#if this isn't okay lmk and i'll change it!

[touchlikethesun]

okay okay okay, but we need to talk about the name etymologies of the four central characters of haikyuu!! because it is literally impossible to talk about it too much. first let's break down all the kanji in their family names!

(sidenote: all of the translations were pulled from wikitionary, so if any of the meanings are actually egregiously incorrect, pls lmk!!)

影　kage - shadow 山　yama - mountain 口　guchi - mouth 月　tsuki - moon 島 shima - island 日　hi - sun 向　nata - direction

adding a readmore because this got so much longer than i intended it to be

so some of these are talked more about in the fandom than others. i think it's practically common knowledge (if it isn't, well now you know) that the first kanji of hinata's name (日) means "sun" and the first kanji of tsukki's name (月) means "moon," and that this was done on purpose to highlight their roles in the story as foils and as a sun and moon analogy. tsukki and hinata are quite literally polar opposites in their approach to volleyball (they are, one might say, like night and day). tsukishima with his physical advantage yet reluctance to try too hard compared with hinata's overwhelming physical disadvantage and his willingness to go above and beyond, to the point that he can't even fathom how not to give 110% at all times. (there's so much more to say about this symbolism but i'll leave it there, gotta stay focused rip).

the first kanji in kageyama's name (影) meaning "shadow" i feel like most people are aware of as well, this symbolises his general mood (sorta a comparison with tsukishima too imo, darkness and the moon etc., but that's quite subtle), and again this furthers his parallel with hinata, juxtaposing light and darkness, but the kanji for yama (山) which we find in both kageyama and yamaguchi's name, means mountain, which represents both reliability and strength. this works for both kageyama and yamaguchi in different ways. from day one at karasuno, all of the team members can count on kageyama to perform, be it setting, serving, receiving, he is all around the uncontested best player on the team, and serves as the base for nearly all of their strategies. yamaguchi doesn't have the same dependability in terms of athletic performance (at the start of the series), but in a lot of ways he is a grounding force in among the first years, and in his relationship with tsukki he is very much a needed support, tsukishima depends on yamaguchi for... god for so much actually.

and then there's the second kanji in tsukishima's name (島)... meaning "island," it is very clearly meant to represent the isolation tsukki both feels and imposes on himself at the start of the series. i also think it's of note that an island is opposed to a mountain - both are large(-ish) landmasses but the mountain is connected to the rest of the land while an island is all alone...

the individual kanji all have a lot of symbolism going on but when you put some of them together, i think you get a new significance...

日向　hinata - the direction sun in shining 影山　kageyama - the dark side of the mountain 山口　yamaguchi - the mountain’s opening (or mouth maybe cave?) 月島　tsukishima - moon island

to get them out of the way, the compound meanings of tsukishima and yamaguchi don't seem very narratively significant, but i am more than open to analyses you might have that i didn't think of! :)

however hinata and kageyama seem poetic to me in a way that i don't think is accidental. i did take some liberties with the phrasing (kageyama could also be written as "the mountain's shadow"), but it doesn't change the overwhelming symbolism. the dark side of the mountain is obviously juxtaposed with the light side, but how do you create a shadow? well the sun has to shine on something... the direction of hinata's sun shining on the kageyama's mountain making the shadow... i admit i might be reaching with this one. but i like it.

initially, i had only planned to look into their family names, but after finding so much symbolism, i though why not look into their given names and boy oh boy am i glad that i did~

飛　tobi - flight, fast, high 雄　o - something large powerful and masculine (yang) 翔　sho - soar 陽　yo - alt. the sun, positive, (yang!!!!) 蛍　kei - derived from firefly 忠　tadashi - loyal, devoted, faithful

where do i even begin i legit have tears in my eyes okay, first things first, kei has always been my favourite name in all of haikyuu, i just like how it sounds, i think it's so pretty, and in looking up the meaning of the kanji i've grown to love it even more. as a masculine name, 蛍 is pretty rare, it's more commonly used for female names and the most common reading isn't kei it's hotaru. i like that tsukishima has a relatively unique first name, but what really gets me is the etymology. the kanji 蛍 is the same kanji for firefly, and when the kei pronunciation is used, it means fluorescent. i absolutely love this for tsukishima, because we are being given two different messages with his family name and his given name. on the one hand, his family name would have us believe that tsukki is like the moon, only able to be seen at night and only capable of reflecting the lights of others, but his given name tells us that, while it might be a soft glow, tsukki does have a light of his own, he is in fact able to shine by himself.

compared to 蛍, 忠 is a much more common given name, meaning loyal or devoted. i think sometimes people misunderstand the dynamics between tsukishima and yamaguchi, so please don't take this as me saying something i'm not, but tadashi really is loyal to kei in a very special way, and this is clearly something that furudate wanted to highlight, as this is not the only time he's made reference or used symbolism for tadashi's loyalty to kei. i do think that this devotion extends past tsukki too, and tadashi's loyalty is another part of what makes him such an important part of karasuno (and eventual team captain).

now. for the big ones. i really hope people are still reading because i saved the best for last just because i know i'll collapse into a puddle of tears once i finish typing this section out

if you look at tobio and shouyou's names individually, they do fit them very well; 飛 (tobi) being the kanji for flight ties kags to the sport of volleyball, and the alt meaning of height i think references how high he is going to aim for and eventually reach, and 雄 (o) symbolising something powerful and masculine i think does fit kags' vibe. likewise, 翔 (sho) forshadows hinata's jumping abilities and his bird-like nature, and 陽 (yo), a kanji that has sooo many potential meanings, among which are sun and positivity, further underscores hinata's sun symbolism and his optimistic outlook. astute readers might have already noticed, the first kanji of tobio's name (飛) and the first kanji of shouyou's name (翔) have very similar meanings, one might even go as far to say that they are synonyms. both kags and hinata learn to fly at karasuno together, and they both aspire to the same upwards trajectory, literally in the game for hinata, and figuratively in their careers as pro volleyball players, and this similarity is underscored by the similarity in the meanings of the first kanji of their given name. but the kicker, the last kanji of their given names, 雄 (o) and 陽 (yo) not only sound similar, but they both are kanji that can be used to write yang as is yang, the opposite of yin! shouyou and tobio's names are literally synonyms of one another!! for all the differences apparent in their family names, their given names are literally the same name just a different font and i absolutely love it so much, because we spend so much time talking about how different hinata and kageyama are but part of the reason that they click and clash the way that they do is that they are so similar to one another in ways that they aren't like anyone else, it's what makes their rivalry and their partnership as strong as they are and it's so so so important to remember that these boys are always on the same wavelength!! clearly we're meant to think like this, since furudate chose these as their names...

one last little note, it might be hard to tell if (like me) you aren't used to reading caligraphy, but the same kanji in tobio's name is the kanji on karasuno's banner: 飛

so just in case there was any doubt as to where tobio belongs. his name is literally on karasuno's banner i can't i can't i can't

[brayneworms]

closest to heaven that i'll ever be.

featuring. angel devil x gn!reader.

synopsis: angel's first time with you.

word count. 2.1k

content. smut, MDNI I CHECK, loss of virginity, crying, consent checks, d/s tones, sub!angel + dom!reader, gender neutral reader, guided masturbation, pet names (little love), we fuckin with gloves on, aftercare (it's brief but it's there), lmk if i missed anything.

notes. this originally had kobeni and aki in too but angel's part got way longer, so i'll post them separately :3 reqs are open btw so go ahead and req anything, just check my rules first ty.

"This is stupid."

Angel stares at you balefully; beyond the light flush adorning his pale face, he looks distinctly unruffled, no change from his usual apathetic demeanour. He sits cross-legged on your bed, arms folded, shoulders stooped. You pause in drawing the blind, tilting your head.

"What is?"

He throws you an irritable look. "This. The—this whole set-up. Why pretend when we both know the truth?"

You pull the blinds to, cutting the view of your bedroom off from wandering eyes below. The room stays lit with rosy lamps and projected stars, filtering through Angel's auburn hair. "And what truth is that?"

Angel scowls. "I can't touch you. So. What's the point."

"There's more to sex than that," you say matter-of-factly, secretly delighting in the way it makes Angel's blush darken. He rolls his pretty eyes, hands twisting in his lap. What little sunlight that isn't trapped by the blinds illuminates off his hair like gilt.

"Even so," he mutters. "It won't feel the same. It won't be... good. For me, or for you."

"How can you possibly know that, little love?"

His brows knit at the nickname, and it is a little much, but it feels right in any case, and you like the way it ghosts off your tongue, like the way it makes Angel's eyes droop. Still, his reaction invokes an interest in you, and you perk your head up.

"Have you tried? Before?" you inquire, moving back over to the bed. You sit, crossing your legs, keeping a safe distance—but Angel retracts himself all the same, recoiling back away from you and tucking his hands out of sight. You suppose it must be instinct by now, after so many years living in a body undesigned for love.

"So what if I haven't," Angel mumbles. "Doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

"Humans have a saying—don't knock it 'till you try it."

"Humans are weird," Angel says flatly.

"Even me?"

"Especially you. This is tiring me out..."

You whap him on the shoulder. "Nono, stay awake! Okay, let me—okay. Just tell me, 'cause it's the only thing that matters... do you want to?"

Angel stiffens; behind him, his wings curl into each other protectively, the feathers ruffling as though offended. "W-what?"

"Like, just tell me." You fidget, slightly awkward. "I won't judge, obviously. You've heard more than enough embarrassing shit from me from the bottom of a bottle. So... have you? Thought about it?"

"About what?" Angel stares at you like you've grown a second head, but the flush on his face is darker than ever, wine-red and brilliant against the parchment print of his skin.

"Fucking me," you say bluntly, knowing there's zero point beating around the bush with Angel. He sputters, body tense like he's about to spring off the bed. "Or touching me. Or me touching you. Have you thought about it? Do you want it?"

"I—I..." Angel's mouth works soundlessly for a few moments, eyes wide and more awake than you've ever seen him. Then, unexpectedly, his whole form droops; you feel cold water wash over you, followed immediately by panic. "What's it matter? Like I said earlier, I can't... you can't... just stop making me think about it."

"Humans," you say quietly, "are more resilient than you give 'em credit for. 'Specially me. Cleverer, too, I think, 'cause back in whatever century some genius fucker came up with an invention that changed the world forever. Wanna know what it was?"

Angel stares at you, bewildered. "Uh..."

From the waistband of your sweats, you draw out a pair of gloves. They're on the thinner side, just shy of sheer, black. Expensive, woven from fine cotton. More than you'd ever spend on yourself. But for Angel, you can indulge, you suppose.

"Gloves," Angel deadpans.

"Gloves!" you repeat cheerily. "'Cause, yeah, maybe I can't touch you with my hands. But I... thought... I could touch you with yours."

Angel blinks rapidly. "I—I don't understand."

"Can I show you?" you ask quietly, and he makes a choked noise in the back of his throat, small and needy. After a few tense moments, he lifts a shoulder in a would-be careless shrug.

"Do as you please," he mutters. "Humans are so stubborn..."

You giggle and sit back, spine pressed against the headboard, and cock your legs out so they're straight before parting them. Angel looks quickly away, face aflame, but you pat the space between your thighs encouragingly. "Sit here? If that's okay. It'll make it more comfy."

Angel regards you warily. "You're eager to die, huh?"

Behind the petulance is worry, the sort he's never been good at dressing up, the sort he loathes that he has in the first place. You tilt your head, gaze soft, you hope.

"Nothing's going to happen. I"m all covered up, see?" You wave your arms quickly down your body, clothes from throat to toe. "Just have your head against my chest and it'll be fine."

Angel chews at his lip for a moment, torn between, you think, spurning you for your idiocy and accepting human touch for the first time in God-knows-when. Eventually, you suppose, his selfish side wins out; he turns around stiffly and lowers himself to lay against you. His hair splays out against the comfy spun cotton of your hoodie, and you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat. You can feel the tension in his shoulders through your clothes and skin.

"There you go." Your voice slides into an unintentional low murmur, and Angel shivers against you, wings beating at your ankles. "You comfy?"

He nods, barely perceptible. Not seeing his face clearly is a little frustrating.

"Can you tell me?" you say, gentler than usual. "Just, you know. So I'm sure."

Angel huffs. "If I wasn't, I'd put my hand under your shirt and kill you. Even though that would mean a lot of paperwork, I'd do it."

"Okay, okay. So, um—can I? Touch you?"

Angel squirms. "I—I guess. If you're going to, then fine."

"No, little love. Tell me." You lower your head, putting your lips as close to his ear as you dare; it's still enough for your hot breath to stroke over the sensitive skin there, judging by the shiver that racks through Angel's body as you murmur. "I mean really tell me. Tell me where you want to touch yourself, where you want me to touch you."

"I—hn." His voice is starting to get a little strangled the further out of his comfort zone you prod him. "Why do you have to say such stupid things?"

"'Cause I like you," you admit, a little stiltedly. "I wanna... make you feel good. So. If you want to stop, we can stop."

"I—I didn't say that," Angel mutters. "I... you're close."

"I am." A pause. "Is that okay?"

He fidgets. "Yeah, I guess. It's fine." He pauses, then sighs. "I mean, it's nice. If that's what you wanna hear."

"Only if it's the truth," you say.

"It is, okay?" Angel sighs. "Okay. I... want... I want you to... touch me."

"Okay," you say, a touch too eagerly. "Okay, little love, can do. Where?"

"I—God." Angel buries his face in his hands; you can see the backs of his ears poking through the waterfall of tawny hair, singing scarlet. "Anywhere. Everywhere. I—hn."

You can feel your heartbeat in your throat, palms clammy through the gloves. You lift one hand up and cup his face, feeling the thin line of his jaw, the warmth of his blanket of hair. Angel tilts into the touch unthinkingly, and you swear stars explode over your eyes.

When your other hand comes to rest at his hipbone, just over the jut of his waistband, Angel jolts.

"Here?" you ask, and he nods. You slide your hand over his stomach; his warmth is dulled by the fabric of the glove, but it's closer than you've ever gotten. You can feel everything that matters; the contraction of his muscles as he breathes in and out, the inclination his body has towards your touch, the xylophone of his ribcage singing with each quick breath he takes.

Your hand travels up, slowly, marking a railroad up the pale skin, smoothing over his sternum, ghosting over a nipple. At the contact, Angel gasps, back tensing against your chest as he arches into the touch. You feel him pebble through the cotton, and he squirms, twists his face to hide in your shoulder.

"There?" you whisper, and he gasps out,

"Yes. I—yes. More, there, more—"

He's so sensitive. You suppose it comes from a lifetime of never being touched. You can't imagine how lonely it is. You would've gone insane a long time ago. Your fingers circle over his nipple and then the other, 'till he keens, brows knitted together, mouth open in a small 'o', 'till the fabric of his trousers becomes noticeably strained.

"How about here?" you ask, fingers ghosting at his belt.

"You can't," Angel grits out. "It won't—with the glove, it'll h-hurt."

"I know, I know," you coax soothingly. "It's okay. You wanna touch yourself? I'll watch. It's okay."

Too far gone, you think, to argue like he usually might, Angel gets his hands out from fisting the bedsheets and shakily paws at his belt. There's the pop of a button and the sigh of a zipper, a 'V' of pale skin shrouded with wisps of auburn hair before he's pulling the fabric clumsily down to his ankles, boxers and all. You feel your breath stick in your throat like glass at the sight of him.

His whole body is trembling as he takes himself in his hand; the first experimental stroke has a shuddering breath tumbling out of him, the next a pitchy moan, so ethereal that it makes your skin raise in goosebumps. Angel collapses back into your chest, sweat sticking his hair at the temples, spine squirming against his rutting hand. His long legs twitch against yours, one tangling around like a snake, hooking your ankles together like holding hands.

It's so achingly sweet you could cry. When your hand wraps around his, forcefully slowing his pace, he whimpers out a broken-sounding noise, and your heart flutters.

He's so perfect. So gorgeous. It's a crime you can't touch him for real.

But for now—this will do. This will more than do.

Angel turns big eyes towards you, round as pennies, brighter than ever with fervour and the beginnings of tears dampening his long lashes.

"Is this okay?" you ask, and Angel nods like his life depends on it.

"Yeah," he gasps. "Yes. Want you to—h-hah..."

"What?" you ask, picking up the pace again. Angel writhes, free hand flying up to grip at the fabric of your sweatpants. "Want me to what, little love?"

Your thumb swipes hard over his tip, and Angel makes a high noise like a piano with its strings cut. "O-oh, oh, please, please I'm so close, I'm so—I can't, I feel so—hah!"

"It's alright," you assure him, heart thudding. The whole display has heat surging in your lower abdomen, but you can't think about that, it's about him, your Angel, it's only about him and tears break over his lashline and trickle down his cheeks as he gets closer to his peak, breathing becoming strained and ragged, and he's hot against you, filling you with a burning heat.

"I can't," Angel says wetly. "Hn, hnn, help me? Please, just—do something, I can't—"

Wordlessly, you push your free hand under his shirt again, circle his nipple before taking it between your fingers and tweaking, and Angel's whole body locks up; his back curves, wings twitching almost independently of the rest of his body, legs kicking at the mattress, and he sobs out as he comes, a pitchy wheezing broken sound that's going to live under your bones for the rest of your life.

He collapses back against you, totally spent. You do him the quiet mercy of tucking him away and pulling his slacks back up, buttoning them about his waist as he makes a face of discomfort. You run a tissue over his hands and stomach, mopping up his spend quickly before nudging a bottle of water against his lips. They're full and rosy as they lazily take the nozzle in, sucking absently like a drunkard going back for another swig.

"Was that okay?" you mutter, and Angel scoffs tiredly.

"Mmmn." He turns on his side, digging his face into your stomach. "It was... nice. I'm too tired to return the favour, though."

Fondness beats through you like a heartbeat, slow and syrupy. "It's okay. There's always next time."

Angel's wings flutter in tandem with his eyelids. "Mm," he agrees with a low hum of exhaustion. "Next time."

He's dead to the world within the next few minutes, breathing against your abdomen; as he sleeps, or dreams, or whatever it is devils do, his wings cocoon the both of you, like he's trying to keep you safe even in sleep.

[yanteetle]

Okay so I'm a huge fan of your yan turtles but it got me thinking, what would the turtles think (specifically donnie) if their s/o found out they were unhealthily obsessed with them and they simply didn't care? Like "oh nooooo you are gonna keep me trapped in ur lab forever and lovr and dote on me??? I'm soooo scared and....stuff"

In my head, Raph would be the happiest in this arrangement. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but a lot of his own self esteem depends on what his darling thinks of him. But the only issue is that after y/n accepts it, he'll start using it against them without knowing. When he starts to push boundaries more and y/n tries to reinforce them, he'll bring up the fact that they're okay with this. They accepted this side of him, so why are they backing out now? he won't realize that he's doing it, because in his mind he had already imagined that y/n will accept every aspect of him freely. No matter how... fucked up it really is.

Leo would be bored. He wants drama lowkey. So he's initially relieved that y/n is okay with it. Until he actually does something messed up, wanting a reaction out of Y/n only to receive either a nonchalant or supportive response. I'm tired of pretending Leo isn't the kind of yandere who wants problems and no peace whatsoever. He lives for the thrill, the drama. As long as he can ensure y/n's love in the end, he'll cause the problems in the relationship no matter what. And when I mean problems, I mean murder :)

Donnie expects y/n to put up more of a fight when he actually brings up his demands, but if they accept him fully. He'll be more likely to scold himself for thinking so lowly of you. And then he'll scold himself for preparing so many brainwashing and memory wiping machines prior to even asking. All those hours, wasted on a supportive lab rat lover <3

Mikey? He'd be ecstatic for sure. And I'm sure y/n will be happy/neutral about it too! The only issue is that it won't last long. Mikey will continue to be devoted and increasingly possessive and clingy towards them, but y/n will realize the kind of grave they've dug themselves after a while. And when they want it to stop, it's too late. It's like when you get into a relationship with someone who appears sweet on the outside, they slowly change as the relationship progresses and you start wanting to leave. And by the time you see the other ways Doctor Delicate Touch works, you'd probably want to leave too.

my english today sucks, I'm tired so please don't mind any errors or poor grammar! Lmk if there are any errors and I'll be happy to fix them :))

[latoyalestrange]

Reader is sad how HL boys comfort them please.

thanks for the request! i hope this makes you and everyone feel better if you're down right now.

how the hl boys would comfort you when you're sad

ominis, sebastian, and garreth x gn!reader (lmk if you'd like to see anyone else)

ominis

he would immediately notice something was wrong. even if you were trying to hide it, he can sense when you're not yourself.

"oh, love! are you alright? is something the matter? you can tell me."

he isn't the best at comforting people, mostly because he'd never been properly consoled by his family. but he would try everything to make you feel better.

"what do you need from me? i can listen, offer a solution, give you cuddles, maybe get you some of your favorite chocolates? oh, what about--"

if you said you wanted to be alone, he would understand, but he would definitely be worrying his head off about you for the rest of the day.

he'd check up on you before going to bed because he physically wouldn't be able to go to sleep without making sure you were okay first.

if you were crying when he saw you, he would just hold you until you were calm enough to speak.

depending on how upset you were, sometimes he would coach you on your breathing.

"deep breath in...and out. good, good job, baby. one more, okay?"

"don't apologize, darling, just breathe. tell me what happened."

he would hold your face and wipe your tears while you explained and just hold you afterward.

sebastian

if he found you crying he would instantly run up to you to ask you what was wrong.

"what happened? did someone hurt you? i swear, if leander was bothering you again, i'll destroy him."

seriously, he would be fuming if he found out someone made you cry. it was honestly a little scary the way his face twisted up and his eyes changed.

if that weren't the case and something else was bothering you, it would take a few tries, but he would eventually snap out of his trance to listen.

"oh, love. i'm so sorry, i thought...i'm sorry. are you okay? what can i do?"

he would be silent the entire time as you were explaining, listening intently and just holding your face with gentle hands.

seeing you cry absolutely crushed him. he had such a hard time not crying himself, and you could see it in the way he looked at you.

he would pepper kisses all over your face as he said everything you needed to hear.

"i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, my love. i wish i could take it all away. i wish i could take you away, away from it all. it kills me to see you this way, i hate it."

he would get a little choked up near the end as he pulled you into his tight embrace. he would rest his chin on top of your head, fully engulfing you in his strong arms.

garreth

if you weren't crying, he would notice something was off, but he wouldn't know you were feeling sad. he would honestly think you were upset at him.

