#im emo about how happy I am with mysterie

[lesbianvillain]

one. One more comparison picture.

I’ve come a long way with my fursuit making skills even on just my 4th suit. Confetti will always be special bc she was my first and I poured a lot of love into her but I don’t think I will wear her ever again. She a real one tho.

[girlboypersonthingy]

Hiya!! Love your work so much😆

I was wondering if you’d write something where the paladins (especially keith hehe) have to go to a formal event like a gala to bring the coalition together (??) and how they’d ask y/n to be their date and/or how they’d react to y/n in their formal attire?? (maybe even add Matt too if you feel inspired) Thank youuu 🫶

Brooooo stoooppppp I am so weak for this idea holy shit 😩 And you are my first non anon request so THANKS FRIEND 🥹 I went with my three fav paladins 💙❤️💚AND Mattie boy 🧡Also I love writing with emojis, sorry not sorry. ENJOY DARLING~

KEITH ❤️

OH MY GOD POOR LITTLE SHY BABY BOY

He waits until the last minute to ask you, let’s be honest. Like a day before the event, he’s sitting beside you in the training room, trying to catch his breath when he goes “So that thing tomorrow. Wanna go together?” And you’re like 😏 “Are you asking me to be your date?” And now he’s like 🙄 “Shut up before I change my mind.”

It’s silent for a second but he’s staring at you. “So, are you gonna answer my question?” “Yes, Keith. I’ll be your date to the gala.” And he’s bright red in the face now.

He tries to act all cool and mysterious as you both leave the training deck and go opposite ways. As soon as you’re out of sight, he’s SPRINTING to Lance’s room.

“HELP I HAVE A DATE AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ROMANCE!!!” 😰

He’s so fucking annoyed as he spends hours trying to memorize and properly recite pick up lines to Lance as practice.

He also totally does not steal a bottle of cologne from Lance’s bathroom before he leaves.

The morning of, he finds Shiro for wardrobe assistance. Big brother Shiro totally cleans Keith up, giving him a more semi-formal look. Keith thinks he’s too cool for a coat and tie. Shiro also convinces Keith to pull his hair back into a low pony tail.

He decides he’s just too nervous to meet you at your room so he kinda just sits on his bed for a while, fully dressed and smelling great and waiting for you.

Finally you step into his open door way, instantly catching his attention. He stands quickly, almost stumbling over his own feet as he approaches you, admiring your look for the evening.

“OH WOW. Oh…Uh…sorry. You look really nice.” You look so nice he’s stressed out about it like wtf why are you so gorgeous? He thinks you’re sooooo far out of his league.

“I like your hair pulled back like that.” You smile at him and he thinks he might just spontaneously combust rn.

He keeps his arm linked with yours as you walk together to the front of the castle where all the guests are.

Once there, you mostly hang out together or with the other paladins. You’re both kind of shy and you find comfort in being together. You’re like the two emo kids at prom who just stand against the wall and complain about the lame music.

At some point, you two disappeared from the party. Allura and Shiro are like Hello? Where did they go? Shiro wanders outside to look for you only to find you both laying on your backs in the grass right outside the castle’s front entrance, staring up at the sky. He smiles as he hears you laughing at something Keith said.

“Im serious! Lance told me to say ‘even in zero gravity, I’d still fall for you’.” “BOOOOO that’s a terrible line!” You laugh up to the dark night sky.

His hand moves slowly to the side until it meets yours. When you feel the touch, you link your pinky finger with his and look over at him. He’s still staring up at the stars as a smile grows across his face.

He was so worried about disappointing you tonight, he just wanted to charm you. But he didn’t need pick up lines or fancy clothes to make you smile. Just being his normal self seemed to make you happy.

LANCE 💙

You guessed it…Lance is going all out for you.

The morning that they are told about it from Allura, he’s literally interrupting the whole meeting to ask you to be his date.

Freaking cheese ball gets down on one knee, takes your hand and kisses the back of it softly. When he looks up at you, he’s got that flirty smirk on his thin lips. “Would you, (Y/N), make me the happiest man in the universe and be my date to the coalition gala?”

You: 😍🥵🤭

Lance: 😘😏😎

Everyone else: 🤢🫣🙄

Obvi, you say yes with dreamy eyes and a goofy smile on your face.

You thought it was cute that he asked you even though you’ve been dating for a while now. You just assumed you’d be going together anyways. What a sweet boy~

While you’re feeling fine about the whole thing, Lance is freaking out. He’s digging through his clothes looking for something fancy to wear, he’s doing double face masks, he’s forcing Pidge to smell different colognes and help him pick the best one, he’s practicing his slow dance AND his salsa skills. Keep in mind, the gala isn’t for another week but he needs to get prepared NOW!

“There’s not even gonna be music, idiot. It’s a gala, not prom. When are you two even gonna have the chance to do the lift from dirty dancing?” “SHUT UP, PIDGE! IT’LL HAPPEN!!!”

He just wants to impress you so bad. It’s his top priority at the moment.

The night of the event, he’s freshly showered, dressed for the gods, smelling like a whole bath and body works and he’s sitting in your room keeping you company while you get ready.

“Lance, the gala doesn’t start for another 4 hours. Why are you- nevermind. Forget it. You look great.” And he gets so excited at the compliment.

He watches as you get ready. He’s not as talkative as he usually is.

“You okay?” He nods with a dopey grin on his face. He’s just admiring you, that’s all. A compliment leaves his mouth like every 5 minutes as you continue to get all dolled up.

He follows along side you all the way there, his hand is in yours and it’s SWEATY. He’s so nervous.

Once you’re there, his attention span is that of a gold fish. He’s so excited and chatty and asking people questions and he never fails to introduce you to everyone…every single person…S E P A R A T E L Y. He just wants to brag.

“This fine little honey right here…yeah, all mine. I know what you’re thinking, how’d I get so lucky? I ask myself that every day.” What a sap omfg

He notices you’re looking less than happy, kind of tired. Your social battery is at like 5%. He can tell you need a break.

As you’re standing beside Allura, listening to her talk to an ally of the coalition, Lance grabs your hand and pulls you away. You’re running behind him just to keep up with his long legs.

“Where are we going?” “You’ll see.”

THIS MF SET UP FAIRY LIGHTS AND MUSIC AND CANDLES IN HIS ROOM. BRO IS LITERALLY SUCH A HOPELESS ROMANTIC I CANT DEAL WITH IT. That’s why he came to your room so early. He didn’t wanna risk you coming in to his room and seeing everything.

You might think this is so extra but if Lance is anything, it’s extra. He takes any chance he can to make you smile and feel special. He’s so sweet, it’s disgusting.

“I just really wanna dance with you, (Y/N)…” “You did all this…for me?” He nods with a shy smile, bitting his lip as he watches for your reaction. You’re over the moon, your smile uncontrollable now.

So you dance together for a couple songs. He gently caresses your back as he sways with you, occasionally letting his hands roam to your hips. At this point, his cheeks hurt from how hard he’s smiling. It’s cute and sweet and innocent and you’ve never loved him more.

PIDGE 💚

LMAO PIDGE WILL NOT EVEN ASK YOU.

Bc they’re too shy for that romantic shit.

They’re like “Who else would they go with? I’m not worried.”

They assume y’all are going together bc you’re obviously more than just friends.

They will get dressed up nice for you tho. They know everyone else will be dressed up too but they secretly WANT to make you swoon over them. Like plz feed their ego.

They actually go to Hunk for help with their wardrobe. Hunk is the best wingman to ever exist, change my mind. Also, they are really unsure whether they want to wear something more masculine or more feminine and they really trust Hunk with the topic of their gender identity.

“Hey, you guys ready?” You pop into Hunk’s room, all dressed up and ready to go.

“Almost! Hunk is just helping me with the zipper on-“ Once Pidge lays eyes on you, the little gears in their head stop completely. It’s like everything else faded away as they looked you up and down. You’re so angelic, wow oh wow.

“Aww, Pidge! You look stunning.” Aaaaand you broke them. You’re gonna have to turn them off and restart them.

“Uh yeah, you’re good now.” Hunk assures and nudges Pidge back to reality. “Go.” He whispers as he ushers them to move towards you.

You walk together in complete silence, your arm linked with theirs. Finally, they speak up first.

“Are you nervous?” “Yeah, are you?” “Yeah…” “I hate parties.” “Me too.”

So together you devise a plan: you’re gonna sneak around and pull silly little pranks on people and just eat all the food you can get your grubby little hands on.

And you do exactly that. You’re both having so much fun! You’re laughing so hard you’re snorting. You’re far from nervous now.

Pidge is the best at breaking you out of your shell and making you feel comfortable. You can be your true, authentic self around them. They are your best friend first and your ✨partner✨ second.

After a while, you two sneak off to their room to play video games. The food was good and the pranks were hilarious but you had both had enough.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, you’re both ripping off your uncomfortable fancy clothes and changing into pajamas.

You’re sitting beside them, watching the loading screen for the game. It’s taking a while…

“So…what do I have to do to get you to stare at me like that again?” Pidge whips their head around, watching you with nervous eyes. They take a deep breath before they speak. “I always stare at you like that. You’ve just never noticed.” “AAAAWWWWWWWW REALLY?!”

Forget the video game. CUE THE CUDDLEFEST!!! 💚💚💚

MATT 🧡

Matt literally goes like this: 😌👉🏻👈🏻 “Hey…uhm hey…wanna be my date to the gala tomorrow?” *blushies*

And you’re like “Matthew, we’ve been dating for 8 months.” “Yeah, so?” You sigh heavily. “Yes, I’ll be your date, you dork.”

He doesn’t go to anyone for help with anything. Man is so confident and he knows you love him no matter what he looks like.

But of course he cleans up for you. He dresses up all formal and uses mouth wash like 10 times. He puts on so much lotion. He got some from Lance bc his hands are always so dry. He just wants to hold your soft hand in his own soft hand, ya know?

He’s waiting outside your door for a while, giving you privacy while you get ready but being right there for you when you’re done.

Once your door slides open, he turns and now he’s looking at you like he just won the lottery.

“HOT DAMN, YOU ARE SO FINE! What did I ever do to deserve you? Oh my god, you’re so perfect. You are the most perfect thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on, did you know that? I swear, you are so precious-“ “Maaattttt, stooooopppppp.” You’re blushing so hard rn and he LOVES IT.

He walks with his arm around your shoulders, chatting with you about who is attending the event tonight and the importance of it all.

You sort of follow him around most the night, not doing much of the talking bc you’d rather listen to him talk.

