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sunsrefuge · 1 year

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Music ask game!! :D How about 2, 6 and the fancam song for Liifa?

AND THE FANCAM... <- i find this so so funny because he is SO demisexual. it would so not be his thing !! but by god he's pretty so you're damn right it'd happen to him !!

(hey! funny story! I got so excited about this ask that i'd filled out most of it by the time i remembered you sent. specific numbers. so uh,, woe !! bonus content be upon ye !! also im so sorry that this turned into a LITERAL ESSAY !! do not worry about reading all of it if you don't want to / feel up to it !!)

As per usual, all spotify links! ♥

[Readmore because - well. I said it was an essay for a reason. :'D Sorry !! feel free to only read the ones you requested if you'd like !!]

Backstory: Top of the World by Greek Fire

I remember the days, New beginnings on an open page. With something to prove, And nothing to lose, Not a soul to betray.

Ohh how we look back on the past with rose-colored glasses :') This song both describes his backstory in a fun way, and describes his perspective on his own past! He's born underground like the vast majority of asura during his time, and ends up having to surface after Primordus wakes up. He ends up in the Crystal Desert with his older half-sister Rylii, and they're taken in by the Sunspears once they're deemed not a threat and such. They have a good couple of years until;

I remember the lies, Caught up in building paradise. The angels were slaves, and demons behaved, And everything was alright.

boy got TRICKED into tying himself to the Binding - (in my hc, a book of Abaddon's that contains his worst-behaved demons! like, he dropped all these kids off at preschool and just never came back for them lol) - under the idea that he could somehow purify the book itself, therefore turning an artifact of Abaddon's into a powerful one of Kormir's. Needless to say, maybe not ever gonna happen!! (... maybe.)

I hear the crowds beneath me, I'm wishing they could reach me. But I'm on top of the world, Up here I'm dying alone.

it leads PERFECTLY into the majority of his backstory!! Lonely, aimless wandering!! It also highlights the little facade he picks up over the years:

Inside the walls of gold, Outside of happiness, (It's all been a show, Too late to confess!) No room for heart and soul, No room for innocence, Innocence!

He gets so lonely that he starts to get really jaded and closed-off from anyone and everyone that he meets. There's a sense of when you live so long, what use is it to connect? <- Words spoken seconds (decades) before disaster. (meeting Eliana)

Personality: Liar by The Arcadian Wild

I sense there's trouble ahead, It's clear by the signs and warnings, That should tell where all blame is due. So why are they pointing at my head?

There's a long stretch of time where he's very flippant about what he's doing and who it's affecting. Typically, if a situation turns against him, he'd just... remove himself from the area and wait it out.

Oh, I need you to see through my act, To tell me I'm wrong, To take off the mask. Or else I'll be left in the lie, And I'll deceive my way straight to demise.

That said, he knows that he's just lying his ass off most of the time - playing a part, setting the pieces, whatever he needs to do that'll get him in the door for whatever he's attempting now. He gets bored, living so long and being on his own so much, he's not above playing little scams and such to give himself some kind of stimulation as the years drag on for him.

I am the host of this hostility, I'm the master magician that makes you believe. I'm real, I'm not fake, but in reality, I'm a lying man. My life's become this grand game of deception, My mind's ignored all my heart's good intentions. We all feel this tension, We all have our own illusions.

And even as he realizes that what he's done is wrong, he still keeps that degree of separation - that denial that he's wrong - how could he be, when others have done worse? He's determined to be good, so much so that he's justified his own boredom-induced heists by simply internalizing that someone's always done something way worse. Which... isn't how it works! But he'll get there, eventually.

'Cause I'm not in a right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight, But I don't deserve to win it. I'm left in the dark pondering my mistakes, But in the light, I swear I will, Deny it all.

The chorus in here hits though, because it offers that self-awareness of "yes, this is wrong, and I know it's wrong! But even if you force me to face it, and I know that you're right, I'm going to deny it. It can't be true, that isn't who I am at heart." It's okay, Eliana can fix him later kahsdsuh

Angst: Suffocate by Nathan Wagner

The problem ain't "they're never good," The problem is power, It taints the mind.

hi !! Liifa thoughts hour !! After picking up the Binding, and being stuck with it for the last two centuries, this thought process for him is constant !! ♥ As time goes on, he starts to recognize the ways that the Binding (and primarily Ipos within it) has been influencing his thoughts and perceptions, and he Does Not Like It !! He's so so determined to be good despite all of his bad decisions and numerous setbacks and it's such a reoccurring theme throughout his entire playlist !! his determination to be good is integral to his character !!

Hold on to me, Don't give up on me. If I start to sink, Would you reach for me? I get so afraid, break down, Suffocate. Would you help me breathe? Help me breathe.

This hits harder later on in the timeline; when he has Eliana to travel with! If there's one thing that would immediately entice him over the 'edge' and into corruption, it would be someone he loves being in possibly-fatal danger. Dude is liable to literally lose his entire mind and moral compass in those scenarios!

Don't wanna hurt the ones I love, Don't wanna let everyone down. I try so hard but I slip up, Lose my grip, fall on the ground. The problem ain't "they're never good," The problem's power taints the mind. Don't let this heart turn into stone, Don't let these lights burn me alive.

this part makes me FERAL because !! During the GW2 timeline is when he starts to recognize just how jaded and cold he's become over the decades, and he hates it once he sees it. I also like to believe that - since he's been tied to the Binding - anything of Kormir's (such as the fire in the Sunspear Sanctuary) has the potential it 'burn' him if he gets too close! And I don't mean "you're obviously too close to the campfire" kind of close. More like he's fifteen feet away and still feels like he's standing directly in the fire.

