#if there was a way to move the iron shepherds arc? or even have molly captured or something--i dont know if theyd do that but--

[dent-de-leon]

help i am once again thinking of ways the animated nein could avoid killing molly off so early--

[utilitycaster]

You mentioned your opinion of jester changed a lot throughout campaign 2. Do you mind explaining how and why that happened?

Not at all!

I think I put this thought about Jester in my tags on my post about Orym being the “wet blanket” archetype. It’s my opinion that every D&D party needs if not a wet blanket per se, a pragmatic person who is willing to bring up the difficult or dull perspective; and they need a doer, a person who drives the story forward in a believable way. I love doers, and Jester’s story is that of becoming one.

I’m not a big fan of chaos. It doesn’t mean I dislike chaotically aligned characters or that I dislike wacky shenanigans but sometimes they can feel really artificial and forced, in a “uh don’t you have shit to do?” kind of way, especially in a not-explicitly-comedy show like CR; a lot of memes online about D&D leave me, a DM and a die-hard “doer” both in D&D and IRL, absolutely cold because it’s like no actually I don’t want to court chaos, I want to let the dice lay out the chaos for me. I want a good plan that goes awry because of weird rolls, not a plan that was always designed to be ridiculous.

So, unsurprisingly, early Jester, who was very much about chaos for its own sake (even if her reasons for that were valid), who was very sheltered and pampered, very innocently inconsiderate of people around her, and who had a fairly vague goal in mind, was less interesting to me than the more pragmatic Caleb, Fjord, and Beau, or the more clearly goal-oriented Nott, even though everyone in the party engaged in some degree of chaos. By the end, though, Jester was one of the people pushing the party forward and that was a huge factor (as was the incredibly well-acted portrayal of how she got there).

I think the first step towards me liking her more was the first job the group did for the Gentleman in Siff Duthar’s study; that was the point where I feel the Nein truly gelled as a party such that even if there were members I wasn’t as invested in, I still cared about them in the context of the group. For Jester, specifically, after that, it was also her facade slowly crumbling over time. I think her actions caring for the drunk group in Hupperdook and her relationship with Kiri were a strong start, and then obviously the aftermath of the Iron Shepherds affected her - and for that matter Fjord - very deeply. Both of their slow, weird, messy breakdowns over the entire pirates arc, in Jester’s case punctuated by The Gentleman’s dismissal of her, culminating in the aftermath of the dragon fight, pushed her a little more to the forefront in my mind.

I don’t have strong thoughts on the Xhorhas arc (an arc I honestly need to revisit) but Jester’s response to Yasha being taken and her quiet internal growth, her tentative forays into letting the mask slip and expressing negative emotions, and her deliberate attempts to act more mature all made me like her much more throughout the entire Angel of Irons arc, even though one could argue she still was pretty chaotic (see: the downtime in Rexxentrum episode).

The post-hiatus arcs, though, are what made her one of my favorites by the end. I loved her during the entire Artagan reveal/Rumblecusp arc, in which she had to grapple with leadership and immense responsibility. Jester was defined throughout the campaign by a deep love for and loyalty towards her friends, but as a result even her starring moments were often as support (something something utility casters); the cupcake moment was ultimately for Veth. With Rumblecusp she had to deal with betrayal (she never saw Yasha’s departure in that light, even though it was a valid reading) and external expectations far harsher than those of the Nein or her mother, and even the much smaller but still very real experience of having someone just dislike her for no good reason. I know some people dislike the Rumblecusp arc but in many ways I see it as one of the strongest arcs of the show, particularly in terms of character moments and even more particularly for Jester’s character development.

Then comes the final part of the story - Eiselcross, the interlude back in the Empire/Nicodranas/The Plane of Fire, and Aeor. That whole experience is something of a meat grinder for everyone, and the clerics in particular are the ones who I think have the strongest sense of the stakes (Aeor is one of my favorite Caduceus arcs as well for that reason). Jester moves into that role of the doer that she first explored in Rumblecusp - but this time it’s not for the god she has been friends with her entire life, it’s for the fate of the world.

There’s a reason why there’s a throughline in Jester and Fjord’s conversations from very early on about just going away somewhere quiet, as the stakes grow higher and the story gets darker (starting with the conversation on the Mistake shortly after their kidnapping and Molly’s death, continuing through their conversation at the Kiln just after Yasha falls under control, and then in Eiselcross after Jester enters the circle and a little more in the Blooming Grove before their final return to Aeor). Jester always wanted to see the world, but she learns it’s much harsher than she expected, and I loved seeing her come to terms with that and trying to change it rather than trying to avoid it. In the lead-up to the final fight with Lucien, she’s dealing with something she does not expect to survive it but she not only does it anyway but is one of the people pushing the others forward. While the idea of self-sacrifice isn’t a particularly original one in D&D, for Jester specifically to go from where she started to that position is an incredible yet wholly believable journey.