He is so intelligent, just like Pidge. He uses words so big you cant even begin to imagine what half of them mean. He was so smooth with his words, the way he could spit facts about anything and everything without a second thought took your breath away.

At some point, you lost him in the crowd. He was busy, he was working to protect the universe. You understand. This is more than just a party.

You wander outside for some fresh air and a break from all the loud banter. Matt is meeting you out there within minutes.

“Hey. You alright?” He rests a hand on your upper back, rubbing his thumb back and forth between your shoulder blades. “Yep! Just…need a break.” “Yeah, I get it. It’s overwhelming.”

He turns and looks over his shoulder before he waves, a big smile on his face. “Oh hey! Yeah, this is (Y/N), my partner. The one I was telling you about.” He’s introducing you to an ally of the coalition who he’d just met earlier this evening.

You can’t help but smile, your heart pounding in your chest. He was talking about you to someone here tonight? What was he saying? Did he just call you his partner??? You’ve never actually heard him call you that. You’re so blushy and flattered and happy.

After a brief meeting, the visitor leaves you two alone. You pull Matt into a hug, squeezing him as tight as you can.

“You know I love you, right?” “Yes. You know I love YOU, right?” “Yeah, I know.” “Good, don’t you ever forget it.” You can decide who said what. Either way, y’all are so in love it’s not even funny.

[dogesterone]

laying and bed kicking my feet dreamily cause i love my boyfriend and im gonna infodump about how much i love him

weve been dating nonstop for 8.5 years. he was my first partner ever. he asked me out via tumblr fan mail back when that was still a thing. i genuinely sometimes question if id have ever realized i was trans if i didnt have him in my life. he likes idol rhythm games and kidcore aesthetics and one piece and queer theory and midwest emo music and theatre and poetry and mixed media art and plushies and his moustache that he worked so hard to grow out and his weird haircuts that im always hesitant about but they always grow on me cause i love him and they make him happy. ive recently done a lot of introspection since we started doing a lot of ENM/polyamory stuff and i think ive realized that im honestly just a lesbian with how intensely im attracted to other trans girls but that doesnt matter in regards to my boyfriend because he was, is, and always will be such an important part of my life and makes me so happy that i can't imagine my life without him in it. his body feels so comfortable and familiar pressed up against mine in bed and even if his snoring is really loud i never go sleep in the living room. i am attracted to him in a way that transcends romance and sexuality. he calls me a dyke and a faggot and a tranny in exactly the right way to genuinely make me laugh. we have a cat together. he gave himself a christian name specifically to piss off his reddit atheist dad. i let him complain to me about his shitty coworker and his family and whatever internet discourse is bouncing around his head. his fursona's a cat. his middle name is named after a grateful dead song. he has so many keychains and charms on his car keys that you could beat someone to death with them. he likes littlebigplanet and pokemon mystery dungeon and i think he's just about the only person in the entire world who could explain the onceler fandom in a way that actually makes it sound cool. he is my prince and i am his knightess. his stepdad is japanese so he likes japanese food a lot. his favorite color is yellow.

i love him so so so so so much.

[feyda-forever]

Hello(again), this is the match up info for creepypasta.

Appearence: im 5'5, blonde(natural) shoulder length hair, hazel/green eyes, pale vanilla skin tone with scars on my shoulders, im a bit lanky in the arms, i have dark marks under my eyes, and i have a grunge aesthetic.

Likes: Nature walks, horror movies and games, fantasy, reading, science, flowers, Manga/anime, star gazing, cold colours, frogs, mushrooms, music(mainly punk/rock/emo/grunge), and butterflies.

Dislikes: clingy people, stupid phobias that make you look like a jerk, red meats, the color pink, pop boy bands(i will forever stand by MCR and FOB)

Personality: i tend to have trust issues and get spacy with people i dont trust, i also tend to be calm half of the time and energetic the other half, i have a dark personality with a tendensy to be mysterious(as of what ive been told), im good with people and emotions, im able to confort them easily, im friendly and open to people i like to be around, i get stressed easily and get paniced about some things, and im an insomiac, which makes me abit lazy.

Fu Facts:

-i can life a grown man.

-i am the therapist of my friend group(but need therapy myself)

have a wonderful day and happy(early) valentines day! <3

Heyooo

I'm still working on how i write the character's personalities realistic and I'm kinda proud of myself with this match-up so i hope you enjoy it :)

I match you with....

BEN drowned

Your friend thought it would be a good idea to dare you to mess with the cleverbot, didn't they?

He's not a clingy person and he does respect the fact the you have trust issues, he 'tries' to be patient with you.

He gets curious alot from your mysterious personality but he tries to control himself. you're not a victim for him to want to manipulate, you know.

After a long day you guys lay down next to each other playing video games, eating pizza or watching a new episode of you favorite anime.

He doesn't really understand the fact that how you can stand others getting emotional around you, this boy is a cold-hearted murder and kills innocent people cause he think 'its fun' "ʰᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʳᵉᵃᶜʰ ʲᵉᶠᶠ'ˢ ˡᵉᵛᵉˡ ᵗʰᵒ"

In my au BEN knows how to comfort others very well if he wants to, why you ask? couse this mf is master at playing with words and tickling other's emotions.

Sometimes you might even want to come to him for advice cause your classmate's father died a week ago and you don't know how to comfort them. what I'm trying to say is that you can learn from him not that you already don't know.

Sitting in the same room minding you own businesses, doing your own things is also a nother hobby of you guys. I mean, you two don't talk but just knowing the fact that you're with him and he's with you is a heartwarming moment.

He doesn't use nicknames, he thinks its dramatic and the way he shows affection is by spoiling you, by giving you things you never imagined having one day.

Don't be surprised if one day you woke up and you were in middle of your favorite game on Valentine. He wants to be unique, like, he wouldn't go get you a heart shaped box of chocolate and a stuff animal, no he really wouldn't. He wants you to never forget the time you guys have spent with each other.

At first he might be a little bit protective, but in the end he'll see you as the most trustworthy person he has ever met.

-How do you feel about art?

-I mean, you're pretty cool

-What's on your mind?

-You

-Why tho?

-cause ever since i met you, no one alse seems worth thinking about.

-What are you doing?

-Watching the air :/

-....

Allright it's finally done :D

It took a little bit long for me to make this tho -_-" but i hope you enjoyed it ♡

[Send me feedback if you don't mind]

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[shortprince-cos]

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: Tune in this week for Virgil thinking this is all a coincidence! And some Logicality pining. As a treat.

Warnings: Swearing, not having much money(?). I think thats about it? Tell me if I need to add anything else!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Thanks to @irritating-lady-knight for beta reading this for me!!!

Chapter 5: Maybe This Is Fine?

~~~~~

Princey's date was called off?! How?! Who on earth wouldn't like him?! Virgil was furious, who the f**k says that they don't like someone until after they accept the date?!

...wait.

Virgil was such a hypocrite.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: what?! What happened?! Who do i need to murder

princeofyourdreams: no one, im fine. he was just too nervous to say anything

Virgil wished he didn't relate so much to mystery guy, then maybe he would want to punch him.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: well, are u ok?

princeofyourdreams: of course i am! I can conquer any challenge! Dont worry about me!

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: are u sure?

princeofyourdreams: seriously, anxiety, im ok. One disinterested boy isnt going to ruin me.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: ok, good. Hes obviously not good enough for you anyway

princeofyourdreams: shut up haha

Well, Princey seemed to be doing ok. And maybe Virgil was a tad more excited then he should be, but can you blame him? He's had a crush on Princey for a year, and he might actually have a chance now!

Well, as much of a chance you could have when you've never even seen each other.

Now all Virgil had to do was go on this not-a-date date and live. Yay.

---

"Ok, now if you run out of money, ask him to pay for you."

"Dad!" Virgil scolded. "I'm not going to leech off my friends!"

Remy just chuckled. "C'mon Virge, live a little! It's not everyday you actually step outside. With a couple of boys no less."

Virgil turned red. "It's a friend date, Dad." He grumbled.

Remy turned to where Virgil was in the passenger seat and tilted down his shades to look him in the eyes. "Sure it is."

Virgil grumbled something as Remy pulled the car in front of the mall. "Here's your stop, babe."

Virgil rolled his eyes as his mouth betrayed him by smiling. "Whatever, I'll see you later."

"Love you." Remy added while Virgil stepped out of the car.

"Love you too, Dad."

Virgil eventually made his way over to the food court, where everyone was meeting.

Virgil was also questioning why he suggested this hang-out anyway. It was going to be so awkward! How was he going to have a good time with the guy he rejected, a nerd who could probably kill him, and a "friend" he only started talking to two days ago?

Why did he do this?

"Viiiiiirrrrrrrgiiiiiiiiiilllllllll!!!!!" Patton was suddenly running towards where Virgil was standing in the food court.

"Uh- wait-" Virgil got trapped in a bear hug (how? Patton is so small!) as soon as Patton reached him.

"Patton, try not to kill the poor fellow." Roman chuckled as he walked up to the trap that Virgil was caught in.

Patton eventually let Virgil breathe as he let go. "Sorry! I just got excited! I don't normally go many places!" He exclaimed.

"Well, we'll have to take you to more places then, Patton." Logan smirked as he approached the small group.

Roman chuckled again as Patton blushed and silently thanked him. "Well then!" Roman announced. "Where shall we go first?"

"Hot To-"

"No, Pumpkin King, we're not going to Hot Topic." Roman immediately interrupted.

"Then why did I even come?" Virgil whined playfully.

"C'mon, Roman! Hot Topic does have some really good Disney stuff~" Patton pushed in a teasing tone.

Roman let out a long, exaggerated groan. "Fiiiiiinnnnnneeeee. We can go."

"Yes!"

"Yay!"

"Satisfactory."

"Wow. Y'all are a bunch of nerds." Said Roman.

"Says the guy who cried when they changed Mickey Mouse's art style." Logan shot back.

"ListEN IT LOOKS LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP AND ISN'T TRUE TO THE ORIGINAL!"

"Roman, please, I don't want to spend twenty minutes talking about-"

Roman quickly pulled out his phone and displayed two Mickey Mouse pictures with different art styles. "Look, Logan. Look at how they massacred my boy."

---

And after that debate, they made their way to the dark and ridiculously edgy Hot Topic, unfortunately located next to the very bright and pink Justice store.

"I must go, my people need me." Virgil joked as he walked through the doorway.

"Of course this is where your people are, where else could you find the emos?" Roman rolled his eyes playfully.

"Oh, do you know people here, Virgil?" Logan asked innocently, clearly not understanding the joke.

"No- it's- it's a meme."

"Don't even try, Angstintator, no one could ever teach Logan the way of memes." Roman announced, slowly drifting towards the Disney section.

"Well, they are nonsensical. They make zero sense most of the time!" Logan defended.

Patton suddenly gasped like a little kid in a candy store. "Vi, Ro, Lo, look!!!!!!"

They all looked to where Patton was pointing, and saw it.

They holy grail of cute things. Something that could almost (almost) rival Patton himself.

A Pusheen plush that was holding a cookie. It was beautiful (to Patton at least).

Patton squealed and grabbed the closest person (which happened to be Logan) and held his hand while dragging him towards the plush in excitement.

Logan immediately flushed and trailed after Patton helplessly.

Roman chuckled at that and returned to looking at the Disney merchandise, while Virgil made his way over to the band t-shirts.

"Look!!! Look at it!!!! It's so cuuuutttteeee!!!!!!" Patton fawned. He checked the tag for the price and immediately frowned. "Shoot..." He mumbled under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, then checked the price. $39.98. Not too expensive, but expensive enough to be a pain.

"Ah. Not bring enough money?" Patton slowly nodded at the question, looking...guilty? Or maybe disappointed? Logan didn't really know, only that it was making Patton upset.

Logan frowned at that. Someone as bright and kind as Patton shouldn't be unhappy! Patton deserved to be happy at least 100% of the time, Logan thought.

"Logan!!! Come here!!! Look at this!" Roman called from behind a shelf somewhere, knocking Logan out of his thoughts.

"Uh- excuse me for a second Patton." Patton nodded with a small (was it sad, too?) smile as Logan went to find Roman.

Roman was located behind a shelf filled with more Disney merchandise. "What, Roman? I was kind of busy." He asked, clearly annoyed.

"Yeah, busy failing at wooing him." Roman rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Seriously Logan, how could you be so dense?"

"Do you want me to provide a list of examples and events that you were being 'dense' at?"

Roman simply groaned. "C'mon Logan, think for a second! Patton doesn't have enough money for the plush that makes him smile. A smile which you love seeing. Therefore, what do you do with that fat wallet of yours?"

It suddenly clicked in Logan's head. "Oh. Oh! Do you think he'll be happy about it?"

"Of course he will! He'll adore you!" Roman pushed Logan out from behind the shelf. "Now go gettem!"

Meanwhile, Patton was talking with Virgil.

"Hey, Virge! Did you find anything?"

All Virgil had to do to answer the question was look at Patton with the pile of shirts in his arms.

"Uh. Yeah." Virgil replied, thinking of how embarrassing this was.

Patton giggled a bit. "Do you need help carrying that?"

"Please." Virgil sighed.

Patton took some of the shirts and other clothing items (were those fishnets?!) out of Virgil's hands.

"So, are you doing ok?" Patton asked.

"O-oh. Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just worried about...if Roman is. Like, what if he's mad at me? I bet thats what he and Logan are talking about right now-"

"Slow down, Virgil." Patton interrupted. "I'm sure they aren't, and I really doubt that Roman's mad at you. If he was mad, he seems like the type to show it."

"That's...probably right." Virgil mumbled.

"Just calm down a bit, and have some fun! You are having fun, aren't you?"

Virgil smiled lightly. "Yeah. I am."

Patton smiled too. "Then let's go have more fun!"

And with that, Patton grabbed Virgil's hand and dragged him to the next shelf, looking through more cute things.

