#im certain meeting her wont be a mistake.

[regret-breathing]

ive started calling the femme ive been growing closer to over the last nine or ten months my sweetheart. im truly not beating the old man allegations on this one.

[ilcorvidio]

       𝐈𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐎.   an extremely selective . slow activity . primarily headcanon based interpretation of 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐈 from bioware's series 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐆𝐄.   written & loved by rhys , and unaffiliated with the fandom. concepts here will explore difficult and often times disturbing themes. please read my rules below before you follow or interact. minors , personals , and proshippers dni.

               " you meet interesting people,  and then you kill them. "

𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎;  political intrigue , espionage , assassination plots & political murder , death & what it's worth , sexual attraction vs real love , children raised to kill , abandonment & betrayal , killing for the greater good.

i go by rhys , they / them or she / her.

blogroll: destisea / multi , dreamweaved / oc , nihilara / oc , aaltoh / wuwa

zev/ran's childhood covers some very sensitive topics. something i also try very hard to be respectful and thorough on with my interpretation on his character. his mother went into sex work before he was even born- and zev was raised in a brothel. after a certain point, he was purchased by the crows- and raised to be a killer. there's a lot to unpack with zev... a lot.

so... zev tends to flirt a lot. he is unapologetic in his attraction to other people. and feels very comfortable with his sexuality, and anything he feels towards others. this doesn't always mean he wants a relationship. and if you are genuinely uncomfortable with my muse openly flirting with yours- please tell me ahead of time. zev/ran very much so respects any boundaries put up. just helps sometimes to figure that out in advance before i make any kind of mistake.

pleeeeaaaaaaaase. PLEASE... TAG REALISTIC SPIDERS.

if you write or interact with saccharot ( kae ), do not follow me or block me or whatever. likewise, if you write with kiingsroar ( dia ) or any of their other blogs, i ask you do much the same. i'd be more than happy to explain what happened and why i'm uncomfortable with these users. but please, i don't want them on my dash.

if you want to ship? tell me. i will never assume, or default to shipping with people. of course i practice the same, and like to make it very clear i want to explore a particular dynamic. if things wont work then that's fine! but i need clarity when it comes to stuff like that. i really go 0 - 100 on shipping, and LOVE development, and plotting.

at the very most, i will ship romantically with up to two? of the same muse. but i like to keep that to a minimum. as plotting dynamics is something i put a lot of care and thoughts into-- and don't want my ship partners to ever feel like they're part of a collective or not unique / important to me. IF you'd like exclusivity, tell me. i am more than happy to do that if that's what you prefer. of course, i am more than ok with writing with multiple of the same muse. and exploring other kinds of ships and dynamics to see what clicks!

please, i don't obsessively hover on dash or deep dive on people. i roleplay as a hobby, and rarely prioritize being here. if someone i interact with is GENUINELY an issue, or has done something problematic and troubling- chances are i very likely do not know. or haven't heard about it, because i really only come on tumblr to rp and post art. i am okay with being corrected, or told these things. but do not spark drama, accuse me of things im not aware of, or assume i am okay with it.

[ladydevoir]

If you're taking requests, what if Ruby went to find Blake in vol 3 instead of Adam?

Blake stood on the branch of the tree, gazing out towards the forest. She had heard rumours about how the initiation at Beacon went but being part of it was a much different affair. Flung into a Grimm infested forest, matched with the first person you meet, it seemed far from what she would have thought an ideal way to be partners with someone would be. But Beacon was considered the finest of the four academies, so was there merit to this method? Letting fate decide for you? Blake shook her head, she wasn’t fond of the idea of not being in control of her fate, which is why she was in the tree. Stalking out the best choice to be her partner. She was not going to leave it up to chance, she was going to decide for herself. As she thought of potential partners, a certain girl filtered into her mind, their meeting the day before, during the day, and the evening, and her words that had stuck in her mind since their meeting. “Well thats why we’re here. To make it better.” She smiled to herself, remembering how she once held such a belief, wanting to make things better. The realities of the world, and the harshness of those she had followed, his harshness, had worn her down. Maybe, Blake thought, hopefully, it wont break that girl down as it had her. Refocusing herself, she sifted through the other students in her mind, and she felt like she had a target in mind. Pyrrha. Pyrrha was well known for her skill, everyone else was an unknown. Her mind set, she scanned around in the hopes of finding the red-headed girl, before the ears under her bow twitched, hearing a cry from nearby. “No! Birdy!” As she reactively turned to the source of the noise, something large flew past her, she barely had time to make it out before she felt a strong pull at her back, pulling her from the tree, and her weapon from her back, as whatever flew past soon hit the ground, Blake, having landed and rushed through the bushes, peeking out from cover to see the figure, before hearing a familiar voice. “O-ow, that was rougher than I wanted...wait...whos weapon is this?” Blake let out a sigh of relief, grateful it wasnt a grimm that had disarmed her. Stepping out from the bushes, she stepped towards the figure, holding the ribbon of her weapon in her hand, clearly distracted somewhat by it. She cleared her throat. “I believe that belongs to me?” The girl looked up, her eyes widening as she quickly stood up, stammering out an apology. “Oh brothers im so sorry I didnt mean to take this my landing strategy got cut off by a bird and I was just trying to grab hold of a branch and I guess I grabbed this by mistake and im so sorry and-” Blake quickly put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, giving her a gentle shake. “Hey, its ok, breathe please.” The girl took a deep breath, handing back her weapon as the two stood in silence. “Sooo, I guess that we’re partners now, huh?” Blake blinked as she registered what was said. “Oh, right, I guess we are.” This was definitely not how she has planned for this to go, but there was no turning back now. “Uh, Ruby, wasnt it?” “Yep, and you’re Blake, right? I did get the name right?” Blake nodded in response. “So Blake, uh, do you know which way to go?” Blake took a few steps forward, looking up at the skyline, the position of the sun, and pointed to the left of them. “The center of the forest should be that way, it shouldnt take us too long to get there from here, we just need to be ready for-” As if on que, the bushes all around them started rustling, as the two girls moved back to back, Blake unsheathed her weapon, and the whirring and clanking of gears and parts confirmed for her that Ruby had done the same. Before long they were surrounded by beowolves, all ready to pounce. “Ready to take them down, Partner?” Ruby chirped, Blake couldnt help but smile softly at the girl’s clear enthusiasm. Maybe leaving things to chance wasnt always a bad idea. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- How much things had gone downhill since that day. Blake looked up as the man she had once followed stood before her, tormenting her as the building burned around them, Vale going up in flames, Grimm, White Fang and Atlas mechs causing total chaos everywhere. And here she was, face to face with the man she had run away from. With no one around to help her. In her mind, that dark voice she had learned to suppress rang out. “You knew you couldnt run forever. You knew he would find you. You brought all this to Vale by being here.” She tried to silence the voice, but to no avail. She could barely hear Adam over the voice, as he raised his blade, that voice was all she heard. Until the loud ringing of a rifle round clanging against a blade shattered through the noise in her head. Looking up, she saw Adam, back to her, looking at a figure outside the building. A figure she recognised immediately. Her weapon ringing out as shot after shot was fired at Adam, causing the faunus to move out the way, as the girl was by her side in an instant. “Get away from Blake.” The tone of her voice sent a shiver through Blake as she looked up at Ruby. The usual energetic expression replaced by one of complete seriousness, almost stone-faced, but the eyes, the eyes were filled with fire, and her voice, she had never heard Ruby’s voice sound like that before. Adam merely snickered, readying his blade. “Fine then. I hope you’re watching Blake. I promise you, im going to kill everything you love most. Starting with her.” The two were swift, clashing and constantly moving. Blake looked on in horror, her body frozen as she watched her partner battle the monster she had spent years serving. She tried to scream for Ruby to run, to leave her, but her voice was caught in her throat. She could only watch on, hoping Ruby would be safe. What happened next would forever be burned into Blake’s mind. As Adam made his slash upwards, Ruby had tried to step back, only to hit the wall, unable to fully dodge the attack as the tip of the blade slashed across her face. Her scream would haunt Blake as she watched Ruby fall to her knees, her hands clutching over her left eye, the blood dripping from between her fingers, as Adam stepped closer, raising his blade. Her body finally moving as she dived towards Ruby, grabbing the girl just in time to vanish with her, leaving Adam’s blade embedded in an icy shadow of herself, as she pulled Ruby as fast as she could towards the docks where the others were. Holding Ruby’s right arm over her shoulder with her hand in hers as Ruby held her face with her left, sobbing as she struggled to move with Blake, Blake shakily repeating herself. “Im sorry, im so sorry Ruby, Im sorry, im sorry.” A gentle squeeze in her hand made her focus on Ruby, as she let out a weak murmur between sobs. “Its ok, i-its not your fault, Blake…” --------------------------------------------------------------- OK SO This was meant to be so much longer. Originally I planned to make this into a small Patnerswap Ladybug prompt, showing various scenes from V1-V3 but with Ruby taking Yang's place and how different those scenes would be, but I just kept having more and more ideas so now im taking those other idea's and Im gonna eventually make a bunch of little short fics for them instead. Otherwise you'd never get this prompt finished. But yeah, I hope you enjoy it~

[cant-think-of-a-username]

Hi!! I have never gotten this before so I thought it would be super cool to ask for one ahah

may i be matched to a haikyuu character? 🥺 thank you!! <3

Pronouns: she/her

Gender Preference: male

MBTI Type: I just took it for the 1000th time a few days ago and got INFP-T (but I would tend to also get ISFP dsfkjs)

Astrology Placements: Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon, Gemini Rising, Sagittarius Venus, Pisces Mars (if it helps)

Physical Description: long straight black hair that reaches the middle of my back, dark brown eyes (that apparently makes me look like i have eyeliner sometimes) with long thick black eyelashes, light-medium neutral skin, 5'5", i apparently have long legs, thick thighs, cute butt (LMAO im just listing wut ppl have described of me too sdfkj), soft hands with quite long fingers, pretty basic body i would say sdfjhsd, and i apparently make things look expensive (i love fashion) i would say the best way to describe what i wear is probably (dark) academia but i like just wearing whatever i like--i don't like to limit myself to a certain aesthetic.

Personality Description: with new people/in first meeting, i tend to be quiet or generally don't speak much but once i warm up to you, im a really playful person or at least i really enjoy acting that way.

im honest but i should remember that my words can cut sometimes (rip), ive been described to be incredibly kind (sdfkh)... maybe because i tend to put so much energy and effort and time into other people or my relationships (friends, family, literally anyone that comes into contact with me for a decent amount of time)

i tend to act or do things according to how i feel but despite having that trait of mine or having that inclination, i can still very much be realistic. as i act according to how i feel, i have been described to act younger than my age and i doooo and i aint gonna deny it pfftt ima OWn That sHiT

i have no problem with acting like a child. i love rain, i love water, i love the ocean, i love cafes or the smell of coffee, i love the smell of fresh laundry and feeling the warm fabric (caused by drying in the sun or from a dryer lmfao) of whatever it may be (clothes, bedsheets) on my fingertips..

i love self development or just trying to be better and combined with me loving or liking a lot of different things, i try a lot of things--therefore not really becoming a master at anything dkjfhfsd. and because of that.. (i think) because i try a lot, putting quite a bit of effort into my.. goals (i have perfectionistic and overachieving tendencies) i guess.. when it fails (ofc) im incredibly disappointed, and become pretty... fucking sad hhh and when that happens.. i start to become more lazy/complacent 🤡

..bonus (if u wanna sprinkle some "angst" i guess LMAOO): i overthink a lot (so i start to have difficulty making smarter decisions or thinking of strategies to solve my problems + i still have a sprinkle of self-esteem issues of course... feeling incredibly incompetent is not foreign to me) so i could exaggerate my troubles or make a problem out of nothing 😶, im quite emotional, i have the "dismissive avoidant" attachment style, feeling hopeless quite often aint foreign to me either 😭

bonusbonus: (wow dont i love talking about myself? sdfknsd) i love corgis

Hobbies: dancing, witchcraft, astrology, divination, spirituality, reading fan fiction (LMAOOOO), reading visual novels/playing otome games, painting, drawing, looking into psychology in some type of manner, netflix, swimming, watching anime i guess, trying new things, learning something (new)

Ideal Date: tbh going to a concert of an artist we both enjoy, an arcade or an amusement park (im like a scaredy cat but im almost 100% sure im more likely to go for the “scary” rides if i was with someone i enjoyed hanging out with anyway), probably going on a tropical vacation (cus, beach anddd water activities), water amusement park !!

