#if u want the exact song look to after midnight

[werewolfaday]

day 105

[secondhand-trash]

Gojo + 20 plz! Thanks! Can u also make the reader as if she had a bad day that time? Thank you so much!! <3

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x reader

Word count: 1104

20. When you see people walking past you in the evening, your heart filled with an odd warmth knowing that these people are on the way home to the ones they love

You wondered if you could file a request to claim back the fee for the taxi ride home if you could not leave the office before the last train ride goes out.

You yawned, rubbing your eyes violently to brush away the soreness that had plagued your vision. You were seeing white during the brief moment when you blinked to let them rest from staring at the pale screen for far too long. There were several other of your colleagues scattered around the otherwise empty office, each one looking just as worn out and soulless like you were when their heads poked out of their cubicles.

The needle on the clock was treading closer and closer to the very top, and you sighed as you turned back to the task at hand, knowing very well that you were not leaving this hellish place anytime sooner.

And it wasn’t like you were here because of your own doing. You had finished your own portion of your work just fine, making sure that all tasks that were due soon were sent off to the correct departments for check-up before the supposed deadline. You could not say a word when your manager, who seemed to have a bone to pick with you for no good reason at all even though you had never had an interaction with them where you acted anything but professional, dunked a heavy file onto your desk when it was several minutes until the time you could sign off.

“The head of the department came down with a notice that they had given you the wrong set of data for this report last time,” you blinked when you thought of how long it had taken you to get the report done, “do this again before the deadline.”

The deadline was the following day, and you had handed over the initial report several days before. You could only think of several reasons why they only chose to tell you now that there was an error.

You squeezed your eyes tight before forcing them open again, sighing to yourself at the painful fact that this all was part of your job.

You returned to the life of being a normal person because you thought those that were in charge of that other world you were once a part of were all shitty people, but you forgot that shitty people existed regardless of where you were.

Fumbling for your phone that got thrown to the corner so you could focus, the fatigue that was weighing on you only got worse when you saw the many notifications across the screen.

Good looking guy Satoru💙: I’m bored🥺

Good looking guy Satoru💙: when are you coming homeeeee

Good looking guy Satoru💙: I’m lonely🥲🥲

Good looking guy Satoru💙: I miss you🥲🥲

The colourful emoji next to his name (that he set for himself when he discovered that you set his contacts under his full name and didn’t bother to change it after you started dating) spammed your phone and you scrolled through until it arrived at the end exasperatedly. Oh, what you wouldn’t do to go home now but after looking at the several more documents that you hadn’t gone through that seemed extremely unlikely.

He was online, and he stayed being online even as you didn’t reply. Had he been waiting for you to read his messages? 

You: I don’t think I’ll be back until way later💀no need to wait for me, I’ll take a taxi home

One tick quickly became two until there was a little mark saying ‘read’ next to your message the moment it hit sent. His status changed to ‘typing’ nearly just as quick but you flipped your phone upside down and put it to the side before he finished typing.

You cracked the joints of your fingers and got back to work, aiming to leave as soon as possible.

It was well past midnight when you were finally done and you slammed your drawer shut with a violent force when you could finally put your files away. It was just you now and your groan echoed through the empty room as you stretched your limbs out on your chair. 

You looked up at the ceiling and sighed when you remembered that you would be back at the exact same spot in several hours.

Finally having the time to check your phone again as you packed your stuff to leave, your eyes widened when you see one single text box in the middle of your screen.

Good looking guy Satoru💙: look outside🥰

You stumbled towards the largest window in the room, pressing your nose to the glass when you spot a familiar figure somewhere down below. Your office was several stories off the ground but still, there was no way you would miss the lean figure standing under the nearest lamppost, his white hair looking all the more eye-catching in the dark under the light.

You nearly dashed down the building, pressing the buttons of the elevator impatiently when it didn’t close as quickly as you wanted it to be. The street was silent except for the few cars that dashed by occasionally. You had noticed that people always drove faster when it was nighttime from your observation under many nights of leaving work late. You did not understand why at first, but now you seemed to get them now that you were running towards the person that had been waiting for you all night yourself.

He was tapping mindlessly on his phone when you rushed out of the glass doors, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He looked up and flashed you a smile when he saw you coming close to him, letting the sunglasses fell down from the bridge of his nose as he pretended to pout. 

“You’re so late,” Gojo whined, pulling you to his side with one arm swung across your shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, not even bothering to hide how delightfully surprised you were to see him.

“Pick you up from work,” he said in a sing-song voice, bending down until his face was right in front of yours, “thoughtful, right? Do I get a reward?”

He had his lips jutted out and the end of his sentence going up to a higher note than his usual voice, and you knew he was trying to make you laugh by playing up his antics.

He broke into a wide grin when you gave a quick peck to his cheek, seemingly  satisfied with your reply.

“Yeah. yeah,” you wrapped your arms around his waist, “let’s go home.”

[blazedgraysons]

Busy Boy

You and Grayson are FWB, but it’s hard when he’s with another girl.

A/N: I’m not saying this is because Grayson has had five girlfriends in a month, but that’s also not not what i’m saying. also listen to busy boy by chloexhalle if you want to hear the song this was inspired by.

Word Count : 1.3K

Warnings: Shitty smut, grayson’s kind of an asshole in this but you know what that’s fine, also this wasn’t proofed.

“i tell you what you want to hear all the time                                                

                                               just because you’re so damn fine.”

are you up?

Like clockwork you think. You unlock your phone to respond, noticing it’s only 9 o’clock. It’s a little early for Grayson to start his usual games since he typically waits until after midnight. Before you even move your thumbs to type, another message comes through.

do you want to come over?

You bite your lip at this. Grayson had been very silent recently, trading your presence for some Instagram influencer with thousands of followers. It wasn’t unlike him to stop calling in order to focus on whichever soulmate he found for the week. But no matter how many times he tells you this is the last time, he somehow always finds his way back to you.

cum over pls.

i need u

His texts are coming in faster, a tell-tale sign he’s started jerking himself off, and you can’t help clenching your thighs at the image that comes to your head. Ignoring all the warning sounds blaring in your head, you grab your keys and head for the door.

“Where are you going?” Your roommates sitting on the couch, glaring at you like you’re making a fatal mistake. (which to be fair, you probably are.)

“Just out. Need some fresh air.” You shrug casually, lying straight through your teeth.

Your roommate pauses and glares at you even more before responding, “You’re going to go see Grayson, aren’t you?”

You don’t respond to that, focusing on lacing up your sneakers instead.

“I thought you said that last time was going to be the last time. That you were done with him?” She questions, “Please don’t tell me you actually caught feelings for him.”

“No, it’s just,” You pause, searching for the right word “complicated.”

She snorts at that before focusing back on the t.v. Your phone lights up when she decides to speak up again.

“You know he probably sent the same text to like twenty other girls, right?” She asks condescendingly.

“Let’s hope I beat them there then.” Looking down at your phone, you see it’s a text from Grayson. You don’t even bother opening before sending three simple letters.

omw

You break about 15 traffic laws on the drive to his house, arriving at record speed. And yet, it was all worth it when you walk into his room. 

“Took you long enough.” 

Your mouth instantly starts to water. He’s already naked, stretched out casually amongst his bed. Like you suspected, he’s begun. One hand is casually wrapped around his dick, loosely jerking off. The other is behind his head, causing his biceps to flex naturally in a way that makes your head swim. Everything about Grayson radiates arrogance right down to his smug smirk at how he's rendered you speechless.  

Choosing to ignore his snide comment, you walk over to him while stripping. Forgoing any teasing or foreplay, you immediately take his dick into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks instantly. It had been a while, you justify. 

"Fuck-" he lets out a guttural moan, eyes glazed over as he watches you lean back from his dick and slowly start suckling the tip. You gradually stop sucking and drizzle spit on his dick, mixing precum and saliva to get his cock sloppy enough to jerk off. You kiss both of his inner thighs before he finally speaks again.

"Suck it, Y/N. Please." His voice cracks. 

He sounds wrecked already, and you've barely done anything. You smile prettily at him. You dip your head further and further until his dick is grazing the back of your throat. As you go back up, you twist your hand to follow your mouth up to the tip before hollowing your cheeks and dipping your head again. 

"Fuck. I missed your mouth." He groans, hands going up to grab your hair into a loose ponytail. You try to not let his words affect you, but you can't help but think about whatever girl had been in the same position as you. Whichever girl had sucked his dick last and hear the exact same thing. A sense of jealousy slides over you, and you start sucking faster, moaning softly.

He moans at the feeling of the vibrations and leans his head back onto his pillow. You take him further and further until at his base, drooling as you deepthroat him. He holds your head down, only letting go when tears start to form in your eyes. You take a few breaths before going down to kiss and suck on one of his balls, the other hand reaching down to touch your clit. 

"Fuck, you're so good to me. The only one who can suck me off like this" He moans, music to your ears. You whimper softly around his balls before going back to his dick. His moans start to get louder and needier, a sign he's close to finishing before he's yanking you off his dick altogether. He pants a few, trying to regain his composure as you stare at him with a brow arched.

"Don't want to come just yet." He grits out as something shiny and reflective catches your eyes. 

"That's new," you think to yourself. You can't help the crude jealous feeling that comes back when you notice his new tooth gem. You'd known about it, having already seen the pictures of her and what's-her-face on Instagram. But seeing it in person just hit you differently. Before you could think too long, Grayson, as if sensing something was wrong, grabs your neck bringing you down to his level until your nose to nose. His hazel eyes scan your face slowly before bringing you in for a deep kiss, tongue slowly entering your mouth. You move to straddle him, lining up his dick to your center. As you slowly sink down, he breaks away from you to moan loudly, eyes shutting instantaneously. 

You moan, adjusting yourself to the sudden fullness before slowly rising up and down to bounce on his dick. Grayson watches for a few moments as your tits bounce up and down, before sitting up to take your right nipple into his mouth. You whine, clenching purposefully around his dick as you speed up. He lets go of your tit, moaning and reaching down to play with your clit. 

"Fuck, you ride my dick so good." He says breathlessly. Grayson can't help but realize how wrecked you look. Hair tangled, makeup smudged from taking his dick so well, and eyes rolling back in your head. It makes him dizzy, and he can't help but close his eyes to stop from cumming right there. 

"Cum for me." You beg raspily, throat already hurting from sucking his dick. 

"You first." He smirks, reaching down to play with your clit again. He plants his feet down and starts thrusting into you, game over then and there. Your moans begin to pick up in pitch and frequency, and before you know it, you're cumming all over his dick. 

"Fuck, Grayson," You whine, squeezing your eyes shut as he continues to jackhammer into you, not stopping for a second. He pulls you down to sloppily kiss you before feeling his own orgasm approaching. "Please cum for me. Want to feel it in me."

That does it for him, groaning as he cums straight into her. He slows down, stopping completely when he feels his orgasm die down. You both are silent for a second, processing what happened before you move to leave.

"I missed you, Y/N." He places a hand on your hip to stop you. You look down at him as he stares up at you, hoping to convince you to stay. 

"I know, but you seemed busy." You sigh. He only looks at you before responding. 

"I know, it was just family stuff." He stumbles through, lying straight through his teeth. You choose to ignore his lie and not to tell him that someone had sent you pictures of him and what's-her-face leaving some random party. 

"Please stay. I know you don't like to, but just tonight, please." He begs. 

And when you get a screenshot from your roommate about another girl getting a "you up?" text, you choose to ignore that too. 

[miraculouspenta]

Lights On The Ice

Day 22 & 24

@daminette-december2019-2020

Masterlist

Marinette and Damian glide gracefully on the ice, dancing along to the music and mouthing the song. The song Perfect Two and I'm Yours Mashup by Nettie and Nightshade suits them, Marinette wrote it for them after all. They were lost in their own world, their only focus each other. They were skating in an ice rink that Damian had rented privately, just for them

"That was wonderful beloved," Damian said once they finished. "You were amazing too," she said back, "So... Did you think about it?" Marinette was talking about figure skating showcase in a couple of months, 6 to be exact, it was on Christmas Eve. "Yes, I did," Damian said, "It sounds amusing, although I'm more concerned if you want to do it." "Dami, I wouldn't have suggested it if I'm not sure," she said pulling him down to give him a kiss, "but I appreciate the concern. So... Shall we surprise them with a concert." While Marinette was the main singer, that doesn't mean people didn't love her partner

His voice was deep and he appeared rarely making crowds wonder. In an interview, Nettie had admitted that Nightshade is her boyfriend, that made fans all over the world scream. They quickly became known as the power couple, both can command a stage with ease. Their songs reached the top charts quickly. Other than their these two were known for their ability to stay singing while doing some crazy stuff yet still managing to hit the notes right. Some thought they were lip syncing which was quickly proven wrong when they sang a capella.

This in particular, was going to be their reveal. Or for Damian, he was going to ask the big question, but Marinette doesn't know that. Let's skip forward shall we

It was the last participant before them and Jagged is so ready to go on stage and announce them. Damian had asked Alfred to make sure that one, a camera was recording and two, the whole family is there. Their masks in place, microphones tested, both are ready to glide on the ice. "Rock and roll Gotham City!" Jagged's voice boomed, "Our last participants of the night! Now let's welcome them shall we?! NETTIE AND NIGHTSHADE!!" The crowd roared, ecstatic for the surprise concert.

You can be the peanut butter to my jelly

You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly

You can be the captain

And I can be your first mate

You can be the chills that I feel on our first date

The tune to the song began and both started to move.

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill, but you're so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks

Now I'm trying to get back

Both once again were lost in their own world.

You know that I'll never doubt ya

And you know that I think about ya

And you know I can't live without ya

I love the way that you smile

And maybe in just a while

I can see me walk down the aisle

'She has no clue how true that line is,' Damian thought.

'Cause you're the apple to my pie

But I won't hesitate

You're the straw to my berry

No more, no more

You're the smoke to my high

It cannot wait, I'm yours

And you're the one I wanna marry

Nearing the end of the song, both did an axel jump and took of their masks revealing the one and only Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Damian Wayne. A camera zoomed at the rest of the Waynes perfectly capturing their shocked expressions.

'Cause your the one for me (for me)

Well open up your mind and see like me

And I'm the one for you (for u)

Open up your plans and damn you're free

You take the both of us (of us)

Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours

And were the perfect two

We're the perfect two

So please don't, please don't, please don't

We're the perfect two

There's no need to complicate

Baby me and you

Cause our time is short

And we're the perfect two

This, oh this, this is our fate

I'm yours

The song ended and the two pulled each other in for kiss. The crowd roared once more, but the surprises were not over yet.

Damian dropped one knee on the ice and pulled out a box. Marinette's hands flew up and covered her mouth in disbelief.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng, ever since you entered my life I have changed so much. You were always there when I needed advice or just needed support. You have shown me a world I never believed existed. Will you do me the honor, of being my Mrs. Wayne?"

"Yes!"

547 words (without lyrics)

Alqmsonxkqlqp, forgot to post, just so you know it's almost midnight right now.

XOXO

~𝓔𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓷

[gabagaba05]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[trashyswitch]

Please Go To Sleep...

Thomas is exhausted, and Remy won't leave him alone till he gets his latte. So, Remy decides to use one of his favorite persuasive tactics: tickling.

Well...I'm uploading this fanfic in Toronto. Why am I in Toronto? I have to get some tests on my heart. So...I'm risking my immunocompromised health in the Toronto General Hospital. I'll let you know how things went next time I post, or on Tumblr.

This is Tickletober Day 27: Favorite Spot

Thomas sighed as he laid in the bed in agitation.

“WOOOOO HOOOO! DANCE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHIN’!”

Thomas growled into his pillow.

“Come ON, THOMAS! DON’T BE SUCH A PARTY POOPER!”

Thomas flipped him off.

“HAHA! SEE, YOU GUYS? THOMAS IS HAVING FUN!”

Thomas flopped his hand onto his bed and covered his head with the covers.

“AWWWW! Is Thomas preparing to do the BLANKET WORM?! HELL YEAH! GO THOMAS GO!” Remy started jumping on the bed and fistpumping the air. “GO THOMAS GO! YOU CAN DO IT THOMAS!”

Thomas finally threw a pillow at the man.

Remy pushed the pillow off his own face. “...Well that was rude.” Remy gasped and whimpered to himself. “Thoooomaaaas! You spilt my LATTE!” Remy whined, screaming the word ‘Latte’ like a toddler.

“J-st c-njurrr up -nothrr ooonne.” Thomas said to Remy through his pillow.

“But- NO!” Remy threw the starbucks latte cup at Thomas.

It bonked against the back of Thomas’s head. “Ow” Thomas grunted, rubbing his head.

Remy threw a pair of keys at Thomas next. “WE ARE BUYING ME ANOTHER LATTE. RIGHT NOW.” Remy ordered.

The keys clanged against Thomas’s head, in the exact same spot. “Oooohohow. Remyyyyy!” Thomas whined, wincing and rubbing his head in pain.

“You RUINED MY LATTE! My other white SHIRT, is COVERED IN LATTE! I NEED MY LATTE, OR I’M GONNA HURT SOMEONE!” Remy ordered.

Thomas rolled his eyes and shoved his face further into his pillow. “Y-u kindaa diid.” Thomas muttered.

“GOOD.” Remy shouted. “IT’S ALREADY GETTING BAD THEN.” Remy added, before pouting and crossing his arms in anger.

Thomas scoffed at that. But then he sighed and picked himself up. He got off his bed and wrapped his arms around Remy’s waist. “Come on, Remy. It’s time to sleep.” Thomas told him, lightly resting his chin on Remy’s shoulder.

Remy shook his head. “Mm mm. Not until I get my latte.” Remy ordered.

Thomas groaned. “What about tomorrow?” Thomas offered.

“Earlier.” Remy ordered.

“I can wake up early to get one.” Thomas compromised.

“No you can’t.” Remy told him. “Besides: earlier.” Remy added.

Thomas sighed into his shoulder. “You are just begging for a midnight latte, huh?” Thomas clarified.

Remy whined and bounced impatiently. “Yeeeeeess!” Remy whined back.

“Hmm...You don’t think anything else will help you get into bed with me?” Thomas asked with a smirk.

Remy softened his expression a little, but quickly hardened his expression. “No.”

Thomas smiled and slowly started to pull Remy along into bed. “If we sleep, we can dream about a latte factory.” Thomas offered.

