#if you’re someone who feels like you can't do much real-life activism due to health issues

[real-tired-of-your-shit]

If you have the ability, please learn to code.

I haven't seen many posts about this, but part of the reason radical feminists and women in general are getting effectively silenced is because men control tech, and there are few women with the skills to set up our own networks.

I'm not saying learn to code and get a job in tech, but your activism can be so much more effective if you have a solid coding foundation. Need a list of all the Crisis Pregnancy Centers (fake abortion clinics) in the USA, in a data format that's easy to track and update with new info over time? That would take hundreds of hours manually. I can write a scraping script, set up a local sqlite database, and get running in a weekend. If I want to make that list public-facing, but don't want the hassle of setting up a more robust database like PostgresQL or MySQL, I can export a JSON file and make a web page that generates listings for each entry in the file.

Automating manual data entry saves so much time. Web scraping saves so much time. Knowing how to access APIs to get the data you need saves so much fucking time.

I highly recommend Python as a beginning programming language. It's a mature language that is still updated, has wide support, has a lot of free learning materials aimed at people who are new to programming, has intuitive syntax, and it has a ton of libraries and frameworks that cover the spectrum of tech needs. If you want to do it, there's probably a way in Python.

[kadajsbitch]

How they deal with you when you’re emotional:

Final Fantasy VII

Warnings: Language, 18+, talking about mental health

A/n: This is my first time writing for this blog so bear with me. Idk if it’s going to be an active blog, but I got so much FF7 stuff I made and haven’t posted so I’m just going to drop it here lol 💀 hope you enjoy.

Also gifs aren’t mine.

Yazoo:

His answer to seeing you emotional will always be space.

It pisses him off to see you upset but not in a, "Oh my poor baby" way, but more of a "I don't want their ass being moody because that kills my mood, and it's annoying that they can't even calm the fuck down to tell me what's wrong right now." Way… 💀

So in a way he cares... but overall, he just wants things to be “normal” so he can continue on with his usual ways of life peacefully.

Once you calm the hell down, he'll come to you with maybe a tissue and a glass of water (so that your not snorting your own snot every thirty seconds) and he'll ask you what happened.

If your having an emotional outburst due to something like someone pissing you off, or your in physical pain and/or mental pain, he'll go into action to make sure its immediately taken care of ether that be dragging you to a doctor, or taking care of who bothered you.

If it's something having to do with something minor like a movie or book making you cry, then he very much will not be comforting you. You not being able to handle something fictional or even something based on real life (true crime, etc) is your own fault.

Maybe if said book is a work of Non-fiction and it was genuinely fucked up, he might add two cents and validate you on why your pissed but don't expecting him to cuddle and love you, and wipe your tears.

If it has to do with family stuff however, his reactions vary depending on the type of family situation, but he'll definitely try to be more comforting in the sense of not outright leaving you immediately despite it making him uncomfortable.

Kadaj:

Unlike Yazoo who walks away because he's not in the mood to deal with you in your upset state, he walks away because he knows how he gets when he's like this.

The last thing he would want was someone to see him at his lowest, and he feels it'll make you less prone to getting in this state if you don't have someone constantly comforting you.

Doesn't mean he isn't concerned however.

He'll find you after awhile and ask for a detailed explanation as to why you were so upset and like Yazoo, he goes into action.

If it's more on mental or physical side of an issue, he may offer some advice as to what he knows instead of wordlessly getting things set up for you, like Yazoo would.

If it's something minor, he's definitely annoyed but feels better knowing it's not something threatening.

"Why would you watch/read something like that when it clearly states in the description that it's that sort of (movie/show/book, etc)?" He’ll ask, probably rolling his eyes as he does so.

"Don't get anymore of this if your not going to be able to control your emotions."

Again, his reactions would vary depending on the family situations, because he does have some knowledge and experience when it comes to that, but he'd definitely be more comforting.

Loz:

Unlike either of his brothers, he immediately is standing up, looking at you like “what the fuck happened?"

Considering he could give less of a fuck about where and who he gets emotional with, you being upset in front of him doesn't phase him. It's just he wants to know what and/or who made this way.

In a way, he also wants to be there with you while you're in this state because he feels like he's the one who's constantly over emotional in front you, and so to him, it's like an "even" thing when it finally happens.

Not so much even, but he feels more comfortable being emotional when you are considering his brothers are far from emotional unless it's anger they’re displaying.

Surprisingly, he gives good mental advice if it has to do with mental health. Physical is something he'd have to get a second opinion on if that was the case, but regardless he's trying to help.