A Must Have in my Partner: they have to be okay with me pursuing my goals lol; i already have a problem with putting too much energy into others that i dont get to direct that energy onto myself.. so someone who has my best interest in mind + being considerate of me (because.. of that dismissive avoidant attachment style i would say--im just saying this because its the best that i can describe it) and they should be okay with my childlike actions/tendencies lol (like... they shouldnt be repulsed or something like that--that they treat me unpleasantly because of it or something) (oops i just realized thats more than one when u asked just.. one)

extra information: a short drabble would be amazing !!

sorry this was pretty messy and i pretty much just babbled LMAOO

but again, if ever you get to do this (or even if u dont..)

thank you so much!!!

i hope you have an amazing rest of your day hihi <3

sorry it took me a while ! i was just really busy lately and barely got time to write 😅

hope u enjoyy :)

I ship you with..

Nishinoya Yuu !!

- You are the most gorgeous person he knows ;)

- he literally shamelessly approached u the moment he laid eyes on u

- even with ur somewhat quiet first impression, he never gave up making u eventually warm up to him

- doesn’t really mind brute honesty, in fact he thinks of it as a form of bravery

- he also loves seeing your childish side since he himself has one too

- wanna dance around in the rain ?? he will 100% join u !!

- he loves how determined u are to get better and will constantly tell u how proud of you he is for it

- even if things dont go ur way sometimes he will comfort u and tell u that its completely normal to fail sometimes

- there is no overthinking on his watch !

- noya knows how bad it feels and that u definitely deserve a little break but he wont let u laze around too much, trying to help u get back up on ur feet and regain ur confidence is something he never fails to do

- he loves watching u do what u love and is always willing to join u (not that he is always fully understanding of what he is doing)

BONUS :

Cheering you up on a bad day..

You were getting frustrated trying to fix a mistake you made on one of your paintings. You let out a loud groan hiding your face in your hands in exhaustion, finally giving up. Hearing a loud knock on your door, you tell whoever is outside to come in. “HEY, HOW WAS YOUR- ....day ?” noya looks at you with concern in his eyes. “are you okay ?” “yeah i’m fine, its just that this painting won’t look right no matter what i do” you sigh.“maybe i should just throw it away” “you are not gonna throw it away” he says, his tone completely different from before, more serious in fact. “you might just be tired now, so don’t you dare give up now. you can always try again tomorrow” he says walking towards you and holding your hands in his, a little smile forming on his face. “how about you take a break for now ? the sun is really warm and it’s still early; wanna go swimming ?” You look a little unsure. “you still haven’t used that corgi beach towel i got you” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. You chuckle at that, proceeding to look him in the eyes with a small grin forming on you face, “sounds like a plan”...

[genius11rare]

Chit Chat 111620   11-16-20

Chitchat 111620 with Jack Michael Jeremys Chair and the disembodied voice of alfredo (no he left after set up immediately , never heard him) id put “keep reading” if i knew how for this sorry

Jack: hi im jack with my friends michael and Spearow the dragon (jeremys not here , theres a spyro … pillow i think on his chair).. So we made the mistake of doing 2 minecrafts backtoback  and it ended like 20 minutes ago then like “oh yeah we have other stuff we need to set up before”… Michael:  yeah this isnt so much a chitchat it is just a chit not really time for a chat. Jack: how about we chit about recapping extralife?  It went really well thank you everyone who watched and contributed, trying to get chat up right now…. Cuz we got Chit trying to get the Chat as well… this is the 4th year in a row we raised over 1 million$ , and were having some auctions for charity. Up for auction: 3D printed gen lock heads , pictures of the Spooky Hour (Gen Notes i thought they were done with that?) , the jon risinger bob ross segment painting , some f*face hats , some wood and glass sculptures (jeremy comes back during around this) … and gratz to jeremy for urinating and coming back *on time*  Jeremy: hey my bathroom is a few steps from here… that whole time was spent peeing Oooohhhh better. Jack: michael , jeremy got anything to say about whats happened recently. Michael: no uh…. Just recovering… Jeremy: oh that was hard to watch michael. Jack: oh i have this picture i posted on twitter of fiona milking gavin…. Spraying milk into his eyes , sounds weird when i phrase it like that see if i can post it. Fiona somehow got both eyes in one shot , none in the mouth (the goal) just eyes. If you don't know the context it looks like hes spraying milk from his head like some kind of anime demon… then the paintballs happened…. Usually with paintballs theyve been going a while and theyve calmed down , that time it was new compressors and we JUST started using them for michael and gavin (Michael: “they” as in the paintballs themselves , theyve calmed down) yeah so that time they still had a lot of OOMPF and it was like getting kicked in the head over and over. Michael: no that's good , kick me in the head all you want. I went second just so i could tell how bad it hurt , so i knew where to hit gavin to make it hurt the most… immediately flipped on it like “he doesnt deserve this” and shot the face (which hurt the least) as much to spare him… i did do a few tummy shots but still. Jack: the crotch was also a good spot cuz of the cockblocker… problem is if you missed they go left or right into your thigh Michael: the thigh and stomach hurt the most … our thighs are black Jeremy: were also doing the vinyl  Jack: oh yeah we reached our goal and putting AH the musical on a vinyl , plus a new song with Fiona ive been working with her trying to get the tone and everything (Gen notes im gonna guess its there so Still in the Air isnt…) … Jeremy wanna say what you offered up? Jeremy: yeah were doing the AH rap version 2 (Gen notes either A. a version with the rest of  “The B Team” to have verses , or B. redoing it without HIM) , been working on a beat for it … ive written one verse mine so far (Gen notes , think its option B then) but i feel like its a little TOO mean so i may dial it back down a bit … the plan is shorter verses but more people , so hopefully Myself , michael gavin , Jack , Fiona , the twins , Matt , Lindsay and MAYBE a verse where the  support room jump in one bar at a time , still in the works. Jack: yeah you guys DEMOLISHED goals, chads daughter she is so sweet… she saved up chore money and wanted to donate it all of her own , she wasn't convinced to she just wanted to donate 20$ which just broke everyone - well chad and i , caiti held it together, so we asked the audience to match her 20$...  over the course of 10 minutes that 20$ became 65000$... we broke extralife we legit broke their intake of donations. We also had 2 people there who if we needed to hand something to someone wed give it to them , theyd “baptize” it as covid precaution then give it to whoever. Michael: except cloth they were like “you touch cloth you own it” … was like i could walk away with a lot of things right here , this towel? This towels done (Jack: you just going around grabbing curtains) … (start paraphrasing)  we always want extralife to be like the best show ever cuz its for a good cause , but then this year we were like “how would we even pull it off”... i don't think 2020 extralife couldve gone better given everything (end paraphrasing) “fave extralife 2020 moment” Jack: my thing… Chad James is a freaking beast and towards the end the last segment we did was called the sweet and sour hour where caiti would do something nice and chad would get punished … it ended up getting stacked so we started doing some at once. At one point Chad is on the pummelhorse which is an elastic band that hits you in the undercarriage , chelsea was there with a leg wax remover , then we had cody from code 4 which is our compliance officer with hand sanitizer. So Blaine pummelhorses chad , chelsea leg waxes him and then cody sprays him with the antiseptic (michael: in his eyes… Gen Notes i mean hes probably kidding but idk it seems possible) … chads on the pummelhorse weeping and Blaines ALREADY spinning the wheel. Michael: its funny , theres so much stuff that happened and not just the segments i was there for , but a simple delight getting chad to eat that whole pickle … he was just saying “i cant do it ill throw up” and i just kept repeating “youu can dooooo iit...”... gave me some enjoyment since i was there basically to get slapped around , but in between i made chad eat a pickle Jack: so jeremy you have a fave moment? I know you were there for the solo stream section - oh i forgot about DJ JAAWNK how could i that was a blast Jeremy: yeah i was listening to most of the solo streamer section , i know Kdin had a thing where she gathered a bunch of people to do among us and it was fun…. For a certain donation amount they would just launch john mace into space , theyd just call a meeting and get him… Matt joined me playing spyro and i had the Gold Chonky spyro mods on , and if people donated enough wed spin a wheel that me or him would have to do.. We had to spin it like 15 times , and alot of them were “have to hold the controller upsidedown” which is a monstrosity… and twice it was me put a blindfold on and matt would have to direct me through the level. I panicked A LOT cuz you could HEAR the enemies shooting at and coming at you   but i didn't know where … it was like a live Matt and Jeremy do something - your welcome sarah! (Michael: you did do something… Spearow… Spearowmint gum)  so first were doing SPiderman Miles Morales PS4 edition cuz i don't have a PS5! Everyones talking about how they're sold out so the most ive done was when i was shopping for ovens i was like “lemme peruse the playstation aisle” didn't see one and went guess im not getting one… Jack: are they even selling them in person or is it just online… Michael: i know game stop is selling them , they're sold out but i know they were selling them.... Think most stores waiting for black friday to get them in store… i want one but im not going to a store on black friday , ill play fall guys if i want to get trampled Jack: oh yeah someone mentioned the ChungeScwa heist is coming we reached that goal Michael: fiona said i could be there, i asked can i help and she said something like “plz help , cuz otherwise it wont happen.” ive also offered doing a 50 turn mario party even though it wasn't a goal cuz we didn't even do last years so now wed owe 2 for 2021 assuming we can make that happen. Jack: cant you do a 100 turn mario party is that a thing? Michael: no 50 is the most , ive contemplated maybe we combine them into one game and scores carry over but it might be upsetting if im ahead by 9 stars after 50 turns and then it just becomes a 4 hour victory lap so its probably better to do 2 of them… we were about to do one in april we were planning on shooting it in april but then SOMETHING came up idk what it was … it just kept coming up for 7 months… Jeremy: and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming… oh if were going to show my PS4 screen lemme show how much a  loser i am…. Jack: you got a platinum in bug snax?!?!? Jeremy: yuuuppppp!!!

[churchyarddirt]

Girl! You already knew I love your blog. Can i have Muzan x Reader where Reader is an uppermoon who Muzan like to mess around ( you know sexy time ) with but Muzan also messed around with other demons as he please. Thank u.

Tysm! I love your blog too ^w^ you didnt specify if you want headcanons or scenarios so I'll stick them up together, but mostly headcanons

Y/n was upper moon 5, not too strong but compared to other demons - much stronger

Y/n became upper moon 4 years ago, at first Muzan hadn't payed much attention to her.

But unlike our demon lord, Y/n was head over heels in love

From the first time he cupped her cheeks and said "Y/n...You've been doing a pleasant job, you deserve to be amongst the upper kizuki, dont you think so?" He asked her one delightful night, Y/n was just done eating her weekly meal, she devoured over 49 people. So we can way she was one bloody mess

Even though Muzan hadn't felt anything towards her, he knew he liked her by appearance, he found her attractive

"You will start off as upper moon 5, do not disappoint me..." Muzan's deep voice echoed trough the Minka, he brought up his hand towards her eyes, gently brushing the air between them. Y/n's eyes got certain kanji after all "Y-Yes...Muzan-sama"

Y/n did amazing job but hadn't interacted with Muzan much, since she was new she wasnt summoned to most meetings and even if she did Nakime was the one here, reporting information to Y/n

Of course due to Muzan's temper, Y/n had to get punished for a small misunderstandings.