[disasterhumans]

All the posts about Nott, Caleb, and Beau flying around this morning have me thinking more generally about the growth and development we’ve seen from various characters throughout the entire group. I think in some ways Beau and Caleb are both the most different now than they were at the start of the campaign. Beau actually softens to people pretty easily, but she’s gone from person with a lot of self-professed moral apathy, to one of the only people in the group with a moral framework she consistently works at, and reminds the others of. She’s also worked really hard both to open up to the group (even if she still has to do it on a one-on-one basis for now), and to be someone dependable that people can come to with their own baggage. She’s gone from broadly being considered a liar, to genuinely being one of the most trustworthy members of the group. Caleb has gone from being incredibly self-centered and ready to leave the group at the moment, to the person to most frequently call the group a family. His selfishness hasn’t disappeared by any means, but it is far more often subsumed into the needs of the group, and he will sacrifice his own desires in order to further the wellbeing of the group. He’s gone from being extremely withdrawn and tight-lipped about himself, to being the most open and vulnerable member of the group.

But it’s really interesting to think about how Beau and Caleb both got to that point. Because while it definitely took time for them both to get where they are, it also didn’t quite happen organically. Caleb—at various turns—has been pushed into his openness and vulnerability. First with Beau in episode 18, but also by Nott in episode 27 (where she tries to get him to admit he loves the group), and again by Nott in episode 48. The confrontation between Nott and the rest of the group in episode 13 also contributed to a lot of Caleb’s early changes in how he interacted with the group. Without those big, specific moments (and also a lot of tense Team Human conversations along the way), I don’t think we’d have the Caleb we do right now. I imagine/hope Caleb would have slowly come to a similar place of loving and caring for the group so intensely, but without the big moments where he was challenged and backed into a corner, I don’t know if he would have ended up as open as he’s starting to be.

Beau, meanwhile, had her foundational sense-of-self rocked to its core by Molly’s death. She walked away from her conversation with Molly in episode 26 realizing just how much she’s willingly caused other people harm, and then after he died she made a strong executive decision to change that. As with Caleb, I think that she naturally would have ended up at that point on her own. Beau has always been good at apologizing, has always sought to seek self-improvement, and has always actively listened to the people around her when they offer constructive criticism. But I don’t know if she would have adopted such a strident moral code without Molly’s death. Not a quotable one, at least. Not one that she uses as an overt guide when she’s not sure what to do. And likely not one that she would consistently repeat to a group as a whole. That big moment propelled what might have been natural development further a lot faster.

Yasha also fits this pattern—it’s a bit harder to track her development due to Ashley’s absences (curse you, Blindspot), but she’s gone from being flighty and avoiding forming interpersonal bonds to sharing her story more-or-less willingly with the whole group. This happened after a couple very intense Stormlord-induced confrontations that forced her to acknowledge the strength her friends lend her. It has forced her to confront her feelings and fear about loss head-on.

But the big moments Fjord, Jester, and Nott have experienced haven’t quite cut into the crux of their personal flaws in the same way. And the three of them all have very similar flaws. Namely, they’re to people in the group most likely to lie, deflect, and obfuscate their feelings. I think Fjord started working through exactly what he wants (at least as far as his pact is concerned) during the Pirate Arc, but so much of the circumstances of that arc forced him to lie about how he was feeling (e.g. with Avantika), and deflect. This is especially true given he was predominantly experiencing a lot of uncertainty during that time. Fjord likes looking like he has his shit together, and so many of the big scary things that have happened with him have happened out of sight of the group. In the recent past he’s been getting better at opening up to Caduceus, but even this is because Caduceus has seen the aftermath of his dreams, and because there’s now a tie between them that plays into Fjord’s god-curiosity. I’m hoping this will grow into Fjord being more open with the rest of the group, especially now that Caleb has also confronted him, but this all remains up in the air.

And while it’s not as though no one has asked Jester how she’s doing, or talked to her about her tendency to obfuscate her feelings of sadness, she also hasn’t really been pushed. When she’s feeling distraught and questioning her faith after the Iron Shepherds Arc, the Traveler reassures her, but also does so by directly referencing her joy. Aside from her conversation with Beau after the blue dragon fight, there hasn’t been a huge external moment that challenged the way she hides behind her happiness. 

Nott’s big moments have also prompted her to double down on the ways she deflects and obfuscates. Nott deflects to cope—she has a hard time dealing with big emotions, so she plays them off. Nott was moved and clearly deeply affected by Molly’s death, but it didn’t get at one of her flaws in the same way it did with Beau. Nott has never had trouble admitting to loving or caring for others. Discovering Yeza had been captured prompts her to reveal her backstory to the group, but unlike with Caleb, keeping her past secret wasn’t really the thing holding her back with the group. Her biggest thing has always been that she tends not to be honest about herself in a more fundamental sense. The group certainly knows more of her and her complexity now, and being in Xhorhas has made her more comfortable with some aspects of herself, but she’s still not really being open and honest about her fears. She’s tried with Caleb, but she’s also in a place where she just wants him to fix it, more than trying to have a conversation about what her specific fears are and trying to have an actual conversation about that. 

And another problem, is that while Caleb and Beau are starting to get pretty good at interpersonal conversations—especially with each other—they are both also people inclined to deflecting and holding back. When someone comes to them they are good at having an open conversation. They’re both—especially Beau—getting pretty good at checking in with people. But they’re both also likely to let someone to deflect, or to wait for someone to return to them instead of following up on a difficult conversation. In some ways that’s good—I think it would be more of a detriment than anything for Caleb to try to push Fjord again—but in others it means that everyone is generally keeping up with their typical patterns.