"hey, what's that face for? did i do something to upset you?"

the look on his face nearly broke you. he looked like an injured puppy.

after you explained, he would feel terrible for assuming.

"oh, i'm sorry. that was rude of me. what can i do to make you feel better?"

he would smile at you gently and take your hand in his, squeezing comfortingly.

he's not the most emotionally mature person, so sometimes he would have a hard time being sympathetic to more complicated feelings. but he would try his very best to be understanding and make you feel better however he needed to.

"i'm so sorry, love. i wish everything wasn't so difficult. you don't deserve to feel this way."

after you were feeling a tad better from talking it through with him, he would try to make you laugh.

"there's that beautiful smile." he would press a loving kiss to your cheek. "i love you, okay? i'm here for you. you don't have to hide."

[ebbaskz]

heaven and back | l.mh + h.js | (a,f)

masterlist

pairing: lee minho x han jisung x reader (y/n)

content: angst, fluff, unrequited feelings, college-aged, mainly just a silly y/n who is going through it rn.

word count: 2.6 k

Thursdays.

If there was one thing you could say about Thursdays, it is that they are the pure feeling of going to hell and back.

Actually, scratch that. You haven't even been able to come back from this hell of a day.

Nothing had helped. Even when buying coffee in the hopes of lifting your spirits, it had been extremely too bitter and ruined the entire drink. The attempt to get a nice walk outside during your lunch break had only left you caught in a rainstorm with no protection from the harsh elements. The walk back to your next classes should have been considered a walk of shame from the stares of your fellow classmates and your pure embarrassment of not checking the weather.

The one bright side of today is that you can now finally go home.

No more dreadful professors giving useless monologues or ignorant students on campus bumping into you when trying to leave class.

Just a nice, calm, soothing night left to enjoy by yourself--

***buzz buzz buzz***

On second thought, you might actually lose your mind before the night is over.

You take out your phone from your back pant pocket as you make your way up the stairs of your dorm building, hoping that whoever texted is either dying or needing immediate assistance (both of which you doubt are true as it could very well just be Felix blowing up your phone for the 6th time this week, asking if you would finally let him teach you how to play League of Legends).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : tell me you aren't busy tonight. minho and i ordered too much food to the dorm for the two of us to eat by ourselves... please come over? 🙃

~

Oh, nevermind.

I guess this text isn't as horrible as you thought it would be.

I mean yes, you could very easily just get into bed and sleep off the last torturous 9 hours of your life as you have dreamed of doing all day.

or....

You could definitely take up Jisung's offer of eating some free food while also being able to hang out with the two men who you are absolutely infatuated with.

Yes, it's a bit of strong of a term to use when referring to two men (yuck) but it's just the truth. From the day of college orientation three years ago, when your childhood friend, Hyunjin, introduced a few of his closest friends to you (Minho and Jisung included), you have been a strong group of 9 since.

All of the boys are nice, but Minho and Jisung just happen to be the ones who have kept your attention since the first day of meeting them. From their adorable dynamic to their love for their friends, there is no reason to prevent anyone from falling in love with both of them...

other than the fact that they are already dating eachother.

Logically, it's impractical. You are the third-wheeling, pining over two men who already exclusively pine over eachother. If anything it's so damaging for you to be so close to them while having these feelings, but can anyone really say no to Jisung when he asks so sweetly.

~

y/n : for sure, ji! i can be there in 15 minutes, if thats okay?

~

You scratch your forehead a little while waiting for a response, wondering what you should change into before heading over there. Obviously something comfortable, but also maybe something a little nice so that they could be impressed or-- no.

They are dating. Stop. You are just friends. No romantic opportunities, unless you feel like home-wrecking your two bestfriends (probably not the best option).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : yea that works for me and min! just lmk when you are here and i'll come get you from the front of the building.

~

And cue the stomach butterflies.

You know how to get to their dorm from the front of the building, but every time Jisung insists on coming to get you from the front door. It's such a little gesture, but it never fails to get your heart beating and you checks burning.

It takes you a few minutes before you are finally back out of your dorm, taking your time to pick an outfit, fix your hair, and retouch your makeup after the rainstorm that you struggled through earlier.

The walk to their dorm is pretty quick, only 7 minutes on a day with some good pep in your step (aka a day like today where you are practically running to their front door).

~

y/n : I'm here 😗

ji ji ji ji baby baby : omw, y/n! we need to eat before the food cools down too much. minho is getting hangry and I cannot handle him when he is hangry.

~

Jisung is downstairs in less than a minute, making it seem like he's the one who was practically running to see you. Or maybe that's just your mind trying to give in to your delusions...

"Y/N!" Jisung screams a little while picking you up into a hug, "I need us to get back upstairs quickly before Minho decides that he is tired of waiting for us."

You giggle a little at that statement, knowing that Minho would never start to eat without Jisung. He would not be able to handle the pout that would show on Jisung's face if he found out.

Thats when your heart pangs for the first time tonight, already feeling hopelessly doomed to be the third wheel before even seeing Minho.

This was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~

Dinner is going by smoothly. The lo mein and miso soup that had been ordered by Jisung and Minho was a little odd considering you are the only one of the trio who eats lo mein, but you pushed that thought aside. The food was delicious nonetheless.

The pangs kept happening though.

When Jisung would stare at Minho with such adoration that you felt like a spectator on the sidelines of a romance show, rooting for the main characters to be together while simultaneously wishing that you were them. When Minho would get up from his seat to get something from the kitchen, having to pass by Jisung and giving him a loving pat on the head every time, causing Jisung to smile and spread a blush across his puffy cheeks.

It was getting to the point of pain where you had just needed to step out of dinner into the bathroom just to take a breather, convincing yourself that you can get over this and be able to just be best friends, nothing more.

breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, ou-

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

It was Minho.

You hadn't really felt like you had been in the bathroom for too long to be concerning but a glance at your phone screen surprises you when you see that you had been standing there for over 15 minutes just trying to ground yourself.

A look up in the mirror is also a sudden surprise, seeing tears running down your face, leaving your makeup disheveled and streaking down your cheeks. When had you started crying? Probably sometime in between thinking about your horrid day to thinking about your pitiful love for two men who don't feel the same.

"Yeah-" sniffles "I'm all good Minho. Just-" sigh "Just give me a second and I'll be out..."

Just stop, y/n. You are not making this day better.

And then the door open a smidge. I guess you forgot to lock it.

Even though the door is barely open, it's still enough for Minho and Jisung to see your reflection in the adjacent mirror with the mascara tears running down your face.

The door is no longer open a smidge, being forcefully shoved open by Jisung as he pushes past Minho to get to you, engulfing you in a hug that only fuels the tears.

"Y/n... What's wrong? Please talk to us. Well, cry it all out first then talk to us". Jisung says while speaking into the side of your head, making you chuckle through the tears at his attempt to humor you in your times of turmoil. You wish you had a Jisung like this all of the time.

"You do have me, Y/n? What do you mean? I'm right here, so is Min."

Yikes. Nothing is going your way tonight. First, they see you sobbing. Next, you say your thoughts outloud.

This instantly humbles you and brings you back to where you are, immediately attempting to apologize for whatever you just muttered out of your mouth, "Ji- I mean- I know I have you, but like- I just- I wish I also had someone like you, you know. Like you and Minho". This was clearly such poor phrasing as you watch Jisung pull away to fully face you and give a little look of shock with confusion written across his features.

"What do you mean- Like me and Jisung? You want a boyfriend, y/n? Is that what this is about?" Minho announces this from behind Jisung, making you unable to see the slight look of hurt that flashes on his face.

You look up from where you had been looking at your feet, trading your eyes between looking at both Minho and Jisung. Your brain is being wrestled right now while trying to find the words to explain how you don't want just any boyfriend but the two boyfriends who were standing in front of you.

"Not that, exactly..." You finally manage to mutter out after bullying your mind to produce any answer to stop the two from looking at you with such concern and hurt for you. "I just can't explain my problems to you two..." You look away from the two boys, not being able to watch them as you try not to break down further.

"Y/n if this is something serious, you can talk to us..." MInho pipes up, Jisung grabbing your hand for reassurance, causing you to turn your head back toward them.

Your logical side seems to be taking over for the first time, in a long time, telling you to do what you know needs to be done for your own sake.

"I think I should take a break from seeing you guys..." You finally said it. The words you knew needed to come out eventually to allow yourself time to heal and get over this silly infatuation.

But, the look that you then saw on their faces might have just killed you right then and there. You don't think you have ever seen them both be so in sync with their expressions, synchronizing their faces of hurt and sadness in a way you didn't know you could hurt so much from.

"You.. What? Why?" Jisung asks, his voice cracking a little and letting go of your hand to step back towards Minho, allowing Minho to leave a comforting hand on Jisung's shoulder.

If you wanted to run away ever in your life or sink into a black hole, it would be now. The embarrassment of this whole situation and your reasoning behind why you need to do this just simply cannot be explained to them without ruining everything.

"Did we do something?" Minho asks with no faults in his voice, but a single look you take towards him shows that he really is trying to maintain his composure.

If there's anytime to say anything. It'd be now. Your relationship is already changed. There's no going back.

"It's not you guys. It's me," You say while looking at both of them, powering through what you are about to say even with seeing their heartbroken faces, "I just cannot do this anymore. Being around you two all of the time is so painful because you guys are just so happy and in love, and I would do anything to be like you. Not with other people..." Here it goes. "but with both of you. I cannot handle being around you guys while I am helplessly in love with you both. Just give me some time, and I know I can get over this..."

Well. There it is.

You finally said what has been torturing you for years, laying it all out on a platter for Minho and Jisung to observe and pick apart.

But thats not the reaction you get from them when you check back in to register their facial expressions. It's bizarre. Minho looks almost relieved while Jisung looks.... happy? Where you missing something? Was this what they wanted to happen?

Before your thoughts can go any further, you are tossed into a hug between both Jisung and Minho, rocking you back and forth and holding you so tightly.

"Are you serious, Y/n? You actually had me so horrified I thought we were going to lose you" Jisung mutters into your shoulder.

You are still so incredibly confused as you manage to let out a quiet, "...What?..."

You are finally released from the grasp of the two hugging you to be faced toward Jisung, "Me too. I mean- like I am in love with you, too. So is Minho."

This information actually shatters any ability to function that you had left, only being able to repeat the word "Huh?!" while looking at Minho to confirm what Jisung said, to which Minho nods.

"We always have, Y/n. We just didn't really know what to do about this because you never told us anything or made it seem like this was mutual. I thought we would always be stuck as bestfriends." MInho says this so gently to you while reaching up one of his hands to cup the side of your face and caress your cheek so lightly with his thumb. I think this is the first time you have ever recognized Minho looking at you this way. It's the same way you notice him and Jisung look at each other everyday.

"You guys love me?..." You manage to get out while bringing up a hand to hold Minho's hand that is resting on your cheek. This is a surreal moment for you. What you have been fearing as the break in your relationship as a trio may actually be what causes your relationship to grow further, into....???

A nod comes from MInho, "Can I kiss you?" he asks ever so sweetly.

A simple nod is given in return, a silent conversation that you and him exchange in before he initiates the kiss.

It feels like a dream. Finally being able to feel his lips on your own after years of pining. By holding onto the back of his head, you keep him close to make sure that this is real, and he isn't leaving.

That then makes you think about Jisung, who's simply standing to the side, mouth agape and blushing across his entire face at the two people he loves kissing eachother. To Jisung, this is like a dream come true, but he does want some attention from you (casual Jisung behavior).

He tightly grabs ahold of your side, turning you away from Minho and guiding you towards his own lips. The moment you and him meet is as electric as it was with Minho.

The pangs in your heart are no longer from the pain of unrequited love, but now a pleasurable pain of an overwhelming love from those two boys who have captured your heart.

Maybe this day has finally had its come back from being a burning hell, reaching the sweet and blissful heavens that we all dream of.

a/n : ahh my first fic on here. I hope to only improve from here and I apologize for rushing the ending haha. lmk if anyone has any requests or ideas, i'm open to writing anything - eb

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (13)

prev // next //series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 8.9k

warning: traumas, idk wut else but lmk

you're not sure how long you've been crying, your sense of time completely lost and only able to tell day from night by how the blueish sky and clouds turned into an orange horizon before the stars came out of the pitched darkness.

only able to tell the cafe is near closing time when the pitiful and sorry expressions of passersby starts decreasing and the place grows so quiet, you can hear the clinking of cups and utensils as the workers begin cleaning up.

they probably feel sorry for you, one of them even offered a cup of coffee earlier when they noticed your swelling eyes in the corner and the fact you were obviously not okay.

you wipe another lone tear with your sleeve when a gentle tap on the table takes your attention, snapping around to see one of the workers who looks about your age and is most likely a local student working part-time.

"hey, miss, just letting you know we're closing in about ten minutes," she says, treading carefully because you already look like you had an awful day.

"oh, i'm sorry," your voice comes out hoarse, bowing slightly in apology as you stand up. "i'll get going."

"would you like anything before you go?"

you shake your head, the first smile of the day settling on your lips faintly as you thank her.

the air outside is crisp as the months go by, leaving summer behind to accomodate fall. time have passed and the leaves are changing.

you didn't go back to the dorms earlier because you didn't want to face yuna when she'd occasionally return in between classes for breaks and whatnot. she would notice something immediately given how conflicting your guys' schedules are in the first place.

you didn't want to tell her that you got your heart broken (the short version) and didn't attend any classes at all. you're not ready for that conversation yet, settling for isolating and humiliating yourself in a public space instead until you're ready to go back.

but you just feel absolutely defeated and foolish, all this time clinging onto something that was never going to work out. something that you knew from the beginning was doomed to fail.

you've had so many chances to make it right and cut it off when time still hasn't ran itself into the ground and things were still in your favor.

had the relationship stopped when mingi and yunho asked you to, and had you not let him back in the day he came to the dorm, it still wouldn't feel so hard to breathe and you could've been spared the worst possible heartbreak.

but after all, you did it to yourself. so you will wallow in your own pity party and regrets, rethinking of all the stupid choices in life you've made--this being one of many.

you take the time walking back to the dorms and readjusting yourself to make sure your appearance doesn't give off you've been crying all day, and the first time you see him in a few months... he feels like the calm standing in the middle of an ongoing storm.

for just the slightest seconds, you feel relieved at the familiar head of black hair that used to be blonde and the pair of spectacles over his eyes. you forgot how strikingly good looking yeosang actually is.

"hey!" he's the first to greet, one hand in the air by natural reflexes and there's something that dances in his body excitedly before he catches on and tones it down.

"where did you come back from?" he asks after you two agreed on a spot at the side of the building, the ghostly breeze passing by the almost empty area.

"the cafe," you answer, your delivery a lot stronger than expected.

"oh. studying? i just came back from the library after cramming for chemistry."

you just shake your head, not offering anything else. you really are happy to see yeosang again but it's hard to show the enthusiam after what happened today, and yeosang can tell something isn't right.

"hey, you okay?" he speaks softly, attempting to catch a glance of your profile since you have it hidden behind your hair all this time.

and that's all it takes for you to break down again, your tears hurling before you even give it permission, because it hurts so much.

it may had stung with junseo, your ex-boyfriend. but with san, despite the fact you guys never actually dated, the pain is so much more unbearable because you loved san. you still love him.

yeosang can only stare with alerted eyes, unsure how to console you because this scenario is a first.

"i-i just feel so stupid," you drag it out, clogged throat and all, finally turning to face yeosang and he can see how puffy your eyes are even in the poor lighting.

you're not sure why it's him of all people you're telling this to. you just need to get it out of the system, having kept it to yourself for so long like a dark secret that's been slowly killing you from the inside, but now that you're about to spill it, it does feel like some of the burden will be lifted.

"i should've listened to mingi and yunho. i should've never let him back in. i should've never even remotely think that i had a chance."

once you speak, you just keep going. you feel you can trust yeosang.

"i've been seeing san behind their backs, and he dumped me today, obviously and rightfully so. i should've seen it coming," your voice changes from defeat to acceptance so quick, by the time you're finish, only a tired sigh comes out.

yeosang is stunned initially, still not sure how to react at such a raw and vulnerable confession, especially coming from you. but you must've been pushed to the last option judging by the current state.

he's not surprise san turned out to be exactly how he predicted. guys like that are cliche, but girls like you will fall for it because you're too sweet and naive, lacking of experiences and easy to take advantage of.

he had suspicions, but again, it wasn't any of his business.

"and why are you only blaming yourself for it?" his first reply is full of frustration toward the amount of slack you're giving san.

you're about to say something in response but stops because you realize he's right, recalling how mad you were at san before, but now taking it out on yourself.

"if you liked him that much, he knew it for sure and used it against you. i don't know what went down, but you should be kinder to yourself. you need it after whatever that douche just put you through."

you stay quiet, not because you don't have anything to say but because you really needed to hear that after today. something kind and heartwarming.

"i just don't know how i'm going to tell mingi and yunho. eventually they will have to know, i don't want to keep it from them forever."

yeosang curls his lips together, arranging his thoughts before speaking again, "i really do say this with the best intention, and i know mingi and yunho cares for you dearly but at the end of the day, you don't owe them anything. you're your own person and you made a mistake... a choice, and whenever you're ready, you'll tell them."

you reside in the thought for long enough before nodding in agreement. he's probably right. for now, you need time to yourself and to think everything through before pleasing anybody else.

"thank you, yeosang... for listening to me."

he smiles and nod.

"i'm honored to be someone you can trust," he says at the same time he stands up and offers a hand. "i'll walk you to your room."

you start off by throwing away any reminders of him, whether it's the jacket with a humiliating history or the stupid bear he won to fool you, it's all gone. you don't want anything of him left behind.

you can still recognize him by touch, by his unique scent that if it was to whisk past your nose, you would immediately know who it belongs to. sometimes your heart would skip a beat when there's a knock at the door or when your phone goes off with a notification because you're so afraid by chance, it just might be him.

truth is, regardless of anything, thoughts of san will always linger like a bad headache but you just figure it might make it easier.

you focus on refining your drafts and old works, and even started taking more interests in other classes unrelated to your major. as long as your mind is occupied, you won't have time to think about him.

mingi and yunho are busy with their own schedules which you're grateful for in your own callous ways because then, you get to procrastinate on telling them.

before you know it, your routine has reverted back to its old way of tedious school assignments, your job, and long periods of seclusion, it doesn't seem like you're talking to anybody these days.

when you finally decide to leave the dorm for a change of scene, not much options on the list besides the nearby cafe as you send the workers from before a shy smile and head nod, trailing to the usual table at the back.

"this seat taken?" that familiar voice makes you pick your head up from digging through your backpack.

yeosang stands tall and has his own bag hanging over his shoulder, one eyebrow quirking when he meets your gaze.

"no. i just sat as well."

he nods and takes the seat across, throwing his bag to the side before asking, "you feeling any better?"

you blink a few times before shrugging and answering, "i'm okay."

granted it's only been a couple of days, he isn't expecting a world of changes, but just that you're feeling better even if little by little.

"have you talked to mingi or yunho at all ever since?"

"small conversations, mostly texts but haven't really gotten the time to sit down with them and hang out or anything. they're busy."

"i see. haven't really got the time with yunho as well. the guy i work for, he had to run somewhere so the shop was closed early and i just thought i'd pass by."

you hum at his words, reaching for your laptop but yeosang continues on, "by the way, i didn't see you at all in any of the major classes. did you finally took my advice? or am i just pushing it?"

a genuine chuckle makes your mouth burst until your face calms into a smile because thinking of it, it's actually been so long since you've properly spoken to yeosang if not counting the one from days ago.

so many things have happened since then, notably the fall from grace of yours and san's 'relationship' and all the highs and the lows. it's been a while.

most of your past encounters with yeosang was because you two shared the same class, but it's harder now given the circumstances. you haven't even had the chance to tell him he was the one who persuaded you to follow your passion (in the making).

"yeah, i dropped that stupid major so long ago much thanks to you."

"tskk," he scoffs, both flattered and offended because technology is in his blood. "geez, one class and you already sworn off the entire field. funny, because that was actually one of the easier classes."

you have to reframe from an eye roll but give in when a smirk so confidently paints his expression.

"i just found out it wasn't for me the hard way. better now than later."

"and that's okay," he switches from the playful tone to a more stern one, "so, you went into writing after all?"

"yeah..."

"and how are you liking it so far?"

"a lot better," you chuckle lightly and even he returns one, "but i'm still exploring... trying to find my style and who i am when it comes to writing."

there's been times where you felt envious of the students in your class just seeing the average scores on papers and thinking to yourself how is it possible for someone to get such a perfect mark or to be so sure of themselves and who they are when enaging in discussions.

you wish to be that certain of yourself and your abilities.

"that's good. you still have a lot of time so don't rush it."

you don't know what it is, but in the darkest of times and when you're in need of comfort the most, yeosang is always there as the light at the end of the tunnel.

he isn't always around but will show at the right time, and perhaps it's a bit dramatic but it's as if he's your guardian angel--always aware of what to say and do to make you feel better.

you're grateful to have him... especially when he becomes the only thing keeping you sane within the next few days--something to look forward to so you're not stuck dissecting another dream and what it means.

it only takes some desperate appearances at the cafe and some pitiful day-to-day life stories for yeosang to offer you his number, saying you can call or text anytime and he'll respond when he can.

the exchange makes you so happy and honestly is the first feeling of joy in a while that before you know it, you're growing even closer to yeosang and it's almost hysterical thinking back to the first meeting.

some days and nights are easier than others, sometimes able to go the entirety without thinking of san too much or letting that wave of anxiety and doom consume you. and some nights... both of these things would strike hard making you turn and toss until you're staring at the wall lifelessly.

you're not even sure if writing it down will make it any better. you haven't touched that notebook in forever and can't recall the last time you actually wrote in it.

at this point in time, it appears to be just one more reminder of him.

you didn't think anybody would take notice to your behavior, not that there's a plethora of people you know anyways. but aside from mingi and yunho, the only other person who would possibly give a shit about you is your own roommate.

and for as little credits as you tend to give her sometimes, yuna notices, asking out of the blue one sudden morning if you're okay.

it's so abrupt, you have to blink a few times before assuring her you're fine, but she doesn't look convinced in the slightest.

"you've been looking troubled these past few days. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and you're awake, staring at the ceiling, wall, or on your phone," she says with distress, getting up from her bed to sit at the edge of yours and locking eyes concernedly.

