#im a professional procrastinator at this point

[maochira]

I (once again) procrastinated one of my school projects for so long it's due tomorrow and I barely started it on Monday💀 I'm gonna do it now😔

[skeelly]

"when im fat and old and my kids think im a joke"

"who cares if im pretty if i fail my finals??"

"who's your daddy?" (IYKYK ;))

"im tired and it's winter"

"i wish i could block me out"

"wanna die"

hi!! welcome. i suggest putting a seatbelt on and i will pay for your therapy, dont worry. :)

☘ "hi, it's me. im the problem it's me.": im kristen! you can call me kristen or kris. minor (im 14 if you really wanna know). she/her. intp-t. ambivert. 🇵🇭. reader (sort of). notes app writer (sometimes). i could not care less about my dumb typos so deal with it. i suck at math. biiiiiggg ophelia wilde fan. delulu swiftie no.9273737277. rodrigoxpartidge's biggest supporter. claire rosinkranz is the reason for my existence. gracie abrams ily. "how long can we be a sad song?". im married to grayson hawthorne. mirrorball//tolerate it girlie 4 life. stromboli fan until the day i die. nick girlie by heart. pjo stan at this point. harry potter simp. hermione granger is my mother. sherlock and enola holmes stan. "no body, no crime". haylor (sorry not sorry). one direction is my life. FREE PALESTINE. kenji, my spirit animal. jude is so ughhhhh perfect. javery shipper cause jameson for avery, grayson for me :3. massive k!nye west hater so if you like him, please leave. but i love rap. certified professional procrastinator. capricorn (not a believer in those things though). i love reading poetry. correct grammar = non existent. i can (technically) fluently speak 3 languages. i can speak (basic, not much) about 5 languages?. piano enthusiast. very big sport girly (football *soccer. america football can kiss my toes. that sport sucks*, f1, volleyball, badminton, basketball, tennis and hockey fan). walker scobell is perfect and i love him. c²>>>>. sharl leclerc. max the axe. oscar paistry. ankara messi. sewy. leah is my bestie. dior is the best artist no cap. pookie nation frfr. charlie's luke is best luke. andrew is underrated. olivea is jusssttt.

☘ rappers i like//listen to: eminem, lil skies, ysbtril (does he count?), nicki minaj, doja cat (:3), cardi b (rarely), dominic fike (does he count? yk, melodic rap). tbh idk who else lol.

☘ all around favorite artists: taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, claire rosinkranz, gracie abrams, the weeknd, doja cat, lil skies, ysbtril, selena gomez (?), harry styles, niall horan, louis tomlinson, zayn, liam payne, one direction, clairo, conan gray, lana del rey, one republic, why don't we, the neighborhood, billie elish, ariana grande, abba, michael jackson.

☘ navigation?:

rambles: #kristenstedtalk

anything i don't proof read: #i didn't proof read this lmao

grayson hawthorne: #loml

cringe posts that idk why i posted: #/j or #post to delete?

asks: #askaroo or #ty for answering <3

sturniolo triplets: #stombolis

☘ follower count (as of march 20): 313 (im actually not sure lol)

☘ DNI: racists, homophobes, sexists and anyone that's ok with any form of discrimination

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ 　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ 　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

☘ safe space for: everyone lol

☘ my other accounts: @crysten my writing and other stuff @skeellymellows book rants (AAAH I CANT TAG)

☘ books/movies/series: harry potter, pjo, aggtm, tig, sherlock/enola holmes, little women, black beauty, tsitp, better than the movies. hp, pjo, enola holmes, tsitp, gilmore girls, gossip girl, mean girls, legally blonde, little women, hunger games (haven't read the books), marvel (barely lol), secretariat (my favorite :>>). tbh idk what else lol

☘ my people:

@stvrgirl111//@stvrlighhttt (mare) #maree

@urbanflorals (em) #walkers wife

@gergthecat (scouty) #evil batman sourdough guy #bread man #george

@mqstermindswift (quason) #nickyy

@nqds (NADS) #nads! or was it #NADS! ??

@reminiscentreader (JAS) #theworldneedsmorepeoplelikejas

@sophiesonlinediary (fifi) #fifi <3

@myster3y (kiaraah) #kiaraah

@regisdvmb(reggggg) ✶ @coco6420 (cocoo) ✶ @eddiethebanished (finn :)) ✶ @themidnightarcher ✶ @starchasers-stuff ✶ @what-about-wendy (wendy <3) ✶ @lucinda-008 ✶ @foaming-sea ✶ @lonelycatsblog ✶ @good-old-fashioned-lover ✶ @my-mind-is-frozen ✶ @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies ✶ @baboland ✶ @blocked-zombieartist ✶ @sturn-wrld ✶ @swiftieannah ✶ @weeping-in-the-willows ✶ @s1xseasonsandamov1e ✶ @the-red-archer ✶ @svnflowermoon ✶ @helpimhopelesslyinlove ✶ @doyoujustnotwantto ✶ @atwtmvftvtvsgavralpsss ✶ @oh-whale13 ✶ @bonesofnixie ✶ @art-of-fools (stephanieee) ✶ @percabeths-blue-cookies ✶ @imthatweirdratinthecorner (a rat <3) ✶ @letmeseeallthefrogsinthecity ✶ @that-multi-fandom-hijabi (novaaa) ✶ @rachellelizabethhdare ✶ @sluttypoetsdepartment ✶ @kimu-dem ✶

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[matd0]

in celebration of it finally being warm enough for me to wear my "omg it's just like tim from marble hornets :O !!!" jacket, i did a silly sketch of us hanging out (incredibly self-indulgent 4 sure, but i would argue; what's even the point of being an artist if you cant draw silly self-indulgent picturs of whatever 🤨 i rest my case.)

bonus epic never seen before breathtaking unbelievable groundbreaking face reveal 🤯 [REAL] (NOT CLICKBATE❗❗)

o yea and btw since surprisingly many people have been asking about commissions I'll post a info thingy sooooonn :3 (been meaning to do it for a while but uhhh I've been procrastinating oopsi)

also sort of obligatory psa; i do not condone smoking, it's seriously very bad for you (ik it gets said like. all the time but like,, take it from the guy whose physical health is already deteriorating in part bc of it) also !!! please don't shame anyone that does, it's not going to help them and might even make things worse. The best way to help someone with (most) addictions is (usually) to offer support to them and not judge them. Also good to remember that you can't help someone if they don't want it, so forcing it will often cause more harm :] (idk ig this is like talked about all the time, but since it also affects me and alot of my friends i thought id mention it) (also im in no way a professional !!!! just talking from personal experience :P)