~~~~~

{Next}

Dear all of the people who thought Virgil would figure it out this chapter,

HA! Y'all thought WRONG! Virgil and Roman share the same brain cell, but neither of them use it!

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[wistfulrat]

the wretch running this sideblog (who, me?) has no concept of time but alas, i still think i'd like a place to somewhat regularly compile the fics i've been reading & loving.

so here’s this week’s roundup feat. soft drarrys, haunting drarrys, advent drarrys, & more:

Tell me why by @eelwinks​ - 18k - T harry’s been the dada professor for nearly a decade. his life is monotonous as hell. he starts receiving anonymous gifts with cryptic confessional notes bc draco’s the most dramatic bitch alive and we love him. their reunion scene?? perfect. tender. invented longing. - 

Crimson Neon by @xanthippe74​ - 20k - M a year and a half post-war. harry’s holed up in his dismal new york apartment, trying to recover, homesick as shit, constantly eating takeout. one day he smells food that reminds him of home, wafting through his downstairs neighbor’s door. soft lonely boys heal over subdued dinners and museum dates. they take care of each other. they fall in love. i cry a lot. -

Inevitable (From The Very Start) by @onbeinganangel​ - 50k - E widowed draco. divorcee harry. their worlds softly intertwining. the lightest of angst. read if you want happy endings feat. 2 salt+pepper gay dads being embarrassing about their crushes on each other. -

Unseen by @jackvbriefs​ - 47k - T harry’s an auror. draco’s his colleague. two men talk around their loneliness at a ministry conference in SF about the ethics of surveillance tech. it’s all poetry, with a melancholy tenderness that lingers. it’s quietly devastating. it’s tonally perfect. there’s a light house scene that’s seared into my mind and im still very emo about it.  -

Litany by @thistle-verse (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 7k - M the wizarding world’s in lockdown, harry’s lonely as hell in grimmauld place. one day he’s visited by draco’s ghost. a stunning fic, the quiet longing for intimacy, a series of restrained conversations held together by lyrical interludes painting the totality of harry’s life. the scale of this in 7k words is just breathtaking honestly. -

[advent/25 days of december fics] ok personally stoked for these bc I've never read a fic as it was updated daily like this & as it’s my first drarry december, the anticipation is real. will gladly take more current advent recs in the replies xoxo

Love All Lovely by @shealwaysreads​ - M draco’s home for the holidays and hasn’t been back in yearsss. of course he runs into harry while begrudgingly walking pansy x ginny’s rescue dog. queue wistful looks in the snow as 2 idiots catch up with the one that got away!! hell ya soft advent fics. -

A Room Up There (And You In It) by @the-starryknight​ - T disappearings, malevolent house magic, draco being a hoe for antique furniture, bill being the hottest weasley, me losing my mind in anticipation for the ghost reveal whenever it comes. i literally googled ~domnhall gleason long hair~ immediately after reading. a thriller. -

Or. by @lol-zeitgeistic​ - M accidental bonding, regrets of things left unsaid, magical mysteries with seemingly no solution in sight, angst level 9000. all aboard the Sad Train, destination Harry’s Fear of Being Unloved. the unspeakables have royally fucked up. harry doesn’t know how to tell draco he loves him and might not ever get the chance. queue 25 days of pain. did you see that “mostly happy ending” tag?? i'll be holding tf out for that silver lining like the true masochist i am. -

Adventures in Truth and Texting by @fluxweeed​ - E someone’s targeting death eaters with veritaserum. also everyone in the wizarding world has mobile phones now and they’re hella texting. a dialogue fic in text screenshots. i’m obsessed with the format of this! clever, hilarious.

[neonacity]

Hey lovely its been quite a... minute haha. I havent been on here for the past few weeks but I'm back now. I hope you're doing well 💗

The best thing about it is me being able to read ALL Arcane chapters 😌 🙌 I managed to finish off reading and whewww....

The Jaemin chapter was everything omg I fucking love when he flirts, he sounds so hot here and the temptations.. whew I want him 😇 Jaemins been giving me chills ever since and lord whenever he comes close idk how MC manages bc... I'd lose my mind 🤣 😳

Also really liked Renjun's character too he be making me feel some ways, the jealousy 👀

Loving the friendship between Kun and MC working together throughout this!! Now Ten joining in the gang, so much to find out and coming up. Can't forget my boy Winwin ily too 💙

That last chapter conversation with Jeno got me so emotional?? Takes me back to Lucid times oh my i love how you incorporated that in this story. Jeno the brooding mysterious guy as always, im constantly falling in love with his character u write it so perfectly. SO WELL 👏

The dreams, nightmares, the PLOTWISTS I AM LIVING FOR THEM. Had a feeling this will go back to Rosewood, very very excited to see what happens next 👀

What I absoutely love is the way ALL of them simp so hard for MC like.... yes YES!!! I've noticed the possessiveness is even more and i fucking love it. I live for this shit 🙌 😤

I missed all my Lucid boys and now 🥺🥺 I'm getting memories they just have a certain hold on me, I cant let go 😭😇 so far you've been writing and executing this so perfectly thank you for all your work. UR DOING AMAZING SWEETIE 🥰💕

Oh my god hiii darling, yes it has been a while since i saw you on my dash and i'm very happy that i'm seeing more of your updates lately! Also, i cant believe you were able to go through the rest of Arcane because that is definitely a LOT but i appreciate the support as always. 🥺

To be honest i am proud of Arcane MC's calm in the presence of those boys because to be honest, i would seriously combust from all the blatant and subtle flirting. I guess it's her doctor's training kicking in because HOW (especially with the 00 liners)

Also, thank you for appreciating my grumpy emo boy Jeno. I swear he is soft and nice 🥲 he is just a tsundere very much like our tortured main lead in Lucid. And the Rosewood in Arcane is a mirror verse of the one in Lucid so who knows what will happen really hehe 🙃

As usual, thank you for taking the time to read, sweetie. Also, i read your recent Doyoung fic, it's really good 😏😏😏

P.S. I miss my Lucid babies too

[dylanhawth]

[ LORENZO ZURZOLO, CISMAN, HE/HIM ] shh ! DYLAN HAWTHORNE, the TWENTY year old SECOND year ANTHROPOLOGY major from HARTFORD, CT is known as a TOURMALINE  around here. HE was invited to join because HE PUBLISHED A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES ANONYMOUSLY THAT GARNERED A BIT OF FOLLOWING AND RECENTLY STEPPED FORWARD AS THE AUTHOR, and now, they’re here to stay. HE reminds me of THE NERVOUSNESS OF A FIRST KISS, LEAVING SECRET MESSAGES IN LIBRARY BOOKS, DRIVING AIMLESSLY WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN ON A WARM SUMMER NIGHT WHILE THE RADIO HUMS A PLAYLIST CURATED FOR YOU BY YOUR BEST FRIEND.

