#im a day late but oh well lol
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happy 壮陸 day!
#my art#fanart#anime#idolish7#nanase riku#osaka sogo#souriku#sogo/riku#riku nanase#sogo osaka#ainana#im a day late but oh well lol
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me omw to make the sappiest most tooth-rotting fluff for the most toxic villain ship on earth
(for staticmoth week day 4 - stargazing)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin vox#hazbin valentino#staticmoth#voxval#staticmoth week#smwrevival2024#staticmoth week 2024#my art#im a day late cause i wasnt able to finish it on time but oh well LOL
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They're getting better and better~
#guilty gear#guilty gear strive#paracelsus guilty gear#testament guilty gear#1 day late to their birthday but oh well#i think testament turned out great#purely for the fact im very familiar w drawing long haired hotties#thank marly for that lol#fanart#my art
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wanted: marine hunter takanome mihawk
#shanks: oh i want him alright#dracule mihawk#takanome mihawk#one piece#one piece fanart#op fanart#i accidentally went way extra on this than i intended to 💀 i got bored waiting for my brother + my phone was charging#it was just supposed to be a b&w sketch with his eyes yellow or red but it got out of hand when i was like 'maybe i'll do skin for funsies'#ah well. im really starting to get into painting with this one brush. one day i'll merge it with the style i use more#cuz rn i tend to break out the painting only when i wamt smth a liiiiittle👌 more realistic.#i stress that 'little' bc calling my style 'realistic' in any sort of way feels inaccurate lol#i digress#i love imagining marine hunter mihawk being some teenage punk between the ages of 17 and 23#idk when he became a warlord but if he had this epithet even before roger's death that would put him in mid-to-late teens#since at roger's execution he was 19 amd already had yoru#so it's kinda funny to imagine the marines being hunted by some teenager with dramatic sideburns and an even more dramatic sword#last post of the year! :)#i had no chill this month. pls dont expect anything on my blog again till march lol.#(im half-serious; im going on vacation for all of february and i have some prior pieces i need to focus on in jan haha. we'll see tho!)
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tarzan, tarzan
#i really shouldve used my monkeysona for this ! but id already drawn the smunker face#also wanted to add ''touch'' but didnt wanna further cut ken's leg off#a doodley#a discarded object... a discarded object... not a real human... not a real boy...#can you guess what song from the Drive soundtrack ive had on repeat? LOL#ive pinpointed whats wrong with me lately; im having another ''daydreaming is causing more harm than comfort because of how#painfully Not Real it is" moment. and without my daydreams im a husk and can barely make it through the day. oh well#my internet came back finally so i can leave you with dis#goodnight goodnight
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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.
#it went!!! idk lately my pain treshhold has been so low bc im in pain all the time#so i just dont wnna be in pain anymore... he said that now it'll still hurt for a few days T-T#but he wasnt exactly sure what it was but i had.. a cavity??#im not rlly sure abt the english terms for all of this but the tooth is dying lol#but instead of immediately killing it nd getting a root fill he said that we should give the tooth a chance#so he fixed what he could fix#i hate dentist treatments bc of all the air nd water nd my anxiety i need to swallow constantly#but this time i actually told them abt it nd he was very helpful sksks#he even said 'ok now take a break nd swallow' so i didnt need to be so anxious#nd it was a relief bc he wasnt bad at all. he was actually rlly nice nd easy to talk to phewww#it cost abt $80 so i can manage to be without that until next week!!!!#so yeah it went much better than i had anticipated so im happy abt that#but yeah the problem still isnt 100% fixed yet so im still not relieved#he said i had a cavity in my other tooth as well but that we needed to check that at another time#im so frustrated bc i brush my teeth 2/day i use mouthwash i floss....#and for the last 7 months i havent even had any sugar!!!!! like why did this still happen.. o.o#oh nd he also said that i probably clench my teeth nd yeah i do that a lot more than i've realized#your teeth arent supposed to be touching!! never!! only when u eat#my teeth.... are touching pretty much all day omg. bc im so tense nd anxious#he said that he couldnt be sure bc he didnt have enough info to go on but that could have contributed to this#well well... i did it nd went even if i didnt want to#hopefully my tooth will be better now. nd i have another appt in may to see what i could get done further#if financial aid for it gets approved tho it might not#but yeah.. god dental pain nd issues is my no. 1 fear bc im poor nd i cant afford it
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This chapter is so tantalizingly close to being finished!!!!!! Im right at the end! But I've suddenly hit such a wall with not wanting to work on it 😭 (crazy what happens when you only work on one thing nonstop 24/7 for like 4 weeks straight)
I'm going to take a day to work on other stuff as a refresher, and then get right back into it and finish this god forsaken chapter!!! It'll be done by Sunday!!
