#if this gets good reception i will 100% post them and Be That Fanfic Writer for this pairing

[mickeyjunk]

Playing with Ushiwaka

(aka can you tell this is the first fic I’ve posted in Years)

Summary;

Issun and Waka are living together in the Celestial Plain, being chill cute boyfriends and stuff. Waka is a housewife. Issun is a meanie. They’re both absolutely adorable.

     One blink. Two blinks. Waka took a few moments to get his bearings, gradually waking and coming down from the warm-high that was his sleep. Though he could distinctly feel someone nestled against his side, his arm pleasantly warm underneath what felt like a head.. He opened his eyes blearily, crimson glistening in the soft light of the early morning moon; Amaterasu had not yet raised the sun, but no doubt she would be soon. Turning his gaze down, he couldn't help a gentle smile at the sleeping form of his lover. Issun may have been embarrassed to cuddle at all, but that easily dissolved when he slept, Waka had found. He was something of a tsundere, really, constantly claiming that Waka was an annoyance or blushing heavily when the blonde managed to catch one of his hands in a gentle hold.      Though he was tempted to simply stay there, he'd rather catch one of those sleepy smiles Issun gave whenever he made breakfast. He slowly sat up, slipping his arm from behind the other's head and replacing it with his own pillow; Issun took it gladly, face buried as a deep sigh left him. How adorable.      His feet touching the cool floor, Waka stretched before standing up fully with the help of one hand on his knee. He could distantly hear activity of others rising, smell smoke from cooking-fires for those that had rose even before he. Though, he didn't particularly feel like cooking..      He stepped outside after just a moment, not bothering to get his shoes and enjoying the soft grass for a moment before yawning again and heading to the back of his home. There were several bushes of varying types, each with tiny berries that were plump and ready to be picked; he'd been putting it off, but they'd make a good breakfast with the bread and cheeses he had, sweet bread he'd baked himself and goat cheese with spices of all kinds coating it. As he picked the berries, he felt the warmth of the sun begin to creep across the land; Amaterasu howled in the distance, joined by Chibi's higher and excited response. He must be helping to raise it today.       After gathering a few handfuls and holding them in the fold of his pajamas, he tiptoed back inside, shutting the door softly so as not to wake Issun just yet. He gathered two wooden plates that were deep in the center, almost bowls, and rinsed the berries quietly with fresh water from one of his bottles. It took only a moment to arrange all the berries, by colour purely for presentation, and he rinsed his hands before retrieving the cheese and bread. After a moment's thought, he left his own plate to get Issun a bit of juice and set both the cup and plate next to the bed before going back for his own meal. He was careful to step over his lover, then settled next to him cross-legged and began to eat; the sun's rays would undoubtedly awaken him, if not his own hunger.      With a soft sigh, Issun stirred, easing his hold on the pillow in favor of blinking a few times, then giving a heavy sigh and sitting up. “Mmh.. Morning.”  “Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?”  Issun was too tired to be flustered, and instead crossed his legs and put the plate on his lap so he could eat. “Like a log. You?”  “Much the same. You're quite nice to hold.”  “Too early. Can it.”      Waka's shoulders shook in silent mirth as he complied, daintily picking up another berry and inspecting it before putting it in his mouth; the berries grown here always had such flavor to them, succulent and sweet.      He was surprised, though, when Issun leaned against him. Perhaps it was too early, too early for teasing and too early for hiding affections. A light pink hue dusted the tips of his ears as he let his head rest atop the other's; the messy bun had come undone, and his hair was soft as silk. He couldn't help a deep breath, taking in everything he could of his lover and watching the soft light pour into the room in a comfortable silence as they ate.      They spent a good while simply being in each other's presence, uninterrupted. After they finished eating, Issun took Waka's bowl and placed it farther from the bed before pushing his shoulder lightly; Waka fell back with a soft huff of breath, again taken off guard at the action. “Issun, wh-”       But he trailed off as the other swung his leg over to straddle him, making his face light up almost instantaneously. Issun was never this forward- why, they'd only just gotten into cuddling, what was he-?      And his thought process was halted at a sudden kiss, Issun's cheeks dusted with a light blush that rivaled Waka's. The prophet stared for a few moments, eyes wide with wonder, before he melted and his eyes slid shut slowly. Their hands met and they linked fingers, Issun settling down to lay half-on top of Waka and continue the kiss for a few more moments before he pulled back and sighed softly, head settling on the other's chest. Waka had no doubt he was enjoying hearing his heart hammer, the Poncle's actions thoroughly shocking him, though not unpleasantly. “.. Are you feeling quite alright? I never thought you'd do.. That.”  “I'm wonderful, now. It's always a treat to see you blush, pretty boy.”       He huffed softly at the nickname, Issun's quiet laugh sounding and pulling the sting from the tease. “You're a dork.”  “You're blushing.”  “You are too!”       Issun was quiet, but Waka could very nearly hear the eye roll he knew was there. He waited a few moments before moving his hand to the other's back, gently sliding his palm up and down in a comforting manner; Issun had tensed, but relaxed when he realizes what was going on. A back rub never hurt anyone, certainly, and it was perhaps a form of thanks for such an early-morning wakeup call. Waka held back a smile when he thought about it, how he'd been sleepy before, but now was certainly awake. “You don't.. Mind, do you?”      The poncle's words broke into his thoughts, and his brow furrowed for a moment before he exhaled through his nose in a sort of almost-snort. “Do I mind? I wish you'd do that more often. Though, I'd recommend it before bed, as that might lead me to further activities beyond back-rubs.."      Issun groaned, swatting his lover's hand as he chuckled. He could never resist lewd jokes, or hints, after all. “You're gross.” “You're incredibly attractive.” He could feel the pause, the shock that made Issun's breathing still for just a moment. “.. That has nothing to do with anything!” “It does.” “Does not!” “Does.” “Does not, you nasty jerk!” And with a huff, Issun rolled off his chest and sat up. Waka frowned, reaching to pat him again but halting in the motion. “.. Issun?”      No reply. Now there was a distinct feeling of guilt niggling at the back of his mind. He went quiet, letting his hand settle next to him as he watched the Poncle with concern.      Wait, were.. His shoulders shaking? Oh gods, was he crying?! He'd no reason to, Waka reasoned, a slightly panicked tone invading his mind as he propped himself up on his elbows and slid a foot up to bend his knee. “Issun, I didn't mean- Oh!”      And with another roll, Issun was straddling him again, hands gripped around the other's wrists and pinning them to the bed. Waka's eyes went wide, the darkened expression on his lover's face making a shiver go down his spine. “Iss.. un?”      The Poncle was silent for several moments, merely staring into the other's eyes with an unreadable expression. Waka fidgeted uncomfortably, a faint blush appearing high on his cheeks as he looked away. “Issun, I..”      And he trailed off, unsure of what to say. His racing thoughts were cut short, though, when his lover bent down and buried his face in his neck. The prophet gasped, then locked his jaw as he felt gentle nuzzles go down his neck, a surprised jolt of his knee making one leg kick out in surprise.  That quickly turned to more kicks as the nuzzles turned to nibbles and raspberries, Waka's expression screwing up as giggles bubbled up in his throat. He was fairly sure that he was not, in fact, in trouble for the lewd comment; though he was certainly paying for it now. “You're so gross, you big dork.”      Waka's arms strained to be free, though it was in vain; Issun's grip was much stronger than it looked, and he was already taken by surprise. At a particularly rough nibble-bite, he cracked slightly, a shocked gasp giving way for a flood of soft, protesting words. “Issun- Issun no, please, I- eeheh, not the neck you buhully!!” And he gave a slightly stronger kick as a raspberry landed just below his jawline and ear, then a loud squeak escaped as the other nipped at said ear lightly. “That's worse, dohooon't!”      Issun snorted at his whine, not giving up for a second and lightly nibbling at the tip of his ear; the sensitive skin was already flushed pink as Waka finally broke down laughing, unable to shake his head for fear of hitting his love and instead attempting to buck him off, again failing at the escape attempt. “That's the point, pretty boy. You don't get to just say stuff like that and get away with it.” Now he paused, lips brushing the other's ears as his giggles died down. “And if I can't talk you out of it, I'll just tickle it out of you!”       Waka squealed loudly as Issun dipped down and pressed a raspberry to his collarbone, the target coming out of the blue and the intensity making his laughs all the louder. “NonononOOooo! Stop, sto-ahahaha, nyyeehee, Ihi'm sorryyyyy!” “Oh, now you're lying? You're lying to me, pretty boy?”      Waka snickered at the trail of nibbles tracing up and down his neck, foot slamming against the bed repeatedly as his back arched. “Ihi'm not!” “Not sorry?” “No, I'm- ahaha, I'm not lyihihing!”      After a few more soft raspberries and nibbles, Issun gently released his lover's wrists, settling down again to lay his head back down with a smug smile. Waka's chest heaved, and leftover giggles still spilled from his lips for a few moments before he finally calmed down and focused on his heaving breaths. “You're such a jerk, Issun.” “I love you too.”      The words once again took him off guard, and Waka's blush grew again for a second before he sighed and shook his head. “You have such a way of showing it.” “The best way for you.” “... Perhaps I should..”      And he sat up abruptly, taking his turn now to pin the other to the bed and grinning devilishly down as the envoy gasped and squirmed. “Return the favor?” It wasn't long before Issun's laughs rang out, joined by Waka's soft chuckles.

[archer973]

for the fanfic ask game! L, S, U, V and W!

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I am a consummate "edit as you go" person (which is a habit I have actually been trying to break myself of), but I usually do at least one big editing read through before I post something. I also have a tendency to edit any time I do a reread of my progress, which I generally do if I have stepped away from a fic for any amount of time.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Oh man, so many! There Was Only One Bed and Huddling For Warmth are some classics I can never pass up. Accidental Baby Acquisition is also always fun (particularly when an unlikely character ends up being the baby whisperer). Also, Person(s) A forcing Person B to eat/sleep/go to medical/generally take care of themselves is always a yes please for me, especially if Person A is trying very hard to pretend their concern is purely professional and has nothing whatsoever to do with any tender feelings, romantic or otherwise. (SWTCW fandom, I am looking at you, you beautiful people!) And that's not even getting started on the sexy times tropes I devour at any opportunity.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oof, this is a tough one, since I am less of a person who follows writers and more of a person who follows ships. But I will read literally anything @blue-charlotte (hayj on AO3) writes, and not just because I devoured a good dozen of her fics before realizing they were written by the same person, but also because she is the Marlie/CM2 shipper of my heart and was one of the first people to welcome me into the Revo fandom (which, as someone who was mostly writing “problematic” ships and was a little worried about a mob with pitchforks, I cannot even begin to explain how much her kindness meant to me).