Basicaly she met Tanjirou and Nezuko and just ignored them, when they were really big threat and were on hunting, Y/n just simply forgot that all demons were ordered to kill them, she proceeded to eat humans somewhere else. And of boy how angry Muzan was

Y/n was sure she would die but he didnt kill her, just called her useless and paethethic

Veins popped on Muzans forehead "You call yourself an upper moon and you made such a blind mistake" he scoffed, his expression was displeased but Nakime and Y/n knew this was just 5% of anger that he felt "I-Im so sorry Kibutsuji-sama, I just forgot and went on w-" Y/n bowed on the flood, Suddenly he appeared in front of her "Who allowed you to speak?" He questioned, making Y/n gulp, looking up at him and by this way automatically giving him good access to her neck. Muzan suddenly gripped onto the females neck and picked her whole weight up, to face him. They had quite noticeable height difference so her feet hanged in the air. Muzan frowned

"What will happen if you will make similar mistake in the future, will you...." he cut his sentence mid off, Y/n's thoughts were something different, defiantly not what he expected

'Yeez...Should I be scared or aroused', 'I honestly dont mind him choking me' 'I hope it wont end soon' at this point Muzan knew that what Y/n felt for him wasnt just strong admiration

If it was another demon he would be disgusted, but for some reason he was quite amused Y/n felt this way. His face was now not frowning, but blunt. He had zero emotions, but he was in deep thinking, he slowly and gently removed the force from her neck, now choking her lightly 'Yes...there much better...why isn't he speaking?' Muzan read thoughts, he observed her. A pleasant smirked formed. He released her from his grip turning around and leaving her alone "If you will make mistakes again...there would be more severe punishments" he commented before gesturing Nakime to teleport her away

Ever since then we could say they both shared similar feelings towards each other, just no one of them showed it correctly

As time passed Y/n developed her style, she always had a lot of cleavage, not like daki but still cleavage.

One day Y/n was teleported to upper meeting, there she officially meet every upper demon member, she hit it off well with Douma - He was so curious and friendly with her after all!

Not long after Muzan appeared, wearing his vest suit and white clothing, with black pants, the casual and glamourous outfit of his. Y/n noticed no one bowed but rather just greeted him "Good day Muzan-sama~" Douma shouted, Muzan probably had good relationship with them

My my how wrong you were

Trough out the meeting he removed the heads of several upper demons, and they all didnt bother. Woah

Muzan leaned onto the table "Tell me your Acomplishemnts" he commended, his expression was always blunt and hard to read, he didnt seem interested in their speech at all "Y/n..." Muzan interpreted Akaza's speech, making you focus all your attention on him, he slowly patted on the wooden pattern "come here" he ordered, his expression unchanged.

'DOOES HE WANT ME TO SIT ON THE TABLE NEXT TO HIM-HGHGJ?!'

Muzan grinned at your thoughts "Continue akaza" he said with more pleased tone, sucking in the stressful and negative tention away. All other moons were more at ease.

You did as he said, and of course your thoughts did their best job at amusing Muzan, all the scenarios of him claiming you over and over on this table really intrigued him, no demon had ever dared to think so boldly of him, and not to mention he liked the way you looked, Muzan didn't mind.

"Disccust and prepare teams for attack on hajimeri hill" Muzan ordered, the demons started separating into teams and making a plan, they often worked together. You assumed you had to join them so you jumped down from the table, ready to leave.

However as soon as you started to walk Muzan quickly forced you back with his hand. He forced you to go under him, you could feel your ass pressing into the table harshly, your eyebrows frowned out of confusion, Muzan had small grin before griping your throat again

This time he wasnt too harsh, justcright to your liking. His fingers gently massaged your neck, making you close your eyes.

Oh how you wished this lasted forever

"You do know one of mine abilities..." He asked, making you open your resting eyes "...is the ability to read minds of my demons?"

This sentence

THIS ONE SENTENCE

made you regret you were born 'He read all my fantasies, all my dirty thoughts-' your mind was one messy place now. You tried to look away but his finger that was gently massaging your neck suddenly was harshly pressed onto your chin, keeping you in place

You couldn't comprehend your emotions "I'm so sorry I will stop-" Muzan's nails imtefierd with your skin, making you gasp. He was filling you up with his blood again

Before you could speak again he connected your lips together. It wasnt a messy kiss, just a small peck. But of course this wasnt the way he wanted to kiss you, you would find out soon.

From that day on he teased you and touched you as he pleased

At first it was just a constant need to have you close to him, now he groped you and touched you all the time

Whenever there was another upper moons meeting he would have you on his lap, and you always knew you were leaving the last.

Your most memorable memory with him was when he invited you to his house

And hardcore fucked you in front of his sleeping pretend wife. It was amazing quite/silent sex

Once Muzan ripped your top clothing off and groped you for 2 hours straight while you sat on his lap, you were glad you two were alone.

Whenever he wanted for you to give him attention he would come to you from behind, push your hair down and press you closer

But one day, he stopped messing with you in front of other demons, he didnt touch your ass or ordered to sit on his lap anymore.

You thought it would bother you that much, but it honestly made you...sad?

That's how it was for a week. Another meeting was held. Like always your stayed the longest. You tippy toed your way to Muzan that didnt seem to notice your presence at all "Muzzn-sama" you muttered, he lazily turned around to face you "Take a sit..." he ordered with a long sigh

You took a seat on his table, you were about to ask him what was wrong but he hugged you before you could utter a word.

Sure you two cuddled after sex in bed but this type of affection wasn't in your life. He pressed his face in your chest as his hands wrapped around your waist.

"I want you all to myself" he said, not emebrased or too happy. All you could is was just to accept it and gently brush his head

He didnt grope you around others but he was effectionate other ways, like hugging your waist, his hand on your hip/waist/shoulder. You could see the connection

But one thing bothered Y/n

It was Daki

Muzan called her special demon and even cupped her cheeks. Y/n wasn't pleased with it!

One night she headed to the forest with Muzan, all he did was cup her cheeks "I can do as I please Y/n, You should just be quite about it. Green doesn't suit you" he mocked her, Y/n was displeased but there wasn't anything she could do

Muzan held her hand firmly in his, even though he liked teasing Y/n, he knew that if there was a demok women who would bear his kids - It would be Y/n

Bonus

Y/n took a seat at his office, she was summoned by him. It wasnt the first time she was here, making herself at home she ordered his maid to make her a tea "Its good to see you my Muzan-sama" she greeted him with a yawn "Y/n...didnt I told you my opinion about you wearing short skirts" Muzan questioned her, his eyes still carved into paper work, oops. After he made it clear that she belonged to him, muzan hated seeing her wearing too revealing clothes "I didnt punish you, and I wont" this sentence made Y/n smile. But she knew he will want to receive something from her later. "I've been so good to you lately, you've been walking around as you please" he said in mocking tone "Y/n dont you think you are too selfish?" Y/n giggled at his words "So what are our conclusions" he asked, taking another paper. When he aske it, the answer always was 'I will change Muzan-sama' or 'I understand that I failed and I will do as you please' but Y/n was too goofy that day. Like a tiger she made her way closer to him, she sat bare ass on his table in front of him. Her legs on his papers. This made Muzan look at her instantly "The conclusions..." she questioned before gently cupping Muzans cheeks "That you are the best thing in my life" Muzan was dumbfounded, her little joke resulting in brutal make out session on his lap

[thanatos-nightshade]

Im going to write masayou soulmate aus and no one can stop me but at the same time im not the best writer so maybe ill just toss my ideas out here for now. Void write this down because im gonna have to come back to these.

This is a long post im sorry

First au will be the colorblind one where you see color once you make eye contact with your soulmate for the first time. However, platonic soulmates exist thus causing more confusion. One thing that helps is that the effect romantic soulmates have is much stronger while platonic soulmates tend to just help with vibrancy or seeing some colors. (Im just winging it here because honestly masahinashiyou are def soulmates).

Anyways, this is how its gonna go: youji and masaomi meet in the usual i saved your life way we're stuck together except both can see colors pretty darn well now. For youji it was kinda a brief explosion of color followed by dimming except for the colors red, gold, and purple. Its similar for masaomi except the vibrancy is slower to come for him but it starts with blues and metallics. Masaomi naturally has to keep this under wraps because he needs to know who exactly this guy is and what type of person he is and he also doesnt believe himself to be a romantic of any sort. Is he capable of being romantic yes of course but will he ever do anything like that now? Not unless the person had earned his respect and seemed worthy.

Oh no this could be a multi chaptered thing

Anyways this sort of goes along with his slow burn sort of thing whereas youji is kind of just that type of person to help out masaomi without needing proof to accept that masaomi is an important person in his life (the cult really watered down the whole soulmate thing because theyre homophobes so its just "important person in your life" for them). The colors also represent his "oh no hes attractive" side of youji who secretly has it pretty damn bad for masaomi.

They both stick with each other because they both recognize that theyre going to be important to each other (though currently only masaomi has an inkling as to how important they are/will be to each other since his vision is not terrible and that brief explosion of colors was no mistake, he simply isnt/wasnt ready to trust youji fully and also the universe was giving him a challenge and a choice which he will not back down from thank you very much) and youji wont realize what the colors and vibrancy mean until he meets hinami and shiori who are more than welcome to discuss those with him.

What happens when shiori and hinami meet them? For shiori and hinami, the world becomes more focused when theyre by each other and small details and colors pop out more. This is especially true for hinamis side since shiori brings clearer perspectives and other points of views to the table. For shioris side hinami brings out the brighter lighter and softer colors of the world that one might miss. Masaomi brings out the bolder colors and youji stabilizes the "image" and brings both color types into balance. For youji hinami brings all the colors into focus and its breath taking but also for the most part the colors were already there. However light seems to hit everything he sees now and wow you mean light causes different shades of things? Shiori doesnt seem to change much but he does notice that certain colors look more saturated or that he can see certain textures now and differentiate between certain shades. Especially in the blues, purples, and greens, hinami works mostly with the warmer colors. For masaomi he hinami doesnt change much for him although he does realize how he remembers the details of people and earthy tones more easily after meeting her. Shiori balances out the saturation and brings forth the colors that refused to come out before or simply just needed a push to come forward. Of course shiori also comes with pushes towards youji.

Oh goodness this is so long. All this detail is unnecessary but its here. It ends with them all agreeing to OT4 after hinami and shiori wrestle feeling talk and misunderstandings out of masaomi and youji. Youji totally thinks masaomi is an unrequited/not reciprocated love after all and/or JUST FRIENDS. But really masaomi is like "of course im going to be with youji forever thats been decided since i was 18. And shiori will be there too but she was a more recent addition to my life. I guess hinami can come too" but hes just been quietly planning this and thought that everyone else was on his level and knew already. And it ends happily ever after (except eventually shiori and hinami die and masaomi and youji drift apart but then they come back and kasamatsu comes across pictures of all of them and asks about what happened and does some snooping and finds out his dad and masaomi were soulmates and has to work with kise to get them together again but kise mostly just wants to do it so he can get more alone time with senpai but then akashi interrupts and furihata is a romantic and is all for it and also cites the manga a lot for help and youji is embarassed because his son is insisting and pulls out the "this is what mom would want" card and they talk about hinami and shioris deaths and what that means for them and their feelings and masaomi FINALLY admits to how he didnt like living without youji and youji admits that he wished masaomi was around for more of his familys life even tho masaomi cringes because babies and kids but does admit that had masaomi been around they would probably be much greater than they are now NOT THAT THEYRE BAD OR ANYTHING JUST LIKE OK HE'LL SHUT UP NOW but that youji could somehow make kids look appealing. In a sense. AND THEN it finally ends happily ever after omg.

[th3okamid3monart]

Things I’m going to miss this Holidays

There are a couple of traditions we do in my family that I havent seen in other places and with one search on the internet I realize that most of the things we do are from my own country + some that we make up ourselves. 

So Im going to share them here because... Well, there’s a big-ass chance I wont be able to do them this Christmas nor New years. 

NOTE: When I say ‘my family’ in a lot of this, I mean ALL my family. Which means, all my grandparents, all my aunts, all my uncles, all my cousins, and, yes, EVEN my great grandaparents, cousins, uncles, aunts and more. Because we all know each other and we even make a party once a year for my dad’s side of the family 

Here I go:

Las Posadas

There’s this thing that we do at one of my grandparents’ house that involves singing a carol about the time Maria and Jose were looking for a place to stay to rest before travel far away for the birth of Jesus. It is a song which is singed by 2 groups, one that is inside and the other that’s outside. What we do is the following: One group goes inside a room in the house while the other stays outside the door, the group outside sings one part and the other sings the other. We go back and forward until we finish the song. It is pretty funny because no one sings well and its just like a bunch of grown ups practically screaming but we always end up chuckling. I used to think it was pointless and boring but that was because I was an edgy potato, after I enter University i began to enjoy more things and be happier. This is going to be the second time I wont be with my complete family for Christmas and now its all the family who wont be able to go to my grandparents house for a celebration. 

