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whumpering-heights · 21 days

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MASTERLIST

.......Stuff that's finished and posted! .....

The links are functional and will lead to reblogs of my old posts. .......................................................................

Waking Nightmare

This series is still ongoing. Will feature: eldritch horror, monster whumpee, body horror, dehumanization, references to cannibalism. Specific CWs can be found at the top of chapters.

Tagging @pumpkin-spice-whump and @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question to let them know this story is up again!

I: The First Encounter II: Captured III: The Human's Game IV: Ray V: Food VI: Leonard and Ray

ART art of shapeshifter

Immortal Whumpee: Drowning

A standalone drabble. Local immortal gets thrown in sea, and found much, much later. Featuring: gore/body horror at the second section of the story. Vague plans exist for a sequel, but are unlikely to be executed (ba dum tssh.)

........Incomplete section........

Below the cut are the chapters of Behind The Masks, my longest-running series! The chapters that are crossed out, are found. Once I've recovered all I can, I will re-upload in chronological order.

The links will be added when I re-upload the story, and will either lead to reblogs or reposts

Behind the masks

Recap

OFFICIAL CHAPTERS

The Waterbottle Incident

(The Waterbottle Incident: alternate take)

Sidekick “fixes” Villain’s leg

Villain meets the chair

Sidekick visits Villain in his chair

Villain gets a hug

“Mascot” is revealed (The Talkshow)

Meet Vigilante and Henchwoman

The confrontation

Sidekick and Villain: Guilt

Sidekick and Villain: The Escape

The “Comfort” fic

Sidekick’s punishment

Villain’s punishment (the choice)

The Mayor’s Visit

PRELUDE: Sidekick hiding in the closet

The Final Straw: End of the captivity arc!

The Rescue!

The Rescue, pt. 2

Interlude: Sidekick’s nightmare

Interlude: Hero Finds Out

The Reunion

Clumsy caretaking: I’m here

Ill-fitting (Villain’s haircut)

[hiatus]

Hero's peace mission

(FLASHBACKS)

Villain in high school

Hero and Vigilante in High School

Aftermath: Hero and Vigilante fight

EXTRA

DIARY PROMPTS

Diary prompt: Villain

Diary prompt: Sidekick

Diary prompt: Hero

"Ada has a last name too, and it's Douglas"

MY ART

Sketches of main characters (add link)

Sketches of Hench and Vigilante

Villain before and afer Hero (art)

Hero and a young Hero and Vigilante

All the masks and suits

Villain, comforted by anon (add link)

Hero getting his ass kicked (add link)

Villain simps come get yall’s juice (add link)

Villain gets hugged: octopus (add link)

Villain gets hugged: anon (add link)

Villain gets hugged: Henchwoman (add link)

Villain gets put in the chair (add link)

Sidekick hugs Villain

Hero grabbing Villain’s hair

Hero “comforting” Sidekick

Villain getting caretakered by Hench (add link)

Hero choking Villain

Villain’s new haircut (add link)

miss Jones (add link)

young Hero getting punched (add link)

Villain gets a flower

Meme: describe your story in one image

FANART (!!! holy shit i got fanart aaa)

Hero, by octopus-reactivated

Villain sketch, by whumpy-arts-and-crafts

Villain on the floor of his cell, and Hench and Vigilante, by whumpy-arts-and-crafts

Villain, by panic-whump (add link)

Sidekick having a nightmare by whumpy-arts-and-crafts

Draw the squad, by octopus-reactivated (add link)

Reunion hug, by whumpy-arts-and-crafts

ASK/TELL THE OCS ANYTHING (Titles in bold are longer responses that are plot-relevant or whumpy.)

Hench and the escape plan

Henchwoman is still alive

Villain, just hang on

Vigilante’s past with Hero

Hero is a bad person

Villain’s past with Hench

Hench: the worst Hero could do

Hero’s worst secret

What will Hero do? (Sneak peak: Meet The Mayor)

Going Tolkien on Hero

Hench’s feelings on Villain

Sidekick: Hero killed your parents

Villain dreams

Hench, did Villain ever help with homework?

HENCHWOMAN HURRY

What does/did Villain do to relax?

Villain before the Final Straw

Villain griefs

Flashback: How could you have let this happen?

Hench, do you miss him?

Villain, what would yo do if you were out?

Villain, my guy, Hench is alive

Hench, it’s not worth it

Hero, what if Sidekick died?

Villain beat up, Henchwoman caretaking (add link)

Hero’s favourite icecream

Sidekick, Hero is a monster

Villain, are you ready to meet William?

Sidekick gets icecream

Miss Jones thinks she sees Ethan

young Hero makes excuses

BULLYING HERO HOUR (ask the OCs anything that got out of hand)

Hero is a coward

Hero gets called the true villain

Bootlicker (The Threat)

Hero gets punched

Hero delivers on his promise

Sidekick asks you to stop

The aftermath (1)

The aftermath 2: apology to Sidekick

Hero has had Enough (add link)

#behind the masks #masterlist #well it will be one. Eventually.

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magic-is-something-we-create · 8 months

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Badly Summarized WIP Poll Tag!

thank u @writeblrfantasy for the tag <3<3<3 this game is very fun

bonus points if you can guess any of them, but several of these i literally have never once talked about on here so. good luck with those

ill reveal what they are + give brief summaries of those i havent introduced here before when the poll is finished :)

OPEN TAG BECAUSE IDK WHO HASNT GOTTEN THIS TAG YET. DO IT ITS SO FUNNY PLEASE LET YOURSELF BE FREE AND PLAY IF U SEE THIS

#tag game #aboutthewarlord #<- ???

