#and this blog will have been with me through 4 phones (technically) and 2 cars

[every-sanji]

Woah this little project has been going on for 3 years now! A little crazy that I've managed to keep this thing running but I am nothing if not committed to the bit. Thank you to everyone who has been here since day one and everyone who has followed along more recently in this journey to post every single Sanji! Here's to three more years 🥂

[partnersatfazbear]

Fazbear Frights: What We Found Analysis

Here’s my analysis for What We Found, the third story in Gumdrop Angel. I wrote this as I read so it may be a little different than my previous analysis where I read the story first and went back.

If you’re a Michael Afton fan I highly recommend this. Also, there’s possibly some insight into William Afton, Mrs. Afton, and Henry too, so it’s worth a skim.

Pg 144 '...a place thirty-some years forgotten' Just reconfirming FNAF 3 is 30 years past *one* of the FNAF closings, presumably FNAF 2 location.

Pg 145 "The whole building was giving him [Hudson] a headache." FIX THE VENTILATION BRUH

Pg 148 '...they were able to use salvaged derelict equiptment original to the old pizzerias.' Another confirmation of something we heard from Phone Guy.

Pg 147 "How old are you?" "Twenty-three, same as you." I think this gives us Michael's age during FNAF 3.

EDIT: This kept me awake last night. Obviously this is impossible because he has to be alive for at least 10 years before 1983, BUT maybe its just reconfirming FNAF 3′s year? 2023?

Pg 149 "Hudsan's dad died and his mom married Lewis, a ridiculous balding man who wore plaid vests and smoked a pipe" Did... Did this book just seriously imply Mrs. Afton left William for Henry? Really? (Yes, there's differences; the husband is dead and the man wears plaid 'vests' but it seems very odd to include that detail. This could just have been the writer's own imagination, though.) I have seen this as a fan theory and 100% explains the jealousy aspect of William, but I can't help but kinda hate it. I think this is very important, though, and probably Scott's intention. "This horrible little man [Lewis]... would make Hudson's next ten years a living Hell" This REALLY intrigues me given the context I just went over. The text implies Lewis was fairly neglectful to our main character / Michael stand-in Hudson. Maybe I'm wrong and for some reason Mrs. Emily left and went to William? XD Haha, I'm reading too much into this page. Maybe I'll come back to this later. I figure it's more of Scott possibly including double-details (contradicting stuff with the same character that really applies to two, which has been something I heavily pointed out in previous anaylsis on this blog) Having said that, I'm going w/the former because I can't imagine Henry being abusive (neglectful yes, abusive no) and he's never been portrayed that way in official works like William has in the novels.

Pg 150 "Hudson began to screw up in class...a product of spending the night in fear that his stepfather [Lewis]... [would] beat him just for the fun of it." Ooof. Big confirm on William actually being abusive. Unless we stick with the Henry theory for Lewis (combined with Midnight Motorist Henry theory / alcoholic). "...near-daily beatings..." "his mom started taking pills to get through the day..." So, whoever Mrs. Afton is, she was definetly not paying attention. But then, most people married to serial killers either don't notice because of denial (like this) or because the killer is so manipulative / careful they can't notice.

"Barry, who had red hair and freckles..." Yo?! Is that a description of Fritz?! These friends in the story could be the other kids Michael knew's stand-in's, aka the two gravestones with names he used (Fritz and Jeremy), as shown in the checks for the games and FNAF 6. I've long figured Michael was probably friends with the victims--it makes them easier, although riskier, targets [for William]. The two friends are male, too, like Fritz and Jeremy. If you're curious about Duane's description (our stand in for Jeremy), it's "tight black shirt... muscles... black hair long enough for a glossy ponytail..." I'm not sure if this matches anything found in the novels or contradicts them, though. (The novels = TSE trilogy)

"And so it went... until the night of the fire." For context, this is before FF burns down. We're learning of Hudson's life from his close friends in childhood, his father's death, his mother remarrying, to his abusive stepfather, to his grades slipping to this line. This would be a new fire not seen/mentioned in the games...

Pg 151 "...go to Charlie's for a sundae..." Really. Really Scott. Just gonna use this name again. OK. I'm not even gonna discuss this because it's probably irrelevant. *This is confirmed on pg 158 to be an ice cream shop. No lore relevance aside the annoying name coincidences Scott loves to troll with.

"This is not... an advance into enemy territory, a fight with demons, or a descent into Hell..." Uh, what? What is Hudson talking about? XD I'm only noting it because it seems so out of place. He's probably talking about video games or something.

Another note, although I don't have a specific reference since it is mentioned off-hand many times, is that Hudson keeps referring to his "history" which is implied to have kept him from getting a well-paying job and a girl he's crushing on doesn't know this "history" which is good for him. Seems good old "Michael Stand-In" has done some jail time or something. Edit: On pg 154/155 the girl asks Hudson, "Did you do it?" Seems he may have killed his stepfather or been involved with something else just as bad. Edit 2: No, I was thinking too deep into it. This probably refers to Evan's death at Fredbear's. DUH.

Pg 156 describes an actual "prize corner" in FF! What am I even reading? IIRC this is in FNAF 3, too. So they just hand out these scary gift boxes to people that complete the attraction? (Hudson says he *would* have fun handing out the scary toys to kids when this location opens--kind of a bully thing to do, eh?)

"[Hudson] avoid[ed] glancing in any of the mirrors..." I'm only pointing this out because it could be reference to one of two things. 1) We know because of one of UCN's music tracks, William has a fear of his reflection. Michael probably shares this trait, especially since 2) after Ennard and all... and later on pg 157 it also says, "he never wanted to face: himself" Sounds like guilt, my guy.

Pg 157 "blonde hair... blue eyes..." Hudson shares an eye color with Michael. It's possible Michael had blonde hair as a child and it changed to brown (it's common, something I personally went through being technically blonde/ blue eyed myself)

"He [Hudson] knew from personal experience that toys could turn from fun...to torture ina heart-beat" Fairly self explanatory. Either Hudson's worked at a creepy location before or he doesn't like remembering Fredbear's.

*checks how much is left.* There's still 35 pages (not counting back/front) left of this... This is gonna be a lot of notes.

Pg 158 Hudson doesn't have a car. Poor Mike, probably having to walk everywhere. Especially as a corpse.

Pg 160 This page describes many physical issues Hudson has that prevents him from entering the Navy, all from the abuse of Lewis. Obvious paralell to Michael becoming an undead [because his father sent him to CBPR indirectly causing his condition]

Pg 161 "How's your granny, Hud?... ...Is she still alive?" "I don't think she can die." Does anyone in the Afton family really 'die'? XD

Pg 162 These few pages discuss Hudson's grandmother. She's described as "a seer who claimed to know the future... ...wore big men's plaid flannel shirts with baggy jeans" Um, more plaid / flannel? AGH. STAHP. Lowkey, I would totally headcanon my Aunt Jen like this, though.

Pg 163 "Hudson's mom... the way she was before Hudson's dad had died... never... particularly warm and fuzzy... but... effiencient and responsible..." More about Mrs. Afton, so that's kinda neat.

"Hudson's dad was fun and attentive." There's a good Dad in this series?

"Unfortunetly, he also struggled with mental illness." "invisible low points" (Pg 164) Kinda reminds me of how Henry is described after Charlotte's death in the books.

Pg 164 "When Steven got himself into a bad deal that cost him his small business... he'd taken his life." Oh, it is Henry! SMH. Way to use confusing paralells. So, from our understanding thus far, Hudson's real father, Steven, is our Henry stand-in. His step-father despite being described similar to Henry, is actually our William stand-in. Fair game, Scott.

Pg 164 "...he [Hudson] was locked into a supply closet..." Oh shit, you guys. So, let me go on a tangent here, because this IS important! I just watched a retrospective on Sister Location and FNAF 6 earlier and one theory for Midnight Motorist was the person in the chair was the mother and the kid was Michael. I think this little line may confirm that. In fact, the story may be the key to figuring things out. Obviously, the line is a paralell to FNAF 4's scene in which Crying Child was locked in the supply closet of Fredbear's. I know some people, including Matpat, believe[d] CC was Michael, and in this book's context, it sort of works. This does contradict Step Closer and 1000 other things that make Michael the older brother, but maybe it's hinting at MM? Abusive stepdad (possibly Henry... maybe William is gone at this point), checked out Mom (hey, grey couch lady with Foxybro's font). IDK, but its definetly something to think about.

Pg 165 Lewis is mentioned as calling Hudson "nothing" and saying "you're nothing" on several occasions on this page. Just more abuse, for those accurate fanfic writers like me. Also I kinda wanna watch Morel Orel again. Yall know my fav character is Clay. Yall know.

"You're smoke." <-- Lewis / The text later reads, "...there was some irony, given what eventually happened." BRUH. Why did your stepdad die in a fire? :V TELL ME.

"When his family's house burned down at the end of his senior year..." Huh. Is there a fire we don't know about in the game-verse? Could this explain what happened to the FNAF 4 house before MM house?!

"...it purged Hudson of Lewis and his mother." MRS. AFTON BURNED ALIVE, TOO? Bruh. I can't with this story.

The text later describes the fire is concluded to be man-made and Hudson was blamed for it. Can't say if this ties to Michael, but it IS interesting... TBF, there is a small paralell to draw between Henry in FNAF 6 and his history of suicide in the books, too.

Pg 166 "...this place's [FF] busted thermostat.." I just find this line funny.

Pg 167 "...after three weeks of keeping an eye on the place" Some more timeline context for FNAF 3. We know that Michael worked there a little while before we start playing the game thanks to one of the phone calls, IIRC, so this makes sense. If Michael was accused of [something] and also wanting to hunt down his father, then it makes perfect sense why he's working a dead end job at Freddy's over and over and over. Fun fun fun.

Pg 169 "He hated to think about a functional character [Foxy]" This line is in regards to Hudson not liking the set up of Pirate's Cove and Foxy's hook to scare people. Sounds familiar, don't it? (For Michael anyway.)

Pg 173 "Some big find is arriving tomorrow." SPRINGY BOI! COME ON BOOK, get on with the show?

Pg 176 "Granny was wearing a red-and-green plaid shirt and her baggy jeans." Nothing special, but it was specifically brought up twice. I'm kind of racking my brain trying to understand what the point of this character is outside of "woooo everything is haunted don't you know that" kind of character.

Pg 180 "...dropped the crate on the linoleum with a resounding thud." HEY. Poor Springtrap, just gettin' tossed around like the trash he is.

Pg 186 "If you weren't so stupid, I'd tell you more about it." Springtrap bringing the burn. =:)

"A voice with a burr-like rasp...hint of a Southern accent" I'm going to assume this is because it's Lewis probably in the suit in this story and not our old British lad.

"It's was Mr. Atkin's voice." THE MATH TEACHER? *goes back to check* 'The algebra teacher'. Okay...

Pg 190 Okay, so Hudson hear's Lewis' voice this time. Okay, I get it now. Springtrap in this kind of imbodies all of Hudson's old bullies, including the teacher. He also has PTSD, just FYI. IDK if anyone finds that important, but it's fairly obvious by the line "He wasn't in his bedroom. Lewis didn't just slam his head into a desk; his head had been slammed into the [arcade] game."

"Why did he hallucinate a scene from his childhood?" Oh, it's not PTSD, then. It's just the VENTILATION ERROR. lol Okay.

Just a note, as I'm reading through the more action-based stuff, I kind of feel bad for Michael if he had flashbacks like this guy. They're intense.

So, Lewis' voice finally comes out of Springtrap on Pg 213. There's that.

Pg 220 "You can just stay there [in his room]" Kind of a paralell to Midnight Motorist. Lewis is saying it to Hudson. I really feel like the kid in the MM game is Michael because of this story...

Pg 223 "Heat purges. Fire heals." I'm sure that's Henry's life motto.

The ending was stupid, but most in these stories are. Hudson is hallucinating and is implied to have burned himself alive in FF's oven. Meh? The first half of this one is A TRIP and a little insight into what I 100% believe is Michael's childhood. I think the saddest part of it all is that we never got Springtrap speaking to Michael in FNAF 3--and if it's ever remade I hope we get more of them interacting.

[purplesurveys]

1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans?  Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen?  It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook?  Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person?  Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now?  Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry?  I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature?  Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak?  Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found?  Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone?  No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment?  No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat?  Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam?  The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?  Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass?  There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk?  I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling?  I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck?  Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?  Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra?  Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list?  I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well?  I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand?  Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion?  Pro-choice. 

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to?  I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own?  I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month?  Replying late.

My favorite color is ______?  Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____?  Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals?  Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading?  I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend?  Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another?  I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same?  I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take?  I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today?  Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard?  We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice?  Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there?  No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around?  I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?  I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with?  I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger?  I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?  My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?  Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before?  Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk?  I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice?  Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries?  Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast?  I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know?  My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most?  I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time?  I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid?  Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much?  I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do?  Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this?  I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything?  I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining?  I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy?  No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished?  Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross?  Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have?  Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above?  I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced?  My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines?  My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings?  No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait?  I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from?  We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid?  No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift?  Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day?  Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you?  I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?  Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops?  No.

Do you like fried rice?  Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank?  Water.

[sambergscott]

a peralta guarantee

“I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta Guarantee.”

(missing scenes from 7x08 - amy worrying about jake)

hUge thanks to johanna for inspiring this fic and helping when i had a lil breakdown halfway through

When he approaches her desk mid-afternoon with a decaf coffee and the white chocolate chip cookies she’s been craving from the bakery across town, she knows he’s either a) broken something, b) wants something or c) has bad news. She narrows her eyes suspiciously, detecting an excited bounce in his step which can only mean it’s b and c; he wants something she’s not going to like.

“Hey, babe,” he tries to play it cool, clearing a butt-sized space on her desk on which to sit. “I come bearing gifts.”

“What do you want, Peralta?” She cuts to the chase.

“Damn it, you know me too well,” he mutters. “OK, so, here’s the thing: Doug Judy’s gettin’ married. He invited me to his Bachelor Party this weekend and I know he’s a criminal, Ames, but I really wanna go. Like, so bad. Would you be cool with that?”

She conjures up a mental pro and con list. On one hand, Doug Judy is The Pontiac Bandit, known felon, committer of God knows how many crimes, an overall bad dude. On the other, he’s Jake’s friend, singer of the smush songs CD in the glove box of their car that they always forget to take out, giver of the Le Creuset pot she adores. He’s always been nice to her and—.

“Sarge?” Gary interrupts her decision-making process with a quick question about a perp he just brought in, snapping her back to reality. She’s a Police Sergeant, her job is to serve and protect the city they call home and as much as she loves cooking her mom’s beef casserole recipe in Judy’s awesome wedding gift, she has a responsibility to bring him in.

“I’m sorry, babe. I just think it’s a bad idea.”

His face falls, his disappointment coming through loud and clear.

“What were you expecting me to say? Ignore the million arrest warrants out on this guy, many of them submitted by you, so you can drink beer and go to strip clubs?”

“You’re right,” he sighs. “You’re obviously right. Man, being good at your job sucks.”

She nods in agreement. “Remember last month when I had to shut that binder store down for running a secret drug dealing operation out back?”

“How could I forget? You cried for three days straight.”

“They had the best binder collection I’ve ever seen!”

(It was actually what was so fishy about it. In four trips to buy pregnancy binders, she hadn’t seen any of the founding members of the Brooklyn Binder Babes blog — Mary Sue, Catherine, Margaret or Jane — once. And there’s no way a stationery start-up would attract such long queues without their recommendation. It was a pretty easy solve from there).

“The point is, you can’t go to a criminal’s Bachelor Party.” She pats his hand. “You’ll just have to come maternity clothes shopping with me instead. None of my jeans fit me anymore.”

“As much as I would love to, you can take Kylie. I’m going to the party.”

“What?” She double-takes. “Jake, did you not listen to what I literally just said? We’re cops. We cannot be friends with criminals.”

“But we can be friends with informants who have helped us catch numerous, even bigger, more dangerous criminals,” he says with that look on his face, the one he gets when he finds a loophole that he can use to his advantage. She recognises it from home videos Karen has shown her where, instead of tidying his room like she asked him to, seven year old Jake shoves everything under his bed and carries on enacting a police chase with his race cars. “Captain Holt has given him immunity before, so technically I should be able to go party it up with him in Miami!”

“Wait... It’s in Miami? Miami... Florida?”

It’s a stupid question, she knows. Of course he means Miami, Florida. It’s just... they both promised on the flight home that they would never, ever go back there. After everything that happened with Figgis and not knowing if they’d ever see each other again, a statewide travel ban seemed a good way to put it all behind them, focus on all their future moments together, not on all the moments they missed.

“This isn’t like last time,” he reassures her. “It’s only for a weekend and then I’ll be coming straight home for snuggles with you and —,” he lowers his voice to a whisper because they haven’t told anyone she’s pregnant yet, “the baby.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip so hard to stop them overflowing in front of all her uniformed officers. It’s pretty clear that he wants to go and she never wants to be one of them wives who control their husbands’ every move. All she wants is for him to be happy. And if going to Doug Judy’s Bachelor Party makes him happy, he should go, no matter how much she hates the entire state of Florida. She agrees, on one condition: “You have to text me hourly updates to let me know that you’re still alive.”

“Don’t I text you constantly anyway?”

“I guess so,” she sniffs.

He lifts her chin so she’s looking him in the eyes. “I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta guarantee.”

“You better,” she warns, tears suddenly flowing down her face at the thought of him not coming home, not being there to watch Property Brothers with her, not raising their baby and proving to everyone what a great dad he will be.

Used to her extra strength pregnancy hormones shifting her emotions from 0 to 100 faster than John McClane can say “Yippie-Ki-Yay, motherfucker”, he pulls her into a tight hug, careful not to crush the precious cargo that is behind said mood swings.

He strokes her hair and whispers that he’ll be home before she knows it and that nothing, not even the worst state in the country, will tear him away from her.

When it’s time for him to leave, she follows him out to the street and, after a brief argument over the fact he packed his bag before he OK’ed the trip with her and another hormone-induced cry when his cab shows up, reluctantly waves goodbye.

True to his word, he texts her before the car is even out of sight. Miss you already 😘.

--

Her phone buzzes periodically throughout the rest of the day.

In a meeting with Holt and Terry: flying on mark cuban’s dope ass private plane!!!!! ✈️

Cooking dinner: florida is HOT (not as hot as u babe, dont worry)

Doing her crossword in bed: g’night ames, g’night baby, love u both SO MUCH

She smiles, tells him she loves him too and braces herself for the barrage of drunk texts and selfies coming her way.

--

Sleeping without him sucks. The bed is cold, her pregnancy pillow is not as good of a cuddle buddy and she tosses and turns all night worrying about him, where he is, what he’s doing, whether he’s safe.

Her eyes finally slip shut around 1 am when her phone buzzes. Again. And again. And again.

She tries to ignore him, bury her head under her pillow and go back to sleep, but the messages keep coming thick and fast. She groans, giving up and unlocking her phone.

There are 47 new messages from him.

Forty-seven.

Her initial annoyance at being woken up quickly disappears as she scrolls through the thread. He’s mostly sent her random, meaningless emojis and keysmashes, interspersed with the odd “I love you”, “you’re my best friend” and “I’m thinking about you” that warm her heart. He mentions something about their proposal, about crying with Doug Judy, which obviously makes her cry too.

(Dumb pregnancy hormones).

By the time she reaches the bottom, he’s sent her 10 more.