12 grapes, 12 wishes

In both sides of my family we usually fill up 12 grapes in a cup and give everyone 1 cup each. I dont remember what exactly the grapes meant or the story about the wishes but it’s supposedly like before it strikes 12 am on New Years, we have to eat our grapes while also wishing for something. I remember when I was younger I’d wish for peace on the world or that everything went well for everyone. I think I’m going to buy a bigger bag of grapes this year. 

Something that was funny was that everyone would just... Stuff their mouths with grapes, mostly my cousins and I, just to see how many we could fit. Not everyone wished for many things in the family because I think we all feel we had and have enough. If my family does this again on their own, I’m pretty certain their wishes would be to be able to meet with the family. 

Piñata

Every year since I was little, my grandparents buy a piñata to smash before or during Christmas. They find it such a good activity for cousins and even for my aunts, my mom and uncle. They literally havent stopped buying them, the oldest grandchild in that side of the family its in her 30s, but they still buy a piñata. I think its mostly for the youngest which are below 16, never the less, its still super funny and hilarious because we go from youngest to oldest. By the time it gets to my brother, its still intact, he only swings it once and its completely DESTROYED. We just have a lot of fun, and sometimes we make my mom or my aunts to hit it. My mom wasnt as cheery when I was a kid, but now she laughs more and when it comes to the piñata she laughs and enjoys her time even more. 

Games 

Like any gathering, all cousins bring up something we can do to entertain ourselves. At first they were toys my grandparents had for us, then it was videogames and now... Its board games. My bro is the one obsess with different boardgames and DnD and other card games. So, about 5 years ago he began bringing boardgames for all cousins to play along. We either talk with each other or try to destroy each other with any game there is. Videogames are fun but we all find it a drag to bring the console to the place, besides we usually get so busy with each others banter and weird conversations that we just forget about the videogames all together. 

At my other grandparents house it becomes W I L D. Last time someone brough a beer pong table and they all began to take shots with mezcal (I’m trying to not drink a lot of the time ever since I puked one time. If I drink its light things like wine and only one glass). Then my aunts play music and began to sing and everyone follows up, and... Well last time they began to dance.... And all my cousins were very embarassed and I was hella confused. Suffice to say, my dad’s side of the family are super freakishly energetic and wild, while my mom’s side is more of a geeky, nerdy vibe with a lot of meme stuff and political conversations at times (Oh yeah, we talk a lot of different political stuff, but guess what? It never derails into a fight. I note this due to always reading people’s talks ending with fights and stuff and that kinda weirds me out a bit at times) 

Dinners 

I don’t remember the time exactly, probably since I was 15 maybe, my dad and I turned into the designated ‘chefs’. Every year we’ve been deciding and preparing foods for each house. We make the main course while my aunts do the sides (although sometimes it becomes like 3 main courses with 2 sides). Im waaaaaaaaay into the cooking and I try to make it perfect each year. I kinda chillaxed a bit with some foods because it wasnt that big of a deal. Besides the main course, I also decide to make a dessert and sometimes they arent eaten because my families have some sugar regulations. They are stored and kept after Christmas because thats better than eating it all in one sitting and having sugar poisoning (AKA, high sugar that needs a fast Insuline injection afterwards). 

It is always fun to make food with my dad, and to make the famous Tamales from my grandma’s recipe. Last time i think we made around 400? Between green salsa chicken, red salsa beef and pork, and some that were like... its like an adobe, its with achiote and orange juice. It was very tasty. We usually make a lot and freeze them. THEY ARENT COOKED, they are raw and then frozen. Every time we take some out, we make them with vapor, takes around 2 hours and they are always tasty. I remember I made a batch all by myself, I made the feelings, I mixed the masa, and I assemble 100 by my own, the rest was thankfully made by my parents. And it was the best when I gave some to my grandma and she told me that they were super good. Of course, I made a couple mistakes, Im not perfect but she still enjoyed it with the salsa I made. Maybe I can still make some this year and give each family a batch. 

Aunt’s cookies

Every year, every god damn year... We all wait for one thing... It’s not the presents, its not the food... Its the cookies. The motherfucking cookies. My aunt has made this cookies since I was a kid, and we all fought to get a bunch of them. She has made choco chip with nuts cookies every year without missing. And they always end before Christmas even hits. She once gave me frozen batch so I can cook them at home and she told me ‘Dont tell anybody’. Of course I cannot not tell anyone since I live with my parents and siblings but when I made them I made sure to make them when my dad wasnt home. Not only because Im a gluttonous fuck but because my dad is diabetic and he shouldnt be eating anything like that. 

It used to be a battle royal between my cousins, now its a battle against my uncles cause they LOVE TO FUCKING HIDE THE BIG ASS CONTAINER. I swear, i only got 1 or 2 god damn cookies last time. 

Breakfast at...Lunch at...

After Christmas, we always go eat at my grandparents house. Always. And it’s, most of the time, Menudo. The most delicious food you can make with cow stomach. It’s my grandpa’s recipe and it’s always good. Meanwhile, we lunch at my grandma’s house the leftovers of yesterdays dinner which it varies if its turkey or pork but it always ends up as a torta. Delicious, leftover, tortas. 

We end up... SUPER CONSTIPATED because you eat menudo with bread, and you make tortas with bread, and we all eat bread and like... A LOT. Its hella good but well... THERE ARE CONCEQUENCES!! 

I think thats all, at least the most relevant parts. There’s also The Toast of El Bohemio, the stupidity and over eating i do for fun for some cousins, the conversations that go from super deep to stupidity with cousins, the music we play, the hugs... 

THE HUGS

When its the New Year, we scream out HAPPY NEW YEAR. And we proceed to hug each and everyone, one time I waited to see everyone and they all were very very happy. Its something I didnt realize before, but that was a happy thing all the time. Last year we event celebrated with other family, most of this reunions are compose with the nuclear family, but we arent shy about involving more family or friends. So last year not only included some family and their friends, we also included a 2 new members of the family: My newborn cousin and my cousin’s now husband. 

It was like.. One of the best beginnings... Which kind of... didnt prepared us for what this...sucky year. 

I’m sure we’ll make it ok... I sure hope so, I wanna see my grandparents again... I wanna see my baby cousin, he is babbling and has already learned to walk. The little dude doesnt have cousins to play with anymore, I wanna make sure he doesnt confuse me by his aunt ajjajajaja. I want to talk to my cousins, I want to hug them and scream with them and eat with them all. 

But maybe this year it wont happen, and I rather it not happening than loosing any of them. 

Right now I cant smell, and everything hurts, but it kinda helps ease things when i remember this and when I think they all are still kinda healthy. 

Maybe when it all passes we can make a march reunion, to celebrate my grandma’s birthday. In the meantime, I’m going to try to get better and wish for this Christmas to not suck now that It’s only my main family and I. 

Hope everyone is safe, I hope you can at least see your parents or siblings. I hope you dont get sick nor have to spend time at a hospital or anything. I hope all who are, get help and dont get worse. I hope you all get better. 

Hope you have Happy Holidays. 

[tacittherapist]

Heartbeats quicken. The tremors return. Rose opens her laptop, glancing about to make sure she’s alone. Gods forbid anyone, especially Jade, see her revisit one of her lowest points. She craves it -- to know the bitter ennui of her past mistakes is a nectar that keeps her reality grounded and the fire under her lit. This particular memory is perhaps the worst mistake of her young life though, and to correct it would be to supp deep from the ichor of sweet relief. She pulls up the log...

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

TT: So. GA: So TT: It’s come to this. GA: Indeed It Has TT: And you’re still not budging. GA: Consider My Position Entirely Unmoved TT: Entirely? That seems a bit harsh. GA: This Is A Harsh Reality TT: I imagined you’d have at least granted me the niceties and lied about how malleable your convictions are. GA: Rose GA: What Is There Left To Say GA: We Have A Crucial Difference In Opinion That Cannot Be Reconciled GA: We Have Iterated Our Arguments To Each Other For Days Without Relent GA: The Underlying Basis To This Disagreement Is Presupposed On The Notion That This Infernal Game Has Shown You The Right Course Of Action Without Any Other Supporting Evidence That It Isnt Simply Lying To You Once Again TT: They aren’t lies, they’re possibilities. GA: But Only One Of Them Will Happen To Us GA: The Rest Dont Matter GA: Thus They Are Lies And There Is Just One Truth TT: Couching your beliefs that way is what I disagree with. GA: Then You Arent Fucking Listening GA: Only One Of Those Timelines Will Be The One We Are In GA: So Forgive Me If I Buttress My Language In Solipsistic Idiom GA: Unless You Can Give Me More Than One Percent Assurance That We Will All Make It Through This By Jumping On This Fantastic Savior Satellite GA: I Cannot Support Your Idea And I Suggest You Let It Go TT: I can’t. GA: I Know GA: Thats Why Theres Nothing Left To Say TT: I disagree. I think there are a variety of things left to say. GA: Do They Relate To The Problem At Hand Or Are You Stalling TT: Irrelevant. The impetus of communication isn’t inherently problem-solving, it’s to convey meaning. GA: The Impetus Does Solve A Problem GA: You Want To Convey Meaning So The Solution Is Communication TT: Semantics. I’m saying there are other avenues of thought we must explore first. GA: Rose According To You We Are Running Out Of Time GA: Is This Truly How You Want To Spend Your Last Moments With Us GA: Bickering Pointlessly On Separate Computers To Avoid Devolving Into Another Shouting Competition Which Karkat Invariably Wins TT: Would you rather I pivot into sweet nothings about how I’ve so enjoyed our time together on this desolate rock? TT: Would you rather I spin the yarn of our tale aboard this distant laboratory, slowly starving as our grist cache dwindles? TT: Must I recount our feeding calendar in which we literally take turns stemming the hunger pangs until we all eventually succumb to malnutrition and sickness simultaneously? GA: No TT: Then this is how I’m spending my last moments. Quite presumptuous of you to assume I’ve made up my mind as well. For all you know, I could be swayed and end up staying here. GA: Given You Were Just Eviscerating My Position Mere Seconds Ago As To Why We Should Stay Here Im Sufficiently Certain You Wont TT: That’s another issue. Your certainty. The Light has shown me countless avenues to success. There are literally endless timelines in which we follow my advice and everyone meets up to finish the game. TT: And yet you’re somehow unwaveringly certain that none of them will occur? GA: Your Argument Swings Both Ways TT: I don’t appreciate the implicit reference to my confusing sexuality, but go on. GA: If There Are Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Following Your Idea Then There Are Also Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Not Following Your Idea GA: Its Two Infinities GA: The Question Lies In Which Infinity Is Bigger TT: That makes no sense, infinity is infinity. GA: Yes But Some Infinities Are Larger Or Smaller Than Others GA: Some Infinities Are Not Even Truly Infinity But We Consider Them Infinity For The Sake of Mathematics TT: How does that make even remote sense? GA: While You Were Studying The Majyyk I Was Reading The Calculus TT: I didn’t realize I was speaking to Jade’s pupil. GA: You Arent GA: If I Were Jades Pupil Wed Have Met Up By Now And We Wouldnt Be Having This Inane Conversation TT: But you can become her pupil! If you just come with me. Trust me, Kanaya. Please. GA: I Trust You Rose GA: But I Cannot Go With You GA: Look GA: The Prophecy Satellite Is On The Horizon GA: You Have Not Much Time TT: Technically I have all the time I need. GA: Dave Has Sworn Off His Powers And You Know This TT: He can be convinced. GA: If Your Powers Of Persuasion On Him Are Anything Like They Are On Me I Highly Doubt That TT: Fuck you. GA: Rose

A pregnant pause passes as Rose looks over on the horizon. The satellite is indeed coming into view.

