#idk this blog means a lot to me ive been keeping it up through a lot of rough patches | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aromanticgarbage · 3 months

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h3h3 said that joji ghosted him after he got famous, ian says they don't talk anymore too. I wonder if max was the only one he was really close with or maybe they just recently reconnected.

Ok that's a tricky topic of conversation. Read more because as always i cannot shut up.

H3h3 and iddubz don't really mean anything to me outside of their old filthy frank collabs. I actually actively dislike them. Yeah you read that right. Thats why ive tried to make the fact that i am NOT running a cancer crew blog here clear. I just hate iddubz's old solo content. Seeing him beat himself up online nowadays isn't great either but by god his old stuff is so so bad (to me). Internet drama and borderline hate speech is a recipe for disaster and if he was smarter he would have seen this coming. I understand that some people like his older stuff out of nostalgia but i am not affected by this. I was not into YouTube back then. Im still not into YouTube. I only know of him and h3h3 because im obsessed with their old homie. My perspective is different, these people barely mean anything to me.

Ok now, disclaimers aside. Ethan said that joji told him not to call him filthy frank when he was talking about his music and he personally interpreted that as him being embarrassed of his past. Personally its just clear to me that what joji was asking for when he was taking his first steps as a full time music artist was space. Being known as an ex youtuber can kill someones career and considering the sort of content he was making as ff it just doesn't seem weird to me that he wanted to separate the two lol. He gave countless interviews where he mentioned his old content and that he understood why people found it so hard to move on from such an iconic character but that he didn't like conflating the two. And even then, a few years later he was encouraging fans at his concerts to chant filthy frank so i cant help but feel like Ethan's assumption that he is embarrassed and trying to forget it ever happened is baseless and biased. And after that....well. Its pretty clear to me that h3h3 used to be enjoyed by people but its had a pretty obvious dowfall since then. Idc about Ethan's drama (or the man himself for that matter) but to be completely honest i wouldn't keep in contact with him either. Idk if you are one of those people who still enjoy his podcast but to me and to many others it just seems bad. Real bad. A lot of drama and too little substance.

Now Ian...Ian is definitely less clear to me as an outside observer. I may not like ~the old iddubz~ but joji obviously didn't have a problem with him. They always seemed to get along pretty well on all the behind the scenes and going through the cake trilogy together probably means that they developed something similar to a warriors bond. He was fun on their collabs. But alas, sometimes people who used to be close just stop keeping in touch. A lot of Joji's old college friends (pookie/david, the shaman/lewys, wheelz/tyrell) are no longer in contact with him and yet they all speak of him very highly. People online like to act like he somehow ""betrays his roots"" by not keeping up with people he collaborated with on youtube back in the day but youtube isn't his roots lmao. His high school and middle school japan friends have always clearly been very important to him and he never fell out off touch with them. He is often touring alongside Rei Brown and he has mentioned in interviews that he relies on these friendships on his day to day life (admittedly the interview im talking about was from 2018 but there's no reason to assume that he has suddenly stopped talking to people that he has been friends with since he was like 12 years old). At the end of the day he doesn't owe people online to keep in contact with anyone. People grow up and change and not all relationships survive the test of time. And thats okay. Stuff happens, people move on. For what its worth tho, i feel like iddubz's drama driven channel (because lets be fair the content cops were his biggest thing and they were youtube drama no matter how self righteous or fair they seemed at the time) didn't help. The thing about joji is that he had always avoided internet drama like it was the plague, which is once again one of those things that i appreciate deeply about him. I hate internet drama. But even my kinda biased opinion aside, the reality of the situation is probably very simple. They are both grown adults who live very different lives. They hanged out together during a few summers a lot of years ago. They followed different paths in life. It happens. Joji has been very offline for years now and i get the impression that he tends to isolate himself when his health acts up so its probably not that hard to fall out of touch with him.

And last but not least....Max. I won't lie, out of the cancer crew the only other person i actually like besides my man Joji is Max. Maybe he really was closer with Max, i certainly find him more likable. Around 2018 both Joji on twitter and Max on that one cold ones podcast episode said that they still keep in touch. Max was replying to a lot of Joji's tweets up untill the nectar era but once again, at the end of the day they live in different countries. I obviously have no way of knowing if they were still as close as they used to in the following years. Maybe they grew more distant for a while, maybe they reconnected around 2023 when joji took chad and max backstage at his concert, and then of course the wedding !! Its all very sweet, the gimme love Max and Chad video from the concert lowkey made me tear up.

But once again, at the end of the day they are all living their own lives, doing their own thing. And people who act like they owe it to them to be each others everything forever and ever because they met online a decade ago and collaborated on some extremely iconic videos make me laugh.