[ big ass bio ] | [ connections ] | [ pinterest ] | [ playlist ] 

ooc. 

omfg hello. i can’t tell you how excited and happy i am to be here. i was too nervous to apply for the last three months but i decided to stop being a Coward and just try. im SO happy to be here, it’s the highlight of my week tbh lmao. anyway i am mar, she/her, 24, est. i live in nyc and all i do is visit the planetarium and cry. i’m so fucking bad at these so im just gonna LIST things and hope you get the vibe. i am a pisces sun, scorpio moon. i prob have a napoleon complex a little bit lmao. my favorite social media site is goodreads and i get rlly sad when my friends rate books i love poorly dfljskdfs. i can touch my tongue to my nose. i eat a lot of persimmons. i have a favorite rock at my local park that i visit a lot. idk dfskjls. i’m v friendly tho so pls hmu. i send a lot of memes, and love making meme edits for the chars so im rlly sorry in advance if you guys hate that. 

01.      basics.

NAME.   dylan h. hawthorne. ALIASES. dyl, hawth.   AGE.  twenty. HOMETOWN. hartford, ct. GENDER.  cismale. PRONOUNS.   he/him.

 02.      appearance.

EYES.   green. HAIR.   brown. HEIGHT.   6”0 BUILD.   lean. BIRTHMARKS   /   BURNS   /   SCARS.   a birthmark the shape of australia on his left thigh. TATTOOS.   n/a. PIERCINGS.   n/a.

03.      habits.

ALCOHOL   ?  socially. SMOKING   ?  socially. HABITS.  fidgets in chairs. cracks knuckles and back often. nervous laughter. chewing on pencils. talking to his plants. dogearing books. staring off into space and applying chapstick for a prolonged period of time. getting overly competitive about boardgames. stress cleaning. carries a book in his bag always. night owl. incredibly impatient when the internet is slow. creature of habit when it comes to menus, orders the same shit over and over again. LIKES.   feeding the ducks at the local pond. the smell of the earth after a rainstorm. the way music sounds coming from another room. kissing. watering his plants. inside jokes. making wishes in fountains. discussing a recently finished book with someone. making handmade cards for friends on their birthday. fireworks. coming of age films. packages wrapped in twine. jogs. the way friday nights feels when you’re with someone you love. the feeling you get leaving the movie theatre. DISLIKES.   being late. having too many coins on him. coffee with no sugar. when people speak loudly in the library. doing laundry. handshakes with too much squeeze. receiving voicemails. untidiness. golf. charles dickens. lectures with no student input. hot weather. confrontation. being caught in a lie. losing his umbrella. people who cheat during games. rainboots. bad table manners. humidity.

04.      personality.

MYERS-BRIGGS.   infp. ENNEAGRAM. the helper. ZODIAC.   pisces. TEMPERAMENT.   melancholic. ALIGNMENT.   neutral good. ARCHETYPE.   the lover. POSITIVE.   empathetic. sensitive. intelligent. charismatic. easygoing. gentle. loyal. passionate. romantic. humble. supportive. gregarious. playful. diligent. NEGATIVE.   deceitful. gullible. finicky. naive. obsessive. perfectionistic. secretive. timid. possessive. weak-willed. indecisive. cynical. indulgent. summary: basically, dylan is a love starved, people pleasing nervous wreck. big ass nerd who wants to be everyones friend, wants to be liked SO BAD. very charming and charismatic, comes off as fairly confident and comfortable at first. is able to make everyone feel loved and like they’re the most important person in the world, however lacks a backbone. is both romeo and juliet, and just as dumb as both of them too. 

05.      hc’s.

dylan was a football player in high school, believe it or not. he was rather good at it too, which is sort of jarring considering his pacifistic nature. however, he DID land on someone incorrectly at some point during his senior year, and broke their wrist. he quickly abandoned the sport altogether because of how guilty he felt. 

touched on this briefly but dylan really… loves indiana jones lmao. like, it’s quite ironic given his absolutely inability to be a badass, and lack of suaveness. however, he admires indy’s lust for adventure. he also was obsessed with the mummy as a kid. both of these were incredible sources in his very irrational decision to sudden anthropology. however, he does really love and admire anthropology. his favorite ethnography is the spirit catches you and you fall down, which makes him cry like a little bitch every time he even thinks about it. 

he’s the second oldest, but he is also baby. he is SUCH a big momma’s boy. he misses his mom so much. he writes to her often, and of course calls her even more. despite being six-foot tall, he still goes home and rests his head on his mother's lap, falls asleep as she runs her fingers through his hair. he often tries to find native english plants and flowers to press, and mail back to his mother in the form of bookmarks. has nEVER STEPPED ON A CRACK IN HIS LIFE, BABY.

just leaves a shit ton of notes in books in the library. some are riddles, some are poetry, some are commentary on the book, some are doodles. just depends on how he’s feeling for that book. he doesn’t tell anyone he does it, but he’s waiting for someone to connect the dots with his handwriting and writing style. 

speaking of plants, his room is basically a big greenhouse. he has so many plants, and takes serious care of them all. he has a little humidifier in his space for them, marks down when he waters what plants, and has a label maker to label them all with a name. they are all named after shakespeare characters. 

dyl is a doodler, so much so that he contributes to the school paper as a cartoonist. his cartoons are usually just random thoughts he has, but sometimes they get political and he works marxism into them. (this man loves marx.) 

[ suicide implied tw, death mention tw ] he dresses like a victorian boy in love with his roommate who has recently died of scarlet fever and in his mourning, plans to disappear in the bog by the school by mysterious circumstances and become a ghost that haunts the college with his lover. like lots of gray and slacks and ties ands ties and sweaters, lol. also he has glasses that he never wears because he can never find them! catch him squinting in your classroom because he can’t see SHIT. too shy to ask you for your notes though, doesn’t wanna inconvenience you! but when he’s Out on the Town®, he fucking wears like, tacky patterned shirts that are expensive but ugly. someone please help him. 

all about fun socks! he loves owning socks that have dumb little images on them. if you get him a pair of fun socks, he’d absolutely go nuts. his entire week: made. 

he leaves his roommate limericks when he senses they are sad. tapes em to the bathroom mirror or leaves them in the fridge. also loves buying people presents. tiny ones. like haunted looking things from second hand stores, or your favorite chocolate. also is the sort of friend that has EVERYTHING in his bag, in case someone cuts themselves or has a headache. can be a bit of a mom himself. it’s the little things, y’know? 

prob still in his emo phase. listens to way too mcr to not be lmao.

eco-friendly king, will not stand for you not recycling. 

if you will allow him, he will attempt to have a secret handshake with you. he’s a child. is dying for someone to memorize the parent trap handshake and indulge him. 

cannot sit still in a chair. fidgets an excessive amount, the bobbing of his knee and the squirming around. it just never ends. 

bi. that’s the hc.

he’s a little bit in love with everyone he meets if you couldn’t tell, and it’s fucking disastrous. 

he is based loosely off: patroclus ( the song of achilles ), ponyboy curtis ( the outsiders ), laurie laurence ( little women ), eduardo saverin ( the social network ), remus lupin ( hp ), oliver marks ( if we were villains. ) 

( @opalsmedia​ )

[icharchivist]

first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD  Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen. 

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!!  The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!!  Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH.... 

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that.  AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it! 

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O 

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[maddiesup]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

[under-the-blue-sun]

vanilla softserve sort of day

summary: dan doesn't want to go outside today, but when his best friend and crush phil lester turns up at his doorstep...well, he had to change his plans a little. 

word count: 4117

rating: teen & up for swearing, but it’s mostly just fluff

warnings: profanity

note: first(ish) phanfic so uh hello phanfic community nice to meet you i guess. this is a little rushed and crappy but im putting this out there anyway so let’s just see how that goes. inspired by liana flores’ softserve - please check her out, the link is here and she is amazing and so underrated i love her so much.

read on ao3 | read on ff.net

dear diary laptop thingy, 

today began as a perfectly sunny day. and when i mean perfect, i mean absolutely perfect. i wasn't dying and sweating because of the heat, but it wasnt cold enough so i would shiver to death. the perfect weather to go outside, run around in a park and walk my dog. so obviously i stayed inside, sleeping till eleven am. that is, until i was woken up by the doorbell. i leapt out of bed and ran to the door in my pajamas. i know that that's bad, but in my defense i thought that my brother had left something at home and he was coming back to get it. it was holidays for me, but my brother's last day of school was today and my mother had to go to work. and as far as i was aware, my mum had not ordered anything online since she swore off it so i couldn't see how it could be anyone either than my brother and my mother, for who would want to see me?

yet, i opened the door and saw the one and only phil lester.

now i know you do not want to read through another in-depth description of phil lester. i was just rereading my other few entries and uh, i wrote a lot of things about his appearance and personality. but he did truly looked stunning, just standing there at my front door. somehow, he had looked even better since he got the very fashionable quiff and since he started to embrace his glasses. he was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, which accentuated his beautiful blue-green-yellow eyes and he had his dog, buffy, on a lead. she tried to run forward to greet me, almost choking herself, but phil held her back. and then he fucking smiled at me, which, as normal, was fucking death, which is a bit of an issue when he smiles a lot and he's your best mate, but i swear to fucking god, his smile could light up the entire world.

"hi." he said, still fucking smiling.

"i didnt expect you." i noted, like a reasonable human.

"yas, you didnt. nice pajamas." he said.

of course. of all the days, i just had to be wearing my wonder woman pajamas. i fucking hate this world.

"yeah, they are pretty nice. what are you doing here?" i asked, pretending i wasn't embarrassed.

he fiddled with his fingers, acting adorably flustered. god, i fucking love him. "well...you said you were home alone this week and that you were going to be really bored. so i thought i could, you know, turn up as a surprise." he said. i blinked.

"i dont...have anything planned." i said. he laughed, his stupid tongue sticking out of his beautiful teeth. god, please murder me.

"i know you dont, you spork. it is sunny out today, so i was wondering whether you wanted to go on a train with me to the beach?" he said.

i didnt respond for a few seconds so i could process this information. he is so fucking cute?? and nice?? i did not understand, so daniel.exe just shut down. but like?? still??? i said i was going to be bored on the week and that i had nothing to do, so he turned up at my front step and asked whether i wanted to spend some time with him. like who?? would do that??? honestly, he really was the best friend ever. 

"it's okay if you don't want to, i was just asking, you don't have to, there's no pressure!" phil said quickly, his face turning red. it was only then that i realised i hadnt said anything for like a whole minute. oops.

"no, no, i would love to! i was just...surprised that you would think of coming here and asking whether i wanted to spend time with you." i quickly said, trying to make up for my mistake.