Uncomfortable with straight up cuddling (as are his brothers 💀), but he'll sit with you in either silence or try to talk to you to help you calm down.

If the reason for your emotional outburst has to do with something media like, he'll probably watch/read it to see if it'll give him that reaction too but most likely not. In that case he’ll probably shrug, a small smirk coming on his face because he can’t help but to feel in a sense more emotionally mature for once, but he’ll refrain from rubbing it in until your calm enough to handle his teasing.

If it's family, then he'll definitely listen and even end up throwing a situation that he's went through that's similar, once you finish and validate you on how your feeling. Overall, out of the three, he’s probably the best choice to talk to.

Bonus:

Sephiroth:

For the sake of this, I’ll be using C.C/Reunion Sephiroth. The remnants are still fairly new, and are adapting which is why I feel like they wouldn’t be out right evil in how they handle people they are acquainted with or have a more personal relationship with’s, emotional outburst.

Sephiroth is tricky when it comes to others having emotional outburst… as a war general, he’s used to seeing the effects of and after battle take toll on people and how they may become mentally vulnerable from it, and because of that he can be very indifferent and can come off a little harsh when he’s “comforting” those around him.

“Control yourself. This won’t be the first time you face obstacles such as these, so there’s no use in crying.”

If this is a situation outside of his usual work element however, he’d definitely feel conflicted on how to proceed.

Like his two other counterparts, I feel he’d separate himself from them due to randomly being thrown in this position. More so to keep himself calm.

I mean if we look back at C.C, he seemed fairly uncomfortable with Zack getting upset about the situation at hand, despite it being a dire one. So he’d definitely be further unraveled by someone having an outburst about something he may view as minuscule.

If it’s something having to do with someone bothering you, he’d have a quick reaction.

“Consider it taken care of.” He’d say stiffly, before hightailing it away from you to deal with whoever it was, hoping by the time he returned to brief you on what happened, you’d be more stable.

If it was mental or physical, like Kadaj he’d offer some advice on what he knew, but would ultimately do the more rational thing and suggest you speak to a doctor and/or therapist for your problems.

Again, going off from what we saw, C.C Sephiroth isn’t someone who really likes to be touched (despite him being so handsy in the remake 💀) so don’t be expecting a hug or for him to hold you or anything.

One time, a cadet was upset and he tried to force himself to do something other than stiffly telling them to get over it… he awkwardly held his hand out, and patted them… on the head.

While it did stop them from crying, the looks he got from those around him definitely made him reconsider ever offering physical comfort again. (He was trying though 😭)

If it’s something having to do with media, whether it be fictional or not, he’d simply shrug and tell you not read/watch those things if you couldn’t stomach it.

Family isn’t something he really has a grasp on, but he knows it’s important, and for your sake will try to listen and give his thoughts as best as he can for the sake of comfort.

[mostly-sentence-starters]

Advice seeking anon here! I wanted to thank you! It was sort of about the technical side of rping and more on tips on how to deal with....the emotional side of things? But not like reactions/stuff going on in the threads I do have. But like...the disappointment of expectation.(Example that made me ask in the first place: Though unrelated but important to start off this with is that...I have friends who are mutuals but we don't write together. We do interact. Liking and commenting on posts and building a friendship that way. I am hecka anxious and I'm working on it. Like ya know, believing that mutuals DO wanna get asks from me and memes. But it's still disheartening when you send in memes they post, make starters, but they go unanswered with the other person later making posts about wanting more threads and being bored. I've had plenty of reasons myself as to why I can't answer certain threads. Ranging from time, RL errands or demands, or just the muse. I feel guilty they're not having fun but I don't feel like trying cos it's clear they're not waiting to hear from ME and so...I dunno, looking for tips on how as learn to calm my anxiety over not being the fix other people are looking for...but now that I've written this out, I'm guessing no one doing hobbies for free will be able to tell me much beyond...it's out of my control. And I guess to focus on what I can do.....I feel like being a kid again. Being in the same class with someone, even the same table and working together and being genuinely friendly but like...they still have their group of friend they hope to get hand written notes from.)

Hey there again Nonnie! There’s a lot to unpack here so most of it will be under the readmore! I totally get what you’re saying though and I have been mutuals with people similar to those you are describing. Of course every situation is quite different though, so keep that in mind.

First and foremost, of course it is important for people to remember RP IS a hobby. However, it is a collaborative hobby which means there is some mutual respect and decency required and communication is a must.

Of course real life / mental health / how much muse someone has / etc is a factor in how active a mun is. That makes sense and is valid.

