#im feeling a lot of feelings about his work and i just needed to get them out

[vanillawurld]

༊*·˚ Wait For Your Love

✧.* Pair - Joost Klein x Fem! Reader

✧.* Tags & Warnings - Angst, crying, alcohol, kissing, cussing, fluff at the end.

✧.* Summary - After not seeing each other for almost a year due to a breakup, a whirlwind of emotions flooded both Joost and (Y/N). The desperation to be with each other again took over for the both of them.

✧.* Extra- We can't be friends (wait for your love) by ariana grande crying emoji heartbreak emoji.

✧.* Word Count - 1,998

The club was always packed with drunk assholes and beautiful women dancing. It was a place to have fun. Dance, drink, and not worry about tomorrow (unless someone had to work). (Y/N) and her friends decided to go clubbing to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Everyone wanted to get shit-faced drunk and some wanted to end up in a man or woman’s bed by the end of the night. (Y/N) couldn’t wait to get drunk and dance her ass off to the music that was playing. As soon as they get into the place, everyone was already ordering shots and mixed drinks.

Even though she wanted to get drunk, (Y/N) decided to get mixed drinks because she hated the bitter taste of hard liquor in tiny shot glasses. She decided to take her night a little slow to be more alive in the club. (Y/N) felt like she needed the time out with her friends. After a massive heart break 10 months ago, it felt like she couldn’t move from her home, especially her bed. Her friends would try to get her to hang out, but most of the time all she wanted to do was stay in bed and stalk her ex-boyfriend’s social media.

By the time she was on her second mixed drink, some of her friends were already on their 4th shot of the night. The music was starting to get to everyone and they all dragged each other to where everyone was dancing. The DJ was playing American 2000’s music so the whole club was dancing and/or grinding on one another. (Y/N) and her best friend were dancing and practically grinding on each other to the beat of the music while singing and laughing together. Everyone was having the best time.

That was until (Y/N) mysteriously smelled a familiar scent she hadn’t smelled in a while. His scent. She slowly stopped dancing and started looking around to see if she can catch him somewhere in the crowd. (Y/N)’s best friend looked at her, “Are you okay? What happened?”

(Y/N) didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night with the topic of her ex-boyfriend, “Im fine, girl. I just need to use the bathroom and then im gonna get a shot.” (Y/N) walked away but stopped when she felt someone grab her wrist. She turned around and saw her best friend holding her wrist.

“Do you want me to go with you?” She asked. (Y/N) simply shook her head and continued making her way to the restroom. (Y/N) thanked God when she saw there wasn’t a line to go to the bathroom. She immediately walked in and looked at herself in the mirror.

She let out a sigh and was trying to convince her brain to not freak out because she smelled his scent. She didn’t want to ruin everyones night, she just wanted to have fun with no worries. She quickly fixed her lip liner and lips and head out to the bar. When she got to the bar to order her drink, she had a feeling someone was watching her. She decided to ignore it because there were a lot of people in the club so it didn’t matter.

The feeling of being watched got stronger by the seconds and it bothered (Y/N). She looked around to catch whoever was staring at her and when she turned around, she locked eyes with him. Joost Klein, her ex-boyfriend. She felt her heart race and her stomach drop to the floor. He looked extremely handsome and beautiful. They stared at each other strongly until the bartender put (Y/N)’s drink on the table, making her break the contact and turn around.

Even though they stared at each other for a couple of seconds, it felt like an eternity for them. (Y/N) leaned forward towards the bar table and let out a deep sigh. She was trying to keep herself together. Tapping her foot against the floor, sighing, but all of that didn’t work because she felt her eyes start to water. She knew she couldn’t stay in that place much longer. She didn’t want to look like the weird bitch crying in the club. She quickly took her shot and sped out the doors, walking toward the empty side of the club wall. She started to hyperventilate before letting the tears spill. She covered her mouth to prevent making any sound, but everything was going crazy in her mind, she didn’t care who listened.