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orqheuss · 9 months

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Free and young and we can feel none of it

(Platonic!Ominis Gaunt and the Sallow's HURT/COMFORT)

Solomon Sallow POV

Summary:

Stability he could do. Stability was something Solomon was comfortable with. He could be the support beam to Ominis’ crumbling walls. And when they woke, his niece and nephew could help pick up the pieces and put them back in their correct places. They could do this. Together. *** The game dialogue hints at the fact that Ominis left his family home before the events of the main story. This is how I feel it would go. Title from the song "Sedated" by Hozier.

Word count: 3.7k

Tags: referenced child abuse, neglectful family, bruising/violence

AN: Little different from what I usually do. Hope you like it! This one's for my Solomon lovers.

The small town of Feldcroft was not one that people traveled to often, if they knew about it at all. It was not a popular destination for tourists to the area, and very few took notice of the communities there. Some would even say that the people of the town fit into the same cookie-cutter shape of everything else. That is, of course, if they didn’t pay attention to the finer details. Feldcroft, quaint, lively, but quiet all the same, stood against the rolling hills of the Scottish countryside. Each unique cottage breathed life into the fields— within, their walls were resolutely upright, bricks meeting neatly with the roughly tumbled cement below, and doors were sensibly shut against the calling winter chill beyond their sanded wood finish. Yes, it was a simple town, and the people there liked it that way, thank you very much.

It was not a particularly special night in the tiny village when it was startled awake by a rapid knocking on the Sallow cottage door. The moon was high in the sky by this time, only the soft sound of handmade bone-chimes and settling snow singing in harmony could be heard outside of the incessant pounding— it would be a long time before the sun even considered breaching over the horizon. Solomon Sallow was the first to rise, a light sleeper by trade and with a plethora of enemies to match that could be at his door this very moment. With his wand tucked securely in the sleeve of his night clothes, he quietly made his way towards the home entrance, pondering what he would find on the other side of the wooden barrier. His work as an Auror made him fear the worst in almost all occasions, and this situation was unfortunately not a new one in his years and travels. The common folk of the wizarding world would be surprised by how many dark witches and wizards would knock first before storming into a building, hoping to catch the homeowner off guard and lower their walls for a friend. Whom else would be knocking with such vigor than someone with ill intent? Not a friend of the family— not at this time of night.

As silent as he could possibly move he crept closer to the door, his steps timid as he tried to avoid the squeaky boards under foot that he never got around to fixing, lest he wake his niece and nephew sleeping in the adjoining room. They were still so young, just barely into their third year of Hogwarts. If something terrible was beyond the foundation of their house, he needed them safe, not on the front lines with him, no matter how much they would fight to be beside him. Solomon had only recently taken them in after the deaths of their mother and father— his brother and sister-in-law— and even now he could see remnants of their knowledge and fiery personalities in the young children. The youngest of the two, only born mere minutes after his sister, was the worst of the bunch. Sebastian was headstrong, resilient, and downright pugnacious at times. Smart as a whip, and can crack just as hard. Solomon saw a lot of his brother in the boy, not just in his unruly brown hair or how his hazel eyes glimmered with delight whenever he read about some knowledge he was not originally privy to, and if he was to be honest it scared him at times. That fire, that bullheadedness was what did his brother in in the end— he didn’t want to see the youngest fall prey to the same fate.

As for the daughter, the eldest of the two siblings, Anne was not that different from the boy. She was less confrontational than him, but had just as much spark. Where Sebastian thrived in knowledge, she thrived in action. There was never a day where Solomon didn’t see her running up and down the Hamlet, practicing every and all spells she had learned so far at the school just north of their house, performing little tasks for her neighbors like delivering things or wrangling escaped farm animals, or just rolling around in the dirt after a heavy rain because she simply could. If Sebastian was his father, Anne was most definitely her mother— he was the scholar, and she was the experimenter.

Sebastian wanted to understand why something ticked; Anne wanted to see what would happen if she set it on fire.

Even still, with her proclivity for offensive spells and her desire to run rampant, free of all binds holding her down once her schooling is over, Anne was the more reasonable, the more docile of the pair. The boy could fly off the handle at a moment's notice, while the girl would be there to hear all sides and weigh everything out like the god Osiris, the feather of truth on one side of the scale and your heart on the other.

Solomon believed she would make a great Auror one day, if she wanted it.

The eldest Sallow stood before the door, his shadow no doubt peaking through the stained glass windows atop the low archway and hopefully intimidating whomever was on the other side. Still the knocking persisted, growing more frantic as the seconds ticked on. He sighed silently to himself, squaring his shoulders like his father always taught him to do before a fight and shrugging on his house coat, bracing himself for the cold winter air just beyond the range of the homely hearth burning away just beside their tiny kitchen. It was now or never, he mused to himself, as he cast one last glance over his shoulder, checking that there were no newly minted teenagers behind him before reaching his hand towards the door handle, his wand firmly grasped in his other.

Just as his fingers just grazed the cool metal, the pounds stopped, bathing the room in silence once more. Solomon stood befuddled, his shoulders once again slumping as gravity took hold of his sleepy limbs. Could they have given up trying to get his attention? He didn’t think it took him that long to get to the door— it was a tiny cottage afterall. Still inquisitive, he forgoed just shrugging it off as a harmless winter prank and instead leaned closer to the door, pressing his ear against the wood and straining his hearing to identify anything on his land. The wind howled outside, rustling whatever remaining leaves clung to the trees lining the town and shaking the freshly fallen snow from their branches. It was sure to storm again soon, the air still smelled heavy with the scent of cold and incoming onding. He could hear some remaining jobberknolls flying south before the breaking of dawn, preparing their long flight as the yule tidings began across Scotland. Everything natural, he reasoned. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, as he was about to lean away from the door, content with crawling back into his warm bed and sleeping the night away, something else caught his attention. Just beyond the natural was a small slosh at his steps, like someone was toeing at the ground with the tip of their boot and digging into the icy path leading to the door. They were light in weight, that much was for sure, barely enough for their shoes to make a crunching sound as they paced.