TT: I’m sorry, Kanaya. TT: I love you. GA: I Love You Too Rose GA: But This Is Goodbye TT: It doesn’t have to be. GA: What GA: Didnt We Just Go Over That Im Not Coming With You And That You Arent Staying Here TT: Yes. But if you don’t say goodbye, it means we’ll meet again. GA: Rose This Is Childish TT: If you don’t say goodbye, it isn’t the end. GA: This Is The End Rose TT: It isn’t the end. I’ll see you again. I’ll find John and Jade by myself and we’ll come get you. GA: How GA: How Long Will It Take To Find Them GA: And How Will You Find Us If You Ever Do GA: This Laboratory Is Bound To Continue Drifting Even After You Depart GA: We Wont Stay Frozen In Place Once You Leave GA: This Isnt Like One Of Those Trashy Rainbowdrinker Books You Devoured GA: This Is Real Rose GA: You Must Face This Truth TT: We are the shapers of our world. GA: Not This Again TT: We determine our own fate. GA: Rose This Is A Quote From Another Novel Please Dont Do This TT: We mold the physical to our whims and thrust it forward through our own designs. We shape destiny. We reject that which displeases us and create our own reality. TT: Can you really not indulge me? As this one last act of kindness? GA: I Will Allow You One Kindness But It Will Not Be This TT: Fine. As my last act of kindness from you, I want... GA: It Cannot Be Something Ridiculous TT: I want you to forget me. GA: What The Fuck Did I Just Say TT: Hear me out. TT: If truly everything we’ve been through thus far has meant so little that you can’t put your faith in my decision, I want you to forget it. TT: It will be as if it never happened. I was merely a phantom in this session, and should I somehow return (against your predictions), I will get to vindictively rub it in your face. TT: But if you’re right, and I never return, the pain for you is lessened. You were never in a relationship with me, so there’s nothing to mourn. I never existed. Things were simply bad, and my nagging insistence to redirect our course was never there. TT: I want you to forget me. GA: Rose You Know I Cant Do That TT: Not even for me? As your last kindness? GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Invalidate The Memories You Ensured We Would Create GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Devalue Everything You Have Done For Us GA: And I Still Cherish Those Memories Even If They Led To Something Painful TT: It will only cause you more pain if you hold onto them. I don’t want you to suffer. GA: I Want To Suffer These Memories GA: They Offer Me Some Reassurance TT: But not enough to convince you to join me. GA: No

Rose stops typing, a nerve in her snapping. Her face goes beet-red, despair swelling into wrath. She sets her claws to the keyboard once more.

TT: Then if not by your grace, I’ll make you forget through spite. GA: What TT: I want to be forgotten. I want my existence to be erased from this failure of a timeline. I never loved you. You meant nothing to me. GA: Rose TT: My departure will be a curse upon you unless you forget. Whether by magic or by will, you must forget me. All those memories I made with you meant nothing. I did those things only to ensure my own survival. Your presence was happenstance at best. TT: Now that I’m heading out on my own, our destinies are uncoupled. Whatever happens to you is beneath me. I am taking the path to victory, and you can all squander the rest of your miserable lives here. TT: I won’t come back for you. I gave you all the chances I had. This is your fault. GA: Rose Please Dont Do This TT: You won’t see me again. I’m getting on that satellite and I’m not looking back. Even if I am to die, alone on a satellite, it will be a Heroic death as the only one with any sense not to continue a cursed existence on this fucking rock. TT: I will live with only a spectre of guilt that I didn’t forcibly coerce you onto the satellite with me, chastising myself for respecting your wishes and letting you choose your own demise. TT: That is all. Goodbye.

tacitTherapist [TT] stopped trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

True to her word, Rose closed her laptop and walked briskly to the edge of the floating laboratory to wait for the satellite to pass by. Sheer anger coursed through her veins, hoping that would mask her true intent. She had never displayed that kind of fury before, let alone to Kanaya. If she played her cards right, Kanaya might still join her, moved by the pure strength of her conviction. But there was no hesitant hand on her shoulder, begging her to stay or to join her. There was no last-second plea, no ‘Rose Wait’, and not even a footstep in her general direction as she waited.

Resigned, she boarded the satellite, breaking her word and casting a desperate glance back as the satellite continued its course away. Through the tiny window, she could see Kanaya simply looking down at her grubtop, her face stained jade. Regret swelled, and for just a second, she could feel herself begin to open the hatch and jump back towards the meteor. But the second passed, and soon she was out of range to give even a cursory wave goodbye.

The same tears begin to stream down her face as she closes the pesterlog and wraps her sheets tighter around her shoulders. She can’t keep putting off her meeting with Cetus forever... but she still doesn’t know how she’ll reckon with the shadow of her failed ploy.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[spidercrimes]

if it's not too much to write, how about All even numbers for the OC asks for either character of your choice! or both if you're feelin wild whatever works : ]

wheezes this took so long but im finally done holy shit

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Echo doesn’t have any official titles, and isn’t really planning on getting any, unless Champion of Sune counts?

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Echo has a very good relationship with her moms! To their knowledge, things were a bit tense after leaving Ivydome, but plenty of letters and visiting when they could helped with smoothing over their relationship. A good memory would be when her moms taught Echo how to bake! They can really only bake cupcakes and cookies but theyre like. Hella good ones. They dont really have any bad memories with/of their parents, since like. They will forcibly forget or repress anything that upsets them, as long as it only affected them. If the memory is something bad that affected others it will linger for however long Echo deems necessary(read: an extremely long time)

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

They were there and graduated fantasy high school what more do you want from them jkdxxjndk.  They started working at the local sweets shop after school, so no higher level of education here! They like history a bit, but that’s about it tbh!

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Yes! Echo had a pet cat back at Ivydome with her moms, and before the campaign she didn’t really have the money to keep another, so they settled for feeding and playing with the stray cats in Summervale.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Hmmm, Echo doesn’t mind children?? but there’s only so long they can be around them before she gets overwhelmed. Children like them well enough since Echo is always up for playing songs or messing around with cantrips. Echo would be the fun parent/godparent/babysitter, but. Please dont make them look after children they dont want any.

12. What is their favourite food?

Give my child spicy noodles or give him death

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Their first cake made without supervision was. A disaster to put it lightly since someone was feeling ambitious.(it turned out like rubber and after that he was too flustered n frustrated to focus so everything else turned out badly too) So they dont bother with that anymore! Cake mistakes who i dont know her sdkjjkdbs. So half the time they pass by anything with some type of airy sponge cake they cringe lololol

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

She had a rock and shiny things collection back at Summervale! They’re mostly for decoration, although some with certain textures are used for stimming. Some rocks are kept on shelves, but most are stored in cool jars to save space

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Echo is a sucker for romance novels and fun, upbeat music! Idk if video games, films, or video games exist in-universe, but if they did, they’d like dramas and baking shows, rpgs, and more character focused games like nitw

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

They love music, and they’d like musicals too! They will grab their lute and play along if their favorite song came on, and if nobody was around then maybe they’d sing too. Maybe. 

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

tbh their go-to insult is calling someone a prick or a bastard, and it’s usually for whenever someone’s done something particularly scummy. Or if someone is just. The Absolute Worst. It’s a leftover habit from when they used to live in Ivydome, but Echo usually sticks to talking shit when the target is. Very far away/not in the area.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

They try and get around six hours, to varying success, and to their knowledge they dont snore! Echo loves soft things and would prefer to sleep on a soft mattress with So Many blankets and pillows and maybe a cuddle buddy

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Fun fact echo does a tounge blep when she’s happy!! They tend to do lil happy claps and bounce up and down in place when they’re really excited, but when it’s a more calm-type of happy he purrs loudly and smiles a lot more than usual! 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

He’s claustrophobic and is terrified of being alone again or having to leave people behind even when the situation calls for it. So like. He aint copin too well after the last session! They get very flustered and panicked and freeze when theyre scared

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Does going on champion quests and running from his problems count as exercise or???

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Crop tops with long sleeves, shorts, and boots make up most of their wardrobe and they love it. Theyd go to like the fantasy equivalent of marshalls i think? Somewhere with good deals and a lot of options. Overlarge shirts, tank top crop tops, and more shorts make up their pjs. They dont really wear makeup, mostly bc they touch their face a lot and it feels weird the whole time, but they wouldnt be opposed to wear a lil bit every now and then! Their hair is floofy and a bit of a controlled mess since they cut it themselves

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Echo is 5’9”/ 175.26 cm! Theyre on the average side i think? Like theyre not super skinny but not fat either so just. Avergae. And yeah, Echo likes their body, theyre so bright! And their horns are so cute and having a tail is very handy and claw maintenance can be a bit of a pain but like. Aesthetic am i right folks

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Hes good at playing the lute and generally being very cute and giving out good vibes, and he likes baking and playing music! They can sing, but really only do that when theyre playing their lute ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Echo admires passion and creativity the most, and dont let anyone from the party know but he wishes he could be just. A bit smarter and know what to say + ask. Theyd also really like to be able to make a decent genoise sponge too like theyre not picky

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Theyre a tea drinker all the way, and arent the biggest fan of sweet things. He used to use more tart or mellow flavors when baking. They def arent alert after being tired for a while, and will space out a bit

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

No secret ambitions here, Echo is an open book(unless they roll high on deception dvdjxb)! Becoming Sune’s champion, making a decent sponge cake, and protecting his friends with his life/in any way they can are all their current goals. Echo doesn’t care too much if they get hurt, so physical well-being and maybe mental are things they wouldn't mind sacrificing, but as a whole they don’t really want to think about what they’d have to give up. He’ll burn that bridge when he gets to it. 

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

If its cold, wet, or humid echo is not a happy camper lol. They prefer summer and the beginning of fall the most, and sunny days with lots of puffy white clouds are the best! They think its fun watching the clouds shadows on the ground. They’re better in hot weather than cold, since clothes for that type of weather are easier to dress for and they dont have to account for their tail or horns as much

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

God i hope they make a good first impression im dying over here xjkxdk but honestly it depends! They try to make a good first impression and i think they usually do? But if theyve just finished with a job w the gang or theyre just. So tired they wont really introduce themselves at all.  Its pretty accurate of how they are, and their go-to greeting is “I’m Echo Barquiel, a pleasure to meet you dearie~” 

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

In theory they’d like parties but being around so many people with that much noise for an unknown amount of time would not be. Ideal so smaller get-togethers with friends would be the most enjoyable! Echo doesnt really have the uh, space to host anything so theyd just turn up to other’s parties. Theyd be in a constant state of switching between ‘holy shit im so gay’ and ‘oh my god theres so many people/internal screaming’. If they were dragged to a party, theyd mingle for a leelte bit before stepping out

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

A bedroll, waterskin, food supplies, rope, knives, a lute, matches, money- yknow regular survival stuff!