Remy blinked in confusion. “...There are latte factories?” Remy asked.

Thomas shrugged his shoulders and made an ‘I dunno’ humming sound. “Might be.” Thomas told him. “Maybe we can discuss it in bed?” Thomas suggested.

Remy narrowed his eyes and looked away from the man. “No. Not without my latte.” Remy ordered.

Thomas blinked in surprise. He was truly being stubborn tonight. Were latte’s really that important to him?

Remy pulled away from him and turned to face the tired Thomas. “Listen, Thomas. If you don’t get me my Latte, I might need to force you.” Remy warned.

Thomas sniffed a laugh. “And how are you gonna do that?” Thomas asked him, crossing his arms in amusement.

Remy growled in anger, but quickly dropped his behaviour when he found an interesting feature on Thomas:

Thomas’s chest was bare. That gave him ideas to use the most playful, yet strategic version of persuading: tickling.

Remy started to feel a smirk growing on his face as he leaned into Thomas’s ear. “By taking advantage of your bare body.” Remy whispered proudly before pulling Thomas into his own chest. Thomas giggled and rested his head back on Remy’s shoulder, while Remy wrapped his arms around his waist.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Cuhuhuddling? Your forceful strategy is cuddling?” Thomas specified.

Remy hummed. “Not quite. Close, tho.” Remy replied before lightly poking and skittering his fingers on Thomas’s belly.

Thomas wiggles around a bit and let out slight titters. “Rehemy...wahahahit-” Thomas giggled, wiggling even more before breaking out of his grip.

“What? I’m just giving you belly rubs.” Remy told him as he pulled the man back into his arms.

Thomas yelped and squealed as more of his belly and ribs were poked and squeezed. He knew EXACTLY what Remy was up to, and he was NOT having it. Thomas started wiggling about even more, and struggled in an attempt to get out of his grip once again. But Remy had pulled Thomas further into his chest, locked him in with his arms, and took a big breath:

PBBFFFBBBBTT!

“aaAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! EEHEHEHEHEHE!” Thomas screamed and bursted out laughing.

“Ooooh! Ticklish, I see?” Remy asked with an obvious smile on his face.

Yeheah. You know that already though! You’re a version of me!” Thomas told him as he tried to get away.

“Doesn’t mean I knew how ticklish you are. Especially your neck!” Remy teased, fluttering his fingers on Thomas’s neck.

“Mmhmhmhmhmhehehehehahahahahaha!” Thomas giggled.

“Awww! Coochy coochy coo, my party killer!” Remy teased. He blew another raspberry onto Thomas’s neck.

“NOOOHOHOHO! STAHPIHIHIHIT!” Thomas begged.

“But why would I stop when you were being so rude earlier to me? I think Thomas needs more tickles~” Remy decided with a smirk.

Remy gently walked Thomas to the bed and laid Thomas onto the end of the bed on his back. Remy was standing above him and wiggling his fingers at him in an evil, anticipating manner. Thomas’s face grew red almost instantly as he tried to stop the man or tickle him back. But his sides were a no-go, and his armpits were not even ticklish.

Remy’s smirk widened. “Not ticklish, Thomas~” Remy sing-songed as he poked Thomas’s belly button.

Thomas let out a shriek and attempted to cover it up. But Remy grabbed Thomas’s dominant hand and pinned it to his side with his left, while he dipped and fluttered his finger inside Thomas’s navel. “NAHAHAHAHAHAHA! REHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAT MYHYHYHY BEHEHEHE- BEHEHEH- NOHOHOHOHO!” Thomas yelled.

“Not your ‘beEeEe’? What’s a ‘bEeEe’?” Remy asked. Thomas shook his head in frustration, while Remy thought. Suddenly, Remy gasped and snapped his finger like he connected the dots! “Ooooh! Do you mean your belly button?!” Remy asked. Thomas looked away, embarrassed. “It’s because I LOVE belly buttons! They’re so tiny, but FILLED with ticklish nerves just waiting to be plucked and played to my enjoyment!” Remy teased as he poked and scratched in his belly button.

Thomas giggled and whined as he covered up his face with his free hand.

Remy giggled as he continued. “Is poor Tommy too embarrassed to say the b-word?” Remy teased.

“BITCH!” Someone yelled suddenly, prompting Remy to stop

Remy and Thomas blinked in surprise and turned their heads to the source of the sound. Hidden behind the dresser, was a mustached version of Thomas, who was shirtless and dawned a white highlight in his hair.

“Is bitch the word you were talking about?” Remus asked, holding up a yipping chihuahua.

Remy sighed and proceeded to ignore him by tickling Thomas’s belly button to make him laugh again. Thomas’s red blush was right back onto his face in seconds as he squeaked and laughed while pushing Remy with his free left hand.

Remus’s smile dropped as he realized what they were doing wasn't dirty whatsoever. In fact, it was the complete opposite. So, Remus rolled his eyes and lowered himself back into the imagination.

Remy chuckled. “Wow! If tickling is the hidden key to getting Remus to leave, we should tickle you more often!” Remy told him. Thomas shook his head instinctively as his pushing against Remy weakened and lessened. The tickling was weakening him to the point where he couldn’t even push his own sleep persona off himself! “Uh oh...looks like someone is weeeaaakeniiing~” Remy teased.

Thomas tried to cover half his face up in the bed comforter. “NOOOOHOHOHOhohohoho!” Thomas yelled.

“Oooohoho, I think it iiiiis! Are the tickle-tickle-tickles on your belly-belly button making you all weak and giggly?” Remy teased, going for his sides to lessen the tickles a bit.

“KIHIHIhihihindahahaha…” Thomas admitted.

Remy tsked to himself. “Well, looks like I accidentally gave you what you wanted then.” Remy told him. Remy stopped tickling him and wiped away the ghost tickles as well. “I suppose I can wait till tomorrow morning to get my latte.” Remy decided.

Thomas let out a sigh of relief as he recovered from the one-sided tickle fight. “Ohoho boy...okay.” Thomas replied.

Remy tilted his head. “You okay?” Remy asked him.

Thomas chuckled and leaned his head back on the bed. “Yeah.” He replied. Thomas reaches his arms out to Remy, silently asking him for a hug.

Remy nodded his head eagerly and hugged him without even thinking. Thomas happily hugged the man and cuddled him. Remy smiled. “Feeling cuddly now?” Remy asked.

Thomas grunted tiredly. “Mm hmm…” He kinda replied. Remy started to feel his eyes slowly getting a little heavy. He watched Thomas as he closed his eyes and began shallowly sleeping. He was too self-conscious to try and move now, because he may wake Thomas up by accident. As much as he wanted his latte…Thomas’s sleep mattered just a little more to him. He was Thomas’s sleep, after all. There were times when Thomas used to ignore Remy’s begs to go to sleep. But now that Thomas was an adult, he listened to Thomas more. In fact tonight, Thomas had to encourage Remy to head to bed! Talk about irony.

When Remy and Thomas woke up the next morning, it was 9am. Thomas smiled and gave Remy a forehead kiss. “Good morning Remy.” He greeted him.

Remy immediately shot up and pulled the covers off himself. “LATTE HERE WE COME!” Remy shouted, scooting himself out of bed and pulling his shoes on.

Thomas bursted out laughing. “Come here, you go-getter!” Thomas ordered playfully, wrapping his arms around Remy’s chest and pulling him back into bed. “NoOoOoOo!” Remy whined childishly, squirming about. “Come ooooonnn Thomas! I want my Latte! I waited all night for it like a good boy!” Remy begged.

“Nope! Not happening. First, I need my morning revenge.” Thomas explained proudly, wiggling his fingers at him.

“WAIT- NAAHAHAHAHA! THOHOHOHOM!” Remy shouted.

A HA! So you ARE TICKLISH! I was just going for the wrong SPOT!” Thomas declared.

...Let’s just say Remy’s morning latte ended up being an hour later than usual.

[uwua3]

bunnie!!! ur mind!!! the songs fit each member so well omg,,, i kept singing each song lmao,,, also may i present to u: spring day for tsumugi and tasuku (esp for before + start of winter troupe main story) 👀

now this... this is what i wanted someone to REQUEST!!! i had to take a break from writing an angst song fic to write ANOTHER angst song fic because i genuinely love this prompt so much!!! thank you so much for reading my mind, pines, omg!!! it’s good to see you again~ also, i like your blue theme!

summary: tsumugi came back to him like the first snow of every winter

warnings: break ups, hatred, heartbreak

author’s note: ok tala already basically wrote out the plot for me but here we go ~ Angst ~ for the boys and it’ll be a song fic, so expect it to follow the lyrics! i wrote this with the canon idea in mind that tasuku and tsumugi are ex–boyfriends turned lovers again so don’t be surprised from the #Gay~ happy pride!

sometimes, you’re with the right person at the wrong time. if they come back, it’s meant to be and it’ll be okay ♡ remember, communication is key!

word count: 6,509

music: spring day (jpn) – bts

spring day.

❄️📚⚽️ tsukioka tsumugi x takoto tasuku

I MISS YOU, SAYING THIS MAKES ME MISS YOU EVEN MORE,

I MISS YOU, EVEN THOUGH I’M LOOKING AT YOUR PHOTO

TIME’S SO CRUEL, I HATE US

SEEING EACH OTHER FOR ONCE IS NOW SO HARD BETWEEN US

Tsumugi was gone, like he never existed.

Every trace of him that was ever in Tasuku’s life was gone, there was nothing left. The apartment was left empty, bare, lifeless; it felt nothing like home, not anymore. When Tasuku searched the apartment, there was truly nothing that resembled any evidence Tsumugi was even alive. It was as if, he didn’t want Tasuku to remember him. To forget, to ignore the person he had shared his entire life with.

Tasuku paused at the one sign Tsumugi was real: the single framed picture near the front door. It was placed on the counter, the same stand where the couple would drop their keys at so they knew where everything was. Tasuku wanted to hear the sound of the metal clattering against the ceramic bowl Tsumugi crafted in pottery class, to hear Tsumugi affectionately call out, “I’m home!”, and for his brown peacoat jacket to be hung on the hook behind the door. Tasuku wanted Tsumugi to come back.

When Tasuku picked up the picture, his hand was shaking. Tasuku remembered this exact frame: the day he realized he was in love with his best friend. Tsumugi’s blue eyes were staring straight at the Tasuku with an indescribable look, an expression created and meant for Tasuku only. Characters closer than rehearsal called for, like they were the only two people in the world. It was moments before Tasuku had leaned in and kissed his co–star on stage on opening night, going against the script and changing the rest of his life forever.

Tsumugi looked alive. Real, like he could’ve just had him forever right then and there. A tear dropped onto the glass, running down the frame before Tasuku covered his mouth with his free hand, falling down to his knees as he held the photo to his chest. He couldn’t help but cry, cry for all the years he had spent loving someone who just left. Being in love with a man who woke up and took everything with him, disappearing into thin air. All Tasuku had left of Tsumugi were the memories, and this single picture.

Tasuku exhaled, his breath coming out short and ragged as he stared at the picture again despite knowing every detail. He could feel everything: the intense heat of the stagelights upon them, the shocked stares of the cast and murmurs backstage, the overwhelming applause and standing ovation from the crowd after the scene. The way Tsumugi couldn’t let go of his hand, trembling under the sudden attention but never faltering.

Tasuku remembered how he stood in front of Tsumugi anytime someone questioned it, feeling his gentle touch at the base of his back for comfort. The endless lingering stares in practice, the unanswered questions about how this happened, the kiss on stage that was too real. How that night, Tsumugi pulled them into the apartment for more like he couldn’t wait anymore after all these years just to say, “I love you, Ta–chan”.

Tasuku’s tears streamed down his face silently, for once feeling the anguish and heartbreak his roles felt. The abandoned apartment was only Tasuku’s, like Tsumugi didn’t spend the last three years living with him. It was as if, Tsumugi never loved him.

Tasuku loved Tsumugi, so, so much.

IT’S ALL WINTER HERE, EVEN IN AUGUST

MY HEART IS RUNNING ON THE TIME

ALONE ON THE SNOWPIERCER

WANNA GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE EARTH, HOLDING YOUR HAND

Tasuku was gone, and it was all his fault.

Tsumugi gripped the ticket in his hand, staring down the luggage he hastily packed. It was nearly bursting at the seams as he fiddled with the buckles, making sure nothing could hold him back from leaving his home. Nothing could keep Tsumugi from staying, as he silenced his phone and pocketed it away, missing the tens of calls and hundreds of text messages from his one and only. Tsumugi knew if he even checked for a second, he’d come running back to the man he loved most only to fail him again.

Tsumugi leaned back in his seat in the waiting area, surrounded by few, none of whom recognized him. How could they, when he had given up on succeeding as an actor like a coward? Tsumugi pulled up the collar of his jacket, slouching into his coat to hide from the rest of the world. He didn’t deserve to show his face, not after everything he did to Tasuku.

Tasuku would’ve woken up by now to go on his morning run. Tsumugi was supposed to beg him not to go, wanting the warmth to stay in bed just a little longer. Tasuku was supposed to firmly say no, give a kiss on the cheek as compensation, but come back much sooner than expected with a pretty flower he picked for Tsumugi. Tsumugi would get up and put in a vase, and the two would share breakfast together like always. It was the same for the past three years, Tsumugi felt his stomach rumble, he wasn’t a fan of breaking routine.

Tsumugi stared at his ticket, luckily recognizing the location he picked. He had to go, to leave, to abandon everything he had here with Tasuku that he impulsively arrived at the station with nothing but a suitcase and hopes for amnesia. However, it could’ve helped if Tsumugi even knew where this town was in Japan exactly, where his new start would be. He just knew it was far enough, and Tasuku would never find him there.

Tsumugi couldn’t help but think of how Tasuku must have been doing. Was he okay? Did he just think Tsumugi was out doing random errands? They were low on eggs, that could’ve bought him some time. Yet, some part of him, some selfish, undeserving fraction of his heart, wanted Tasuku to be running to the train station and taking him home. Back into his arms and safe from every insecurity Tsumugi ever had, Tsumugi wanted to come home.

As Tsumugi stood up, clutching his luggage with him and turning towards the exit to apologize to his boyfriend, the automated voice overheard announced his train was leaving in five minutes. Tsumugi stopped, the crowd pushing against his direction as they all headed towards the train. Tsumugi slowly turned too, forcing himself towards the entrance as he looked back once. Tasuku wasn’t there, maybe he didn’t want him to come back.

Tsumugi entered the train and found his seat, refusing to look out of his window. If he did, he would’ve saw Tasuku sprinting down the train station corridors and missing the train that took off.

If only, Tsumugi closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window as he sat alone, he was enough for Tasuku.

But, he wasn’t. Not now.

WANNA PUT AN END TO THIS WINTER

HOW MUCH LONGING SHOULD WE SEE SNOWING DOWN, TO HAVE THE DAYS OF SPRING, FRIEND?

When Tasuku departed the train station, out of breath from his fastest mile time yet, it began to snow. God must’ve hated him, wanted him to suffer, because Tasuku dropped down onto a bench for cover and stared at the snowflakes. He thought about how Tsumugi would’ve reacted, knowing how much his lover adored the winter season.

It was when Tsumugi’s timid, shy voice would amplify when he discussed anything he loved (did Tsumugi ever do that when the topic approached Tasuku?). Tsumugi would excitedly rave about the Christmas lights decorating the mall plaza that illuminated every shadow on his face in a rainbow of colors, the peppermint candy cane in his hot chocolate with those tiny marshmallows Tasuku always found too sweet but pretended to like anyways, even the minature train set up for the little kids to ride on and the fake but enthusiastic Santa sitting on a throne (Tsumugi liked reminding everyone Tasuku believed in Santa until third grade, much to his embarrassment).

Most importantly, Tsumugi loved the snow. When the first snow came, Tsumugi dropped everything he was doing to run outside and take it all in. More than once, Tasuku had to follow his boyfriend and attempt to convince Tsumugi to come inside or else he’d get sick. But, when Tasuku saw the white snowflakes surrounded Tsumugi’s midnight blue hair like a halo, the youthful energy building in his wide, happy eyes, and the way Tsumugi’s cheeks were flushed just waiting to be adored, Tasuku would stay outside for his angel even if it meant nursing him back to health.

Tasuku reached his hand out, feeling the soft embrace of the snow upon his fingertips. Was this a sign Tsumugi was still with him? Or, was this the universe’s fucked–up way of telling him to move on? His hand started shaking again, Tasuku dropped it to his side, wondering if it was because the temperature dropped significantly or he was still experiencing the side–effects of an anxiety attack. Frustrated, Tasuku wiped the tears off his face as he took out his phone and tried again. It went straight to voicemail, and Tasuku blinked away the remaining tears as he looked up at the grey clouds.

“Hello~ This is Tsukioka Tsumugi, I’m so sorry for not responding! If you have a message, please share at this beep! Beep~”

Tasuku hung onto every word, pretending like Tsumugi was next to him admiring the snow with awe. But, he wasn’t, not now or not ever for the next few years. Tasuku shivered, steeling his face as he sadly stared at the snow, wishing it wasn’t winter.

“Look outside. It’s the first snow.” Tasuku simply stated before hanging up, standing up and leaving the station. Tasuku didn’t look back, there was nothing for him left anymore, not even Tsumugi.

The snow seemed to follow him home, Tasuku wondered if the snow would bring Tsumugi back to him. Back home, back to him.

LIKE THE TINY DUST FLOATING IN THE AIR

WILL I GET TO YOU FASTER, IF I WAS THE SNOW IN THE AIR?

Tsumugi woke up just a hour later, awaken by the train chugging along the icy tracks as the passengers murmured something about the cold. Blinking slowly, Tsumugi adjusted his eyes to the darkened sky as he watched the urban city transform into a rural, country landscape. Yet, no matter where he went, there was snow.

Sitting up, Tsumugi pressed his face against the glass as he giddily admired the first snow of the winter season. He turned to the empty seat next to him, a big smile on his tired face.

“Ta–chan, look—” Tsumugi started, before his voice faded off to silence. An awkward, sheepish laugh left his lips when Tsumugi noticed the train attendant was shooting odd glances at him, though he expected some reaction since Tsumugi was an adult talking to nothing. Tsumugi shuffled back to look through the window, but it wasn’t the same. When was the last time he had experienced the first snow alone? Tasuku was always with him, but not anymore.

