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gumnut-logic · 3 years

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Callisto (Part 9 - Retreat)

And I clocked over 5000 words on this chapter, too. Oops. Lots of John one-on-one with both Virgil and Scott. Including a bit of mild whump which I quite enjoyed :D

As always, many thanks to @janetm74 @tsarinatorment @vegetacide @scribbles97 and @onereyofstarlight for all their amazing help and support. you guys rock :D

And thank you to all of you who commented and liked last week’s chapter. It all means so much to me. Thank you sooo much for your support with this crazy endeavour ::hugs::

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

-o-o-o-

They dug the pod out of the ice, Lee and Alan tackling it while Virgil assessed Four.

Virgil was exhausted and worried. And shaky if he wanted to admit it, which he didn’t.

Ice echoed in the back of his mind where he refused to acknowledge it.

Eos kept them updated on the now quiescent water levels. There were no more reported seismic incidents. Everything was as quiet as it was before.

Except now the sparkle of crystal was far more sinister.

Virgil would be so much happier being not here.

He managed to activate the functional hoverjets on Four and with some heavy lifter muscles on the end of the appropriate toolset, he was able to relocate some of them to areas on Four’s hull that needed the support. He unwedged her roof from the rock wall, tipped her onto her belly, and, climbing inside, managed to get her moving in a stuttering echo of her usual smooth and darting operation.

The cockpit was partially crumpled on one side. Some hasty oxygen-assisted welding secured part of Gordon’s pilot’s chair back into place. Not perfect but it would do the job for now. It would not be the most comfortable ride.

“Virgil, what are you doing?” John’s voice was exasperated.

“What does it look like?” He had zero patience and just wanted to get his brother’s ‘bird back to Three so she could ultimately be taken home. There was no way he was leaving her here any more than he would have left her at the bottom of the ocean.

“Virgil, you shouldn’t be flying. I’ll take her.”

“I’m fine. Let’s just get this done.” Then he could check on his brothers.

The cave glittered at him through mangled viewports. It was still beautiful, but he no longer trusted it. He wanted out. “Have you recovered the pod yet?”

“Clearing the last of it now.” An indrawn breath. “Virgil-“

“Is it functional?”

An abrupt silence at the other end of his comms sketched out the thinned lips and frown John was no doubt sporting. “There appears to be minimal damage.”

“I’ll meet you in the Dry Cavern. I’ll need help to get Four out.”

Ignoring John’s protests, Virgil pushed the injured sub past the still partially iced in dragonfly and down the kilometre long tunnel to the exit cave.

Reaching the floor of the dry expanse ahead of his brother and uncle gave him a moment to himself. He sat back in the remains of Gordon’s pilot’s chair and closed his eyes.

It was so tempting to just let go, to give in to the phantoms teasing at the edge of his mind. But he couldn’t afford a breakdown right now. Scott was injured and their brothers were depending on him.

He had to keep control.

If only his head would stop hurting.

His eyes did not want to open again.

Consequently, it took John calling his name to ‘wake’ him.

Virgil startled to find both his astronaut brother and Uncle Lee glaring at him through the remains of the marine acrylic in Four’s viewports.

“Virgil?”

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I was just resting my eyes.”

John’s lips now appeared to be permanently thinned...and about to call him on his bullshit.

Virgil didn’t let him. “Hook up a tow line. We need to get Four above ground.”

His space brother did not stop glaring, but at least he decided that towing Virgil was better than arguing further.

They could meet half way.

Uncle Lee, sparing Virgil a worried glance or two, secured the line as Virgil sat and watched - an odd sensation since usually he would be the one out there doing what needed to be done. Perhaps it was a sign of exactly how gone he actually was.

Get Four to Three.

Get his brother and Uncle back to the Base.

Check on Scott and Gordon.

He was clinging to his list of goals and he knew it, but the alternative was very unproductive.

He startled again as John signalled his readiness. The dragonfly gently tugged on the line as it lifted smoothly off the ground.

Virgil shook himself and activated the hoverjets best to assist with the tow and then he was airborne. They coasted the long mole-made tunnel, took a sharp turn and climbing the vertical drop made by Three, shot into the open.

Jupiter glared balefully out of the darkness.

From there it was a blur of ‘Virgil, stay there’ and Four being hoisted into the huge, red spacecraft, the close of her hatch and the blessed familiarity of Alan’s ‘bird.

Virgil climbed slowly out of Four as John and Uncle Lee stowed the dragonfly, and clambered to the ladder that would take him to her cockpit. It was likely a further sign of his exhaustion that he had to think which way Three was currently situated. She was nose down, which meant he had to climb down.

The ladder looked like it stretched on forever and a rogue part of his mind pondered exactly how hard he would hit bottom if he just jumped.

He was ever so tired, but he couldn’t stay here, so he forced one foot after the other and began the descent.

Halfway down dizziness hit him again.

It was all he could do to cling to the ladder to prevent himself from falling.

And this time it didn’t go away.

“Virgil!” John’s voice was like a beacon in the darkness of a roiling stomach and a pounding head. Virgil had his eyes clenched shut.

The clatter of boots on rungs, hands caught him under his arms and he was being urged to continue down. “C’mon, not far to go.” John’s voice was ever so soft in his helmet. Gentle. Reassuring.

Virgil took that first crucial step and let himself drop another controlled step while mentally clinging to his stomach.

The dizziness disappeared.

Oh god.

The relief almost had him letting go of the ladder, but strong arms held him and continued to guide him down step by step. His stomach protested the entire way as if this bout of dizziness was the last straw.

John helped him through the main hatch and, from there, Virgil flung off his helmet and stumbled to the facilities.

Fortunately, there was very little in his stomach to expel, but that didn’t stop it from spasming repeatedly.

Low gravity environments sucked.

This would have been the perfect opportunity to curl up in a ball of misery on the bathroom floor, but space bathrooms sucked as much as space itself.

It became very clear that his head and body had had enough and if it wasn’t for John he probably would have fallen to that floor anyway.

“Virgil.” His brother caught him gently, drawing his head to his shoulder. Virgil didn’t have the energy to resist. “You are going to the infirmary.”

“John-“ But his head throbbed and he clenched his eyes shut in pain.

“No arguments.” In the light gravity, John lifted Virgil up and, leaving the bathroom, carried him down the corridor towards Three’s tiny infirmary.

“John-“ This was a first. Virgil usually did the carrying. The thought bounced through his aching head. But before he knew it, he was being strapped into a soft bed.

Opening his eyes would involve more than he had.

Yellow light flickered over his eyelids. Machinery beeped as John mumbled something, possibly into his comms, but Virgil had nothing left. The phantoms swooped in and the ice swallowed him whole.

-o-o-o-

John was used to worrying about his brothers. So often he was so far away when they were in peril. But as Virgil’s hand fell limp in his, John’s heart clenched.

Both of them had been running on adrenalin. He had watched as Virgil performed as he always did when needed despite being ill.

Many times John had listened to his brothers over comms, their voices strained by what they had seen and experienced. Hell, this wasn’t John’s first rodeo, he knew what it sometimes took on a rescue.

He’d done it himself.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when it happened again.

The medscanner flickered over his brother casting his pale skin in an even sicklier shade.

Stress factors were flagged. Virgil’s heartrate was up and his blood pressure was far from happy. But there was no injury.

John frowned. Virgil had been unconscious at least part of the time he was buried in the ice. He was obviously unwell and was showing all the signs of a head injury.

But there was none.

He poked the scanner as if he could drag further information out of it.

But no, it reported Virgil as stressed, tired, possibly exhausted, but there was no explanation for the symptoms he was displaying apart from some tightening of the blood vessels in his brother’s brain. Classic sign of a headache.

“John, all vehicles are stowed. You wanna drive?” Uncle Lee’s voice over comms snapped him out of staring at his brother’s medical readouts.

Virgil was asleep, restless, but asleep. He was safe for the moment. Perhaps it was just exhaustion. His brothers were well known for pushing it too far.

Perhaps it was psychological. It would be fair considering his history with ice.

But it still didn’t quite add up and it gnawed at him. He had seen his big brother tackle this issue before. It still didn’t quite sit right.

But now the priority was to get Virgil back to his brothers, and reunite with Scott, Gordon, Alan and their father.

John double-checked the patient was secure and deployed the bed pivot that would support him when the ship flipped in flight.

“FAB, Uncle Lee.” He said the words at almost the same time he entered the cockpit.

It was strange to be here without Alan. It had been a long time since Three had been his ‘bird. Even then it hadn’t really been his. It had been Dad’s and then Alan’s. John had only been her pilot out of necessity.

Sliding into the pilot’s seat, all his reflexes shifted to the needs of the Thunderbird. Pre-flight was worked through at speed, Uncle Lee providing the input needed.

Eos chimed in with clearance for their flightpath.

Callisto Base acknowledged they would be arriving in minutes.

John fired her thrusters and launched Three into the thin atmosphere of Callisto, pivoting her mid-air and taking off in a southerly direction.

The trip was very short, barely worth igniting her engines, but honestly, John was grateful.

Three hovered in the massive airlock once again and it grated on John’s need for speed. The equations that listed the reasons why those doors were so ponderous gave him plenty of explanation, but he had no patience for physics at the moment.

Landing Three was like exhaling in relief.

Their father met them on the gantry. John towed Virgil out of Three on the bed he was still sleeping on, hoverjets keeping him level and secure. The fact he had not woken despite launch and landing was just a further sign of his brother’s exhaustion.

Uncle Lee followed them out without a word.

If John was irrationally grateful for his father’s hand landing on his shoulder, he wasn’t going to examine it too closely.

Concerned grey eyes stared down at Virgil...

“He’s sleeping, Dad. Exhaustion appears to be the culprit.” His father looked up at him and John swallowed. “That’s all I could find.”

A nod and they hurried Virgil off to the Base medical centre.

Grae had set aside a part of the small facility with enough beds to support the injured Tracy brothers. John, Virgil and their father entered in the middle of an argument.

“I’m not going up to Five! It’s a broken arm, Scott, that’s all.” Gordon’s expression was furious. He was sitting up in bed, his arm in a plastic cast. It was obvious Gordon wasn’t well. There was no spark about him. The impression was grey where there was usually sun.

Scott’s response was appropriate. “It’s enough! You are off rescues until it is healed. You know that is the rule. Health first!” Their eldest brother was sitting in a chair beside the Fish’s bed. A bed behind him had mussed covers and was obviously where he was supposed to be.

It was ever so typical that he wasn’t.

Either way, John took some comfort in finding both brothers conscious despite their injuries.

Of course, that meant yelling.

“We’re in space!”

“You’re not crucial to this mission!”

“It’s underwater! I call that crucial!”

“Gordon-“

“Scott-“

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Their father’s voice cut across the yelling enough to disturb Virgil who groaned in his sleep and attempted to roll over. The groan turned into a whimper and his brow crumpled.

That shut everyone up.

Scott tried to stand and move to his prone brother’s side, but wavered. Alan who had been sitting wide-eyed next to him, hurried to steady his big brother.

John touched a finger to Virgil’s cheek and murmured soft words of reassurance. The unconscious engineer leant into his hand, eyes still closed, and settled back into his uneasy sleep.

Alan was trying to wrestle Scott back to bed with little success, until their father strode over and made some silent but very firm gestures in the direction of the empty bed.

Scott wilted in Alan’s grip and did as he was told.

But his eyes did not leave Virgil or Gordon alone, darting worriedly between them.

John docked the hover stretcher into place beside Gordon. His positioning was purposeful, giving Scott both brothers at one glance and no doubt allowing his eldest brother the chance to at least relax a little with both of them in sight.

Gordon’s eyes tracked Virgil as John draped a blanket over his sleeping brother.

“What happened?” Gordon’s voice was ever so quiet.

“Ice and exhaustion. He needs rest.” A pointed eyebrow. “You all do.”

John did, too, weariness suddenly hitting him. Such a mad scramble to get to his brothers, get them out of the ice.

“I think perhaps you should sit down, space bro.” Gordon never missed a thing. Those carnelian eyes saw everything. It was what he did with the information that mattered, though.

“John?” A worried pair of foggy blue eyes had targeted him now. Well, that sealed it.

Sure enough, their father turned around and wordlessly led him to a chair. “Sit down, son. They’re all safe now.”

There was a hitch in the man’s voice that had John questioning if he was saying it to reassure himself as much as others.

Regardless, the words had the tension in John’s muscles suddenly relaxing and he found himself shaking just a little.

The mechanics of mild shock sprang to mind and he was disgusted with himself.

A blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his father’s hands squeezed his arm gently.

There was silence in the room for a while. Dad found Uncle Lee a seat and John was ashamed to realise he had forgotten the man existed for a moment there. Perhaps he was as tired as Virgil. Sleep was a long time ago.

A Base doctor came in and confirmed John’s analysis of Virgil’s condition and quietly updated them on both Scott’s and Gordon’s status - all of which IR equipment had already revealed. Perhaps with the exception of Scott’s concussion that while still had him a little wobbly, seemed to have found some healing in whatever sleep his big brother had managed since being yanked out of the ice.

And there was the source of John’s heartrate. Pulling brothers out of the ice had been terrifying. Flashbacks to images sprouted by the news reports all those years ago regarding their mother. Scott’s desperate attempt to hide the reality from his younger siblings, but failing due to the determination of irresponsible media.

John closed his eyes.

-o-o-o-

“What do we do now?” Grae’s eyes were pleading and Jeff wished he had a good answer for him.

He had left the infirmary knowing his friend would be frantic.

Hell, Jeff was a little frantic himself. Berry and Ju were still missing. They only had readings on two out of five missing life signs. They didn’t even know who those life signs belonged to.

“We wait.”

“Jeff, they could be dying!”

“Both life signs are strong. I know it is not the best, but we don’t have a choice. We have to wait.”

“Why? You have the equipment. You, Lee, two of your boys are fine. Hell, I’ll come with you. This is Ju we are talking about!”

Jeff straightened. “I know who we are talking about, Graeme. But the first rule of a rescue is to make sure the rescuers are safe enough to do their jobs and for the moment, I am not willing to send anyone into that cave until we work out what the hell happened!”

“Seismic anomaly. You told me yourself.”

“John is not satisfied with that assessment.”

“Why not?”

“He needs further information.”

“Then let’s go down there and get it.”

“John is working on it.”

“John is sleeping!”

Jeff’s lips tightened and he took a step closer to his old friend. “My sons were nearly killed. I am aware that this is an urgent situation, Graeme. I know what is at stake. But there will be no gain in putting anyone in further danger until we know what we are dealing with.”

A silent hand wrapped around Jeff’s arm and tugged him backwards gently.

Lee.

Jeff had known he was there and old patterns were obviously still in place.

It was reassuring.

He understood Grae’s feelings. Hell, he shared them. But his boys were hurting and, if he was honest, they had terrified him. Seeing first Scott and then Virgil entombed in ice had ripped scabs off memories from so long ago as much as tempting new horrors.

But above and beyond it all, there was something very strange about this situation. Something was off. Everything that made him the astronaut he was, was screaming alarm bells. So, while he could gather Lee, John and Alan and go down there himself, he wasn’t.

Because he trusted his sons and John said no.

Jeff couldn’t help but agree with him.

They needed further information and Eos was working hard to deploy enough probes and up the sensory reach to delve underground and veto that interference. And while John had protested - all of them had protested, except Virgil who had already been asleep - this had been an opportunity to try and get some rest.

Grae sagged where he stood, all signs of the Base commander falling away. “She’s my wife, Jeff.”

Voice ever so quiet. “Believe me, I understand.” He caught his friend’s eyes with his own. “I do.”

Grae stared at him a moment before uttering a wounded sound and turning away. Jeff watched his back as he strode out of the infirmary.

Lee’s hand squeezed gently, but Jeff still stared at the door.

-o-o-o-

John wasn’t sleep. Honestly, he tried. Their father had corralled two more beds into the room with his injured brothers and both Alan and John had been sequestered there. He appreciated it, he did.

But he couldn’t sleep.

And it wasn’t Virgil’s snoring.

He kept running scenarios over in his head. Building and dismissing equations that could explain the liquid water in the cavern and coming up with nothing.

Liquid water demanded the existence of energy to keep it that way, likely with a heat source. Gordon had mentioned a temperature increase before the wave hit.

John’s fingers itched for his information sources on Five.

He was still wearing his suit. He had slept in it often enough not to care. But he had removed his helmet. The infirmary had its own air circulation system separate from the rest of the Base and, really, with his brother’s injuries, they hadn’t had a choice but to break the seals on their suits.

The upside was that he could squirrel under his covers and access his wrist comm and Eos.

His daughter was sending perplexed emojis at him because he had requested text only.

Her use of repeating gifs had the effect he had no doubt she desired, enough to curl up the corners of his lips at least.

His fingers darted across his virtual keyboard with a speed almost as fast as the voice he couldn’t use.

The probe net was in its final dispersal phase and the first of the reports were coming in. Eos had focussed the deployment in a spiralling pattern using the Crystal Cave as the central point and consequently, the information was more detailed in that area. In fact, Eos had doubled up the probe above Burr Crater and the cave beneath it.

His daughter highlighted three other craters, an attention icon flashing on the map. John zoomed in and frowned. There were more lakes.

