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saeshiraw · 1 year
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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homolobotomized · 2 years
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zolu lifeguard au btw. if u even care
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id like to start this post with a link to a fundraiser masterpost and a reminder to do your daily clicks.
as i mentioned in my last post, i probably wont be posting about anything scu-related in the future, at the very least not anything praising it. if i reblog shadow referencing a keanu reeves role, my bad, ive only seen so many things with him in it. if i reblog scu art that i think is just mainline, my bad, i wasn't thinking. im gonna be honest i dont even think ill do little things, like stobotnik but in mainline context, though i will say, stobotnik mainline au may be like. the 1 exception??? because i do like the ship??? but thats the complete extent of what ill post, if that.
a part of me wants to say "but this is spoiling other people's fun!" and then the other part of me says "by not giving a platform to actors and a company that is complicit in genocide" and it shuts up the first half pretty easily. remember that considering everything, while yes it's likely to have very anti-military, anti-us themes, there is a chance both knuckles and sonic 3 will contain hidden pro-israel propaganda. if it wasnt obvious, i don't want to post about israeli propaganda.
for anyone who knows me personally, or at least messages me, im more likely to be more leniant seeing as. well. it's not public. but im still not sure if ill talk about it unless it comes up in conversation???
ik i have a handful of people here who are mostly scu fans, possibly even scu exclusive. ig im sorry??? i can understand why theres a lot of scu fans, so i suppose if you like scu but you also want to stop posting about it, may i recommend some OTHER things to try (this is a long list so buckle up:
hop (2011) has a similar plot to sonic 1 and has james marsden (who is also not a good person but i dont think even universal would care if youre pirating hop (2011))
a really good place to start is honestly the snapcube dubs!!! you might get a few spoilers from context clues but theyre a really fun way to get to know games a little bit! obviously, theres a big barrier of there only being 5 dubs of 4 games, but i feel like once youve watched the dubs you can sort of get into the rest of her videos from there (theres also. theres this one. this one series. that people like. btw.)
while yeah i recommend the games, theyre sort of hard to know where to start. all i can really say is, dont start from forces or frontiers, at least know the plot of sa2 and thats basically it. ig if you want to play EVERY game, you dont really need to play anything before sonic 3 & knuckles and even then you can still start from sonic adventure and learn the plot of s3&k
NiGHTS is fun but also youll learn nothing about sonic i just wanted to mention it
if youre more into the action, i recommend sonic prime (and also, a few fix-it-fics or rewritten endings)
i recommend sonic boom if you want the comedy* and the characters living (mostly) normal lives. also you can literally watch most of sonic boom for free on youtube idc if im biased i will die on the hill of it being the best sonic canon. yeah im even including rise of lyric. no i have not played rise of lyric. do not mention the wasted potential of the concepts or i will explode.
*no offense but sonic boom is way funnier. idc if im biased because the sonic films are honestly only a step up from mcu humour most of the time, if that
if you want lore, i recommend the comics rather than the games, seeing as its slightly daunting where to start with the games. for a slightly more sanitised and. ig "normal" experience, read either idw or post-reboot archie. but if you want things to get a little wild theres pre-reboot archie. the only archie comics ive read are sonic boom and NiGHTS, so im not speaking from experience. but. wow. theres a lot to unpack there
if for whatever reason you just want sonic thats completely different to the games, i recommend sonic the comic and any of the 90s cartoons!!! theyre honestly really fun and because theyre so early on in sonic history (?) theres so many inconsistencies
sonic the fighters is fun but also you literally will never have to play that ever and its hard to find anyway
im pretty sure ive mentioned every canon there??? and a few things i dont need to lol. but the point is, if you are a fan of scu, you arent immediately a bad person! BUT (and here's the bit you actually have to listen to): if you are posting and praising the scu, particularly the upcoming projects, you are giving a platform to a large chunk of zionists.