She decides for her sake — and the sake of all of her officers who would have to deal with a tired, emotional pregnant lady — to turn off her phone and reply to him in the morning.

She returns her phone to her nightstand, settles back into a comfortable position and closes her eyes.

She lies motionless for what feels like hours, unable to fall asleep. She tries the breathing technique her brother David brags about constantly, counting sheep like little Matthew, even reciting police codes like Teddy used to go to sleep after sex. Nothing works. She’s still awake.

She turns her phone back on to see what Jake’s up to now, only to see his messages ended abruptly with a caterpillar emoji over an hour ago.  

She immediately panics, dialling 911 into her phone.

Her thumb hovers over the green call button.

She’s heard thousands of crazy operator call stories, frequently reminded the general population to only call in a genuine emergency and watched the YouTube compilations for fun. She deletes the number, positive that if she told an operator her husband was missing because she hadn’t heard from him while he’s at a Bachelor Party, she’s positive she would be added to those videos.

In an attempt to stop her spiral, she contemplates the possible scenarios in which his constant texts would cease.

Scenario 1: He’s living in the moment and has put his phone away (something she has been encouraging him to do lately to reduce his screen time)

Scenario 2: He’s very drunk and has completely forgotten about his promise

Scenario 3: He used up all his battery texting her and his phone has died

Scenario 4: He’s fallen asleep (although a quick check of Trudy Judy’s insta reveals the party is very much still in full flow)

Scenario 5: Judy’s criminal buddies have killed him and thrown his body into the ocean

Once the thought pops into her head, no amount of squeezing her eyes shut will make the image go away.

Holt giving an emotional eulogy about wearing ties and being an amazing detective/genius.  

Some rookie taking over his desk.  

The sympathetic looks when she tells all the other moms in baby group that her husband died.  

Usually Jake is there to hold her when her nightmares get bad. She rolls over, expecting to see his kind eyes and soft smile, the untouched side of his bed only serving to make her cry harder.

She can’t lose him. Not yet. Not until they’re old and grey, and maybe not even then. She spent so long denying her feelings for her dorky partner, rueing every missed opportunity to be together, and when they finally, finally took the plunge, she had never been happier. She can’t lose him yet. They have so much more life left to live.

She can’t lose him because he promised her he would come home safe. He guaranteed it.

She clings onto the tiny grain of hope like one might cling onto a raft in the middle of the ocean.

He would never break a Peralta guarantee.

--

Her phone finally buzzes again an hour later.

From: Unknown

Ames, it’s me, Jake. Judy’s buddies found out I’m a cop + destroyed my phone. So sorry I couldn’t text before. Hope you didn’t worry too much, although I know you probably haven’t slept. You can stop worrying now. I’m safe. Love you + see you tomorrow.  

Love you too, she responds, yawning as she places the phone back on the side table.

Relieved that he’s OK, and exhausted from all the worrying, she falls into the easiest sleep she’s ever had.

--

Before she knows it, it’s the next afternoon, Jake’s keys are turning in the lock, he’s dropping his holdall on the floor and rushing to her side to kiss her all over her face.

“I missed you too,” she laughs, kissing him properly.

“Sorry it took so long — Doug and Trudy made me fly commercial —.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re home now. That’s all that matters.”

“I’m never leaving you two again,” he swears.

“You’ll have to leave us eventually to go to the bathroom and stuff,” she points out, raking her fingers through the unruly curls that she so hopes their baby will inherit. “Just don’t go back there.”

A solemn understanding passes over his face and he nods. “Never again. Not even if our kid wants to go to Disney World. We’ll take them to the California one instead.”

“Smort,” she says, stealing his line and in an instant, that familiar grin is back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A dozen memories flood back, of oldies in short shorts and shuffleboard and Doug Judy getting away again. Of noice and smort and saying “I love you” for the very first time. Her eyes fill with tears — dumb pregnancy hormones strike again — as she buries her face in his shoulder.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and lifting her bridal style to carry her to their room. He places her carefully onto the mattress and flops down next to her.

She snuggles into him, eyes closing once more. “Did we even get an invite to the wedding?”

“Not even close,” he sighs.

“Damn it. I would’ve loved to see that trainwreck.”

“You and me both, babe. You and me both.”

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch 13: On  Your Left

Summary: Ex- SHIELD Agent Katie Stark and Captain Steve Rogers have been dating for almost a year now, things are going pretty smoothly for once. A chance morning jog introduces them to Sam Wilson, before Steve is called away on a mission which doesn’t go quite according to plan...

Warnings: Smut (NSFW), no under 18s. And they say some bad language words.

A/N: Bonus additional scene- On Va Voir available...

So we are into the Winter Soldier Storyline. I've had LOADS of fun writing this.

Please re-blog if you like and send me any tag requests or suggestions you would like to see (as one shots or part of the main story) going forward by Ask.

End of March/Beginning of April 2014

"Turn it off," Katie’s voice was muffled from the pillow she had buried her face into. He moved slightly, but it wasn’t fast enough for her liking. "Steve!"

With a huff he leaned over and slapped the offending item with his palm, hitting the snooze button.

“Why is it even set?” she grumbled “It’s not like you don’t normally wake up at the crack of dawn anyway…and who uses an alarm clock when they have a phone?”

“You know, no one makes you stay here…” he teased, with a chuckle moving so that his front was pressed to her back.

“You’ve been away for 5 days…I never sleep as well when you’re not here…” she mimicked his line from the night before in a baby voice.

“And that’s why the alarm is set, because I do sleep better with you…” his arms circled her waist and he grinned to himself as despite the fact she was grumpy and tired she melted into his arms as he nuzzled at her neck, revelling in her smell, her warmth.

“Jerk…” she said. “I mean what time is it anyway?” there was a pause as he continued to simply breathe her in and she glanced at her phone giving a scoff as she saw the ridiculous time on the screen “5:30? In the morning. Five. Thirty…”

“You said you wanted to go running.” He murmured, his eyes still closed.

“No, you said you were going running and I said I might tag along because I’ve eaten nothing but shit whilst I��ve been in New York, which, by the way is your fault…”

“My fault?” Steve laughed, cracking an eye open “I wasn’t even there.”

“Exactly” she muttered “No one to stop me.” “I wouldn’t stop you anyway. You’re a big girl, you make your own decisions...” “Big girl…You calling me fat?” she teased as she rolled onto her back and turned her head to face his, just about making out his features in the dark room. He rolled his eyes, God she was a pain in the ass at times.

“Yeah… you’re huge…” he deadpanned, his hand travelling over her flat stomach and coming to rest on her hip. “Enormous…”

"Ok, well now that we’ve established I need to run, you know on account of me being a hippo, that still doesn’t answer the question why we have to go so damned early anyway. It’s not like we have to be anywhere…” “It’s less crowded.” he shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s because it’s a ridiculous time…”

Oh fuck this for a game of soldiers…if she was that moody about being woken up Steve was going to do something to remind her exactly why she chose to stay in his bed.

“I love how full of sunshine and happiness you are in the morning…” he muttered as he dropped his head so his lips could gently trail a few lazy kisses down her neck before landing at her collarbone and giving a quick nip, his hand tightening on her hip.

She sighed, her body already starting to respond to his touch, the way it always did, betraying her. Damned him and his fucking bastard sex appeal.

“OK, if you want to actually get up now…” she muttered, as his mouth travelled back up and she rolled her head back to give him access to the spot on her neck that drove her wild every time he found it.  “I suggest you stop…” “I hit the snooze button…” he muttered, lips brushing her ear as he spoke. “We got about 8 minutes left.”

“8 minutes?”

 “Reckon I only need 5…” he shot back

“You have a very high opinion of yourself…” she replied, tilting her head so she was looking at him, smirking.

Oh, challenge accepted Doll! He said nothing, just cocked a single, mischievous brow at her before his lips met hers, his hand running down from hip to thigh then across, parting her legs slightly. They were still naked from the night before, clothes strewn all over the apartment after he’d been so desperate to get his hands on her.

She moaned gently into his mouth as he slowly sank two fingers into her and her hips instantly bucked upwards, drawing a grin from his mouth. 

“Easy, baby…” he whispered, his mouth returning to her neck…

4 minutes later she lay beneath him, a quivering wreck and he was right behind her, 2 shallow thrusts later as he tumbled over that edge with a low groan, eyes fluttering shut as he fell forward onto her. He smirked into her neck when she had finally regained her senses enough to quip that he’d beaten his proposed time by a full 60 seconds. And 60 seemed to be the flavour of the day as it was almost another 60 minutes before they got to his favoured running spot, the National Mal thanks to the fact it had taken Katie almost 30 minutes to locate her trainers which she’d eventually found in her car.  Steve had seized the opportunity, as always to lament her for the fact she was messy. 

“I’m not messy.” She scoffed indignantly as they walked the 7 blocks. “I’m just not as OCD about everything being in its right place, all the time, like a neat-freak Soldier”

The good natured jibing had continued until they reached their destination and walked through the park to the reflecting pool

“How many laps did you do last time?” Katie asked, as Steve stretched his arms upwards, cracking his back.

“6.” he said.

She looked at him, frowning. “You did 6 laps…that’s like what? 20 miles?”

“Nearer 22.” He grinned.  “You want me to keep your pace?”

She laughed “No way, you’ll just bitch at me for being slow.”

“I do not bitch…” he said, giving her a look. “You bitch like a 14 year old girl…” she said, gently shoving him in his back. “Now go, go on!”

He smiled again, jogging backwards for a second before he set off at a rate of knots. Exercise always made him feel good. Running, boxing, sparring…fucking. Pushing away  the dirty thoughts that had arisen to the forefront of his mind, he was quick to find a comfortable pace, his trainer clad feet slapping the concrete.

It didn’t take Katie long to find her rhythm either. Despite not being with SHIELD anymore she had kept her fitness training up, sparring 3 times a week with either Natasha or Steve in the local gym. She was technically still an Avenger after all, Tony having now fashioned her another Supernova suit which was basically a version of his latest Iron Man suit but in Silver and Blue, the Nova shaped star sported in the chest where the mini arc reactor powered it. She'd given it a trial run whilst she had been back in New York and was just as impressed with it now as she had been with the prototype he had blown up.

Her feet gently slapped the ground as she ran, the sun was rising on the last day of March and it was promising to be a sunny, bright spring morning.

"Hi." a voice greeted her as another jogger she hadn’t seen before caught up with her and fell into step with her.

“Nice day for it!”  Katie smiled.

"You normally run this early?" he asked "Haven't seen you around before."

“That’s because I don’t normally run here!” she smiled “But I just spent 5 days in New York eating crap so…!”

He laughed and held out his hand. "Sam Wilson."

I took it and gave it a shake. "Katie Stark.”

“Well I’ll be damned!” Sam grinned “I didn’t recognise you. Nice to meet you."

"You too."

As Steve was about to lap Katie for the first time he noticed she was running with another jogger, a black man wearing a grey sweater with short, cropped hair. At one time this would have sparked the green eyed monster in his chest, but not now. Not only did he know she wouldn’t stand for it, but he knew she was just sociable in general. She would talk to anyone given the chance and moreover, she was his girl, he knew that. As he approached them he breathed out an "On your left." as a warning as he sped past into his second lap.

Sam frowned, looking round and Katie smirked, trying not to laugh at the look on his face as Steve’s frame whizzed off into the distance.

"I never tire of looking at these." she commented a short while later as they rounded the monument.

Again the sound of heavy footsteps came. "On your left."

"On your left."

"Uh-huh. On my left. I got it." Sam called after him as he entered his 5th lap.

Katie didn't even try to stop herself this time and she laughed at the slight look of frustration on Sam's face.

Not long after they were making a lap around the pool at the base of the memorial. Sam gritted his teeth at the wholly unwelcomed sound of footsteps behind him once again, he looked over his shoulder "Don't say it. Don't you say it!"

"On your left."

"Come on!" Sam shouted and Steve allowed an amused smile to spread across his face.

Sam tried his hardest to pick up his speed to match that of Steve’s but failed miserably after only a few moments, now completely gassed out.

"Are you alright?" Katie asked laughing as she approached his hunched over figure, catching her own breath.

"Oh, here he comes…Superman himself…" Sam said gesturing to where Steve was now walking towards them, hands on his hips. He paused at his girl’s side and looked down at Sam.

"Need a medic?" he teased.

"I need a new set of lungs." Sam chuckled breathlessly. "Dude, you just ran like thirteen miles in thirty minutes."

"Guess I got a late start." He shrugged, shooting Katie a pointed look. She responded with her best innocent stare, batting her eyelids at him. Rolling his eyes at her, he turned his attention back to the stranger who began to talk again.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. You should take another lap." he scolded jokingly. "Did you just take it? I assume you just took it."

Steve smiled, he couldn’t help but like this man. As he looked at him, he noticed the military symbol on his grey sweater.

"What unit were you with?" Steve asked changing the subject and motioning to the man’s shirt.

"Fifty-eighth, Para-rescue. But now I'm working down at the VA. Sam Wilson." He said motioning for help up.

"Steve Rogers." Steve held out his hand and pulled Sam to his feet.

"I kind of put that together." Sam says as he tried to catch his balance. "Must have freaked you out, coming round after the whole defrosting thing."

"It takes some getting used to. But I’ve had help” he said, looking at Katie who smiled. “Good to meet you Sam.”

“Yeah, bye Sam!” Katie smiled as Steve gently placed his hand on her lower back to steer her away.

"It's your bed right?" Sam called out from behind him.

Steve paused and they both turned back around. "What's that?"

"Your bed, it’s too soft." Sam went on to explain. "When I was over there, I'd sleep on the ground and use rocks as pillows. Like cavemen. Now I'm back home, in my own bed, feels like-"

Steve cut him off. "Like lying on a marshmallow, feels like I'm gonna sink right to the floor.”

"How long?" he asked Sam

"Two tours." Sam responded. "You must miss the good old days huh?"

"Well, things aren't so bad.” He folded his arms, taking a quick glance at Katie who raised her eyebrow at him, teasingly. “Foods a lot better. We used to boil everything. No polio that's good.” He paused before making a gesture with his hand “Internet so helpful, I’ve been reading that a lot tryna' catch up."

Sam nodded and then moved his right hand from where it had been folder across his chest and held it, fingers extended. "Marvin Gaye, 1972, 'Troubleman' soundtrack.” He said, returning his arm to its resting position “Everything you've missed jammed into one album."

“Ohhh man!” Katie groaned “I love that film.”

Steve nodded, smiling and pulled out the notebook she had bought him the previous year, "I'll put it on the list."

“We can download it later…” she said. He smiled as he closed his book before he reached into his other pocket for his phone which was going off. It was Natasha.

'Mission Alert. Extraction imminent. Meet you at the curb :)'

He showed the message to Katie who read it whilst he looked over at Sam.

"Well Sam, duty calls. Thanks for the run. If that's what you wanna call running." He joked extending his hand.

"Oh that's how it is?" Sam says amused shaking the offered hand.

"That's how it is." Steve responded, laughing slightly.

"Okay, anytime you two wanna stop by the VA. Make me look awesome in front of the girl at the front desk, just let me know."

"I'll keep that in mind." Steve said as Natasha pulled up in her black chevvy sports car.

"Hey guys, anyone know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil." she quipped.

“Hey Nat!” Katie waved at her and she nodded whilst Steve simply shook his head.

"That’s hilarious." he commented dryly as he turned to Katie. “I’ll call you as soon as I can, ok?” She took a deep breath. Ever since quitting SHIELD he knew she felt uneasy when he was away.

“Be careful.” she said, as she leaned up to give him a kiss. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He made his way to the car, opened the passenger side of the car and dropped into the seat.

"How you doing?" Sam called with a smile as he squat down to get a better view of both Natasha and the car.

"Hey." She responded with a small smile.

"Can't run everywhere." Steve joked smugly, looking back at the man.

"No you can't." Sam said and Steve shot one last look at Katie who waved as Natasha surged the car forward.

Katie watched them go before she turned to Sam.

“Military girlfriend huh?” he teased and she laughed.

“Something like that.” “Fancy a coffee?” Sam nodded to one of the stands parked over on the square and she smiled.

“Sure, why not?”

********* Turns out Sam was a pretty interesting character. He told Katie about his time serving in Afghanistan and how he had chosen, post the loss of his partner, Riley, to leave active service and focus his attention on helping others through work at the VA.

Katie had never really dug into the VA much, but it seemed like it did some pretty good work, helping those Soldiers who needed help adjusting to life post discharges for medical or mental health reasons. Sam confided in her that the DC branch was under threat due to lack of funding, and she made a mental note to speak to Tony about it being something that maybe the Stark Relief fund could look into partnering.

When they both realised they had been sat on the bench chatting for almost an hour and a half the pair of them both, knowing we had other places to be, exchanged numbers and she promised to pass his onto Steve.

The rest of her day went pretty quick, in a flourish of telephone conferences and various other ad-hoc emails to deal with, talking to the editors and Business Development team about potential authors to target. By the time she logged off for the evening it was gone 8pm. She leaned back in her chair, glancing up at the photos that decorated her office, her eyes being drawn to the one on the shelf of herself and Steve which had been taken at the New Years Eve gala last year. 

Picking up her phone she debated texting him, but she knew better than to bother him. From personal experience, STRIKE missions were heavy going. Instead she decided she was going to break with their usual routine whereby he would come to hers if it wasn't too late post mission, and she was going to wait for him at his.

******

Steve’s day had been far less enjoyable. The mission, as a whole, had been a success. It had started well, Natasha doing her usual jibing, this time she was ribbing Steve about whether he was going to ask Katie to move in. He had batted off her teasing and told her to concentrate on her job first, and she had. Only it wasn’t the job he had given her. Turns out she had a different mission. One given to her by Fury. He’d been that mad about it all that he hadn’t spoken to the red head all the way home and yes, he knew it was childish, but he was getting seriously pissed off at the secrets and lies that seemed to be part and parcel of any goddamned mission Fury sent him on.

It was just before midnight when he got home, and as he pulled his bike up into the designated space allotted for his apartment, he noticed Katie’s car was in one of the guest spaces that lined the street. He frowned slightly, she never normally waited at his for him. Not for any particular reason other than he normally spent the hours or so after a mission debriefing before heading home to decompress for a few hours and then if it wasn't too late he would head to hers. But the more he thought about it now he realised that he had no idea why he did it that way. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand what it was like being a SHIELD operative, or that he didn’t want her at his. 

Knowing that she was there made him smile for the first time since that damned mission and, despite his various aches and bruises, he found himself taking the steps to his apartment 3 at a time, his eagerness to see her wiping all other thoughts from his mind.

She was on the couch, bare denim-short clad legs spread out besides her, and she looked up from the TV as he walked into the living area and leaned in the doorway, smiling softly at the sight of her, hair tousled slightly from where she had been leaning her head against the arm of the couch.

“What are you doing here?” he asked gently as she sat up.

“Decided I’d wait for you.” She shrugged “You complaining?” “No.” he said, turning away as unzipped his jacket and hung it over the back of one of the stools by the breakfast bar before he crossed the room.

“You had a good day?” he asked.

“Yeah.” she called back, “Vanity Fair have written the article already, if I’m happy with it tomorrow then it’s going to be published this month.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile at her tone. She was proud, and she had every right to be. So was he. Stark Independent Publishing LTD had taken off like a rocket, and their first book that was launched little over a month ago had shot off the shelves, selling out in record time. Katie had been overwhelmed and the glossy magazines were queuing up to interview her. She had declined all of them until the Stark Board had suggested she do one interview for Vanity Fair, along with a photoshoot in her office. She’d reluctantly agreed, but had confided in Steve she’d kind of enjoyed it.