@veliseraptor is someone who, even though we don’t share any fandoms anymore, I always enjoying seeing post updates and headcanons and fic ideas, because she is a meticulous, dedicated writer who has honestly been an inspiration to me when it comes to writing angst/whump/dark fics. Her determination in the face of The Purity Police has inspired and reassured me on nights when I am worrying about the reception of my own headcanons/fics, and given me the confidence to tell anon haters to firmly go suck on an exhaust pipe. (Seriously, if you like The Untamed, go check her out, Lise is a lovely human being and her work is a joy to read)

I haven’t found them on Tumblr yet, but countessofbiscuit gets a spot on this list because they have written some of my all time favorite SWTCW fics and the way they write the clones is one of my favorites so far, so I am 100% more likely to read a SW fic if I see it is written by them.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

This is hard, because the fic itself is absolutely perfect, but I would love to play in the world of Erinyes_kiss' 'The Hart, The Hind, and The Hound', for a multitude of reasons. Besides the fact that it is probably one of my favorite fics to date, it was also one of the first fics to really get me on the CM2 bandwagon. I would read an entire novel of this fic, I love the premise so much. But as for personally writing in/around it, the structure of the fic itself leaves plenty of room for expansion/extrapolation, without having to risk compromising the original work. Also, I feel like I have a similar enough writing style that I would be able to (hopefully) do an addition justice.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

There are pros and cons to both. If I am going to be writing a full-fledged fic for an exchange or something, I tend to like more general/broader prompts, since that way there is room for if the story takes a few turns (as my stories have a tendency of doing). However, if you're talking ideas/headcanons/inspirations, I love the super specific ones. Slice of life ones in particular, since those can be written without having to work them into a larger prompt.

Thank you so much, @loupettes, for sending an ask! (I won’t lie, there was a little bit of ‘Senpai Noticed Me?’, because I love your presence in the Doctor Who fandom so much, and think you are just such a lovely human being!)

[lettersfromn0where]

ZFAW: Self-Love Saturday

For the last day of @zkfanworkweek!

It’s no secret that I love writing more than almost anything in existence, or that I’m somewhat absurdly passionate about my work. I’m well aware that a handful of people probably think this is annoying (how many people who have had the misfortune to be in any kind of chat with me never want to hear the name “Hina Oyama” again? Probably most of them), and I was hesitant to do this at all because I know I can be self-centered and I’m trying to work on that. But I realized that I’m not doing this for feedback or because I want people to read my work - if I were to talk about my fic like this, it would be coming from a place of excitement about sharing something I love with others, not about finding new readers. (Have I done a little too much networking of that kind? Yes. Am I proud of it? Not at all. That’s why I had to make sure that that wasn’t why I was doing this.) 

So I’m going to go for it, and give you guys the background behind a few of my favorite things I’ve written. Stories below the cut. 

Story #1: The One That Taught Me That It’s Okay to Fail As a Writer

and I'll write you a tragedy (June 2020)

I wrote this back in June, when I was first getting into AtLA - I think it was my third or fourth published Zutara fanfic. I didn’t have many friends yet; most of the ones I talked to at the time, I've since lost touch with. So my participation in the fandom was largely isolated. I’d just write things and yeet them into the void without a care in the world - that’s what I did with “And I’ll Write You a Tragedy.” I had this grand idea that it would be ~the angstiest thing ever written~ and I was SO excited to get home (I was at the beach when I got the idea) so I could work on it...

Only to find that I simply wasn’t ready for the story I was trying to tell.

Oh, I wrote it, and it was...decently well-reviewed for something that caused me so much existential angst. But it fell so short of the concept that I had for it that, the moment I hit “post,” I was so frustrated that burst into tears. (Like a kindergartner. One can never say I deserve to be called an adult.) I wanted to establish myself in this new fandom so badly that anything I perceived as substandard was a crushing failure. And it was the process of talking myself through that frustration that taught me something I’ve tried to hold close ever since: every writer writes a dud every once in a while. No one is at the top of their game 100% of the time; those who appear to be probably don’t post the duds. Should I have posted this, then? Well, the jury is out on that. I still hate it. But it deserves a spot here just for the lesson it taught me. 

Story #2: the One That Broke the Angst Ceiling 

who lives, who dies, who tells your story (July 2020)

I have no idea how this took my angst from the coltish awkwardness of “sort of sad, but not very well-done” to genuinely depressing, but it did. Maybe I should blame quarantine and all of the difficulties that brought with it, or just the additional writing experience I had gained by that time. Whatever the reason, I remember this - even though it never got very popular - as an absolute triumph for me as a writer, because this is when I FINALLY learned how to write effective angst. For *years* I had thought I was simply incapable of writing anything sad, but this showed me that I wasn’t. I’ll never understood what flipped the switch (maybe it was @hiniwalay, whose help in forming this idea was invaluable...I love and miss you so much <3), but it’s a very important part of my writing journey even so. 

Story #3: The One That Got Inexplicably Popular

Tethered (Zutara Week - written in June 2020, posted in late July 2020)

Zutara Week 2020 was sort of the point at which I established myself in this fandom and I have super fond memories of the warm reception I received at the time. It was such a positive, encouraging experience - and perhaps the one and only time that people have actually wanted to indulge my somewhat ridiculous obsession with fluff. And this was sort of the peak of my entrance into the ZK fandom. 

And I am...not sure how I feel about that. 

Soulmate AUs are obviously super popular, so I knew that “Tethered” was going to be one of my better-recieved ZKW fics if I did it even marginally well. What I did NOT expect was that, by the time of this post, it would be exactly tied with The Waiting Game for my most kudos’d work. It’s almost insane to me that that is a thing, because, while I don’t hate how “Tethered” came out, I definitely don’t feel like it deserved the hype it got. It’s...just another soulmate AU, but seeing that I was capable of writing something that people would gobble up did wonders for my confidence - and, I think, for my reputation in the fandom as well. It was definitely a mile-marker on my journey, even if I would rather it have been a different ZKW oneshot (this one was my favorite).

Story #4: The Twitter Favorite

Four Days and Three Nights (written August 2020)

I will never, ever forget the day I posted this. 

I joined a Zutara group chat on Twitter just before Zutara Week 2020 began, and I quickly became...a little bit desperate for their attention. “The Waiting Game” (much more on that later) sprung from that desperation, but this was the one that actually did something about it. Which is funny, because it was actually a complete accident! 4D3N, as it is affectionately called on Twitter, was the result of my dumb butt reading “Five,” thinking “I want to write something that depressing!”, and just...going for it. I told myself not to overthink things as I desperately banged out the 3166 words of this story in two hours (because I needed to go for a run before it got dark and didn’t start writing until 3), and that is probably the one and only time in my entire life that telling myself something like that actually worked. Writing 4D3N was just sort of this rush that I barely even had time to recognize while I was caught up in it and the result was something I genuinely felt that I could be proud of - that’s pretty rare. My Twitter friends went slightly insane, half of them wanted to stab me (in a good way), and I finally felt like I actually belonged in this fandom - like I had done something to earn a place there. [Caveat: fandom is for everyone and you never need to “earn the right” to be in one, but my brain latched onto the idea that I didn’t deserve to be creating things for a fandom that didn’t want me and would not let it go. Figures.] Lately, I’ve been struggling with this one a little bit because it’s getting a lot of comparisons to “Five” in which it never fares favorably, for obvious reasons, and it was never actually my favorite fic to begin with, but it still means a lot to me. This is the one I recommend to people who are curious about my work and probably always will be. 

Story #5: The Sleeper Favorite

Lean On (written August 2020)

I have no earthly idea why I like this one so much, but it has to be my favorite oneshot I have up. It’s hurt-comfort and dives into the implications of the Agni Kai for Zuko’s health, both physical and mental - maybe it’s the uniqueness of that premise that endeared it to me, or maybe the personal-ness...is that a word?...of the narrative. The bare-bones summary: Zuko’s health is declining a year after the Agni Kai, Katara shows up to do something about that, and what follows is a year of Pain and Heartache for both of them as they try to navigate their conflicting feelings for each other. But really, it’s a story about healing: physically, yes, but also mentally and emotionally. I certainly relate a lot to Katara in “Lean On,” as I’ve been the friend caught in the crossfire of others’ battles with their mental health many times and I wanted to try to write from both sides of that conflict. But I think I probably wrote more of myself into Zuko than I originally anticipated, as well. Quarantine has not been good for my mental health...at all...and I’ve found myself lashing out at my family far more than I should without even knowing why, isolating myself and growing thorns so that no one would come near me. I hate seeing myself like that, and I hate that I can't seem to make myself do anything about it. So really, I was hashing out my own feelings both past and present, and what I ended up with, whatever you might think of its quality, came from the heart. I also, for whatever reason, really liked my writing here, so I have a special place in my heart for “Lean On.” 

Story #6: The Fluff I Didn’t Hate

Waffleosophy (written September 2020)

Look, there's not a lot to say about this, but it’s definitely my favorite fluff that I’ve ever written. I felt like I finally managed to hit the right note with this so that it came off as sweet without being saccharine, and it feels...I don’t know, wittier than what I usually write? I write a lot of fluff but something about “Waffleosophy” made it feel more polished and coherent than most of my other fluff. This was one that, as ridiculous as its premise was, I felt like I could truly be proud of; since I’m often a bit ashamed of how much of my work is fluff (it feels like “cheating” sometimes, as if I write this way because I lack the skill for real emotional beats), that’s saying a lot. 

Story #7: the Insanely Niche AU

Once In a Lifetime (ongoing)

This one gets updated at the speed of snail, but. ZK ice dance AU. It just makes me so HAPPY. 

Story #8: The One That Actually Did What It Was Meant To Do

Hanabi (written October/November 2020)

This heading is ironic because this was originally supposed to be an angsty slow-burn about surviving on an uninhabited island. Instead, it became as unerringly Sarah S---- as any fic ever has. Oops. 

Hanabi sprung from a desire to write something incredibly soft and wholesome. Seriously. That’s it. I had just finished writing a story that got a lot more violent and dark than I had expected it to, and I wasn’t comfortable with that; I wanted to return to my roots, if you will, and write something ~soft~. I wanted to write about good people, doing good things, being good to each other, with as much tender pining as I could cram in on the side. I wanted unique worldbuilding and a relationship that had to be built rather than handed over under the guise of Soulmateism (because this was the period in which I hated The Waiting Game and everything it stood for, aka...that. It was a weird time). And I actually? Did all of that? There’s this F. Scott Fitzgerald quote about how writers have to “sell their hearts” that I think about often, and I did that here. This has as much of my heart in it as anything ever will, I think, and if I had to pick a favorite thing that I have ever written, it would be “Hanabi.” I love it a lot. 

