#if you listen to the song there are some callbacks to the lyrics in this fic itself :’) if you read this thank you & i hope you enjoy! :D

[dollsuguru]

black is the color of my true love’s hair

♡ your devotion to suguru is second to none - you would do anything for your beloved! bonded by true love, loyalty, & utter admiration, these are a few moments where suguru has been unbelievably thankful for you & smitten by your acts of love & service! (a story from my suguru geto: valentine’s day fic list!)

contents: f!reader, no curses au, reader is short/blushes/has hair that can be ran through with fingers! slightly suggestive, cursing, mentions of depression/anxiety/self-destructive behaviors. but i promise this is a soft, fluffy fic! it’ll make sense when you read it! dividers are from @saradika! w.c: ~ 11.5k

a/n: belated birthday fic for my beloved husband suguru geto <3 the title of the fic is based on a rendition of the song “black is the colour” by celtic woman! imo it’s the most loving & devotional song i’ve ever heard so i wanted to do a story based on those themes with my favorite black-haired man <3 MY true love <3 p.s. this is my first time ever writing an actual fic & it got a bit long because i got carried away so please bear w me! i hope you enjoy and happy valentine’s day! <3 MWAH!

it’s a simple action, really.

you tilt your head slightly to the right and lift your face up to gaze adoringly at him through your lashes, a mirthful twinkle dancing in your eyes. a soft smirk coupled with a light blush adorns your angelic features, a precious look, which suguru has come to be utterly enchanted by due to the loving action that follows immediately after.

you catch him off guard the first time you do it.

the first time you kiss suguru’s knuckles, he falters.

it’s the way that you do it. naturally & effortlessly, as if it’s like second nature, that causes suguru to stop in his tracks and dedicate all of his attention to you.

his mesmerizing gaze is directed at you, molten gold eyes inquisitive. irrevocably fond.

he attentively watches as you softly grab his large warm hand in your small cold one. his hands are slightly rough yet supple due to his religious use of the honey-almond handcream you bought him earlier in the week.

he notices, rather than intertwining your fingers with his own and holding them, you smoothly bring his hand up to your face, wrapping your digits loosely around the perimeter of his long slender fingers.

your thumb gingerly caresses his ring finger (the one that holds a devout vow of eternal love), your featherlight touch raising wonderful shivers across his body. with the utmost care, you delicately, as if he’s made out of precious china, brush your supple glossed lips against his fingers, relishing in the coolness of his promise ring that encases both his aquamarine birthstone & your own.

your low-lidded enamored eyes never leave his affectionately curious ones — both of you preciously holding the other ones gaze. eyes locked in a staring contest of love.

utterly content with his undivided attention, you gently press a soft kiss to his knuckles.

a sign of affection.

an act, a promise, of complete & utter devotion.

his pierced eyebrow raises slightly due to the suaveness of your actions. he tries to gather his bearings, his brain fuzzy with your actions — did you actually just do that?

suguru’s amber eyes widen significantly, soft black eyelashes fluttering like raven wings against the tan of his cheek that’s blushed with a hue of raspberry red. mouth slightly ajar in surprise, his silver lip ring glints like starlight in the sunset daze of the evening, while his pierced tongue is pressed against his own cheek to stop himself from becoming a bumbling, stuttering mess.

if he speaks — he wholeheartedly believes all that’ll tumble out of his lips will be unabashedly fervent divulgances of: “i love you. i love you. i love you.”

adoration blooms out of his ribcage like a meadow of daffodils, sweetness enveloping around his heart, soft ivory petals and sage green tendrils wrapping themselves delicately over his bones. he reckons that if you couldn’t hear his heartbeat hammering out of his chest before, you definitely can now.

it’s almost as if his brain is in clouds of cotton candy, his mind in a sweet haze of shock, love, & affection. he finds himself whispering airily, “why’d you do that?”

tenderly stroking away silky strands of ink-black hair that wisp around his ethereal face, the fond smile you grace him with is saccharine sweet, “i felt like it.”

unbelievably charmed, he can’t help the giggle that spills its way out through his mouth like honey, a syrupy-sweet sounding little thing. his shaky fingers cover his rosy lips slightly as he laughs bashfully. he’s a bit shy because of it, but you don’t think a sound has ever been so melodious to your ears. you’d get down on one knee to kiss his knuckles reverently as many times as he wants just to hear his laughter over and over and over again.

the way you see it, it’s as if you were put on this earth to devote yourself to him.

like a loyal knight kisses the ring on the hand of their king with the utmost veneration, you’d do the same. without question, worshipping the ground whereupon he stands like a faithful follower would do to a cult leader. you figure in all of the other multiverses, you’re ultimately doing the same thing as what you’re doing in this one: loving him — devoutly. earnestly. passionately.

if the look of ardent rapture on your face is anything to go by, suguru might faint with the rush of pure love & endearment that flows like nectar throughout his veins.

he feels his blush bloom over his warm face which rushes towards the tips of his pierced ears, a clear sign of you flustering him.

wanting to gain back some semblance of control of the situation, he puts on a poker face, a gentleness in his eyes & a fondness in his smile still shining through. his black-nail polished thumb grazes your soft wind-chilled cheek. a beacon of warmth. a caress of admiration accompanied with a well-maintained façade of smoothness. a comforting touch for the both of you.

“well, aren’t you just so sweet.” suguru can’t help the coo that escapes his cherry red lips when you look up at him with your precious doe eyes, “my pretty little baby.”

he softly pinches your cheek, admiring the soft plush. he cradles your cheek with the same hand, & carefully smoothes down your hair that’s been strewn around a bit by the evening wind with the other. suguru pats your head in a nurturing manner in the process, another fond coo escaping him when he sees you preen at the attention he gives you, affectionately watching you revel in the flattering treatment.

your eyes widen with joy, always keening with any praise he showers you with. “i’d like to think so! now come on sugu, your pretty little baby has a lil surprise for you!” you playfully wink at him, your smile beaming like sunshine.

your warm eyes map his stunning features reverently, memorizing his elegant visage. drinking in his otherworldly beauty. as if you could never get enough.

while you openly admire him, suguru does the same to you. he doesn’t think that he’s ever been this enamored by a human being before. you’re the center of his universe, and he can’t imagine his life without you. all he can see in this moment is: you. his intense gaze holds yours as he captures both of your cheeks in his warm gentle hands, enveloping himself in your space. the perfume he bought you for your birthday invades his senses, clouding his mind in a welcomed haze.

all he can think of at the moment is: you. you. you.

all he can repeat in his mind is: mine. mine. mine.

his eyes gleam with a newfound sense of desire, wanting to show you exactly what you mean to him. what you do to him.

his golden eyes that are now an onyx, dilated with desire, flit to your mouth. his thumb outlines your pretty lips that are begging to be devoured by his own. his right hand moves to cradle the back of your head, tilting your face up so he can comfortably take control. long, slender fingers splay across your hair, bringing you closer to him, slightly tugging the strands to hear and feel you gasp against his mouth. he presses his left hand against the small of your back, coaxing you further into his body, fusing you both together. not wanting to be even a millimeter apart. he just can’t get enough of you.

it’s like a magnetic gravitational pull when he presses a soft, sensual kiss against your glossy lips. the cold metal ball in his pierced tongue explores the wet cavern of your mouth, and he can’t help but moan softly into you, relishing in your warmth.

he prays to the stars above, hoping that he can convey his sincere love, desire, & admiration for you like this. he breathes life into you and you do the same to him. kissing you with such vigor & passion, he feels like melding your lips & souls together wouldn’t be enough. he burns with a hunger to become one with you. he pleads to the universe that the intensity of his desire and yearning is relayed to you — that you crave it, crave him as much as he craves you.

with the way he’s ravenously kissing you, and how you’re excitedly kissing him back, it seems like you certainly received the message.

suguru thinks it’s a little bit funny, but very much endearing, when you run around the living room like a bumbling fawn.

you zig-zag around the counter, making sure you pick up the purse that suguru got for you on your previous anniversary, an acrylic charm of your favorite anime character clinking against the metal fastenings. (another gift that suguru got you, begrudgingly he might admit, because who the hell is that toji fushiguro guy anyways…)

you double check that all the contents you need are inside: phone, charger, lip gloss, mini perfume, credit cards — AH! you run back to your room like a panther, not wanting to forget the most important thing you need for tonight!

he can’t help himself but laugh at your frazzled antics. “baby, you can calm down! we’re going on a picnic, it’s almost impossible for us to be late!” suguru admires your punctuality, he thinks it’s sweet how you never want to keep him waiting.

“FORGOT SOMETHING, I ALMOST DIED.” you rush back to him, big goofy smile on your face.

“baby… you’re heaving.” suguru covers his mouth, trying not to giggle out loud at how out of breath you are just by running a few feet. you’re so fucking cute.

“damn…” you huff out, hands on your knees, trying to get a deep breath in. “don’t call me out like that.”

he can’t help the laugh that bellows out of him, “sorry angel, now let’s go!” he places his large hands against your back, ushering you out the door quickly, “you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

walking you towards his black mercedes, he opens the passenger side for you. with both hands on your hips, you remind him that, “it’s a SURPISE!”

after around 45 minutes of both of you jamming out to your playlist in the car, poking his cheek while childishly asking “are we there yet?” just to annoy him for fun, and ultimately being a proper passenger princess who tells him to “just trust me!” when he asks where you two are going, you both arrive to your destination.

and the sight that he sees, enthralls him. he whistles, beguiled by the view. from here, he can see how pretty and bright the stars are, it almost looks like they’re twinkling a “hello!” at the both of you. suguru thinks to himself, a picnic here at night? he’s unbelievably mesmerized at how your brain works sometimes.

he turns to face you, watching how engrossed you are in your phone, tapping away incessantly. wanting your full attention, his fingers grab your chin gently to force you to look him. he jokingly purrs, “if you took me here to kill me, i’ll have you know… sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.”

you raise your eyebrow questioningly.

“because… it’s dark and we’re in random clearing.”

you stare at him blankly. “okay, you’ve hung out with me waaaay too much because i literally said that pick-up line to you last week and now you’re blatantly stealing it… like a THIEF. and also? you drove us here. who the hell is gonna drive me back if you’re dead?”

his brows furrow and he pouts, annoyed that you didn’t fall into his arms and blush because of his (your) raunchy words. he turns away from you and opens his door to leave, brattily huffing out a, “hmph. shut up, dumbass.” with his head held up high in the air, he struts away pompously to the trunk, opening and closing it loudly. a picnic basket with food you both made together in one hand, and a soft quilt of constellations made by haibara & nanami for suguru’s previous birthday in the other.

how fitting.

you loudly snicker to yourself while getting out of the car, amused by your boyfriend’s spoiled antics. while suguru is front of you admiring the view and trying to find a spot to set up, you admire the view in front of you. whistling out a, “damn…” suguru scoffs at your flirty behavior and gives you the finger. you send an air kiss back, and he playfully swats it away.

when he turns away again, you smile to yourself dreamily. taking out your phone, you click a quick candid of him against the night sky, admiring at how he looks like a painting.

the cream of his sweater and the contrast of his cascading ink-black hair entrances you, the silver hairpin you got him during a couple’s trip to kyoto in the top of his bun. the dangling deep violet amethyst gem glints in the moonlight, making him look even prettier. he turns his head to the left, from here you can’t see his eyebrow piercing or his lip piercing since they’re both on the right side of his face, but you do see his eyebrow slit — a scar which you’ve softly traced over many times. his side profile allures you effortlessly, the angular bridge of his nose and the soft cupid’s bow of his lip offering up a beautiful contrast that is suguru: graceful yet strong.

shaking your head slightly, you break out of your trance.

you go back to the task at hand, opening your notes app and ticking off the word at the top of your list.

stargazing. ✔️

you remember suguru mentioned it in passing one day when you were both in the beginning stages of your relationship. it was on his date bucket-list ever since he could remember, and of course you wanted to be the one who would take him!

you guide him over to a little meadow overlooking the city. surrounding you both are beautiful moonflowers, their sweetness enveloping your sinuses. the air is cool and crisp, and in the distance you hear the faint chirps & buzzing of hummingbirds along with the faint caws of ravens. you’re proud of yourself that you were able to find a place this picturesque. (even to this day, you still have an urge to impress suguru in any way that you can.)

both of you sit on the quilt suguru sets down, the homemade cloth providing an extra layer of cushioning that you feel atop the softness of the grass.

you’re upon the hill clearing, close enough to the city that you can comfortably drive back while still seeing a few citylights from where you are, but far away enough that the light pollution wouldn’t interfere with the date you had planned.

“it’s pretty.” suguru glances at the view, praising you while taking out the tonkatsu sandwiches, pasta salad, & chocolate covered strawberries from your picnic wicker-basket. you pick up a bag of chips and start munching on it while he lays down on his back propped up on his elbows, opening up a banana milk to sip on.

“i’m glad you like it,” your words are muffled in between loud crunches and fast chewing, “i was worried we’d be attacked by a mountain lion or a swarm of bees or some shit.” you say honestly.

he blinks. “i wasn’t worried about that. but i am now.” he takes another sip of his banana milk in case it’s his last.

he sits up and picks up the tonkatsu sandwich, handing you the bigger half. “but seriously, how’d you find this place?”

you take the smaller half from his grasp instead, switching with him. taking a bite, you hum happily. suguru is such a good cook. he smiles at you fondly and you answer him, “i was searching up good places to look at the stars. out of all the pictures and reviews, this was the prettiest one.”

you look up at him and swear that you see an actual twinkle in his eyes.

“stargazing?” he pushes his bangs back behind his ear, leaning into your face. loudly repeating, “STARGAZING???” nose pressed against yours, an excitedly manic look in his eyes.

he throws his head back and waves his arms in the air, lamenting, “i should’ve bought a fucking telescope!”

he directs his gaze back towards you, pointing his finger at you accusingly while demanding, “we are coming here again in the future, okay? i’ll bring all of my astronomy gear: a telescope, binoculars, a constellation book, and oooooh! maybe i’ll also bring…” you unintentionally tune him out, looking at him adoringly with stars in your eyes.

this is what you wanted to see.

if you’re being honest with yourself, the best thing to experience in your life is getting to see suguru act genuinely excited. his eagerness to discover new things is infectious, and the man before you is the real suguru: dorky, eclectic, passionate.

the graceful, poised, & elegant man you see when he meets new people and the air of sultriness & suaveness he has when he takes you on fancy dates are utterly enchanting & beguiling, but you think that suguru you see before you now — the excitable nerd, is the most beautiful.

he flicks your forehead, breaking you out of your reverie. “have you been listening to a word i’ve been saying?” he scolds you while pinching your cheek extra hard.

“yeah, you want a telescope so you can look at the stars. also, you look really pretty… the stars ain’t got nothin’ on you.” you rest your chin in your hand, smirking at him, reveling in the blush that paints his cheeks. it was just the cold wind!, he’d tell you later while playfully smacking you upside the head.

you continue, “plus, it’s really hot when you’re all stern and tellin’ me off. what’s my incentive to listen to every word you say if i can get you scoldin’ me instead?” you tilt your head against your hand, grin wide, teeth bared. the masochist in you wants him to scold you even further.

he crosses his arms at you, muscles bulging out of his cream cableknit sweater. your eyes drink up the adonis right in front of you, mentally undressing him. “instead of hitting on me, how about i explain all of the constellations to you in extreme detail?” he purrs to you while biting his lip. he flips his hair over his shoulder, sultrily looking at you. you see right through him of course, knowing that he’s appeasing to your attraction to him just so he can ramble about ursa major, ursa minor, & the big dipper.

frankly. it works.

he holds his hand out to you. a truce.

you shrug. “if you do it like a hot stern professor, then sure.” you both shake on it.

he rolls his eyes playfully, trying to stop the smile that threatens to creep up on his face. “ugh. fine. be quiet and come over here.” he picks you up underneath your thighs and puts you in between his legs. your back pressed against his warm, sturdy chest. he kisses you on the head, appreciative of your indulgence of him.

you giggle cutely and move yourself down, laying your head in his lap while he softly plays with your hair. his lovesick gaze, fond smile, & warm thighs envelope your body, filling your senses with suguru. he leans down and presses a soft kiss against your forehead, an addicting contrast of his cold lip ring & warm soft lips electrifying your skin.

he pops a single chocolate-covered strawberry in your mouth, and you playfully nip his finger. he traces your lips softly and starts playfully lecturing you about the constellations that grace the night sky.

he excitedly points at a cluster of three bright stars, “and that is orion’s belt!”

you point at a bright star in the night sky a few lightyears away from it, grin unbelievably wide.

“i think you might be missing one, babe. and you call yourself the modern-day galileo. heh.” you playfully tease him.

suguru rolls his eyes, “okay first of all, i have never called myself that. second of all — excuse me?” his scoff is slightly haughty, & he can’t help the indignant laugh that escapes out of him. “alright, since you know so much — enlighten me then, what’s that one called?”