And then there’s Caduceus, who falls outside of this in a lot of ways, but who also has his own trouble opening up. Part of Caduceus’ thing is that he is almost too easily comforted by the concept of destiny. I’m really genuinely happy that he’s not experiencing any trauma over literally dying. But the extent to which the Wildmother’s vision comforted him means that we also lost out on what might have been a productive conversation between him and Nott. Jester comforting him during the Pirate Arc was important and sweet, but it also meant we didn’t get much of an idea of what Caduceus wants from the group. The fact that Caduceus—for whatever reason—seems to be reluctant to open up to the group means that even while he is an important steadying and nurturing presence in the group, he feels at a remove from the rest of them in a lot of ways. And while his judgy-streak isn’t overt in exactly the same ways as Molly’s or Percy’s, he tends to carry himself in a way that can make him come across as a kind of moral authority that I imagine might make it difficult for people to feel like they can come to him with the uglier bits of themselves.

Every week we’re all exhorting the group to just talk to each other, but even when they try to, they’re all so frequently lying and deflecting—and believing each other’s lies and deflection. And I’m so fascinated by how everyone’s gotten to the places they are at, and where they’ll all go from this point on. As always, I hope that this bout in the tomb will prompt a larger group talk with Nott, but I’m nervous that it will take something in the drastic range of, say, Nott’s recklessness killing her or a (different) party member before that happens.

[princessamericachavez]

Might I just say that I think this breakdown of Jester’s has been a long time coming, since the whole Lorenzo incident. Yeah, she had a little crisis of faith there but she never really talked about it beyond that. Pretty sure Fjord said that he didn’t think Caleb and Nott would come after them, but we don’t know really if Jester had a similar thought to that? This might play in to any abandonment issues she’ll have after an incident like this. (Not that they really meant to leave her.)

I hope you know I’ve been thinking about this ask all week, while I was busy with some real life stuff, and I’ve been going through Jester’s emotional arc over my head time and time again trying to find the right words to express all my feelings about this. 

First and foremost, you are absolutely right, nonnie. 

As much as this whole piracy thing has been part of Fjord’s backstory, I’d say this arc has been just as much about Jester’s emotional journey. Now, that might sound like a bit of a stretch to some, I get it, but overall I would call this a Menagerie Coast Kids Arc. After all, they both started this part of the story after the Iron Shepherd’s kidnapping, they both went back home to face the real or metaphorical loss of a parental figure, and they both have stuck by each others side as they do so, always the most vocal supporters of each other’s struggles. 

So, focusing on Jester, let’s see everything she’s been through ever since Travis and Laura came back from baby-break: 

She was obviously upset over what they went through and over losing Molly

She felt abandoned by her deity. Even if, as you said, she thought the others might not come, she entirely trusted the Traveler would. 

Instead, though, it was the M9 who showed up, which puts an interesting balance on who she can/can’t rely on in that kind of situation that we might’ve seen reversed once more after ep 45.

She kept putting on a happy face, though, enough to fool both Fjord and Beau, until Caleb pointed out the possibility of it being an act.

this is interesting because, from then on, we can see these particular three paying special attention to her behavior and trying to make sure she’s alright.

After that, she also got a chance to talk with the Traveler and get reassurance that she hadn’t been abandoned. 

I’ve seen people point out that the Traveler putting a “condition” on his love for her might lead Jester to be less likely to allow herself to be sad or vulnerable, but I’m not entirely on board with the idea. I think all cleric-deity relationships are based in some sort of trade, and “being a source of joy and chaos” is her version of worshiping him. 

“As long as you worship me I’m here” is a pretty standard deity pact. Does it put pressure on Jester to be happy? Probably, but she’s never told not to be upset or hurt, she’s told to bring happiness to others, which in turn as we know makes her happy. It’s a weird little balance if anything.

She found out the Gentleman is most likely her father, though was thoroughly rejected by him when she tried to message him. Digging deeper into her abandonment issues.

Caleb kept an eye on her during the whole Nicodranas thing but was quiet about it. 

Fjord, on the other hand, with his new insight made a point of asking whether she was alright, twice in a row. And then tried to help cheer her up.

They had to leave Nicodranas in the middle of the chaos, making her lose her mother all over again after she’d barely gotten a chance to reconnect with her after a very traumatic experience.

Which leads to the Jellyfish talk, and one of her arc’s bigger emotional turning points, in which she finally opens up about some of her inner sadness and confides on Fjord about it, getting support and reassurance from him. 

Which is a bummer when you consider that, from that moment on, Fjord who’d been her biggest source of emotional support from the moment they started this journey together turned into the source of a lot of pain and confusion for her. 

Now, Jester’s jealousy is nothing new, especially when it comes to Fjord, but you gotta see it within context to understand just how deep it ran and how it hit her in a level much more personal than simple romantic issues: Fjord, after all, was Jester’s first real friend ever since she left home, they’ve been traveling together the longest, he’s also the guy she’s been crushing pretty hard on for months and who she’s starting to develop stronger feelings for... so to see him being constantly pulled away both physically and emotionally by Avantika (a manipulative tactic probably aimed to isolate him from the rest of the group) gotta have hit Jester rather hard in her own self-worth, by putting into question the support system around which she’s built her own identity ever since she left the world she knew behind and had to face reality on her own.

This time, it was Beau who noted Jester’s negative emotion: anger, but Jester was quick to brush it off and Beau, because of her own private nature, is not the kind that will push further to get answers from her. She did, however, try to raise the issue to Fjord once, mentioning Jester’s jealousy, but circumstances and Fjord’s obliviousness did not help.