His fingers darted over the map, repeatedly hitting attention icons flagged by the AI. Lake after lake showed up on sensors. A quick cross-correlation and his suspicions were confirmed. The lakes lay under the younger craters on the moon’s surface. The ones still shining from impacts of recent millennia.

John manipulated one of the probes pulling it from the net and drawing it closer to the surface. Eos threw up a warning that he was causing a brief blindspot, but he didn’t care, he needed confirmation.

Tornarsuk Crater was slightly smaller, but it was fairly equidistant from Callisto Base as Burr and almost as young. The lake registered as similar to the one in Crystal Cave and a network of tunnels branched off from it merging with the network.

Because it was a network. Initial readings tracked tunnels riddled beneath the entire Callistan surface. He couldn’t tell with these readings, but he would bet a lifetimes worth of savings that all the tunnels were made by water. Despite liquid water not being physically possible in these environs.

Not physically possible, but the lakes did exist.

Of course, that led to the question of why the water hadn’t stayed water once it left the cavern. It had behaved exactly how it should when it entered the tunnel. It froze.

Trapping his brothers.

He closed his eyes a moment as images he hadn’t fully processed yet flashed up in his mind.

He let out a sigh.

Focus.

Science was a saviour.

He returned to glaring at the holograms hidden under the blanket. It grew stuffy and he was reminded of many a late night when he was a child, shoving his tablet under the covers in order to read that little bit more despite being told to go to bed.

Memories.

He requested a planetary body analysis and the probe network boosted Five’s scan of the moon, giving him an indepth gravity and mass analysis. The readings confirmed what the Callisto Expedition had reported, that yes, there was an ocean deep under the Callistan crust, and that unlike most of the planetary bodies in the solar system, Callisto was undifferentiated. It had no core, no mantle, just a shallow ocean a couple hundred of kilometres below, sitting on a mix of rock and ice, sealed in by a crust of similar material.

So there was water in the moon. That was no surprise. Europa had proven something similar, but these subterranean oceans followed the laws of physics. They had the pressures required to stay liquid. The lakes did not.

There had to be another reason.

The next step was research. He knew what he knew, but that didn’t mean he knew everything. There must be something to explain the water.

Accessing Five’s library, he initiated a connection back to Tracy Island via the chain of buoys stretching back to Earth.

The covers over his head were suddenly ripped off, the waft of cooler air startling him even more than the sudden appearance of a tall shadow leaning over him.

John’s whisper was cutting. “Scott, what the hell!”

Because it was Scott. It was always Scott.

Well, except when it was Virgil, but this shadow was too tall, had the wrong hair and Virgil was still snoring.

“You’re supposed to be resting.” His brother’s voice had an echo of commander.

“You more than me!” John grabbed at the covers and pulled them back up to his chest. Why, he didn’t know, but there had to be a principle there somewhere.

The shadow of his big brother pulled up a chair and literally fell into it. Elbows dented the side of John’s bed and Scott’s head dipped out of silhouette as he dropped it into his hands.

John’s heart softened. A gentler whisper. “You really should rest. Get some sleep.”

“I did. Virgil is making a racket.” It was muffled as his brother was looking down at his feet, but John knew it was a load of bullshit. They had all been putting up with Virgil’s snoring since the man was born. If anything, it was a sound of comfort and was missed if it wasn’t there when they were together like this.

It was a running joke that their brother’s snoring was a great wildlife deterrent when camping.

John persisted. Scott was notorious for ignoring his health when focussed on an objective. “How’s your head?”

“Fine.”

“If you’ve come over here just to lie to me, I’m not sure I want to listen.”

“Whatever.” Scott ran his hands through his hair, messing up what was usually meticulously neat. “What happened, John?”

John sighed and pushed himself up on the bed until he was sitting upright, covers still on his legs. “You should be in bed.”

“Bed is a waste of time.” Blue eyes caught what little light was in the room and flashed it at John. “I need information.”

And John was the source of that information.

He held back another sigh and instead pulled up a virtual representation of the Crystal Cave and associated tunnel network. “The sensor readings are marred with static, but as far as we can tell water appeared to enter the lake from this tunnel.” John pointed at one of the entrances on the north-east side of the lake. “With the probe network we now have, the closest source of water I can find is under Tornarsuk Crater to the south-east.” He rotated the image until the star-rayed splash of brightness appeared. A flick of a finger and the hologram delved under the crater, bringing up another lake. John focussed the probe, switching to mineralogical detail and many spikes of crystal appeared in the cave. Eos threw up likely chemical formulae that could only be proven with samples, but had an accuracy somewhere near ninety-five percent.

He could not delve under that lake any more than he could under the lake in the Crystal Cavern.

“There’s another one?” Scott’s whisper spoke of widened eyes. “Are they connected?”

John answered by zooming out and tracing the connection via the maze of tunnels between them.

“How?”

This time John did let out the sigh. “I don’t know.”

“Is it a natural phenomenon?”

John stared at his brother. “Nothing about this is natural. That water shouldn’t exist in that state. If water came from the other lake, then how did it get to the Crystal Cavern so fast? Seismic readings epicentre the activity to the north-east of the Cavern, yet the closest source of water is to the south.”

“Can you get any further life sign readings?”

“No.” It was a defeated quiet. “And no further information on the two under the lake. All I can say is that they are there. Interference is almost complete otherwise. We cannot see below the surface, yet I can see all the way to the moon’s lack of a core.” He threw up his hands and the hologram flickered at the rough handling. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Scott was lit up by the light of the hologram. A ghostly echo of his brother’s usual vibrant self. “Is this humanly possible?”

John stared at him. “You think someone is orchestrating this?”

“Could they?”

He threw the concept back and forth in his head. “Possibly. At great expense and difficulty. There would have to be some serious science involved and I would want to know how that water is liquid in this environment. But the ultimate question would be ‘why?’”

Scott let his head drop into his hands again. “Hell if I know.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time something massively expensive and ridiculous had been deployed against us.” Gordon’s voice was sharp in the sudden silence.

And silence it was because John suddenly realised there was a serious lack of snoring in the room.

Sure enough, beside their fish brother the shape of Virgil was moving slowly to sit up. His throat cleared as he settled sitting on the edge of the bed. “So what is the plan?”

Scott straightened where he sat. “The plan is to get some rest.”

“Done that. Feeling better. There are some lives waiting to be saved.”

No pressure.

Gordon’s eyes were catching the light and aimed right at John. “You think this is planned?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you think it is a possibility.”

“At this point, everything is a possibility, Gordon. I don’t have enough explanation to make any conclusions.”

“I vote aliens.” And yes, Alan was awake as well, his tousled hair reflecting holographic light.

“You are all supposed to be asleep.” Commander Tracy glared at them.

“Speak for yourself, Scott. I bet you’re sporting a doozy of a headache.”

Scott didn’t answer, but John was pretty sure Gordon had hit a nail right on the aching head.

“John?” Eos’ voice cut through the glares and grumbles bouncing around the room.

“Yes, Eos.”

“Callisto Base is receiving a distress call from Kate Berrenger.”

“What? Relay!”

A terrified female voice cut the air in the room. “Base, do you read? I need help. Uh-“ The voice fell silent a moment, but every body in the room was already moving.

One of the life signs had changed position. It was now located on the same beach where Four had lain crumpled several hours earlier.

John switched to transmit. “Eos, relay! This is Thunderbird Five, Director Berrenger. Help is on the way.”

“Somebody, please help me.” It ended in a whimper.

He leapt off the bed as Scott dashed out the door. “Help is on the way.”

-o-o-o-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #John Tracy #Virgil Tracy #Scott Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Alan Tracy #Jeff Tracy #callisto

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

hello! i hope you have a happy holidays!! just a question: do you know any good crossover fics? :0 thanks so much! 🥰

Hi Nonny!!

Thank you! My holiday season was great <3 Sorry for the delay on the reply, but your ask was a great one because I’ve wanted to do an update list to my “movies and books” list, so I’m updating it to just “crossovers” because I have more to add and that makes me happy!!

This list ended up getting split across two asks, so for this one, this list is all my bookmarked fics. A part 1.5 with my MFL’s is coming shortly with another ask, and I ask y’all hold off to add your own suggestions to that list instead, please :) Thank you!

CROSSOVERS and FUSIONS (Feb 2021) Pt. 1

See Also:

Fairy Tales and Fantasy

TV, Movies, and Books AU (Fantasy Pt. 2)

Wonderful Life AU

Sherlock / Hannibal Crossovers?

Science Fiction / Fantasy

Faes / Faeries

Disney-esque Fics

Moulin Rouge AU

Crossovers & Fusions Pt.1.5 [MFLs]

It's After That Hurts by jonnyluvssherlock (T, 2,791 w., 1 Ch. || City of Angels AU || Fantasy, Fallen Angel Sherlock, Soldier John, Pining Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Permanently Incomplete Fic) – Sherlock's an angel stuck as a guardian to danger addict John Watson. Everything is fine until he gets too involved. Now he has to make the choice, eternity alone or one life time with a man who may or may not love him.

Caffeine and Adaptive Programming by DemonicSymphony (E, 5,540 w., 1 Ch. || Androids AU / Bond Fusion || Android Sherlock, Coffee Shop AU, Pining John Hinted Bond / Q, Toplock) – Sherlock is a coffee shop android slowly falling for a regular customer. But he's not supposed to be able to feel emotions.

Captain John Watson, Genetics, and Other Crazy Things by cyerus (M, 5,581 w., 1 Ch. || Torchwood Crossover || Humour / Crack, Jealous Sherlock, Sexual Magnet John, Captain John, UST / RST, Three Continents Watson) – The explanation for John "Three Continents" Watson? Jack Harkness is his father. Sherlock doesn't know whether he's going to die from jealousy or sexual frustration first.

The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 (M, 9,994 w., 2 Ch. || Frozen-ish AU || Magical Realism, Christmas, Angst, Fluff, Powerful John) – In a world where people are born with a Gift of varying levels, simple John Watson is the last person one might look at when thinking of any strong Magick capabilities. Hiding comfortably in the shadow of Sherlock's brilliant deducing abilities, John is content to keep it that way...

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

Equilibrium by augustbird (M, 12,351 w., 1 Ch. || Flowers for Algernon Fusion || Jealous then Worried Sherlock, Sick John) – At Baskerville, John is infected by a virus that turns him into a genius. But when the infection progresses into neurodegeneration, it's a race against time to save himself.

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w., 7 Ch. || Nutcracker AU || Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy's present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

Uncharted Territory by J_Baillier (T, 19,603 w., 4 Ch. || Dystopian Future / Black Mirror AU || Alternate First Meeting, Angst, Drama, Homophobia, Bisexuality, Technology, Humour, Romance, Near Future, Happy Ending) – The System puts people through a series of assigned relationships in order to determine who their Perfect Match is. John believes that it works; Sherlock really, really doesn't. One of them is probably going to be wrong.

Once Upon a Beast Becoming by antietamfalls (T, 24,042 w., 6 Ch. || Beauty and the Beast AU || Magical Realism, Folklore, Celtic Mythology) – An act of pride, a druid’s curse, an enchanted leaf; Sherlock’s torment has lasted an age. Hope arrives in the form of one John Watson, a man uniquely suited to break the spell. But with a single night to win his affections, Sherlock finds his carefully laid plans disrupted by a monstrous killer whose sights are set on the only thing he has left to lose: John.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w., 4 Ch. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Malediction by MapleleafCameo (M, 36,680 w., 11 Ch. || Ladyhawke AU || Magical Realism, Romance, Curses, Eventual Happy Ending) – Cursed to a half-life, John and Sherlock must fight the forces of evil to be reunited once again.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

The Curious Adventure of the Drs. Watson by ShinySherlock (M, 40,883 w., 14 Ch. || BBC & ACD Fusion || Victorianlock, Time Travel / Magical Realism, Friends to Lovers, Love and Kissing, Romance, Body Swap) – What if ACD Watson and BBC Watson switched places... “Imposter!” Hands clenching the lapels of John’s coat, Holmes shoved him anew. “Yes!” John agreed, nodding, and then grimacing. “Sort of!”

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w., 10 Ch. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w., 15 Ch. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief...

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court. Part 1 of the Care And Companionship series

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #crossover fics #sherlock au #fusion fics #Anonymous #long post #e-rated fics

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the-hidden-writer · 4 years

Text

An Odd Family Tree

A series of snippets from the lives of the FitzSimmons family, set post 7x13. Also, the series of events that leads up to the birth of their grandson.

Available to read on AO3 and FF.net.

Comments make my day!

Chapter 5: Permission

Leo Fitz loved football. It was his thing. He used to play in the local field with a bunch of other boys when he was little- that’s before he started to spend every free hour of every day engineering. So about eleven years old then. And since they’d retired he’d taken a huge step back from engineering and fallen back with his first love. Seriously, if anyone asked him a simple question about football he would probably ramble about it for at least two hours.

“Knock knock!”

Oh, and another thing about football: he did not like getting interrupted.

He adjusted his position to sit up on the sofa. “If that’s anyone that’s not called Owen then come in!”

Of course, it was Owen who entered.

“Hi Mr Fitz-Simmons.” He greeted, somewhat meekly.

Fitz didn’t respond.

“Oh hey, you’re watching soccer. Can I join you?”

“Not if you call it soccer.” Fitz grumbled. Owen just laughed and sat next to him anyway.

If there was one thing that Fitz had learnt about Owen over the year of him dating Alya, it was that he could not shut up. And that was not an exaggeration. Fitz was pretty convinced that if the man went five minutes without saying something then he would quite possibly explode.

So it was unnerving to say the least when all he did was fidget next to him. He appeared to be concentrating on the screen, but when Fitz looked closely he could see that his eyes weren’t entirely focused.

He must’ve been deep in thought. Fitz didn’t even want to consider what the hell he was thinking about.

“So… you a big s- football guy then?” Owen asked eventually, making Fitz actually sigh in relief.

“Yes.” Was his short reply.

“Cool.”

Uncomfortable silence. Fitz felt like the other man was plotting something. He did not like it.

Owen took a deep breath. “Hey-”

“You do know I don’t like you, right?”

Letting out a choked sort of laugh, Owen hung his head and said quietly: “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

“You’ve got no common sense,” Fitz continued, “and half the time I genuinely can’t tell if you’re faking your stupidity or not.

And I can never forgive you for taking my daughter away from me, Fitz doesn’t add.

“Look, I know you hate me.” Owen said, his voice still strangely quieter than usual.

It suddenly occurred to Fitz that Owen might be unwell. And even he, a cold-hearted miser according to Alya once, would feel guilty for insulting someone when they’re ill.

“Hate’s a strong word.” He told him. “I don’t hate you lad, but I think it would be crueler to lie and pretend to like you like Jemma does.”

Owen seemed to react at this, and Fitz wondered if he was really so dumb as to not realise that Jemma didn’t like him either.

“She doesn’t?” He asked, confirming Fitz’s theory.

And there was that guilty feeling again. “Well she definitely likes you more than I do. We love Alya with everything we have, and we only want the best for her. And whatever she says, I for one couldn’t care less if my daughter doesn’t end up with you. Now don’t you have somewhere better to be?”

Fitz realised a little too late that he’d phrased that wrong, and for once he actually hoped that Owen wouldn’t pick up on the subtext.

“I love her too, y’know.” Owen said dejectedly. “And I came here to ask you something. But I’m a little put off now if I’m honest…”

On-screen, it was half-time. Fitz tried to relay the fact that Owen was ill over and over in his head to stop himself from punching him.

“If answering your question will make you go away, then sure. Ask away.” He said, taking a sip of his tea.

Owen took a deep breath and looked Fitz in the eyes. Fitz noticed for the first time just how bright, green, and honest they were.

“Will you give me your blessing to marry your daughter?”

He did not do a spit take. That never happened. But it was funny, for a second Fitz could have sworn Owen just said…

“What?”

“You heard me.” Owen said, and suddenly Fitz realised why Owen had sounded off.

He’d been nervous- no, terrified of him. This entire time he’d been trying to muster as much confidence as he could. And the fact that he’d been scared meant that he respected him.

And Fitz didn’t know how to feel. He felt like he’d just been shot in the heart but the pain hadn’t registered yet.

He coughed. “W-Well, you’ve got nerve, I’ll tell you that.” He did not wipe the liquid off his chin, because he did not do a spit take. “After I just told you how much I don’t like you.”

Owen laughed, a bit more menacing this time. “I hope you know that I’ll propose to her whatever you say. It’s just that you three are so close that I thought I’d ask for your blessing.”

The implications started to sink in. “Wait, you’re being serious?”

This man, this hooligan, was asking to marry his little monkey. His princess. His universe. His Alya. The girl whose nappies he changed. The girl to whom he showed the stars. The girl who he tried to teach engineering to, but ended up taking after her mother and studying biology and becoming one of the leading experts in marine biology and was running an entire initiative to save the oceans.

The woman that had just turned thirty.

Ever since Owen, Alya had fought with him a lot more frequently. She would always defend him, telling her father that it was his fault that he didn’t just give him a chance to get to know him. Fitz didn’t change his stance. And maybe, Fitz thought, if he’d taken that chance, then he would be able to see Alya’s appeal in Owen. Her love for him hadn’t wavered, and any fights she’d had with Owen had all been resolved very quickly. Was it really only Fitz that felt so negatively towards him?

“Hey, um, before you answer let me say something.” Owen said.

