whatever-fanfics

[whatever-fanfics]

❤️: So what are we doing?

🔪: It's a trauma candy salad. You give a traumatic memory and then put candy in the bowl.

🍎: Why...are we doin' this?

🔪: It's basic sleepover etiquette. Now somebody go first.

♠️: Ok, so...when I was 10, I lost my mom in the grocery store...?

♠️: And I brought the marshmallow chirps.

🔪: Perfect form, Deuce. Ok, next.

🍎: Uh...Once, we thought meema went missin', but it turns out she was just in the bathroom all day. I brought the caramel cores.

🐺: One day, my middle school teacher wore a really strong new perfume, and it made me throw up in the middle of class. I brought sour gummies.

🐊: When I was seven, my dad fell off a ladder, knocked himself unconscious, and I thought he was dead. I brought honey suckers.

❤️: When I was five, my brother held me over a pool of geese until I cried, and I brought the cherry licorice twists.

❤️: You're turn, Yuu

🔪: When I was twelve, a grown man followed me home from the subway and tried convincing my grandparents to sell me to him.

🔪: And I brought mango chews.

❤️:

♠️:

🐺:

🐊:

🍎:

🍎: What the fuck?

⚙️: When I was eight, I literally died. I brought crunchy clusters!

🔪: See, Ortho gets it.

[whatever-fanfics]

They're such good friends 🥰

@camrastuff

[whatever-fanfics]

who’s calling back first place your bets

(original under the cut)

[whatever-fanfics]

Get ready for the biggest hug of your life, Chevalier 🤗

source

[whatever-fanfics]

MC: *whenever they have a disagreement with Diavolo, they switch to “attendant mode” and act completely professional toward him*

MC: Is there anything else I can assist you with, my lord?

Diavolo: Love—

MC: Yes, my lord?

Diavolo: ...

Lucifer and Barbatos: ...

Diavolo: ...

Diavolo: *sad puppy eyes* My love...

MC: If there’s nothing more, my lord, I’ll excuse myself. *walks away*

Lucifer and Barbatos: ...

Lucifer: What is it this time?

Barbatos: *chuckles* Nothing serious.

Lucifer: ...You're enjoying this.

Barbatos: I miss seeing them in their attendant uniform.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: Same.

Diavolo: *frowns*

[whatever-fanfics]

Steph, randomly: *leans over the couch where Jason is reading* hey, Jason? Jason: what? Steph: did you ever like . . . Actually get a driver’s permit? Jason: uhh . . . now that I think about it, no dick and Bruce: *stop what theyre doing in the background* Steph: did you . . . Get a learner’s permit? Jason: nope Steph: did you . . . Learn how to fucking drive???? Jason: uhhhhhhhh dick: *whips around to Bruce* I thought you were teaching him with the Batmobile!! Bruce: *crossing his arms* I thought YOU were teaching him! Jason: nah it’s fine guys Ra’s taught me everyone in the room: *having a stroke* RA’S AL GHUL TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DRI— bruce: *louder than anyone else* THAT MAN CANNOT DRIVE FOR SHIT

[whatever-fanfics]

Damian being Damian.

Oh my god. I just pictured a world where Damian is one of the most renowned doctors in the world.

However, for his services, people with little to no resources get them for free, but rich people, oh you just know he LOVES to overcharge them for a simple appendicitis.

Imagine this scenario:

Damian in routine call receives word that he’s been scheduled for an emergency stab wound surgery. He expects the patient to be a poor citizen of Gotham that happened to be at the wrong place, the wrong time.

Instead, he finds himself walking into the OR ready to handle the situation and finds one Timothy Drake laying on the table with a pained expression on his face, a luxury suit on and blood stains all over the abdominal area.

They both stare at each other in disbelief, knowing Tim owed an explanation and will forever have to deal with Damian’s teasing reminders about the incident.

Damian: *already calculating all of his options to take advantage of this situation*

Tim: *in a panic tone* Look, there was this gala, and to keep appearances I-

Damian: *knowing damn well that as his rich Drake persona he could play this card without consequences* Cash or card?

Tim: You can’t be ser-

Damian: *interrupting him with a deadpan stare* Cash… or card.

Tim: …

Tim: Card.

[whatever-fanfics]

Real Lucifer enjoyers know that his appeal lies not in how cool he is but how LAME he is

He's an old overworked dad who gets excited about gifted socks

No matter how much he acts like a scary top that's his essence at the end of the day

[whatever-fanfics]

Jason: Stop calling me baby. I am twenty years old. I have dragged murderers from the back of my motorcycle. My scared hands smell like gunpowder. I hate you and I will never be soft again.

Bruce: Yes, of course, I understand.

Bruce, deadpan introducing Jason to literally anyone: This is my baby boy. My sweet little darling. My silly goose. Bambini. Small one. Duckling. Spider monkey. Pumpkin. Itty bitty.

Jason, deadpan, every time: Yes, hi, that's me, I'm itty bitty.

[whatever-fanfics]

so turns out the batfam has accidentally and unknowingly been going viral, and not in the way you’d expect. Nope, their names aren’t even attached to it. Whose fault is this, you might ask? Bruce. Bruce, who has a social media page devoted entirely to shit his children do, and no one realizes that said children are Gotham’s princes and princesses.

Damian paints his room. He spends over two weeks on the murals. Bruce, walking in to ask Damian about patrol, snatches a couple pictures before he leaves and absently posts them. Within the week they’ve gone viral and people are asking for commissions, but Bruce never answers.

Jason’s been annotating his copy of pride and prejudice so hard that there’s more handwriting in the margins than actual text. Bruce thought it was adorable, so he posted a page. There are now literary professors asking if his son has been to college and if he would like to.

Steph and Cas wrote their own song on a dare from Dick. Bruce posts a short audio clip of it and his secretary has to rush to copyright it because people are using it as audio in All The Videos

Bruce doesn’t even realize what’s happening, really. He posts is ‘cause he’s proud, then pretty much doesn’t check the page again. It’s more a blog to him than anything else. He has no idea that he’s become almost an internet celebrity/cryptid. There are Reddit forums dedicated to the “dad with way too many fucking skilled children”. Some people say that there’s no way he has this many kids who are so good at things. Some people think he’s just one really crafty person posting a bunch of his own stuff and claiming to be a proud dad.

Tim Drake, resident Reddit Addict, is LOVING it.

Jason: *lugging a body down the street* dammit, someone took a pic back there. Fuck, this is NOT what I want to go viral for Tim: so being a Jane Austen fangirl was the better option? Jason: *trips* what—

[whatever-fanfics]

in case any of you forgot, the joker once said “his name was jason, right?” to dick and then dick killed the joker

[whatever-fanfics]

It’s giving:

“You want a beer?”

“They’re 4”

“Idk what am I supposed to do with them?!?”

Type shit

Lmao the warlords trying to figure out what the hell entertains a four year old

[whatever-fanfics]

I’m gonna tell him 😈😈😈

[whatever-fanfics]

Bruce: You lied?

Jason: I may have.

Bruce: You may have or you did?

Jason: I may have did.

[whatever-fanfics]

Obey me social media

Post:

"Me asking him if he wears silver or gold jewelry. (for when I can chain him up in my basement)"

*mc has liked this post*

Mammon: Is there something you want to explain?

Mc: Relax, I know it's gold. <3

[whatever-fanfics]

*Jason gets Tim and Damian to help find out who is trying to kill him*

Tim: We’re in.

Damian: Now, do we have any information on who might wanna kill Jason besides all of us?

*Jason throws a giant binder on the table*

[whatever-fanfics]

Leona has boobs, here's the proof