“That’s fast.” he said, heading back into the room.

“Yeah they’re really pushing for it.” she said as he dropped besides her with a groan, lifting her legs up so they crossed his lap. As he did so he jostled the bruised ribs and muscles he’d obtained on the Lemurian Star and let out a hiss, rubbing slightly at his torso. Katie spotted this, as always, and frowned, moving her legs so she was sat up, scooting over to where he was and gently tugged at his t-shirt. He didn’t stop her as she examined the large bruise over the side of his ribs and gently ran her fingers over it.

“Ouch.” she said softly, looking up at him and then tilting his face round. He knew there was a small cut on his temple but other than that and the bruise to his side he was uninjured. “Is this it?” she asked, her eyes on his.

He nodded “Got blown through a window.” Because that was a perfectly normal thing for Captain America to do, Katie merely rolled her eyes and dropped a kiss to his cheek as she stood up “I’ll get the arnica and fix you something to eat”

He loved this, the way she just wanted to take care of him, but he was aware of what time it was too, and he didn’t want her to feel like she had to play the dutiful housewife.

“Kitten, you should go to bed, its late.” he grabbed her hand. “Once I’ve patched you up and fed you I will.” she said stubbornly, tugging gently on his hand and he allowed himself to be pulled up “Go take a shower, I’ll sort your dinner…”

This time he didn’t protest, simply smiled, dropped a kiss to her head and headed to the bathroom.

He stepped under the hot water and let out a groan as it hit his body, allowing it temporarily to soothe his mind and his aches. He still couldn’t shake his annoyance at how the mission was gone. Suddenly he was distracted by his stomach grumbling and he realised he was actually really hungry. He quickly washed off before cutting the shower and stepping out, grabbing a towel. He could hear Katie in the kitchen as he walked down the hall towards his bedroom where he dried himself off and dressed in a pair of sweats and a grey T-shirt.

The smell of food hit his nostrils as he walked into the kitchen, making his mouth water. Her food was always good, he had no idea what he was in for tonight but he didn’t care. As he approached where she was stood, both his hands dropped to her hips and he placed a soft kiss on her neck, an easy sign of affection before he let out a heavy sigh and reached into the refrigerator.

“What happened?” she asked, turning to look at him as he downed pretty much an entire bottle of water before he slumped down at the breakfast bar and explained everything to her. She listened, asked questions, shook her head, and when he reached the bit about the ransom she whistled slightly through her teeth, coming to the same conclusion he had when he heard the demand.

“That’s steep.” she frowned and Steve snorted.

“That’s what I said. Turns out its SHIELDS. And it wasn’t drifting. It was trespassing."

The microwave finished and Katie moved to open the door, stirring whatever was in there before removing it and placing it down in front of him, along with a plate of his favourite loaf. He was silent for a moment as he stirred the hot stew, Ghoulash, before taking a small mouthful to test the heat. Damned she could cook. He nodded appreciatively.

“It’s good.” “You sound surprised.” she teased.

“Not at all.” he shook his head. “You know what I think about your cooking.”

He continued to eat as she stood up and fished about in the cupboard he kept the bottle of Arnica gel she’d insisted he keep to hand. As he ate she settled next to him and hitched his shirt up, gently and carefully applying the ointment to his side, the bruise extended from the middle of his rib cage to an inch or so beneath the band of his sweats.

It was relaxing, and he relished her touch and her gentle tone as she continued to talk.

“So did you get the hostages?”

“Yeah.” he nodded, in between mouthfuls. “That bit was pretty easy all things considered…”

“So what’s wrong, love?”

She could tell there was more to his mood than what he had told her, and her instincts were proven right when he let out a soft sigh as she continued to rub at his side softly.

“I’m just annoyed Sweetheart.” He sighed eventually “At Fury, at Romanoff.”

“At Nat? Why?”

“She was given a separate mission, she was tasked with saving SHIELD data off the ship, which meant the task I gave her to back Rumlow up with the hostages wasn’t done…”

“More secrets” she sighed, feeling a flash of anger “You know this is exactly why I got out…legacy or no legacy.”

“Tell me about it.” he said, dropping the spoon into the empty bowl. “We were lucky no one was hurt, or worse. I mean, Rumlow was great, got everyone out but…how can I lead a team when half of them are lying to me?”

“Nat was just doing as she was told.” she said, softly, trying to deal with each issue one at a time.

“Since when is retrieving Intel more important than people’s lives?” he shook his head

“I’m not saying it is. I’m just saying don’t be so hard on her.” she reasoned, her fingers still tracing shapes on his skin “She has a job to do, same as you, and as for Fury then…well, call him out.”

“Oh I intend to.” Steve said, “I’m seeing him tomorrow morning. After de-brief…”

“He will have a reason, might not be what you wanna hear but at least you’ll know.” she said.

She was right, of course. Pushing it from his mind he concentrated on her touch as she was still gently rubbing his side. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of contentment, and was disappointed when she finally finished and let his t-shirt fall down and then stood up to put the ointment away.

“You want anymore?” she asked, once she’d washed the arnica off her hands.

“Is there any?” he looked at her, hopefully. He did want. He was still hungry.

She smiled, nodding, and then gave a small yawn which she tried to stifle, but Steve noticed it.

“Ok, I’ll warm some more up and you’re gonna go to bed.” he said, standing up “And that’s an order baby doll.”

“Bossy bastard” she retorted. He replied simply with a raised an eyebrow and stern glare as he crossed towards her. She held her hands up, “Ok, I’m going…” She leaned up to kiss to his cheek.

“Won’t be long” he smiled.

Steve had another bowl of food before he slipped the dishes into the dishwasher and headed to the bathroom to clean his teeth. He turned off the lights, headed into the dark bedroom and pulled off his T-shirt, sliding into bed behind her. His arm curled over her waist, surprise surprise she was in one of his shirts, which did nothing to ebb his growing desire and the twitching in his groin. Hoping she wasn’t asleep, his nose gently nuzzled at her neck, and he was pleased when she responded. He needed this. Wanted this. Wanted her.

“When you told me to go to bed…” she murmured, as his lips gently started their assault on that spot “I thought you meant to sleep.” “Want me to stop?” he practically purred into her neck.

“Didn’t say that” she replied, rolling her head to catch his lips as his hand crept down her inner thigh. She let out a contented sigh and he smiled against the side of her neck as he traced over her hip, hand flattening as he crept down and round to the top of her panties, his fingers slipping inside, where he found her hot, wet, ready for him. It was enough to harden him completely as he started to gently tease her, causing her to groan at the pleasure, her back arching. He continued to kiss and caress her neck.

“Steve…” she moaned softly, her tone pleading “I want you…”

Fuck, he would never get tired of hearing that. Ever. 

“Yeah?” he whispered.

“Yeah…please Stevie…” He didn’t think he’d ever be able to say no to her. His hand moved up and he gripped at her hip, gently rolling her so she was lay on her back, using his leg to part hers. He gently guided his shirt over her head, pulled down her panties, before he stripped off his boxers, fingers lacing in between hers, as he crawled over her pinning both hands above her head as he worked his way into her. They both groaned as he stretched her, and she looked up at him, those eyes locking onto his as he leant down to kiss her, starting up a slow, gentle pace. He continued slowly, again and again, lips caressing hers, then her jaw, then her neck, all the time his hands pinning hers to the pillow above her head, causing her to surrender to him completely.

He kept up that soft, gentle pace, loving her gently. He could tell she was close, he knew the signs well enough now and as she groaned in delight, tightening around him he coaxed her “That’s it baby girl…” whispering in her ear.

And then she came, shuddering underneath him, her head tipping back, as she let out a gentle, low, broken moan of his name. It sent shivers down his spine and he continued to thrust through her orgasm, the tale heat spreading across his belly and then he tipped too, jerking and groaning slightly before he fell forward, burying his face in to her neck.

“Love you.” she said softly into his ear as her hand ran up his neck, into his hair and he gave a hum of contentment as he regained control of his senses.

“Love you too, so damned much…” he said, rubbing his nose up against hers and she chuckled slightly as he rolled off of her. She scooted closer so she could lay her head on his chest. His arm curled round her, his hand tracing shapes on her skin at the bottom of her back as she tossed her leg over his.

“What time are you in tomorrow?” she asked gently, hand tracing absentmindedly over his chest.

“Half 9…” he said, fingers still caressing her back.

“We can have breakfast together, I made cinnamon rolls.” she said through her yawn.

“That so?” “mmmhmmm”

“You know, you’d make a good little housewife…” he said, thinking back to his thought before. He knew her response before she had uttered it. “Fuck you.” He chuckled, dropping a kiss to her head and they both fell silent. And his last thought as he drifted off to sleep was just how her being here had made him almost forget that clusterfuck of a mission…

Katie lay still, listening to the sound of his breathing which grew even as he fell asleep, clearly exhausted. He always needed food and rest after missions, his metabolism drained him. She stole a glance up at him, long eyelashes lay against his cheek as his head lolled to the side slightly, facing her.

“Night soldier.” she whispered softly, placing a peck on his lips before settling down and succumbing to her own tiredness. ********* Katie woke the next morning, tangled in Steve’s arms, his face pressed into her neck. As gently as she could she moved to check her phone for the time, and found it to be 25 past 7, 5 minutes before her alarm was due to go off. Cancelling it, she glanced back over at Steve who shifted onto his back, the arm that had been thrown around her gently resting on his chest. Smiling, she climbed out of bed deciding to leave him to sleep as long as she could. Considering what a light sleeper he normally was, he didn’t stir when she returned following her shower and was still out of it when she was dressed and unset the alarm on his bedside clock and headed to the kitchen. She made a fresh pot of coffee, threw the fresh rolls she had made then previous day ready to bake in the oven and settled down on his couch, flipping on the TV whilst she quickly scanned through her phone, looking at her schedule for the day. She only had one meeting in the afternoon, and it wasn’t important so she fired an email through to her PA asking her to reschedule.

At about 8:15, there was still no sign of Steve so she decided to go and wake him up. Any longer and he would be late for his debrief. He was lay side on, facing her side of the bed so she dropped next to him…

Something was tickling his nose, right on the bridge. He gently sniffed, and then soft lips met his. Again, again…Steve made a completely involuntary noise that was halfway between a groan and a sigh as he realised his girl was kissing him awake, before her lips met his and this time he gently responded.

“Hey…” that soft voice greeted him and he smiled, gently cracking an eye open and meeting that emerald green.

“Morning” He said groggily and she smiled.

“It’s almost 8:15.”

He frowned, that was late. “My alarm didn’t wake me?” “I turned it off, sorry-not-sorry” she said so blasé it made him chuckle “You needed the rest.” She gave him a soft kiss again “Coffee in the kitchen and breakfast is ready.” “You know I could get used to this” he smiled, rolling over so he was on his back as she rose from the bed. “Coming home to a ready-made dinner, waking up to ready-made breakfast before I go to work. And you.” “Nice to see which one of those is your priority.” she teased over her shoulder as she left him to it.

“Always you doll.” he murmured. But as he lay still for another few minutes, he thought about it more and more. Over the past 4 months, other than when they were away either on missions or business trips they had spent every night together, either at his or hers but last night, something had felt different to him, more intimate. She’d taken care of his mission injuries, cooked for him, made love to him, and now here she was making him breakfast before she would wave him off to work later on…it was almost normal, what people with normal 9 to 5 jobs did. He wanted that all the time, he wanted to come home, find her there, wake up with her, every single day.

“When you gonna ask her to move in?” Natasha’s voice popped back into his head.

If he was honest, he hadn’t given it a lot of thought, it wasn’t something people did back in his time before marriage. But times were different, hell he was different, and as he lay there thinking about it, he realised, it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Katie was sat at the kitchen table, laptop fired up, mobile glued to her ear when he walked in.

“I know!” her tone was one of utter excitement “I mean I didn’t think they would turn out so good…or they’d be done so fast but they’re pushing for this month’s edition…”

He dropped a kiss to her neck and glanced at the screen, pausing when he saw the image. It must have been one of the photos done whilst she was in New York. He felt his mouth drop open at the image in front of him. Katie was stood, against a wall in her office in the tower, one leg bent, high heeled foot resting against the wall, palms splayed either side of her thighs as she looked to the right. Her hair was pulled back in a slick, high pony tail, her make-up was heavier than normal and utterly flawless, and she was dressed in a grey charcoal pinstripe suit which cinched in at her waist, and a low cut white blouse.

“Yeah, I know Tony…” she was speaking into the phone as she glanced up and saw the expression on his face. She pressed a button on the keyboard and it flipped to another picture, this one of her sat in her chair, legs apart as her elbows rested on her knees, as she looked beyond the camera, laughing at something. She looked absolutely fucking stunning. His eyes roved the image on the digital copy of the article and he began to read the writing that was next to it.

There are a lot of things you might absolutely hate about Katie Stark. Aged just 29 she has more money than anyone could possibly wish to spend in a life-time, looks and a figure that you would kill for, and a Super Soldier Boyfriend with a jawline that seems to be carved from marble. However, after 30 seconds in her company despite wanting to hate her for all of the above, it was simply impossible not to like her.

Unassuming, accommodating, and with a smile that you simply can’t help but return, she welcomed us into her office and was remarkably humble about the entire thing, admitting that she still wasn’t quite so sure why we were so interested in her. We took the time to grill her on how the first 3 months of Stark Independent Publishing LTD has gone and what we can look forward to in the future.

Katie stood up and gestured for him to sit down and carry on reading the article. She headed off into the living room, continuing her call, so he read as he ate a hot cinnamon bun. The article ploughed through a load of questions about the book that had launched the business when they published, the fact the company had already registered over 50% first quarter turnover, where she thought the business was going, future pipeline projects, her favourite authors, genre, books, previous role in Stark Industries before she had spent a few years working for a Government Agency following the Battle of New York (no mention of Supernova or SHIELD…) and then the final paragraph took a personal turn.

When asked if she would indulge us a personal question she sighed slightly before grinning and telling us to ask and see if she answered. So we did…

We know that you’re a notoriously private person, in comparison to your brother anyway, but most of our readers are dying to know…what’s it like dating Captain America? 

“No idea, I’m dating Steve Rogers.” she replied immediately, a faint flush hitting her cheeks as she spoke, all the time fiddling with a delicate yet gorgeous antique looking emerald ring which sits on her right hand, a gift we suspect from the man in question. When asked to elaborate slightly she bit her lip and simply smiled before explaining; “Steve isn’t just Captain America. There’s more to him than a shield. He’s the kindest, gentlest, most caring man I’ve ever met and he makes me unbelievably happy.” she said, the blush spreading from her cheeks to her ears “And that’s not down to the Serum or outfit, it’s just who he is. The fact he’s 6ft2, drop dead gorgeous with a smile I’d happily die for is a bonus”

Steve felt himself grin as he read the words and glanced at the small photo they had framed the paragraph round. It was a shot of them together that had been taken at the Stark Industry’s New Year’s Gala. Katie was in that red dress he loved, laughing at something and he was simply pressing a kiss to the side of her temple. A soft, understated PDA, but a reminder to everyone (in particular Mr Wandering Hands) who had eyed her up and down as they had entered the room that she was his. His eyes continued to the final part of the article, this one complete with a picture of Katie and Tony. Katie sat at her desk as Tony leaned over, looking at something on the computer screen. 

When asked about the other man in her life, her brother Tony, she smiled again, another genuine smile, the love she has for her elder sibling evident on her face and in her voice.

“I owe everything I have to Tony.” she said, simply “he brought me up from the age of 7, gave me absolute, unconditional love and opportunities I know I was extremely fortunate to have. People have a pre-conceived image of what he is like, and sometimes he can play into that, but to me he’s been nothing but loving and supportive, my father and brother rolled into one and I can’t thank him enough for everything he has done and given me. He backed my decision to open SIP from the off and believed in me and has always pushed me to be the best I can be.”

We couldn’t resist another personal question, so we asked her a little cheekily how Tony had reacted to news that she was dating one of his fellow Avengers, who had served alongside their Father Howard in WW2. Hesitating slightly, she flushed before smirking and answering, a grin on her face.

“How he found out wasn’t ideal…” No shit! Steve found himself snorting as he continue to read “But once he had read Steve the Big Brother riot act, he was fine about it. I think deep down after my last car crash of a relationship, he’s just happy I’m with someone who puts me first.”

Do they get on? She laughs “They have a love-hate relationship. In that they hate the fact they love one another. Tony has these ridiculous nicknames for Steve and he can be an absolute nightmare at times, but to be fair Steve’s quite sarcastic himself too but I know full well that they have each other’s 6 and even though they would probably deny it, they are quite close and would miss one another if they weren’t around.”

Steve, grudgingly, had to admit she was right. Tony could be a pain in the ass at times, but he would miss the billionaire if he wasn’t there. Underneath all his bravado he knew that he thought the world of his sister and, despite their initial meeting whereby Steve frankly thought the guy was a dick, he’d fast learnt during the Chitauri Battle that underneath that persona he had a heart of gold and was more like his father than he would care to admit. A fact that Steve was even more convinced of having gotten to know him much better on a personal level over the last 2 years or so.

Whilst the siblings certainly share a lot of attributes, both good looking, tough, hard-working, Katie has a certain softness to her edges and we challenge anyone who spends more than 30 seconds in her company not to warm to the youngest Stark. Stark Independent Publishing has, in our opinion, a very bright future ahead of it whilst it is spearheaded by such an astute and shrewd business woman and we wish her all the best.

“What do you think?” Katie watched as Steve read the article, leaning against the wall, nibbling at her thumb, nervous to see his reaction.

Steve jerked his head round and smiled at her. “I think its fantastic. The photos are stunning, the article is well written. Are you happy with it?” “Yeah.” she nodded as she walked over to his chair, standing behind it and slipping her arms round his shoulders from behind “They wouldn’t drop the whole So you’re dating Captain America angle though, so our PR department told me to answer a few personal questions to shut them up…are you ok with it?” Steve smiled and turned side on in his seat, pulling her into his lap. “Seeing as I’m the kindest, gentlest, most caring man you’ve ever met how could I not be?” “I meant every word of that.” she said, rubbing her nose against his as he smiled.

“I know baby.” he said, giving her a peck on the lips. “Now I need to go or I’m gonna be late.”

Sighing she stood up as he did the same, grabbing a final cinnamon bun from the plate.

“I’ll be back at mine” she said as she walked to the door with him, “I have a few calls to do this morning.” “I’ll come over when I’m done.” he smiled “And we can do something this afternoon.”

She smiled “Sounds perfect”

*********

Tags

@the-omni-princess​

@momobaby227​

@geekofmanythings16​

[god-hunter]

I feel very stupid (pt. 2)

This is a little follow up to my rant from last night.  I thought a hang out wasn’t gonna happen, but it did at the last minute and in the end, I got what I wanted.  Right?

Well this rant will be a little less whiney and serve as more of a Reminder to sober the Hell up out of this work crush I’ve got goin’ on for this girl.

There was 4 of us.  Technically 6 of us, but one couple split mid-way through the night to go to a different bar together, and then home.  Which is fine.

But yeah, we went to 2 clubby bars and at first I definitely drank mixed drinks first, which isn’t usually my way.  All 4 of us got shots of Fireball, but my crush got 2 extra because there was a deal on getting 6.  So we did 2 extra together.