"you were surprised i wouldn't at least come and say hi after hearing my best friend was bored and free during the week? daniel james howell, i am truly disappointed in you." phil said, shaking his head. 

so i took sookie, my dog (yas, phil and i have matching pup names) and wore my sunglasses. i wore the first clothes in my closet that were reasonably presentable (black, of course) and i went to the door. phil was on his phone playing crossy road (probably as the emo goose) and didn't notice me come out of the house.

"um...hello?" i said. he went pink, embarrassed he didn't notice me beforehand, and looked at me for a while. all i was thinking was fuck, i probably look bad.

"is there something on my face?" i asked. he went pinker and shook his head.

"no, it's nothing." he replied. "let's go!"

the train trip was as breezy as the wind today and before i knew it, we were at the beach. phil tried to chase some seagulls to talk to them like the dork he is, but i pulled him away.

"aww. but i could have been the next doctor dolittle." he complained. i rolled my eyes.

"we already discussed this. you cannot become a doctor, as you would be known as dr. phil and that title already belongs to one human and it will continue to belong to one human only." i said sternly. he pouted.

"but what if i legally changed my name? then could i become the next doctor dolittle?" he begged.

"what would you even change your name to? mo?" i asked, struggling to not smirk. 

"mo? mo...lester. what? no! i dont want my name to be the word someone who sexually assaults others! i would change my name to...sylvester. then i could become sylvester lester!" he exclaimed.

"sylvester lester from manchester." i said with a grin.

"yeah! i like it!" he said. he looked so fucking happy, how could he ever want to spend time with me, who literally sucks the happiness out of everything? truly one of the world's greatest mysteries.

"it does have quite a ring to it," i admitted, "maybe you should change your name."

"then i could be doctor dolittle! well, the equivalent of him. doctor sylvester lester from manchester who goes on...questers...to communicate with other animals." he exclaimed. i shook my head.

"no phil, you ruined it. questers? really?" i said.

"i couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme!" he protested. i shook his head. sookie shook his head with me.

"see, even sookie knows what's up!" i said. 

"well, buffy would never betray me, so take that!" phil retorted playfully. he then suggested we go grab some lunch, so we went to the local cafe and got some fish and chips. 

it was a cute cafe. there was hardly anyone there as it was still technically a working day, which was good for us as we got an outdoor table for our dogs. sookie hungrily stared at my food, hoping for a chip or two. even though my mum hates giving sookie human food, she wasn't here to tell me not to give her any, so i gave in and allowed her to take some of my chips. while i was feeding sookie under the table, i listened to phil talk.

"did you know that a lot of fish in fish and chips is actually shark?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"i refuse to believe that. where did you hear it?" i asked with doubt.

"i don't know, i think someone told me on this science camp or something, i don't know." he replied, visibly attempting to recall where he heard it.

"right, okay, really reliable source there. even if it's true, i don't care. i don't care if this is raw shark, or raw octopus or some shit, it tastes good so i'm going to continue eating it." i said.

"octopus tastes different from regular fish, dan. i think you would know if you were eating raw octopus." phil pointed out.

"i don't care! i don't care! watch me! i don't care!" i exclaimed. phil laughed as he shook his head.

we finished the meal in ten seconds flat, like the ravenous, greedy brutes we were and then i paid, despite phil's protests. 

"why did you pay? i should have paid! this is my treat to you!" phil exclaimed, continuing to argue even after we had left the cafe.

"yeah, and that is my thanks to you for taking me out." i said back. he huffed.

"yeah, but i wanted to treat you." he said. 

"if you wanna try me, get me a ninety-nine." i said, pointing at the ice cream truck ahead. he groaned.

"but they're always so expensive. way more expensive than it should be, anyway." he whinged.

i shrugged. "i mean, if you wanna treat me -"

"yas, i'll get you a ninety-nine!" he blurted out, interrupting my sentence. "i might as well get myself one as well."

and soon, i had a vanilla softserve in my hand and an irritated phil to my right.

"why are they even called ninety-nines when they're not even ninety-nine pence?" phil asked.

"it's actually because italian people thought -" i began, but phil cut me off.

"i don't want to hear. they should be ninety-nine pence is all i'm saying." phil griped. 

"if you don't want your ninety-nine, you can go ahead and give it to me," i offered. 

"no, it's still mine." phil said. he stuck his tongue out at me, then took a huge lick of the ice cream.

"or is it?" i said. i leaned over and licked his ice cream.

"hey!" he cried. he leant over and licked my ice cream.

"see? now we're even steven. no need to get angry." i said. he shook his head while i manically cackled.

"race you!" phil shouted. i stopped laughing and i saw him in the distance, already running.

"wha - i -" i stuttered, before sprinting as well. by the time we just got to the end, we were both huffing and puffing, unable to breathe.

"i...beat...you." phil said, exhaling after each word. my brain protested "because you had a head start!" but my body was unable to comply, and all that came out was "head...start.". phil and i simultaneously collapsed on the floor.

after five minutes, i stood up and looked at where we had run from.

"you know, it wasn't that far, we're just grossly unfit." i observed.

"the things we sacrifice to play hours of video games." phil replied, shaking his head. "hey, how about we go on the beach?"

before i could reply, phil was on the beach, looking up at me with a grin. i shook my head.

"now sand is going to be in your socks and shoes." i pointed out. he threw his vans to the side and stripped his socks off.

"there!" he declared. "problem fixed!"

"phil!" i exclaimed. he tilted his head in confusion.

"what?" he said innocently.

"you can't just - oh, whatever," i said, giving in. i jumped down to the beach and i took off my socks and shoes.

"happy?" i asked, both eyebrows raised. he smiled, eyes crinkling with happiness.

"very." he said. he lay down on the beach, but jumped up abruptly.

"what?" i asked. he rubbed his back and dug in the sand with his fingers. he plunged his hand in and pulled out a huge conical shell.

"woah, look at this!" phil said with a huge grin.

"was that sticking up your back?" i asked. he nodded solemnly. i laughed loudly and obnoxiously as he pouted. he was so cute when he pouted. why did i have to go through this? this was straight up homophobia.

"hey, let's look for more shells!" he said.

"why?" i groaned.

"because it'll be fun?" he said, with puppy dog eyes. i groaned, but decided to humour him anyway.

"where are you going to put the shells, phil?" i asked. he pointed at his hoodie pocket.

"in here, of course!" he said. 

"how many shells would you even be able to fit in there?" i asked. he shrugged.

"as many as i can. come on, let's hunt for shells!" he said, already running across the beach with buffy and sookie. i sighed and chased after him, trying not to grin after he started screaming.

and it turns out he was right. with a little help from my hoodie pocket, we managed to collect a whole lot of shells. somehow, we had managed to spend hours on the beach, rolling in the sand and grabbing shells.

"we should probably have dinner now." i said. he laughed and shook his head.

"what?" i asked innocently.

"nothing. just the people in the restaurant will probably think we're crazy, covered in sand and pockets bulging with shells." he said. i looked at him, his hair in the wind and his multicoloured eyes somehow matching perfectly with the sea. his face looked beautiful under the light of the sunset, and of course his smile was just as stunning as it was this morning at the front door. suddenly, i started laughing too, and he started laughing harder, and soon we couldn't stop until we were just two idiots with one shared brain cell, laughing our head off till we couldn't breathe.

to be honest, i don't know what was so funny. it wasn't phil's best joke, nor his cheesiest, nor his dirtiest or his most ironic. maybe it was just the absurdity of it all, that we had spent our entire day collecting shells on the beach with our dog. but at that moment, i was certain it was because of the impossible existence that was phil and how he managed to be so fucking beautiful and nice. that's why i was laughing anyway, i have no idea why phil was laughing his head off.

"yeah, let's wait for awhile before dinner. you can come to my place if you want?" i offered. he shook his head.

"nah, it's fine. i'll just go home and have dinner there." he said. 

"please. have dinner with me. it'll be my treat back to you for making sure i didn't stay inside sleeping all day." i said, practically begging. i looked at him as the breeze blew against his face, and at that particular moment i was more in love with him than i ever could've imagined someone could be.

he looked back at me for a while, then relented. he smiled and shuffled closer towards me.

"sure. i'll love to have dinner with your family." he said.

we sat in comfortable silence, looking off into the horizon.

"the beach during sunset really is beautiful." i observed.

"yeah. really." he eloquently replied. i turned to him, and realised he was still looking at me.

"fuck, i can't deal with this anymore." he muttered. i frowned, quizzical.  and then he interrupted my thoughts and kissed me.

my brain went completely empty of all the thoughts i was thinking before and all the logic i normally apply to situations. i stopped thinking about the maths homework i was supposed to do, and how we had to go all the way back to the other end of the beach to get our shoes and socks back if they were still there, and how the weather forecast said that it might rain later this evening. the only thing that i was thinking about was how phil, my best friend, crush, soulmate and companion through life, fucking liked me back and that he was fucking kissing me.

holy shit. even now as i'm typing this, i still can't believe it. this kind of thing only happened in cliche rom-com tv shows and movies. but yet it was still happening. Philip Michael Lester, the attractive, polite, intelligent, thoughtful, kind human being, was kissing Daniel James Howell, the impolite, sarcastic, idiotic, emo, ironic demon. just...fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

"i really like you dan." phil said quietly, avoiding my eyes. i took his hand and placed it in mind.

"i really like you too." i said, smiling. he looked up at me and smiled. we sat, hand-in-hand, and watched the sunset in silence.

"let's go home." i said.

"let's go home." he repeated.

so we walked to the other end of the beach, our bare feet making temporary footprints across the barren sand.

we collected our shoes and socks (which phil forgot about before i reminded him) and then we went on the train, but we were too exhausted to talk. emotionally tired or physically tired, i don't know. but we sat on the train hand in hand, trying not to drift to sleep. unfortunately, i epically failed at that because soon i woke up to phil nudging me at our stop. after a five minute walk from the train station we arrived at my house. i knocked at my door, and waited for an answer. i heard footsteps, and soon adrian answered the door.

"dan, i'm proud of you. i was surprised you even went out of the house, but i had faith that you would. mum thought you were kidnapped, but obviously you're okay. oh, hi phil! we weren't expecting you." adrian said. oops. i kind of forgot to tell mum that phil was coming. i'm sure it was fine. 