From what I’ve noticed from my time RPing is that not everyone wants the same thing out of RP. A good chunk of people are more focused toward short on-dash treads/crack interactions, asks, writing headcanons, and plotting OOC. But not so much doing actual threads.

This version of RP quite frankly not for me, and it sounds like it's not what you’re looking for either. My primary concern is, and always will be the writing part of roleplay. This may just not be what this other person’s priority is, which may just mean you aren’t compatible. This doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t RP this way--it just means it doesn’t mesh well for how you RP.

It sounds like you are putting forth an effort to extend an olive branch to them to RP. And that’s good! I do think it’s important to give people chances--to an extent.

But how you are describing what’s happening sounds very similar to some experiences I’ve had with RPers that have and issue with attention pandering/passive-aggressive behavior(x) on dash, which is very much not okay. If you have tried several times to extend a branch to them through memes/starters/etc. and the other person NEVER answers but is constantly or often harping OOC about how they want interactions but never send anything to other people and never answer asks you sent them yet still say they want attention/asks/etc?

That’s very guilt-trippy and acting like others exist to be at their beck and call whenever they want attention. And to piggyback on this post (x) you don’t owe anything to people who are not treating you with equal respect.

If this was a case where the mun had sporadic activity due to IRL/mental heath/etc. and thus can’t send in many memes to other people because of it, but do when they can but are just overall slow and sporadic with their activity? That’s fine (though it may not be compatible with all other RPers) it is fine and acceptable behavior to have a busy life and not be tied to your computer. But you should not be made to feel guilty for not showering someone with attention and keeping them happy 24/7.

I get very stressed out by seeing posts like “I’m bored! Come bother my muse! / Send me asks! / I want more threads! / I want more ships!” as well. Of course, in the end it’s up to you. Me however, I usually find myself unfollowing and dropping partners who do this because of the distress it causes me. RP shouldn’t be something that stresses you out to those levels or makes you cater to someone else’s every whim. 

Honestly Anon, you may just have to let these people go. In my opinion, only from what I’ve heard it doesn’t sound like they are extending the same respect to you despite your attempts to make things work.

There are however, many people in the RPC who don’t do this type of thing that you will be far more compatible with and less stressed out by interacting with them. I personally recommend seeking those people out instead of giving chance after chance to people it sounds like it just won’t work out with.

But that’s only my experience, from what I can understand from your situation from this one ask. Maybe it is worth it to you to stick it out a little bit longer and see if you can make things work Perhaps filter/blacklist the mun’s OOC tag to stop you from seeing their posts asking for memes to be sent in and etc. and see if that helps.

But if RPing with these people bring you more distress than joy it may be time to let them go and look for some new muns to RP with. RPing got much better for me after I decided that interacting with people like that wasn’t for me.

I hope that helped a bit! If you have more questions feel free to ask (just may take me a bit! to get to)

- Mod Mudkip

[nerdygaymormon]

I'm... scared... of your blog. It goes against a whole lot of what I was taught to believe and follow growing up. But, at the same time, I've been hurt deeply by that... doctrine... and I've only just begun to see and understand the extent of that damage. So... what if this is what my wounded and weeping soul has been searching for... since I can't pick up any "official text" without having a violent physical reaction that is drowning in pain and fear? 1/?

I can't even get near a chapel or temple without reacting. And I can't bring myself to confide in any of my local bishopric or ward members. As a result, I've been suffering alone. I know I need therapy because this is some deep, messed up shit, but I have not been able to find a compassionate professional and I'm not want to continue the search. I've neither the funds nor the energy. 2/?

I'm 34yo born and raised in the Church. Three years ago I experienced something that made me question heavily whether Gd still loved me because I for sure felt damned. And that event caused the floodgates to open, I suppose. I've not been active for years due to chronic illness and being treated like some sort of sub-human because of my disability. I used to maintain a current temple recommend but not anymore. 3/?

I think I'm asexual. And the more and more I think about this, the more and more it explains some aspects of me that I thought were broken. (No desire to date as a teen, no feelings of sexual attraction to anyone, confusion about terms like "infatuation" and "crush", confused and disgusted by sex and the world's obsession with it.) But, at the same time, the more and more I grew to like this term, the worse my feeling of being Rejected by Gd became. 4/? 

But, even before I adopted the term, I began to feel unwanted and damned because of a history of attempted molestation at 5 years old and being taught that I was 'chewed gum' amongst other doctrines that insisted that my every decision and move was responsible for the sexual purity of the male mind. I felt violated in almost everything that I wore that I felt "pretty" in because I was under the belief I was a walking sin. 5/?