[convxction]

What would Chrom do if one of his children turned against him?

chris asking the right questions | if you have a question ask me always accepting | @pieman1112

kill them amirite?coughwhat

/ / as i told you, i didn’t think of this, weird, i know. I know my main verse is with robin and the idea of having the twins (who are by no means grima worshipper in one timeline) backstab or just general dangerous from chrom, or anyone for that sake. i didn’t think of that much since i dont have twins to develop ideas with, throwing them back and forth. but that aside. if one of his children goes dark side..that would devastate him for sure.

chrom, despite how strong and capable he seems, he is sensitive due to the many, you could say traumas he suffered since he was a child. his father, mother, the court, ylissean citizens etc etc and ending it with the war started because of his OWN mistake leading to the abduction and death of his older sister. i’ll say this over and over until i get blocked but what made him survive this far was–were the shepherds, his friends and comrades who gave him support (and lover if he had one at that point.) His sense of duty to ylisse came second because in his mind he thought this what got her killed but deep down he knows it was him–his mistake, his lack of power and conviction. 

anyway, what i am going with that, that chrom would always try to befriend his children. i can’t say for sure he will notice things about them because in the end, he does not know them that well. so, either if they came out straight and showed that they are not there to help him and the others that would be less bad than if they faked their bond with him and then backstabbed him later. either of these cases, he will NOT hate them. He can’t hate them because he will first blame himself that they strayed their path. If he did not die in the future none of this would have happened. mind you, he does not see himself the center of everything, on the opposite, he hates seeing himself in a position where he is THE ONE that matters. but he knows that the EXALT job is …special, not him, but his job so dying and leaving no one to take after him, is problematic. He knows Lissa can’t be chosen after him due to the lack of Brand, besides he wouldn’t want her to take after him since, for him, she suffered more than he did.

ok anyway, im back sorry. what was i saying? ah, yes, chrom will blame himself for his children’s wrongdoings. it will eat him up because what happened to make these good children chose that way? 

but turned against him kind of vague because it could be just not agreeing with his ideas or methods, not necessarily doing something bad. A good example is actually my oc son of him, Roland. He’s the opposite of Chrom and Lucina, very cautious and would mistrust you on the spot if he saw a suspicious move from you. he would bicker with chrom and lucina about certain topics, especially trusting people based on ‘Chrom’s guts’ only. that makes him flip shit like HOW CAN YOU TELL THEY WONT BETRAY YOU OMG ARE YOU DUMB FATHER? yes. but internally. 

this is getting long because …it is long topic. BEAR with me heho.

if we are talking about ideas, methods then Chrom has no problem with his children having different opinions–in fact, he encourage them to speak for themselves and object to what he says. Chrom objected to many things when it came to Emmeryn’s meetings and work because he saw something she didn’t see. Chrom strongly believe that even his children can see things differently from what he sees. It kind of hurt him a bit to see somewhat Lucina following his steps, again somewhat exactly them because he wants her to be her own person but that with enough talking he can see she is indeed her own person but she is using him to support her own conviction to be able to move on and do her duty. (cries in the club for best daughter) another good example is kjelle. she is like her mom. chrom and kjelle might not see eye to eye some things but that makes chrom treasure every interaction because she is not being …uh…reserved to share them with him?? like she sees him a person she can trust to poke holes in what he says?? yeah proud dad. Inigo’s ways makes chrom question how he raised him but you see in their support…cries a lot. inigo is more cheerful than chrom which the dad assumed the son is just a complete doofus and no hope in him. Chrom was on the wrong but once inigo explained his own idea chrom retracted back what he said before and apologized and understood where inigo is coming from. yes, it is ok if chrom made mistake BECAUSE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMAN OK? LAST THING I KNOW HUMANS MAKE MISTAKES AND WHEN THEY ARE CONFRONTED THEY MAKE AMENDS AND APOLOGIZE AND LEARN. exhales.  so yeah having different opinions on matters are ok. 

HOWEVER, different opinions that are TOO EXTREME now that is a bit worrying. for example, like if his child was too acceptable to kill people, or attack them or supporting the on-going war, now chrom will lose his soul (anna there to collect it.) Chrom will try everything before he gives up. Giving up on his child is like…a not option at all? but he can’t risk having them hurt others so he should do something himself; not let anyone do the job for him. But you know how stubborn chrom is, he rather die than let his kids die. it is one of these animu moment where he dies and because of this shocking moment the kid realize that they were up to not good gdi kid why the late realization? but then again…he knows he cant just die…for his people, for the world, for the safe keep that his sister entrusted him with–the peace. but yeah cant say for sure about this since ..no experience to write based on it.

ok the fun part if they were…villain. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

can you imagine the pain of stepping on a lego? double that to 9999 and you can picture krumb’s pain to see his kids going dark side. COME BACK, SON, DAUGHTER, IM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!

as i said before, i dont have anything to base my thoughts on just rambling of what ifs, and what could have happened etc. chrom would be in denial until he accepts that his kids might be…copying the path his own father took, the path he tried so hard to steer away from. again, the self-loathing and blaming that it was his fault they turned to that path. all i know that he wont let anyone fight them but him; a father’s duty to disciple his kids (and if needed, die to correct them.)

i could see naga playing some part in this, especially if twisted au these children are from another parallel world but got mixed in thanks to the jumping and gates. or just she could tell chrom if he has a chance to correct them or not. or if there is a way if they were brainwashed or had a hex on them etc. 

man…dont kill me like that…chrom fighting his family and friends…he can’t. he rather be killed than raised his sword against them. THAT, if he was not pissed of himself and went crazy. 

dont. make. blue. crazy. he. does. not. deserve. the. sad.

i guess…uh…thats the rant? i would go on circles because all just what ifs and they are changeable during plotting a thread ngl. yeah. if you need me, im crying under my blanket. bye.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 2 (Cont.)

Meanwhile...

A certain someone is having some flashbacks.

You’re going to see a lot of water symbolism around Kanade when Tsubasa is thinking about her. Feel free to use your imagination for that one.

“fuck yeah!”

“im so FUCKING MAD”

Hibiki’s B-Friend squad, known lovingly as the Anime Janai squad, ask Hibiki if she wants to go eat somewhere, which is the equivalent of asking a dog to play fetch. This is always guaranteed for a yes.

Unfortunately, she wants to look Responsible in front of her girlfriend. So she turns it down, with all the pain and gritted teeth anyone can muster in the most adorable fashion.

This is their running joke, and their aptitude for this is frightening. My theory is that they are passively the Gods of this world, and are perfectly aware that this is a work of fiction, but continue to live their lives gleefully to await the action that unfolds.

“i know bikki said no cause she luvs me and wants to be responsible but i wont lie i really wanted pancakes today”

More than you’ll ever know.

“you comin or what, we got pancakes ready, not that ill let you eat them. cause i ate them. all of em.”

“right i forgot- your opinion means jack diddly to me.”

And so she is arrested. Again. Sorta needlessly this time. I am pretty sure Tsubasa really just likes whipping out those handcuffs. Those things are like, comically huge. And that big buzzing noise is just funny.

“the test results are in! and you ARE the protagonist! whoops!”

“hey we’re gonna be relevant later right? i read the contract and we dont really get any lines until like next season and”

“speak another fucking word and i will rip your tongue out manually with my nails because i SWEAR to god i didnt do acting school for 15 years to blow this shot because of your bitching for fucks sa-”

They tell her aside from the first shock she’s fine but Hibiki ain’t having it. She wants to know why metal parts spring out of her like a bad Michael Bay movie.

“sit back. this is gonna be a long one.”

The show begins explaining the relics owned by each relic user, which so far have been two.

Sorry, my subs are broken. Tsubasa’s is Ame-no-Habakiri. Kanade’s, which is now Hibiki’s is Gungir. Relics are ancient technology from ancient times with ancient power capable of... ancient things. They use music and singing to activate. That’s all you really need to know. The relics are usually refined into amulets such as what Tsubasa wears, and they’re usually fragments of the original thing.

“all those years of karaoke are finally paying off”

Tsubasa points out, though, that using them isn’t as simple as singing a song and calling it a day.

You have to work hard to use them due to the nature of compatibility.

Hibiki asks the million dollar question. “I don’t have a relic, though.”

Naturally, she’s wrong. Back when Kanade accidentally impaled Hibiki, it left pieces of her relic embedded inside of her. This has been sitting there for years, and shockingly enough, no other doctor has noticed this and Hibiki has never felt any discomfort about this.

Tsubasa puts two and two together. Take a good look; this is the emotional equivalent of witnessing someone split an atom under a microscope.

The atom is officially split.

This is the face of someone who witnessed her girlfriend die to save a random person in her hands as she turned to dust, only to meet the survivor several years later and learn that she now owns the very thing that had her life saved in the first place, coming back to haunt her.

Naturally it’s not Hibiki’s fault but Tsubasa... let’s just say she could use a round of therapy or two. Or ten.

“i need to get her a pony.”

Hibiki, desperately wanting to cut the middleman of this needless growing angst between her and her girlfriend, keeps asking if she can tell someone about this. Literally just one person. They could probably just make whoever she wants to tell sign an NDA too, right?

“no”

Genjuro pulls the superhero secret identity motive. Others knowing means your friends and family may be at risk, since being a Symphogear is Serious Business.

“this is gonna suck”

Sam Reimi’s Spiderman strikes again.

Hibiki is successfully recruited into the 2nd Division ranks as a Symphogear, much to Tsubasa’s chagrin.

Sadbasa.

“cant believe she’s my teammate now to boot”

Hibiki tries to be nice and offers a friendly handshake, but unfortunately she hasn’t leveled their bonds enough to make it happen. Coincidentally, crisis strikes. It’s the Noise. It’s always the Noise.

Hibiki feels like joining Tsubasa, feeling as though she has a lot to prove. All of this has happened in the last 5-8 minutes.

“shes got guts, ill give her that”

An asskicking brews in the middle of the road. Tsubasa, naturally, fights like a pro. Hibiki... gets a good kick in.

It only pisses her off more. Tsubasa knows that Hibiki is using the gear wrong. There’s a fucking spear built into that thing, she thinks. You don’t need to fight hand-to-hand combat. What idiot would punch these things? I mean, I kick, but my kicks have swords on them. It’s not the same, damnit. It’s not the same!

Hibiki is a strange and special case. She has 0 idea she’s stepping into the shoes of someone else (or rather, a weak idea; she knows it belonged to someone else but she never genuinely met them), and she has no combat prowess and sorta fumbles everywhere. Tsubasa gets angrier because she’s projecting her own insecurities into Hibiki, because she thinks that Hibiki is trying to replace Kanade, when Hibiki is just trying to save lives, period. This is ironically what Kanade was inspired to do back when she was alive.

It’s one big case of emotional telephone that everyone is losing.

“fighting crime is fun!”

“MOOOOROOOOOOON”

Tsubasa fails her aspect of the trust fall, and thus Hibiki hurtles down to her doom unwittingly.

Solos the giant monster, like a True Gamer would.

Blows everything up, as stated in her contract. The explosions remind her of Kanade’s hair, you see. Big, red, and wild.

“did i do a good job? huh, tsubasa? did you see that kick? ive never kicked like that before! hey tsubasa! did i do good? was that good, tsubasa? this is my first time so i really dont know what im doing but i think that was good!”

“im not really good at stuff right now but i promise to improve and do better since i have literally only known combat for a few seconds, tops”

“...”

“you absolute motherfucker. first you show up to the concert me and my girlfriend hosted. your dumb ass doesn’t even LEAVE THE DAMN CONCERT HALL like everyone else did. it just stood and stared like an absolute moron, and my GIRLFRIEND had to SAVE YOUR DUMB ASS because your LACK OF BRAIN CELLS couldnt make your LEGS RUN. and she DIED FOR THAT. and now you not only come to the school I’M IN, to STALK ME for ANSWERS on WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED instead of MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE, you also WEAR MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND’S SUPERHERO OUTFIT, immediately MOVE IN TO GET IN HER POSITION, try to WORK WITH ME without knowing JACK SHIT about combat, and act as a GENERAL NUISIANCE SINCE DAY FUCKING ONE.”

“im going to fucking murder you.”

“hey wait okay maybe i did some mistakes but murder is not conducive to teamwork here okay lets just chill a moment and-”

It was at that moment that Tachibana Hibiki knew, she was in deep shit.

[dearmyblank]

Dear Blank,

If you’ve taught me one thing it’s to never regret anything I do this first year at university but just to live and love every moment to the fullest and learn from the things that seem like mistakes. The only mistake I made this year that mattered was not giving you a chance earlier.

At the time I was in a new city with thousands of new people, hoping to reinvent myself - and for the first time in my life I found that some people found me attractive. This was a shock to me then who still saw herself as unlovable, unlikable even, and as the fat ugly girl with the shit personality.

I was still too nervous to meet anyone and maybe that was for a reason- I often wonder whether we would have just beat and never spoken again, or whether the shell of myself would have even been worth pursuing more with. I was exploring. Growing in confidence. And rebelling. And these were some of the best things I ever did which made me make some of the best mistakes I ever did. My confidence grew and I finally realised that there were boys on this earth who wanted to know me; and even if it was just about sex, I finally realised I was worth something.

I have memories of all the guys I’ve encountered this year; some good, some bad, some make me angry and others make me piss laughing. But one stands out; one was never using me, one showed respect that I’ve never been shown, one challenged me to be a better person, one became more than just someone I fuck- you, you became one of my best friends.