"hi adrian! can you ask your mum whether it's okay for me to have dinner with you? tell her it's fine if i can't, i wouldn't want to butt into your family dinner." phil said. ugh, what a gentlemen. how the fuck did he like me? if i was him i wouldn't like me. what was this sorcery???¿?¿¿¿   

adrian nodded and ran back to the kitchen. he shouted back to us saying it was okay, and we went in.

the dinner went smoothly. as i predicted, phil made adrian laugh with his cheesy jokes and he was incredibly polite to my mum. i had told my mum while phil went to the bathroom that we were dating now, and i could tell that the only thing that went through her head was "ideal son-in-law". which was good i guess, if also somewhat embarrassing.

as soon as we started the dessert course, it started raining outside. 

"you boys just missed the rain, didn't you?" my mum said, looking out the window.

"good luck, i guess." i replied, focusing on my apple pie.

"or maybe the universe meant it to be like that." phil said. i looked up at him.

"probably luck." adrian decided, interrupting our moment.

despite my mum's protests, phil soon started to get ready to go, hoodie pocket still bulging with shells. i had put my shells in my room the minute we came back in, but poor phil had to carry them all throughout dinner. 

"i'll count them when we get home and we can see how many shells we collected together." phil promised.

"or we could have a competition to see who has the most shells." i proposed. 

"i gave some of mine to you, so that's not fair." phil said. i clicked my tongue.

"excuses, excuses." i said, shaking my head.

"are you sure you don't want to stay here for the night?" my mum said, concerned.

"it's fine, ma'am. i need to go home and do some things i was supposed to do this afternoon, but i was held up." he said, looking at me.

"you invited me!" i protested. 

"i know, i wasn't blaming you. but it's fine ma'am, i want to go home." phil said. mum sighed.

"at least make me give you a lift." she said.

"it's -"

"phil lester, it is raining outside. i do not want your mother calling me saying i let you to walk out in the rain, allowing you to catch a cold! i know your address, let me drive you there. dan, adrian, do you want to come?" my mum said. adrian shook his head.

"sure." i said.

"good, let's go. adrian, don't do anything or you're grounded." mum said. ah, what a legend.

the second we got in the car, holding hands in the backseat, my mum showered us with congratulations. she revealed she had been shipping us since grade three, which made me confused and worried, and she said that she always knew i liked phil.

"mum!" i said while phil laughed.

"what? it was as obvious as day. even before you told us you were gay, i knew that you thought phil as something either than platonic. and don't laugh too hard mr lester, i always knew you liked him too. i'm just amazed it took this long for you to get together to be honest." mum said.

"well, we're both oblivious and nerdy, so that might be why." phil said. mum chuckled.

"yas, that is true. that's very true." mum said. we then chatted about music and literature, and before we knew it we were at phil's place. it had somehow stopped raining on the drive, but i was still wet so mum told us to be careful.

"thank you for taking me ma'am." phil said honestly.

"that's okay phil. it's been nice seeing you again. you're welcome at our house at any time. i'll let you two say goodbye." mum said.

phil got out of the car, making sure he didn't drop any shells from his pocket.

"make sure to count those shells," i said while getting out of the car.

"i will." he said with a smile. god, those smiles still killed me. i kind of hoped that i would become immune to them after finding out he liked me, but i was also kind of grateful that i was still susceptible to the magic of phil's smile. still, it was irritating that i melted any time he felt moderately happy. it wasn't fair, it really wasn't fair.

"you wanna go to the movies tomorrow? i heard there's some good films in the cinema." i said.

"sure. my treat." he said.

"nope, you're not paying for it. i refuse to let you. you can pay for something else, but i will pay for the tickets." i said. he opened his mouth to argue, but closed it immediately after.

"we'll argue about this tomorrow. i'll go -" he started, but i interrupted.

"i'll be at your place. at eleven thirty sharp." i said. he raised his eyebrows.

"would you really?" he said.

"i will. you'll be sorry you ever doubted me." i replied.

"have you done mr folium's homework yet?" he asked.

"nope. i'll probably just google the answers." i said.

"you're going to regret doing that." he said.

"i know. but for now i'm just focusing on the present and not worrying about the future." i said.

"that's a good quote for our relationship, not so good for maths homework. but fine, you do you. i'll probably just google the answers as well." he said. i laughed.

"you're such a hypocrite." i said, shaking my head. he smirked.

"i know. it's one of the things you love about me, isn't it?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"your words, not mine." i said. we stood in silence, both unsure of what to say.

"i should probably get going." i said, breaking the silence. 

"yeah, same." he agreed. and there it was, that perfect silence yet again.

"i really like you." i began, but not sure of what else to say.

"yeah, same." he said. 

and then we kissed again. it sounds so casual, doesn't it? but it wasn't, it really wasn't. my heartbeat sped up and slowed down to match his, my palms started sweating with nerves and excitement, and my lips curled as it struggled to fathom what was happening. i wonder if every kiss with him would be like this. i wonder if i would ever stop loving him just as much. there's still so much i was unsure about, but for now i'll focus on the present and i'll let the future come when it comes. who knows how much - or how little - the world has in store for the two of us? let's face it, i'm just a seventeen year old boy really in love with another boy in my class who somehow liked me back. but couldn't be seventeen? that's all i wanted to be. and there was nowhere to go if didn't start the journey, and right now we were only just beginning.

today was a vanilla softserve sort of day, and i love vanilla softserves. signing off,

daniel howell 

[plounce]

JUST READ YR DR WHO WDMK AU CONCEPT AGAIN AND IM SO EMO THANKS

THANK YOU IT IS CLASSIC ROB MOLLYGLOCK FARE………. also im still just so like. hrmmmmgh. about the fact that the third time caleb sees molly is the last time molly sees him. because Molly Dies Saving Him And Nott. and molly having to hide how used to caleb he is, and having to pretend he’s not as comfortably besotted & happy to see him as he actually is because no spoilers!

i am also so like… into caleb seeing molly again after he died for the first time on molly’s end, and on the one hand there’s excitable gung-ho jester SO excited about the carnival and the mystery and the running around the market planet that they’re doing… but also her shabby chaperone/chauffeur who just can’t stop Staring at him? and molly loves attention/being paid attention to, but it’s so much more than the gawking/ogling he’s gotten in the past, because… well. WE know why. but caleb is much better at hiding that he Knows molly than molly ever was vice versa

(more under the cut because god if i am anything but a big stupid rambling dumbass)

and then caleb pulls some heroics (although of course jester saves the day) and molly is like oh this guy is Cool! (because before that caleb was barely talking (because he was coming to terms with like. Molly Is Here And Oh God I’m Gonna Be In Love With Him/Am Falling In Love With Him n all)

and then the carnival falls apart and molly realizes that jester WASN’T stretching the truth about how caleb here has a time and space traveling machine, and caleb hesitantly (because he’s afraid of maybe doing something he’s not actually Supposed to do) volunteering to try to fix the vortex manipulator gustav gave molly before he was arrested, and molly hops at the chance to get outta here! especially because he has found out that the planet has some people who Knew him before he was molly.

caleb slowly but faithfully works on the vortex manipulator when they have downtime, trying to stop himself from working too slow but also working too fast - adds in some features he can remember molly mentioning/using that aren’t present in the original device he has in his hands - and they adventure through the cosmos.

at some point molly finds his coat in one of the closets (see the first post) and caleb was certain that he’d closed off that room to prevent paradoxes, but molly comes swanning into the console room with the tattered burnt thing, eyes alight with delight and asking hey can i have this? it’s outrageous! and caleb can do nothing but stop and stare and have gears turn in his head, until molly goes so… that’s a no? and caleb sputters for a moment and then finds himself saying ja, ja, it is all yours. it is very… you.

after that, it’s a common sight to find molly stitching and repairing the thing, filling in the holes and rips with exotic fabrics and threads he finds around the universe, making it all his (and such, exactly as it looked in caleb’s memory, but cleaner and more whole). caleb doesn’t say anything except prompted-by-jester compliments on what a great job molly is doing with it, and he wonders.

one of the “episodes” in the jester&molly companionship involves molly being Kidnapped! by the tomb takers. or some kind of thing involving lucien coming back to bite him. and caleb almost tries to just escape (because he’s trying to outrun the hurt he’s going to have when molly leaves him for the “first” time and for “later” when he leaves him by dying) and jester is like NO you fucking NUMBNUTS im gonna CRASH THIS SPACESHIP IF U DO THAT! HE’S DEPENDING ON US and caleb is like oh god of course. christ alive what was i thinking i’m the worst. and he does the right thing, because of course, he wouldn’t be caleb if he didn’t eventually do the right thing, no matter how tempted he is by selfish running

molly doesn’t leave right after that but it’s sort of the beginning of the end of the jester&molly era. there’s some more filler and then one more big adventure where molly gets to be the one who saves the day and there’s like… a moment where one of them is knocked out and the other like. strokes their cheek. U Know. or smth like that that indicates the beginning of the blossoming of Real Concrete Feelings.

i think it might be molly who does that to caleb because i think caleb has been having little moments like that throughout the season? because he already had time to see molly being great - to see molly in love with him (i think it’s kind of easier to fall in love with someone when they’re already in love with you (not in a Bad way - you get what i mean)) - while this is molly first seeing caleb and discovering all the things he likes about him. because molly always falls for caleb faster than caleb falls for molly.

oh ok here’s a sample idea - caleb falls in some fashion, molly runs to him, checks he’s still breathing - but The Plot Timer is still ticking so he consciously stops himself from fretting and mutters to himself “time for that later” and kisses caleb on the forehead So sweetly (u know.) and then runs back to the plot

after that, caleb realizes there’s nothing else he can do for the vortex manipulator, and molly is in the console room sewing or embroidering or darning socks or whatever, and caleb clears his throat and says “mr. mollymauk” and molly visibly perks up, and caleb thinks to himself, so fondly, he has never been able to hide it. and then he puts his fondness away and says “i believe i have repaired gustav’s device.”

and molly brightens, and then his face falls for a moment, and then he makes himself smile again and goes over to caleb, who shows him how to make it work, all while molly leans against him and watches.

one of the filler eps yasha appears! caleb and nott met her at some point before molly - caleb didn’t know she and molly were close until molly’s first meeting. i think she has like… uncontrollable space travelling herself. made of stardust or something. weird scifi stuff (handwave). i like the idea of her slowly starting to shimmer like on her hand or something and knowing that soon she’ll sort of dissolve into glitter like she’s being beamed up in star trek.

anyway we get to see a private conversation between them where molly talks about all these Funny Feelings he’s having and how he’s kind of scared of them and how he doesn’t think caleb would be comfortable travelling with him if he knew about them. he’s never felt like this before, and it’s… it’s weird. he doesn’t want his happiness to hinge so much on someone else. despite everything, he has a very strong instinct to flee responsibility and commitment, and that instinct is at war with his affection for his traveling companions.