#sorry this took me ao many days to actually answer i kept getting distracted by jojis Instagram posts #joji #ask #anon #a whole lot of yapping going on here i genuinely just cant shut up #anyway !!!! thanks fpr your question !!!!!#also pls remember that most of this is speculative thx. i don't actually know these people irl #im just basing my opinions on what they have chosen to share with the world

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choccy-milky · 10 months

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Hi! I started reading your story sometime in the last week and I’m OBSESSED! I normally don’t have much patience and can’t get myself to read anything past like 15k or anything that’s still being worked on, but your story hooked me almost instantly! I really liked the description and decided to give it a try and I’m so glad I did. The detailed descriptions you give pull me into the story and the way you seamlessly switch points of view feels so natural. I just wanted to let you know how much I’m enjoying reading so far and I’m excited for more! ❤️

AW TYSM😭😭 this means a lot, esp since ive been kinda self conscious about the length of my fic lately (and also how long its gonna end up being once im actually done LMFAO) and ik my chapters have gotten ginormous BAHAHA so im glad that even if you don't usually read long stuff you still gave my fic a try and enjoyed it so much + are looking forward to more!!💖💖so ty again😭🙏 AND as usual i'll be using this to answer other asks:

thank you and AA im glad to hear it!! a lot of people have been telling me ive been inspiring them to draw lately and i love it (im just sorry i dont have any concrete tips to give people other than keep practicing LOL) but good luck and i hope you keep at it!!🥰🥰

GIRL IDK, IDEK HOW LONG THE STORY IS GONNA BE, but assuming im still brainrotted even when its done then YEAH u wouldnt be able to stop me if you tried😊 (im glad you like them so much as well, ty!!😭)

thank you!! and yes i usually have at least a vague idea of what i want in the story before i start, though a lot of it didn't become concrete until i started writing/things evolving from there. i made a big (slightly) vague timeline of the entire fic from beginning to (almost) end, and then i keep fleshing it out from there as the ideas keep coming to me/evolving, and for each chapter i make an even more detailed outline, and THEN i get started on the final chapter. so its a bit of a process bahaha, but the brainstorming is really fun!! as for any advice, im not sure. maybe just brainstorm/write down scenes and ideas that you know for a fact that you want to put in your fic, and then try to find a way to connect them to other scenes from there and work backwards. basically WRITE WHAT YOU WANT TO READ, cuz like im my own biggest fan fr, thats the most important part LMAO

LMFAO speaking of outlining future events.....this may or may not happen in the future/in an epilogue when clora is pregnant and she got those pregnant woman hormones that seb is fighting for his LIFE to keep up with HAHAHA

ive been drawing since i was 4 years old so...a while. LOL. and if you even look back to the beginning of my blog, my first drawings of seb were SO UGLY💀💀 so if you just keep drawing you constantly get better naturally (also in response to the other ask you sent as well, i use clip studio paint to draw!)

AW TYYY. AND YES CLORA WILL HAVE ANOTHER MC MOMENT, the ranrok confrontation is still coming, after all...👀👀 and true, idek who would win if clora and seb duelled again with neither of them holding back, but u are so right. even if clora DID win that would do nothing to change sebs mind about how protective he is LMFAO. THANK YOU AGAIN im glad you like my fic + drawings so much!!💖💖

BAHAHAH in my fic (for smut reasons and so that they could be 17 when they did the nasty) i made clora's bday april 3rd and sebs february 12, so clora is an aries and seb is an aquarius (and yes i just checked and apparently they ARE compatible, so seb can rest. also i just read up on aquarius and damn it unintentionally suits seb so well?? LOL "Aquarius is undoubtedly the most innovative, progressive, rebellious, and humanitarian. " and "They have incredible energy, though they may not always use it wisely. They find it easy to get through life on charm and good looks." LMFAO. ok king we love that

#ask #THERES STILL SOME I HAVENT REPLIED TO BUT JUST KNOW I APPRECIATE THEM ALL💖💖

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beebundt · 7 months

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fwiw that rude commenter is a transphobe, a post a few down on their blog is real blatant (and in that vein I think their comment was less a judgement of your anatomy and more saying Charlie is 'too' muscular/angular)

It's rude and out of pocket REGARDLESS but I also think you're a little hard on yourself! You even said, you hadn't illustrated exactly what you were after with her, and you hadn't intended for a collection of doodles you happened to still like to blow up. You're entirely right that we should all be drawing more than conventionally attractive people, but idk. It's a process and you're a great artist who's working toward it! Don't feel like you have to answer this btw I mostly wanted to let you know that commenter was a double idiot and started rambling. Hope you have a lovely day!!

oh absolutely! i have a feeling you're right abt what they meant considering i saw the transphobic comment they made a couple posts down on their blog lmao but i wanted to add that part anyway. and i appreciate your words a ton, but dw im not hurt or upset! i get a lot of weird comments all the time, i just wanted to use that one as a platform to bounce off of a thought ive been having lately. i wouldn't post a negative remark like that unless i wanted to use it for something. the actual comment was mostly irrelevant to the point i wanted to make, which is also not meant to be super serious, just a thought soup to stir around

and i mean my interpretation of my art as purely objective, i think its important to think critically about yourself and in general. from an objective standpoint, i dont believe the way shes drawn is too out of the norm and is fairly tame (disregarding her ox/bull parts lol), thats basically what i was aiming for with that section. i constantly get stuck in a rut without improving by much because im usually just drawing to doodle after a school day and not rlly with any purpose. i tend to keep drawing the same things out of habit and it gets stale really quickly. so i know my faults and im rlly looking forward to getting better!

also rq, what you said about how we need to draw more than conventionally attractive people- while i do agree with that, in my post i was more saying its important for people to be more open-minded about how they view gender expression and attractiveness in general, myself included! i dont think how i drew charlie was very revolutionary, but ive seen so many tags speaking otherwise. which is either reflective of how small the bubble is for whats acceptable or maybe i have a skewed perception of things? for example if having a bush or something is gender envy we need to look at ourselves. bush is so normal to me. (which i dont if thats what even drew ppl to it BUT. just as an example). would those same people say the same if i drew a very fat woman with a beard, unibrow, etc.? i have no idea. but i have had my eyes opened so many times before its incredible. little things ive never thought about before through new perspective. so thats why i want to encourage it too. i hope that makes sense. thank you so much i hope you have an equally lovely day!! 🫶🫶