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vannamelonpie · 4 years
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top 10 writers and reviewing by h.melon pt.2 (skz)
(this is just my opinion as a fan of fics and ill possibly do a pt3 for dom!readers writers and underrated writers)
1, @starrychannies (10/10)
fics: yes please. it's TOO good. Not too rough but not too soft either, which is,,, quite unique from others ive read? nevertheless her skills are amazing and her fics are interesting to read, i mean i could read hers all day long!
personality: she's very sweet & lovely! and sarcastic and funny too,,,
 recs: baby steps - chan
2, @skz-dark-hours (9/10)
 fics: i know many of you are gonna be like why isnt she at the fist place. keep in mind that this is my opinion and i prefer sunny's more. lilo's writing is good! she writes both rough and soft! everything's detailed and well written that's why people like to read hers so much! but her plots are pretty typical,,, whats new anyways,,,
 personality: naiceeeee... but idk i havent talked much to her lately 🥺👉👈
 recs: anything lol here, take a scroll
3, @slut4felix (9/10)
 fics: OMG what the hell am i reading they're so good bro 😳 idk if it's just me but her fics are like,,, p o r n. LIKE LITERALLY. everyone's are pOrN but why are her's make me so- 😳😳😳
 personality: s w e e t i e b e b e
 rec: doctor hwang - hyunjin
4, @skz-potions (10/10)
 fics: wow damn this one is pretty unique istg. everything is on point she knows how to make her writing intriguing and interesting to read. the aftercares are so soft eye-
 personality: TaLkEd tO hEr onLy oNcE thOugh
  recs: [01:12] - minho im a dirty pig yes
5, @backhugsforhyunjin (8,5/10)
 fics: she's extremely talented she excels in EVERY genre but that's not new 😔✊ i love the way she guide her plot she's so creative it i love everything 😔🖐️ read her angst theyre top tier
 personality: skjslsjskdhdk she always say haha shes awkward asf thats just h o t 😳 shes my mozer
 recs: drunk sex - changbin
6, @nxt2chris (8,5/10)
 fics: uM eXcuSe mE? why is she so underrated i mean- many writers are too rushed on the actual smut part and didnt take enough time on those parts (chaoticminhos skjdksjsks) but this writer took her time on describing parts it was so professional 🥺 i like how she dedicate sm to her fics
 personality: cutie i wanna hold her hands
  recs: [22:56] - hyunjin wow damn this hit hard
7, @honeybinnies (8/10)
 fics: sometimes she gives me a slow and sensual vibe. and i like that feeling. love how some of her fics dont have to be all kinky and stuff like the others instead choosing to keep things slow and lazy. q u a l i t y
 personality: okay bruh at least now ik how u sound like when you suck chan's dick 😳
 recs: [1:12] - hyunjin i like this 😳👉👈
8, @nightshade-minho (8/10)
 fics: not @ how i only read one of her fic but still putting her into this sksjsljdkd BUT the way she comes up with ideas though everything matches so perfectly im scared
 personality: c h i l l
  recs: call me miss - hyunjin the only one i read ( ͡°ᴥ ͡° ʋ)
9, @lordseochangbin (8/10)
 fics: aesthetic 🍹🧺🌿 theres some special vibes she gives me while reading her fluffs the way she writes makes me feel like im watching a k drama and the feeling of being in the streets with soft sunlight on your skin and the smell of the road idk but im nostalgic reading her fics everything seems so dreamy ☁️✨
 personality: funny? idk
 recs: barista boy - jisung
10, @bruh-changbin (9/10)
 fics: her endings were obvious yes but something's really intriguing about her fics make me wanna read it over and over again. i guess the scenarios are way too good, situations are too exciting and fluttering to be in. she has talent i said what i said.
 personality: umm,,, kind!
 recs: prove it - hyunjin
k i l l m e it has been 2 months since ive released the first one 😳 also if anyone would wanna get untagged and off this list bcs you dont wanna. dm me ill gladly replace you.
