#i know it may not seem like it but ive put a lot of effort into growing as a person. yet i still struggle oh so much.

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaaaah. It's frustrating living like this tbh.

Like. Its been years and I'm still struggling as much if not more than I did as a child.

I wonder, does anything ever truly change?

[moonsaver]

Hello! I don’t know if you write for Aventurine so feel free to ignore this!!! But just, imagine, gifting him home made chocolates/sweets and imagine just how moved he will be. From what we got in the 2.0 story, he would probably be so touched. Would he possible be more clingy? Would he be the type to be distanced-? I feel like he would love the holiday in theory but maybe be very flustered if someone was to approach him qvq

Hello anon, yes i do write for aventurine! Ive written for yandere Aventurine before.. although I can't say I know a whole lot about him, I definitely write for him.

--

Aventurine seems like the type who's constantly hiding how desperately and miserably clingy he is behind some suave, cool and sly mask he's constantly putting on, and it's not really his fault either, considering the implications of what beng a signoian or whatever could be, along with the fact the mark on his neck seems like it spells "SLAVE". And you know how rough of a life that is.

So getting something gifted to him is usually a two-faced event, like a double edged knife. Originally, he's suspicious, so please don't feel offended. He's all about risks and there's a lot of things he needs to take into account, especially when it comes to romance and getting gifted homemade chocolate and sweets of all things. He accepts it graciously but stays distant from you for a while, taking his time to decide whether it's a risk he really wants to take. He practically disappears from your sights for the next few days, long after Valentine's is over. But don't worry,he returns.

And he returns fabulously. His smile is so vibrant you'd think someone polished his teeth with lemon and detergent. He's extra friendly with you, slinging an arm around your shoulders, flirting, offering to take you out, and all sorts of things. And before you know it – you've been dragged far far away from where you actually were, into some or the other plaza or shopping centre, as he drags you around everywhere. Almost talks your ear off about how great the chocolates were, and his tone may suggest that he's being sarcastic, but he isn't. He does genuinely appreciate the effort.

He doesn't quite spoil you per se, but he buys what he thinks looks good on you. It's his way of showing you he's quite intrigued by you, and wants to take the gamble.

Unfortunately, he still can't help but stay on guard, and stays that way until a few more gifts later. Please be patient with him. His vibrant smile and teasing words may make you think he's alright, but he still harbors suspicion for a while later. But once he's practically confirmed both of you are in a relationship, and that he does really like you, you'll be begging someone to peel him off of you. In a good way, of course.

[starriri]

Danganronpa Despair Time is a artistic masterpiece.

When I first stumbled upon DRDT, I didn’t see it as anything else but another danganronpa fangame, a simple derivative of the mainline series created by a admiring fan like all the other Fanganronpas invented (not to put shadow on other fangans, as they are all unique and also level to despair time. the skill and work put into them can’t be overlooked. take a look at Heartless Deceit and Brave Danganronpa for example!!! holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!). However, it did not take me long to realise that, in fact, Despair Time, is much more than that.

Danganronpa Despair Time is an amazing creation, a hidden gem with quite an alluring charm to it. What else is there to say? (there is a lot more to say.)

Ever since the prologue, the prelude, the start, the calm before the storm, released, Danganronpa Despair Time has never failed to deliver a beautiful and extremely compelling narrative. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that there has been an enormous amount of effort put into it.

The art, for one, is absolutely stunning. It’s level to the likes of famous games like, for example, Fortnite Battle Royale and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare IV. Both games have multiple artists, unlike Danganronpa Despair Time. The fact that it’s just one singular individual working on such is almost unbelievable.

The sprites mimic the Danganronpa style to a verisimilitude, looking extremely realistic. The cutscenes seem to also be similar, yet subtle hints of DTDev’s personal style are shown (eg. The lineweight), creating something that cannot be described as anything but perfection. It’s amazing how it works so nicely.

Let’s not forget the scriptwriting. The characters are extremely realistic, their struggles, goals and motivations hitting quite close to home for many individuals, including me.

For example, let’s take our protagonist, Teruko Tawaki. She is first introduced as someone who has no sense of belonging, not knowing who her parents are and being separated from her only (known) sibling at a young age. This, coupled with her amazing design, displays how Teruko is much more than the Ultimate Lucky Student, much more than simply the main character of Despair Time.

During chapter one, Teruko begins to feel more comfortable around the people around her, enjoying more of her time and even making friends. She builds trust with them, and forges bonds, just like we do.

However, when she meets up with Xander, things start going immediately downhill when he stabs Teruko, causing her to become unconscious and indirectly causing his own death in the process.

Once Teruko wakes up, she’s in the middle of a crime scene: Xander’s now a bloodied corpse, and she’s the main suspect for his murder. Because of this, everyone around her (who, mind you, got along with her extremely well before) began to move away from her.

This is exemplified even more during the first trial, where the spotlight ends up on Teruko, everyone seeming to believe that she was the one that killed Xander even though *he* was the one that attacked her first. Because of this, Teruko ends up flipping out in the middle of the trial, daring the others to vote for her, breaking down in anger and frustration for being betrayed by everyone in such a manner.

In the end, when Min is revealed to be the culprit and promptly executed, Teruko states that she hates everyone and says that she’s never going to trust anyone ever again, moving away.

A lot of people have said that they dislike Teruko for this, but I don’t share the same sentiment. In fact, I think it’s extremely realistic for her to have such a change in nature and breakdown. After all, consider:

- Someone she trusted immensely (Xander) tried to murder her and broke her trust through doing so. Infact, Xander was the first person Teruko met, so his bond with Teruko may have been stronger than the others.

- Min may have technically prevented Teruko’s death, but she also caused Xander’s and framed Teruko for it, making everyone think that Teruko was the one that killed him.

- Even though Teruko was clearly injured and frightened after being stabbed, the others kept seeing her as nothing but a potential murderer who’s proof of guilt would save their own lives, throwing heartless accusations at her without even letting her defend herself. Teruko had grown to like and trust most of them, so what do you think she’d feel if those people began to avoid her and think of her as a bad person who’d murdered someone out of cold blood?

How would *you* react if this happened to you?

Personally, I’d also react the same way as Teruko, throwing a fit and breaking down, perhaps even in tears. I don’t quite see why there’s any reason to hate her for such if you’re going to do the same thing in her position.

Then again, I’m not implying that Teruko is in the right, either. Especially since what she does in the Daily Life segment of Chapter 2, forcing Charles to take his clothes off and holding J at knifepoint among other things. However, there was a reason these occurred, that being the others’ betrayal of trust. Everyone’s technically in the wrong, and that’s the best part.

To elaborate on my last point in the previous paragraph- humans are not perfect. Pardon me for getting into a bit of philosophy and ethics, but there can never be a truly ‘good’ person as there is no true definition of morality, either. For example, someone stealing your copy of Persona 5 Clash Royale Silver isn’t nice, but so is yourself getting angry at them and burying them seven feet underground. Let’s all be honest here: We’ve all done something morally questionable in life at least once.

It’s also the same for the opposite end of the spectrum. In evil, there is still a hint of good. Your teacher in middle school may have been painfully strict, but he still had a soft spot for kittens. Criminals of all sorts have harmless hobbies, like gardening or cooking michelin star meals, that do not harm any humans in the process.

Danganronpa Despair Time understands that concept and utilises it with all the characters, not just Teruko. For example, Arei may seem quite rude, but in chapter two, when Arturo threatens Eden, she immediately jumps in to brutally roast Arturo to make him leave, but offers Eden to become her friend. She, like Teruko, is a extremely well-written character with many dimensions.

However, I digress. The point I’m trying to justify is that all of the individuals that make up the cast of Danganronpa Despair Time are beautiful characters that have clearly been well thought out.

Additionally, the story of Danganronpa Despair Time manages to sprinkle in the perfect mix of humour, drama and realism in its plotline and characters. Even if only two chapters have been released, you can tell that the future chapters will also be beautiful works of art. It’s just that sophisticated and fantastic. I’m surprised that Spike Chunsoft hasn’t contacted DTDev to make DRDT a real installment to the canon Danganronpa series.

Ultimately, to summarise, I’d like to reinstate that Danganronpa Despair Time is a gracious, absolutely splendid work of art this clearly has a lot of thought put into it. It’s characters, plot, story- everything, works together piece-by-piece to form an exquisite piece of media.

I’d like to thank everyone that has worked on DRDT- DTDev, Gen, Hydrator, Haru-Suwan, the voice actors, and the translators- for working to create such a sophisticated and sensational video series.

If anyone that I’ve mentioned above is reading this, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for creating such a wonderful masterpiece. I cannot reiterate it enough. Thank you so much.

[aidlyncanon]

this is my first actual tumblr post since idk what to do but ive had this idea in my head for a while and I wanted to share 🤗

so heres what I think each sbg characters love languages are. I wanted to include both the love language they express towards other and the type that resonates? with them when expressed by others. i dont know how to word that but I hope itll make sense 🙏

if it's inaccurate im sorry im not great at wording but i did try and make it at least a bit accurate which is hard when im unsure to most of these

𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐘𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄/𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— I feel like this may be the only one that properly fits Ashlyn. I could see her maybe also liking acts of service but i cant exactly explain why.

Maybe its because I think its also what she would do for others that I think it would fit. Like I said maybe acts of service like people doing little things to make her life easier.

I have a headcanon that Taylor or Ben has things in their bags for the others (total mom friends) so imagine her shock when she found out someone had ear plugs in their bag incase she needed them?

you get where im going with this?

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

— I take little to no criticism on this. I can't imagine Ashlyn's being anything else. If she tried getting a gift she'd probably take too long wondering if theyd actually use it. Physical touch is a meh, she doesnt hate it but it wouldnt be her favourite. She said herself she isnt the best with words.

Her gift to people is just her presence. She'd be the type to occasionally need quiet but wouldn't mind being in comfortable silence with someone she likes. I feel like quality time would be her way of showing she cares for someone.

𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: ???

— This is an idk because im basing these off of what we know about their background and character but we know like nothing so everything about this is based off of pure theory.

The only canon part i can mention is that during his conversation with Ashlyn at the school he mentioned how since he moved around a lot he never really had a true bond with anyone.

"You seemed like the type to only get close with people who mean something to you."

So Aiden didnt just want someone he could feel attached to, he also wanted to feel cared for. Its a two way street with him.

While I could see him loving physical touch as I doubt he got enough of that as a child and he clearly loves being touchy with people I feel like with what we know I could argue really any love language. He'd probably take anything if it makes him feel cared for.

I found a picture of a chart saying "your love language may show what you lacked as a child" and he checked every box so he's fucked.

I ultimately want to settle with physical touch as he seemed shocked when Ashlyn initiated the hug likely due to being the one to always initiate them. Like above he probably just wants his efforts reciprocated.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇

— Self explanatory we see him being touchy with Ashlyn. He also put his hand on Tyler (idk if this is still fast pass if it is my apologies).

"he did that as a stay away from my girl" stfu. 🤗

𝐁𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— I take ZERO criticism on this.

Were all aware how bad his bullying was so I doubt he heard anything nice about him.

The main thing that makes me believe this is that every time he gets complimented or something nice said about him he gets sort of flustered and blushes.

This ^ was ben after Ashlyn complimented his bandaging job. A small compliment I know but even after what taylor said about him opening up he blushed there too.

You can't deny it means a lot to him he probably thought about those for a while.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆

— I talked about this in a discord server briefly but I want to share it here. You know the quote "the quieter you are the more you hear"? Well thinking of that ive come up w the idea that Ben likely is more observant compared to most people.

Hed be the one to notice if someone was looking at something for a while in a store or hear it pass in conversation. Make a mental or physical note of it and get it for them.

I just imagine him being the type to be like "i know you like this" or "this reminded me of you". I feel like he wouldnt be the greatest at expressing it in many other ways so he resorts to getting people things.

Hes also pretty artsy so I can also just imagine him making people little things for them.

Like, tyler taught him guitar? gets tyler a new pick. Logan looking at something in the store? need to remember that. and so on

𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃𝐒

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Similar to Ben's. I could maybe see quality time being important to him as he hasnt had many people want to stick around him.

I mean his parents didnt want him and barrons group are just assholes so spending time with someone who genuinely cares for him? Doing an activity he enjoys? Hes over the moon.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— I can see him wanting to help people, i mean he helped Noah (the guy who barron replaced him with). I can imagine him doing little things for the group and people he loves.

He might get a bit embarrassed if confronted about it but ultimately hed do it again.

𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄???

— This is up in the air but I feel like it fit her the best? I imagine after her dad dying at a young age she grew up knowing that time with people is limited and can end at any moment.