Steeling himself again, Solomon creaked open the door and peered out through the crack, casting his eyes to and fro in search for their late night visitor. Upon not seeing anyone at first, he opened the door more, pulling it until it was inches from the inner wall and wide open to the world. His eyes were hard as he glared into the night, his wand hand raised and prepared for anything while his other pulled his house coat tighter across his body.

His voice was strong and resolute as he called out, careful to keep his volume low so as to not wake anyone. “Who goes there? Show yourself!”

There was a moment of stillness before a tiny voice piped up from his feet, barely auditory over the banshee-ish wind. “Mister Sallow?”

Solomon shot his gaze downwards, his eyes hardened and prepared to fight as he took in the form sitting on his steps. Curled around themselves was a young boy, his blond hair as pale as the stars above and skin littered with constellations of birthmarks. He had to be the same age as the twins, maybe even a bit younger if the eldest Sallow took into account how skinny he was. Once his sleep-muddled brain caught up with his eyes, Solomon realized he recognized the boy as the young Ominis Gaunt, a close friend of the children. He was shivering harshly, the cold seemingly seeping into his bird-like bones and chilling him to the core.

The boy’s home life was no secret, even if the Sallow man wasn’t a retired Auror he would still recognize the last name. The Gaunt’s were known for their dark magic and pureblood status, their descendents going all the way back to the Hogwarts founder, Salazar Slytherin. Solomon had seen the family's cruelty first hand before, and because of this tried to forbid his brother’s children from talking to their new friend. That was, of course, until he met the boy. Ominis was small for his age, and definitely wise beyond his years. Not one ounce of dark magic could be found in his veins, and he detested the very idea of following in his family's footsteps. Not only that, he was exceedingly kind, something rarely seen from such high society families, especially to those that lived in the “slums,” so to speak, like Solomon and the children did. The boy helped around the house where he could, pointing out things with his location charm that even a sighted person could not find. He talked to Solomon about his work, and was often found playing games with the twins in their garden during summer break. If the boy was here, on his doorstep, that means something terrible had happened in the Gaunt manor. The ex-Auror startled quickly upon the realization, hastily ushering the trembling boy into the house before he froze to death.

Now safely under his roof, the Sallow man took in the lithe child, his eyes moving across his figure as he analyzed the state he was in. Wrapped around his neck and lower face was a thin scarf, likely grabbed quickly as it was distinctly not weather appropriate. No winter cloak sat over his shoulders, just a thin housecoat hung loosely around him— more for propriety than functionality. Underneath was a sage green sleep shirt, some of the buttons in their proper place and others, particularly the ones near his collar, hanging on my the tiniest bit of string— like someone took him by the throat and shook him until they popped loose. Covering his legs was a matching pair of sleep pants, the knees dirtied from the muddy sludge outside— his left knee visible through a small tear in the fabric. Solomon could see some crimson blood decorating the edges of the slice. The boy’s slippered feet shuffled anxiously against the hardwood floor, the skin of his bare heels tinged slightly blue from the near freezing temperatures outside.

It was clear that the young Gaunt boy had not planned on fleeing that night.

Ominis had his wand clutched in his hand like a lifeline, his head downcast but still shooting from left to right, his ears straining to hear anything that could be deemed a threat. Every creak of the floor sent a jolt up his spine like he was being continuously struck by lightning. He was wound as tight as a spring, constantly on edge and ready to flee at the drop of a pin.

What was most concerning, though, was that the smallest bit of bruising was peeking out from underneath his scarf. Just along the collar of his shirt, once likely covered by the cloth but shifted after his dash to the door, was a distinct ring of purple spots, so deep and dreadful that if Solomon looked close enough he could probably see the swirls of each individual fingerprint. The ex-Auror was sure that if he pried the fabric off of the child he would find a similar bruise in the shape of a palm wrapped around his tiny throat. No doubt his father was the culprit— Erebus Gaunt was not one to be trifled with, even if you were his kin.

While one could argue it was part of the job, Solomon was not very keen on consoling fearful children. Sure he had encountered a few during his days as an Auror, but he was not proud to say that he primarily just shooed them away towards the nearest person that seemed equipped for the task. It’s not that he didn’t like children, he tolerated his niece and nephew after all, but he just didn’t know how to act around them, especially when they were processing some big emotions.

Hesitantly, he kneeled in front of the trembling blond boy, trying in vain to get a good look at his face— if there was bruising around his neck, there was sure to be some wounds that he needed to tend to above his jaw. Solomon awkwardly raised his hands from his sides, moving them slightly towards the boy’s shoulders in what he hoped was a comforting touch, only for Ominis to take a shaking step backwards, a whimper unconsciously weeping through his clenched teeth. The man’s hands stilled in the air in shock, his heart cracking at the fear that seeped from the boy like a murky fog.

Trying a different approach, the eldest Sallow held his hands upwards in a placating manner, still within touching distance but far enough away to show he meant no harm. His voice broke through the encompassing silence of the cottage, the tone low, hushed, and, he hoped, calming.

“Ominis, you’re safe now. Nothing is going to hurt you here.” He sighed at the apparent trepidation that took over the young blond’s face, more anxiety than annoyance in the puff of air. Solomon tried again, schooling the shake from his voice, “I would like to take a look at your face and neck, is that alright?”

The boy sighed to himself, a deep and foreboding thing that seemed to shake him to his very core— like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and it was only now safe for him to put it down and rest— and nodded, stepping closer to the elder man and more into the light of the dimly burning braziers. Solomon was gentle with his hands, more gentle than he had ever been in his life, when he touched the young Slytherin’s chin, tilting it upwards and revealing the damage done to his face by the people he had once considered his family.