so yasha offers to travel with him for awhile when caleb finishes fixing gustav’s device, as long as she can - she thinks caleb and jester get into a lot of very serious fun, and does molly even want to get into that many world-shattering ethical dilemmas a month? molly laughs, says yeah, you got me, i’m kind of thinking about splitting off on my own to… sort all this out in myself. and it wasn’t fun to have a target painted on jester and caleb’s backs because of shit lucien did. that’s not their problem.

he thinks that maybe one thing he’ll try to do - as he stumbles across it, of course, he’s not gonna devote his whole life - is stamping out lucien’s bloodstained and corrupted legacy (this is in part because he spent this season being around caleb and learning that like… you should help fix the past, doesn’t have to be atonement, but you should do what you can where you can with what you have to right wrongs). he’s kind of scared of being alone but he’s met so many people on his travels, helped them and made them smile - and he knows

there is always the tardis, somewhere in the universe, with a dear friend inside.

so anyway, yasha sends molly the coordinates of where she is, and caleb gets the tardis to that place, and the four of them hang out for a day or two, one last hurrah. and then … well, time to go! molly likes goodbyes to be easy, doesn’t like drawing them out. “and i’m sure i’ll you see you again someday,” he says, and caleb gives him a crooked smile and replies, in a rare moment of loose lips, “that is very, very likely.”

and molly brightens because he understands by now caleb’s way of talking around his own knowledge, and this goodbye feels easier because it’s not forever. they have a long way ahead of them! how exciting, to know there’s a future, to know the future has friends in it.

as jester says goodbye to yasha, molly tugs caleb away and thanks him for everything, and caleb thanks him for everything - and there’s that look in caleb’s eyes again, like he’s drinking him in like a man headed into a desert, and molly doesn’t quite understand why caleb has always looked at him that but he know it excites him, emboldens him - emboldens him so much that he darts in and kisses caleb, right on the corner of his mouth, closed and chaste but still a kiss.

then he turns to skip away, saying “i look forward to meeting up with you, mr caleb,” trying to make this not a big deal so caleb doesn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable (kind of cursing himself for being an impulsive bastard when he shouldn’t have been), when caleb catches his wrist or arm or whatever, and he says “you too, mr mollymauk,” and he leans in and kisses molly on the cheek. and molly’s giddy and caleb’s a little embarrassed and they’re both just standing there, smiling a little stupidly and just… excited about this Thing between them.

and then jester’s hollering KISS! KISS! KISS! DO A REAL KISS!!!!!! WITH TONGUE!!!!!!!!!!!! and molly’s hollering back YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR A SHOW and caleb’s laughing softly, and oh, he’ll miss this, but there’s so much he knows he hasn’t seen yet, and right now he feels like he can cope with the grief always hanging over him.

[the-sanders-sides]

Stereotypical High School Movie AU

Previous || Chapter 21 || ao3 

in case links aren’t working: previous - https://the-sanders-sides.tumblr.com/post/182230055491/stereotypical-high-school-movie-au  and ao3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/10574736/chapters/41405801

summary: Virgil was the emo kid with a history with the school’s most popular clique. Logan was, for lack of a better word, a nerd, and Virgil’s best friend. Roman, however, remains a mystery within his allegiances: friend or foe, bully or genuine? And Patton’s their loving teacher, providing each one of his kids with the advice they need to face the biggest challenge of their life so far: high school. (endgame prinxiety)

chapter warnings/possible triggers: threats, anxiety attacks, bad relationship with parents

Ah, another weekend. The sun was shining on a beautiful Florida park, and sat there on the swing set at two in the afternoon was none other than the sides: Logan, Virgil, and Roman.

“Anx, how are you not overheating right now?” Logan remarked, leaning against the pole of the swing set, while Virgil and Roman took up the two swings.

“Nah, I'm used to the heat. My sweater is like my second skin now,” Virgil joked, swinging slowly.

“Oh my gosh! Both of you phrased that so, terribly wrong that it's impossible to make a jokingly flirty comment!” Roman exclaimed as he swung high enough to be almost at a right a angle with the swing set. Virgil shook his head.

“What, you wanted me to say ‘it’s hot’ so you could say ‘that’s ‘cause I'm here’?” Virgil snarled.

“As a matter of fact, that's not what I was going to say,” Roman replied and stuck out his tongue at Virgil. Logan rolled his eyes.

“Then what were you going to say?” Logan prompted.

“Well, Anx could've replied to your question by saying ‘I’m not hot’ and I would've said ‘See, that's why we're perfect together! You're chill and I'm flamin’,” Roman said and jumped off the swing landing softly on the ground. He turned around to loom at Virgil. “Wait, ‘Anx’ is okay, right?”

“Yes, Princey,” Virgil responded. Roman smiled.

“Perfect, we're the three musketeers! Princey, Anxiety, and Logic!” Roman cheered. Logan cocked an eyebrow.

“Logic?” Logan questioned.

“Oh, yeah! I call you that in my head, since you're super smart. I think it's a fitting nickname… Um, do you like it?” Roman asked apprehensively. Logan gave a curt nod.

“It’s very apt,” Logan declared. Roman laughed. Roman’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

Charlotte >> Roman

Ro, can we talk?

Charlotte >> Roman

I don't know who to believe

Roman >> Charlotte

Please trust me, Char.

Roman then typed out ‘They're no good. It took me a while to break out of their manipulation and mind games’ but ended up deleting that.

Roman >> Charlotte

Just hear me out. I'm at the park rn if you want to talk?

Charlotte >> Roman

Yeah, I'll be there

“Hey, um, heads up, I just invited Charlotte here so we can talk… about, well you know…,” Roman said as he looked up from his phone.

“Yeah, yeah, I know…,” Virgil responded, slowing down his swinging. “I don’t think I want to stick around for that though. I’m gonna take a walk.”

“Alright, have fun,” Roman responded, slightly disheartened that Virgil wasn’t staying as he waved the other boy off. Logan looked between his two friends trying to decide who to stay with. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Ugh, Lo, you look like a lost puppy. Fine, I’ll stay!” Virgil complained. A slight blush spread on Logan’s cheeks.

“I am not a lost puppy! I just said that so you’d stay!” Logan said in that matter-of-factly way that made it very obvious he was lying and that although the outcome was desirable, it was definitely not intentional. Virgil oh so eloquently responded to Logan’s petulance by sticking out his tongue at Logic. Roman chortled and ended up snorting from laughter which in turn made the other two boys laugh, so that when Charlotte arrive, she was left upon a group of laughing teenagers who for the life of them, could not stop. At first, she was distressed, as the only thing on her mind was finding out the truth about the people in her life, but at the sight she cracked a small smile that grew, and ultimately, she joined in on the laughter too. Whenever the four were close to recovering, Roman just ended up snorting again and the other three would roar with laughter, thereupon Roman would laugh again as well.

It was pure serenity. It was pure happiness. It was pure trust.

“Y-You know, haha, I’ve never felt, hehe, like this with, haha, Wynne before. I think I believe you, Ro,” Charlotte gasped, struggling to speak through the laughs. Her statement lead the other three to calm down with an occasional hiccup of laughter echoing from one of them. “Also, I am going to destroy Wynne for outing you, Virgil,” Charlotte blushed, “Also, uh, sorry about that fling we had. If I had known you didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have...”

“N-No, I consented! But don’t kill Wynne. I-It’s not worth it. You’ll get in trouble,” Virgil pleaded.

“Like you guys won’t?” Charlotte argued.

“Charlotte, if I may, wouldn’t it be more productive to amend for the things that you did, that may not have necessarily been good things, rather than get revenge? I’ve learned that it’s no good to punish people in retribution. You’ll just end up being as bad as they are, right?” Logan proffered.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right. I think- I think I’m gonna go talk to Rashmi. And all my other exes. And the people who I cheated in school from. But mostly Rashmi. I miss her a lot and it’s been so long and you were there when we broke up, right Virgil? I was trying so hard to be better, but I couldn’t, and then I ruined it and I tried to make out with you, and ugh! I messed up, like, big time.” Roman smiled.

“Well then, now’s your time to be better like you wanted to. I- Good luck, Charlotte. If you ever need someone who gets what it’s like to be manipulated by someone like Wynne, I’m here,” Roman said.

“I’d be happy to be your friend,” Charlotte responded as she smiled and walked off.

That night, Logan and Virgil layed on the grass in Logan’s backwards staring at the stars hidden in light pollution. The bugs were hidden away and asleep, so it was just the two of them and the half moon. Virgil sighed.

“So, my dad’s back in town tomorrow. His business trip and whatnot bein’ over. I think, maybe I should tell him about that fight with Nurul, but I don’t wanna make him worry anymore,” Virgil wiped away the tears that began to well up, “But then it’s just- Our relationship is already so strained, and then being all like ‘Hey dad! The kids at school still hate me!’ may be a bit too much. But I just, I don’t know..,” Virgil quietly rambled. Logan hummed.

“Talking will help. Maybe not even about that, but just clear the air. Tell him that you care about him. I dunno, I’m not the one to ask about this. I have been deemed Logic and not Feelings, after all,” Logan joked.

“Mr. Feelings, what am I to do?” Virgil asked with an air of extravagance as he climbed on top of Logan acting like a damsel in distress. Logan laughed.

“I don’t know, Anxiety, perhaps your solution lies away from me! For I am not the good Mr. Feelings! I am the evil Mr. Logic, and I’ve got you under my spell!” Logan shouted as he rolled the two over so Logan was on the top now as he pinned Virgil down.

“Oh no! Whatever shall I do? There is no Princey here to save me!” Virgil announced as he mock fainted. Logan smiled and shook his head as he climbed off of Virgil. Logan’s phone fell out of his pocket and when he picked it up he saw a notification from the screen mirroring app that Wynne’s phone was currently in use. He unlocked his phone and looked at the texts Wynne was currently sending. They were to Nurul, and they were quite concerning.

Wynne >> Nurul

just stay out of my way, okay! ill take care of it.

Nurul >> Wynne

At least tell me how you’re going to get revenge.

Wynne >> Nurul

if we hurt virgil, we hurt logan more than if we got him directly. the dweeb cares too much.

Look. im gonna call virgils dad as the school and be all like ‘hey virgils dad your son started a fight and beat up an innocent kid, thought you should know!’

that’ll get anyone grounded. or worse.

Logan’s eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh shit, this is bad. Anx, look at this,” Logan panicked, shoving his phone in Virgil’s face.