“hmm… i believe it’s sugurugeto-020390.”

suguru’s eyes widen ridiculously like flying saucers.

“what?”

you push yourself out of his grasp to pull out a certificate from your purse and hand it to him. you sit next to him cross-legged, gauging his reaction.

“trust me, i wish i could get a better name for it, but it turns out there’s a lot of suguru geto’s in the world.”

pausing for a moment, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows that he’s the only suguru geto on your mind.

giving him bedroom eyes, you purr, “none like you of course.”

he blinks. “what?”

your face falls comically, and you pout, “that bright star in the sky is yours.” you point at it haphazardly. “you’re the light of my life, you illuminate my life, you’re the sole star and center of my universe, blah blah blah… so i figured… ya know…!” you gesticulate wildly, and in the moonlight suguru can see the slight blush on your cheeks. your eyes looking everywhere else but his own.

you’re shy.

he can feel the sinus pressure building up against his nose and the tears glaze over his eyes.

you scratch the back of your head, trying to save face. you quickly backtrack, “i know it’s a bit cheesy and honestly, technically, this was probably a scam, but i figured it was the thought that counts and–”

“shut up.”

you look up at him in a state of shock, “HAH???”

he grabs your cheeks, his silver rings cool against your face, and smashes his lips against your own, teeth slightly knocking against yours. in his excitement, he pushes you down and straddles you, pinning you down to the grass — his body a comforting weight on top of you. he kisses you breathlessly, moaning loudly in your mouth. you can both taste the fruitiness of the strawberry on each others tongues, your own being pressed softly against his piercing. you pull away softly, needing to take a breath.

and the sight above you is one you don’t think you’ll ever want to forget.

suguru’s seductive low-lidded gaze is locked on you, parts of his bangs wisped across his face from the momentum of pouncing on you. he’s breathing heavily, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against yours, his nipple piercings slightly poking into your chest. a rosy blush spreads itself on his cheeks like a strawberry jam, and you don’t think any view could compare to the one you’re blessed to see now.

his lips are red and glossy, aching to kiss you again. you nod softly, begging him to continue. he slots his lips back with your own, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue before he bites down sensually, groaning loudly when he hears you whimper. he curls an arm underneath your body while kissing you passionately, bringing you closer to him, enveloping you into his space. all you can think about in this moment is: suguru. suguru. suguru.

pulling away once more, and peering deep into his amber orbs, you think that his eyes carry the most beautiful stars. a milky way of ochre and obsidian.

never casting your fond gaze aside, you intertwine your hand with his, bringing it to your lips, kissing each knuckle fervently.

his alluring gaze follows your devoted actions. butterflies brush their wings together inside his stomach, the flutter erupting throughout his whole entire being. he thinks that in the moonlight, underneath the canopy of stars that…

you are the most brightest.

the most beautiful.

the most meaningful.

“honey! i’m hoooooooome!”

you feel unbelievably ecstatic that you can finally get to see your dear boyfriend after two weeks of being apart!

you already have the whole day planned out, perhaps you two can get takeout from your favorite local restaurant and watch anime together! you giggle happily to yourself while thinking about how you both can snuggle and have a cozy day in.

you take your shoes, coat, & purse off by yourself, wondering if suguru is out. usually by the time you’re at the door, suguru is already there welcoming you back with a massive kiss and a “missed you baby.” softly whispered in your ear, especially if you go on a long trip…

hmm, that’s a bit odd.

now that you’re looking around…

the apartment is in complete disarray.

it looks like a tornado blew through the whole place.

you shuffle in further… and dirty dishes are piled in the sink, overflowing dangerously. suguru’s clothes, random knick knacks, and pillows are strewn about as if he threw them all in a fit of rage. crumbs litter the carpet and you see what looks to be dirt tracks on the floorboards. the laundry is stacked high and the air is stuffy, it seems like no windows were opened in the time that you were away.

worriedly, you run into your shared bedroom.

suguru is there, thank god safe & sound, but what you see breaks your heart.

he’s laid face down, the left side of his cheek smooshed into the pillow, black tear tracks staining the fabric… he must’ve cried on a day when he went out? the bedroom is filled with dirty clothes on the floor, and you’re pained to smell the stench of cigarettes in the air. it’s light… maybe he only smoked one… but the fact that he felt the need to smoke at all, shattered your soul.

especially considering he quit ages ago when he started dating you.

you walk towards him lightly, not wanting to scare him off. his eyes are open and he looks at you… but he’s not really looking at you.

“you alright there, precious?” you softly whisper.

a perfunctory question. you know he’s not. he knows he’s not. but you know he’s in no state to answer any questions that you have.

“mhm.” he hums quietly. lethargic, not even having the willpower to answer with anything but a light rasp.

you brush back his bangs, and he shudders. his hair is greasy, oil-black hair clumping together in some places, matted in others. his lips are slightly chapped, a bit bloodied no doubt from his habit of biting his lip when he’s anxious. his fingernails are no stranger to the same action, stubbed and jagged down to the nailbed, his black nail polish chipped. bright amber eyes which often have a gentle look in them have turned into a dull ochre, obsidian pupils overtaking his irises.

they’re still gentle because he’s looking at you… but if you’re being honest with yourself, his eyes remind you a bit of a black hole right now.

vacant of light.

you press a soft kiss against his forehead and leave the room momentarily, thinking to yourself if anything can be done about this situation.

you decide to shoot satoru a quick text, seeing if he can help you out a bit with what you want to do.

you breathe out a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing your face. you can always count on satoru. the man may be silly and eclectic, but at the core of his being, he’s someone who will always take care of and look out for his friends. he’s the type of person to drop anything to help those that he loves and adores.

(sometimes you think that satoru really was an angel put onto earth.) (but then you think that he was probably cast out of heaven for being a little shit.) (regardless, you still fucking love him for it.)

you walk back into the room, and lay your head against your pillow that is next to suguru’s. (it smells like him… he must’ve hugged it while you were away.)

cradling his cheek, you quietly say, “satoru’s also back from his business trip babe, he’ll be coming in about 10 minutes. how about you get a bit of sunshine with him, hmm?” he blinks slowly, nodding softly.

you hold his hand to help him up out from the bed, but he shoos you away, admonishing you slightly, “i can do it myself.”

you nod and leave him to it, mentally preparing yourself for the behemoth cleaning task ahead when he leaves.

suguru pads slowly into the bathroom and puts his hair up in a high ponytail with a hairtie he stole from you, not wanting to deal with it. he washes his face and gets a wet rag to pat down his body and underarms, not having the energy to shower. putting on a random black sweatshirt, he douses himself in your favorite cologne of his. he puts on your strawberry lip balm while popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth. with a tired sigh, he exits the bathroom, dragging his feet to where you are at the door.

he kisses your temple gently. you plant a soft kiss against his knuckles. you think your eyes deceive you when you see a semblance of a twinkle in his eyes. “love you baby. i’ll bring you back somethin’.” he rasps out softly.

even in his darkest times, even when his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s still thinking of you. wanting to take care of you. desiring to show his affections towards you in any way that he can.

you simply want to return the favor.

satoru arrives, wearing a crisp white button up and black tinted glasses, his snowy white hair shining like starlight thanks to the sunbeams that hit him. he hugs suguru gently, placing a soft kiss against his temples. suguru, dressed in all black just nods his head lightly at him. he’s not really interested in going out but knows that you two will force him regardless, reminding him that getting sunshine and looking at different scenery is important.

as they get into the car and back out of the driveway, suguru waves lightly at you, eyes tired yet gentle. satoru winks at you, proud & thankful that suguru has someone that cares so deeply for his mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

waving them both a goodbye, you go back inside and put on your cleaning playlist, ready to get started.

the first thing you do is open up the blinds and windows, wanting to air out the stuffiness that had built up over the past two weeks. considering the fact that suguru got a tinge paler and his undereyes looked sunken, you don’t think he got even a single beam of sunshine or any semblance of fresh air in the time that you were away.

padding over to the kitchen, you begin by doing the dishes. wearing your matching baby blue dishgloves, you get to work. it seems like suguru got anxious by seeing all the dishes piled up and started using some paper plates, which would explain the overflowing trash as well. the dishes are caked with food, but soften a bit by dousing them in water along with spritzing a powerwash grease-lifting spray. you sigh happily, glad that this will make it easier. after washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, you turn your attention to the kitchen surfaces.

you wipe down the counter and dining table in circular motions with a lemon-verbena spray, disposing of any old particles of food and random dust that lay upon the surfaces. already in your cleaning mode, you start to feel a little bit more energized.

opening up the refrigerator, you see that it’s been practically untouched. unfortunately, you gag when you smell rotting veggies and fruits, promptly rushing to your kitchen cabinet to get your trash bag to toss any old food away. you mentally remind yourself to get groceries in the morning, maybe if suguru is feeling a bit better after today you both can go together!

walking into the living room, you get your cleaning towel to beat the dust out of all the furniture. usually you & suguru both start with the bedrooms, but this time you figure you’d start with the living room as it’s in a bit of a better shape than the bedroom.

after you finish beating the living hell out of your cushions, you get to swiffering, mopping, and vacuuming — humming and singing loudly to suguru’s favorite songs on your shared cleaning playlist.

you go into the bedroom and start by gathering all of the clothes on the floor and the ones in the hamper to put inside the washing machine. you look around and do the same with the bedsheets and pillow cases, rubbing the eyeliner out of suguru’s pillowcase with some makeup remover first.

cleaning out all of the drawers, you make sure to throw away any random trash and only keep what’s necessary. clutter bothers both you and suguru, so you do your best to try and minimize that. you pick up empty bottles off the nightstand and throw them away. at least he drank a bit of water.

turning your attention to your bookcase, you wipe down the multitude of pictures of you & suguru that he put in frames.

there’s a few of both of you smiling after going on cute dates — suguru’s grin unbelievably wide while flipping off the camera and holding you close to his chest as you laugh loudly. there’s ones of you gazing at him adoringly, your love for him seeping out of the picture. there’s others of him looking at you — a soft fondness in his eyes, an even softer smile gracing his lips, his affectionate gaze tuning out anyone and anything else that isn’t you. both framed and pinned to the wall are multiple candids you two took of one another when the other wasn’t looking or paying attention, bursts of love immortalized in random moments of time.

you tell yourself that the sniffle you do is just because of the dust.

clearing your throat slightly, you look around proudly. you’re done!

you spray each room with a cotton spray, inhaling the fresh linen scent happily. you light up a teakwood candle that suguru bought a few weeks ago in the living room and put a sandalwood diffuser in the bathroom, freshening up the place. you take a well-deserved shower, feeling properly clean and accomplished.

by the time you’re done, it’s around 5:30 P.M in the evening and satoru texts you that they’re on their way and will be back home in approximately 30 minutes.

you get a can of sprite, his preferred soda, out from the fridge and put it on the counter. you decide to place an order for takeout from suguru’s favorite local spot, one that sells cold zaru soba noodles, his favorite food. you place another order at his favorite bakery for matcha crepes, his most loved dessert. the zaru soba will come within an hour and a half, but the dessert will come sooner so you also order a flower delivery too — a cute little surprise which will come within the same amount of time as the crepes.

you figure that you’ll also do the same for satoru, a little thank-you present for when he comes back to his own apartment. you order a bouquet of narcissus & holly for him, internally hoping that he likes it. you also order all of his favorite desserts from his favorite bakery! knowing that he will happily fill himself up on raspberry macarons, strawberry cake, vanilla mochi, chocolate donuts, & zunda cream kikufuku to his heart’s desire.

walking back into the bathroom, you get the most important part of your night started.

suguru finds his heart a bit lighter when he comes back to your shared home. he didn’t want to admit it to satoru… but he actually had a fun time eating, shopping, and listening to his hilarious stories about his shitty business trip. he’d be lying though if he said that he wasn’t most excited to see you after a long, eventful day.

in his hand are a bunch of shopping bags from stores that satoru dragged him to — clothes from your favorite stores, accessories & bags that you most wear, shoes that you need, books & knick knacks that you like — all for you. he bought a few for himself of course, but he mainly wanted to spoil you. he can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face when he thinks about how excited you’ll be to see the gifts he got you.

thinking back on it, the guilt and shame he felt in his heart when you first saw him earlier today ate him up. he didn’t even know why he was feeling the way he was feeling so strongly. it was coincidence that it coincided with your trip, and he made sure that he would sound fun and happy over text as to not worry you. it wasn’t until a few days from when you were actually set to arrive that he didn’t even have the energy to talk or text you.

hell, he didn’t even have the energy to keep the apartment tidy or keep himself in check either. another pang of guilt hits him like a freight truck. he concludes that he’ll give you a spa day so he can clean everything up, not wanting you to worry about the mess he made.

he knows from the bottom of his heart that you’d never judge him or make him feel small for feeling the way he felt, he just feels so bad that he couldn’t even muster up the energy to greet you the way you deserved to be greeted. to kiss you. to hug you. to have a delicious dinner together and snuggle with you.

but no. after a long trip you had to come home and be worried for him. have the apartment be in disarray, have to see him be in disarray. fuck, you were worried enough to call up satoru.

he swears to himself that he’s gonna make it up to you. he swears that–

oh?

what?

suguru’s eyes widen, hands weakly dropping his shopping bags on the floor.

the entire apartment, top to bottom, is spotless.

dishes done and put away. dining table clean. living room tidy. is that… a bouquet of daffodils, his birth flower, on the counter? he also sees the bag from his favorite bakery right next to it too…

he walks around, astonished, at how you’ve made the apartment look brand new.

he reaches the bedroom and sees that the bed is made. his clothes have been clean, dried, and put up in hangers inside his closet. the nightstand, dresser, and bookcase all spotless and wiped free of dust.

a fresh smell envelopes his sinuses. he swallows the lump in his throat. did you smell the single cigarette he smoked? it seems like you aired out the whole apartment. in front of him is a beautiful sunset that waves at him from outside. a sunray beam kisses his cheeks. suguru blinks and feels something wet trailing down his face… it tastes salty on his lips. but feels so warm and sweet.

“suguru?” your angelic voice calls to him.

he turns around and sees you. fresh and clean, a beacon of warmth and illumination. a light blush dusting your cheeks no doubt from all of the hard work you’ve done.

“i ran you a bath. you up for it?” you tilt your head cutely at him, a silent plea in your eyes for him to agree.

feeling like his voice will betray him if he speaks, he nods softly. grabbing his hand, you take him to your shared bathroom, also totally spotless. your hands are soft and small in his, warm for once, because of you taking a hot shower and checking the temperature of the water for suguru’s bath. a sandalwood scent envelopes his nose, no doubt from the diffuser you put inside. he sees the romantic candles and rose petals around the bathtub and he can’t help the smile that overtakes his face.

“for me?” he rasps, a teasing tilt to his voice.

“always. everything and anything i do will always be for you.” you say it seriously. genuinely.

to you, it’s a vow. an oath.

his eyes widen slightly, but he closes them momentarily, not wanting any more tears to spill. he crinkles his eyes and smiles at you softly.

“you joining me?” he undresses, taking off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. showcasing his tan skin, toned abs, & muscles. his nipple piercings & belly button piercing are on full display and he giggles lightly as you ogle at his body, watching your eyes trace his numerous tattoos & piercings, absolutely mesmerized.

“maybe next time,” you smirk, a playful twinkle in your eyes. “figured i could do a little pamper session, is that alright with you?” you ask him caringly, wanting to make sure that he’s comfortable with it first & foremost.

he fears that if he speaks any louder than a whisper, the love that overcomes him will drown his airways. he rasps out a small, “yeah.”

always. anything and everything you do will always be right for me.

he gets into the bath and you try to not let your eyes trail down, instead focusing your gaze on his dragon tattoo that encompasses his entire back along with the mythological japanese creatures that trail up his arms and ribcage like tapestry. you see one of your favorites, a black and white beta fish upon his ribs, submerged underneath the water he’s in.

from this angle, you can also see your name that he tattooed behind his ear. smiling to yourself, you sit behind him, ready to begin the pamper session.

his sloshes the rose petals around with his fingers. the water is warm, is his first thought. i wish you were in here with me, is his second.

your fingers stroke his hair softly, lulling him into a false sense of security, and then you get to work, vigorously rubbing in his lavender shampoo. he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. for some reason anytime you two would take baths or take showers together, you would always wash his scalp aggressively. “this is how i wash my hair sugu! what’s a little run through gonna do? we gotta keep clean!” did clean mean damn near ripping out his hair follicles? possibly.

he’d never stop you or scold you however, he thinks it’s hilarious and an endearing trait of yours. when he washes your hair he makes sure to be as soft and careful as possible, almost lulling you to sleep. when you wash his hair however, it’s like you’re turbowashing a pickup truck. he figures this time he’ll give you a pass (he always does) considering that he doesn’t think he’s washed his hair in around a week and a half.