Solomon felt his soul crack when Ominis’ visage came into the light. Under the tufts of blond that fluttered across his temple were his ghostly blue eyes, both rimmed with red from his tears and the skin colored a dismal purple— whether from lack of good sleep or a slap to the face, he wasn’t sure. They sunk deep into his skin like they were permanently a part of his features. Across his left cheek, still plump with a bit of baby fat from his young— much too young— age was a long jagged scar, blood pooling at the surface and streaking down his face, just shy of dripping onto his once starched collar. The man thought of the onyx ring that adorned the ring finger of the Gaunt patriarch and had to swallow down his bubbling rage. Cradling the young boy’s face like one would cradle a fragile family heirloom, he carefully pushed Ominis’ bangs to the side, only to still when the boy winced. At the upper corner of his head, right where his hairline began, was a thin line of bruising. Solomon sucked in a breath as he peered closer, mapping out the injury to himself to see how well he can possibly heal it. There was a distinct diamond shape at one end, the dark plum and incarnadine colors blending together into a deeper, more concerning shade of maroon. Small curls, like scrapings of widdled wood or peeled fruit, could be seen in a pattern across the rest. The man felt anger spin into a burning knot just under his ribs when he realized what that could mean. A table. They slammed their son, their own flesh and blood and bone, into a table hard enough to leave indents. Finally, Solomon’s eyes flicked downwards towards the young Slytherin’s neck. His earlier suspicions were correct. The soft, pliable skin decorating the limb that kept his head afloat was covered in deep, angry fingerprints. Large ones. If he wanted to, he could put his own hand over the bruising and it would likely be a near perfect match— palm to palm, fingerprint to fingerprint.

Underneath all the physical pain, though, there was something deeper. A glimmer in the young boy’s eyes. A tremble in his fingers. A stutter in his breath. Ominis’ hands shook at his sides, the tiniest of twitches sweeping through his small frame as if ants were crawling underneath his skin— biting at his fragile bone marrow. Through his years as an Auror, Solomon Sallow was well versed in the after effects of particular spells. This one, he was all too familiar with, and his rage knew no bounds at the thought of it being used against such a small soul. Such a gentle soul. Such an undeserving soul.

The cruciatus curse.

The eldest Sallow’s eyes softened with pity, a deep frown turning down the corners of his lips as a soft sigh puffed out of his chest. There would be time to wreak havoc upon the heads of the people who did this to this young boy in the morning. Now, though, he was needed here. His hands trailed down the sides of Ominis’ face, smoothing his hair behind his ears before taking him by the shoulders and gently pulling the boy into an embrace.

How heartbreaking it was, how quickly the boy clinged to him. Even after growing in a den of snakes, he sought kindness first.

Solomon’s left hand raised into the boy’s soft hair, combing his fingers through the knots with his fingers as he leaned his chin against the top of his head. His voice whispered through the silent cabin, the words awash with sympathy and care.

“Oh, my boy…”

That was all it took for the dam to break. The youngest Gaunt child wrapped his shaking arms around the man holding him even tighter than before, his jaw clenched so tight that the creak of his teeth was near audible, his eyes shut as tight as the shutters lining the windowed walls, and openly sobbed for the first time since arriving. Solomon held Ominis as tight as he dared, feeling the young boy’s fingers dig into the fabric at his back as he clawed onto the first solid thing he could find. He quietly shushed him, the hand still in his hair softly carding through the silken strands and his other soothing up and down his back. Never had he been the one to comfort others, but this felt right. This felt like what he needed to do.

All he could do was hold the small, trembling boy with every ounce of care he had in his body. No words needed to be said— no curses towards the loathsome family of his hiding behind their tall metal fences and mile-high blood wards— no words of sympathy whispered against heaving necks and snow soaked pajamas. Now, there was just kindness and silence. Everything else would fall together in time.

Solomon held Ominis until the early hours of the morning, only taking note of the time change from the clouded colors of his little stained glass decorations streaming through the beige living room and catching on the soft blond head wrapped in his arms— like the sun against the melting snow just beyond his door. Through it all, his hand did not falter once in its path up and down the young boy’s back. The ex-Auror’s heart did not once change its ever-present rhythm against the sobbing child’s cheek. He held the Slytherin’s tiny world together for him, because the eldest Sallow knew that in that moment the youngest Gaunt could not hold it himself.

Stability he could do. Stability was something he was comfortable with. He could be the support beam to Ominis’ crumbling walls. And when they woke, his niece and nephew could help pick up the pieces and put them back in their correct places. They could do this. Together.

So when the boy finally fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from the journey to his tiny cottage and from crying until he had no more tears to shed for his uprooted life, Solomon did not hesitate to scoop him up and carefully tuck him into the armchair in the corner of the room, the family tartan blanket wrapped around his frail shoulders and the fire roaring in the handmade hearth. He did not question when he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to his alabaster temple, for it was as natural as protecting one's own. Because Ominis was his. Not by blood, not by name, but by choice.

And as he would with any of his family, he silently, secretly, cared. He watched. He listened. He loved.

Solomon’s voice did not stutter as he whispered a soft “Goodnight, my son,” against the blond’s temple.

And he pretended that his heart did not warm when he heard a hushed, almost inaudible hum of “Goodnight, father,” be spoken in return.

like what you read? here's more!

