#im also bilingual which is also a useful skill. but if anyone says they know what theyre doing

[every-sanji]

Woah this little project has been going on for 3 years now! A little crazy that I've managed to keep this thing running but I am nothing if not committed to the bit. Thank you to everyone who has been here since day one and everyone who has followed along more recently in this journey to post every single Sanji! Here's to three more years 🥂

[alicanta77]

NCT Dream Reaction: You surprising them by speaking their native tongue

Mark:

mr confused bilingual is so shook when you surprise him

he would have literally no idea that you were even learning

so when you just started talking to him

he probably initially responded in the same language, not quite registering that it isn’t the language you normally speak in together

when it finally sinks in, he just pauses exactly where he is

and slowly turns towards you with that wide eye stare he does when shocked

“yooooo when did you learn that???” *cue the giggles*

is taken aback as to how much you already know

and promises to do his best to help you learn more if you want

really likes being able to switch between both languages with you

since he does that a lot already, he’s now not as worried about accidentally excluding you from the conversation

sometimes switches to see your progress and give you any tips he can

is a quiet supporter but everyone can see he’s immensely proud of you

Renjun:

absolutely and completely melts into the softest pile of uwu you can imagine

he already thinks you’re the most perfect, adorable, precious thing on the planet

and now you’ve gone and surprised him with this and his heart cannot take it

pinches your cheeks

then kisses them

then hugs you

and gives you his trademark temple kiss

and smothers you in a level of affection you weren’t quite prepared for

is asking you to repeat it all throughout the day

is also asking what else you know

constantly teaches you little useful phrases

and looks at you with the softest eyes when you get it right

he literally swears that he falls in love with you all over again

Jeno:

as you as you speak to him his head shoots up

stares at you with wide eyes

cue the confused puppy noises

definitely asks you to repeat what you just said 

before breaking into the biggest smile

also definitely gives you a massive hug and forehead kiss

is already so proud of you and what you’ve learnt

is also really touched that you wanted to surprise him with this

is one to ask if you want help rather than just call himself your teacher

if you say yes he’ll be so patient and calm and happy to teach you

if you say you want to learn it by yourself, he’ll be fine with that

he’ll likely just slip in and out of the language so that it helps you learn it and become more familiar when speaking

is also fiercely protective of you if anyone tries to tease you about it

so don’t anger or upset this one

cause he will do anything for you

Donghyuck:

one of the few things he wouldn’t tease you for

is initially really surprised at your ability

had ZERO idea that you were even learning so is completely blown away

also incredibly confused as to how he didn’t notice

but praises you to the ends of this earth

maybe teases you once or twice early on

until he sees just how much effort and time you’ve put into this

and goes into the full supportive boyfriend mode

helps out whenever he can and becomes your personal tutor

as long as you buy him food in return

is always proud of your progress

and constantly gets you to show off to others

is also likely the most encouraging

like he nods along when you stumble over your words, or helps you out when lost and ALWAYS makes sure to remind you of your achievements and how far you’ve come when you begin to get disheartened

Jaemin:

the BIGGEST smile comes across his face

audible giggles at how adorable you are

and 100000000% pinches your cheeks

absolutely INSISTS on being your personal teacher

yeah you’re not gonna have a say in that

rewards you with a kiss every time you get something right

and comforts you with two kisses when you get something wrong

is obnoxiously supportive of you and how well you’re doing

uses it as a bragging tool

“yeah well my s/o is the smartest bubba on the planet so do the goddamn dishes jisung”

also brings it up literally whenever and wherever *see example above*

he’s just so proud of you that he thinks everyone in the world should see it

also talks to you in the language you’re learning so that you can improve

has never ending patience when he teaches you so it’s very easy for you to learn

Chenle:

he knows exactly how hard it is to learn another language

so is MAJORLY proud of you when you start comfortably speaking to him

makes you repeat what you said to every person you come across

just wants to show off how awesome his s/o is

has the cockiest smirk on his face when you show off your skills

“yeah that’s my s/o, they’re awesome what about it?”

but inside his head sounds a bit more like

“YES THATS MY BABY YOU GO Y/N IM SO PROUD OF YOU I LOVE YOU”

so don’t be fooled in the slightest

since he has experience with learning another language, he would be another one to teach you

gives you a little nod with a smile on his face every time you get something right

really loves seeing your progress and never fails to remind you how well you’re doing

Jisung:

wide eyes and confused face stares at you for about 20 seconds

before eventually melting into a soft little smile

“wow that was really good”

is another one who will ask you to repeat what you said

since he was the one who helped chenle the most

i strongly believe that he would be so excited and prepared to help you

also

unlike the others

i don’t think jisung would show you off to the other members

he’d wait until you wanted to show them and they enjoy watching their shocked reactions

they’re all staring at you with wide eyes and he’s just sitting there like

“yep they’re cool, pretty and smart”

also has the biggest heart eyes you can imagine

if anything this just makes him ten times more whipped for you

which is apparently possible

[undiagnosedautismfeels]

Not A Feel / Questions

- Is it an autistic thing to count your steps and have sort of an obsession with balance? Like if I do something with one side of my body (step on a leaf or a crack, touch a tooth, etc) I have to immediately do the same with the other side or it really bothers me and I feel off-balance and kinda shitty.

