#ikemen vampire shitpost

[whatever-fanfics]

MC's dark humor doesn't always land

~~~

Mozart: You are a noisy burden

MC: Thanks, I'll just go kill myself then 🥴

MC: *peace sign's and turns to leave*

Mozart: 😧🤯😨

~~~

Nobunaga: Tonight you shall warm my bed

MC: Ew...

Nobunaga: 🫨

~~~

MC: *looking at Leonardo's room for the first time*

MC: It's like that hoarder room in halloween town 2, where all the trash just accumulates and no one can find anything

Leonardo:...wut?

~~~

*MC at a ball with Le Comte*

Random socialite: And how old are you, old enough to marry I presume 😉 😘

MC: Why would I do that to myself???

Random socialite: 😲

Random socialite: *looks at Le Comte* 👀

Le Comte: *sweating nervously*😅 😓

~~~

MC: *to Arthur* please be cool

Arthur: who's cooler than me 😏

MC: Literally everyone

~~~

Shingen: So how did you and Nobunaga meet?

MC: *without missing a beat* he kidnapped me 😐

Nobunaga: 🙄😒

Shingen: 😧🫢😠😡🤬

Hideyoshi: MC.....😰

MC: I have Stockholm syndrome

~~~

Jean: I no longer wish to live

MC: *not even blinking* Cool same

~~~

Motonari: I'll make sure the war never ends

MC: due to personal reasons you will now be named a menace to society

Motonari: heh..😏

~~~

Silvio: Fuck you!

MC: come here and fuck me yourself you coward!

Silvio: 😳😳😳

~~~

[itcouldbemia]

When you are nearing the end of Arthur's route and have no idea who to choose next

Like do I want to go with Leonardo next? Shakespeare maybe? Comte? I have no clue

[natimiles]

Arthur has the best sense of fashion

Even though I'm an Isaac girl, I must admit: Arthur has the best clothes.

Not like he had much competition anyway...

A butler with white shoes in a house full of random pets. And Vincent with these pants, socks, and shoes...

Isaac with his underwear (or second pair of pants?) showing and that random thing covering his butt. Faust with two belts (why?) and... a skirt? (wtf is that? it's not a coat...)

AND WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA FOR CHARLES TO HAVE A FUCKING GUILLOTINE AS AN ACCESSORY????????

Vlad with the atrocious barbed wire as a necklace + the whole pimp looks. Why a scarf around his waist???? Comte with his whole look, from the clip tie to the whole color palette. Also why a jacket and a coat? Is it so cold in Paris?

And the haunting hat *shivers*

[eliilovesu]

aghhhhhhhh what the flip

[aria-chicken-flugget]

Do you think if one of the actual people from history in Ikevamp and ikesen were to resurrect, that they would be flattered or creeped about the game?

[their-name-is-fake]

Ikemen villains just dropped in English guess what I’m gonna be doing

[3rdgymbros]

[weirdwriter69]

I’m gonna yell at him if he turns to eat pizza with a fork.

[cookiesandbiscuits]

I have two of them now...

You know, I find it really funny whenever I remember that they give the pets to the player as an Intimacy Check bonus. I imagine a conversation going like this:

Suitor: MC, here, I have a gift for you. I hope you like it.

MC: Huh?? But isn't this your pet–? Ah! Where did he go??

Pet: ......

MC: ......

Pet: ......

MC: ....Um... Hi?

They're just there, staring at each other in awkward silence.

[rou-luxe]

I 100% forgot but I've been seeing so many leonardo posts so

happy birthday leonardo!! unfortunately I have nothing for you but happy birthday... I don't know anything about leonardo because I only went will's path (shakespeare ON TOP!!!!) but happy birthday... good luck on your gacha pulls everyone...

guys I think it's leonardo's birthday it's leonardo's birthday today!! leonardo's birthday!! once a year, leonardo's birthday!! leonardo's birthday, today!!

I don't even know what to say THIS IS A USELESS POST WTF

[cow-goes-moozart]

Saw this post and decided to make my own. Behold, my slap list:

1. Shakes - probably 50 slaps

For toying with people's feelings. I was going to write 100, but I'll let Theo have the other 50.

2. Arthur - ~40 slaps I guess

Every time he tries to bite me and/or sleep with me, he gets a slap. Too bad he ends up liking it and I have to resort to kicking him in the shins.

3. Vlad - 22 slaps

For being out of his mind. He needs some sense knocked into him, even more than Jean and Dazai. He actually wants people dead.

4. Faust - 15 slaps

He's used to getting slapped by Charles, would it be different if I slapped him? Nah. But yeah, I would give him 15 to let him know he really fucked up.

5. Mozart - 12 slaps

He's mean to me? Meh, idc. He's mean to the other residents? He gets a slap.

6. Theo - 8 slaps

Same as Mozart, except he does it less.