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malelovemail · 4 years
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I haven't seen All These Aus so I cant really talk about how respectful they may or may not be but - fandoms using the same ideas/tropes isn't an uncommon thing. Like yes credit if you're pulling the majority of the story/set up (like in this instance where its not something v basic like 'hlvrai but college') but I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. Like will some stuff be unoriginal, yeah, but thats.. kind of the thing that there's always going to be unoriginal fancontent (1/2)
“Like a fandoms content is really self interactive and derivative off of each other. Like I get what you're saying w 'make your own ideas' but this is something that is also happening with other universes/ideas I've seen in the hlvrai fandom. And w every big fandom, especially ones with a young fanbase. Like ik you're saying 'you don't have to stop' but this is also a result of fan community working off of fellow fan ideas. Not everyone is gonna be skilled enough to build much onto the idea (2/2) Which isn't saying that people shouldn't try or whatever. Point is really just this echoe chamber deal happens w every fandom really and especially with hlvrai's young fans its gonna be more often and with less instances that add much. Its hard to avoid that sort of thing though without discouraging a fandom's collaboration and spreading/sharing of ideas which is what results in some amazing building contributions, but also the echo chambers. (3/2) [sorry theres gonna be 1 more, I know] I actually 100% get the frustration and I've tuned out of the tags bc it has turned into that echoe chamber of like ask blogs and some other stuff. But I don't think this is something malicious, its really just... people doing usual fandom stuff of seeing an idea they like and making their own thing with it, and in this instance has led to this, but I don't think it's really deserving of a finger wagging or shaming just bc its not producing great content. (4/2)” ---------- yup, dont disagree with you there; ive seen this kind of thing plenty in other fandom spaces and my intention in sharing my thoughts on the matter was not to shame young artists from deriving inspiration from the work of others, but in this specific instance there's almost an over-saturation of this one idea of which is very articulately crafted by the original writer, quote “protag gets trapped in an old fashioned computer program and interacts with the cast in a 90s webcore environment, cast tries to help protag escape the computer with the eventual help of an outside source partially at fault for the main antagonist - and by extension the protagonist’s plight, in initially helping work on the program, among other things”. this is a very hand wave-y synopsis but u get the idea almost every re-imagining of this au follows that exact formula, tells almost the exact same story with little deviation, and that under normal circumstances would not be a bad thing for most of these swap aus if there werent, like, literally a dozen of them now. i know for absolute certain no one copy of this idea has ever had malicious intention, and it’s definitely not any one particular person’s fault for contributing to any degree, but it does tend to encourage a bit of piggybacking off of the ideas of other people by copying, rather than taking inspiration from a given piece of media and applying it to their own work, which isn’t necessarily a problem with an immediate (or necessary) solution, if there even is a solution to begin with as i’ve said i’m not asking people here to drop everything they’re doing and start working on something different, at this rate the hlvrai fandom is so saturated with hundreds of au ideas that if i were to ask you to name one completely random idea offhand i could probably find at least one art piece or a blog for it by now - and that on it’s own is entirely fine! multiple renditions of a similar concept is fine, so long as it isn’t a premise as hyperspecific as y2k’s, imo i think a good example of “same concept, personal rendition” that’s been relatively harmonious (from what i’ve seen at least) has been the merfolk aus. ive seen at least 3 different fics for that on ao3 all of which i follow and they take the same general ideas (and mer species, oftentimes) and run with it in completely different directions. there are probably tons of other writers and artists for that medium too and i think its fucking great! its really awesome to see peoples individual takes on a concept like that, au wise, and while the core concept is the exact same there’s not too much overlap in environmental premises the issue i take with people doing similar for the likes of y2kvr is that y2kvr in and of itself is a very unique take on the general, webcore “trapped in a computer/game/etc” theme, it has it’s own unqiue premise, nd i feel like people have overall honed in more on said premise and setting rather than the core concept itself, which has churned out a lot of spinoffs of something much more hyperspecific per result. in general i think people have taken sub-aus a bit too far for this specific concept and i wanted to try and maybe discourage anyone else from jumping on the train at this rate without permission, since mothra has pretty clearly expressed a sense of discomfort towards it now regardless of my thoughts and opinions on the matter comparative to others, at the end of the day it’s more important to listen to and respect the wishes of the creator, whether it be asking permission first or holding off entirely from here on out . thank you for the ask(s)!
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gallifvrey · 3 years
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fic writer review
ty @taardisblue​ for tagging me in this! (also gonna leave this under a readmore to save everyone)
1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 7! which is honestly a lot more than i was expecting 
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 19544, which is also way more than i was expecting ngl
3. How many fandoms have you written for? on ao3 ive only published for two fandoms (doctor who and the magnus archives) but i’ve got some wips for critical role stuff and some old mass effect stuff i’d rather not revisit 😬
4. Top 5 fics by kudos? seconds. comes in at number one and is probably one of my fave fics ive written. talks about 12 after escaping from the time dial and his regeneration into 13 and dealing with all of that built up trauma. same with never cruel or cowardly, has lots of callbacks to episodes in hopefully just the right place to break your heart! 