To add a nail to Jester’s already overflowing confusion: The Kiss.

Jester’s very first kiss, given by the guy she’s in love with and keeps giving her mixed signals, never spoken about again between them, while he’s actively sleeping with another woman... Listen, that’s a lot to confuse anyone, even if she hadn’t been dealing already with so much emotional turmoil.

Neither Nott nor the Traveler were particularly helpful in their advice to her, but the fact that she reached for advice at all is a sign of maturity and awareness that she’s maybe not entirely equipped to deal with this on her own right now. It’s a step forward towards showing vulnerability.

Her talk to Caleb, on the other hand, was much more fruitful in that he was able to offer some wiser advice (wait until the crisis has passed and then you can see calmly) and seemed to help her focus on their more pressing issues. 

That talk was also one of Jester’s bigger turning points, in which she was unusually honest about feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, and ‘feeling stupid’ over what she’s experiencing.

Once the Avantika thing was done, Jester was able to reach for Fjord, for which was probably the first calm time ever since the jellyfish talk, and once again they seemed to find their balance in supporting each other. Things seemed right again, with the apparent enemy out of the picture.

The thing is, though, the issue was never really Avantika, but Jester’s own insecurities and fear of abandonment, so of course even with her gone things would not be solved so easily. 

Add to that, the Diver’s Grave and the blood ritual. 

You have a physically and emotionally exhausted Jester whose repressed frustrations are starting to show up (in things like the shift from her earlier Hellish Rebukes to her latest ones)... and she has to see Fjord and Caleb, the two she’s mostly been able to lean on and the two she’s opened to the most, start some shady blood ritual for no apparent reason, in front of her horrified eyes. 

“I know, Yasha, I didn’t like it either,” she grumbles as they leave the grave and there’s a heaviness to her body language that wasn’t there before, like all these things she’s been keeping inside have finally managed to weigh her down. 

So you have Jester struggling with feelings of loneliness, fear of abandonment, unrequited love, worry, anger, sadness, exhaustion... 

Throw in an adorable little gnome that seems to fill the room with light and laughter in the way Jester usually does, in the way that is her role to play, her one strength... 

Add the man she’s in love with getting sucked through a window right in front of her eyes to gods know where

Just for kicks and giggles add a freaking blue dragon infuriated at her specifically, while the rest of her friends one by one flee leaving her behind 

(not that they abandoned her, but just like with Avantika this is an issue rooted in Jester’s feelings about the situation rather than external factors, meaning the problem is she felt abandoned)

The only two people to come to her rescue? The Traveler and Nott. 

Now, remember how after the Iron Shepherds it was the Traveler who ‘failed’ her and the M9 who stuck around? Now turn that table around, because, in her hour of desperation and horror, it was the Traveler again who showed up, like he has her whole life, rescuing her from abandonment (and most likely re-securing undying loyalty that could come bite her in the ass later on if his intentions aren’t entirely honorable)

It’s no wonder that when, once again, Beau points out Jester’s sadness, she brushes it off, even if she just broke into tears right there in the deck, even if she’s bloodied and terrified, even if she’s exhausted and broken and lonely... opening up, so far, has only led her to disappointment and pain, and she thinks she was almost left behind, and only the Traveler could understand, and she needs to be happy again, and smile, and hide it... because otherwise, she might be abandoned by both Nein and  Deity. 

Jester has reached a breaking point in which her current emotional state is unsustainable and, hopefully, episode 46 will give her the emotional climax she deserves to let it all out and move on to a new stage of acceptance, to at least start to work through some of this issues.

The fact that, for that, she’d depend on the help of the gigantic disaster that is her friends, though, doesn’t bode well. 

We might end up heading to a breakage point rather than fixing turn. 

Either way, something has to change, the last drop is gonna hit the glass and it’s only a matter of who’s going to be there to pick up the pieces... either the M9 or the Traveler and things could go very differently depending on who that is.

[earthtoerica]

The Mighty Nein: Enneagram

So this is a post I didn’t think I would be making, but because I am a big fan of Sleeping At Last’s songs centered around the Enneagram Test, and I love Critical Role, I thought why not combine the two and see which member of the Mighty Nein resonates the most with each song. ( And if you haven’t listened to Sleeping at Last before you absolutely should because their music is so calming and thought-provoking!)

Has this been done before? Perhaps, but I haven’t seen it and thought I’d try my take on it. Here goes nothing!

The List:

One- Beau

Two- Nott

Three- Fjord

Four- Caleb

Five- NPCs + Guest’s Characters

Six- Caduceus

Seven- Jester

Eight- Yasha

Nine- Molly

And here’s why:

One - Beau: “hold on for a minute because I believe that we can fix this over time” “The list goes on forever, with the ways I could be better in my mind” “As if I could earn God’s favor over time, or at least congratulations.”

 In times of desperation, Beau will often if not always step up to steer the M9 in the right direction. Though she may push down her emotions to make sure the group can keep going, she appears to have the mindset that anything can be fixed given enough time, or at least changed for the better. That being said, she has stated herself that she thinks she is an asshole, someone who could always improve for the better given the bad things she has done in the past and the fact that she considers herself to be a screw up. But in reality, she is one of the most selfless members of the Mighty Nein, risking life and limb to keep the people she loves safe. 