Since the place was loud with a DJ, there wasn’t much room for actual conversation.  Instead she started dancing a little bit with the girls in the group. Sometimes her and I talked about the songs, but soon enough we were out of there and on to the next place.

I decided to be a gentleman and offer her my scarf in the cold and she accepted.  This was my soft-flirt, which could just be interpreted as the “nice friend” thing, which I’m fine with.

We got into the next place which was a real club, now.  Loud dance music all night, everyone was going crazy, and pretty much right away the group was all over it.  We had more beers in us.  I definitely got a Sprite & Vodka and offered her a sip.  She took it.

She easily could’ve said, “No thanks,” so this I thought was another soft-flirt.

Then of course the dancing was coming in.  I kept it light.  We are co-workers after all.  We are friends.  We both have partners...  But I know she’s on the outs with her man, and she knows enough that I’m not great with my girl... [I’ll get to that later]

I remembered any of the videos I’ve been watching.  “Make your intentions known.  Start touching when you talk or dance,”  So.  I did.

Light back grazing.  Around the shoulders.  Eventually it was even the hips and lower back!

She took it!  But it wouldn’t be long before she would twirl and back away.

I felt like this was a light acceptance.  Of the attention if anything.  

Which in a way is fine, considering our current situations.

I’m gonna fast forward to the end of the night, where this other guy came in.  Definitely younger than me, definitely ripped, and he was definitely flirting with her.  He’s a friend of another girl in the group, so it wasn’t like he was a rando.

But eventually I caught him whispering to her, making her laugh, and then they swapped phones, and he put in some info.

I for sure thought that they were trading numbers.  The other girl in the group danced with me and I just asked in her ear if that dude was getting her number. And she was like, “Noooo, he’s getting her Instagram.”

And then I was like, “Yeah, but that’s low-key getting your number, isn’t it?”

And she said, “No way.” and that it wasn’t like that or something.

But then I saw them dancing...

Keep in mind, this girl was drunk and on her phone ALL NIGHT.  Dancing, twirling, grinding and texting!  I couldn’t believe it.  She is Addicted to her screen.

Eventually I playfully said, “Wanna dance with me, Social Media?”

And she smiled and put the phone away.  We did our thing for literally a minute before she kind of turned around and danced with the group some more, before pulling out her phone again.

Which brings me back to the way she danced with THIS guy.

She fuckin’ walked right into his space, ran her finger down his chest, and sort of stopped with her hand right by his lower stomach.

It was very clear what she wanted.  And it wasn’t me.

And in that moment, I had to leave.

Look... I did all the right things.  We talked, struck up conversation.  (Meaningful ones too, when we stopped to get more drinks). She bought for me, I bought for her.  I even saved her from a creepy older dude, who was trying to grind with her.  She thanked me for dancing her out of the situation.  But when it came down to our own dancing... she’s just not into me like that.  Period.

Ya gotta know when to fold ‘em dude.  And I did.

I was definitely drunk.  I should’ve probably sat for another half hour or so with water, before leaving.  But I had to get the fuck out of there.  I couldn’t look at that for one more second.  No matter how ‘not like that’ it was.

So in the end, I let my intentions be known.  I came right over to the girl, put my hand out and she took it.  Then I pulled myself in with a shake-hug and I spoke in her ear, “I’ve gotta get out of here.  I had a great time tonight.  Thank you for this...”

And I kissed her on the cheek.

She was probably confused.  I don’t know if she was put off.

But she just made the peace sign and said, “Ok bye,” or something like that.

I was so defeated.  I felt stupid again.

The other girl who’s a little more perceptive went over to me after I said goodbye and asked if I was okay to drive.  I said yeah.

And I was.

But God, was I dehydrated and had to Pee!  Like, really bad.

...I walked to my car the wrong way, but not for too long.  Found it, got home without any trouble, and I was in bed by 2.

My phone had died, but this girl had apparently texted me 3 times at 2:00AM to ask if I was alright and got home okay.

When I saw that this morning, I thought that was so sweet.

But also...  I can’t forget the body language and overall vibe of last night.

She’s my Friend.  And beyond that, she’s not into me.

Anything to make me think otherwise was from past conversations where I overheard her tell another co-worker that I’m her Favorite person here.  And she outright told me that she thinks I’m amazing the last time we drank.

So...  Of course, I thought I had some clout.  But she probably never thought of me that way.  I’m just the cool older dude, that’s still hip enough to hang.  But who the fuck am I kidding?

This blends into another topic for another day possibly/probably.  But what the fuck do I want??  This girl made it very clear to the group that after she breaks things off with her boyfriend, she doesn’t wanna be tied down to no man.

And of course, if things went south on my end, absolutely.  I’d love to fuck her.

But I know where that goes, and soon enough I do get attached, or the other one does, but there’s the weird title/non-title social phobia that gets in way of the headspace.  Everything gets gray and wishy washy.  I’ve been there before and it’s incredible until it sucks! Those years are Over!

I really can’t back pedal.  I can’t go in reverse.

So this blog is just a Reminder...

That no matter how much attention this girl gives me.  How many nice texts of, “I had so much fun last night,” and whatever meaningful conversations we have..  All the initiations for getting food at work or talking about future hang outs, that come from Her!!! ...  I have to take them in stride, and Know that I am her Friend.  And will only ever be a Friend to her.

And honestly, that’s probably the best thing that could’ve happened last night.

Through all my bitching about this girl last night, about how this hang out wasn’t going to happen because she got sick.  I was initially going to say that this was like the Universe Balancing itself out, making sure the right thing happens.  The rant was headed there, before she called me out of nowhere and completely changed her mind to stick it out and get crunk with all of us.

But that leads me back to what I was just saying...  What do I want?  A Party Girl?

Last night was a lot of fucking fun, [minus the very end], don’t get me wrong.  But I can’t make that my life.  I’m not a clubber.  That’s not my scene at all.

Going to SHOWS, now that’s my scene!

And... people do this when they have crushes on each other.  They imagine the other person in their life.  And they invite them to things that the other doesn’t usually do.

I invited her to my show a month ago, and she was SO excited about going.  She texted me a lot the night before, but it was a complete bust.  The show got snowed out and barely anyone came.  I was really bummed out, but I understood.  She also expressed the most sincere, sweetest apology in person, which absolutely made my day.  She was just as bummed out as me that weekend, for not being able to go.  And I knew she meant it.  That really meant a lot to me at the time.  

But that’s beside’s the point.  She asked about seeing one of our co-worker’s plays together.  It won’t just be her and I, but the rest of our friend group don’t like plays...  Which means it would be a couples thing if my Woman wants to go.  But assuming her and her boyfriend are done?  She might 3rd wheel it.  Or maybe my Lady won’t really wanna go out.  Who the fuck knows?

But I’m not even gonna let myself get excited about it, because after last night.. I can tell that she doesn’t want me.  Not in that way.

The texts this morning were super minimal.  At 7:53 I got back to her saying that I got home okay.  Since that was her request.

An hour later, “Good, I was nervous,”

20 minutes later I said, “Sorry about that! My phone died, remember?”

I absolutely told her that when we were getting our beers at one point, but she might not have heard me, or just forgot.

Either way, I was just open opening this tab to start my rant at Noon when she started texting me for real.  Responses were way quicker.  Minutes apart.  I do feel way better, and less down on myself.

We had a nice conversation about last night and how much fun she had, she asked if I had a good time.  I half-truthed about needing to leave.  I was honestly at my drinking limit and I was getting tired.

The topic of that guy did not come up at all on either of our parts.

But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.  Or could happen again if I continue to come out to her dancing bars.

During the night, I absolutely set a precedent saying I would absolutely come here again after doing my usual Friday Night lessons.  And she really liked that.  This seems to really be her jam.

Which again, brings me back to her pulling me into her life, right..?

But my hopes aren’t up.  I honestly don’t want things to advance with her.  Not in the situation that I’m in right now...  Maybe if I was living alone, but if things were to ever go in that direction [which I highly doubt], then it would only make things VERY ROCKY here.

Which brings it back to me.

What the fuck. is up. with me.

...I don’t know.  It’s rant for another day, man.

This 2020 is about sealing the cracks in my current relationship, and if I absolutely can’t, then I won’t.  It’s only February, but so far we went on weekend vacation with 2 close friends where all she did was complain about how far things are and how much her legs hurt.  There was a lot of resting in our Air BnB, and not a lot went on...  And last week I took her out to a little bar where my old college bud played an acoustic set of Classic Rock.  My Woman isn’t a bar girl, but Holy Shit was the food amazing at this place.  Other College acquaintances were there too, so it turned into this impromptu group dinner reunion, which she really enjoyed actually.

My Woman’s very social.  And that’s one of the things I love about her.

But in the car on the way home she wasn’t talking to me...

Like I said, this is a rant for another day.

But it’s been 5 Years, man.  I’ve been here before and I know how this goes!  You run out of things to say...  And sometimes even the smallest of interactions can piss you off...

We’re both very moody people.  Her, more than me, although she would absolutely contest that.

And of course she’s never In the mood.  Which brings me to all of this.

My eye is out.  It’s been out for a while.

THAT is the rant that I’ll need to do, to really get introspective.  The only problem is that I think it would be aimless.

I don’t know.

Anyway, this is how my night went and where my life is going right now. I absolutely like this girl at work, who’s young and fun, but I’m probably misinterpreting her conversations and giggles as flirty.  Or maybe I wasn’t and somewhere she changed her mind.  Or maybe she doesn’t know what she wants either...  I’d opt for that.

Whatever this Slow Burn is, I know it’s not a good idea.  Especially not in the current state I’m in.

Given different parameters, it’s still not a great idea.  There’s no longevity in the bigger picture, as I know she wants to eventually move out of state and focus on the career. Yada yada yada.

And what do I have to offer?  

I couldn’t hack it as a Music Teacher, so now I got an Office Job...

Yeah... that’s fuckin great.  That’s a hard sell to anyone.  New or Old.

Which is why I need to get my shit together.  All around.

Better job, better living with the Woman.

And hopefully all of these dumb flirtships will go away.  Because honestly they’re going nowhere.  At least nowhere good.

[dredshirtroberts]

I’m bored and found this having been done by a blog I admire, @vinceaddams. Plus, I - like my projection-favorite Dragon Age Inquisition Character, Dorian Pavus - love talking about myself.

1. Name : I have many and much. I’m currently playing with the name Eyrelain/e (undecided about the final e) but for the purposes of simplicity and what I’ll generally answer to, just call me M.

2. Zodiac : Aries sun, Taurus moon, and either Leo or Pisces rising but I’ve never been able to get that one clear on my birth charts lol. 

3. Height : 5′3" roughly.

4. What time is it ? 11:57pm as of just now - it will be much later by the time I finish this

5. Favourite musician / group ? I’ve always hated this question on these things. I barely know what I’m listening to at any given time, let alone have a favorite out of them all. I just like music.

6. Favorite sport team ? If pressed (and generally if I’m around my family) I state one of the Washington DC teams - and to be fair those are pretty much the only ones I’m familiar with. But honestly I have fallen out of touch with the sportsball games and will have to work extra hard to get back into the, ah, swing of things as it were. Mostly the only sport I give a shit about is Hockey and that’s mostly because I find the players extremely attractive. Something about Russians missing teeth just really does it for me, apparently.

7. Other blogs : @witchwraytohome is mostly aesthetic with some roughly witchcraft-y, spiritual-ish bullshit fleckled in there. @adara-et-al is where I’m trying to put shit about my original characters but I’m bad at keeping up with these things so it’s not well fleshed out yet. @lia-and-em-adventure-in-thedas is a joint blog with @sumomoblossom77 for the fic I’m working on - we’re mostly keeping references and stuff there for now, but maybe one day the fic will go up there too. Once i’m finished with it anyway.

8. Do I get asks ? lol no. Maybe one or two in a blue moon but generally those are from friends who send me DMs usually. I’m not against asks, of course, so please send those on if you have them!

9. How many blogs do I follow : 80, apparently - higher than I thought it was the last I checked but then again I have a terrible memory and do not check often.

10. Any tumblr crushes ? Nah, but not really any crushes right now either. 

11. Lucky number : 3, 5, and 6 tend to be numbers that come up frequently for me and portend nice things. Multiples also count, because lucky numbers are what you make them.

12. What am I wearing right now : a pair of quickly falling apart jeggings, and a really fuckin soft old navy sweater-shirt my mom got me for xmas. it’s so soft. It’s also a lovely dark taupe color

13. Dream vacation : 1) any vacation would be a dream vacation right now. 2) I’d love to travel to Japan. And if I’m in Japan why not go ahead and hit up S Korea, and Taiwan, and China and Hong Kong, and then let’s just go ahead and get all the pacific islands, the Philippines, and head down to New Zealand to head that off there. 3) Of course that’s not taking into account wanting to go further west from there, Tibet, India, Russia, idk maybe the whole middle east. Then do I go down into Africa and start making my way through there? Clearly with the trajectory I’m on I’d start in Egypt and make my way down south from there. Or do I go the opposite direction and take on Europe? Pretty much what I’m getting at here is I’d one day like to travel the entire globe - take like...at least a year probably more, and just explore the world. Eat in every country. Enjoy life. Idk...it’s a dream. 

14. Dream car : One that isn’t almost 20 years old would be nice. less than 100k miles on it would be *excellent*, but I know that’s asking for a lot. Gotta have A/C and working windows. A relatively new sound system would be great, so the radio isn’t jangly (though honestly a working radio is enough). If I can hook up my phone to play music - AND A CD PLAYER, IT HAS TO HAVE A CD PLAYER. And her hair whatever color it please god.

15. Favourite food: I’m gonna have to say steak and/or sushi. I will ALWAYS be down for either. Or Mexican food of any sort. Seriously, you want to win me over? Feed me in general. If you feed me Mexican food (god, especially authentic central or Gulf coast mexican food yaasss) I’ll be yours forever. 

16. Drink of choice : If we’re talking alcohol, always a margarita. I’m a tequila bitch for sure. Non-alcoholic, diet cola (whatever brand I’m really not picky). Though I have found these fun little powder things my parents use called ZipFizz and boy howdy are those tasty as FUCK.

17. Languages : English, very little Spanish, German and French. I’ve been learning a few fantasy languages for fic I’m writing (where Spanish, German and French will come into play, so I imagine I’ll learn those more too). Oh and Latin. I know a little of Latin. It’s not a lot and it’s not great but it could be worse.

18. Instruments : I used to play piano - I technically still can but it’s not very good at all. I tried playing bass guitar which was...alright. I did not go very far with it. I played the recorder for class in elementary school like most everyone else did, and that was...interesting.

19. Celebrity crushes : no one, really, right now. I’m kinda figuring myself out a little and haven’t really processed attraction past “they’re kinda fit, wonder if they’re an alright person to get to know” and then realize that there’s no way I’d ever get to know them as a person outside of their fame and celebrity so I just kinda drop it. ‘S not worth the time or effort honestly.

20. Random Fact : All my old injuries that bother me are completely invisible from the surface - my one that crops up the most is my knee(s) but from the outside nothing looks the matter with them (unless the start swelling but that doesn’t happen as much anymore). Second most easily aggravated is my shoulder that also has no outward sign of having been an injury. Third most easily aggravated and honestly rarely rears its head unless I do something immensely stupid or it’s bitter fucking cold outside, is my right ribs. I got knocked really hard and they were cracked but not broken but I was also, like 10 when it happened and I’m fairly certain they healed slightly incorrectly. Sometimes it feels like I’ve got light bruising and sometimes it’s like they’ve just been injured (depending on the cause of the aggravation). I do not have good scars to show people to be like “yeah this acts up because I was stabbed in the jellies but it’s fine except during low-pressure weather”. I just all the sudden cannot stand up right, or reach over my head properly and I have to deal with it.

[mellowgirl01]

🍷 Sweet Wine 🍷

Master List     Pt. 1

❌❌Warning: Death/ funerals/ Gore❌❌

Word count: 3143

Characters: 15440

People: Adam x Y/N x Eve

Made for: @ladyfluff

Tag: @ladyfluff @may-bereblog @jaquellejohnson @mousee555 @littlefrogstuff

Request:No

Date:4/8/19

Summary:

This is may be the end but it’s the beginning of forever

A/N: And this ladies and gents is the ending. Since it was so long I made my final part 2 for such an amazing first serious. I really do hope that more people come in and or stay with me in the long run. I loved this and it was the fist FF that I ended so it really does mean a lot to me from your comments and re-blogs and hearts. Thank you. After this I will be taking requests so don’t be shy and feel free to ask. Even if it’s smut.- xoxo Mellow

Y/N P.O.V

As I looked all around Adam’s office I smiled thinking of the many ways that he met all of his so called heros. Well I guess they are rather, heroes of literature, art, and music. Saving lives one at a time with just their talent and a love for it. Down stairs I could hear Adam play his violin and other many instruments. He had been down ever since Eve moved back to Tangier. We were oth sad when she left of course, but understood. Everything was fine now and she still had her home to take care of. I can still see his face when she left. Sad and a little heartbroken. more than he usually was. It was my tun to take care of him and make sure that he wasn’t in his head all the time. I thought that while I was up here I might as well do some snooping. I figured that he wouldn’t mind since it was me..right?

Looking down to his desk I went to go and open his drawer. To my surprise it was open and not locked. He must have unlocked it once Ava left. Adam was forever a secret, even to me and Eve he was always like a book filled with blank pages that needed a special light to see what was written down in it. But that said light was locked away in a volt down in the ocean. So as annoying as it sounds it was just as annoying trying to talk him out of getting more into the real world. I would take him out with me at night just on some midnight snack runs. It was babysits and for that I was proud of him but I needed to know what he might like so that I can show him that the world may be bad but it’s a lot worse when your the only one sulking in the thought of the world being so barren and dark. So looking through his many journals and books to me was a mandatory. If I wanted him to look forward to the future then I might as well give him a little push in the right direction then let him do the rest.

I skimmed through the pages taking down some notes in a blank notebook that sat on top of the desk and was quick to write them all down just incase he decided to come up and see what kept me. Even through the past week I was reading some of the books he had and listening to the music he favored. He had no reason to wonder what I was doing and I guess thought that It was just my way of connecting with him more. In a way it was but it won't my only reason. Icumbled the notes i took down and placed them on the inside of the leather jacket Adam gave me. Heading down the stairs and grabbing my bag for when I would sleepover. Smiling at him and giving him a kiss on the cheek as I stood ready to go home for the night.

With this he didn’t look to pleased as usual but I cocked my eyebrow to let him know that I just wasn't in the mood for his ‘but you can stay with me talk’. I had work in the morning and needed to rest in the house that I PAYED FOR. Thankfully he stayed quiet all except for a loud grunt while getting up and getting his keys and glasses. Was he never too cool?

As we drove down the road I looked to him and smiled. Probably sensing my stair he looked back at me for a moment before looking back to the road.

“What?”

“Your cute face.”

He chuckled

“I’m everything but cute. Now you~ on the other hand you're adorable.”

“Yeah you're a grouch.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

Another chuckle escaped his lips before silence filled the air again. He rolled down the windows a bit since the car did feel a bit warm with the summer weather approaching. He looked so beautiful with the many streetlights that passed by him. Forever beautiful..forever..