“I know I’m reckless and stupid. I get that from my parents. But when I’m standing next to literally the smartest family on the planet, how can I not be? I think you think I’m ‘the worst’ (yes, I heard that) because of that, when in reality I’m just average. I was shocked when Alya loved me back, because she is the definition of a genius, and I’m just… me. I’m Owen. The guy nobody likes.”

Fitz listened on in silence, every word striking him as familiar.

...Deke.

“And I tried so hard to impress you,” Owen continued, “even though you guys already know everything. It’s impossible to impress you. The one thing that impresses me is the fact that Alya still likes me after so long. So yeah, I understand if you say no, but I love your daughter and I’m actually pretty good at fighting so I’m willing to die for her. I’ve been told that I can be pretty selfish, and I agree, but not when it comes to Alya. She’s my everything.”

Wordlessly, Fitz switched off the TV. Football could come later. He didn’t know when his eyes had started to well up, but he knew that his vision was now blurry. He had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“You have my blessing.”

Owen nearly jumped out of his seat. “Wait, really?!”

Fitz’s breathing was shaky, and he held his head in his hands. “Yes.” He said, his voice muffled. “Now go before I change my mind.”

It was comical how quickly Owen raced out of the room.

Jemma walked in moments later.

“Darling what’s wrong? What did you say to Owen this time?”

“I told him to bugger off.” Fitz said, looking up to face his confused wife.

“Really? Is that-”

“Jemma.” He interrupted, his voice breaking. “He asked for my blessing.”

Jemma’s face went through a whirlwind of emotions in a tiny amount of time like a silent movie.

“O-Oh.” She said finally. “Did you..?”

“Yeah.” Said Fitz. “But Jemma, he sounded just like Deke.”

Both of them flinched at the name.

He sighed. “Is it bad that the main thing I remember was that I couldn’t stand him?”

“Yes, it is.” Jemma said, moving to sit next to her husband and rub his back soothingly. She was beginning to get choked up herself. “I remember that he was lovely. His memory is what lets me tolerate Owen.”

She wiped away the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

“I think you need to start at least tolerating him now, too.”

Fitz did the same for his wife.

“Yeah, I guess I’m gonna have to now.”

#agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#aos spoilers #fitzsimmons #fitzsimmons fam #leo fitz #jemma simmons #owen shaw #alya fitzsimmons #deke shaw #fanfic #an odd family tree

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serialreblogger · 4 years

Note

Are there any good poetry books you've read? I'm trying to improve my own poetry

Hmm, I don’t know about poetry books bc I don’t really have the attention span to sit down and read a book of poetry cover to cover, but I can recommend some of my favourite poets!

Keats is, for me, the pinnacle of linguistic vividness--I like most of the romantic poets, because they’re all like that to a certain extent, but Keats is my favourite. Byron (mentally ill disaster bisexual extraordinaire, I relate to him on a spiritual level), Percy Bysshe Shelley (terrible human being but absolutely gorgeous poetry), and Samuel Taylor Coleridge are also up there on my ranking list, for sure, though Wordsworth is dead boring and doesn’t half match his peers for sheer beauty. (That’s too harsh. Plenty of people like Wordsworth. I myself still do appreciate “Daffodils,” I just find that he’s less to my taste than some of his compatriots. Like, “Michael”? w h y sir I am so bored)

Like, you can (I can, at least) practically taste the colours of Keats’ poetry, or Shelley’s, and Kubla Khan by Coleridge is exquisite (though literary elitists will argue over whether it really counts as “poetry” because it doesn’t profess to have some deep symbolic meaning--it’s just Coleridge trying to remember an opium dream he once had--but like?? It doesn’t have to?? It’s beautiful, isn’t that enough?). If you want specific poem recs, Shelley’s “Ozymandias,” “The Prisoner of Chillon” and “Darkness” by Byron, and Coleridge’s “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” are all eerie and deeply unsettling in the best way; for something less haunting, try “Ode on a Grecian Urn” or “On First Looking Into Chapman’s Homer” by Keats, “Ode to the West Wind” by Shelley, and “The Eolian Harp” by Coleridge (and, of course, “Kubla Khan” by Coleridge too).

I also love Gerard Manley Hopkins, even though it’s pretty much impossible to tell what he’s talking about on the first read-through of any given poem. But I mean, depending on how you feel re: religion/Christianity that may not be a bad thing, because he was one of those Catholics that are like “deeply tormented by the degree of my religious devotion (and how it plays into my undiagnosed depression and anxiety) but also trying to find comfort in that same religion” (...which may be a very specific description but like. young!me felt that). Regardless, though, even if you’re not comfy with that kind of Christianity, and even if you can’t figure out “as kingfishers catch fire” or “the windhover,” just--you don’t need to understand them? Like:

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame; as tumbled over rim in roundy wells stones ring; as each tucked string tells, each hung bell’s bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name, each mortal thing does one thing and the same...

That’s just gorgeous. At least, I think so, so I recommend Hopkins. He also has some really good depression poems, but those are more explicitly “tormented Catholic,” so like. I’m not saying don’t read his sonnets of suffering, because for me they’re more cathartic than triggering most times--but if you want to steer clear of that I recommend still reading “The Caged Skylark,” “The Windhover,” and if you’re ok with overt mentions of Christianity also “as kingfishers catch fire,” “Pied Beauty” and “God’s Grandeur.” This has been an unofficial Best of Hopkins playlist recommendation by Linden.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning is a name you might’ve heard, but she’s mostly known for “how do I love thee? let me count the ways,” which is an excellent poem but also a huge disservice to her as a poet. If you’re interested at all in 19th-century feminism, excellent poetry, and/or willing to slog through a long one, check out Aurora Leigh.

Also Christina Rosetti!! A very cool human being and “Goblin Market” is like, a cult classic among a sub-subcategory of english literary scholarship, because it’s so creative and gorgeous to read and also such a revolutionary (for her time) commentary on female value and sexuality. Also 19th century, so bear in mind that it’s,, well actually it’s probably still revolutionary for our time, a little bit, in some circles. But it shouldn’t be, and it’s still certainly bound by the limitations of 19th-century expectations of femininity, so like, I wouldn’t hold it up as an example of modern feminist ideals, it’s just a v cool exploration of feminine sexuality, transgression and redemption in a society that was very firmly of the “once spoiled, ever soiled” mentality.

And finally we can’t forget Oscar Wilde. This is not strictly poetry but he had a similar gift for language as the Romantics--see if you can find a copy of De Profundis, the letter he wrote from prison. It’s, again, not poetry, but the way it reads will definitely help you develop your voice if you want to build in the direction of “vivid imagery without actually describing any images.” Oscar Wilde is an,, interesting human being to learn about, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t neurotypical; the way he saw the world was so unique, and sometimes that wasn’t a good thing re: how he treated people, but the way he thought and the way he described everything--it’s just. It may not always have been good, but it was always breathtakingly beautiful.

Sorry, this got quite long :P anyway I am always down to natter at length about 17th-19th century writers, and especially poets!! Unfortunately I don’t know much re: modern poetry, so if anyone wants to add more recent (or even, heaven forbid, still living) poets to this list please feel free to do so!!

**Also like!! I just realized some of this might come off as pretentious (“I can, at least”) and that is not at all my intention. If you don’t like these poets/don’t find their works as beautiful/vivid as I do you’re VALID poetry is highly subjective because it relies on minimal words to convey highly complex imagery and ideas, so depending on what associations individuals have with those words, every given poem has a different effect on different people. This is my personal taste but it might not be yours and that’s not a sign of superiority on either of our parts, it’s just how the English language and art as a whole works and that’s cool and okay!

#poetry #literature #poets #byron #coleridge #keats #shelley #shelley was a terrible human being imo but there's no denying the man had a GIFT for writing poetry #rosetti #barrett browning #hopkins #i LOVE hopkins i still think i'd call him my favourite poet full stop #oscar wilde #linden writes an essay #ask linden #hhhh i really hope this didn't come off as pretentious or condescending #i get really excited about things but sometimes that means i forget to check my tone #lmk if i'm rude anywhere here plz!

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lesbeet · 4 years

Note

Hi! Just out of curiosity, which of those writing tips did you like, and which ones did you not agree with? I've seen a lot of them before and thought they were pretty common tips

i'm sure this is more than you were asking for but i'm just gonna go through em one by one and add a bit of commentary bc i have nothing better to do

1. every character’s first line should be an introduction to who they are as a person

generally a good rule to follow - personally, i try to make every element of my writing work on more than one level. dialogue for the most part should be used to reveal character (as opposed to exposition). like, obviously sometimes characters will reveal information aloud to each other which advances the plot, but well-written dialogue for a well-rounded character should reveal some combination of information that character intends to communicate as well as some information they don't (eg someone saying one thing and their body language or expression saying something else, which not only provides the information the reader needs, but also provides information about how that character wants to appear to others vs how they actually are/how they actually appear, etc)

2. even if you only wrote one sentence on a really bad day, that’s still one sentence more than you had yesterday

yes 100000%

3. exercise restraint when using swear words and extra punctuation in order for them to pack a punch when you do use them

i'm ehh about the swear words part bc they can be used to demonstrate character info, but definitely re: exclamation points and the like. idk if by "extra punctuation" they mean like "!!" which is something i personally never do - exclamation points should be used sparingly as is, but if what you're writing requires more than one right next to each other, your dialogue isn't strong enough.

4. if your characters have to kiss to show they’re in love, then they’re not in love

absolutely

5. make every scene interesting (or make every scene your favorite scene), otherwise your readers will be just as bored as you

easier said than done, but a good goal

6. if you’re stuck on a scene, delete the last line you wrote and go in a different direction, or leave in brackets as placeholders

this one is a good piece of advice, but ive seen people say (and have found out for myself) that usually the problem is further back than the most recent line you've written. rarely do you detect the problem so soon after you write it, so it helps to go even further back in the scene to find where things got muddled

7. don’t compare your first draft to published books that could be anywhere from 3rd to 103rd drafts

this is one of the most difficult items on the list and also one of the most important lol

8. i promise you the story you want to tell can fit into 100k words or less

sure, but Can doesn't necessarily mean Should. concision is the best practice, especially for less experienced writers (and i include myself in that), but i would caution that some stories work better with a little bloat or with a tasteful amount of subplot or scene that doesn't necessarily move the plot forward; however, you still need to be able to justify a scene's inclusion in the story. if it's not advancing the primary plot, it should be advancing a subplot and/or revealing more about character or even some slight worldbuilding.

i hate to mention jk rowling here because she's not that great of a writer, but think of all the people who talk about how much they love the scenes that don't show much more than the hogwarts daily grind. studying in the common room, meals, classes, just adding to the worldbuilding of hogwarts and student life and showing us what the main characters do when they're not saving the world or trying to solve a mystery. the hp books would be significantly shorter without those scenes and maybe readers wouldn't have even noticed if they'd never been added to begin with, but so many people (again, including me) love and appreciate those scenes. they make the world and the characters feel more real, more relatable, etc.

this one got long (lol irony) but basically, shooting for an arbitrary number of words should really only be a rough estimate (also unfortunately if you're trying to get picked up by a publisher then you're probably better off sticking to the status quo of your particular genre in terms of average word count). take out what isn't necessary, but maybe open up your definition of "necessary" - just a little (seriously, just a little)

9. sometimes the book isn’t working because it’s not ready to be written or you’re not ready to write it yet; let it marinate for a bit so the idea can develop as you become a better writer

idk how i feel about this. im good with writing a draft and then taking a break for a while before going back to it, but this just seems like a really effective excuse for not writing something.

maybe it's just how this tip is phrased idk i just feel like the idea of you or the story "not being ready yet" is kinda silly. if you've been hacking away for a while and getting nothing out of it but frustration, then yeah take a week or two off. but this makes it sound like "oh you haven't matured enough to tell this story yet. try again in a few years." imo it's always better to write a steaming pile of shit and make it better through editing than to put it off until you feel "ready" - bc, at least in my own experience, it's very easy to convince yourself that you're not ready yet instead of taking the plunge and just getting started

10. a story written in chronological order takes a lot more discipline and is usually easier to understand than a story written with flashbacks

this one is confusing to me bc i'm not sure if they're referring to the writing process or the story itself. i agree that writing it in chronological order takes more discipline than writing whatever scene tickles your fancy at a given moment, but just because you WRITE it in chronological order doesn't mean the final product has to be structured that way. likewise, chronological order is usually easier for a reader to follow, but you don't necessarily need to WRITE the story in order. do what works best for you.

personally ive found over time that i prefer to go in order unless i get stuck somewhere, in which case ill move on and go back to it later. so there are a lot of holes in my drafts, but i do try to write in order so the timeline of the story stays clear in my mind, and also so i can get up close and personal with the mechanics of the story, like how different events and scenes lead to what happens next, etc. and like the tip mentions, it's a fantastic disciplinary practice - otherwise you could write all the fun/easy scenes and be left with very little motivation to write the more complex or less favored scenes (which, contrary to that tip up there, are sometimes necessary even if they're not AS exciting as others)

as usual sorry my answer was so long djsksksksk

#answered #anonymous #wref #long post //

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cawsaurus · 4 years

Text

Adventures in watching The Terror when you’re legitimately face-blind

Re-rewatching Horrible from Supper

Aw, watch Young alive and well, talking with THartnell in the flashback scene

The first time I watched this episode I could tell there was something wrong with (Real) Hickey's face/hair, but assumed that my face-blindness was playing tricks on me and dismissed it.

Ah, yes, the crew filling the boats with *checks notes* cutlery and furniture. Fitzjames notes this, and perhaps inspired by the resource waste that was the Carnival, is against it.

Manson is hopeful that the Little’s party might have dinner ready for them, but is dismissed by a very pessimistic Gibson. THartnell disapproves of this and glares at Gibson, but continues working.

This is the first time I successfully recognized Armitage!!!! He's talking with a Robert Golding (???) who I've literally never noticed before.

Tozer knows well that when you're being pursued by a bear you don't need to outrun the bear, but the person next to you. And he hopes that the person next to him happens to be Hickey. He doesn't seem to think much of him at this point, and yet a few moments later he agrees to join him.

Gibson is also skeptical about the Inuit helping them.

Morfin is looking like shit. Collins rushes to help him carry Goodsir's stuff... which allows him to hear Goodsir as he tells Bridgens about possible treatments for Morfin's illness. Coca wine, huh?

Hickey still can't lie worth shit, but is VERY good at leveraging people's moments of vulnerability. Here he has Gibson be the one to suggest they leave the others behind. Also present: Manson, Tozer, Armitage, Golding. And thus the core group of the mutineers is established.

Gibson mentions there are 40 men in their party, the other 50 were sent with Little to set up an outpost. So there’s just 90 people left? It should be 105.

Tozer suggests they wait until they're on land to leave, so the rest of the group will help them haul the supplies through the ice

Hickey already aiming for rank here

I see 7 men being left behind in the ship

They leave the ship on April 22 1948

Compare Ross the elder riding atop a boat during his march vs Crozier hauling with his crew

Blanky compliments THartnell's eye for reading the ice. In a different world where THartnell lived, would he have become an ice master?

Hickey watches Hodgson consideringly. What does Hickey see? Is this related to Crozier complimenting THartnell?

Shipping aside, I don't think Collins and Goodsir where close before this point because:

COLLINS (When told to open up): I've tried, sir. GOODSIR: Well, you haven't tried with me.

Some excellent active listening from Goodsir. Can recognize some techniques. However he's overwhelmed by Collins explanation. He wasn’t ready for it.

The way Crozier puts Goodsir under his wing ("We share a burden, you and I, keeping this (the secret of the tins)") reminds me of how how he praises THartnell. I get the feeling Crozier is very conscious of how important it is to build relationships with the crew. If only he had had more time I think he could have prevented the mutiny

I like to think that Hickey is gleeful that someone is agreeing with him at last that the dog is being treated better than them. This is probably the point where he gets the idea to eat Neptune. The discord server confirms the men having lunch with him are Armitage and Pilkington.

Hickey catches Goodsir dragging Silna out of the line for food.

Morfin and Tozer are the ones to find out the rescue mission failed. Fitzjames confirms that they only made it 18 miles before dying. I see at least 5 corpses.

Crozier wanted to go with Fitzjames over the ice wall before the others in case there were any other unpleasant discoveries at the other side e.g. Little's party not making it

Crozier asks Little indirectly if he saw the rescue party. He's not going to tell him?

Right away Tozer wants to arm more men. He suggests Armitage, Crispe, Manson, Seeley, Coombs, and lastly Hickey. If you add Gibson, Golding and Pilkington to that list, that's 10 people total that are on the mutineer’s side. Hodgson will later reluctantly join them (11 people)

Crozier is suspicious.

There are only 8 marines left.

CROZIER (pointedly, to Tozer): It's going to be difficult to surprise us on such level ground, hm?

Crozier memorized where everyone was from to be able to use it at key moments. Here he uses it to try and convince Morfin to stay alive.

Morfin commits suicide by Tozer :(

Between the sledge party (~5?), the men left in the ships (7) and Morfin, the body count for this episode is now at 13. Later Hickey will stab 2 people, bringing it up to 15.

THartnell reaches out to comfort Goodsir, but Goodsir shrugs him off

By the way Goodsir is hyperventilating it looks like he's having a panic attack. Thank God Silna is there to comfort him.

