#if living wasnt this painful i would. but honestly. my existence feels like utter suffering. with moments of okay interspersed between
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Haaaaah. It's frustrating living like this tbh.
Like. Its been years and I'm still struggling as much if not more than I did as a child.
I wonder, does anything ever truly change?
#diary#personal#i know it may not seem like it but ive put a lot of effort into growing as a person. yet i still struggle oh so much.#its funny hearing bout ppl with an insane amount of allergies bc inrelate so much.#and it sucks. bc living every day has felt like a struggle for far too long...#...i wanna go back to not working.#idk. im still unable to function one way or another. but at least then i had time and space to exist.#i guess the upside to now is i at least leave the house ig?#idk. i started this job bc of a self destructive cycle i was in. but i feel worse.#i hate working. god. ik everyone around me would say to suck it up but... idk#if living wasnt this painful i would. but honestly. my existence feels like utter suffering. with moments of okay interspersed between#sometimes I wish I had a normal life. but i wouldnt be me that way. now would i?#i... just wish there was something. anything really. to make this trash life feel okay.#like. what am i existing for? why am i trying so hard? whats the point anymore for any of this?#idk. i dont have the answer. maybe you look down on me too for complaining. but i dont care. im just tired.
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