Beautiful moments between (Y/N) and Joost started flashing in her mind. (Y/N) truly loved Joost. She still loves him. She truly felt a connection with that man. He always took care of her and she returned the nurturing energy all the time. They never had a dull day together, it was always filled with happiness and laughter. Everyday was a blessing for them. Everyone, fans and friends, idolized their relationship, so when they broke up, everyone was filled with shock and confusion.

The day Joost left (Y/N) was the day she died. She didn’t want to go out anymore. She had no motivation to do the things she loved. Everything reminded her of Joost. Even when she went to the places her and Joost last visited together, she would always tear up a bit. The truth was, (Y/N) was waiting for Joost to come back. She was waiting for his love to find itself back to her. The more she waited, the worse she got. (Y/N) slowly started detaching herself from him 7 months after the break up and was slowly started bettering herself. But in that moment in the club, felt like all of her self improvement was tossed out the window.

While (Y/N) was in her head, she hadn’t notice a tall male figure walking towards her side. When she looked, it felt like her heart skipped a beat. There he was, staring at her with a yearning look with sadness in his eyes. (Y/N)’s tears started coming in more but she didn’t want to cry more in front of him so she looked away and looked up at the sky.

“Hey,” she heard Joost say. That didn’t make things better. Hearing his voice made her tear up even more. At that point, she didn’t care and let her tears flow.

“Hi,” she said back.

Joost stared at (Y/N) and started tearing up as well. He was finally looking at his girl again after almost a year of not being able to. Even with running mascara, puffy lips, red eyes, and a tired look on her face, she still looked pretty as ever to him. He rubbed his eyes to get rid of his teary eyes and got closer to her. “How are you?” was all he said.

“Uhm, i’m… doing good, I guess. What about you?” she asked.

“Im doing pretty well too. I just saw the most gorgeous girl at the club, but she walked out and now she’s crying,” he said. He wanted to lighten up the mood. While his body language gave off zero energy, deep down he wanted to hold (Y/N) and kiss her tears away. Joost missed (Y/N) more than anything and seeing her teary eyed made his heart ache.

(Y/N) let out a chuckle and went silent. There was an uncomfortable silence between the two until Joost broke the silence, “I’ve missed you.”

That made (Y/N) tear up even more. “Then why did you leave me,” She asked.

Joost stayed silent for a moment before answering, “Honestly, I don’t know why. At the time, my mental health was down the toilet and I thought you were the reason why. I thought leaving you was going to fix it.”

Hearing that made (Y/N)’s heart ache. “Did it?” she asked.

“No. It didn’t. It actually got worse. When I realized you weren’t the problem, I felt like it was too late for me. I thought you hated me and didn’t want to talk to me. I thought of that saying you told your friend once ‘You made your bed, so now lay in it’ and that’s exactly what I did. I punished myself for ruining something so beautiful,” he replied.

Deep down, (Y/N) was happy when she realized she wasn’t the problem. But at the same time, she was sad for Joost when he thought she was mad at him. “Can I tell you something?” she asked and he nodded, “I was never mad at you. You could never be mad at someone you truly love.”

Love.

She said love. Not loved. That made Joost smile.

“For a good few months, I was stuck in a delusion that you would come back. I wanted to reach out to you so badly, but my friends kept telling me to let you feel my absence and that that was the best thing to make someone realize their mistake,” she continued.

“They were right,” he spoke, “when I realized you were gone, I wanted to crawl back to your apartment and beg for your forgiveness. I had no one to text me ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, ‘i love you’, ‘i miss you,’ it was hell for me.”

Their confessions made both of them realize that they were still in love with each other. They never stopped. They followed through with the, ‘if it was meant to be, let it be,’ and it brought them back. They never gave up on each other, even when they were apart. That is the true beauty of love.