“gonna rinse now, okay?” he hums quietly, closing his eyes.

this almost feels like a purification process to him.

you lather shampoo in his hair once again wanting to do a double cleanse, this time a bit more softly. you massage his scalp, and he tips his head back. you start from the crown of his head, working in circular motions, using your fingertips. then you go to the roots of his hair, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering.

you push his head forward slightly so you can clean the back of his head too, massaging the pressure points in his scalp. you were always a good masseuse, therefore a deep sigh escapes him, tension leaving his body by the second. (this might be the first time in two weeks where he’s been able to breathe comfortably.) you run your fingers throughout the clean strands of his hair, humming a little tune to yourself.

“they called me.” your hands still for second, but resume back to carefully twisting the water out his silky black hair. you stay quiet, knowing that when suguru speaks he prefers to get it all out there first.

“must’ve been like, what, two days after you left?” a humorless laugh escapes him. “they always know when to fuck up my mood. i swear.”

he sighs tiredly. “they went on a whole spiel about how i need to come back home and find a ‘real job’ as a hotshot lawyer or some fancy businessman, as if i don’t run my own tattoo parlor. as if i’m not also a real fucking businessman. like, do they think i don’t make any money? that i can’t comfortably take care of us both?” he rolls his eyes, getting annoyed again just thinking about how long the same repeated conversation had gone on.

suguru’s family is relatively well-off. he’s genuinely thankful that both him & satoru never had to worry about how to put food on the table or be worried about not being able to spoil the people that they loved.

it’s just that his parents were angry that their picture-perfect little boy wanted to spread his wings… see a world that had more to offer than quiet dinner table meals filled with tension and pointed jabs at one another guised as “caring advice.”

their image of suguru started to get distorted when he first showed up on their doorstep with his gauges. an act of rebellion. he could’ve worn small simple diamond studs but he wanted to make an impression: i’m my own person. even as a 13 year old boy, i can make this decision on my own. he remembers the way his father said he looked foolish. how his mother held her hand over her heart, in shock that her little baby boy had tainted himself in such a manner. what would others say?

suguru remembers looking in the mirror after the whole fiasco & thinking: god… they’d say i look so fucking cool.

then it started with sneaking out to go on late night drives with satoru, shoko, nanami, & haibara. they’d jam out to random songs on the radio, get slurpees & snacks, and sit in satoru’s car just talking about life and their future for hours. suguru still remembers the way his bangs wisped across his face, the crisp night air purifying his soul, the stars in the sky illuminating the landscape. the world seemed bigger those days and the gang were enjoying their teenage years. enjoying their youth.

he remembers coming home, his father waiting for him on the couch, pointing to the seat next to him, forcing suguru to sit down. his father’s arms crossed, black turtleneck making his muscles bulge slightly out of his sweater, his specs on the bridge of his nose making him look so serious. suguru found it easy to make eye contact with everyone in the world, but with his father he couldn’t help but look away sometimes… so he redirected his gaze to the tiny delicate beauty mark near his fathers right eye. a small little thing that made his father look a bit more… prettier. nicer. less daunting.

“where were you?” the timbre of his father’s voice rattled his bones. he muttered those three words quietly, but it still shattered suguru’s eardrums regardless.

“out. with my friends.”

he scoffs. “some friends they are.” a deep resounding ring of utter disappointment comes from his father’s words.

suguru sneers at the man, pissed that he would even think to disrespect suguru’s choice of friends like that. “yeah, they’re the best.” not an ounce of sarcasm lacing his words. his own mood dampened, nevertheless.

he recalls stomping all the way upstairs and slamming the door with all his might. sitting on his bed and resting his head against the window pane, eyes looking up at the same stars he saw when hanging out with his friends.

the stars seemed so far away from suguru’s room.

the world looked so big. suguru felt so small.

then one day, months later, suguru kissed a pretty boy. he can’t quite remember his name anymore, just that his lips were soft and his eyes were kind. suguru’s parents found out. his dad was surprisingly fine with it… he just assumed it was a phase, he went through the same thing as his son did when he was his age. his mother however… she just acted like it never happened the next morning. as if it wasn’t just a part of who he is.

his parents thought he was rebelling for the sake of rebellion. in actuality, it was suguru’s true self coming out. he was just getting more comfortable in his own skin. he was tired of being the picture perfect beauty who always was demanded of being polite, poised, & graceful. it was always too easy for him to put on a fake smile and manipulate others into doing what he wanted for the sake of his family’s reputation, it’s what he was taught. being at that house, it felt like he was kept on a tight leash, restricted from living his life. he felt caged like a bird…

but he just wanted to be free.

all he wanted was to just truly be himself in this world.

a kiss against his scalp breaks him out of his reverie.

right… he was here with you. he doesn’t have to spiral or worry anymore. you’re here. with him.

you’re here, you’re here, you’re here.

he shudders softly, taking your hand, holding it tight within his grasp. anger laces his next words, “they also said it’s time i get into a ‘real relationship’. whatever the fuck that means.”

you giggle. you know that his parents aren’t too fond of you. you’re not exactly of the same… class or status as them. at least that’s what suguru’s mother told him.

he huffs out a single dry laugh, “i’m glad you’re giggling about it because i nearly popped a fucking blood vessel screaming into my phone when they said that shit.”

“my protector.” you coo to him.

a light blush tinges his cheeks. always.

he presses a kiss against your palm. “i think it just made me… spiral a bit, y’know? reminded me of when i was kid and they made every little decision for me. i mean i’m a fucking adult now — i can decide what i do, who i wanna be, and who i want to be with.”

so when he got that phone-call from them on that day he was supposed to go to some rock concert… he did the one thing he promised himself he’d never do again. he lit a cigarette, and cried his eyes out into his pillow.

while sobbing, he remembered when he was in his early twenties and he’d sleep around with anyone and everyone, smoke blunts & cigarettes, go bar-hopping… do everything the picture-perfect pretty boy would never be allowed to do under his parents roof. his family just made him so miserable that he would do anything to not think of them.

he heard your voice in his head, reminding him, that instead of continuing on that self-destructive streak, he got his shit together. art & drawing was always his safe haven, so he found himself an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor, getting a job as a piercer and ultimately working his way up to being a tattooist. he owns his own place now — all his hard work & effort paid off.

his mind travels back to you. his true love.

ever since the moment he met you, he was mesmerized by your beauty, your personality, and your loving words & actions.

suguru’s heart and sobs only calmed down when he thought of you. his beloved. his angel. his reason to be. he hugged your pillow a bit tighter that night, imagining it was you.

“i’m proud of you, you know.” you say it so genuinely that it tugs on his heartstrings, making his heart skip a beat.

“you’ve been through a lot of shit with your parents, but at the end of the day, you chose to follow what your heart desired — not whatever they wanted. you’re successful in what you do and you made the right decision. it doesn’t matter what the hell they say, because they don’t know the effort and time it took you to get where you are.” you say it so passionately, that suguru believes every word that comes out of your mouth. his heart racing, thankful that somebody fucking understands him.

“you’re kind. you’re caring. you’re so unbelievably loving. you’re always looking out for others and helping anyone that needs it… you’re a good fucking person, suguru. i hope you know that and realize that. it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are good. what you do is good. who you are is good. it’s an honor to be able to love you and be with you. i hope you know that.”

for the first time in a while, suguru turns around and really looks at you. the way you bare your soul to him so effortlessly, the way you smile so sweetly at him, the way you make him feel like he’s your one true love.

“i’m so thankful for you. i love you… and i want to be with you, too. always.” his voice breaks a little, overcome with emotion.

suguru hugs you tightly, neither of you caring about the wetness on your clothes. suguru puts his entire spectrum of feelings towards you into the hug — an apology, a thank you, and a proclamation of love.

voice a bit shaky, he laughs, “sorry for getting you all wet. i know how much you hate drenched clothes.”

“you apologizing for getting me wet? now that’s a first.” you purr playfully, glad to see him in better spirits.

a loud laugh bellows out from suguru, deep within his gut. he kisses your lips preciously, and sits back down in the water, urging you to continue.

the mood now is far lighter. the air thick with a sweet steam.

you rinse his hair and gently put his lavender conditioner through his hair. massaging it in, running your fingers through his silky smooth strands. you put his hair up in a clip for a few minutes to let the product soak in. he washes it out himself while you start the shower, making sure you put in his favorite honey-almond bodywash. he gives you a silly yet oddly sultry show when he lathers himself and he promptly comes out, steaming and refreshed. you help him do his skincare routine, softly rubbing each and every product into his skin. he towels off and sits down, hairbrush in his hand, looking at you.

“here, let’s do this first.” you blow dry his hair, taking your time and allowing suguru to lull his head back onto your front, the soft black tresses of your beloved’s hair feeling much more revitalized in your fingers. you then brush his hair, gently, carefully. the entire time, you notice that suguru’s eyes are closed and he’s smiling to himself. you kiss him on the top of his head, and he turns to kiss you back. eyes closed, his lips puckered…

but just then, the doorbell rings.

“OOH! perfect timing!” you scurry off. you leave a pouting suguru who huffs out a little “hmph.” annoyed that whoever was at the door took a very well-deserved kiss away from him.

he patters softly to the kitchen where you’re setting out cold zaru soba noodles for him along with a can of sprite and matcha crepes. all of his favorites.

you hold a bouquet of flowers. daffodils.

“for you.” you curtsy, a mirthful twinkle in your eyes. he graciously accepts them from you, a shy smile and light flush across his cheeks.

“thank you.”

kissing his knuckles you whisper, “anything for you.”

for once in his whole entire life, suguru doesn’t think he can bear to look you in the eye. your adoration is so unbelievably intense, it feels like it’ll burn a hole inside his heart. does he deserve so much goodness in his life?

“you deserve more than what i can give you. i’ll spend my whole life making sure you realize that, suguru.” you say to him honestly. “if you’ll allow me of course.”

he kisses you on the lips softly, hoping that you can feel how thankful and lucky he is that he has you. “likewise.”

he clears his throat. “okay, c’mon. i’m starving. i wanna watch that stupid anime and shit talk that hot guy you like on screen while we snuggle.”

“he’s the best character, suguru!” you huff indignantly. clearly he can’t be talking about thee toji fushiguro???

“babe. he SUCKS.”

he knows you so well, he muses to himself.

he knows how your breath hitches after he nuzzles his lips against the curve of your neck, that the skin is sensitive there, but not as sensitive as your right ear. he knows that because of the way your knees buckle as he whispers soft romances to you, intense shivers overtaking your body. he makes sure that his arm is always wrapped tender yet firmly around your waist when that happens, trapping you against his unyielding body.

he knows what makes you tick. on the rare occasion that you allow your emotions to overcome you, he knows how to comfort you. he leaves you alone for a few moments so you’re able to gather your thoughts & assess your bearings, and then he invites you into his warm embrace. he lets you lay your head in his lap as he strokes your hair gingerly, easing your soul with both honest and kind words. adorning your face with soft kisses and even softer caresses. a cocoon of protection.

it seems like these days, however, he hasn’t had a proper grasp on you. you can’t hide a single thing from him, he knows that you would never willingly do so either.

it’s not like you want to anyways — not that you intend to, at least.

but it’s an aching feeling in his chest, nonetheless.

earlier in the week, you’d softly shut your bedroom door whenever you saw him, pretending as if you couldn’t see each other… as if he wasn’t there. it’s moments where he found you haphazardly digging for shit in your drawers, tucking whatever it was into your pockets and padding away softly to your room. you’d stay in there for hours, only coming out when he knocked on your door to tell you dinner was ready. he heard lots of rustling and you pretended as if you were just chilling in there, as if nothing was going on. sometimes when he knocked on your door to see what you were up to, all he heard back was an “i’m busy, baby! i’ll be out soon!” then it became even more odd, you’d quickly shut off your phone whenever he came into the room and would plaster a bright smile at him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

he sighs to himself. he trusts you. he loves you. he knows you’re not doing anything heinous.

but… why won’t you tell him what’s bothering you? don’t you trust him to fix whatever is wrong? it eats away at his mind & soul that you think you have to hide whatever it is that’s taking you from him. don’t you know that he’d drop anything for you? that’s what being in love is for, right?

his eyes peer at you from the couch, studying you. he calls out to you softly, “angel. can we talk, please?”

a statement posed as a question. he knows this. you know this. you answer regardless.

“sure.”

you walk towards him, intentionally adding a lackadaisical swagger to your steps. to fool him. you know it won’t, he knows it won’t. but suguru isn’t anything if a man who doesn’t indulge his beloved.

he pats the seat next to him on the couch. inviting. as if he’s giving you a choice, even though you know you have none at the moment. “sit next to me, my love.” his smile is taut like a string, amber eyes shut closed so you don’t bear witness to the tears that threaten to spill.

he knows you’re hiding something.

he doesn’t like not being in the know.

is it something he did?

is it something you did but are too afraid to tell him?

since when were you afraid of him?

were you always–?

in the few seconds it takes you to sit down, a myriad of questions race through suguru’s head, creating a spiral of untamable negative thoughts. you would talk to him if something was wrong, right? you both have a healthy communication and always talk things over with each other… so what’s different now? do you not trust him?

suguru chastises himself, thoroughly.

of course you wouldn’t want to speak to someone like him.

always the overthinker. always the nagging negative nancy. always the manic-depressive.

sometimes suguru fears that he acts more like a father to you rather than a boyfriend.

that he’s a bit suffocating. too intense. very overbearing.

a warm hand engulfs both of your small, cold ones. he hopes that it comes off as sweet, as caring. because he himself is sweet and caring.

at least he hopes he comes off like that.

“is everything alright, sweetheart?” a soft whisper. he speaks placatingly to you like you’re a newborn fawn and any loud noises or large movements will make you jolt and run away. “i feel like… you’ve been avoiding me recently. and…” he takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know if it’s something i did, but you need to tell me, okay? you have to tell me so i can make it better.”

he thinks he sounds nurturing. kind. paternal.

he also thinks he sounds so fucking condescending.

he closes his eyes and a picture of a man darts across his eyelids like an overdeveloped photo.

strict, heavy-handed, cutthroat.

paternal and protective to a fault. a man who was always “right” even when he was wrong.

an “apathetic” man who bore a child who thought too much – felt too much.

a flash of a sophisticatedly handsome man with obsidian shoulder length hair, serious low-lidded eyes, and a firm closed mouth sears itself across suguru’s brain like a charred photograph.

he flings away the afterimage as quickly as it came. pretending as if he never even thought of it.

he gulps, swallowing the fireball in his throat. god, he really doesn’t want to be like… him. having a majority of his features is enough, he does not want to inherit that man’s personality.

suguru absentmindedly rubs the slit in his eyebrow, his grip unintentionally tightening on your hands. he releases moments after, not wanting to cause you any pain.

“everything is fine with me sugu, i promise you.” you reassure him. “it wasn’t my intention to avoid you or make you feel like you did anything wrong… i am so sorry if it came off like that.” you answer him honestly. your head is tilted to the side like a little puppy, brows furrowed, upset that you made him feel like you were trying to get away from him.

“no, no no no no no, baby it’s not your fault.” he quickly grabs your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. he brings you against his chest, hugging you tightly. “don’t apologize honey, i’m sorry… i just got into my head a bit.” he quickly placates you and kisses the top of your head. you shouldn’t be the one to suffer because he started to anxiously overthink and spiral.

he looks at the time on his watch. it’s a few minutes past midnight. you both should go to sleep… maybe you can talk it over in bed or in the morning with clear heads.

you exhale softly, shaking your head faintly. you press a delicate kiss against the corner of his lips. telling him, “give me a sec.”, you walk over and into your room.

he nods and watches you saunter away, putting his head into his hands. god… him and his big mouth… he sighs, anxiety crawling up his throat once more. he really didn’t want to upset you or anything, he angrily tells himself to apologize to you when you get back.

hearing you shuffle closer to him, he lifts his head.

in your hands is a… huge book?

“i wanted to give you this tomorrow… well technically today, but i guess it doesn’t really matter.”

he tilts his head, confused. you present him with the thing you’ve been working so hard on.

you smile at him so softly, he thinks that his heart is about to burst. “happy birthday, suguru.”

birthday…? oh god, it is his birthday.

he gently takes the present from you… it’s a scrapbook.