#the finish line is right there .... its right there#this ch has gone through an UNBELIEVABLE amount of changes lol#future ones should be faster since now i kinda know what im doing#at least better than i did before#im fashionably late with the deadlibe id set for myself. as usual#oh well#motley#whew#preview panel for fun :]#99% of the time ive spent working on this has been just making the sketch and outline lol. the sketch took soooo long#and then i knocked out like half of the lineart in a day??? so progress has been weird
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it lives appreciation week day 1 - the mcs
nyx chase // ray vance // asher hollow
wanted to put more effort into this but my focus is so bad rn im surprised i finished this at all orz
@ila-appreciationweek
#bs'd the ilb mc bc i deadass do not remember any outfits from that game lol#ilaw#it lives appreciation week#ilw#it lives within#it lives series#ilitw#ilb#digital art#blazingart#oc: asher hollow#sorry other mcs u dont have enough art for a tag yet lmao#also apparently im a day late. i just assumed it would start on monday not sunday hgfklhg oh well#probably not gonna get around to the other days anyway#all my brain wants to do is play pokemon bc hyperfixation go brr :')
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Meow !
#Hey future me ! This is queued on December 21st !! Im a day late lol#DID YOU GET THE ESSAY DONE IS IT OKAY ARE YOU PROUD OF IT. MY GOD ITS KILLING ME#ive got like four paragraphs but I csnt for the LIFE of me figure out how to end it#How was christmas !!!!!! I assume good unless someone. like. died#What was ur secret santa gift? I dont remember what I asked for as the prompt lol#im rlly happy rn bcs a lot of ppl are putting nice comments on my art ^.^#What are you drawing rn? Im making the no6 secret samta piece of them all in a diner#Also. How is ur spanish grade. my god.#idk if they wouldve let you know yet but if they did- did you get into the college? hope so !!!!!!!#I havent been feeling great. Moms been on my ass about my spanish grade#but James is here rn which is rlly nice !!!#oh !! I mentioned the hiragana I knew last report. You should know them all rn yeah? I know up to the y line#so 38 without the tantan or maru#mmm. dont have much else to say#hope ur doing well !!! stay safe ^.^#weather report
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i foolishly agreed to house/dogsit for my mum while she's in morocco (over my birthday week, no less) for seven days which surprise!! has turned into ten once i got here...sober with no video games no bf and extremely limited internet (just my shitass broken phone) for this whole time...her dog isnt even cool wtf...hell on earth...
#i've been here for two days now and it sucks lol#i was like omg i can catch up on all the movies/tv i've missed lately AND grind on my writing projects!!!!!!!!!!!#when i say i am so stupid....lordt..........#hmm oh well at least i get to see my sis and brand new nephew....#actually i just remembered im missing the eso anniversary event i'm going to kms again
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ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise
#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered#I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it !#like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil#& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens#<< again#I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL#but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create !#I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL#sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!!#(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none#of all summer)#I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like#falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought#wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does#HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING#also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that!#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol#lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3
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im so fucking mad at myself and my stupid fucking coping mechanisms and that it took me this fucking long to realise im a people pleaser and not only that but the most pathetic kind - the kind that doesnt *actually* manage to please anyone lol
#im so pissed today for no reason#it is toxic it is manipulative and none of it is actually what i want but oh well. guess mom was right lol#or maybe it IS the direct effect of her regularly telling me im evil and a monster (which are NOT words people use in real day to day life#like please lol and lmao but that's what you get when your mother's a stage actress)#so maybe my whole modus operandi now is trying desperately to prove to people that i am nice and kind and understanding#and that you can trust me and turn to me for help and i will do my silly little terminator like psychoanalysis of what you need the most#and try to give it to you until it exhausts me to the point where i completely withdraw and alienate myself#but at that point its already too late for either of us :)#see i can do it myself i dont need a therapist to tell me that. have fun on your vacation babygirl.#ill still be the worst person ever when you come back <33333#anyway. huh. what a day huh (its 2pm)#anyway as cartoonish edgy emo dementia raven way as it sounds. i really need to stop letting people get close to me.#surface level fun casual 'friendship' or dont bother.
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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im still thinking about hq characters as merpeople btw. some more tail headcanons.
i think i want asahi to be a shark of some kind too, to fit with him looking intimidating to other people when he's really not. tiger shark, maybe?
ok. hear me out. tsukki with a dolphin tail. short-beaked common dolphin? yes? i like it... :p
striped marlin tail for kiyoko? i wanted to give her a fast fish that was still kind of pretty so i think this fits. and i think it would suit her.
i think i want to make daichi just a regular guy bc i love making him just a human in aus with supernatural elements. but if i were to assign him a tail, i like yellowfin tuna for him.
i may come back with more. i kinda want to do the rest of karasuno.
(i also realized that the fish i assigned suga is a freshwater fish so i think i'm gonna change it... i'm gonna look around but also if anyone has any suggestions based off of my original pick i am open to it.)
#hq mermaid au#<- sure? im gonna go back and tag the other post with this too#also im not saying sharks aren't dangerous or anything btw. just that mer!asahi isn't lol. just want to make sure that was clear#sorry i am allergic to the word merman i mentioned this the other day but i just do not like it. ITS SWAGLESS!!!#somehow merpeople sounds fine to me though... don't ask me to explain it#cause i can't#WOW i talked a lot in the tags whoops#(always does that)#it was kinda late when i did the first round of tail assignments so it didn't hit me at the time that i should probably only assign#saltwater animals lol.#and maybe this is something that only bugs me but oh well
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