Don't let me suffocate in luxury.

I just think that it's so so fun how... traditionally, demons tempt you by giving you unimaginable power, wealth, anything that you could ever want. And Liifa doesn't want any of that, he just desperately wants a calm life spent with the people he loves.

Comfort: I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young

I thought I saw the devil, this morning. Looking in the mirror, Drop of rum on my tongue, With the warning to help me see myself clearer.

This has !! entirely to do !! with him realizing how jaded and cold he's become, and actively making the decision to move away from that !! He wants to be softer. He wants to have friends. He deeply misses having people that he can rely on and feel safe with; he's so tired of feeling like it's himself against the world.

My past has tasted bitter, For years now, So I wield an iron fist. "Grace is just weakness," Or so I've been told. I've been cold, I've been merciless. But the blood on my hands, Scares me to death. Maybe I'm waking up, today.

I've always debated if there's a specific moment that makes him realize what he's turned into - and now I'm actually thinking !! The Genetics Facility Massacre could be it !! It's perfectly in between two of the times that he meets Eliana before they become properly acquainted, so there's already the thought floating around in his head of this sweet little sylvari he's met, and how kind she seems in a world so cruel - and it hits him. He's part of that cruelty. He's done assassinations, he's killed indiscriminately, he commits crimes so regularly that he doesn't even think about it anymore.

For all of the light that I shut out, For all of the innocent things that I doubt, For all of the bruises I've caused, and the tears, For all of the things that I've done, All these years. For all of the sparks that I stomped out, For all of the perfect things that I doubt,

I'll be good, I'll be good. And I'll love the world, like I should. Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good, For all of the times, I never could.

and the REPITITION of "I'll be good, I'll be good," just continues to hammer home his determination !! to be good !! Despite his habits, despite his past, despite the things that he's done and said - he wants to be good. If not for himself, then for his half-sister. For the memory of his mothers, and his twin. For the kind people that he's met during his troubles. For everything that he so passionately stood for when he was younger; For the Sunspears.

I'll Be Good has been so so integral to his playlist ever since I started writing him and put it on there. you REALLY cannot know Liifa if you haven't listened to this song while rotating him in ur brain at least once.

Love Life: The Fall by half•alive

Oh, I'm just tryna introduce you, To this idea that I've grown used to. It's like sharing a dream with someone, Once you say it out loud it can't be undone.

he is AFRAID !! He's lived for god-damn-ever and yet he's still so anxious and hesitant any time he develops romantic feelings for someone!!

It's like waking up in surgery, I can't seem to see right past the lights, And I'm, so scared to take a knife to my chest, Let you see the heart that's inside.

He just wants to hide! Every time! He wants to hide but he's also so so glued to their side at the same time. The Fall holds a special place in my heart in relation to Liifa's love life because it always makes me think of how he, Ambrose, and Eliana all get together in my AU's with @forbiddenredjollyrancher ♥ !!

I'd jump off and into your arms, But I can't trust the fall. Take my voice, I'm giving it though I don't feel safe at all.

^ I wanna point out this part too! It's not that he's afraid of them, but more specifically how things could 'turn' in the future. He's already had one relationship (with Bjiattu) that turned sour once he felt content, and he's very much the type of person who gets nervous that things could turn sour again once he's comfortable and feels safely at home.

Luckily for him though, this little polycule is very, very cozy, comfortable, and permanent !! ♥ They also eventually add more to their lil polycule: Prism, Zayvis, Liott, and Haskell! Liott & Haskell both belong to Tres as well! There's also some 'branches,' but that's the central polycule at least! ^^ And yes, Liifa has this same fearful and anxious reaction to every new polycule member. Dude needs to be diagnosed with anxiety, ngl.

Fight Scene: Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

Liifa typically avoids physical confrontations if he can help it. But, when the need does arise, he tends to go... a little overboard. Courtesy of Ipos inhibiting his impulse control! :) They adore carnage and would like for Liifa to murder more kajhdsk

So what if you can see, The darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become.

^ this part of the chorus is perfect for his jaded years !! Just the "so what" says so much already!

Help me believe, It's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal.

^ and THIS part is great for more recent years! He's sick of it, he's tired, he wants to be soft and cozy and not have to deal with Ipos encouraging his worse impulses and pushing him to blindly murder people (again). There it is! Again! His determination to be good despite his setbacks!!

FanCam: Cherry Hill by Russ

It honestly took me a while to find a good song for this for him !! idk, it's got a vibe and the chorus hits for him in relation to ... well, literally anyone he's ever been in love with, lmao

Maybe I'm a fool, Maybe I'm a fool for you. You know what I'd do for you, I know what you'd do for me. You will see, The truth in me.

hopeless romantic of the CENTURY /positive

also, this isn't important but every time that I've tried to picture a fancam for him to figure what vibes I wanted the song for it to have,, without fail there'd be a part of him readjusting his hair, I'm certain of it. He's so vain and prideful in his appearance, his hair has GOT to be hella soft and it shows.

#SORRY ABOUT. THE FUCKING ESSAY LENGTH. I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHATEVER PARTS OF THIS YOU DO READ <3 <3 <3 #thank you so much for the ask !! <3 #c:Liifa #song stuff #<3*

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