I also think this song relates to Beau the most because she is often questioning her purpose and why she is unworthy of divine support or special abilities. She wonders why she is the only one without powers, striving to earn the favor of the gods, but unsure of what that really means. I hope that over time Beau will come to realize her strength and abilities as a monk and her loyalty and love as a person are what make her special, and that she is as worthy of divine support as anyone else.

Two - Nott: “You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat” “I know exactly how the rule goes, put my mask on first. No I don’t want to talk about myself tell me where it hurts” “I just want to build you up, build you up, till you’re good as new, and maybe one day I will get around, to fixing myself too.”

When I first thought about making a post like this, I knew immediately that to me Nott resonated completely with the song Two. Choosing to put herself in the line of fire for her loved ones no matter what that might mean for her safety, because as long as the others are safe that is all the matters to her. I mean, literally the line about putting on a mask made me think of Nott automatically, whether it be her doll’s mask or a metaphorical one, to keep others out and her own feelings in. Before we knew about Nott’s backstory she would always deflect away from talking about herself to make sure the people around her were okay. 

And that is what I think is a major part of Nott’s character and something that makes me resonate her so easily with this song. That Nott is unwilling to address her own problems and emotions because they are too confusing, conflicting and stressful, so she would rather check in with the other members of the Mighty Nein, to help fix their problems and help them to achieve their goals like she has promised to do for Caleb, believing that maybe one day down the line after helping the others she may finally conquer her own problems as well.

Three - Fjord: “Maybe I’ve done enough, finally catching up, for the first time I see an image of my brokenness utterly worthy of love” “I finally see myself, unabridged and overwhelmed, a mess of a story I’m ashamed to tell, but I’m slowly learning how to break this spell” “I only want what’s real, I set aside the highlight reel, and leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk, worthy of love anyway.”

Fjord is such an interesting character to me, and someone that I really hope can come to accept himself for who he is, and understand that the rest of the Mighty Nein love and respect him, his role in the group cemented. After recent events in these past few episodes, Fjord is on his way to knowing that the M9 truly care about him, willing to risk their lives to come back for him just like they did with the Iron Shepherds. Fjord is starting to realize that he is important to these people, and that they care about him just as much as he cares about them, something he has never experienced before. For the first time in his life, Fjord is experiencing what it is like to have a family, people that want to help you succeed and accept you despite your failures.

 Though he struggles with sharing the parts of his past he is ashamed of, Fjord has even stated to Caleb that given time, he will share these things he dislikes about himself, allowing support and forgiveness in. He is on his way to understanding that no matter his shortcomings, what his patron may say or do, the Mighty Nein care about him and would never consider him useless, for he means to much to them, something he may one day come to recognize and use as a source of strength, Go Fjord!

Four - Caleb: “Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust for a moment we get to be glorious” “Maybe I’m hiding behind metaphor, maybe my heart needs to break to be sure, one day I’ll wear it all on my sleeve, the insignificant with the sacred unique” “What if we already are, who we’ve been dying to become, in certain light I can plainly see, a reflection of magnificence hidden in you, maybe even in me.”

Caleb is such a hard character to determine where his character arc is going to go. All I can speak on is where he appears to be now. I think this song is reflective of Caleb for several reasons. He himself was fashioned out of dirt and dust, chosen to come from a small town to the Soltryce Academy to be a wizard because he had special magic abilities. Though that experience was harrowing and lead him to tragedy, in that time he came to recognize that he was remarkable and considered special at a young age for everything he could do. But after the events of his past that he would give anything to change, he has closed himself off to others, only recently opening up due to necessity and the desire to help Nott. 

Perhaps he will someday be completely open with all members of the Mighty Nein, discussing anything and everything about himself and what he wants to further achieve his goals. Even Beau has commented on his ability to ask for help after he started opening up, questioning him on how it could be so easy and he said it just is. He has recognized how easy it can be to rely on others but worries that in doing so he is putting the ones he cares about in danger and straying farther away from what he truly wants. And that has been stated to be one of Caleb’s biggest fears, that as he and the M9 grow as people, doing good for the people around them as much as possible and trying to leave places better than they found them, that he might one day feel like he can’t do what he has been working so hard to achieve because he cares about these people too much. That he might come to see himself in a better light as someone that can move forward and let go of the past, something he currently could never do. We will definitely see what will happen to dear Caleb Widowgast, but I’m excited to find out!

Five - NPCs + Guest Characters: “It feels like an out of body experience, but something gets lost from a safe distance and now I can’t put my mind to rest and I can’t help but second guess” “I’m hypnotized by this anomaly, such strange uncharted territory” “My armor falls apart, as if I could let myself be seen, even deeply known, like I was already brave enough to let go.”

It was really difficult for me to determine who related the most heavily to Five. And after a lot of thought and consideration I realized that even though in total there are and always will be eight members of the Mighty Nein, the ninth member is made up of everyone that has not only helped the M9 throughout their journeys, but also everyone that the Mighty Nein has helped as well. Thus I related Five to the many NPCs Matt has created and the wonderful guest characters like Keg, Nila, Shakaste, Twiggy, Calianna, and even Spurt. Meeting the Mighty Nein and dealing with their crazy antics and ideas can be an almost out of body experience, trying to fit oneself into their exhilarating lifestyle might seem almost impossible. Their vibrant and excitable atmosphere would make anyone question how qualified the M9 are for any job, but their determined attitude and desire to do good for others would draw anyone in to help or seek help from them as well. 