So i can imagine her really appreciating someone spending one-on-one of just personal time with her. But i can also just see her appreciating any type.

My thing is I can imagine her being happy with receiving anything as long as someone had her best interest at heart then she'd become the happiest girl ever.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Another give in, she does it ALL THE TIME. Its literally her defining feature. Shes very good with words and likes making others feel better about themselves. Seeing people perk up from her words would be enough to make her own day better.

I imagine she too, like tyler, had to be there for her mom a lot. So she probably learnt it from that experience. I also imagine her want to make people happier stemmed from seeing Tyler slowly lose interest in everything around him and wanting to be able to be the person who could make his day just a bit better.

Though like above I could see taylor doing things she knows mean the most of others. Like the moment she realized Ben likes words of affirmations she made sure to compliment him a bit more. After realizing Ashlyn likes quality time she would find a way to do that while also not overwhelming Ashlyn, say a movie or just going on a walk. Shed make an effort to make people happy based off of what they love the most.

𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— Tyler spent his entire childhood taking care of people so imagine how he would react to being taken care of for once.

I figure like at first hed be a bit reluctant however I think ultimately it would mean a lot to him to not have to always be rhe one taking care of others but being able to rest for once.

Like idk how to word it but I think it fits him, I could also see MAYBE words of affirmation? since he did want that when Logan Ashlyn and Ben found him but then again I dont blame him he was literally sitting bleeding.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— This one has a question mark since im not sure. Taking care of others has just became nature to him, its his factory settings. Its not something he like goes and does to get people interested its just natural to him.

I dont think its something he'd do specifically to express care, he'd likely be unaware how much it could mean to someone since its just life to him.

Im not too sure what his would actually be MAYBE quality time again similar to Taylors in the sense that he knows just how fast someone can lose their lives so he likely would appreciate someone wanting to actually spend time with him.

Even if he wouldnt admit it.

If these are inaccurate then I apologize I did try to make them as accurate as I could but wording my thoughts isnt something i'm great at.

Most of these im unsure of but I wanted to talk about anyway so idk gimme ur opinions on them id love to hear them esp since im unsure for half of these :)

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

Omg that last ask got me thinking. Would dick ever amputate a limb or paralyze his darling to keep them with him? Perhaps as a very last resort if none of his other efforts work out? I imagine if he did it would only make his coddling worse because now his darling is actually helpless in many ways without range of movement.

𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐒…

!!! GN reader, surgical paralysis/amputation, brief mentions of an operation (a DIY operation, yippee), manipulation, gaslighting(?), drugging, extreme infantilizing.

That’s horrifying, I love it so much.

I gave this a LOT of thought, and you know what? I think there’s a chance he’d actually go this far. Dick Grayson is the type of yandere that snowballs into madness; thoughts that would’ve made him sick to his stomach months ago seem more and more rational as his fears and paranoia get the best of him. It’s definitely a last resort, but one that’s for your own good.

(Because everything he does is for your own good…)

Honestly, I’m torn between paralysis and amputation. There’s probably a higher chance of him paralyzing you than amputation, as it would raise less eyebrows from onlookers (despite completely limiting your contact with the outside world, he still has the heart to take you outside), but that entirely doesn’t rule out amputation!! Both options are plausible.

I think that amputation is the better option cuz A.) it’s the freakier option, and B.) I love the idea of him chaining you to the bed by securing some caplike cuff over your nubs, so…

A humane operation is the only option. An IV being slipped into your arm while you sleep, a consistent moderation of anesthesia into your bloodstream, only the most careful cuts and incisions… you may wanna consider yourself lucky that your captive has the foresight to do the necessary research. The whole procedure goes without a hitch, and you eventually wake up with either no feeling in your legs, or just no legs at all. And of course he’d be there by your side to help you through the shock.

Now, I toyed with the idea of him possibly convincing you beforehand that something was wrong with your legs. Maybe he’d put on his best concerned act as he asks if they feel okay, doing an assessment over them and grimacing at what he “sees.” He’d continue this for weeks, pretending the condition of your legs was only getting worse as he’d ask things like, “are you sure you don’t feel any pain?” Eventually, he may actually convince you that something was wrong, so waking up one day after his operation wouldn’t be as shocking… but I personally don’t like that idea as much.

Instead, I think there would be no build up to this. You went to sleep one night, and then the morning came with no feeling in/no legs at all. There might be a possibility of him making up some sort of lie; something about an accident, sprinkle in some crocodile tears and soft hints that it was because “you didn’t listen to him,” and voila. Solid enough story, I guess. But I’m in love with the idea of him initially offering no explanation at all. Then, when you finally get over the shock to ask what happened, he’d simply answer with something along the lines of, “it had to be done,” leaving you to put the horrific pieces together on your own.

If you fuck with the amputation option, then it should be noted that he gives you the proper medication to make sure nothing gets infected. This ain’t the Civil War, you’re not getting some nasty ass disease on Dick’s watch.

The coddling would certainly get worse after this. And you it’s not like you have any other choice, either. If he didn’t already lock you away in his room, you’re now stuck in there for sure until he gets home. He carries you around the apartment, making sure you’re comfortable wherever he sets you down and, yes, putting you through the humiliation of helping you go to the bathroom (he’d reassure you that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but that somehow makes you feel worse).

Going out in public might already be a rare occurrence, but now it seems to be limited to once a month, or even a couple months, as he doesn’t want to risk anything happening to you in your current state. However, as mentioned before, he still has the heart to take you outside. So he uses a wheelchair; one he’s owned for a while, if we’re going off of the last ask. But he’d probably continue to drug you before going out, just as a precaution.

This is… not the most ideal outcome… by any means. It’s best that you never lead him to believe this has to be done, and if it’s too late, then I suggest you act as good as possible; you don’t want him taking your arms away from you, too.

If I write a small blurb about this in the future, it’s gonna be the amputation option. SUE ME.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for ignoring someone who might just want to be my friend ?

i (F17) was recently in a college theater production with a guy we'll call S (M20-ish im pretty sure). me and S were partnered as characters who worked together on every scene so we were always in proximity to eachother every weekday for 2 months during rehearsals.

to give some background: S is autistic. someone who knows little about autism would be able to easily pick up on it. i am also autistic but not as "visibly" for lack of a better word and i have a lot of knowledge regarding autism. during rehearsals i noticed that S didn't really slip into conversations with the rest of the actors (nor did the other actors particularly give him the time of day) and sometimes he would sit all alone during breaks instead of with the rest of us. i felt sympathetic towards him as a fellow autistic person who has similar struggles and i wanted to try being inclusive to him. i gave it my best shot and paid attention to him, sat with him, and conversed with him when i felt able to despite my social anxiety. eventually we friended eachother on discord and by the end of the show i thought that was that.

however S became pretty lonely after the show ended and would hit up the actors' group chat a lot asking to hang out and no one including myself would bite. he also messages me on discord and asks me if im planning to go to certain local events or just try to chat with me and i have been either dejected and uninterested or i just completely ignore his messages.

im not sure why im so opposed to even just being polite to him and making small talk. i have been expirencing intense mental health issues lately and i may just be too exhausted to put energy into a new friendship. i also feel like i may not trust him, as his messages asking me if ill show up to certain events and also asking me what college classes im taking next semester (and then saying that he'll try to register for one of the exact classes im in) are a bit uncomfortable. although i have a history of being paranoid that any man i know is going to try to hurt me when im around them plus i suspect he genuinely doesnt understand how he comes across and just wants to hang out with me.

i don't want to lose solidarity with a fellow autistic person because i know painfully well what its like to try to reach out to people you thought you clicked with only to have them seem completely uninterested later. however ive described that i have social anxiety and socializing/maintaining friendships has always been something i struggle with. with the addition of my mental health issues becoming worse and worse, i cant find the energy in me to put in the effort. either way, i dont want to use any of this as an excuse to be rude to S when he seems to want to be my friend.

so, am i the asshole for ignoring him? should i put in more effort to be his friend and meet up with him?

What are these acronyms?

[totally-not-a-cannibal-hannibal]

To My Taste

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Part 8: Hedonistic

Masterlist

⚠️Warnings⚠️ 18+ but there isn't really sex just heavy petting. Obsessive Behavior, gaslighting. Mentions of both Somnophilia and CNC kinda.

          There was a prick in my arm that made my eyes pop open. Hannibal was trying to put an IV in. I moved my arm away from whatever it was in the IV bag, he was about to put in the IV. He looked surprised for a split second before smiling. 

          "There is my favorite patient." He said as he tried to continue to hook up the IV to the bag of liquid. I put my hand over the IV opening.

         "What are you doing?" The words felt like mush in my mouth. I must have still been high from the codeine he gave me. 

          "You have been asleep for almost a day. I was going to give you fluids so you didn't get dehydrated. May I continue?" He asked as he looked down at my hand. I looked up at the bag of mystery liquid. What was I thinking? This is Hannibal, what would he possibly put in an IV that would hurt me. Giving him a sheepish grin I nod and move my hand. 

          "Where is Will?" I ask wincing as Hannibal plugs in the tubing. 

          "Working I'm afraid. We will just have to keep each other company." He jokes while taking off his gloves. 

           "I need to get to work. It's been days." I try to sit up but Hannibal stops me.  

            "Jack came by this morning, we told him you were still sleeping and were having a difficult time adjusting. He wants you to take a few more days." Hannibal says as he tucks the covers back around me. 

            "They are still looking for the man? It's wasting resources. Maybe we should just tell them the truth." The last part came out as a mumble. It was taking a lot of effort to choose the right words. I knew what I wanted to say, it was a matter of making my mouth say it. Hannibal shushes me and puts my hand back under the blanket. 

          "That would only cause the team more problems. Think how sad Beverly would be if you were found guilty of murder. You wouldn't be able to see Will or I in Jail. We'd all be in trouble." I could tell he was using simpler words than normally would. It did make sense though. I didn't want to go to jail. 

             "I feel bad." I say softly looking up at him. He checked the IV bag and moved my head to the side very gently.

        "I know you do. Guilt is understandable. You have been through something traumatic but you did the right thing. A man like that shouldn't be around people." He says as he starts parting my hair like he was looking for something. 

        "What are you doing now?" I question keeping my head perfectly still for him.

        "I am checking the stitches and bruises. You seem to be healing nicely. We will see how your pain is once the drugs wear off." His fingers delicately dance through my hair. I had no doubt this would hurt without the codeine but for now it felt like he was just playing with my hair. I grin and close my eyes enjoying the sensation. 

          He brushed my hair down flat and turned my head to the other side. His hands were really warm. I could feel myself start to slip back to sleep. I jerk my body to wake up. If I slept anymore I'd lose it. Too much sleep always puts me in a fog. 

           "Did something hurt?" He asked as he paused his gentle head massage. 

           "No, I don't want to go back to sleep." Opening my eyes I look out his window at the treeline. It was pouring outside. The rain tapped against the window. He chuckled softly as he smoothed my hair out again and pulled his hands away. 

           "I was thinking about last night. Did you enjoy the meat you ate?" He asked as he took out a small light and shined it in my eyes. Letting out a whine I squint and pull my hands to my face to block the light. He was checking to make sure my pupils dilated and I guess I passed the test because he put his light away quickly. 

          His question bounced around in my head. I had almost forgotten I had meat last night. Far more eventful things happened that night that had my attention. 

           "Yeah it was good. It was a little too bloody." I was doing my best to speak clearly to avoid the embarrassment of mumbling anymore. Hannibal chuckled again and nodded. He seemed pleased with my answer. His eyes wrinkled up a bit the way they do when he is cooking or looking at Will. 

          "If I made you some more would you try it again?"

         "What If I don't like it? I don't want it to go to waste." I say as I look back over at the IV. I found myself trying to pick at the tape holding it in place. 

         "I will finish it if you don't. I would like for you to be able to enjoy what Will and I do." He said as he gingerly took my hand away from the tape and put it back under the blanket again. He tucked my upper body in a little more snuggly this time. "So can I get you to try some more?"

           "Alright." I wasn't sure why it was so important to him. Maybe it was a cultural difference. I wouldn't want to be rude. He smiled at me. It reached his eyes yet again, making me smile back. He had such a sweet smile. When it reached his eyes it made me melt. I look away from him to avoid getting butterflies. 

           "I'm going to make you some food. If you need anything just call." He says as he leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. He lingered for a second. My face got warm and I closed my eyes so I could enjoy the feeling of his lips against my skin. 

          "Sounds good." I whisper as I turn my head away from him to look out the window. He left the room and kept the door wide open.