Story #9: The One You Knew Was Coming

The Waiting Game series (written July-October 2020)

I have so many feelings about this that I can’t even really articulate them all. Where would I even start? 

There was the fact that the first installment was written in two weeks (thirteen days, 94,832 words) to try to get the attention of a Twitter chat. There was the matter of Hina Oyama, my blog’s namesake, an OC who took on an absolutely massive life of her own to the point where she was quite literally my coping mechanism over the summer and I annoy everyone I know by constantly banging on pots and pans and screaming about her. There was the way this universe spiraled outwards from its original installment and now has three generations, two sequels, and a prequel in progress (Hina’s origin story, which I am writing for a friend but will most likely never post). There were the friends I made because of this series and all of the inside jokes and headcanons we’ve developed while discussing it. There were all of the existential crises I had (over negative comments, over whether or not this career-defining series is even decent, over the moral implications of writing about people getting stabbed in the sequel...please don’t ask). There is the fact that everyone I come into contact with now knows what Haang is, and that by a close-reading of any passage about Hina or Kya, you could probably learn a lot about me. 

But all I can say, in the end, is that I don’t know if I’ve ever written something that I fell in love with so quickly as I did “The Waiting Game,” or that had as much lasting impact upon me. (It has been five months, and I’m STILL writing in this universe, still talking about it constantly.) I know my TWG obsession is a little annoying, and I know that this universe isn’t really anything special - but it’s special to me, and it always will be. Will I shut up? Abso-freaking-lutely not. Do I care if no one knows what my username means because it refers to an OC in a fic not a lot of people actually like? Not in the slightest! I won’t pretend that TWG is a perfect story, or even that it deserves to be thought of as particularly good, but I will absolutely defy anyone who tells me that I need to “get over it.” (No one has, but my brain likes to tell me that everyone is thinking it.) 

I will never be over stories that move me, especially not ones I created.

And especially not Yangchen Oyama. 

~finis~ 

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @mobi-on-a-mission (she/her)

what are you working on right now? I'm in between fics right now after posting The Cockroach recently for Chopped! I'll likely start something new soon (I'm thinking of a canonverse forbidden lovers fic?), but we'll see where the muse takes me! When I'm not busy writing fic or being a human disaster I like to beta read. I beta read several fics for the Bellarke Big Bang, and I'm really excited to read them in their final form once that comes out! Beta reading may not be the first thing people think of with writing, but it's really elevated my experience with fanfic. It's a great way to let out my inner critic, participate in the writing process from a different angle, and read new fics before anyone else (hehe!) while helping out other writers. Going beyond 'this doesn't work' to 'this particular aspect isn't coming through right and here are some ideas on how to fix it' is the crucial step and has really made me a better writer!

I'm also excited to be accepting prompts for Bellarke Writers for Black Lives Matter. Send me a prompt and a donation to an organization of your choice which supports the BLM movement, and I'll write you a fanfic!

what’s something you’d like to write one day? I usually write whatever I want to write! One thing I've never tried though is an ot3. I enjoy them but at this point I don't think I could do that sort of relationship justice.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Honestly I'm proud of all my fics. Each one carries its own challenges and rewards, so I never get in a rut! The work I'm most proud of, though, has got to be Revive. It's a canon compliant through s6 Memori pregnancy multichap that I wrote during hiatus. It's by far the longest fic I've ever written, and I wrote it at a time when I was still very uncomfortable writing fic. I must have had my eyes closed half the time I was drafting it, I was so nervous! But I finished it and posted it and from there on writing was just that much easier. I haven't looked back since.

why did you first start writing fic? I wrote my first "fic" in 2014, when I was 14 years old. Then I came back a year later with a really short oneshot. Both of those were for Supernatural, and they're still on my ao3. I was extremely nervous about writing, especially with the fear that my family would find out what I was doing. That fear kept me from writing for years and years, pining to write something. That is, until last July. I'd had enough. So I sat myself down and made myself write, every dad for three days until The Best Back Rubs (my first fic for The 100) was written. Again after that fic I had trouble writing. Four months later though I started writing Revive and like I said earlier, I just kept writing after that!

what frustrates you most about fic writing? The most frustrating thing about fic writing is lukewarm reception. As much as I hate to admit it, validation is important to me and I like to feel like people are enjoying what I write. When I spend a lot of time on a fic and get excited about posting it, a part of me is expecting a whole bunch of comments and kudos and hits. Sometimes that doesn't happen though! Usually that doesn't happen. I have to remind myself that those responses are not reflective of my value as a writer. My friends are a huge help with this!

what are your top five songs right now?

Sweet - Cigarrettes After Sex Foreigner's God - Hozier One More Hour - Anthony Ramos Combustible - Cœur de Pirate Undrunk - FLETCHER

what are your inspirations? My inspiration is a little bit different for every fic I write. I tend toward canonverse, so I pull from interesting aspects of canon and then let my imagination run wild with *what if*s. My own life inspires my writing as well. This helps me to add in little details to make the story feel more real. I've been inspired by writing prompts and movies and songs and other fics and snow falling outside my window!

The one thing that's constant is other writers. I learn so much from reading, beta reading, and of course talking to my friends! They help to give me ideas as well as motivation to keep going. Writing can be a lonely pursuit, but it doesn't have to be. There's only so much going on in my brain—connecting with others is what brings things to the next level.

what first attracted you to Memori? what attracts you now? From the first time they locked eyes, I shipped it a little! But in the beginning, I wasn't that invested in Memori. I kind of took them for granted until s5. But more on that later. What first attracted me to Memori was how non-traditional they are in that they're not standard cut good guys yet they were allowed to meet and fall in love. Add on top of that how they make each other better in a nuanced and imperfect way, and I'm hooked! I also really liked how they didn't beat around the bush with getting together. In a world where slowburn is seen as peak romance, it was refreshing to see a couple that was just like 'you? I like you' and then they got together and eventually became what is (in my possibly biased eyes) the strongest couple on the show at this point. Getting into s5, that's when I really became invested in the ship. It hurt to see their relationship problems like that, but it allowed them to grow from it in a beautiful way. Through it all, they have so much love for each other. They're imperfect people and they make mistakes, but at the end of the day they learn from it and become better as a couple than they are alone. Their devotion to each other really is something else!

Besides Memori, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? Funny story: I actually decided to start watching The 100 after reading Bellarke smut on ao3! It was a non-traditional introduction to the story, but something must have clicked with me and I was a Bellarke shipper from the start (even though I frankly detested Bellamy in the beginning). I still ship them, even though Memori has taken my heart! Oh yeah and I got to give a shoutout to Niytavia as well because apparently canon isn't going to feed us with content for them.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? It's pretty simple, really: Black lives matter should not be a controversial statement, and this is one of the ways I can help make our world a little less sucky for Black people.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? Every fic I write begins with a hodge podge of ideas. Sometimes I scribble them in a notebook and sometimes I use the computer, but it's always a creative mess! Recently I've been using Notion, a free editor which has a great desktop app. A writer friend turned me on to it and now I use it for writing as well as other life stuff too! It's easy to drag and reorganize ideas, so it really helps take a brainstorm mess to a working outline. Once an idea starts taking form I organize my ideas into related pieces and some end up getting thrown out. I craft "scenes" out of this and soon it becomes clear what pieces I'm missing. I fill in those pieces, throw out or rework stuff that doesn't work together, and pretty soon I have an outline.

I absolutely love getting prompts! I haven't gotten one through Bellarke Writers for Black Lives Matter (yet!), but I've written in a few rounds of Chopped. Most recently wrote for Chopped 3.0 Round 2 and won 1st place for best overall with my Memori fic The Cockroach. The biggest difference that comes when writing from a prompt like that is I need to make sure the fic not only fits the prompt but breathes life into it!

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Remember how I mentioned I beta read? Yeah. Right now my friend Kara, aka @queenemori, is writing a slowburn Memori actors au called We Don't Need To Say It. It's out of this world amazing and I am so hype to be a part of the process. The first chapters are up on ao3 and I cannot recommend it enough. ed’s note: this fic just updated!

For writers who are looking for a push, I highly recommend participating in Chopped. Fandom events are fun, the prompts make you get creative, and writing deadlines inspire you to actually get them finished and out there!

I know some of you need to hear this: drink some water! It's good for you and it's yummy yummy in your tummy!

The best place to find @mobi-on-a-mission is right here on Tumblr. Her AO3 is here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[wh33zy]

1-3, 10

I don’t know which one you want me to answer these questions for so I’mma do all three of the recent ones i reblogged in rapid succession because I’m extra and cringey like that: 

Fanfic Writer Ask Game- 

1. Has a comment left on a fic of mine ever made me laugh out loud? 

Not yet! They always tend to make me smile a lot but I haven’t lol’d yet!

2. Has a comment ever made me cry? 

I’m going to be honest and say that whenever I get comments from people, saying that they read all my stuff, that they always look forward to an update from me, or that my writing is helping them through a difficult time, I tear up! It hits me in my chest like GWAH.

3. Have I ever made myself laugh out loud or cry when writing? 

Never cry but definitely laugh! I like writing comedy or adding it in my writing a lot because it’s fun for me and fun for the reader. It also gives me an excuse to get my horrible jokes out of my brain.��

10. What word do I keep using like it’s going out of style?

This is a hard one because I’m not sure! I spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about repeating words. I know I love using the word ‘polite’ and ‘huff’! Also ‘offer’ and ‘oblige’. 

20 Fandom Ask Memes- 

1. If I could hit any character, who would it be? 

This is a hard one because I wanna hit A LOT of characters with no repercussions. Because I’m still VERY EMOTIONAL about Yakuza 7, I would like to hit Sawashiro as hard as I can. I know that I would also love to beat up Sid the Sloth from Ice Age. Lloyds from Tiger & Bunny. Oh! And Fuyuhiko from Junjou Romantica as well as Takano from SIH.

2. What fandoms am I no longer a part of? 

I also can’t really answer this one because I don’t really join fandoms. Like, the main purpose of this blog was to say whatever came to mind in regards to characters I liked/disliked whether or not I’d be met with hate from the fandom. So far, the reception for my stupid posts have been positive in JR land! I would say that I am not really in the One Piece fandom anymore. This is because I don’t write OP fanfiction as often as I used to and I find the discords to be rather intimidating because not only do A LOT of members tend to overwhelm me a bit but I’m so afraid of coming across as a bad person or cringey or stupid. TBH did leave an OP discord over something stupid I said that I know I blew out of proportion by overthinking. The discord was kinda dying anyways. [shrug]

3. Characters I’d marry in an instant? 

OMG EASY: Kasuga Ichiban from Yakuza 7 (he’s the perfect man), Legosi from Beastars (if only I were a white rabbit), and Sadie Adler from RDR2 (I have the biggest crush on her omg).