The line about letting oneself be seen in this song I think relates heavily to these characters because they are created to be interacted with, to learn something from them, or to be of aid to the M9 in their travels. But when the Mighty Nein take that extra step to learn more about a shopkeeper, to assist someone in need on the street, or to gain the assistance of a fellow traveler to achieve their goals, they are taking the time to learn about a stranger, to understand them on a personal level, treating them as if they already are a part of the M9 in many cases, which is something I love about this rag tag group of adventurers. And something that any NPC would love to, as long as the M9 aren't too nosy. 

Six - Caduceus: “What would it feel like to put this baggage down, if I’m being honest I’m not sure I know how” “I want to believe, no I choose to believe, that I was made to become a sanctuary. Fear won’t go away, but I can keep it at bay” “Is that courage or faith to show up everyday, trust that there will be light always waiting behind even the darkest of nights, and no matter what somehow we’ll be okay.” 

The fact that we know next to nothing about Caduceus destroys me a bit more each day until we do, but he is such a wonderful character and so important to maintaining hope in the Mighty Nein, but also keeping their sanity. I don’t think it’s that Caduceus is unwilling to share his past with the Mighty Nein, I believe it’s primarily because no one ever really asks him about himself, and he doesn’t have experience in people choosing to ask him how he is instead of the other way around. It had been said that Caduceus would tell people almost anything if they simply asked, but most people are more focused on their own problems than the problems of others. Caduceus is someone who works to keep the peace, to drive people towards their destinies and to prove that hope and purpose can be found even in the darkest of moments. 

He is a sanctuary for the members of the Mighty Nein, someone they can turn to who will speak without judgement, providing honest advice and ideas about what might be the next step to furthering one’s path, while continually promising that all things and people have purpose. At first Caduceus was hesitant to continue traveling with the Mighty Nein, as their choices and actions did not align well with Caduceus’ goals to save his home. But over time, and with continued faith in the Wildmother showing him his path, Caduceus is willing to get up everyday and support the people he cares about, pushing himself further and further towards his goals no matter the obstacle.

Seven - Jester: “How wonderful, to see a smile on your face, it costs farewell tears for a welcome-home parade. A secret handshake and my one life, I find a silver lining no matter what the price” “Let me tell you another secret of the trade, it feels like sinking when I’m standing in one place” “I want to be here, truly be here, to watch the ones that I love bloom, and I want to make room to love them through and through and through and through the slow and barren seasons too. I feel hope, deep in my bones, that tomorrow will be beautiful.”

In my eyes, Jester is one of the strongest members of the Mighty Nein. Whether you think of it as strong as in strength, emotionally, or what have you, she always sees the best in people, constantly working to make the people she loves and anyone she can smile and feel better no matter how much she may be hurting inside. And though it hurt her to have to leave her mother in Nicodranas to go see the world, she knows that in doing so she can always return, to receive a hug, to tell stories, and to show love to her mother and be loved in return. However, despite the circumstances that led to Jester having to leave her home and travel, it was inevitably time for her to face the world. She had spent so much of her life stuck up in her bedroom to not have the opportunity to experience anything and everything possible. 

That is why I relate the line “it feels like sinking when I’m standing in one place” to Jester because she is always excited to travel to new places with her friends, to have more adventures to tell her mother about and provide her with more opportunities to search for her father in the process. (Still waiting for that interaction if it ever happens by the way). What I admire the most about Jester and what is so strong about her character is her undying love and faith in her companions. She wants nothing more than to help the people she loves and to make them happy. She wants the M9 to be able to let go of the problems of their past or to face them head on so that they can grow and live their lives to the fullest with all the time they have. She believes so strongly in the people around her, in the Traveler, and in what they can do to help others that she knows no matter the strife, no matter what challenges they face, things can always be better tomorrow, as long as they stick together and face the world with a smile and hope. 

Eight - Yasha: “Now you won’t see all that I have to lose, and all that I’ve lost in the fight to protect it. I won't let you in, I swore never again, I can't afford no I refuse to be rejected” “I want to break these bones till they are better, I want to break them right and feel alive you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong my healing needed more than time” “I’m standing guard, I’m falling apart, and all I want is to trust you. Show me how, to lay my sword down for long enough to let you through.”

Talking about Yasha hurts my heart, but when I heard this song I thought of her automatically. Time and time again in the process of trying to protect the ones she loves, all she has done is lose them. After the second time she has not been the same, weary of letting people get close for fear of hurting them because of who she is and all she doesn’t know about herself. For her, it takes more than time to heal wounds, it takes understanding and forgiveness she does not believe she deserves but she truly needs. Despite the awkward, slightly off-putting demeanor she may present to others, Yasha cares about the Mighty Nein more than she would like, and wants nothing more than to protect them from any and all danger, and from herself. 

She wants to let people in, which is why she shared as much as she did about her past and her wife. We have seen how emotional it makes her to hear that the M9 love her and want her to be safe. But Yasha needs answers, about who she is, who she was, why the Stormlord chose her, and what her future path might look like. Though she loves the Mighty Nein and wants to be with them and help on their journeys, the fear of losing them may lead to dire situations and the possibility that in finding the answers she seeks she may be separating herself further and further from the ones she cares about the most. (Yasha I love you all I can say is oof).