“don’t look at it in front of me! okay, bye!” you quickly sprint into your room, not wanting to be in the room when suguru looks at such a personalized present.

blinking, he grabs his reading glasses from the coffee table, and opens the book, flipping through each page carefully.

photobooth pictures, polaroids, kodak film pictures, movie tickets from your dates, admission tickets from amusement parks he’s taken you to, and multiple candids of both him and you - many of which he hasn’t seen.

one of them looks awfully familiar… did you take this the day you took him stargazing in the meadow? his fingers brush against his trembling lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.

is this what you were doing?

he feels so stupid.

but god… does he feel so fucking loved.

you’ve immortalized every single moment of your relationship with him. nothing being too small for you to be excited about, carefully keeping everything.

he sees the little pressed flower of a daffodil enclosed in wax paper on one of the pages, probably from the first time you gave him a bouquet. the first time anyone has presented him with flowers without wanting anything in return. when asked about the occasion, you simply shrugged and said “just felt like it” & then quickly kissed his knuckles, zooming out of his apartment to run errands. he remembers how bashful he felt. how thankful he was. how loved that experience made him feel.

he moves his glasses upwards, wiping the tears across his lashline and the ones that stream down his face. he clears his throat slightly, and continues flipping the pages. you’ve drawn little doodles (things that he’s already planning to get tattooed on him simply because they came from you) and you’ve written beautiful, personal messages. encapsulating your adoration for suguru in the margins — genuine words filled with your love, devotion, and admiration for him.

he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his face the best he can. he tenderly calls out your name, beckoning you over to him, and you get up out of your shared bedroom to pad softly into his open arms.

“my love.” he stands up and walks over to you midway. he hugs you so tightly while pressing your head against his beating heart, his arms protectively enveloping you. the space between you two is nonexistent, and suguru surmises that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

conveying his thankfulness and love to you, he sweetly says, “my sweet, sweet girl.” a soft kiss pressed against your hair, “my heart beats for you, forever and always.” from anyone else it’d sound cheesy, but from suguru… you know he means it from the depths of his soul.

“my little dove.” he coos so fondly, sweet candied sugar dripping from every syllable. he holds your face in his gentle hands, openly divulging his admiration for you, “you’re so precious to me, you know that? i love you. i love you. i love you.” a tender kiss pressed against your soft lips between each proclamation of adoration.

you smile graciously, thankful and relieved that he adores your present and that he especially adores you. you knew out of any of your presents that you were going to give him today, that this would be the most meaningful. suguru has always been the ultimate sentimentalist, and you wanted him to know that you care for him so deeply. that you love him. adore him. that your heart beats only for him. pushing back a black tendril of your true love’s hair behind his ear, you kiss him gently. both of your lips fitting together perfectly — like a lock & key.

you bring his knuckles upon your lips, preciously kissing his promise ring, ensuring to him that your love and devotion runs deep, deeper than anything in this world.

“i love you too. happy birthday, my love.” his hands are so gentle. his face is so sweet. suguru… your one true love.

if you asked suguru to describe you in three words, he’d say you were: devoted. loyal. loving.

he has four more of his own on the tip of his tongue that he’ll ask to you when he musters up the courage.

with a soft kiss upon the ring on your knuckles, and an even softer smile upon his lips, he lovingly breathes out, “私はあなたを永遠に愛します”

[tenebraevesper]

Isekai'd As My Past Self (Sonic the Hedgehog AU Story)

Being a fan of Isekai Anime (currently watching Villainess Level 99: I May Be the Hidden Boss but I'm Not the Demon Lord), I think it was inevitable for me to come up with a story like this.

However, before I start with the actual premise of the story, I first want to explain the setting though. This story is based on the trope of the main character dying or getting executed in some way, only to reincarnate as their past self (think along the lines of 7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys A Carefree Life Married To Her Worst Enemy!), but with the caveat of having all of their future self's memories.

In this case, the story's starting point would be Archie Sonic's Mobius: 25 Year Later and Mobius: 30 Years Later storyline, with the main characters featured being King Sonic and King Shadow - or rather, their past selves before the events that led into 25YL/30YL took place. Silver would also be a major character in this due to his time-travelling shenanigans.

Before I dive into the plot properly, I will leave a warning here. If you read my previous analysis in regards to this storyline, King Shadow (The Altered Future & The Altered Character) & King Shadow (The Alternate Story), you would know that I don't like 25YL/30YL at all and therefore, I'm planning on not only deconstruct it, but completely destroy it in this AU story.

So, if you are a fan of the 25YL/30YL, the King Sonic storyline or the Sonally pairing, I'm recommending you to NOT read this AU story. If you do read it regardless of my warnings, don't come crying into the comments about how much you hate it. There is a reason I have warned you at the start and I'm not pulling any punches with this one.

With that said, let's dive into this story, and if you are curious about the additional text, it is the translated lyrics of the opening song of Villaines Level 99, titled LOVE or HATE?, which I was listening to while writing the story (the links lead to the TV Version and Full Version respectively). Honestly, if this were an anime, I'd probably use that song as it's theme song.

The Future

For example, if I let my hair sway a little

Will the voice I hear be LOVE or HATE?

Do whatever you like, no matter what they say

I won't stop walking

The story starts out sometime after the Sonic Universe Issue #5-#8. Take note, Mobius: X Years Later is, going by Pre-SGW canon, a possible ''What if'' future, not the canon future of Pre-SGW canon, which means that the events leading up to it were probably different than what we saw in later parts of Pre-SGW, but the timeline itself would probably similar enough.

The main focus would be on King Sonic, who is actually quite unhappy and bored with his life as the King of Light Mobius, thinking back to his past adventures and longing for the freedom he had, which is basically the core aspect of his character.

Before anyone starts arguing about why Sonic would be unhappy with his current life, take note that he actually expressed unhappiness in canon, specifically saying how he is not fit to be King, with Sally outright dismissing his feelings on the matter. Admittedly, this was also written by Ken Penders, who has no clue how Sonic works as a character and despite raising an interesting character point, quickly drops it like a hot potato.

Still, it is the one line I 100% agree with - Sonic is not fit to be a King.

This is why this AU story exists, as I want to dive in further into Sonic's thoughts on being a King. There would even be one event where another villain appears and King Sonic springs into action, only for Sally to literally stop him in his tracks, pointing out how he has other people that can handle this (this being a callback to a similar argument they had in Issue #134, where Sally basically told Sonic that he shouldn't throw himself in danger, especially since he's her consort and that they have other people fighting for them, meaning Sonic should stay by her side and rule with her - with Sonic refusing).

This is a similar case, with the addition of Sally telling him how he's the King and that he needs to think of his family and his people, how he can't go fighting like this since he's not anymore in his prime, and so on. All of which are valid points, but go against Sonic's core character.

King Sonic would obviously want to do the smart thing and keep Sally happy, but at the same time, wonders if it's really selfish that he also wants to be free from all of his duties as the King and go back to his adventuring lifestyle. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he has come to regret becoming King in the first place, but now that he made his choice, he cannot escape it.

As King Sonic thinks about this, he learns that King Shadow is back once again to cause chaos and, with other characters being conveniently absent, he goes to confront him despite Sally's wishes. King Sonic learns that King Shadow is on the search of some Mystical McGuffin Crystal (placeholder name, think of it like the Paradox Prism from Sonic Prime) that would help him once again to assert his rule over Light Mobius (as he tried to do with Tikhaos previously).

The two end up in a battle, with the Fake King Shadow sneering at King Sonic for not standing up to him and wondering where Sonic's fighting spirit had gone. This is the last straw for King Sonic and he tackles Fake King Shadow into the Paradox Crystal (not very imaginative, but hey, better than the actual placeholder name), causing it to shatter and the two getting engulfed in a bright light before everything around them turns dark.

The Past

Unstoppable news

They'll forget it tomorrow

Today is better than yesterday

Believing leads to a big victory

Sonic awakens suddenly, standing on a stage surrounded by the royal family and the people of the Acorn Kingdom. He is in a daze, wondering what had happened, with the first thing he notices is that he is much younger, being a teenager once again, and wonders if his battle with King Shadow and the whole Light Mobius future was just a dream.

He is then suddenly addressed by Sally, who asks him to finally make their engagement official to the public, but Sonic, still confused and baffled, and unable to comprehend what had just happened, just utters the following:

''No... I need... Shadow.''

He then leaps off the stage and quickly runs off to find the Faker and get the answer in regards to what had happened.

He eventually finds Shadow, who is equally baffled by what had just happened, although he managed to get an understanding of the situation faster than Sonic, and the two get into another fight, just to take out their frustrations on each other.

During the battle, they come to the conclusion that they somehow time-traveled back into the past, awakening as their younger selves right before the events that would set up the Light Mobius story had happened. In this past, they had just a major victory against Dr. Eggman and, as part of the celebration, Sonic and Sally, who had just made up and started dating again, wanted to make their engagement once again official - at least until Sonic ran off to find Shadow.

In other words, while one could argue that they pulled a Silver, this isn't a situation where they can just change the past and travel back to their own future. Instead, they got the opportunity to relive their past while also having the memories of their future selves. In other words, they are free to do whatever they want with the knowledge they have.

As they process this realization, Sonic accuses Shadow of becoming a tyrant again, and Shadow responds how the only reason he had done that was because even after Dr. Eggman was gone, other villains attempted to take over his place as the Big Bad and Shadow was the one who dealt with them to ensure peace. Had he gone too far in his mission? He did, but he felt that there was no other option for him left. There was power vacuum and he filled it by becoming a tyrant.

Sonic also realizes that, with him being back in the past as his younger self, he also got his own wish granted. He is not King Sonic anymore and he could easily go back to the adventuring he always wanted, enjoying the second chance, the freedom he had been granted. At the same time, he feels guilty because this would mean that the future he knows might not exist anymore, and it is through his own fault, even if he doesn't know the details.

Therefore, Sonic's main inner conflict here would be that he is torn between his desire for freedom and the duty he had towards the Acorn Kingdom as the future King, while Shadow's inner conflict would be his desire to protect the world through any means necessary and whether he should temper his more violent and cruel tendencies.

To make things more complicated, they are suddenly joined by Silver, who came from his own future to inform them about a looming danger that is threatening to tear up reality, with Sonic and Shadow realizing that they're responsible for this and have to work together now to fix their mistake.

This would be the main premise of the story.

The Present

Sync with the rhythm

I want to be swaying

But the outsiders are noisy

Noise canceling

As the story resumes, further details are revealed about Sonic and Shadow's current situation and the true nature of the shattered Paradox Crystal.

Through Silver's investigation, they learn that he Paradox Crystal was a powerful artifact that had the power of bending time and space by granting the user their innermost desires. This explains why Sonic and Shadow have returned back to the past as their younger selves, as Sonic's desire was to have his freedom back, while Shadow's desire was to have the power to protect the world in his own way. Not only that, but the shattering of the Crystal had also tampered with Sonic's own Chaos Energy, putting him in a similar state of agelessness as Shadow, which would allow Sonic to always remain in his prime so he could protect people and keep the world safe.

The three hedgehogs also learn that, before Sonic and Shadow, there was a different Entity that sought out the Paradox Crystal, but got trapped inside it and the Crystal getting shattered released it, which resulted in the Entity gaining the power to slowly fracture reality. To fix this mess, Sonic and Shadow would need to find the pieces of the Crystal that have scattered across the world like the Dragon Balls and bring them together. The reason why it is them who have to do this is, aside from personal responsibility, they're the ones among very few people who can actually detect and handle the Crystal's power and presence.

Sonic is excited to go on this adventure, only to get startled by a furious Sally calling for him and promptly hiding behind Shadow, as he doesn't want to confront Sally's wrath, yet. Shadow, in response, just rolls his eyes, while Silver is confused about what is going on. Basically, by Sonic saying ''No'' and running off earlier, Sally believed that she got shot down again and wants to give him a ''What the hell, dude?!'' speech about Sonic not caring about her feelings or even thinking about the situation for that matter.

Sonic attempts to explain himself, but is interrupted by Shadow, who tells Sally that reality is in danger and that's why Sonic ran off. This way, he also stops Sonic from accidentally revealing that he has memories of his future self, later explaining to Sonic that he doesn't really trust Sally with using any of that information. He points out that, while she can be proactive, when he started his tyrannical rule, she literally did nothing to undermine him, meaning that she still lacks some of decisiveness on her part.

Sally figures that, if things are that bad, then they should call the Freedom Fighters for help, although she would also have to discuss the matter with the Council of Acorn, as per the current rules, they cannot really act without getting the Council's approval.

Sonic, having enough of the Acorn Kingdom's politics and bureaucracy, decides to set out on his own, with only Shadow as his companion. He refuses to be anymore under the control of the government, be it the King or the Council, making the decision to work on his own.

He is here to protect them, not to be controlled by them, and if they don't like it, he can leave. He can do more good for the world if he doesn't have to wait to be told what he is supposed to do.

While there would be people protesting against this decision, Sonic and Shadow are already off on their adventure, traveling all over the world for the Crystal Shards Sonic Unleashed-style.

They would also face several opponents who would want the Crystal Shards for themselves, like Dr. Eggman, Ixis Naugus and Geoffrey St. John, and Scourge and the Destructix (perhaps even meeting Anti-Shadow and Anti-Silver if they have to travel to Moebius).

Oh, and one more thing - the engagement with Sally is off.

The Freedom Of Choice

For example, if I trace my finger a little

Will your choice be LOVE or HATE?

Do whatever you like, make your cheeks turn red

And spitting, boy

As I had mentioned before, the main inner conflict for Sonic would be the choice he would make in shaping his own future.

The expectations from people in-universe, as well as the reader, would obviously be that Sonic follows all the steps that leads up to the Light Mobius future (e.g. marrying Sally and becoming King), as that is the selfless thing to do, something that is expected from the main hero. Set right what was done wrong and follow the path to the anticipated happy ending.

But, is that really the ending that would make Sonic happy? This is a question Shadow would ask Sonic, wondering if he would really be happy to stay at one place, figuratively shackled to the duties of a King and abandoning who he is at his core.

In this story, Sonic would ultimately refuse to give up his freedom.

He will admit that, in the previous timeline, he did it to make Sally happy, but not himself. As a matter of fact, that was something everyone expected him to do, as they were the power couple and all that stuff, and he tried not to look back on the ''What If''. For him, there was no ''What if''.

However, now that he got a second chance, he decides to be selfish and do something for himself, especially when he experiences this sense of freedom once again by travelling all over the world, meeting new people and go on adventures.

The future itself is regarded as a huge ''What If''. Sonic has already experienced a future where he is the King and he wasn't happy about it. The question is, should he continue sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of others or actually be a bit selfish for his own sake? He doesn't even know how he ended up back as his younger self, so is he even allowed to change the present and the future? Would he be the villain because of that?

After all, it is not as if he would immediately return to the supposedly set Light Mobius future even if he fixed the Paradox Crystal. He was brought back to relive his past as he sees fit and he will be stuck in his teenage body with no way to jump into the future. So, either he can live through the whole experience again or just choose a different path.

Sonic would instead use the memories of his future self to help people, preventing any bad event flags from being triggered and protecting the world his own way. These changes in the present would obviously lead to the Light Mobius future not even being a possibility by default, allowing Sonic to live without regret.

Nevertheless, it won't be an easy choice to make and Sonic would keep doubting himself, which is why he would benefit from Shadow's presence.

Speaking of which...

The reason Shadow became a tyrant in the former timeline was to protect the world, ultimately losing himself in the process and feeding into his own delusions. When he returns to the past, he would still be in the mindset that he needs to protect the world by conquering it and eliminating any opposition. Sonic insists that he would be there to stop him, as he knows what Shadow is capable of.

Suddenly, Shadow gets furious, snapping at Sonic because the latter never saw just how bad it got before Shadow took over as a tyrant. As stated before, there was a power vacuum when Dr. Eggman died, leading to many other villains trying to take over, which basically made this whole situation a world-wide Game of Thrones. Shadow had to take over, because if he didn't, things could've ended up much worse.

Shadow also admits that he understands that everyone hated him, but he had to choose the ''ends justify the means'' option because he felt that there was nothing else left. Sonic, having gained a better understanding of Shadow's motives, would stop their fight and make an offer instead. He would tell Shadow that they could protect the world together as a team, especially since they have knowledge of the future and can use that to their advantage. Shadow would accept his offer.

The part that follows would focus on Sonic and Shadow's adventures across the world, where they would from time to time be aided by their friends, but ultimately, the story would be about them working together and developing a strong bond.

Now, that bond can be purely platonic... but if you are in any way familiar with my blog, you should already know that this would spiral into a Sonadow story.

If you don't like the ship or aren't a shipper yourself, you are free to skip the next part and resume at LOVE or HATE Story.

Sonic & Shadow - The Ultimate Duo

Differences in hobbies, differences in peace of mind

Even if I confuse you

My path is shaped by

Just LOVE or HATE

I'm certain that some don't like where this is going. Why should I write down such a story if one of its conclusions is a non-canonical ship? Well, if you still think the same, then you seriously should have skipped this part.