The snow swirled like it was a graceful waltz, and Tsumugi fondly remembered him and Tasuku’s first dance. It was perhaps a year into living together as roommates, and it was much later than they had anticipated. The radio was on, classical music a low hum in the background as Tasuku and Tsumugi studied their new scripts. It was another college play and the two were meant to learn ballroom dancing for their roles.

Tsumugi remembered the way Tasuku’s large frame let Tsumugi rest his head comfortably on his chest, the way their hands perfectly fit together, how they swayed in their empty kitchen like they were married. Tsumugi faintly traced his lips, remembering how Tasuku was about to lean in when he looked down, but Tsumugi had laughed and pushed him away, talking about how Tasuku always got too serious and connected to his characters. He regretted it, he should’ve kissed Tasuku back then.

Tsumugi finally broke down, trying to keep in his sobs as he tried to focus on the snow. He curled into a fetal position on the seat, closing his jacket around his mouth as he slammed his eyes shut. He knew his sniffles couldn’t be heard over the train operating, so he cried underneath the first snow.

Tsumugi didn’t even kiss Tasuku before he left forever.

SNOWFLAKES FALL DOWN AND GET FARTHER AWAY LITTLE BY LITTLE

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU

HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT AND HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS DO I HAVE TO SPEND TO SEE YOU, TO MEET YOU

Tsumugi stepped into the snow. After thanking the train conductor and checking out, the quiet town was covered in snow by the time he arrrived. It was still early afternoon, the tall skyscrapers and bustling citylife were gone, it was quiet now. This would be his community for the rest of his life, just hours away from his home. He was about to become a new person, but, how could he when the snow followed wherever he was?

Tsumugi stood at the entrance, not blocking anyone’s way since no one was there to begin with. It was just him underneath the roof of the station, waiting by the route map for a bus. It should be here in the next thirty minutes, so Tsumugi leaned against the exterior with a sigh, his breath soldifying mid–air. It was cold, frozen almost and Tsumugi’s hands felt like ice from being outside. It was winter, after all.

Fidgeting, Tsumugi shifted back and forth as he tried to find something to look at other than the snow. But, the vast land stretched for miles, buried in white like a snow globe. There was nothing here, and Tsumugi was afraid there was nothing for him as well.

A buzz. It caught Tsumugi’s attention as he impulsively checked his phone despite his rule not to. The silence must’ve turned off after a certain amount of time, as Tsumugi scrolled through the notifications bar. Just some colleagues congratulating him on his move, and family members requesting postcards. That was it, Tsumugi was about to close out of the messages before he noticed a number he memorized near the voicemail section.

Tsumugi pressed speaker, putting the phone next to his ear as he heard the stomp of work boots against the snow. And then, a quiet shudder, like a breath he held in for too long. Tasuku spoke but it sounded far away, like he really wasn’t there anymore.

“Look outside. It’s the first snow.” The line ended and Tsumugi blinked, trying to keep his tears in but he was so exhausted. Tsumugi dropped down to sit against the wall, sobbing loudly with no one to hear him for miles. Tsumugi held the phone to his chest, replaying the voicemail over and over again just to hear the love of his life’s voice. The same as always, never–changing and serious like his life depended on it.

Tsumugi cried and cried under the first snow until his bus arrived, the driver staring at him with something of concern. Tsumugi pushed himself back up at the sound of the bus stopping and gripped his bag, heading up the stairs and trying to pay the fare respectfully. A single word wasn’t exchanged, but the driver simply shook his head and gestured for him to go sit anywhere he wanted.

Tsumugi was too tired to insist on paying, just numbly nodded and rested his head against the window.

He wondered if Tasuku was looking at the same sky as him right now.

PASSING BY THE EDGE OF COLD WINTER

UNTIL THE DAYS OF SPRING, UNTIL THE DAYS OF FLOWER BLOSSOMS

PLEASE STAY, PLEASE STAY THERE A LITTLE LONGER

Tasuku called Tsumugi every day until the number was changed. He had left voicemails updating Tsumugi of his day, his days that were all the same. Every time Tasuku tried to apologize, his pride couldn’t make him say sorry without sounding like he was being forced, so he didn’t. Tasuku didn’t insist Tsumugi to come home, only to stay safe and take his time.

Tasuku told Tsumugi about their favorite theatre holding another play, one which he would have gotten front row tickets for. About how strangely quiet it was, not having to keep a watering of plants schedule anymore, having to wake up and go to sleep alone, not knowing where Tsumugi was. Tasuku spoke more than he ever did back then, knowing if this was his only way to be in touch with Tsumugi, he was going to take it and run like hell.

It was mid–winter early morning, and Tasuku was running, phone against his ear as he instinctually nearly picked a flower to bring home. He stopped, slightly panting as he waited for Tsumugi’s typical voicemail, but it didn’t beep. Instead, it was an automated voice, informing him this number was currently inactive.

Tasuku realized, that number was one of the only things he had left of Tsumugi.

Tasuku hung up, in disbelief as he pocketed his phone. Did he even listen to his voicemails? Where was he? Why couldn’t he just answer? Tasuku was about to phone Tsumugi again just to make sure, but one look at his contact picture was enough to make him stop and put it away. He knew too much about Tsumugi, but he had never felt this confused about someone in his entire life. Was this, for the best? Why did he change his number? Was this a sign?

Perhaps, it was finally time to move on, as the snow fell around Tasuku.

IS IT YOU WHO CHANGED, OR IS IT ME?

I HATE THIS MOMENT, THIS TIME FLOWING BY

WE ARE CHANGED, YOU KNOW

JUST LIKE EVERYONE YOU KNOW

Tsumugi tried to moved on, forgetting all about his past as he buried himself in his work and need to just ignore his past. He regularly updated his family on his predicament, claiming it was his mid–life crisis despite being in his early twenties. None of them asked about Tasuku, it was like they knew what had happened between them. Tsumugi built himself a life on a lie, conversing well with co–workers but coming back to an empty apartment at the end of the day.

At night, that’s when Tsumugi thought about Tasuku the most. Laying in bed through the sleepless nights without any want to close his eyes. How could he when all Tsumugi could see was Tasuku, Tasuku who he left because he was scared. Tsumugi stared up at the ceiling, the moonlight coming in through his open window as the curtains swayed slightly in the wind. The room was blue, and so was Tsumugi.

Leaving wasn’t planned, but it wasn’t a quick decision, either. Tsumugi remembered it all, falling in love with his best friend which he wasn’t worthy of. It was the night before everything changed, the last argument they had together. It was late, so late Tsumugi couldn’t keep his eyes open without crying when Tasuku raised his voice. He knew he didn’t mean to, he knew that now.

But back then, Tsumugi was so scared and trembling and terrified of how big Tasuku was. How intense he was with everything he said, the unrelenting passion burning and fueling Tasuku to do everything he did. Tasuku was fire, uncontrollable, raging flames that over time, melted Tsumugi to be nothing but a weak form of who he used to be.

“Tsumugi, why do you always give up like this? You can’t quit, you can’t keep doing this!” Tasuku demanded an answer, slamming his fist down on the kitchen table as he stood up, making Tsumugi flinch in his usual seat. When Tsumugi had told Tasuku they needed to talk, he didn’t expect this. Not the burning anger in Tasuku’s eyes, like this was the ultimate betrayal: to quit acting.

“I... I’m so sorry, Ta–chan.” Tsumugi tried to smile, but his form was shaking. He was shivering despite waking up in the middle of the night in Tasuku’s arms. Tasuku scoffed, like this whole situation was unbelievable, like he didn’t even know who Tsumugi was.

“We—you promised we’d be acting on the same stage together, to be in the same troupe together, do you remember that?” Tasuku spoke, all the frustrations he hid inside him coming out and singing every corner of Tsumugi’s stability. Tsumugi nodded carefully, trying to hide his shaky hands underneath the table as he gripped the base of the chair. He couldn’t start crying, not right now, not in front of Tasuku.

“I know, but I can’t. Not anymore, not when I can’t be the actor you want me to be.” Tsumugi tried to reason, but Tasuku just became even angrier. Like, this was the worst possible thing he could have ever said to him. Tsumugi wanted to reach out and flatten the creases on Tasuku’s forehead, gently cup his face with his trembling hands just to show he still loved him. But when Tsumugi tried to move closer, Tasuku held his hand up, like he couldn’t bear being anywhere near Tsumugi.

“Why do you keep doing this? Why... when we’re happy together?” Tasuku asked, but even he sounded unsure. Was Tsumugi happy with this relationship? Was this why he was quitting? Tsumugi didn’t say anything, just stared at his lover in silence with the pain of a thousand lifetimes. As if, this was his breaking point. Like, acting was slowly killing him to the point he had to run away. Or was it their relationship that pushed Tsumugi away? Did it go too fast? Was it not enough?

“What does this mean for us?” Tsumugi finally choked out, clearing his throat at his voice crack towards the end. The clock ticked, onward and onward even though it felt like time stopped. Tasuku just shook his head and went back into the bathroom. Tsumugi knew, this was the end.

Before Tasuku went, he stopped at the entrance and looked at Tsumugi, with something of tiredness and love all at once. Like, there was still a chance. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow morning, okay?” Tasuku offered, not questioning a thing when Tsumugi nodded with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Tsumugi stayed in the kitchen, keeping in his sobs as he let the tears finally fall down his face. He didn’t know ending his career would feel like the end of his first and only relationship.

Tsumugi went into their shared bedroom after he composed himself, but had to hang onto the door frame when he saw Tasuku was sleeping again, just with dried tears on his pillow. Tsumugi couldn’t do this to Tasuku, not when he couldn’t be the best actor for his boyfriend.

So, Tsumugi just took the suitcase he packed beforehand in case worst came to worst, he didn’t expect to use it. Tsumugi quietly was about to leave the bedroom, but looked back, wanting nothing more than to go back to bed and pretend like this break up never happened. He knew how much Tasuku must’ve been hurting, to have all these years acting together thrown away. Tsumugi couldn’t be selfish this time, not anymore, and left without another word.

Tsumugi always remembered it, how Tasuku cried himself to sleep because Tsumugi quit. That was all he could do, give up when it became too hot. That’s all he always did, nothing changed.

Tsumugi listened to the voicemails one last time, crying into his pillow as he heard the man he loved’s voice echo in his bedroom. He knew, he had to let go, to force Tasuku to move on. How could Tasuku love him after all this time, when he wasn’t the person he thought Tsumugi was? Which life was a lie, this one or the one where he acted on stage with Tasuku?

When Tsumugi changed his number, he didn’t look back. He had to move on, too, even if he was still in love with his best friend. Tsumugi would never see Tasuku again, knowing he was somewhere living his dream of acting was enough, that was more than enough. Tsumugi closed his eyes as the snow embraced him, falling delicately upon his eyelashes as a single tear dropped to the ground.

Tsumugi promised one day, he would see Tasuku on stage again.

YES I HATE YOU, YOU LEFT ME

BUT I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT YOU, NOT EVEN A DAY

HONESTLY I MISS YOU, BUT I’LL ERASE YOU

‘CAUSE IT HURTS LESS THAN TO BLAME YOU

Tasuku couldn’t move on. Not when he didn’t know where his boyfriend disappeared to, not when no one refused to tell him anything and lied their way out of the situation. It was as if everybody knew but Tasuku, as if he wasn’t that important to know to begin with. He couldn’t accept that Tsumugi was gone, that he was somewhere else out of his reach.

Recently, Tasuku started sleeping sooner just to dream of his face again. But it had been so long, that even small details he cherished were beginning to become blurry, faded even. It was better than nothing, pretending the love of his life was still here with him. Like he never left, like he had no reason to leave.

Why did he leave? Tasuku came home from practice and slammed the door that night, shaking the room as he entered. Without warning, glass shattered next to his feet as a picture frame fell. Tasuku picked it up with his bare hands, ignoring the sudden cut he got on his fingers as he gripped the frame tightly, staring at the picture with a sudden anger. Rage, undeniable, full–blown frustration that boiled ever since Tsumugi left. Something Tasuku had been avoiding to confront, something he didn’t want to do to avoid satisfying the demons.

But, Tasuku was so angry. Why did Tsumugi quit acting without telling him before the decision? Didn’t he trust him, why didn’t he trust him? Tasuku swore, kicking the pieces of glass to fly across the floor. What did he do wrong? Why wasn’t he worthy of Tsumugi’s love? Tasuku was shaking with rage, staring at Tsumugi’s photographed face and wondering if everything the angel convinced him of was a ploy, a fabricated web of lies that trapped him like a fool. Did Tsumugi even love him? Why did he lie about tomorrow morning? Why did he leave?

Why did he quit on them?

Tasuku shouted, releasing all the pent–up grief inside him as he threw the frame at the wall with a sickening thud, watching as it smashed even more. Why did he quit? Why, why, why? If only they talked the next morning, maybe Tasuku could’ve persuaded him to keep going, to stay with him, to not give up. Tasuku carefully went over to the photo, pulling out of the frame as he held it with both hands, sadly staring at Tsumugi. This was all he had left of him.

Tasuku tried to rip it in half, but his hands didn’t move. There was nothing he could have done, he couldn’t bring himself to break his heart even more. Tasuku let out a strangled sob, letting the picture flutter to the floor as he roughly pushed his own tears away, hating how tired he was from crying so much.

This was all he had left of Tsumugi, but maybe he didn’t want it anymore. Tasuku caught sight of the nightly snow. Maybe, he had to move on or else there would be nothing left for him.

Wherever Tsumugi was, it wasn’t with Tasuku, and that was the greatest betrayal of all.

I TRY TO EXHALE YOU IN PAIN, LIKE SMOKE, LIKE WHITE SMOKE

I SAY THAT I’LL ERASE YOU, BUT I CAN’T REALLY LET YOU GO YET

Tsumugi sat back row, farthest away from the stage years later. It was closing night for God Troupe, unforeseeably Tasuku’s last show for the troupe as Tsumugi watched with tears. Tasuku had grown so much, got even stronger and had the same stoic, serious persona as always. But his passion was even more electric, more intense, and more fiery all at once. It burned every time Tasuku immersed his entire soul in his character and it was like he wasn’t even himself anymore. Tsumugi almost didn’t recognize him, but his heart called out like it was still in love.

Tsumugi needed closure, just one last time he’d see his best friend. Although years had passed, Tsumugi still loved him and thought of Tasuku every time. He knew Tasuku didn’t feel the same, at least, not anymore. But, he promised himself that he would see Tasuku on stage again, Tsumugi couldn’t keep breaking his honor anymore, he had to keep this word. Tsumugi thought about his life, and how it was split between life before and after Tasuku, but no matter which stage he was at, Tasuku was always there.

Tasuku was always there, but not Tsumugi. Tsumugi left on his own accord, and to this day, he regretted it. As the show ended and Tasuku took a graceful bow towards the audience, Tsumugi gripped the bouquet of flowers in his hands as he shook, hiding behind the audience giving a standing ovation. There was no way in his right mind he could walk up and expect Tasuku to accept him back into his life, because that was unfair. To come back after all these years, not anymore, he had his wish fulfilled, now it was time to leave again.

Before Tsumugi could leave into the train station and disappear into the night, a flyer flew across the sky as it landed directly in front of Tsumugi’s feet. As he was about to board the train, Tsumugi picked it up and read the title, auditions for a threatre troupe named Mankai. He had seen their Autumn Troupe play, and it even made him want to step onto stage again. The doors were about to close, about to take Tsumugi away from Veludo Way and Tasuku forever. He didn’t know what possessed him to do so, but Tsumugi quickly departed and hurried out of the station. Auditions were tomorrow, something told him he had to be there.

Tsumugi stared at the white roses, feeling the thorns pierce his palm as he exhaled into the frigid air. It was about to be winter again, after all these years, he’d have his first snow under the same sky as Tasuku again.

Tsumugi couldn’t leave again, not now. Tsumugi wanted to be worthy of giving white roses to Tasuku.

YOU KNOW IT ALL, YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND

THE MORNING WILL COME AGAIN, NO DARKNESS, NO SEASON IS ETERNAL

Practice was tense with everything left unsaid between the two leads. Tasuku and Tsumugi saw each other after a street act, and the rest was unexplained history. The moment Tsumugi saw his ex–boyfriend, he winced when Tasuku glared at him with all the hatred in the world. He knew he deserved it, but it didn’t hurt any less.

Nothing could have indicated Tasuku still loved him: every time Tsumugi walked into a room, he’d leave muttering about the burden he had to carry, when Tsumugi was talking, he looked like he wasn’t listening, sometimes when Tsumugi acted, Tasuku wasn’t even connected to his character and would just refuse to cooperate. It was hurting the play, Tsumugi didn’t know what to do as the leader of Winter Troupe but also as a lovesick liar in love with his best friend.

Tasuku was rightfully angry. He had been angry ever since he broke that picture frame, it was the official end of their relationship. Tasuku never thought he’d see Tsumugi’s face again on Veludo Way, not after missing each and every single one of his God Troupe shows. Here he was, claiming his place in Tasuku’s broken heart like he had never left. But, he did. Tsumugi did leave and abandon him to the city, giving no answers and only raising more questions after all these years. How could he come back after all he did? Tasuku was angry, but he didn’t know if he was spiteful towards what happened between them or scared that Tsumugi might run away again.

Every time Tsumugi acted, it was like they were back in college all over again. Tsumugi never changed despite his multiple years of being on break, his acting style was subdued and simple, subtle but honest, it carried more feeling than Tasuku could ever describe. They were opposites, Tasuku was not everflowing like water, he wasn’t adaptable and constant like a river bend, but crackling with energy and passion like a flame. Maybe, that’s why Tsumugi left, so he wouldn’t extinguish both of them.

When Tsumugi looked into his eyes at the practice room, Tasuku’s breath hitched in his throat as he didn’t pay attention to the script, staring back with nothing but coldness. Frigid like the winter Tsumugi loved so much, maybe if he was just as freezing and indifferent, Tsumugi would still love him.

“You’re my best friend—” Tsumugi started but Tasuku turned on his heel and left without warning, slamming the door behind him as he ran. Ran to wherever was far away from his best friend. He wanted it to be true so bad, but not when he could be abandoned again without mercy.

Tasuku didn’t want to leave, but he had to or else he’d want to stay forever with Tsumugi. If Tsumugi left this time, he didn’t know how he’d move on this time.