I say I'm scared of your blog... yet I read through several posts last night, body shaking and nauseous with fear and guilt. And here I am, unloading in your askbox because I'm so desperate for someone to talk to who won't judge me like I've been judged all my life. The last time I went to church, I ran out of Sacrament in tears, hyperventilating in my car for several minutes. I have not been back since. 6/?

I want to believe that I'm still loved. I want to believe that I'm still wanted. There is a vicious war going in within me, complicated by chronic and mental illness, that I've lost my sensitivity concerning Gd. I can't tell if or when He's talking to me because the constant anxiety, fear and pain drown out the more 'subtle' emotions. And the maladaptive coping mechanisms I've developed likely don't help either... 7/?

Thank you for listening... if you have anything insightful that you think might help, I'd like to read it. (I hope all these messages stayed anonymous...) 8/8

———————————————————————

Wow, the feels. You said so much. I recognize you’re in a hard place. 

—————————  

Don’t worry, you managed to stay anonymous. I know when sending multiple asks it’s to forget to push the anon option.

—————————  

Congrats on figuring out you are asexual (ace). 

I think discovering a lack of something is difficult. There’s all these hints along the way but then once you figure it out, it all makes sense, everything fits.  

Don’t be afraid to change your labels. We use words to describe how we understand ourselves. If the way you understand yourself changes, it’s fine to change your labels. 

—————————  

Having a chronic illness can be difficult, it can take over a life as you organize things around it. Having a disability also can be challenging, especially if it’s one that is visible to others because they often view you as your disability. 

The thing is, you have a personality that wants to be displayed, I can tell that just from these messages you sent me. As people spend time with you and get to know you, they will start seeing you and not your disability. 

—————————  

Things that you described about your feelings and reactions make me believe therapy would help. I’m no mental health professional, but I wonder if you have have the symptoms of PTSD (church caused you trauma) and an anxiety disorder. 

If you have insurance that will cover some sessions, look for a provider that takes your insurance. If you don’t, I know that therapy can be expensive. 

About 2 years ago I needed to see a therapist and I checked at my local university. They had a psychological services clinic where Ph.D. students could gain experience, so the price was reduced, and my therapy was overseen by professors who are up-to-date in their field.  

If you can’t get to therapy now, and if you want to go to church, it helps a lot to have someone you know that can go with you, like a security blanket. It makes it less scary to enter that space. 

If you don’t have someone like that, try contacting the missionaries, explain you haven’t been to church in a while but want to come back. They will be so happy to greet you in the lobby and have you sit with them. And if you want, they will introduce you around to others. 

—————————  

Tbh, I was very surprised at how you describe my blog. I didn’t realize someone would view it the way you did. 

It’s true that I think our church is wrong on LGBTQIA+ topics. This is because of a few things:

1) I feel the spirit let me know that God loves me as I am, a gay man, and that I’m not broken. This is how I’m meant to be. 

2) What we learn about our Heavenly Parents and how they love us and are fair and just, and they treat us the same and view humankind as alike. I can’t believe they would set up a whole group of their children to fail and not have a path to return to them.

3) Jesus stood with those who were on the margins, He spent time lifting others and taught us that real religion is helping others, especially those who are downtrodden and on the margins. 

4) The Church doesn’t show LGBTQIA+ people as a part God’s Plan. The Church doesn’t know what to do with us. And it’s not a good space for queer people so most LGBTQIA+ members leave. This is not good fruit and it’s not what I think God would want, for whole groups of people to not feel welcomed.

I don’t reject the principles of the gospel, I want them to apply to all of us, even me, a gay man, and even you, an asexual woman. We are beautiful, we have a purpose, we deserve to be accepted and have joy. 

I guess that is rebellious and dangerous because it challenges the Church’s narrative about people like you and me. 

I let people in church tell me terrible things and for so long I believed them. I don’t anymore. 

Refusing the shame that church gives us as queer people, that’s radical. Church is supposed to help us be better, not wear us down. 

You can love yourself and be happy as ace. This is part of how God made you, you don’t have to deny this is how you experience life. 

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What are your goals? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want your life to be like? 

My psychologist used to have me write what I would like my life to be like, and then we made goals to start doing those. 

You are capable of change. 

This is your life. 

God has given you talents. We’re not supposed to hide them under a bushel. Work on developing them and developing yourself. 

You are your own longest investment. Investing in yourself is a gift to the world, it’s how we develop ourselves and increases our capacity to help others.

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I hope you feel I understood what you were trying to say to me. 

I also hope I gave you some things to think about, to ponder, and figure out what feels right to you.