[sagethegremlin]

ok so this is kinda rambley and a tad venty but uh yeah long post about my mental state lately ig? idk tldr im gonna get sillier c:

ok so this is weird but i think getting all my thoughts out on a post will help me out through this but anyway i think ive had like really bad anxiety i think? about my fics lately. ive found myself being way too scared about what other people might think of them (way more than the usual voice in the back of my head at least) and i think ive been really scared of i guess no one caring, like the only way someone would care about one of my fics is if its this huge professional thing that means something. ive found myself overhyping or underhyping my wips when i shared them with friends, losing confidence in them entirely even if my friends said something nice, like it was always gonna look stupid so long as it wasnt in my head anymore.

i think the reason these feelings are so frustrating is because something as simple as writing fanfic shouldnt give me this much anxiety, to the point where im losing sleep and procrastinating important things over however good i am at writing something silly thats supposed to be for fun. and it hasnt just been about fanfic either, ive been so scared of how people perceive me online, feeling like i always have to type like im some big blog and constantly being scared of what other people think of me, which is the wrong attitude to have in a fandom space. this is supposed to be fun, and it hasnt been, and i want to change that.

ive really been wanting to say something for i think a few months now. ive noticed how much ive felt like i needed to overhype myself, and just how bad my confidence has been destroyed. theres been a person in my life for a while now that i havent been distancing myself from as much as i should have been, but now i want to try and work on finding ways to enjoy fandom spaces again. im tired of being scared of being expressive and enjoying myself.

im going to start writing more fics that i just enjoy, fucking around and just having fun, and I’ve been starting to doodle a little bit too c: i dont mean to make a post to like say anything big i guess i just kinda wanted to air out my thoughts a little bit (and i do have to admit it feels amazing to just get this all off my chest) but i guess if you read all this i wanna say i love you and i want you to do something good for your mental health today because its so hard to recognize when something is hurting you and even harder to try and fix it especially when it feels impossible but I believe in you and I love you :3

[thedogeveryonehates]

Are you an ADHD doggy ?

Bro i dont fuckin know anymore. Im probably just ignorant but like idk. Rant below bcus im bored *warning: im not very smart to begin with*

Evrytime i read an article or ask a friend its like 'u get bored when you do stuff you dont wanna do, but if ur interested in the stuff then you can show extreme focus and work really hard on it' and im like ??? well? Yeah. Thats just human tho?Who tf doesnt get bored of stuff. Who tf doesnt get lazy. Who tf doesnt procrastinate.

I assumed from the name itself "adhd" that its just 'having trouble keeping attention' but to a very high degree. And thats it.

But now i feel like EVERYONES saying that they have adhd -not even online ppl, idc abt online ppl saying it- but like back in uni and even now with my coworkers. "Sorry i couldnt do the thing before the deadline im so adhd haha" like bro youre actively trying to get me fired. Sort that shit out on your own time. The boss wont care. Im not blocking out time in my google calendar for an adhd buffer.

I grew up with someone that had really bad adhd and still struggles with it too this day as a working adult man. I know what it looks like and Ive deduced that YOU dont have adhd.

Is it boomer to say that i think its becoming like some tiktok trend nowadays to just self diagnose stuff as an excuse for being lazy? Youre telling me that jenny from the ops department has self diagnosed adhd, ocd, and autism? Bcus she took a buzzfeed quiz?

I really do wish i could trust what people say irl but at this point i just cant.

*but i trust all my mutuals tho. yall are smart. and also your actions dont actively affect my professional life

[caspersickfanfics]

*slams door open*

Cyno with a concussion. Cyno dazed confused with some badly placed jokes as he brushes it off. But because of the context Tighnari and him have to keep moving, make sure everyone else is okay, help out the rangers etc. Cyno with a concussion that is sneaky cuz adrenaline keeps him moving.

but it doesn’t last, and eventually he gets more clumsy, and his head hurts more. Hes trying to crack jokes to help him and Tighnari shake off the stress but…it’s hard to come up with good ones when his head is pounding…He’s learning tho so he asks nari for pain meds once back home. He feels extra tired, and his thoughts feel…slippery? Did Tighnari just ask him a question? Huh. He’s making food, but his stomach kinda…feels weird..

Im imagining it’s not until Cyno throws up said pain meds before they even have a chance to take effect that Tighnari initiates concision protocol. And what I also am imagining is how annoying it would be for Cyno who just is nauseous and wants to sleep but has to be woken up every hour to make sure his brains don’t turn into applesauce

This is brought to you by procrastination and my own experiences with concussions

:D

*pats you on the head and politely closes door*

HELLO i'm still obsessed with this it's so good i don't even know how to respond i just adore your brain!!!!!! and i need to write this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i like the idea of this happening in Gandharva Ville and with the forest rangers around, like the forest watchers i'm sure have good training but they're not professionals to the same degree as the matra, so i could absolutely see it throwing him off to the point of making a mistake or getting hurt if one of them stepped out of line.

thank you for sending me this, i am definitely going to continue mulling it over until i can pull it into some kind of cohesive fic <333 (and thank you for the head pats 🥰 )

[thesherrinfordfacility]

LWA: I'm procrastinating again from professional writing, so I'll take the opportunity of you being uncomfortable with "God Ships It" to do my rant. When I started attempting to read GO fanfic, I was startled by how...panicked?...it is about the source material. The panic is most obvious when it comes to dealing with any of Crowley's character flaws--this is a fandom that gets very sentimental about how cruel Crowley might be to his plants, but then does a Bentley-sized swerve when it comes to how cruel Crowley is to /Aziraphale/ when he /successfully/ manipulates him into trying to kill the Antichrist for him--but it also comes out in its treatment of religion.

The irony of post-S2 fanfic is that pre-S2 fanfic overwhelmingly endorses Aziraphale's attitude to Heaven (without realizing it). That is, it implicitly or explicitly assumes that Heaven has become warped in the absence of God, and that the presence of God Herself (or Himself, in the novel) would provide the "good" alternative. Heaven, that is, can be reformed if the real authority would just stand up. Moreover, there are multiple fics that really do assume that being an angel is better than being a demon because angelic grace means they are still in touch with the divine, and there are even fics that posit how great it would be if Crowley were reinstated to angelic status. "God ships it" rests on the assumption that the GO God is "good," that His/Her "shipping" is beneficent and rooted in care specifically for the protagonists (particularly if it proves to be part of the ineffable plan), and that His/Her imprimatur is desirable and necessary.

None of these assumptions are supported by the novel or series. (I keep wanting to write "Source for this claim?" in the margins.) Gaiman inadvertently sets the stage for "God ships it" by making God the narrator in S1, but "God reports it" is not the same as "God ships it." More to the point, both the novel and the series reject the terms of Pascal's Wager: if we cannot be assured of the existence of God or the nature of God's will, GO responds, then the correct course of action is to locate moral authority "on the ground," as it were, in human communities, and to proceed as if /God does not exist./ (Anathema burning the second book of prophecies is a case in point.) Moreover, in the series we are shown repeatedly that God's actions violate human (and angelic and demonic) moral norms, particularly in repeated sacrifices of children, and viewers are not invited to side with God! There is no evidence that the GO God is good, or loving, or even fundamentally decent in a way that can be articulated in terms of earthly morality. God's ways are incomprehensible, which is why, as I said before, attempts to do theology in GO-verse don't arrive at anything coherent. There is certainly no sign that God thinking you're a great person is going to do wonders for you (see: Job). And after seeing what God either causes to happen directly or allows to happen by withdrawing, there are no circumstances under which centering the protagonists' love lives makes God look any better. ("Isn't it amazing that all the horrors of the past several millennia had to happen just so Aziraphale and Crowley could be in love?") Finally, the "shipping" suggests that it is /desirable/ that the characters' love be divinely authorized or that they should be outright directed into a relationship by providential means, even though GO is all about the centrality of free will and the necessity of learning how to choose. So...no.

hey, look LWA; far be it for me to tell you how to spend your breaks in between work but i do have to question your decision that any part of that break is spent delivering Hot Tea to my inbox - but im never going to complain about it, rant away!!!✨ (also - hope the writing is going well, procrastination or no!!!)

it does make me uncomfortable for this one simple reason:

"god does not play dice with the universe. i play an ineffable game of my own devising."

so look - i know it's literally god speaking. she can do as she pleases, whatever. but to think that she tampers with her best and yet most ironic invention truly unnerves me - that she takes free will, and manipulates it to her design - and even more alarming is that that design is completely unknown and unknowable to anyone other than her. honestly, it's this kind of thought that makes me steer well clear of any religious leanings personally; people will make decisions and will mess them up and will succeed with them, but the thought that those occurrences were "god's will", or down to a higher power... well, it's not a good feeling, in my opinion. extrapolate that thought to any real life scenario as you will.

but in any case, to apply this to GO gives me the same sense of unease. i have still the thought that there is going to be a clear, definitive line between the great plan and the ineffable plan in the narrative. that seems to have been set up very firmly in s1, and arguably becomes way more understated yet elaborated on in s2 (job and resurrectionist minisodes) until the end when metatron mentions the second coming. id absolutely love for it to be a huge narrative point in s3 again; the ultimate long-con chekhovs gun metaphorically jamming, backfiring, and spraying shrapnel all over the place.

but which is worse? a great plan that at the very least almost everyone of influence in heaven, including aziraphale if you hypothesise based on his knowing of the plans for the humans/earth in the pre-fall scene, has seen or at least seen bits of, and now presumably will work to ensure will come to pass because they know better than to question something metaphorically written in stone? an awful concept at face value, fulfilling prophecy, but at least you'd know what you're getting - you're buying what's advertised. i got rather ensconced in looking up some biblical stuff the other night, thinking about something similar to this, and:

And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. (Matthew 24:6 - KJV)

that is terrifying, even if you take into account "the end is not yet", because that is ominous as all hell. but is it more terrifying that the ineffable plan, that is controlled and shaped and enacted by only one entity, cannot be questioned or challenged until it has already come to pass? that it is not of even questionable morality, but unknowable morality? god does not play dice, because that would be fairer - that would leave things up to chance... free will. instead she is playing by something only she knows, only she can control. so in that first quote, i interpret that she is either directly or indirectly telling the audience not to trust her and her actions. maybe god is self-aware, maybe not. she's ineffable.

so, even if the great plan is awful and inevitable, is it better to anticipate exactly what's coming? better the devil you know? either way, between the two, you're actually caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. that's the whole dilemma, the whole point, i know. but this is where i come to the "god ships it" trope: i originally thought that aziraphale and crowley being a part (and possibly inadvertently cocking up) the ineffable plan by way of their love story would be a great plot device - until i realised that, to be honest, that would a) feel like lazy writing with very little nuance to be had, and b) directly contradict my whole thought process on free will.

i do think they're involved in the ineffable plan, have a stake and place in it. i don't think, in some way, that there's any way they can't be. but it would have to be for god's benefit (ie whatever conclusion for the world she's currently got running on standby mode), and i don't think god, being what/who she is, would be able to understand love like that. she might foresee it, being omniscient and all, but what would she know about it? love is something to be felt, and that kind of love (unless GO is going to take a very weird turn) is not something she could ever experience. she sees it, sure, in her creations, but that's not knowing it.

so no, i don't think god has any place in the relationship between aziraphale and crowley. if anything, her mere existence is the ultimate barrier to it, through crowley's resentment, hurt, and anger, and in aziraphale's naivety, blind faith, and own brand of god complex. to give her seal of approval to any of it would be redundant anyway; it wouldn't change anything, it doesn't prove anything, and it immediately questions whether the characters choosing to have a relationship of any kind is of their own free will or was predetermined and inevitable. so, no, thank you.

i would like to think god is good - because if there is a higher power, you just have to hope that they don't have it out for you, right? - but logically she just... is. arguably, she is beyond morality, and arguably she is both good and bad. she makes bets with satan to test the faith in her most loyal faithful - which again, it might have been the great plan to make job suffer, but equally it might have been the ineffable plan for aziraphale and crowley to thwart it at great risk, sacrifice, and pain to their psyches... frankly, it's fucked either way you slice it.

(and it does make me wonder about why this appears to be the last that we actually see of god's 'physical' presence in heaven so far...)

furthermore, the issue in the resurrectionists; not even just aziraphale's alarming speech completely disregarding inequality as a means of arriving at a ridiculous point about morality, but - did god have a hand in having aziraphale and crowley come across elspeth and morag, leading to aziraphale starting to question what right and wrong is (rather unsuccessfully, he swings between redefining the two like a sodding metronome)? and equally have a hand in morag's death, that made aziraphale potentially retreat back to his usual standby of exalting in god's power and mercy? but leads to elspeth being able to live a better life? unknown, but this possibility does indicate that no, she isn't good, and she isn't bad, she's just playing a game that has an equal chance for the rest of us as being a good or bad move (insomuch that only she knows what game and rules she's playing - schrödingers chess move, really).

that's why aziraphale's decision at the end of s2 is so important to me. he spent the previous episode playing at being god, moving pieces around the board in a series of patterns as he pleased in order to reach the check, but having little regard for them in doing so - removing their free will and ability to think or feel or act independently, but equally whilst never at any intention of causing harm. does that make it okay? of course not - it's playing a game only he knows how to play.

so to then look at heaven as being something that he could change, should change - because he's being handed the opportunity - is meritable; he's not leaving it up to someone else, not following blind faith that "the almighty will fix it", he's choosing to be the change himself. and there's no confirmation at all that he's doing it to return it to what he considers to be god's original intention; as it stands, we have to assume that he's just going to fix/change/improve it for the wider benefit of everyone. but then again - is this fair? that at the top of heaven there will essentially only be aziraphale (not counting the metatron), and his vision, his decisions? perhaps that's why it was also so important to see that conference meeting in ep6 - it's not just the supreme archangel in charge; there is a precedent, however questionable the board of directors, of democracy in heaven.

lastly, just to touch on it: i think it would have been an interesting conundrum if crowley had accepted the restoration; whether it would have changed him, erased parts of him involuntarily, or if he would have remained as just crowley and used the opportunity to bring down the second coming and heaven's corruption from the inside. as it stands, we'll never know - but there never was any true characterisation reward to be had from making him an angel again, and it would have been a weird choice for him to make. the way it went down was exactly as their characters are and believe.

(putting this into a separate section because my mind just got a factory-reset by this point and my having a philosophy-realignment moment didn't really fit in any of the above very well):

it's really interesting to bring in pascal here, because i wouldn't have seen GO as rejecting it altogether on first glance (ie not contradicting you, just realigning my thought process). so... my initial thought is that GO eradicates at least half of the wager by confirmation that god exists, full stop (aaaand immediately going off on a long tangential thought of how different the story could be if we didn't have god as the narrator/no confirmation of god in the book other than in abstract, and therefore the pascal wager could theoretically apply - big yikes). removal of the dead-end outcomes leaves you with receiving either damnation, or eternal peace. but add in the element of ineffability, as you say, and the entire argument is rejected altogether... it makes sense to have GO reject such a binary argument, and the whole representation of agnes as being a stand-in personification (?) for god, in that respect, and anathema essentially rejecting her, carries so much more weight for me now... thats so cool to think about, thank you!!!✨

[miranda-mundt-art]

this is sort of a ramble with no point but LMAO im just thinking about how as far as promo stuff goes i have a very.... uhhh Cooperate design sense? Because at my last job for Graphic Design it had to be very clean/pro in order to look legitimate

But when it comes to like... my own business (comics/merch/patreon/etc) I struggle because I feel like it doesn’t have the ‘indie’ artist type vibe where it looks handwritten/handmade even if ... obviously I draw everything myself 

like ... I feel like the way I set it up doesn’t look as “friendly” as I want it to. I think I can make stuff look very professional but bordering on try-hard not ... Whimsical. Which maybe it doesn’t really make a difference in the end ;alskdjf;akj  

I think it’s also why its easier for me to design apparel type merch for LoveBot because literally I’m making like.... stuff for a business. I’m thinking about how a sci-fi tech business would design things. But with Muted its generally more flowy and symbolic... but I can’t figure out what symbols to use - or have the means to design apparel that’s cost effective for everyone since what I imagine takes an extreme level of customizing (save for Camille’s Rose Sweater)

.... and yes, if you’re curious. I am procrastinating on my work.

[sadisthetic]

I’m giving the designers objectively the right amount of credit. I’m a former lego employee :-)

doubt. even if you were, why are you taking personal offense to criticism to the show as a whole and are taking time out in your life to defend something under the mask of anonymity where you have absolutely no claim to your name? wheres your sense of professionalism? taking offense a silly small no name artist questioning a design element. in a caption of bloody fanart no less. and you say youre an ex lego employee! ex! so youre less relevant now. if youre not lying that is. you wont even say what your position was. lego employee is so vague.

anyways. because youre on anon all this claim does is make you sound like the "my uncle works at nintendo!" meme. im sorry to say that as an anon. you are nobody

by the way. by set design im speaking from an entertainment arts perspective. not the sets that kids buy in the store. im talking about sets that are Actually used in the show. this kind of design work.

http://www.cynthiahalley.com/ not ninjago related but this is MY definition of set design. aka. what im seeing in the show. not the simplified little toy models

anyways. looks like youre not done!

shakes out my hands. alright! you wanna play this kinda game? okay sure, ill play along! why not. i have time to procrastinate. you are rude by the way!

lets google that very phrase you gave here

mhm mhm! yup! that sure is the grate that jays prison was based on! but huh..... hm! im kinda curious about what the inside looks like. you know? the inside of the hold that jay is in that this is all about?

lets add a term to the search

huh! huh! interesting. that doesnt look like anything i saw in the show. hmmmm actually this doesnt give me enough sense about the architecture of the ship, so let do the same research that ive been doing for my own curiositys sake

cool..... pretty expansive actually. ehhhh i want a tour. this doesnt sate my curiosity enough. i wanna see what the grates underside looks like because im bored and obsessed with this lego show

i wont waste everyones time. an example is at about 11 minutes in

wow i learned a lot about ships. also i looked at diagrams. not that you ever had the thought to. hm. now how did the hold jay was in look like again

thats fucking stupid. in the few frames we are given of it of the different angles, its clearly just a fucking box. no depth leading to the curve of the hull, no visible door and likely no door whatsoever bc it would complicate things. a box that probably is in the shape of its opening. lets be real. this is a design that was easy and convenient for the cg modeler to make. ive done 3d work for a class. its hell. i dont blame them. but anyways. ppl who worked on this probably just saw the grates on the surface of the deck and was like oh we dont know what that looks like on the inside but its a perfect place to throw poor ole jay in! grab the trusty basic 3d cube. use difference to cut it out. add texture. and to be honest? yeah the story doesnt need an entire storage space to be built for realism sake. why would they do that for a cg lego show. lets get lazy about it, what do the kids know, whats important is that jays life sucks. the sparseness serves more of a purpose the bleak hopelessness of the pit jay has dug himself into

my point still stands. this is just a hole. it aint right. this is not how old ships were built. this cell was made for jays specifically for the sake of simplicity in both the production standpoint and story. its dumb but serviceable for a narrative purpose

but anyways so from this ive learned an important thing or two about you! you! dont know how to research! you! have only ever looked surface level. literally surface level, you saw these images of the deck and never even thought about whats underneath? the very thing ive been questioning? ive been talking about how its just a fucking cube this entire time. its just a hole. you given me more insight about ships so i thank you for that but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. youre very bad at convincing someone whos right

also you contradicted yourself. you said that "the concepts for the misfortune’s keep were done carefully" but then you go on to say that it "doesn’t require accurate research"? after telling ME, silly ole me who clearly has easily done more research than you, to do a bit research? hello? whats the truth? hm? what are you trying to prove now. doesnt need research because its "basic hollywood tropes" kay so whats been done here is nothing original because theyre copying whats already been done hundreds of times. great argument. dont get me wrong tho i love a good trope. especially when it involves things i enjoy. like jay having the most miserable time. heres the thing tho. what is being brought into question is not what HAPPENS to jay. its the fucking lazy set dressing. am i wrong to point out thats just a hole? its a hole. absolutely no deeper thought has gone into designing that. why are you so mad about it?

i do this for a hobby. criticizing ninjago is literally 75% of the fun for me. thinking soooo much about the shows i like and pointing out the bits that are wack is how i occupy my brain in my spare time. so what are you doing man. is defending ninjagos honor your hobby? get a better one. or at least more thought and consideration and media literacy. like im thinking about the show from a production standpoint as well as writing. this show has So many holes in it btw so theres MUCH to think about and mull over. a lot of stuff for me to play with. its nice in that sense. ninjago is a sandbox if anything. im sure im not alone in thinking this

thanks for the soapbox anon! youve overstayed your welcome! get out of my house! im just a guy with opinions as scathing as they are.

OH WAIT IF YOURE REALLY AN EX LEGO DESIGNER? WHY ARE SO MANY OF THE NINJAS GI'S LAPELS FOLDED RIGHT OVER LEFT? ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE THAT IN A LOT OF EAST ASIAN CULTURES, TRADITIONAL CLOTHING THAT FOLDED IS FOR DEAD PEOPLE. NINJAGO IS LOOSELY (SO VERY LOOSELY.) BASED ON JAPANESE CULTURE. SO CLEARLY VERY LITTLE RESEARCH GOES INTO DESIGNING THE LITTLE LEGO GUYS OUTFITS THEMSELVES!!!! WHOS THE WHITE GUY WHO DESIGNED THE MINIFIGURES. I HAVE PERSONAL BEEF WITH THEM.

but if youre a nobody. byebye. i dont think you can come back from this. im done here. this was fun. drops the mic

[yoneh]

after a while off of social media i felt like in order for a professional “comeback” to it would be me with a project ready to release for people to hear, i wanted STU to be the ideal first project of mine because im at a turning point in my evolution where i need to make a move, on the chessboard of my life..

but when the time came to create the masterpiece i wanted, i fell short and lost focus in my craft. i lost focus in the one thing i was passionate about, the one thing id live and die for, and i lost focus. all because i procrastinated.

all because i wouldn’t do the beats i wanted to do when i was supposed to do them, all because i wasted the money i was supposed to save on equipment to instead spend it on weed and molly, all because i lost pride in myself..when i hated the person i was so i instead made me something i was not, i could’ve love the person i was going to become now than second guessing on my future.

thinking and fantasizing about my future instead of taking the steps to actually make it my own was also something i think is what made me fall off course. im all about me me me. i know the gifts i have will take me far. i was made for anything successful because that’s what i am, but though im made for stardom the star itself can collapse on itself and die in its cold fate.

I don’t know whats next, im not a fortune teller, you’re worse enemys threat, sitting in the mirror, my reflection give me torture, you give sex, my dream temptation, you better go nowhere, baby i get all your attention, but you dont have balls the touch me hoe, beware.

maybe i will find peace the more i put myself out there instead of speakin on shit on head in. get the head out for a chance. if imma only live once, imma live it the best way i can, my way, wether u like it or not.

[rotisseriepizza]

☢ | Hello !!! I am pretty damn new to tumblr !!!

( side quest : take a shot each time you read "i" )

MINORS DNI ‼️

☺︎ | Brief about me :

- 19, professional procrastinator, college student

- you can call me rotisserie

- safe place for lgbtq+ individuals :3

- also safe for poc <3

- stinky mean ppl get shot on sight tho ;)

- my pronouns are she / her

- i do be doodling sometimes

- avocados are the enemy <3

☻ | Likes :

- spooky creepy stories

- memes and overall silly things

- movies, games and music, p standard stuff

- tacos!!!! nachos!!!!!