MAYBE IT’S CHERRY BLOSSOMS AND THIS WINTER WILL BE OVER

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU

WAIT A LITTLE BIT, JUST A FEW MORE NIGHTS

I’LL BE THERE TO SEE YOU, I’LL GO THERE TO MEET YOU

I’LL COME FOR YOU

Tsumugi was gone, again.

When Tasuku woke up from a nightmare of their last fight again to an empty dorm, his heart nearly stopped as he scrambled out of bed, flipping Tsumugi’s duvet over to find nothing but wrinked sheets. He couldn’t have left, how dare he? Leave when he had Winter Troupe under his name, after years of not seeing each other, how could he—Tasuku looked towards the window and stopped, staring outside as the moonlight illuminated the cold night sky in Veludo Way.

It was the first snow of winter.

Tasuku knew what he had to do, old habits die hard, after all. Tasuku didn’t bother putting a coat on, just rushing outside leaving the door open as he ran to the courtyard, snow crunching underneath his feet as he paused at the edge. Tsumugi was standing still in his pajamas, that blue sweatshirt he kept with “Snowdrop” on it covering his shaking hands as his head was tilted back, staring at the snow with wonder and amazement. It was the happiest Tsumugi looked, and Tasuku’s heart simmered down a little bit as he carefully approached closer, like he was afraid of scaring him away forever.

Tsumugi snapped out of his trance when Tasuku covered his shoulders with a blanket, whipping his face towards the taller male with a surprised look, not realizing how close they were. Tasuku couldn’t move his hands from Tsumugi’s shoulders, he couldn’t look away from Tsumugi’s teary eyes as Tsumugi let out a forced laugh, the air around him freezing as it disappeared like smoke.

“Go inside, you’ll get sick before the play.” Tasuku ordered, but made no effort to pull him in. Tsumugi blinked, nodding as he focused on Tasuku’s eyes, he had so many questions he only imagined asking. Tsumugi couldn’t read a thing about Tasuku, it was like he was a stranger he would never see again. But under this snow, under the same sky, they were together again, and it was more than whatever Tsumugi deserved.

“Dance with me.” Tsumugi breathed out, guiding Tasuku’s hands to his waist as he took his hand, not knowing why he needed this so bad. Tasuku was about to object before Tsumugi placed his head on his shoulder, holding in the tears as he begged, “Please, just one last time”. Tasuku stiffly nodded, gripping his hand like he didn’t want to ever let go. It was silent, but the two swayed like they were back in their apartment kitchen, a year into university with nothing to worry about except being on stage together.

“Why’d you go outside?” Tasuku asked, gently spinning Tsumugi like he was made of glass. When he spun back into his arms, Tsumugi sadly smiled, like this was the warmest he’d ever feel again.

“I needed to know if you’d come for me.” Tsumugi whispered, afraid of breaking the moment as he gazed up at the man he was in love with. He had his answer, Tasuku would still follow him even if it meant freezing from the snow at midnight. Tsumugi knew it was selfish, but...

He wanted to be selfish, just one more time. When Tsumugi stood on his toes to inch forward, nervously trembling from what he was risking right now, Tasuku didn’t react. He didn’t move, just took Tsumugi in like he wasn’t going to get this ever again. Like, this was the final goodbye they were supposed to promise each other that next morning.

It was long overdue. Tasuku saw how Tsumugi was about to run away again, lean back and leave. Not again, not if he couldn’t help it. Tasuku closed the distance, as if making up for all the time they lost as they kissed under the first snow, knowing there was so much to be said but not having the heart to bring back the past. It was too much, too much that Tsumugi couldn’t help but pull him back when Tasuku was about to move. He was so selfish, he just wanted Tasuku in this moment even if it meant never communicating with him again, he was in love with a man he had hurt over and over again.

“Promise me,” Tasuku mumbled before their lips met again, staring into Tsumugi’s eyes with no familiarity whatsoever. It was like they were two completely different people who had no connection to each other, two strangers that would’ve walked by each other without a second glance. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow morning.”

This time, Tsumugi nodded without crossing his fingers, his hands wrapped around Tasuku’s neck as he pulled him back down, knowing they had tomorrow to talk. To heal, to mend, to fix whatever was damaged. If Tasuku would let him back, if he let Tsumugi prove he was different now, better now, worthy of any relationship Tasuku wanted.

They were different people now, but it was the first snow of a winter they finally had together after a long, long time.

[ally-127]

storm in the studio

genre: angst; fluff (if u squint)

pairing: reader x jaebum

summary: 5 days he’s been gone and you’ve had quite enough.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: strong language; suggestive content (just jaebum being horny);

one shot continues under the cut

you weren’t the biggest fan of the piercing cold of seoul.

but you were most definitely in need of seeing him.

so you just had to endure the cold.

your leather ankle boots weren’t made to suit this weather but regardless, you trudged through the hardened snow of the outdoor parking lot. it was too late at night you just weren’t bothered to park in the underground car park.

jaebum was in the studio burning midnight fuel—or rather, weekly fuel—working on songs to incorporate into an upcoming album, whether solo or not, you didn’t know. you didn’t want to be at your shared apartment all alone like the you’ve been for the past five days so you might as well just be in the studio with him.

it was pitch black out, as it’d been since 5pm this afternoon. you relied on the glow of the streetlights to light up your path to the entrance of the concrete building. smoke drifted out your lips from your breathing, your heart beating steadily in your chest.

you pushed past the heavy glass door that led into the large concrete buliding. late nights were a rare occasion for anyone to be present in such a vacant building, a place unlikely for a music studio to be built in. that was the exact intention of the producers, in order to avoid stalkerish fanatics.

pressing the button to the floor on the lift was hard when there were plastic bags of takeout hanging from your hands. you struggled for a little before managing to get the correct number. you waited, your boots tapping against the ground of the elevator impatiently.

you were frustrated that he hasn’t been home for days.

that he didn’t bother to tell you about it.

that he probably didn’t even notice his own health was slowly deteriorating.

you stopped in front of the familiar door of his studio, contemplating what you wanted to say to him. five days he hadn’t said a word to you. not a single text nor call from him you weren’t sure how to react when you saw his face again.

clingy was definitely not what you were. it was simply worry and concern that came naturally from a person whose significant other hasn’t been home for five days. and someone who had no clue where on earth he was since then.

until today.

your hands found the courage to grip the door handle and push it down. this location was so discrete no password was needed in order to enter. you took a single, deep breath before stepping in.

he had his back faced towards you. he was bent over the desk of control panels and his computer intently. his head was propped on his hand while he stared at the curved screen in front of him. the screen displayed a series of bars that represented the different sounds and harmonies he assembled to create a song. his dark, overgrown hair was unruly from stress. his ankle was crossed over his knee, a posture that he always in when he was indecisive.

jaebum worked far too hard but he’d been like this since forever, you were used to it. you just needed to give him a balance. a balance between the time for work and for himself.

as much as you denied it, you wanted him to make time for you too.

the chair he sat on creaked when he turned around to face where the sound of the closing the door originated, behind you. his feline eyes widened in surprise as they focused on you. he braced his hands on the arm rests of his chair, mouth opening and closing as if he didn’t know what he had to say.

“im jaebeom,” you muttered. you barely called him by his full name but at this point you felt like you needed to. “where the fuck have you been?”

“i was here,” he said matter-of-factly. you caught him holding back a flinch upon hearing his full name and the vulgarity of words that left your lips.

he hid it well though.

like the weather outside he was distant, cold.

a familiar feeling, if you were honest.

“and you didn’t bother to tell me?” you asked quietly.

you sat yourself down on the leather couch right opposite mostly to prevent from falling to your knees. you closed your eyes, took in a few more breaths, and continued. “i didn’t even receive a single text from you.”

“i’m sorry,” he said. “but i’ve been really damn busy.”

“yeah, no shit.” you spat, unable to contain your frustration no longer. you set the takeout roughly on the table with a light bang.

“i really have,” he stood from his seat, his height casting a silhouette on you.

you glanced up at him, at his tousled, black strands of hair. he wore no jewellery except the ring on his index finger that you gifted him, as he did whenever he’s working privately. his tired eyes bore no emotion, lips pressed in a firm line to make you aware that his patience was running thin. the dark under-eye circles were evidence of how much sleep he’d lost over the past month.

“all i needed,“ you closed your eyes to get a grip of yourself. “was one single call. but no, nothing from you.”

“i told you—“

“it’s been really damn difficult to be at home,” you gritted your teeth as you let everything that you’ve been feeling pour out from your system. “when i have to wait till three am for you to come home, only to find out you weren’t even going to.”

those delusional nights were the nights that you felt more insecure than you’ve ever been. maybe your lover had found someone else. maybe you just weren’t good enough.

but it wasn’t like that.

he kneeled down in front of you, taking your hands in his own.

you managed to crack his wall that was void of any emotions, a shield you’d learnt how to overcome in the past years by unleashing your own emotions.

whatever you felt, he felt.

long fingers intertwined with yours, dark eyes staring into your own. he shifted himself closer to you until his long torso was between your thighs. you watched as his pupil traced the single tear of exasperation that rolled down your face.

“i’m sorry,” he breathed, letting go of your hands to reach up and wipe that tear away with his thumb. “fuck, i really am sorry.”

“you know,” you told him, your voice unwavering. “you were beginning to make me lose hope in us.”

“no, do not say that,” jaebum shook his head, warm hands cupping your face.

how pathetic you must’ve looked under him. you hated the feeling of weakness and so did he. that was what drew you both apart. especially when you were both in denial of your emotional vulnerability, of your defeat. it definitely took you time to realise that maybe it was okay for you to just feel. exactly like right now.

suddenly, the feeling of longing for him nagged at your chest. disappointment couldn’t help but creep it’s way up into the crevices of your mind. you found yourself questioning the last time you saw him smile and the last time you heard him laugh, always so vocal it reverberated off any surface. you found yourself missing the smile he reserved for only you, the toothy grin he gave only in the privacy of your bedroom.

he released his grip on your face, uncertain on where he wanted to touch you, somewhere that would calm you down. hands found their way back to yours. he held your hand up to his lips and pressed tender kisses on your knuckles.

“jae,” you murmured, shaking your hands free from his grip. his lips parted in surprise as you nudged him back lightly to give yourself space to stand. “this isn’t going to fix anything,” you stalked toward the door. now, your aggravation turned into anger.

truth to be told, this was one of jaebum’s biggest fears. that you’d give up on him and walk away. that you’d leave him and strand him on his own.

but you had no idea about it.

“don’t leave,” he caught your wrist in his hands before you could storm out. “please.”

you were silent.

“i’ll come home with you right after this,” he pleaded, desperation now lacing his voice. “i promise.”

“no, jaebum,” you shook your head. you’ve had quite enough of this. you were here only to check if he was very well alive and to give him the fuel that he needed and missed out on in order to be alive in the first place.

“please,” he shifted his grip to your hand.

he sat down on the leather couch, hand still around yours. he drew you to him until you were on his lap,

wrapping his arms around your waist. you felt his hard chest press against the space between your shoulder blades and you felt the defined crevices of his abs on your lower back.

“i’ll make it up to you,” he whispered in your ear.

secretly you relished the warmth of his body heat, of his strong arms around you. you leaned your head back on his shoulder.

“stay,” he held you tight to him as if you might disappear if he let go.

“okay,” you breathed after a moment of thought.

jaebum exhaled loudly in obvious relief. “fuck, i missed you.”

“you don’t get to pull the ‘i miss you’ thing on me,” you said, still mad at him. your anger tamed down when you saw the pout formed on his lips when he rested his chin on your shoulder. a smile ghosted at the corners of your lips.

“forgive me,” his lips found their way to skin behind your ear, a delicate place he loved kissing.

you sighed, “just this once.”

to be fair, in all the years that you’ve been with him, this was the first time he did this. so you let him off the hook.

you two sat in comfortable silence before he shifted, sitting up and bringing you along with him.

“i made twelve songs,” he told you.

you were so used to telling each other everything it became an instinctive thing, to tell you about his day and what he did. you chuckled at the sudden piece of information.

“let’s hear them,” you said.

“they’re for my mixtape,” he tapped you on the thigh, signalling you to move aside so he could stand.

you watched as he ambled his way over to the control panel in front of the recording room. he hit play with the space button on the keyboard. synth melodies, bass and carefully assembled beats began playing. it never failed to impress you the fact that he did all of this on his own. then came his harmonious voice, a voice so familiar warmth blossomed in your chest upon hearing it.

he propped himself against the edge of the desk to watch your reaction to his craft.

you paid attention to his lyrics. the words and phrases in this song suddenly seemed so personal once you were able to process what they all meant, all the hidden meanings and connotations became crystal clear. these were lyrics he wrote on his experiences with you—he’d based the entire context of this song on it.

the sensual ambience of his song forced you to stand and your hips to sway subtly to the rhythm of his music. you pretended to be nonchalant about the intense stare he had on you, your eyes focused on the screen rather than his gorgeous face.

even then, you could see the corner of his lip lifting into a smirk as he crossed his arms. his t-shirt exposed the stretch of muscle in his forearms that flexed when his hungry eyes slithered down your face to your hips.

he was checking you out.

but of course, you knew that.

it went on for a few minutes. the more songs he played for you, the deeper his eyes burned into your skin.

those eyes were ones you were the most familiar with. those eyes were what you looked for in crowded places, in times you were in doubt. you’ve watched the brown irises in them ignite when he was excited, when he was angry. you’ve watched them soften every time they focused on you. you’ve watched his pupils dilate every time he was turned on or about to drive you insane with desire.

the atmosphere was suddenly heated, the temperature rising by a few degrees. you took off your coat and laid it by the couch as the wooden floor of his studio became your dance floor.

“come here,” you wriggled your finger to gesture him to do so.

like the magnetic force of attraction he seemed to have with you, he did as you said. you fisted your fingers in his shirt and pulled him closer to you. he leaned his forehead down on yours as you two swayed to the music. you danced, his hands on your hips, your arms around his neck.

“shit,” he breathed.

“what, baby?” you whispered, equally as quiet while the music thrummed in the background.

“i didn’t know how much i needed this,” he tipped your head back with a curved index finger under your chin. you felt his half-lidded gaze cut through you like a knife.

“needed what?” you asked.

“needed you,” he murmured.

“jaebeom,” you sighed. your head dropped onto his shoulder, immediately cutting off the gaze you shared with him and breaking his hold on your chin.

there was nothing said after that. he just held you to him, the deep rumble of his breathing gradually becoming louder than the music. your heartbeats were soon in sync with one another like the languid rhythm to which your bodies were swaying. you recognised in the familiar cologne, his favourite cologne while he recognised yours.

“i wrote all these songs,” he said amidst the silence, causing you to look up at him. “about you.”

“me, huh?”

jaebeom leaned down to run his nose on the crook of your neck, breathing you in. it was easy to tell how much he missed you and your scent that enveloped around him like a safety blanket. you were his reassurance that kept him on his feet, a reminder that sometimes he can take it easy. especially with him being a leader and having all the responsibility chucked on his shoulders.

“yeah, you,” he kissed you once on the jaw before retracting himself from you.

you felt a chill slither through you as a response to the loss of the warmth of his body heat. you ran your hands on your arms, trying to replace it.

the music was brought into a halt. the silence became deafening. the hum of electricity fused with yours and jaebeom’s synchronised breaths that left your lips were the only sounds that rang through the four concrete walls of the studio.

“why’d you pause it?” you asked him, a different kind of disappointment poking at your chest. you were definitely enjoying yourself listening to lover’s carefully curated album.

“because,” the screen in front of him turned to black as he shut it down. “i want to take you home, now.”

he made his way toward the switches, flipping each and every one of it off. he left the overhead lights on though, so he could see the shape of your eyes as they narrowed in suspicion and your hips as they angled to one side. he enjoyed watching your attitude shine through the dark, a striking attribute he was drawn to.

“jae...” you trailed off.

“hm?” he was a step away from you and his fingers were itching to reach out to touch you. he gave in, gently taking your hands in both of his. he stood in front of you, face an inch away but a quarter of a head higher.

“what are you doing?” you asked.

“i don’t know,” jaebeom admitted as he shook his head. he kissed the crown of your head, his barely-there stubble scrapping the bridge of your nose slightly. “i just know i want you, right now.”

you were speechless because you knew exactly what he meant.

eyes tracing across his face, you saw his eyes glisten with lust, with excitement. you saw his lips twitch into a brief smirk when he leaned down to capture your lips in his own.

adrenaline rushed through you, his touch spreading a wildfire throughout your body. a sound similar to a whimper broke free from your lips and he swallowed it whole, using this opportunity to glide his tongue across your lower lip.

he was good at this, jaebeom.

good at making your forget everything with the brush of his lips and hands around your waist.

except his absence in the past five few days that seemed to be the reason you were here in the first place.

you tore your lips way from his to catch your breath, looking up into jaebeom’s eyes.

“we can’t,” you said before the situation could escalate. “not here.”

“what?” he asked, disappointed. “why the hell not?”

he’d been dreaming of bending you over and taking you right on his desk in this exact studio under the dim lighting of the ceiling fixtures.

“we’ve got things to do—you’ve got things to do,” you traced your finger across his face, your heart placed at ease at how familiar you were with his features.

“like what?” he looked at the desk to which he created all his music. “i’m almost finished with most of the songs anyway.”

“i’m talking about you, jae.” you pointed at the take out laid on the table behind him. “when was the last time you ate?”

“yesterday night?” jaebeom pondered.

it was ridiculous that he needed to think in order to remember when his last meal was.

you nudged him back so he could sit on the couch. “here—” you the slid container that was filled with food you had specifically ordered for him forward, knowing it was his favourite and that he needed it. “—eat this.”

“you always take care of me,” he shook his head as if he was ashamed of himself. “where will i be without you, huh?”

for an unclear reason, you avoided meeting his eyes as you let the question drift rhetorically in midair.

he brushed off your ignorance and indulged himself in his food, eating in silence.

you sat down next to him, leaning back on the couch. his back was curved over his knees while he ate, hiding you from his line of vision.

“baby,” he murmured.

there was something so affectionate and loving about the way he said it that you couldn’t help but rest your elbows on your thighs just so you could angle your head to the side in order to look him in the eye.

“yeah?”

“i’m sorry,” he said.

“it’s okay—“

“it’s okay—“

“no,” he shook his head. “it was completely unacceptable for me to keep you in the dark for so long,” it seemed the effect of his absence on you still burdened him, that the short silence while he was eating allowed him to really think through everything. “and i know sex wouldn’t resolve it.”