"i know i'm hardly ever around, but if anything's bothering you... you can tell me. i mean, if you want to, of course..."

because you and yuna may hold a lot of differences down to personalities, interests, lifestyle, but she is still a girl. you're a girl. if there's anyone in your life who would be able to relate to stupid boy dramas and getting your heart torn apart by one, it's her.

"it's uh... it's about san," you admit, even his name on your lips already triggering, but maybe telling one more person might rid some of the guilt for not telling mingi and yunho, yet.

"ooh..." she thinks of the name for a second but is quick to remember. "the guy from the party."

"yeah..."

"i could tell he liked you then, but you didn't seem very happy when i brought him up again so i just assumed you guys had something going on but it ended for some reason."

"we had a... thing, i guess you can call it. it was on and off, and mostly stupid. but it's over now and i'm just having a hard time..." you don't finish the sentence, unable to find the words you're looking for.

"being away from him?" yuna adds, a short staring contest ensuing before you nod.

"yeah."

when he becomes a part of your routine, most of your waking moments spent in the presence of him, everything suddenly feels so wrong when he's not by your side.

"sorry to hear," another apologetic tone falls from her. "i can't offer much, but if you need someone or something, i'm here."

you send a gentle smile her way, nodding.

"you listening is enough."

yuna is a good friend and a good person and you can finally appreciate all of it now that you're not so stuck chasing something else.

she buys some treats for you on the way back from her usual rendezvous and although you tell her she didn't have to, you also make sure she knows you appreciate the kind gesture.

you had subtly dropped the hint that she cannot, in any way, let it slip to mingi or yunho--if she by chance ever crosses path with them which you don't doubt could happen considering the proximity in which you live within each other.

but the fact she knows proves to be just about the last push you need to muster up the courage to tell both mingi and yunho.

you think you've held it for long enough and it doesn't seem fair that yeosang and yuna got to know it before them, the ones you swore an oath to only to break it.

the day you plan to fess up, you send a short text to yeosang if he's available to meet at the usual place.

"so you're really going to do it?" is his immediate response to the announcement.

"yeah. i don't know for how much longer i can keep it from them. it's killing me."

"have you thought of how you're going to do it?"

you shake your head, every possible scenario you already thought of not at all satisfying or fitting.

"no, but... i want to tell them in person and be as truthful as possible, down to every last lie."

he nods, a sympathetic look on him but understanding that this is a matter between only the three of you.

"let me know how it turns out. they might be upset for a while but they're still your friends."

for the longest time, you grew up without any form of love or affection from those around you, always falling behind the other kids and feeling as if you didn't belong anywhere.

all of your primary and middle school years spent alone because you were shy and timid and didn't know how to talk to anyone.

mingi was the first to break the ice after noticing one too many times the way you'd always look so lost sitting under that oak tree by yourself, and being a barely fourteen year old social butterfly who at the time didn't understand some circumstances are not by choice, he felt the need to befriend you.

it took a lot of pestering and embarrassing himself to get you to open up, but eventually, you knew he and yunho were people you could trust.

so you didn't only went behind your friends back, but you lied to mingi and yunho, two of the only people to ever show you love and affection.

anything is possible at this point and you believe betrayal is a very reasonable reaction.

you text them when they're off work and likely able to spare some time, asking if they can drop by because you want to talk.

"if you really miss me, you know could've just cal--"

mingi's figure halfway through the crack of the door stops when he meets yunho's equally perplexed glare, both of them unknowing to the fact the other was gonna be showing up.

"what? is this some kind of surprise because we haven't hung out in so long?" he closes the door and stands before you and yunho, who shrugs in response.

"i just got here as well."

while the two continues jokingly theorizing the reason you called them here, your body is tense the entire time because they really are in front of you now and you're so nervous about their reactions it sounds like their voices have muffled into a commotion matching your heartbeat until you're blurting out, "i've been seeing san behind your guys back all this time."

the silence after is so deadly, from the way the small talk immediately stops to the fall of their expressions as the room grows uneasy.

"you're kidding me," yunho is the first of the two to say something.

"i'm being serious, and i know what i did is awful," you go on because you told yourself you wouldn't stop until everything is out, but it proves to be more of a struggle than predicted despite the preparation because of the two, the person you expected to have the most compassion, looks the angriest right now.

"i don't expect you guys to--"

but your words are cut short when mingi just turns around and leave the room instead, your sight starting to blur as you fight back the tears.

yunho deflates with a sigh of his chest and shake his head at you, disappointment all over his face that crushes your soul because letting your friends down actually feels so much worse.

"when? why? and for how long?" he interrogates.

"around the beginning of summer? i-i promise, i did tried to stay away at first but then he came into my room and--"

"--jesus christ, y/n. that's almost what? four, five months?"

"i know." and you just start bawling then, absolutely guilty and wrong and ashamed.

"he didn't force anything on you, did he? because i swear, i will knock his fucking teeth out."

"he didn't," you deny weakly, a silence hanging in the air as yunho's at loss for words, honestly still so many questions running through his mind.

and then you tell him everything. from the night san busted into your room to the secret meetups, the carnival date, the trip, the parties, and down till the last second where he 'dumped' you pathetically.

he's not taking it very well but he's taking it a lot better than you expected, and is surprisingly the least upset of the two. said you can still reach out to him but he's going to need some time.

you don't hear from mingi for the next four days. he doesn't answer to any of your calls or messages.

it's rare and unusual to see him genuinely upset, you could probably count on one hand the amount of time something really pissed him off.

you hurt him and is now suffering from the consequences.

once yunho starts coming around, he replies to one of your texts regarding mingi and said for you to also give him time. that sooner or later, he will most likely want to talk to you about it. tell him what you told yunho but know that you lied and broke their trusts in some form.

in the midst of dealing with your friends not speaking to you, yeosang keeps you company for most days.

he entertains you by telling stories of his day-to-day job working at a computer repair shop, most of the time spent assembling customized gaming pcs, that if you're to ever stop by, he can teach you a thing or two (if you're interested).

"the guy that owns the shop, he's chill. but on slow days, i use the time to do most of my school works," he tells you.

and time passes by like that until mingi's ready to talk.

he makes an appearance by paying a surprise visit one unsuspecting evening, a knock at your door to a sullen look on him.

"hey," you awkwardly greet, attempting to lessen the tension with a light smile after.

"let's talk."

he walks himself in, flopping on the edge of your bed as he pats the spot beside for you to take a seat.

there's no prolonging or beating around the bush, and you're honestly glad for it, dying to address and settle everything to savor the few things you still have.

"i want to know, how long exactly after that conversation we had did you start seeing him again?"

the serious, sullen look on him never leaves, and it only intensifies when he asks that question. you try the best digging into scraps of your memories for accuracy but truthfully, the timeline is a little hazy.

but from mingi and yunho telling you to stay away from san to the day you relasped, it must've been a month at least.

"i did mean what i said at the time, i swear."

because you don't want him to think that the lies already started then; only giving him what he wanted to hear, if that's why he's asking you the question.

"i didn't text or call him, and if he did, i ignored him. i was spending most of my time inside or at the cafe and i was fortunate enough yeosang was there sometimes to accompany me. he even showed up drunk one time but i kicked him out."

you tell him the things you did right first, because you know you're about to disappoint him.

"then he came again one day, and i just... gave in. that must've been about a month after the conversation."

the manner in which mingi's shoulders drop the same time he heaves out irritatedly is expected, only watching in silence as he rakes his hair in frustration.

"what pains me the most is not that you lied to me, but that you would willingly hurt yourself."

he's had time to come to terms with the fact although it bugged him greatly because it just wasn't you... to lie countless times, and over a guy. but to some extent, he can let it slide depending on the circumstances.

but what he can't get around to is you going back to san, knowing one-hundred percent in the deepest of your heart whether you want to deny it or not, that he won't be able to give you what you want.

that you will get hurt, you are going to get hurt.

he tries his best to protect you without all the coddling or cradling, afraid of coming off overbearing but it is so disheartening to watch you do this to yourself.

it must take a level of low self-esteem and self-hatred, and... he really just feel so fucking sorry for you.

"and the worst part was that he actually tried ending things sooner and i was the one to seek him out for the last time," you unveil because he's right and the only thing you know how to do when guilty is to fess up.

"he said maybe someday, he could see himself with me... but not right now."

sympathy is quick to take over mingi, because in spite of it all, he will always hold a soft spot for you.

"and you're not thinking he actually means what he said, now do you?"

because san's a dickhead and could be using that as leverage for the last time; give you false hope and feed ideas into your gullible mind that there's a chance; a maybe in the future.

"the first part? no." you chuckle bitterly. "i won't ever be the one for him and i don't wish for anything more between us from now on."

"good. because fuck that guy. i hope for nothing but only the worst for him."

and for all your fuck-ups and downfalls, you don't know if you're ever deserving of mingi whose only punishments is the four days of silent treatments, and that for the next two months, he's going to be wrecking your wallet because you're now responsible for treating him and yunho.

it's as if getting a slap on the wrist for what you did, you will be eternally grateful.

he also tells you--in light of trying to find the positives in a rather fucked-up situation, that in some sick and messed up way, at least you experienced what it's like to love someone.

that you may feel san left you hanging, but him running you off is closure. it is as much of an ending as it can be.

a week and a half after you talked to mingi, mostly everything went back to normal.

you had been so scared confessing your sins to your two best friends, deathly afraid they wouldn't forgive you only for yunho to start speaking to you again not even a day later.

a repetitive routine, tedious school works and job; you're all too used to it by now, going on most days like there still isn't a lasting sadness always present and your heart still isn't healing.

you're better, but not completely okay.

mingi notices as he always does, spewing something about the best way to get over a broken heart is to have some fun, joining hands with your roommate behind your back in order to drag you to some club-restaurant.

you had put on exactly what she suggested: a black silk dress that hugs your frame perfectly, heels you can barely walk in--plus she even did your hair and makeup.

"come on, y/n. you look totally hot," yuna assures, after you told the both of them 'to get over someone is to go under someone else' isn't gonna work and you're not gonna start shaking ass on some random stranger.

"yeah, lighten up a little. but we're not only here to pimp you out, we're also here to feast and to officially say: fuck that son of a bitch, choi san, he can--"

"--oh my gosh, can you be any louder?" you hiss, flustered by the volume.

"actually, i can. he's so lucky to have his balls still intact because the urge to cut them off."

"can't believe i thought he was nice," yuna joins.

"that's how it all starts, honey."

you dismiss the chattering and switch focus to the dance floor that's actually quite empty, but mingi had made a point about more people turning up later. and truthfully, the place kind of scares you just as every loud and obnoxious settings do.

"no but forreal y/n, don't worry if you're unable to find anyone. we got just the perfect person for you."

you don't think too much of what he said, disregarding it like you do to all things mingi, only for yunho to show with none other than yeosang not even ten minutes later.

you were wondering where he was.

"sit your fucking asses down, i'm starving," mingi urges the two boys who finally sits after a few comments under their breath, and of course, yeosang is in the middle and facing you.

"hi, i'm yuna. you must be yeosang," your roommate introduces herself. it would be their first time meeting.

he nods and ushers her a thin smile, muttering out a "nice to meet you."

"so what are we getting? any suggestions?" yunho speaks.

"margarita, anyone?" mingi says, sloppily flipping through the menu.

"okay, at least one of us needs to stay sober to keep eyes on the rest just so nobody does anything stupid."

mingi blows, mocking the idea.

"no, fuck that. we're here to have fun and are taking cabs back anyway. might as well go all out."

"and by nobody, i mean you," yunho rebuts.

"i'm great at handling my alcohol, right, y/n?" he looks to you but you only brush it off with a chuckle because if there's anyone to do something stupid under the influence, it's definitely mingi.

"i'll just take a pepsi," yeosang chips in, offering to be that person. "i'm not great with alcohol."

you stare at him momentarily before agreeing, "yeah, me too. i'll take lemonade."

"geez, it's like i'm out with my grandparents," mingi snarks, you and yeosang locking eyes briefly before giggling quietly.

after some time and a lot of quarrelling, you guys decide on a pepperoni pizza and some hot wings, mingi pressuring the two boys next to him to go up and order.

they're barely a feet away from the table when your friend and roommate already start sticking their noses up your business.

"so..." the both of them echo together, it's scary how in sync they are. mingi being the one to eventually finish it off.

"what do you think of yeosang?" he hasn't even blinked at all.

"he's... cool." you shrug, the answer making both of them roll their eyes.

"cool? bitch please."

"he is totally cute, though," yuna adds.

"right. and smart, and totally one-hundred percent approved by us, and was there for y/n when chicken boy san fucked her over even though she was bitching about him at first."

"enemies to lovers?"

"that's what i'm saying!"

"you guys are so dramatic," you squeak, annoyed, "and i'm not gonna use yeosang just to get over him. that would be unfair to yeosang."

the both of them hum and nod, actually in agreement.

"you're right. yeosang shouldn't be a rebound. he's a keeper, that means after you get your shit together--"

he stops when he can hear the two making their way back to the table, passing a knowing glare to both you and yuna before dropping the topic.

and just when you think they would forget about it--too busy chewing your own food and listening to the chitters and music, you completely miss the exchange between your friend and roommate as they smirk mischievously and mumbles something inaudibly to each other.

"i'm full, anyone up for some dancing?" yuna picks her head your direction, the food in your mouth not even fully swallowed when she snatches your wrist and hauls it to the dance floor, "let's dance, y/n."

in the midst of your protest, you can hear yeosang in the background as mingi drags him along.

yunho is unable to do anything except laugh because it was so obvious what the two was trying to do, having caught the act himself.

"yuna, i don't know how to dance," you tell her, eyeing the people around you up and down as they grind against each other.

"you don't need to know how. just have fun!" she playfully pushes you by the shoulder, rocking her head to the beat of the song playing.

and just as you start loosening up a little, someone crashes into your back... rather purposely.

"oop, sorry. didn't see you there," mingi apologizes for yeosang who was the one to bump into you because he was pushing the boy through the crowd like a ragdoll.

you already know where this is going and they're so annoying for it.

there's a second where you and yeosang meet eyes, but are quickly taken away when yuna speaks again.

"well dang, i think i drank a little too much. gonna head to the restroom."

"yeah, me too. that margarita, man," mingi exaggerates, and just like that, they're both scuttling away. leaving you on the dance floor with yeosang.

you're livid at your friends for setting you up, but once you turn to yeosang and sees the soft look in his eyes, some of the rage dissipates.

"well, uh... you look good," he starts by complimenting your outfit, because he's never seen you in that style before. it suits you, he thinks.

"thanks, i guess." you chuckle it off, because yes, you meet him occasionally in the cafe, but this setting is so different and so is the vibe right now. "it all belongs to yuna."

"still looks good on you."

and you're thankful for the dark lightings in here as a blush run across your cheeks.

"i don't know how to dance at all," you confess again out of thin air, bringing a laughter from him.

"me too. this is my first time at a place like this. it's... interesting."

he looks around, and so do you, able to see through the open spaces and spot annoying ass mingi and yuna just off to the side and watching the two of you like hawks.

"if you--" you're cut short when someone elbows you from behind, losing your footing only to fall onto yeosang's chest exactly like a scene from some soap opera.

he balances you out by catching your hips, staring down at you and asking, "you okay?"

you nod, pushing yourself back up.

the night was interesting for sure, and if not for the fact you actually ended up having plenty of fun on the floor even though you could barely dance to save your life, you would never let mingi and yuna live this one off.

yeosang was better than you of course, but it was kind of amusing watching him and yourself try it for the first time.

the rest are drunk enough when it's time to head back, you and yeosang are the only ones still right in the mind.

you take the bills as promised but yeosang offers for the other half, and even in mingi's drunken state, you can clearly hear him passing a comment and telling the both of you to get a room.

halfway into october, things start looking more promising, and again, you feel a little better. not completely okay, just always better than the last time.

your periods of isolation or with yeosang at the cafe were quick to turn into group hangouts when mingi and yunho would join, and occasionally, yuna.

you grow closer with the other two and in a long time, finally allow yourself to make space for someone else besides just mingi and yunho.

by the end of the month, almost every last remnants of san is gone.

it first began during a conversation you were having with mingi, when he casually threw in the revelation that he's no longer friends with wooyoung.

you had felt so guilty at first, feeling like it was your fault. mingi and wooyoung had clicked immediately and were so compatible together. but because you were stupid and ignored all warnings, you ruined a perfectly good friendship.

but mingi had assure you that it was his choice. he no longer wanted to be friends with someone who still associated with san. people come and go, and wooyoung won't be the last, no matter how good of a friend he was.

there was no fight, really, he said. he confronted wooyoung and he just offered to move out. wooyoung must've felt bad about it, but there was no use in dwelling.

mingi has a new roommate now and though they didn't click as fast as he did with wooyoung, he will learn to get along with him.

and in your last attempt to rid all reminders of san, it ended with you quitting your job. the job you got because of him.

it was definitely a risky move considering your age and lack of experience, but you thought long and hard about it, finally pulling the trigger when yeosang told you he might be able to talk to his boss into opening up another position if you're interested.

but whether you get the job or not, you feel you made the right decision.

fortunately, when november comes around, yeosang breaks the news that you got the job. it would be a cleaning position considering the guy is rarely ever around and he needs someone to tidy up the shop when yeosang's too busy running it.

by mid november, mingi brings up the idea that you should join a book club, later supported by yunho and yeosang when you ask for their thoughts.

he said it's a great way for you to meet other like-minded people who mostly likely share a similar passion for writing. that you can learn a thing or two by exposing yourself to just more than your classes.

you were unsure initially because the semester is already coming to an end, but yeosang had convinced you there's still many more to come and was worth giving it a try.

you find the head of the club's email after lurking on the school website and she gives you all informations needed and tells you to be there this friday, the one weekday they usually meet.

said you can come and see for yourself first before she puts you on the official roster.

when friday arrives, you look for the room number she had given but didn't have to look far because it's obvious by the amount of people lining up outside.

you merely have just gotten in line, observing each and every of their faces to hopefully see someone you recognize but to no luck, turning to the sound of incoming footsteps instead, and much to your shock and irony, you see someone you haven't in forever.

popping in with his dark hair and wide smile, he recognizes you as well, waving in the air with a hint of surprise in his eye.

"hey!" he stops in front of you.

"hey hongjoong. wow... it's been so long," you can't help but to comment the obvious which he returns with a short chuckle.

"yeah it has. what are you doing here? haven't seen you around at all."

you give him a shy smile before replying, "i took on your advice and started writing a little... so my friends thought it would be good if i joined the club to expand my interest."

"really?" he looks genuinely taken aback, "that's great! creative writing as well?"

"yeah." you nod. "i thought you didn't go to our school."

"oh, i don't. but i just like hanging around, also because the campus is close to mine and the discussions here are quite compelling so i usually drop by."

"i see." you smile.

"you'll like it, don't worry."

there's so many things you wish to ask hongjoong, given the time he's been away and the heaps of events that has happened since. you did say so yourself that if you meet him again, you would want to hear his story.

“that’s a first. but thanks. if you told me a couple years ago that i’d end up choosing writing, i wouldn’t believe it either. it was never really something i was ever into or cared too much for growing up.” he pauses briefly.

“but there was a tough period in my life, and to deal with it, i kind of just started journaling and writing my thoughts down onto whatever paper or notebooks i could find, and it made me feel a little better afterward.”

hongjoong may not know it, but for someone who's hardly ever in your life, he has quite an indirect impact with just what he said at that party alone.

you feel in some way, hongjoong is your other half, though loosely: long, lost tortured souls who pours their miseries out onto papers and write their feelings away.

but just as you open your mouth to say something, the door swings open and the students start rushing inside. you figure you will ask him after.

you sit in the back and watch the entire time as the group of students ramble on about the book they all read for the week, hongjoong just slightly off at the side and listening to the discussion but will provide inputs from time to time.

after an hour, and after everyone agreed on a new book, you tell the head of the club to put you on the roster, figuring it's something you want to partake in, but you won't admit hongjoong's addition also played a role in the decision.

you thought you were gonna have to run and catch up, but thankfully, he was waiting at the door for you.

"what did you think?" he asks on the walk together.

"it was interesting for sure. fun to see everyone's take on it."

"oh, yeah." he snickers.

it's then that you debate whether you should ask, fearful of coming off intrusive but you also may never get the chance again.

"hey hongjoong..." you kick off, making him spin his head slightly to face you, one eyebrow quirking attentively.

"yes?"

"back at the party, you talked about going through a tough period. i was just wondering if you're comfortable enough to share what it was? no pressure though, just thought i'd take the chance."

he goes blank for a second and you're thinking you might've crossed the line, but your chest drop in relief once a warm smile coats his lips.

"i don't mind. if it will help."

because he also gets the feeling that in some ways, you're like him.

"it was freshman year of high school and i was stupid just as every other boys my age was, and had the bright idea of sneaking into our school's pool at night because it sounded fun and rebellious, and it made us felt cool."

you can tell where the story is heading, but hongjoong doesn't look fazed by it at all. he keeps going.

"it was me and two of my other friends at the time. none of us knew how to swim, and amidst all the fucking around, pushing and pulling, one of my friends fell into the ten feet pool. at first i thought he was messing with us, but it got obvious pretty quickly that all of us were idiots and he really was drowning."

"my other friend went after him. he wasn't a great swimmer but he was the most athletic out of us and i remember at the time, i felt so freaking scared and helpless, i didn't know what to do. what if he couldn't find him as well? what if something happen to the both of them?"

"i'm so sorry... did your friends make it out okay?"

he nods.

"yeah. but the first one was blue in the face when my other friend found him. we honestly weren't sure he was gonna make it. he's fine now. they're both fine. but i don't think i've ever felt that much fear in my life before. it fucked me up for years after... that's when i started journaling."

"oh..."

if you didn't know, you never would have guessed someone like hongjoong, always so kind and lively, went through something so horrible.

now, it's as if he's an entirely new person. nothing to show that he was the traumatized boy in the story at all. you wonder how he does it.

"how did you overcome the trauma? you seem... so much better now."

he dryly chuckles.

"well, it wasn't easy. i thought i could overcome it on my own as well, but when i was becoming merely a shell of the person i once was, not getting out of my room or interacting with anybody, my mother took matters into her own hand and took me to therapy."

"therapy?" you repeat, mostly talking under your breath but hongjoong hears it nonetheless.

"yes. it's now why i'm able to talk about the situation somewhat without breaking down or reliving it all over again. you may think that over time, it will pass and one day, you won't even think of it anymore. but you close your eyes and it comes back to haunt you, you can't get it out of your head, and then you realize... it will continue happening unless you get help. in therapy, i've not only developed coping skills, but i've also learned to heal from my past."

you don't say anything, but are listening so keenly, every of his words ingrained like you can recite them for yourself.