#ask

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spamsandsuch · 9 months

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okay since like, Ive gotten a lot of new followers these past couple of months (thanks so much btw!!! Idk why u follow me but I apprecriate it !!) i figured hey! I should make a navigation post for my tags and stuff ! Maybe itll help some users who wanna look at my stuff but dont wanna scroll all the way through my blog, or some other reason ! Either way, ive been meaning to make something like this for awhile now so lets go

Tag navigation:

For my creations or asks:

#my art — this tag includes all (at least, I believe all) of my artwork Ive posted on this blog, if you like my art youll find a lot of it there

#my writing — this is where i post most of my larger writing (whether its my theories, headcanons, or fics). Note that this tag is mostly intended for my lengthier writing and not my shorter headcanon posts, nor is it used for regular text posts

#my comics — this is where is where most of my comics are, or also art posts that include a comic ive made in the same post

#asks — This is where the asks I’ve answered should be. Some asks include art or writing

For my headcanons/aus:

#inl1997 au — This is where I post my more relevant posts for my Deltarune au called “It’s No Longer 1997”. It’s a canon-adjacent au that’s an interpretation of Jevil and Spamton’s backstories, and tries to use canon rules (and extensions/headcanons of them) thats been shown so far in ch. 1 and 2 (I say “try” because Im just one person, so I may occasionally make mistakes). As I continue to study the deltarune lore some information in this au is bound to change as I get different ideas, so some posts in this tag may be outdated; Ive decided to keep them up to show my growth, though. Also, I realize a lot of the post in these tags are art posts — that’s because I personally find it easier to express my ideas through art than writing (I apologize if some posts dont make sense cuz of that). Btw, if you like my spamton angst stuff, this is where most of that should be lol

#afttp au — This is for my other au called “Adds for the Therapeutic,” a post-ch. 2 au about Spamton (or Tonnie, as I sometimes call him) moving in with the addisons in Castle Town (on his own accord) and getting group therapy with them as well as individual therapy. Though it is about Spamton’s recovery, it’s also includes slice-of-life stuff revolving around its new life (tho theres occasionally angst too). If you like my addison stuff, this is also where most of that is

#my headcanons — this is where my deltarune headcanons are, whether theyre written or drawn. Note that a lot of my headcanons relate to both of my aus

For characters:

***Note: this is mostly for characters I post most often. If its any other character, try searching their name (or their name followed by “deltarune”) in the search bar of my blog. If their name doesn’t show up, it means I likely havent drawn or written about them yet (or tumblr is being broken, tho i havent come across a problem like that yet)

#spamtonposting — this includes posts that are mainly about spamton, or include a considerable amount of spamton stuff in it. If youre searching for specific stages of my spamton, then the following are: #spam e. mail (for addispam, though #addison spamton works too), #bigshot spamton, #spamton, and #spamton neo

#addisonposting — same as above, but with my versions of the addisons instead. If youre looking for specific addisons they are: #sam p. ler or #blue addison, #blowse or #orange addison, #percy wade or #pink addison, and #pops or #yellow addison. If youre looking for specific addison ships, I use #spamblue and #pinkyellow

#jevilposting — this is where most of my jevil stuff is, similar to spamton and the adds. If you wanna look for my “pre-corruption” jevil stuff, that would also be under the tag #jokir

#scc posting — this is where most of my posts for Sweet Cap’n Cakes are. As of right now, I dont have specified tags (as in, that end in “—posting”) dedicated for each individual in the trio, though that may change in the future (so again, if youre looking for a specific character in the scc gang, see my note above).

That should be all for now, though I apologize that my blog isnt that organized (as some posts may or may not be missing from certain tags — if I have time in the future ill try to fix that if I can). Hopefully this post will help at least a lil bit :] if I make any changes or add more tags, Ill be sure to update this post. Ill also link this post to my pinned, so it’s easy to access. If you have questions, dont be afraid to ask!!

Last edited: 08/02/2024

#important #my tag navigation #not fanon #note that the tags included on here are tags i use the most often (or are just most relevant to my aus)#tho because im just one person i may or may have forgotten some stuff (sorry abt that)

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causenessus · 1 month

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HELLOOO GOOD AFTERNOON!! how are you doing <3 i already told u ab what happened at my school today but MORE HAPPENED. i was walking out to my friend's car since it was the end of the day and we were gonna drive back to our apt BUT BRO???? ness idefk what happened but a car bumped into me im not even joking 💔 like bumped me from behind and made me fall over. like how does that even happen omf 💔 not demure, nor mindful. BUT IM PERFECTLY FINE DONT WORRY!! i just scraped up my palms and my arms a liiiittle bit 🙂‍↕️ so i hate parking lots that was not cute at all

I SAW YOU AND MANGO ANON TALKING ABOUT ZODIACS A LITTLE BIT ONE TIME WHEN U ANSWERED THEIR ASK AND WAS LIKE OH!! NOW IM CURIOUS!! like im really not big on astrology i only know that im an aquarius thats all ive got! but i was searching up like what certain signs' relationships look like? i guess? or like compatibility? one of my friends are a cancer AND I KEPT SEEING THAT THEYRE THE LEAST COMPATIBLE W AQUARIUSES? (is that the right plural of it? aquarians? idk whatever) so like i had a revelation and i remembered you were a cancer so i was lowkey disappointed with all of the zodiac compatibility stuff i was seeing online 😞 ALSO I SAW THAT MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER!! (i mean like i saw through your post i didnt find their blog LMAOAOA) is this the end of an era?? if it is im gonna miss seeing their asks and your responses on my dash aaaaadbsjk they are so cute!!