“jaebeom,” you reached forward to cup his cheek. “i forgive you. besides, i’m here already, am i not?”

he chuckled and began to pack up the takeout all in the bag, tossing it into the bin next to the couch. he turned back to you, swiping a thumb over your bottom lip while his eyes lingered on your face.

“you lost so much of sleep,” he pointed out as he identified the dark circles under your eyes. “because of me.”

“i’m used to it,” you shrugged.

then there was silence again, the fact that he indirectly admitted he was horny looming over you both.

you climbed over him out of impulse, immediately straddling his lap. surprise splashed across his features, his jaw dropping slightly into a gape. you smiled a little at his reaction, your arms snaking around his neck.

“quit stressing,” you said. you felt his hands rest on your hips to keep you from falling.

“it’s really difficult not to—i’m stressed that my music isn’t good enough,” he sighed. “and i’m stressed that i might hurt you, ” he lifted a hand to push a stray hair away from your eyes. “it seems i already have.”

“no,” you placed a hand on his shoulders, massaging it to relieve it from tension.

“ye—ah—“ he squeezed his eyes shut in relaxation and threw his head back onto the edge couch. “—yes.”

“jae,” you gave him a solemn look although he clearly wasn’t paying attention.

“if i could’ve just picked up the ph—“

“jae,” you repeated more firmly this time.

“what?” he said.

“shut up,” you said.

“okay,” he chuckled, fingers tightening around your hips.

you worked your hands on his shoulders for a little longer, your eyebrows drawn together as you loosened all the knots formed by stress in the planes of his muscles. a sigh escaped your lips the moment your hands released his shoulders.

a few seconds later, you found, his eyes had almost been drawn into a close. he was exhausted and obviously, you knew that. his hands were still on your waist as his head dropped forward onto your shoulder.

“hey,” you murmured, running your fingers through his hair. “come on, it’s getting late. i’ll drive the both of us home, you can get your car tomorrow.”

he groaned your name, followed by a string of words you couldn’t really decipher.

a grunt, as unattractive as it was, left your lips as you lifted jaebum up from the couch with his arm slung around your shoulders.

“i can walk myself, you know.”

“oh, so you can speak now,” you teased him.

“i’m not drunk,” he nuzzled his head in your neck.

“you’re tired,” you glanced sideways at him.

“that, i am.”

“let’s go,” you grabbed your coat in your other hand, while the other supported half of his weight.

“wait,” he dragged you along with him to the switches by the wall. “i need to turn this off or the electricity bill will injure my bank account.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “you’re crazy.”

“crazy for you,” he murmured, making you roll your eyes.

everything was pitch black and neither of you could see as you two made your way to the front door where light leaked through the edges.

“ow!” he screamed next to you as his movements jerked the both of you to the side. “my shin—fuck.”

you held back a laugh, cupping your hand over your mouth.

“fuck, it hurts,” he hissed, crouching down and bringing you down with him to check his on his so-called injury. “i’m literally going to destroy this damn table.”

“jae, we have to go,” you shook your head, a smile on your face despite the fact that neither of you could see.

“yes mom.”

[papipopsicle]

BULLETPROOF HEART

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Genre: angst and some fluff here and there

Summary: In which Billy's only saving grace in Hawkins is his witty neighbour with cotton candy hair. Y/N was sweet, with a soft touch and caring eyes- too bad she's got a boyfriend, and he's a real dick. AU where Billy has a different backstory than in S3.

Request: Could u do a Billy Hargrove x fem!reader where she is in an abusive relationship but he doesn't know bc she's always covering her bruises and cuts with makeup and clothes, until she arrives at his house all f*cked up? You choose the ending, thanks boo! @ghost-broccoli

Song: Sweet Creature by Harry Styles

Warnings: nothing so far

Words: 1.6K

a/n: fluffy beginnings means angst is to come...

feedback is always appreciated

Billy Hargrove had no idea what love meant. His mother had died in a driving accident eleven months ago. Maybe before that the four letter word held some kind of meaning- he'd never admit it, even back then, but she was his entire world.

But his father found no trouble in moving on, less than a month after the traumatic loss and Neil had a new girlfriend. It took three weeks for him to cheat on Susan Mayfield, and a further week for her to convince him to move their entire life to a dingy little town the other side of America. They were as bad as each other, they deserved to strangle one another with their venomous deceit and end up with nothing but hatred in their hearts.

Billy Hargrove didn't know what love truly meant anymore, but if it was an all consuming feeling of irrevocable passion and a want for someone to be truly happy, then he had found it seven months ago on his first day in Hawkins. Yet he did nothing about it, because she seemed happy in her own little world, but Billy would soon find out it wasn't only his father's appearance that could be deceiving.

"So you're the family moving into Mister Clarke's house?" Y/N called out with a small smile hanging from her lips, skipping down the steps of her porch and crossing the road to greet a boy with ringlet hair and olive skin. He seemed to be unloading a cardboard box from the boot of his navy Camaro, keys carefully balanced between his teeth.

"What?" The boy grunted in a muffled voice as he turned around, bored with the conversation already. Not even an hour into arriving in Indiana and he couldn't take another second of this shithole. His eyes were met with a cloud fogging up his vision, or rather, curls upon curls of long cotton candy pink hair bouncing towards him. Y/N grinned while he shimmied the box to take the metal object out of his mouth, "Yeah, I guess I am."

She wore a short white dress with little blue and pink flowers dotted all over it, knee-high grey socks and black combat boots- it seemed utterly bizarre, but without even knowing her, Billy thought it suited her vibrant personality. Cute.

Y/N slung a small pink bag over her shoulder and stuck her hand out, bright smile making the corners of her eyes crinkle ever so slightly. It was refreshing, rather than having puckered lips in his face and tits pushed so far up you couldn't even see a girl's collar bones, that she smiled with ease and had the most beautifully kind eyes his had met in the past four months.

"I'm Y/N  Y/L/N, I live just across the road with my mum and little sister. So, are you going to be coming to Hawkins High? I'm a senior- you know, you might be the first new face I've literally ever seen. Well, apart from a newborn, of course." The girl retracted her hand after a few moments, realising both of his were preoccupied and she instead opted to brush some hair away from her face, which fell right back not even a second later.

"Looks like it." Billy smirked a little, letting a genuine smile fall to his features after a moment. He watched her feet bounce up and down a little and her bubblegum hair moved on que, "Billy."

"Well, Billy," Y/N tried to mimic his golden coast tinged accent, eyes racing over the neglected house behind him before returning to his well built figure, "I'm only a few seconds away if you ever need anything, apart from tonight."

"And where're you disappearing off to tonight then, bubblegum?" The Californian boy couldn't help but mirror her happy tone, finding her positivity overwhelming and infectious in the best kind of way. If it were anyone else, Billy would've started to get annoyed at their preppy attitude, but he simply wanted to protect her from anything bad the world could send Y/N's way. Boy, did that thought haunt him to look back on.

"I'm going on a date." She squealed, failing to hide her pure unadulterated excitement, "A first date, actually. He should be here any minute."

Y/N checked her watch and saw that Declan Harper was twelve minutes late to pick her up. Her lips pursed and she chewed at her bottom lip in thought, disappointment hidden behind her shiny eyes, and her mind raced to find any possible excuse. The girl hated being kept waiting- she always put in a conscious effort to be on time when meeting up with someone and when they didn't do the same it felt like she wasn't their priority. But she was certain Declan wasn't like that.

His eyes rolled playfully, catching sight of Y/N's pink glossed lips for two rather long seconds, "Have a great night, bubbles."

Billy sent the curly haired girl a wink, and turned to bring the box into the house he was meant to call a home from now on. Y/N wandered back over the road after telling him to have a great night settling in, sitting on the steps to her porch and glancing down at her watch again to see that more time had ticked by.

"Hey," The girl's head popped up again as Billy reappeared, crossing the road halfway with the first serious look she'd seen him wear, "come find me if he doesn't treat you like a princess, I'm only a few seconds away."

He mirrored her speech, sending a warm fuzzy feeling straight to her head. She ignored that the same feeling hadn't appeared when the basketball player asked her on a dinner date four days ago, and then again when she noticed his car approaching her house.

The night went by, Declan showed up with a small bouquet of yellow and orange flowers in one hand and an apology in the other. Y/N had a great night, pushing aside the twenty minutes of waiting when he made her giggle and blush at his compliments. She kissed him on the cheek goodbye, but just as she was about to open her front door he twisted her around and locked their lips with a passionate grip on her waist.

She let out a yelp, stumbling backwards in surprise only to find his hands steadying her against his toned body, deepening the kiss before finally setting her free. Y/N chuckled awkwardly, stuttering out a goodbye through burning cheeks and bruised lips.

The girl watched through her windows waving Declan off, moving to her mother's room to let her know she had a good time and was home safe before ten. Y/N began to feel flustered and hot, unable to breathe as she removed her make up. She swapped her girly dress for grey tracksuit bottoms and a bright pink sweatshirt reading 'Barbie' in white text.

My first kiss, Y/N though to herself. It wasn't what she was told as a child and imagined for the past ten years. There weren't any sparks or fireworks and there definitely wasn't a giddy spinning surge of happiness in her head. But that was probably just fairytales and fiction, it was nice enough and Declan seemed sweet.

Y/N tied her hair into a ponytail taming her lions mane, chugged down a glass of ice cold water and went to sit on the porch steps where she had been waiting at hours earlier. Her dad always used to yell it wasn't safe to sit there late at night, but nothing ever happened in Hawkins, other than Mister Clarke forgetting to check his post until midnight.

"So," a deep yet soothing voice called from what seemed like the indigo night sky.

"God?" Y/N whispered in disbelief, looking around to see a shadowy figure appear across the chewed up road.

"Girls have been known to call me that." Billy chuckled, his person dimly lit by the nearby street lamp. His new neighbour looked all too sweet sat on the bottom step of her porch, chin sat against her fleece covered knees, eyes almost glittering in the amber light.

"Shush, you cheeseball." She patted the empty step beside her "Come sit for a bit?"

For over an hour, Y/N Y/L/N and Billy Hargrove chatted about all kinds of nonsense. She told him about the date and her kiss, unable to hide her reservations from Billy that she hid so well from herself. But he didn't say anything, he let her pretend to be happy because, at least her smile was still beaming with hope.

Looking back on it, now with her fragile frame pressed up against his on the exact same steps. He never realised how tiny she was until now, small whimpers and hiccups jolting their body's with his hand pressed against the bloodied forehead he had kissed goodbye too many times.

If only he knew sooner it wasn't hope in her eyes, but the want for something so pure and honest that she never knew what love truly felt like. Declan warped her mind into believing this was love, that love hurt more than healed, and Billy blamed himself for all the torture this flawless soul had to go through.

part two?

Taglist:

@ilkaeliseb @florenceivy @annas-unicorun @astro-sweetheart @4everchrista @delicatelyherdreams @mautand @me-a-hopeless-romantic @buckysjuicyplums @fengarifood @lucyrocks86

Wanna be tagged?? Just send in an ask x

[borhapstyles]

Headcanon: Birthday Celebration with Freddie

Ah I lost the original message for it but the request was celebrating your birthday with Freddie, I believe :) Although not sure if you wanted Freddie himself or Rami!Freddie, imagine either one.

Actually loved writing this one, hopefully you guys enjoy it just as much xx

oh you just know Freddie dear would spare no expense on your birthday

he made you feel special everyday of course, but for your birthday?

the man wanted to make sure every single second of the day was happy for you

he started out by waking you up the fun way

if u get what i mean, in between yo thighs

and after you two had your fun

when you were lying in his arms

he reached over to the side desk to pull out a box

it was a necklace with a star as a charm, and Freddie’s initials were engraved on it

“So that you’ll always have me with you, even when I’m on tour.”

and you cried a little bit

to which Freddie said “no, no! you’re not supposed to cry, darling. this wasn’t supposed to make you cry.”

and you’re like Freddie they’re happy tears

and he goes “still, i don’t like seeing you cry.” before proceeding to wipe the tears away

“i love you too much to see you cry.”

and then kissed your forehead and told you he had Phoebe, Freddie’s personal assistant, make your favorite breakfast

because let’s face it

we all know the man couldn’t even use a microwave and as much as he wanted to be able to make your favorite foods

you two valued your kitchen too much to see it burnt down

so he called Phoebe in the night before to make sure your favorite breakfast was ready once you two went downstairs

you had a few phone calls from family and friends to greet you happy birthday

all while Freddie was setting the table

it was a rather peaceful morning, just the two of you at the kitchen table

Freddie was across from you, the biggest smile on his face

he looked like a dork really, a happy dork

and you said “you seem even happier than I am today and it’s my own birthday”

to which he replied “you just don’t know how happy I am to be able to have today with you, and how happy I am for this exact day. the love of my life was born today, years ago and I really couldn’t be more grateful.”

you’re kinda overwhelmed cause Freddie hadn’t ever really been this cheesy before

but hey you’re not complaining

and he held your hand across from the table as you two discussed the new album Queen was working on amongst other things

and these were your favorite kinds of moments with Freddie, and his with yours

apart from all the fanfare of being on stage, he loved this little times with you

when he felt like he could be himself and not who everyone wanted him to be

“so what do you have planned for me today?” you teased

“sex, lots of sex.”

part of you was wondering if he was actually kidding, another part of you kinda wished he wasn’t

but then he said “only joking, darling. unless you want to.”

for a moment you’re tempted

but then you’re like “no, we’ll save that for tomorrow. consider it a, post birthday celebration. just the two of us.”

Freddie laughed and said “that’s my girl.”

then he added “but I can’t tell you what’s going on for the day, it’s top secret. not allowed to.”

soon after breakfast, the two of you got dressed and headed out

paparazzi swarmed your guys’ residential area in Kensington

which annoyed Freddie greatly

because the last thing he wanted was for sleazy things to be said to and about you on your birthday, especially by the press

so he flipped them off and you two went about your way

“Freddie, you didn’t have to do that.”

“But I did, dear! Fuck ‘em, it’s your day.”

then you two were driven out to the shops of London

and to your surprise, Freddie had closed down a couple of your favorite designer stores for the day so you two could enjoy a peaceful round of shopping

you hated the idea of Freddie spending thousands on you but he didn’t care

in fact you knew he might’ve been a little insulted if you didn’t

he himself picked out a couple things he thought would look lovely on you

and got some things for himself, the fashion king

“this one’s for tonight, Y/N”

“should I be worried about tonight?”

“possibly. but mostly excitement.”

and then you two were off again

he had booked a sweet little table in one of your favorite restaurants

and of course made the wait staff sing happy birthday to you just cause he loved seeing the blush of embarrassment on your cheeks

then you two strolled around the streets of London for a bit

a few fans stopped the two of you, which you didn’t mind

Freddie happily signed things for them and to both your delight,

they wished you happy birthday, having remembered that it was

you felt warm knowing you were loved by most of the Queen fandom

then back at the house, your boyfriend explained to you that you two had a couple of hours to get ready before going to another mystery location for the night

of course Freddie had booked someone for your hair and makeup

and out came the beautiful outfit he had helped you choose to wear tonight

and when you were all finished and dolled up, Freddie’s jaw dropped

“you’re so perfect, my love.” he said, and he really couldn’t get enough of you

with that, you sped off and to another venue in London

and when you went in, you were delightfully surprised to find all your friends and family inside

Freddie (with the help of Phoebe and the band) had organised a surprise party for you

and though Freddie knew crazy parties weren’t your scene, he made sure to only invite people you really cared for and who really cared for you

so it was a rather perfect event

you all had dinner and danced along to the 70s / 80s rock of the night

at one point in the night

Elton John came onto the makeshift stage and sang Tiny Dancer and Rocket Man

and you were really only expecting him to sing those two

that’s until he spoke into the mic, “and by special request of Mr. Freddie Mercury, this last song I’ll do is dedicated to the love of his life, the beautiful birthday girl, Y/N.”

Elton then proceeded to sing Your Song

Freddie held you close and you two swayed to to Elton’s voice

at one point, Freddie pulled away from the close embrace you two were in and looked you in the eyes

he was humming along to the song the whole time

but he stared into your eyes and sang the last line “how wonderful life is, now you’re in the world”

then kissed your forehead and tugged you back into his chest

it took a lot in you not to cry because of how much you loved him and how perfect the day turned out to be

and later that night, when it was well past midnight and not quite your birthday anymore

you and Freddie got into bed, exhausted from all the festivities

“thank you, Freddie.” you whispered

“of course, darling. anything for you.”

“i felt so loved today, best birthday ever.”

he kissed you and told you again that he loved you

then he reached his arms back

and for a moment you thought he was going to write a new song right then and there

he tended to do that around you, just because you were his muse

but then Freddie started to play your song, Love Of My Life

“When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you, how I still love you...”

Freddie leant over afterwards, gripped your cheeks which were of course tearstained from all the happiness

“You’re the love of my life. Happy birthday, darling.”

When’s your guys’ birthday? Mine’s October 20th :) Lots of love xx

[disposedserenity]

*rough* review of MOTS:7

The title might say review, but it’s really just my own thoughts that I want to share in the form of verbal vomit. STREAM while u read.

1) Interlude: SHADOW I loved the song right away on first listen. The extended version is soooo good, because it traces back to yoongi’s iconic ‘I want big house, big cars, big rings’ line from NMD. Thematically, this is my favourite concept out of the 3 rap line solos (Persona, Shadow & Ego). Yoongi songs all immediately reasonate with me because the stuff he writes about are what I’ve experienced at one point in my life.... and I feel so deeply when yoongi is rapping about it. At this point, I could go on forever about why I love yoongi songs so much but I will stop here.

2) Black Swan

It took me about three listens to fully appreciate the song, but I KNEW I was going to love it when I heard that trap beat and the bump bump bump lyric... Then I watched the performance, and I just loved it even more. For years, I’ve been fervently wishing that bts (especially jimin) would do a contemporary dance and I AM SO GLAD THEY DID!! Speaking of the dance, that’s another analysis on it’s own.... The way they match the dance steps to the lyrics.... Also this song lined up right after shadow makes perfect sense because Shadow talks about losing yourself into the deepest and darkest recesses of your soul while in Black Swan, the boys step into that shadow and confront it because they realise you have to make peace with your shadow to emerge triumphant.