"the lady i saw, she was really good. i still keep in contact with her to this day. if you want, i can give you the address of their office."

he don't have to ask because he just knows, that you two really are long, lost tortured souls who pours their miseries out onto papers and write their feelings away.

and if he's correct, you will need just as much help as he did.

when you finally bring it up to mingi, he thinks it's the greatest idea ever. so great that he can't believe he didn't think of it himself, being a psychology major and all.

the only problem he had at first was that you heard it from hongjoong, a friend of wooyoung, and knowing all too well who that ties back to, you had to assure him that hongjoong is good.

but you have expressed doubts regarding seeking therapy, that it would be beneficial but would take up so much time and not to mention, money. but mingi is adamant about it, that no matter the time or money, it would be worth it for your mental health.

"no, bitch. you need therapy," he would say.

and after a couple more pushes from your other friends, you cave and make the first phone call to the office, a sweet lady answering on the other side as you give her your name and information and the reasons why you would like to schedule an appointment.

she tells you that within the next few days, the therapist will call you again for a more in-depth discussion before she can meet you in-person at the office for the first session.

and though initially doubtful and hesitant, the one-on-one conversation with the therapist over the phone makes you so hopeful that this is gonna work out because she sounded so sweet and understanding, just like how hongjoong described her.

mingi offers to come along for the first in-person appointment, reassuring you through the nervous, shaken hands and pounding heart, that when you walk out of that building today, you are gonna feel so much better.

you want for him to be right, that the efforts put in so far are gonna be worth it. and the minute you walk into the therapist's office, a middle aged lady with a welcoming smile that could warm the entire room, you for some reason just knew then, it's gonna work out.

you start off by telling her about your upbringing. mainly your parents, how your mom accidentally got pregnant at a young age and how she never failed to remind you of it, most of your adolescents were of you being passed around when one parent got too tired.

then you move onto your aunt and uncle, that you started living with them after your mom dropped you off one sudden day and ran away with another man, as told by your aunt. to this day, you have no idea what your father's up to, but you know he doesn't want you.

if he did, he would've came back for you so long ago.

and lastly, the romantic partners in your life; men, who most likely fucked up your view of love forever, or at least for a very long time, which is why you're here in hope to reverse that.

learn to love again, and that just because some pretty boy with dimples and broad shoulders lied to you one too many times and broke your heart, it's not the end of the world.

you are gonna be okay without him, no matter how good he used to make you feel or how strong the butterflies were when he was around.

you are gonna learn to be okay.

dr. hwang, as she tells you to call her by, said she took notes of everything you have told her so far and has a plan for what would be the best type of treatment for you but you'll have to come back for another session just to make sure.

by end of the appointment, taking the elevator back to the first floor, mingi pries away from the magazine he was reading and runs to you immediately.

"how was it?"

you smile at him, something hopeful and optimistic in your eyes.

"good. i think it's going to work."

# last entry

it's been a while since i've written in this thing, and honestly, i was losing my motivation to return because a lot have happened since... and this notebook really does hold so many memories of him. but this was where it all started so it's only fair i give it a proper goodbye. but i've officially made up my mind and will no longer be writing in this notebook anymore. i still have a passion for writing and i realize it is something i want to commit to, but i just won't be doing it here. my life's gone through a few changes and i just wish to leave a some things behind, this being one of them. but one day when i become a much better writer (hopefully), i can come back and laugh at this silly little journal. i have no idea what the next few years have in store or if therapy's going to fix me entirely, but i hope to become someone my current present self can look up to

sincerely, y/n

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[yunjardi]

my heart bel♡ngs to daddy [series]

[young sugar daddy jake x fem.reader au]

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click here for this series's masterlist to read previous chapters, general warnings, and playlist

[‼️chapter warnings‼️: smut [mdni], angst, DADDY KINK, angst, crying, unprotected sex, jake being a bit pervy, car sex, oral, fingering, riding, cockwarming, mentions of food/eating, pls lmk if i missed anything!]

*sorry for any grammar errors

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chapter 9: the healing process

"since when was it october?" you asked yeji as you fiddled with your black bunny ear headband that became a part of your work uniform that "updated" itself into a black skin-tight mini dress instead of the regular low-cut shirt. since halloween was just around the corner, they wanted every woman employee in a slutty halloween costume to 'attract customers.' "since a week and a half ago, y/n. jake really is warping your sense of reality, isn't he?" yeji joked as she pulled on a strand of your hair, causing you to swat her hand away in playful yet mildly annoyed manner. "okay fine," you sighed in defeat, "i'll admit that he's been distracting the fuck out of me lately, especially since we had our first argument not long ago. i mean, we kinda made up but it's still fresh in my mind." yeji tapped her nails on the marble counter of the bar with an evil smile on her face.

"you know, if he was really fazed by you being with any other guy but him to the point where you two literally had some kind of argument, maybe you should A. just become a couple or B. ditch his ass for being too protective over you. but i say you go with A," yeji remarked as she tossed a dishrag into the basket of dozens of other dish towels that were waiting to be put in the washing machine. "ugh," you groaned, "you see, it's not as easy as it seems." yeji raised an eyebrow at your response. "how so? he's clearly in love with you and we all know you also love-"

"hush!" you snapped, "don't say the 'L' word, yeji! that's not a thing! especially not with jake and i! he's just doing his job as a sugar daddy while i hold up the other end of the bargain. you know how that stuff works." she sighed sarcastically and tapped her nails on counter again. "denial," yeji said in a singsong tone, "someone's being moody again today."

yeji always noticed how moody and snappy you became when she brought up how you and jake should make things official, but she noticed changes in your mood in general lately. she figured it was just the nerves getting to you about your whole situation with

"okay, i'm sorry." you sighed again, "i didn't mean to snap at you. i just haven't been able to think clearly since jake and i fought. it's supposed to be a good thing that we have a bit of a wedge in between us because i don't wanna get too attached, but why do i feel so bad? like i said, i think we already kinda made up and everything. i literally haven't seen him since then, but it feels like it's still haunting my mind and it hurts so bad."

yeji played with strands of your hair as you rambled. "you told me not to say it," yeji said sarcastically. you groaned and rolled your eyes.

"ugh, and i shouldn't even be thinking of him right now! we have fall exams coming soon and i cannot let jake distract me," you realized in the midst of your blabbering. yeji groaned at your mention of exams as she let go of the strands of your hair.

just then, the bells that were attached to the top hinge of the door jingled, signifying that someone just walked in. "oh," yeji said as she looked over at the door, "speak of the devil; your little 'distraction' is here." before you could turn your around, you were already met with the sensation of being hugged from behind.

"y/n... i've missed you so much," jake said softly as he cozied his cheek on your bare shoulder, his cold skin from the weather outside sending shivers down your body. "i still feel really bad about how i treated you that night," he admitted glumly, "can i make it up to you?" he placed a kiss on your cheek as a shy smile formed on your face. though you didn't exactly know what he entailed when he said he wanted to 'make it up to you,' you, as much as you desperately wanted to deny it, really wanted to spend time with him.

you couldn't help but notice the customers looking at you and jake's close interaction, thankfully most of their eyes being fixated on jake's face rather than yours; they looked at him in a way that you'd look at a familiar face. did some customers know him or something? maybe that's just how rich people are; scoping out "competition."

either way, the two of you seemed like a fake couple who looked married from the perspective of the general public, which made you feel all sorts of mixed emotions that you couldn't even begin to understand. seeing him and feeling his touch for the first time in what felt like ages only made you more confused about your feelings. you couldn't lie; you still felt a sting in your heart when you looked at him because of what happened between the two of you but at the same time, you still felt glad that he took time out of his day to see you.

"my puppy. so sweet as usual," you couldn't help but gush unintentionally as you snaked your arm around him to play with his hair, "but i'm working right now, jake. my break is soon, so i promise i'll spend time with you then." you felt his face turn pouty against your shoulder when you told him that you had to work. heck, he literally came to visit you at your job.

"i'll sit here and wait for you to be done," jake said with a smile as he sat on a barstool, sitting and waiting there the way a puppy would wait for its owner. you let out a satisfied sigh as you subconsciously smiled, yeji elbowing you with a cheeky grin on her face, making you shoot her a wide-eyed look that screamed 'hush!' and then continued work as usual as if jake wasn't sitting off to the side waiting for your break to come.

customers came and went, ordering simple menu items like rounds of soju shots, spirits, and various wines, but jake always seemed to have his eyes glued to you when you fake-flirted with customers in order to seduce them into giving you tips; it made his jealously perk up again though he didn't want to admit it.

you may have a sugar daddy, but you still couldn't put away your pride and just let him handle all the things in your life that involved money. you wanted to prove to yourself that you weren't completely reliant on him; that you only wanted him for the material things that he gave you and not because you were desperate for money or the attention of a man. if anything, you didn't even have to work or go to school at all anymore with all the money he gives you for simply existing and spending time with him. but still, you held onto your bartending job just in case things fell apart, which they nearly did a few days ago.

jake's eyes were fixated on you whenever you used the boston shaker to make a customer their drink. he watched the way your hands would grip the shaker and move it up and down, shamelessly getting riled up by your seemingly innocent actions. your skimpy outfit wasn't helping the 'situation' in his pants either. it made him feel like he should watch you work more often.

after what felt like ages, you were finally able to take an hour long break from working, and you decided to rest in jake's car with him since it had nice, comfy seats that you could recline. when you mentioned to him that you just wanted to spend time with him in his car, he, again, got a little riled up.

you two exited the front doors, jake putting his arms around you to try and keep you warm before you arrived to his car, and it didn't take you long realize that jake was leading you to a car that looked unfamiliar to you.

"new car?" you questioned as you looked up at jake. "not a new one, just my other car," he said nonchalantly as he opened the car door for you, letting you sit down on the seat that you were not yet familiar with considering that you'd never been inside this car before.

'rich people,' you thought to yourself as you internally rolled your eyes.

but still, you reclined the seat as far back as it could possibly go before laying your head down on the headrest of the seat after placing your bunny ear headband on the dashboard, closing your eyes and trying your best to shield your face from the sunlight that lightly beamed on you from the windows.

"is it too bright, princess?" jake asked as he shielded your face from the sun with his big hand, "the windows in this car aren't as tinted as the ones in my other car."

you nodded, admitting that you thought it was too bright, but you told him that you'd be okay as long as your face was covered. at that, he reached over to the side of the seat, pulling out a foldable windshield cover to block the sun, making sure you were fully shaded from the bright beams.

you let out a content hum in response and as you finally closed your eyes to rest, you couldn't help but have underlying thoughts of doing 'things' with him in the car. you wanted him at the most inconvenient times. you were trying to sleep for fuck's sake, but your stomach was beginning to heat up; the pit in your stomach only grew bigger when you realized that you and jake haven't fucked since the day of your argument. you needed to feel him, and you couldn't bear even a second more of not having him inside you.

"jake?" you asked as you looked over at him, him face toward you immediately and giving you all of his attention. "hm? what's wrong, princess?" he responded, reaching over to you and putting his hand on your thigh. his touch only made you even more nervous to ask him if you guys could move to the backseat.

"can we maybe..." you said softly as you looked behind you. jake chuckled at your shyness as he began to gently run his hand up and down your thigh. he could tell by your needy eyes that your request to move to the backseat was not one of innocence.

"move to the backseat? why is that, princess?" jake instigated teasingly although he already knew exactly what you wanted. you pouted as you let your head fall onto the seat's headrest again, your cheek cutely squished against the surface which made jake giggle and place a kiss on your forehead.

the two of you quickly climbed into the backseat and comfortably situated yourselves before ending up all over each other in a matter of seconds. you fiddled with the buttons on his silk shirt before eventually beginning to unbutton it from top to bottom. jake locked his lips with yours, smiling into the kiss as you continued needily unbuttoning his shirt until his toned abs were on display for your viewing pleasure.

getting on the floor between his legs, you teasingly ran your hands down his torso until you got to the waistband of his trousers. flashing your needy eyes at him once again, he gave you a look of approval, biting down on his plump bottom lip before you pulled his pants and boxers down in one go. you moaned quietly at the sight of his hard cock on display for you, spitting on his member before beginning to stroke it.

"shit," jake cursed lowly as you gently kissed up his shaft, slowly stroking him at the same time. eventually, you started to suck on as much of his length that you could fit in your mouth, jake groaning and biting his lip as you pleased him. you pumped the half of his member that didn't fit in your mouth as jake whimpered and gripped onto the edge of the seat so hard that his knuckles began to turn white. watching jake's legs tremble from overstimulation as he moaned out for you was such a cute sight in your eyes.

you swirled your tongue around his tip and began to suck on it, which made jake go absolutely insane, his chest rising and falling slowly as he tangled his fingers in your hair.

"wait," jake panted, "i don't wanna cum yet; i wanna cum inside you." his comment made the fire in your stomach grow, your panties clinging to your entrance as you got more and more wet.

you two switched places, jake now being in between your legs and sliding your panties down eagerly as you played with his hair. immediately after placing your panties off to the side, jake pushed the skirt part your dress up to your waist and began to work wonders with his lips and tongue against your entrance, making you moan out loud for him. he sucked on your clit while skillfully pumping his fingers in and out of you, groaning against your sensitive entrance.

"jakey," you moaned quietly, "n-need more." he swirled his tongue on your clit one more time before looking up at you from in between your legs and reaching over to recline the seat you were in.

he got off the floor of the car and positioned himself in front of you, already beginning to tease your needy pussy with his tip.

"please?" you begged with glossy eyes. "have i ever said no to you, my princess?" jake asked as he inched himself inside you, causing you to gasp out and let out a quiet mewl.

you held onto his shoulders as you felt the slight burn of his girth stretching you out when his tip passed your entrance. it hadn't been that long since the last time you had sex with jake, but it'd been long enough to where you'd have to get used to his size for a little bit before letting him go all the way in.

he hissed at the way your walls were already starting to pulse around him as you let out a moan, his tip resting right in the spot you wanted him the most. he groaned and bit his plump bottom lip as he began to gently thrust in and out of you, the two of you moaning in sync as the rhythm of his hips became more steady. your eyes were fixated on his handsome face as he pounded into your sensitive entrance which began to grow sore.

"aw, my princess can't stop looking at me," he cooed before trailing kisses along your neck, "you love looking at daddy while he's making your pussy feel good, huh?" you nodded, eyes teary from the immense amount of pleasure that he was giving you.

"m-mhm," you managed to respond, "so handsome. w-wanna ride you." you stuttered out, making jake smirk and swiftly change his and your position so you could comfortably sit on top of him. the feeling of sinking down onto his thick cock made you let out a lustful moan as you fully settled down into his lap, taking as much of him as you possibly could in the position you were in. "daddy makes me feel so good."

"mhm, princess. i'm so deep inside you," jake groaned lowly, kneading your ass as you began to roll your hips against his, the two of you moaning and close to orgasming.

"i wanna cum s-so bad, jakey," you mewled out while bouncing softly on his rock hard cock, wanting so badly to feel him deeper despite being slightly overstimulated.

"let loose, my princess. i've missed having your cum all over my cock."

and at that, you let your arousal run down his length, moaning his name all throughout your orgasm whilst his cum spurted inside you and filled you up.

staying on his lap for awhile to relax, you looked jake in his pretty brown eyes. you two finally felt like you officially made up after car sex of all things, which was pretty on-brand considering your relationship with him. jake drew a little heart on the fogged up window, giggling afterward as he looked into your pretty eyes.

you never knew that fucking and unintentionally making up in the process felt so damn good until jake introduced you to that concept.

"let's put all this petty shit behind us, y/n," you heard jake's soft voice in your ear, "being without you is... really weird, honestly, you know, because we spend a lot of time together, like jeez, you were all i was thinking about before i came to see you." jake admitted as he chuckled.

you nodded your head though you tried desperately to not let him know that you shared the same emotions.

"no more fighting," you agreed with a light laugh, "after all, how could daddy be mad at his princess?"

--------------------------------------------

you don't remember going home from work last night, but all you knew right now was that you have a good 30 minutes to get ready to catch the underground train to get to school.

springing out of bed, you quickly threw some clothes on, washed your face and brushed your teeth, threw your school stuff into your backpack, and sped over to the kitchen counter to put some fish flakes and a vacation feeder in perry's tank for good measure. but before busting out of your front door, you remembered something important: you needed to give jeongin his suit jacket back.

with the thought of all the trouble it caused between you and jake, you picked it up, opened your front door, locked it behind you, and began to make your way toward the underground train station.

surprisingly, you made it to the lecture hall with quite a bit of time to spare, so you scoped out a nice and quiet spot for you, yeji, and jeongin to sit for the duration of the day's lecture. you hung jeongin's suit jacket on the chair next to you to save one of the seats next to you for him.

now that you knew for sure what you and him had was platonic, you were no longer antsy to see him whenever you had class together; it was a colossal relief and weight off your shoulders to know that he was simply a close friend.

just then, you were snapped out of your thoughts by someone plopping into one of the chairs next to you. it was jeongin.

"hey, y/n!" jeongin smiled warmly, "it's been forever since we've seen each other! how've you been since the ball?" you smiled back at him. "ummm, just a bit stressed over school as usual," you responded, slightly guilty about the white lie since you knew that he was genuinely curious about how you were feeling, "oh yeah! your suit jacket is hanging on the chair if you didn't notice. thank you for giving it to me that night. it was super sweet of you."

he turned around and looked at his suit jacket that he hadn't seen in a little while and smiled before grabbing a notebook and some pens out of his backpack, getting ready for class to start.

"is yeji coming today?" jeongin asked as he ran his fingers through his hair with a chuckle. you checked the time on the clock then looked over to the door. "she's probably just running late as per usual," you chuckled back just as she bursted into the lecture hall.

"i'm here! i made it, guys!" yeji cheered as she pranced over to where you and jeongin were sat. "congratz on making it here before the lecture started, yej," jeongin said sarcastically, making yeji roll her eyes.

"at least i showed up today," she huffed as she plopped into her chair just in time for the beginning of class.

the boring professor started his lecture with a speech about how everyone now has to work harder than ever at this homestretch before graduation and blah, blah, blah.

in the middle of his speech, yeji leaned in closer to you to tell you something.

"psst, you know there's gonna be a halloween party at the choi frat house the day before actual halloween, right? we have to go!" she whisper-yelled, "this might be one of our last frat parties ever, and it's gonna be super fun!" you let out a quiet sigh as you looked over to the side of the room where one of the choi frat house members, yeonjun, sat.

"yeji, you know we have to prepare for finals, right?" you said with a raised eyebrow.

yeji grabbed your arm and shook it gently. "oh come on," she whined, "it's one party. i promise it won't literally make you fail all your exams." she said with sarcasm.

"y/n, the two of us are going to that halloween party at the choi frat house next weekend. it'll be so fun, and there's gonna be loads of cute guys there," yeji said with a grin on her face as she held both of your hands, "plus, i already planned our costume; the classic angel and devil. better be ready at 8PM sharp so that we can enjoy the whole party, you know, if you decide to stay long enough to possibly get some action from a guy who'll try to convince you to wipe your memory of jake for just one night before you freak out and remember how much you 'L-word' him and realize that you don't want anyone else touching you but him."

you nervous smile before slowly nodding in agreement, but not before you smacked her on her arm because of her slick and snarky little comment.

"okay, fine," you sighed, giving in to her proposal, "but only because i know you won't stop pestering me until i agree." a cheeky grin formed on her face as she shook with excitement in her seat.

'a halloween party? really?' you thought to yourself as you plunked your head into your hand, rubbing your forehead as you realized what you'd just agreed to.

your halloween party conversation ended just in time because now the professor was finally going to begin talking about things that pertain to the class.

"all of that talk about graduation being said, i am now going to present to you all part one of your final project assignment for my class," your professor announced as he switched the slide on the screen and began to explain the assignment, "this project is a partner activity and will be a showcase of what we've learned the entire year. i'll give you all the privilege to pick your partners; choose wisely and begin working before your first progress check rolls around. i recommend that you review this semester's and last semester's material independently before jumping into the group work."

you, yeji, and jeongin immediately exchanged looks, which solidified the fact that you all would be partners for this stupid project for this stupid class.

"well, i guess we better start looking over the stuff from this class before jumping into the group work," jeongin shrugged, mocking the professor as you and yeji snickered.

just then, your phone buzzed, startling you. you reached into your pocket to pull out your phone to see texts from jake.

your heart fluttered at the thought of being absolutely spoiled rotten by jake. so naturally, you texted him back, agreeing to go out after class.

you couldn't help but get nervous about your bold text as you awaited his reply.

your stomach flipped at jake reciprocating the flirty-ness that your threw out, making you even more excited to see him as much as you hated to admit it. after all, you agreed not long ago to go to a party where there will be "loads of cute guys" to try to forget about him for just one second, so why would you even be excited to see him at all if you were trying so hard to not like him.

'how fun,' you thought to yourself as you put your phone back in your pocket, 'more conflicting feelings.'

--------------------------------------------

after waving goodbye at yeji and jeongin once class ended, you sighed as you walked out of the lecture hall, stressed with the weight of a group project that rested on your shoulders. although you were working with your two best friends, it didn't fully change the fact that you hated group work.

still, you tried to shake it off as you looked around for jake and found him sitting on one of the benches outside, looking as handsome as ever, of course.

you waved from the other side of the street to steal his attention away from his phone where he was most likely watching dog videos. seeing something abruptly move from side to side, he looked up to see you smiling a bit shyly at him as you waved your arm in the air. jake immediately hopped off the bench, looking left and right before crossing the street, which you found cute for some reason. once he was close enough to reach out for you, he instantly pulled you into a tight hug. after letting go of you, he looked into your eyes and cocked his head.

"you look so stressed, my princess. what's wrong?" he frowned as he put his arms around your waist before placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

"oh, it's just school stuff, that's all," you replied, trying your best not to let out a stress ridden sigh, "i have to review old material for a group project that i need to start working on asap."

he felt as if there were other things weighing you down, but he took your word and just nodded his head.

jake trailed one of his hands up to your back and rubbed gentle circles around it, showing you that he understood the stress you were under. the pda you two were displaying felt amplified for some reason, making you become more shy with every circle jake rubbed on your back.