From the first time we met I was the most pure form of myself that I’ve ever been with anyone- even my friends, I didn’t need to impress you or present myself a certain way- I could just be me. And be liked for it.

But I’m a girl and we want what we know we shouldn’t have. I fucked you over, massively. I was a prick. I kidded myself that I was justified because I started speaking to him first but I wasnt. Now looking back, I’m so thankful that he said those awful things to me because it scares me to think I might have let you go so that I could mess around with the most toxic person I’ve ever met.

I always knew our days were numbered, and so for a long time I didnt let myself like you for fear of being hurt or rejected. So when I took it too far and beat after that night out- I realised, by trying to stop you from hurting me, I had ended up hurting myself so much more. I’m sorry; sorry for not being more open with you before, sorry for not setting boundaries and I’m sorry for not trusting you with my feelings. But most of all, thank you, for forgiving me, not once, but twice. I became the person I always feared; someone I thought could only be a guy, the fuck over.

I’m glad we have our arguments; if we didn’t I think it would mean that one or maybe both of us would be compromising expressing our thoughts or feelings to avoid confrontation. But we don’t, we piss each other off and pull each other up on it, we offend each other and apologise whilst still being as stubborn as each other. And I love it, because its moments like those where you challenge my ways and opinions and where I have learnt so much this past 6 months.

6 months. Thats roughly how long we’ve been talking EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. My friends ask me how Im not sick of you and honestly I do not know. I think the answer is that we are both as annoying as each other.

I’m glad we never put a label on what we are, it meant there’s never been any pressure to do things a certain way or follow norms. But I do have some wishes; I wish we’d gone out sometimes- not even to label it as dates but because I think we would have had such a fun time together, I wish we’d spoken about feelings more because I think it could have prevented hurt on both sides, I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you that I liked you. Some of the things I wish for, neither of us could have changed. I wish we would have had more time together, more nights of you holding me. I wish I knew where you were going to be next year. I wish our time wasn’t limited to this. I wish I met you a long time ago. I wish we had another year to spend together.

I’m not in love with you so don’t shit yourself, but I do love you blank - more than you will ever know. I don’t expect you to love or even like me back, that was part of the beauty of what we had- no expectations to live up to. But I could’t let this end before being honest with you.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you as you enter this next stage of your life, and I’m genuinely excited to see the things I know you will go on to achieve. I will continue to pray for you as our lives go on without each other and I trust that God has a plan for both of our lives. I know that as the amazing man you are, you will meet a beautiful girl and your days wont be numbered like ours were. I can only hope that she will love and appreciate you unconditionally, make sure you look after her.

Who knows? Maybe our paths will meet again, but for now, it’s goodbye. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[bonbonswirl-blog]

Answer

All characters belong to @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING.

I dont even have to say this is not canon. This one is a part of the bad fanfics its very rushed so if you didnt like reading I wont blame you at all XD

The whole studio was in a turmoil

Every single worker was rushing together to join the jammed crowd, all of them Clustering a single certain "chipper" person that all the studio knew and loved, or thats what they thought he was, until the cruel truth had been discovered. What is that truth you ask? Well, it seems that a specific young, organist may had very accidently dropped a clear evidence that reaveled his...

Real identity.

A wall behind him, a hundred of people imorisoning him in a small circle, there was no way of escape. Everyone he met, everyone he talked to, everyone he helped, everyone he friended, everyone, are now locking him up for interrogations with no where to go, nobody is by his side, nobody. The crowd seemed to flow down with every new person joining in every second. Who could have assumed that Johnny, the sweet boy who would light up the air every time he is present, is the same person as the mafia leader who is in the top of every police force dangerous criminals list? It was all unintelligable. Sadly, the truth never lies.

Hundreds of thousands tones of voices erupted around him, all filled with anger, confusion, even dissapointment. Johnny dark motives were invisible to everyone, cause they never imagined it, they could never do. Inside all of them is one question. 'why?' It had no way of an answer, or atleast for now. How could they get answers? Where will they get answers? What will you say as an answer for the reason behind your actions?

Johnny just stood there as still while the magnitude of his panic swept over him. the gravelly tones flowed to his ears like a cold tide. Every word over pronounced, slicing rather than tumbling through the dry air. All these voices were like small parts of a cluster exploding his brain, it was on fire now anyway. His eyes shifting to both sides in a rapid speed. Everyone is a stranger now, everyone is infurated, everyone is a....former....friend? Pretty sure he will be alone from now on, nobody was having the pleasure of watching the horrified recognition of who he was spread over his perfect features. Questions shot faster than gunshots at him, all at once from every single angle that he couldnt even get any kind of a simple word from anyone or anything, the world was erasing around him.

Remorseful, Guilty. That was how he felt at that very moment. He wished for a Time Turner so he could go back, rectify the mistake , the worst of all he had done. However, he cant, Impossible, He has to live with it. Remorse etched at his heart. Guilt gnawed like a worm at the core of an apple, making it impossible for him to put his self bacm together. The questions seems to never end, eaither they are eternal or on a loop, both around his head inside and out. He just wanted it all to stop, to finsh, he wished he could press his hands over his ears not hearing anymore pain. The Only thing he ever heard was from the person in the front row standing infront of him, which was his boss blondie with a sentence of "Johnny we trusted you!..." type. He was mad too, Just like all. The sweat beaded on his forehead and dripped from his chin, free flowing like condensation on a window pane. What could he say? What could he do? How would he explain? He cant, he doesnt even deserve to, its his fault since the start, it will always stay his fault. He analyze every action and speech and writhe in the agony of paths taken, he fret about what others will think of him, well now he knows why he was very concerned. The feelings his friends held for him hadnt gone, right? But Everything had now just been distorted into a close mimic of....'hatred'? He bundled all the hitting panic into his chest. Tension grew in his face and limbs, his mind replaying the last. more shallow. In these moments before his personal hurricane. He could feel it, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of his stomach. He cannot concentrate on anything else. Being alone while he is starting over and his whole world is crashing down. Everyone stayed shocked when the the hidden veracity was uncovered. And Jacque was No expection, Nobody was in a bigger denial than he was.

How could a truth be so cruel?

His heart felt like it was beating in a tight cage. He was connected to a part of johnny others never feel. His emotions are not perceptible, they are him, and they consumed him.

It was as if johnny heart had suddenly stopped beating and all the blood had run down into his boots.

When he saw two cops appear in the studio.

"No..."

His pupils couldnt be more dilated. How?!? When?!? The only question he knew an answer for was "why". But at that moment he didnt know that..someone called the police on him. He couldnt believe, they are here to get him, to take him, to arrest him. He wanted to jump right out of his skin and join the ether. This is too much, he cant take it anymore. The constricted feelings grew, as if he was strangled by just the air around him. He was terrified of whats going to happen the next second....Watching the rest of the police team emerge from behind, Made him feel the urge to run, escape, hide

This was the moment.

He took a step back to leave, but a wall still blocking his way, without a thought he toke the other road. Pushing people out of the path then running aimlessly. His brain in mental conflicting instructions, he hoped he was Trapped in his own psychosis, a living nightmare for him, tailor made by his own brain to play on her deepest fears. But sadly

You cant escape everytime.

He couldnt dodge the two men who held his trembling arms faster than lightning, immobilizing him painfully to the cold ground, it wasnt colder than the way his heart froze. As Police slapped on the handcuffs He was forcefully lifted up on his feet, With the limb he given he took heavy steps until the outside, he was familiar to these officers though he did not recognize them, it was time to take him to the ward. All the surrounding eyes watching their beloved oragnist led his way out of their lives. Nobody was able to shout for him a last word, maybe they had pushed him a little too hard....They did want to meet him or catch a glance of him before his finale departing, with a rush of footfalls after the officers under the dark sky in a hope for a change of events, those of course were just useless wishes. There was Only One person who dared enough to yell from behind, speaking for all.

"Stop he isnt what you think he is! I-i-i am sure there is some kind of mistake!" That was what jacque tried to persuide those 'harsh' officers, or more likely himself. Then out of expection, johnny turned around. "Tell them johnny! Tell them there is something wrong here!! Tell them this isnt you!!" But when their gazes intertwined like they never used to, the waves of regret hit them like a rock eroded by the sea. johnny had to turn around, sadly in words never wanted to be heard.

"This is the truth jacque.."

Those grey eyes bored into the lyrcist as if trying to convince him he wasnt lying. However, he still found it hard to believe. Johnny had always been so honest and telling, so he wondered why he didnt believe him now, he didnt want to, yet the burnette quivering lower lip begged him to believe, and his heart told him he would never lie to him. Johnny couldnt look into anyone eyes straightly anymore.

 "...johnny?...." "..im sorry..." It was his last whisper, a whisper only the two cops and jacque could hear, before The officer in front opened the door with the 'criminal' dipping his head into the police cruiser, all out of balance before he is lost from view behind windows, apparently he doesnt warrant that. but behind him every curtain twitches. The damp evening disappeared with the slam of the door. Its not a fast run with flashing lights, just a slow ride to be questioned, to be prisoned. The blue and red lights are little more than smudgy illuminations in the slanting blackness.

Stakeout was over.

The mood of the people swirled in an unseen currents beneath the dark surface of their faces. And Jacque has never been in a deeper denial, but the truth is truth. He remained watching the car driving away with his love, Not caring about any kind of loud noises before him. The sadness drained through hum rather than skating over his skin. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground.

Oh, Why the world must be so cruel?

If only, if only This was just a nightmare of sorts, if this was just a bad vision. Tonight he wont only be broken, but shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars. He wanted to beg, plead, get down on hid knees and tell the leaving man that his life here had a meaning. He felt a division of his body and soul. The body wasnt dead, the soul in the other hand, wasnt the same condition. There was something deep feeling in his chest, something inexplicable. The grief surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks. His gaze fell to the ground. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without him, that time was only stopped for him. there was nothing he could do. With no way to break through his silence a chasm opened between them. This could not be johnny. This could not be his life.

It hurts...but it can heal...He will heal, right? Well.

One this known for sure is that

He wont move on any time soon.

[queen-asante]

ejucated immigrant

((AUTHOR’S NOTE: @eene-fangirl For the Fanfiction Weekend Challenge! I should probably wait to post this for Rolf Appreciation Month, but there’s a lot of Jonny backstory/headcanons in here, so I thought it would count. Basically, it’s a poem from Rolf’s POV but it’s technically about Jonny, or rather, Jonny was my muse for this.

I haven’t written a poem in Rolf’s ‘’voice’’ since 2014 but believe it or not, that one little line that Edd says in ‘’A Case of Ed’’ inspired the poem (you know, the one), and as I was reading Ntozake Shange’s for colored girls who have considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuf, it produced said result. A turnip for your thoughts? I don’t normally write Rolf like this, it’s actually more like Rolf emulating Ntozake Shange for those familiar with her style. As an Indian Immigrant girl who’s considered suicide, that book changed my life, she’s my idol. Hence, the poem is written in ebonics and all lower case to pay homage to Shange (and I consciously dropped third person redundancies, it wasn’t a mistake). Three non-EEnE characters are briefly mentioned: the first one is Vanessa, my friend who’s half African-American and half Haitian. The second one is Ice, who belongs to my friend, Dani. Ice, in her world, is a black and white cat who becomes Double D’s pet. Rolf fears him because he’s not only black and white, but he shares the name of Immigration and Customs Enforcement by pure coincidence. Dani didn’t plan this, as she created Ice before she met me but she liked the idea of giving Rolf a reason to fear the cat, and so we came up with that story together. The third one is Dr. Feelgood who was my therapist, it’s not her real name, it was an affectionate nickname I coined for her in my years battling Bipolar Disorder Type 3.

As a closing thought, much apologies for the length, also tumblr’s going to mess up the format.))