          He had nearly imprisoned me in this blanket. There was hardly any room to move. It seemed the more I strained the tighter my wrappings got. 

          Giving myself a rest for a moment I look around his room for something that I could focus on to keep myself awake. The conversation I caught last night sprung to mind. Will was feeding his dogs something. He was taking a cut of something. I wished they had spoken more frankly. They could be so vague it drives me crazy. 

          Laying in this position all day was starting to make me sore. Which was a good sign because that meant the drugs were wearing off. I continued my fight with the blankets again but this time I made some headway. I was able to wiggle my arm free. It was all I needed to unwrap myself from this cotton trap. 

          Sitting up I inspect the IV bag holder. It didn't have wheels on the bottom like most. I didn't feel like I was all that dehydrated so I disconnected the tubing to the bag and used the bed to push myself to my feet. I was too chicken to try and take the IV out myself.

           Walking wasn't as difficult as it initially seemed. Once I got my footing it was easy enough. Now out from under the blanket I realized how cold I was. In truth I wasn't even sure why I was looking for Hannibal, being alone just didn't feel right. 

          Finally making my way to the kitchen I found he wasn't here but all his cooking equipment was. Waiting for him there didn't occur to me. I started down another hall in search of my Doctor. He turned a corner holding a cut of meat wrapped in white paper.

           "Now how did you get over here?" He grinned but he seemed a little vexed. 

           "I wanted to walk." I say as I lean against the wall taking a small break. He held out his arm for me to use to steady myself.

           "Come along then, it would seem I need to tuck you in a little more tightly." We make it to the kitchen again and he lays the meat down on the counter before using his newly freed hand to lead me back to his room. 

          "Why do I have to be in here? I can walk fine." It sounded a bit more whiny than I intended it to. Hannibal let go of me suddenly and I stumbled before regaining my coordination. My knees wobbled like a spotted fawn. Standing was harder than walking somehow. The ground spun beneath me whenever I stood still. 

        "Yes you seem quite sturdy." He taunted, with a soft smile. He took my hand to help me back into bed. "You are shaking, it is dangerous to try and walk alone. You do seem to be getting more lucid. The fact you were able to untuck yourself is impressive in itself. Your fine motor skills are present seeing as you managed to unplug your IV. Be patient and the drugs should be out of your system soon enough, then you can wander all you want." He lightly scolded as he allowed me to sit up in bed. 

          "Oh Hannibal, you really know how to compliment a girl. Never had a man compliment my ability to untuck myself from his bed." He wasn't wrong though. I was feeling more alert and less sluggish. He started to hook the IV back in when I stopped him. "I don't feel dehydrated and I'm awake now so I can just drink something right?" I ask looking up at him.

         "If you think you feel well enough I suppose it's not needed." He agreed. He gently peeled the tape from the crease of my elbow and expertly removed the IV. Without warning he leaned down and kissed the spot the needle had been. My eyes widened as I watched him. 

         It was a delicate but firm kiss. My stomach did flips as he stood up straight again. The smallest dot of blood sat on his bottom lip until he licked it away, as if he didn't even notice it. He placed his thumb over the needle spot. Reaching for his first aid kit on the table he pulls out a band-aid to cover the small wound. "There we go all better." He spoke but I wasn't really listening. My heart was still fluttering from his tender kiss. 

         "What was that for?" I was baffled by him yet again. My cheeks felt red hot as they blushed for him.

          "It was an apology for the blemish and pain." He said as he moved the IV bag and holder away from the bed. 

          "Apology accepted. You do that for all your patients?" I ask with a smirk. Flirting with him seemed like a bad idea but I couldn't resist.

         "Only for the ones who look so sweet when they blush." He spoke so matter of factly but still somehow sounded flirtatious.

          "Oh you use that line on Will?" I couldn't let myself be the only one who was frazzled. I give him an almost smug grin as I look up at him. I wanted to see him squirm under my bluntness. His expression didn't change, he didn't seem shy about it in the slightest. 

         "No, I just propositioned him with sex. No line was required." He said with his own smirk now.

          "What a lucky man." I remark 

          "Are you referring to Will or I?" He asked as he leaned against the bedside table and crossed his arms.

          "Both." I say softly looking up at him. He let out a small chuckle in acceptance.

          "Are you the hedonistic type Lydia?" The question took me by surprise. 

         "That's a word, hedonistic. I never understood if that word was supposed to be offensive. Nothing wrong with the pursuit of pleasure."

       "If you think so, why haven't you answered my question?"

        "Why did you ask the question?" We sat there for a moment just staring as if waiting for the other to break. 

         "It is bad manners to answer a question with a question of your own." His tone is different. It could have just as easily been interpreted as a warning of some kind. 

          "It's bad manners to tease your guests." I say with a playful grin. It seemed I had gotten some kind of rise out of him. He seemed to be affected by my words now. 

          "I'm not teasing you, not yet anyway." His lip curled into a slow grin as he looked down at me. The look in his eye wasn't too dissimilar to the look Will gets. It was dark but seemed more restrained. 

           Something about his expression was alarming. I wasn't sure what it was but looking into his eyes I felt like prey looking into a hungry predator's eyes.

           He stood up straight and the look in his eyes changed along with his grin. "I'm going to prepare our meal. I'll be back soon. Don't leave the bed again please." He requests as he leaves the room. I was left wondering how much of what I felt was intentional on his part.

           A boom of thunder broke my concentration as a storm brewed outside. Normally a storm wouldn't bother me but today it seemed to weigh on my mind more then it should. I jumped with every crack of thunder. The wind picked up quick and the trees swayed and bent in the storm. 

          Hannibal returned after a while with a tray full of food and drinks. He sat the tray down on the bedside table and pulled a chair near the bed before handing me my plate. It was some kind of thinly sliced meat arranged beautifully to look like a flower of some kind. His plate had an equally beautiful arrangement of meat that looked a bit more bloody than mine. 

          "I am testing out arrangements for a dinner party I plan to have soon. What do you think of the Dahlia?" He asked gesturing to the elaborate looking flower made of meat on my plate. 

         "It is certainly original, must have taken you a while. Why a Dahlia?" I ask as I gently feel one of its petals. 

          "Dahlias are a resilient flower but also fragile. They can bloom in intense heatwaves while all its garden mates wilt and crisp under a harsh sun, but they have very weak stems. They often collapse under the weight of their own buds and blossoms. I enjoy the duality and versatility of the flower, and they are beautiful." He perfects his own arrangement as he speaks. He seemed completely absorbed in the task. It was obvious he put so much thought into the arrangement. 

         "And here I was thinking you just liked old unsolved cases." I say with a grin. The faux flower seemed almost too pretty to ruin by cutting into it with silverware. Hannibal nodded and grinned at me. 

           "Well yes of course the murder comes to mind as well. Such a dark mind for a bright young woman." I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or an insult but either way I couldn't stop myself from blushing yet again. He took pity on me and didn't mention my red cheeks. "Well it's not just meant to be beautiful, please try it." He sounded almost excited for me to try. I don't keep him in suspense for long. I used the fork to scoop up some petals and put them into my mouth. They were so soft and smooth they almost felt like a real plant but the taste was unmistakably meat.

          "It's good, the texture is great. I think the meat taste pretty good as well. I like it." I say as I take another bite. His face lights up as he nods. 

          "Good! I was worried the texture was too thin. I want the guest to enjoy the delicateness of the petals without taking from the meat's natural texture."

           "As normal you have nailed it Hannibal this is really great." He seemed proud. I always liked seeing someone indulge in something they love. It's the main reason I went fishing with Will. 

          We enjoyed both our arrangements in comfortable silence. Once we both finished Hannibal collected the plates and placed them on the tray.

         The storm showed no sign of slowing. I was a bit worried about Will making it back safely. My attention was pulled by Hannibal who cleared his throat. 

          "May I confess something to you?" I look over at him. I was almost worried what might come out if this man's mouth next.

          "Of course what's wrong?"

          "Nothing is wrong, I just want to be transparent with you. I have a guilty conscience. I let the air out of your tire the first night you stayed. I snuck out while the food was cooking and unscrewed your air cap." He said he felt guilty but he didn't really look it. He sat straight in his chair and looked me in the eye he spoke so confidently.

           "Um alright why? Did you do that?" I was sure he had his reasons but it did tick me off a little. 

            "I was worried about you. Your attacker was still out there and I didn't want you to go home to an empty house."

           "Oh Hannibal you could have just came out and said that. I would have stayed." It was a sweet thought. It felt strange to have someone go behind my back to try and protect me, almost like receiving a backhanded compliment. 

           "No you wouldn't have, you would have fought tooth and nail to not feel like a burden so I had to give you no option. And my actions were not entirely altruistic, it was my attempt to help Will. He had mentioned his interest in you. I thought if you two spent more time together outside of work it might help his chances. Unfortunately I believe his nerves got the better of him and he overdid it with the alcohol." Hannibal stopped speaking for a second and looked out the window before speaking again. "And I wasn't dreading the idea of spending more time with you." 

         "Well um you really thought long and hard about it, it would seem. Just don't do that again. If you wanted to spend time together you could have just asked." I lean forward a bit to bring my face into his line of sight. It seemed to work and he looked back at me. He grinned and nodded as he stood up to take the tray. 

           "I'm going to clean this up. Would you like to come with me?" He asked as he held out his hand to help me out of bed. I jumped at the opportunity to get out of this room. 

          Taking his hand I got up and used his shoulder to steady myself. The walk was easy enough. Eating some food had really helped in my recovery from this hellish drug he gave me. 

           Once in the kitchen I sat down on one of the stools as he started to clear the tray. I was about to ask him if he wanted help when the front door was opened quickly and closed. Will fought to fold up a broken umbrella as he stepped into the foyer and spotted us in the kitchen. 

         "Hell of a storm. You got candles Hannibal?" He asked as he took off his rain soaked coat and hat.

          "I have many." Hannibal answers from the sink with a grin.

           "Good, good to see you up and around." Will says as he puts a hand on my face and leans down to kiss me. I was so surprised by the kiss I left my eyes open. He pulled away and chuckled softly. 

          "Yeah hey there." I say taken off guard. The kiss wasn't unwelcomed, it just wasn't expected. Hannibal didn't even seem to notice the random kiss.

         "Did you miss me?" Will asked me with a grin as he stole another peck of a kiss from my lips. 

         "Of course I did but Hannibal kept me company. He made us meat flowers." As I speak Will started undoing his sleeve buttons. He laughed once I finished talking and looked at Hannibal like I was crazy. 

       "Yeah meat flower? That sounds interesting." He sounded like he was talking to a child. 

         "No she isn't mistaken, I made a meat arrangement that resembled a Dahlia." Hannibal corrects him. Will looks surprised but nods. 

          "Sorry I thought you were still loopy. You were feeling pretty good this morning and were saying some funny stuff." Will says as he leans against the bar. I laugh a little, feeling embarrassed. 

        "Oh no what did I say?"

        "It's alright Hannibal warned me you might be out of it. You asked if I wanted to mess around." He said with a playful grin.

        "Oh god! sorry about that." I say sheepish. I glanced up at Hannibal who didn't seem to have any reaction to what was said. 

         "Don't apologize, it was fun." Will says as he puts his hand on my thigh. I didn't catch it at first. I put my face in my hands and laughed until it hit me. 

          "What was fun?" I asked, feeling a pit grow in my stomach. He looked like a deer in headlights as he realized something. 

          "Well when I-." He paused and looked embarrassed now. "When I fingered you." He whispered the last part. I pulled away from him, surprised. 

           "You what?!." I pushed his hand off my thigh and looked at him disgusted.

           "I'm sorry I didn't think you'd mind. You asked me to. You don't remember it? I figured you were into it." Will did seem genuinely sorry not for doing it but for the misunderstanding perhaps. I looked up at Hannibal for back up. He had poured himself some scotch and was sipping it as he listened to us. He was completely unfazed.

           His reaction made me feel almost silly. Like I was overreacting. Will put his arm around me and pulled me closer. 

            "You knew I was out of it." I said looking up at him. His brow furrowed for a second before grinning.

            "I didn't know you wouldn't remember. If I would have known that I wouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry, forgive me?" He leaned down and gave me another kiss. The situation felt off but he probably did think I was into it. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about his fingers inside of me before. He was hard to be mad at. He was holding my face so tenderly and his lips were so soft against mine. That's when I remembered Hannibal was still in the room. I pulled away from the kiss and looked over at him. He was still just looking at us. His expression was unreadable. I turned my attention back to Will. 

           "Just don't do it again." I say softly. I felt violated but something deep in me almost liked the idea of it in a sick twisted way it felt romantic. I wasn't proud of this feeling but I also couldn't stop it.