"here," jake said as he tilted your chin up to look at him, "we can go to a nice cafe, and i can help you study. does that sound good, princess? we can go out and shop some other time." his proposal made you smile and nod your head eagerly as he began to lead you to his car.

he drove to a cute little cafe and looked over at you in a way that he was waiting for your "approval" of the place. you smiled at him and then peered out the windshield, admiring the cute and neatly groomed plants that surrounded the small building. jake opened the car door for you then took your hand to lead you inside.

the door jingled when jake opened it, a barista giving you two a warm smile upon your entry.

"go ahead and sit down. i'll go and order for us," he smiled as you sat down and began to take your notebooks out to study. you felt a sense of calmness now that you were in the peaceful and beautifully decorated cafe.

soon, jake came back with two cups of tea and a small variety of pastries for the two of you to snack on for the duration of your visit. you smiled as you took a bite of one of the soft pastries, later washing it down with some tea.

"let me help you study, princess," jake smiled as he picked up a highlighter and a pen, "tell me what you need help with, and i'll get right to it."

you went on to explain the basics of the material whilst jake listened intently, occasionally glancing at your face while you talked; your beauty causing a distraction for him.

"sorry that my explanation was a bit rocky; i'm not very good at articulating stuff," you admitted sheepishly as jake quickly gathered himself to look as if he wasn't staring at you.

"no, no, it was fine, princess. don't be so hard on yourself," he reassured you with a chuckle stroking your hair as he began to highlight some of your notes, still trying to play things off. which he, of course, succeeded at because you remained mildly stressed, causing you to be less attentive than usual. "you'll be able to go home and rest in no time," jake smiled whilst you also began to make notes on the material that you just explained to him.

you'd be lying if you said that you weren't feeling comforted by him, but there was also some underlying uneasiness at the thoughts of what he said to you that night.

'just forget about it, y/n,' you scolded yourself mentally, 'you already "made up" with him, so just fucking focus on what's important.'

"zoning out?" jake asked with a sheepish laugh as you snapped yourself out of your thoughts, nodding in honest agreement. "yeah a little," you responded with a weak smile.

"let me take you home then."

--------------------------------------------

jake finally pulled up to your house after what felt like forever considering that you were exhausted. he took initiative and carried your school bag for you as you trudged to unlock the front door. once you walked in, you instinctively fed perry before walking to your bedroom, jake locking the door for you then walking over to place your backpack next to your couch.

walking into your room felt like heaven on earth. you didn't even want to change into comfy pajamas before flopping onto your bed, but you decided to quickly change so you could reach the maximum amount of comfort you could possibly feel.

jake walked in while you were in the middle of changing, his face immediately turning bright red at the sight. you sensed his presence and turned around in a slightly startled manner. "s-sorry, i can get out-" jake said as he pointed at the door behind him. "jake, you've seen me naked before," you chuckled before pulling your pajama pants up, "you're silly." his lips formed a pout as you giggled.

he walked over to your dresser drawers and opened the one that he stored some of his clothes in, similar to the way you did at his house, and found something warm comfortable to change into.

watching him undress himself only to put on different clothes kinda turned you on, but you felt too tired to act on those feelings and urges so you opted for just innocently lying on the bed with him.

before he crawled into bed with you, you heard him plop on the floor next to a pile of plushies you had in one of the corners of your room. "i missed you guys so much," jake said, his words muffled from the fact that he plunked his head face-first into their soft fur. jake was very fond of soft and fluffy things, so you could practically sense the happiness radiating off of him now that he finally got to be with your plushies again. you smiled lightly at how cute he looked whilst choosing which one he wanted to bring over to the bed. once he finally settled on one, he hopped into bed with a little 'whee!' and snuggled up next to you, hugging the plushie.

"someone's comfortable," you chuckled as you brushed his hair with your fingers, "so cute, puppy."

you hated admitting that you loved his touch. you loved when he was close to you. you loved the feeling of his body against yours. even though you adored his touch so much, your heart was still twisting itself into knots, still not being able to forget the harsh things he said that were still eating away at your heart.

jake must've sensed that you were feeling uneasy because he randomly decided to shimmy up close to your face and look you in your eyes. you swore that jake's sixth sense was knowing if there was something on your mind.

"my pretty princess," jake said with a cute smirk, "something on your mind?" he asked.

'shit. he knows,' you thought to yourself as your brain scampered to find a response. you didn't want to tell him directly how you were feeling, so you just let words spill out.

"i-i just, i really," you stuttered, "i really need to be close to you right now." you didn't even exactly know what you meant by that, but you felt like it was the only way you could express yourself; by just letting words fall out of your mouth. you didn't know if it would make you feel better to push him away or to let him hold you so tight that he probably physically wouldn't be able to let you go, so you decided to try the second option for the time being.

your hand snaked itself down to palm him through his sweatpants as he started to kiss your face gently. everything happened so naturally that you almost didn't even realize what was happening.

jake soon locked his lips with yours, kissing you slowly as he put his hands in your shirt. you snuck one of your hands past the waistband of his sweatpants and began to feel his hard through his boxers until you worked up the courage to slide your hand into them. jake gasped into the kiss at the feeling of your hand on his sensitive cock.

you freed yourself from the kiss, you and jake positioned yourselves in a comfortable position where he could easily slide into you. lining his tip up to your needy entrance, he gently entered you, both of you gasping at the feeling.

"is this what you meant when you said you needed to be close to me?" jake asked with a cute smirk to which you became bashful. "maybe," you responded to him as you pushed your hips down further, causing you both to let out quiet moans again. you tried to stay still and just cockwarm him, but you subconsciously started to squirm and move around to feel him more. you heard him suck in breaths whenever you moved around, his arms seeming to hold you tighter.

"aww, is my princess needy? do you want to feel daddy even closer?" jake cooed as you nodded. in this moment, you felt like you didn't have enough self control to only cockwarm him; you wanted, no, needed, more because you just wanted to see if it would be the solution to your heartache caused by the fight.

jake chuckled at how cute you were whenever you were needy for him then proceeded to gently position you onto your side so he could fuck you just the way you wanted. lifting up your leg for easy access, he lined his tip up to your entrance and pushed himself in, earning a few quiet moans from you once he started fucking you slow.

the gentle sex started to remind you of the night you two fought since that was what you two were doing before the whole altercation, but you tried to push it out of your mind and pay attention to the pleasure. you let jake kiss you slowly as he slid his cock in and out of you at a perfect pace; not too slow, but not too quick. losing yourself in the kiss, you were soon able to forget for a second why you were feeling gloomy in the first place. jake's lips hypnotized you along with his strong thrusts. jake didn't fuck you from the side that often, but whenever he did, you couldn't help but become completely lost in pleasure.

you whined out for him as your thigh trembled in his hand, making him chuckle sexily as he left wet kisses on your neck. it seemed as though you became overstimulated earlier whenever jake fucked you slow than if he were to be rough.

"is daddy making you feel good?" jake asked with an amorous tone as he watched you grip onto the sheets. "mhm," you nodded slowly, your legs trembling, "so good, daddy." you whimpered.

jake suddenly and slowly pulled himself out of you, rolling you into your elbows and knees as you arched your back for him. he let out a groan, turned on by the fact that you knew exactly what he wanted you to do for him.

jake's nails dug into the soft skin of your ass as he pushed his cock back inside your leaking pussy, your walls immediately tightening around his length.

jake wanted to keep his pace and fuck you slow, but he always found himself losing his self control when he would fuck you from behind. he subconsciously began to thrust into you harder, making you moan into the bedsheets. his hands traveled all over your back and torso as his tip poked your cervix.

"aw, we forgot to turn your poor little plushies' heads around," jake teased, "now they know how much of slut their mommy is, don't they?" he asked as he landed a hard spank on your ass. you let out a whimper in response while jake continued to please you from behind. "m-mhm, i'm daddy's slut," you mewled out subconsciously as jake slowed down his pace, ready to change positions again. chuckling at how cute you were being, he gently lifted you up and sat you next to him.

"get on top, princess," jake commanded with a gentle tone as he patted his lap. naturally, you followed his order: straddling his thighs before letting him reenter you.

slowly, you sunk back down onto his length, letting him stretch you out once again. jake grabbed onto your hips and helped you set a comfortable riding pace, helping you reach your high as you quietly mewled for him.

"that's right, baby," jake praised while you slowly began to bounce on his cock, "just like that. my good girl." he let his head fall back while he groaned and clawed at the soft skin of your ass.

"w-want daddy's cum," you whimpered as you looked at him with your pretty eyes, rolling your hips against his and trying to get him to reach his high.

"i know, princess. daddy's close, okay?" he reassured you breathlessly as he held your hips down, beginning to thrust into your pussy in order to poke at your sweet spot. "fuck," you whined out with a small squeak, "mmh, right there."

the two of you moaned in sync as you reached your highs. you felt jake's thighs tremble as he filled you up with his cum, a mixture of yours and his arousal ran down your inner thighs.

you got off of him then proceeded to rest on your side for a second; it didn't take long for you and jake to collect yourselves and clean each other up after the deed. you quickly got comfortable again, jake holding your waist from behind and cozying his chest against your back.

he let out a content hum as he held you close. you, on the other hand, were feeling a hodgepodge of emotions that you didn't even know if you could describe.

all you knew in this moment was that you still felt hurt; your heart beginning to twist itself in knots again as your head became clouded with the, very slim, possibility of jake leaving you. you were trying to drill into your head and convince yourself that you didn't want him, you wanted his money.

you suddenly felt yourself squeezing on his arm that was wrapped around you. squeezing and holding him as if you were trying to keep him in place; keeping him in place as if he was trying to leave you. soon, you felt your face become wet with tears that stared to subconsciously fall from your eyes. you didn't even know when you started crying, you just knew that you probably wouldn't be stopping any time soon.

jake already felt slightly alarmed at your sudden tight grasp on him, but a siren blared loudly in his head when he felt a tear roll off the soft skin of his arm.

"baby, what's wrong?" jake asked with concern while he held you close, gently helping you sit up so that you could breathe. you covered your face and sobbed into your hands. you physically could not hide your hurt feelings anymore, so you just let everything out right then and there.

why were you so emotional lately? it shouldn't even matter anymore, but why did it feel as if your world was crumbling over one, teeny tiny situation? why were you so sensitive over anything that had to do with jake?

jake wrapped his arms around you and began to gently rock you back and forth to try to comfort you as you cried. at this point, jake knew why you were crying. he knew that what he did really fucked you up, and it was eating him alive that you were still in pain over something he did. he had a feeling that you were hiding how you felt, but he didn't want to pry so he just left it alone.

"i-i'm s-sorry," you hiccuped as you frantically tried to dry your tears which only made jake's heart break even more knowing that you didn't think your emotions were valid, "i just n-need a s-second."

jake could feel pieces of him breaking when you calmly stood up to walk out of your bedroom, sniffling and hiccuping through tears and out the door, closing it to create physical space between the two of you.

'why am i even crying?' you internally scolded yourself as you walked into your bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears.

it's as if the more you tried to block out your emotions, the harder they came.

you looked over your shoulder to see your bedroom door begin to creak open, prompting you to quickly grab the door handle of the bathroom door and pull it shut.

the sound of the door being shut made jake feel a physical pain in his chest, now hyperaware of the still ongoing effect of when he lashed out on you.

the thin walls didn't make things any better; he could hear your sniffling sobs even through the closed door. still, he slowly approached the closed bathroom door. you could feel his footsteps on the ground where you sat with your back against the door. all you could do was bring your knees up to your chest and let yourself keep crying; you didn't have the energy to keep it in anymore. not even the embarrassment of showing your vulnerability to jake was enough to get you to shut up.

"y/n," you heard jake's soft accent through the thin wall, "baby, please don't lock yourself in there. please let me in." hearing his voice made you body stop everything that it was doing; a full-body reaction to the simple sound of his voice. did his voice make you feel everything or nothing at all?

you did want to let him in, yes, but you physically couldn't push yourself off the floor to open the door for him. "g-give me a s-second," you said for the second time tonight as you took deep breaths in attempt to gain a sense of calmness before facing him again. with a final deep breath, you managed to get yourself off the floor.

slowly opening the door, you were met with jake's tear-stained face and still watery puppy-dog eyes.

it was not-so silently established that you hated seeing each other cry once you practically fell into each other's arms, both emotional, crying messes. the scene was enough to make perry raise an eyebrow and wonder what the hell his owner was doing at this hour of the night.

"i promise i'll never do it again, my princess," jake declared with a quiet whisper, "i'll never raise my voice at the girl i care about the most ever again."

you felt a small chunk of your heart heal, but just for emotional safety, you vowed to try to push him away again.

well, maybe not a push. maybe just a nudge.

and the halloween party would be perfect for that, right?

--------------------------------------------

a/n: hi gang, i'm finally back with another chapter! i've been working on lots of stuff lately, but expect another chapter this month :)

taglist: @axartia @jjhmk @valiantwastelanddelusion @jayroseyy @ayohahaha @asaheyow @lhsng @i-dalso @bunhoons @red-xherry @duolingofanaccount @lix-freckle3 @l0st-h0p3s @leeis @muffinminnie @green-orangeade @imbaeksbae @sunghoonmybeloved @sjakewrld @markleeisdabestdrug @futuremodeldiary @jeondolly @lil-iva @lalalalawon @noirgray @jckeplanet @teddy-lhj @meinapricity @jjkshies @bubbleseo @cherryunie @mqndnolia @bently-baby @fluffypiesstuff @ihrtk1ve @wonkiluvr @teti-menchon0604 @lovienikitty @rjsmochii @omgjwon @sunshine-skz @wy1999t @lv4rin @oceanyocean @jakeswhore

side note: before being asked to be added to the taglist, make sure that you set up your tag settings! i'd hate for you to miss out if you asked to be on the taglist only to not see your tag :(

[novelant]

Experiment

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x gn! Reader

Summary: Ghost finds you alive in a lab after being experimented on and brings you to safety back at his base.

Genre: Fluff/ Angst

Warnings: Murder, Trauma, Brainwashing (lmk if I've missed anything else I'll add it here)

Words: 3.6k

A/n: this isn't edited and briefly proofread probably a lot wrong with it

Reminder: This is purely fiction and will have no correlation to in game character or backstory

Masterlist Here !!!

On a Mission to raid an enemies base, Ghost and a few others split up to cover more rooms faster. He walked into a long hall that had multiple holding cells inside. He walked down the length. Almost every cage was empty, save for blood or chains. But yours. He saw you in the last cage. Bruised and chained, but alive. You stared up at him with empty eyes, his full of shock. “…What.. are you? Who are you?” His gun lowered slightly but stayed on you. Poor thing. You look up at the man and cower further into the corner of your cage worried he's going to hurt you. His voice softened a bit. It was only slightly, but enough for you to notice a change in his tone. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He moved a little closer. He was now just inches from the bars but kept his gun pointed.

“Can you… remember anything?” He asked, staring into your empty eyes. They were empty. Like a void. Almost like there was nothing. You heard what he says but don't understand it fully. It's been too long since you've had an interaction with someone who isn't your captor. You shake your head no to his questions hoping it's the right answer. “…Are you mute..?” He asked, moving closer to the cage. “Do you remember anything about how you got here? Or… what you are?” He said the last part under his breath. He was intrigued, confused, and cautious all at the same time. You shook ‘no’ again, not knowing what he was asking you about. You saw the look of curiosity in his eyes as he studied you.

You try to choke out a few words it's been years since you've fully interacted with someone. "I... I uh... I..." You try to speak. He saw you trying to speak and walked closer to you, taking note of your bruises and chains. “Hey, it’s okay, take your time. Your voice will probably be a little hoarse since you’ve been… um… captive for so long.” His face was full of sympathy as you spoke, his eyes studying you. “..what’s your name..?” He asked softly, his voice now quiet. "My ... My name?" You ask. You've been brainwashed so much You've forgotten your name.

"I'm know as two." You whisper. “Two..?” The man whispered. He was still studying you as the answer filled him with even more curiosity. His facialexpression changed slightly as he processed this new information. “You… don’t even remember your own name do you…?” He asked, his voice full of pity. He took note of your expression which seemed completely blank. “What about your captor? Do you know who took you..?” You notice his change in expression. You mutter "no I don't know my name... I'm sorry." You think hard about your captor. "I know what he looks like but I don't know his name. We all know him as Sir." "I'm sorry I can't help ..." You whisper quieter than before. Tears welling in your eyes. “No, *no, it’s okay!*” He whispered back, wanting to comfort you. “It’s not your fault, this… *Sir…* whoever he is, has probably been brainwashing you since the moment he captured you..”

He took notice of your tears and walked a little bit closer to the cage. “I promise you this will all soon be over, just hold on a little longer, okay? I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.” He whispered before opening the cage door. You look at him in desperation. "Please don't leave me... Please hurry back." Your voice full of desperation pulled on his heart strings but he did what he had to do. “I’ll be right back, I just have to find your captor’s name, okay? Stay strong, okay?”

He went off to another room in the building, his gun raised, checking every corner for anyone around. He walked from room to room and eventually found a desk with files. Most he couldn’t understand, but… a name jumped out at him, written in English. Sir. He ran back to your cage to see if you were safe. You nod. Not wanting to leave your cage. Your eyes look at the open cage door. "Freedom" you thought.

You hope the man comes back soon. You heard lots of noises you've never heard before coming from outside the room. “Hey! I’m back.” He breathed a sigh, finally back in front of you. You heard those same noises outside, he looked at your expression. *You were afraid.* He got closer to the bars and kneeled down. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it gently. “Shh.. it’s okay, just come with me.” He whispered, looking down at you. You tried to process everything and your own emotions at the same time, your head swirled with many confused thoughts and an overwhelming sense of freedom. You look up at him slightly smiling at his return. Once he holds your hand you're startled and look down at his hand. ... It didn't hurt... You stand up and go with the man. Cowering behind his built figure.

“Just keep walking with me, you’re safe now, okay?” He whispered, looking down at you. He tried to give you a reassuring smile, but the expression on your face still looked frightened. You held his hand tightly as he walked out of the building. As you stepped outside, your eyes widened in excitement and you gasped for air. It was the first time you had been out this entire time, and it was a moment you had never thought you’d get to experience. He kept walking, still holding your hand, his body a protective shell. You nod feeling some sort of safety with this man. You exit the building excited that you're finally somewhat free. You keep holding his hand though not wanting to let go of him. You look around, taking in all of your surroundings, breathing everything in as if it was the first time you’d ever done it. You seemed so fascinated with everything, your eyes wandering to each object and person as you and the mystery man walked down the street in search of more information on Sir.

“I don’t think I ever introduced myself, did I?” The man finally asked, his voice breaking you out of the trance you seemed to be in. “My name is Ghost.” "Ghost..." You mumble "Ghost..." You keep repeating. Still looking around at the new surroundings you've never seen before. People looking over at you both a still slightly frightened expression on your face. He looked down at you as you kept repeating his name. You almost looked like a child experiencing the world for the first time. It was oddly adorable, but also concerning.He was quiet as he took in your frightened expression. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?” He asked softly. You heard it in his voice, the worry over how you were feeling. You look up at him smiling again.

"I'm okay just a lot to take in right now. It's a little too much for me." You say still slightly quiet.He smiled back at you. “I understand.. you’ve probably not seen all of this in a very long time.” The thought made your heart hurt for you. All these memories and firsts, but they were bad ones. You never got to experience anything good for the first time… He stopped, reaching into his pocket to grab something. He held it out in front of you, it was a candy bar. You suddenly remembered something. “Are you hungry?” He asked, looking down at you. "I ... I can't remember when I last saw this." You look down at the candy bar and slowly take it from his hand... "Thank you Ghost..." You mutter

You took the candy bar with two hands, holding it like it was the most precious thing in the world. You remembered that this was something you enjoyed and remembered having. This had to be one of your first positive experiences since you were kidnapped. You were so happy.

Ghost was watching you with a huge smile on his face. “No worries, enjoy that little thing, alright? I’ll give you more when we get out of here.” He promised. You almost felt like a little child again. You nibble at the candy bar wanting to savour the first good experience in your life. You grab his hand again not wanting to lose the safety of Ghost. "Can we go?" You meek out “Of course.” He said softly. He smiled at how you looked at him, always needing to hold his hand. Your expression was pure joy as you enjoyed the small chocolate bar. You weren’t really a child… But you seemed to have the mind of one.

Ghost started walking again, keeping a close hold on your hand. He had a plan in mind. You were getting out, and you were staying with him. You follow him to where he's leading you to. Your hand never left his, holding onto is tightly as you followed him down a dark alley. It was a little scary, since it was so dark and lonely. But you trusted him. He was a good man. He stopped suddenly, you heard something strange and looked down at his body, suddenly alarmed. He had his gun up and a mask on- and he was pointing his gun right at two armed men. “Don’t move,” he whispered in a low voice.

What was going on? You look up at him frightened again. You see him hold his gun. You start shaking scares for your life again. “Stay close to me, and stay behind me, okay?” He whispered. His eyes were glued on the men, his mask making him look even more intimidating. The men didn’t look happy. You tried to get closer to Ghost, not wanting to be separated from him during this dangerous moment; his mask made him seem almost like a super hero to you. The two men moved closer and Ghost fired his gun, hitting one of them, a gunshot ringing out in the darkness. You covered your ears and looked over at the scene in horror, your emotions flaring up again. You want to scream but you know Ghost is doing this for your safety. You cover your ears letting go of his hand and crouch down to the floor not wanting to see anymore. Still shaking you hope Ghost is okay and you can both get to safety.

One of the men had gone down but the other was still standing, he had his gun up, pointing in Ghost’s face. You heard him talk… his voice was mean, but it was also familiar… you knew this man! You felt your eyes narrow as Ghost took notice of your expression, you suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him down. “What are you doing?” He whispered, still holding his gun up. He saw your expression and he looked over at the other man. His eyes widened and his face filled with anger. “I know who you are..” Ghost whispered. You hear the man's voice.

You go wide eyed. Scared you know who it is. You grab Ghost wanting to get his attention. You motion with scared eyes to the man before you. You tried to whisper to Ghost, pointing at the other man. *You were scared… he was here. He was the man who took you, the man who had hurt you so much….*

Ghost finally saw the man and his eyes narrowed in anger. He turned back to your face, he realized that not only was the man in front of you *familiar* but he was also the man who did all those *horrible* things to you. Your head began filling with thoughts and memories, you felt your heart start beating very fast. You start whimpering in fear that the man who's hurt you all these years will try to hurt you again. You try hiding behind Ghost but he's already seen you Ghost looked at you, his gun still pointed at the man. There was a look of pity (and a hint of anger) on his face when he saw you hiding behind him. He moved his free hand and stroked your head gently, trying to console you. He was trying to comfort you….