‘’ejucated immigrant’’

dear gods,

i be 14 wit skin as rough as treebark & hands dat look old

i waz the dark skined immigrant wanting to bathe in bleach

Brown Black / Blue Black / Amber Beige / Bister Brick Bronze / Chestnut Chocolate Cinnamin

Copper / Drab / Dust / Ginger / Fawn / Ochre / Coffe Colourd Caramel

Tawny / Terra-Cotta / Henna / Sepia / Umbre

lookin in the thesurus eddward wit two ds give me when i come to dis country

everything spell Brown but nothing spell White

White sound nice like pearl like snow like milk like golden skined white skined light skined

honey dipped / lemon kissed / but begging for ivory / fair frosted silvery ashen boy jimmy

your white hands on my brown skin

i waz the dark skined immigrant botherin to drag you round

you stand there like a closed mouth statue & you insult my way of life

think you know everythin / rolf just some ignorant third world peasant or somethin

but we be livin dis way longer than the foundin of your land

your country young my country old

numbers & poppy / it just to give you illegitimately born breeds of donkeys

somethin to hee-haw over / science say there no gods either but who know dat

you cannot contain lightning bugs in a jar

i waz the dark skined immigrant dreamin of shakin the mr presidents hand

the former mr president wit eyes like a tired old man & Brown his Brown like a mud bath

it really too bad you know / rolf like your former president

dat black man who dont check dixtionaries for validation of his blackness

he not so bad / he waz sympathetic to the plight of the immigrant but his hands tied

not blame him / he not god he not have all the power in the world to fix dis weather

dis cloud dat hang over your land & who the hell is perfect?

it really such a shame / i dream to see the Hill / see the pearly house painted white the place where he live meet him shake his large brown hand / one brown hand to another

cept i not black / rolf not have to be / not pass / rolf european he is white not bloodless

he not pass he not be white enough for your country

cept i be white on the inside look coloured on the out but i aint no coloured

under my skin i am more than a colour

whoever herd of white passing for person of colour

but suddenly i get to dis country & i be treated no different than jonny

so alls i got is coloured dreams

poor grate nano lived & died on silly dreams / well they not exist

there be only reality & reality not kind to the dark skined indigenous immigrant

no one know what i supposed to be / take a wild guess

indian pakistani mexican romani rolf herd it all & none suppose right

they only looking at my face / the outside the outside not matter

cuz i waz the dark skined immigrant not italian not irish but the other kinds

& no one will see unless rolf cut open his veins & bleed

a Wood Nymph have my colour & if i check off the box dat say caucasian i get a funny look

from the lady sittin behind the counter wit the yellow nail polish & beaded eyeglass

spose if jonny do the same they wont believe him neither

jonny be good

yous see him dancin / wearin his stomach out / dark skined bare feet / swayin his hips

& grate thin arms but he not care dat he gots splinters in his fingertips

his nails turnin all black & blue & those chapped lips look like eyes starin out atchu

the gods make dis child the way he is

wit skinted knees & all & elbows pointed outwards readin you like a map

always wit the label on the left side

but he bootiful & he know it / beauty sometime come in the empty coffee can

not in the paper lillies or plastic pearls

you cant make a silk purse from a sows ear / even if dat ear be made of wood

of wood widda crayon drawn smile

jonnys mother the madwoman in the attic

rolf be certain jonny the wood boy some kind of elf from the passage of Valhöll

the mother of the Tree Sprite she not like rolf / well she not like any child it seems

weepy jimmy-boy & rolf invited to jonny-boys abode for a meeting of the Urban Rangers

& tho his mother never says so we feel she not like us very well

she never ast us to stay for lunch

even tho rolf personally would not eat a morsel of what these people eat

& we always been so polite to her but still she build walls

rolf believe she jealous of us becuz jonny likes us

she come out to the parlour / barefoot / flowers in her wild tangled mess of black raven hair

like yoko ono & wearing a long paisley skirt / she bootiful in an earthy sort of way

but she has a wild look in her eyes like a tigress

a violently insane expression like a german vampire dat make rolf think of bertha mason

she looms over her son like a dark older sister becuz they look so alike

altho her skin much darker / a deep chocolate brown / her complexion remind rolf of vanessa maybe she is haitian / she like the demon in nanas stories the one we all have widdin us

who comes out when we try too hard to be good children

she look at white as snow jimmy & myself like she disprove

either she not like us the uniforms or both

rolf forget tho these hippies wit their anti-establishment

they think every uniform represents what jonny calls ‘’the Man’’ & dats what it is rolf think

she not want jonny in the organisation

becuz she think it goes against their opposition to social norms

rolf could tell she wanted to ast us to leave / she not like jonny spending so much time wit us

becuz then he not at home meditating wit her or whatever it is they do

jonnys family is strange / they not eat meat & walk around shoeless

rolf has been called a gypsy by the children at school but flower child jonny seem to rolf more of a gypsy if there ever waz such a thing

he is almost ethereal / his family must be from a clan of faeries the kind nana warns rolf about but brown-skinned jonny seem harmless enough

i watch his mama put a daisy in the pocket of his jeans

i not know if his daddy be white or black but what difference does dat make

rolf understand it is important for a child to love their family no matter their faults

i know The Giving Tree still love his mother

even if she would prefer him to leave the Urban Rangers

of us three jimmy be the whitest of white jonny the blackest of black & i somewhere in between

but any one of us can walk into a puerto rican bar & start speakin spanish

& no one would know what we are

race too complicated & people too narrow minded / want everything boxed in

one day we waz layin on dat grassy knoll / jonny & i

where the trees whisper to us & we whisper back

cuz you know the boy talk to trees & i listen to his voice / & i be lookin at our hands you see

cuz we waz layin inches apart a flower between us & i tuck it behind his ear

then i look & see my skin only one shade lighter than his

tho the sun make me browner than i really be

out in the sun for hours & hours plowing & plowing the fields

by sundown i roasted coffee bean brown / as black as the inside of a chimney

& if i stumble into town any passing stranger would think i waz Black i mean African

id have to stay out of the sun for days to get my old colour black lest i wander round wit only the whites of my eyes visible on my sun burnt dyed rust brown brown skin

& hair so course youd suppose it come off a horses ass

lookin more like an American Indian than a White

i holdin the back of my hand up to jonnys now

how bout dat two brown hands one dark & one light but whos to say i not be a dark white & he not a light skined brown

dont you dare tell me what i am & am not

bitch dis aint no south africa where yous all can reassign us based on what you think

i aint no sandra laing but sometime i wouldnt mind bein black if it meant for you to leave me be

in fact ill gladly be whatever you want me to be but i am what i am

not black enough for black not white enough for white so what am i?

dont box me into Black & White / cuz in dis world brother dat not exist

im sorry as hell but i gettin real tired of bein called

an illegal / an alien / a wop / a gypsy / a guinea / a brownie whatever you want to call us

all your bigoted slurs clumping us together like we one & the same

dat fine but papers or no papers not define who i am

so uncle sam can take it & shove it

welcome to america!

i be having a long love affair wit your country & people

i also be having a war wit em

mama told me there are limits for dark skined immigrants stuck in dis light skined first world

we come over the border wit all the rest of them

wit all them people from central & south america

wit all them refugees from africa & asia

guess what we blend right in we look no different

look just like any other brown faced ‘’illegal alien’’

border patrol take one look at us & think we just like the rest

cuz yesterdays europeans are todays mexicans & middle easterners

coloured Sons of Shepherds gots few chances

what it like to be bilingual / to speak in two tounge

ah but to be fluent in one & not the other tryin to find any definishun in the dixtionary

in which i drop third person redunduncies cuz i only one person not three

& i only speak two language

you speak spanish?

no habla inglés

you speak english?

i dont speak spanish

one day the hat & head as one edd boy say oh rolf! youre so unejucated!

i think my ears deseeve me but i know what i herd

i wish to strike his milk honey cheeks full of nonsense

& say to him i am the ejucated immigrant you be warned about

dont talk to me bout ejucashun

i sale cross the oshun

i wash up on your shore

i lern another language

it wasnt easy

what you know bout ejucashun

all you know come from books & theories

at least i know where i stand

you are a child & i am old old old my hands notted thick wit veins like the roots of a tree

you say i sound angry / yea i angry but not as angry as you

cuz there nothing they fear more than a minority who knows what up

i used to be fraid but not no more

i used to fear the plainclothes agents in Black & White uniform

of immigration & customes enforecement / of ICE police

of eddwards Black & White cat name Ice on ICE

he must be making fool out of me to call a domesticated beast after homeland security

a cat in uniform because the gods make him so not by choice

like there be some purpose to it / i waz the dark skined immigrant you made fun of

i see what they do to the undocumented immigrant on the telly  

but now i not be fraid / becuz you cant touch me

so the grapefruit widda red ugly mouth & bleached hair sit in office now

damming all them people from ‘’shithole countries’’ / just as well but we here to stay

it not what i ast for but no use fighting it

& i will gladly pull the bookmarks from my english dixtionary

the one double d edd boy give me

no longer will i bathe in bleach / only use to washing dishes & floors

i not some bloody floor

‘’immigrant’’

at least i can spell dat  / i look it up in the dixtionary

websters dixtionary / who the hell is webster?

but now it marked up used copy wit yellow post it notes

i use it a lot to lern your tounge

i not smart but i sho as hell not unejucated / papa can tell me dat

i be in your country in first place to reseeve ‘’best ejucashun’’ like grate nano wanted

grate nano waz an adventurer / a dreamer wit big goals

he travell far & wide seeking fame & fortune

when he a very young boy immigrants from every cesspool in western & eastern europe set sale for The North / it waz always grate nanos dream to travel North

everyone say he more insane than a bovine wit mad cows disease

there no room in dis life for dreams they tell him / he prove our village wrong

when rolf eight years of age grate nano briefly left the Old Country to set sale for america

everyone say he be too old / he never too old for dreams

he wanted to find dat American Dream he hear so often about

spoken wit fondness by the tinkers who visit our land

he returned from his valiant voyage wit stories about what he seen

in the North  he said everyone has cars & money & television & running water

no one listen / The North the North they say dat is all you ever talk about

he waz a man who dreamed of a new life for his family & so he decided to send for us

& make a better life for ourselves after the plagues of the land had haunted our family for years grate nano promised us america he said youll soon be eating apple pie from off a china plate white picket fence / coca cola / santa clause / marilyn monroe / empire state building

it sound like a fairytale he spun a legend dat the streets waz paved wit gold

& we believed him for shining in grate nanos eye waz a dream & so here we are

rest his soul he wanted so much to buy us light & sun & clean wind of the oshun

‘’immigrant’’ waz a new word for rolf when he first come here

did not know after hearing the stories from grate nano dat he would soon be one himself

rolf not know what dat mean & still really dont

the dixtionary definishun say \ ˈi-mə-grənt \ noun. a person who comes to a country to take up permanent residence

\ ˈi-mə-ˌgrāt \ verb. [to go or remove into; in, into, and migrate, to remove.]

to come into a new country, region, or environment in order to settle there: opposed to emigrate.

oh sorry dat definishun not say we unclean people / flea invested vermin

sickly serpents who not speak english / greaser / sheenie

contagions of american society / incredibly dirty tramps fresh off the boat

so pervasive / such nonwhite filth / staring back at pitch black faces

not blonde haired & blue eyed / nonwhite skin only fit for dirt & waste work

mama papa kiss me goodbye i going to haiti

but it is what rolf is now it part of his identity just as much as the colour of his skin

just as much as bein a pagan / just as much as bein a male

just as much as bein the Son of a Shepherd

now rolf a new man living in the New World

i am an immigrant

sometime i wish i waz shug avery / bootiful fictional dark skin harlem singer

half man half woman / wit my large glittering masculine thighs i make an animal of men

maybe i have the courtesan complex

so i ast dr feelgood what my diag-nonsense

& she say poor soul you suffer from Stressed Shepherd Syndrome

okay so we all crazy in one way or another / it alright for some

of a mannequin in tears / of personal prejudices

im an unejucated farm boy from No Mans Land

im a poet who write in english

neisatnaf i isatnaf ne / ttim tetrejh dem gnyalp re lesgnel og gem tolrof nuh

rettenremmos i sirb ne mos rav ed / gem etlatrof nuh dro retsem nadrovh

etted tal eddejks rofrovh? / enneh lit gem trekided gej og enneh teksnø etrejh ttim

senneh enenyoø ås gej etted tla eddejks rofrovh

& this is for Sons of Shepherds who have considered suicide

fin