10. Characters that deserved worse? 

Hate to say it but Barnaby from Tiger & Bunny. I dunno, I felt like he kinda got off a little too easy with the way he treated Kotetsu in the beginning. (Kotetsu was his partner for their work as heroes since they have the same powers and they didn’t get along because of their differences. However, while Kotetsu was at least trying to befriend him after a while, Barnaby seemed to make more of an effort to be an ass.) 

Also, Takano from SIH. He deserves to be punched in half by Donkey Kong. Hiroki from JR needs a big serving of humble pie. Fuyuhiko from JR should be thrown in a well somewhere. 

Fun Meta Asks for Writers- 

1. Current projects? 

I signed up for my first ever creative writing class, so I’m working on a couple original stories that I have been way too lazy about AND finnicky about because I want my writing to be 100% perfect ALL THE TIME AND THE FIRST TIME OR I’M TERRIBLE. 

For fanfiction, I’m currently working on a Spiderman AU for JR, a Professer AU for Egoist because i guess I want to rewrite their story lol, FEUD of course, and for a T&B work called Firsts: Necessary Evils. 

2. What I most look forward to writing? 

In FEUD, I’m really looking forward to writing a new conflict that’s coming up between Ijuuin and pretty much everyone else. 

I am mainly excited about the Spiderman AU because I LOVE superheroes and I think the style and plots that I have for it are very good! I have it set up quite different where there’s a chapter where Akihiko is Spiderman, then another chapter where Misaki is, and the last chapter is them both being Spiderman. What I have set up for Misaki when he’s the hero is just YES SO MUCH FUN! 

For the Professor AU where Hiroki and Nowaki are both professors, I’m excited to be kind of boring. It’s a sweet, slice of life story about two dorks who are a little awkward falling in love. It’s charming and not very dramatic. I just want to take the advice of my creative writing prof which is to dare to be boring. 

Other than that, it’s my original stories. I’m becoming less afraid of writing them so the more I do, the more excited I become to write more.

3. What is one scene I want to write but at the moment can’t be arsed (I fucking hate this word ugh ‘arsed’ it sounds stupid)? 

I’m so sorry for those who read FEUD but it’s literally the next part of this coming chapter. I dunno, I’m just...lazyyyyyyyyy. Lol I’M GETTING TO IT, but at the moment, I’ve been kinda lazy with my writing. I don’t know why, probably because it’s sad bitch hour every hour. 

10. How would I describe my writing process?

I don’t know if I have something that counts as a writing process, but I just start writing when I feel really compelled by an idea. If I am inspired enough, I just write. Then, I figure out a beginning to it or an end to it or how to blend it into a story if I wish to. Afterwards, I edit the shit out of it and then let it sit on my laptop for a while until I’m brave enough to post it since I think a lot of what comes from my hands is terrible lol. If I’m craving inspiration, I’ll look up quotes and just go from there. I also tend to think about scenarios A LOT in terms of my favorite characters so I always seem to have some kind of idea. 

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!! This was fun!!

[theawkwardterrier]

2019 fic roundup

Buffyverse

The Words Beneath Our Words

MCU

Perfect Targets Beneath the Flap A Light in the Window These Bricks and Beams Carry With Us Though It's Called Dancing (to me it's romancing) things left behind and the things that are ahead

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?:

I've had a policy over the past through years of not predicting (I’m so easily prone to getting weighed down by disappointment in myself), but I’ll say it was less than in the past (not an overwhelming number of individual fics, and not a lot of variation in genre) but in some ways a lot more (things left behind).

There is something a little different from other years, though, because in 2018 I had decided to stop writing. It seemed like a perfectly sensible time to do so: it had been just over ten years since I started writing fic regularly, just under ten since I started participating in IWRY marathon, I’d made friends and improved in my writing both through age and through practice, and I’d just finished my World Without Shrimp IWRY series and had no new projects brewing. I was starting to feel sort of old-married to my fandoms, the love still there but the passion somewhat fading. But it was also a move made bitterly, out of anger and sadness and frustration. 

I know there are writers who will write regardless of the feedback they get. I know there are writers who don’t register the hits or kudos they get, those who don’t compare their stats to other writers, who keep themselves focused on themselves and their own work, thinking “I like my story - it’s good and writing it helped me to grow” rather than “I like my story, and more people should have too.” I think that type of writer is admirable. I’m not one of them. I don’t know that I ever can be. And, as I’ve mentioned in the past, I was really torn up that But A Walking Shadow didn’t get much of a reaction.

It’s strange - I love my own fic, but I truly don’t think I’m the most amazing writer or anything. And I certainly get wonderful feedback, including plenty on my other 2018 stories, many of which were very well received. But there was just something about what happened with that one story that really affected me. Maybe it was a sense of hopes dashed after a lot of effort, or, as I mentioned during last year’s roundup, a feeling that I had done everything “right” with it, and it didn’t result in a greater impact. Maybe it was the feeling that Woman Borne was somehow retroactively not as well-received as I thought it had been if people weren’t looking for a follow-up and weren’t as interested when it arrived. I felt as if I had spent a decade trying to become Something and had finally gotten close and it just wasn’t working. (I was also having a pretty hard year in general, and mental-healthwise, wasn’t in the best place.) Regardless of the reason, in the later part of 2018, I started wondering what would happen if I just...stopped?

Like I said, I thought it would be a fairly good time to do it, there were Reasons for it, but I was also having a supervillain moment of “if I’m not appreciated, I just won’t do it anymore, I’ll just tell myself stories and won’t write them or show them to anyone, so there.”  

And then Endgame came out. And I wrote anyway. Obviously.

I’m not much better in my comparisons with others, and in some ways I’m worse, though I’m working on it. I know that it’s not logical or healthy, to have this endlessly gluttonous desire for recognition which might not even be possible to ever fulfill. (Like, realistically, what do I want? For every fic reader to be obsessed with my work? For the world to hail me as the next Shakespeare????) I am trying to manage my expectations and to focus on the positives of my accomplishments and place less stock in the reception. We’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, I don’t predict what I’ll write, or how much. At this point, who knows.

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?:

As I said, in January, I was certain I would never write fic again, so I suppose it was all unpredictable. That said, everything stayed fairly status quo (Steve/Peggy, Buffy/Angel), though I guess my OCs - the whole cast of them! - were a surprise.

3. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

There’s usually one that jumps out, but from 2019, I was really proud of things left behind in a grand sense (length! characters!) and probably Beneath the Flap in a smaller sense (I’m always really excited when I can translate one universe into another - Attachments’s internet security officer/email monitor becoming a CA:TFA appropriate WWII military mail censor is pretty good).

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Including so many OCs in things left behind, I think. Even though I did something similar before with Adrift, Ashore, it felt so, so nerve-wracking to include pieces like chapter 22, which is almost entirely Drea with cameos by Steve and Peggy and Tony and the Jarvises. Like, how much would people’s interest extend past the MCU characters they came to read about? (Luckily, apparently a fair amount.) One of the things I started to realize as I’ve written more and more of the story is that I do feel, I guess, ready to try writing new characters and building a world of my own in a way that I didn’t before. 

5. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

This is not a prediction because I’ve already fulfilled it as of this writing, but: keep posting chapters of things left behind, mostly. I’d love to expand to a new fandom, but I’ve been in a real rut for the past few years; nothing’s really captured my interest in that certain way, and I’m sighing over the lack of a shiny hyperfixation.

As I’ve gained confidence in my own writing independent of an extant media universe (see above), it’s possible that I might try writing something non fanfic at some point in the future, but I don’t actually have an idea and the details of anything surrounding that are so hazy I don’t even think I could list it as a goal. (Also, a maximum of four people are allowed on the page at once, so that will put a damper on things).   

6. From my past year of writing, what was…

Story Most Underappreciated by the Universe:

I think they all mostly got what they were due this time around (or more than their due; see below), though I would never say no to more feedback on new chapters of things left behind. There are people who comment on every chapter and I absolutely can never thank them enough for that, but it is a little dispiriting to watch the hits going up without even a note saying, “hey, this was great!” or “I can’t give kudos again but I liked this chapter.” Like I said, I’m trying to work past this sort of thing and I’m not going to stop writing because of it, but...it would still be nice...

Most Fun:

I think Perfect Targets. There’s a touch of awkwardness to it that I wasn’t really able to smooth out, but I like the tone of it, the seriousness balanced with humor/aggravation.

Most Disappointing:

It has got to be A Light in the Window. I reread my own fic possibly more than anyone else alive, and I can’t bear to even look at this one because I think it’s so clunky and weird. Like, the very very center is an interesting idea, but I can’t believe I wrote it considering the secondhand awkwardness that I experience when thinking about it. The feedback on it has been incredibly generous.

Most Sexy:

The scene in chapter 3 of things left behind where Peggy and Steve start getting hot and heavy at the carnival? Or maybe chapter 3 in general?

Hardest to Write:

I stopped writing chapter 28 of things left behind for around six solid months and I’m still not certain I got it 100% fixed up, so probably that.

Most Unintentionally Telling:

I'd love to be either a Buffy or an Angel in The Words Beneath Our Words, but sometimes I feel like my love language is  ¯\(°_o)/¯. Good luck being in a relationship with me! (Just kidding - who would?! Rosa_Diaz_laughing_at_the_party.gif)

Choice Lines:

Usually I’m obsessed enough with my own work to list fourteen million, but this time the prospect legit exhausts me. Pick your own if you’d like, I guess?

[doedipus]

I finally finished moyashimon

it’s honestly one of my favorite anime/manga that I’ve read in a long, long time. there are definitely some aspects of the work that frustrate me, but it’s not quite enough to sour the work as a whole in my eyes. if you’re in the mood for a really chill slice of life series with a lot of well-developed and respectfully portrayed female and queer characters, definitely give it a shot.

first of all, to anyone who’s only seen the anime adaptation, definitely, definitely, definitely look into the manga. some of the best parts in the series happen after the anime ends, esp. the craft beer adventure in volume 8 and american road trip in volume 10. plus, if you’re like me and are mostly drawn to the work because of kei, her involvement in the story only starts ramping up immediately after the anime ends, and she’s essentially the main character of the last 3 volumes. Plus, ishikawa and his team have a lot of fun with the medium that doesn’t always translate into animation.