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chrswlls · 1 month

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"See Sam? Can't even look me in the eye after what happened."

hi hi, call me whatever you'd like. if you know my main you can call me that too

any pronouns | 17-18 | the only chris wells liker in the fandom ever.

no dni just make sure i don't fit yours (i very very *very* rarely block for my sake so be nice and sane when interacting at least :'J )

tags list + extras under the cut

the brat theme has to stay a bit longer ok the remix album gonna be out soon 😭

anyways tags list. all of them are under this post so you get to them easier bc idk how to link them soz i only started using tumblr this year ;-;

ch edit: for graphics/edits

ch scribbles: for doodles and maybe finished art

ch bullshit: unserious shitposts and memes

ch yapyapyap: just me sharing thoughts on the things that happen in game

ch misc: stuff idk how to categorize

ch answers: answers from my askbox

nfb left untagged: related to not for broadcast but i decided not to put into the tag itself

not nfb: not related to not for broadcast

i think that's all my tags okk ill fix llater im tying with a bandaged thumb ugh!!!!

you can ask for my other socials and main as ive made it so that i have different usernames on all platforms for my safety. im not that really good fanfic writer you probably thought of though sorry </3 (/srs in case u think im joking)

okk that's all thank u for reading remember chris is the bestest nfb character get owned loser (jk)

#pinned post #pinned intro #ch edit #ch scribbles #ch bullshit #ch yapyapyap #ch misc #ch answers #nfb left untagged #not nfb

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melodioustear · 11 months

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Hi friends - it's been a bit, here at least. Remember when we only had to manage one or two social media accounts to stay in contact with people because they hadn't dispersed to a dozen different places? That was nice.

If you're not aware, 2023 has not been kind to me, and I am presently living with my (very kind, very generous) grandmother whilst finalising my divorce. My health has been rough, managing my audhd has been rough, it's a rough year. But! I have taken a huge amount of joy and pride and gratitude in being able to continue my PhD and not having to take (another) intermission.

As such, it's been a teensy bit hard to maintain posting about how my research is going. But as I've recently come to find that asynchronous sharing is easier for me and more accessible for people than trying to maintain Twitch streaming, I want to try and post here a little more, even if it's very infrequent.

So, to give you a relatively swift update on where we are:

I had supervision last month and we did a lot of edit planning and nailing down of the issues with my chapter draft, which was just about complete before that meeting. A large amount of the problem was that I had separated my discussion about the survey results and my arguments for the chapter. I made my next target sorting this out, editing things together, finishing the chapter off and if possible doing this for the video games chapter too (spoiler alert: I will not be managing to do both).

One of the main issues that my supervisor highlighted was that in that draft, I had no fanfiction. In my fanfiction chapter. We'd discussed the ethical steps I wanted to take with citing fanfiction, such as not using archive-locked fanfiction, getting author consent to cite, and making sure I'm not citing a fandom with a history of abuse (to protect myself).

This is what I've spent this week fixing. I have found a fanfic which is, and I cannot stress this enough, utterly perfect as an example. It's in a fandom with canonical mental illness, the story is top 50 for kudos and top 10 for kudos-with-mental-illness-tags in its fandom, and it is complete at 225k words. The story is not only brilliantly written, but it has a meta-story within it that essentially makes fandom itself into a character, and then uses it as both metaphor and engine for the main character's healing. It doesn't present healing as linear, shows everything in shades of grey, and has spawned both its own fanfiction and fanart as well as so many comments from people explaining how the story helped them with their own situations. And best of all - the author (hi if you're reading this, you're wonderful) has given me permission to cite it. So this is now something I'm poised to start writing up.

The other side to what I'm working on to sort the chapter's issues comes from a workshop I did at the FSNNA conference this month. It was on a particular kind of data analysis called topic modelling and works as a really good jumping board for identifying connections within a large data set (which, if you take the write-in question text for my survey, I am working with). My hope is to use this to form a structure for my close-reading reflections, as well as potentially highlighting things I might've missed.

But, I am trying to be good and take this all slowly and steadily. Whilst I am behind where I wanted to be, it is only natural - as my mentor reminded me this week - that as my research progresses it'll deviate and transform in unexpected ways. This chapter may take a little longer, but others may be a little shorter - for example, my next chapter is on roleplaying and as my MA thesis was on that I have a lot more existing knowledge about the current work on it in academia.

And lastly, I had my first academic publication! I'm a real academic now! You can read my reflections on Madness, control and agency in video games at the Polyphony, where I talk specifically about the games Pillars of Eternity (& sequel) and Please Knock on My Door.

Thanks everyone so much for your continued interest in my work - I really appreciate it <3

#fan studies #fandom studies #fanfic #fanfiction #mad studies #fandom research #phdresearch #fandom #mental illness

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cinnamon-bunni · 9 months

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hm... 4, 7, 11, 12, 17, 21, 22, 24! happy new year, bunni!

4. Total number of words you wrote this year That's hard to find tbh....I didn't end up posting a lot of fics, so i dont only have to just check my statistics on ao3, but all of my possible fics ive written this year in my wip docs as well. the total i got was 58,171 words (~35k of it being WIPs and not posted)! so definitely not as much as i wrote last year which was (i think over 100k), and also not including all of my notes ive written. i did not do a lot of writing this year, so hopefully next year i'll wrap up all of my big fics and post them all <3

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year Again, i did not write a lot this year, much less finish them lmao. if you were to ask about uncompleted fics, we would have a different story--but alas, the longest completed one was Once More, With Needles, sitting at 4,414 words!