Joost grabbed (Y/N)’s chin, making her look up at him with her beautiful teary doe eyes. “baby, I am so sorry for breaking your heart. I regret it so much and seeing you makes my heart ache and happy at the same time. I would do anything to be with you again,” he said with a yearning voice.

All (Y/N) could do was look at him. Her eyes started to become more teary. “I love you. I never stopped loving you,” she replied. They both started getting closer and closer until their lips touched. It was electrifying for both of them. The more their lips were in contact, the more loving and passionate it became. (Y/N) wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist, deepening the kiss.

When they pulled away, they looked at each other in the eyes. Deepening the intimate moment. The moment was ruined when Joost’s phone rang. When Joost checked who it was, (Y/N) saw it was one of his friend’s. She frowned because she thought their moment was over, but instead, Joost ignored the call and pulled her close to him by the waist. He laid his chin on her shoulder and closed his eyes, wishing this was his forever moment.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Getting comfortable and feeling each other’s presence after months of not being able to. It all felt like a dream come true. Until reality hit (Y/N). She didn’t want to break away from the moment, but she kind of had no choice,

“Joost.”

“Hm?”

“I have to go.”

“No, you don’t.”

(Y/N) giggled, “I do. My friends are probably looking for me and I have to visit family tomorrow in the morning,” she said while pulling away from his embrace. Joost and frowned. He didn’t want her to go. (Y/N) kissed him on the cheek and started walking away.

Joost watched as she walked away before calling her name, “Can we… call tonight?” he said, referring to staying on facetime while they slept like they use to. (Y/N) nodded and blew him a kiss. Joost practically sprinted towards her and passionately kissed her, one last time for that night.

“I’ll call you when I get home,” She said.

“You promise?”

“I promise, handsome.” She said. He raised his pinky, indicating a pinky promise gesture. She raised her pinky and hooked it onto his. Settling the promise.

˖◛. *. ⋆ Vanilla Speaks

Guys was this good be honest also im too lazy to spell check

[chobani-flip]

ok, i have decided that i need tommy kinard to have some annoying qualities.

so far, in s7, he's been so patient and kind and thoughtful and open and funny and there for buck, and that's great. but i need him to have weird hangups. and do irritating things.

so, here's my new headcanons:

(adding to the existing ones of tommy is a coffee snob (here | here) and "if i sits i flies" tommy cannot pilot drones)

tommy is absolutely unreasonable about shutting doors behind you whenever you walk through them and he's in the room. even if you're gonna be right back and you're just getting something. whether it's summer or winter. whether it's hot or cold. doors must be shut at all times because otherwise there is a DRAFT, evan!

(im basing this on tommy's long-sleeved layer choices in s7)

tommy had worked on himself a lot in therapy, and he knows that being open with people is important, but sometimes he still likes to stew for a bit before he comes out with whatever is bothering him. and sometimes he has a hard time admitting when he feels genuinely upset about something. god, tommy, stop saying you don't mind about the buttons. i know it's just a shirt but it's your favorite shirt and i should have been more careful. i will get it fixed for you, baby, but stop saying you don't mind i can see the line between your eyebrows.

(im basing this on tommy insisting that he was absolutely not bothered by buck's famous picking-up-chicks comment. he was only concerned because buck wasn't ready. babe, you were at the very least disappointed, we could all see it, it's ok, you're allowed.)

tommy lowkey hates and is afraid of birds (the ones that can talk especially, but also in general) he is very embarrassed about this, and not very rational about it. buck finds out after they move in together and he suggests installing a bird bath near the kitchen window and gets an extreme NONREACTION in response. once tommy finally brings himself to explain his issue (no matter what howie says, cocks have NOTHING to do with it, evan! my grandmother had an parrot that she let fly all around the house and he'd shit everywhere and do horror film noises in the middle of the night. he was Evil.), they agree that birds are important for the ecosystem and, to the effect of them not dying of overheating in the furnace that is LA, buck and tommy's household should do their part. just far away from anywhere that tommy likes to sit.