All in all, picking up the manga is 100% worth your time if you’re even vaguely intrigued by the premise

more detailed thoughts and a handful of good reaction images under the break

I think overall the beer, france, and america arcs are the high points of the series.

The beer arc sticks out to me mostly because of stuff happening in real life during the time I was reading it. Basically, some of my friends talked me into taking a beer tasting class at uni with them. I’d never really liked beer very much beforehand, but it turns out I was just drinking the wrong kinds of beer. I’ll put my life on the line for a good IPA now that I know what that even is.

The beer section of moyashimon has mutou go through a similar process- she starts out by going on a huge tirade about how craft beer sucks and it’s only appealing to pretentious weirdos, and then over the course of the volume, they go over what different kinds of beer are like, how they’re made, etc. It ended up giving me a good idea of what to look out for in the beer class, and it was fun being able to compare what I was sampling to what the fermentation lab crew talked about.

There’s also a pretty cute gender-affirming moment for kei in there, where the gang gives her a women’s costume for the faux oktoberfest celebration the book culminates in. it’s a small plot point, but I liked it a lot.

The france and america arcs are pretty similar and I like them for basically the same reasons. Essentially it boils down to them tying really dynamic plotlines in with the usual culinary intrigue. There’s a real sense of tension to what’s happening in the story, and the food stuff is more directly related to what’s happening in the story than it usually is. In a lot of the other plotlines, the writers have a tendency to frontload all the technical stuff into one or two extended dialogue scenes, which can be kind of hard to get through in comparison

I also found ishikawa’s assessment of american food pretty fun to read through, and a lot of his comments make me want to try out some western restaurants in japan if I ever end up going there. For instance, he has the characters talk a lot about how burgers and stuff are much sweeter than they’re used to them being in japan, and it’d be neat to have a point of comparison for that.

Also the america arc is where kei and marie probably do gay things, which I am very down for

ultimately, I think upwards of 90% of people who stumble upon this series now, 5 years after the last chapter and last episode were released, are here specifically for kei. she’s the strong bad to sawaki’s homestar: you might not know it yet, but she’s the reason you’re here. if you’re impatient and wanna speedrun straight to the part where she transitions/goes full time/whatever, it’s halfway through volume 4 of the manga and episode 10 of the first season of anime. there’s a lot of fun plotlines that happen before that point that really deserve attention on their own merit, though.

I’m a big fan of kei’s characterization. she’s possibly my favorite trans (or trans-adjacent josou danshi, post-colonialism ho!) character I can think of, and certainly the best I’ve seen written by a cis author. being manga, there’s some dumb missteps that happen, but they seem to be mostly a result of the creators not knowing better rather than them just putting her in to gawk at like a lot of other creative teams tend to do. plus, I think a lot of it boils down to localization error. for instance, the scanslation I read consistently has characters and margin notes refer to her as “he,” but like, japanese doesn’t really use gendered language the way english does, so it’s more representative of the scan team’s biases than the writers’.

One of the things I really like about Kei’s depiction is that the author doesn’t try to make excuses for her behavior. There’s no throwaway line in her backstory about how her parents saw three crows and a capybara on the way home from the hospital and decided to raise her as a girl. She’s clearly attracted to Sawaki, but that’s never framed as her primary motive for transition. She just flatly explains that she thought about it real hard and decided that this was best for her. To me, that’s a much more compelling narrative than one where it’s something either foisted upon the character or something they just sort of haphazardly stumble into.

Another thing that sticks out to me about Kei is that she exists in a series that doesn’t construct its cast as a harem around a singular main character or the reader, which gives her much more room for personal motivations and interests. Like, even though I love Luka from steins;gate to pieces, she and the rest of the female cast in that series really only exist in order to be Okabe’s, and by extension, the viewers’ romantic interests. This ends up sort of limiting their ability for character growth because at the end of the day, they all have to remain available and receptive to Okabe’s advances. As a result, Luka can never really call Okabe out for mistreating her because the writers won’t risk making her route or subplot unappealing. The same goes for plenty of other series trans characters find themselves in, and it shows. So many of them are either smug tricksters there to tease viewers or utterly submissive waifs, and often lack development beyond what’s necessary to get otaku motors running.

Since Moyashimon doesn’t use that kind of restrictive casting structure, the author is able to untie Kei’s sense of self-worth from how Sawaki feels about her and allow the romance subplot to take a back seat while the cast works on their various projects. As a result, she ends up being more independent than most other trans characters and her self-confidence is more genuine. She’s designed from the ground up to be a more complete character, and it makes her inclusion in the main story as well as her subplot with Sawaki feel organic.

on the other hand, as punlich​ pointed out in their post, the series does take a couple passes at introducing characters that seem to be designed with the intent of giving the reader an outlet to vent their sexual frustration around kei, particularly marie and madoka. the former is frequently referenced within the work as being a cis palette swap of kei, and madoka is another of itsuki’s proteges who begins insisting that she’s going to marry sawaki shortly after she’s introduced and receives little characterization beyond that. Marie ends up being a strong character in her own right, but the work probably would’ve been better off if they’d given her basically any other design.

at least in my reading of the work, neither is really taken seriously as a preferable alternative pairing to kei/sawaki, since marie ends up being more into kei than sawaki in the end, and madoka just makes sawaki uncomfortable more often than not. it’s a clear step up from works like steins;gate, re:zero, blend-s, or oregairu, where the trans or GNC character is the one who’s never taken seriously to the point of being a joke inclusion more than anything. still, it’s irritating that the creators would feel the need to include that sort of character, given how they’re usually pretty good about not harem-izing their cast.

uh, and speaking of that, fuck most of volume 11. the central plotline for that section is that the school holds a beauty pageant for the cast, which is, uh, wildly out of character for the series to say the least. it’s to the point where I’m inclined to suspect some form of executive meddling. like maybe they were gonna get dropped due to lack of readership and the brass told the creative team to do a dumb fanservice arc or something. they talk in a sidebar about how they changed editors around the start of this arc, so I have a hunch that has something to do with it?  I guess only they would know, though. it’s not like I can read any interviews or anything lol.

there’s still good content in there, and like I mentioned earlier, it’s when kei starts to really dominate a lot of the screen time, which is a big plus. it’s just dumb and out of place.

I also kind of found the conclusion to kei and sawaki’s “will they, won’t they” subplot really unfulfilling. namely, there really isn’t a conclusion to it at all. at the end, it’s clear that kei’s finally become comfortable with her attraction to sawaki, but sawaki is still kinda hesitant about going anywhere serious with someone he’s been friends with since forever. and like, I can get that, it’s sort of a natural aspect of where that arc would have to go, it’s just a frustrating note to end on. it seems likely that they would get together in the future, at least. (and that’s why you should read my fanfics!)

One thing I really liked about the ending section is sawaki comes up with some proactive uses for his superpower. for most of the series, it’s just a vehicle for ishikawa to exposit about his fascination with microbiology and fermented cuisine, which works great with the lower-key tone the series went for. still, the ways he uses it at the end are pretty clever, and it would’ve been neat to see him go on to use it in other ways. It’s frustrating that one of the uses he comes up with involves doing mouth-to-mouth with madoka, however.

I kind of get the feeling that the series got cut short because a lot of plot threads get addressed and tied up really quickly and sloppily in the last four or five chapters, while a ton of others just sit there. idk if it was a popularity thing, or if ishikawa decided to go all-in on maria the virgin witch, or some other factor, but I guess that’s kind of the nature of serial fiction. it just goes on as long as the creators and publishers are engaged with it, and then it’s over and they all move onto something else.

I’m being pretty hard on the ending portions of the series, but honestly pretty much everything not directly related to the beauty pageant or madoka is really solid. I’m just laying it all out there so nobody gets caught off-guard by the jankiness more than anything.

For one reason or another, moyashimon really struck a chord with me, and it’s kind of hard to put into words why. A big part of it is that kei is a character that I feel a sort of kinship with, which is a rare occurrence as a trans person. She feels like a real person that I’d meet through a message board or discord lobby. The rest of the cast has shades of that as well- the students feel like people I could have met in school, and itsuki harkens back to aspects of professors I’ve had, from his weird sense of humor to his rather alarming past working for the military. It’s easy for me to subconsciously insert myself into their fictional friend group. I guess it’s kind of like how people tend to engage with redlettermedia or ensemble let’s play channels like game grumps or super best friends play. Reading about the gang’s antics confers a sense of belonging that I’m perpetually starving for.

Another aspect of it is that it’s just fun to indulge in someone else’s hyperfixations for a while. It’s why sci-fi authors like heinlein and crichton are so influential, and why internet personalities like cgp grey or jon bois are so engaging: they’re really adept at articulating how utterly captivating some concept or ideology is to them at the moment. Somewhere between most and all of what ishikawa has to say about food and microbiology goes directly over my head, but the passion he has for those topics is readily apparent in every jargon-infested, chart-saturated debate he has his characters get into, and I love it. In that sidebar he goes on about his relationship to his editors, he mentions that the top boy editor chewed him out a couple times for basically trying to sneak a textbook into the magazine. It ends up being compelling based on passion alone, even if I only really internalized a fifth of what he actually had to say.

Is moyashimon for you? Ultimately I don’t think it’s really for anyone besides ishikawa himself. But if you’re at all like me, chances are you’ll fall in love with this bizarre and charming edutainment series anyway. If any of this sounds even remotely interesting to you, I can’t recommend checking it out highly enough.

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight @cldfiredrgn

Every week we are going to be interviewing a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

I’m cldfiredrgn on Tumblr, Coldfiredragon on ao3

Well, I’m in my early-thirties. College consisted of a combination of political science, english, and psychology. (not a combination I’d recommend unless you want to take it to grad level or beyond), though it is useful for writing. I’m a gamer who grew up on comics and anime. I’m an all around geek who listens to EDM, electro industrial, jazz, electro-swing, and punk. We have 2 cats, no kids, and a spare bedroom dedicated to our toy collection.

How long have you been writing for?

I started posting fic in high school. I wrote a few original pieces for 4-H projects, because mom wanted me to participate but I wasn’t the ‘get dirty/hands on’ kind of kid. I made it to state one year for my writing. I floored the regional judges with something that was more anime inspired and adult, they loved it.

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

Watching the first episode, shortly before season 2 premiered, and my jaw hitting the floor that Quentin and Eliot seemed to be flirting! I was hooked from the first episode. I hadn’t written anything in a couple of years. It was so nice to have a fandom again.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Eliot and Quentin, but Eliot is the character that hooked me. I kinda share his backstory. I’m the rural farm kid from a heavily Christian family who got out. Thankfully I still have a good relationship with my parents.