3) Filter

I swear, this could be an Alec Benjamin song because this song has Alec Benjamin VIBES all over. Well, I guess jimin took inspiration from him because he put a ton of alec’s songs on his spotify playlist and even went to his concert so yey! Both their voice tones are similar ish because it’s very distinct and their singing voices are quite different from their speaking voices so it’d be really cool if they made a song together. Funnily enough, I don’t really like this song as much as I thought I’d would. It’s not a bad song, but I think I don’t gravitate to this song as much because this song was written about jimin for jimin and it’s really himself that he’s singing it to.

This song also radiates BIG libra energy. Libras love changing and moulding their personalities to please other people and they put on various personas to showcase the multi-faceted sides of themselves (sorry, just a huge astrology enthusiast here lolol). Filter has a narcissist undertone to it done in a purposeful manner. The protagonist of this song KNOWS he’s desired and is flaunting it in any way possible. They are aware of the power they hold and are wielding it to control the listener (the pursuers) Ahahaha sounds like someone we know? Recently, I told a friend that Jimin is really good at fan service. He’s the idol of idols, his face and name gets recognised first, everyone wants to be him AND be with him.... To sum it up, filter is jimin showing the world that he has many sides and it doesn’t matter which we are going to choose because he can adapt to whichever one you please (this push and pull reminds me a lot of house of cards hmm...)

4) My Time

Jungkook definitely has some magic where his song always gets to me and I immediately like the song. I think he excels in laying out his emotions bare and this creates a perfect canvas for telling his story. I definitely cannot relate to what he talks about in My TIme because I am not a jetsetting global superstar who vary between time zones (not that I know of), yet I still feel like I’ve been in his exact footsteps and know that feeling. This, my friends, is what true skill looks like. The rarest of musicians are able to write a song about themselves and make it relevant to almost everyone. It’s an impossible task. Yet, this golden maknae has succeeded once again.

In Begin, he talks about leaving Seoul to pursue his dreams and dedicates that song to his 6 members, his 6 newfound brothers, the hardships they go through and again, this hits you hard. You might not have left your hometown at a young age, but everyone has left something or someone behind in their lives. Euphoria ALWAYS makes me melancholic even though I clearly 1) am not young, 2) do not have a first love 3) minus bts, would NOT call anyone the cause of my euphoria but shit, jungkook out here got me feeling things and tearing up.

Thank you jungkook for constantly expressing your thoughts in such a clear way in any song you write, and My Time is no exception (and it sounds like such a r&b banger too)

5) Louder than Bombs

TROYE! SIVAN! You absolutely can hear troye’s fingerprints all over this song because this song sounds like a troye song (in the best way possible, because I looooove troye and his music) This is another classic “happy sounding but sad af lyrics” bangtan moment. Louder than Bombs is a good midway point in the album because they are crossing into the sad, aggressive, heart tearing, no bullshit songs territory.

(I don’t have a lot to say about this because I really love this song and sometimes with songs that I like, I just sit back and enjoy for what it is.)

6) ON

OKAY NOW LET’S GET INTO FORMATION! (yes, this was the first thing that it reminded me of hahaha and her superbowl half time performance had a marching band too) THIS.IS.SUCH.AN.ABSOLUTE.EARWORM. I LOVE IT. The 30 second preview made me so intrigued because it only featured the “hey na na na” part so I wondered what ON would sound like. I was NOT expecting it to sound like that, but what can I say? BTS always blows me away with their title tracks.

Speaking of formation, hooooo boy do I love the formation of this choreography. Mad props to The Lab for pulling this out of their hat because IT IS SO IMPRESSIVE. The set up reminds me of dionysus too, in the way that the choreography is being arranged in the live performances. Big ups to the Blue Devils marching band too, because even though you can’t really see much of them in the mv (or maybe I’m too focused on the boys lol) but you can hear the marching band so much clearer in the audio and I am LIVING for it. Overall, I am utterly thrilled by this masterpiece.

7) UGH!

*gunshots* alright back to 2013 bangtan let’s go. UGH, when will rap line stop making a banger? never I guess, UGH. lord, just let me get dissed by rap line once and then life would be better.

I. fucking. love. the. rap. line. I am definitely not smart enough to try to analyse or decipher the lyrics even with translations because their wordplay is on a whole other level. With cyphers and ddaeng, I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore but I still am. They manage to outdo themselves with every new song they release together. RM, Suga and J-Hope are great on their own but you put them TOGETHER? in one STUDIO? god help us all when this is performed live because someone’s gonna get headbanged out of the venue. I’ll end this with a silent prayer for a rap line concert.....

8) 00:00

This song is so, so, so painful. This song is what Tonight is to me. Ok I’m going to get a whole lot more personal here.

I was in a fucking terrible internship last year during the period Persona was released (I’m actually quite thankful this song wasn’t released then or I’d really have full on goblin ugly cry listening to this). That was the worst job experience I’ve ever had in my life (lao tian ye please don’t deal me any more shitty hands). I spent every day wishing that my misery would end soon and I physically did not want to go to work the next day. Every morning, I was almost crying to have to get up to go to work (and because it was an almost 2 hour journey to the office). By the time I reached home, all I could do was eat (if I had an appetite) and retire to my room and lie on the floor and just stare into my ceiling while mindlessly scrolling through social media looking for some sort of solace. Some days, even bts wasn’t doing it for me. Even though I managed to get out of that hellhole before the end date, the trauma (lol can I call it that?) and emotions stayed with me throughout the rest of the year. Only one friend knew I had depression and constantly asked me about it (thank you friend, even though you won’t read this...) and I even looked up therapists in singapore.

The lyrics ‘An unsettling night, suddenly, I look at the clock. Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock. Will something change. It probably won’t be the case’ hits so hard because this describes my situation to a T. By the time I got home, it was about 8.30 and by the time I snapped out of my mindlessness, it was almost midnight and this cycle just carried on for months. 

Zero O’Clock

And you gonna be happy

Midnight is both a happy and sad hour, because for some it could signal the end of their misery or their happiness. Back then, it was my hell because it meant a new hellish day was approaching. Looking back now, I realise it could have been a tiny form of happiness because it meant that the days are passing and the end to my pain was getting closer.

So thank you Jin, Jungkook, V and Jimin for creating such a beautiful song that I didn’t know would end up being so personal. Putting aside the meaning, it is such a great song that I’d put on repeat. But I’m scared to call this a favourite because of how intimate this is for me so I hope y’all understand. But, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

9) Inner Child

This sounds like it should be a in a drama or anime haha. The “whoa ohhhh” vocals in the backgrounds reminds me a lot of Jet Lag too. Inner Child is a very fitting title because as V described, it is a letter to his past self. As an ARMY, I’ve witnessed how much V has matured over the past few years. I mean even though all of the members have also grown, V’s transformation is the one that stands out the most (at least to me). Tae went from a bright eyed outgoing kid to a still outgoing but deeply contemplative adult in front of millions of adoring fans and strangers alike, and I cannot imagine how that must be like for him. V is a notoriously private person, and we know the least about if you reeeally think about it. I will never (nor do I want to) know what goes through his mind but I appreciate the fact he reveals a tiny glimpse of it in his songs (scenery, winter bear and now inner child).

10) Friends

CAN YOU SPELL SOULMATES? NO YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE THERE IS NO VMIN IN IT. Ships are cute and all, but vmin has trascended beyond what ships are and I’m convinced they are all part of a bigger plan arranged by the Almighty that no matter what happens, they will always find each other in their four lives (can you tell I’ve been watching Goblin lolol). Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Jae and the episode was about the probability of soulmates. One of the questions he posed was what is a soulmate? To me, I believe that soulmates exist in many forms. There are the romantic soulmates (hi glenn & benn), friendship soulmates, family soulmates, strangers soulmates and even a bond between a pet and a human. I now think there should be another category of soulmates and that is vmin. *cries I want what vmin have* Not everyone manages to find their soulmates. The lucky ones do, and the rest of us will have to settle for second best.

Also kudos to Jimin for his first ever produced song! woohoo

11) Moon

When I first read that this was a song about Jin’s love for ARMY, I braced myself for a full waterfall of tears. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how happy this song sounds??? (thanks jin for not making me cry again like tonight did). Now that I think about it, of course Jin would make a happy love song (pffft saggis). As we all know, Jin’s way of comforting himself is to comfort others through laughter, smiles and lotsa dad jokes. No one else but Jin would and I love him even more for this. He takes the idea of what you’d think a love song would sound like and turn it around. SAD? NOT IN JINHIT ENTERTAINMENT.

Jin, know that you are more than a handsome face and the oldest member. You are loved more than you think you are. You think you’re the moon to us? No hun, you are the entire galaxy contained in those worldwide shoulders.

12) Respect

My favourite track. I mean starting with that iconic “should I stay or should I go” line? Genuis. Collab of the year. Namgi of the year. Ok, maybe I am slightly (alot) bias since this song is essentially Suga, RM & El Capitixn (yes, THE El Capitixn that helped to produce DDAENG).

Namgi dynamics are so rarely talked about because most people see them as the underground rapper duo who’ve known each other over 10 years and are old friends and that’s about it. Their dynamics just gets to me even more because the trust and respect they have for each other is incredible. Joon looks up to yoongi as an older member and also for his incredible work ethic, while yoongi trusts joon wholeheartedly as their leader even though joon is younger and the way they banter off each other? ugh, where can I get bros like namgi? Their rap and producing styles are so vastly different yet the result that is respect makes ME respect them. Use me as your slave, masters.

bonus: that ending clip of them just having a convo? please share your stories from back in the day, please. I said please. with a cherry on top.

13) We are Bulletroof: the Eternal

Is this MOTS : 7′s answer to Mikrokosmos? I can already imagine this as the ending song of a concert..... A perfect tune to end the album as well. Who knew my attraction to the number seven had a deeper meaning than just simply liking it huh? Is my life preplanned too.... @ universe  give me answers. I really like how this song did not go the WABB Part 1 & 2 route and took a softer approacher indeed. It’s almost like they are saying we were seven hardened boys made more tender with the existence of armys.... ok bitch don’t make me cry anymore than I have been suppressing.

“we are not seven, with you” :’))))

14) Outro: Ego

This is the kind of song that gets better the more you listen to it. Not that it was bad on the first listen, but usually such bright and positive songs takes a while longer for the emo in me to process. I say this all the time that I almost sound like a broken recorder, but I LOVE LOVE how hobi has crafted a sound for him that is uniquely his and you will be able to immediately recognise it’s him (which is such a hard feat to pull off, might I add). I’m also immensely proud because he started out as a street dancer to becoming one of the best rappers in the industry while holding his rightful candle alongside two already established rappers that is namgi. I cannot wait to see this being performed live because you just know he’ll get everyone and their grandmas to start vibin right there.

In conclusion, I love bts. what else is there more to say.

[homebrewpodcast]

Transcript: Home Brew 08: Skeleton Party

Transcript: Home Brew 08: Skeleton Party

Thank you for your patience! Please explore this transcript of our latest episode at your leisure and look forward to more transcripts to be posted here and on the homebrewpodcast.podbean.com page! 

Order of events:

☕ Hero Cultus!

☕ Main topic: Shadow Work & A Skeleton Party Near You

☕ Mythic feature: El Sombreron (A Guatemalan Tale)

☕ Devotional thought with Danny

DANNY: Hi, and welcome to Home Brew podcast. I'm Danny…

JOHNA: And I’m Johna, two pagan friends exploring spirituality in the Modern Age.

DANNY: We’re queer…

JOHNA: And definitely not so white.

DANNY: So please be aware that we are grown-ups, who may discuss sensitive topics as they relate to our own experiences.

JOHNA: That being said, we welcome and incorporate the experiences of our listeners. You can contribute by messaging homebrewpodcast.tumblr.com—

DANNY: Or by tagging @homebrewpagans on Twitter. And so, let’s get into the episode!

[transition music]

DANNY: This episode we're going to have a new segment that we're gonna introduce in lieu of Make Talk Good, definitely not because we forgot to do—

JOHNA: —we didn't forget, we remembered very good.

DANNY: It's fine. But as we have no Make Talk Good to show you today, we also wanted to introduce the segment anyway called Hero Cultist and we're going to talk more about that in just a second.

JOHNA: And after Hero Cultist we’re going to get into our main topic, shadow work.

DANNY: Whoo!

JOHNA: The Ultimate skeleton party.

DANNY: Yeah, and then after that we're going to wrap our myth and our devotional thought kind of together as one, and you'll see what I mean when we get there.

JOHNA: Dude. 

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: I'm so excited about this segment because I know we've been wanting to do some other stuff, but here it is. We are introducing hero cultist. We just want to take a few minutes to recognize the figures that may not be gods but have nevertheless made a huge impact on our culture or our development as people. I know—well, Danny, you haven't read American Gods, but maybe our reader has read American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

DANNY: I've read American Gods.

JOHNA: Oh, wait you did?

DANNY: Yeah! I haven't seen the TV show, though.

JOHNA: Oh, I haven't seen that either, but I only care about the book

BOTH: [laughs]

JOHNA: Um. There's a character that remarks something like “heroes are the same as gods, except they're allowed to fail.” This stuck with me for a long time, so I want to find ways to respect the influence that some figures had in my real actual life practice. So, for Hero Cultist I have a shout-out to the spirit of Leonard Nimoy. Thank you, dude. Thank you for bringing your legacy of questioning to daytime television. I reblog “The Hobbit Song” in your honor.

DANNY: [chuckle] And I shout out to the spirit of Terry Pratchett. Thank you for bringing your legacy of righteous anger to comical literature. I will have a nice cigar in your honor, once I’m allowed to do so post-surgery, which is happening tomorrow. Or early—early today, it’s very very very late. It’s later than usual here, my listeners.

JOHNA: He would appreciate that cigar, dude.

DANNY: Though like having a cigar right before surgery is like such a Sam Vimes thing to do I kind of want to do it. I’m definitely not going to because I'd get uh beaten up by my spouse. 

JOHNA: Yay!

DANNY: Proverbially. With love.

JOHNA: Yeah. Don’t do that.

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: Leonard Nimoy, Terry Pratchett. We honor you.

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: Moving along. 

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: Shadowwork. Have you heard of it?

DANNY: I have heard of shadowwork.

JOHNA: As a cool fun Pagan pastime, perhaps?

DANNY: Yeah.

JOHNA: Oh my god, it pains me sometimes. Thinking about how shadowwork is used, at least in internet pagan land, as sort of a system of, like, dark and edgy personality tests can be bothersome. I mean, I know that like what we put online is not the sum of our practice. Basically, we're just trying to like share the fun bits, share what might generate interest, but new people who are just getting interested only have those superficial attention-grabbing tidbits.

So I’m going to give you a super quick rundown of Jungian psychology. That's Jung, J-U-N-G. So Carl Jung was one of Freud's proteges. When Freud realized that he couldn't be famous and successful and get money from benefactors by calling out family rapists for messing up perfectly good children, he sold out and he wrote all about how kids just latently desire their parents in a sexual way, so it’s actually all okay.

DANNY: Nasty.

JOHNA: Yeah. Ugh. Kay. Jung, who did study under Freud, managed to sidestep some of that and wrote all about how maybe it's horrific parents, maybe it's not, but maybe it might could be, but anyway he knows that for sure that it happens at kids, it happens to them.

My thoughts about Jung and Freud aside, the theory is very useful. In Jungian Theory, the shadow is considered the whole of the hidden and/or undesirable aspects of the personality. The shadow is sort of a potpourri of the id and the subconscious and the emotional all thrown together. It's instinctive and irrational and it tends to project our weaknesses onto others in the form of moral judgments, of jealousy or anger.

People tend to ignore or distract from their shadow personality aspects, but Jungian shadowwork tries to expose and embrace those aspects. So the work is meant to liberate your mind so that you can make deliberate choices that improve your mental health. Many times in therapy you'll find techniques that ask you to confront your shadow, like introspective journaling or guided meditations. But because this work requires a lot of emotional heavy lifting, many people find it useful to use a spiritual lens and approach it with techniques like divination and prayer and spirit journeying.

DANNY: So something to keep in mind as you approach the concept of shadowwork is that there are a billion different ways that shadowwork can be, and we’ll kind of get into those anecdotally in a second, but even deciding what type of shadowwork in the realm of secular versus spiritual is actually something that you're going to be faced with eventually.

For example, shadowwork in the realm of just therapy specifically for work that pertains to mindfulness is really really difficult for me. Mindfulness, just kind of a brief, like, definition, I suppose, is a technique that therapists use a lot, especially lately. It's a really effective, like, meditation technique on the fly that helps train your brain to focus on what is happening to you and about you and within you at the exact moment in time that you are present in. So it teaches you to not dwell on the past or worry about the future, but to be completely in the present.

It is a great tool and it does not work for me. So when I did have to do, when I decided to do shadowwork to benefit some of my, some of struggles that I was going through, it helped me to do that work through the lens of spirituality. And there's really no reason why or why not, it just be like that sometimes.

So when you approach the techniques of shadowwork, know that it might not work out the first time around, and it might be because you are approaching shadowwork in an entirely different realm to what is actually compatible with you. So if you want to do this thing but, say, spirit journeying and journals and tarot aren't working for you—I think everybody should go to therapy anyways just, just as a rule—but try maybe therapy or some kind of mindfulness or cognitive behavioral therapy, something that’s more secular. This can be interchangeable. It can be a little of column A, little of column B. But expect to also have that be some but you have to figure out as well, which I didn't really know what the time.

JOHNA: That's an excellent point. It all just depends on your goal.

DANNY: Yeah.

JOHNA: It depends on you, what works for you and your goal. I remember my first attempts at shadowwork were, I mean I remember them being very very aesthetic. I mean, I approached it from primarily a religious perspective, you know. I wanted to be close to my gods, I wanted to improve my energy work. So I would be like, like meditating after midnight, and only by the light of my Michaels-brand black pillar candles. But allowing, like, the perfumes of totally good and legit incense to allow me to journey into my deeper self.

So, like, I was experimenting a lot. I was trying a bunch of things all at once to see what worked and generally exploring. I didn't know what kinds of skeletons were in my closet. One time I did visualize a house, and I found a literal skeleton in the closet. And I didn't know what to do about it, not at the time. I didn’t know what it was or what I should do, so. That was just when I was first trying it.