It never occured to me until now that I wouldn’t have that with him, or Eve..What the fuck do I do now? They had technically had just gotten me back and soon another version of me would be taking the spot that I was in. The thought hurt me, of them having to start all over again with someone new that might not even love them back. How long would they have to wait? Would they even work out? Would they be beautiful? More than me? No..I have given a Love to them that I know cannot be replaced. The old me was the same way. She was irreplaceable and won’t ever come back again. Now it’s my turn to feel the love that was stolen from her. To feel the love that I deserve. The thing was as I began to think about this Adam started to hum a tune that he loved. The radio was on was was the only light in the car that worked. This! I never wanted this to end. The small moments like these are ones that are highly monday and for everyone else could be easily forgotten but not for me. These moments are mine. Adam and Eve are mine! How in the hell am I gonna keep them? Maybe-

“Alright dove, like you asked. Home.”

“Wha?”

“We're here. What’s wrong you don’t wanna leave now?”

“Ah no it’s not that it’s just. I wanna..never mind goodnight.”

“Y/N, hey wait!”

I heard him calling out my name but I didn’t pay him any mind. I was quick to walk into my apartment and get upstairs. Face planting down on my bed face first I screamed into my pillow. Few minutes went by of me sobbing into my pillow about things I couldn’t change and my phone went off. I wiped my face to look at the screen and I saw that It was Adam saying ‘I’m sorry that I made a fuss about you staying, didn’t mean to make you feel so channed to me I really didn't.” The message continued but I couldn’t bring myself to read what I had done to my poor lover who didn't know what the fuck was going on in my own head! Great! Just fucking fantastic! Not only did I fuck up on trying to get Adam to open up his mind but I made him think that I was shutting him out! I sobbed a little bit more before going to sleep, crying.

That night I had a dream of a huge church and a few of my friends and long lost relatives sitting down in all black. They sat like stachues as roses both white and red scattered on tip of the black slick casket. The pastor of the church patted my shoulder and lead me up to it. Opening it I saw that there was nothing inside, when I turned to look back at the man all their was that looked back at me were eyes of black. My view shifted as He stood over my body lying in the casket. I wanted to scream but couldn’t for some odd reason. My voice stayed stuck in my lungs as he closed it. I felt as though I was falling with no end. With a loud thud I stopped and silence filled the air once more. A little glimmer of light shown in my carddle of death and i got to look at my hands to see that my skin was rotting like some type of dead animals. My nails turning black as I felt my face starting to just fall off as I tried to reach for the pieces of flesh that kept falling off. Only to no avail. The way I smelled was nothing of kindness either. The smell was like a never opened and festering can of shit and piss.

“But she was so beautiful.”

“She’ll be reborn again my starman.”

“But we loved her.”

“Adam?!! EVE?!! I’M NOT GONE!!! WAIT! PLEASE HELP ME!! PLEASEE! I DON’T WANNA DIE!!! PLEASE!!!”

“I know love. Come on.”

I kept on screaming and banging on the coffin head above me as I bugs come crawling into the cracks of the hell room I had been put in. Feasting on my dead flesh and getting into the crevices of the rotten holes that filled my body. Pounding and pounding hard onto the walls of the room I was buried in I heard the dirt splash upon the top of the coffin and make whatever light there was become dim to down me into the deepest and darkest sea of the unknown and unkind darkness. Still I screamed and begged and called out for help until I was finally woken by my next door neighbor who shook me awake. I had never been so happy to see- Sarrah..

Not really getting all that much of a good look on her I realized that she looked just like Sarah!

“Hey, it’s okay! Everything is alright! My god you must have been having the worst dream possible if you could destroy your wall like that.”

I was horrified when I looked to my left to see that in fact I punched two indents into my wall that would now have to be replaced. This was the straw that broke my back and I just started out of nowhere balling. I really wanted to be able to get my deposit for the apartment and now that was gone! Then the dream and the reality of the dream were just too much. My neighbor whose name was Lily comforted me rubbing her hand against my back.

“Jesus love you really must be going through it. What happened? Did that weirdo from last night hurt you?!!! Tell me Y/N-”

I let it slip out…

“Sarrah just stop you wouldn't understand!..I..I um I mean..”

“..How the fuck did you know? Who told you..No your just messing with me Y/N stop playing around like that! I’m serious now Y/N who in the bloody fuck her you?!”

“Adam and Eve..Sarrah..that night I got shot..you were in the room with me. What the fuck happened to you?”

Her face became the word shocked. Her eyes were As wide as the moon and her lips quivered as though she were about to cry, hell she was after a tear fell smoothly down her face and under her chin. She took her hands into mine and I noticed that they were just as dead cold as Adam and Eve’s. Putting my hand to her cheek she started crying instead of me and hugged me tighter than tight. I squealed so that she would let go of me a bit and she understood. Being so excited she pulled me to my feet and started jumping up and down screaming that I had finally remembered. I covered her mouth and sat down with her on my bed and talked with her for a bit. The clock next to my ed side said 5 AM so I only had a few more hours before I had to get ready for work. I talked with her about what happened and she did the same. Her and Bartholomew got married and are traveling one year at a time. She talked about how and where they planned on settling down forever.

“Man..so you have fragments of her memories but your not her at all?”

“Well I can’t say at all because, then I wouldn’t even know anything So I guess i'm similar just not really. We’re still different people period.”

“I see, well now that you’ve found them. Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Gonna change. Like how I did?”

“...Well. Yes, I think I-”

“No, now see that’s where you’ve already fucked up on. You have got to know whether your willing to give this all up or not. This is no joke Y/N this is serious. Blood is running low nowadays and there's more and more of us dying off as we speak. You have to be ready to take this life..If not then..Well I don’t know.”

“Teach me.”

“What?”

“Tell me what it’s like to become this, a vampire! Just only for a few weeks, then i’ll decide whether or not I wanna go through with this. PLease Sarrah!! I need to know if this is as serious as you say it is. I want Adam and Eve forever this time.Me and only me not pass me not that girl way back, me.”

Sarah nodded her head in agreement and with a smile she stared right into my eyes.

“Okay, but you have to ask them to change you.”

Within those many months I was living a double life with keeping the secret from Adam and Eve about what I was learning and how I found Sarrah and her lover again. I learned about a lot of basic thing that really wasn't that hard to understand. The reason why it took her so long too was the fact that Sarrah and her husband were always out somewhere in the night and or moonlight having the time of their lives being young forever. When she told me that I Had finally learned everything that I needed to know I felt ready too. This was it, my future that I would be going into. A new season and form that a new me then the one I look at in the mirror. Well internal rather. Getting up and waiting for Adam to come and pick me up I got dressed in something that was a bit more special. Putting on ripped stripped sweater and a long skirt with my favorite and only ankle boots I put my hair in a half bun with the rest of my hair hanging down. I tried to make myself look as cute as possible but also casual so Adam wouldn't get susice. He was a man of detail at times so he knew when something was up. I heard the horn of his car and took a deep breath before leaving my final letter to my old friends and whoever cared about my existence..Today was the day in my mind. It would start here..I left my phone, my clothes, and every single picture that I had took with me and my parents. Sarrah Said that she would vouch for me and that she would tell the landlord what fake story we came up with. Only taking my favorite stuffed animal with me and my camera. I left it all. And left the key on top of the mat and my credit card and the rest of the money I had left on the kitchen island inside..It felt so surreal, But invigorating! Exciting! Only few had ever done this and I was actually happy to say that I was one of them.

For reasons of Love..not selfish desire..just love

Walking into the house of the old victorian,I was scooped up out of nowhere by a pair of pale white and thin arms that were surprisingly strong. I didn't fight since I could already know who it was from just the sent of her coat. Hugging her back like as though I was gonna lose her, I relished in the sent of my Eve. Back in my arms, same and in one whole piece.

“I missed you sweet dove.”

“I missed you more.”

Letting each other go we saw Adam go past us slightly smiling. Going into the living room/ sound room to plop down on the couch. He was happy. I reached up to kiss Eve’s soft lips as she held onto my waist swaying with me.

“When did you get here?”

“Last night. But Adam told me that you were too tired to come over so he didn’t pick you up.”

“But I would have had the energy of a thousand cheetahs if  it was you who I got to see.”

“Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?”

“Best can of that shit that I've ever seen. I don’t even know how in the hell zombies stomached those things.”

“Don’t look at me, I have no clue either.”

We got to catch up while snuggling on the couch and I felt it was the right time for me to ask the big question.No more small talking or backing out now. Once I left the key to my apartment I also left my building’s key with Sarah as her and her hubby were out of town. So their was really no going back now.

“I wanna change..permanently. I want to become like you both.”

The room fell silent with no more laughter, or even barely breathing. Surely not from me either. I looked to both of them and their faces were the same. ‘What the fuck did she just say?’ Their reaction would have made me laugh at any other time but I knew that if I started laughing they would think it’s a joke. Adam for the first time in forever had a smile from ear to ear. As his fangs were out and without an ounce of fear or anything it seemed in his mind. He was completely all for it until Eve slapped his shoulder and raised her eyebrows.

“Eve I know what I’m getting myself into! I met with Sarrah and-”

“Sarrah!!? How in the hell is she still alive?!!”

“Please just let me finish!..My greatest fear for these past few months has been the fact that at some point and at some time I could be taken away again. At least this version of me. And if we really are about change and you both getting to know the new me? I find there no other way then to change me. I love you both and understand the consequences but I just can’t think of anyone else, with you both. Your mine and i’m yours right?..Right?!!”

Eve just looked at Adam and he sighed putting away his fangs.

“Stay here. We need to converse alone about this too.”

“Okay?..”

As they got up I stayed still down stairs. Please, please say yes..Please. I love you…

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 196

Next day

Cammie

I cried in the shower this morning. I cried changing Caden's diaper. I cried after crying because I couldn't believe I was crying. It's crazy even to me. Now I'm thinking about it and feeling like I'm going to cry.

"Jay, did you pack?" Trey asks. I sniff. "Jayla, come on, Love. You said you could do this. Why you making it hard?"

"I sorta think you don't have an attachment to our son."

He rolls his eyes. "We both know why it's easy for me and not easy for you. Has nothing to do with how much we love our son. Jayla it's not even that long. They only have enough breast milk for 48 hours. So it’s impossible for you to stay away for more than a day."

"48 is 2 days."

"They need extra in case of an emergency or theyre wasteful. So really about 30."

I sigh. "I can't be you."

He picks up a bag. "You don't have a dick, you short, and you cry too fucking much. You sure as hell can't be me. Are these your clothes?"

"I figured if it's a day, I won't need clothes."

"Jayla." he says sternly. "We are leaving in 2 hours."

I fall on the bed. "April is not even here."

"Rollie is taking them to April. You know that."

"I think my baby's first plane ride should be done with me."

"Exactly why we are leaving in 2 hours instead of at the end of the day. Cammie, you acting like a brat. We went over all of this. Were you crying too hard?"

I stand up and go get my bag out of the closet. "Maybe. I need some reason to say no."

"Camille! We are going..."

"Tremaine stop yelling." I snap.

He blows. "Im headed to the airport."

I come out the closet. "Already?"

"I can't be here with you going through... Whatever this is. What are you carrying?"

"My clothes." I say dropping the bag then kicking it. "Enough for 2 days."

"You have clothes in VA. 3 days."

I swat him off. "I can wear the same outfit."

He gets really mad. "No, the fuck you can't. What the fuck?"

"I... Whoa now. What is your problem?"

"You not married to no fucking clown. Ain't no way the wife of Trey Songz is going to be seen anywhere with an outfit she fucking wore two days before. What the fuck are you trying to do? Give the fucking blogs some A1 shit to fucking talk about? Fuck no. You put 4 fucking outfits in that bitch after talking like that."

I sit on the bed and cross my arms. "I don't want to go anymore."

"I can't believe that shit. I must be broke as fuck or fucking stingy as a bitch. Hell no."

"I have 3 outfits. Shut up." I say resting my head on the bed.

Trey grabs the bag then checks it. He goes back out of the door. I'm going to just sit here and cry again. I get out of bed to go get Caden so I can snuggle with him. I never usually bother him while he is sleeping.

"Aye, don't even try that nigga. When the last time a song of yours was played twice in the same day? Centuries ago. Back before Benjamin Franklin. He wasn't even a president."

"Why are you running your mouth in here?" I snap standing in front of Trey.

He laughs really hard then grabs my waist. "Not even. No. Aye, what's your name again?"

I push him off of me. He kisses my cheek really quick then he walks away laughing. He so fake. Ain't shit that funny on that phone. Him and his friends annoy me. They will go without talking for months then plan to do something and talk for hours in the days coming up to the event. I bet any amount of money he talking to J. Cole.

"Mommy." Lane cries.

"In there. Don't wake Caden up. Yo? Caden not big enough to talk... What?"

Lane stomps into the room. "Mommy." he says like he angry.

I turn to him. "Lane, how may I help you?"

"Nanma coming?"

"Rollie is taking you to Grandma."

He sticks as much of his head as he could into the rails of the crib. I push his face back. He could really get stuck like that. He falls out on the ground. No crying. No nothing. He just lies there. That fellow is a mess. I look at him until he looks at me. I raise my eyebrows then smile. He jerks his body away to hide his smile.

"You are so cute, Lane. I love you."

"Love you." he says.

He always forgets whatever is going on when I tell him I love him. He makes sure he tells me back. I pick Caden up out of the crib. Lane's face was right there watching. He was looking like I was doing wrong. He was waiting for Caden to cry. He was sure he would. I kiss Caden then take him to the rocking chair. Lane follows.

"Mommy, Nana coming?"

"Yes, Grandma April coming to the car to pick you and Caden up."

"Caden go to grandma house?" Lane asks worried.

I smile. "Yes."

He puts the blanket over Caden. "Caden. Caden sleep?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I stare at him. "We not starting this. Since when do you ask Why?"

"Cause." he shrugs.

"Okay, Lane. Want to share my lap?"

He starts climbing. "Yes."

I put Caden on my shoulder and help Lane into my lap. He wanted to lay down as well. He didn't want to simply sit on my lap. I start rocking with both of them. Surprisingly, Lane lies there then he starts talking random ass talk. I don't know what he talking about. He not expecting an answer so I let him talk. Trey looks into the room then he grabs a bag by the door. I'm being a bad mom. I didn't pack nothing for either of the boys. Not one thing. Trey has done everything. I'm sure he had help from April.

"Ma, call her yourself. Why?" Trey sucks his teeth then appear back in front of the door. "Where is Caden's insurance card?"

"Why?" I snap.

He disappears. "Why? Cause what? Fuck if I know, April. Oh."

I chuckle. I know why. Just being a bitch. I don't want Caden or Lane to go. This is why it was a good thing for me to keep my baby to myself. I was worst with Lane. Hell I took my fucking infant to Europe. Who does that?

"Jay, just in case Caden needs to go to the doctor. Do we have one for Caden?"

"Is he on your insurance?"

Trey comes all the way in the room staring at me. "Jayla, stop. What do you use... Don't worry about it. I'll look online."

"It's in the baby bag already."

"I changed baby bags."

I raise my eyebrows. "Do you put the clear bag with fingernail clips and stuff back?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's in there."

"Why the fu... You could have said that." he shakes his head walking out. "I swear. The shit I deal with."

I rock my babies.

  Amber

"I have absolutely nothing to do."

"Why did you come to Chicago then?" Chris snaps scratching his balls in the middle of the floor.

I shake my head. "You are not cute."

He smells his hand then turn up his nose. "I'm not fresh either."

"Shut up."

"Why you came to Chicago? Tell me."

I lay back on the headboard. "I had something to do. I did it duh. Plus I wanted to surprise you, dumbass."

"Your ass lying."

"Christopher."

"Maurice Brown... Anything else your lying ass got to say?"

I laugh. "What are you talking about? I was thinking we smoke a blunt."

"What happened to you cleansing your damn body?"

"You know how hard it is to eat right and not drink or smoke?"

He shrugs then starts walking to the bathroom. "Cammie does it all."

I chuckle and cross my legs in the air. "Cammie is a perfect ass bitchy goody two shoes. I done said fuck her for a while. Anyway."

"But she does it." he snaps.

"Oh, shut up. Bitter." I say reaching to the end table where I had weed for him.

I scream. He had jumped on the bed scaring the shit out of me. I slap his side. He puts his hand over my face. I fight with him. It was hard as fuck to get his hand off of me. I scream thinking that would get him to get off me. He just laughs. I dig my nails into his side. He only moves out of the way. How the hell he can be so far away yet still touch me. I give up. He continues laughing.

"You smell my balls?"

"Awwwh." I scream fighting him again.

He laughs then moves. "You scared of a little dick and booty on your face?"

"You fucking nasty."

"Huh?" he says coming back to the bed.

I look at him then try to hide my face. It looks like this nigga wiped his hand under his stank ass balls again. He grabs my arm. I scream and kick him then jump off of the bed. He laughs really hard. He so dramatic. He holds his stomach and throws his head back. I run and jump on the bed then jump on him.

"Fuck!" he yells as we both hit the floor. "Bitch."

"Motherfucking bad ass bitch."

He tries to put his hand in my face again. I smack it out of the way. He drops it to the ground and take a deep breath. I fucking won. He puts his hand to his face then drop it again. He had put the blunt back in his mouth. I kiss his face as he lies there with the blunt between his lips. He chuckles.

"You still a bitch." he says.

"Yeah yeah."

He sits up making me back up. He falls back like he didn't have no energy. I watch him. He flicks a lighter lighting the blunt. I grind on him. He blows the smoke at me. I mean I have been not drinking and all that but I'm just not feeling it. I feel like your mind has to be fully committed to something for it to benefit you. I'm just stressing myself out trying to live life like someone else. It's just not me. It's not us. We don't do either.

"So you stop smoking and I'll get back on my cleansing."

"What's wrong with weed?"

I snatch it out his mouth. "Tobacco."

He chuckles. "Oh. Well..."

"You are not even supposed to be smoking if you detoxing from liquor anyway. That's why you can't stick to that either."

"I drink less than I used to."

I roll my eyes. "Trey does it."

He laughs. "Bullshit. Shut up. He never smoked cigarettes like I do. Fuck Trey..."

"You want to?"

"Fuck my fucking brother?"

"Technically..."

He gets in my face. "Technically, shit. You know what I was saying any fucking way. Get your stank ass off me."

"That's how you feeling?" I laugh pushing him back.

"You know what I'm feeling?" he blows smoke in my face. I shrug. "You cool as fuck. I almost felt guilty about being selfish and making you mine. Almost. If I had a bit of that stuff that make you not selfish. I think you perfect. For someone else."

I laugh. "That almost sounded sweet."

"Let's go to Dubai. Remember what happened in Du fucking bai?"

"No." I frown snatching the blunt. "What the fuck happened in Dubai? Between us?"

He lies back. "You know."

I look at his face. "No, Chris, I do not."

"What?" he looks at me. "We fucked in Dubai. I thought you was just fucking with me cause we said we would act like it never happened."

"Chris, we did not fuck in Dubai."

He sits up. "We did. I remember."

"No."

"You weren't too drunk to fucking remember. We were on that yacht with the Olympic sized pool. In the towel room after they left us in the sauna."

I cross my arms. "You remember too many details. Were you even fucking drinking?"

He grabs my wrist and shakes my arms apart. "Come on, we barely drunk anything. We got shit faced after though."

"Christopher that was not me."

"Cammie threw up cause it was her first time on a yacht."

I hit him. "Cammie's ass threw up cause she was fucking pregnant with Lane. She been on a damn yacht with Trey's ass."

"Oh."

"I remember her throwing up. We didn't fuck. We were just..."

"We fucked."