never cruel or cowardly details thirteen’s life after regeneration and specifically dealing with trauma from her experiences right before she regenerated (i.e. time dial, losing and remembering clara, dying on a spaceship etc.)
should have been a TMA fic that goes from martin and jon starting to rebuild their life in the safehouse to then the apocalypse and then the end of the world (written before the finale even aired so its all speculation)
what would you do, to save humanity this was written as an alternative darker ending to Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos bc i figured that episode didn’t have enough angst. 
every star a fic about the doctor and the master’s relationship bc this ship always kind of kills me and i am always kinda thinking about it. about how they are so very, very alike. two sides of the same coin.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not? ahhh unfortunately i generally dont - partially i get rly stressed about responding “the right way” but also i like seeing the little notification of unread messages! nice reminder that ppl comment on my fics! but also sometimes i do just forget and feel rly awkward. just know if you comment on my fic i literally owe my entire life to you 
6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? ah man the tma fic ends in their combined death so theres that? the thoschei fic is... well.. i mean, yknow. a thoschei fic. none of them end particularly ‘well’ tho i think. 
7. Do you write crossovers? nah i dont particularly like crossovers tbh
8. Ever received hate on a fic? thankfully, no
9. Do you write smut? that is between me, google docs, and a secondary ao3 account no one knows about
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? thankfully, no
11. Ever had a fic translated? No
12. Have you ever co-written a fic? no! i’d like to tho!
13. All time fav ship? god i dont think i could just have one but i am kinda obsessed with thoschei from doctor who, or twelve/clara is a huge one for me also
14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? oh man i wrote a really detailed rewrite of the pyramid at the end of the world episodes, where instead of the doctor coming back he was still indoctrinated or still was like, done w humanity ig, so it was bill who singlehandedly was saving the world kinda like martha did. it was my first time writing a longer fic and sticking with it and i think it had real potential! but someone never has time anymore 
15. Writing strengths? i’d like to think im pretty good at descriptions and like, idk what to call it but like the vaguely meta-ish stuff, references to past eps and kinda like “poetic” language describing stuff?
16. Writing weaknesses? i cannot write dialogue to save my life. tbh both in real life and in fic
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic? see above. but also i think i’d be fine with it, at least in short bursts. if there’s ever a character that speaks ukrainian i’d be super down to write some of their dialogue in ukrainian in a fic but alas :(
18. First fandom you wrote for? definitely doctor who! i wrote a fic when i was like, 13? or smth and had just started watching the show and it was the most self indulgent thing ever but it was all about the doctor coming to pick up random teenagers from around the world and bring them onto the tardis in this big camp-like sleepover. i absolutely loved thinking abt that fic 
19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far? hmm i like pyrite a lot bc its more ~experimental~ than ive written before. but i also have to say seconds. bc it introduced me to @yesokayiknow & then suddenly 2 yrs later had a bunch more dw friends! cool times
ty maddy for tagging me! this was a lot of fun. ik im supposed to tag ppl but alas i know limited tumblr urls off the top of my head so genuinely if you got this far in reading this post like, feel free to do this and tag me in it i’d love to see your response! 
(if you’re thinking “oh but surely they can’t be talking about me!” i am. do the post if you want! tis fun)
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survivorbehemoth · 4 years
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Episode 13: “The new strategy is to ignore me unless they want to use me.” - Chips
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So I assume everyone is voting me this round. Just like I assumed last round.
The new strategy is to ignore me unless they want to use me. So thats fun.
Anyway i was told at the last minute rhe vote changed to Brandan and... lol it did? Poor Brandan and whoever probably was either not let in or was scared of his idol.
Anyway, I was told to vote Seamus this round and I would be okay. Im putting my faith there.
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this confessional is gonna be messy and i dont wanna cry on camera so here it goes. im basically just copying and pasting from my DR.