- cartoons <3

- fun facts about things

☺︎ | Dislikes

- avocados

☻ | About my blog :

- i hope to write fan fiction / one shots

- mindless smut

- writing may be poor but can improve

- won't be consistent with any schedule

- open to making friends

- or finding rp partners

- we can be friends regardless

- subjects may be 18+ but fluff is possible

☺︎ | Roleplay information, subject to change :

( keep in mind atm im swamped with school

so I may not be very attentive to rp offers )

- OC x CC is preffered, same with double ups

- basically I play someone for you,

- you play someone for me

- i think I'm fairly lenient when it comes to rp.

grammar doesn't have to be perfect ,

just legible

- i will adapt to whatever length.

write as much or little as you want,

i just need something to work with

- for sexual themes everyone has to be 18+,

no exceptions. maps dni.

- there's some things I won't write for,

i also won't list every little thing. So just ask

and I'll politely accept or decline.

- i'll make a list of taboos at some point

- i love plot and story building

- but i also don't mind smut with barely any plot

( just not constant plz I'm a hopeless romantic

sometimes 😖 )

☻ | Current fandoms I'll rp, list will only grow

( we can even combine fandoms + not have our

plots connect ( doesn't matter to me) YOLO )

Key | ☑ = down to rp

/ = might not wanna do it

x = at the moment no

☑ the boys ( would love to play as homelander )

( my oc x soldier boy )

☑ creepypasta

☑ slasher films ngl

☑ Fallout (haven't played the first 2 or 76(?))

/ breaking bad

/ resident evil

/ marvel ( my oc x bucky barnes )

/ dc

/ hunter x hunter ( my oc x chrollo )

/ red dead redemption ( my oc x either javier or

arthur )

( jovier shipper )

/ hazbin hotel ( would like to play as alastor )

⚠︎ | Welp! That's all for now folks !!!

[starfruitgirlie]

as someone who is diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and adhd, executive dysfunction is my bread and butter, it's an almost daily occurrence in my life that I have been able to tackle over time. here is a long dump of how i manage those feelings.

disclaimer: i have received professional treatment including medication, these things are just habits ive built/are building that help improve my life on top of the treatment

I get super sick about 2-3 times a year and i'm out of school for 3-5 days at a time. i had one of these occurrences just before my spring break so i missed 3-4 tests that were very important. naturally when i got back i had a billion things to do that involved going in early at the crack of dawn. the first thing that really helps my brain is writing down everything i have to do. not putting it on my phone, ive found that it doesn't help whatsoever and that actually writing it in a notebook or just on a sticky note helps a lot more. next i email my teachers. i'm someone who starts and ends all my emails like "im so sorry to bother you im such an awful lowly creature and im an annoyance so sorry" so i get nervous about it but 99% of the time if you are reasonable, polite, and get to the point teachers will not mind. (even if your teacher is an asshole, there are always other teachers/staff who will help). In my experience the fact that you even email in the first place says something because a lot of kids just wander into class and say "yeah i was gone what are we doing" and it makes their lives and yours easier to know what to expect when you get to class. once you figure out what you missed DO THE ASSIGNMENTS. i'm a really bad procrastinator but im a successful procrastinator so even if you have to spend 8 hours cramming on a sunday just do it. i know not everyone has the flexibility for their schedule that i do but i utilize going in early a lot. you don't often get one-on-one advice from teachers and having that time (for free no less) makes a difference. my school offers morning resource and saturday resource for things like this. so this week i went in before class and went in during my lunch time to work. i was able to finish 99% of my missing work and i only have one more assignment to complete.

I don't really do a lot of after school activities besides volunteering so i use my downtime to work on my creative hobbies but i have a lot of flexibility so i take advantage of times when i could be getting help. it's easy to feel hopeless like there's no way to get everything done but your teachers want you to succeed and are available more often than not. just communicate! side note, lying about being busy won't do you any good. being more honest about your time management and mental health is better (in my experience). your teacher doesn't know if your parents just got divorced, they only know you have 5 missing assignments.

while i do try to "glamorize" my self care routine by pretending im a youtuber i tend to be more efficient when i get in the okay lets just get shit done mindset. I don't have the money to invest in a really complicated skin care routine but i do my research and remember that while im so tired i have to get up and wash my face. routines have always been tough for me but thinking of it like okay im a tv character about to go to bed let's do all these pretty things. plus, im so gross if i dont. Also, self care is sometimes doing the stuff you don't like doing but you have to do. you're doing it for yourself, you're helping out future you from crying on the floor because of giant laundry loads. i used to not keep up simple cleaning and wait until it got so bad that i had to clean, but establishing little chores to do makes it a lot more manageable. the way i wired this for my adhd brain was thinking about it in "im in the room, i see the thing, i may as well take care of it because its on my mind" i admit its not the most efficient way of doing things i often just do tasks i see in one room rather than sorting things out but it works for me. i think of it like when you're cleaning your room and you find your old DS and you start to play it. that piece of laundry on the floor? i may be in the middle of doing this but i'm going to pick it up and bring it to the laundry room right now. if its terribly inconvenient for me i have to write it down and make it so obvious for future me that i can't just forget about it. a method i do is take an item i use daily and put it in the area that needs attention. that way i will be sure to remember it.

the mindset of "well future me will be grateful for this" and "may as well do it now" may not seem glamorous but it's effective for my brain.

this may backfire on me later but i've been reading up more on hygiene and germs bc the more i think about it the more grossed out i get and the more im motivated to clean/do chores.

i'm also a teenager so im always on my phone playing crossy road or looking at pinterest, so something i do now is if i need to go to my room quickly to get something, i leave my phone where i am so i dont get side tracked and distracted. leaving my phone somewhere in a drawer or in a closed room helps get distractions away. granted my brain finds so many ways to still be distracted but it helps.

this last one may be a little crazy but i talk to myself. not in the having conversations it's just when im in an unmotivated depressive state it helps to talk out loud what im thinking/feeling. it helps my situation not seem so daunting and controlling, and more like im in control. (ex: "okay i feel like crap and i don't want to do anything but my closet is incredibly messy so im going to clean it")

executive dysfunction does not equal laziness, mental health is a serious thing and even with medication things can still feel chaotic and out of your control. i find it hard to take mental health advice from people who haven't experienced it themselves, and i have so i want to make those teens like me who felt so useless and lazy like they aren't crazy and they are valid. being depressed at ages 12-14 is like hell because one you're depressed and you're also super cringey so it's going to be a hard experience but being able to get up and take a shower and change your socks makes it less hard. thanks for reading i am extremely long winded and i don't feel compelled to shorten this post smell ya later

[greydiminishing]

im soo anxious today and i dont know why i feel so bad. Im going to write down all the things im anxious about or just things taking up too much room in my brain, cause I heard that helps. then maybe I'll make a plan.