(im taking maurice the terrifying rooster and running with it, folks. but in my headcanon, maurice merely exacerbated the issue that was already there. )

[luminouslywriting]

Bob headcannon Faking being a man in the easy company then getting discoverd ,and maybe make slightly romantic

Hi hon! This one was super fun :) im steadily working through the requests but I’ve got a huge pile of them haha! Feel free to keep sending me requests though! I love them! More under the cut, cut for length, some light spice and mentions of the female body included, some are platonic and some are not:

Dick Winters:

-Listen, this man clocks it straightaway. He’s practically the leader of Easy Company in Toccoa and he just KNOWS 😂

-That being said, he’s also not gonna confront you about it unless problems arise or you being a woman becomes prevalent. He will, however, keep a closer eye on you and watch your back more. -Becomes your friend genuinely in the hopes that you’ll trust him enough to ask for help when you need it. -The least likely to make a move on you the entire time….but also the one who hides the fact that he has feelings so that you won’t get discovered. -And when you finally actually tell him and he’s not surprised?? He’s just glad that you have someone to talk to and that he can be there for you during all of this. -Probably comes to find you after the war and tells you how he feels

Lewis Nixon:

-Also knows since Toccoa. He’s the intelligence officer and he’s out here side-eying you from day one 👀

-Which means he’s not hovering but he definitely pays attention when you’re mentioned and keeps an eye on whatever you’re up to

-Probably offers you a drink at least once and that’s when information is shared and he’s just like, “yeah?? Tell me something I don’t know lol.” -Also offers to share a foxhole with you and makes sure that you don’t freeze to death. Is actually very soft on you. -Confides in you about his marriage problems and you tell him all about your life back home and what was going on. -Honestly?? It’s giving friends to lovers vibes later down the road. You two would reconnect after some years and fall in love.

Ronald Speirs:

-Finds out on D-Day when you two end up near one another and is not even in the slightest surprised. Because of course you’re here and not back home and suddenly everything makes much more sense. -But because he’s not in Easy, he’s not about to say anything. He does do his best to talk with you when the opportunity presents itself. -Probably actually worries about you during Bastogne and is relieved to be transferred over to Easy so that he can better keep an eye on you/protect you. -You two have a sweet conversation at the church and he promises that he’ll do his best to protect you and keep you from harm. -Honestly, he’s more impressed than anything else and has mad respect for you and what you’re doing. -Won’t admit any feelings until the end of the war though.

Buck Compton:

-Finds out by accident…..in a foxhole….during Bastogne

-It’s a whole mess honestly. There you are just trying to get some things done and he walks in on you and is just 🤯 shooketh tbh

-Treats you like a lady when it’s just the two of you and asks if you’ll share the foxhole so that he can better protect your decency/honor haha. -You two become good friends and he’s real worried about you but then he ends up going to the field hospital after Bill and Joe get hit. -So you write him faithfully the entire rest of the war and you help him get through a lot of his trauma and figure out his feelings. -He has a soft spot for you forever.

Carwood Lipton:

-You know that scene where he gets injured and it’s a whole panic because he’s worried he’s lost a certain appendage? Now imagine that in reverse. -The minute he realizes that you are not, in fact, a man, he’s speechless, befuddled, panicked, and in slight shock

-GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? This poor man has a whole internal panic about it because clearly you need to talk with him and figure some things out. -He really wants to tell Winters about the entire thing but you convince him that it won’t happen again and that you’ve got this

-Big brother Lipton activated; he’s out here being a total helicopter parent and concerned af about your life decisions

-From this point on, you basically have someone at your side 24/7 and who literally adores you in the most platonic way.

Joe Liebgott:

-He accidentally finds out when he sneaks into the showers in Toccoa and finds you there (cue the Spider-Man meme haha)

-Immediately panics and closes his eyes and is just freaking out because why the hell is there a girl here??? -Wants to tell people but is actually very good at keeping the secret. Probably becomes a Lowkey guard-dog in order to better watch your back. The last thing anyone needs is the wrong sorta person finding out that you’re not a man. -Besties who slay with humor….and who have each other’s backs. -Is always willing to share food and blankets and supplies with you. He’s very sweet on you. -Absolutely wants to be with you after the war is over.