“Woah, woah, Lo, calm down. It’s fine,” Virgil moved the phone away from his face to a distance where he could read the screen, “Never mind. Let’s panic. Oh fuck.” Logan twiddled with his glasses and began to speak at an unintelligible speed.

“We can- We can shut this down, right? It’s possible. Oh my gosh, Wynne is right. Haha, I love caring more about my friends more than myself. Okay anyway. Ummm. We could block the signal? No, i don’t know how much time we have. Um. Uh. We could redirect the call! That’s easier, I think! Okay yes…” Logan continued muttering how he was going to go about this while he walked inside his house and to his computer. Virgil followed suit in a daze and just hoped that Logan would fix the problem. He always does, but, is this the first time he won’t? Virgil thought as he chewed his lip which was bound to swell later.

Logan and Virgil entered Logan’s bedroom. Virgil flopped down onto Logan’s bed while Logic sat at his desk and began to type and write to figure this thing out. An hour later, he breathlessly stopped. He gasped out the air he didn’t realize he was holding.

“I think I did it. I’m not sure. I’ve never tried anything like this before,” Logan lamented.

“It’s okay if it doesn’t work. Just- Thank you. For always protecting me,” Virgil replied.

“I’ve always been afraid of losing you. You’re my best friend, and I- Fuck. Emotions,” Logan said melancholically, his forehead slightly creased.

“It’s okay, I know what you’re trying to say. I love you too,” Virgil whispered with a soft smile. Virgil’s phone started buzzing and when he saw who was calling he furrowed his brow.

“Wynne is calling me?” Virgil questioned. “Should I pick it up or…?”

“Oh right,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “I redirected the call so instead of Wynne’s call going to your dad’s phone, it goes to yours.” Virgil nodded, picked up the phone, and put it on speaker.

“Hello Mr. Sanders, this is Vice Principal Vitali. I apologize for calling this late, but we weren’t getting a response earlier, and I was just leaving my office, so I thought I’d try one last time. Your son is in some serious trouble,” Wynne said with a falsely deepened voice. Virgil’s eyes went wide.

‘What do I say?’ Virgil signed at Logan.

‘Deepen your voice and pretend to be your dad. Just say you’ll ground Virgil or something,’ Logan signed back. Virgil cleared his throat.

“Ah, Mr. Vitali, what trouble do I owe you?” Virgil asked, his deepened voice shaking.

“Your son Virgil picked a fight with this innocent kid, Nurul, and proceeded to beat him up. I am very thankful our English teacher was there to intervene, for it looked like he was going to seriously injure that kid,” Wynne said.

‘This makes me so angry. Flames on the side of my face,’ Logan signed. Virgil couldn’t help but snort a little laugh.

“Excuse me, what was that you said?” Wynne asked.

“Oh sorry, that was a sn-eeze.” And Virgil’s pubescent voice cracks struck at the wrong time on the word sneeze. “I’m a little sick, so my voice is not right, right now,” he lied.

“Well, I apologize that I’m bringing such information at this troubling time. I hope you will deal with your son as you see fit.”

“Yes, thank you. I must be grounding him,” Virgil said, but it came out more like a question than a statement. “Goodbye now,” he said as he tapped the end call button. But. His finger didn’t hit end call, it hit right next to end call, and neither Virgil nor Logan noticed that the phone was still on.

“Oh my gosh, it worked,” Logan cheered.

“Yes!” Virgil shouted, back in his normal voice.

“Ex-Excuse me?”

‘Oh shit,’ Virgil signed.

‘Hang up! Just hang up!’ Logan signed back. But before he could, Wynne spoke again.

“Wait a minute, that sounded like Logan’s voice? And Virgil’s? I sincerely hope I am talking to Mr. Sanders and not his kid and his friend trying to get out of trouble,” Wynne continued, not once breaking character. “Because if it is Logan and Virgil, I wonder how they knew about this call. Surely no one in the administration talked them about it. Which would mean it’s sabotage. And oh, Mr. Sanders. You aren’t even interrupting me. So I must assume it’s Logan and Virgil,” Wynne dropped the phony voice, “You dweebs I will destroy you!”

“U-Um-,” Virgil stuttered trying to get back into his false voice but failing.

“So it is you, jackass. Now let me think, how would you know about this? The only other person who knows is Nurul and he’s with me here right now, aren’t ya buddy? So it must be… hm… perhaps the little nerd decided to hack again? Didn’t he learn his lesson the last time?”

“Actually, no, I didn’t. Nurul’s a terrible fighter,” Logan snarked.

‘Logan, what are you doing?’ Virgil signed.

‘It’s fine. Trust me. Follow my lead’ Logan signed back. Virgil nodded.

“Yeah, he must be pretty weak if I supposedly seriously injured him,” Virgil said.

“Listen well Virgil. I know things about you that you wouldn’t want anyone to know. Now. I will destroy you unless you stop being a shithead and meddling with Roman! He’s mine! You hear me? You have two choices: convince Roman that I was right all along and have him join me again, or, let me destroy Roman for being the worst fucking person alive! Otherwise, you and your stupid nerd friend will find yourselves in a world of pain, got it?” Wynne threatened.

“No.”

“What did you say?” Wynne asked.

“I said no!” Virgil shouted at the phone. “Now get the fuck out of my life. If I’m such a loser and a dweeb, then why the hell do you keep trying to toy with me? Go raise your standards, asshat.” Virgil pressed the end call button for real this time and then looked up at Logan. He was shaking all over and couldn’t breathe. He was absolutely still and silent, and panting and heaving and crying at the same time. It was the beginning of an anxiety attack.

a/n: hope you enjoy! things are getting spicy.

prinxiety tag list from famders tag list:

@221biotchplease @a-blog-just-for-sanders @ace-of-hufflepuffs @ace-v-p-d @acrobaticcatfeline @alextheodd @all-these-trees-stealing-mah-o2 @allaboutme7 @allthemetalsoftherainbow @alyssadashrub @anastasialestina@angeliclogan @angered-turtle @anony-phangirl @anxious-darkwolf @anyay666 @aph-roma @areyousirius-noheisdead @asalwayss @elder-jeremiah @elvishfrenchassassin @emokittenlikesgore @emovirgil @emphoenixcat @erlenmeyertrashofsandersides @evilmuffin @faacethefacts @fabulousfanaticfander @thats-so-crash @fairly-close @faithhopefelony @fanatic564 @fandergecko @fangirlsanonymous @fireflightyt @funsizedgremlin @gamerzylo @gayrobotalien @grey-lysander @hanramz-the-fander @heythereprincey @hi-disappointed-im-daughter @hissesssss @hoodie-bros @hottopicvirge @runyou-cleverboy-andremember @imaflashcard @inkyoo @inkyroo @iris-sanders-athena @ive-given-up-on-it @jade-dragon226-fan @jaybingu @jughead-is-canonically-aroace @just-another-transblog @justmyshitandmoreshit @k9cat @katatles-the-fish @kentato-kenart @kickassking14 @kirsten-the-freak @koalaaquabear @kurna-kovite @l-i-t-vocabcards @lacandra @lacrimosathedark @lana–22 @lockolocka @logically-sided @louisthewarlock @madelynnaa @magicmapleleaf @makemeaplant @makemeaplant @maximum-fander @mercythemermaids-blog @micha-like-you-find-in-rocks @microsoft-nerd @migraine-marathon @milomeepit @minamishipsit @mollycassmith @moonlightinwater @multi-fandom-trash-x9000 @muontsy2 @musicphanpie-b @musicsavedmefromdeath @mydogsaresofuckingstupid @neko-ereri-art @nightmarejasmine @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries @nottodaylogic @notveryglittery @nuttytheorizer @nymphaedoratonks @ocotopushugs @on-lock-like-attica @osnapitzbc @pandagirl0730 @panicatthefalloutphanficfandom @pansexual-cat @pastel-patton123 @pattykrabbies @pearls-of-patton @fricksonsticks @phanic-at-the-malfoys @pieces-of-annedrew @pinkeasteregg @planetsanders @potterlover394 @poundland-twoface @prinxietypreoccupied @proudhufflepuff @prplzorua @purplesatankittycat @radioactivebread @rainbow-beaniegirl @ray-rambles @reba-andthesides @redundant-statements-for-400 @roaring--20s @robanilla @roman-is-a-gay @rose-gold-roman @royallyanxious @rptheturk @ruuworld @samidaboss3 @sanders-fam-ily @sanders-sides-things @sanders-trash-4ever @sanderssides-deathangel @saphirestrike @sarcastic-anxious @sassy-in-glasses @save-dirk-gently @sesame-icecream @shygirl4991 @silversunshine2012 @siriuswhiskers @smokeyrutilequartz @smollestsinnamonroll @space-d0ubt @spacenerrrd @the-feels-are-coming @spoonfullofcrofters @starlightlogan @starry-eyed-haiku-dreamer @stars-in-mine-eyes @stormblessedcastiel @storytellerofuntoldlegends @strangerthings-and-phan @superfandertrashbros @superintrovertfangirl @thatonenerdtm @the-optimism-of-the-ostriches @the-prince-and-the-emo @theanxietyofbeinganxious @thecrimsoncodex @thegirlwiththedragonheart @thenerdycube @thepusheenqueen @theroyalramen @thesilentbluesparrow @theworldismysupernova @theworldismysupernova @thisisshien @thomas-must-get-to-sleep @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @too-precious-to-process @too-random-for-me @toujours-fidele @trashfireiplier @trashypansexual @tree4life25 @unknownsandersfan @urtrashhq @v-blue-writer @vampyrsarah @virgilisaneternalmood @virgils-anxiety @virgils-hoodie @voices-and-stardust @vulnerablevirgil @watch-me-introvert @weird-short-person @whyamihereohwell @wowimanerdblr @yamiaainferno @yonnie-boy @yourmomsafalsehood @l-i-t-vocabcards @enderperson43 @houseplxnthoodie @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @nicoandtheninegalaxies @beetlequail @katie-the-noble-fangirl @johnlockandrarry @mildly-entertaining-fiasco

[tempestshakes01]

happy and anxious. 

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby. 

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year. 

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.  

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left. 

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!” 

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel. 

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this. 

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.      

in the end, we were ok enough. 

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized. 

--

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

 i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.  

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them. 

--

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be. 

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected. 

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

--

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it. 

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me. 

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery. 

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :( 

--

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out. 

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

--

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it. 

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em. 

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

--

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux). 

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol) 

--

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧)