, her hair catching in the wind and obscuring her face. 

You nodded and helped her pack up the camera and other supplies, working quickly to prevent it from getting damaged from the wind or rain. Walking up the beach and back to the hotel felt like it took forever, especially with the heavy filming equipment. 

Your filmographer had already checked in earlier and headed to her room, carrying the camera and filming equipment. You kept the portable meteorological tools, already anxious to set it up in your room. Jin and his filmographer came in just as you got to the front desk. 

Giving them your name, you handed them your ID and the company credit card. The receptionist furrowed her brow and glanced up at you. 

"It looks like your room was accidentally double booked," she said. "I apologize, but due to the current situation, would you mind sharing?"

"Uh, sure, that's no problem. Who am I sharing with?"

The woman squinted at her computer. "Kim Seokjin."

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

"You're not even going to look at me?" Seokjin asked as the two of you set up your computers. He'd let you have the desk while he took the counter of the kitchenette. 

"Not until I get this setup."

Seokjin sighed and pulled out his phone. Service was already finicky, but he managed to pull up Spotify and got music to play. It was soft, as not to disturb your neighbors in the packed hotel. 

You smiled as you heard the familiar tune "Dancing Queen". Jin was a fan of older music and the two of you used to listen to ABBA's Greatest Hits when studying together. 

"You still listen to this?"

"Of course," he said. "It makes me happy."

It made you happy too and when you finished setting up your computer you peaked out the window. The storm was still a couple of hours from landfall, but the trees were already swaying wildly. 

"It's going to be a big one," Jin said, glancing at you and catching your eye. It was the first time you'd truly looked at each other since the day you'd left him on his own. It felt like a lightning bolt skewered you in half. 

"Yeah," you said, sitting down on the bed. "It is."

You traced the seams of the comforter with your index finger. The song switched and this time it was "Can't Help Falling In Love With You". 

Jin finished setting up his computer. Your screen and his looked nearly identical showing a map of the coastline and the storm approaching. He sat down beside you, closer than you would've thought an acquaintance would sit. 

"We should go to bed. Early start tomorrow." His voice commanded you to look at him. "Let's not fight over the bed." Placing down the two extra pillows down the center of the bed, he went to the bathroom to change.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

The storm was in full force when you made your way outside. The four of you: you, Jin, and your two filmographers tried to get onto the beach, but the sand cut your skin. Various debris already littered the beach. Mostly seaweed and tree branches, although you noticed a few shoes and patio furniture from the nearby condos.

"The hotel said we could report from outside," you said. "It'd be safer."

Jin chewed on his cheek and glanced out at the beach. The two filmographers began to set up their cameras and you did you best to ensure your hair didn't fall into your face. You stood away from the wind, finding it hard to breath with it blowing onto your face. 

"Seokjin! Stop!" His filmographer yelled, abandoning his equipment, he rushed towards the other man. You turned to see that Seokjin had taken off towards the beach, seemingly want to report from there no matter the circumstances. 

You looked over at your coworker and she gave you a curt nod, ensuring that she would watch over the equipment. She dragged both cameras inside the lobby one at a time. Giving her an empathetic look, you took off running towards the beach, hoping to catch up with Seokjin before he got entirely soaked. 

When you came to the edge of the beach, you saw that Seokjin was already halfway out, his filmographer not far behind. You sighed and continued out, knowing he was determined to give the report from as close to the middle of the storm as he could.

The filmographer neared the middle of the beach, fearing going any further. When you caught up to him, you stopped to catch your breath, even though it was nearly impossible with the wind. Your breath was swept away as soon as you drew it in. 

"He's crazy," the other man said. "I have no idea why he's doing this." 

"He always has to go the extra mile," you said, rolling your eyes. "Even if it's stupid and dangerous."

Seokjin turned back to look for his camera operator, only to see him halted halfway up the beach. Seokjin was three-quarters of the way up the beach now, reaching dangerously close to the rough tide. He noticed you still running towards him and smiled before a gust of wind knocked him off his feet.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Your chest constricted when you saw Jin get thrown off his feet. He landed a few feet away in the sand. You ran as quickly as you could, falling to your knees beside him. 

"Are you okay?" you asked, looking him over. 

His eyes looked up at you, obviously taking in your features. Yet, his lips said nothing. 

"You crazy bastard! What the hell were you thinking? Rushing out here like that? You of all people should know how dangerous that is." You could barely catch your breath between words as you placed your hands on his arms to help him sit up. He didn't budge, however, his eyes just locked on your face. 

"What are you doing?" you asked, sighing and dropping your hands from his hands, looking down to meet his eyes for the first time.

He smiled when you finally met his eyes and leaned up to connect his lips to yours. It was brief due to the circumstances, but it felt like lightning coursing through your veins. 

"I ran cause I knew you would chase me."

[monohart]

clouds. (college!au)

ft. mark lee, sunny days and the brink of adolescence.

dating the campus’ radio dj was not an easy job

he was always, always busy, especially in the evenings.

he was exempted from 2/3 of his classes this semester to fit in broadcasting sessions and also to mentor the new broadcasters.

apparently they recruited a freshman, jisung. but he was a shy little bean, and mark needed to spend a lot more hours mentoring him.

which kinda meant that you would spend less time with your boyfriend

thankfully, y’all had similar classes.

there was this one class which was a capstone subject

which meant if u want to graduate u HAD to take it lol

and he aced all of the assessments in that subject so far this year

but you were just a bit competitive, so with exams coming, you planned to score a higher grade than him

which.. was an easy job, right? he spent most of his nights hosting the radio show anyway.

it both bugged and made you so extremely proud that mark was already getting proper job offers from major broadcasting channels

like when he got his first offer, he actually just finished a broadcast at around 3am, and was on the way back home

but he read the email on his phone and took a detour to your apartment

which scared the sh*t out of you

mark its almost 4am you could’ve just sent me a text??

“i don’t care i just needed to tell you this in person, oh my goodness is this even real????”

idk mark you tell me???

it was real, because he started getting offer after offer in the following week

but thankfully he didn’t pop by your place in the middle of the night again, after that first time

because you actually let him stay over that night and -

he held you in his arms as he leant against your headboard

and you just used him as a pillow because he you made him take a quick shower and he smelt of your soap but he still smelled of him and it was a comforting scent which sent you off the dreamland real quick

and he actually watched you fall asleep and made sure you were asleep before he pulled out his laptop to work on an assignment that was due the next day

when you woke up the next morning, you felt something cold and hard prod your back and you panicked for a moment before realising it was his laptop

and you heard the shower running so you knew it was mark going through his morning routine

but then you thought.... did he even sleep?

when he hopped out of the bathroom clad in same the clothes he wore the night before, he was still drying his hair with a towel

and his face was strew with exhaustion

but as soon as he saw you sitting groggily on the edge of your bed, his face lit up and he strode over to kiss the top of your head

“mark, did you even sleep?”

“nope, but i’m off again, i’ve got to hand in my assignment! i’ll see you for lunch?”

“wait what assignment?? did you need help on it?”

“nope, i got it done last night! thanks for letting me crash.”

before you could stop him, he pressed a hasty kiss on your lips before grabbing his laptop and bag and rushed out the door

and you sigh because

this was how dating mark lee, the campus dj, was like.

anyway

now, you guys were just a few days away from finishing the semester’s classes

and this was your last semester... given if you’ll pass the exams lol

so it was kinda the last few days you’d be able to spend together, on campus.

summer was coming

and the sun was so bright these days, it cleared the skies

no rain, none at all

which was not entirely Great because rainy days helped you study... and rainy days also meant more people tuned in on the campus radio

which meant

mark was kinda jobless today

which ALSO meant!!!

you could finally spend a whole day with him.

but, oh man...

when he called you around 11pm the night before, he was also checking his email and ... accidentally forgot that he had another assignment due at 8am the following morning

guess who didn’t get any sleep at all again!!!

your heart hurt seeing him work so hard

but somehow he convinced you to go to sleep first and not stay up to help him

he still got the assignment in on time because hes mark lee

so when you guys sat on the lawn in the middle of campus just like any typical college couple would on a nice sunny day, mark lay his head on your lap and used one of your textbooks to shield his eyes from the sun

and you were using his laptop to compile your notes from the semester, and also to help him tidy up his

“hey baby...?”

“hmm?”

you waited for mark to continue his sentence but he went silent

“mark, what?”

“mark-”

you lifted your textbook from his face only to find that he had fallen asleep.

his lips were slightly parted and he was snoring really quietly, and his fingers were in loose fists as they rested on his belly.

dont deny but you busted the biggest uwu didnt you

ofc like

you couldn’t possibly waste this precious photo opportunity but

your phone was just slightly out of reach rip

so when you grappled for it, mark woke up in an instant

he sat up real quick, and a tuft of his hair was sticking up messily.

“oh no, i didnt mean to-”

“so d’you wonder why we’re all clouds?”

you stared at each other with equally as confused frowns lol

like mark was actually

hella confused

but your expression literally read wtf

he didn’t really notice but instead yawned and held his arm out to you

and you move closer to him, snuggling into his side as he slowly lays the both of you down again, in a way so you could use his arm as a pillow.

the sun was really really bright so y’all lay there with your eyes squished shut

“we’re all just clouds, aren’t we?”

his serious question was met by your quiet scoff

“no, no, i’m for real. y’know how everything we do are for exams. exams this, assignments that... gpa... scores.. grades... deadlines... those kinda things. they turn us into clouds.”

“that is one extremely weird way to describe college students, mark.”

“no, baby, but... it’s accurate, isn’t it? the anxiety, stress, exhaustion... and just about everything we do turn us all into little clouds.”

“do elaborate, cause i don’t get why you’re comparing us to condensed water vapour.”

mark chuckled a little, and you roll your eyes figuratively, keeping your eyes tightly shut to shield it from the unforgiving sun.

"actually, never mind, it sounded way better in my head.”

at that point you were getting up to lie on your side

he turned his head and squinted at you as you gently placed a hand on his chest

"are you writing lyrics again?”

he hummed quietly and you shift a few inches closer to him.

“show me. i want to read those lyrics, no matter how dumb you think they are.”

“they’re not ready yet.”

“if you’re writing about anxiety, i can be your muse.”

“no way, you’re not a cloud. you’re a sunflower.”

he wrote lyrics all the time and most of the time he’d write them about you

sometimes he’d let you read them, sometimes he kept them to himself

and you’d catch him grinning idiotically over some lyric he wrote some time ago

so when he goes to sleep you would sneak a peak at it and it’s basically a love letter to first-date-you, or a diary entry of how he feels every time he sends u home from a date or from school but its so dreamy and seems unreal but you kNOW ITS REAL!!

bc u were there!!

anyway 

idk what came over you but you slung an arm around his torso and rested your head against his shoulder and he let out a quiet little puff of breath

you would think he’s pretty ok with skinship since y’all been together for so long

but yeah it was chill and okay and he’d be super clingy at home but when y’all were in public

man,,, he got so flustered and nervous

u just wanted to cuddle lol but he suddenly turned into a robot

the sun made everything seem slow and warm and sluggish which was pretty okay with you because you were finally spending time with mark!!!

and he was soft and squishy and a little bit awkward but so so so cute so u rly just wanted the moment to last longer

but no

just as u were about to drift off a Shadow™ loomed over u both

mark probably fell asleep again tbh

u heard a rly loud camera go CLICK and distinct voices whisper-yelling at each other

and there was a struggle

and the struggle ended with a Butt falling onto mark’s other shoulder

“MARK IM SO SORRY RENJUN PUSHED ME”

“NO YOU STINK YOU FELL BY YOURSELF”

“oh hey guys shut up the photo turned out alright”

“JENO SHUT UP THEY’RE RIGHT THERE”

mark was sitting up and you fussed over his other shoulder which was attacked by jaemin’s butt

and although he was so .. unfortunately.. woken up from his nap he was grinning and squinting up at his squabbling friends

and he chuckled as he watched u stand up and wrestle jeno for his phone to see the Photo

he was watching you chase chenle and renjun around the lawn, the two boys purposefully running slower to tease u

donghyuck sat down next to mark and put his head on his shoulder to mimic you from a few minutes ago

“oh you’re disgusting please go away.”

hyuck turned his head and batted his eyelashes up at mark who was still watching u with a dreamy smile

“you’re leaving soon, we just wanted to spend time with you before u abandon us”

mark laughed and told him he’s only graduating

but hyuck scowled and nudged mark with his elbow then gestured in your direction

“but you spend more time with her nowadays than you do with us”

mark let out a loud laugh and shook his head

“she’s my girlfriend.”

“so?”

“she’s my lover.”

“so??”

“she’s... everything to me.”

jisung, who was listening, gagged and haechan slapped mark’s tummy while hollering

and then u look over at them from the other side of the lawn, wondering why mark was lying on the floor again and why the other dreamies were surrounding him in a cultish circle

jeno and jaemin turned to face you with big chummy smiles on their faces and together they made heart arms at u

some other people on the lawn were beginning to stare and so u hide behind chenle bc renjun is too tiny

then jisung must’ve texted their group chat because renjun cackles and leads you back to the group

and u notice how bright mark’s face was which makes u blush like crazy as well

and even though stress from school, work and everything in general, was making u feel like a big and heavy raincloud

one look at mark lee made u feel like sunflowers and daisies

it totally didn’t help that when he’d look at you, the corners of his eyes would crinkle ever so slightly, and his eyes would shine with genuine adoration

and his cute little lips would stretch into the widest grin

uwu

and u bet the next batch of lyrics he gonna write is gonna be about you again!!

[rafespeaks]

ANYWAY RANDOM HEADCANONS B/C NO ONE ELSE IS ONLINE TONIGHT

< > - means my gf @turbomun typed it

Hau

Imagine bby Hau when his dad first left. Imagine how confused & devastated he must've been. Imagine him sending letter after letter with his mom's help but only getting a few back. Imagine one day the return letters just... stop. Imagine Hau and his mom continuing to write letters until they start coming back as 'return to sender'. Imagine Hau not fully understanding why and continuing to write letters anyway, but just not sending them. Imagine him finally old enough to understand, but he keeps on writing them anyway, just because it's a little therapeutic and it's become a habit by now anyway. < Eventually he just stops sending them and keeps them in a box. He decides to give them to his dad if he ever sees him again. >

I've been thinking about how Hau may have met Nalani over the past few days, and what the circumstances might've been for Hala yelling in front of him, and just general bby Hau stuff. And I came up with some loose headcanons concerning that stuff. Hau used to go out and play with the Pichu around Iki Town all the time, and there was one that always seemed to love hanging around him no matter what, and it just... followed him home one day. Hala never liked Hau going to play with the Pichu because not every wild Pokemon is so friendly. He always lectured Hau about the dangers, especially of overaggressive Pokemon like you see charging at you in the grass and from bushes and shaking trees. Hau never really got it though - he was too young and all the Pokemon he'd met so far were friendly! This led to him getting too close to Hala's Tauros when it was worked up one day. It could've killed him and Hala was so scared for him and angry at his disobedience that he ended up shouting. This resulted in Hau being afraid of pissing off not only Hala but ANY kahuna. This is also why he says he couldn't ride a Tauros once Tauros is registered in your Ride Pager, though he's confident enough by the end of the game to learn to ride from Hala (as seen in the credits picture). (Typed on Feb. 11)