I laugh. "That totally slipped my mind. In the towel room. Oh my gosh."

He chuckles laying back. "It was quick no lie."

"It was like 2 seconds of a fuck. Like a damn movie clip. Bam against the wall dramatically..." I throw my hands up. "Towels falling everywhere. One pump, two pump, three pump... Bang on the cart. Towels everywhere! Bam... Bam against the wall. Dramatic fall on top of towels... Screen cut. Sweating, panting, and dazing into the camera. Wow. Okay let's not tell anyone about. Yeah. Okay. Molly washed down with Hennessy?"

He laughs uncontrollably. "It was not a Molly."

"What the case." I throw my hands up.

"You a bitch yo. I remember it being fly."

"Christopher have you been holding on to that memory? What happened to forgetting the shit?"

He wipes his face. "I'm sitting here sweating from the thought. Forget it why?"

"Cause we agreed."

"I just thought we agreed as in don't fucking tell my fucking girlfriend who bout to come around the corner with Cammie. Best 10 minutes..."

"3."

He grabs my face. "You don't have to be so accurate. In my defense I been waiting for that for a while."

"You a bullshitting lie." I say hitting his arm.

"Sevyn... Amber, Honey, shut the fuck up. I try to treat you like an average ass hoe but you just won't let me."

I stand up. "Am I fucking average?"

"You fucking fine. Perfect."

"Perfectly above average, bitch. Still make you cum in 2 minutes."

"Three!" he spats.

I laugh. "Yeah."

He laughs until he starts coughing with his fucking fucked up lungs. He sits up holding his chest and trying not to cough.

"Breathe bitch." I say hitting his back.

That made his mean ass stop coughing but he comes for me. I hop across the bed out of his way. I slap a balloon across the bed into his face. He smacks it then coughs a little fake cough. I chuckle hitting another balloon. He grabs it.

"Can I stick my dick in this?" he says grabbing his dick and putting the balloon lips to it.

"Are we going to Dubai?"

He shrugs. "If you want. Let's go."

"It's whatever. Stop raping that balloon and come in the shower."

"Don't beg." he says busting the balloon with the blunt.

I suck my teeth. "Really, Chris!"

He shrugs. "That bitch was fake."

[qonqr]

The Migration from Hell

TLDR:

A new update will be out today

This upgrade/migration was very difficult

Expect some small issues over the next few weeks

Some older phones won’t work anymore, after the migration is complete

Greetings QONQR players. It has been several months since my last blog update. I hope my absence hasn’t created too much concern.

In early winter I began undergoing a massive migration effort on our servers. This followed a 4-month effort to accomplish a similar upgrade of our iPhone and Android clients to move to the new platform recommended for cross platform mobile development.

The server migration was excruciating to say the least.  For the technical folks in the crowd, we moved to the modern Web Application hosting model in Microsoft Azure, from the Classic Cloud Services model. This included a migration from ASP MVC 4 to ASP.Net Core.

For the non-technical folks, image that you built a custom car five years ago following the instructions published by a big electric car company, using mostly that company’s parts. Now said car company says that if you want to keep getting replacement batteries, you need to make some changes to your car. BUT don’t worry, you can re-use almost all of the parts.  Then you find out, that bolts are no longer allowed to connect the parts, and some new fasteners are needed. Some parts need to be moved from the front to the back of the car. You need to change out the engine start button on the dash to a thumb print reader on the gear shift. Also, the car must be re-assembled from the top down, which requires scaffolding to hold the car up as you build it. Now imagine that some of the new instructions are missing a few critical steps and you need to email support, which takes several days, to get to a solution. Also imagine that other instructions are complete, but the example diagrams are only samples of how to put things together, but you would never do it that way if your goal was to ever drive the car over 30 mph (and it doesn’t note that important detail).

This effectively describes my last 6 months.  Almost none of the logic on the server changed, the code parts were for the most part the same, yet it took months to connect my software to Microsoft’s new services and restructure the code to fit the new runtime requirements. All the while, avoiding the many mistakes in Microsoft’s documentation or avoiding the bad architecture advice that hurts the security and scalability we had in the old model.

I’ve talked to a few game developers over the years who had built a profitable game, but let it “die” or removed it from the store while many people were still playing it. In almost every case, the developer(s) reason for ending the game was because they couldn’t afford to do the upgrade that would be needed to keep the game going. Like with version 2 (QONQR Blue), I was too damned stubborn to abandon the game, and forced my way through the upgrade.

It was awful, and I can see how others have been smart enough not to try it. Software developers want to be creating new stuff, being innovative, overcoming challenges and solving problems they created themselves. Working to upgrade a large system has almost no innovation, requires reworking old stuff, and deals almost entirely with solving problems someone else (Microsoft, Apple, Google) created.  In many companies, a sure way to lose your best software developers is to make them spend months doing exactly this.

I’ve been very honest with my friends the past few months, and I’ve always done my best to be candid with my QONQR players.  The past year of migrations and upgrades, dealing with Apple, Google, and Microsoft’s terrible documentation and awful mobile platforms have destroyed my love of writing software. The industry has been flooded with “best practices” that make the easy things easier, and the hard things much, much harder. Ironically many of these “best ways to do things” hurt security on the mobile devices and reduce performance on the servers. It has been very difficult to fit within the “new way” of doing things, but keep our app secure, fast, and scalable.

What’s next for the app?

The new server hosting should save us money in our hosting costs and should support more users.  Some new features I hope to add in the future, were not supported in the old architecture.

The new servers are running now and a new QONQR app is in the stores for Android and iOS, version 3.1. I have decided to benchmark this as a major update, despite most the changes being on the server.

The new and old servers will run in parallel for a few weeks or months. Old apps will continue to connect to the old servers for now.  The new app has an option in settings that will allow you to connect to the old server if we find a bug impacts some users on the new server.

Android 4.4 and below will not be supported with the new app.  The security issues with 4.4 are too significant and the operating system is now 5 versions and 6 years behind the current Android version.

iPhone 5 and up will be supported for now, but that may change to iPhone 5S and up before the end of the year.

We think most features in Windows Phone will continue to work with the new servers once the old servers are shut down.  We are not testing WP anymore. Two things we know will not work are chat and the SyncLock protection mini-game.  It is unclear how much longer we will allow Window Phone clients to connect to the servers. Microsoft is officially discontinuing support for Windows Phone in 6 months. If the new server migration breaks the ability to launch and harvest on Windows Phone, that will be the end of our support for WP.

Chat and the SyncLock mini-game will not work between the new and old clients.  The new services for “live” connections are very different and I have not found a way to support old connections with the new services.  This will be a pain point we simply need to deal with during the migration.

Many new Android phones are flagged as tablets in the version 2.X version of the app.  This restriction is be removed in the 3.1 version.

What is next for Silver?

I need to find a way to enjoy this again. What makes QONQR great is the people who contribute positively to the community.  Perhaps I need to spend more time in the chat rooms just hanging out and chatting.  Maybe I need to work on something completely tangential to QONQR, such as finally shutting down the old forums that are plagued with Russian spam and moving to a new system. Maybe I should work on making it easier to crowdsource updates to the several languages QONQR support. Perhaps I need to spend some time cleaning up duplicate zones. Maybe I need to go fishing once a week.  I am looking for ways I can enjoy writing code again.

I hope this new server migration goes smoothly.  The sooner I can stop working on old problems, the sooner we can all get on to new and more exciting features.  Please bear with me as we work through the final migration issues.

Thanks for supporting QONQR.

-Scott (aka Silver)

[kkruml]

I don’t even know your name Chapter 13

Early Monday morning post! I will be a bit quieter on here today after this thing hits my blog but I will be checking in as I can to say hello! As always, THANK YOU FOR READING!

@smoakingwaffles thanks for the BETA through the drugs and the pain. You’re nuts but I love it.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 2.5 | Chapter  3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 

AO3

Previously

“Mo nighean donn?” his voice was soft against my forehead.

“Mmhmm?”

“Are ye busy this weekend?” his voice was low, and tinged with hope.

“I… I think I can get a day or two off,” I felt the slow pull of sleep dragging me under.

“Can I take ye somewhere? Saturday perhaps?”

“I… I’d like that,” I said, and exhaled as I mumbled,  “Jamie.. what’s ‘mo nighean donn’ mean?”

A deep hum against my cheek answered as he cupped my cheek and whispered, “I’ll tell ye one day, lass. I promise.”

Claire

It was finally Friday, but the minutes ticked by slowly.

Just a few more hours.

I had picked up two extra shifts in order to take the weekend off. Two in a row- this was not usual and I called in every favor I could think of to make sure I had forty eight hours of uninterrupted time with Jamie. He hadn’t said where we were going or what we were doing. It was a surprise.

I could feel the ache creeping up from my feet to my knees as I moved from room to room, a quick but methodic pace despite the fatigue. Just a few more patients and I could walk out the door and would be gone for the weekend.

A final turn of the wrist and I smiled as I saw the time looking back at me- five o’clock on the dot. I exhaled in relief as I made my way to the nurse’s station for shift change.

I was no more than two steps from the concrete canopy as I heard a faint but distinct whistle from behind me. I smiled to myself as I slowed my pace. That tone of voice had been in my head for the past four days. Two more steps and I felt warm fingertips graze my hand and intertwine with mine.  

“You’re early,” I could barely contain the smile from my voice as I closed my fingers around his.

“Aye, Murtagh wasna so pleased with my driving, but I wanted to be here to see ye home,” his pulled back on my hand and I stopped, turning to take in his full form. Heart-stopping smile, broad shoulders, eyes clearer- bluer- than I had remembered.

My god, he was a beautiful sight.

He lifted his other hand to my face and lightly swept away a stray curl, tucking it behind my ear and letting his fingers sink into my hair. He leaned down and paused, taking a breath to search my face before his lips met mine. I leaned into the warmth, my arm wrapped around his waist, my fingers pressed into his shirt at the line of his jeans, feeling a whisper of skin under my fingertips.

His hand released mine his large arms wrap around the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. I could feel the hard outlines of his defined torso on mine. Jamie smelled of honey, almond and linen- a most peculiar combination, but I could taste the remnants of the work day’s tasting on his lips. He was as intoxicating as the first night we had spent together.

I felt my smile form before our lips had parted. “I’m glad you’re here,” my voice quiet and content.

I had kept busy at the hospital and had little time for anything save sleep but he was never far from my mind. Every touch of a patient’s hand I would feel his fingers, each ring of my phone I had hoped to hear his voice on the other end, the whisper of Sassenach lingering in my ear.

“So am I,” his smile was stretched from one cheek to the other as his eyes hinted at something I couldn’t quite name. My head cocked but before I could respond he finished, “Och so- I dinna mean to sound presumptuous, but… to yer place then?”

I let a chuckle out as I nodded, “I suppose that’ll have to do.”

My pulse quickened with each step; we hadn’t been alone together since that night at his apartment. I wasn’t expecting to see him before tomorrow- he had come back early, and I smiled to myself hoping it had something to do with me.

Jamie

He hadn’t wanted to leave Edinburgh, had he been completely honest he hadn’t wanted to leave that bed. He had fought every urge to wrap his arms around her and never let her go. But he had work to do, plans to put into motion- and Glasgow was where he needed to go to make it happen.

She had consumed his every thought- he saw her eyes in every bottle of whisky and heard the soft hum of her laugh in the heated pot stills. He had heard from her only a handful of times in those few days- all at odd hours as she had picked up extra shifts. They shared only a handful of waking hours this week, and his mind wandered to just what patients she might be treating, who she might be healing with her touch.

He knew he was poor company, and had tried to make an honest effort but Murtagh saw through his feeble attempts at conversation. The moment the final meeting ended he had all but thrown his uncle in the passenger seat and pointed the car west back towards home, towards Claire.

“What’s the rush, lad?” Murtagh’s brow was cocked and one hand placed firmly on the door frame.

“Och dinna start man, ye ken fine well,” he countered, weaving through traffic towards the M8 and pressed the pedal down farther as he entered the motorway.

“Ye daft fool- it willna do any good if ye land this rig in a ditch before ye see the lass,” he warned, but Jamie caught the distinct tone of genuine concern and he eased off the pedal, but only just slightly.

He was steps away from the staff entrance, and caught the distinct mass of dark brown curls as the wind took hold of a few strands and danced with them as one of her hands reached up to tame them. He took a moment to drink in the sight of her again- the line of her neck down to the shape of her hips as she moved with delicate determination. A smile formed as his lips pressed together and he let out a whistle.

She lived close to the hospital, seven blocks north and east. He lived four blocks south west. All this time, she had been so close. They made their way up the two flights of stairs in silence, charged electricity pulsing between the two of them- focused in the singular contact of their fingertips.

Three steps into the second floor he caught a hesitation in her step and moved towards her without hesitation, pushing her back against the wall. In a single breath, one hand was in her hair and the other wrapped around her, fingers gently but firmly hooked on the curve of her hip. His mouth found hers and her arms wrapped around his neck. Her lips were warmer than he had remembered and her tongue traced his as it searched his mouth. With each movement, he pressed against her in silent rhythm and a slight moan escaped her lips.

Footsteps descending from the steps above them broke their kiss, and with ragged breath he stepped back from her he took in her flushed cheeks and swollen lips- one tucked between her teeth as she squeaked a small giggle. Reluctantly, he exhaled a deep breath and flashed a small smirk, taking her hand once more and gesturing for her to lead the way.

Her flat was clean, an orderly precision to each book and table. The walls were washed in sunlight and a small sprig of thistle and heather leisurely occupied a blue and white vase on her dining room table. His lip twitched as his eyes lingered, remembering the night at Lallybroch- the tasting room had vases just like this one.

His eyes circled back to her form, eyes already focused on him. “Do you want the five cent tour?” Her voice was low and thick with intent.

He swallowed hard and nodded. “As ye say, Sassenach.” He reached for her hand, his breath catching slightly as the electric current pulsed through her fingertip to his skin. She exhaled slowly as she met his gaze, a small smile forming as her eyes glistened. Without a word, she turned and led him down the hallway to her bedroom.

God, he had missed her.

He stretched his limbs and felt her hand on his chest, making small circles against his skin as her nose brushed against his skin. His lips gently grazed her forehead as he inhaled her scent- faint traces of lavender lingered despite so much time spent in the sterile rooms of the hospital.

“So… is that what you had in mind for tonight?” her voice was relaxed and he caught the hint of a laugh as she sighed and kissed the skin against his ribs.

“Oh aye, I canna lie, I’ve been thinkin’ about that since Tuesday morning. But no, I think there’s just enough daylight left… Do ye have a sturdy pair of boots?”

“Erm… yes I think I do,” her voice cracked as he fought to hide her surprise. “Why? Where exactly are you taking me?”

“Ye’ll see,” a small smile spreading across his face.

Claire

I felt the ache and fatigue of the last week slowly shed with each step. The air was fresh and crisp, I felt light and content as we made our way up the worn path. He had said little about the hike, other than it was not technically a mountain, but a smaller hill called a Graham. The rocks and roots twisted and turned under my feet and I reveled in conquering each obstacle, recalling the game I had played as a child.

“Ye have a way with the terrain, I see,” his eyebrows were raised in observation.

I wonder if other girls he brought here hadn’t been as interested in hiking as me.

“I was raised by my Uncle Lamb, he traveled on archaeological digs and took me with him. This Graham reminds me of a particular trek we did when I was about ten,” I jumped from one rock to another with flourish and when my eyes met his again his head was nodding in approval.

“A wee billy goat then, aye?” there was both humor and affection in his voice.

“Something like that,” I said with a laugh and took his hand in mine as we kept up the pace.

We walked in a comfortable silence, and my mind wandered back to the night at his apartment. He had disarmed me in every way- I told him about my parents, about Joe, about… I had trusted him with more of my past than almost anyone.

I was wracked with panic at the sudden knowledge of his business trip. I wanted to trust that it had nothing to do with me, that he truly didn’t want to leave- he said I should trust his word that he would stay if he could.

So I had done just that- trust. Every fiber of my being should have cried out against it- broken trust had all but ruined me before, but now… now I found a quiet calm within me that steadied me amidst the silence between us this week.

“So, how was that work trip?” I tried for a casual tone but the words felt slightly forced and I looked down at the ground, feigning concentration on my footing.

“Och it was good, Murtagh has me speakin’ wi’ all sorts o’ venders and we are lookin’ to expand on a few things,” he said with a shoulder shrug.

“Oh? Like what? Another vintage?” from the little I knew of distilleries, it wasn’t usual to add new products to such a rare and old heritage.

“…Of sorts.” He said as he turned his head to the west, catching the cascade of color across the sky. “The top is just ahead- can ye see fit to pick up the pace? It’s almost sunset and I’d hate for ye to miss the view.”

Jamie

They crested to top of the Graham a few moments later. He slowed his pace as he looked back at her, watching her face as she caught a glimpse of the view.

“Jamie it’s… it’s beautiful,” her eyes scanned the sweeping hills and deep crevices dipping into the loch below. The sun was hovering just above the landscape, a watercolor of blues, purples, and deep reds lining the horizon and fading up into the scattered clouds.

“Aye, ‘tis,” he said, eyes not breaking from hers. Her eyes still transfixed on the skyline, one hand gently tucked under his arm and grazed his back, settling on his hip as she stepped closer to him.

“My Da showed me this place as a bairn. I come up here when I need to think, to clear my head ye ken.”

She tilted her head to meet his gaze, and he let out a deep breath and smiled. Her face was flushed with the hike, and wisps of curls kissed her face as the wind swirled around them.

“Do you bring many people up here?” he could hear the underlying question in her voice as her muscles tensed slightly.

“No, Sassenach. I’ve never brought anyone up here, except you.” Her eyes showed relief as a small smile formed, she brought her other arm around him and pressed her cheek to his chest. He felt a small hum vibrate against his chest as one hand cupped her head, the other secured around her waist.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Jamie,” she said as she tilted her face up to his and pressed her lips against her. Her nose was cold but her lips pulsed with warmth.

“Och ye must be getting’ cold lass, come on let’s head back before we lose the light,” he said as she smiled and tightened her arms around him once more before releasing him and turned back to the footpath.

He paused for a moment, eyes locked on her despite the masterpiece of color splashed across the sky.

This place, this moment, with her- was perfect.

“Tha gaol agam ort,” his voice was low and steady and the words came out as a whisper.

She turned back to see him standing in place, solid as stone with eyes melting into her.

“You coming?” she said with a slight tilt to her head as she laughed. “Come on, I owe you a dram, and I know a good place that has some good whisky,” she laughed as she held her hand out to him, and he took one final breath as his eyes drank in her face.

I love you.

[joshmspicer]

lets get personal.

Nabbed from @pantherdaemon​ and somehow missed last week

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? “One Foot”, “Voicemail Freestyle Mike Wiebe”, “A Walk Down the Trail” (though it’s been a bit), “First Time”, “It Ends Tonight”, and “Survival”

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? @pantherdaemon​ It’s about time bro

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “WWE maintained little interest in scouting, much less signing, Japanese or Mexican talent, widely considered the second and third points of the wrestling world’s triangle.”

4: What do you think about most? “So at what point...?”

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Stopping for tear”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I gots pants

7: What’s your strangest talent? I can curve my tongue?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) Girls deserve the fucking world but can go too far. Boys can be rude without knowing they are but can also be endearing.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not to my knowledge.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few moments ago when I was listening to “Undisputed”

11: Do you have any strange phobias? Not a fan of little bugs

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13: What’s your religion? Agnostic Lutheran

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Going to my car or walking into somewhere

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? In front

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Breaking Benjamin, easy

17: What was the last lie you told? “I’m sick as a dog, can’t make it into class.”