Current anxieties:

Moving back to school next week after a year and a half. I knew i was leaving sometime mid-january. I know that it is now January. Yet it still comes as a surprise to me that I only have one week before I leave. Going back to school has been on my mind like 24/7, how did I let it sneak up on me?? Dont get me wrong, I'm so ready to get out of this house, but im not ready to say bye to my dog yet :(

Anxiety about my hair: I have pretty severe hair thinning from telogen effluvium. You can see my scalp. I've been hacking at it myself, keeping it short for the past year. Its uneven and choppy, which is fine when I'm holed up in my room everyday. But now I want to get it cut by professionals. I've been meaning to schedule an appointment for that, but never got to it. Im kind of embarrassed to even have someone see the state of my head. And now I only have a week. I'm hoping that cutting it a bit shorter will make it fluffier and harder to see my scalp, but what if it doesn't? In the 10 years I've been suffering with hair loss, this is the worst its ever been. And of course this is the point when I really, really, desperately want to make new friends and possibly even a relationship. But that's gonna be a bit difficult when the back of my head looks like gollum's.

Acne: For some reason, my acne has gotten really bad in the past few months??? Painful, cystic acne like I've never had before. of course, right before i make my debut back into society for the first time in nearly two years lol. And with my hair super short now, all my acne is on FULL display. I need some good skincare and color correcting makeup.

Me and my friend (T) want to "hang out sometime before break ends" but that's the extent of our plans. I LOVE her and of course I want to hang out with her, but at the same time, I dont want to hang out with anyone. I dont want to leave the house. Im bald and covered in painful acne, and im a ball of anxiety for no reason. But I feel bad because I do wanna hang out. And also because she is always the one who reaches out to me, not the other way around. I dont think im being a very good friend..

Dentist. I really need to get to the densist. I haven't gotten a cleaning in about 2 years... I brush my teeth everyday and floss most days, but I'm still prone to cavities for some reason. Recently, my crown has come off. I just pop it back in and it seems fine, but i know that's gotta get fixed. Thats another appointment I've been procrastinating. Especially with the acne that tends to bubble up around my mouth and lips, its sometimes painful to even open my mouth, let alone keep my mouth stretched open for 30 minutes. Also its embarrassing and ugly and i dont want the dentist looking so closely at my nasty pimples. But i really need a cleaning and to get that crown fixed and I only have a week left. Can you even schedule a dentist appointment the week before?

Apartment. Housing told me I won't know my housing assignment until the first week of January. I have no idea where on campus I'm gonna be living. Roommates or no roommates? One of the campus apartments comes unfurnished. Hopefully i dont get that one but what if i do? I move in next week, will i need to buy a bed frame? a desk? idunno?? Well, i probably won't get the unfurnished one, so im sure it'll be fine. I just hope i have no roommates.

Packing. I need to pack. Packing is always incredibly overwhelming for me. Its alot to think about. I always take my bass to school, but I've been playing guitar more and now I want too take both. I need a case/bag for the guitar cause I dont have one. I feel like my dad is gonna try to make me take one or the other, but i really want both. Im always scared of packing too much or not enough stuff or forgetting something important. I should start now so i dont have to stress so much about it.

clothes. All of my clothes are in a big pile on the bottom bunk. I need to wash all of them to get the bugs and dust off. Also need to pick more consciously what i want to bring, since most of that stuff i dont even wear anymore. I really need new clothes too. Most of my wardrobe is stuff from highschool. But new clothes are expensive :(

money. i have maybe $2000 in my account. Im sad because I really wanted to save all my money to put into renovating my van, but that didnt happen. I dont like asking my parents for money. I'd like to keep $1500 minimum pillow in my account at all times. That should be enough for groceries at ~$120 a month, but no spending money. Which sucks cause I really want to buy clothes and skincare and makeup and expensive rosemary oil for my hair. And i want to have friends this time around. You typically need a bit of spending money to hang out with friends; grabbing lunch/coffee, bowling, staying in and ordering a pizza, etc.

Job. I applied for a job on campus for spending money. On the application it asks you to mark the times you are available. This always felt weird to me that my boss would know exactly when im available. Maybe that's just a me issue. So on the application, i moreso marked the hours of my preferred shifts haha. That was a few weeks ago, and the manager finally got back to me, telling me my availability didn't align with what they needed. Thats totally on me :P oops. I think they will allow me to resend my availability though, I'll be less stingy with my time this time around. Though I am scared of getting stuck with late night or weekend shifts.

My roommate from when I was last at school left some of their things when they moved out. I was the last to move out, so i grabbed their stuff with the intention of bringing it back when we live together the next semester. I forgot to mention it to them. I ended up not going back and now i just have some of their stuff. Its a saucepan, a teacup and dessert plate, and a brita pitcher. I feel really bad about everytime i think abut it. Its been nearly two years, so I dont know if i should message them about this. I think they graduated already? but what if they didnt and i see them around campus? I should just message them and apologize and offer to mail their stuff back.

prescriptions. I need to change pharmacies so I can get my prescriptions while at school. that, or have my parents mail it to me once a month.

For the new year, I meant to write down all of my goals/things i want to do, like getting an internship, and making friends. and then write a detailed plan for them. But i haven't gotten to that yet and its just been another thing taking up space in my brain.

my phone camera stopped working a while ago. I didnt think my phone was that old (its a Samsung galaxy s7), but then my favorite alarm app stopped working. I tried to uninstall and reinstall, but then I couldn't download it cause my phone is too old 😭. I need to get a new phone. Hopefully with money from my job that I'll for sure get after giving them better availability lol.

My timeblocking schedule. I haven't been sticking to it as good as i'd have hoped. Some days (most days), i just really dont feel like studying calc or hackerrank and would much rather keep learning react. Those other topics have been neglected and im getting anxious about being super behind in my university physics course because its been years since the last time i calculated an integral. I'll take a whole day to refresh my calc skills, and that'll hopefully get me on track.