Shadowwork’s not something that you do intensely always all the time, at least most people don't. But, you know, you come back to it when you're done or when you've figured out something else that you want to do. So my more recent attempts at shadowwork are obviously, you know, less theatrical and a lot more focused. And while I do pray, I also use techniques that are mostly secular. I might be more aware of the skeleton parties that are happening in the closets

DANNY: [chuckle]

JOHNA: But I'm less afraid of them now. You know, after all that get-to-know-you stuff. So they're more likely to talk and move and make conversation, and sometimes it can be scary and angry, but now I know what to do with them. And the shadowwork helps me decide who I want to invite to my skeleton party.

When you first start out, it’s actually really really fun to get to know yourself, especially because it's sort of like indulging in your vanity. You can talk about yourself all you want, because it feels purposeful now. But everything stays the same if you don't have a goal. I mean, when I first started, I had no goals except getting to know myself. But my new goals are things like, I want less anxiety about medical visits. So, I need to address those shadows. Or I want to spend less energy being annoyed at my co-workers, so maybe I want to look at those shadows. These things are in the shadows for a reason. I mean it takes a lot of energy to move them out to where you can see them, so unless you're going to do something that's where they’re always going to go back to. That's where they stay.

DANNY: Absolutely. And you know we talked about your first attempts at shadowwork. I was really lucky in my like first foray into shadowwork, because I was actually introduced to shadowwork and the concepts of by Johna.

JOHNA: Ooooh.

DANNY: Oooh! So that's like the pattern of, like, half of these anecdotes is like, Johna showed me, and it was neat. [laughs] But it's true. And it’s something that I really needed at the time, because I was going through a really rough patch in my life with regards to having toxic relationships, being kind of a toxic person. I had a lot of old coping mechanisms from earlier points of life that were now periods of trauma for me that I didn't need these coping mechanisms anymore because I wasn't in those places. So I had to learn, like, my goal for shadowwork is to kind of unlearn some bad habits and to reacquaint my brain with the fact that things are a lot safer than they used to be, for example.

So, part of that was figuring out, like I said, what works for me. I've been going to therapy for forever, but my shadowwork I sort of wanted it to be a separate venture and something that was a little more spiritual. And so, what ended up happening is that we had a group of myself, Johna, and another friend. That was like our shadowwork group. And we checked in with each other. Um, I know that our other friend did journaling for a while and would check in with, like, “I did journaling, this is what I learned today.” Daily tarot or, as daily I could possibly be, was really helpful for me. Boy did I get Temperance a lot.

And you know, I was still quite young in terms of practicing. I was like really new to tarot; I was really new to a lot of things. So having a group that helped me kind of like internalize what I needed to internalize and to like, positively reinforce this was really helpful. But, like we said, I had a good time taking, like, my spiritual personality tests, but also I learned how, like, you learn a lot of hard stuff about yourself.

I learned some methods about centering myself emotionally because I took the shadows of, like, my toxicity. regardless of how it happened to me and how I became that person, and I had to like stare that in the face. I confronted a lot of personal foibles. I confronted the fact that I have like a lot of moral absolutism, and that maybe that that doesn't really exist in the real world. 

I learned better ways to communicate with a lot of people. I learned better ways to communicate with my ancestors, because I relied on them a lot during this time to kind of reflect upon the person that I was. I learned how to communicate better with myself in different stages. I had internalized so much, like, unhealthy coping mechanisms as a teenager that part of these meditations where I would you know enter my own mental house, this house was something I had made as a teenager to cope with like stuff. So I would approach this house and find really honestly my teenage self as part of my skeleton party.

JOHNA: Mmmmm!

DANNY: She was still there, that poor bitch! 

JOHNA: Oh my god.

BOTH: [laugh]

DANNY: And so like, confronting that person and learning to cut that kid some slack was really difficult, actually. And it was like the culmination of all of the fun stuff. All the tarot and the journaling and the like, you know, stickers and memes that we shared with each other on Facebook Messenger, um, kind of culminated in this really slow process of learning like, okay, I am allowed to be angry, but I am not allowed to be mean.

JOHNA: Mm-hmm.

DANNY: And like, I am allowed to let go of, like, this, like, piece of trauma. I can tell, like, I don't have to be mad at teenage me anymore. That kid was just a teenager, you know? So that's like the highlight here and the reason why that, like, we kind of dwell on these anecdotes is to illustrate that there are, like, actually a lot of different ways to approach shadowwork.

But go--the underlying truth of it is that you have to be attuned to your own emotional needs, your emotional faults, your foibles. You don't have to, like, have a perfect knowledge of self. That's what you're doing shadowwork for. But you have to be prepared to have your self-perception change, and sometimes that perception is not super flattering. That's why you do what you do. You approach it with the understanding that you're going to be seeing some stuff. That’s why it’s called shadowwork.

BOTH: [laughs]

DANNY: Ugh I personally believe that if you can't confront yourself authentically and honestly, then it is not going to be a super successful venture for you. And it's just kind of a waste of your time. Uh, that's my onion.

JOHNA: Yeah, yes. You know what, the superficial stuff? Like, the personality test feeling stuff, that’s a lot of fun.

DANNY: Yeah, for sure.

JOHNA: But you're absolutely right. It is work. It’s called work for a reason. But it’s so worth it.

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: If it's what you choose to do.

DANNY: Yes, I learned a lot.

JOHNA: For sure.

DANNY: And definitely became a less shitty person.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: If you'd like to dip your toes in a little bit, I did prepare a suggested meditation, just so that you can figure out what skeletons you have, like, who's hanging out in there, and you have a place to start if you're just getting back into it or if you're exploring shadowwork for the first time. We are using a tarot number in this one, that you can use tarot to do a reading on it later. It helps. Helps to review.  

DANNY: Yes.

JOHNA: So, first about the meditation. You're going to create your house. Just want to visualize it. I mean, you can do that by drawing a picture, you can build it in Sims or Minecraft, but only the outside, cause that's all we need for right now. So once you have that visual, sit down someplace, get comfy, focus on your breathing and imagine. See the house in your mind's eye. 

When you start, you are 21 steps from between where you stand and the front door. So with each slow, controlled breath you take, you take another step closer. So starting at 21, smoothing patiently down to 1, till you get to the front door. Then, go into your house.

Easy, right? You go inside. It's your house! Look at your awesome stuff. But you hear music coming somewhere, and you know what? It's the closet. That's right, that’s right it was the skeleton party. You knew about that. So go knock on the door. Let them know you're coming in to check on them. I mean, they may be made of bones, but they’re still a part of you. And they’re a part of this kick-ass house. It’s an awesome house, ‘cause it's yours.

So then you open the closet and see who you meet. And if they want to come to where you are, or if you want to come to where they are, shake hands, say hello, learn new skeletons’ names. 

Then whenever you're ready, you can leave the way you came. From closing the door, step 1 all the way to 21, back to where you stood before. And you can exit your meditation from here.

There's a lot of ways to leave a meditation like that, and if you plan on visiting that house again, maybe you promised the skeletons you were going to come back, I might recommend that you lock up your house before you leave, so you don't like accidentally have any cretins waitin’ for you on your next visit. Another thing is that you might also pray and ask your gods or ancestors to come and visit, so maybe you can give them a key to your house. It's your house, you can do whatever you want.

So Danny and I actually did this meditation before we recorded this podcast. We didn't like do it together, but we did make sure to do the meditation. So personally, because I've been doing this for a while, I didn't actually exit the house, because at this point it's my house. 

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: So I kind of just like sent myself to bed and counted 21 breaths until I woke up here in the real world. But it's my house. I live there, so I don't leave. But you can do whatever you want. The point is, you did your meditation, and maybe you have some skeleton names that you want to think about.

So here’s part dos, and it’s a suggested tarot reading. So you can use tarot cards if you have them, oracle cards, whatever. You can use a free online deck. Just go to Google and ask what a free online tarot deck is. You can use it. You can use a tarot app. You can do whatever you want. The goal is to just decide if you're going to do anything about who you met in your house and how you might do it.

So you start with a small number of cards. We recommend starting with just one so that you can focus on one thing to figure out.

So Danny, you want to demonstrate this part with me? We both have cards.

DANNY: Yeah, let's do it! I've got my cards.

JOHNA: Yes, okay.

DANNY: Let’s talk about my cards, I want to talk about my cards first.

JOHNA: Yeah, well you shuffle, shuffle good.

DANNY: Yes, I'm shuffling. They're called the Darkana Tarot, and I got them because they are—I think that they…quote “combine a modern grunge style with a non-traditional tarot symbolism.” But the frank way to say it is that the art is kind of muddy and ugly. [laugh]

JOHNA: Ooh!

DANNY: But I like it, I like that it’s—they're like kind of like, uh…stained and ugly deck. It seems like a good…it’s a good, um, set for me. And so I wanted to plug them a little bit, because I like them.

JOHNA: Wow. My deck is the opposite. 

DANNY: [laughs]

JOHNA: It is super pretty, gorgeous, dreamy watercolors by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law. It's called the Shadowscapes tarot. It’s like, probably one of the like most popular decks on the market because it really is beautiful, but I remember waiting and waiting and waiting for Ms. Law to like finish the paintings for this deck—

DANNY: Oh my gosh.

JOHNA: —because she was updating as she went. I was like, I was one of the original fans of this tarot deck, dude, I was so excited. I pre-ordered as soon as it was available to get the shadowscapes tarot deck and I was not disappointed. So, that’s how I like it. Anyway.

DANNY: That’s awesome.

JOHNA: So usually, I don’t know. Not everybody has practiced a lot with tarot cards, oracle cards. You traditionally like shuffle the deck like a spiritually significant number of times. Seven is, of course, a common lucky number. I use five when I'm doing shadowwork, because it's traditionally a number for like change, even chaos, and change is usually my goal for shadowwork even if it means some chaos. Some people like nine because it's a number of completion. They want the bigger picture.

DANNY: I like nine.

JOHNA: Oh, that's cool.

DANNY: I don't usually, um, have a number when I shuffle though. I just shuffle. Till it's time to stop, I guess.

JOHNA: Oh man. I actually had to replace this deck. These cards are, like, still stiff and I'm like a little bit sad, because this is obviously a later printing and they are like not as good quality as—

DANNY: Oh no.

JOHNA: —the original printing, I know. This coating on the deck is like, plastic. I, and I'm spoiled when it comes to playing cards, because I like a nice waxed card. [sigh] But that's not a—that's neither here nor there. Let’s go. We draw the cards.

DANNY: We draw. [whip sound] Oh cool!

JOHNA: What does yours say?

DANNY: I got the nine of cups.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: Yeah, I’m like, oh hey! Um, and I guess for edification, because I don't mind if the internet knows my innermost thoughts, the--

BOTH: [laugh]

DANNY: Um, the thing I'm trying to tackle is my like stress around moving and relocation, just cause there's some stuff there. So that's what I kind of asked the cards about. That was the, the…the big chief skeleton in my skeleton closet party.

Um, and my deck, this deck is also nice because it has two, like, keywords underneath the picture. So under the nine of cups, keywords is fulfillment and pleasure. So like, a really super quick and dirty, like, analysis of the nine of cups is this is like, the cup overfloweth card. They—you are, uh, um, at a place of extreme contentment and satisfaction. Things are falling into place, and you will, like, receive a period of good fulfillment, usually emotionally. Cups are a, an emo--, a feelings card. And especially in this, um, picture, the cups have water flowing out of them. Water is like a feelings thing. So that’s a pretty optimistic one card reading.

If I wanted to, like, I guess for our listeners, if I wanted to ask a question from there, you can take this one card reading and expand upon it. Ask your cards some other stuff. You can also use rocks if you like. But we aren't going to do rocks today because I don't want to go get them. [laugh]

JOHNA: Oh, well you know what, I am glad you brought that up, because I definitely expanded mine. When I did this meditation, I met two skeletons. One of them I am not familiar with, and the other one is, uh, sort of a development because of some other work that I did. So I like went in the closet and, you know, wanted to see who was hanging out in there and the first skeleton to introduce itself to me was dementia.

DANNY: Oh.

JOHNA: Yeah. You know what, I didn't think that I had any, uh, had any stuff about that, but my dad actually had dementia, and maybe I should like, think a little bit about that because I might have like some unconscious anxiety making me act a little foolish sometimes. When it comes to like medical stuff, and maybe taking care of myself. So that's like, you know, that's good.

And the other skeleton I met, this was interesting. Usually I approach like the skeleton of “things I resent my mom for,” “the things I resent my dad for” separately, because I felt like, I always felt like they were two separate things. But this skeleton introduced itself as, “I am the failings of your parents.” And that was different from how I've approached it before because this skeleton was like, very kind and not shy at all and like very very gentle. And I have yet to approach that kind of demon in that way.

So, when I drew my one card I got the ace of cups, which is cool. It can be...I am reading this right now as like, a card of beginnings, particularly emotionally. That means that it's like meeting the tip of the iceberg, and I’ve got some exploration to do, but generally it's a good omen. But I wanted some clarification for that, so I drew two other cards. And one was the queen of cups, which I take to mean as, I'm going to have to be accountable and responsible for myself, but also that means I get to call the shots. Good deal.

DANNY: Nice.

JOHNA: And then the other one was the High Priestess, which comes to me off and on. One of those cards that follows me. So, in this case, I’m going to take this as like, sort of a current in the wheel of fate, you know what I mean? 

DANNY: Mm-hmm.

JOHNA: Like, whatever is coming is coming, and all I can do is just what I judge to be best in that situation. So, cool. All right. That's how you do it. That's how you start. What I definitely got was a place to start.

DANNY: Nice. [chuckle]

[pause]

JOHNA: Come on, where's our tagline dude?

DANNY: Oh.

JOHNA: You got to say it.

DANNY: Fuck. Do you want to hear a story?

JOHNA: I do!

DANNY: Hell yeah. [laugh] So, brief disclaimer on this story. I don't speak Spanish. My accent’s very bad, and I sometimes don't know how to pronounce words. I beg forgiveness. But. [laughs] This myth is a Guatemalan myth and it is the story of “El Sombreron.” It’s found on uexpress.com, the version that I'm using, because I thought it was funny. Uexpress.com has a tell me a story section, which is where I found this, and this is retold by Amy Friedman and Meredith Johnson.

Once upon a time in a Mayan village, twins were born to a hatmaker and his wife. The couple were overjoyed the day their sons were born, but their joy did not last long.

JOHNA: Uh-oh.

DANNY: One of the boys was kind, soft-voiced and even-tempered. But the other lad was born with the devil in him.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: He was always doing just what his parents told him not to do, and as he grew older, he continued to do whatever he was not supposed to do.

He wasn’t cruel, but he was mischievous. He hid his brother's toys; he stole fruit from the neighbors' gardens. He teased children, he spilled his milk, and laughed when he should have been quiet, and would not speak when teachers asked him questions.

I, as a side-note, have taught many of these children. I have loved all of them.

But he never stopped running and jumping and playing, and his parents fretted and worried and wondered what to do.

At last the boy's mother begged her husband to call upon the brujo for advice. Among the Mayan people, the brujos, wise men, were known to have the power and the magic to cure every imaginable ill.

I imagine in this case, I kind of, another author’s note, that “brujo” is being used in the same way that “curendero” would be used, um, instead of like the broader meaning of like “brujo” just meaning “witch” or “wizard,” I guess.

JOHNA: Mm-hmm.

DANNY: So, these brujos could cure bodies, minds and spirits, so the people said. They knew exactly what to do to fix every problem that arose.

So the hatmaker went to visit the brujo and begged him for help. "My son is a troublemaker," the man said. "Please, tell me how to calm him down and cure him of his mischief making."

The brujo sat and thought, for wise men always listen carefully and think long and hard. And they pray. Finally, the brujo spoke. "I know how to help you," he said. "You must return to your shop, and there you will make a huge sombrero, the biggest sombrero you have ever made. Bring it to me, and I will solve your problem."

The man returned home and worked for several days, fashioning a sombrero so large, it could have fit upon the heads of several of the villagers together. When he was done, the sombrero was so big he couldn’t carry it, and so, with the help of his good son and the neighbors, he carried it to his cart and rode it to the brujo's home.

"Now," said the brujo, "I will put my magic inside." He lit his candles and placed rose petals upon his altar, and closed his eyes and prayed. He began to weave. He was weaving magic into the sombrero, but no one was allowed to watch. People say this took him many hours; the sombrero was big, remember, and the magic was strong. But by sunset he had completed his task.

"Take this home now," said the brujo, "and place it in the middle of the floor of your house. Your son and the magic will take matters from there."

The man did as he was told.

In the middle of the night, the father awoke, startled, when he heard a large crash from the living room where the sombrero sat.

He ran to see what had happened, and there he found the sombrero moving, walking around as if powered by its own spirits.

"Help!" the man heard, and he bent down and listened. "Help me, father," came a voice from beneath the sombrero.

JOHNA: [gasp] Oh my gosh!

DANNY: The man tugged at the hat, and sure enough, there was his son, the head in the center of the sombrero, and his legs thrashing about.

"Take this off my head!" the boy cried. "I climbed under to see what I might see, and now I can't take this thing off!"

JOHNA: Mm-hmm!

DANNY: The father tried to lift the hat, but he could not remove it. It was stuck to the boy's head, and no matter how he struggled and pulled, and no matter how the boy pushed and shoved, and no matter how the neighbors pulled and yanked at the sombrero, it remained stuck to the boy's head.

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: The hat never did come off.

JOHNA: Oh!

DANNY: The boy had to wear it all the time, and the villagers began to call him "El Sombreron," the Big Hat.

JOHNA: Oh my god.

DANNY: They laughed when they saw him running through the village, only his legs visible, that enormous sombrero atop those little legs.

JOHNA: Oh my god.

DANNY: "El Sombreron" never grew taller that day.

JOHNA: [gasp]

DANNY: The hat was so big and heavy, it pushed him down, and he stayed short, like a little boy, even though he grew longer in years.

They villagers laughed at him only for a while, though. The trouble was, there was magic in that hat, and "El Sombreron" learned it all--

JOHNA: Mmmm.

DANNY: --and so he never did stop making mischief. He could make himself invisible; he could climb up walls and across ceilings--

JOHNA: Mm!

DANNY: --and he could walk through walls, so sometimes, when he was invisible, he would tear through the streets, stealing fruit and tipping carts. And some nights, still invisible, he would sneak into the neighbors' stables and steal their donkeys.