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year hm....obey me, I suppose. its hard to say really, but enjoyment from writing specifically, i'd have to give it to obey me. what can i say, the cast is just really fun to write (even when levi is impossible to write, like what the hell man i have rewritten your part in my undead fic like 3 separate times and am continuing fixing it, like what the hell man i trusted you and then you dont behave for me). like this year specifically i realized how much i love each and every character--those like lucifer reminded me as to why i love the game and the characters, and people like mephisto and raphael randomly won a spot in my heart. theyre all just so so fun to write <333

12. favorite character to write about this year lucifer!!! even though i only have like, one fic that features him thats out and finished lmao; hes such an interesting and complex character, yet is one whose mind i can easily slip into when i need to write when its his pov. idk, sometimes i find myself struggling to write characters like levi or even asmo sometimes--mainly from my own failures to pay attention to their canon interpretations and making them not out-of-character--but lucifer is surprisingly one i can always rely on to be easy and fun to write!! he is angst galore and so emotionally constipated, hes great <3

17. fics you’ll continue next year Heart Melts for sure!! i originally wanted ch3 to be out before the new year, but ive been drafting and redrafting all of my future chapters (i am trying my best to make it a psychological horror in order to match the tag that i put on the fic, but idk if its going to live up to the hype that people have for this fic ^^;;) so i sadly didnt get time to finish it. maybe by the end of January ill have it out--heres to hoping its done by then! and maybe i might continue Dirty? I didn't even update it this year lol--its def one i dont wanna leave discontinued, as i have all of the chapters planned out, but i just have many other projects that i wanna focus on and also i really wanna rewrite it, so ive been debating doing that first or just to finish then rewrite it. in a perfect world, i'll update that one too lol

21. most memorable comment/review I have two that come to mind!!! in all honesty all comments make me sooo happy, but these ones specifically is just,,,idk man, they just hit a certain way that itches that scratch in my brain that needs validation lmao i love rereading these all the time <3 theres these comments for Messy Makeup:

(make me go insane from them saying i wrote multiple fics that were their favorites <33) and of course there's this banger of a comment from @/snugglebunnies!!! idk if youre reading this but thank you thank you thank you for inspiring me so much with your fics!!! i love them so much, and this comment was just incredible! from the fic Heart Melts:

(love when people leave quotes, no matter how long or short!!!! such deep analysis is what i live for!!!!) and of course, sending out so much love to everyone who leaves a comment on any of my fics, no matter how big or small they are <333

22. events you participated in this year i didnt participate in any events this year! i tend not to do events tbh, theyre not really my style, as i dont do well with due dates unless i have months in advance lol;; usually i might do one, maybe two, events a year, but those are usually simple gift exchanges or something. nothing caught my eye this year, and ones that did i just didnt have the time to do, sadly. but! i do plan on doing the sonic big bang next year, which will be my first ever "bigger" event ive been in! exciting, but also really nervewracking as ive never posted sonic content and idk how well i'll do staying on schedule. but its still something i really wanna do (have a great fic planned for it!) so i still wanna give it a shot and do my best on it lol

24. favorite fic you read this year from this year is really hard to say--i think all of my favorite fics were found last year lmao so its a struggle to think of one. @heleentje's BOTW fic Moonlight has been a fantastic read (even though i havent finished it yet;;; i promise will soon!!) and just hits all of the right notes for me!! The batman fic Performance Piece is also definitely up there for me, as it captures so well what i want in my own writing when it comes to writing characters, especially when it comes to inner-dialogue (i might just go back and reread that one again lmao)

as of posting, i have about twenty minutes left before the new year. so happy early 2024!! 🥳🎉💝

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stonyponyofficial · 1 year

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hai! i was tagged in a question thing by none other than @warioigottawin so now im gonna answer a few questions for the nice audience here tonight.

Fav color: well u see :3 i am violet... and, as it turns out, my favorite color, despite the rumors, is purple 💜

Currently reading: im still working on the bocchi manga :3 i havent gotten to it in a bit but with the new kessoku band songs i perhaps should return to it

Last song: um thi s is absolutely a spoiler for a certain set of summer songs but ive been listening to this band operation sodasteal a lot recently, and my last song is the opener, DESCENT2EARTH on their album slaney vs sodasteal. give it a listen. perhaps it will be a sound of the summer :3c

Last series: hmmmmm deciding how i want to answer this. the last thing i watched was some spongebob last night before bed, BUT the last series i finished in full is the third installment of an anime called Teekyuu. its allegedly about girls in their high school tennis club but thats debatable, theyre off doing completely different shit. its so fast paced, like each episode is only 2 minutes making each 12-episode season like half an hour. but its so fast with jokes and dialogue i have to pause and go back a lot. its a very silly anime :3 there are 9 seasons of this!

Last movie: Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler next question

Sweet, spicy, or savory: hmmm sweet for sure out of these, bc a girl loves her yummy sweet treats, but i would choose sour over everything if it were here.

Craving: just some instant ramen with all my usual fixings sounds good tbh. im. quite hungry actually. maybe ill eat something when im done with this.

Tea vs. coffee: i always have a gut instinct to answer coffee bc im not really a fan of hot tea which is how i imagine the platonic ideal of Tea in my head u know? and i do love a good chocolate minty coffeey beverage... but if were going off volume of drink then its tea 100% bc i destroy arizona teas like theyre nothing to me. but trust me, they are my world.

Currently working on: ahahaaaa ohhh well uhh... :) just doin my violet thing.... yknow... searching for truth.. falling asleep atop flowery hills on sunny days.... noticing..... yeah just the usual stuff i usually do.

uhhhhhm as for who to tag in this...... ill do @a-little-bit-poss, and @kiwi-draws! idk if theres a certain amount im supposed to do but uh yeah its them :3 and ofc anyone who wants is free to lie and say i tagged them. even the people i tagged can lie and say i didnt tag them if they dont wanna do it. people free to make choices.... the world is like a video game in this way, and few others.

#violet originals #thanks again for tagging me char :3

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kanouseis · 11 months

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Top 5 Kamen Riders! (adaptations included)

okay so im gonna do this both ways as in favorite riders the shows and favorite riders the characters

for shows:

1. kamen rider w (wbk, my forever beloved, i dont think this will stop being my favorite soon. the fucking detective show. DUB E X crime and the city. fucking found family. hidari shotaro MY GUY. so much insanity just look at my header on here. phillip :')))) i have so many feelings and im forcing myself to stop here. ryu voice Dont Ask Me Questions.)