ANYWAY lately ive been really pondering (i feel like this word is funny to me) what an ideal friend looks like to me because someone at school asked me that😭 i feel like the first people that came to mind were you and mango anon!!! i keep mentioning them SORRY i just adore how sweet they are omf 💔 why am i telling you this? idk! but i feel like in terms of friendships i seek out people like you!! i cant really describe the traits SPECIFICALLY but i feel like you're a super good friend ‼️ i was also curious what an ideal friend looks like to you though! cause i feel like people always look for specific traits or have traits that theyre naturally gravitated towards and they're always super different from person to person, yk? KINDA RANDOM THO LMAO

ALSO today in my speech n debate class my friend started drawing on my hand as we listened to people's oo's from the national oratorical (is that even what it's called i have no idea) and like... i totally zoned out.. so now im behind in that class JUST A LITTLE!! listening to peoples speeches can be so boring i have serious regrets regarding choosing that class honestly 😞 but i feel like it's also one of the more fun classes you can take to fulfill the speech credits for graduation so i GUESS im staying... some of the people in that class are super cool!! getting peer pressured into joining the competitive team sigh

THATS ALL IVE GOT TODAY!! I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE WAS KINDA LONG OOPS. how are you doing ness!! i hope you're getting enough rest! make sure you're drinking enough water and eating! AND DONT FORGET YOUR MEDS ‼️ I LOVE YOU

HELLO SAV!! i??? i??? i can't? A CAR BUMPED INTO YOU??? LITERALLY DID THEY LIKE APOLOGIZE??? MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY??? ANYTHING AT ALL???? THAT IS SO HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BUT OMG THAT'S LITERALLY AN INJURY?? LIKE????????????????????????

AND AWH DW 😭 tbh i don't think i know many aquariuses (idk the plural version either!!) BUT THE STARS HAVE NOTHING ON US </3 AND YES!! MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER BUT I THINK WE'LL STILL BE YAPPING THROUGH ASKS A LOT <3 IT'S JUST FOR US TO BE LIKE "i miss u </3" and tell each other short things in the meantime 😭

AND AW THAT'S SO SWEET AND KIND THANK YOU SO MUCH :((( PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL FOR BRINGING US/MANGO ANON UP!! you're not doing it a lot or anything so don't worry at all <33 idk who my ideal kind of friend is!! like everyone is so unique and i think i get along with most people <3 i just really appreciate people who are like very understanding and kind!! like obviously i'm very?? like soft hearted?? or like gentle. like for example i don't like to curse outside my fics bc for me i always associated it with being mad?? or just kind of scary?? like ofc i really don't care if other people curse!! it's just a personal preference/choice and so i think i just appreciate people who are observant and kind!! idk everyone super cool :D and i've learned a lot from people who are different from me so i like most people!! (just not middle school freshmen boys who are super rude and annoying and loud yk 🌝)

SPEECH AND DEBATE SOUNDS HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SORRY BUT I COULD NEVER I'M SO LUCKY MY SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE A SPEECH REQUIREMENT OR ANYTHING BC I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED </33 and i've always been like a very "idc!! u have ur opinion and i have mine i'm not gonna try and convince u to have my opinion!! like seriously idc pls i don't want to argue or debate!!" so i really just could not survive that class at all but best of luck to you!!

IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SAV!! i am doing ok!!! it's nice bc idk my manager didn't really schedule me this entire week 😭 BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH ALL THIS FREETIME LIKE I ACTUALLY AM REALLY ENJOYING IT so that's been nice!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!! I HOPE YOU TOOK YOUR MEDS!!

#answers <3 #i heart sav <3

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v-arbellanaris · 1 year

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tbd later but i keep seeing people just try to go on and on abt how ppl are morally reprehensible or whatever for Not Liking f characters and i just wanna say there's definitely. ABSOLUTELY. some people in fandom that need to fuckign check their misogyny. there absolutely is and ive been talking abt it on various different blogs and things like that since '09.

but.... idk is that constructive? or helpful? to attach morality to the gender of the characters that you like? idk! this shit fucked me up bc i would like... deny that i liked m characters. like i used 2 feel soooo guilty for liking m characters???? for YEARS??? and i rly felt it was my moral obligation to Like f characters and it was SO forced... and the truth is that a lot of the time ppl write f characters with v little depth and v little intrigue bc they dont want to make Statements abt women overall bc every f character written is somehow supposed to Represent multiple someones and even when theyre """"problematic"""" or """villainous""" or whatever its in a way thats designed more for them to be unlikeable instead of morally complex or morally compelling. ppl who write m characters usually dont bother to think abt the Optics (esp when theyre white m characters) and so all of the lovely complexities come through and its clear from the story n narrative that its unrelated to their identity, or if it is related to their identity, its because of how they relate to it (rather than the relation between identity and action being that being x means you do y or that BECAUSE you're x you do y). in all honesty there's v few f canon characters that have that kind of complexity (part of the reason im always writing my own - ive been writing ofc x canon character fics for actual decades, long before i joined this fandom) and the v few f characters that do have tht complexity are probably side characters or characters not directly relevant to the plotline. and bc theyre so preoccupied w writing these characters as like... a stand-in for Minorities or whatever, they're so careful to strip any potential conflict or moral ambiguity from them in a way that leaves me feeling not v compelled to care - compared to, lets say, m villains who almost always still have that shred of humanity left to compel me to care so much about them bc i can see myself in them, f villains usually dont get that. there's exceptions to this - i can think of a lot of comics characters for e.g. - and i love those exceptions, but they're exceptions.