            "I promise." He said before trying to kiss me again. I turn my head not wanting to be kissed like that again in front of Hannibal. I was feeling extra shy and sensitive after this situation came to light. Hannibal seemed to understand without being told and he turned around to organize some pots and pans. Will didn't take the hint. He used his hand to turn my face back to him and kissed me a bit more forcefully. I couldn't help but kiss him back. 

          "I'm going to take a shower. Do you want to join me?" He asked, finally breaking the kiss. I shook my head no.

          "No, my head is starting to hurt. Maybe next time." I say with a small grin. He seemed okay with me not coming along. 

           "Hannibal?" He asked, looking over at him. Hannibal looked up at the clock and turned around.

           "I'd be delighted. Will you be okay alone?" He asked as he looked at me. I was surprised by how casual he was about joining Will's shower. 

          "Oh um yeah totally. I'm just going to watch some TV or something." I stuttered a bit looking at the two men. The openness about sex would take some getting used to.

          Hannibal had made his way to Will and kissed him sweetly on the cheek before the two men walked off together. I felt jealous but I wasn't sure who I was jealous of. 

         Shaking the thought from my head I got up and carefully walked to the living room. It was a minor miracle Hannibal even had a TV he didn't seem like the type to watch television. I flipped through the channels before landing on the news. It was a special segment dedicated to missing persons. 

        A few unfamiliar faces passed by as the news anchor spoke about them until something caught my eye in one of the photos. It was a mugshot of a man accompanied by pictures of unique features he had. On his calf was a tattoo of a tiger. The exact tattoo I remembered seeing on the dismembered leg in Hannibal's basement. My blood ran cold as I listened to the news anchor speak. The man was a career criminal. He went missing a few weeks ago from his home.

         I thought back to the supposed hallucination I had about Hannibal's basement. I know it was the same tattoo. It was really poorly done, probably got it in prison or done by a friend with a tattoo gun. They showed me the pig's body; it definitely wasn't human. Did Hannibal move the body and replace it? My stomach churned at the thought. He was so willing to hide my attacker's body. Maybe it wasn't his first time. 

         I was going to be smart about it this time. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'll ask Will to come with me to the basement when Hannibal isn't around. We can look together. I won't even have to tell Will what I'm looking for. This way Hannibal wouldn't be able to lie his way out of it.

          The shower turned off and I could faintly hear the men talking in Hannibal's room. I changed the channel and tried to look natural. They came out to the living room shortly after. 

         The night continued on. I had to wait till Hannibal was asleep or gone before I could tell Will anything. Going through the evening was exhausting. Hannibal was so perceptive. He could tell something was wrong. I had to keep reassuring him it was just my head. He was eager to offer me all sorts of methods of pain management. I was growing more and more nervous that I was tipping him off to something. It was nearly 11 when Hannibal got a call. It was a patient of his. They had tried to hurt themselves and were begging to see him at the hospital.

         "Do you want us to come along?" Will offered as Hannibal pulled on his coat and got a new umbrella from the holder by the door. I stayed calm not wanting to seem too eager to get Will alone. 

          "No, I will be alright. I don't want you two out in this storm. Thank you though, make sure she gets some rest and I'll be home soon." Hannibal said as he kissed Will and I on our cheeks. He seemed more affectionate. That was good. He must not have suspected anything. 

            I watched Hannibal go to his car and pull out of his driveway. Will seemed excited for him to leave for a different reason. He came up behind me and started kissing on my neck while he wrapped his arms around me. 

            "I'm so sorry about this morning." He said in between slow sweet kisses. I was trying to think of what I could tell him to get him in that basement that didn't make me sound crazy. 

          "It's okay Will. It was a misunderstanding, It happens." I say trying to ease his mind. 

         "You just looked so beautiful. You fell asleep in my arms. I think I found a new turn on." He whispered in my ear. I was hardly listening to him. I was too busy trying to think up a lie. 

         "Drugging a girl?" I tease him a bit. He laughed as he pressed my hips against his. I could feel his member at attention against me. 

          "You sleeping, you looked so peaceful." He said as he tried to lift my sleep shirt. I keep my arms down by my side stopping him. What he was staying didn't make sense. I didn't think I was asleep when he touched me this morning.

            "I thought I was awake." I say as I pull my hips away from him ever so slightly. 

            "You were awake in the beginning. Then you laid your head on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was so intimate, you trusted me so much." He started to rub his hand against the front of my underwear under my sleep shirt. I was half disgusted and half turned on. I wanted to hit him for not stopping once I fell asleep but at the same time I wanted him to fuck me right there in the foyer. I had to focus, our psychiatrist could be a murdering cannibal. 

           "I need your help." I say as I pull his hand away from my crotch. He wasn't going to let me move from his grasp though. 

           "Anything, just say it." He hummed as he bit at my neck. 

          "I think I lost my earring in Hannibal's basement when we were down there. Can you help me look for it?" He stopped all of his canoodling as soon as I mentioned the basement. 

         "You are thinking about your earrings right now?" He laughed as he turned me around to face him. 

          "It's the most expensive pair I have." I say as I give him an apologetic kiss for ruining the mood. It was a long shot. Will had a great memory and I worried he'd remember I wasn't wearing earrings that night. His mind seemed more preoccupied with a more pressing matter than my earring. 

          He leaned down and kissed me back as he tried to pick me up. I had to pull my body from his to get him to regain focus. "Will, please! I love those earrings." He wiped his mouth as he looked down at the ground. He seemed to be trying to collect his thoughts. 

           "Alright stay here." He said as he went to head towards the basement.

           "I'll come along, the more eyes the better. It's super small. You might miss it." I say as I hurry after him. I lose my footing and stumble behind him. He turned around to try and catch me. "I'm fine, I'm fine, let's just look for the earring." I say smiling at him. I was doing my best to not seem desperate.

         "There is no way I'm taking you down there. There is a table saw and a concrete floor. It's a death trap for you in this state. I won't be long, just stay put." He tried to walk me to the sofa but I refused to sit. 

          "Just let me help!" I shout as I push his hands off me. He seemed to have caught on. 

          "Lydia we have been through this, there is nothing down there. There wasn't the other night and there isn't tonight. Hannibal isn't chopping people up in his basement." Will was speaking softly and gently. Like he was talking to a wounded animal. 

           "No Will look, look at this." I say as I grab my phone from the coffee table. I pull up the missing persons report and show him the tattoo. "It's the tattoo I saw. Maybe I'm mistaken but I don't think I am so let's go down there and check it out please!" I beg as he takes my phone to get a better look. 

            "Is this even a tiger? Looks more like an alpaca." He says under his breath. He closed my phone and looked down at me. He was thinking about something. He had started to sweat when I showed him the picture. He either thought I was going crazy or he was starting to believe me.

           "Just one look." I say as I lean against him. "Please."

           "I'll look. You can't even walk in a straight line without help. Let me go down and check it all out." He says with a small smile. It wasn't ideal but at least he seemed to believe me or at least believe that I thought this was real. 

         "Okay yeah sure. Just look in the freezers. Look for hairs, human hair." I say as I sit down on the sofa. He nods and puts my phone in his pocket. I thought it was odd but maybe he wanted it for a light. 

           "Stay here. Don't move please." He said as he kissed me on the forehead. I agreed as he walked down the hall. It wasn't very long at all. Not even two minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. I walked after him, he must have been in the basement because the door was cracked open. I snuck over and peeked through the crack. I couldn't see anything other than the stairs.

           Will was talking down there. I couldn't really hear him so I quietly opened the door and squeezed through. Scooting down slowly on my butt I got near the bottom of the steps and could finally hear him. 

           "Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth!" He whispered. I have never heard that tone from Will. He sounded absolutely crazed so mad he could hardly form a coherent sentence.

         Was he talking to himself? I stood up and peeked around the corner so I could try and see what was happening. Will's back was to me. He was moving something into a closet, it looked like a hospital bed. On the bed looked to be a person, or at least I think it was a person. They were covered in a white sheet and were hooked up to a machine on wheels of some kind. I held my breath not wanting him to know I was lurking. 

         "Help." Someone gasped out from the sheet. They hardly sounded human. 

          "Shut up!" Will barked in a hushed tone. I yelped in surprise, making Will freeze. He knew I was here. 

[une-sanz-pluis]

I am looking at Elizabeth Woodville's family ledger... The author concludes by describing that Margaret Anjou's high income and luxury were in line with the chaotic finances of the late Lancaster dynasty, while Elizabeth Woodville's simplicity represented the order of the York dynasty... Well, I think the author may have overlooked Elizabeth Woodville's identity, making it impossible for her to have the expenses that a normal queen should have at the beginning. And Anjou's Margaret did need to be generous in reaching out to the nobility when her husband was unable to rule in the later years (what do you think?)

I'm not that familiar with Elizabeth Woodville's life and tenure as queen, the intricacies of Wars of the Roses discourse nor Margaret of Anjou's finances. But I would agree with the idea that Elizabeth Woodville got smaller dower because of her lack of status compared to Margaret of Anjou and the fact that by marrying her, Edward IV circumvented the political marriage negotiations.

What we do know, however, is that Margaret received 10,000 marks p.a. for her dower and this is the same dower that her predecessors, Joan of Navarre and Catherine de Valois, received and the same dower Isabelle de Valois would have received had she reached her majority before Richard II was deposed and killed.

Historians looking at Joan of Navarre's dower have noted it was a large strain on the country's finances, particularly given the costs of the Crown was accruing in effort to suppress the various rebellions. These historians have also noted the bind this put on future marriage negotiations for future kings and heirs (by which I mean negotiations with royal and aristocratic European courts): the same dower would have to be provided for each queen or else it would be deemed insulting, suggesting their daughter/sister was less worthy than their predecessor(s), and the negotiations would be unlikely to succeed.* It's generally suspected that the treason accusations Joan faced were primarily in reaction to Henry V's upcoming marriage to Catherine de Valois - Henry didn't think the already-stretched finances of the country could stretch to finding another 10,000 marks and the easiest solution was to deprive Joan of her income and her liberty.**

What that means is that when it came time for Henry VI to marry, it would be expected by both the English and the French that Margaret would receive 10,000 marks p.a. in dower. It was not a sign of the "chaotic finances of the late Lancaster dynasty", it was entirely in keeping with the marriages that the previous Lancastrian kings and last Plantagenet king had made. It might be tempting to conclude that given the struggles with paying that dower, the English should have considered marrying Henry to an English noblewoman with the intention of providing her with a smaller dower. But that overlooks the purpose of Henry's marriage. Marriages - especially the marriage of a king - played large, important roles in medieval diplomacy. The chief priority at the time was to gain some advantage in the war with France. The financial benefits would also limited - the reduction between Margaret's dower (10,000 marks or around £6,667, iirc) to Elizabeth's (£4500) might seem like a lot to modern and medieval eyes but comparatively it was a drop in the ocean of the broader financial problems England and Henry were facing.

As your ask implies, Margaret's income from her dower was not just about making her rich. Gift-giving was an important part of the medieval court culture and individuals of status were expected to exchange luxurious gifts and they served as a symbol of the relationship between individuals.

What often does seem frivolous to modern eyes was the display of splendour. Richard Barber connects the display of kingly magnificence to the visible proof of the monarch and their special status. This meant the king's personal appearance (wearing splendid jewels and garments), the presence and appearance of his queen and their children, his ceremonies, feasts, and public appearances, the appearance of his surrounds, the courtiers, musicians, artists etc he employed and who were present at his court, the display of his belongings and more. This was also true for queens. The display of splendour enforced Margaret's status as queen and her wealth allowed her to maintain this display, from the rebuilding of La Pleasaunce to her personal dress to the gifts she gave and the ceremonies that centred her. It also underlined Henry's status as king, since Margaret's queenship was an extension of his kingship. This was particularly important as Henry's reign entered the crisis years and his authority became threatened.

On the use of jewels in particular, Tracy Adams succinctly summarises Nicola Tallis's work on the jewels of the late medieval and Tudor queens like so: "the gems worn by these queens mirrored their status and rendered visual their authority". We can be sure, too, that if a queen failed to live up to the expectations of the display of queenly splendour, she would be faced with a barrage of criticism - probably from the same commentators criticising her for spending too much money.

And yes, Margaret's income gave her the wealth and independence to maintain or court loyalties during the crisis years of Henry VI's reign, especially when Henry was in York's custody.

* Possibly, this is what happened with Joan. Because 10,000 marks had been promised for Isabelle's dower, it is possible the same had to be promised to Joan but where Isabelle had a large dowry to offset the costs of her future, Joan had no dowry.