18: Do you believe in karma? A form of it, yes

19: What does your URL mean? It’s my old OC from my Xiaolin Showdown days, Jack Spicer’s brother. Brought it with me during the brony days as my alias and it kind of became more than I ever though it would be.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness is my need to please everybody. Strength is my ability to listen to everybody and offer advice even if I’ve never personally been in that situation.

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Emily Blunt

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes

23: How do you vent your anger? Either my listening to Linkin Park or venting in a text post

24: Do you have a collection of anything? Magazines, video game or animated posters, pictures, and t-shirts

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone, never done the latter

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? I’m just happy I’m not completely like my dad.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I loathe that one stupid fucking bird from Iowa that always does that same rhythm all damn day. I love an animal chirping that isn’t a bird.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? “What if you stayed in Minneapolis after Dad died?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A pen and a water bottle

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? My usual media room. I’m used to it so it smells like normalty

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? High School Homecoming

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Sydney Sierota

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? Living and breathing in an attempt to survive.

36: Define Art. Creative outlet through various forms with an intent to tell a narrative, vent emotion, or for personal entertainment.

37: Do you believe in luck? Yes

38: What’s the weather like right now? Dark, clear, cold

39: What time is it? 10:47 PM mountain time

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, YES

41: What was the last book you read? How WWE Should Have Booked The Book Vol. 1

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames? Toad, Toadman, Spicer

44: What was the last film you saw? Bad Times at El Royale

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Worst pain at the time was a broken pinky. Worst pain over time was a fucked up shoulder that any movement caused it to just drive me into agony.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? No

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Probably

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Rather not put a label on that right now

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Yes

50: Do you believe in magic? Yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Don’t forgive so easily, much harder to gain back trust

52: What is your astrological sign? Cancer

53: Do you save money or spend it? Spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Technically it would be Patreon

55: Love or lust? Lust

56: In a relationship? Nope

57: How many relationships have you had? None

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope

59: Where were you yesterday? At home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yeah the envelope that came right My First Girlfriend is a Gal

61: Are you wearing socks right now? Nah

62: What’s your favourite animal? CAT

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? God I could not tell you

64: Where is your best friend? Probably at home or asleep in the Canadian wilderness of the BC

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. I am not going to do that. Not sorry.

66: What is your heritage? A whole bunch of European countries. My dad’s side is known to be varied and my mom’s side is the same, but I’d assume mostly Germanic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Reading fics in my bed

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Murphy

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Of fucking course

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the fucking dog. If I’m that deep in my job that one more tardiness means I’m done than it’s not worth it. Plus, I can explain to them and my future jobs why I was late. I feel like people would understand.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? A. Yes B. If I can, travel places, see all the people I haven’t see in a while or at all, and actually finish things I haven’t ever finished. C. Of course

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Fuck me for it but “"Crepuscularity” but it’s a sad kind of happy

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Nice

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust and the ability to talk to each other about anything and especially when it’s about that trust or about things that are hurting the other person

77: How can I win your heart? Show genuine interest in me and what I like.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Oh god. Um...submitting that audition for “This is Why I Clop”. I wouldn’t know any of my online friends if it wasn’t for that.

80: What size shoes do you wear? 11 1/2

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “RIP: This is empty because there’s no body in it, so feel free to go ham.”

82: What is your favourite word? Fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Alone

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “To be quite honest”, “everyone and their mother”, “to be fair”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? “POP/STARS”

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Red/orange

87: What is your current desktop picture? Still the ME 2 collage

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? I can’t answer that

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? What’s the one kink you hate liking?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Ask if they can talk. If they can’t and are just looming, try to get back to sleep.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Control time

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Oh this is a good question. That last 30 minutes of the Jan. 2012 BronyCon where I modded the stream and heard “You Only Got One Life to Live”

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Goodbye that sexual assault in the common room

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Always music huh? I’m gonna say Cher

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Los Angeles

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? Probably

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? Nah

98: Ever been on a plane? Yep

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? It’s...it’s not easy anymore. And I know I make a lot of mistakes and whine a lot and am in no position to hate who I am or what I’ve done and I know that I don’t deserve everything I’ve gotten, but...it’s hard to want to live life and enjoy little things when you’ve been told that you’re great at a lot of things and end up never getting there because you didn’t put enough work in or you weren’t lucky enough to get it. And then you’ve got this great big old dream looming over you that you can escape in because it’s so much to imagine what it would be like. But you know that deep down you’ll end up back home working at Menards and ending up just like your father. Well guess what? If I’ll never be shit, duck? Than I’d least like to fucking know if I ever had a chance in the first place.

[purplesurveys]

713

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Nah, that was put out when I started to not read anymore. I did see the first movie though since it was always being aired on TV. When was the last time you ran into something? Haven’t been doing a lot of running these days being stuck at home... but uh probably my dog? He’s always scattered in the most random spaces around the house, it’s so easy to literally stumble upon him. Do you enjoy dressing up? I don’t get to do it a lot but yeah sure. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in an urban area. Rizal is technically a province but it has some urban, more city-like parts – I live in one of them. The way provinces are in the country is generally nice for staycations but I can’t see myself living in them for good; there’s hardly any phone signal, they have none of the stuff I’m used to having in the city like malls and coffee shops, and there’s much less coverage for internet connection. Would you say you have a sense of style? Pretty much. I think it’s distinguishable enough that people can pick clothes they think I’d like off a rack.

What's your biggest fear? Cockroaches, failing, being publicly humiliated. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nope. Add that into one of my biggest fears. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m closest to my Kuya, the eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I used to be close with my cousins on my dad’s side but since we’ve always lived far from each other we ended up getting awkward when we were teenagers and we haven’t moved past from that ever since. All my other cousins are too young for me to be close to. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope. Where did you last travel? I think my last out-of-town trip was when I went to Nasugbu with my friends as a last hurrah before the semester started last August. Do you enjoy driving? I would enjoy it more if traffic wasn’t so congested all the time, but generally I prefer knowing how to drive than not at all. I find it really convenient and I like being able to move at my own time, at my own pace. What song did you last listen to? Hahahaha don’t even be surprised anymore – it’s lofi city up in here, dude. If you have a job, how often do you work? What time do you normally go to sleep at night? These days, very late; my body clock has been beaten up bad (by me, lmao) in the last month. I’d normally turn in from 2-4 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to. Watching new movies was all I ever did circa 2014-2016, but life got a bit more hectic and my time for watching movies waned until I was never able to get back to my old routine and I just stopped watching altogether. These days I’m only able to watch new films if Gab asks me to tag along with her, like what happened with Midsommar, Knives Out, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you like Tom Petty? I only know him by name. I don’t have an opinion. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean I’m just stuck with one of the choices anyway, so rain it is. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nah I own zero. The only one I have belongs to my girlfriend. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I’ve tried mini rock-climbing walls, but nothing too high or that required me to put on a helmet and harness. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? Idk I’ll have to go with the most recent one, 2010s. It was a period when I got old enough to 1) connect with the music coming out and 2) discern what to me sounds good and what doesn’t, and it was also a time where I got to establish what my general music tastes are. The 2000s to me mostly offers nostalgia but nothing outstanding, and I feel too detached from the other past decades for them to be my favorite. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? I’ve had best friends I’ve kept for 15 years and 8 years. Ever witnessed a murder? No, but I came so close. One of our first news assignments was to cover a crime story, so on the first night a friend and I spent the night over at a local police station to wait for leads. There wasn’t any and on the second night, another pair of groupmates were tasked to wait at the same station to wait for reports – they were the pair that got a tip and they got to see a fresh crime scene :( which I know should be nothing to be envious of sksksk but still. If I remember correctly it was a stabbing incident and someone did die from it. Do you care what people think of you? I try not to but some opinions that reach me will still get to me, especially on rougher days. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, just a standing electric fan. Would you consider yourself poised? Eh, it’s not the first word I’d use to describe me. If I’m feeling antsy you’d know it, because I would show it. Have you ever tried blogging? I have tried blogging, as early as when I was 10. I mainly used Blogspot as a diary, but it didn’t last long because 10 year old me just couldn’t keep the blog up and running. I discovered Tumblr when I was 11 and since then it’s been my main website for if I wanna blog (or in this case, microblog) about my interests. Favorite television channel? I haven’t watched TV in a looooooooong while. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? None. Are you a romantic person? Yeah but mostly in secret; I don’t like being too public when it comes to being expressive. Like I’d swat my girlfriend’s face away if she tries to kiss me in public lmaooooo but when it’s just the two of us I’ve gotten her love language down to a T and I know exactly what to do to make her feel loved. When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago. My eye started getting irritated whenever I was anywhere near my bed, so I chalked it up to having sheets that needed to be changed. Would you consider yourself a flirt? That would be the literal last thing to describe me. At what age do you plan to be married? Somewhere between 27-29. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Meh not really these days. I’m old enough to start feeling how unhealthy they are whenever I eat them and they no longer feel filling to the stomach either. When did you last go on vacation? Half a year ago. We haven’t been able to go on vacations this year because of coronavirus obviously, so our last trips have been on my dad’s last break at home. Are you resilient? I’d like to think so. I’ve been through so much shit and of varying degrees all my life but I’m still stubbornly here. Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve never failed an entire class but I’ve failed exams, mostly math-related ones. If so, what was the class? My first failed class was math in Grade 4 (which was when we started learning super super super basic algebra), then I failed a number of algebra exams in 1st year, and then advanced algebra and geometry, and I think even chemistry and calculus, as the years went on. Do you wear more bright or dull colors? I used to wear duller colors, but I’ve recently been so bored with how my wardrobe has been mostly black and white throughout my stay in college that I started to make an effort to buy more colorful stuff so I can look livelier. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? I know a number of people. What's your favorite quote? I don’t really have one but one of my favorite movie lines is “How you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting, if that counts. Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I like taking on a motherly role in all my friend groups. How many clocks are in your house? I only regularly encounter the one in our dining area but I dunno if any of the bedrooms have clocks as well. Do you play any sports? Table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? Eh I say this a lot but only because it’s my one big regret – I wish I didn’t have such a hard time adjusting and spend so much time wallowing in self-pity in my first year (and part of my second year) of college. I spent all my days crying in my car because I had nowhere to hang and no one to talk to, and I was feeling worse by the fact that everyone else seemed to settle in with ease. I wish I had just said ‘fuck it’ earlier and just joined orgs and talked to people. Now I don’t really get to say that my entire college experience had been one of a kind, because I was mostly only trying to keep myself alive for nearly the first half of it. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Nah not injured, but I’ve been caught in a couple of accidents. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I would love to be in a Tim Hortons right now, studying while having their coffee and one of their wraps. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never. I’m not allowed to, which is fine because I stopped wanting to dye my hair. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC has the best fast food but not the best restaurant. I don’t think I enjoy eating at any of the fast food restaurants we have because they all smell like a bunch of people have come and gone in the place D: In what country were you born? Philippines. Born and raised. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? No but I’ve seen someone else get something on fire – back in Grade 4, my science teacher was showing us how a Bunsen burner works and a classmate (and tbh the class troublemaker) named Kressel tipped it over while the teacher wasn’t looking. We were too young to know what to do about it – and we were also all panicking on the inside and none of us could move – so we just watched part of the table getting burned away. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m very sensitive and I take a lot of things personally. What do you think your best quality is? Kinda conneected to that. I can read people quite well and can tell when they’re feeling too sensitive, if a joke has gotten too far for them, or if they’re starting to feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? *Enjoy* might not be the right word for it – I don’t derive pleasure out of hearing the things making my friends stressed out. I do like being the person they turn to; I like knowing they trust me.

Do you keep any plants in your house? My parents do. Sometimes they’ll ask me to water them, but I don’t claim any of the plants as mine. What is your mother's occupation? She’s confidential secretary to one of the higher-ups in her workplace. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I’m not the first person they’d go to to ask for song recommendations. My taste is admittedly a bit blah and basic, so I don’t blame them haha. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first favorite show ever that I was also super attached to was Hi-5 with the original cast – this was for kindergarten days. When I got a bit older I loved Spongebob, then when I got even a bit older than that I started liking Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s So Raven, and Hannah Montana. My first favorite that didn’t come from a kids’ channel was probs Breaking Bad. Are you afraid of insects? Yeah, most of them. Are you cold-natured? Idk if this wants to ask me if I’m snobbish or if I get cold too quickly, but I’m gonna go right ahead and say I can be a bit of both. How old were you when you got your first pet? I was 5 or 6 when I got my first few goldfish. Our house back then was very crowded and wouldn’t have been conducive to pets that would walk around, plus I had never owned pets before, so my parents thought it would be best for me to start off with fish. Did you / do you enjoy high school? It was okay for the latter half. What would you say was your favorite age? 16, which also happened to be the start of the second half of high school. There wasn’t a single low point that year and I had great friends, great grades, and an overall great time in junior year. What annoys you most about social networking? Ehh there are different annoying things for each of the big social media sites. Twitter sucks for its cancel/public shaming culture; Facebook suffers from fake news and troll armies, and conservative relatives are often there to gossip about your posts or your stances (at least for us Asians, idk if family in other cultures can be just as nosey); and Instagram is just unbelievably fake to me that I’ve never even tried joining there to socialize.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No. Whenever I feel like I am I always shift the spotlight to someone else. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything at the moment. When did you last go to the library? At the start of the year, when I had to borrow a book for my Rizal class. Are you ill at the moment? Nope, and remaining not ill would be the best situation for now given the current circumstances. Do people tease you about anything? My friends know I’m a little sensitive so they’re careful about making me the butt of their jokes for too long, but I do get teased for my lack of street smarts which I’m fine with because it’s true hahahahahaha. How late did you stay up last night and why? Not too late considering how late I stay up these days – just around midnight. My left eye acted up again, was tearing up like crazy, and I could barely open it without starting to feel pain so I just went ahead and got some sleep. Have you ever written poetry? Only when we had to in English classes or if we had to submit entries for my org’s literary folio. I’ve never voluntarily written poems. Curtains or shades? Shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Six, I think? - my dad, sister, cousin, Gab, Andrew, and Angela. Do you tend to text a lot? These days no because I haven’t had (and needed) cellphone load in the last month lmao. Normally though I do. Ever lost a great best friend? Yeah. Sofie and I drifted apart when we started college and the time apart made me realize that we simply had two entirely different personalities and there was no way we would have kept up the friendship considering how far we would be from each other once college started. But it was a nice couple of years that we had being best friends and I don’t regret the antics we got into together. What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonieeeeees my god his question is everywhere. Do you own any guns? No, and I can tell you people where I’m from generally find America’s gun fixation really weird. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I think it’d be unfair to tag something as all-time favorite when I haven’t read enough books... but I remember really enjoying Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Never mind the fact that it was required reading for school; I genuinely loved the whole book and ate it up pretty quickly.   Do you think you're living a good life? I guess, but I’d much rather call it ‘fortunate.’ What's your least favorite part of the day? On a normal schedule that would be once my alarm hits and I know I have to get out of bed and anticipate the traffic I’ll be stuck in.

Are you an over-achiever? Not in the sense that I like joining competitions and winning every single one of them, but I like calling dibs on a lot of tasks no matter how booked I am, and even doing the tasks of others if I sense that they’re not moving. Have you ever won an award for a speech? I haven’t, but I’ve been in a public speaking competition. I let my anxiety get the best of me that day and I ended up rambling midway into my speech, so now thinking about it is something that makes me wince these days because I know I could have done a lot better. Do you tend to curse a lot? Not as much as when I was a teenager but I’ll still slip some shits and fucks in my sentences every now and then. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. And I think that if it does happen, as much as I love the concept of Ouija boards, I’ll be too scared to join the session haha. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? I’ve never slept on the FLOOR floor. I’ve slept on floors but there was always a mattress to lie on to feel comfortable, ya feel. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It’s easy not to mind simple acts like holding hands or forehead kisses, but it can get uncomfortable if a couple is clearly in the moment and is like literally making out on the escalator or talking like babies to one another but loud enough for others to hear. Either way though I wouldn’t call myself an active fan. When did you last attend a yard sale? Idk dude, 12 years ago I’d say. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? None. I just want to care for myself these days dude. And remind myself that it’s okay to not feel like being productive. When is your birthday? Exactly a week from now – April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Blind for me. There’s a lot of stuff and places I have yet to see and new experiences that I wanna be able to digest by seeing them, like getting to the top of a mountain or seeing my future kid.   What was the best part of today? Eh, today’s been uneventful at best. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? I don’t want to be the subject of drama but if there’s drama involving other people and my friends got a hold of it, I would honestly find it hard to ignore it. What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? I have moods where I’d want to be alone, but it doesn’t happen all the time. I still like being around people because it keeps me from being alone with my thoughts. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story. Tangled comes at a verrrrrrrrrry close second. Have you ever been to the beach? Yes. I think since 2009 we’ve been going to the beach at least once a year. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ Considering that estimation I’ve been to the beach a minimum 11 times, but it’s definitely a lot more than that since there’ve been times where we went to beaches multiple times in a single year. What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m a little underweight so I'm okay with welcoming a few extra pounds. Do you drink a lot of water? I don’t take eight glasses a day but I still drink relatively more than my friends and relatives do, who seem to like iced tea and soda more. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood, as with most (maybe even all) Filipino houses. Do you take naps daily? No, not daily. I probably take 3-4 afternoon naps every week.

Who were you named after? My parents say I was named after the Swedish singer Robyn, but they also tell me a conflicting story in that they just liked how the name sounds and went with it. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? In the current state of the world? No can do chief. I wanna be able to travel once this shitstorm is over though. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? For some classes, but they’ve been very few and far between. I don’t consciously make myself the teacher’s pet in all my classes. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Eating out/trying new food! How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Ever been to a tanning bed before? I have not. I don’t need to. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I don’t even have finances sksksksksksksks Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet. Are your nails painted? Nope. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? I make it a point not to say mean things to anyone because words stick. I learned that from a young age which, aside from how fucked up that is, is still a good thing, because it taught me early on to be careful with my anger. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? I don’t do it accidentally lmao I just apologize to most of the objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Regularly. Do you receive any hate mail? No but that’s because I actively avoid having outlets for that. Anonymous hate would only make me paranoid and will probs drive me madly insecure in the wrong run. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? Meh, I’ll pass. I find instant messaging a lot more convenient and I doubt I’d have the patience for keeping a pen pal. What color are the pants you're wearing? I have brown shorts, not pants. Have you ever had a stalker? Nope. What is your life philosophy? You don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Gabie. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Very few, because pink actually doesn’t suit me. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks. In which year were you born? 1998.

[acekatherineplumber]

Questions! Yay questions!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Out Tonight (RENT), Tightrope (The Greatest Showman), Candy Store (Heathers), Delicate (Taylor Swift), Gorgeous (Taylor Swift), So Much Better (Legally Blonde)

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Taylor Swift. It would be so nice.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. You will have to pay for excess baggage.

4: What do you think about most? How much cleaning I constantly have to do

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “I once again work until [private information], but I hope you have a great day”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? It depends. 

7: What’s your strangest talent? I’m doubled jointed in three places

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)Girls are wonderful. Boys can choke.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? No.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? No idea.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? I’m afraid of stairs

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? When I was like 5. It was a bead.