7. Sebas - 5 slaps

For hiding his feelings and for forgetting to take care of himself. Like WAKE UP (also when he stares at Napoleon, why can't he stay loyal 🤧)

8. Napoleon - 3 slaps

For distracting me and Sebas. How am I supposed to get Sebastian's attention when he's in the way?? Bitch. And to wake him up ofc, he sleeps like a log.

9. Comte - 2 slaps

One for hurting my feelings after I confess my love for him, one for sleeping with me "by accident".

10. Dazai - 2 slaps

Only to knock some sense into him, nothing else.

11. Jean - 2 slaps

Same as Dazai, except I would feel more guilty.

12. Charles - I hesitantly give 1 slap

He's not one of my favourites, but man would I feel bad. If he really fucked up, I'm sorry, I have to give him one.

13. Leonardo - 0 slaps from me

He's my idol, I respect him too much to do that (like Sebas with Napoleon). If he needs one I would call Comte or whoever else wants to slap him lol

14. Vincent - 0 slaps

I don't see why. Also Theo will be pretty darn pissed. He would yeet me like a villain in a cartoon let's be honest.

15. Isaac - 0 slaps

Why would anyone want to slap him? Yeah he was a bit mean at first, but come on. It was nothing compared to what Mozart is capable of.

[whatever-fanfics]

POV: you need help with your 21st century homework in a mansion full of vampires

~~~

Imagine MC needing sitting on the table, head in their hands, about to cry because NOTHING MAKES SENSE. And in come multiple people who look over MC's shoulder to what's making them so upset, they recognize some of it but not all of it. After pondering with each other they try asking some of the others. 10 minutes later 12 vampires surround the human trying to make sense of numerous subjects. Shakespeare was visiting.

~~~

Arthur & Theo *coming in from a night of drinking*: MC? Hondje? what's wrong

MC *on the verge of tears*: Nothing makes sense🥺😭

Arthur and Theo *walk over and see numerous papers from different subjects*: What is this?

MC: homework from the 21st century 🥺

Arthur *sits down and recognizes some of the works*: Interesting...

Theo *looks over and sees art history papers and papers about painting techniques*: ?!?

Isaac *enters and sees them*: ???

Isaac *walks over and sees calculus and math*: ?!?

Isaac *sits down and recognizes some equations*: I recognize some but not all of them, hold on

Isaac *leaves and comes back with Leonardo*: I brought help

Leonardo *looks over and recognizes problems*: You study this cara?

MC: not by choice 🥲

Napoleon *sleepily wanders over*: ???

Napoleon *sees typed words in French*: Nunuche how did you get your writing so neat?

MC: that's typed, it's my homework

Napoleon *confused, recognizes some but not all*: it's French homework?

MC: Yea... 🥲

Napoleon: hold on

Napoleon *leaves and comes back with le comte*: here

Le Comte *happy to be included*: 😁 homework?

MC: unfortunately 😓

Le comte *sits down*: I see the language has evolved again, this makes things a bit tricky, no matter *starts a whole lecture*

MC *look at the camera like their in The Office*: ...

*Mozart and Jean enter*

Mozart: why are you all so noisy

Mozart *comes over and notices music sheets*: what is this?

MC: homework

Mozart and Jean: Home..work???

Sebastian *appearing out of the void*: school work that you take home and return the next day completed

Literally everyone: where did you come from?

Jean *comes over and sees typed paper*: what is..this?

MC: typed up homework

Jean:...Witchcraft *takes out his sword*

MC: PLEASE NO, I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE COPIES 😭😭😭

*Dazai enters*

Dazai *sees everyone by MC and walks over*:

Dazai *sees his book*: what's this? Everyone: Homework

*Shakespeare enters*

Shakespeare: Good morrow, all 😊

Shakespeare *walks over and sees multiple works of his*: ???

Shakespeare: Good MC, I had no notion of your interest in me ☺️

MC and Theo: It's homework

Theo *puts down art history papers*: be right back

*Theo leaves and comes back with Vincent*

Vincent: MC I didn't know you were so interested in art ☺️😊

MC *didn't want to tell him it was for homework*: yeah...

*Sebastian taking notes furiously in his journal*

~~~

[itcouldbemia]

Because I dyed my hair recently it got me thinking

Pretty much all of the characters in the game are from times when hair dyes weren't really a thing (like colours like pink, blue, purple). So like, how would they act in a scenario where MC has dyed hair and the colour either washes off after some time or the roots start to show (is it how it's called in English? Idk, do I care? No)

[natimiles]

@echoes-in-the-forest gave the idea and now y'all will never un-see it HASUHESAIUEHSAESHA

for this screenshot

[hafhaff]

I haven't posted in a hot minute but this is too much of a coincidence XD

[spoopy-fish-writes]

Girl you are on FIRE! Girl the flames are literally BURNING YOU! Girl I CAN'T PUT THEM OUT!