EARLIER IN THE DAY: ive made an executive decision that im going to be loyal to daisy and szymon and i don’t care if i lose to them at the end i dont have the heart in me to betray them it’s not worth it i wanna win and if i get to the end and they ask why? when you know it’s a good game move? The Winning Move? bc i think sometimes winning ain’t everything and i think getting to the end ad losing to someone worthy is fine!!! and maybe one day i’ll be able to like be ruthless in games but !!! LMAO today is not that day and it won’t be ever u know — plus they both have to know they both win to me? right? so yeah i just don’t have it i me and ill defend that in jury and also cop to it like i’ll OWN it i fucking get it but if i could still get to the end at all that should be recognized a bit and yeah maybe i’ll lose but idk it’s not worth it i don’t like how i feel rn and i don’t want to make another person feel that way bc let’s face it i can’t hinge my games on winning things ive won nothing myself this whole game it’s okay but i can’t center shit around it but i think ive played a good game and it’s different than theres and there’s so many times when they have both come to me there’s a lot ive done too
LATER IN THE DAY:
instead of chips we're cutting seamus. which fits into my boot order and what i wanted to do anyways since f9. but. daisy it not happy and i tried to explain it to her like this:
okay a few facts 1. im loyal to u and szymon first and foremost 2. next to either of u at the end i will not win 3. im okay with that at this point bc i cant really emotionally justify cutting yall and not going to fire for either of yall + i doubt ill win fic if its a f2 between the two of yall but i want to do SOMETHING game wise u know and yeah idk, i know u and seamus are close and i do feel like bad about this especially on an emotional level but i know that either way if i get to the end with either of u im losing but i wanna say at least i could make a move that showed some foresight game wise idk i hope that doesnt come off as like GUILT TRIPPY OR WHATEVER IM JUST BEING REALISTIC at this point bc i know i have my loyalty and i know it something im not good at breaking and if i get shit on it at the end if i make it, so be it, but that doesnt mean i didnt know what moves needed to be made and idk yeah and i get it if u dont feel the same way especially after this or anything but thats where my head is at.
ME IN MY DR AND TO SZYMON AN HOUR BEFORE TRIBAL:
anyways im going home tonight i feel it i really do i promise i wont throw a fit ive already been crying about another org and how dumb i am in games bc im too loyal but it is what it is and thats how i am and its not gonna change to win an org like i know this is all on me but yeah like i said to szymon if ive made daisy angry i voted for chips last round chips/daisy/seamus vote for me to go 3-3 revote dylan flips i leave period i know its over i just feel it i really do and maybe its just bc i felt the same way literally 24 hours ago in survivor week in another and i had my closest ally saying ur not going home i promise ur not going home and etc and just literally playing mental gymnastics and now mind games and using her TAROT CARDS AGAINST ME basically like the irony isnt lost on me that szymon is telling me the same thing im just calm about it im sad but im calm bc i know its happening im sad bc i dont want it to end i dont wanna go but its the end
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so brandan went home and ive been nervous all round. i finally feel kinda comfortable with my 5 and yet i don't. so i didn't have time to really try on the challenge because i went out with friends and had work all day so i had 30 mins to do the challenge. sorry i don't wanna use my only free time in my day to try hard on it i actually have a life. so nOW everyone wants me out bc apparently i was playing the middle and throwing challenges. like NO BING BONG. MY GAME HAS NOT BEEN THAT GOOD AND IM FINE ADMITTING THAT. the real reason they r voting me is bc daisy is immune. that is a fact.
so all day no one speaks to me and iM LIKE IK SOMETHING IS WRONG. and finally daisy calls me and tells me jules/dylan are leading the charge against me and everyones voting me. so we whipped up this plan to pull in chips and force a tie. or rocks. either im fine with. and szymon just now 20 mins before tribal tries to bs me how theres nothing he can do. so hopefully this shit ties or jules GOES HOME.
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HOLY MOLY IS STUFF HAPPENEING AT THIS FINAL 6 LIEK!!
ugh all the outside of game stuff going on doesnt really matter but yeah sorry for no videos once again <33
i feel like this vote is really going to solidify whether or not i sit in the end or as one of the last jurors and it has me really stressed out. if i can use my extra vote this round to make a play against seamus it doesnt even matter if i win immunity at f5 bc i have an idol to play. it's really crazy to imagine myself in f4 and be like, just 1 step away from potentially winning the game
i feel like if i can stick with szymon, jules, and daisy at the end i have a good chance of making final tribal and from there it just depends on who i can beat. it is going to be hard going up against helgamine people in an all helga jury for the most part but i feel confident in the game that i've played thus far and i know im capable of speaking well so, hopefully i can convince people to see that my game is a winning one and that im not just being dragged along for the hell of it!!! newayyssss SEE YOU IN FINAL 4 <33
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Seamus is voted out 4-3. He becomes the 6th member of our jury.
Watch the Cast Assessment Below:
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