I think so. I do the same thing and I’ve heard other autistic people mention this as well.

- Iiaat to absorb the style of media you consume? Some examples of what I mean: I once read a book with a very distinctive narrative style and my thoughts were in that style for a while. When I listen to things with other accents I absorb some aspects of the accents. I watched death note and was really analytical for a while. Sometimes I absorb gestures from things I watch. It's temporary and usually isn't noticeable to other people but I never heard of this happening to anyone else

It wouldn’t surprise me if it’s because you’re autistic. We often mimic the people around us to try and fit in, so it would make sense if you had a similar reaction to media.

- is it an autism thing for many things to just kind of bore u cos you already intuitively know about some stuff and therefore just need s/t more interesting to u and in depth? is htis why we stim and have so-called 'limited' "special interests"? are they limited or expert knowledge on things that just so happen to stimulate you? which also just so happens to be not respected or perhaps understood by the medical community

I don’t quite understand your wording, but special interests are like any other interest, it’s just more intense for us because our brains cause us to hyperfixate and obsess over our interests.

- Again Im not trynna say I hav anythng pls don get mad @ me. Is semi/nonverbal strictly an autistic thing? I usually get nonverbal if I get tired or smthn but I’m usually more comfy w not speaking on a daily basis. If I make myself talk its a Rough time. advice lik How 2 get away w not talking/any other causes 4 being nonverbal? I’m not bilingual even tho my ma is. I’m learning Spanish& somtimes its easier 4 me 2 say words in it & I’ll say it then (Tagalog’s close 2 it)idk if it’s jus English🌺

My dude, calm down. I have no reason to be mad at you for questioning if you’re autistic. That’s kinda one of the purposes of this blog. I’m not gonna put all of your asks here cos that would make this post really long.

As for the nonverbal stuff, autism is not the only thing that causes people to be nonverbal. You said you’ve been through some stuff and that you don’t like people touching you, you have sensory issues, and you have trouble communicating. You also seem incredibly anxious and overly apologetic. That sounds like it could be PTSD.

That’s not to say you’re not autistic, cos I can’t tell you if you are or not, but from what you’ve said it definitely sounds like you have some trauma based issues that could be causing your symptoms.

As for the difficulties with maintaining fluency in multiple languages, I don’t know. I’m monolingual so I have no experience with that.

- so uh... I recently had an autism assessment and got diagnosed as not autistic. now I'm kind of lost. For a long time, I thought autism would explain the flapping, stimming, special interests, difficulty with social skills, etc., and it's not that I don't trust the assessor but a lot of that stuff didn't come up, and i feel like my upfront ability to do social stuff is just something ive had to learn to fit in and seem allistic. i don't know. Sorry, I just wanted to put this somewhere

Autism assessments are usually based around stereotypical symptoms. Just because that assessor didn’t think you’re autistic doesn’t mean you aren’t. Sometimes you need to bring up these other symptoms yourself because there’s an unfortunate number of therapists and psychiatrists who don’t actually understand how autism works because they have such a stereotypes view of it.

[mykidsgay]

I Think My Son Is in an Abusive Relationship

"I'm worried my son's boyfriend is being abusive towards him. Last time he came home from college, I noticed some bruises on his body (he says they were an accident from playing soccer) and I've heard them fighting on the phone a bunch. Something just doesn't feel right. Are there signs I should be looking out for? Can I bring up my worries with my son? Please help, I'm really at a loss for what to do."

Question Submitted Anonymously Answered by Rachel Dougherty

—

Rachel Says:

Before we get into it, I want us to take a deep breath. Allegations of abuse are a lot to hold in your heart and mind. I know because I’ve navigated unhealthy relationships and supported by friends as they wrestle with their own histories of abuse. I’m writing from personal experience that’s taught me I cannot care for others without also prioritizing my own care. Please remember to center your well-being in addition to your son’s as you navigate these conversations. If you need a break, take a minute.

Thank you for being present with your son. Thank you for noticing that something might be wrong. And thank you for being willing to seek help, even when it would be much easier to deny it and pretend that everything is fine. These might seem like small actions, but all too many parents turn a blind eye when their kids might be in abusive situations, so thank you for being brave.

Your perspective on your son’s reality is valuable, and I don’t want to discredit your worry. However, I find it most helpful to start by understanding how your son perceives his situation. This is his truth, and sitting with him in how he understands what’s going on is key. By this I mean, don’t start your conversations with “I’m worried about you.” Instead, create space for him to tell you about how he sees things: has Boyfriend taken him on any cute dates recently? When’s their anniversary and will they do anything to celebrate?  What are Boyfriend’s parents like? Whatever your son is excited to share with you, be excited to listen. Lay the foundation for your son to feel comfortable talking about Boyfriend with you.

It’s difficult to hear someone label your relationship as “abusive” from the outside, which, in turn, makes it easy to reject this label and shut down the conversation. Naming abusive relationships and letting go of them is scary, especially as a queer person. It’s usually with our partners that we learn how to live outside of the closet as our full, joyful selves.

In one of my first major relationships, it took me a long time to realize things weren’t so great. Abusive behavior crept into my relationship, and to begin with I didn’t notice. It only became apparent when I was talking to friends about their relationships;  eventually I came to see that the harm that I was experiencing was not standard. I found this comparison really helpful, because it allowed for external analysis ahead of internal reflection.  

So, how can you help your son evaluate his own relationship in comparison to others? First, start with examples of relationships in his life. If you’ve got a partner, use your relationship as a jumping-off point. Share some of the good things that make your relationship with your partner work. More importantly, given examples of healthy conflict, because, remember, disagreement and conflict is natural in any relationship and not inherently abusive. What’s a time that you and your partner disagreed on something? How did you work through it? By setting an example that doesn’t whitewash the ups and downs, you can guide your son through key elements of a healthy relationship.

You can also get him to evaluate the relationships of his peers and articulate his understanding of what does or doesn’t work about these relationships. Try asking: are any of your friends dating? Do you think they’re a good fit? What is it about their relationship that works?If relevant, you could even ask why so-and-so broke up. Through questions like these, you’re able to help cultivate his emotional intelligence and understand whether he has a critical eye to be able to identify healthy and unhealthy aspects of a relationship. It’s much easier to help him build this skillset when talking about other people than jumping right in and talking about himself and his relationship.

With the language and analysis to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships, your son might naturally start to categorize what parts of his relationship feel good and what parts, if any, are causing him harm. However, if you think it would be helpful to be more explicit, ask him to name what he wants out of a relationship, or what he thinks a healthy relationship looks like for himself. This sort of exercise can help him imagine what he wants his life to look like, not only in terms of relationships with romantic partners but also in relation to friends and colleagues and siblings. We don’t spend enough time learning how to evaluate our relationships and build the ones we want, so this project of imagination is really valuable, whether or not he’s in an abusive situation.

All of this being said, your son might not want to talk to you or anyone at all. And that’s OK. You cannot and should not force him to talk through this, because if he is experiencing abuse, he already is feeling controlled and experiencing a lack of trust. For you to seize control of how he processes what’s going on would only replicate a power imbalance he’s already familiar with. Instead focus on building trust and remind him that you are his biggest advocate. People experiencing abuse cope in many different ways. Some need help finding a therapist, some have trouble remembering to eat, and some just need distractions of binge-watching Netflix. Think about what you and your family can do to at least ensure your home feels like a place of safety where you’re able to care for and honor your son’s full self.

If your son is in an abusive relationship, it will probably take time for him to be able to name it, and only then can he decide what to do. You can help him build the skills to better understand his situation, but you cannot name his abuse or make his decisions for him. With your patience and support, you can help him define and strive for healthy relationships, but it will take time.

For additional support, check out these resources:

• Love is Respect (1-866-331-9474)

This organization works to support young people in preventing and ending abusive relationships.

• GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project (1-800-832-1901)

This agency actively assists and supports victims and survivors of domestic violence—focusing on GLBTQ communities—to bring about responsive public policy and to increase access to culturally competent services.

• GLBT National Help Center (1-888-843-4564)

The GLBT National Help Center serves the GLBTQ community by offering two toll-free hotlines: one for adults and one for young adults up to age 25. The website gives access to instant messaging (IM) with volunteer counselors on any topic or question you may have, including healthy relationships and other relationship concerns.

• National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (1-212-714-1184)

This agency is a national coalition of local member programs with the mission of ending all forms of violence against and within the LGBTQ community. This agency offers national reports, online forms for reporting violence, and a list of programs (by state) that offer counseling service. Bilingual information (212-714-1141) is also available.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE [7233])

If you are in an abusive relationship or a concerned friend or family member needs help, call or visit the website www.thehotline.org for free 24-7 support and referrals to local services.

• The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) (1-800-656-4673)

RAINN offers extensive resources and assistance for victims of sexual assault, including a hotline and website: www.rainn.org. RAINN can connect you with state or local domestic violence coalitions and rape or sexual violence crisis centers.

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