I had stated before that the story focuses on the concept of freedom and what it means to Sonic, and in this case, this choice would split off into three different paths. The first path would be following the set story, leading into the Light Mobius Future, aka the one this story will avoid. The second path follows a simple adventure plot, albeit going against the beliefs and expectations of the reader, with everyone gaining a happy, but platonic ending, which is where non-shippers should've stopped their read.

The natural conclusion would be that the third path follows the Sonadow Ending.

As stated above, in this path, Sonic would ultimately choose freedom over duty, which would make him ending up with Sally impossible. If he marries her, he becomes King and the Light Mobius future happens, which he wants to avoid in this life. So, distancing himself from any romantic relationships that would result in him being tied down, without him having any say in it, would be the next logical step.

If Sally questions Sonic about their engagement, he would tell her something along the lines of having thought about their future together, and he cannot see it happening anymore. He knows that a future with Sally means a future without freedom, and he knows that, the way he is now, they're incompatible.

Yeah, Sally (and the Sonally shippers) wouldn't be happy about that. After all, their relationship works on the idea of ''Opposites Attract'', which is probably one of reasons why people find it appealing. No offense to those who like the ship, but the issue that I personally see here is that ''Opposites Attract'' cannot work if the two sides are too opposing to attract each other.

In other words, Pre-SGW!Sally is too devoted to her kingdom and people and has stated time and time again that she prefers to settle down once this whole deal with Eggman is over.

Sonic does not work like that.

Sure, maybe Pre-SGW!Archie!Sonic would work, but I'm certain that by now, you have noticed that I'm writing Sonic's character with his Game!Self's characteristics in mind (and some helpful suggestions from Ian Flynn in regards to how he would approach Sonic being in a relationship).

First and foremost, Sonic is free as the wind. He would not settle in one place, even if he would visit it just to see his friends. He would keep travelling. He is not fit to be King (or even a father for that matter, even if he would try his best). His strengths lie in being an adventurer and he wants to fully embrace this side of him over the course of the story.

It has been a repeated statement in the shipping community that if you want to pair Sonic up with someone, this person should be a character who wouldn't warp who Sonic is at his core, but be able to keep up with him and accept his lifestyle. I have seen a debate about Sonamy, and while I find the ship cute and agree that Amy is someone who works hard to be recognized by Sonic, she too would be someone who'd prefer to settle down rather than always be on the move.

This brings me to the only person who not only recognizes Sonic's adventurous spirit and desire for freedom, but has immense respect for him, is capable of not only keeping up with Sonic, but even get ahead of him, and even if they argue, it is clear that both have the same goal in mind, even if their methods differ.

Look, I was never interested in shipping, so if you want me to like a certain pairing, you need to really convince me that it works and that the characters have chemistry and a charm to them.

Sonadow does have that chemistry and charm that makes me go ''Yeah, these two actually work together well.''

As for Sonic and Shadow, this adventure would definitely explore just how well they click together. To note, both Sonally and Sonadow are a case of ''opposites attract'', but with Sonally, they're just too different to work properly, especially when one is chained to duty and the other desires freedom.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Shadow are literally two different sides of the same coin, both never really settling anywhere and driven by their desire to protect their world, even if their methods differ. Both easily balance each other out and even them arguing, or just talking for that matter, sounds like them flirting more often than not. The only thing that needs to be added to their existing relationship is them becoming more vulnerable and open around each other, as it doesn't change what they already have or who they already are.

By spending so much time with each other, they would eventually realize that they have something going on and decide whether they'll fully embrace it or not, especially given their initial reservations about being in a relationship.

Sonic doesn't want to be tied down by anyone or anything and fears that he might lose his freedom again, while Shadow would be anxious about getting this close to someone again due to his own fear of losing someone important to him.

However, considering who the person is they're attracted to, they would realize that there really isn't anything to fear. Shadow would not take Sonic's freedom away from him, and Sonic basically has Main Character Syndrome, so there is no chance that he would die easily, at least not without a fight, something Shadow is well aware of by now.

Not too sure about how their friends would react to them being together, although I'm certain that they would be supportive.

Well, most of them.

LOVE or HATE Story

I did not intend to go this much into detail with this AU Story (which I came up with in a day, mind you), but once I started writing down the idea, I couldn't stop. Sure, there is probably more to write, but I would then have to start the story properly to add even more details of events and interactions.

While I'm somewhat interested in writing this out, I know well that this would end up in a very long story, and I already have other projects I'm working on, so this will remain as just as an idea.

I am open to discussing this story and what else can be explored and I'm eager to hear your opinion on it. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I simply wanted to put this out in the public to hear other people's thoughts on it. If you love the story, than I'm glad to hear it. If you hate the story, well... *shrugs* I had warned you that I'm not pulling any punches.

I'm curious about your response!

#Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer (Masterlist)

[bloodlessbodyy]

Contemporary Goth Band Favorites 🦇

in no particular order

Male Tears

synth pop, dark electro, dark wave, ebm

super catchy tunes with a classic gothic pop sound!!

recommended songs: belladonna, adult film, hit me, cry… forever

Panic Priest

post-punk, synth pop

super sing-along-able jams, moody gothic vocals and sassy melodies

recommended songs: she’s my guy, in all severity, self control, sanctified, the entirety of their album psychogoria is excellent

Deceits

brand new post punk trio, danceable and up-tempo with emotional lyrics

if you love The Cure, you will adore these guys

they only have four songs out right now - but they are all awesome!

i love: en soledad, failures

Vision Video

if you’re in the goth community online, especially tik tok, you have definitely heard of vision video. i cannot recommend them enough.

Dusty (Goth Dad) has an incredible soaring voice, thought provoking lyrics, super sing-along-able

recommended songs: in my side, cruelty commodity, promises

Harsh Symmetry

harsh symmetry’s debut album Display Model was released earlier this year, every song is incredible

dark wave with lots of reverb and bass synth

recommend songs: like an opiate, pugilist, severance

Death of Lovers

post punk with ghostly vocals, synths, guitar, and the occasional saxophone, backed up by that classic goth repetitive drum beat

i love their album The Acrobat - specifically perfect history and the title track

Lebanon Hanover

if you don’t listen to lebanon hanover yet, you’re missing out.

depressing and moody dark wave perfect for crying and dancing simultaneously - emotional lyrics and absolutely gorgeous vocals

recommend: album - let them be alien, songs - sadness is rebellion, i’m a reject, northern lights

Ritual Veil

if you liked male tears you’ll love this

heavy synth usage and upbeat tempo, perfect for dancing at the club - or alone in your room of course

recommended songs: favorite toy, surface, gray filter

Boy Harsher

yet again, if you’re not listening you’re missing out on some great darkwave ebm synth pop tunes.

heavy synth usage, eerie vocals, danceable

recommend songs: LA, face the fire, yr body is nothing

The Palest Grey

the palest grey’s debut album Always Haunted is a callback to the original, traditional gothic sound.

if you like christian death, this is for you.

genuinely spooky music, with eerie and mournful vocals

i love: in this room, suicide, uhh the whole album

Thanks for taking the time to read of all this. These are 10 of my favorite contemporary goth bands at the moment, and i hope you found something you like to add to your arsenal!! if you have recommendations for me or want to talk about goth subculture send me an ask or leave a comment :)

stay spooky

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[notthecity]

So Much For Stardust: A Summary

Love From the Other Side: violinssss + WHAT WOULD YOU TRADE THE PAIN FOR. IM NOT SURE. + "i'll never go i just want to be invited" well that's just mean isn't it patrick 😢 Heartbreak Feels So Good: ah yes, defiantly nihilistic optimism, my favorite brand of fall out boy + we could CRY A LITTLE CRY A LOT!! + LOOOOOVE, OOOOOOOH, LOOOOOVE Hold Me Like A Grudge: THE BRIDGE AND PRECHORUS??? + the end of the world, the end of the world :D + part time soulmate, full time problem!!! + joe and andy are carrying the vibes, shoutout to them + Y O U P U T T H E F U N I N T O D Y S F U N C T I O N Fake Out: sad tiktok emo song guitars + nostalgic teen coming of age movie vibes all over + the lyrics here??? pete wrote his little heart out + love is iN tHe AiR Heaven, Iowa: immaculate vibes + SCAR. CROSSED. LOVEEEEEEERS FOREVEEEEEER + HALF THE LOOOOOOVE + the way things build up to the second chorus?? THE GUITARS??? + downdowndowndownDOWNDOWN So Good Right Now: man if only crippling depression was this fun all the time + oooooh oh oh woah + you need me to be you need me to be :D + just gives uuuup The Pink Seashell: i feel like i would get this interlude more if i had watched the movie but it has some cool orchestration going on, patrick went all in this album I Am My Own Muse: violins pt.2: electric boogaloo, now with brass instruments! + OOOOH gottothrowthisyearawaywegottothrowthisyearaway + *victoria justice voice* i think we're ALL trying to keep it together Flu Game: last night i dreamt i still. knew. YOOOOOUUUUU + ladadadaladadadaladada + energy injected right into the listener's veins!! i wanna break shit!!! + again on the lyrics, what the fuck pete how dare you speak to me this much + not the type beat outro Baby Annihilation: PETE POETRYYYYYY I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT PETE POETRY + "angel dust" *magic synth* + tension?? dissonance?? The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years): lowlowlowlowlow + TEN YEARRRRS + NOTHIIING. NOTHIIIING. NANANANANANANA + this song is essentially "hey we're all old now, here's a bit of how you used to feel at 13, now you're sad that you'll never be that happy again :)" like how is that fucking fair What A Time To Be Alive: this is soul punk 2020 "patrick screams in horror into a microphone about covid for three minutes" version. this is a soul punk song do not tell me otherwise + everything is here (except my serotonin 🤪) + aLIIIIIVE + to livestream the apocalypse + IVE GOT THE QUARANTINE BLUES BAD NEWS WHAT'S LEFT?? So Much (For) Stardust: PIANO???? ORCHESTRA???? + the little trumpets lmao + SO MUCH!!! FOR STARDUST!!! + thoughtwehaditaAaAaLl + THE CALLBACK. THE CALLBACK (but also nice eeaao reference lmao) + "i used to be a real go-getter, i used to think it'd all get better" ouch. ouch do not talk to me everything hurts

[this-daydream-is-dangerous-13]

All these beach shots for 1989 is reminding me of snow on the beach. Is that about Harry?

I think so, based on all the usual lyrical motifs and callbacks used: time stopping/standing still when they meet, flying, epic films, his green eyes, catching stars, and her deliberate use of “All for You” which is a song about a hot, shy guy making a move.

It opens with:

And continues with the flying metaphor

She ponders the seeming impossibility of their connection in the chorus, along with more talk of flying and now star catching:

The star-catching mirrors something he says in unreleased demo Don’t Let Me Go, seemingly written summer 2012:

“I promised one day that I'd bring you back a star

I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand, oh”

In the next verse, she is talking about epic films and his intense green eyes:

She continues with on with the green-eyed imagery in the bridge, and also references Janet Jackson’s All for You:

Besties, have you listened to All For You lately? It is waaaay dirtier than I remembered it! It’s about a shy suitor:

She encourages the shy guy to come over, and gives him some advice:

And if he follows that advice? Good times ahead!

And the intro and outro? Woof.

So: Haylor-coded. As are most Track 4s post-SN, at least partially (maybe not The Man, but the others).

Thanks for the ask!

[spoodersrus]

Songs I think would be good fits for s5 and why (mostly byler edition):

Hot Stuff- Donna Summer (1979)

I'd just love this as a Nancy/ronance song🥰 It's got power, intensity, and it would sound good layered over an action scene of some kind. Any point in the song it has that iconic groove that anyone will immediately nod their heads to.

Here Comes The Rain Again- Eurythmics (1984)

More of a lowkey solemn moment song. Full of water/ocean-centered lyrics which has been associated with Stranger Things and specifically Mike & Will. Also would be a rain fight callback.

Here comes the rain again

Raining in my hand like a tragedy

Tearing me apart like a new emotion

I want to breathe in the open wind

I want to kiss like lovers do

Want to dive into your ocean

Is it raining with you?"

^^^ does that not scream a sad gays awakening?? "Is it raining with you?" is a way of asking if the other person is feeling the same, and if they're also battling this drowning feeling.

Hold The Line- Toto (1978)

We already got Africa by Toto, but this would be a fitting Mike song. The main hook is

Hold the line, love isn't always on time

Who has a running theme of not being on time? Mike. Who messed things up with the person he's in love with because of trying to love someone else? Mike. Who has miscommunication surrounding phone calls? Mike & Will. Who needs some time to figure himself out? Miiiike! Hold the line for this poor guy, love isn't always aligned when you want it to be and he needs some time to catch up. He wants it, but he needs Will to hold on for him for a minute while he sorts it out.

I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)- George Michael & Aretha Franklin (1987)

A must-listen for bylers. It talks of being engulfed in darkness but keeping your chin up and not letting the highs or lows make you stop believing in love.

It's about finally coming together with someone you've pined over for a longgg time, and feeling that you two were truly destined to be together despite life trying to rip you apart. Looking back on the hard times and being able to laugh now.

Sure in time our eyes would meet, one touch and you set me free

Alone - Heart (1987)

If this song doesn't give you goosebumps you are a different species than me.

This song also has themes aligned with time and Mikes failure to communicate via phone.

I hear the ticking of the clock

No answer on the telephone

And the main chorus

'Til now I always got by on my own

^ explains his home life & how he never felt emotionally supported by his parents, always left to process his emotions alone

I never really cared until I met you

We see how apathetic Mike acts at home, and how Mike clear as day expressed that meeting Will was "the best thing he's ever done". Meeting Will changed Mikes life profoundly. S1 & 2 shows just how much Will has made Mike care.

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone?

Mike feels Will in his bones. It's unignorable. He needs to connect with Will alone to figure it out, but as we've seen, in s4 he was almost exclusively interrupted whenever trying to get a minute alone with Will.

You don't know how long i've wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight

You don't know how long i've waited and I was gonna tell you tonight

But the secret is still my own and my love for you is still unknown

No but really not including this song would be criminal & shoutout to whoever on here brought it up first, bc there is no better mike wheeler song.

[stardustizuku]

The Avatar of Mestionora

~ Rozemyne Playlist || The Commoner Daughter of a Soldier turned Goddess

(This is a bit of a different playlist format. I wanted to add an explanation on why I included the songs. It’s sort of a huge post so feel free to just listen to the playlist if you’re not into that.

I’ve only read till Part5V7 so the last songs are more vague and less specific abt plot points)

Naughty - Matilda

This song is Myne at her most childish, her most inexperienced. Just as Matilda, her only context to interpret the world is through books. Referring Jack and Jill, Romeo and Juliet, or Cinderella.

She finds constant infuriation at the state of the world and desperately wants to change it - but unable to do much. Through her own “naughtiness” she attempts to change the world one invention at a time “We’re told we have to do as we’re told, but surely…Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty”

Yes, she causes trouble. But even that is a necessary evil to make her life better.

Despite it all she ends the song with a very firm “But no one else is gonna put it right for me, no one else but me is gonna change my story. Sometimes you have to be a little bit Naughty” She will change things. Even if it lands her in trouble, she will make her books. Because if she doesn’t, no one else will.

Ponyo On the Cliff By the Sea - Noah Cyrus & Frankie Jonas

This mostly focuses on her relationship with Lutz. Or more importantly, how he sees her. It’s meant to highlight her attitude, more naive and cute - and yes. Childish. That of a well meaning but ultimately troublesome kid.

I particularly like the lyrics “Maybe I might love you, maybe I might love you. So hold on tight and hold me close, you’re my hero”. It’s mostly directed at Lutz, who she clung for so long as a best friend and ally.

Flowers in my Hair - Wes Reeves

This is a song I’ve used in other playlist.

This is to reference the hairpins that Myne makes and then uses as Rozemyne. They’re connected to her day as a commoner and how they remind her of her sister and her mother.

“Flowers in my hair make me wish you were here” those are her hairpins. And everytime she wears them, she shall remember Tuli and when she first made them.

“I had a dream of a boy who loved me and we danced in the leaves of an orange tree […] Then I went my own way, and you crossed the highway” Its a song that represents her connection to them yet inevitably the fact she’s gonna be separated.

This is the conclusion of part 1

When I Grow up - Matilda

As I’ve said before, to me, it sounds like Tuli, Lutz, Freida and Myne talking abt how they want to grow up to achieve their dreams. All of them dreaming of silly and simple things.

Yet, this is the first moment Ferdinand is also introduced. This is through Ms Honey singing “When I grow up I will be strong enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown up” which is how he felt at the beginning of the story. Feeling as if it’s impossible to fight off Veronica or get rid of the High Bishop.

Then, Myne replies with the lyrics interrupts “Just because you find that life’s not fair, doesn’t mean that you just have to grin an bear it […] If I think the ending is fixed already, I might as well be saying I think that it’s okay. And that’s not right” which is a callback to the very first song.