The man with the gun spoke back, his voice harsh. Ghost still pointed his gun at him. “You’re protecting*her? she’s a lost cause. Give it up.” He laughed. You pull on Ghosts protection. To continue hiding from the man. "Please help me Ghost." You quiver. Ghost moved to pull you even closer, still keeping his body between you and the other man. “I’m not giving in.” He whispered, his voice full of determination. His eyes were locked on the man in front of you, still holding his gun up and pointing at him. “I will not stand for this anymore.” He spoke up, his voice stern yet still soft and caring. You could tell Ghost knew exactly what the man in front of you had done to you. Your head was still filled with thoughts and emotions. "Please do something Ghost. Get us out of here." You beg him. The man in front of you stepped closer, his gun still raised. You could hear him breathing, heavy and fast. Your heart was beating so fast, you could almost hear it. Ghost took notice of your trembling and your pleas, he didn’t hesitate. You heard a loud bang, and the man fell to the floor.

Ghost had shot the man. He kept his gun up, staring down at him. Silence filled the dark alley… Ghost was still aiming his gun at the body, but he was breathing heavily. "let's go I don't want to stay here anymore." You choke out from behind tears. It all became overwhelming and you broke down. You wanted to get into a place where you're safe and can sit or lie down. “Hey, hey it’s okay..” Ghost whispered to you, his voice as reassuring and soft as before. You started to notice something, something you hadn’t really wanted to notice, but your thoughts and emotions were still a little out of control.

Ghost’s actions made them worse. You didn’t exactly want him to shoot someone, but he did. To protect you. Your body began shivering. Your emotions were still all over the place… but it was getting better. You were still sad and scared… but you were starting feeling more. You grab his hand dragging him away from the two murdered men. Wanting to go anywhere else. Somewhere safe. You look up at Ghost with pleading eyes Ghost saw your expression and immediately walked you away from the bodies, dragging you along. But he followed your lead, going wherever you wanted. He kept pulling you away from the danger, still holding your hand tight, not wanting to lose you.

“Don’t be afraid, you’re safe now. Okay? Come on.” Ghost spoke up, you heard something new in his tone. Compassion, sadness..? You felt it wash over you as he tried to reassure you. You felt like a lost child again, wanting to cling to any stability you could find. "can you take me to where you're based?" You query hoping he'll say yes so you can rest. The horrors of the man torturing you creeping back in your mind making you exhausted from the thoughts. Ghost nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He said softly. You were still shaking from your thoughts and memories and the events that had just unfolded. He kept you close, not wanting to leave your side.

“My base isn’t far from here… do you want to go there?” He asked. You looked up at his face, which was full of understanding. You saw his eyes, there was so much he wanted to say. But he kept it to himself. "please let's go. I wanna go." Squeezing his hand more. Ghost knew exactly what you meant. He knew the pain you’ve endured was too much to handle and you wanted a place to rest. And that’s exactly what he was going to do for you. “No problem, I’m going to take you there. Right now.” He responded, starting to walk again. Your hand was still held tight in his, your body quivering as the night air hit your skin. He could still hear your breathing, it was loud and raspy but it was starting to calm down. Just enough to where he didn’t think you were panicking.

You follow him back to the base and he sits down on the sofa in the common room. You weren't panicking as much now calming down now you were in a place with some safety to it. Ghost walked you into base, still holding your hand tight for comfort. He knew you needed it. He opened the door and immediately lead you to the sofa in the main meeting room, pulling you in to join him. He had you sit next to him. It was strange, in this room, it was almost always quiet, with all the equipment and monitors. But this night, it was even quieter. No sound of conversation or movement of any kind. Ghost was just as silent as the room right now. He had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, still keeping you close for comfort. "Ghost?" You ask. Ghost looked over at you and you immediately saw something different. It was his eyes, they were filled with something. It wasn’t just sadness and compassion like before, this time it was… something else.

“Yeah? Is everything alright?” He asked, sounding hopeful. You wanted to ask him what was different about his eyes this time. He seemed to be waiting to hear your response, as if he knew you were thinking about it. "umm ... Is there anything I could change into." You look down at the flimsy thin clothing you're wearing from the institution. "It's getting a bit cold now." “Oh, right! Of course.” Ghost took notice of your clothing, or rather lack of clothing. The small, thin clothes that were given to you from the institution certainly wouldn’t keep you warm in the cold winter months. He stood up from the sofa and looked down at you for a moment. “Come here, I’ll get you something.” You looked up at your savior for a moment before standing up. You followed him into another room and he began pulling out some clothing for you to try on. You grab the clothes and stand there awkwardly wondering where to get changed.

Ghost had pulled out a few different clothing pieces for you to try on. Nothing too special, but they would definitely be more suited for the colder months. “Oh, right. You probably want some privacy.” Ghost said, remembering that you hadn’t worn clothes in such a long time. He gestured for you to follow him and took you into another room in the base. It was an empty cell similar to the one you woke up in. It was dimly lit, there were no windows, but there was a couch in the corner and some clothes to try on. You try on the clothes and choose the comfiest option. Quite big on you but comfy none the less. You walk back out to where Ghost sat on the sofa again. You look at him.

"Thank ... thank you... " you whisper to him. Ghost noticed the big smile on your face as you came out of the empty cell, he could see the new clothes you chose. “No problem….” He said softly You sat down on the sofa next to him and sighed. “Ghost… thank you again.” You said quietly, you wanted to say so much more. You still had a look of admiration and appreciation on your face, and your eyes still told Ghost that you were grateful for everything he did for you. It was a feeling he knew all too well. You lean back into Ghost's side finding comfort in him.

"Ghost?" You ask finding your words to continue. "Is there anyone else here in the base or is it just you. It seems too big to be just you." Ghost looked down at your face when he felt you lean into him, his smile growing. It was something he was starting to get used to. He looked up at you when you asked the question, then let out a small chuckle. “Yes… there are others.” He put emphasis on the word when he said it. He wanted to make something very clear. “But, no one else gets to see you except me. No one else gets to hold your hand either.” He said, looking down at your hands “Does that make sense?” "Yes that makes sense Sir..." You fell back into bad habits. "... Sorry... Ghost." You quickly recover. Ghost saw your reaction for a moment, he knew you were starting to become more comfortable with him. You quickly corrected your mistake but he had already noticed it. He smiled and it was like a wave of warmth washed over you.

“Don’t worry about it, okay?” He said softly, and he moved his hand to yours. He took note of your fingers, your skin, how soft your hand was. "can I ask why you don't want the others to see me." You relink your hand with his continue to fall into his embrace smiling as you do so. Content that you're happy and safe for the first time in your life. He thought about how he was going to answer your question. Why didn’t he want anyone else to see you? He knew the answer but it was… complicated. He took notice of you smiling and clinging to him. You were happy. That meant more to him than he could ever express. “They wouldn’t treat you with… compassion. Like I do.” Ghost finally said, it was the most straightforward answer he could give you right now. "okay Ghost ... I'll try to avoid them. But it'll be easier if you're around." He nodded slowly. “I agree.” He said.

Masterlist Here !!!

[romanarose]

Words of Affirmation with the Triple Frontier Boys

Triple Frontier Master List

Acts of Service Physical Touch Quality Time

Summary: Thoughts on the Triple Frontier boys expressing their love for you through words of affirmation, and you giving love in return.

Warning: Smut, dirty talk, praise kink, mild degradation (it's santi what can I say), some basic stuff like self doubt, insecurity etc. If I ever miss anything lmk!!! Thank you to my love @welcometostayingawake for helping me with this, and for always talking Leather and Lace with me! A lot of thee are influenced by my personal HC's in the Leather and Lace universe. One of these days I'll do a LaL love languages post, all the guys and then Laci and Jana, then do Lorelei (Will's girlfriend) and Cameron (Benny's boyfriend) as they join our story.

***********************

Will Miller

William John Miller is a quiet man; drastic contrast to his brother, but you love him dearly for it. He is your peace, a rock in the storm. Will prefers to let you do most of the talking. He'll listen about your day, and pay very close attention to your friend drama (how does he keep track of three different people named Grace? You'll never know). But don't confuse this for thinking he doesn't tell you how much he loves you. He may not be the best with words, but he never forgets to remind you how pretty he thinks you are. Will is very, very observant, this comes from how he grew up; needing to keep an eye on his dad's behaviors to prevent an outburst, and having to monitor Ben, keeping him from spiraling, but in the safety he felt in you, he used these skills in his favor. Will always noticed when something changed.

"Oh I like what you did with your make up today, did you get a new make up pallet?" "Is this a new dress? It looks great" "I love how you made this sauce, you added extra mushrooms, you remembered my favorite!" * Will isn't the most vocal in bed. He's not quiet, he always lets you know how apricated you are: appreciative moans, muttering about how beautiful you are, and soft praises about how good you are for him as he takes care of you after sex. You begin to notice how much the sounds you make and words you say spur him on. He holds his breath as you speak, you can hear a rumble in his chest when you moan. He likes to know how good he makes you feel.

"Just like that baby, perfect, you know my body so well" "Always make me feel so good, always make me feel safe" "Do whatever you want to me, I trust you, I trust you to take care of me always, sweetheart"

Santiago Garcia

Santiago Garcia will not shut the fuck up in bed. It would be annoying if he wasn't so goddamn good at it, sometimes you think you can come just from him speaking to you. And when he speaks in Spanish?!?! It doesn't even matter if you can understand him, although you know some key phrases and terms of endearment, oh my god, so many terms of endearment. His hands match his words, touching, touching, touching as he murmurs appreciation, his words interrupted by his devouring of your skin. He's frantic, as if he's afraid if he ever stops, you'll leave. He directs you, praises you, orders you along, knowing exactly what you need to hear, when to call you a needy slut, when to call you his perfect girl.

"God, you take my cock so well, so fucking good, mi amor" "Little whore needs my cock in her at all times? Hm? That's okay, I'm happy to fill you up just the way you like, you feel so perfect" "That's it, come for me, you look so pretty like this, so fucking wrecked" * He doesn't know how to stay. Santiago is completely unsure what it looks like in a long-term relationship, in domesticity. But at his heart, his grumpy old man heart, Santi is a caretaker. You notice how he lights up when you thank him, when you compliment the food he makes, and it's not that he likes when you're sick, he doesn't like when you feel bad, but he absolutely relishes in the chance to take care of you. Santi likes to know the small things he does don't go unnoticed, and you never hesitate to tell him, making sure he knows he's absolutely doing things right.

"Thank you for getting the groceries today, Santi, you even remembered everything I asked for!" "I love when you spend time with my siblings and cousins, it makes me happy that you want to get to know the people I love." "I appreciate that you always change the oil on my car and do maintenance, it's nice not to have to worry about it, takes a lot off my mind"

Francisco Morales

Throughout Frankie's life, he didn't have much stability, and that bled into his relationships; one by one, they fell apart. He was terrified of losing you, so he constantly made sure to tell you how much he loved you. You relished these moments with him, lazy Sunday mornings sprawled out in bed, gentle, loving sex as he whispers how much he loves you, dozing off again as you lay on his chest, the morning only interrupted as he got up to make coffee. When he crawled back under the covers, he brought you your cup, complimenting how lovely you looked in the morning sun, when you were certain you looked like Anna when she woke up in Frozen. He feels unworthy of you, and makes sure you always know how special you are to him.

"I could wake up to this sight every day, I never want to see anything but your pretty face." "Tu eres el amor de mi vida, my everything, I love you so fucking much" "I'm so lucky to have you, make me so happy every fucking day" *

You know Francisco feels insecure, that he worry's you'll leave him like most others have. So, you try to give him reminders whenever you can. Texts throughout the day saying how much you missed him and can't wait to go home, buying a dry erase marker to write messages on the bathroom or bedroom mirror for him to stumble on, leaving sticky notes in the lunch you pack. You try to not only remind him of your love, but the love of others that surround him, hoping he'll learn that he isn't a bourdon, but rather is highly adored.

"Miss you baby, don't watch Downton Abbey without me 😡🔫(this is a threat). Jk Jk, love you" "You're a good husband, a good dad, and a good friend, we're so lucky to have you in our lives." "Have a great day Frankie! Have fun with the guys, I bet they're so happy to spend the weekend with you. I'll miss you, but it makes me so happy when you have fun!"

Benjamin Miller

Benny was a bragger, through and through. What really got you was that he bragged about you when you weren't even listening. It's not that you snooped, you never would, but there's been times you go to bring him and Will some snacks and he's telling him about how you stood up for yourself to your parents or you accidently see Ben's group chat with the guys and he's saying how you 'sucked the life out of him' last night, in his words. It made you smile. In a life where you find those you love talking bad about you, it was nice to know he only ever spoke adoringly when you weren't looking. Benny Miller was one of the good ones, to be sure. But he didn't just brag to others, he constantly told you how proud he was of you, from the big wins to the smallest stuff, it was amazing the things that boy could turn into a celebration, benefits of a positive outlook.

"You got an A on your paper, that's amazing!! I never doubted you for a second, you're so smart, ever thought about going on jeopardy? You'd blow them all away" "You meme got 10 retweets, it's really doing the numbers today. I told you that you were fucking hilarious." "You're coming for me again? You're fucking amazing baby, always such a good girl for me" * You are well aware how much Benny craves attention, having never grown up with it. Always in Will's shadow and his dad abuse, Benny often acted out just to get some sort of attention, positive or not. You try your best to encourage him in his interests and hobbies as well never make him feel bad for spending time with those he loves that aren't you (and boy, does mr. sunshine has a lot of people he loves). You know his family, found and biological, is an extension of him, and the bonds he formed in the military are a part of who he is, so you do your best to listen to him and encourage those friendships.

"Of course, Santiago can come over for the game! Who is playing? Do you like those teams?" "I know today is hard since it's the anniversary of Tom's death, would you like to tell me about him? Maybe some fun stories?" "You did so good at you're fight baby! And look at the guys, their cheering so loud, I bet Will is so fucking proud right now!"

********************** Here is part threeeeeee! Less sad than some of the others. I had a lot of fun with this one! It was a challenge to try and get them to all express differently, but I think they are fairly accurate. I have specific head canons that may or may not be accurate, but the kind of stuff you see here is v applicable to within Leather and Lace, as I have versions of all the guys in my head within that universe lol. I hope you enjoy, be sure to check out my Joel Miller short series Darkness on the Edge of Town, and my TF series Awakening bc I just hit 500 followers, part of my celebration is a Benny X Santi chapter which I should be getting out this week!

@welcometostayingawake @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @kittyofalltrades @luciannadraven33 @littlenosoul @jake-g-lockley @milkymoon2483 @in-between-the-cafes @howaboutcastiel

[polaroidbills]

something great.

"i want you here with me. like how i pictured it. so i don't have to keep imagining."

genre! - angsty, fluff too, mega slice of life

paring! -non-idol!beomgyu x fem!reader

synopsis! - these days, love is always glorified in movies and books. but it's not always like that. sometimes it can be amazing and instant. other times, love can be damaging and complicated. but is it ever too much to ask for something great? - inspired by something great by one direction -

warnings! - not proof read, kiss (kinda), teeny tiny swearing (lmk if i missed anything)

word count! - 1 572

author's note! - first little imagine after my hiatus!! this is literally me rn (minus the dream part). he literally has a bird too and he doesn't play basketball but hockey. anyway hope you enjoyed!

i've always been into romantic-comedies. whether it's books, movies, or shows. they're my favourite. they allow me to get away from reality and slip into my imaginary world. a world so great, filled with love and joy. it's like an over powered hide and seek spot.

but sometimes i get fooled. sometimes the love shown through these films and novels aren't real. love in reality is never how they are in the movies.

boys don't fly across the world to see you. boys don't put on a musical performance as a way to apologize. boys don't join the drama club just because you did.

i just wished he did.

choi beomgyu is his name. he's been my crush since kindergarten. i'm im grade 8 now. soon i'll be graduating into high school. he doesn't know. he's never known. and i don't plan on letting him know. how could i?

he charming, funny, caring, and so much more. the way he rakes his hands through his hair, the way his laugh is contagious to everyone around him, the way he can always lighten up the mood, the way he isn't only socially successful but academically successful, and the way just his presence is comforting.

my feelings for him never leave. even if i try my best to force them out, even if he's dating someone else, even if we go on summer break. they never leave.

it's now friday, 10 days before graduation. i sit myself next to him because my teacher changed the seating arrangement.

"hey y/n!" his cheerful voices rings through my ears.

"morning beomgyu!" i respond.

"did you do the math homework?"

"i did yeah. you?"

"uh nope," he scratches his head.

we often have these small conversations. just short and casual. just a hi and hello. usually it would end here. i guess not this time.

"haha do you need help with it?" i ask.

"actually yeah. i don't really get it," an embarrassed look plays on his face.

"you know, i could help. i don't really mind."

"really? you would do that?"

"of course, i have nothing else to do anyway."

"okay sure! how about after school? i have to carpool with soobin and yunjin though, if that's okay with you?"

soobin, beomgyu, yunjin, and more of my classmates live on the same street. so they often carpool together.

yunjin is one of my best friends. she's one of the only one's that know about my crush. but ut weirds her out because she has like a sibling relationship with beomgyu.

"sure let me just text my parents!"

"great!"

and just like that i have plans. plans with him. i know it's just studying, but it's something? i mean, i can barely look him in the eye, let alone help him with math.

the school day goes by in a blur. i can't get my mind off of what's happening after school.

its 3:15, 15 minutes before school ends. i go to the bathroom to freshen up a little, bringing my emergency bag. in which holds a hair brush, mascara, blush, bronzer, highlighter, and a lip gloss.

i go back into class, as everyone starts packing their backpacks, getting ready to leave. i too get ready to leave.

3:27, 3 minutes until the bell. we're already lined up waiting.

"hey y/n!" soobin call my name. i walk over to them.

"you're coming with us?" soobin asks.

"yeah, is that okay?"

"for sure we have an extra seat anyway."

"okay cool," i smile.

the bell rings and we walk out into the parking lot.

"hey mom! um y/n is riding with us, is that okay?" soobin asks his mother.

"of course! come on in sweetie!"

beomgyu gets in first onto the far left seat.

"sorry y/n, you're in the middle," beomgyu says, as they already have assigned seats.

"thats fine," i climb into the middle and soobin gets in too, closing the door.

the drive is quiet, with only the low radio playing. but uts a short drive.

i've never been this close to beomgyu. it's quite awkward but also comfortable in a way.

the car halts and we climb out of the car, walking over to beomgyu's house.

"i'm home!" he unlocks the door. and his mom hurries to the door.

"hi y/n! come in, come in," his mom smiles.

as we walk in, i notice the lovely furniture and layout of the home.

"you have a very nice home mrs. choi!"

"thank you! but please call me diana."

"okay mom stop mingling, let's go upstairs," beomgyu interrupts. and we make our way up.

i notice all of the family and chcildhood photos on the walls and tables. cute.

"no funny business!"

beomgyu rolls his eyes and shuts his bedroom door.

"okay so where should we start?" i ask.

"well i couldn't really understand question 1?"

"okay we'll start there," we set down our books on the foors and start studying.

a couple hours later, dinner is called. we walk downstairs to a neatly setted table and the smell of delicious food.

i sit next to beomgyu and diana serves the food.

"thank you! this looks delicious."

"of course! cooked a special dinner for a special day!"

"mom!" beomgyu makes a weird look to his mom.

"oops- anyway, y/n what wer eyou guys studying up there?"

"oh beomgyu needed help on some math."

the dinner goes by really well. i feel like diana and i have a connection, as we were talking the whole time.

we go back upstairs to continue our work.

"hey don't you have a bird?" i ask him.

"yeah, his name is toto."

"can i see him?"

"sure but be careful, he isn't good around new people."

we go into the birds room and there's toto in his cage.

beomgyu slowly takes him out.

"here put your finger out, like this," he demonstrates the movement. and i follow. "toto up!"

toto moves onto my hand carefully.

"woah! toto's never good around new people! he must like you! toto kiss," he point to my cheek as toto places his beak on it.

it's a fun moment. laughter and smiles. this is why i like him.

he puts toto back into his cage and we go to his room.

"hey i'm tired of studying can't we stop now?" beomgyu says after a few more minutes of studying.

"yeah sure what do you wanna do?"

"hmm i don't know? we haven't really talked all lot, i wanna get to know you more."

"oh well what do you wanna know?"

"do you have any hobbies?"

"yeah, i love reading and watching movies and shows i guess?"

"oh cool what kind?"

"mainly rom-coms. what are your hobbies?"

"well i play basketball for one. i also really love music and playjng the guitar."

"oh cool i love music too! who's your favourite artist?"

"i love taylor swift and seventeen."

"me too!"

silence falls between us, but it's not awkward. i make eye contact with him – something i never do. the tension between us is strong and the space between us is small. i can slightly feel his breath on my skin. his eyes travel to my lips and back to my eyes, and the same thing goes for mine. his moves in closer, now the space is really small. i can definitely feel his breath on me. he moves in even closer.

"y/n?"

"yeah?"

"i really really like you, for soo long. i like you y/n."

"y/n! y/n! y/n! wake up! you're gonna be late for school!"

i awaken by the sound and nudging of my brother.

"what?"

"you're gonna be late come on!"

of course it was just a dream. it always is. just my stupid imagination and mind. he would never like me. his way out of my league. why would he even like me? there's so many other girls too.

my mind is occupied with these negative thoughts, untily brother yells once again.

i shake my head to brush the thoughts away and quickly get ready for school, walking straight out the door.

the whole walk to school my head is filled with these thoughts and reminders.

love isn't real. it never was. i was just to delusional and blind to know it. true love is just in the movies and books. those scenarios never exist in real life, only in fictional films and novels, of course. no matter how much i imagine and hope and dream, nothing will change. it's just something i ask and beg for.

but is it ever too much to want someone with me, like in the books and movies, like how i picture a true love is?

when will i be able to stop imagining?

why do i still have to keep imagining?

is it too much to ask for something great?

@1-800-143 please DO NOT copy, plagiarize, or repost any of my work.

[deathlydeathovo]

Are You Mad? (p.2)

---ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜᴛ---

Suicidal reader, Venti, Self-harm, implied suicide, Blood, Gore, Crying, Fluff, Praise, no gender mention in here, if there is lmk and i'll fix it.

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Your eyes felt tired. You couldn't open them. It's like you forgot how to move.