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

I prefer either season 1, or season 3. I’m absolutely dreading when ‘Shoulder to Shoulder With You’ reaches season 2 material and having to fit Eliot’s season 2 arc into that universe.

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

I’m also working on ‘Shoulder to Shoulder’ (StS). It’s my monster and my baby! We crossed 100,000 words together 2 chapters ago. Hmm, an idea about it? Well, I hate to give too much away, but a few things are coming up.

My version of the Virgo blade storyline is just a few chapters away! The resolution of that will be the end of the current ‘Fall’ arc….

Wait? You still want a Spoiler? I can I can give you one… Arc 3 is titled ‘The Chatwins’ and will focus on the group finding out about the time-loops and the roles that Jane and Martin play in their lives. Then they are off to Fillory!

How long is your “to do list”?

I have a lot of ideas on the back burner. Officially though:

The next chapter of my Queliot soulmate AU -- ‘My Hands Pass Through’

Never Ending StS chapters

My Trials project, which I’m not 100% decided on yet.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

“Shoulder to Shoulder With You’ is the story I’ve put the most work into ever. It has to be my favorite or I couldn’t continue it. I love the universe. I love how it’s already diverged from canon, I love where it goes and how I’ve been able to put my own spin on the arcs from the show so they will be fresh for readers of my story. Quentin and Eliot, the whole group, they continue to surprise me as the story evolves.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

‘All Part of the Deal’ The summary doesn’t do it justice. The fic started as a response to a kink meme but truly is an exploration of Eliot’s relationship to his telekinesis. It explores how he quietly hates his powers even as he clings to them because they’ve given him the only family and home he’s ever had. It’s also a subtle commentary on his addiction and how he’s sought out this thing that he thinks he needs, even if inherently destructive.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

Once I write something it tends to be written. I edit and tweak it once its on paper, but the majority of major edits are mental. I’ll think through a series of events a dozen times but the version that gets typed is usually the version I adhere to.

If something gets deleted on accident it tends to be gone. I’m never as happy with a document I have to recreate from scratch as I was with the original.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I write during the season and all through the hiatus. With ‘StS’ I watched season 3 while constantly editing how the events would shift the story. StS is at its core an alternate 40th loop, so the general rule of thumb has been ‘if it happens in the show, then some version of it will happen in StS’

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

“Shoulder to Shoulder’ because it has so many moving parts now. Every change I make to canon is a domino effect. Penny and Alice dating now effects Penny’s arc with Kady and Julia later, Eliot dating Quentin before Fillory impacts his ‘marriage’ arc(s). I had to completely change what happens with Loria because he and Idri would never end up engaged. I had to re-arrange who found certain keys because certain people are in different places. It’s a never ending cycle of cause and effect.

Are there any themes or tropes that you like particularly like to explore in your writing?

I like to use music when I can. I have a weird relationship to water and rain. I love the theme of soul-mates and chosen family. Exploring emotion is something I embrace, as most of you know I’m a great lover of angst.

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Lev obviously inspired me. He gave me my current fandom, but he’s inspired my personal writing too. I love how he can breeze through large amounts of time in a few paragraphs. Herman Wouk is inspirational because of his scale. ‘The Winds of War’ and “War and Remembrance’ managed to put the reader into every phase and conflict of World War II.

J.K. Rowling, I was a huge Harry Potter fan writer for a long time.

Alan Moore for ‘Watchmen’ Dozens of comic writers

C.S. Friedman’s ‘Coldfire Trilogy’ (where my main username draws influence)

Fanfic writers: EdgarAllanCat ( @goddessjuliawicker) Lexalicious70 ( @all-hale-eliot) , Rays ( @under-the-shady-tree) @gwendolynflight, @oneeyeddestroyer, Sullyandlulu ( @highestkingbambi) , LadySilviana, @highkingfen , @echomoon , dozens of others. This has been the best fandom I’ve ever been part of, all of you make it amazing!

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

I devour fanfic! I’m finishing ‘The Magicians Land’ I follow real world news despite how depressing it is.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

That my whole body of work was horrible. I wrote for a comics fandom for several years, and found a rant post on a blog site that tore a lot of what I did to shreds, but ultimately at lot of points they made were valid. I wrote volume instead of quality, to fill challenge tables with poorly executed AU scenarios. They weren’t good, they were dark for the sake of the challenge prompts. It made me stop for a while, and get back into writing with focused projects.

Cringe time:

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

I’m sure there are, and you guys probably know them better than I do.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

It was a Gundam Wing fic, and I don’t.

Rapid Fire Round:

Self-edit or Beta? -- Self-edit with an editing program

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes? -- Comments

Smut, Fluff or Angst? -- Angst

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn? -- Slow Burn

Favourite season? -- 3

Favourite episode? -- ‘A Life In a Day’’

Favourite book(The Magicians Books)? - 'The Magicians'

Three favourite words? ‘Symmetry, cacophony, sisyphean

Anything you want to add?

My ask box is always open, I love to talk about my writing, and I love user feedback

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

[gingerly-writing]

Questions Tag Games

explanation: I’m super late to these, I suspect not many people will want their dashes spammed with my random answers, and I’m not tagging people, so I’ve amalgamated all of these into one post. 

tagged by @concealeddarkness13! haven’t spoken to you in a while, hope you’re doing great

1. Would you rather write a more classical hero or an anti-hero as a protagonist? I’d rather write a hero for the protagonist, but an anti-hero as a general character

2. Who is your favorite character you have written and why? Ever? That’s cruel. Out of people that y’all would know, Urial does seem to generate the most emotional reactions

3. How many WIPs do you have? 3 proper ones, currently: Iron Flower, Space Royalty and Piracy Pays

4. Who is your least favorite character you have written and why? To write? Klarion from Young Jutsice fanfic. Motherfucker would not follow the assigned plot. Hate-wise? Possibly Coincidence or Accord, neother of whom you guys have met yet. Those two are a pair of nasty criminals/villains, and they are a little too good at punishing anyone who gets in their way

5. What is your favorite aspect of writing? Finishing!

6. If you had only one sentence (per WIP) to get someone to read your books, what would the sentences be? They wouldn’t because I suck at loglinesss...humourously though?

IF: an entire continent is saved from the ravages of war by the ancient art of sexting via treaty negotiations Space Royalty: ‘she stabbed me? god-fucking-dammit I am so in love with her’ Piracy Pay: you get to chug your drink every time I kill a character

7. If your protagonists fought to the death, which one would win? Protags? Depends if morals were removed, and whether it was on-on-one. Koronis, if not -he’s an emperor with black magic and an entire galaxy-wide army.  If it was on-on-one with minimised morals, Ace would stand a damn good chance. Boy is smarter than he gives himself credit for, and very adaptable. Galaxy is also pretty viable. Girl can swing a superpowered punch like she means it, and she hasn’t survived this long on luck alone.

8. Which protagonist(s) would survive the zombie apocalypse? Koronis would. Ace would die trying to save someone else. Solaris would...provided Monarch was dragging him around, and even then they might go down together in a dramatic last stand. Galaxy would be in charge of a small, benevolent queendom. Cleo would, those plant skills would make her handy to any new civilisation. Fact would go down staving off the hoardes so everyone else could run. Rosalie would think she was the weak link of her group, but they would probably keep her alive; L’aura would kick zombie ass.

9. Which is your favorite story you have written or are working on? Space Royalty is damn fun to write -the benefits of extravagant, overdramatic space operas I suppose. Piracy Pays has had a good reception, so I’m pretty proud of that. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going until the end! It is a huge pain o write though

10. Which of your characters is your favorite villain and why? Raph is my evil supervillin crimelord Big Bad and I adore him utterly

11. When do you find is the best time of day for writing? Evening! 8pm-1am

*******************************************************************************************

tagged by the lovely @a-sundeen​! this is so old I bet you don’t even remember tagging me, oopsie

1. When you’re describing a new character, what feature do you usually note first? Build, usually, as in their height/weight ratio, muscles/skinniness or lack of, how they carry themself etc. The reason for this is that I often start with the macro ‘impression’ of the character before zooming in on a few specifics. I try to use an interesting description or comparison here as well.

2. Do any of your characters play an instrument or really enjoy music in general? If so, what instrument (or what genre, if it’s the latter)? I am the least musical person on planet earth, so making my characters musical often doesn’t occur to me. Koronis can sing and play the space-piano (forced childhood lessons), and Jade can play the violin, but neither of them are passionate about it. Kolya/Cynosure (the popstar/supervillain) is very very musical, but I skip around a lot of the specifics because I’m a big cheater. He mostly makes anti-establishment and anti-hero music, but he’s one of those artists who strays all over different genres.

3. Which musical artist usually gets you the most pumped to write? Les Friction does good dramatic music and they’re not so well known, so I like to tell people about them when I can

4. Do you prefer writing fight scenes over other types? (This is a weirdly worded question I’m sorry, rip) It’s worded fine, sunshine! And no, I don’t like writing fight scenes because I don’t like the logistics of them. There are too many limbs to keep track of, and then I feel like I’m neglecting their surroundings and potentially useful items in favour of mentally tracking who’s where and what their arms and legs are doing. I cover up for my fight scene weaknesses with too much dialogue, and I’m fully aware of that fact.

5. Is there a city or country you’d really like to write in or about? Write in is probably just where I’d like to travel, so Russia, India and South America (I know that’s general but it’s the only continent except Antarctica that I haven’t been to) are my top choices. Write about…I’d like to sink myself deep into east coast USA to really nail the feeling of Galaxy’s city and her character, and then be able to confidently write about it. I do have a study year abroad coming up in 2020, so here’s hoping…

6. Do you prefer to be warm or cold while you write? Warm! I love blankets and my big fluffy dressing gown, and on top of that all my friends always complain about how hot my house is

7. Do any of your characters have hobbies you’d like to try out someday? Fiction wise, glo-ball from Space Royalty sounds like a very entertaining game, especially when I’m kept safe behind a pod. sodding netball injuries Jade paints and draws, and I’d love to get better at art. Likewise, Rosalie sews, making and decorating her own clothes, and I’d love to be able to do that. Idk, does being a supervillain count as a hobby? I’d love to rob a bank…not even necessarily for the money, just the #aesthetic

8. What is your favorite type of character to write? Villains! And morally grey people. And characters where the POV character has no idea what they’re really thinking, who they really are, what they actually want etc. And, on the flip side, balls of positive sunshine, because they make me feel better about the world

9. Halloween is here! Which character has a costume made for them by their mom? Ahahahahaha can you tell how late I am to this.