Crozier asks THartnell to find out who else helped Hickey get Silna

After Jopson complains about Crozier shaving his job away:

CROZIER: I need to hold a command meeting this morning for Captain Fitzjames ande the lieutenants. I'll let you gather them. JOPSON (with the slightlest hint of sarcasm): Oh, thank you very much, sir.

Jopson is such a little shit, I love him so much.

While the other officers discuss the situation with the tin cans, Hodgson is send out with THartnell and Manson to bury Morfin. He peers down at the little mound under which Morfin lays.

And then he comes back and finds out they had a big talk without him and that Jopson was promoted. A steward! Promoted to lieutenant!

(#OfficePolitics)

And that... that's the moment of vulnerability Hickey exploits.

Hickey doesn't tell Hodgson what happened to Morfin. He asks him. He's most successful when he lets others talk.

Hickey says the food would be divided into "nearly a hundred portions", so there's less than 100 people alive at this point.

HODGSON: God, blind me.

He's so ridiculously Victorian.

Was there ever a more Hickey sentence than "Survival is a nasty piece of business, but we do what we have to do."

I like that Hickey recognizes he's more suited to be a powerful man's right hand man. He likes running things from the shadows.

Why does Hodgson send Hickey with Irving???

Hickey has to adapt here. By his expression I don't think he was planning on encountering those Inuit at that point (and how could he be?) I think he decided to kill the other two on the spot.

#the terror

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walker-journal · 5 years

Note

Hottest people in White Crest?

Dude, you’re made of thought, what could that question even mean to you? You don’t have glands or any way to feel sexual attraction. Are you just trying to drive me stir crazy through horniness so I’ll run outside these defenses. Or are you legit serious?

Like if I described Penelope, her litheness, how I want to run my hands along the gentle slope of her hips, what does that even mean to you? What if I made it more complicated, like the fact that she can handle herself adds to that desire, how its a nice change flirt with someone I’ll won’t have to protect when shit goes down? But despite knowing she’s more powerful then ill ever be, I still kinna worry about her anyway sometimes?

Bone structure, the tension between unequal power in relations between people? You're a fucking ghost octopus.

Would it do any good If I tried to describe why Blanche makes concentrating on Math so hard. You have no slender shoulders that the lead the eyes down, down and down, until algebra is the farthest thing from a guys thoughts. Do you even know why girls that’ll look me in eye and not just yield to whatever I want can be arousing in a way I’m not used to?

Yeah I know, that’s not what my dreams probably say. But humans are an ugly awkward mix of both meat and spirit, so we’re good at wanting opposing things at the same time.

Can a being who technically never physically moves really appreciate kicking a ball around with Shiloh, admiring the way she moves and legwork in way that's not uh, conducive to actually winning the skirmish? Could a figment of thought relate to the whole process of disappointment and acceptance that comes after learning she’ll never desire me back?

You gotta understand, that doesn’t make her less beautiful in the human sense. Not having the proper brain/gland make up to physically want Ricky or Winn doesn’t make their ridiculous sweaty-muscle-beach-nuke level of man-studness any less obvious. Just like the fact that Lucas and Orion seem too shy to properly leverage all the higher-brow-then-Adam vintage sex appeal, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

It’s an male monkey acknowledgment thing, if that helps you at all dream squid. Like Noah’s fucking Hawaiian gorgeous which is why him talking about girls that I also have an interest in, brings on jealous murder-rage during boxing. That Kaden is some kind of Beastmaserr-Highlander man-slice is legit annoying. Though the knowing that Alain’s deep daddy-pool eyes probably cause all the soccer-moms at patronizing the garage to whisper “Grease me too!” isn’t as threatening. Its a context thing.

Asher is like some dangerous genetic experiment that combined James Bond with John Wayne, i’ve just accepted I can’t match that level of testosterone fusion reaction.

And yeah, Kaden’s disapproving cock-blockery only makes Regan more attractive. Not that she needed it. I can’t really explain to a spirit-vampire-thing why a deeply professional lady that's quadratically smarter then me would accentuate being the hottest doctor in existence.

Yeah want to be a role model to Athena but like, dayum, seeing the sorority lioness makes me want tother less exemplary things. The fact that she’s also a badass is also a big big plus in the bull moose throughts department. Also being freakishly strong as I am and having to be very …very…careful in certain intimate scenarios with ladies, someone like as strong as me that has Two X chromosomes, definitely a draw.

I know a creature like you can’t imagine “the talk” in teenage years with my ex-marine dad clearing his throat awkwardly and leading with like “So uh, your’re ripping doors off hinges, pulverizing phones while typing to fast, growing hair in weird places, and are probably figuring out that thing between you legs ain't just for watering the grass….sooooo…lets talk about how guys like us can be with a woman without breaking all her bones.

Thats one blessing of being a bodiless spirit, never having to hear your Dad say that. You are very very lucky Dream-eye.

Also uh an ignore all those dreams about the drop-dead gorgeous Beatrice, her sister, and me in a hot tub. Um, I probably need to like, talk to a Rabbi about those.

#Anonymous

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junker-town · 4 years

Text

Here are 9 of the most badass animals ever to swim

Art by Tyson Whiting

Say hello to some horrifying sea monsters

This article was originally published on SB Nation a while ago, but was always intended for a Secret Base-y audience. So if you haven’t seen it yet, here you go!

The Earth has some very cool aquatic predators swimming about. Thanks to their intelligence and pack-hunting techniques, orcas are, perhaps, the most dangerous hunters ever to swim the ocean. Saltwater crocodiles are bulletproof murder tanks. And the great white shark, of course, needs no introduction. But now that we’re talking about terrifying underwater murder-beasts, why just settle for just the ones we have around now?

Underwater murder-beasts have a long and distinguished (pre-)history, and I thought it would be fun to introduce y’all to some new pals. TO THE IMAGINARY TIME MACHINE!

Temnodontosaurus eurycephalus

Grumpy croco-dolphin

Ichthyosaurs evolved 250 million years ago. In the aftermath of the Permian extinction, which killed off a frankly horrifying number of creatures, a group of terrestrial reptiles took to the depleted seas. Fast-forward a little bit and you have primitive ichthyosaurs, creatures so well adapted to oceanic life that they ended up looking like a cross between a crocodile and an extremely ill-tempered, extremely large dolphin.

Fast-forward even further, to the early Jurassic (175 million years ago), and you have Temnodontosaurus eurycephalus. It’s not the largest ichthyosaur ever to grace the seas, but it’s up there, and it’s a far more developed predator than its giant forebears. Somewhere around 30 feet long, T. emnodontosaurus was a powerful swimmer with strong jaws, well-equipped to chow down on other Jurassic swimmers. One closely-related species possessed the largest eyes of any known animal, perfect for hunting in deeper oceanic waters; another has been found with the remains of a different ichthyosaur in is stomach.

This monster considered 13-foot oceanic reptiles a delicious snack. It was also fast. Spare a thought for the poor ocean-going creatures minding their own business before one of these huge assholes rams into them from below at speed, opens those long, toothy jaws and turns them into lunch.

Deinosuchus hatcheri

Dinosaur hunter

Take a saltwater crocodile. Actually, it’s probably best not to. They are, after all, 20-foot, 2,000-pound apex predators more than happy to eat anything they come across, including you. Salties are strong, fast and surprisingly smart. They are at home in the open ocean as well as along the coast. Like all crocodiles, they’re ambush predators who use water as cover to attack their prey. Unlike most crocodiles they’re capable of jumping clear out of the water to get to it. They have the strongest bite of any living animal.

Right. Now that you have a saltwater crocodile in your head, make one, oh, twice as big. Yeah, like that. Decently boat-sized. Terrifying teeth in terrifying, dino-crushing jaws. Armored skin thick enough to turn aside more or less anything.

Your terrifying vision is Deinosuchus hatcheri, a crocodile adapted to more or less the exact same situation as a modern saltwater but in a world inhabited by giant dinosaurs. During the late Cretaceous (80 million years ago), North America was split by a shallow sea, the Western Interior Seaway. D. hatcheri was present on both the western side of the seaway (a slightly smaller species dominated the east), happily chowing through dinosaurs who were foolish enough to get too close.

Anomalocaris canadensis

Nightmare Shrimp

So far we’ve had a dolphin analogue in Temnodontosaurus and an actual crocodile. Cool, but nowhere near the sort of weirdness the past can provide. So let’s go to the deep, deep past, revealed wonderfully by the Burgess Shale. Here we shall find the NIGHTMARE SHRIMP.

One of the problems with studying the very earliest phase of animal life — we’re talking half a billion years at this point — is that it’s squishy, and squishy is not of much benefit when it comes to preserving fossils. Thanks to a fluke of geology, the conditions that produced the Burgess Shale were also capable of preserving soft tissue, giving palaeontologists a rare chance to look into what the seas looked like during the first days of the animal kingdom.

They looked extremely weird. The fauna found in the Burgess Shale was almost obnoxiously uncategorisable. One famous example is the worm Hallucigenia, which so confused everyone involved that it was reconstructed upside-down for the better part of a decade. Another is Opabinia, which looks sort of like a five-eyed miniature vacuum cleaner. I promise I am not making this up.

Anyway, all these critters were apparently food for the ocean’s first proper predator.

With good eyes set on flexible stalks and a surprising turn of speed, Anomalocaris canadensis cruised the Pre-Cambrian seas in death-shrimp mode. It was a full meter long, dwarfing most of its companions in the Burgess Shale. It was also delightfully strange-looking. It is so odd, in fact, that when it was discovered its various body parts were assigned to several different animals.

A. canadensis would be higher on this list if we could be sure of what it actually ate. Long-held to be a trilobite-hunter, recent studies have shown it would probably have had to restrict itself to soft-bodied prey due to relatively flimsy mouthparts, and therefore could only have actually eaten a trilobite just after a moult. But it’s much more fun to imagine this guy roaming the seafloor chomping down on everything, so that’s what we’ll do.

Disclaimer: an old friend of mine is a paleontologist who specializes in the Burgess Shale fossils. I did not contact him for this story, because I am consumed by envy whenever I so much as think about him.

Cameroceras

Spiky death-squid

Back in the Palaeozoic and Mesozoic, cephalopods were armored critters, much like our modern nautilus. The most famous of them, and one of the most widely known extinct animals ever, is the spiral-shelled ammonite. Since they had hard shells, they’re extremely common in marine strata. They also got surprisingly large. The biggest-known ammonite was two meters across. Imagine that thing trying to swim.

Ammonites weren’t the only armored cephalopod prowling the ancient seas, however. The orthocones were straight-shelled versions, and some of those got really, really big. Like Cameroceras. Current estimates put Cameroceras’s shell at upwards of six meters long. That’s three average-sized men stacked on each others’ shoulders.

Somehow this monster was still able to get about in the Ordovician seas. It’s quite hard to imagine it chasing anything around, so it presumably surprised trilobites etc. at nighttime or dug it out of the mud, but since paleoecology is at least in part about imagination, right now I’m enjoying Cameroceras retracting its head deep into its shell and pretending to be a cave before trying to eat whatever entered. It wouldn’t be quite big enough to swallow the Millennium Falcon, buuuuuuuuut ...

Carcharocles megalodon

The shark that eats planets

Megalodon needs no introduction. The great white shark has a profound hold on popular culture, but its long-gone big sister isn’t far behind. Megalodon made even the most vicious shark in today’s seas look like a toy. Since sharks are mostly soft tissue, they don’t fossilize as well as we’d like, but their teeth do, and Megalodon’s tell a terrifying story.

Megalodon died out only relatively recently. It wasn’t quite contemporaneous with human beings, but its extinction was recent enough that there are plenty of folks willing to tell tall tales of how it might still be swimming somewhere in the depths of the ocean. If it was, probably best not to get anywhere near it — a Megalodon may have had a bite force of up to 10 times the strength of a great white. That’d be a bad day.

What were those huge jaws for? Whales. Apparently, these things liked to swim up from underneath its prey and bite through their chest to reach their internal organs. The ability to kill a whole-ass whale with one bite is honestly horrifying, even if whales in Megalodon’s day were a little smaller than the current batch of great rorquals.

Jaekelopterus rhenaniae

Sea Scorpion

Did you know ‘sea scorpions’ were a thing? Sea scorpions were a thing. Since eurypterids (to give them their proper name) went extinct hundreds of millions of years ago, we don’t have very good comparisons for what these things were like. So let’s get creative. Let’s take a lobster. Despite their ferocious armament, lobsters are relatively placid creatures. They’re not averse to grabbing a fish here or a mollusk there, but they’re not built for hunting. Let’s make the required tweaks.

We need to add eyes. Let’s make them big and sensitive and set for stereoscopic vision, which allows those pincers to be used more effectively to grab prey. Let’s make them better swimmers, too — we’ll add some paddles for agility and short bursts of speed. Let’s make their claws spikier, just for sheer scare value.

Oh and let’s make them 10 feet long and perfectly happy to eat you alive. Now you have a Jaekelopterus. Aren’t you glad they’re dead?

Dunkleosteus terrelli

A, uh, fish-tank

When evolution first came up with bone, it got a little bit carried away. Well, a lot carried away. The era of armored fishes is one of the most fabulously strange in the entire history of the planet. (A personal favorite of mine is Lunapsis, which looks like a fish had a baby with Batman’s utility belt.) With bone-plated heads and upper bodies, these fish probably didn’t swim very well, but who cares? They looked cool as hell, and with that body armor they were well protected against predators.

Which, as it turns out, is the sort of inspiration nature needs to come up with some better predators*. Enter Dunkleosteus, a monster armored fish with a set of jaws which could rip straight through the armor of any other fish slowly swimming through the Devonian ocean. Known to be 20 feet long, it didn’t really have teeth so much as a huge bony beak, which honestly makes the whole contraption even more frightening, like some sort of mobile oceanic guillotine.

*I’m being overly teleological here. Forgive me. Nature, of course, does not ‘come up with’ anything.

Mosasaurus hoffmanni

For whatever reason, the fauna of Cretaceous period got big. Really, really big. On land, we had Tyrannosaurus Rex. In the skies, azhdarchids the size of small aircraft coasted from thermal to thermal. And in the shallow seas, we had another monster: Mosasaurus.

Mosasaurus was essentially an enormous — estimates have it as almost 60 feet long — ocean-going lizard. Its legs were replaced with bladed paddles for maneuverability and it had a powerful tail for direct propulsion. Mosasaurus ate everything it could get in its mouth, which was a) double-hinged for extra capacity and b) already pretty capacious to begin with.

It would have hung around near the surface of the ocean, where there was an abundance of prey. Mosasaurus could have waited for other marine reptiles (such as Archelon, the largest turtle known) to come up to breathe, grab low-flying pterosaurs on fishing expeditions, or simply have picked off the many large fish that swam the Cretaceous seas.

Livyatan Melvilli

Moby-Dick’s even-scarier dad

In 1820, the Essex was lost in the southern Pacific Ocean. The ship had been sent out to hunt for sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus, since you asked), but soon had the tables turned when it was attacked and sunk by a ferocious bull. Of the 20 crew, only eight survived, and the incident went on to inspire a famous book about whales which you may have heard of.

What you probably haven’t heard of is Livyatan. Modern sperm whales are enormous creatures, but very rare boat attacks aside, they’re only really dangerous to their favorite prey, deep-swimming squid. But not so long ago, geographically speaking, there were also a group of ‘macroraptorial’ sperm whales. These didn’t eat squid. Instead, they competed with Megalodon to hunt other great whales.

Livyatan’s teeth are some of the most awe-inspiring fossils in the world. The biggest ones are 12 inches long and look like artillery shells. Estimates have Livyatan as sitting a touch smaller than its modern friends, but those teeth indicate that it would have been significantly more vicious, fully capable of cutting a sperm whale into very bloody chunks.

It’s not clear whether or not Livyatan hunted alone or in packs, like a modern killer whale, but it had the power and size to be able to plausibly compete with Megalodon even solo. The crew of the Essex found out that a bull sperm whale could be a formidable opponent; one suspects Livyatan would have left even fewer survivors.

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crazyrandomfucker · 4 years

Text

Marichat May day 6: Hold my baton

Summary:

After battling an akuma, Marin and Kitty Noire get stranded on a deserted island, isolated from society and without a hope to return.

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No one knew what had happened. One moment, the heroes were fighting against the latest akumatization victim like usual. The next thing they knew wasthat Lordbug, Kitty Noire and the akuma were gone and no one knew where. The fight had started as usual. The akumatized victim was causing havoc and the superheroes answered to the call to fight it. Given that the akuma was a tricky one due to its slimy fluid body and its spraying attacks that released a sticky liquid which solidified in seconds trapping people, Ladybug momentarily ran from the fight to bring Pegasi and Sleipnir as reinforcements, in order to trap the akuma in an endless fall between portals so the akumatized object could be safely extracted with a swift movement from Lordbug's yoyo.

At least, that was the original idea. When Ladybug returned with the Horse superheroes, Kitty Noire, Lordbug and Chat Noir were struggling to dogde the spraying attacks of the akuma. Unfortunately, the akuma managed to land its sticky fluid on Kitty's Cataclysm hand, getting it stucked onto her baton. Chat Noir went to Cataclysm the substace and free Kitty Noire, unaware that the akuma was fixated on him. Lordbug tried to stop Chat to avoid the akuma's attack, but the akuma was too fast and struck Chat Noir in his chest and sent him flying towards Pegasi and Slepinir, with the bad luck that Chat Noir accidentaly Cataclysmed Pegasi's miraculous. Instead of turning to dust, the miraculous went haywire and began creating random portals around while Pegasi was revolving in the floor suffering an excruciating pain while countless images of places flooded his mind filling it to the brim.

Without giving enough room for the superheroes to react, the akuma attacked Lordbug swiftly throwing itself onto the superhero, who reacted a bit too slow and had to struggle to get free from the akuma's hold. Quick on her feet, Kitty Noire jumped on them and forcefully stripped the akuma from Lordbug's face, throwing it aside. But the akuma refused to stay put and launched itself again pushing Kitty Noire and Kitty Noire to the floor. Except that they didn't fall into the floor. Just before they landed, a portal opened underneath them and egulfed them before hastily closing itself once again, severing a part of the akuma. The part of the akuma melted onto the floor only leaving behind an object. One of Lordbug's earrings.

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When Kitty Noire woke up, she was alone on an unknown place that seemed to be a jungle. Neither Lordbug or the Akuma were at sight, nor was anything that seemed to be potentially dangeroues at first sight. She tried to stand up, but she wasn't standing on the floor, she was laying on the branches of a tree and her tail was stuck on one, not eveng letting her turn around to free her tail with her spare hand. At least she could move her head to search for inminent threats and help, if she wasn't alone wherever she was supposed to be. After some minutes, she noticed that above her was a boy covered in branches that she had earlier confused with a big nest of some sort of bird and she decided to get his attention by extending her baton and poking him. The boy was apparently out, because he didn't react the first times Kitty poked him, but then he finally recovered his consciousness and she saw his face.

"Marin?" calls Kitty Noire confused. "Marin is that you?"

"Kitty Noire? Where are we?" asks Marin looking at his surroundings.

"I don't know, I woke up here a bunch of minutes ago and saw you up there" says Kitty Noire. "I would love to go up there and get you down, but my tail is stuck and I can't reach it".

"How did we end up here?" asks Marin.

"I don't know, an akuma attacked Lordbug and me and I was knocked out, the next thing I knew is that I was here and then I saw you up there" explains Kitty Noire. "If my hunch is correct, Lordbug must be around here and will eventually get us".

"Wait a minute" says Marin as he puts his hand on his ear and instantly backs off. "Shit! My ear! It's bleeding and my earring is gone!"

"Crap! We need to clean that injury then!" says Kitty frantically trying to get free to no avail. "Where in heavens is Lordbug?!"

"He's not coming Kitty!" says Marin, seeing no options but too reveal the truth.

"What do you mean he's not coming! You can't know that! He and I fell at the same time!" says Kitty.

"I know he's not coming because I'm Lordbug! But one of my earrings is gone!" exclaims Marin.

"What?! Marin, this is no time to be joking!" exclaims Kitty Noire, unable to accept that.

"I'm not joking dammit! I would love to prove it to you, but as you can see, I don't have my miraculous!" exclaims Marin.

"OH MY GOD!" exclaims Kitty. "IT CAN'T BE! All this fucking years and I never guessed it!"

"It's not time to freak out Kitty!" urges Marin. "The akuma could be near!"

"Then get us out of here! You're the brains of our duo and I'm the brawns!" replies Kitty.

"I don't have my yoyo or my powers! If I try to come down I'd fal to my death!" retorts Marin.

"Well, I have one hand stuck to my baton and my tail stuck to the tree, I can't move for sure!" says Kitty.

"Wait, you still have your baton stuck in your hand? Extend it all the way to the floor and to me!" says Marin with an idea. "That way I can go down and get you out of there!"

"See? I knew you could think of a plan!" says Kitty Noire happy. She extends her baton to the floor and gets it fixed before extending it to Marin, who grabbed it and went down to Kitty's level.

"Okay, let's get your tail out of this branch" says Marin as he works with his hands.

"Thank you M'Lord, oor should I call you Prince Charming now?" asks Kitty teasingly.

"Keep your teasing for later, neither of us want me to be distracted right now and fall down" says Marin serious.

"You're right as always" says Kitty Noire. "Perhaps you should hhave focused on sterilizing that ear first, now that I'm looking at it I don't think that it looks quite good".

"I couldn't simply leave you here Kitty, we're a team, remember?" says Marin finishing and getting on the branch. "Now you're free, try to stand up without making me fall please".

"Of course, I wouldn't want to loose my pastry rights" jokes Kitty Noire.

"If we get out of here, I'll make sure to give you a thousand macarons" says Marin. "But get us out of this tree before the akuma finds us".

"Are we even sure that the akuma is around? Maybe the akuma wasn't teleported with us and we'll get back to Paris after Ladybug defeats-" says Kitty but then a realitzation comes to her. "HOLY SHIT! IF YOU'RE LORDBUG THEN LADYBUG IS MARI!"

"Yes, but that's not helping us to get down Kitty and we don't even know if Marinette will be able to get us back" says Marin.

"Ok, priorities" says Kitty Noire slapping herself. She picks Marin and gets themselves to the floor. "We have to clean the wound on your ear and sterilize it".

"You can let me down you know" says Marin still being carried bridal-style.

"Right! Right" says Kitty leeting him down. "I think I'm hearing something in that direction, it could be water".

"Let's go that way then" says Marin. "After you".

After walking for five minutes the reach a river with a bunch of bamboo on the other riverside. "Bamboo? If I recall correctly, it doesn't grows anywhere in europe, so I'm guessing that wherever we are we're quite far from home" says Kitty Noire.

"But this is great! If we can cut it somehow and make a fire, we can use it as a container for water and sterilize the water" says Marin.

"That's true! I could try to cut it with my nails" says Kitty Noir leaping to the other side. She tries to cut the bamboo with her nails and she lefts the marks of her nails on the bamboo. "This will probably take some time. Could you try to make fire?"

"Now I'm grateful to have seen all of those survival programs" says Marin as he goes off to colect broken branches.

"You actually know how to make fire?" asks surprised Kitty Noire.

"I once lit fire" says Marin. "But that time I had different things to make the fire".

"I hope you succed, we'll need the fire to boil some water if we don't want to get any illness" says Kitty finally cutting a part of bamboo. "Should I try to finde some rocks and do that thing like on TV?"

"No, we would need a flint and a rock rich in iron, so unless you're an expert in rocks, I wouldn't recommed it" says Marin using one of his shoe laces to make a bow. He usese the bow to rotate a stick to start the fire, but he eventually has to stop because his hand can't take it and his ear begins to hurt a lot.

"Don't worry, I'll do it" says Kitty Noire as she picks the bow and the stick and tries again, using more strenght and rotating faster than Marin, managing to have enough friction to produce a sparkle and lit a small fire. She adds some branches to the fire and then makes a hole on the piece of bamboo she had cut.

"I'm sorry for not being of much help" says Marin.

"Don't be, you're of a lot of help to me" says Kitty Noire. "I'm only able to be keeping myself sane because you're with me".

"I'm a- AGH" says Marin as his ear begins to hurt again.

"Okay, we're treating that wound now" says Kitty Noir as she puts some rocks on the fire. "I'm going for water".

Kitty uses the hole she made on the bambo as if ith was the mouth of a bottle and fills it with water. Then, she carefuly uses a couple of sticks as chopsticks to pick up the rocks and put them on the water, making it boil in no time. She carefully lays Marin's head on her lap and pours the hot water (once it has cooled down to safe levels) on his ear, gently massaging it to make sure that the wound is clean. Marin bites strongly a stick to ease the pain until Kitty finishes cleaning his wound. Luckily for him, he didn't had his ear opened in half, but he would have a serious scar on it. Kitty pets his head after his wound is clean, soothing him to help with his pain.

"There there" says Kitty rummaging throught his hair with her fingers. "Everything will be alright".

Marin spits the stick out of his mouth. "I swear to Tekke that if I have to go through that again I'm quiting being Lordbug. Couldn't our miraculous be someting like a bracelet? That wouldn't leave bad injuries" complains Marin.

"Don't think that you'll be quitting on my watch young man, I know where you live" says Kitty booping Marin's cheek.

"Well, Marinette and I will have to renounce our miraculous either way" says Marin looking down. "Now that you know who we are, there's no other option".

"Oh no. Like hell you will" says Kitty angry. "Maybe if Master Fu still was the guardian that would happen, but you two are the guardians now, you have to be Ladybug and Lordbug".

"It's not an option Kitty" says Marin. "It was our duty and I failed".

She grabs his face and gets closer to it. "Look Marin, you either keep being Lordbug or I'll detransform and be naked in front of all Paris, which would cause a huge scandal, trust me".

"Why would you do that!" exclaims Marin surprised. "That's not something you should do!"

"And how will you stop me without your miraculous?" replies Kitty defiantly.

"Why do you even care Kitty? It's not like we'll disappear you know" says Marin.

"Because you're our partners. Chat and I need you two, you can't be replaced by anybody" says Kitty serious.

Marin sighs and turns his head so Kitty doesn't sees him blushing. "Tekke won't be happy about this. I'm sure of it".

"Well, tell Tekke that he can eat my fist if he doesn't agree that you're a great Lordbug" replies Kitty. "You didn't even reveal your identity because you wanted! It was an emergency!".

"Okay, okay, I get it. You win" says Marin. "But you'll tell al that to Marinette".

"Thank you" says Kitty smiling as she kisses Marin's forehead, making him blush.

"I think we should start moving" says Marin standing up to cover his embarrassement.

"Yeah, we should try to search for a refuge before night falls" says Kitty Noire.

"If only we had an axe or a shovel, we could make a small cave or hut" says Marin. "Well, at least I have something useful".

"What is it?" asks Kitty curious.

"My small kit of sewing. That way I can repir my clothes and make some stuff" says Marin getting it out.

"Wait, don't you usually have a bellybag? Don't you have anything useful there?" asks Kitty.

"That's true! I have my Swiss army knife there and if we'relucky, I should still have a lighter" says Marin happy. "Let's go back to where we woke up, it should be somewhere around there".

"Wait, can you hold my baton please? My legs are a bit numb and my head is spinning" says Kitty tumbling.

"Uh oh, I think you should better wait in here and drink some water" says Marin worried. "We don't know how much time we were unconscious so maybe you've began to dehydrate".

"No, I want to go with you" denies Kitty. "Hold my baton".

Marin sighs and then crouches. "Come on, get on my back, it will be better for us if you ride on my back".

Kitty blushes a lot but still gets on Marin, making sure to hold her arms around him. "Thank you".

"You did take care of me, didn't you?" says Marin rubbing it off.

"I wonder for how long we'll be stuck in here" says Kitty Noire changing the subject as she blushes.

"We can't know that" says Marin. "Maybe we'll be for days, maybe my sister will appear anytime soon and bring us back or maybe we'll be stuck in here forever. In which case, we'll need to have some serious talks".

"Talks? Oh, you mean about survival stuff and that" says Kitty. "We'll manage when the time comes".

"I was actually thinking about the fact that we're a boy and a girl alone in who knows where and that I actually love you" thinks Marin blushing a lot, but not daring to correct her.

"I see your bellybag! It's there! On that branch!" says Kitty pointing to it.

"Fantastic! Now we'll have more things we can use! Hey, maybe we can use my phone if it still has some battery left!" says Marin filled with hope.

"That's right! I could try that with my baton too" says Kitty as she opens the interface of her baton, but there's no signal. "No luck, there isn't any signal in here".

"Don't worry, we still have other things we can use" says Marin.

"Hey Marin..." says Kitty. "Am I not too heavy for you?"

"Of course not, you weight like a feather" says Marin and Kitty feels at ease for not causing him problems.

"Where should we go now? Should we return to the river?" asks Kitty.

"That would be our best option, we could use the bamboo as a bottle and some other stuff" says Marin. "Plus if we follow the river we might get to civilitzation or to a beach".

"Good idea, we could find people and maybe somewhere to rest safely!" says Kitty Noire. "Let's get there and I'll make a couple more of bamboo bottles".

"Okay, I will try to make some sort of rope if I manage to unravel the fiber of that plant from where we obtained the tinder from" says Marin.

"That's a good idea, we could use a rope for a lot of things" says Kitty Noire.

"Let's go then" says Marin heading ack to the river.

-------------------

After returning to the river, Kitty made some bottles out of bamboo and filled them with water while Marin sew an improvised bag using big leafs and managed to make five ropes. Aditionally, Kitty Noire decided that it would be a good idea to make a bunch of pots of bamboo just in case the didn't found civilitzation and Marin used some rubbers and leafs to close the bamboo bottles. Once everything was ready, Marin put the bottles, the rope and the pos on the bag and then put the bag on his chest. After that he crouched and offered to give another ride to Kitty Noire, but instead of riding on his back, the feline heroine blushed a lot.

"Um... I think I can walk a bit for now Marin" says Kitty Noire. "But just hold my baton in case I'm not as well as I think I am".

"Alright, we're not leaving here then" says Marin and puts the bag on the floor again. "We're not risking you getting sick and anyways I think it will be dark before we reach somewhere".

"Maybe you're right, we don't know when it will get dark" says Kitty Noire.

"Okay so, if you can, try to gather some big leaves. I'll be making a hammock for tonight since... Well, you know" says Marin blushing at the last part.

"Since what?" asks Kitty curious.

"Since we don't have any blankets we'll have to... Please don't make me say it" says Marin beet red.

"Oh... Right. You're right. I'm right with that" says Kitty Noire blushing a lot. "I- I'll be searching big leaves..."

"Come on Marin, get yourself together" says Marin as he slaps his cheeks to focus. "I'll use three ropes for the structure and maybe I could manage to make thinner ropes to make a sort of net between the outer structure and the middle rope, also using branches in between to add stability, so even if Kitty doesn't finds big leafs we'll be able to rest on the hammock".

Decided, Marin began to unravel more fiber and began to spin it into threads at a vertigionious speed, only foucsed on unraveling and spinning as if the rest of the world had fade, making enough thread to knit four scarfs in the process. One he came back to his senses, he began to build the hammock by putting the three ropes in paralel and sticking branches to the ropes. Then, he used the branches and the ropes as a point of suppart and began to make a net with the thread. Once he had finished, he secured the hammock to a tree, making cuts at the trees to secure the ropes of the hamock. Coincidentally, Kitty Noire also returned with leaves and a couple of things she had found, like berries and mushrooms. Marin checked the mushrooms and threw away the ones neither of them knew. Then he checked the berries while Kitty put the leaves she had found on the hammock, also getting on the hammock to test it.

"Okay, the good news are that we have food for tonight, fire and a hammock that we can bring with us later" says Marin.

"Not bad for to newbies if I say so to myself" says Kitty Noire.

"That's true, but some pros would already have a little hut already and also made a few useful tools" points Marin.

"But we're not pros, so we have to put up with this" says Kitty booping his nose. "Now, let's prepare something for diner, I'm starving".

"Since we only have berries and mushrooms, I'll boil the mushrooms so we also have water to drink afterwards" says Marin as he puts the mushroms on boiling water.

"Wow, you surely know your stuff" says Kitty Noire.

"Well, I had a phase of watchin survival documentaries and wildlife programs on the TV" says Marin rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"Guess I'll have to rely on your opinions then" says Kitty toyingly pushing Marin.

"Hey, I'm no pro at survival, I just know some stuff because of the documentaries, but it won't be that simple" says Marin. "Concretely, food. I'm not sure that we'l be able to hunt big things and we'll most likely have to eat slugs worms and insects".

"Worst come to worst, I'll eat anything you give me. But I'd rather not eat slugs, worms or insects if possible" comments Kitty.

"The mushrooms are ready, let's eat and go to sleep" says Marin.

They ate their foods without hurrying, mainly because it wasn't very tasty due to the lack of condiments, but also because they had nothing else to do. Once they finished, they drank the water where they had cooked the mushrooms and ate the berries as dessert, not that they were very filling, but it was something. After that, they packed everythin on the impovised bag and hanged the bag on a branch to avoid that wild animals would rummage through it. They also dig a hole and put their waste there, just to refill the hole with dirt again also to avoid attrackting animals. Just in case, they added more branches to the fire and then they went to sleep.

It was quite awkward for both, sleeping on one hammock, so close to each other and without anyone else in a radius of five hundred meters. Kitty had to admit that the hammock was far more comfortable than she had ever expected. On the other side neither of them could gather enough sleep to go to dreamland, given that they were very close to each other and they had a crush on the other without the other knowing it. Gathering some courage, Marin asked to Kitty if it was okay with her if he hugged her to preserve their body heat, to which she accepted quite enthusiastically, but in the end Marin basically spooned her as they both melted in happiness and Marin mentally recited some cooking recipes.

"Good night Marin" says Kitty Noire.

"Good night Kitty" says Marin.

"I love you" think both, leaving those unspoken words hang on their minds untill they fall asleep.

#marichatmay2020 #miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #miraculous fanfic #Twins!Au #maybe i'll add more chapters to this one later

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theamberfang · 5 years

Text

Journal 295: Tense

I was feeling pretty stressed today, and there are a variety of potential reasons.

First of all, I essentially began my day pretty late—according to my own schedule anyway. I took a shower at 13:00 and ended up starting to write at 15:00. Getting my body cleaned did help though; if I had never managed the shower, I don’t think I would have managed to write anything at all. Though, while starting late probably exacerbated any anxieties I had, I was likely already stressed in the first place to. (I guess it may have been feeling dirty and really needing that shower.)

Second, there’s the pretty obvious option of it having to do with NaNoWriMo. I managed to draft a little scene last night, so there was definitely an expectation that I would continue today. As is often the case, that expectation may have made me really anxious, and it became especially obvious when I faced it directly.

There’s also the fact that I had the online trans support group tonight. As much as I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need to worry about the video/microphone, it’s still something I’m aware of. If I could stop worrying about things by telling myself I don’t need to, then solving my mental health problems would be so much easier.

The last thing is about tomorrow’s DBSA group, and it’s something I’m not sure if I mentioned last week. Tomorrow, the group is having a sort of early Thanksgiving, since the group is cancelled for actual Thanksgiving. I committed to bringing some food, which mostly involved asking my mom about it. There are two layers to it: that I’m bringing food at all and I’m worrying about what everyone will think about it and that I wanted to participate in cooking it, which means getting out of my comfort zone and being in the kitchen with Mom.

Oh, and the food is beef lumpia, a type of Filipino eggroll. I actually managed to observe my mom doing most of the early prep, so I have a solid grasp of the whole procedure now. She mixed a bunch of ground beef with a variety of chopped vegetables—carrot, onion, bell pepper, garlic, celery—in a bowl. I didn’t watch this part (because apparently the beef was still too cold to continue), but she told me that she was going to add eggs, salt, and pepper before letting it marinate overnight. Tomorrow the plan is to roll them in lumpia wrapper (I think it’s made of rice, but I literally just know it as lumpia wrapper from the packaging) and fry it.

So yeah, all of that may have contributed to me being general anxious and unable to write much. I didn’t even participate much in group tonight. To be fair, there were quite a lot of people this time, but I also felt really tense the whole time.

Part of that tension may have been from a new face (to me) making me feel somewhat uncomfortable, in a way that actually made me grateful that I didn’t have my webcam active because of the way I reacted to them. Primarily, they did seem to indicate that they were high, which might explain a good amount of their offputting behavior—really, a bunch of subtle things that I can’t quite articulate at the moment. What really threw me off was that after admitting they had a crush on a popular celebrity, they then indicated belief that the feeling was mutual.

Now, I’m not meaning to be judgemental. I have at least a rudimentary understanding that more serious mental illnesses can lead to these sorts of delusions (especially when drugs are involved). To be fair though, I’m not a trained professional, so I’m not ready to handle this sort of thing with a straight face. There’s actually a regular in our DBSA group (or at least, he was regular for awhile) who seemed to have similar delusions, but I haven’t been in too many groups with him.

Wrapping Up

Something I would like to try is dropping the times from my schedule. I originally added them as a sort of guideline so that I wouldn’t procrastinate all of my goals to the end of the day, and for a long time I did manage to keep in mind that they were primarily suggestions. Recently though, I feel like I’ve been putting more significance on being “on time” in a way that isn’t helpful.

One theory I just had is that maybe my routine has been thrown off. I stopped doing the whole dancing thing because it left my back hurting one day, and I’ve also stopped doing Khan Academy to focus on NaNoWriMo. I think I should try getting the dancing going again—just with a bit more caution from now on.

Tomorrow’s Tasks

Dance for exercise

NaNoWriMo

DBSA; 1700

Journal

#daily journal #personal #support group

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

hey Steph! I wanted to know if you knew of any fics that dealt with the topic of consent, and very explicit consent, and not even necessarily for sex, but just, explicit consent and conversations of boundaries in a relationship. "hay can I kiss you? it's ok if I hold your hand? can I hold your hand when we're outside?" people talking boundaries, that type of thing... you know anything like that?

Hey Nonny!!

You know, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I do, but I didn’t have the foresight to pre-tag all of them as I read them, so I can’t give you ALL of the ones I have in my bookmarks, but I can definitely give you the fics I do have tagged with “Consent” or “Negotiation”, so I hope that’s okay!!

If any of my Lovelies have any that they remember or have their own fics, PLEASE add them!!

CONSENT AND RELATIONSHIP NEGOTIATION

Personal Space by probablyquantum (T, 1,814 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Cuddles, Nightmares, Awkwardness) – John and Sherlock renegotiate the rules governing personal space. Pre-Slash.

Husband by jinglebell (E, 2,003 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff, Toplock) – Sherlock orgasms when John refers to him as ‘husband’.

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w., 1 Ch. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

Perfect Solo by Itsallfine (E, 2,384 w., 1 Ch., || PWP, Solo Kink, Fantasy, Pining, Dirty Talk, Sex Toys) – Sherlock couldn’t decide how he wanted to have John that night. (The one where Sherlock uses his box of sex toys to take himself apart in every way John might have him.)

Everything by patternofdefiance (E, 4,409 w., 1 Ch. || Snuggles and Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Vulnerable Sherlock) – John wakes up with an armful of Sherlock. This – situation – is unusual, yes, and definitely unfamiliar, but in no way does it feel wrong. Rather, it feels the exact opposite. Part 13 of I Blame Tumblr

Uninhibited by 221b_hound (M, 4,293 w., 1 Ch. || Bathing/Washing, Naked Cuddling, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Big Brother Mycroft, Relationship Negotiation, Massage, Sherlock Has a Low Libido, Pet Names) – Sherlock and John have been apart for the first time since Sherlock returned from the dead. Neither of them has had a good day. John’s gets worse when Mycroft comes to Baker Street in Sherlock’s absence to warn John Watson against disappointing his brother by expecting things to change. Mycroft has misjudged things rather badly. But finally he sods off and leaves John and Sherlock to reconnect, to give and receive comfort, and show each other that they are, indeed, perfectly matched. Part 15 of Unkissed

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

The doctor is in by PlainJane (E, 7,581 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist, Anal, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong… Part 1 of Doctors and detectives

Caves in the Mountains Are Seldom Unoccupied by starrysummernights & TheMadKatter13 (E, 7,925 w., 1 Ch. || Were-Creatures, Werebear John, Pseudo Bestiality, Rimming, Dub Con, Rough Sex, Come Inflation / Eating, Size Kink, PWP, Bratty Sherlock, Rutting) – “This isn’t something to play at, Sherlock,” he snapped. “If it doesn’t work out- what you’re asking of me- we can’t shrug and say ‘oh well, at least we tried’. If we do this… I could seriously hurt you. Do you understand? I could lose control. I could… I could kill you.” (This one is… REALLY REALLY kinky, heavy dub-con warning)

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

Evening Ride by LapisLazuli (E, 8,632 w., 1 Ch. || Public Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Humiliation Kink, Groping, Frottage, Consent Issues, Come Play) – John has a series of unexpected meetings with a stranger on the Tube.

C. sapiens by patternofdefiance (E, 8,813 w., 1 Ch. || Tentacles Porn, Magical Realism, Bottomlock, Anal / Tentacle Sex, Pheremones) – “A few weeks ago I would have thought you were impossible,” Sherlock begins, walking into the kitchen in his blue robe, and John – not quite catching on – wants to scoff and argue, No, actually, you are impossible, but then Sherlock continues: “But now I’d say you are improbable.” John thinks this might be flattering, if he could wrap his head around it, but he can’t – Sherlock is standing near, steaming his sun-baked-clean-sand smell, like the beach after rain, an alive smell, an other smell. It’s intoxicating, and John has been studiously avoiding it, but he can’t shift away now it’s so near. Now Sherlock’s so near. And then Sherlock ruins the probable-loveliness of his words and the definite-beauty of his presence by saying: “And by ‘improbable’ I mean ‘not yet scientifically acknowledged.’” Part 1 of Gifts from the Sea

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w., 1 Ch. || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time, Anal, Fleeting Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewolf and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world’s only consulting detective will be on his own once again…or will he?

Lacuna by coloredink (E, 15,607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Consent Issues, Drama, Amnesia) – God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (E, 81,665 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Talk, Threesomes, Light Dom/Sub, Sex Club, Experiments, Anal, Mildly Dubious Consent) – They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John “Five Oceans” Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – “For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #consent #relationship negotiation #Anonymous

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cancerbiophd · 6 years

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Hi! Sorry if this isn't in your wheelhouse, but I'm a college freshman and I really want to go to grad school for marine biology. But right now I'm super struggling. I have adhd and executive dysfunction is literally destroying my academic career. The quarter is over in 2 weeks and I have a 20% in my English 101 class (my worst subject since elementary). I fear in the short term for this class and in the long term of future classes. Do you have any advice?

Hi anon! Apologies for taking a while to answer this. I’ve been thinking about my answer because as someone who doesn’t have ADHD, I’m probably not the best person to give advice.

But, I do want to say a few things in the hopes it’ll help (and this is US-centric, btw. I can’t speak for the processes of other countries):

You will have 2 different GPAs when you graduate college and apply for grad school in the sciences: one that lumps everything together, including English; and one that’s only for science classes, that doesn’t include English. The admissions team will take both into consideration, but may rely more heavily on your science GPA. So a bad grade in English doesn’t mean grad school is out of the question!

(I also want to add that I failed organic chemistry II in college, and then retook it and got a C, and I still got into grad school. So even a less-than-stellar science GPA isn’t the end to all grad-school-hopes and dreams!)

Going off that, it’s ok to retake classes in college. It’s also ok to withdraw from classes you feel like you’re not doing well in, and then retake them later. I’ve withdrawn from quite a handful of classes in college. Sometimes it just wasn’t the right semester to take a certain class, and that’s ok. And a W on a transcript (for Withdrawn) is better than a D or E.

The GPA is also only one aspect of your application, and you can bolster the rest by having garnered amazing experiences (like volunteering with a research group and getting a paper published with you as a co-author), a solid GRE score (though some schools are phasing out the GRE as a requirement, thank goodness), and strong letters of recommendation. It’s my personal opinion that taking a gap year (or couple) after college to gain experience and focus the application process is a really awesome choice, so you could consider that (it’s what I did!)

You can also mention your ADHD in your application (ie. the personal statement) if you feel you need to explain some aspects, like the grades. You definitely don’t need to if you don’t want to, of course, but it’s an option. Here’s my advice to an anon on whether or not to mention their chronic illness in grad apps (along with a perspective from a (presumable) professor).

I would also suggest talking to your English 101 professor and explain to them everything you just told me, followed by, “I really want to improve my grade and my understanding of the material; do you have any advice for what I should do?” You may not be able to bump your grade all the way up to an A, but something is better than nothing. And if you retake that class, work with the professor as much as possible during their office hours, or make use of learning centers or free tutoring that’s available at all universities (which you’re paying for as part of your tuition anyway). Remember: you are deserving of help. There are people, like professors and TAs at your university, who want to help. (Especially if it’s their literal job!)

I have a friend in my cohort getting their PhD in Immunobiology (they’re graduating at the end of this year!) and they have ADHD. I know mentioning this isn’t a concrete form of help, but I want to let you know that it’s possible to get into, and thrive in, grad school with ADHD. You can do it.

I know I’m not the best person to give you advice, but I hope those points helped in some way, or at least gave you a better idea of the whole grad app process in terms of GPA.

I’m also opening this up for anyone who has more experience with ADHD and academia. Please help anon if you can! Thank you so much!

[Edit: there are already some awesome messages in the replies, whoo!]

And one last thing I want to say: you’re going to be ok. I know things look a bit scary right now, but you’ll get through this. It may take a lot of time and work and energy, but you can get into grad school. I believe in you. You’re going to be ok

#Anonymous #college advice #grad advice

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

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Druck season 2, episode 7 reaction

Goddamn, Druck. I’ve been dragging my ass with the rest of the S2 reactions because honestly, the content is pretty rough and rewatching it requires a certain amount of emotional fortitude, lol.

Anyway, here’s me putting myself through S2 hell so I can catch up to recap S3 hell!

Episode 7

Clip 1 - Interesting choice of entertainment

As I mentioned in the last reaction, I thought we might start with Mia calling off their relationship, as if last night was her way of saying goodbye to Alex, getting in just a little more time together because she did as Kiki asked. But obviously that wasn’t the case, because Mia and Alex are very much still in bed together.

They are sitting up and watching a movie on a laptop. In the movie, a woman kisses another woman. We cut away to Alex and Mia sitting there stiffly, sneaking glances at each other, as we hear the scene get sexy, with zippers unzipped, lots of panting and wet smacking sounds. Both of them clearly getting turned on by this video. Alex shifts and I think he covers his lap a little more, lol. He shifts closer to her and “subtly” puts his hand out for the taking. I love that Mia notices and smirks a little but doesn’t seem to take his hand.

This whole part of the scene was so weirdly true to life, lmao, if you’ve ever ended up watching a film that was more explicit than expected with someone. I had a friend who ended up watching Y Tu Mamá También on like a first or second date, neither of them knowing what the movie was about, and it was apparently very awkward.

Finally he turns off the film and kisses her. She leans away eventually and starts asking him about the scene - whether he was turned on by her or the scene. He’s like … both? He asks whether Mia watches porn and she says yes.

There was some debate about like … whether it’s in-character for Mia to watch porn or whether it’s hypocritical of her to do so as a feminist, and I don’t want to even get into the larger debate about whether porn can be feminist because holy shit is that a can of worms, but whether or not you think it’s compatible for Mia to watch porn with her being a feminist, people do a lot of stuff that isn’t 100% in line with their ideals. A lot of feminist criticism also opposes makeup and believes it to be a product of patriarchy, but Mia wears lipstick anyway. So just on the level of whether this is consistent with her as a character, i don’t think it’s wildly OOC.

There was also a lot of (understandable) debate about them watching a lesbian sex scene while still dodging a clear answer about Mia’s sexuality, especially right after Kiki made that comment about Mia being bi in the previous night’s clip, which again went unanswered. By the end of the episode they did give us an answer, but watching in real time made it feel more like they were drawing out the answer. I guess I’m wondering just why they chose to do so? Was it to tease the audience, or were they trying to find a way to drop the answer in naturally (because I can think of places where they could have done so earlier), or was there intended to be a reason story-wise that Mia’s a little vague? Is it just because it’s related to her romantic history, and it’s difficult for her to mention? Because she could mention her bisexuality without talking about specific relationships, although it’s true people might ask whether she’d ever been with a girl.

I think the most likely reason is perhaps that the Druck team didn’t expect just how much people wanted from them about Mia’s bisexuality, and they wrote in more scenes mentioning it after they saw fan reaction.

About the video they’re watching - it’s called Wach and it’s apparently by Funk (the channel that does Druck). You can watch it on YouTube although it seemed kind of dreary so I confess I didn’t watch much of it, lol. If it’s really good and I’m missing out, let me know! Anyway, the movie’s about two girlfriends but in the scene Mia and Alex are watching, they’re having a threesome with a guy. Not sure if there’s any bigger significance other than the nod to something else from Funk, and nudging at the topic of Mia’s sexuality, or the sex topic between Mia and Alexander.

He suspects she has a bigger reason for asking and draws a question mark on her forehead. This dude needs to take improv classes already, that’s clearly where his heart lies. Also, I think Mia might be asking why he’s turned on to get his opinion about two women together? I mean, I guess that could be the in-universe explanation why the talk about her sexuality is a little vague is that she wants to see how he’ll react first.

They have a pillow fight and she shoves him out of bed, he runs back into the room and tackles her and they roll around. WATCH THE LAPTOP! Eh, I guess Alex can afford another one.

They’re playful and cute. Things get heated and he slips his hand to crotch level, which makes her shake her head and back off. He asks her what’s allowed. LOW BAR, I know, but at least he doesn’t pressure her to go father than she wants. It’s sad and I don’t want to praise him for showing basic human decency, but William’s comments when Noora didn’t want to sleep with him, saying it was a funny joke and such, or that he’d managed to sleep with her soon anyway, always bothered me, so I’m glad this wasn’t recreated in Alexander.

Mia gives him the finger, and then adds another, which is deeply fucking iconic, and we end as he slides his hand down her pants. Well, damn. A big departure from Noora, not so surprising because Mia has a lot of differences from her (such as drinking alcohol when Noora did not). Part of me is proud of Mia for being upfront about what she wants and setting boundaries for what she doesn’t, the other part is like ohhhhh nooooo, girl. You told Kiki you’d break up with him, you don’t want to go any deeper with him! (...pun intended.)

Clip 2 - Bubble bath

Mia and Alex are taking a bubble bath together, lying at opposite sides. That’s quite intimate. They are doing some types of The Sex at this point even if it is not The Whole Shebang so maybe not surprising, but certainly we’re seeing their physical relationship escalate as a faster pace than Noorhelm. They seem comfortable in there together. Alex says they should stay in there as long as they can. Like, days. Well, if you can tolerate pruning, cold water, and marinating in your own filth for that long, go for it.

Mia offhandedly mentions Alex’s grade retention and he looks tired and not ready to talk about it. That water just got a few degrees colder.

He asks why she’s so cautious, if it’s because of Kiki. Mia lies to him that she talked to Kiki and everything’s cool. MIA, NO. Really???? Not a good idea. You’re not only disrespecting Kiki with what you’re doing now, and lying to your friends, but now you’re lying to Alexander, too. I know that she probably just wants to stay in this bath and in this bubble of Alexander’s apartment where everything’s OK and she gets what she wants and no one is mad and her personal life isn’t messy, but this is not the way to go about it.

OH SHIT he actually asked about negative experiences and whether that’s why she’s bi. Errrr, is he implying that she likes girls because she’s been burned by men? YIKES. Mia tells him that statement alone is reason enough to only date girls from now on. Okay, so is that confirmation of her bisexuality? (I guess if I have to ask, probably not the clearest it could be.) And she says that she could also ask why he only does one-night stands and moves fast. He says it’s complicated. So basically, despite becoming more intimate, literally lying here naked in this tub together, both of them still have some friction, both aren’t completely opening up to each other.

She chides him for his so-called hard life, with his nice car and apartment, and he reminds her that this is his sister’s flat, and we finally get an answer of sorts that his sister is in Bali. (By now we know the truth, but when this aired I wrote in my notes: “Super dark theory: the sister is dead and he means they scattered her ashes in Bali or something like that.”)

He talks about it’s hard with his parents and then says he wants to get out of the tub as the water is getting cold, which is one hell of a turnaround from wanting to stay in there for days like a minute ago. Mia says things are difficult with her parents, too, and she’s sorry. That makes him lie back down in the tub. Tension averted for now. They fist-bump. I guess their couple thing is hand gestures? Like Jonas has Hanna’s nose, meanwhile Mia and Alex are just flipping each other the bird and knocking knuckles. I can get into that, they certainly have a lot of options.

Clip 3 - Truth or dare

Mia and Alex step outside and turn off airplane mode on their phones. So they’re really hiding from everyone, huh, not even letting text messages come through. This is shady as hell that Mia’s doing this when she told Kiki otherwise. She’s lucky because this is holiday break, but she can’t camp out in Alexander’s apartment away from the rest of the world forever

Mia told the girls she was ill. DUDE. All of them were worried and checking in on her. I wonder how many of them truly believed her and didn’t have any suspicion of what she was really doing? Kiki in particular seemed to wonder how she was doing, and I’m not sure she totally bought Mia’s excuse. But whether she did or not, that must make Mia feel a ton of guilt. (Though she still doesn’t break up with him...)

I love this shot of Mia and Alex looking so small and uncomfortable once they stepped outside, like it’s overwhelming and harsh to leave their bubble.

They go back inside because it’s cold, or because they don’t want to face the outside world, and Mia is pensive. She spins around the thermos like it’s spin the bottle (and lmao when it lands between them, fixes it to point toward Alex) and says truth or dare. I wonder why she chose that moment to get some truth between them? Because she feels guilty about the lies she told her friends? Because she wants to know this thing she’s lying to them about is worth it, and that means she has to open up?

He says truth. She asks, “Why me?” He says it’s because she knows who he is. Which true, if you assume he means all the way from when she told him off about Kiki back in season 1. She’s been pointing out his flaws all along. And I mean, maybe he has a shit opinion of himself, but she wasn’t wrong about him (at least not entirely) and she didn’t fall for an idealized version of him, Alexander the rich bad boy with the cool car who’s the most wanted guy in school. She saw through that and she saw him at much of his worst, and yet somehow she’s here anyway. And I don’t know if this is exactly what he meant, but she also knows him in the sense that they have some things in common, like dealing with difficult parents, being Christmas orphans, etc.

Mia directs the thermos at herself and says truth. Bold move considering she knows what he’s probably going to ask; she’s really just ready to talk to him about it, and this is maybe an easier way to do so, framing it as a game. Alex takes a moment to think about what to ask and then asks why she’s so cautious. She tells the story of when she was 13 and she had a crush on her friend’s older brother, who was 18. He paid her a lot of compliments and she thought he liked her. He pressured her into sleeping with him, she didn’t want to but did it anyway, and then he never texted her again. Some people are school knew about it. She felt bad about herself and couldn’t talk to anyone.

The age of consent in Germany is 14, making what happened to Mia statutory rape. This adds perhaps even more impact to Mia reporting Bjorn later in the season, because it doesn’t sound like the first guy faced any repercussions for what he did; with Bjorn there is hope that justice will be served.

I think this explains a lot about why Mia was cautious about Alexander in particular, because he’s the kind of guy who was feeding girls compliments, sleeping with them, and cutting them off. Didn’t Alexander compliment Kiki’s stomach or something? And then of course Mia had a front-row seat to him ghosting Kiki after sleeping with her, and then seeing it all happen again like a slow-motion car crash. I really, really hope this makes him think about what he was doing with girls before Mia. Remember how he tried to justify himself in episode 2 about what he did to Kiki, not making her promises and saying how he couldn’t have torn down her self-image all by himself? Here he sees the long-lasting effects of that behavior on someone. Just think, there are probably Mias out there who will end up telling their stories to someone else, and the guy they’re talking about will be Alexander.

Alex is about to turn the bottle back to himself, but Mia stops it and says she also had a thing with a girl that ended before she came to Germany. No details on why it ended, if it was something really bad or more of a mundane breakup. Since she’s not going into details, I’m assuming whatever happened wasn’t horrible, but I’d still like to know more details about it.

Could they have handled Mia’s sexuality better? Yes, of course. But at this point I was just glad they addressed it directly. It would be nice if they touched on it in the future: we haven’t yet had the build-up of Matteo living in the flat, or being rescued by Hans, but with both Hans and Mia being members of the LGBT community, it would be really nice if they were able to support Matteo, and then we could hear more about Mia’s sexuality, too, like her past relationship, how she realized she was bi, etc.

He says no pressure, they have all the time in the world. THANK GOD. Low bar, I know, but I also still think there’s value in showing men being respectful and not pressuring women into sex? If you consider that the target audience is teen girls, this is a message that they need to be hearing - that they are allowed to set sexual boundaries and that boys have to respect them. And for teenage boys, while Alex has done a lot of messed-up stuff regarding girls, this part can still be used as a model for respecting boundaries and getting consent.

Clip 4 - I bet Hans and Linn ate the soup later

Mia and Alexander are in Mia’s room, ostensibly trying to study but very clearly hot for each other and making this a kind of foreplay. However, they don’t get very far until Hans comes into the room. He asks whether Alexander made “grumpy cat” angry, lmao. I love that nickname for Mia. He flops on the bed as if checking out the view of Alexander. Hans, what about Michi??

UNFORTUNATELY the doorbell rings and Linn opens Mia’s door, saying there’s a girl with soup. We hear Kiki’s voice. UH OH. Damn, Mia didn’t even really have time to like, try to shove Alexander under the bed or anything, did she?

Alexander says it’s totally OK with him. Um, I bet it is. Would be a great opportunity to be like, hey Kiki, sorry for dumping you on NYE? Although he doesn’t look totally OK with it, though that might just be because Mia is so visibly worried.

Lol, Hans thinks for a moment, clearly recognizing Mia’s distress, and then strips off his robe and throws it over Alexander, and hey, he was the only one doing anything smart in the moment? Maybe not honest, but smart? OK, not smart, but it was ... something.

Well, Alexander ain’t up for hiding under a robe, he takes it off as Kiki walks in with a big pot. She eyes Alexander and Mia, saying she made soup. She looks stunned at first, but then gets pissed and says it’s one thing for her to fuck up and apologize, but this is the worst. I have to agree, honestly. Mia put the burden on Kiki to tell her what to do, and then she didn’t even respect Kiki’s wishes. And then she lied to everyone. After that whole performance with cooking Kiki a nice dinner to talk about how sorry she was? This makes it seem like Mia just doesn’t give a shit about Kiki’s feelings, her crying and apologizing was an act to make Mia feel better, not Kiki.

I wonder if Kiki was really thinking Mia broke it off, or if she wasn’t suspicious. Like she was definitely suspicious after Sam put it out there a few episodes ago, and some of her moves were kinda calculated toward figuring out the truth. The soup may have been genuine goodwill, but maybe she also wanted to see if Mia was really sick, or if she was hiding something. Kiki did look very shocked when she saw Alexander, but maybe she was telling herself that no, Mia wouldn’t lie, Mia meant what she said, Mia cares about her. So this moment was confirming her worst fears.

Kiki angrily puts down the bowl of soup and I have to give her some credit for not throwing it or dropping it, which is what I was expecting.

Alexander asked her why she lied, and Mia says she doesn’t know. Errr, not a great answer, Mia. I have an idea why she lied. She wanted the moral high ground of “making things right” but didn’t want to actually give anything up. She wanted to ignore or run from the problems instead of dealing with them.

Mia says she can’t do this to Kiki. Alexander is pissed. Honestly, I can’t blame him for that. He has his flaws, too, for sure, and has been a shit to Kiki, but he also asked Mia if things were OK with her and Kiki, and she said they were, and now he’s finding out they weren’t and she’s using that as a reason to break up. I’d feel pretty betrayed. She also gave them a few days where they were extremely open with each other, took their relationship to the next level physically, got vulnerable with each other, and after that, she’s calling it off. When she knew all along that it was a bad idea - like she could have nipped this in the bud at the benefit concert. Instead it’s like she dawdled and made their relationship more intense and meaningful before ending it for a reason that’s been there the whole time, which is so much worse. (For Alexander, a dude who doesn’t get close to people? Even worse.)

Mia has massively fucked up but from a story perspective, I don’t mind it? I mean … that’s good for the protagonist’s growth. I like how messy Mia has been. I think it takes her off the “perfect girl” pedestal.

Clip 5 - Panic attack

Mia is lying in bed in the dark at 21:00, so you know, she’s called it an early night. I feel you, girl. She reads her texts from earlier, where she and Alex flirted and discussed him coming over to study. How nice things were just hours earlier. No new messages.

By the way, I can see the tear streaks on her face when she’s in bed, nice detail.

However, after she puts it down and rolls over, her phone lights up. She checks it and Alex is telling her to come over. Typing in all caps so it seems extra urgent.

As she’s running to Alexander, you hear some heavy breathing and rewatching the scene, it definitely sounds masculine, but when I first watched this clip I was so surprised by this development and why Alexander needed Mia that I wasn’t paying super close attention (also not watching with headphones), and I thought it was Mia’s breathing as she’s worried and running out the door. The reveal that this is Alex’s heavy breathing during a panic attack really stunned me. It adds so much tension to the scene as Mia is running to his place, obviously heavy breathing is something that reminds you of dangerous or tense scenarios.

She runs up the stairs to his place and his door is open, the lights are dim. The way the camera follows her is really disorienting, it’s hurried, it’s shaky. The lights make everything eerier - it’s dark and the sign on the wall makes the room pink, it’s not unnatural. Watching Mia run through his apartment trying to find Alex feels like navigating a maze.

Mia calls out for Alexander and eventually finds him in his underwear in a corner, sobbing and hyperventilating. You can see him clearly in the light but there’s still something unfocused about it. Mia grabs a paper bag from the kitchen and has him breathe into it. He’s crying and saying he wasn’t there. Holy shit, this is a panic attack?

Mia holds him as he cries and gasps for breath. He asks her to stay, she says she’s not going anywhere. She makes a joke about it still being 50 euro with breakfast and he manages to laugh.

This pose at the end is definitely giving off Pietà vibes.

The camera goes from extreme closeups as Alex is gasping to pulling back once he lays in Mia’s arms and calms down a bit, once he’s able to breathe and laugh at her joke. Like we’re getting breathing room. The music also goes from really tense to something more gentle once he relaxes in her arms and she says she’ll stay.

Goddamn. So instead of Mia having panic attacks/trauma, it’s Alex??? It was Noora who was panicking in OG, but we’ve switched the roles, Mia is the one to calm down Alexander.

Props to Druck for showing a dude having a full-blown attack like this, in a very non-glamorous and vulnerable way. Panic attacks in general can be pretty visceral and they’re not pretty, and I think some media shies away from showing male characters in really fragile states like this. And it’s definitely a reversal of a lot of media gender roles to have Mia the fully clothed one who’s “in control” helping out Alex, the half-naked, sobbing and shaking one. And for this not to be portrayed as something weak, but something healing. Also, big props to the actors. Chris Veres didn’t hold back in this scene.

This clip really got to me, especially as someone who has experienced panic attacks. The earlier scene with Kiki discovering Mia and Alexander together had ratcheted up the drama, but this was one of those clips where I couldn’t really do anything else after I watched it for a little while, it had gotten under my skin that much. It’s hard for me to unpack it. Even rewatching it unnerves me, though Mia’s gentleness and compassion, and the ending where she says she’s not going anywhere, make the experience more uplifting. Bravo, Druck.

I think it helped that it was so surprising too, like we already got a very important clip earlier in the day, and it was the drama we were all expecting, the next step in the Kiki/Mia/Alex situation, but this definitely was not what I was expecting next, both in that it’s a divergence from the original storyline and that I figured the next clip would build on Mia dealing with estrangement from both Kiki and Alex.

Clip 6 - Giddy up

Mia wakes up in bed with Alex the next morning. I like the contrast here from the last scene, just what a difference the daylight can make, feeling so much less threatening, and I like Mia’s reaction, as if she’s taking in all that happened last night. She looks at a Polaroid picture at the side of the bed, of Alex and his sister. The fact that it’s beside the bed tells you how much Alex probably looks at it and misses his sister.

Alex stir and wakes up. Heh, the crinkles of their pillows and sheets are so damn loud? I kinda love it, though, it reminds me of how good it feels to slowly wake up after a good night’s sleep. He tells Mia that he had a dream where he was feeling bad and cried in front of Mia, weird right? Mia agrees. It’s very quiet and they’re whispering. Comforting, talking about it and acknowledging it without having to go into the ugly details right now. And Mia isn’t grilling him over why he was having a panic attack or anything, just being gentle. She strokes the hair behind his ear and kisses him. They kiss softly and it gets a little more intense until Mia reaches for the jar next to Alexander’s bed and grabs a condom. They smile and Mia sits up on him and takes off her shirt. The music helpfully proclaims, “I’m a cowboy” so I mean, we know what position they used. Not surprising Mia would be on top.

I have zero problems with Mia and Alexander having sex sooner than the season finale, as with Noorhelm, although I was kinda like … is this reeeeally the best time to take this step, kids? Not because of Alexander’s panic attack, but more about Kiki walking in on them and finding out, and Mia thinking she can’t do that to Kiki, and what the hell they were going to do. It felt like they had a lot to talk about. But even so, I can definitely see why Mia felt it was the right time to take this step. There was no way Mia was leaving Alexander after last night, and clearly they care about each other a ton. It must have felt not just like waking up in the morning, but that they survived the night. The panic attack made Mia realize the total depth of her feelings, I think, and so I can fully see why it led to increased tenderness and intimacy.

Comparing Mia and Noora, Mia has trust issues and a bad experience with sex like Noora, but William did more stuff that would’ve broken Noora’s trust and made her question her feelings for him before they had sex. Noora and William kissed, then William was cold to her in front of his brother, so Noora was upset, then they made up, then William smashed a bottle over a guy’s head, then Noora was upset at that and questioned whether she could be with William, then before they could get back together, Niko happened. Since they’ve kissed, Mia hasn’t really had so many reasons to be upset with Alexander himself - it’s all about the situation with Kiki putting stress on their relationship. So I can see why the sexual element of their relationship, and the relationship as a whole, escalated much faster; Mia had more time to build up trust with him without that getting interrupted.

Clip 7 - Crew love is true love

Hanna and Mia are in the bathroom and Mia’s been telling Hanna how fast everything has gone in the last few days. It sure did! By the way, Hanna’s looking very pretty.

I like how they went from the cowboy song in the previous clip being a non-diegetic song and transitioned into this one as a diegetic song, with it playing at the Abi party now. That kind of stuff is clever, and it’s smoother than just choppily switching songs between scenes.

Alex is going to therapy now, which I love. I love that we have the Bad Boy Rich Dreamboat character seeking professional help for his trauma, I love that Druck is mentioning therapy rather casually, normalizing it. It’s not something that’s considered shameful or embarrassing, just a potential avenue for help. Mia says she doesn’t think it was his first panic attack, but she doesn’t really know why. (I’d understand if people were ehhhh about Mia telling all this to Hanna if you want, like IDK if Alexander gave her permission to tell people about his panic attack. Mia and Hanna seem to be pretty trustworthy about stuff like Matteo’s sexuality and they’re not trading it as juicy gossip, but I would get it.)

Hanna says Jonas also won’t talk to anyone, not even Matteo. Ohhh no. That boy might need some professional help, too, if he’s that much of a mess.

Hanna’s totally hugging turtleneck guy/not Gereven when they enter the club. Mia looks around and sees Kiki with Carlos. KIKI, TREAT HIM RIGHT. CARLOS, TREAT HER RIGHT. Kiki glares at Mia.

Carlos gets a drink the same time Mia does and says, “What’s up Judas?” Not gonna lie, that’s mean, but it made me laugh. He does the typical “ugh girl drama BITCH FIGHT” thing, and lmao, I can’t help but think of like Jonas/Toilet Sam tussling in the stairwell in S1. Yes, it’s all girl drama, boy fights just don’t exist, ever!

Carlos is like, it’s none of my business, he doesn’t want to get involved, but he’s getting involved (lmao) and tells her how Kiki was in a very bad state the last few days, and says it would be a good move to smooth everything out. He’s like, good talk, and walks off. Without paying either, lol. Mia pays for him. Well, I guess she has some groveling to do. God, that talk was ridiculous but benevolent of him? He’s looking out for Kiki’s well-being.