"Windblume! Windblume, wake up! I have a bath ready for you!"

Your eyes shot open, remembering the previous events. "Mmngh.. Hmm..?" You rubbed your eyes, then stretched. "What time 's it.." You looked at Venti, whose filling up the bathtub with water. "It's 8 pm. You looked like you needed the rest, so I let you sleep while I cleaned up your house a bit." 'Huh, that's why everything looks so nice' you thought.

"hey.. do we have to talk about.. about that..?"

You were referring to.. A couple hours ago. "Yes, yes we do. I can't just let you off like I usually do, [Y/N]. This isn't something to dilly-dally with." Venti's tone was calm, and focused. Much unlike how he usually is. "Now, get in here. We don't want the water to get cold." He tapped the rim of the bathtub.

"The air is so cold.."

You sink into the bathtub, leaving only your head out of the water. It was warm, reassuring. Your body lost all of its previous tension. "Mmkay." Venti sighed, and got out the shampoo. He got some on his hands, and started to massage your scalp with it. "Sorry.." At this, Venti turned to look at you, to look at your eyes. "What for?" You looked down. "I.. don't know."

"Then why are you apologizing?"

You teared up. "I-I don't know! I feel like I should be sorry.. be guilty.. I don't know.." Your voice cracked, you sounded so pained. Your tears filled your words with agony. "Oh, Sweetheart.." He rinsed out the shampoo from your hair. "We don't have to talk about this now, if you're really upset about it.. Just enjoy the bath." It's like you could hear the soft smile in his words. You could hear him give you that reassuring smile he always does.

" 'Kay.."

You sat there as he washed, and bathed you. He treated you like glass, like something that could break ever so easily. He often asked, "is this okay?" "Does this hurt?" "You're okay with this?" He really wanted you to be comfortable.

"Venti.. Have you ever.. like.. uhm.." You paused. You didn't know what you were trying to say. "Forget it.." Venti was now drying you off, And wrapping your arms in gauze. "Hmm? What Is it?" "Don't know.." "Okay, then." Venti picked you up bridal style, and you didn't complain. He sat you on the bed, and put some clothes next to you.

"Want me to help you dress?"

Venti helped you pull on your undergarments, followed up by your shorts, and a tank top of yours. "This doesn't make me look good at all.." Venti took both of your shoulders in his hands. "You always look good!" He brushed a piece of hair behind your ear. "Always." Venti leaned forward, and gently placed a kiss on your nose. "You're pretty and adorable, and you have the cutest face I've ever seen.. The most amazing personality.." He took his time in-between words to kiss you all over your face, making you giggle.

"You're always perfect. No matter how you change. Alright?"

"Alright.. Can we talk about it now?"

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[frenziedslashers]

You Drive Me Crazy

A/N: Self-indulgent Rick fic, whaat-- @joelsgeetar tagging you because I brought it up to you while we were chatting lmao

Pairing: Rick Grimes x GN!Reader

Warnings: Jealousy, Language, Spencer is a DickheadTM, Alludes to sexual themes but it's really only making out and slight grinding/dry humping whoowhoo, lmk if I need to add anything else

REQUESTING INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

Alexandria. A place of new, a place of light. This was your new home now - much to Rick Grimes' disapproval - everyone felt so much safer behind these walls. There were other people. People who were clean and neat. People who had friendly smiles. People who were old and young. Women, Men, Children. This had to be your new start. It had to. If it wasn't, you weren't sure if you even had faith in any other community. In the future.

Rick was the only one who seemed on edge with the whole situation. Everyone else was enjoying the scenery. The kindness of everyone within the walls. The safety. The house.

"I don't trust 'em," Rick spat, fingers pushing the curtains back so he could peak out the window. "Rick," you sighed, reaching out to rub his shoulder blade. Standing beside him while peaking through the blinds yourself. Just you didn't pry them open like he did.

You felt his muscles tense and then relax under your touch. A soft sigh left his lips before looking down and over at you. Waiting for you to continue. "Let's just give them a chance, okay?" He scoffed, shaking his head while looking back to the window before pulling his hand away. Crossing his arms over his chest. "What if they turn out like with the Governor. Or Terminus? What if we get hurt?" You shrugged, you had thought about that. That crossed all of your minds. "We're too tired to keep running, Rick. Just a couple days? That's all we ask, okay?" He sighed, looking back down at you. He hated how you could convince him to say anything with just that look in your eyes.

"Isn't it your turn? For the interview," you nodded with a sigh at his words. You knew he was just trying to get you to leave him be for a little while. He needed a moment to think. You didn't blame him. You watched as Carol walked up the steps to welcome herself into the house. "Yeah, guess it is." You muttered, letting your hand fall to your side.

Rick reached his hand out in order to brush his fingers against yours. The both of you stare with a needy glint in both of your eyes. "Don't let me lose you, I can't," He nearly whispered, and you chuckled, reaching up to give his shoulder a light punch. "Mr. Grimes, you ain't losin' me anytime soon. Who else is going to make sure you don't do anything stupid?" You snickered, and he laughed back. Light and breathy while his head dipped down to look at the floor. "Yeah," you hummed, patting his bicep with a sigh. "I'll meet you here after I'm done. Maybe we can check the place out together, yeah?" He nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that." And with that, you were heading for the door. Walking off to the building you were instructed to go to in order to speak with Deanna.

The interview wouldn't take too long, and Rick knew that. You weren't the most open person when it came to discussing your past or present. Hell, Rick still had a lot that he didn't know about you. He opened up to you like a book, telling you all about his past. Yet, you didn't. It worried him that something may have happened to you, but truthfully. It was just due to the fact that you would rather focus on the present rather than the past.

Rick took the time that you were away to tidy up. Taking a shower, shaving. It was like looking at a whole new man when he looked in the mirror. He was excited to see your reaction when you got back. See how you would react to seeing him without his unruly beard. He loved it when you seemed to notice a change in him. It always seemed to ignite this flame deep within him. A flame that he thought died with Lori, but you proved that to be wrong.

The knock on the door is what grabbed him from his thoughts. Stealing him away from memories and fantasies with you. Nothing sexual, not right now anyways. Just thoughts of you and him, being together.

He opened the door with a cautious gaze. A hand resting where his knife was tucked into his holster. He could never be too sure these days. A friendly-sounding knock could turn into a shit show in no time flat. Yet, to his surprise, once he opened the door, he was met with a friendly face... A woman that he recognized from the streets when he left the interview with Deanna.

"Hi," She spoke. Voice light and sweet - nothing like yours, though. All that he offered was a low "Can I help you?" Which only seemed to make the woman smile more. She continued her spill. She offered hospitality and a haircut, and he turned it down. Shaking his head with a sigh. "Look, you don't know me," "But I'd like to," she spoke, "I just want to cut your hair. We don't have to talk." He hummed, thinking. "Just a trim, nothin' too short." He muttered before allowing her to enter the house.

"So, anyone special in your life?" Rick didn't answer, only shooting her a glare before sitting in the chair. "Right, just the cut.."

The door opened and his head lifted, eyes scanning the doorway until you slipped through the frame. "Honey, I'm home," You called out in a sing-song voice, and he smiled, a small chuckle escaping his throat. He knew the term of endearment was only a joke, but he couldn't help but ponder if you meant it. It was sure to fuel his fantasies later. "In the kitchen," he called back out to you. Jessie was thankfully finished, running her fingers through Rick's hair once more before pulling the apron off of him. "All done." She smiled, and he nodded, standing to his feet while thanking her. "What do I owe you?" He asked, and she shrugged, peeking over at you as you stepped into the kitchen. Looking her over with weary eyes. "Nothing, I told you, Rick, it's my welcome gift." She added, cleaning up her workspace before leaving. Shutting the door behind her with a 'click'.

You watched her leave, but your attention was quickly drawn back to Rick. A soft smile graced your lips. "You clean up nice," he smiled back, feeling that familiar warmth within himself. "Yeah, ya think so?" You nodded, leaning against the frame of the entrance to the kitchen. "Yeah, now you don't look old enough to be my dad." He scoffed, rolling his eyes with a sigh. "Oh shut it, I'm only eight years older than you." You snickered, shoving his shoulder playfully as he approached you. "Uh-huh, anyways, you ready for that walk around town, Mr. Clean?" He sighed once more, nodding his head. You were always so mouthy, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

The two of you left the house together. Rick followed close behind until the both of you were down off the porch and on the sidewalk. The man towering next to you, sturdy frame walking close beside you. Both of your steps are in sync with one another. As if he were still protecting you from whatever monsters could lurk around the corner. You always felt safe next to him.

"Deanna told me about a party they're throwing for us." Rick's knuckles brushed the back of your hand, electricity shooting through the both of you. "Oh yeah?" He asked, looking over at you with a brow raised. "Yeah, I think it'd be nice if we went. For a bit at least. Maybe we could get to know the people better." You commented, and Rick nodded with a hum.

He licked his lips as he thought. Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. Chewing it a little before allowing it to slide back out. "Maybe," you let out a soft grunt at his words, Rick smiling a little at your noise. "Come on, it won't be that bad. You could be my date, and we could get to know them. Maybe if they have anything worth taking if we do leave." He liked every word that fell from your mouth, but hearing you talk about being his date? God, he felt sick to his stomach, but in the best way possible. A nervous and giddy way. Like the words excited him more than your fingers that would ever so lightly brush his.

"Fine, I'll go," he said, and you cheered. "Sweet! I hate drinking alone anyways," he raised a quizzical brow once more. "You? Drink? Please, I don't think you'd last a shot." You scoffed, "I'd like you to know that I could drink you under the table any day, Rick." You spoke, and the way you hissed out his name in such a teasing manner had the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. A light flush crept up the sides of his neck that he would definitely blame on the heat if you questioned it. He despised how you affected him, yet, he couldn't get enough of you. He never could and probably never would be able to.

The days that passed weren't as horrible as Rick thought they would be. Everyone seemed to get along well, or so he hoped. He was trying, but he just couldn't feel like he fit in. If it weren't for you and his kids, he'd feel like a total outsider. Plus, Spencer Monroe was slowly pissing him off the more he saw him, especially the way he looked at you.

He hated to admit it, but he was jealous. He didn't worry about you going out with the guy. He could tell you only interacted with him to be nice, but he hated the way he still seemed to try and get closer to you. The closer he got, the more of an urge Rick had to throw him up against a wall and tell him to leave you alone. He didn't have the authority to do that, though. You weren't his to make that decision for. His luck, he'd be reading your emotions and body language wrong, and you would have liked Spencer if he did something so stupid.

He didn't dare take his jealousy out on you, though. If anything, it only made him clingier.

The night of the party he tried his best to look decent. Wearing a nice outfit with his hair styled like it used to be. Before the apocalypse hit. His ring was still snug on his finger, but it meant nothing to him. Other than a reminder of the man he used to be.

When you came out of the bathroom, his reaction was priceless. He glanced over at you, looking back to the door, before turning his head to quickly look back at you and what you were wearing. You looked so... "Gorgeous," he murmured, and you tilted your head, unable to hear what he said. "What was that?" you hummed, approaching him. "Shit, uhm, nothin', I was just sayin' you look nice. You clean up nice, too." He muttered, wetting his lips again before his eyes wandered down your body. Taking in everything that he saw. Before they reeled back up to your own. You smiled, but before you could say anything Rick was quick to intrude. "We should get goin', we're gonna be the last ones there," he chuckled, and you nodded, motioning to the door with his head before the both of you left.

Rick couldn't explain how nervous he felt walking beside you. He wasn't used to the formality of this all. It was weird, unusual, and intimidating for the former sheriff's Deputy. He was so used to being covered in dirt and blood, being unshaven while wearing week-old clothes, and you looking just as disheveled and homeless. He had completely forgotten what dates were like. He forgot what feeling clean and nice felt like. What it looked like, even.

"Rick," you called out, noticing how he stared off into the distance as the both of you walked closer and closer to the house. He was so good at getting lost in that head of his that you often had to call him back to earth. "Rick," you spoke, voice more stern. Finally drawing him out of his trance. "Yeah, I'm here," he sighed, and you frowned, "If you don't want to go, we can go back to the house." You added, stopping in front of the porch with the man that you grew to love. He shook his head, reaching out to grab your hand with his fingertips. "I want to go, though." He assured you with a gentle grin, motioning to the door. "Now come on, before I do decide to take you back to the house," He spoke, eyes darting down your figure with a hungry gaze before tugging you towards the door. You didn't even have time to react to his statement before the door was opened and people were greeting you from all around.

It was easy to get separated from Rick. People pulled you left and right in order to get to know more about you. How you survived that long, where you were from... If you and Rick were dating. The last question was only asked by one individual. The man standing in front of you that seemed to have you blocked from the door and Rick. "Why does it matter?" You asked, trying to keep up a friendly demeanor, but it was running short with the Monroe. "Just curious is all, trying to figure out who all is on the playing field." The analogy he used had you scoffing. Your eyebrows furrow while crossing your arms. "Excuse me?" He opened his mouth to explain, but quickly closed it, chuckling before holding his hands up to show he meant no harm. You hardly took it that way, though. The way he seemed to stare at your body more than he did you. It made you sick.

"I just meant you're very intriguing. I'd love to get to know you more." You nodded your head reluctantly, giving him a cautious gaze. You hardly doubted that, but you hated being rude when his parents were so kind to you all. "I may not be dating Rick, but I don't want a relationship with you, I know nothing about you. Why would I trust you?"

Even if you were blocked from Rick, he could still see parts of you past Spencer. Your crossed arms and defensive posture. It had him clenching the glass in his hands. Staring at the both of you with a clenched jaw. The conversation he was holding with Spencer's father was long gone, and Reg could tell. He wasn't about to interfere though. If anything, he was rooting for Rick when he saw the way his son continued to pester you. Maybe the former cop could teach a lesson or two to his son. He was an adult now, he could care for himself without his father's help.

"See, I want you to trust me. I wouldn't hurt you, I could take care of you. We all could," He spoke, reaching out to place a hand on your shoulder, to which you flinched away. "Don't fucking touch me," you snapped, going to shove past the man. A hiss left your throat when he grabbed your arm. Slight panic settled into your eyes as you jerked back towards him. "Wait!" "Let go of me you asshole!" You snapped, people turning heads to look towards the two of you. "I just want to talk," he started, but he was quickly shoved away from you.

"They said don't touch 'em!" Rick snapped, pressing Spencer up against the wall. Breathing down the man's face with his chest puffed out. A hand gripping tightly at the collar of his shirt. He'd been wanting to do this to him since he met the guy. His ego only infuriated him more and more with each passing day he saw him. You watched, unsure whether to feel amused and honored that Rick was still protecting you. Or worried and scared with the way he clenched onto Spencer and the murderous intent you caught in his eye before he had the man pinned.

"Hey! I wasn't doing anything wrong!" "You grabbed 'em, they wanted to leave, don't do that shit," He snarled, "They say leave 'em be, you leave 'em be," He snapped, and Spencer only glared. "Who gave you the right to come into my house and tell me what to do?" "Spencer!" Deanna was quick to interrupt the quarrel between the two men. "I didn't-" "Spencer, you need to respect the newcomer's boundaries just as well as they need to respect ours. I raised you better than this. If someone asks you to leave them alone, you leave them alone." Spencer was quick to look back to Rick. Glaring while waiting to be let go, but Rick wasn't backing down. Hands lightly trembling out of frustration.

"Rick," God, the things he could do to this guy right now. All he could see was red. What gave him the right to be touching you in the first place?

"Rick..." He could snap his neck just as easily as a baby. Bite out a chunk of his throat, dig his fingers into his eyes so he couldn't even look at you.

"Rick," You raised your voice a little, but not too much. Hands gently settling on his broad shoulders. He flinched, head jerking around before he caught sight of you. His gaze softened and his grip released from Spencer's shirt. "Sorry," he spoke to you, but his gaze was quick to land back on Spencer. Hardening once more. "If I so much as catch ya lookin' at them. I'll make ya wish ya never did," he snarled, and Spencer didn't move. Only falling more against the wall when Rick let him go.

Rick was quick to grab your hand, looking you over with worrisome eyes. "Are you?" "Rick, I'm fine, thank you." You smiled warmly, and he did the same. Motioning to the door before looking around at the others. Everyone's eyes were on both of you. "We're gonna head back to the house. I apologize for the scene," Reg shook his head, smiling over at Rick as he approached the both of you. "No need to apologize, Rick. I'd do the same for my Deanna too if some other guy was making her uncomfortable." His eyes drifted over to his son with a disappointed scowl.

You and Rick felt your bodies go warm at what he was inferring. His hand squeezed yours while parting his lips. "Oh, we're not-" "Sure you aren't, Rick," Reg added, motioning for the door. "How 'bout you both leave now? Get some rest, we can finish our conversation tomorrow." You both nodded, thanking the family before departing out the door.

Spencer didn't seem to be done with what he started with you and Rick, though. Moving for the door after everyone went back to what they were doing. No one was watching him - or so he thought. "I'd reckon you stay back unless you really wanna find out how elastic those balls of yours are. They gotta be pretty big, at least, if ya think you'd get away with a go at Ricky." A voice chimed, and Spencer looked up at the ginger that blocked his path. "From now on, you got a problem with Rick, you come to me, yer ol' pal Abraham, at your service," he muttered, leaning down a little in order to get more in the brunette's face. Spencer was definitely nervous now.

Rick's hand didn't leave yours the whole walk back to the house. The both of you walking in silence once more. It wasn't unusual for the man to grab your hand, or keep you this close when he was worried, but it felt so different right now. Like the tension between the both of you was stronger than ever. Able to cut it with a knife if either of you really wanted to try.

You finally let out a sigh, breaking the tension between the both of you. "So, what do you wanna do when we get back? I think Daryl's with Aaron and Eric." You added with a light shrug, and Rick smiled, giving your hand a light squeeze before glancing over at you. "Are you suggesting something?" It was your turn to feel flustered, looking over at Rick with raised brows before furrowing them. "What? No! Of course not, I wouldn't suggest sleeping with you like that," you scoffed, and he smiled even more in amusement. He'd blame his overly flirty attitude on the whiskey coursing his veins at the moment.

"How would you initiate it, then?" He asked, climbing up the porch with you. Not letting go of your hand even as he opened the door and led you inside. "Not like that," you added, eyes avoiding his icy blue stare. "Too shy to say, huh? Y've never been this bashful before." He added with a light chuckle, and you gulped. Keeping your gaze away from his. Until you couldn't help but peek at him when he moved his body directly in front of yours once the door was shut behind you two. "You wanna talk big games, Grimes, how would you initiate it?" You asked with a lopsided smirk, and it only caused his mischief to grow. He was just happy you were playing back with his flirting. Glad he was receiving back what he was giving you.

You took a step back towards the couch when he stalked towards you. Noticing the way his pupils dilated the closer he got to you. One of his hands held at your waist when the backs of your legs hit the sofa. "Like this," he muttered, letting go of your hand in order to grab the side of your face.

You held your breath the moment his lips met your own. He was soft at first, testing the waters before he cocked his head to deepen the kiss. You both felt like you were on fire. Bodies heated up as his hand on your hip pushed you down to the couch. Maneuvering you so he could climb on top of you. "Rick," you muttered against his lips and he let out a soft grunt. His tongue ran against the bottom of your lip before sucking it in his mouth to bite on your lower lip. "Rick, what if someone walks in," you spoke. You wanted to move him to the bedroom, but your hands portrayed a different story. Your fingers hooking on his belt loops, pulling his crotch down to meet your own. Soft hums leave both of your throats. "Shit, no one's coming'," He muttered, head dipping down to kiss your neck. Slowly making your worries leave as he hungrily continued his action.

His hips continued to rut against yours here and there. Soft noises escaped your lips as Rick ran his hands under the dress shirt you wore that was now untucked from your pants. Calloused hands mapped out every inch of skin he could feel. A low chuckle left his throat when you scrambled to undo the buttons of his shirt. "Need help with that?" He asked, kissing over a mark he left under your ear. A shudder running down your body at the feelings. "Please? I can't get these damn buttons," you breathed, and he nodded, leaning back after pressing a chaste kiss to your lips once more.

He took his time undoing the buttons on his shirt, until there was only four left.

Three... Your breathing sped up as you watched his body expose.

Two... You'd seen it so many times before, but it left you in awe each time.

One... Then it was shrugging off his shoulders. Rick smiled as he leaned back down to pull you in for another, loving, kiss. His hands roaming, your hands roaming. You were both so lost in each other, it was intoxicating.

His hips lurched forward once your fingers danced closer to his buckle. He was aching for you more than he ever had, and he prayed that you would undo his belt fast, or else he might have to do it for you. "Dad?" Carls voice caught you both out of your act. Rick shooting up from the couch, you doing the same.

Both of you were disheveled and it was obvious what both of you were up to. The boy's smile only grew as he looked between the both of you with a raised brow. "I was wondering when the two of you were going to do something," Carl added, Judith cooing in his arms. "Next time, maybe go to the bedroom though. I support this, but I don't want to see it.." He added with a cringe before walking past the both of you to head up the stairs to Judith's room to get her ready for bed. The little girl was already nearly asleep on his shoulder.

Rick stood there, dumbfounded. Staring where Carl used to be. "I told you the couch wasn't a good idea," you muttered, fixing your shirt to look more presentable if anyone else came home, but with Rick standing beside you shirtless. Anyone could put two and two together. "Yeah, I know you did," he muttered with a sigh. Leaning down to pick his shirt up before slipping it back over his shoulders, looking over at you with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I was just... Happy you reciprocated the kiss and all." He added with a light chuckle, and you chuckled back. "Rick, I'm not mad at you. I wouldn't button up your shirt if I was you, either." He furrowed his brow, watching as you stepped closer to him. Your hands resting on his chest. "We've still got the room option if you're willing to be quiet," you muttered, kissing the side of his throat. His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned his head back a little. "God, you drive me crazy, you know it?" "Rick, you've driven me crazy from the moment I met you back in Atlanta." You mumbled against his skin, and he smiled. "Now, room?" He nodded, "Room," grabbing your hand before leading you up to his bedroom. Both of you smiling like idiots.