Some Hau headcanons no one asked for: He is gender fluid, tho he usually defaults to he/him. His assigned gender is male, though he would sometimes feel like he was a girl even from a very young age. He'd also get annoyed when people assumed he was just playing and pretending to be a girl. So when he first heard the terminology, he was ecstatic and was like "YES I'm THAT!!!" It was a similar story for him being gay. His first ever crush was on Ilima when he was six. Ofc, Ilima is a little old for him, so he eventually grew out of the crush and is simply Ilima's friend instead. Typically, Hau stays the same gender all day, but he has been known to switch. Especially after he's listened to a song he likes that has self-referencing pronouns. Bonus Hau/Gladion headcanon - if Gladion really DOES teach himself guitar, he'll change the pronouns in any love songs for Hau's current gender. Hau loves him to death for this... (Typed on Feb. 13)

Random headcanon: Typically, when Hau gets tired, he gets more active rather than less so. He turns all giddy and bouncy and it's really hard to get him to sit still unless he's in a bad mood or was sitting still already. So when he was younger and he started bouncing off the walls more than usual, that was his family's signal for 'okay, bedtime'. (Typed on Feb. 1)

Gladion

< ok but would Gladion play the acoustic guitar like a True Edgelord™ > OMG HAU WOULD M E L T < HAU STUMBLES UPON GLADION PLAYING GUITAR AND STOPS TO LISTEN > HE WOULD BE SO FLOORED LIKE "HOLY SHIT I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD..................." < EVEN IF GLADION WAS A COMPLETE AMATEUR AND COULD ONLY PLAY WONDERWALL > (Typed on Jan. 29)

Red

Valentines Day shenanigans -  Red would probably put a lot of thought into every aspect of anything he got Green, INCLUDING the card. < He would make his own with construction paper and 2/3 a bottle of glitter Glitter is all over the apartment for the next 6 months >  RED U CHEESY BOI................  IMAGINE HIS POKEMON HELPING HIM. GLITTER ALL OVER THEIR CLAWS/PAWS/HANDS. ESPECIALLY HIS SHINY RAI < AND MEWTWO > Lol, Mewtwo would probably use his psychic powers and not even pick up the bottle. ... but then Raichu would smear him with glitter on purpose. GLITTER FIGHT!!!!! By the time it's over Red is just like "... this was a mistake..." < Green comes back like what the FUCK > (Typed on Feb. 12) + extra from another time  IMAGINE RED MAKING A SPECIAL CARD FOR GREEN EVERY YEAR................... BONUS: GREEN DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE HE'S THE ONLY ONE RED MAKES A HAND-MADE CARD FOR & THAT ALL THE OTHER KIDS GET THE STORE-BOUGHT STUFF.

< When Red was a baby, he hated feeling like he was alone at any time. He easily fell asleep in just about anyone's arms, but wouldn't sleep in his crib unless he was given a stuffed toy or a soft blanket to cuddle with. Because of this, his parents always referred to him as a "snuggle-bug" > (Typed on Feb. 21)

(Not technically Red but...) -  Btw!!! Plot bunny I forgot to tell you about!!! Imagine Mewtwo helping Raichu out with her newfound Psychic powers. B/c it's tough, he knows. Imagine her accidentally broadcasting her emotions tho it's always way more subtle than Mewtwo b/c she's not nearly as strong as him. Imagine she's so used to life as a Pikachu, she often forgets she even has psychic powers now. Sometimes she rolls onto her tail in the middle of the night and it starts floating and when she wakes up she's so startled she drops herself. IMAGINE PSYCHIC CHOCO CHU PROBLEMS < Mewtwo teaches ChocoChu about controlling her hovering and one day Red comes home to her nyooming around the house > Red just like "Holy heck you can do that now???" < Also Mew decides that ChocoChu is A Friend > ChocoChu is a Friend to Everyone (Typed on Feb. 27)

Lyra

I was looking for Japanese terms of endearment and... "Another common one is to use a suffix based upon some sort of adorable trait, like -rin or -pon, that as far as I can tell is based upon some part of their personality and/or physical appearance--for example, if a child was a particularly chubby baby, -pon might have stuck (used after a vowel sound, like 'Aki-pon', for example)"  LYRA-PON......... < LYRA-PON!! > Also apparently the Japanese don't really use terms of endearment...?? Just... nicknames. But still, that was a good find.

Silver

... Sudden Silver headcanon. He yells a lot ofc but he can't really take too much yelling himself. Especially if it's directed at him from someone he cares about. < ...what if when Silver gets yelled at by someone he cares about, even if they apologize later, he tends to crave some kind of physical affection from them so that he knows they still care about him Not that he'd show it but he wants to be loved > < If u fight with Silver, the best thing to do afterwards is give him a hug > Yep... He'll probably stiffen up, and then cry into ur shoulder for a little while, but it'll have him feeling better a lot faster.