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: For a while people prayed "El Sombreron" would vanish altogether, but he never did. And it seems he never vanished at all, for all over Guatemala people still talk about him. It is he, they say, who turns things inside out and upside down, and is the cause of all the little annoyances in life that no one can quite explain. That's the way things are sometimes.

The end.

JOHNA: Oh my God. That's awesome.

DANNY: Isn't that the funniest way to end a fable ever? It be like that sometimes.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: Wow.

DANNY: Oh god. I’d never heard of this little creature before, though, so I was delighted to find him. But as you might recall, everybody, the—the devotional thought this episode is going to kind of relate to the myth. And I did that for a couple of reasons, but primarily because the ending of this myth is what I would one day like to actually internalize. 

After all of this effort and magic and like making a big hat the nuisances that this Village encountered never really went away, it just got more ridiculous. And the ending of—

BOTH: [laughs]

DANNY: And the ending of this version of this tale ends with, “that’s the way things are sometimes.” And I, I would like us all kind of while we consider the topic of shadow work and while we enter the winter time where sometimes things are hard, to really internalize that concept. Especially in the case of “El Sombreron,” when things are kind of turning all kinds of different ways, and there's all kinds of annoyances, to really remember that truly sometimes that's just the way things are. But it also means that it isn't going to be like that all the time. Things will be different.

It be like that sometimes. Don't sweat it man.

BOTH: [laugh]

JOHNA: So, our question for you this week is…are you doing shadow work? Did you try the exercise? Did you try a different one? Tell us about it.

DANNY: Did you find a technique that works better for you than even the ones we suggested?

JOHNA: Than even those?

DANNY: [laugh] Let us know!

JOHNA: For sure. Thanks so much for joining us this week you guys. Look for new episodes every other Friday.

DANNY: A big thank you to Vexento for the use of our theme song, “We Are One,” and to The Miracle Forest for the background music, “The Magical Tearoom.

JOHNA: Again, you can send your comments and experiences to us on Tumblr and Twitter with #homebrewpagans.

DANNY: We are at homebrewpodcast.tumblr.com and @homebrewpagans on Twitter. We’ll talk to you real soon.

[naihexiang]

tagged by @allura-hime  thanks so much for mentioning me!

last?

drink: milk. go ahead, you can laugh; i actually like milk phone call: tried calling my friend yesterday bc it was her birthday text message: they don’t tho... (talking to my friend about the hnk gems not having teeth) song you listened to: What is Love - Twice time you cried: fan expo, probably. the vld voice actors walked past me while i was looking for my friend by the washrooms and i was just in complete shock that it was even happening so...

ever?

dated someone twice: no kissed someone and regretted it: no been cheated on: nope lost someone special: uhhh does my stuffed dog count gotten drunk and thrown up: no fave colors? blue, red, black, white

in the last year have you?

made new friends: i think so? fallen out of love: yeah actually laughed until you cried: see my story about fan expo :’) found out someone was talking about you: i don’t think so i think met someone who changed you: uhhhhh i don’t know yet found out who your friends are: i mean, i’ve gotten to know them more so yeah i guess? kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: i only just got on facebook, so no

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all my facebook friends are just my family so all of them do you have any pets: a dog named forest and a guinea pig named serafina do you want to change your name: maybe???? i probably won’t tho what did you do for your last birthday: my family got tickets to fan expo, so that was fun. the night of my actual birthday, we went out and ate ramen. it was good.  what time did you wake up today:  uhhhhh maybe like 4?? but then i fell back asleep and woke up at 7:30  what were you doing last night at midnight: sleeping what is something you can’t wait for:  my youth group retreat! we’re going somewhere new so that’ll be fun what are you listening to right now: my computer engineering teacher talking :’) have you ever talked to a person named tom: don’t think so... something that gets on your nerves: in-game ads that are just super  repetitive. i mean, it’s the exact same game but with vaguely different names and images! ugh most visited website: tumblr, what did you think? hair colour: black. i have like reddish streaks in it but they’re fading now long or short hair: like inbetween? i want longer hair, but right now it’s just shoulder length what do you like about yourself:  my writing’s decent??? i think????  want any piercings: hmmmm i’m not really sure maybe like a few more in my ears? blood type: i have no idea. my mom says maybe A???? nicknames: none, really lol  relationship status: single mostly because i’m too focused on my fictional crushes than people irl zodiac sign: Virgo  pronouns: she/her fave tv show: uhhhhhhh over the garden wall’s one of them tattoos: none (but i want some. plus, i draw on myself in pen all the time so) right or left handed: right ever had surgery: no piercings: just ears for now sports: dance (ballet), and i kinda wanna go back to swimming. skating and skiing are fun, but it’s not really winter yet lol vacation: tbh i really wanna do like a world tour kinda thing  trainers: what do u mean eating: nothing, but i wish i was eating ice cream or something rn drinking: my own spit :’) i’m about to watch: started re-watching the first captain america movie two nights ago, and i’m still working on it. not sure what i’ll watch after... waiting for: the new chapter of houseki no kuni (someone pls help phos)  want: the bortz wig i ordered last weekend (i’m gonna cosplay with my friend for halloween)  get married: not a big concern rn. i mean maybe it’d be nice but mostly i see myself living alone in a nice house in the middle of nowhere with some cats and a garden career: i want to get into research or archiving   hugs or kisses: both! lips or eyes: bOTH shorter or taller: BOTH older or younger: uhhhh idk nice arms or stomach: .....arms?  hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: idk maybe both

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: no drank hard liquor: no (i did try alcohol at some point and hated cause it tasted bad but it wasn’t even that much, like just a piece of bread dipped in wine) lost glasses: you have no idea turned someone down: for what tho? sex on the first date: i’ve never gone on a first date so yeet i guess broken someone’s heart: no???? had your heart broken: i don’t remember that ever happening so no?  been arrested: no thank goodness cried when someone died: when someone irl died? not really. when someone fictional died? hell yeah fallen for a friend: don’t think so...

do you believe in

yourself: hahahahahaha no  miracles: i mean... i really want to  love at first sight: kind of kiss on the first date: yeah angels:  yeah (at least i hope so)

other?

best friend’s name: marissa and emily  eye colour: dark brown fave movie: PLEASE DON’T ASK (i’m kidding it’s coraline) favourite actor: uhhhhhh tom holland is cute. i’m not really into the whole celebrity crush thing...  favourite food: at this point in time? tonkatsu ramen extrovert or introvert: introvert, definitely favourite flower: the japanese camellia (it’s so pretty) favourite hello kitty character? i don’t really know hello kitty tbh

tagging @noirfos, @celancestial, @p-greentea, @nana-shiros, and uhhhh anyone else really

[skzfaker]

damn yep, it's ateez 😭✌️ love them a normal amount. Do u know them at all?

👀👁️👀👁️👀👁️ we'll see what I do w the romantic lead, then! Still deciding if it'll work with what I'm thinking of

HAHAHAHAHAH YES TWIHARDS. I don't rly care for it anymore but I still love vampires as a concept

chan as a werewolf,,,,

and yes, changbin is an icon 😌 he's so funny. And he's such a talented rapper. And he's muscular 😳🤘 I still have yet to write anything for him, still in the severe ateez brainrot jskdkdkd

Oh, I meant writing as in writing words. But I actually do write music as well lmao. Transposing music, to be exact. I can listen to music and then translate it for viola or violin or whatever. So it's not an original piece but I can translate things to different instruments bc I have perfect pitch and I've been in orchestra for almost 10 years

👀👀👀 do whatever graphics u want man! U deserve it after working a lot

... my kpop collection is insane. So I collect photocards of my ult and I think I have 70+ of him 😭 and,,, a,,, Signed album,,,,, I didn't get it signed by him myself, I bought it off of someone, but it's still my most treasured item 🥺 I also have a good amount of skz stuff, it's all nicely displayed on my wall. If I could send photos as anon I would bc I'm quite proud of it

- 🎅

HAHA I KNEW IT! yeah i'm kinda familiar with them - one of my best friends is actually an atiny. and i LOVED their interactions with stray kids during kingdom! i was right along with wooyoung screaming "MY SON!"

(also how did you survive kingdom with two of your groups on there?)

ah it's okay if there's no romance - i wouldn't want to compromise your plot/story XD i can just be the random person giving minho and hyunjin the ominous message not to look at mirrors after midnight or something.

eyy same with the twilight thing! (we really are the same person - I AM YOU i guess?) and while there's the whole wolfgang concept, i also still prefer chan and the squad as vampires.

ahh changbin. i think if i were to be friends with anyone on skz, he'd be at the top of my list - he really is entertaining af HAHAHA. and YES HIS RAPPING IS ON ANOTHER LEVEL. i've said before that the gateway member to international fans is usually felix bc of the gap between his face and his voice (plus he's a fluent english speaker), but changbin is the one who reels people in deeper. the first time i heard his rap in miroh i had to keep replaying because...just...how.

OOOHHH that's legit talent tho!! i can probably still read sheet music (very very slowly) but transposing is something else. writing both music AND stories - m(_ _)m major props! what other songs/genres do you listen to outside of kpop? and how many covers of ateez songs have you done? (≧▽≦)

okay your collection has me intrigued. when you're finally allowed to go off of anon/reveal yourself, you HAVE to show me. and daaang - 70+ pcs? that's dedication HAHAHA. i imagine that took a lot of hunting down sellers and people willing to trade. unfortunately i'm kinda introverted and just...very lazy so whatever PCs i get are what i get HAHAHA.

[wanna1things]

Radio DJ!Kim Jaehwan

the idea came to me because for like a good 3 years of my life i wanted to be a radio dj and idk jaehwan fits this au well...

Genre;; fluff +radio dj au is that a thing idk

Warnings;; unless you hate jaehwan, his laugh, and music then none lol

Pairing;; Kim Jaehwan x reader

Requested;; no this is just another thing from my backlog lol

Summary;; Jaehwan is the radio dj for your university radio station, and he’s looking for someone to present with him… maybe something more?

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1913

UH requests will be done by the end of the week!! just clearing the backlog of posts while i revise for my uni tests lol

jaehwan is pretty well known in your university for his job as a dj for the uni’s radio station

nobody knows what he’s studying, everyone assumes it’s music (they’re right), they just know he’s the guy with the weird laugh who hosts the midnight to 2am slot

aka when everyone is cramming

he plays pretty funky music at the start but by the end it’s chill tunes to help everyone wind down and actually get some sleep

you’re an avid listener

you stay up until 2am every day, not even to study just to listen to his show lol

you always make notes of the songs he plays because he seems to have almost the exact same music taste as you??

by the time it’s 2am your hand is aching from writing down all the songs he’s played lol

at 1am he always has a 5 minute gap where he covers a popular song on guitar and sings it too and sjhgfsjd it’s amazing you’re in love with his voice

it’s just…

you have no idea what he looks like

all of your friends know about your crush on the dj with the satanic laugh and they tease you 24/7

like lol how can you be in love with a guy you’ve never seen before

but theres some sort of;; connection that you feel with him lmao

anyway, as you walk into your class one day in the middle of the semester you notice a poster up on the pinboard

in handwritten bubble letters (you know the ones) it says

“kim jaehwan is recruiting!! send a playlist to my email jaehwanisthebestdjintheworld@gmail.com and i’ll rate you and decide on who will be my new co-host!! entries close at the end of the week!”

your heartbeat speeds up

now you have an opportunity to possibly meet the guy you’ve been crushing on since that one time you pulled an all nighter at the beginning of uni lol

you take note of his pretty stupid email address and take your seat at the back of the class

instead of listening you spend the whole time brainstorming your playlist sdhfhds

as soon as the lecturer dismisses you, you leg it out of the room and to your flat

but in your rush you accidentally run into someone

and by run i mean like you slam into this really cute guy

and you spill his drink lol

they seemed uh… pretty mad but honestly you were in such a rush to get back and sort out the playlist you just opened your bag and gave him a $5 bill to cover the costs lmao

as you walk away you swear you hear a familiar satanic laugh coming from the guy you just ran into but

you chalk it up to you just hearing things

you stay up until midnight sorting out the playlist and brainstorming

after trying to come up with themed playlists and stuff but losing motivation after a while

you decide to roughly follow the structure he uses in his show, funky and louder at the start and gradually getting softer

you put all of your favourite songs in there, and make sure to sprinkle a couple of ones that jaehwan plays regularly in there

and once you’re pleased with the result you send it to the email,, at exactly 11:59

before you know it jaehwans show is starting

“Hello fellow students!! It’s everyone’s favourite midnight dj Kim Jaehwan!! Thank you for all your submissions so far, i’ll be reviewing them tomorrow! For now let's get on with the show!’

you realise straight away the first song hes playing is the one you put first on your playlist

and you’re a bit creeped out but you just think its a coincidence i mean you two have the same music taste

but by the time the 5th song is playing eXACTLY the same as your playlist you realise

he’s literally just playing your playlist

you open up your email again and begin drafting a new email asking for an explanation like really why is he using your playlist??

within seconds you get a reply

“hello;; y/n;; yeah sorry about that you’re the only submission so far… i took a look at the first 3 songs and i decided i trust your choices enough to use your playlist for this show… hope you don’t mind??”

OF COURSE YOU DON’T MIND

you type a speedy reply because uh oh don’t want jaehwan thinking you’re mad

“hey jaehwan! i don’t mind at all!! does this mean i got the job lol??”

again in the space of 3 seconds you get a reply but this time it’s just two words

“no comment”

the next day you head into uni and you realise all of the posters jaehwan put up for recruiting have been taken down

honestly you’re a bit shook like does he not need a partner any more??

that is until halfway through your day you’re sitting in the library studying when you receive an email from the one and only worlds best dj kim jaehwan

“hey new partner! you’ve officially been recruited! meet me in the cafe in 20 minutes;; here’s my phone number _______!”

the first thing that comes to your mind is what do you save jaehwans number as dsjfgdfjh

you decide on ‘worlds no.1 dj’ and then pack up your work and make your way to the cafe

when you get there you see a guy sitting at a table on his own, looking at his phone suspiciously and sipping on his drink

when you look a bit closer you realise uh oh its the guy you bumped into yesterday don’t get noTICED

but after about 5 minutes of trying to hide from the guy you ran into, you still can’t spot jaehwan so you decide to ring his number

you’re mortified when you see the guy you ran into pick up his phone sjfhjs uh oh

you stay on the line and gradually make your way over to the table he’s at and sit down in the chair opposite him

he is honestly just as shocked as you

“okay y/n i have so many questions first of all why did you give me $5?? why were you in such a hurry?? what is this”

you can’t even process his questions because ok you just fell in love a litttttle bit more

i mean like this guy i mean jaehwan has the cutest cheeks and a really cuTE SMILE and really soft looking fluffy hair oh my god;;;

you’re almost about to grab your phone and call all of your friends like HA i fell in love with someone i’ve never seen and he turned out to be good looking as hell anyway LMAO

when he realises you’re not going to answer his questions he stands up and orders you an iced coffee lol

as he puts it in front of you, you thank him graciously and suddenly blurt out

‘thank you so much honestly i’ve been a fan of yours for a long time and we have the exact same music taste and i really admire you and you’re an amazing singer and musician an-’

‘woah okAY y/n i didn’t hire you just to hear compliments i mean i’m not complaining but you don’t need to thank me lol you have a gift with playlists that's whY i hired you’

he smiles at you really wide and you realise like you had nothing to be so nervous about he’s not got a grudge against you and hes also super nice?? at least he seems it

and so you’re welcomed to the radio family

at first everyone is so confused when your voice appears alongside jaehwan’s at 12am

but after a while everyone is very attached to your shows

you pick amazing songs together, you have gr8 banter and sometimes;; just sometimes you join in singing with jaehwan

after the show he always compliments you on how good you are at singing but tbh he’s so whipped he doesnt know

thats right

jaehwan was interested you from the moment you gave him instant compensation for running into him

and now, after spending all this time with you, he’s just like

so in love

like;; not only do you have mad talent but you also can deal with him and his annoying laugh like lets be honest most of his friends give up after an hour or two

even his best friend the business major minhyun can only handle him for so long lol

but you two are so in tune and theres some sort of connection between you two that words can’t explain;; one that you’ve been feeling for a LONG TIME

it doesn’t help that now there’s mad gossip going around

“that person that djs with jaehwan for the midnight slot?? yeah them i heard they’re dating jaehwan as well lol”

uH

minhyun, who sometimes comes and sits to watch live action midnight slot, has also noticed that you both have pretty obvious feelings for each other

he’s noticed how when you look at jaehwan it’s like you’re looking at the whole damn universe

and how jaehwan can’t help but smile to himself whenever you smile

and he starts up a plan

a plan to convince jaehwan to confess

one night after the slot they walk you back to the dorm together

minhyun feeling like a bit of a third wheel lol

but as soon as you’re safely inside minhyun whispers to jaehwan

‘heyyyy jaehwan…. I know about your crush on y/n’

jaehwan turns briGHT RED

‘haha what do u mean i have no idea what you’re talking about buddy sorry’

‘bro;;; are you blind she likes you back’

nobody has ever seen jaehwan whip out his phone quicker

in a moment of madness he dials your number quicker than lightning and calls you down to the courtyard

minhyun makes his way back to his dorms on his own because he already knows this is too cheesy to watch i mean he could record it for blackmail but jaehwan would probably kill him if he did lol

as soon as you get downstairs with your dressing gown wrapped around you jaehwan kneels down on the floor like romeo-style

‘jaehwan if u have something to say please hurry up my hot chocolate is getting cold-’

‘y/n~~ i have loved you~~ since you gave me five dollars~~ im glad i walked into you~~ or technically you walked into me but still~’

is he really singing his confession? yes. this is jaehwan we are talking about

you’re not sure if it’s because of embarrassment or happiness but you can feel your cheeks heating up

‘jaehwan if this is you asking me to date you, i accept, but please come inside it’s cold lol’

of course he comes in and you share your hot chocolate

from that day on you were the cutest and most EXTRA couple ever

you announce your relationship in the show by playing the cheesiest love songs for an hour

at the end of the year makeshift awards you win the cutest couple award (and jaehwan wins weirdest laugh award, as expected)

you also win best duet award for your daily singing sessions at 1am

all in all you two are super cute and super extra

everyone is jealous but you’re still their fAVE COUPLE

listen i love jaehwan so much okay this made me so soft for jaehwan uGHH anyway i hope you enjoyed and that this wasn’t a disaster lol i’m going to SCHLEEP