and idk i feel like we should also acknowledge that like... ignoring that these f characters are badly written or lack compelling (notice i specify COMPELLING here like its not rly enough for them to have a husband or a kid or whatever that's not compelling???) humanising moments because ppl treat f characters like they're supposed to Represent All Womens and 2. this makes them less compelling than m characters like 80% of the time and 3. that these critiques should be anchored in "FUCKING DO BETTER". what could we change abt how we write and engage with f characters? talk about that as much as the critiques or whatever that we have for f characters in the first place bc people are much more willing to give up on trying to write f characters if theyre told "this was shit" vs "this could use with some improvement - what abt this? or that?"

like idk i think there's a more productive way we could be talking abt this

#fandom critical #i guess. i'll probs make this private or smth later but idk! im not a huge fan of 'if u like x why dont you like y'#with the intent of shaming rather than trying to encourage a discussion. is it rly misogyny or are the f characters here just badly written #and saying f characters are badly written IS NOT MISOGYNY. when m characters are badly written its rarely bc they're m #but when f characters are badly written it's usually contained to f characters only. and we should interrogate that and question it!#i dont think its BAD to say this f character was badly written to me and so i dont find her that compelling comparatively. like...#that's not always going to be misogyny? and the solution i think is to talk abt HOW we write m characters compellingly and #whats stopping us from writing f characters the same way. that's a more fruitful discussion to me #than just sitting there whinging that no one likes f characters. (which isnt true). DO SOMETHING about it.

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byuntrash101 · 1 year

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Just saw ur post about depressed at work and went like, "mood". Is your job hurting you or is it something else...?

first of all thank you just for reacting to this i was just kinda just screaming into the void with this post like idk i didnt even know actual people would see it so thx for just checking on me this means the literal world <3

i try to keep my blog as much "good vibes only" as possible so if anybody reading this post dont want to be bummed out (which i understand) dont read under the cut

to put it simply yes. yes it's my job.

like i've been knowing this job was the problem for a rather long time because i was super stressed all the time and all it wasnt fun but like i only truly understood when i went on vacay some weeks ago it was the FIRST TIME that i enjoyed my days off without stressing about work and/or just ended up actually working FOR FREE because i was stressed that too much work would be waiting for me when i get back. that time i was literally stranded in the ocean and i didnt have a choice to just let go and not worry about work it felt AMAZING. i've been having non stop headaches and panic attacks and i didnt have ANY while i was on vacay. i remember so clearly thinking at some point wow that is what life is about...

and yeah so im gonna quit. like freal. yesterday they anounced us something again and i know this new thing will result in more work and im sick of the pressure they constantly put on us because they treat the clients like literal infants and we have to find every way possible to make them satisfied. so that was the last sign i needed from the universe to get the fuck out.

sure im well paid and can afford to travel and go to kpop concerts and buy the things that i want but honestly at what cost? no amount of money is worth the mental and physical torment... because at this point my stress level is constant and so bad that im noticing physical repercussions.... and yeah not worth it.

so im going to quit. ill look for an other job i know grass is not always greener on the other side but there MUST be a side where the color of the grass suits me! coporate life is a bitch honestly and clients are the worst i love my team so much ive been holding on for so long for their sake because my colleagues are the greatest but honestly none of them deserve to go through what they put us through. they should all quit.

i dont wanna settle. i can find better. (honestly none of us should ever settle for less. lets know our worth. we are bad bitches <3)

so yeah ill make an anouncement soon about an incoming writing hiatus (i will still be reading and reblogging and lurking like the cave troll that i am) because i'll be looking for a job and that takes a lot of time and i still have my current job i have to go to (unfortunately).

sorry for the unsolicited rant... but yeah BUT because im a person that focusses on the bright side... other than my shit job! everything is good! im okay if it wanst' for that my life would be perfect! dont worry too much about me <3

also i've seen your recent post your job also sounds complicated. i hope you're ok too <3 dont hesitate to rant to me lets both talk shit about our company together. lets bond over hatred <3

#asks #revalya #thank you babe #personal #cat's life

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sociallyawkward--fics · 2 months

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HEY BACK AGAIN. idk how long its been cuz mobile is trash but me n my friend were talking abt how we were in a lot of the same fandom spaces as kids. Sanders sides being one of them. n i was like..... Long shot but do u know sociallyawkward--fics.. n at first they were like no i dont think so.. but then they looked u up n went OH MY GOD YEA??? ill send u a screenshot off anon but i told them we were friends n they said it was like finding out i knew a celebrity LMAO -H (ironic considering theyre prob more popular on ao3 than u😭 they briefly turned back into a 12yo fanboy)

its still so crazy to me ive known u for so long n met him like 3-4 years ago worlds collide ..... Also u can post this though im off anon if u want idc -H