Tbh I can't really see Silver conforming to labels. He was born a boy, that's what he's used to. Call him whatever you want, he doesn't fuckin' care, but he won't go out of his way to correct you. He's just like "whatever". < He alternately describes his gender as "whatever" "who knows" and "yes" > LMAO YES < "What is your gender?" "yes" > X P I just felt like Silver's so confident in who he is as a person, he wouldn't actively ask anyone to change the pronouns they use for him.  < "Are you a boy or a girl?" "I'm a Pokemon trainer" "yeah but what is your gender" "who knows" "but what's in your pants" "my PokeBalls" > (Typed on Feb. 13)

< Random and unexpectedly cute headcanon/idea thing?? Not something we'd ever RP but just something that popped into my head: Giovanni has to teach Silver how to shave >  AHAHAHAHA Y E S Silver still hates cutting ANY of his hair but he hates having facial hair even MORE < Especially because pubescent facial hair is so UGLY AND GROSS LOOKING, finally one day he can't take it anymore and goes "Dad can I borrow your razor" And Giovanni is like "?? you're gonna shave?? well I have an extra razor but not so fast, I'm teaching you how to use it first" > Silver's just "UGH FINE JUST PLZ MAKE IT QUICK - THIS STUFF IS PISSING ME OFF" < You have just saved yourself many scratches down the line, believe me" So Giovanni is teaching him and at one point just comments, "you're lucky you have a safety razor. I had to learn using a straight razor which looks like you're trying to commit suicide every morning" > And Silver's just like "Yeah whatever, as long as I get this shit off, I don't really care what does it." < Father and son bond over complaining about goddamn fucking facial hair and Silver must have inherited his dislike from Gio because Gio is the most clean shaven guy EVER, he shaves every day no matter what "Shaving is what separates us from the cavemen son" > L M A O NO WAIT IMAGINE SILVER TEACHING ETHAN HOW TO SHAVE NOT LONG AFTER THAT < oh my GOD Ethan would grow a Baby's First Mustache and not even notice until Silver and Lyra go "what the fuck is on your face" > H A A A A A < Silver "Ethan I'm gonna show you how to shave. My dad says that this is what separates us from the cavemen." "...but what if I want to be a caveman" > "THEN YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO ANY POSSIBILITY OF KISSING ME" < "JUST KIDDING LETS LEARN TO SHAVE" > (Typed on Feb. 26)

... Imagine Silver getting into book repair... Like he finds a really battered book at a thrift store or in a library or smth and he just can't leave it there. So he takes it home and works on it until it looks goddamn beautiful. And if it's a library book he takes it back (even if he was told he could keep it) and the librarian is??? Just??? "How the hell did you do that wtf" < THATS APPROPRIATE I KNOW WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT BOOK REPAIR > and I literally made a book 4 u :P (Typed on Mar. 7)

Giovanni

< Giovanni has a habit of saying "close the light" instead of "turn off the light." This has to do with the expression for turning off the light in the Italian language. >  ... Silver would SO tease him about it... All the time... < "hey dad did you remember to close the TV" "hey dad have you closed your computer yet" "hey dad you left the light open" "HEY DA > (Typed on Feb. 21)

My mom just showed me a picture of a bumper sticker on facebook that said "Proud parent of a great kid that is sometimes an asshole and that's ok". I immediately thought of Giovanni & Silver. < I want them to have one of those knitted cruets that says "God Bless This Asshole Family" > (Typed on Feb. 8)

< ok random thought but I've always had the headcanon that Giovanni drinks -- only in moderation, sometimes he'll have a glass of wine at night or sometimes a shot of something stronger if he's feeling anxious. but he usually doesn't drink in front of Silver and one day Silver walks in the kitchen and sees Giovanni pouring a drink and is immediately horrified "DAD ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC DO YOU NEED AN INTERVENTION" >

Lusamine

... What do u think of Lusamine having Lillie take flute lessons < She probably had a strict regimen of Approved Extracirricular Activities for her kids > Yup. Lots of classy instrument lessons probably. No art tho - too messy and you can't really measure art by 'perfection'. Reading fiction was highly discouraged. Lusamine would throw out books she didn't approve of. 'Play time' was allowed with her in-game team of Pokemon, though it was more like sitting quietly while they pet the Pokés. They probs know a decent amount about sciencey shit tho they weren't supposed to go near the labs. Perfect handwriting was stressed and Lillie can and does write in picturesque cursive (it is EXTREMELY rare for her to write in print). You could ask her to do greeting cards. Toys in general were more or less frowned upon, but she allowed them to have some as long as they put them EXACTLY where they go when they're done playing. If not, the toy is thrown away. Gladion has had more toys thrown away than Lillie. No videogames. Ever. No TV either. ... Damn I feel bad just writing this... < I mean, all that would apply only AFTER Mohn fucked off to PokePelago, and we don't know how old they were when that happened. > Y E P It would probably be at least... oh, say... five years? So Lillie would've been about six and Gladion eight. Yeah, I think that fits. Lillie can remember a time her mother was kind, before their father disappeared, so it couldn't have been TOO long ago. But it would've had to have been long enough for Lusamine to gather all the resources she would've needed to execute her plan.

Guzma

I gotta ask tho - what do you think Guzma and Hala's relationship was like when he was young? Because the text after you battle him seems to say they pretty much acted as master/apprentice for a while. ... I kinda wonder if Guzma respected him more as a father figure than his own dad... < ok but Hala has that temper right?? WHAT IF ONE DAY GUZMA DID SOMETHING STUPID AND HALA STARTED YELLING AT HIM AND GUZMA JUST CRINGES AND BACKS AWAY AND SUDDENLY HALA MAKES THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THAT BEHAVIOR AND THE FACT THAT GUZMA ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAVE CUTS AND BRUISES AND WONT SAY WHERE THEY CAME FROM >  OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO < AND HE IMMEDIATELY CALMS DOWN AND COMFORTS GUZMA AND ASSURES HIM THAT HE WOULD NEVER HIT HIM > I LOVE Y E S