Donald Malarkey:

-Again, total accident that he finds out?? He goes to collect laundry after D-Day and finds you with some stained red clothing that you’re trying to clean. It’s an oof moment. -At first, the girl math is not mathing and he’s confused. -But he has sisters and automatically becomes a safe place for you to go to and someone who you can rely on or talk to. -He’s a great foxhole partner and someone easy to talk to. He wants to hear about why you wanted to be a paratrooper and is a great help with helping you act like a guy. -Relies on you a ton during Bastogne and afterwards….appreciates your support and values your friendship. -And yes, he has a tiny crush on you haha.

Eugene Roe:

-Figured it out pretty quickly, a la menstrual cycle 👀 but also isn’t getting paid enough to confront you about it?? -So if you come to him and talk to him about the issues, then you two will be good friends. He drinks respect women juice in plenty so there’s no problems there. -The bestie vibes are immaculate and he simply adores you. You might be the person to get him to talk most. -He’s always the one who patches you up or helps you with what you need. And when you offer to share your foxhole with him, he’s a little bit of a blushing mess. -Has had a crush on you for most of the time he’s known you and does have a few small pet names in French. -You two probably start a secret relationship and are engaged before you even get back to the states. And yes, everyone is baffled haha.

Bill Guarnere:

-Super in love from day 1 he found out you were a girl? A girl who can handle herself and keep up with the men? Now that’s impressive. -Also found out by accident and it’s because he saw the blood in your sheets and was *le gasp*

-Is very good at keeping the secret and tries to push you to keep going and encourages you to accomplish the things that are hard. -He’s a great support system and an even better guard dog haha. -Is super respectful and doesn’t make a single move on you….so babe, you gotta kiss him first in that snowy foxhole. -Write to him after he gets injured….you may just come out of the war with a husband haha.

Joe Toye:

-Finds out accidentally when trying to help you with an injury and immediately just feels guilty for being mean to you lol

-Honestly? This man will never breathe a word of your secret. He’s a great alibi for feminine issues and will back you up with whatever lies you need haha. -Is very sweet on you but also treats you like one of the guys?? He’s a weird mix of trying to help you feel like yourself and your alter-ego

-Always offers to share or help you with whatever you need

-Probably shares a foxhole with you and tried to keep spirits up in any way he can. -Fully intends to marry you if the both of you make it through the war.

George Luz:

-Cannot keep the secret for the life of him….or do you thought?? -He finds out accidentally once you guys get to Hagenau and you sneak out to the showers way later than everyone else 👀

-He’s the pikachu meme truly….just shocked and doesn’t know how to treat you then?? He’s going to need a learning curve to figure out how this works. -Is honestly a ride or die bestie for you at this point and wants to hear ALL the tea about how and why you did it. -Falls in love with you super easily and asks if you’ll write him when you get home

-Surprises you once you’re home and asks you out on a date :)

[senseiwu]

Every time the crystalised discussion on twitter comes back and they get to Lloyd's issues with his father i want to freaking rip my hair out

"Lloyd's in the wrong" "Lloyd was an ass" (<something I literally just saw)

God forbid a child hurt by their parent BE HURT. BE UPSET.

[kingprinceleo]

Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me

[cannotgiveafuck]

Alright here's my semi thought out rambling on the contenders of who could adopt Billy Batson.

Keep in mind, this is not based on the Shazamily Billy, but the homeless kid Billy who spent years running away from his abusive uncle, and then multiple foster homes, and squats in apartments.