** The situation was a lot more complicated and murky but Joan's not the subject of this ask. so I'm keeping it short and simple.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Do you think you’d be interested in doing a nsfw A-Z for BCS characters but mainly Jimmy😳🥴

ive had this in my drafts for the longest time but this was such a good idea!!! i rly wanna do more prompt type things so i may try to find some more :3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

jimmy is the sweetest most cuddly loveydovey man you'd ever have the pleasure of banging 🥺🥺🥺 lots of hugs and kisses and telling you what a great job you did and oh my god you're so gorgeous he could do this every night

saul is not as affectionate but he'll give you some praise. maybe a high five and a "woo! nice job, kid!" if he's feeling silly. unless it's during business hours. then it's "get back to work, mr. squidward."

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

partner - chest. man is a boob fiend. partly why trans men are a guilty pleasure for him bc whether they've had top surgery or not he's fixated on their chests

himself - i actually don't know? maybe his hair. he seems to put a lot of effort into it (even when he starts going better call bald 😔) so i think maybe that. also he loves having it tugged on bc he's a slut

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

facials. dirty boy loves making a mess of you >:3

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

i expanded on this here but basically he's repressing his bisexuality. he would like to have sex with men more often but he can't bring himself to go out and get some dick. again, trans men are a guilty pleasure bc to him they're a compromise. he rationalizes that it's not really gay if he has a pussy (let him have this he's trying)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he is VERY sexually experienced with cis women. not at all with anyone else. but he's a quick learner. regardless of what setup anyone has, he'll figure out what makes them tick

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

cowgirl!! ride this baby boy he loves it. he likes it bc he loves having someone push him down and take what they want from him (and also he doesn't have to do as much work which is great for his old man joints 😌)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he'll be silly goofy in foreplay, but he gets more serious as things heat up

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

fuzzy wuzzy baby boy 🤗🤗 he may trim a LITTLE if it's getting too wild but never totally shave

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

depends! not at all during his saul era. as jimmy he's more likely to be sweet with you in that way

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

the first time he touched his prostate he screamed and came harder than he ever had before and he's scared to do it again

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

dirty talk!!! he's got a lot to say. he just loves seeing the effect his words have on you and how they can really make the difference between good sex and mindblowing sex

also when he's having sex with other men chances are he's topping, so if they're okay with it he'd be into calling them slurs bc it makes him feel powerful

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

car sex! getting ridden in the driver's seat, his body pressed on top of yours as he fucks you in the backseat, bending you over the hood, he loves it all

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he's a shameless flirt. he'll go in with STRATEGIC rizz to try to get someone in bed with him, but he CANNOT deal with reciprocation. the second someone shows a crumb of interest in him he fumbles. and if you fire back with sass he'll basically beg you to take him right then and there

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

he cannot take extreme pain. he's curious about masochism and likes getting slapped/spanked and having his hair pulled but he's not into anything that would bruise. he's sensitive :( also he likes choking his partner but he doesn't like getting choked himself

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

absolutely loves receiving it!! he loves having his balls licked ehehe they're sensitive

loves giving it too BUT if it's not a cis woman's pussy he's in the trenches. the first time he saw a t-dick he was stunned. but, being the man of reason that he is, he figured "well! that looks like a little dick. can i suck it?" and immediately tested his theory and fell in love with t-dicks

when it comes to amab dicks? he's trash. he cannot suck dick to save his life. no lips and too bad of a gag reflex ☹️

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

tends to be on the faster/rougher side. slow and sensual is only if he's in a long term relationship with someone (or if he's subbing and needs his partner to be gentle)

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

man CANONICALLY gets blown in his office during the work day. he loves em

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

see above.

also! generally yeah. i think he's in the camp of "don't knock it til you try it" so he'd be down to try almost anything once

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

old man. he can maybe nut once or twice before he taps out. but he'll always make sure his partner's taken care of

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

YES i think he'd have a pretty decent arsenal. he's got a couple vibrators for partners and some cock rings/sleeves for himself. for either he's probably got a ballgag and a blindfold and he's definitely the type to own a pair of those cheap fuzzy handcuffs.

also i can't get this idea out of my head of him trying to talk himself out of it but finally cracking, buying a buttplug, and then never trying it out because he's scared 😭

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

if i have to answer this question im logging off y'allready KNOW

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

jimmy's a whiny bitch and he's LOUD!!!!! saul does a better job of keeping it down (he actually tries to stifle himself a bit bc he doesn't wanna show feelings teehee send this man to therapy)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he has a piss kink. cope.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

abt 5.5 inches, fat, uncut, big juicy buals

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i think pretty high! mentally he's always down but he got old man dick (canonically takes viagra 💀) so he can't go as much as he'd like

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

after a particularly intense round he'll conk out almost instantly. but most of the time he's down for cuddling and pillow talk

[libra-stellium]

Saturn conjunct Ascendant

As a 14 degree Pisces rising this was March 12, 2024 to May 8, 2024.

"Bitch wtf is going on????" - me the entire 57 days and it's coming back around in early 2025

Notes from Saturn in Transit - Erin Sullivan

Saturn over the ascendant can be experienced as an extremely dramatic shift from "who you used to be" to "who you will be" but with a rather traumatic period of uncertainty while the no longer useful persona is sloughed off

It’s been a weird timeeeeeee like there’s some things i'm like so excited about that are a “new me” and then there’s some other stuff I’m like 💀💀💀 about and I’m gonna pretend like nothing is happening for a while longer bc this feels like too much change at once 🥲 maybe in 2025 lol my mind has been going nonstop!

The thresholding that is experienced during this time can be a shock to someone who has strongly identified with or has been identified with a particular and definite image

lol I literally introduced myself as an astrologer to someone the other day bc they mentioned astro and me being an attorney never came up and it honestly felt nice 😩 yeah my entire schooling revolved around becoming an attorney but like it doesn’t "feel" like I succeeded at it lmfao and I’m honestly not putting a lot of effort into making it feel like success either so 🙃

Understanding this necessary loss of personal identification greatly reduces stress and allows a more conscious transition into the new self image. The struggle is all about coming to terms with unconscious material in the conscious mind and vice versa

I think so much is happening in my unconscious mind bc I usually remember most of my dreams in complete detail and the last two weeks at least I know I’ve had very longgg detailed dreams but when I wake up I can’t remember it in the part of my brain that can say it into words lol I feel like I’m missing out on messages!

Saturn brings to the ascendant all the manifest experiences and control issues that have dominated the last 14 year extraverted cycle during which the individual learned how to be present and accountable in the conscious world or accomplishments, deeds, and collective goals

"I'm giving myself goals because I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not accomplishing anything." - Me in 2021 a year after getting my law degree lol I feel like it encompasses this whole thing! During this transit I wrote a list of personal goals and they're not outward things like graduation they're more like be consistent with skin care lol the other day I told my aunt I just relaxed and I didn't do anything and she was like if you're so boring why don't you go on a walk and i was like??? I didn't say that?? lol made me not want to say anything else!!

Symbolic of a descent into oneself

When I first read this I was like oooh seems zen 🧘🏾‍♀️ IT WAS NOT ZEN IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES!! It feels like too much pressure to know and be like "this is who I am" i just want to be a pisces rising whose personality changes whenever

Notes from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

You will try to eliminate everything in your life that is not necessary to fulfilling responsibilities

I didn’t do many things just for fun during this time everything had a purpose. I did finish reading two books unfinished from last year and it was in an attempt to spend less time watching videos which worked!

You will become more complex and simpler at the same time

Idkkkk I’m not sure I understand what this even means

You are finishing up tasks going into a 5-8 year period of relatively quiet preparation for a new beginning

I feel like I’ll see this more in 2025 bc right now I don’t really have anything started that needed to be finished lol

You may have less freedom of movement than usual because of the pressure of circumstances and the need to get things done

A week into this I made happy hour plans and I was going to leave work extra early bc I had nothing to do and I got an assignment literally 2 hours before I was going to go! I did finish in 2 hours and went to HH but it was stressful lol

You may have to exert more effort at work in order to get the job done

For real the last month I actually had so much more work at work than usual I was working a full 8 hour day sometimes 😭 usually I have like maybe 8 hours of work a week!

Your superiors may give you even more responsibility than you would choose to have

Facts! The last few days I’ve been essentially training this girl at work and the last day of this transit I finished lol seemed fitting

Do not start out on a completely new project because in a few years you may find that you do not have the material or psychological resources to complete it

This makes me feel like it should be about something big 😂 I have not started any projects lol I did apply to a few jobs but none of them even responded to reject me so that was also unintentionally not started

Good relationships will not suffer but bad ones will break up completely

I feel like Saturn in aqua in my 12H took care of most of the bad relationships already lol so this was fine

You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is in the way of your development during the next few years

Yeah I’ve been more annoyed than usual at people around me who are making the choice to struggle just bc they don’t want to try something new 😩 it’s been making me feel like I can’t be as close to them like it’s contagious 😂

Avoid building a wall between yourself and others because they are important to you now that you are excluding those who do not belong

Yes I’ve been making it a point to actually say yes to events lol but it's hard to keep in contact with people for some reason! I forget to or think that less time has passed and then I check messages and it's been weeks!

This is a productive time

I did get a lot done! I cooked a lot of meals, I washed all my bedding that’s been sitting there since end of last year, I cleaned my fish tank, I cleaned the mildew off my bathroom walls, I put a lot of my clothes away, my recycling pile is way down, I built a storage shelf thing for under my desk, I sewed a skirt, I read and wrote a lot

Follow through on the tasks that need to be done and get your life in shape for the next phase of preparation

I’ve been intentional about this! I made a list of things I want to get out of my saturn return in my 1H and one of those things is clear skin so I’ve been consistent with the routine like actually tracking it on the calendar! Losing weight was another on that list and the last two months I was just focusing on food like getting back into cooking and the last almost 3 weeks I’ve been tracking all my food and even using a food scale. On the last day of this transit I signed up for the gym!

Overall I would give this transit 6/10 😂 the mental anguish was toooo much Omggg I hope it’s easier in 2025 and after that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this for another 30 years

[seldaryne]

haven't finished the durge pt yet (idc about spoiling anything though that has 0 impact on me enjoying the game fdgh) but i've been thinking Thoughts.

edit okay as i was writing this i went ahead and just read up on the backstory so i could continue my thoughts in a coherent manner lmfao

(lots of info here, apparently ive gotten Very attached to her in the last uh. three weeks give or take. kinda sorta chronological?? idk it makes sense to me lmao)

--

velrith probably definitely only settled on that name in act 2. prior that she was just called whatever people drifted to if they needed her attention. & she didn't really care, having a void for memories will do that to a bitch, but it can make introductions awkward or give them a weird 'im too good to even give you my identity' energy. not super great when paired with someone who doesn't really emote or put a ton of effort into masking tonal inflections. she pointedly allowed other people to do more of the talking as a result for a while & would get roped into conversations that way.

i'd like to go ahead and tie in astarion's frequent use of pet names here to this too. he's got a goal here, and can't just drop a 'hey you' every time he's angling for something. it's easier to fill in the blanks that way & make sure it doesn't come across as cold and calculated as the seduction actually is for a time. of course, the mental gymnastics weren't necessary here. aside from the fact that she's extremely intense about her oath & therefore is legally obligated to send cazador straight to hell on sight, he'd also have the same luck with a low-effort, straightforward 'do you want to have sex?' the lines are... usually fine, never actually crossing boundaries, but she does find a lot of them to be really goddamn weird & unnecessary when the point could be made in less than 10 words.

picture a distraught-looking sighthound & you have the general idea of the face she makes when he lays it on thick. she's giving her best shot at a socially appropriate expression. it's not working.

also on names, she can't say for sure if that's who she was before or if she just pieced together syllables that sounded like Something from memory. again, doesn't really matter either way, since she's not in any hurry to reclaim her former self. it's fine.

ketheric felt straightforward. a tragic figure who she did extend an olive branch towards, but ultimately felt nothing when it came time to bring her blade down (besides, isobel seemed like she knew what she was talking about when velrith confessed [suddenly coming back into her room just to point-blank tell her about the desire to spill her blood] certain thoughts of violence towards the cleric, and it felt like the sort of assurance she should be trusting, right? more than any of her own emotions, anyway.)

gortash gives her the ick. like, there's no other way to describe that one. he actually probably still would even without all the history (and the fact that he needed to repent for what he'd done to karlach), but the slimy over-familiarity was really the nail in the coffin there. velrith isn't smooth nor particularly socially gifted, but she has a certain air of formal pride she carries herself with. acting like you know her better than she does herself (even if it may very well be the truth!) is so beyond an overstep of what she's able to function with. stripping away everything else, if he even tried to touch her casually on the shoulder, he would have been liable to lose that hand.