< - Guzma and Luna commiserating bc Lillie left and Luna's upset and Guzma is like "ya I feel you there, my boyfriend left me and took up with some broad. I thought we had something special y'know?" > YYYYYEEEEESSSSSS < - Guzma and Kukui were dating after Guzma adopted his loud, brash, thuggish personality, so Guzma was never shy during their relationship...until Kukui broke up with him. Now he's a complete wreck in romantic situations. > S H I T......... POOR BOI......... < - Guzma legit thought that he and Kukui would be together for life, he never anticipated that they'd break up - and Kukui is the hardest person for Guzma to forgive after Team Skull disbands And yeah, it's gotta hurt to see your old flame get MARRIED > Just imagine how shitty Guzma would've felt directly after his first battle with Luna... Not only is Kukui COMPLETELY unfazed by seeing him again, but the man sends a KID who JUST MOVED HERE to beat down HIS EX BOYFRIEND......... < Like JESUS FUCK HE CAN'T EVEN BOTHER TO BATTLE ME HE THINKS THAT LITTLE OF ME?? I think Kukui is just kinda...disappointed that Guzma went down this path? Like he knew he could've been better > HE DOESN'T EVEN RESPECT MY STRENGTH ENOUGH TO FIGHT ME AS A FELLOW ADULT - HE HAS A KID DO IT AND SHE S T I L L BEAT MY ASS < KUKUI WAS PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE GUZMA SOME HURT GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE COULD WIPE THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH GUZMA > Yeah... Guzma would be too hurt by everything that's happened between them to care that he's 'disappointed'

IMAGINE KUKUI AND SYCAMORE TALKING ABOUT RESEARCH OR SOME SHIT THO AND MAYBE SYCAMORE COMES TO ALOLA FOR SOME REASON AND HE AND GUZMA MEET AND GUZMA'S JUST LIKE "HOLY SHIT AND HERE I THOUGHT KUKUI WAS THE ONLY HOT YOUNG PROFESSOR AROUND" < GUZMA HAS A TYPE Kukui: Guzma, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Professor Sycamore! *close up of Guzma staring while "At Last, My Love" plays in the background* >

Y'know, I was thinking about how Guzma and Plumeria would've met the other day. I 100% bet you it would've been after Guz ran away. He's passing through Ula'ula Island with his Pokemon, trying to find a place to crash for the night. He comes to that trailer park area and ends up bumping into Plumeria. Literally. "Hey, watch it, asshole!" "You watch it, bitch - I'm walkin' here!" "The fuck you just call me?!" "You heard me!" "You wanna go?!" "Bring it on, miss priss!" Long story short, they get into a fist fight. Plumes throws the first punch because Guz has been taught not to hit girls by his mom but he's not opposed to self defense. And by the end they're just... completely winded and beat all to hell... And they just... "... You fight good." "Thanks. You too." "Hey. You wanna swing by my house and grab a soda or something?" "... Got any Tapu Cocoa?" And then next thing you know it's just... "Yo, Grams! This is my new friend, Guzma!"  < Guzma: "hey Plumeria wanna DISMANTLE THE OPPRESSIVE ESTABLISHMENT BY RAPPING AGRESSIVELY AT BUS SIGNS" Plumeria: "sure lemme just grab some popcorn" >

< In game: Faba is a challenger to the championship In RP: Faba is in FUCKING JAIL WHERE HE BELONGS Also Guzma will probably have to do community service at the very least > Yeah I agree... Wouldn't be surprised if he'd be under house arrest, too, which would explain his return to his childhood home. (Imagine him hiding the ankle bracelet from his mother.........) < Actually, I think there's a thing where you're allowed out in the community if you have someone supervising you at all times? Imagine Hala stepping up to be the Guzma Supervisor > I LOVE................... < He probably wouldn't be sentenced as harshly if he could prove that he was manipulated by Lusamine, but still...vandalism and petty theft and all that > Ye. Not to mention, y'know, takING OVER A WHOLE FUCKING TOWN... (How could he have even done that anyway?? Was it already partially deserted and the rumors are just vastly exaggerated, or...???) < I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say: Aether did it They did it to convince Guzma that allying with them could benefit both parties, plus it would give Team Skull a stronghold Which would be good for Aether when they needed Team Skull to do dirty work > Ye, they probably just straight-up bought the whole damn place. < And then sent their own members disguised as Skull grunts to drive everyone out and kick up the rumors. Which would make people avoid the town. > L M A O Hold on wait wait. I just got the greatest mental image. Imagine Guzma leading them RIDING HIS FUCKING GOLISOPOD LIKE A GODDAMN STEED THAT'D MAKE A FUCKING IMPRESSION!! X D < FICKJNG >