The other issue is that i dont get up as early as i hoped, or i stay on my phone for too long, and end up starting my day later than planned. And then I'll just say, "I'll get started after lunch/after i walk the dog", so my day really starts at 2pm instead of 8am. The other part of it is not blocking out days like Christmas, new years, new years day; days that I knew i probably would not be working. Then I don't work those days, even though work is scheduled, and when i come back i feel off schedule. If i cant follow this super easy schedule, how will i do will a busy schedule of classes and homework and work shifts?

Theres more i think, but im tired of writing now. I do feel a bit better. That could've been the adderall i took before this though.

oh also i think our house is in foreclosure. parents have been not-so-quietly yelling about it early in the mornings. I know there's nothing I can really do about this one, but its still stressful.

[dream-wrecker-blog]

Hey guys. Sooo we all know that I’m not consistent on here. But when I show up! You have to admit, that its good. Lol

So today I had a really good conversation within myself.

To paint a clear picture, I work over nights. Which is really important. I’ll be explained later on. So my work night starts at 20:30 hrs. And thats just prep time. I actually start work at 21:00. I’m a newly promoted person in charge. Im a (SUPERIOR!!!!)

In my profession. It takes a while to earn this status. Which at one point I had turn down. So… to make a bigger deal of my position. There’s tiers. 1-9 and I’m at 5. But when I started this security position, which is part time by the way. I entered at level 3. Which cave me a bit of an ego boost. I’ve been with this part time security organization for 7 years. I would have been a tier 6 but because I declined my position before I’m at tier 5. Which at the time. I have to say was very wise.

So from 21:00 until 05:00 hrs. My team and I are a presence. A deterrent as you will. Most of us professional and proficient. While others are clearly here to cash the checks and buy a house.

At 05:00hrs. I head home. By which I go to through public transit. The 4 or 3 train to Brooklyn. YEA!!! Brooklyn. A part of New York I’m never really in. Or care to be in. Its a part of New York that feels as if its just segregated. And there’s just no need to be apart of. I mean they are the part of the city that get hit with the storms first. Thus! Slowing it down over the rest of the city.

By the tome I get home its 06:00hrs. And I take a shower and brush my teeth. I have a personal belief that when you work in service. Helping demographics that are under privileged, there negative energy clings to you.

When I w home the bathroom is the first place I go. I undress myself and kick the clothes in a corner. And get in the tub. I wash with soap thats been infused with green tea sage and one other banisher. And once I’m wet I wash my face and brush my teeth in the shower. Because why not! Once I get dressed I don’t see the point. While tired, doing these grooming steps I could have do e while in the shower.

After doing those tedious things. I begin to chant to my spirits and call them to help me remove the energy I picked up. And I continue to do this procedure until I feel clean and almost see the negative energy in the suds going down the drain.

Once I finish, I get out the tub and immediately from the back I stand and spray in the direction of the drain with bleach. After that I leave the bathroom. Prep some tea and take multivitamins capsules. Head back into the bathroom and run the shower on cold. Until the bleach is gone.

This is all the things I do before I head to bed. Once I jump in my sweet cradle of rest. I knock out for a few hours. By this time its 08:00. Then I typically sleep for 7 hours. And I should be awake at 14:00hrs. And procrastinate for an hour. Then I go the gym and hype myself up to be a body builder. To only almost die from too much pre-workout. Lol.

Yes this is true it happens a little too often for my liking. But after going to the gym at 1600 i head back to house to shower again and do this routine all over again.

Sounds like a lot right! Well… it is. Usually my job allows me to be in a hotel. “Great right” but! There are stipulations to these. Such as distance and how long it takes you to get to work. Unfortunately, for me I don’t quality. It takes me only (30/1.45) min from new lots to 42nd street. And I’m less than 30 miles. Soooo…….. yup..!… I don’t qualify

Honestly, its actually a good thing that I’m not in a hotel because they reserve the right to check your room. And you cannot have people over which sucks because I would have slutted it up

So the whole point of this rant is to give you insight into my day! Im 3 weeks in and to myself, walking home from the gym I had to express to myself out loud. I’m……. Not……… happy!!!!

Recently I had my own very modern version of eat pray love. Where I went to Africa on the east cost. And I with a very well established team help liberate this 3rd world group of people. We pretty my educated them on various methods of self preservation. My hand in it was cooking and giving my love and life into the food. They were eating.

There! I learned I wasn’t happy either. But there I had time to burn. Burn in the sense I was working and getting paid very well and!!! And! I had tome to think! All of my basic needs were met and I truly was able to deeply self reflect.

My reflection told me I wasted time and parts of my life on things that don’t even belong to me. Which is the hate I had for my parents. The anger I had towards people who intentionally did me wrong.

So here! I caught myself falling back into the same behavior.

I’m not happy.

So! I might have to quit for the sake of my mental and emotional health. I’m not doing what feeds my soul. Which is art! Sex and poetry.

[silveru]

Introduction here~

I'm an artist and want to try out writing as a side hobby. I'm a beginner, though.

I intend to dedicate this page to my fandoms (mostly just otome games and hsr, honestly)

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Hi! I'm a Tumblr nobody, here are some things you might want to know:

Firstly, I'm not so fluent in English as I'm not a native. So, I apologize in advance if I say things that happen to come out as strange. Don't hesitate to point out to me, though! This is a step in learning too :)

Secondly, I honestly have no idea how this platform works yet. For example: there are countless phrases, abbreviations, warnings, terms, features, ... that I have yet to know of. So, many of them may seem missing from my profile or posts. Again, I'm still figuring things out, if anything, don't hesitate to let me know!

Thirdly, as mentioned above, I'm a digital artist trying out writing and also a professional procrastinator.

Lastly, while I don't speak fluent English, I still possess unfathomably broken humor. Therefore, do expect to cringe, feel awkward, and even experience second-hand embarrassment as you slowly scroll through my dump of simpery😔

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What to expect:

Cringy english

Cringy artworks

Cringy blogs

Crappy shitposting

Boomer comprehension of how to use anything right

Vents

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Thanks for reading!

(seriously, im sorry for writing so much lololol)