2. kamen rider ex aid (my first rider and yknow you dont forget your first rider. the gamer doctors are my beloved. the suits are so cool (taddle legacy!!!) kiriya is here AND HANAYA TAIGA. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS. taihii the most insane ship dynamic ever. POPPY MY BELOVED <33333 the character songs are So Good. i like real game and the taddle legacy theme a normal amount. EXCITE EXCITE ALL I GOTTA DO IS LIVE ON)

3. kamen rider ghost (big part of this is takeru which ill get to later. but goood theres so much good in this show. warera omou yue ni warera ari!!!! its literally so fun. and the messages are so good!!! life is beautiful and i never want to die. makoala and takekari marriages happened and nothing else is canon. THE BELT NOISE THE BELT NOISES. mugen ghost is my fav final form ever. that one henshin scene from the summer movie kills me. keep going go go go go go go gotta ghost!!!!!)

4. everything else ive watched so ooo and revice (ooo: i need to rewatch this one actually bc it made me feel so much but then i watched w next so yeah. ANKHEIJI LEGENDARY GAY OF ALL TIME. i love all the characters so so so fucking much but especially eiji this fucking guy. the greeed my beloved... the insert songs!!! so many times you can find me singing SONO SHUNKAN NOMIKOMARERU DAAKU SAIDO NO KIKEN NA YOUKUBO. so yeah you count the medals one two and three anything goes life goes on coming up ooo :')) (revice: free theraphy show fr fr. like just good vibes all around. loved this one so much. there is tragedy but we prevail. the music is fucking amazing i have listened to mirage mirror 73 times within a single month of discovering it. the suits!!! daiji and ikki and sakura the siblings ever. hana makes me emotional and also hanasaku oh my god heated drama between women. deep drop danger kamen rider demons INSANE belt noises in general. THE THEMES IN THIS SHOW YES I WILL LOVE MYSELF.)

and im not ranking gaim & gotchard since i havent finished them

now for rider characters:

1. shotaro/kamen rider w & kamen rider joker (the fucking guy ever. god. i like him so much its a little distressing. hes my best friend. i want to dress like him sort of unironically. i am feverishly waiting for my joker memory to arrive. HIS BACKSTORY MAKES ME SO SAD. LIKE I CAN EMPATHISE. SO MUCH. and his dynamic with phillip akiko ryu i :'))) the found family ever. yeah. i often rewatch w ep49 just for the joker scenes. i have his birthday as per my headcanon in my calendar. i am not normal)

2. taiga/kamen rider snipe (so. hes my type of character so fucking much. broken sad lonely fucker of a guy. i want to kill i also want to hug him and i want to make him kiss hiiro. saving people to save yourself,,,,, yeah. NICO TAIGA THE SIBLINGS EVER. babang bang bang babang bang shooting uh. his fucking emo fringe neon suit. the dog tags he wears for no reason. THE SNIPE PREQUELLLLL im gonna stop here before it derails but oh my fucking lord)

3. takeru/kamen rider ghost (YEAH SO. tied for my fav main rider with eiji. takeru is incredibly important to me if he werent the same age as my brother id call him son but alas. i want a hug from him i think it would fix me. his fucking journey as a character..... he makes me sad but like happy sad. like i appreciate life more when im sad about him. his scenes in the pacman movie literally kill me. you always gotta keep going chasing after life its the only way you can live. go go go ghost [i start crying uncontrollably])

4. daiji/kamen rider live (bonded with this guy 6 episodes into revice its insane. this character is insane. i need to hug him. his fucking character song is therapy for me. KAGERO YOU FUCKING EMO EBOY. daijis vcinema is so good and i felt so much. i love the evililtylive suit despite the stupid name. i just love daiji in general and i dont ever think about how his actor is the same age as me <3)

5. eiji/kamen rider ooo (MY GUY MY GUY MY GUUUUUUY. i need to give him a hug. hes been through so much. but he still. he still is Like this. like what the fuck genuinely. the scene from ep30 is in my head constantly. tied for my fav main rider with takeru bc god does eiji make me feel things. but this is so fucking long already if you need to hear me cry about him send me an ask bc. ohmygod. HINO FUCKING EIJI. i dont Ever think about him in zi-o. and ooo 10th is not real)

#key reply #tachiharas-brother #long post #so sorry this got long but im not normal unfortunately #thanks for the ask tho <3

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rigaudon · 10 months

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highly controversial (esp for tumblr) take under the cut, brought to you by me, less than 24 hours after running out of my antidepressants

i hate the continued trend of "quirkifying" (thing i made up just now) mental illness, but I especially hate how recently tumblr has latched onto, specifically, adhd and autism and turned them into personality types that people slap on a name tag to show off how unique they are. I hate that being neurodivergent has become the go-to excuse for terminally online people to justify their shitty behavior. I hate the sentiment that being unmedicated is something to be proud of. I hate that wanting to be fucking normal is a cardinal sin, because ew why would you want to be like those boring neurotypicals.

I hate it. I want to be normal. I started taking medication for ADHD when I was four years old and I have never, not once in my life, thought it was a Fun Thing To have. I hate that I've spent the last 15 years slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably--no almost definitely--autistic, but am still vehemently opposed to it and unable to reconcile that fact despite all the evidence. I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to have adhd. I don't want to make these things a part of my identity that I share with people in the same breath as I talk about my favorite video games or dnd class.

It's not fun. It's not a cute, exclusive club you get to be part of.

It's miserable and alienating and people don't take it seriously. Because you're just lazy and not trying hard enough. Why haven't you done this task you promised you'd do six months ago. Why did you fail out of college? Why did you squander that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Why don't you finish anything you start? Having a low attention span isn't an excuse to not communicate like a normal person. I've had to tell you this five times why can't you just remember? Why can't you save any money? Why are you so fucking weird? Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?