ALSO. since im here. idk if i ever told u my age but when i sent my first ask to u i was probably 11. maybe 10 even. im turning 18 in a couple months now. its hard to bring myself to read some of the asks (ok most of the asks) i sent u over the years bc i was an incredibly anxious and awkward autistic kid. But u always treated me with so much love hahakjs at the time i was rly struggling n had very few friends n AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME CRINGE TO LOOK BACK ON u were honestly the only older person i could talk to n it rly meant a lot lol. im so much more confident n comfortable in myself than i was all those years ago n ik i dont send u asks nearly as frequently anymore but tbh even if eventually its only once every few years ill always think back on u so fondly n gratefully. Neway i literally hate being sappy so ill shut up here but yeah. Thanks n such -H

ALSO IDK IF UR ACTIVE ON AMY SOCIAL MEDIA RLY?? BUT IF U R I CAN GIVE U SOME OF MY SOCIALS mostly i just tweet abt my day occasionally on twitter but i also have a sideblog where i post art. just thinking that maybe then i wouldnt have to be like 'and heres a quick summary of the past 8 months' n u could check up on me whenever instead of only seeing me when i send asks😭 -H (its also so less formal cuz when i send in asks u Gotta respond whereas if i post 'just ate a kickass burger' u can just. Like it. idk idc either way but lmk ^__^)

-----------------------------------

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THESE FOR MONTHS SINCE I'VE BEEN USING TUMBLR AGAIN AND MY LACK OF OBJECT PERMANENCE HAD ME KEEP FORGETTING I AM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

dkjfhkdhf omg that is so wild that you have a friend who also knows about me dkjfhdsf Sanders Sides (back when it was waaaaay smaller of a fandom lol) was the first (and tbh only, really) fandom where i had any real level of "popularity" as a fic writer, and i fed off that high for SO LONG lol -- hearing that people were obsessed with my work, both then and now after the fact, is genuinely so surreal dfkjhdjkfh like. i am just Here, i am just Some Dude who wrote some words that got them weirdly popular at 17-18 dkjsfhdkjfh (also cuz i try to gather all your asks into one post, you continue to remain anonymous just cuz i copy-pasted them into the post in the same order they were received lol)

Dude it is CRAZY that you are almost 18 (or, by the time i am finally managing to answer this with my Bad Brain Powers procrastinating it so long, already 18) -- I looked back and I was 18 when you sent your first ever ask to me dkjfhdf that's so wild. I am so honored that you saw me as an older person you could come and talk to, even if it was just through anonymous tumblr asks for the past 6+ years lol. I always think of you fondly too, and I am so proud of you for the way you've grown up and grown into your confidence

ALSO YOU CAN TOTALLY SEND ME YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA djfdjdsjkf you can absolutely send me any of your socials!!! I know your main blog because you've sent some asks without it (have I ever remembered to follow it??? I meant to but I can't remember, this is also a Brain Forget-y Accidental Procrastination thing), but I would LOVE to see your art sideblog and def feel free to send me your twitter!! I have not opened my twitter in like. 3 months, because i was having Unhealthy Habits so i tucked the app into a pocket out of site and stopped using it for a while, but I am doing better now and would definitely open it back up more often again to see what you were up to

Also!!! You can always feel free to DM me on any of my blogs/sideblogs here on tumblr, too! You don't have to wait to send an ask (though I love receiving asks from you, don't ever feel like you have to stop even if we connect elsewhere!), you can always DM me on any of my blogs (or on any other socials we may exchange, too!)

#ask #anon #H anon #my kids are all growing up 😭😭

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celestialmancer · 3 months

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Mm.

Therapy has been. Interesting.

Bit more of a sensitive discussion so def tbd but yeah ;; (‘s not meant to be negative but like. Considering content well)

Been ruminating a bit, I guess, on something that we talked about, & its in particular this whole… element of just…

I guess at some point my therapist was talking to me about what I would do if I were to ever cross paths with M again, because I did acknowledge openly to her that I do in some way always have that sort of fear in the back of my head of his return—which, yeah, it is irrational considering its been 11+ years now since all that shit went down but… I mean, its part of why every now & then I admittedly will look back on the fucking twitter accounts that he used to have that are now. Well, dead & everything that was on em (which wasn’t much to begin with aside from… things I don’t wanna say on this blog) being wiped. Save for one indirect rt that was meant to be in ref to me that still makes my skin crawl to see, ig.

…& Well… I p much just told her straight up that I wouldn’t even let him talk to me. & Even if I did, the only thing that would happen is pure vitriol, pure unrestrained violence, I guess. Verbal I suppose since no way we’d cross paths irl, & hope to the heavens above it forever remains that way that there’s no way of reaching me irl… unlike how he almost did all those years ago? Yeah. I guess there’s an acknowledgment that beneath all the hurt there’s this INTENSE fury, anger, & I guess wish I could have fought back better or something. I don’t know.

Granted, there’s another sort of reaction i feel i would have if i crossed paths w him again but like—its. More. Morbid.

…& We also. Got into talk about the possibility of me potentially going out of my way to get ig some sort of assistance legally or w/e, to see if by any chance, he ever did happen to… post… things that I don’t wanna really say bc tw content (though, if you catch on to what i might be avoiding directly stating, well… ) but, yeah. & i’ve just been I guess mulling on that, dwelling on it.

…But realistically I think I’m better off not knowing. What he did with what he had of me before I got away. I’d rather not. Know. What corner of the internet that stuff was posted, I don’t think I’d be able to be fine if I ever did find out. Sure, it eats at me tot hink that that’s out there, because I know he’s the type to have gone forward with it & just it being without my awareness once I severed that line… but what can you do right?