orin troubles her. for the obvious reasons, but she also just... pities her. almost. pre-tadpole, velrith was honestly relatively similar compared to her current personality. colder and more able to justify slaughter, sure, but still staunchly refusing to compromise her own feelings for social games. she understood how the game pieces moved when she watched other people, even when she was younger, but if asked to copy the same techniques, she was only ever able to bludgeon straight through in a line. consequently, people don't really care how strange you are if you're just that good at your job. orin made a one-sided rivalry out of someone who otherwise just regarded her as a peer in the same arena, and now sees her as someone who wouldn't have been able to take the chance at redemption even if it had been on the table. she was too far gone, unable to stand on her own or cope with the fact that she would always be lesser than someone who genuinely could not have cared less about standings. maybe if velrith had feigned some interest, there wouldn't have been so much hatred. or maybe there would have.

either way, she sees orin in a depressing light. someone who had nothing and no one but the prospect of power, and who crumbled as soon as that chance at power was taken away. to let her live would have been to co-sign on her projecting those emotions outwards. velrith isn't stupid and knows there's a good chance she might have gone the same way if she hadn't been lucky enough to receive her parasite. in another life, she thinks that maybe she could have found a connection, and they might have saved each other (either genuinely or in a twisted version of the word). this isn't a thought she shares with anyone. she thinks about that death and their interactions for a long time afterwards.

her 'normal' childhood sometimes comes to her in fleeting memories that disappear out of her periphery if she focuses too hard. she thinks she liked her parents, and they seemed like nice people from what she can semi-recall. but she can also tell that there's always just been something wrong with her if she compares herself to other people. many of these snippets feature her looking anywhere but at her parents' faces, unable to express herself verbally in a way they could understand (the words were right, they way she used them was... her own, shall we say?). something flipped at some point, and all of the sudden she would stare too much at them, not blinking or looking away at the right moments. they'd seemed to squirm a bit under this. they always seemed a bit sad when they looked at her, as if they'd loved her but she was never quite as they hoped she would be.

she had to be taught what to do during a hug as an older child instead of leaving her arms limp at her sides. she knows that.

she doesn't remember killing them. she doesn't remember how it would have felt to receive her first order or how she was unable to do anything but listen to the violent urges.

there's more guilt for not feeling much towards them than there is for the killing.

the staring hasn't shifted again. she knows she looks at people too hard and/or too long, looks at them dead in the eyes and studies their faces, but she can't help it. one, it's good to be aware and alert. two, looking away doesn't seem to be the answer either. at least this way they know she's paying attention, right?

she thinks she shouldn't care about these things, that it's so ridiculous coming from her blood-soaked past, laughable that she'd wonder what it meant to have people relax in your presence instead of becoming more visibly anxious. but she wants to be good, she really, really does. she wants to be able to join a group like everyone else, slipping seamlessly into their words and laughing how they laugh instead of her own (the faintest of smiles and a soft rush of air running past her lips, blink-and-you'll-miss-it laughter that may as well not exist outside of her head). she doesn't hate herself for these things, because she doesn't know how else to be, but she does wonder. she wants to know what it's like for these things to be easy. bhaal's favourite hadn't been blessed with charisma, apparently.

consequently, she has a very hard time now figuring out how to actually connect with anyone, or what it should feel like to have friends.

it made her somewhat uncomfortable in the beginning to be asked questions by these people on a regular basis. not even personal questions, just things to signal that she existed to them in some capacity. gale remembers when she'd wrinkled her nose at a certain seasoning, and leaves it off her plate when he makes dinner going forward. lae'zel likes how she fights and asks her questions on technique, asking to spar so she could better understand the answers. shadowheart thinks they're alike with similar holes in their memories, and seeks out her company because of it. she doesn't understand, and for a while she even feels a bit suffocated by it. exposure therapy is really the only remedy here.

initially there are some reasonable assumptions on whether she just dislikes them all that much, or if she thinks she's better than them, or some other nasty reason. it takes approximately two conversations with her for everyone to understand that's not the case. it's like speaking to someone who only every studied social behaviour from an incomplete textbook and was visibly struggling to fill in the gaps in real-time. is she scary? yes, a bit. does she stare at you Way too much when you're speaking to her (at her, really, because you will be carrying that conversation until she's gotten her footing)? also yes. but she's really earnestly trying to sort herself out for the sake of the people around her, brain twisting around itself to learn things that were as easy as breathing to most. and it's sort of sweet, in its own way.

over time, she stops simply caring about these people based on her code of ethics. she starts to remember things about them too, her love language starts to show itself through gift-giving at an absolutely glacial pace, but it's noticeable to literally everyone despite that. a small trinket picked up at the market matching shadowheart's usual taste is pressed into her hand with only a nod before velrith is turning on her heel and almost running away. a tome is thrust at wyll with such startling intensity that the kindness actually comes off as a bit of a threat, but she looks visibly relieved when he takes it with a smile. so on and so forth. every incident like this, every blunt display of 'i notice you. i think you would like this. i thought of you today,' is accompanied by a hasty exit. task accomplished, but now the script has run out, so she's doing the same. she also finds it hard to look at people once the exchange has taken place, and is pretty sure this is an affliction only she suffers from.

she's going to push through it anyway, even if it makes her skin feel like its trying to recoil off her bones.

it also comes out in the protection. again, it's expected as a paladin of devotion, but no one is quite prepared for the molten fury that burns in her eyes or the weight of her voice whenever ghosts from the past arise. not only has she sworn her protection to those suffering from harm (and names like orin, gortash, cazador, viconia & more absolutely qualify as those who cause harm), but it feels personal. acting as shield and guillotine is when velrith is truly in her element, standing tall and embodying the virtues laid out in her tenets.

she is fighting internally just as much as externally, pushing back against base instincts to continue her sworn oath. driving her sword through the flesh of the emperor is just as much about defeating him as it is proving to herself that she is still capable of goodness. if she falls here, she can at least die knowing she was dedicated to rebellion until her very last breath.

this does not mean that she actually registers it when people like her, though. in fact, once she pieces together what her true nature is (she hadn't wanted to kick that poor animal, or make a spectacle of that nice bard's corpse, or try to rip out astarion's throat as he slept--but she had done those things, and more, and what's worse, some of them don't even to her like they would anyone else) she's pretty sure that the unanimous, logical choice would be to put her at a distance.

so she braces, prepares, makes peace with returning to the status quo & starts pulling away before staging her little ted talk. jaheira catches her first, though, and it gets to her. she's not spoken much to the woman, but she's... incredibly understanding, actually. so much so that it leaves velrith with a profound ache in her chest when she rolls over and tries to sleep again (jaheira's insistence, and her promise to stand watch all night in case she lost control again). being around jaheira hurts like hell, but she still seeks her out after that incident. she looks at her kindly but doesn't treat her with any more fragility than before. she's good-humoured when answering question after question about bhaalspawn, and stays honest the whole time too. she seeks her out when she isolates as much as she can on the outside of camp, dropping a sack of potatoes at velrith's feet and sitting beside her so that they can peel them in easy silence.

she likes that the most. sometimes it feels like velrith's head is too full; not from the parasite or the echoes of a murderous god, but from--she's not sure, actually, but it makes thinking hard, and speech tends to take a temporary leave as well. no amount of coaxing makes a difference, it'll return when it decides to. that's the bad sort of silence, the type that other people feel like they should fix so that everyone can be comfortable again. except jaheira, who apparently can figure out what she needs before velrith can even process that question. and sometimes, she just needs to peel some potatoes for a bit.

standing before everyone else, she prepares for the logical choice of rejection again. instead, she's greeted with shrugs, support, sympathy, but overall--not much of a change. that's the part that sends her off, only pausing just long enough to take a breath before excusing herself to the surrounding woods. it hurts so damn much, being loved like this. she wonders if any technicalities in her oath actually require her to slay herself at this point, just based on the implications alone. they should be appalled. fearful. cold. and she'd wound herself up so much inside determining this to already be the only end to her confession. bare your soul, lose what you'd only started to ease into, return to your duty.

the other shoe never does drop, though. it's gone so catastrophically well that she can't even make the tears flow properly (she's only done it once before that she remembers, but that should be adequate). instead, her sobs are muffled gasps against her hands, choking on her own confusion as she sinks to the ground, shaking.

of course, this comes out after the "incident", in the underdark, which means astarion has already seen her cry precisely once of something that seemed to her a similar scale. he's got a better handle on it, he'd like to believe, and he can sense that he's being silently volunteered for the 'fetch our bhaalspawn' quest. she's not hard to find either, an ice-white tiefling amongst the greenery with her head hidden in her arms, folded in on herself like she's not worth the weight of her own bones. it's sad, and a little annoying, actually, because if she was to insist that he possessed worth like it was the most obvious fact in the world, like he was strange for not feeling the same way, why shouldn't that same sentiment extend in her direction.

of course, there's little he can say to soothe in a way that matters, he's not going to make that mistake again, but he's at least able to bring her up for air. yes my love, perhaps it is foolish and unwise for any of us to stay around something so dangerous, but that argument can be made in many directions, not just yours. you would be the first among us to dismiss those very notions if they were coming from someone else, and have done so--multiple times, may i add--as bhaalspawn. if there's upset about the reveal, i'm confident that it's more to do with how you feel than anything else.

and really, what's she supposed to do with that aside from break even more (from relief, maybe? tension and fear of rejection that she hadn't known how to recognize, hadn't known she was holding onto? the understanding that this is not just from him, but on behalf of everyone else too?) and crumble into him.

against all odds, she is worthy of loving. despite her bloodline and her personal shortcomings, she is worthy of that much.

nothing in half-measures, as most paladins tend to be. does she remember when or why or even how she took the oath? not even a bit. but it's the only thing in her head when she wakes up on the mind flayer ship, the sole thing she's sure of, the only guiding direction she has. it should be enough to understand right and wrong, but it isn't for her. following the oath is a choice, something she can steady herself on when nothing else makes sense. devotion to her cause of protection, restoring some of the balance in the world that she lost before orin killed her. maybe that was why she lived; something needed her to right some of her sins before death arrived. or maybe a divine power was looking for someone who wouldn't be missed if they were lost in stopping the ithilids.

whatever it is, she does everything in her power to stick to it. until, of course, life happens (as it tends to) and she does something in the underdark. what did she do? she doesn't know, because she thought she was helping--that myconid was going to betray the colony that took him in when he lost all others. she raised her sword when it was clear a scolding wouldn't change his mind. and then... the sinking feeling that something was wrong.

something was missing. the only part of her that felt like it was anything was gone, and for the first time (maybe ever?) she gets emotional. there's no anchor anymore, no calming guide of tenets to follow.

the oathbreaker knight will find her later, she knows. at camp, she's distraught, and the little bit she dared interact goes out the window entirely. there's nothing anyone could actually say that would help, anyway. this does not stop astarion from trying.

glib as ever, were she in a more normal headspace she would have seen the dismissive comment for the hand-waving attempt at comfort it was. he probably knows there's nothing he can actually say to bring her down, but surely a joke (meant to reassure that she would be fine regardless, whether the oath stayed broken or was re-taken, she was competent on the field and he at least trusted her that much) would be alright?

it was not.

for all that he carried, he could not--did not--understand. of course he could be cavalier about it; despite all that was taken from him, he still had his own gods-damned name. he knew who he was, wasn't scrambling to put together fragments of his own ghost just to make some unimpressive small talk like she was. she has not yet chosen her name at this point, and that oath is where she begins & ends as a person.

he's silent when she snaps, unexpected. like a cornered animal about to tear its own leg out of a trap, daring anyone to come closer to 'help' so that they too can be maimed. a total loss for words, even when she stalks off to keep herself from acting out even further (who knows how prone she would be to violence now? not her!), raising her voice for the first time at him in pure grief.

he doesn't really get it, but he understand more in the middle of all that. the pieces click together in his mind, working themselves out during the berating. the gods never answered his cries, and so his outlook remained fairly bleak on the whole pantheon. paladins occupied a space at the opposite end of the spectrum, and he'd assumed that her more uptight habits were an offshoot from that (it's not like she gave him a ton to work with, either. he did his best from what he was allowed to see). for her, there may as well have been no gods involved in any capacity. it was simply the thing that kept her from fracturing entirely, now gone thanks to a misunderstood line in the agreement.