Currently RPing this -  Btw... I thought of something of my own... Guzma kinda got off easy with that trip to Ultra Space, right? Well, what if he DIDN'T...? I was thinking about how he was just hangin' out there and how he'd been briefly possessed by the Nihilego... And what if he really wasn't okay mentally - what if he was dissociating? And it becomes, like, a huge problem for him, and that's a big reason that he gave up on Team Skull and went home. B/c if the grunts are mainly teenage kids with nowhere else even remotely healthier to go, why the hell would Guzma give up on them unless he had to? Think about it. His Pokemon = Therapy Bugs... < GOOD!! THERAPY BUGS!!! > ONE OF THE ONLY WAYS HE CAN FEEL BETTER IS BY MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH ONE OF HIS BUG BUDDIES, ESPECIALLY GOLISOPOD......... < Wouldn't he have like...a minor version of what Lusamine has, almost?? His system wouldn't be swamped with neurotoxins but they still would have effected him. And I was reading about someone with dissociation issues and like...sometimes you can't remember what you're supposed to do?? Even if it's something super simple. The person I read about was like...she went to the bank, was gonna write two checks, but then after the first one she literally could not remember what she was supposed to do with the second one. > Yeah, I think he would've. Ofc, that would mean that the doctors that sent him home Fucked Up™ And huh... I'll have to keep that in mind... >:3 < Tru, but the doctors had never encountered something like that before. As someone who's been hospitalized, if you have no symptoms, they won't do extensive tests. And even if he had symptoms he would have been just like I Wanna Get The Fuck Out Of Here™ > Ye, tru. Guz was goin' home and AIN'T NO ONE GONNA STOP 'IM. Straight back to the mansion, plop down with his buggies and some room-temp Tapu Cocoa (b/c who can be assed to warm it up when you just came back from an alternate dimension where you've been dissociating & are now dead tired???), and then straight to sleep b/c fuck the world it can W A I T. < And Guzma doesn't strike me as the type to seek help if he has psychological warning signs. > N O P E... It would take a friend AND his bugs pestering him about it non-stop to get him to go see someone. Tho most of his buggies are nonverbal and he doesn't have a communicator anyway, so it's mostly flat looks and annoyed clicking sounds. < Lmao Luna translating tho "Golisopod thinks you're being a stubborn asshole" > "weLL FUCK YOU TOO, MAN!" >:CCC Imagine after Guzma challenges Luna and says he'll be waiting at the beach, he gets there and... just... "... The fuck was I doing...??" (Also "You tell my mom those 'rumors' are true, I'll kiCK YOUR ASS, KID") < Luna shows up "okay what do you want" ".....I don't....... remember.........." >  That's the first tip-off to anyone other than Plumeria & his parents that something's W R O N G < And at first she thinks he's joking cause "how do you not REMEMBER, you clearly had a good idea of what you wanted five minutes ago" > He just gets super annoyed and stressed out of nowhere "I don't fucKING K N O W, OKAY?!?! I JUST DON'T REMEMBER!!!" < And she just kinda jumps back like "ok Arceus fuck then I'm leaving" > And he just... doesn't know what to do b/c this has been happening a lot and it's NOT STOPPING.........

[orindasfinest]

Critical Theory is a Disease and I Ain’t Got the Cure (versus the People on GWH)

Hello,

Interesting that a semi-serious post could arise on this platform at such a time of internal strife. I considered posting on Medium instead but then I heard something about George Soros and got scared.

Anyway, engaging in good faith with just about anything produced by Barstool is a fucking fool’s errand. I’m talking sending your court jester to go pick up a carton of eggs - level fool’s errand. He’s just gonna come back with yet another box of decorative scarves!

But as wave after wave of disaffected former college students combine their half-baked critical reasoning skills and desperate need for online attention into “hot takes” that really just serve as Rorschach tests for the mistakes your parents made when they were raising you, it was an inevitability that one of these Bad Posts would come into my orbit and irritate me enough so that I’d make my own dumb emission and accidentally invalidate the sentient ziploc bag filled with swamp ass that fell zip-seal first onto their keyboard enough times to churn out a thing like this.

What sort of thing am I talking about? Hah, well, a thing like this thing right here: https://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/the-ponytail-harvard-guy-from-good-will-hunting-won-that-argument (go ahead, I already gave them my pageview, and you won’t even recognize your elementary school if you go back because the passage of time doesn’t give a fuck about your existence). I don’t mean to spoil your dessert, but: it’s a bad take! And as stated, debating this it at face value, especially when it comes from a company like Barstool Sample (really sure no-one has done that before), is just setting yourself up for a raft of meaninglessness.

Unfortunately, I can’t let this Bad Post slide. It features the sort of willful textual misreading that’s allowed narratives such as “Ryan Gosling is a cornerback in Remember the Titans” to become embedded in the cultural consciousness. So I’m gonna embrace Francis’ debate or whatever and tell you why this cute little bit of contrarianism is actually a sign of fourth-degree brain rot. And, as always, it’ll likely be very mean, as I am a big baby.

-OF

Title: The Ponytail Harvard Guy From Good Will Hunting Won That Argument

Already off to a bad start. I think much of Francis’ confusion here -- aside from the general problem he faces of not knowing his ass from his elbow -- is that he thinks Will and Clark (yeah, the guy has a name, which you would know if you watched the scene, but wouldn’t know if you just so happened to be the physical embodiment of an old-looking anthill in the outfield of a shitty little league diamond) are having some kind of university roundtable on the evolution of the market economy in the Southern colonies. They’re not. Clark is forced by Will to pivot from a broad display of learned knowledge into a broader ideological discussion about methods of information acquisition and the general value of academia. That is another thing you would notice if your head wasn’t filled with dyslexic cat food.