[schizosupport]

My Mum has just been diagnosed and we had to drop her off at the hospital. Everyday she calls me, my father or others and tells them that she doesn't want to be there... I'm not sure on the proper terminology, but she thinks everybody in there wants to harm her and she won't get out of the hospital because "they" won't let her My father and I can't keep telling here we can't take her home, it's hurting so much (especially him). Do you have any tips on how to behave or handle this situation?

Hey there Annika,

I’m so sorry, that sounds like a god-awful situation for all of you, not least your mum, but I understand how it must affect all of you. It’s really hard to deny to help someone you love, even if you think you’re helping them in the long run, by doing so.

For your mother, I will say that being hospitalized can be really scary, and even people who are not delusional can come away from it with an experience that the staff is harmful, and due to issues with overcrowding etc., other patients may also appear very intimidating. Especially if you’re having difficulties that causes you not to cooperate, the staff might become very antagonistic. It’s definitely no walk in the park to be hospitalized. Add to that, the fact that your mother is actively psychotic and probably has delusions/paranoia on top of that, making her think that this is all done to harm her, and perhaps even thinking that they want to kill her or worse - it’s no wonder she’s so distressed, and calling the people she loves and trusts to try and get you to see reason.

I shared this question on a discord server with other folks with psychosis to get their opinion, and the general consesus was, if possible, get her out.

I don’t know the full extent of the situation. If she is a danger to herself or others. How acutely disorganized her behavior might be. I assume there must be a reason you had to drop her off at a mental hospital in the first place. I just know that being in an environment that is perceived as unsafe, whether it is or not, isn’t very helpful for mental health. It can very well be a traumatizing experience. But like I said, and this is important: I don’t know the situation or why you had to admit her to the hospital. It sounds like she’s being kept against her will, which suggests she’s considered dangerous (most likely to herself). So it might not be possible to take her home. 

So how should you behave? It’s hard to say, but I would say, first of all, I know it’s hard, and it can be easier to just write her behavior off as “crazy talk”, but don’t lose your compassion. Her emotions are real, whether ‘they’ are hurting her or not, that is her experience and it is terrifying. She must feel like she’s been abandoned to the wolves. So if she lashes out, be understanding, be compassionate, be kind. Never stop letting her know that you love her. Don’t encourage her delusions, but acknowledge her emotions. “It must be really scary to think that they’re out to get you”, “I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it like that”, etc.

I would also encourage you to talk about a timeframe. Let her know she won’t be there forever. That you believe it’s best for her right now, but it isn’t forever. Give her things to look forward to. Tell her when you will be visiting. Visit her, even if it’s uncomfortable. Don’t expect the hospital to make her magically better, the family is an important part of the process, your support means the world. 

The most healing factor is time. It’s rare for an acute psychotic episode (assuming that’s what’s going on) to last for long. Antipsychotic treatment may also help to stabilize her. Have hope! 25% of people with schizophrenia recover completely, 25% improve almost completely with few relapse events, 25% improve somewhat but will continue to need support. This leaves only 25% with a chronic course or death (10%). So the odds are fairly good for your mother. It sounds like her symptoms are mostly psychotic, from what you’ve told me. While these are terrifying both for herself and her loved ones, many people recover fully from those, and go on to lead a relatively normal life. Of course no one can predict the outcome for your mother, but I truly hope the best for you!

Unfortunately there’s no neat and good answer to your question. I wish I knew some magic words that would fix everything for you. 

At the end I want to encourage you to also take care of yourself too. I know I told you to be compassionate and to be there for her, but I also want you to be aware of your own boundaries. Try to imagine yourself as having an invisible shield, a boundary, around you, when you interact with her. Think of it like a filter that protects you from being pulled under with her. If she says something hurtful, let it be reinterpreted as “she’s hurting” not as “she wants to hurt me”. If she loses trust in you, remember that it is the disorder making it so, and doesn’t reflect anything about your relationship.

So.. to make a long story short: Be aware that it isn’t necessarily all delusions, being in a psych ward can be scary and hurtful to anyone. It isn’t good for her to be somewhere where she doesn’t feel safe, so if it’s possible, I would think of other solutions. But if you can’t take her home, then at least be there for her as much as possible. Don’t let her feel abandoned by you. Have compassion. Have hope. But don’t forget to look out for yourself, either. This is a shit situation and you’re allowed to have shit emotions about it.

Stay strong Annika. I think you’re doing a great thing by seeking out blogs to educate yourself, and asking questions, etc. Everything must be very hard right now, but I hope it’ll brighten sooner rather than later.

Take care!

-mod Kit