Why can't you Just Be Normal?

I would give anything to just be a shitty, irresponsible person who makes bad decisions out of carelessness or lack of empathy. I would give anything to be a "boring neurotypical". Because I could work on that. I could become a better person. i could learn from my mistakes and have that actually mean something practically rather than just cognitively.

It's an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Accepting that my brain just does not work correctly and no amount of positive thinking, or bullet journaling, or time management skills, or even medication will fix it. It will always be a struggle. It will always be a ten ton weight shackled to my ankles that I have to drag behind me through any task that doesn't result in instant gratification. There will never be a permanent solution. I will never wake up one day and suddenly be able to do these basic fucking tasks that everyone else does without issue. I will always have to remind myself to brush my teeth, or to eat breakfast, or to take a shower, or to make sure my cats get fed. It will always be an ordeal to get the mail or to go grocery shopping or to keep myself from sabotaging every good thing in my life for the umpteenth time.

It's exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of fighting against myself every waking moment of every single day. I'm so sick of being told that I don't deserve any kind of accommodations or allowances or compromises and there is no excuse because "everyone else has to do these things and you don't get special treatment".

I don't want special treatment. I don't want everything different or "wrong" with me to be painted on my skin in bright red ink for everyone to see. I don't want to be reduced to a bunch of boxes so people can just glance at the labels and decide that's all they need to know about me. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be different. I want to fucking blend in and be unremarkable and boring.

I just want to be fucking normal.

#literally just me whining and ranting #i'm not a person at all right now I can't think for more than 30 seconds and any time I start a task I stop five minutes later #I can't even put something mindless on to watch because the process of turning on the tv and picking a show is Too Many Steps

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 2 years

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Funny that I say something like ‘to overshare or not overshare’ when I’m going to anyway. Pfft.

So, hell, why not. Rambling MGS4 thoughts below. Though I won’t be using my standard MGS tags, since I want to keep it out of the main tags. This is all mainly nonsense anyway, but I want to eventually put them out there b/c I want to replay this again and Idk. You guys know how allergic I am to shutting up.

TW: Medical, Death, Abuse, SA Mention (Non-Descriptive)

I finished MGS4 in a haze, crying hysterically and bothered to a point I couldn’t even lay my finger on. For a while I let it sit and just didn’t know what, exactly, had bothered me so much.

As the game went on, I noticed vaguely somewhere around maybe the half way mark this was bugging me, but I chalked it up to the sad nature of the game itself, and left it at that. I have no issue with the themes within the game, and you all know how much I embrace bothersome or disturbing content. And if you don’t, well. Now you do. I’m not shy about liking morally questionable content, nor disturbing content.

In any case-that wasn’t the issue.

No, the issue was Snake’s aging. Or, more specifically, the way the game presented it. Of all things.

But-eh, hear me out.

When I was a teenager, my life was hectic. I worked to help my mum pay the bills, but had to quit after an SA that I was blamed for (I was sixteen, and the victim, but I’d apparently asked for it. Whatever, fuck cops anyway). My grandfather was slowly dying from terminal illness, and time not spent at school or helping my mum was taking care of him. He had a variety of illnesses, but one of them, COPD, had him suffering violent coughing fits that he’d black out from. When he used to sit up, he’d cough himself unconscious, and sometimes end up on the floor. I’d call ambulances those days; I wasn’t able to lift him. I knew how to distribute his meds, his masks. All that stuff. I’d be woken up from a dead sleep to him calling my name, or coughing so loud I knew he needed the meds now. Fill the mask, do the tubes, fix the oxygen tank levels. I was very sleep deprived for most of my High School years.

(Only to go to class the next day and have my friends nag me about my slipping grades, askdnsajk) anyway.

I was pretty close to my grandpa. My dads, well anyway. Not worth discussing rn. My grandmother, his wife, died when I was 14. I was raised by my mum and my grandparents. My grandfather wasn’t even that old during all this-early 60′s, and everyday I just watched him slowly fading away, unable to do ANYTHING to stop the inevitable as he had another coughing fit, another shake, etc.

In any case, he passed when I was 19, and time has it’s natural way of having things get pushed aside, I went through even more upheaval in my early 20′s that lead to a serious mental breakdown around 25-26 that had me admitted to a psyche ward. Eventually I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, Psychosis and PTSD,

Things changed, I got my mental health under control, and life carries on.

And then I played MGS4 this year.

It’s funny, things I’d forgotten all about just crashing to the surface, seeing reflections through a screen like that. How my brain was ticking through watching Snake smoke through his violent coughing fits (Something my grandfather did up until one of his hospitalizations FINALLY got him to quit). The general helplessness Hal has, because there’s NOTHING you can do. Hell these days *I’m* chronically ill but not..terminally ill. I think they did much of Snake’s ageing and decline well, I guess for my brain? Too well.

S’funny, and maybe even kinda dumb. Stuff you don’t even think bothers you anymore, just sort of. Comes too a head.

It’s not like this post has a point. I am capable of controlling my own media intake. And there’s a large part of me that even wants to replay it! I just think it’s..strange how brains work. And how the most random things can be so big when they reflect your life in the most..disconnected and bizarre way.

Or something. Maybe I just wanted this out in the open cos that’s how I function (though some of my friends had heard this before from me).

Brains are weird. Life’s weird. But hey.

#nate rambles #in ANY case it's not like i don't like the game i DID enjoy playing it quite a lot #it only took me a month to realize that most ppl didn't spend six hrs after finishing it sobbing hysterically and numb #and it took me even longer to realize what upset me so much and why it was even such a big deal #but ya know im not that bright all the time as i've said #oh and i think this goes without saying but i am more than ok nw #it's just interesting to me how long it took me to clue myself in

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