While at the beginning it was a call to make books and defend herself, it would eventually morph into smth to say to Ferdinand. A call for him to stop accepting fate and fight. Even in part5.

Quiet - Matilda

This is the song in which Myne finds out she has the Devouring and tries to explain it. I like descriptions of the overwhelming sensation she can’t control, and trying to keep it in. Just for it to end up coming out as magic.

The lyrics “I’m not sure But I wonder if inside my head I’m not just a bit different from some of my friends. These answers that come into my mind unbidden. These stories delivered to me fully written” it’s a way to symbolize how hard it is to know - is Myne weird bcs she’s Urano or because she is Myne?

Once Upon a December - Christy Altomare

This is for when Ferdinand searches for Myne’s memories of Urano. Her explaining how she misses her days on Modern Japan, and yearns to go back to her mom, although knowing full well she’ll never be able to do as much.

She would often describe her memories as “Far away, Long ago, Glowing dim as an ember, Things my heart Used to know Things it yearns to remember”

Go Tonight - Krystina Alabado & Emma Hunton

The song is about loss. About Lutz/Tuli losing Myne. This helplessness about watching someone bigger and brighter than you, be forced apart from you.

It’s mostly Lutz/Tuli’s regret about how Myne was constantly pushing for them to do things. Become a merchant, become a Gilberta Seamstress. They followed her, and her crazy surreal ideas. But at some point that someone is lost.

The parts were you hear “if we’re wanna go, we gotta go tonight” is Rozemyne trying to get them to do what they want, and dragging them along her own adventures. It’s a bittersweet memory of someone bigger than the whole sky.

“When I was your orbit. And you were my star. But now you’re a black hole and I am left numb from the loop of these memories”

Two Orugitas - Sebastian Yatra

Two Orugitas talks about how our families eventually get separated by forces bigger than us, and we have to move on.

In specific, it talks abt how two orugitas, despite loving each other so much, must grow distant - separate - in order to become butterflies.

That’s essentially what happens at the end of Part 2. Myne gets separated from her family.

“Don’t look behind you, fly ‘til you find your way toward tomorrow. Ay, mariposas, don’t you hold on too tight. Both of you know it’s your time to go, to fly apart, to reunite”

Chiquitita - ABBA

Chiquitita means “little girl”, mostly referring to how small (physically) the person is. It’s an endearment mostly used by mothers to call their young daughters.

This is a song where the singers is constantly consoling their “chiquitita”. The singer sees them cry, but knows they’re far stronger than that. They tell their “chiquitita” how much they would rather see them sing.

It’s very obvious this is about Effa consoling Myne just as she’s leaving.

“Chiquitita, you and I cry. But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you. Let me hear you sing once more like you did before. Sing a new song, Chiquitita. Try once more like you did before”

Class of 2013 - Mitski

“Mom, I’m tired. Can I sleep in your house tonight? Mom, is it alright if I stay for a year or two?”

The Milk Carton - Madilyn Mei

This song abt a lost cat, yearning to go back home. It feels a lot like Myne just after she became Rozemyne. Desperately wanting to go back home, but no longer able to do so.

“I think I really miss my bed. Oh when, oh when will the nightmare end? I had it good, I had it good and yet I left and can’t retrace my steps”

But also having to brace herself for the dangers that come ahead in Part 3, with the lyrics “You’re gonna be eaten by a coyote. Run, little one, though the pack may follow. Two quite thin, their brother fatter. You can still win, just gotta be faster”

The last sentence driving home how a false move could kill her. She has to best faster, smarter, if she wants to win this race. It’s a strange and confusing song - just like Rozemyne feels

Family Jewels - MARINA

This entire song functions as Rozemyne’s brutal introduction to the world of nobles. Expected to fit into a role she was not born for, and to treat strangers like family.

I like the lyrics “Did I beat you at your own game? Typical of me to put us all to shame” as way for Rozemyne to retort to Wilfred during their first confrontation. To highlight how she’s often blamed by him, despite always trying to help.

Also the lyrics “Welcome to the family jewels. Coal to diamond, sold to fools” A commoner to a noble, sold to people who don’t fully grasp her potential.

She Used To Be Mine - Jessie Mueller

This one’s perfect for Rozemyne at the height of her depression for being a noble and fearing losing those she loves.

The song talks abt how the person singing has lost herself. How she once used to be a positive but reckless person but now is anything but. She mourns who she used to be, and how she’ll never be that again.

It fits Rozemyne, essentially mourning “Myne”, and the life she had as a commoner, with the words “She is messy but she’s kind. She is lonely most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She is gone but she used to be mine”

Belle - Beauty&Beast Cast

This one marks the beginning of Part4 and how people see Rozemyne upon entering the Royal Academy. Essentially a beauty, but a strange one, only interested in book.

“[…] That girl is so peculiar, I wonder if she’s feeling well. With a dreamy, far-off look and her nose stuck in a book. What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle”

I can just imagine the looks of the other nobles as she runs around doing crazy thing after the other. Plus, Gaston’s bits can be interpreted as Lestilaut’s hints to her advancements.

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land - MARINA

I like to see this song as Rozemyne’s interconnection of her former self Rozemyne and Urano.

“What’s your purpose? Why were you put on Earth? You could be lost, but you belong to the world” is interpreted as Rozemyne wondering why she’s been put in this world as Myne. Despite it all, she has to come to accept her place in this world.

“Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land, I’m trying to get back as fast I can. Back to a time before I had form. Back to a time before I was born” as in, she brings the stories from before she was born as Myne into the world of Rozemyne. She wants those inventions to help this world.

“You don’t have to be like everybody else. You don’t have to fit into the norm. You are not here to conform” is her willingness to push her strange ideas into the Royal Academy “I am here to take a look inside myself. Recognize that I could be the eye, the eye of the storm” is her recognition that she may be doing things off the book, but unable to stop - because that’s just how she is.

Téir Abhaile Riu - Celtic Woman

This is a song about arranged marriages. It’s an Irish folk song abt how a girl returns from a dance just to find her match has been made, and she debates if she should go through or not.

It’s supposed to be Rozemyne’s engagement with Wilfred.

“Go home with you, go home with you, go home with you, Mary. Go home with you and stay at home, because your match is made”

Fine On The Outside - Priscilla Ahn

This is upon losing her secret room. How had to learn how to look fine on the outside, cause never again could she let herself be vulnerable in front of Lutz and Benno inside her secret room.

“So I learned to be Ok with just me, just me, just me, just me. And I’ll be fine on the outside” to me it’s exceptionally heart breaking how she had to spend her last moments with Lutz pretending to be fine, just to stop him from worrying

How she had to learn to be alone and pretend to be fine on her own.

There’s also the lyrics “So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon And think of who knows my name” and really, who does? Is she Urano? Is she Myne? Or Rozemyne? At that point, who knows.

Francis Forever - Mitski

Yes, this is the moment she loses Ferdinand. I think it fits a lot. It’s a genuine song about yearning, about wanting someone not to leave you.

“I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be, but I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me” fits her cause she very much does not care for how others perceive her, she only wants to stay with her family. She just wants Ferdinand to still be by her side.

And I adore the lyrics “And autumn comes when you’re not yet done with the summer passing by”.

Ferdinand was set to marry Detlinde and leave Ehrenfest on Summer. But due to the illness of the Aub, he was told to leave in autumn. Alternatively, it can be interpreted abt how she was taken too soon from him.

Warrior of the Mind - Jorge Rivera-Herrans & Tegan Earley

Part 5 starts with Hartmut declaring that Rozemyne is, in fact, more than a Saint and closer to a goddess. This is the song perfect for that.

This is his exact reaction, assuring a very confused and skeptical Rozemyne, that she is the reincarnation of Mestionora.

“So let’s be honest, you are Athena! Badass in the arena. Unmatched, witty, and queen of The best strategies we’ve seen”

Idol - YOASABI

This is perfect for the image that Rozemyne portrays to the Royal Academy. An “idol” someone so perfect, but with so many secrets it’s hard to know her true intentions. “So unconcerned, although you brightly glow. Any seemingly unveiled secrets are as sweet as honey”.

Venus Fly Trap - MARINA

I love love love this one for Rozemyne - it’s literally her relationship with Dunkelferg in a nutshell.

It starts with Rozemyne clearly explaining that she does not work the same way other nobles would with “I never quite fit in to that Hollywood thing. I didn’t play that game for the money or the fame I did it my way, baby”

Then upon playing ditter with them, it shifts to “Don’t underestimate me 'Cause one day you’re gonna see you’re in a losing battle” because she throughly beat them in a game they were supposed to be the best at.

Also I can just imagine when the Aub was talking abt how much her “hobby book” was worth and Rozemyne answered with 15 large golds, this:

“I know that money ain’t important. And it don’t mean you’re the best But I earned it all myself and I’m a millionairess”

And when Lestilaut wanted Rozemyne he could only see her “I got the beauty, got the brains, got the power, hold the reins” and upon the Bride Stealing Ditter talk:

“They’ll shame you, blame you, pretend to even hate you. Take away your rights, pacify you with their lies” is how she sees the way that talk went. Dunkelferg stopping at nothing to get her hand in marriage.

Finally, the part of “Why be a wallflower when you can be a Venus Fly trap?” Is how as Urano she WAS a wallflower.

But by the time she plays the Bride Stealing Ditter, she is absolutely a Venus Flytrap.

Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde

I like this version more than the original. The og has this whimsical tone. As if the fact that the “everyone wants to rule the world” is a childish but harmless statement. It’s way more cheerful.

Lorde’s version frames the same sentence as a selfish and cruel act. How everyone feels fit to rule, but rarely anyone fits the crown.

The most important lyrics “Help me make the most of freedom, and of pleasure. Nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world” in the og, it’s very happy and dream like.

Lorde’s version it’s filled with a determination that feels akin to hatred. With the last words being almost spit out with a sarcasm undertone.

This reflects the royalty’s desire to rule, feeling as if they’re fit to do as much - but in Rozemyne’s eyes their senseless desire makes them the least fit.

Seventeen - MARINA

This particular song is on of my fav. Specially on how, Wilfred and other men start to see Rozemyne as a piece for political marriage, wanting her to marry.

But Rozemyne was raised with a mentality that refuses to bow and act like a wife. And anyone who feels embarrassed by her or cannot accept her for what she is, does not truly understand all the pain she’s gone through to be where she is

“Could never tell you what happened: The day I turned seventeen. The rise of a king and the fall of a queen”

It’s also a very good representation of how other men see her as a price but rarely seem to realize both how powerful she can be.

“You’re a rich little boy who’s had to work for his toys. You’ve got all the sensibilities of an upper class guy”

Or when Wilfred was utterly stressed out about how she kept making problem. Or angry that she wasn’t acting like a proper first wife

“Oh, you are embarrassed of me ‘Cos I use my tongue freely. Bet you wish I couldn’t speak ‘Cos when I do, you know I tell you why you’re being weak” she’s very much quick to call him out and coddle him.

My particular favorite line is when Wilfred tries to imply that she’s too bad to rule because of how she was raised.

“I felt you question the way I was brought up as a baby. Well you don’t know fuck about my family”

Labour - Paris Paloma

This song is meant to symbolize the archduke conference, and how Eglantine and Anastasuis were dumping all of the royal’s issues into Rozemyne.

The way she swallowed it all down, doing as they asked, unable to voice exactly what was going through her head…They not only tasked her to do the impossible and find the Bible - but also to solve their problems. It was a silent moment of pure rage, that couldn’t be voiced.

“The capillaries in my eyes are bursting. If our love died, would that be the worst thing? For somebody I thought was my savior, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour”

With the “love died” being the trust she stopped having on Eglatine and Anastasius after their little stunt.

Don’t Make Me - MALINDA

This is essentially seconds before her confrontation with Sisgwald. The subtle threat of perhaps not doing things as necessarily okay as she used to. It comes right after Labour since, given that Royals have successfully “killed” any affection or “love” that Rozemyne had for them.

Therefore, she decides to change the tactic towards them. Instead of simply agreeing to their demands, she takes the offense.

“I’ve tried to take you lying down. I clarified, tip-toed around. Was innocent, clear and defined. But you cross them every time” She’s telling them that she’s been nothing but nice, yet if they decide to abuse her trust - she has no issue squeezing them dry for all they’re worth. “Paradise lost, you’re fallen from grace” & “I can read you like a book and it’s getting old” perfectly reflect how easy it is for her to as much.

She keeps telling them not to “make her be the bad guy” aka letting her merchant side come out. However, she ends up being forced to do so.

Breakfast - Dove Cameron

The Merchant Saint. This is her confrontation with Sisgwald. How dealing with someone like him, is pretty easy, almost too easy - if they’re on the same level.

“Ooh, so you wanna talk about power? Ooh, let me show you power” is such a thing I can see Rozemyne thinking. Cause while, yes, Sisgwald has more power in the sense he’s royalty…

She has more mana, more money, is closer to finding the Bible they need, and she has the information to keep them on a stalemate.

To drive this home “I eat boys like you for breakfast. One by one hung on my necklace” Yes. She could negotiate with Benno. She was a cutthroat merchant capable of squeezing people for all they’re worth if she wants to.

Of course a pampered prince like Sisgwald would be breakfast for her.

After all, in the end, she won.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot - ADONA

This is mostly how Rozemyne appears in front of the royals after they’ve refused to help Ferdinand.

Threatening them with what she may be able to do if they hurt him. “Hit me with your best shot. Fire away”

The original song is a silly and upbeat song, cause that’s how Rozemyne’s POV is. This one shows the other side of the coin. As how, from the outside, Rozemyne words come off as an actually scary threat.

I mean, Sisgwald was very much scared of her during the negotiating scene.

“You don’t fight fair But that’s okay, see if I care” the Royals very much don’t fight fair, willing to sacrifice Ehrenfest for the sake of the Sovereignty.

“Knock me down, it’s all in vain I get right back on my feet again” because yes, Rozemyne is a relentless and stubborn person. There’s close to nothing that’s capable of stopping her.

Breathe - In The Heights Musical

Breathe is about her having to be adopted by the king.

I see this as Rozemyne with Elvira in her secret room, finally breaking down about how everything’s been taken from her, yet she’s expected to smile and be grateful.

The first part, when Nina is sing abt how her home, it’s Rozemyne reminiscent abt her days as a commoner, and everything she’s had to live through. Then the second part, she feels as if she’s failed to live up to what others asked of her. She’s not strong enough to protect Ferdinand and everyone criticize her for saving him.

“When I was a child I stayed wide awake, climbed to the highest place on every fire escape restless to climb. I got every scholarship. Saved every dollar. The first to go to college” I can just imagine Rozemyne screaming this as she remembers how she started as Myne. Clawing to get money and influence. “How do I tell them why (Respira) I’m coming back home? With my eyes on the horizon” and finally slumping forward, tired. After all, she lost Ferdinand. The family she was meant to protect.

Still she can’t lose hope and must continue to act like a noble, “Straighten the spine, smile for the neighbors. Everything’s fine, everything’s cool. The standard reply, “Lots of tests, lots of papers" Smile, wave goodbye and pray to the sky, oh, god!”

Product of My Own Design - Artio

From here on the songs are less tied to actual plot beats - cause this is as far as I’ve read in the LN. That said, these are more a general vibe or things that I think may happen.

This one in particular is for when Rozemyne finds out what’s happening in Ahrensbach.

I Can just picture her rage upon those who hurt her family/Ferdinand. Letting out her full political power and merchant skills to breakthrough and save him.

“Feel free to have your views, don’t force them all on me. The kid I was back then would never dream of being free” it’s how she pushes back from what noble society has taught her (be it the meaninglessness of commoners or the cutting of ties to those no longer near you)

“Get on your knees and pray to me. The problem child becomes the only god you’ll ever see” a call that others see her as a reincarnation. Yet, she’s fully aware that she is a problem child. It doesn’t matter to her though, when her family is involved. She will interviene and create problems to save them.

“You made me believe that I was never mine. I made my goddamn self, a product of my own design” Rozemyne was made to believe she wasn’t a commoner. Forced to take on the identity of “Rozemyne” The Noble. She had to build herself a new. And if someone puts in jeopardy that which she cares for, she’s more than ready to use what she’s built to fight back.

No Good Deed - Wicked Cast

If something ever happened to Ferdinand, this is how I imagine Rozemyne to react. With pure fury at those who hurt himself. At fate for putting him in harms way. And using every ounce of mana she has get him better.

“Let his flesh not be torn. Let his blood leave no stain. Though they beat him let him feel no pain” is almost like the desperate prayers she always says whenever she feels Ferdinand is in danger. “What good is this chanting? I don’t even know what I’m reading I don’t even know what trick I ought to try” cause she’s desperate enough to try anything for him.