[diaryujin]

𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, 𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃

summary: being part of a gang that murders isn't as badass and cool as those silly romance novels make it out to be. it involves questions, regrets and tough decisions, including ones related to your ex, jay.

genre: angst

includes: exes to (not so) lovers, inaccurate gang life pls bear with me i don't do illegal shit *sob*, murder, death, blood, curse words, guns, jay is mentioned as a nepo baby, mentions of (g)i-dle minnie and soyeon and le sserafim chaewon, quite some flashbacks, not that good ngl, not proofread, lmk if i missed anything

pairing: ex! gang member! jay x ex! gang member! fem! reader

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i apologize for 1. not updating 'diary entries filled with her' i've been busy writing this and i've been too drained to upload those :( i'll start with them again tomorrow and 2. if this isn't all that good idk why i wasted time writing this but oh well

“Y/N, your target is agent JJXNG. He’s an assassin like you who’s part of the team trying to track us down.” You focused on Minnie in front of you, the leader of the gang you were a part of. You were her most trusted assassin and the one she assigned the most difficult targets to. Sometimes, you didn’t understand what kept you in this job, but all your doubts would clear whenever you saw the stacks of cash as your monthly salary.

“JJXNG. How long has he been with the squad?”

“Two years. He’s a formidable force though — sneaky rat. He slips out from right under our noses.” “I see. Any specific date I should get him dead by?” “As soon as possible, honestly. I’ll tell Chaewon to set up a lead in one of our usual alleys.”

“What about alley 96?”

“Perfect. See, this is why I love you so much.”

She patted your shoulder, grinning a little. You chuckled, but it was weak. Seeing that, her face wore a look of concern.

“Are you okay with doing this though? I know you’re going through that break up…”

You shook your head.

“I’ll be fine. Can’t let emotions get in the way, right? Anyway, it’s not like this involves him.”

“I understand if not though. I’ll just ask Soyeon.”

“Seriously, I’ll do it.”

She tilted her head questioningly, and you nodded. She sighed before letting go of your shoulder.

“Alright then, I’ll call you once Chae is done. Take care of yourself until then, hm?”

“I will. Take care, Minnie.”

She smiled, and you reciprocated the gesture.

Upon reaching your apartment, you went into your room, looking for a change of clothes. Hands moving through your wardrobe, you froze as they landed on a certain hoodie.

Jay’s.

You must’ve mistaken it as one of your own when you were returning all his stuff. You ran your hands slowly over the fabric which was surprisingly still somewhat warm. He bought it in the USA, and it was rather expensive. You often stole it from him to the point where he just gave up and gifted it to you.

Unfolding it, you had an internal debate over whether you should wear it. In the end, you took off the clothes you were wearing and wore the hoodie and a pair of comfortable leggings. Why leave it to collect dust?

Soon, you were on your bed, lazing around as you scrolled on your Instagram feed. Your eyes were looking at posts, stories, and reels, but your brain processed nothing. 

Jay.

Homemade cooking.

As if on cue, your stomach grumbled.

You buried your face in your mattress, groaning. Hell, you missed the taste of his food, but worse — you missed him.

You were yet to reach the acceptance bit of the five stages of grief, and it was hindering all your thoughts. Looking back at your phone, you closed Instagram and opened your gallery.

A major part of getting over someone was deleting the more intimate pictures with and of them.

Fuck it, you didn’t.

How could you, when the man was way too fine to be real?

You were holding on to slivers of what you used to have, and you knew it was unhealthy, but who were you to care?

Scrolling through all the pictures, different memories played in your mind by a broken record. Smiley, hot, cute, straight from hell, meme-worthy, sculpted by Michelangelo, jawline sharp enough to cut through a watermelon, goofy, with a guitar — your photo album of him had all genres of Park Jongseong, even his darkest and deepest ones.

If everything was so perfect, what went wrong?

You reflected on your three-year relationship with him. Arguments were few and far between the two of you. You spent a lot of time with him, he spoiled you a lot (even though you told him not to), he treated you like a princess, and you reciprocated it as much as you could. Even with all your missions with the gang, everyone would call you both the perfect couple.

Your parents adored him — he was their ideal son-in-law — and you couldn’t help but smile as you remembered the shy look on his face as they explicitly told him that. His parents were friendly with you. Sure, they were a bit awkward and haughty, but you had seen worse.

All this got you wondering…

Where in the middle of this dreamy paradise did the devil find his home?

He wouldn’t have cheated. He was too good-hearted for that…or at least you hoped.

You did a little digging after you both ended things, but (un)fortunately you had no evidence to support your claim, and couldn’t have any justified hard feelings towards him.

You had the events of that day burned in your memory — the day when the safe little bubble you lived in burst.

He was at your place, and you both were watching a movie together. Usually, you’d be cuddling with him, but that day, it was like he was doing his best not to let even an inch of his skin come in contact with yours. It hurt your feelings, sure, but you just brushed it off as him being on his man period.

A scene appeared on the screen where the main character and her love interest were having a cheesy date, and you turned to look at Jay, expecting a comment about how your relationship with him was better or a lovesick smile, or his lips puckering out in an awkwardly endearing manner, or- or- anything other than a blank stare and a frown. He noticed your gaze and his jaw tensed.

“Y/N…this-this- you and I…”

He took a deep breath.

“I can’t do us anymore.”

Your eyes widened, and your mouth opened and closed like a fish. Your hand reached for his instinctively, but he drew it back, showing that he wasn’t joking. 

“But- why? What’s-What’s going wrong? It’s nothing we…we can’t fix, you know- I’m sorry if I did anything, I’ll-I’ll change my ways, just please don’t-”

“It’s not your fault, okay? I just- my work is getting more time-consuming nowadays, and I don’t want to end up neglecting you in the process, Y/N. You deserve someone better.”

“I don’t need anyone else, Jay! You’re more than enough, you’re my everything! I don’t care if you have to spend less time with me, I understand and I’ll manage-”

“No Y/N, trust me. Plus…”

He looked away nervously, eyes staring at the paused screen as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Plus…?” “My parents disapprove.”

Silence.

“Oh.”

You couldn’t say anything against that. You knew how much Jay loved his parents, and you would never want to come between them.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish it wasn’t like this.”

“That’s okay. I know- how they mean the world to you.”

“I’m not saying you don’t, but-”

“It’s fine, really.”

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, Y/N. I’ll never forget you. I just can’t.”

“You too, Jay. Good luck with your work.”

And just like that, he left.

A month ago.

You wanted to scream. This was like the millionth time that you thought about that day.

You seriously had to get something better to do in your life. 

Suddenly, a call came on your phone. You looked at the ID, and as you expected, it was Minnie.

“Y/N? Hello.”

“Hey, Minnie. Something up?”

“They took the bait literally an hour after Chaewon set it up.”

There was a snicker of amusement from her end, and you grinned a little to yourself as well over how stupid the squad was.

“Damn, they’re confident.”

“I know! They didn’t even wait!”

“It’s dumb.”

“Mhm. Anyway, those bitches set up the meeting date as fuckin’ tomorrow. Wild, no?”

“Seriously? So soon? Kinda feeling bad for JJXNG, the poor guy most likely isn’t even prepared.”

“Fools, really. Deserved. You’re up for it, right?”

“Of course. Time?”

“11 p.m.”

“Alright, I’ll see you at the base at 10:30 p.m. tomorrow. That good?”

“That’s perfect. Alley 20, by the way.”

The alley was quiet, the streetlights providing just enough luminescence for you to notice the outline of a man slowly approaching you. You gripped the pistol in your hand tighter, setting your arm to the side so that the guy wouldn’t notice.

The soft but heavy sound of his footsteps was slightly muffled by the drizzle that left you a bit soaked. Drops of water trailed from your hair to your face, and you wiped them off with your free hand.

The man was now close enough to you. He wore a mask just like you did, but his was black with ‘JJXNG’ written on it in bold, red letters.

This guy was bloody stupid.

There was something familiar in his gaze, but you brushed it off as deja vu. He seemed to be sizing you up, so you did the same. You noticed that he had a gun too, so you moved yours further behind your back. Looking into his eyes, you saw that there was a bit of confusion swirling in them.

“Agent JJXNG? Hard to pronounce.”

You chuckled dryly, but his eyes widened.

“You’re…ENZ? Wait, but-”

Why…why was his voice so familiar? The guy had the same tone as…as someone who had been a vital part of your life until a month ago, and then became a permanent resident in your head.

“Y/N?”

You froze.

“How- How the fuck do you-”

The same surprise. The same shock. The same concern.

“Jongseong…?”

He lowered his mask at you saying his name, and you could see how his mouth was agape with shock. You did the same, although your lips were pursed together in a thin line. 

“I didn’t expect to be seeing you so soon.”

His hands fidgeted with his pistol, and you realized.

You were tasked to kill him.

He stood still for a moment, seemingly going through the same dilemma.

“So, Jongseong, this is the work that’s been so time-consuming, hm? Did your parents approve of this?”

He gritted his teeth, remembering how he said those things as a reason for breaking up with you.

“Look, Y/N-”

“I’m not about to get together with you right now.”

“I’m not that desperate.”

That hurt, and you had no idea why.

“Do you promise to never keep secrets from me, Jay?”

You held out your pinkie suddenly, catching him off guard. The poor boy was just trying to cook.

“All of a sudden?”

He chuckled, before instantly locking pinkies with you.

“I promise, only if you do the same, love.”

You smiled at him, before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

You shook your head, not wanting to remember unfulfilled promises right now. Suddenly, your eyes focused on the gun pointed directly at your forehead and you winced, mentally slapping yourself for losing focus.

“Didn’t think I’d be doing this ever in my life, but here we are.”

His tone was cold yet cocky, which was annoying as hell. You reciprocated the gesture calmly, and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Fuck. Should’ve seen that coming.”

He was in a pissy mood. You were in a pissy mood.

An irritated Jay plus an irritated you equaled disaster, which was why you usually avoided each other when both of you were emotionally heightened.

Unfortunately, circumstances didn’t allow that. You were at his house already mad, and you wanted to be with him to blow some steam off. He got some news from work that seriously angered him by the time you were there.

It started with you forgetting to wash the dishes once and ended up with the both of you having a screaming match in the living room. He complained that ‘you never cared about his feelings’ and you retorted by saying ‘he had extremely high standards’.

That was your first major argument, and it ended so badly that you didn’t contact each other for a week.

Why were you having all these flashbacks? You weren’t some anime protagonist. 

“Is this a race of who kills who first?”

“It’s always like that. I thought you had two years of experience under your Prada belt? Or are your targets handed to you on a silver platter as well?”

He scoffed at your remark. He never liked to be reminded that he was a nepo baby. He was always extremely humble and sweet, even if he occasionally didn’t understand seemingly normal things due to his upbringing.

But fuck it, to hell with him and his kindness.

“It just feels weird, since I’m killing you.”

Your grip on your pistol loosened.

“...yeah.”

His eyes were now filled with remorse as they softened.

“Frankly speaking, I don’t-don’t really know how I’ll go on- move on from this.”

He cared.

He still cared.

A week after that big fight, you had someone at your door — Jay.

When you saw him at your doorstep, all of your favorite snacks cooked by him in one hand and a necklace box in another, you didn’t know how to react.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that.”

He genuinely looked like he was going to burst into tears. You hugged him tight, and he buried his head in your shoulder, sniffling a little.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

“I thought I lost you, love. Please- don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Jay. I never will.”

The rest of the day was spent with you both cuddling, eating, and (re)watching your favorite movies amongst many kisses.

And that’s how you both made up after every fight.

You struggled to come to terms with the fact that the same guy you used to watch Lady and the Tramp with was now pointing a gun at your forehead.

In his defense, you were doing the same thing.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I’ll count to three, and we pull the trigger at the same time when I reach 0.”

You didn’t know how to feel about that suggestion — it made too many things real.

You were going to die.

He was going to die.

You’d be the reason he died.

He’d be the reason you died.

You didn’t want to continue living after this. You didn't want to live holding the huge guilt of having murdered the sweetest guy on the planet. At this point, you were struggling to hold back tears.

“Sure.”

You steadied your arm, and he copied your action.

“3…”

The first day you both met.

“2…”

The day he asked you to be his girlfriend.

“1…”

Life while dating him.

“0.”

The day you both broke up.

The loud bang of your gunshot echoed throughout the alley, the rain accentuating it. The sound overpowered the clang of his gun falling to the ground, and his soft words.

“Y/N…I can’t. I can’t kill you. I still love yo-”

You opened your eyes and froze.

How did you just do that?

He should’ve killed you, you were dea-

Your eyes fell upon Jay’s body in front of you.

There was a hole in his forehead, and blood was trickling out of it. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, and you could only see the whites. There he lay, limp and lifeless.

And it was all your fault.

Then it hit you.

He didn’t shoot. 

He broke yet another promise.

You kneeled in front of him, letting yourself cry. You cradled him close just like how you used to whenever he had a bad day and you would comfort him.

“Jay…Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Why-Why didn’t you shoot?! Bastard, how do you want me to live now that you’re gone! You piece of- of absolute shit! I loved you, I love you and I will- simply continue to love you, and-and it’s going to hurt ‘cause you’re not here, damn it!”

You held him close, your salty tears mixing with his blood.

You couldn’t do it.

You couldn’t continue life knowing you were the reason he died.

You remained in that position, Jay’s body in your arms. Your warm hand gripped his cold one. It was weird how it still gave you comfort.

Your eyes darted around, before focusing on his gun in the pool of blood. You took it, deciding to finish his mission for him, not minding the red liquid staining your hand.

His gun was now on the side of your head.

“I love you, Park Jongseong.”

Another loud bang echoed in the alleyway.

[ssahotchnerr]

i saw the ask about showing Aaron off to the people you work with and it made me think. Imagine what would happen if one of your coworkers was like “ohhh, this is your man, huh? He’s a handsome one 😏” and then when they see him again they’re like “hello, Mr, Hotchner. Can I get you anything? Food? Coffee?” and just flirting hardcore with him.

Like I would be mad that they’re flat out flirting with him with me there, BUT at the same time I’m thinking… thank you, that’s my man and I have great taste 😏 I know he’s hot. 😈

(protectiveness over aaron is one of my fav things to write omg) okay so i can see it going like this:

ever since that first time aaron visited you, one particular coworker started bringing him up a bit more frequently. it's small things, like how he's doing, if he's home or away on a case, etc.. so at first, you think nothing of it, because you assume your coworker is just being friendly and trying to make conversation. when they bring him up though, they always mention how attractive he is. that kinda makes you uneasy, BUT again you don't take it too seriously, because you know how hot he is, anyone with eyes would think the same. but you change your mind the next time aaron visits you at work.

you accidentally forgot something at home, so aaron offered to bring it over to save you some time. his visit isn't long lasting; he's in a bit of a rush to get over to the BAU himself, so when he gets to your work, his plan is to drop it off, give you a sweet kiss to hold you both over for the rest of the workday, and head out. after he hands you whatever was forgotten, the two of you are making quick, quiet small talk, because you're so very grateful for your amazing boyfriend was able to help you out <3 but when this coworker notices him, they immediately interrupt your conversation.

they say hello; you're a bit taken aback by how abruptly they just swooped in, and aaron politely acknowledged them, his hand moving to the small of your back. they ask him how is is, what he's doing here (when he mentions he was bringing something to you, they kinda give you a back-handed compliment, like 'oh i'm not surprised it was forgotten" or something). so when they offer aaron a coffee or anything he may need, they do so by also placing a 'friendly' hand on his arm when offering, and that's when you realize what's actually going on.

you immediately interrupt, grabbing aaron's arm yourself and briefly pulling him away, saying how he was just heading out and is about to be late. all while doing so, you're silently fuming. your coworker ever so slightly rolls their eyes at you, giving aaron a not so innocent smile and says a quick 'i'll see you around, mr. hotchner ;)" and mentally you're all- not if i can help it >:(

you walk aaron back to his car, allowing the two of you to have a lil more alone time without anyone butting in, and the man's a profiler; he knows exactly what was currently going through your head, along with what the coworker was trying to pull over. he wraps his arms around you tightly, murmuring that he loves you and only you, assuring you that no one else could ever gain his attention. meanwhile you're a still a bit pouty, telling him you didn't like the way the coworker was looking at him and that he's only yours >:( he responds by granting you a kiss, mumbling against your lips how he belongs to you and just you<3

in relation to this ask, AND if anyone wants a full blurb of this, lmk :D

[lilolilyr]

I have an idea for an Andromaquynh modern AU fanfic

In it, Quynh moves back home to her parents after getting a degree at university she isn't really sure she can or wants to use. She used to think that she's a city girl despising the suburbs she grew up in, but now she thinks she was wrong about that or maybe her preferences changed, she doesn't much like the cities she studied in anymore, first she thinks it's because she studied abroad (in the countries of her ancestors) and could never quite connect to the culture there, but visiting a friend in a city in her home country shows her it isn't just that, she just prefers a quieter environment

In the meantime, her parents have moved to a different part of town and it doesn't really feel like coming home at all. Quynh still struggles with her place in life, she doesn't want to hang around on her parents' couch doing nothing forever but she doesn't know what else to do either and the thought of a regular 9-5 job in an office terrifies her, she has done enough internships in that kind of environment to know she can't stand it for long

Quynh starts taking long walks through the countryside, for her health because she hasn't really found any sports/active hobbies in the area yet (that's an aspect she really liked about the cities, there's always something interesting going on, she used to dance and try out things like shooting with bow&arrow and axe throwing), and to have quiet time to think away from her family. That way she gets to know the area quite well - she actually already knows it a bit because she really didn't live far away as a kid, but she never really walked through the fields on this side of the suburbs before

On her walks she sometimes comes across equestrians, and one time a horse throws off its rider and she ends up catching the animal, which doesn't seem to mind people in general just people trying to climb and sit on it - it won't stay the last time she comes across that particular animal, and she thinks she understands the horse quite well what with not wanting to do jobs they don't like just to be allowed to live comfortably.

Andy's the owner of the horse riding school, and when a girl falls off her horse (probably the one that doesn't much like its riders, Quynh calls it Big Guy lovingly not knowing what it's actually called) and needs medical attention, Quynh ends up taking the horse back to the stables and meets Andy there.

There's a bit of an age-gap between them and even once they meet and fall in love Andy is reluctant to commit to Quynh out of fear of tying Quynh to a life she might not really want, meanwhile Quynh is finally figuring out her place in life and she wants to stay with Andy.

I'll probably never write the full fanfic, I just don't have the time and motivation for it. If anyone's interested in getting the draft and adopting it, I'd love to hand it over for you to write it!

Post is okay to reblog :)

The draft I have is pretty much in bullet points atm, but I'd even go over it and clean it up a bit if someone's really interested in adopting the fic, and I'd be open to either chatting about it and giving more input, or you taking it and doing your own thing with it!

I don't have the time to write a longfic atm and I feel like what with the plot I'm thinking of, it really needs to be 10 or even 20k minimum to start doing it justice... That being said if sb wants to try writing a shorter version or is inspired by it to write anything similar, absolutely feel free! Just pls lmk once it's done so I can read it :D

I also already wrote a college AU horse girl!Andy longfic before, and while that one was happier and this one would probably have quite some angsty vibes before reaching its happy ending, it still kind of feels like I've done this before, also reducing my motivation for it even more :( which is a pity really because I do really like the idea.

If you want to take on the story reply to this or send me an ask/dm and we can figure out how to do this, discord/email/docs or whatever :)

My tog tag list - I know it's been ages, if anyone wants off this list or if someone new wants on it, please let me know! -: @bobeau-beaubo @lesbianlotties (daniwouldnever) @ongreenergrasses @eyeh0rr0r @cantteachanoldguardnewquotes @badwolfkaily @andramaquynhs @depresbianintheclassicalsense @andy-the-scythian @cryhardanddanceharder @my-gaydar-is-on-point @spookyvoidangelskeleton @bookerandy @jackwolfskid @cinnamonplums @cruzwalters @kayivy @blacks-phoenix @binariesarebullshit @tea-lizzard @prevalent-masters @aftermillennia @youssefguedira (pierremichelofavignon) @salzundhonig @moonlightbuckley @genyathefirebird (rupzydaisy) @nickydestati @after-a-millennium @spacewitchqueen @damnbert @not-so-good-omen (innocent-gayngel) @rhubarbdreams-blog @bedalk

[pjsk-writin]

KSGSJSGKSVSKA I CANT BELIVE IT YOUR REQUEST ARE OPEN!!

Okay okay i need to calm down sbbdjsvsjjsbhxbdnSo

i would like to request

Akito and toya dating Rui's youger brother

The reader is know for his cheerfull up beat personality and being a show lover

But then one day in a street music event with out telling them the reader shows up with a music partner and did a performance with her and is full of charisma and the reader looks so cool while singing and EVEN RAPING! And before that performance the reader says "this is for my dear pancake and coffe cup" how would the VBS boys react?

THANK YOU FOR TAKING YOUR TIME IN READING THIS!!

YAYA but AWW OMG THIS IS SO CUTE, if this isn't poly pls lmk and I'll change it but this was rlly fun to make... hope u like this !! <3

◇ RUI'S BROTHER - (Poly!) Akito Shinonome and Toya Aoyagi x Reader

It's a wonder how you even managed to start dating both of them considering Rui-

Okay, well Toya would be fine. He's close to Tsukasa who's close to Rui, and the two of them don't have a bad relationship

Akito on the other hand? Well, he would never be rude to your older brother now, but let's just say that he has his...Opinions on him-

You were very cheerful in comparison to most people, but especially to your boyfriends. They both found it really cute (Although one of them would never admit it. Akito cough)

You were also very into the shows that your brother and his group put on, so you would always drag your boyfriends along. Toya has fun, Akito just gives you a "I'm only doing this for you," smile-

When you heard about the street music event, you thought that it would be a fun way to surprise your boyfriends. You brought one of your friends along, and the two of you practiced together

It made your boyfriends a little suspicious of how you were consistently leaving dates early, but they just shrugged it off as you being busy

Once the event rolls around, you ask them if you can go with them. They obviously accept and bring you along, oblivious to the surprise you were planning.

They realize that you had slipped away out of nowhere, and before Akito could call someone and Toya would start searching...You were on stage.

They were absolutely bewildered as you stood up there, grinning before pointing directly at them. "This is for my favorite pancake and coffee cup!"

They watched in absolute awe as you performed with your friend, singing and even rapping at one point!

If he wasn't flustered beyond words, Akito would have been taking note of your technique. You were really good, where did that come from?-

Meanwhile, Toya was just swaying along to the music with the biggest grin and the slightest flush on his face

After you finished your performance, they were the loudest in the crowd. You rejoined them afterward and they just gave you a really big group hug, raving about how cool you looked

(Bonus points for Rui being there and grinning to himself because he finally got to see how you interacted with your boyfriends. Let's just say he has Akito blackmail <3)