10. Halloween is here (again)! Which character thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up anyway? I AM SO LATE. Rosalie thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up in the most elaborate homemade princess outfit ever and entertains all the kids she can find. What, it is a children’s holiday, surely she should be making them happy on their special day…

******************************************************************************************* tagged by @blackfeatherantics who is now @mbovettwrites I think? I hope?

1.      How long have you been working on your WIP(s) for? Iron Flower is the oldest current one, and I started it on Christmas Day 2016

2.      What song would you assign as your protagonist’s theme tune? I’ll just pick one, and Koronis’ is Young and Menace by FOB. No real lyrical reason, it just reminds me of him

3.      Do you have any favourite spots (gardens, parks, cafes, etc.) where you like to write? The sofa in my living room next to my family

4.      Poetry or Prose? Prose!

5.      Where do you draw inspiration for your writing from? Everywhere! Other people’s writing and prompts and published novels and TV and movies and random stray thoughts and daydreaming and chatting to other writers and-

6.      Is there any popular book that you wish you had written and why? The Lies of Locke Lamora because I’d take out the first 100-ish page of solid worldbuilding and backstory that seemed almost completely irrelevant to the rest of the plot?And the domino-effect of all the plot elements knocking each other into action at the end was so clever, it annoyws me that the beginning means I don’t like reccing it to people

7.      What’s your planning process when you start working on a new WIP? I daydream about it for at least a few weeks to make sure the idea has staying power. Then I come up with character names, quirks, descriptions etc. finally, I lay out the plot chapter-by-chapter from the beginning to the end so I have a guiding rope throughout the whole process and I’m less likely to get stuck. Of course, that’s when I plan on letting a WIP bloom into being. Some, like Space Royalty and Piracy Pays, start off as short drabble ideas and then refuse to leave, which means I have no concrete plan for them...

8.      Do you work best in mornings, afternoons, or at night? Evening!

9.      Would you prefer to self-publish or work with an agent and publishing company and why? Agent and publishing company, because I value the help they can provide more than the ability to retain complete creative control over my book (since I’m crap at titles and designing book covers anyway)

10.  How do your emotions/moods affect your writing? Not a lot tbh. If I’m very very tired I can’t write anything good, but I’m not sure that counts as an emotion.

11.  What’s your favourite line of your WIP/one of your poems? I’ve written both of my current favourite lines for prompts, which were: ‘Time hollows all victories’ and ‘The hero doesn’t die in this one’. I’ve had other favourites in WIPs over time, but I can’t think of them right now

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the ever wonderful @time-to-write-and-suffer

1) How are you so awesome? Genetics.

2) What’s your favorite thing about your writing? The dialogue! Or the romances, which I mostly like because of the fun/cute dialogue.

3) Who’s your favorite character that you’ve written and why are they your fave? This is so mean. At the moment, Raph, because I can’t stop thinking about him and he’s so incredibly dangerous, yet on the low down (like the Mariana Trench level of low down) he has all these cute little quirks that only one or two people know about

4) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you love. What happens? Rosalie becomes a Grisha in Leigh Bardugo’s world. She finds a sense of self-worth and gets to enjoy the little luxuries that come with the position.

5) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you hate. What happens? X takes the place of Celeana Sardothien. He murders everyone in his path, tells the crown of Terrasen to get fucked because there’s no way he can run a whole government with any level of competance, probably murders Rowan with extreme prejudice, opens the Wyrd gates just to search the universe for Raph and bring him through so he can construct a decent government for Terrasen, would probably sleep with Dorian, would make it his new life goal to highfive Manon.

6) Your characters must fight each other to the death until only one stands victorious. Who wins? Raph. Koronis could conceivably stand a chance against him, but Raph would decimate pretty much anyone else. I think Raph would be able to stay above the fighting for longer, whereas Koronis would jump in just a touch earlier, which would be his downfall.

7) If you could steal a cover and a title from other books to use for your own WIP/s, which ones would you steal? Cover-wise I’d steal the minimalist Red Queen aesthetic, because that sleek shit is the bomb.  Title-wise? That’s harder. The Lies of Locke Lamora has some sick alliteration, but I think I’d rather steal the style of it rather than the exact title

8) If you switched places with one of your characters, what would happen to you and to them? I would die, pretty much everywhere. If Rosalie swapped with me, she would slowly come out of her shell and become a fashion designer -not an A-lister, she wouldn’t like how vicious and ruthlessly businesslike you have to be, but maybe making her own high-end clothes in a small shop in London

9) What makes your style unique compared to other writers? Thanks for the existential crisis, Eff.

10) Describe your antagonist’s song number if they were a Disney villain. No Good Deed from Wicked, for Darklight

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the lovely @itstheenglishkid

1. Have you ever realized how similar an oc is to you and felt the need to change them so they aren’t so similar? I mean, Jade from Iron Flower almost shares a name with me, and she’s ginger, which did concern me for a while, but hopefully she’s nothing like me personality wise (or else I’d have to do some serious self-reflection)

2. Do any of your ocs like candles? I bet Rosalie loves pretty candles, especially patterned or strongly scented ones! Anything luxurious that she can’t afford, really

3. Do you normally write settings that are (or are based on) places you know intimately (ie your home town)? Oh god no. I like sweeping Chinese-inspired castles or creaking pirate ships or far flung space universities and man-made planets. I’m really not a contemporary writer though, so I guess this isn’t much of a surprise?

4. What is a book that feels similar to your own wip? Ahahaha, which WIP? Piracy Pays has similar vibes to @boothewriter‘s pirates and probably also @noodlewrites’ pirates (I’m guessing? I haven’t read any excerpts from you I’m sorry). Space Royalty is just weird. Iron Flower is probably similar to a lot of generic fantasy YA, like Red Queen and whatnot.

5. Do you have a dream cast for your ocs? I don’t really faceclaim? Or know much about a wide array of actors, so no, not really.

6. Are you good at story titles? Do they come easily to you? I am abysmal at story titles, holy shit. I mean, you can see the evidence scattered around this post. Piracy Pays and Space Royalty are just placeholder names, but I’m not convinced I’ll come up with anything good to replace them. Iron Flower is alright in that its relevant to the story and fits into the series title (The Flowers of War) but…idk, its not setting the stars alight or anything.

7. Do you ever change oc names once you’ve started a wip? Not often, though I am considering changing Ace’s name because I don’t think ‘Seb’ suits him. Only question, what to??

8. Which people have you let read your work? I mean, all of y’all have the opportunity to read Piracy Pays. No one has read Iron Flower, and I’m stretching myself by letting @rrrawrf-writes @lux-deorum@haphazardlyparked read Space Royalty in its raw first draft stage.

9. What usually catches your attention about a book first? Style? Characters? Plot? I’m quite an easy reader to catch and hold tbh. What makes me love a book is a clever plot. For me, a very strong plot can carry weak-ish characters, but I can never read super deep characters with no plot.

10. Do you have a favourite author? Probs Rick Riordan, or Julia Golding.

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the wonderful @typeaadventures

1. How many works in progress do you have? Properly, three. Iron Flower, which is written (143k) but needs editing, Piracy Pays which y’all are reading, and Space Royalty which crossed 30k about a week ago

2. Do you/would you write fanfiction I used to! I stopped in Y12/13 because I didn’t have enough time to do fic and original writing, and I haven’t really had the time to pick it back up.

3. Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Either, I’m not fussed. Though if it has a really pretty cover, I’ll be hankering after a paper copy

4. When did you start writing? 14-ish on Young justice fanfic

5. Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? Not all of my work, but yeah, I have a lovely server and also some irl friends that get the junk landed on them

6. Where is your favourite place to write? At home chilling with my family while we all do stuff

7. Favourite book as a child? Dragonfly by Julia Golding

8. Writing for fun or publication? Hopefully publication, but I know I need to improve a lot first, honing my skills etc.

9. Have you taken writing classes? Not a lick

10. What inspired you to write? Gotta get those stories out of my head and onto the page, man. Gotta get that sweet sweet representation out there too.

thanks everyone!  xx

[unicornmagic]

Truly excessive notes on the anon challenge fic, per anon request:

It needed more time, frankly, but I banged it together in a couple of days to meet the challenge deadline while also writing the centaur fic, because I wasn't sure which I wanted to submit. ^^;  If I'd had more time I might've toned down the blatant talking points.  The title is what it is because it was the author's first time trying to write a BL seme taking the D without losing BL feeling.  ^^;

As mentioned elsewhere, what I enjoy about characters like original!Graves is watching them perform a sort of fantasy version of virtuous dominant masculinity.  One expression of this, among others, is sexual prowess specifically in the form of being good at giving penetration.  Now, objectors can howl that giving penetration needn't be associated with masculinity--any more than dark wood paneling and drinking whiskey neat need be; of course these accoutrements are arbitrary and culturally constructed--but thanks to thousands of years of patriarchy, the association exists.  

Whenever the discourse rears its head, someone invariably asserts that, in m/m fic, giving penetration shouldn't correlate with masculinity/dominance, and receiving it shouldn't correlate with femininity/submission.  This is usually justified by contradictory assertions: that RL penetrative sex between men is all 100% egalitarian and free from patriarchal connotations (uh-huh), and fanfic should reflect that--or, conversely, that RL queer men can be harmed by these cultural scripts, and therefore fic writers shouldn't contribute to their perpetuation.  To this I would say:  fanfic has no obligation to reflect either the real or the ideal.  And if one rejects the position of anti-shippers and purity culture--that fanfic should always and only depict relationships or sexual behaviors deemed harmless, unproblematic, and socially correct, because to do otherwise might cause harm--then it is reasonable to reject it also in this context. 

But I digress.  Of course it's possible in fiction or RL to divorce any sexual act from its cultural baggage, but I find most m/m fic doesn't really try to do that with penetration.  In other words, when people write e.g. top Will, the topping frequently is correlated with Will """taking control"""--which ultimately does nothing to subvert the patriarchal trope that the person doing the penetrating is the person in power.  So the association between penetrating and dominance persists in many writers' and readers' minds, even the minds of those who disavow it, and one can look literally anywhere to observe the connection between dominance and masculinity.

Those associations would, I expect, also exist in 1920s wizarding New York--certainly the RL queer slang of the era made a point of drawing distinctions between active/penetrative participants and passive/receptive ones, and I don't see why the wizarding world would differ substantially in this respect (although of course one is free to engage in the transformative work of imagining that it would); if anything, JKR's wizarding world has always struck me as pretty relentlessly heteronormative.  It's nice to imagine that Graves himself may be more enlightened than the average bear of his era, but assuming he lives in a world in which who tops does signify in relation to masculinity, and assuming "performing masculinity" is his habitual and comfortable default mode, and assuming that by temperament he prefers to be in a position of power/authority rather than submitting to it, I figured that the pool of people Graves would be prepared to get fucked by is fairly small.  But it would include Credence.