Idk. Probably strange to say but i guess i find more closure in just… accepting that it probs is out there, not looking for it, & instead moving forward & healing what I can after all that. ‘S what I’ve tried doing & still am doing to this day, now that I excavated those memories & have to work through them after a literal decade of running from it all, but… I guess, at least, its getting easier in a way to talk about despite the hurt? Idk.

We still have more sessions to go surrounding the topic of M, & more graphic stuff to cover bc we still are only scratching the surface of the… more disgusting details of all that, & I know none of these upcoming sessions are going to be easy. It’s been really taxing mentally & ik im still kinda outta it from yesterday’s session esp bc at the start of it it was hard to tap into that headspace of revisiting all that, but—gotta keep it pushing I suppose.

We’ll… get through this.

& I guess amidst this, working on stuff certain characters in writing (esp a certain one whose based in my own trauma in a way) has also been a means of ig finding catharsis. Having em meet their own downfalls or w/e or having ppl rally against em or so on while also them liking my writing/expressing support w my writing & such has helped? With sort of revisiting this all… Which honestly holds a lot of personal weight to me that ive been met w that rather than being shunned over the exploration of this shit so, yeah…

#nothing like bad w therapist no she’s a blessing—its just the content has been. heavy.

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twistedyapping · 3 months

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my 2 favorite lyrics of all time

i almost started yapping on my ig story again and then caught myself so im here now-

i saw sumn earlier it was one of those "pick a song that starts with the first initial of ur name" and i got excited bc i got the song with my one of my favorite lyrics of ever in it- seen it all by korn

so here are my 2 favorite lyrics ur honor:

AND!

and what's interesting abt these two and what i caught myself abt to yap abt, is that they both come from very different eras in my life and therefore take on entirely new meanings to me- Which ya is what song lyrics are kinda supposed to do But this is just interesting 2 me-

so turbulent was the first one- heard that shit when i first listened to fandom and i was like Oh my god that is so fucking tight- and to this day it's one of my favorite parts in the song-

"you gave me hell on earth and said 'Work with it'" hit so hard for me though bc hi. my chiron is in aquarius. That's the short astrology answer but this ain't my astrology blog so what's the yapfest reason-

my entire life ur honor i have gone thru failed friendship after failed friendship, and somehow all of them managed to be with incredibly shitty people that quite literally gave me hell on earth and said work with it.

most, if not all of those friendships died off and crashed and burned along the way like an extremely elaborate dumpster fire- and it got to the point where i thought i would just never have real friends. i still think that, especially rn, but im workin thru it, it's fine 😵‍💫

the most heartbreaking part of that is the fact that since i was a wee lad i have always just wanted a group of friends to hang out with, a group that i felt secure in and nobody was out to get each other, nobody had a lack of respect for each other based on incredibly petty things, etc. always wanted that from the day i was born. And god looked me dead in the eyes and told me "LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in what world."

perhaps this one in the future, idk, but that's where this lyric comes from. almost everyone (there being legitimately 1 exception) i have ever met has given me hell on earth and said to work with it.

now we get to the seen it all era of my life.

this is the era of my life that i am in currently where i feel like i have indeed seen it all- where all that hurt and betrayal and near-giving up on life experiences have culminated into just. life experience.

the era of my life where, using the life experience i have gained through all that absolute hell fire, i fix shit.

am i broken rn, not really, i used to be tho- But when i was broken i managed to fix myself enough to be Not broken so u can argue i guess But!!!

weird shit keeps happening in my life and i manage to keep it together now. i have done the most tedious soul searching work, i have forced myself into the depths of my mind that i really would've rathered to not go into but i did anyway for funsies, and i have figured shit out. i have found who i am, and understood that it will always change, that i am holding onto something that is never stagnant and my grip must constantly change to keep up with it, otherwise i will fall and die.

and with all of this, even though it sounds like im giving myself plenty rn, i never give myself enough credit. i been THRU IT and yet i am constantly like "Ya no it wasn't that bad tbh."

logically i can understand that i have been through a lot more than like. a born rich white guy has. But i have like no past life event permanence or something and i have to be actively thinking abt what ive gone thru in order to understand Oh ya that was. Not great.

but when im actively thinking abt it like rn, i understand that IVE SEEN IT ALL- STILL CANT TASTE ITTTTT- SMASHED TO THE WALL THAT BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEESSSS IVE DONE IT ALLLL FUCKED UP, WASTEDDDDDD- STILL IN MY BLOOD BUT NOW INSIDE IM SEENNNNN

now i am the broken one who fixed it. 💪💪💯🔥💪🔥💯🔥💪🔥💪💪🔥🔥💯💪 #stayhard 🔥💪🔥💯💪🔥🔥💯💪🔥💪🔥💪🔥💪🔥💯

anyway ya i needed to yap- that's abt it. see ya.