she still refuses to speak to him, even after she's begged for the oath back--she'll be good this time, really, she'll be good, she promises, it won't happen again, please--and received it successfully. she's not talking much to anyone, feeling both too exhausted and over-sensitive to even contemplate that. his apology isn't... good, exactly. but it's honest and that's really all she gives a shit about. things are still weird and cold for a bit, manifesting in a physical distance & reinforcing just how off his initial read on her was. but it's her first real brush with interpersonal conflict, so learning curves are expected. time and circumstance eventually help things settle, with there being bigger things to worry about.

she's quiet during sex. responsive and hyper-aware of her body, definitely, but still restrained. she enjoys the act, however, despite the lack of volume, and this shows through a readiness to explore and feel things. the ability to feel physical pleasure is something that at least seems to be something she has in common with most people. but she's overly permissive too, sometimes uncomfortably so; she's simply not attached enough to her body to have real concerns or strong preferences. at first glance, this seems to be deference, the need to be agreeable in every situation lest she tip the scales too much in her own direction.

he puts his finger on that after the third encounter, and finds himself taking a break from her for a while after as a result (once again, an act that she's absolutely fine with--god, has the thought of challenging him ever even crossed her mind in this department?). Further observation, however, reveals something else. her actions are exploratory. experimental. there's no frame of reference, she needs to establish preferences all over again for this version of herself. in fact, he sees that this extends to other tasks people ask of her as well. every action or accompaniment is met with the same reserved curiosity, considering what's being asked of her before ultimately deciding to try something new. perhaps that was why he felt like he was being intensely studied if he squints.

there's no doubt that she does see him. but she only sees enough to know that she lacks the connections to actually do anything with that. an unbalanced, vexing sort of safety net. (still, there was probably no one better for him to glue himself to than a paladin, and he tells himself that's why he spends so long trying to figure her out. because surely, her motivations can't be as obviously honest as they come across--can they?)

it's only after she tells him on the name she's privately decided to give herself (private for now, since everyone else will be informed in the morning) that he starts to realize just how much he enjoys kissing her. she's not nearly as practiced as he is, but gods, there's such a single-mindedness to the kisses it actually leaves him dizzy. her focus is so all-encompassing, the world around them may as well have been unravelling at its seams and she still wouldn't break contact. chasing pleasure but holding back just enough to keep her head above the water, prolonging the act as much as she can. he's been kissed before. many times, actually, but not like this.

there is... so much disappointment when rejecting bhaal doesn't actually change anything fundamental in her. on one hand, that really does mean that it's been her personality the entire time. that the good choices she made were hers, and they were worth fighting for.

on the other hand, fostering even that small seed of hope that she might become less of herself and more like other people had been a dangerous game. the distance remains, along with the lack of understanding and knowledge that some things would always be more hard-won for her, while others would simply be entirely beyond her reach. knowing this logically is one thing. accepting it is... entirely different. it will take time, and she will at least allow herself as much so as to properly grieve a version of herself whose body knew how to laugh freely.

she'll be okay.

[xx-cringe-factory-xx]

Im bored so I am once again talking about stuff I barely understand\d and Im too scared to talk to the hs discord cause it feels like others make me uncomfy cause their fixed morals and actual ability to understand and explain things better than me lmao.

How I see my class and aspect as a thief of void

(alos may talk about lunar sway (mine is prospit leaning), read to find out!!)

woah okay sooo im gonna start with aspect cause that's easier for me to understand and explain why i think it's litterally me.

the voidy stuff!

so the only ways Ive seen void explained is "confusion, unaware, subjectivity" and vague stuff like that whish uh, yeah it's right ig, both light and void are based around their own understanding of things. but it feels like others focus too much on that. void players tend to be confident in what they do understand(or at least I am), even if it may not be a lot or very useful.

cannon examples being: equius with robots, roxy with actually quite a bit(others relationships, the window things, ect.) uhh cant remember any void players lmfao,

also another thing people tend to ignore is that they are hard to understand/ make sense of. once again with equius just overall being veiwed as "oh no, its THAT guy" and roxy just cannonically being imposible to explain/read by dirk. also he never even asked??? so that's part of the issue people dont just ask, most void players would just answer if people asked. like dude??? we dont fucking hide how we feel, its just that others dont even like, put in effort to know. alsowhile im kinda on a tangent about how people dont ask, void players are kinda like "dont ask, dont tell." (haha refference to homophobia) unless they see it as important or relavant. I alos just dont have a lot of oppinions on things that do actually affect me, but that is prolly jsut more of a me thing than void as a whole.

(btw, I am going to take a quick break to go pee before I get into my class, and I will not reread this till after I post it, so I may think of things I wanna change or add, which means i will prolly just be reblogging it everytime i think of somethign knew lmfao)

uh Thevft thievery and tax fraud

(my laptop is overheating slightly, i only have three tabs open)

okay quick thing on why Im not a witch and why I think online quizes keep forcing that apon me with some random ass aspect (THE ASPECT CHANGES ALMOST EVERY TIME :SOB: )

witches tend to not understand that they're doing something wrong/ they just see that what they're doing MIGHT help them, so they do it. they over all do their best to do what they think makes sense without like trying to explain why it makes sense ig(?) witches also dont seem to have many strong oppinions on others outside of every one of their friends is the best, or every one else is either unimportant and does not matter enough to even CONSIDER taking into account when coming up with a possibly confusing plan. while thief's tend to get ahead of themselves they do understand that a complicated plan can go wrong WAY more than a simple one, arvhams razor or whatever.

as explained in the silly brochure thingy that i have spent too much time rereading (lnked on the masterlist thing for classpecting posts in pinned thingy) thief's are also working on higher stakes. focused on an end goal instead of the specifics of what leads us there. which unfortunately leads us to completely ignoring why and who we might've hurt to get us to the end goal. also in the brochure thing it mentioned how thief's work against what they think is how society works (?) (meenah wanting to live on a moon cause of reasons I cant remember, and vriska just in general viewing people as just boring or unimportant) for a thief, theirs them and then theirs everyone else with zero overlap. when a thief get's to close to being like their perception of everyone else they force themselves out of it so it becomes a weird cycle of "woah these people are great" and "these people are making me soft, uhoh gotta fix that"

when in relation to my lunar sway, I'm a prospitian. (woagh) which yikes black and white thinking, and I think i fucking need a good reason for doing things. or at least a reason I think is good. lmao

prospit theif of void(conclusion??)

all together I tend to get uncomfy with people actually understanding and being set on things ESSPECIALLY MORALS. i overall view most people as more mature than me. as in they understand what they view as bad. I like philosophy and the open ended questions that come with it. I'm not really attached to any specific religion or ideas. I do like absurdism on solipsism though. subjectivity is a huge thing for me, it's just that others usually are super strict on what they see as real or true. honestly my only rules/morals for myself are dont hurt others unless it's necessary, and anything is okay as long as you feel good about it and arent ACTUALLY hurting others (as in fuck around and find out, BUT DO NOT ACTUALLY TOUCH OR INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO TOUCH REAL KIDS OR ANIMALS YOU SICKF UCK)

anyways uh yeah im a theif of void, i am making all of thisup based on a game thing that didnt even explain it properly in the og webcomic.

I love you (/??) bye

[i-willstealyourtoes]

hiya! may i request a tf2 matchup? :)

im 19, AFAB, my gender is unlabeled as of now, i go by any pronouns but im very fem leaning, bisexual, aquarius, INFP, 5’8, chubby/curvy, brown eyes, armpit-length black layered wolfcut with bangs. i don’t really know what the style is called but i dress like the girls from fatal frame, wear black rectangle glasses, and tend to wear heavy eyeliner, making me seem intimidating to some but i swear im nice once u come up to me LOL

i love art, music, all sorts of wildlife, fashion, and im sort of a scifi buff,, i can listen to practically anything except modern day rap. i often listen to early 2000s and 1960s-90s music, whether its rap, pop, funk, country, rock, indie….

for religion i’d consider myself an agnostic, im heavily against abrahamic religions, i wont judge for what you believe but they just don’t sit right with me.

id call myself an ambivert, it kind of just depends on the people im with and the vibes i get from them. i get incredibly jealous, either keep things bottled up until i can’t take it anymore, or i come to you to talk about my feelings. it takes some time for me to trust and get close to people, and if i feel like i can’t see you in my future then i won’t even bother. my love language is gift-giving, acts of service, and physical affection. i probably have some sort of personality disorder, but ive never been able to go get a diagnosis lol

Ok ok this is my first match-up omg pls bare with me-

You matched with: Sniper !!

I just think you two would just...get each other???

When he saw what you looked like, he probably thought you looked really cool

Brown eyes and black wolf-cut??? I think he would immediately be attracted

I think he likes brown eyes and black hair, and a wolf-cut too???

He thinks wolf-cuts are really neat okay

Once you guys are together, he would just love to stare into your eyes (if you tease him about it he will fall apart fr)

Oh and if you let him run his fingers through your hair???? Any stress of his is just gone

He's one of those people that he enjoys just being with you and you don't even have to talk

The concept of him just sitting down on the bed, watching you do your hair or makeup in comfortable silence???

It's enough to make him propose fr (/hj)

Obviously he wouldn't be fall in-love/be romantically attracted instantly, but your appearance would definitely get his attention

Like, he's never really seen someone with your style of makeup or outfit?

He's quite intrigued

Like, do you wear this all the time? That looks like a lot of effort

Well, compared to this man's routine, basically anything is a lot of effort

Once he starts crushing on you, he'll probably go shopping and see a nice accessory and go "Hey, I think that'd match them....right????"

He might get it for you, but he'll be very casual and just place it beside you or put it on your bedroom table

"Oh, uh.....I just thought....it'd look good...is it okay..?"

After you two get together, he would probably buy you clothes or something

He doesn't really think people look intimidating unless they're very tall and violent, but he kind of can see why you would look like that to some

He doesn't think you're scary or anything, although he might avoid talking (in the start) because that's just how he is anyway

You would probably have to talk to him a bunch before he initiates conversations himself

He's indifferent to music and art, but if you draw the stuff yourself, he'd be really impressed

I think he draws a tiny bit too, but usually it's just a bird he saw or maybe a pretty 5'8 person with brown eyes and a black wolf-cut that he totally isn't starting to like a lot-

If you ever saw a drawing of you by him, he will immediately avoid you for at least 3 days before you can even tell him it looks good-

If you draw him????? He will be very, very flustered about it

He's not very confident in his looks (he just thinks he looks average at best) so he'll be shocked you think he looks that cool

"You..you sure this is me? Haha, I....Thanks..."

(He is trying hard not to explode rn /pos)

He will keep it in his van forever

About music; if you guys are close enough, he might share some of his stuff too

"I don't really listen to music...but uh, here's something I don't mind..."

If you like it too, he will feel proud for some reason???

Once you tell him you like wildlife, he will instantly start to open up to you

If you guys are starting to get close, he'll invite you to go camping or something so you guys can see some animals !!

"Hey, do you wanna go see some deer with me? I know this best spots."

Even if you don't see any, you guys can just chat endlessly about it until you have to go/one of you falls asleep

Doesn't really like fashion or sci-fi that much????

He doesn't hate it, he's just indifferent

He does not put any effort into his appearance other than the occasional trim of hair-

If you want, once you guys are close enough, you can give him some clothing reccomendations!

He will probably not mind anything you give him, as long as it isn't too intense or out there

"Hey, this is actually....pretty good. Thanks, sheila."

He likes having you ramble about sci-fi or any of your interests, just as long as he can hear you speak

He would be listening as well, and he'd maybe also get some merch for you too

"Hey, you said you like this right...? Well, I...I got you something."

He'd enjoy watching your favourite sci-fi movies/shows and just asking you questions and stuff

He loves when you just light up whilst talking

His heart basically melts tbh-

He's not religious either, so he doesn't mind at all

He kinda relates with your view about god too

He quite likes the fact you're an ambivert, because it means not only can you relate to his introverted personality, but you can also help him socialise and stuff

He totally gets the whole being jealous thing though

Like, he'll get that feeling of anxiety too

He feels like you're just so...cool

So why are you with him??? He's just...there, you know?

So when he sees you talking to someone a lot or something, he'll feel worried that maybe he's not doing enough

He gets angry too sometimes, not at you, but at anyone that starts flirting

Depending on how far into the relationship you are, he'll either just stay silent and feel anxious, or he'll go up to you and threaten whoever you're with

"Hey, you better back off or I'm gonna rearrange your spine with this knife."

It's kind of difficult to be jealous of Sniper since he doesn't really socialise too much???

But if you do get jealous, just tell him and he'll stop immediately

He totally gets how you only really trust those who are super close to you

He's the exact same

He only really has a very small group of people he trusts, so he definitely gets the sentiment

He understands if it takes you a while to open up, he's patient so he doesn't mind waiting

He takes ages to open up too, so if you're patient too, then you'll be a great pair !!