Nine (nein) - Molly: “Who am I to say what any of this means, I have been sleepwalking since I was fourteen. Now as I write my song, I retrace my steps, honestly its easier to let myself forget” “It looks like empathy to understand all sides, but I'm just trying to find myself through someone else’s eyes. So show me what to do, to restart this heart of mine, how do I forgive myself for losing so much time?” “A little at a time, I feel more alive, I let the scale tip and feel all of it, it’s uncomfortable but right, and we were born to try to see each other through, to know and love ourselves and others well is the most difficult and meaningful work we’ll ever do.”

I mean really, there was no other way to close this out. (Spoilers ahead, kids, because you never know how far someone has seen). Considered the most short-lived, and one of the most impactful members of the Mighty Nein, Mollymauk was someone I always wanted to know more about, but never got the chance. When Molly dug himself out of the ground he did not want to know whose name was attached to his body before, because sometimes it’s easier to forget to make it your own. This is evidently clear by the many tattoos that covered his body, and the fact that he openly stated that this body was his and his alone. No one else is in control of it, he makes the decisions, and no one else can have a say in who he is and who he will be. Though he may have been stern and cold towards others at times, he always looked at all sides of a problem or conflict, and used all information available to make an opinion on what was right and just, one of his many famous lines being “we only steal from grumpy people”. Molly was always confident in who he was, but there were things he was missing because he didn't have a past to look back on. I just wish he could have had the time to find out. 

The final lines of the song are what I relate so strongly to Molly, that “to know and love ourselves and others well is the most difficult and meaningful work we’ll ever do” feels almost like his motto and the strongest impact his life and death had on the Mighty Nein. After his passing it became Beau’s personal mission, and a mission she pushed onto the Mighty Nein, to leave every place they visit better than they found it, something Molly instilled on her that had a lasting impact. So far, the Mighty Nein have been somewhat successful in fulfilling this goal, but it continues to be a driving force in everything they do, working to help others and make the world a better place for all those who inhabit it and those they have lost in the journey to make it a reality. Thank you for having been such a driving force in bringing the Mighty Nein together Molly, you were right, they really were a group of people in need of a good time and you gave it to them. Rest well.

So that’s everything! I’m sorry this was such a long post but I’ve been thinking about it for so long and I love Critical Role and its characters so much that I felt it was time to share my thoughts on why I relate the Mighty Nein so much to these songs. As I’ve said, if you haven’t I highly suggest checking out Sleeping at Last, they are fantastic and their songs are just as impactful and meaningful as the Mighty Nein themselves! 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and here’s to another wonderful Thursday. Remember, don't forget to love each other!

[frozen-odin]

If He Reigned Longer...

Hello everyone. 

Today is the one year anniversary of our favorite literal and figurative Peacock’s tragic return to the earth. So in honor of this, I thought I’d take a short look at how the last year of play may or may not have been different. I’m not claiming this is definitely what would’ve happened but these are some likely scenarios I’ve thought of. If anyone wants add more ideas in a repost or to use this for fic inspiration, be my guest. 

One last Side note: I love both Mollymauk and Caduceus very much, with a slight preference towards Caduceus. That said I love the fact that Tal and Matt decided to have Molly’s death have lasting consequences as it is realistic and also gives the story stakes. On that note I also think that one healer for a team of 7 characters was dangerous from the beginning, and rushing into battle without even that is what led to Molly’s death to begin with. So in general the stakes would behigher in each combat even with the boost in DPS, but I’ll only mention it if it would’ve made a significant difference.

Without Further to do, lets begin: 

Iron Shepherds

Let’s skip over how he Molly lives. Perhaps the blood malediction paid off, perhaps they were able to retreat. But I think Matt had something up his sleeve to make sure they didn’t save their friends immediately, otherwise Laura and Travis wouldn’t have a maternity leave. So for all intents and purposes the Nein still lost but at a much lower cost. 

Without Molly’s death, Beau probably wouldn’t have taken his “Leave things better than you find them” mentality to heart, lengthening her arc of learning to be a good person. 

Nila would have to start healing in the episodes she was in. Molly may have encouraged her to also ‘smell’ whatever drugs he had left. 

Shadycreek Run was mentioned by Cree as the headquarter’s of Lucian’s/Nonagon’s Tomb Takers, a splinter group from a larger faction. She also mentioned a headquarter’s they were using there and a member named Otis Brunkel who is still alive. It’s likely this Otis would’ve recognized Lucian’s body like Cree did and give us a bit more information about the remnants of the Tomb Takers and how Molly was born. 

Knowing Matt, the headquarters Cree mentioned was probably converted into the Iron Shepherd's base, meaning Otis would’ve been instrumental for infiltration as well. 

I’m really disappointed to realize Molly died RIGHT BEFORE they were gonna give a bunch of new info on his back story.  Meeting Caduceus in the graveyard was a nice consolation prize though. 

Followers of the False Serpent

No deaths while they were captured means that Jester wouldn’t blame herself for that, though she might still feel useless for getting captured. 

Yasha would leave on a much happier note, perhaps feeling like she could get close to people again. 

While it’s possible Shadycreek Run was just the start of Nonagon’s past, Molly wasn’t that interested in it and it’s unlikely they would’ve tracked down the mage from Rexxentrumm who gave Nonagon the faulty tome to begin with as Matt said that place was meant for late game. 