To add to this, the lyrics express how much Rozemyne blames her own naivety and foolishness for putting him in harms way “No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well. Well, look at what well-meant did”

In general, such a raw and desperate cry begging for the healing of a loved on is very Rozemyne coded.

Safe and Sounds - Taylor Swift

Just seconds or moments after the previous song - this one. Cause I just feel like while anger may over come Rozemyne, she’s someone who is in tune with the emotions of others and herself. Therefore, after the initial pain, she’d hold Ferdinand and reassure him everything would be okay.

That she would fix whatever happened. That she would heal whatever hurt.

“When all those shadows almost killed your light I remember you said don’t leave me here alone. But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight” if someone were to hurt Ferdinand, she would be the first to say that it’s all gone now. That no one can hurt him.

I’ve always been of the idea that while Ferdinand is more powerful than Rozemyne, emotionally he’s very weak. She’s the one who can actually read him, and the only one who can actually console him. “Don’t you dare look out your window, darling, everything’s on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone, gone”

“Just close your eyes. You’ll be alright. Come morning light. You and I’ll be safe and sound”.

Queen of Kings - Alessandra

This is mostly for when Rozemyne eventually gets the Grutrissheit. Therefore, she would be the “queen of the kings” aka, someone capable of (in a way) rule over those who want to be Zent - even if she doesn’t become one herself.

I like this description cause it rings quite similar to Rozemyne’s “Got raven hair, it’s dark as night. Icy eyes, outta sight, outta sight. Her heart, in spite, is warm and bright. Her smile awakes the Northern Light”

Hair as black as night, eyes as bright as light. A kind heart and a beautiful smile.

Once Upon a Dream - Lana del Rey

I know that there’s some time shenanigans going on in the later parts of the novel. I’m guessing at some point it’s revealed that Ferdinand and Myne met before. Likely it has to do with the gods, so I picked this more somber version of the song.

“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam and I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you’ll do. You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream”

I think of Rozemyne staring at Ferdinand eye’s realization suddenly hitting her, crying a bit. Cause yes, Ferdinand would love her once more, as he did once upon a dream.

When you’re home - In The Heights Cast

If Rozemyne ever goes back to the lower city, or to her family, this is the song I can just picture her with.

Lutz as Benny, taking her down memory lane (likely with Ferdinand watching from afar) and reminding her of all the things they used to do and promise.

I can just picture her singing and looking all dreamy at the horizons like “I used to think we lived at the top of the world when the world was just a subway map and the one-slash-nine climbed a dotted line to my place”. It’s her remembering how her apartment used to be at such a high place.

And Lutz laughing, saying “There’s no nine train now” because so many things have changed.

I like the little talk they have, abt how her father would help him hide. It sounds so silly and cute, and just how Lutz and Myne would speak about their childhood.

“And that song you are hearing is the neighborhood just cheering you along” Lutz trying to cheer her up, just for her to break down.

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that! When I was younger, I’d imagine what would happen if my parents had stayed in Puerto Rico” imagining what would happen if she had stayed with them in the lower city.

“Who would I be if I had never seen Manhattan if I lived in Puerto Rico with my people. My people!” If she had stayed with her family. Her commoner family.

“I feel like all my life, I’ve tried to find the answer. Working harder, learning Spanish, learning all I can” how hard she worked to be able to be a noble, to fit in.

“I thought I might find the answer out at Stanford. But I’d stare out at the sea, thinking, where’m I supposed to be?” Her realizing she’s far from home, having lost commoner lifestyle.

“So please don’t say you’re proud of me, when I’ve lost my way” cause she’s done so many things wrong and she’s sorta become lost in the ocean of responsibilities she now has.

Then Lutz chimes in, cheering her up with “Now listen to me! That may be how you perceive it. But Nina please believe that when you find your way again. You’re gonna change the world and then. We’re all gonna brag and say we knew her when”

It’s him telling she did everything right and that even if she feels lost - they will always be family.

What was I made for? - Billie Eillish

I like this song as a question Rozemyne asks herself constantly. What was she brought into this world for?

This is mostly here because I do believe all the trauma she’s endured reflects

[drones-of-innocence]

Lyric Headcanon

I know I'm like a bazillion years late and I'm so sorry, @peaches2217 wrote this adorable story back in August and at the end included a cute callback to One Step Closer. The reference was a quote from the eponymous U2 song, where the lyric "a heart that hurts is a heart that beats," is mentioned as something the Bros mother used to say.

I think it was so sweet and it kind of gave me this sense that the Bros' mom quoting U2 was becoming fanon 😂 So what if their mom was just a huge U2 fan, and all her wise or uplifting quotes that the boys fondly remember are literally just lyrics from their songs? They have plenty of material and quotes I've adored my whole life. I'll make a list here, and I may incorporate this into my future fics. Any other Mario writers are welcome to do the same as long as you give me a little shoutout 😎

--In no particular order, here are some quotes alongside some context I believe they could fit in--

"A heart that hurts is a heart that beats." -One Step Closer (A gentle reminder that pain makes us human and can be appreciated.)

"Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel." -City of Blinding Lights. (On religion and judgement against others.)

"...Grace makes beauty out of ugly things." -Grace (A reminder to be kind even when it's hard, maybe something Peach does in her approach to politics reminds Mario of this line.)

"It's no secret ambition bites the nails of success." -The Fly (A warning that both ambition and success can be damaging.)

"I'm not broke, but you can see the cracks." -All Because of You (A quip about money or sense, maybe Mario and Luigi use this to tease each other?)

"The only pain is to feel nothing at all." -A Man and a Woman (A similar sentiment as One Step Closer.)

"Sweet the sin, bitter the taste in my mouth." -Running to Stand Still (Some things are just not worth it, especially when it comes to overindulgence.)

"There is no failure here, sweetheart, just when you quit." -Miracle Drug (Uplifting reminder to keep going. Maybe something Mario tells Luigi.)

"Stay a child somewhere in your heart." -Original of the Species (A plea to not become jaded by adulthood.)

"The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear." -I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight (Being silly for the sake of silliness is an underappreciated privilege in our lives.)

"It's hard to listen while you preach." Every Breaking Wave (Remember other people have valuable things to say that you'll only hear if you listen.)

"Love is bigger than anything in its way." -Love Is Bigger Than Anything in Its Way (I feel like this could be a quote Mario chooses to live by, and he tells Peach this and it kind of shifts her perspective too 💖)

[caffernnn]

as a folie a deux stan, would you share your thoughts & feelings about the album

A chance to ramble about one of my all-time faves?? ooOOO SAY LESS MY FRIEND ♥️🧸💛

I think Folie finding a place in my heart was a perfect storm — I’m a new fan falling into obsession with FOB during my mid-teens, and they’re starting to get into the hayday of the post-hiatus SR&R era. So of course, I’m looking through wiki pages, poking through fan pages, seeing interviews here and there (doing research for my sophomore year’s mandatory big research essay, and also satisfying my need to Know Everything™️ ), and I start wondering about how hiatus happened. What’s up with Folie? Why is it listed as not being well-received by fans and painful for the band (at that time)?

It becomes this situation where you’re handing 16-year-old me this misfit outcast album, one with bears on the cover (I’m predictable and easy to please shhhh) and an openly experimental vibe set apart from their previous work (more collaborative iirc, the four of them drawing on stuff they were inspired by to try new things). Pair that outcast magnetism (impulse to show love to wounded birds and rejected things) with lyrics that speak to the liminal space I existed in with my own adolescent identity (lyrics speaking to madness in complex dependent relationships, to not knowing yourself, to wanting to know yourself, to wanting to know the world, to trying to figure out morals and love and worth amidst your missteps and lost sense of self and unspeakable depression), and I was sunk. Listened to some YouTube video rip of the full album (or playlists that also included pavlove and lullabye) to fall asleep at night, while showering, really whenever I had a chance in my downtime (since I didn’t have headphones and listened to more of the futct/ioh/sr&r hit singles when with friends). Something about Pete’s devastating lyrical angst and Patrick/Joe/Andy’s artistry and the heavy feelings surrounding the album (from the minor bits the fans/public know about the time and the stories weaved throughout the album) started hitting in a specific way that had me imprinting on Folie and the band like a baby bird. Yeah, I started having that feeling of being understood by music with other bands (MCR, Paramore, P!atD, classic emo trinity stuff) along with some of the more pop punk stuff I was already into (PtV, ATL, you know the era), but for whatever reason, Folie maintained its place as my heart and soul album (along with Soul Punk for PStump-related reasons, but we’re not talking about her right now 🏃🏻‍♀️)

We’d be here all night if I tried to list favorite songs or lyrics, but I can ramble a bit about what hit me most when I started going “oh yeah, this is my album” as a teen:

I mean like, of course, right? “What a Catch, Donnie” is the pinnacle ballad, from all the lyrical callbacks and cameo features to the somber/hopeful music video, plus the interviews out there noting the song as lyrically important to the band. I think you can find stuff from back in that era (‘08-‘09) talking about it as almost a “swan song,” a final message that’s as close as you’ll get to personal convictions in a less-autobiographical album. For me, it felt like a love letter to their past selves in the unstoppable march forward in time. It felt like grief, the kind that comes with change and it’s inevitable losses, but it also felt like hope. Imagine not seeing goodness within you, not recognizing yourself, feeling stranded and pushed by the tides and not sure where you’ll end up. Then, imagine finding a lifeline through hanging on to someone else with the same type of stormy muddled mind, finding them and becoming their looking glass, their mirror, their guide — helping someone apathetic and listless find a spark again after giving up on themselves. It makes you wonder if you’ll find clarity through connection too, if you’ll be saved over and over again by people who see you and make sense of it all, or maybe don’t make it all better/comprehensible but care for you anyway. It became an anthem for me to hang onto my friends and budding new interests to help make me feel whole and keep going at a time where everything felt overwhelming and impossibly complicated (the curse of being 15/16/etc). Something about learning about hiatus, learning about the peaks and valleys of the band, looking at it all while having the fortune of knowing they find their ways back to each other to create more music and memories and get to keep growing together — that was big for me in a way I couldn’t articulate at the time but still felt deeply. We can be lost, but still found; flawed, but still loved. That’s important to hear when you’re stumbling through those early formative years, and important to be reminded of when we stumble through evolving our identities again and again and again.

There’s a lot of nostalgic love for the album now that I’ve held onto it for a decade, but it’s still so fun to revisit and holds up for me amidst all of the new music I listen to now. SM(f)S wriggled it’s way into my heart this past year and sits in there holding onto Folie’s hand, speaking on heavy themes and channeling that same motivation to experiment and create a legacy through music. Getting to see FOB live this year (!!!) playing Folie songs live (!!!!!) and eventually revisiting the whole album throughout the duration of tourdust (!!!!!!!) was an amazing experience, and it’s great to see Folie get her flowers in the many years since her release. Happy 15 years, Folie!! 🩵🐻💙

[tomorrowxtogether]

TXT Talk About Temptation, Identity, and New Album “The Name Chapter: Temptation”

The quintet's new project is both a homecoming and a new adventure for the South Korean group.

In 2019, Tomorrow X Together (TXT) captivated audiences by unveiling the concept trailer for The Dream Chapter: Magic. The mesmerizing video served as the introduction for their first official comeback. It showed the then-rookies executing gravity-defying choreography against an ever-changing backdrop, playing with perspective and illusion with only the help of a projector. The blank canvas was an instant hit among their dedicated fandom, known as MOAs, and the general public and foretold just how artistic TXT's journey would be. Four years later, the South Korean quintet revived the format with the concept trailer for their fifth EP, The Name Chapter: Temptation.

Two months before Temptation's official release on January 27, 2023, the trailer for the quintet's new chapter premiered on HYBE's YouTube channel, transporting viewers back in time with immediate callbacks to their beginning. Except this concept is different, and TXT are all grown up.

"We really thought about how we could [best] express the theme of temptation in our concept trailer visually, and I think it [naturally] came out similarly to Magic during the process, with the projection mapping and everything," Taehyun, who does much of the talking for the group, tells Teen Vogue over Zoom from Seoul two weeks before the album's release. "Many people like our concept trailers, like in Magic and Freeze, because we add some really cool elements to them [so we think long and hard about them]."

Though similar visually, a thin line separates Magic and Temptation thematically. If Magic was an ode to innocence, Temptation is an ode to its loss. These two sides of the same coin kickstart a new chapter in TXT's ever-expanding book, the third after Dream and Chaos following brief pitstops for Minisode 1: Blue Hour and Minisode 2: Thursday's Child. "Story-wise, The Name Chapter is about a phase where you solidify your identity and your name as you grow into adulthood," Taehyun explains, noting the overlap. “We try to express that temptation where you just want to settle for now and don't want to grow up anymore.”

As a motif, temptation is a tale as old as time. In Greek mythology, temptation serves as the driving force for multiple stories, from the Sirens to Pandora. In the Book of Genesis, it's temptation that ultimately gets Adam and Eve cast out from the Garden of Eden. Beyond religion and myths, temptation has also been a familiar trope for playwrights like Christopher Marlowe, William Shakespeare, and many after. Temptation is everywhere, and it's perennial. In TXT's universe, "temptation means you choose something that is not helpful for the future," Taehyun explains. “Falling into that choice is the temptation.”

While it is true TXT go back to their roots with The Name Chapter: Temptation in more ways than other — going back to their tried-and-true "intricately interconnected" whimsical concepts and veering heavily onto theatrics and storytelling with Peter Pan-inspired elements — in other ways, they explore uncharted territory.

After just one listen, it's not hard to discern that The Name Chapter: Temptation is TXT's most experimental album, exploring new genres we haven't yet seen from the band. Kicking off the five-track project is "Devil by the Window," a song produced by BigHit Music's very own Slow Rabbit and mixed by Grammy Award-winning engineer Manny Marroquin. Heavy on bass, "Devil by the Window" traffics in extremes, incorporating snaps, claps, rocky hi-hats, and glitchy noise scratches with subtle whistles, murmured vocals, and layered harmonies. The push and pull share some DNA with last year's "Good Boy Gone Bad."

The track is TXT's second official release featuring all-English lyrics, not counting "Cat & Dog" and collaborations. Taehyun says that was still a challenge for the group. "As Koreans, it's really hard to bring out the right vibe because of the accents when you have to sing in English," he explains. “It's really hard to bring out the detailed emotions and the vibes. But I think all the members did a really good job in recording the 'Devil by the Window.'”

"Devil by the Window" acts as a prelude for the title track: "Sugar Rush Ride," Hueningkai's favorite. "We always like to challenge ourselves with new style and sound, and we did exactly that with this song. The song plays a line from the Korean traditional folktale 'Chunhyangjeon,'" the maknae of the group shares. He also explains how the performance, which includes a tsundere-esque killing point move involving their index fingers, also borrows elements from traditional Korean dance. "I really like the song. I think it shows different styles and genres in the most TXT-ish style."

"Sugar Rush Ride" is the safest offering from the bunch. It's straight-up saccharine dance pop with instantly catchy funky guitar riffs and booming drum and bass. The real punch line comes with the bridge and chorus, with a whistle and echoed "gimme mores" that would be insidious if they weren't so sweetly tantalizing. Among the credits, there's one name MOAs will surely recognize: Salem Ilese. The group says the opportunity to work with the singer again arose naturally after sharing the stage in the U.S., Korea, and Japan last year. "She's a really good friend, a really good player, and a really good maker," says Taehyun. “She really has a knack for writing melodies and lyrics. She's the best.”

The official featured artist on the album, however, is Coi Leray, who jumps in on "Happy Fools." Also a Slow Rabbit production, like the previous two tracks, "Happy Fools" features writing credits from all the members. The track kicks off with a Bossa Nova-inspired elevator rhythm which quickly transforms into upbeat R&B with a camouflaged flute as the base. "I wrote the top line for 'Happy Fools' and all the members contributed to the lyrics," Yeonjun says of the track. "It's again, our story, so I think it expressed us well. I think it came out really well. When I listened to the song, I could see just how much our members have grown as artists and lyricists."

The next track, "Tinnitus (Wanna be a rock)," is the indisputable highlight of the album. It's TXT's take on Afrobeats, produced by Dystinkt Beats and Grammy-nominated Smash David, and features creative contributions by Taehyun and Yeonjun. After a suave kalimba intro, an engulfing bass-heavy drum beat and a distinct clave rhythm take over the sound, with the members' vocals layered over assorted adlibs for a fun element. On top of the percussion, the use of repetition in the bridge and chorus makes the track even catchier. Definitely a song that calls for headphones. Taehyun says the members were extra excited about trying out this new genre, but they were also extra careful, as a misstep could “ruin the vibe and the quality of the song.”

The closer for the album is "Farewell, Neverland," another explicit Peter Pan reference. "Farewell, Neverland" is a Latin-inspired ballad led by the strumming of an acoustic guitar and a cajón-style percussion swaying the beat, with heavier impacts and electric guitar joining the mix later on. Produced by Carson Thatcher, this track is the second "hitman" bang contribution on the album and also happens to be Soobin's favorite. "When I heard the recording for the first time, I got goosebumps because I could just imagine singing this song with our MOA at our show. I think MOA will feel the same when they listen to it," the group's leader shares.

"As we challenged [ourselves with] different genres for this album, I think all the members now have a more diverse spectrum [when it comes to] expressing ourselves," Yeonjun tells Teen Vogue. Beomgyu adds: “Since we try different concepts for every album, I think I'm more confident that I can pull off any concept now. I think that's what makes us grow, trying new things and taking on new challenges.”

The topic of variety rings true for the songs but also for the project's concept photos, which caused quite an uproar as they were revealed. "We usually share our ideas with our visual team and work with them throughout the process," Soobin shares about coming up with these concepts. Though very distinct from one another, all concepts are all intertwined in the music video for the title track. Still, each member has their favorites.

For Soobin, "Daydream" takes the crown. "It has a dreamy yet sexy aesthetic which I think suited all of our members really well," he explains. Beomgyu, on the other hand, favors "Nightmare" because "it's supposed to look like some kind of a beautiful nightmare that is colorful and sweet like 'sugar rush'" and that “captures the overall mood of 'Sugar Rush Ride' really well.” Yeonjun and Hueningkai do not share their preferences, but Taehyun does not hesitate to pick "'Farewell" as his favorite. "This concept is about the very moment of saying goodbye to temptation," he elaborates. “The concept clip had a lot of close-ups, and it was really important that we show the complexity of emotions on our faces when the video was shot. I think all of our members pulled it off very well.”

The Name Chapter: Temptation is the first notch in TXT's belt this year after successfully wrapping up their first world tour and landing a historic Lollapalooza performance in 2022, two feats they're immensely proud of. Their second world tour, Act: Sweet Mirage, is already slated for a March start, with 21 stops across Asia and the U.S. already locked and a "more to come" promise. "If the opportunity allows, I hope that many people recognize us and listen to our music in 2023," Taehyun shares. "Also, we were invited to the AMAs in 2022, but if we go again, I want to perform." That seems like the next natural progression for a group that likes to take it one step at a time. 

[naevisavis]

tripleS evolution a review n some thoughts... 💭 this is first listen!

Invincible: I liked the mv! The little call backs to the previous subunits is cool. The song was okay, not one of my favorite title tracks they've put out... very chill, dreamy song.

Rhodanthe: Oh, they need to release an instrumental only version because GOD, it's soooo dreamy !!! It makes me so happy. It's a very cute song!

Heavy Metal Wings: i feel like this is a callback to the first subunit... AAA (MY FAVE SUBUNIT!!!), acid angels from asia since they mention being angels and the wings and all that. it's a nice song! It definitely showcases their vocals a little more.. tho obv autotune n a lot of vocal layering, which is normal, but anyways still nice to listen to. Whoever is doing the harmonies and the bg vocals she's like KILLING it like she's putting her whole heart into them 😭😭😭 so bless her!!!

37.5 Celsius: they need to release the instrumental of this one too !!! This one would do bangers on like a study playlist lol... it's a very relaxing song, not too much going on, the instrumental is mostly like the most catching(? Thing.

Moto princess: this one is a slightly different vibe to the other songs, but the beat still remains similar. It's more girl-crush feel if I can explain it? I think you can tell they're struggling on some of the notes when they go high on the chorus, not my favorite! But the lyrics are nice and fun

Oui (oui): oooooooh probably one of my favorites from this album !!! It's just really relaxing, they're singing in a whisper-ish way + when they go "oui oui" it sounds so goofy n cute lol and the rap is like whatever but it fits the song. Very cute!

Enhanced flower: this is a more ballad-ish song, starts very slow and slowly builds the beat up but still a slow chill song. This song really showcases their vocal tone very well since they didn't make them have that many high notes compared to the prev songs

Overall thoughts: the intro song does really well to set the tone and vibe of the following songs from this album. As such it's very cohesive! I don't think any song feels out of place at all. The instrumentals really shined, couldnt stop thinking about getting instrumentals only! While it's not one of my favorite comebacks from them, i can see the appeal and I like that they always try a different sound with each subunit !!

[backup-baby-backup]

Today I tortured myself by listening to 1989 (Ryan's Version). Here are my thoughts:

Welcome To New York: This actually has the potential to sound like a bop but the arrangement is really wonky.

Blank Space: That's not the mood of Blank Space at all??? Did he read the lyrics?????

Style: Okay the edgy minor-key vibe kinda slapped. But for some reason he cut the bridge????? Is that even legal?

Out Of The Woods: Making this folksy is a choice, and not necessarily a bad one, but the whole thing is monotonous, dragged out to six minutes and doesn't seem to go anywhere. Also "ow-ee-ow, ow-ee-ow, ow-ee-ow, woods"-- real good diction there, Ryan.

All You Had To Do Was Stay: I think this actually encapsulates the real feelings behind the song-- the agony of thinking what could've been-- better, and if Taylor had done this y'all would shut up about this being her worst track 5.

Shake It Off: Doesn't sound like he's shaking it off at all. And why is there a metronome in the background?

I Wish You Would: Sounds more forlorn. Don't mind this.

Bad Blood: Ngl kinda like this cover. This sounds pretty faithful to the original too so maybe there's some connection there.

Wildest Dreams: Doesn't sound dreamy, therefore kind of a nothing burger.

How You Get The Girl: Sounds like something moody you'd hear someone play at a bar.

This Love: Snoozefest for the most part, then he suddenly yelps in the bridge out of nowhere.

I Know Places: Why does this sound like something out of a Western?

Clean: Up tempo. Don't mind this too. The seagull sound effect callback is pretty cool as well.

Overall verdict: Most of these sound the same as each other, and the vocal and emotional range just isn't there.

[jon-withnoh]

While I was cleaning today, I ended up listening to the 2006 Rebecca cast album for the very first time (I'd only listened to some of the songs previously). Here are some random thoughts and reactions that came up, because why not. This will probably be a long post so buckle up:

the characters feel very vivid and I love that a lot.

it's interesting to hear some of the lines they changed for the Monte Carlo scenes.

I actually love the second verse of "Zeit in einer Flasche". I wish they'd kept it. It's very sweet and creates a more satisfying lead-up to the conclusion of the song imo.

this recording is proof that "Zauberhaft natürlich" doesn't add anything to the show. Uwe Kröger already makes Maxim seem quite human in only a few minutes. Plus, I always feel like the Monte scenes could be shorter overall (Yes I know what I just said about "Zeit in einer Flasche".)

If I hadn't already been completely won over by Susan!Danny I would be now. She's so poised and brings so much nuance to the character in "Die Neue Mrs de Winter" alone. Her first "Madam" sounds so threatening, I love it.

Also... 2005 Elisabeth Franz Joseph as Frank startled me a little.

Absolutely adore Susan's "Sie ergibt sich nicht"

Kerstin Ibald as Beatrice is a delight in every single way. Also interesting to see the different choices she made between Vienna and Stuttgart.

Speaking of Beatrice... "Die Stärke einer Frau" is... so long. I listened to it on the way home from running an errand and I ended up laughing to myself in the middle of the street because it is kind of a ridiculous song. Imo the only reason not to cut it is because we love Beatrice.

Here's something I found really interesting: Favell and Danny actually have a dynamic in this recording. I fully believe that they've known each other for decades. They might not particularly like each other, but they're definitely familiar with each other. I can imagine them as a comedic duo honestly. This Favell in general is very vivid, very emotional. I like that. I feel like he has more nuance than the later depictions. Also... "Ich liebte sie genau wie du". Excuse me??? I love that line!

I'm so glad they ended up replacing "Wir sind Britisch" with "Merkwürdig". "Wir sind Britisch" did not work for me as a song and felt out of character for the show in general. It was like they were trying to be My Fair Lady for a hot second.

I didn't think I would like Uwe!Maxim that much, but actually! I might like him the best out of the three cast recordings. Jan Amman is my fave vocally, but I love how Uwe portrays Maxim as a character. Again, there's nuance here. I also love the way he says "Oh, das ist Frank Crawley der Verwalter von Manderley..."

There's a really interesting line in "Die Neue Mrs de Winter (Reprise)" where the ensemble says something about Ich being "Fast wie unsere alte Mrs de Winter". That's a really interesting callback to the book and the way the book's narration begins to draw parallels between Ich and Rebecca, in whichever way you want to interpret that.

Okay, everyone who's been telling me about how excellent Susan!Danny is was completely correct and justified. Her Mrs Danvers comes across as very controlled, but her feelings really come through as well. Her "ich Hör Dich Singen" is beautiful. I would give a lot to hear her sing it again with the new lyrics. I know I keep saying this but NUANCE. So much nuance in this character!

On a similar note, it's so refreshing to hear a Maxim played by a very passionate actor (not to say that Mark or Jan weren't passionate, just that I really enjoyed Uwe's portrayal).

This became long and quite incoherent, so if you've made it this far, thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts if anyone wants to ramble :)

[but-red-means-stop]

2 cool 4 skool album analysis: Intro

Well, friends, I have returned, much changed and yet not at all changed. Sliding in under the wire of January, this is me making good on my promise to post a track-by-track analysis of 2 Cool 4 Skool by BTS. If I can stay on top of it, I plan to do this monthly until 2025, according to this schedule.

Some things about what to expect: I'm a classically trained singer and instrumentalist with two music degrees, neither of which has anything to do with pop music or music production. What you get are my highly trained listening ears and my very subjective thoughts and feelings about this music. I'm going at this from a baseline of deep love and respect for BTS, so if I seem to be critical or poke fun at them, please bear in mind that it comes from a place of affection.

So we're getting started with the very beginning of BTS: 2 Cool 4 Skool. Which, believe it or not, is technically considered a single album. If you only look at the three song tracks, that seems plausible, but it's also got an instrumental introduction and interlude, plus two skits (“Skit: Circle Room Talk” and “Outro: Circle Room Cypher”), not to mention the two hidden tracks on the physical (“Skit: On the Start Line” and “Path”). For a single album, it's packed. It goes along with the early Bangtan theme of doing the most. Like, this was your debut? Are we kidding?

I was fascinated and honestly a little baffled by the structure of this album when I first encountered it, and I've since come to understand that the non-song tracks, particularly the skits, are actually a hip-hop album thing. As much as we can look at early BTS and see the limitations in their understanding of what hip hop actually was (and was not), they were, at least, doing their best to emulate and respect what they saw as the characteristics of the genre.

The first track is simply called “Intro: 2 Cool 4 Skool”, produced by Supreme Boi. It opens with a sample from a disco instructional record, which is delightful enough on its own, but Wikipedia tells me that it's actually a callback to the 2003 Epik High track “Go” from an album called, believe it or not, Map of the Human Soul. Epik High is definitely on my list of groups to learn more about, not only because their influence was so formative to BTS, but also because Tablo just seems like a really cool guy.

I don't have an awful lot more to say about “Intro: 2 Cool 4 Skool” as a track. The whole vibe is immaculate - the record scratches, the heavy reverb on the drums, the gunshots and the slowdown at the end, you listen to this minute-long snippet and you know exactly what you’re getting into. It starts off the album as unmistakably a hip-hop record in both function and vibe, featuring (in Korean) the lyric, “We tell our story in a carefree way on behalf of those in their 10s and 20s”. It makes a really good, encapsulated statement about what to expect from this single album and from this group.

From here on out, each track will be getting its own post, however short - I don’t anticipate having a massive essay on Circle Room Talk, for instance, but I will be splitting them up for organization’s sake. Translations will always come from Doolset Lyrics unless otherwise noted. 

Look forward to the rest of the album posts coming soon.

Ready

Set

and

Begin.

[weirdtrashpanda]

Hazbin Hotel Songs Analysis

Aka Rei has a new hyperfixation and has to talk about it or he will explode

Since I basically grew up on Musicals (it's in my blood) and I do appreciate a hell centered cartoon/animation, of course my new fav is Hazbin Hotel.

Since the first episode I can't stop listening to the songs and well... my theorist brain is doing overtime. So here's a layman analysis of the music.

I will get to my theories about the story and such at some later point.

Let's go! Spoilers ahead, duh.

First of all: Sam Haft is a genius. Alex Brightman is amazing. And every character has a genre or at least signature instrument. And obviously a lot of my own opinions.

Happy Day in Hell

We basically get hit in the face with a classical Musical Number and get to know Charlie's dream and her musical style. Plus some small hints at Vaggie's background.

The music and the style is very reminiscent of Overtures from modern Musicals, which is very fitting.

Hell Is Forever

Already a callback to previous songs, but fast. Once Adam starts the genre switch to rock, which is Adam's signature style.

Before his guitar solo is a pretty nice reference.

The message is basically "Fuck you, I do what I want bitch"

Stayed Gone

Ah yes, the sexual tension /hj

The beginning is very rhythmical, controlled and straight (ha). Once Vox gets going it gets more swingy with repeated patterns. The quick parts show what a talker he is.

Alastor slides in and slowly takes the song over like in Hells Greatest Dad. Also the piano gets a bit more present once Alastor joins.

In the end Alastor completely took over.

It Starts With Sorry

At first this song seemed so random, but well. Now it makes sense.

When Sir Pentious starts singing, in the background there's a guitar mimicking snake Rattles.

Again a very Broadway song. I cannot get over that this again is Alex Brightman!

Respectless

I love it.

Carmilla's theme is obviously Latin with a Spanish guitar. And Velvet's Hip Hop or at least something similar, not sure because not my type of music.

Zestials small part shows how adaptable he is.

Whatever It takes

Hopefully we get more songs with Zestial.

Again it starts with guitar, and turns into a amazing power ballad. It shows Carmillas passion and devotion to her family.

Veggies part on the other hand is so "weak". Which totally makes sense, since she is still so scared. We also get some hints again. In the background you can hear a kind of glockenspiel.

The duet makes now more sense. Daphne Rubin-Vega is crushing it, amazing voice.

Poison

Ah yes, the controversial song. Tbh stop, listen again and start thinking. Chill.

EDM seems to be Angel's genre which is so fitting.

The lyrics are heartbreaking. No, he is not glorifying his abuse, he doesn't know another way. Angel has given up, he is trapped. So the least he can do is have fun. He's already in Hell, so fuck it.

The last chorus. Ah! This is not Angel Dust, this is Anthony breaking down.

Loser, Baby

No one was prepared for this. Keith David could fuck me just with his voice, respectfully.

Husk's style is kinda idk, brass ig. But don't quote me on that.

The lyrics are perfect and so relatable.

Fun Fact someone on TikTok pointed out: Husk offers Angel his hand and only pulls him along when Angel takes his hand. We stan a gentleman.

Hell's Greatest Dad

Electro Swing! The title alone shows Lucifers Pride. And how much he cares about Charlie.

Again Alastor butting in to take control. God, he loves being that guy.

The violin solo, such a nice reference.

Headcanon: Mimzy waited for the perfect time to bust in.

More Than Anything

Ah yes, the midpoint dramatic ballad duet.

It's so boring but sweet. They harmonize so nicely. Who doesn't love a good healthy bonding song.

Also harmonies in this song a peak.

Welcome To Heaven

I know this voice! Blaine from Glee went to Heaven!

The style is so clean and fake, perfect. Also organ.

The lyrics are low-key petty. Also Molly?!

You Didn't know

Such a dramatic song, very musical end of act 1.

Love the switch when Lute starts singing, again with rock but much more controlled than with Adam.

Emily's theme is also very mousy in the beginning.

The callback to Hell Is Forever is so nice, the harmonies though...

Big reveal at the end. Adam is a Dick. (Hehe)

Out For Love

Heck yea! Carmilla centered song.

Very Latin and passionate, love it, still with a modern flair.

Tbh Carmilla is underrated.

Ready For This

You go girl! Again very Broadway.

Once the cannibals join in it gets more old-timey, which fits the period the Town is in. Really sounds like a cheery war song.

Rosie and Alastors dynamic is amazing, just two queer besties being their true self.

This song also gets us excited for the final battle and stills shows Charlie's anxiety.

More Than Anything (Reprise)

This was torture. Normally a Reprise is very telling, example Hamilton.

I was so scared for Vaggie. Still amazing song, good representation.

Finale

What an ending! I was in tears.

The little callbacks amazing, Lucifer being there for his daughter. Everyone supporting her now. It's really a perfect Finale song.

Vox and Valentino being gay and their usual self.

Alastor's part reaks of foreshadowing. No, Alturist is probably not his surname. And no, he doesn't really care about Charlie and Co, he is there for power.

Conclusion

Amazing music and storytelling. Perfect for the mental ill 18+ theater nerds.

The Living Tombstone are amazing! Listen to their music.

Looking forward to the next season.