- 🌙 -

#yapatron5000 #yapping #me when i yap #my thoughts #rant #rant post #writing #yapping session #my experiences #music #korn #waterparks band #stay hard #yessirrrrr #Spotify

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nightscaped-archive · 6 years

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#out.#tbd #negative //#im only on this blog for myself nobody else is even interested /:#or ykno...thats how ive been feeling all week #n ive been trying to ignore it and work through it #but not being able to write bc i cant focus bc im in pain #just means i havent been distracting myself from those thoughts or writing enough to be like 'well at least ur doing ur best anyw'#cant remember the last time someone actually told me kael was interesting #or that they liked him #like...unprompted?#or tbh i cant even remember the last time i was reassured #ppl really are that fed up with me huh #i love this muse but...it's been 4 years...maybe ppl have gotten bored #dont want to keep looking at this same old dumb shit #but then ppl are less interested in my more recent ocs so maybe everyone's fed up with me #i get that feeling a lot #idk i guess #im a lonely person #i feel like maybe it doesnt come across bc i only ever vent in tags like this #where ppl arent going to look #but i just feel like a person nobody's interested in and that nobody wants #and maybe id be ok with that if only i felt ppl liked what i was doing #if i only felt like ppl were still interested / still wanted to know about kael #but i dont get that feeling at all #this oc ive created who is a huge comfort for me #writing is the only thing right now i have any grip on #but i feel like im the only one who cares #and thats such a scary feeling #makes me feel stupid

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probably-haven · 3 years

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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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jemmo · 3 years

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Hello ^^ Starting off, wanted to say that I absloutely adore your blog, analysis and tags! :D

I read your view about breaking up and how u said it doesn't make sense narratively

The thing is, I think it's actually possible, they could break up. His mom is still very mad at pat's dad, and it's the kind of mad that she has every right to, but she's still subjecting her feelings onto pran and is probably scared pat might hurt pran just like pat's dad hurt her.

Them running away together can just fuel her worry even more, that pat is gonna influence or affect pran badly and she could try her best to end the relationship, and I think she might even speak to pat about it and ask him to break up with pran or something. Or manipulate them somehow.

Another thing I see might happen, is pran's mum getting him a scholarship overseas, or transferring him somewhere far and flying him over just to end the relationship, it still seems possible. Here they might not break up break up but still "break up" if u get what I mean xD

Idk I just want friday to come already I can't wait lmao

eeeekk thank you sm anon

as for a break up, i feel like ive said why it doesnt make narrative sense to me, but they could always throw in some new elements that would validate it, make it reasonable, which is the only way i see it happening (and i dont strongly believe even that will happen bc the drama of the show is too well-established to add new things to the plot and have them cause more drama).

as for your reasons, i kinda have to disagree. like yeah, it could happen, but i dont think that would be good for the story at all, mainly in terms of pran's mom. she's been painted as a villain this whole time when in fact she was a victim that responded to her own pain badly. and i think she sees that now. pran, at least in my head, was a very quiet kid. i dont think he shared a lot of himself with his parents and that was fine bc his parents were interested in grades and success more than what their son liked and such, shown through their dismissal of him playing guitar. and in his silence, pran was obedient, fulfilled his role well. and all that time, i think his mother saw him as just shy and reserved, thats just how pran is, thats why he doesnt talk much, thats why he doesnt share. but in fact he didnt bc sharing would expose how unhappy he was, how much he hated having to fit their mould. its been bubbling under the surface for pran but i dont think his mom saw that, or even if she did she ignored it. her wording at the start of their argument suggests she had a sense something was happening but expected pran to stop it, almost giving him space to see if he would, if he would be obedient, learn his lesson from being transferred but he didn't. he didn't put up a fight when he was transferred before, so pran's mom has really never seen this side of him.

and then in that argument it all crashes down. all the facade, the falsity of it all, its gone now. prans exposed himself and shown his mom just how hurt hes been all these years, how he was suffering alone with the weight of expectation and hate that wasnt his own. his mom sees it for the first time, is forced to acknowledge it. and her face after she slaps him, you cant me thats not the face of a woman whos reached breaking point, who is now seeing herself for all the harm shes caused by holding onto the past. theres regret and guilt, thats what i believe.

so i dont think shes gonna become manipulative, i dont think shes gonna keep hurting pran now that she knows she has. you just wouldnt do that to your son knowingly, bc a lot of the pain pat and pran have been through has not been knowingly caused by their parents, its a byporduct, its them being caught in the crossfire. now they know, and i just dont think they could continue knowing what they're doing. they've done shit things but neither of them had any intent to hurt their own sons like this. and making pran's mom into a villain when you've just subverted that expectation doesnt make sense to me either. we're supposed to empathise with her anger. we're supposed to see that she dealt with it all wrong but also realise she was a human being who was hurt. pran's mom whole deal to me is that she never wanted to turn into this kind of parent. she didn't want to be harsh and controlling, she felt she had to in order to protect her son from pat and his family. and now i think that anger has turned onto pat's dad, bc what he did has now turned her into a parent she didnt want to be. she wanted to be the parent at the table in ep 7, laughing at her son getting flustered over a crush. she didnt want to be the one to add that exception at the end, but she had to for his own good. now that she's unleashed all her anger at pat's dad, i dont think she'd want to hold onto that parental role any longer. pat's dad and her anger have come between her and her own son for too long and she doesn't want that anymore, bc pran is more important to her than any of that.

sorry for the rant but the tl;dr is i dont think pran's mom will force or manipulate a breakup or a separation bc i think she's finally seeing that she has hurt her son and she needs to focus on mending their relationship above all else.

#bad buddy #i just think pran's mom becoming a villain again makes no narrative sense #bc as p'aof said before its them vs the environment not one single villain #and her still holding onto her anger after everything thats happened??? i just dont see it #she can still be angry at pat's dad and still be weary at pat #but i think she's done with projecting that on to pran #she was given a talking to of a lifetime and i dont see how she can just sweep all of pran's feelings under the rug and steam on ahead #nope #made by jemmo

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