Fjord being captured and still having the eyeball as a relatively new thing, means the Pirate arc would’ve followed suit

It’s unknown if Fjord would’ve adopted his teleport around the battlefield strategy without first testing it out with the Summer Dance Falchion

Molly would’ve had a touching reunion with Gustav, and the paying his fine probably would’ve still happened though with a different in character motivation. The guards may have also been more hostile to another circus member. 

Molly would’ve bought some kind of pet. 

Molly at the beach episode, I will leave you with that.

He also would’ve probably gotten along well with Marian Lavorre and taken great pleasure in embarrassing her stalker. 

If The Nein left Molly behind, he would’ve given them hell for it. 

Pirate Molly

Molly would definitely get a Tattoo from Orly first chance he got and find some part of his body for Jester to practice on. Cue Laura and Taliesen telling tramp stamp jokes. 

The crew would’ve had much less and much worse food.

While Cad used his gravesight often, Molly had it as a passive ability meaning the Nein would’ve known about Jamedi Cosko much earlier and would’ve confronted him about it. Molly would’ve also been more direct about Jamedi not pulling his weight, especially since they’d have to survive the hydra without bane. 

Molly’s eye tattoos cause people to speculate that he is connected to Uka’toa or of the bird depicted next to it in the Temple of The False Serpent. This makes sense considering The Tomb Taker’s are stated to be a branch of of a larger cult like Avantika’s crew. Though we can’t know for sure. 

I wonder what Molly’s theme song moment would be. Maybe Juggling swords at the Circus or coming out of the ground? 

Fjord is still the one with the most seas experience and likely would’ve still ended up as captain, but Molly has the biggest claim as group leader despite what Nott may think (see the interaction with the Bandits)

Molly in Darktow

The travel would go slower with only Jester being able to speedboat

Molly would be in his element in the Diver’s grave as much as Fjord

I really want to see Twiggy ask Molly on how to get such colorful clothes now. 

Jester needing to use ice magic to escape means that the Dragon fight would’ve been even closer with far less healing. 

The pirate battle that Matt always wanted, now has nothing stopping it.

Without Caduceus’s divination we may not have gotten the resolution on Vandren’s whereabouts current activities.

Friends of the Dynasty 

While less calming, Molly would support Nott, not mentioning her past. However it would take longer for the group to discover where Yeza was being taken. 

Molly would not have particularly needed a disguise in Asarius but his ornamentation may have made him a target. 

Beau would’ve still wound up with his dick since it’s the only Tiefling Dick that Caleb’s ever seen. 

I’m not convinced Molly would be as interested in the Moorbounders, possibly giving Beau the one that would become Clarabelle. though he would be tied for second highest wisdom along with Caleb and Beau.

A short list of alternate names for Clarabelle: Yami (Molly), Yoshi (Fjord), Vanessa (Beau)

Molly resisting the fireball with Hellish Resistance to then run at a possessed Caleb would set 1,000 Widowmauk shippers wild. 

Hopefully Jester could Revivify him in time, though it’s unlikely Molly would’ve fallen in the same place as Caduceus, so Nott’s bolt may not have been as bad. 

Molly would probably adapt well to switching over to the Dynasty’s side. 

Commence the three way love triangle between Molly, Caleb, and Essik.

Though frankly I feel that Molly would push Caleb to get with Essik but shippers can fill in what they want here. 

Noway around it this time guys, all fight are harder but Matt Explicitly said that Fjord would be dead if Caduceus hadn’t canceled that crit in the Giant’s cave.

Though technically they were only there since Caduceus talked to the giants, and Molly doesn’t speak giant, nor would he be particularly interested in talking to them.

This causes a ripple affect where they don’t find out about the additional demon portal or scry on ‘Greg’ and learn everything they did, for the multiple scrying sessions. Which means the plot is completely divergent by this point on. 

Molly would go full out embarrassing the foreman though. Full orgy. 

No Caduceus means Fjord would be completely lost after Uka’toa threatened to cut him off. The scene under the Wild Mother’s tree probably would’ve still happened but Fjord would have no one to ask about it. 

Maybe he’d ask Jester about the Traveler. I doubt he’d be willing to trust that guy though. 

No tree on top of Xhorhouse :(

I really am curious what they’d do for Molly’s room though. Maybe he’d switch with Yasha and she’d be under the stars while his room is painted to all hell. 

I doubt they’d find Mauro’s shop and it’s dark dealings without Greg but if they did, there would be no good cop routine. Molly would do everything in his power to help Jester convince her they could kill her with a thought. 

Speaking of Yasha, whether or not they find out about the attack without Greg, it’s still likely that Matt would’ve pushed for some Yasha Backstory before she leaves. At which point Molly and Yasha would be even closer as they bound over not knowing much about their past. 

“Yasha, it doesn’t matter what you did. Because that person isn’t you anymore. All you have is the person before me right here, right now. And no one gets to decide who that person is but you.”

He’d have no idea how prophetic those words were until after the fact. 

Molly would die rather than leave Yasha in that dungeon. 

He very well might’ve.

Moving Forward

They are now travelling to the Kiln, completely on blind faith. Two things that would never happen if not for Caduceus. 

No Kiln means Jester probably wouldn't convince her crazy ass god to host his party inside an active volcano. She didn’t mean to, that half-hearted nat 20 could’ve been used on anything but Cad wants to go to a volcano she wanted something close so there you go. 

And there you go. do you agree or disagree with any of the statements here? Anything you think I missed, I’d love to know! Sorry for any spelling mistakes,