"Two angry birds” aka Sam and Amira (and lmao I love that nickname) come up to Mia. Indeed, they look angry. Mia says she’ll make it up to Kiki. I mean, she should probably apologize to the other girls, too, for lying and putting them all in this awkward position where they’re torn between friends.

Heh, there’s some banter among the girls about Sam being the only one who’s single and when Amira is like helloooo, Sam says she has Allah. Although it’s played more as a joke, this follows the same pattern of people disregarding the Sana character as someone who can have romantic relationships and feelings. She doesn’t count in the conversations about who in their group is alone and who’s not.

Mia follows Kiki to talk to her. She apologizes and Kiki just looks annoyed. I don’t blame her considering that Mia’s last apology with the dinner turned out to feel hollow, all words but not backed up with actions. Kiki points out she was a hypocrite. I love Mia and I feel sympathy for her, but Kiki is really really not wrong.

Maybe this is obvious, but I’m seriously just realizing how close this situation is to Eva/Jonas/Ingrid in S1 (or Hanna/Jonas/Leonie), even more than Vilde, Noora, and William were to that situation. Mia fucked it up with Kiki to a level Noora didn’t with Vilde.

Kiki interrupts and tells Mia what’s what - that if she had been honest from the beginning, Kiki wouldn’t have stopped her. But instead, Mia went to her when Kiki was heartbroken and basically made Kiki tell her what to do and give her her blessing. That’s exactly what happened! Mia put the burden on Kiki and basically said her happiness was in Kiki’s hands, like either Kiki had to be the villain and tell Mia to break up with Alex, or put aside her own feelings and be OK with it, even when she was the person who was wronged. Kiki didn’t feel like doing giving her blessing when she felt like shit and had been betrayed by a friend. And she didn’t expect Mia to listen, but Mia should’ve cared about her from the beginning. Kiki calls Mia out on being honest not just with others, but with herself. Kki used to compare herself to Mia, Mia gives all these moral lectures that sound smart and clever, but it’s not about what you say, but what you do. Well, shit. She’s right. And Mia needs to hear this. I’ve said this before, but I think their relationship is really complex this season. Messy, but complex. And this dynamic between them, with Kiki feeling like Mia didn’t really care, or was judging her, goes beyond just Alexander’s involvement. It’s not just fighting because of a boy.

Mia is apologizing and Carlos comes in to ruin the moment and be like “You straightened it out?” Lmao dude, don’t interrupt. He gives them all a shot, which is his attempt to play mediator, I guess, so he’s dumb but he’s trying. Kiki clinks glasses with him, then walks out. When Mia calls after her, Kiki says you still want my blessing? But you need yours. Whoaaaa.

Carlos and Kiki walk off hand in hand talking about her breasts. Well, I guess it’s nice that they’re appreciated without the surgery. Though obviously it’s about how Kiki feels about her body, not Carlos.

Mia stays behind and has a Moment, I guess she’s thinking about how she needs to go all in with Alexander, get rid of her remaining doubts. Then she goes out to meet her girls, they smile and dance. Finally Kiki smiles at Mia and they dance together. I love their little glance of reconciliation. The girl squad has a group hug. Awww!

Toilet Sam comes in and greets everyone! He’s talking to Hanna and OF FUCKING COURSE that’s when Jonas and Matteo roll in. Jonas sees Hanna and Sam and legit pulls a Granpa Smpson exit, lmao at Matteo’s exasperated exit after him. Poor Matteo.

Mia and Kiki dance together in the closing moments of the clip, and it’s a fitting ending. Yay, they’re happy again! Truly the next three episodes will only be good times and no more suffering!

Social Media/General Comments:

LMAO, I fucking lost it at all the passive-aggressive Instagram stories that Kiki posted after the dinner from last episode. She tagged only Amira, Hanna, and Sam, not Mia, posting pictures that didn’t include Mia, set to Little Mix’s “Shout Out to my Ex” for that extra bitter flair. Which you know, fits Kiki’s relationship with Alexander, but honestly feels more like Mia is her ex going by the pictures, lol. Then Amira, Hanna, and Sam respond by posting Kiki’s posts WITH Mia, like good lord, the dramaaaaa of it all. I mean, they’re all making a statement, that they’re not ditching Mia, but how must that make Kiki feel? But it’s all so teenage and petty and immature that I love it.

Jonas flakes on Matteo, saying he needs to study, but it’s more like he’s staying home and getting wasted. Matteo is worried and says they barely see each other anymore. Jeez. This is a total reversal of what we’ll likely see in S3, unless they are BOTH total messes in that season. Then it’ll be up to wise men Carlos and Abdi to step up for their bros. We did see Carlos having some sage advice in this episode, so maybe it’s not such a wild idea?

Matteo and Hanna talk later and Matteo lets Hanna know that Jonas isn’t doing well and that he failed a math test. I don’t think it’s Hanna’s duty to fix Jonas’ problems at all, but it’s nice that Matteo and Hanna are talking together and trying to help Jonas.

The other girls were gossiping about Mia and Alex. Amira figured out that Mia probably wasn’t answering because Mia was at Alexander’s place. Sigh, Mia. How long did you think you could keep your relationship a secret? It always gets out, as you just learned last week!!

Kiki posts a LOT of stuff about fake friends on IG after she discovers Mia and Alex together, and it’s pretty juvenile, but you know, hashtag relatable. And understandable. Super teenage.

I like that Amira reached out to Kiki and said she was there if she needed to talk. Kiki has been a shit to Amira on multiple occasions, but Amira remains a true friend. And I hope Kiki keeps this in mind the next time she wants to say something racist or insensitive (not that she would recognize it as such, probably).

Druck gave out hotline information for teenagers after the panic attack clip, encouraging them to talk to someone, which is great. Again, I love how they’re encouraging teenagers not to go through their problems alone, whether it’s through therapy, hotlines, or talking to trusted friends and family.

Amira talked about religious discrimination on Instagram and how difficult it is to get into public service in Germany when you wear a hijab. She’s mentioned this before, when the girls were meeting with career counselors, and I really hope that we somehow get a S4 despite the girls’ graduation so we can get an Amira season. I would love to see her story talk specifically about her ambitions and how she tries to achieve them despite people constantly telling her she won’t be able to make it as a Muslim hijabi. Just send Amira to Australia and she can have a life-changing backpacking adventure. It would be amazing. (Skam never gave us the Evak + boy squad Morocco trip we deserved, so I am down for Druck providing that awesome travelogue content.)

I am not German so please feel free to correct me or clarify me on cultural and language matters.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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akatokuro · 6 years

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The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episode 36

One of the most truly pressing issues in Saint Seiya canon: why the fuck is Milo like this?

- I SEE THAT SAGA SENSED THAT AIOLOS WAS TAKING A BATH, SO HE FELT THE NEED TO JUMP IN TOO! and thus a meme was born

- Uhhhh, Saga? I know you probably had a crush on Aiolos at all, but... really, dude? ????????

- AND HEEEERE HEEEEE ISSSSSSSS

- Milo's ridiculous ego is on full display the second he opens his fucking mouth. No "what's going on, Pope?" or "How may I serve you?" but "WOW, POPE, FOR YOU TO SUMMON A GOLD SAINT! (DID I MENTION I'M A GOLD SAINT, BECAUSE I AM.)

- MILO. ALL HE FUCKING DID WAS ASK IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THE SITUATION. What is the need for you to add "heh, not that I care, since I'm so awesome, just so you know!" Yes, a lot of Gold Saints have pretty overinflated egos - yume and I actually thought about it, and we're pretty sure Camus is just about the ONLY one who doesn't pull some form of smug "heh, a Bronze trying to fight a Gold? lmao, and also, rofl" but Scorpio Milo is... something else.

- Ikki working for Sanctuary at first still feels really weird and ill-fitting. Well, fortunately, it's not really dwelled on that much, so it's easily ignored! That's one of the good things about there being no real Saint Seiya canon... <_<

- In a way, though, it is certainly fitting that Milo's scene here is our first proper introduction to a "Gold Saint", because Milo certainly thinks he is THE Gold Saint in a lot of ways. It drips from the way he responds to everything. "Measly Bronze Saints, they must be crazy, lol!" It's actually really interesting to think he was originally planned to be Hyouga's master. Like, in some ways that really fits - Smugswan had to get the smug and the overinflated sense of ego from somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't Camus!

- It's also sort of interesting because Kurumada pulled the switcheroo on the basis of "oooh, ice/water themed signs, oooh!" But even at this stage, Milo definitely has a very, very different personality than Marshmallow Saint Camus. What would he and Hyouga's hypothetical encounter have looked like, really...?

- I'm not trying to imply, by the way, that Milo's sense of egotism is solely about straightforwardly boosting himself up - because it's not. It's intertwined with his perception of Saint honor and what it means to him to embody that, which becomes clear in how he deals with Camus, Hyouga, and Kanon respectively later on. It's also intertwined with a negative five thousand debuff to his intelligence stat, but, you know.

- I love Saga just sort of ignoring Milo going WHAT? A BRONZE BEATING A SILVER? RIDICULOUS, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING! and continuing to exposit. Saga, why the fuck did you summon Milo of all people here to deal with this in the first place? I mean, not only would leaning on Aphrodite, Deathmask, or even Shura make infinitely more sense, but... it's fucking Milo. Did your bath-bonding with Aiolos rattle your judgment temporarily?

- And right back at him, Milo basically brushes aside poor Saga's exposition to go "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BOTHERING THE GREAT KONO MILO WITH THIS BULLSHIT, POPE? REALLY??? KONO MILO, THE GOLD SAINT???"

- Saga begins to realize his terrible, terrible mistake and cuts off Milo in the middle of his bitching, but Milo ignores him to continue whining.

- See, it'd be one thing if Milo suggested that the situation bore more investigation, or perhaps these Bronze Saints were being misled so they shouldn't be so fast to jump to the execution option, but no. It's all about his fucking pride.

- Saga is getting so edgy and short at this point and oh my god I cannot believe Milo is still fucking trying to argue with him THIS IS THE FUCKING POPE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

- Like, yume and I utterly lost our fucking minds at Milo blowing off Athena to haze Kanon when we were re-watching the Hades OAVs, but oh god it is extremely fucking consistent with this characterization here

- Poor Saga. "LOOK, THEY HAVE A FUCKING GOLD CLOTH, OKAY!?!? JESUS CHRIST WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT GET APHRODITE TO DO THIS"

- okay okay i know it's because lol seat of the pants kurumada making shit up as he went along and was promptly retconned out because it makes no sense but i will never stop laughing at milo being shocked that there are twelve gold saints. WHAT??? NOT JUST SCORPIO AND SAGITTARIUS???? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED???? THEY COME IN, LIKE, A SET????

- Kanon pretending he's Sea Dragon is the funniest moment in Saint Seiya, but Milo's spectacular intelligence debuff is also a consistent point of hilarity.

- Shaina's crush on Seiya might be, like, one of my least favorite things in StS seriously. It's so unnecessary and it IS basically a pitch-perfect example of that "behind the ruthless, frightening female warrior lies ~the soft heart of a woman~ that only the dreamy male protagonist can truly uncover!" trope that I fucking despise with all my being.

- yume and I were cracking the fuck up to discover that the Tencent version of this sequence has Seiya bringing up the Saintias when Shaina explains the mask issue. Like, my issues with Saintia Sho as a series aside, that's just really adorable.

- The mask issue in general... there are really interesting things that you could do with it, both for Sainthood in general and for Shaina as an individual (the vibe I get is that Shaina takes it unusually seriously, even though it is accepted as a general rule) since it feels like sort of a mark of sexism that would be a part of an old, traditional, religious order - but I can't say I'm a fan of any attempts so far in the series to "address" it. Omega was a thing, and that thing was Bad.

- "Kill or love" is pretty bullshit, though. How about "kill or be expelled from Sanctuary"? I also don't really like Seiya being all "what, is that the only reason?" when he thinks it's about humiliation/pride - like, what's wrong with that? It makes sense with how Shaina has been characterized...

- this flashback is so fucking stupid

- OH NO, SEIYA, YOU SAW ME PET A RABBIT WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID AND I WAS A TEENAGER AND THUS YOU HAVE UNLOCKED MY SOFT WOMAN'S HEART! I bet Seiya fucking tried to jump a high bar, too, as every single woman from the Fate franchise happened to be strolling by?

- Like, Shaina, did you fall in love with this little kid who talked down to you then or... because uhhh...

- Also, like, yeah, it's Saint Seiya, and "pulled things out of my ass" and "retconned" are the name of the game, but come on, there was no indication of this kind of past in all the screentime Shaina has had up until this point. Wasn't her grudge against him regarding Marin and Cassios and being defeated by him in battle enough? Do we really have to enforce her ~femininity~ that Seiya ~exposed~ too? Ugh ugh ugh.

- Whatever, I really do like Shaina, this garbage aside. It's just a shame we fell back on this dumb trope of all things to justify her transition into one of the good guys when it was wholly unneeded.

- Aaaand we're back to Milo and Saga. I love how the framing of this episode implies that Saga has been sitting there having to explain things very slowly to Milo all fucking day. Gonna need another bath to unwind after this shit, Gemini.

- HAVE I MENTIONED, POPE, THAT I AM A GOLD SAINT, AND THUS I AM AMAZING? I'M NOT SURE YOU KNEW. LET ME MENTION IT AGAIN. I'M A GOLD SAINT, BY THE WAY.

- And Lia enters the scene!

- Okada made this an explicit issue in Episode G, but the contrast between fully-decked-out-in-his-Cloth "have I mentioned in the last five minutes that I am a Gold Saint, preen preen" Milo and Lia--who strolls in WITHOUT his Cloth, just his regular training clothes - is really striking.

- Milo's face when Lia comes in... hmmm...

- I don't think Saga, like, actively made a point of or went out of his way to play ~mind games~ with Aiolia or anything, but this is definitely a deliberate passive-aggressive diss. The kind you would give when it's like, ah yes, I ruined this kid's life, let me just innocuously twist the knife a little here...

- You really can understand why Aiolia is as fucking mad and as fucking repressed as he is, from the dressed-up hostility coming from both sides in this whole amazing shitstorm.

- This is... an amazing moment. "What if I still wanted Milo to go?" "Eh, I'd kick his fucking ass." And Milo's EXCUSE ME!?!?! reaction lmfaooooo

- You can just sense the stony bitterness coming off of Lia here, though? This is a dangerous game to play, considering the whole rule about "no duels between Saints." Just the sheer dismissiveness of it, too. Just as Saga gets in his passive-aggressive digs against Aiolia, Lia gets his in against... Milo, lol?

- And Milo starts trying to argue with the Pope AGAIN and Saga finally just tells him to shut the hell up. Saga confirmed for legitimately impressive patience honestly.

- God, and Lia just leaves once he gets the confirmation. I LOVE that Aiolia went through this whole thing since coming in without saying a single fucking word to Milo or sparing him more than a glance. Please, just ask this man about his opinion of Scorpio Milo, I’m begging you.

- MILO FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

- And Saga is the one who points out that, BECAUSE of his history and his relation to Aiolos, he has a compelling reason to work on this case in particular. Milo just stops at HOW COULD YOU RELY ON HIM HE HAS TRAITOR'S BLOOD. The intelligence debuff is real.

- But, yeah, you can tell Lia has cause to be as cold, dismissive, and passive-aggressive towards Milo as he was. They... they do not have a good relationship.

- It legitimately boggles my mind how there is a weird semi-common fanon about Milo and Lia being close friends, or Milo being this great guy who was so supportive of him. I've run across it multiple times in my hunts for cute fanart or interesting discussion, and I feel like I'm staring at an incomprehensible alien entity every time. Like. Where did you get that. How did. The characterization we get from both of them indicates the exact opposite. I would not be remotely surprised if Aiolia, as bitter and angry as he truly is, is going to hold a grudge against Milo until the end of time, long after Milo has forgotten about it.

- Rather than being his friend, Milo is literally the ONLY Gold Saint we see actually giving Aiolia shit for being a traitor's brother. Like I mentioned back in the Silver Saint scene with Aiolia, yume and I actually talked about this - since she is a raving Aiolia fan and all - about the possible sources of Lia's torment from his peers. The shitty Silver Saints, yes, and Deathmask, yes, because he's actively malicious in general, but he wouldn't be rubbing it in because he actually cares or thinks Lia having "traitor blood" actually means something. MILO sure does, though!

- Milo is prideful, often in shallow ways, and incredibly overbearing about that pride, thinking he has the right to lecture and judge and override others, including Athena herself. There is like literally no question in my mind that he is friends with Camus because Camus is basically the only person who knows him who will actually tolerate him.

- Milo: "Hmm, lots of people don't trust the Pope, and no one has seen his face. WHAT COULD IT MEAN??? welp back to my temple wonder what camus is up to"

- "Brother, I will make up for your sin, even if I have to sacrifice my life!" with a thousand-yard stare. Aiolia, you really, really need some therapy, badly...

- Man, I was gonna cover more episodes with this writeup, but it ends up I had a lot of ranting bottled up about GOD MILO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh well. Next time, Aiolia continues to have serious, serious psychological problems! A good time is had by all!

#rewatching sts #aquarius camus did nothing wrong

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