Interregnum: [EMPTY BARSTOOL PLOT POINT SYNOPSIS DONE WITH ROSEART CRAYONS]

Point one: Will only jumps in because he’s trying to impress a girl

Aaaaaand WELCOME to another broadcast of Major League Projecting! Francis, m’boy over here, strides to the plate, currently batting a crisp .482 at unwittingly copping to the fact that he sees all conversations held in the vicinity of a woman as an opportunity to weasel into her pants. He eagerly points to Will’s “thirsty smile” at Skylar’s -- rebuke of a universally acknowledged douchebag? -- and that’ll be another trip around the missing-the-point bases by our mainest man!!!

Dear god. Yes, Will displays his relentless horniness by not introducing himself to Skylar in any way, barely looking at her during the confrontation, and then capitalizing on his victory by ignoring Skylar for the rest of the night to the point where she has to come over and chastise him for not following up on his finishing maneuver. IT’S SO CLEAR WHY DIDN’T I SEE IT BEFORE, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS REPLACE MY EYEBALLS WITH PUDDLES OF JIZZ

In fact, the only thing that may be more off-base is Will’s claim that Clark’s out to impress some girls. The familiarity and exasperation with which Skylar says Clark’s name indicates that they have a long history with nary a positive note. Clark is not going to “win over” Skylar by bodyslamming a wayward townie. This is a classic macho pissing contest. Chuckie is trespassing in Clark’s yard by entering a college bar and passing himself off as a student, and it’s an insult to Clark’s tenuous sense of identity that such a thing would occur without some sort of consequence.

Will’s fierce sense of loyalty is what drives him to enter the discussion and bail out his overmatched friend. To be fair, though, it’s easy to miss that character trait which is absolutely integral to understanding Will as a person provided that during every other scene in the movie you shove forks in your ears and then shove that new apparatus into the nearest electrical socket.

Point two: Will also plagiarizes the works of authors.

The dictionary defines plagiarism as (emphasis mine) “an act or instance of using or closely imitating the language and thoughts of another author without authorization and the representation of that author's work as one's own, as by not crediting the original author.” The dictionary goes on to say, “Oh, Francis? Don’t even fucking talk to me about that dude. He tried to tell me that rigatoni was a fleshlight.”

Plagiarism involves passing off someone else’s work as your own, which is why any researched assignment ever requires a works cited page so your professor can see whose ideas you decided sounded the smartest when you were slamming 99c shooters and yelling through your bedroom door that you’d be out for the pregame in a minute. If you’d like to learn the difference between plagiarism and not plagiarism, I’d recommend examining an instance where one person pretends that they’re having original thoughts but are really just wholesale quoting more reputable sources, while another spouts direct lines from textbooks and then immediately attributes the author, book title, and page number. If only there was a way to witness such a dichotomy...

Point three: Will threatens to fight him.

Here’s where that pesky misunderstanding from earlier really rears its ugly, looking-surprisingly-like-Francis head: we are not witnessing an intellectual debate, no matter how much Francis would like to pretend we are and would also like to pretend that his “friends” don’t just feel bad for him every time they let him pick where they’re going to go out to dinner.

The only statement made to the given topic is made by Clark in his opening salvo. After that, Will and Clark are not having an honest discussion about the economic modalities of the colonies, but are having an argument about the value of academia first through the surrogates of researched theories and then outright through class-and-value-based accusations. There is no point to be won in this scenario. Clark places value in his education because he knows it will lead him directly to a financially stable future; Will ridicules spending an exorbitant amount of money on something he can learn for free because he was raised in a blue-collar environment and has been conditioned to disdain such frivolous expenditures. Neither is going to leave this confrontation with their viewpoint changed in any appreciable fashion. Will understands this, and digs in further to his rough-and-tumble roots by inviting Clark to take it outside. He’s made his point and is now transitioning to the earlier issue: Clark was fucking with Chuckie, and if that’s going to continue, then there’s going to be a problem. Wow, I just went like a whole paragraph without taking a cruel potshot! Sheesh, that was maybe five or six sentences. Shame that Francis can only read two per day or his itsy witsy peanut brainy brain has to power down completely and he dookies right into his pants in feeaaarrrrr

In conclusion, I am everything I hate, and perhaps Francis and I share the same central consciousness, leading me to shame him for his traumatically bad comprehension skills in the hopes that he decides to stop watching movies while upside down and spooning Frosted Mini-Wheats up his nose until they blow out with such force that they crack whatever screen is displaying the motion picture. Will did not lose the argument, because there was never going to be a winner in the broader scope of the debate that was actually taking place; he did not enter the arena to impress a girl, but to help his friend, who was in danger or being embarrassed, being thrown out after caving in Clark’s face, or both; he did not plagiarize, because he cited his sources while only using them as a cudgel to belabor Clark’s phony intellectualism; and he lost no credibility for issuing the challenge to fight at the end, because he demonstrated his intelligence and then displayed the nature of his violent upbringing, which makes him uhhhh a three-dimensional character that can’t be qualified by reductive maxims like “That’s thuggish behavior” ya fucking dafty.

By all means, though, go the fuck in on the “How Do You Like Them Apples” scene because that has been and will always be one of the cringiest sequences committed to film. It’s right up there with a clip of Francis going around the office holding a red Swingline he bought off Amazon using a Kinja Deals code and asking people if they’ve seen his stapler while doing a reprehensible Milton Waddams impression.

Anyway im gonna go jerk off for twelve days or whatever’s left lol whole foods is putting RFID chips in your celery because they know you won’t even notice with all the $35 hummus you’re slathering on that bitch