He likes the way you think about the fact that if you can't see them in your future you won't bother

He doesn't like pointless and short-lived relationships either tbh-

I think one of his love languages is acts of service too, so I guess you guys are just going to constantly trade that between one another

He gives gifts sometimes too, but he will feel really shocked if you get him anything

"This....this is for me? I...thanks..."

He feels kind of guilty if it's anything that you've bought for him

He just thinks that he should be the only one buying things I guess?

It takes a while for him to get used to physical affection, both private and public

He was never one to hug or be hugged so all of it is kind of new to him tbh-

Just be patient, and eventually he'll cling to you in private

After a while, he gets used to PDA but nothing too intense, just holding hands or putting a hand around your waist or shoulder

Any kisses in public and he can't help but feel a little red in the face

He seems like he isn't very versed in mental health at all, so he doesn't know how to support you unless you tell him what you need

He's there for you no matter what, because he loves you and everything that makes you...you !!

Extra:

I think Scout would like your unique style, although he would make fun of you a little at first :/

He likes hearing you ramble, but will probably actually not listen and is only listening to your voice and looking at your face

He enjoys the physical affection, especially PDA, so that could work

You guys can have art sessions together, although he only does doodles mostly

Soldier would enjoy the fact you like wild-life, since maybe you would also like his raccoons?

He likes receiving any love from you

Gifts? Heck yeah! Physical affection? Absolutely! Acts of service! He would be so grateful!

Pyro loves any unique style at all, so he really likes yours!

The wolf-cut is so cool to them, catch them staring at you whilst you style it!

Would love to just hug you whilst you talk about whatever

Engie would love talking to you about Sci-fi, since he likes it too!

You guys would just be in his workshop, trading facts about your favourite characters and so on

He really likes your glasses, he thinks they suit you well

He also doesn't trust people unless they're very close to him, so he's patient with you and understands how you feel

Heavy understands the whole 'I know I look intimidating but I promise I'm okay' kind of vibe

He loves looking at any art you make, and while he doesn't do it himself, he definitely still understands and appreciates the effort you put into it

Also doesn't trust people easily, so he's fine being patient with you

Demo really likes your glasses too, he thinks they look cute

Kind of likes sci-fi now and then, so he likes watching it with you

He likes giving gifts too, so I think you guys would just be trading gifts at this point lol

Medic loves your glasses and haircut so much, it's just a style he really appreciates

Your clothing style is also really attractive to him too!

He likes sci-fi now and then like Demo, so he's happy to talk about it whilst you guys are doing whatever

Spy finds your style unique, and he likes unique people so he's immediately attracted in a way

He likes fashion too, so maybe you guys can go shopping sometime?

Gift giving??? Oh you guys are basically going to have a war of gifts fr bc he LOVES giving gifts lol

[firstdivisiongirl]

Hello there! Can i request a perfect match for tokyo revengers with a male character please? Going by the list here, some of my likes are: thunderstorms/rainy weather (i love to fall asleep to the sound of the rain), food, music, freedom, money lol, spending time with my loved ones, looking pretty, surprises, learning something new, warm baths and spring season. Some of my dislikes are: being controlled and restricted, people who pester me to tell them what's wrong when i clearly want to be left alone, spiders, minions (kidding, i don't mind them), sneaky backstabbers, cheaters, really hot weather, being taken advantage of, people who can't mind their business and coffee.

My pronouns are she/her. My personality, i would describe myself as shy at first. Like i just don't know what to say sometimes, so i can be a bit awkward too but i try. Now if we're close i like talking about whatever comes to mind and i love hearing their opinions. Especially when i need advice on something. I don't waste my energy on people who don't put effort in relationships/friendships. I enjoy making others laugh. I'm responsible, caring and protective. I'm also playful and like to have fun. Of course i do know when to be serious, but sometimes certain situations make me giggle idk why. I don't like routines because after doing the same thing repeatedly i get bored. I can be childish and clumsy sometimes. Since i'm more of an introverted person, i do need some time to myself to recharge. Depending on how close we are, i either reply fast or take a while.

Hobbies: As i stated earlier, i like music so one of my hobbies is listening to music. I listen to a lots of types of music, but my favorite is kpop. Some of my favorite kpop groups are ive, newjeans, aespa and nmixx. Dancing, video gaming, learning new languages (besides english, im fluent in spanish and french. currently teaching myself italian!) yoga, graphic designing, solving puzzles are some of my other hobbies

Extra: I have HORRIBLE eyesight, but i rarely wear glasses. I need a stronger prescription anyways 😭 so whenever i cant see something from my afar i ask my friends or siblings what it is. My love language is gift giving and physical touch. My favorite dessert is cheesecake and my favorite food is pizza. My favorite colors are pink and purple. I don't like being babied for the most part (unless im sick), but i do like being spoiled

Thank you so much by the way🥰

Hi! I am excited to do your matchup. Sometimes for me, matchups are easy to figure out for me. And yours's was one of those. I hope you like who you get. And lets get started.

You Got...

Ken "Draken" Ryuguji!!!!

You give me mad Emma Sano vibes in the best way

He would like that you aren't too serious, but not too carefree. You are mature and know when it is time to work and when it is time to play.

He would love to listen to you and give you his opinion. He is apparently really good at listening and giving advice.

The ladies at the brothel? They'd love you. I just know it.

He very good at taking care of people (as we see with Mikey), so he would definitely take good care of you. But he also is not one to baby someone, so he wouldn't baby you either.

I think dates would indoor movie nights or something fun that you like. He would love to see what you like and maybe he learn himself. Maybe he'll teach you something too.

He's spending lots of money on you. Expect lots of gifts. He probably one them for you.

He may seem cold, but he's a big teddybear. Remember that

[pikaflute]

☕️ adult animation in general :}

i really feel like adult animation, as a whole, is an aspect of animation so overlooked by people online because they have mushed peas for brains. do not get me wrong, there's a lot to criticize/is bad, but thinking that the only "good adult stories" lie in animation geared towards kids is stupid and really doesn't highlight the stories adult animation does tell. like if animation is for all ages, why the hell do people only recommend shows and movies clearly aimed at an audience made for children. "oh but(x) is for all ages" i don't think i have to tell you why the talking cat movie and the Australian show that airs on a kids channel may be aimed towards a certain demographic.

a main criticism of adult cartoons is that they rely on sex, drugs, and cursing jokes. now i could point out that people laugh when that jokes are animation for tweens but whatever. all i'm gonna say is, so? adults do those things, obviously they're gonna joke about it. (also people loveeee saying smiling friends and hazbin are so different than adult animation despite BOTH shows using this humor. hell, while not a western animated cartoon, panty and stocking's humor is like this and no one shits on it.) and when adult animated shows aren't focused on humor (LIKE PEOPLE WANT THEM TO BE) people complain About them being too depressing or miserable to watch (DESPITE THEM WATCHING SHIT LIKE THE OWL HOUSE WHICH PEOPLE PRAISE FOR IT'S DARK STORYTELLING). basically no matter what genre it is, I feel like adult animation can't win.

people always point out the artstyle too which again really isn't a problem. there's a lot of beautiful adult animated cartoons and ones that are really stylized, but everyone ignores them to make fun of the family guy ripoff that will get canned in two minutes. and that's really the biggest problem yeah? the family guy ripoffs are what people judge literally the entire landscape of adult animation by. despite there being really good stuff out there, it's judged by the few that suck dick and balls. people used to do with kids' animation and now people complain about how the whole genre must suck. and then when people recommend shows that are good they get all mad and go "well there's only a few that are good!" or "well...that's comedy based so it doesn't count" LIKE AT LEAST GIVE IT A CHANCE!!!!

AND. AND!! it seems like even the industry is stacked against adult animated projects. netflix cancelling qforce, tuca and bertie, and inside job for one, but also adult swim's "put eggs in one basket" strat they have with rnm. it seems like adult swim only (for many years at least) cared about rnm and it seems they didn't put as much effort in promoting the other show on the network. adult swim being one oif the only (besides like fox) that host adult animation kinda sucks but a lot of these stories that people create don't seem to reach their full potential because networks are scumbags. adult swim has built a good will reputation with most of it's fans (i say most because [looks at paper shredder]) by being cool and hip with what their audience likes but at the end of the day they are a network. and they act like any other scumbag network. see their desire to just cancel shows: moral orel and venture bros for instance. and well. you know. [looks at a paper shredder] or adult swim refusing to pay carey means (the voice of frylock) residuals. in other news there's a new season of aqua teen coming soon.

the only adult cartoons people talk about are the really popular ones or the ones that suck. from my experience (see: college campus in nj) the only adult cartoons people discuss are rick and morty and south park. which is like UGH. Ive seen people in archer shirts though, but it's mainly those two, which sucks because i feel like there's much to choose from. and on the other hand people love to talk about the ones that suck. despite everyone saying they weren't going to watch velma they did. they hatewatched it. and they gave it attention social media. "but it was all negative" king, that's still attention, do not act surprised when they green light this for season 2. you hatewatch the bad shows and then act surprise when good shows that you don't watch at all get canned but the bad ones do. curious!

conclusion: i think if you want to say animation is for all ages you gotta watch adult animation! yes! it's not going to be what you want sometimes, it might be a bad artstyle, or have dumb humor, but you gotta go out of your comfort zone sometimes! ask people for recommendations online and i am sure you'll fine something for you. and most importantly STOP MAKING TWEETS AND POSTS DISPARAGING ADULT ANIMATION. YOU'LL NEVER APPRECIATE THE MEDIUM FULLY IF YOU KEEP SHITTING ON WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER!!

second conclusion: i don't care how good arcane is i'm not watching a league of legends show.

third conclusion: stop recommending bluey as a show for adult it is literally for preschoolers. i know you'll say it's good and i'm sure it is, but if you think bluey is the best show for adults right now you literally have mushed peas for your brain. go see a doctor.

fourth conclusion: also metaloclaypse sucks dick. don't watch that

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i mainly blog about media interests i have but i actually care a lot about politics and yknow common human decency. i own two cats, and i owned my late finnhorse mare for over a decade. i miss her and still love horses a lot.

i allegedly study cultural anthropology at an university and used to study equine masseusing and art. however im kinda just surviving on disability pension rn. feel free to ask about anything else, i love talking!

right now ive dedicated this blog to t&b ryan goldsmith for funsies but i like various things. more than you could imagine

queue posts once per day and i basically only queue things unless im actively making new posts

i make a bunch of posts that i dont tag at all. good luck finding them bc i sure fucking cant find them. some posts i just end up deleting anyways

i rarely go into any tags bc i have brain fungus but if you wanted to show me a post by sending it to me i would probably love to see it!

i dont usually follow back bc of the aforementioned brain fungus and instead skim through the latest things on the blogs of ppl interacting with me (if you wonder why i reblogged something from you randomly)

even if i dont reply in the case i get really busy irl etc, i still always read everything sent to me, every single reply, tag and ask!

my art tag: #gabriels doodles

wildly varying quality/effort

i do take requests if you want to try your luck in my ask box

my art-only blog, where i only reblog finished-enough art (im so slow at writing captions ill put my art on here one day for real): @limitedhorsepower​

other miscellanous tags & fun facts about me:

#ryanyurikeith

the sun, the sky and the moon with extremely congruent life issues... its so deep and their themes go perfectly together

#gabriels ouroboros kings

barnaby & ryan & keith (side platter of ryan/keith)  

the sternbild royalty (king of heroes x2 and the wandering gravity prince) as antagonists.

theyre all part of ouroboros for different reasons, but more loyal to each other than the organization for various reasons

#gabriels salaryman heroes

ryan/yuri/keith mainly, self-indulgent joke about high school romance tropes in an office building 

more fun facts about me:

as you can see i have a few different T&B AUs that i may post about or just totally forget and never make content for again despite them being perfectly mapped out in my mind but i love to share facts about them

if you ever interact with me here and thought that my answer didnt make sense, it was probably just that my brain (ADHD&co.) actively works against me and i may make really bad typos or straightup forget to type half of the words in a sentence. but hey. i did my best. never be afraid to ask for a clarification though

i also genuinely suffer from being overtly verbose (again... my brain...) and please dont feel pressured to read something if i sent you an extremely long DM reply or made a really long-winded reblog or something. i just communicate like that but i dont mind if you cant read it LMFAO.

my long sentences makes me seem really serious sometimes even when im not but im very friendly i promise!

and let me know if my typing is hard to read, i can switch to proper capitalization and punctuation if needed