The thing is, I'm not interested in seeing a specimen of fantastic masculinity like Graves divested of his authority, any more than I'm interested in seeing a big cat shaved of its fur.*  Neither, I imagined, is Credence, because Credence digs Mr. Graves Performing Dominant Masculinity as much as anyone--and he's absorbed enough of the "in patriarchy, man fucks subordinate, not the other way around" trope via cultural osmosis to feel leery about topping, because he doesn't want to exert dominance over Mr. Graves, or perform an act that might suggest it, even in play or in the specific limited context of sex.**  So I figured the trick was to maintain the “Mr. Graves Performing Dominant Masculinity” bit--and Credence's experience of it--regardless of Tab A / Slot B placement.  Who's manfully in charge*** is ultimately all in the mind(s), and if Credence wants to feel like a subby uke in relation to Mr. Graves, he can feel like a subby uke and make subby uke faces regardless of what's happening with his dick.  

Anyway, I think I successfully maintained BL vibes, as intended...but in retrospect it seems like unnecessary effort, lol.  Like, if the positioning of Tab A and Slot B are truly meaningless except for the meaning one assigns them, then why reverse the physical polarity when the path of least resistance is just to let Mr. Daddy Dom do the Tab A thing?  Graves is good at doing magic and he's got a great big wand; why mess with that.  So idk that I would bother to write “bottom!ManlyAuthorityFigure” again when lbr, it’s not my jam.  XD;

* The joy of the fantasy is to imagine dominant masculinity being performed for Good (TM), see.  As opposed to the RL version, which is so often terrible and abusive and oppressive of everyone lower in the hierarchy. 

** This characterization of Credence is probably specific to Spells-verse; I expect a post-film version would be less submissive across the board due to the film's events--i.e. betrayal by the one authority figure he did trust, hitting a breaking point at which he lashed out with defensive violence, and his attempted destruction at the hands of yet another authority.  A Credence who has never been betrayed by a Mr. Graves is different from a Credence who has.  So it turns out the secret agenda of my fix-it AU is to make Credence more of a sub than he would otherwise be ha ha.  But the baseline psychology is that Credence always wanted to be good, and never could with Mary Lou because in her eyes he was always wrong, whereas in Mr. Graves' eyes he is good--he's a very good boy--and he craves that validation.)  

*** It has to be manly authority, specifically.  The flavor is important.

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Opinion of RPF

tw// mentions of depression and anxiety

howdy doo everyone~

I’ve been writing and rewriting this letter for the past few days. There are many thoughts that I wanted to include, but I’m constantly worried about the longevity and potential curtness of some topics. I’m also worried that my opinions are going to backlash on me, but I came to the conclusion that in order for me to be a better person and a better writer, I need to accept criticism. I just ask that if you do send me criticism or questions, please be patient and understanding with the response time. I try to handle things sensitively which means I put a lot of thought into my answer and writing. I also admit that I get rattled easily and I want to give you answers when my head is clearer. 

This has been something that’s been on my mind for many years actually. It’s caused me to stop reading and writing many times. At this point, it’s becoming a vicious cycle and I don’t know whether I want to continue it anymore or just give it up and find something else to do. If you’re reading this, I hope you can at least gain insight and understanding because some other authors may have felt this way and if you have the time, I’d appreciate some feedback. I know this document is long, so I’m really thankful if you can bear through it. 

I have been reading and writing fanfiction for about 11 years. I have been writing for k-pop on and off for 7 years now. Although writing has been a great hobby and outlet and the k-pop writing community has proven to be a safe space for me, I still tend to have internal conflicts about the ethics of Real Person Fanfiction (RPF). I have a very long explanation of my philosophy of writing, which I encourage you to read if you read many of my fics, but to break it down, I acknowledge that there’s a lot of responsibility when writing for the k-pop fandom. 

I know these are real-life people and it’s possible that readers might get the wrong idea when reading my fics. I want you to know that when I write my fics, I’m not exactly thinking of that specific person. This sounds kinda horrible because it’s blunt, but when it all boils down, I’m basically just using them as a face claim. It’s easier for me, especially since I write a lot of shorter fics and drabbles, because I don’t have to spend a whole page describing a character, like how authors of books normally do. A lot of what I write comes from personal experiences so I usually think of a plot and then decide which person fits my character. I admit that I do choose characters based off of the idols’ personalities/personas, but I’m not going to hold it against them in real life. I sometimes adjust my character to the “real” personality of the idol, but not so much. I’m pretty sure a lot of k-pop fanfic writers feel this way (and I can imagine readers feel that way too), which is why I encourage you to read the extension of this memo which digs into specific topics, like writing idolverse/”canon” and smut. 

If you are a writer, I hope you have a similar philosophy that respects the people we write about and also reflects on a potential cultural impact you can make. If you are a reader, I hope you take an author’s intentions into account when you are reading. It’s not just writing out a fantasy, but there are thoughts and emotions writers want to express or a lesson to teach. Sometimes people do write just for fun and it’s normally okay, but it varies case by case on whether the intention is appropriate.

Sometimes it is hard to see those intentions, especially when it’s not explicitly written out like this or authors chose to be vague about endings or “what happened last summer” or something like that. Depending on the situation, the uncertainty is a key factor in their style or storytelling, but if you’re uncomfortable about it, you have the right to voice it out. This is why it’s so important to communicate with authors by the means of commenting. Jumping to conclusions is very disrespectful to a writer and that’s not fair for fanfic writers who are doing this for free. Conversations like, “where do you get this idea from?” or “did you mean this when you said that?” clarify the intentions of the author. (If you have a strong opinion or interpretation, you may want to preface in your comment that because you might just come off as rude and taking control over the story.) Many authors might say, “it’s up for any interpretation”, but will give their own insight. In my opinion, if authors don’t give you the time of day or completely shut down your opinions, I understand if you start forming your own opinions. (I don’t believe social media slander is the way to go but maybe appropriate if they ignore the problem.) Depending on the writer, they are busy, so please be considerate of their own personal schedules. Don’t demand a quick response time or a public apology. Reading and writing are supposed to be cathartic and empathy-inducing and distracting and fun. Your opinions are valid. (I have to add on that if you chose to ignore things like trigger warnings and tags, that is on you.)    

You may be wondering, why am I writing this letter? I seem to know my limits. I try not to be a problematic person. It doesn’t seem like my writing is problematic either. I’d like to believe these things, but I recognize that these are all subjective. I am not necessarily going to be completely transparent with you because that’s a whole lot of layers and I don’t want to just force all of that on you, but I will be open with you about things that I’ve already put out. 

I’m predicting that the people who are reading this memo have only been reading my recent works/works I’ve posted on AO3. If you don’t know this, I am also on AFF and tumblr. Although a lot of my stuff (especially the one-shots on tumblr) is pretty lighthearted and surficial, I have written about deeper and darker topics: character death and mourning, cheating, panic attacks, and a pole dancer. I have also included themes of drinking, swearing, and implied sex. These range from passive mentions to having the whole story revolve around that topic. I recognize that these can be uncomfortable themes, which is why I try to relay my intentions and sensitivity through Extended Author’s Notes, content warnings per chapter and tags, taking forever to edit, and writing long responses to comments. I choose to write about these topics because I personally get tired of seeing similar fics and, again, I just need an outlet.

Allow me to address a… hyena in the room (yeah, not an elephant). I don’t usually flash this card, nor do I feel 100% comfortable talking about this, but I’m just going to come clean and say that I suffer from depression and anxiety. No, you don’t need to feel sympathetic or look at my writing differently. Please don’t do that. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I mostly want to say that, yes, I have these mental illnesses, but I also acknowledge that it doesn’t excuse any toxic behavior. I have written when my anxiety-induced insomnia gets to me or when I’m having a particularly low week. I try to edit when I’m more stable, but again, that’s pretty subjective. I try so hard to cope properly and I do use other methods besides writing. I talk to my friends to make sure I don’t isolate too much. I’ve ventured into music and dance. Admittedly, things have been harder with this pandemic. I’m not a perfect person and I admit that I slip up every once in a while. You might see it in my writing. Sometimes, I’m rereading a paragraph for the 12th time and I’ll be completely jaded over the intensity of the emotions I wrote 3 months ago because it comes to the point that I’m just looking at words. The words that I wrote at 2AM after a self-loathing day seem completely different two weeks later after a deep talk with my best friend. One day, it’ll hurt me, and the next, it’ll mean nothing. I’m not sure how it’ll affect you. I acknowledge that my readers come from different walks of life and different experiences. I want to respect that. If something bothers you, please do not hesitate to communicate with me. 

I know I don’t act like it all the time, especially on Twitter, but I am an adult and I’m trying to handle at least my mental health like an adult. I write about mature topics and as a writer, I recognize that I need to handle the reception maturely as well.

The “best woman of this generation” once said this about her group. “Even if there are good times, there could also be times when you feel disappointed or feel regret or get angry or annoyed… Just do things that you like. Resolve your mood, then come back to Red Velvet… It’s not “always like Red Velvet”. I’d like for your guys to find many, many diverse things to enjoy… I do really want you all to be happy.” I am in no way in the same league as Red Velvet or Ms. Bae Joohyun, but I’d like to keep that humble mentality. You don’t have to support every fic I write. You don’t have to support my entire story. You don’t have to approve of every topic I write about or the messages I relay. (I would like to hear your thoughts, but you are not obligated to do so.) The beauty of these sites is that you can come and go whenever you would like. I get it. Life happens. Things change. Opinions change. You’re valid. If ever you want to come back to my story or maybe finish one that you never continued, you are always welcome to do so.   

I, myself, have stopped reading fics, even if they were good. I’m not just talking about ongoing fics that lost its flare. I’m also talking about completed fics or fics that have over 500 Kudos or were Featured on AFF. Sometimes the topics are too deep. Sometimes, I just need to emotionally prepare myself for an update. Sometimes I lose interest. I’m sure the author might feel a little hurt, but that’s just how life is. I don’t spend a lot of my time reading and writing fics. In the end, I’m going to finish the fics that kept me interested.

Alright, if you’ve made it this far, congratulations. Serious conversation is over (for now). Thank you for your tolerance, patience, and understanding. If you are someone that reads my stories, thank you for your support. If you are someone who enjoys my stories, thank you for your love. With the time that I have, I’m working hard to be a better writer, but most importantly, I’m working harder to be a better person. The k-pop community has been a safe place for me and I want to continue letting it be that way. 

Stay safe and healthy everyone <3 Until next update

Click here to read my in-depth opinions about writing. (Skip to page 4.)