13: What’s your religion? Atheist

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking a walk

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? I like solo artists more

17: What was the last lie you told? I don’t remember

18: Do you believe in karma? Kind of? I believe that the way you treat people affects how they treat you.

19: What does your URL mean? Katherine Plumber is ace. Fite me.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Perfectionism, passion

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Emma Watson? I just think she’s pretty, but I’m not sure I want to date her because I don’t even know her, and I’m not sure she would like that.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I have a hot tub, so regularly.

23: How do you vent your anger? I like to vent it through art

24: Do you have a collection of anything? I used to collect state quarters, but nothing current

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Sometimes yes, sometimes no

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate windshield wipers, I love cats meowing

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? Everything is a what if for me

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes to both

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. My earbuds, one of my cats

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? I have a stuffed nose today, so nothing

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Probably my old private school

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? No.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? Finding and pursuing your own happiness

36: Define Art. Anything that makes you think (except Modern Art, because that is fucking elitist and pretentious and terrible)

37: Do you believe in luck? I believe in making your own through hard work, but sometimes shitty things just happen.

38: What’s the weather like right now? Cloudy, slightly rainy

39: What time is it? 10:07 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, and unfortunately yes.

41: What was the last book you read? The Count of Monte Cristo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it

43: Do you have any nicknames? Yes, but it’s personal

44: What was the last film you saw? The Princess Bride

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I’ve had a lot of bad sprains. Also a concussion.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Bubble tea. Don’t judge me

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Asexual

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? I used to be bullied really badly, so yes

50: Do you believe in magic? Yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes.

52: What is your astrological sign? Leo/Virgo

53: Do you save money or spend it? I try to save it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? A stuffed cat

55: Love or lust? Love

56: In a relationship? Yes

57: How many relationships have you had? Technically 5, but only 2 of them have been really serious

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?No

59: Where were you yesterday? At home for most of the day

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My cat’s nose

61: Are you wearing socks right now? No

62: What’s your favourite animal? Cat

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Honesty and passion

64: Where is your best friend? At her school. She has a summer class. The other one is at work.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. @hoogwoorts @schmackarys, @keepers-quaffles-and-old-clocks, @berrykikwi, and @purplerainbowsrachel

66: What is your heritage? German, English, Irish. Very white.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Browsing the Internet.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last . It’name? I don’t give out the last names of real people.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Yes. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and is actually really healthy. It’s good for anxiety.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I hope so.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I call someone else over and head on my way.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I would probably wait until my last two weeks to tell people. I would travel. Yes, I would be afraid.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. I don’t trust people anyway, so love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Love Song by Sara Bareilles

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Not giving that out.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Honesty, kindness, and common interests.

77: How can I win your heart?You can’t! You can have eggs and you can have bacon, but you can’t have Elphie because they are taken!

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes, but it should still be medicated

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Going to London.

80: What size shoes do you wear? 7.5-8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? I don’t know, but I think it should be in French.

82: What is your favourite word? At the moment? Princesa.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. The color blue.

84: What is a saying you say a lot? It’s amazing what you find when you clean up.

85: What’s the last song you listened to? Delicate

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Aqua

87: What is your current desktop picture? Liberty Leading the People

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Mike Pence. I hate Trump, but Pence is scary and would be harder to impeach.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Everything that is wrong with my brain.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Run and lock the door.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Invisibility

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Probably the latter half of the first act of Les Mis in London.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The thing that caused my PTSD.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I don’t really want to do that. I don’t know of trust them.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Berlin.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? No

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Yes

98: Ever been on a plane? Yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Something about education rights for all.

[anicegaykid]

who dis?

#firstpost seems more daunting than it needs to be. Got myself all creative blocked up so here is a little diddy to get to know me better.. 

Are you named after anyone?

I am actually named after Jessica Wakefield from Sweet Valley High

When was the last time you cried?

tbh, I tend to flip from emotionless to SUPER emotional like 0-60. Sometimes no response, sometimes (like this afternoon) I see a beautiful pond surrounded in nature, being natural and beautiful, water sparkling in the sunshine and the tears just roll.

Do you have kids? If no, how many do you want?

No kids atm, but a couple kiddos would be nice in the near future

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

..like.. what.. ? am I just like a duplicate of me? Like am I the same person I am now and would I be friends with someone JUST like me? Or am I someone else? Who am I? Like, I enjoy spending time on my own? 

Bottom line, I like me. 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

100%

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

eyes, smile, lips, face bone structure

What is your eye color?

blue, sometimes they get a little grey

Scary movie or happy endings?

BOTH. 

Favorite smells?

Citrus, patchouli, cut grass, peaches and strawberries

Do you have any special talents?

Talents include: fantastic with horses, very good dog mom, I can cook frozen pizzas to perfection -- if I don’t get distracted, designing queer tees, i can roll a pretty decent j, solid problem solver, got some wit and can be funny. 

Where were you born?

Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in it?

Leo; I mean it IS surprisingly accurate like all the time. 

What are your hobbies?

I am kind of in between hobbies right now.. I dabble in some things. I go to the gym like more than average, but I would like to go more - said everyone ever. I’d like to hike more, camp more, build more things out of pallets, you know.. the usual

Do you have any siblings?

I have a 21 year old brother and a 14 year old sister.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Life is pretty great tbh, I’d like to continue being happy with my little fam

Who was your first best friend?

My first best friend would have to be my cousin, Brittany. Like a sister.

How tall are you?

5′6″

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?

I wish I was a lot better at expressing how I feel. 

Things that still bother me - my wife and I had a discussion about proposals and who would ask who. We landed on me asking her, which I did and am SO happy about, but the reason behind it being that I am so poor at expressing emotions that she was afraid it would affect her confidence in my response. 

For a first TMI moment of the blog, I have so much anxiety in my ability to express myself that I can’t even manage to make any “noise” during sex. Doesn’t even matter that I am my most comfortable self with her, STILL struggle. A work in progress for me I guess. 

Funniest moment throughout School?

There was a time when we were at a beach party when I was 17, the RCMP showed up to break it up and snag any and all intoxicated minors they could. The tide had recently come in, but where we were was a little dip in the side of the cliff so the path back to the road was water-covered. So someone peeks around the cliff to see the two Mounties wading through the water. This party crew are country-folk and are 100% ready for this situation with a wooden ladder that leads up the side of the cliff into a field close to where all the vehicles are parked. As party-goers are running through the field to cars, someone shouts, “PIT PARTY” and everyone heads towards the local Pit. Along the way someone with a truck steals a round bale from a field and uses it to create the BIGGEST bonfire I’ve ever seen. 

How many countries have you visited?

like ~10

What was your favourite/worst subject in High School?

I struggled with math but funny enough my career path has led me to a life in the casino so I do math daily and enjoy it very much!

My favourite courses in High School were Conservation and Agricultural Science. 

What is your Favourite drink? Animal? Perfume?

Coke Zero Cherry

Horse

Karma by Lush

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I really like Posy, Daisy, Freddie and Loren

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I used to Figure Skate, Horseback Ride, Ringette

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

I’ve always been a Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, Hannah Hart fan

I like Phil DeFranco for news, Pewds for some lulz, love me some Tyler Oakley, Whitney Simmons and Chloe Ting to work the booty, Vox for learning, FunForLouis has some BEAUTIFUL imagery and plays to the traveler side of me and I recently discovered Will Smith’s channel and cannot get enough!

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

I have had an unsettling amount of bfs for a lesbian, but 2 of them really stand out as being genuinely decent guys and I would still hang out with, platonically, to this day.

I have had a grand total of 4 gfs, I married the fourth bc I got LUCKY AS HECK!

Favourite memory from childhood?

The day I got my first puppy.

One time I was gifted a horse for Christmas bc my Dad felt so bad that I had to have my first pony put down earlier that year. 

I also was old enough to remember both my siblings being born!

How would you describe your fashion sense?

tom boy hyper femme 

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

iPhone6s

Tell us one of your bad habits!

I bite my nails and chew my cuticles

3 things that upset you?

inequality

excessive force

did I say inequality?

3 things that make you happy?

Olivia

My animals

family

How is your relationship with parents?

My Mom is one of my best friends in this world! My Dad is an odd case, he struggles with my sexuality, I understand that it is because of where and when he grew up, he is never outwardly rude or mean to me, he’s a quiet country guy, he was at our wedding, he gave me away with my Mom, he’s kind to Olivia, he’s kind to me, he doesn’t understand but recognizes that it is real. I love my Dad, I really do. I’m proud of my Mom for educating him and ensuring that he is present and polite. I get frustrated from time to time and I have cried a lot of tears about it. Our relationship can be strange but at the same time hasn’t changed. He’s been a great Dad and he’ll be a fantastic Grampy. I have to check myself because there are people who are much worse off than me. I get jealous of Olivia sometimes because her Dad is so sweet to her and treats me like a daughter so easily, but my Dad has never been the soft spoken lovey type. We’ve hugged twice in my life. One of them was when I was leaving for England with a one way ticket and no foreseeable return plans and one was when he was jokingly blocking my path and I used it as a disarming mechanism to scoot through. 

What’s on your mind?

All I can think about today is the fact that I became an aunt at 5AM this morning and I’m going to see his later this afternoon. I SO excited!

What’s your talent?

troubleshooting queen.

naturally creative to my own surprise.

One word that describes you?

patient

What’s your favourite quotes?

No Pride for some of us without liberation for all of us . Marsha P Johnson

We way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibin’ . Ariana Grande

Any pets?

4 dogs:

Finnley - Great PyreneesXAustralian Shepard

Effie - Border CollieX

Shiro - DacshundXMiniature Australian Shepard

Moose - Great PyreneesXFinnley

2 Cats:

Priya - long haired tabby, kinda sorta Ragdoll’esque

Punkin - short haired orange tabby with a poofy tail

2 Beta Fishies:

King Push & Todd

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?

I lived in England for 2 years & travelled Europe for a month

Are you an extrovert or introvert?

I think TECHNICALLY an introvert?  I can be v extroverted but I really need time to recharge. Recharging for me is being home with my comforts. My wifey, doggos, snacks and Netflix.

Are you left or right handed?

Right hander

Do you consider yourself a good cook?

Like.. sort of? I don’t cook much but when I do I always surprise myself with how well I do lol

Does your name have a special meaning?

It means my Mother was 18 when she had me and REALLY liked Sweet Valley High

If money were no object what would you get for your next birthday?

2 weeks away from home/work, road trip to Halifax for the fertility clinic, get started on a baby and then fly off to one of those tropical cabins on the water. 

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I would love to have a few homes! A winter getaway BC. A condo in Halifax, NS and a cute little hobby farm here in PEI in some rolling hills somewhere in between Kensington and Charlottetown. 

What’s your favourite thing to have for breakfast?

I love chocolate chip waffles/pancakes, French style pastry breakfast, and when I’m feeling fab, some eggs benny on smoked salmon with a couple mimosas on the side. 

What’s your favourite gadget?

I just got a Fitbit so thats been pretty exciting, aside from that, my phone is on me at like all times. 

What’s your longest relationship so far?

My current one. We’re about to hit 4 years together, married for a little over a month. 

[nowtravel]

Seven years after we quit our jobs to travel around the world, we revisit some of the riskiest things we’ve done on the road

Peter and I have a long-running joke that I have fallen off my bike in the most beautiful places in the world – among them Bora Bora in French Polynesia and Isabela in the Galápagos. I only learnt to ride at the age of 28 and my lack of experience has led to numerous falls.

What’s interesting is that no one ever calls me ‘brave’ or ‘daring’ for riding a bicycle or indeed a horse even though statistically (and in personal experience), these activities are some of the most dangerous I’ve done.

Instead, it’s things like skydiving and bungy jumping that impress others most. Below, I share 10 seemingly dangerous things we’ve done – some of which posed a real risk, but most of which were just pure fun.

1. CHANGED A TYRE IN NAMIBIA’S LION TERRITORY

I’ll be honest: this was one of the most nerve-racking experiences I’ve ever had. Peter and I were on day 13 of our epic self-drive safari through Namibia when we got our second flat tyre in as many days.

We had spent the previous day on a 160km round-trip to the nearest garage to pick up a spare tyre after using the one we had. We’re lucky we did so, because on day 13 we bust another tyre, this time in the middle of Etosha National Park, known for its abundance of lions.

The park rules clearly state that you should never leave your vehicle. Unfortunately, there was no phone reception so we couldn’t call for assistance. We waited to see if anyone else would turn up, but Etosha is a big place and we could have been waiting for hours.

So – Peter suggested changing the tyre in lion territory. I was to keep watch and sound the horn if I saw any movement.

How was I supposed to keep a 360° watch around the vehicle? Would I be quick enough on the horn? Would we be the two stupid tourists who got killed by lions because they flouted official safety rules?

I took a deep breath and nodded. Peter worked silently and quickly while I, dripping with sweat and anxiety, carefully scanned our surroundings. Fifteen minutes later, the tyre was on and we got back in the car, laughing with relief and possibly a touch of hysteria.

Half a kilometre down the road, we stopped laughing. There, we spotted a lion lazing beneath a tree and we realised that this story could have easily ended differently.

2. CLIMBED THREE OF THE SEVEN SUMMITS

Peter has climbed three of the seven summits: Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Mount Elbrus in Russia and Mount Aconcagua in Argentina with each climb growing progressively harder.

When I spoke to him on the phone after Elbrus, he was in high spirits. When I spoke to him after Aconcagua, however, he sounded completely exhausted. Physically, it was the hardest day of his life, he said. Several times he had considered giving up and turning around – something I’d never heard him say about a mountain before.

Aconcagua is a ‘trekkable’ mountain (i.e. no technical rope work involved), but it poses a tangible risk. At nearly 7,000m, it is believed to have the highest death rate of any mountain in South America. As dangerous endeavours go, attempting to scale the seven summits ranks pretty high on our list.

3. CROSSED A LANDSLIDE IN PERU

Crossing a landslide on our Salkantay trek in Peru seemed more thrilling than dangerous, but it posed enough of a risk to noticeably concern our guides. We trekked for an hour to try and avoid it, but when we found that a bridge had washed away, we turned around and returned to the site.

There, we picked our way across a steep slope of crumbling scree beneath a blanket of rain. Some of us fared better than others. One woman in her early twenties wept with nerves as she crossed, led by hand by two guides.

Peter and I were comparatively cavalier, but I look back now and can see that a single misstep would have ended badly.

4. HIKED TO ERTA ALE IN ETHIOPIA

The Danakil Depression in Ethiopia is one of the hottest, lowest and driest places on Earth. It’s so extreme that life has been found in pure acid here. Temperatures regularly reach 45°C (113°F) and seas of molten magma ooze just beneath the crust’s surface.

Its most impressive site is Erta Ale, one of the most active volcanoes in the world. Getting there has been called ‘the hike to hell and back’ and requires a three-day trip with a military escort.

In 2012, an attack by Afar rebels left five tourists dead and four people kidnapped, and there was a deadly incident days after our own visit.

It made us reflect once again on the pros and cons of risky travel and though Erta Ale was an incredible sight, I’m not quite sure I’d do it all again.

5. JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE – TWICE

This is where we get into fun territory where the perceived danger is greater than the actual. Peter and I have skydived twice, first in the UK and then in Australia. Both times were utterly thrilling.

Interestingly, the skydive in Cairns was almost cancelled because of rain and when we passed through heavy condensation, I understood why. At that height, raindrops sting like needles as you’re falling much faster than water.

Either way, I was pleased that the weather didn’t cancel our jump. As I say in the video, it’s the closest I’ll ever get to flying… unless I take up BASE jumping that is.

6. JUMPED ONE OF THE LONGEST BUNGYS IN THE WORLD

There is a moment as you shuffle onto the ledge of the 134m Nevis Bungy in New Zealand that you think Oh Jesus. If it’s true that humans are born with two fears – loud noises and falling – then surely jumping off a ledge into an abyss goes against human nature.

On the ledge, I waved gingerly to the camera and listened to the countdown: ‘three, two, one, bungy’. Heart lurching, I leapt off with a scream.

Seconds in, I realised that my eyes were closed. I snapped them open. If I was doing this, then I would bloody well enjoy it. I felt myself plunge deep into the valley, then rush back up again. I always thought I’d hate the bouncing sensation, but the Nevis Bungy was completely smooth. I swooped towards the ground again, feeling a whirl of disbelief. It was thrilling, frightening and utterly exhilarating.

People ask me if the Nevis Bungy or skydiving was scarier. Undoubtedly, it was the bungy. Despite the far greater height, skydiving doesn’t quite feel like falling. The force of the air around you has a buoying effect. With the Nevis Bungy, you really are just falling.

7. DIVED WITH SHARKS IN THE GALÁPAGOS

Again, this was more fun than dangerous, but when people see the footage of Peter gliding into the frame above a reef shark, they’re usually inclined to gasp out loud.

On a dive in the Galápagos, we encountered dozens of whitetip reef sharks resting on the seabed. At nearly 20 metres deep, we spent several awe-inspiring minutes watching these magnificent (and chilling) beasts.

Of course, whitetip reef sharks are rarely aggressive towards humans. Unlike their Oceanic cousin, they are seldom aggressive unless provoked. They are, however, fearless and curious and will sometimes closely approach swimmers to investigate.

8. DROVE THE SANI PASS IN LESOTHO

Located in the western end of KwaZulu-Natal province of South Africa, Sani is a mountain pass connecting Underberg in South Africa with Mokhotlong in Lesotho. The hairpinned pass − named one of the most dangerous in the world − starts at an altitude of 1,544m and climbs to 2,876m.

Built circa 1950, Sani Pass remains a challenging drive. With winding twists, loose gravel, plunging drops and hairpins bends, it demands painstaking care and practised skill. In parts, the gradient reaches 1:3 and in treacherous conditions, has claimed lives. In fact, one of the hairpins has the rather sobering name of ‘suicide bend’.

We crossed the pass during our 2018 trip to South Africa. The progress was extremely slow but we didn’t complain. This is one occasion when it truly is better to be safe than sorry.

9. SWAM WITH WHALE SHARKS IN DJIBOUTI

The whale shark is the largest known fish species living today. It poses no threat to humans, but its sheer size can be overwhelming.

On our trip in Djibouti, our spotter pointed to the waters ahead and Peter and I jumped straight in. Alas, the whale shark headed in the opposite direction and the two boats followed, depositing passengers far closer to him. Peter and I locked eyes. We’d made the mistake of jumping too soon.

It was then that a motion caught the corner of my eye. The whale shark was headed straight in our direction. I dipped underwater and the shark swam directly towards me as I hovered in the water as if suspended in time.

His skin glittered in the light and I held my breath as he swam so close I thought his tail would hit me as he turned. His enormous bulk slid swiftly by and I exhaled, long, soft and slow.

10. SCALED A VIA FERRATA IN CATALONIA

After changing the tyre in Namibia, this is the most nerve-racking thing on the list for me. I’ve said before that I’m most nervous when I’m in charge of my own safety during risky activities. Unlike bungy jumping or skydiving where you’re never out of an expert’s hands, via ferrata requires you to change your own carabiners, meaning that an absentminded mistake could have you hurtling to the ground.

A few metres up on our via ferrata in Catalonia, my left leg began to shake uncontrollably. I’d never experienced anything like it before and I realised that I must be terrified. I remember that it had a strange, academic quality and a detached part of me thought, ‘Huh, so this is what it’s like.’

I gathered my nerves and continued up. At the top, neither Peter nor our guide, Jordi, believed me when I said that it was scarier than bungy.