BatFam: IMO, they would immulate a foster home too much for Billy's comfort. A large home with multiple bodies, all of them having their own issues and lives that Billy would either feel excluded from or strive to help too much. Likewise, to have all those eyes - especially as the Batfam - watching him and being aware of his every move would be incredibly invasive for him. Billy is an independent kid, but hes not a crime fighter like the batkids, so the others would try to help him in any and every way possible, that would inevitably push Billys boundaries. The family stability is questionable, but the loyalty is definitely something Billy needs. So i think theyd be best as like, the friends home Billy stays at sometimes. Not to mention its Gotham. That city is not for Captain Marvel.

Constantine: lmao. Listen. I love this disaster in a trenchcoat disguised as a wreck of a man, but he should not be in any parental role. Him and Billy work out bc they are around each other in doses. They're complete opposites in methods and morals, and continued exposure would do them both harm. Likewise, when John truly cares for someone he pushes them away bc everyone around him gets hurt. He actively chooses to hurt them sometimes, if theyre not used against him. It doesn't matter that Billy is Captain Marvel and can withstand more than John can throw. John will self destruct and keep Billy away. And that is what would hurt Billy most. Bc he would feel abandoned and unwanted, and that kid has too many issues surrounding that in particular. He needs a stable environment and Constantine can not provide that in the long run - especially in a domestic sense. They're wayyy better off as friends, or magical mentor/mentee.

Superman: The biggest obstacle here is Clark's insistence that Billy remain a child and live a normal life instead of being Captain Marvel. Even if Clark relents to having Billy be Marvel and stay on JL, it would be a continuous struggle for both of them. Not only bc Clark does not know how to be a parent, but also Billy would have a very hard time adjusting. Compared to the other two, I'd say Clark is the most stable, but perhaps not stable enough. Journalism and Superman take up a lot of Clark's time, and he'd really struggle with balancing having Billy too - especially if this is pre-Jon. What's more, unlike Jon, Billy's duties and abilities are different. Despite Superman understanding personal wants vs greater duties, he could not help with Marvel's duties, as much as he'd want to. And I think that would really stress Clark out. Not to mention gaining Billy's trust once its lost is an uphill battle. Cap can work just fine with Superman, but Billy would be a feral kitten - another differing aspect Clark would struggle to grasp. I think there's potential here, esp with help from Lois and Mama Kent, but they're both on such different wave lengths beneath the shallow surface, that they'd struggle with cohabitation and being a 'family' more than one would think.

Wonder Woman: Gonna be honest, I think she's the best candidate for taking Billy in. Not only does she understand Cap's duties from a divine perspective, but she's taken on such monumental tasks. She gave up living on her home island to do her divine warrior duty, but then she found balance in remaking her home life as Diana Prince. She had a loving mother and community that raised her, which she'd draw inspiration from for Billy. There'd be a balance of knowing he's a child that needs protection and he's a chosen champion that needs to learn how to protect others (and himself) - honestly, the same balance Diana's mother had to find for her, which she'd realize with Billy. Itd be a familial connection she has greatly missed since Amazon. And tbh I think Cap and Billy are on the same page with WW - respect and admiration and trust, and that divine tie of being gifted by the Gods (Zeus specifically). Plus being handled without kiddie gloves and respected as a hero would be something Billy greatly appreciates.

[lecliss]

Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

[nandermoenthusiast]

oh my god i got so emotional SHUT UUUUUP

[soldier-poet-king]

Like yes tokenism is Bad and does not count as queer rep, having a character on some mainstream primetime tv show be 'the gay one' is not progressive, having contestants on reality tv be 'the gay one' is not progressive, but also maybe it can still do some basic good in some cases.

My mother, a 50 something white Catholic housewife, was saying yesterday at the dinner table how disappointed she was that her fave team got eliminated from this season of the amazing race canada, and she said - in front of my kid brother even! - that the team had been a pair of drag queens. (Yes she did fall into the sassy black queer person trope in explaining this, but y'know, we're taking baby steps with her). And this isn't even the first time she's said smthn mildly positive about queer ppl! The gay intern from the later seasons of grey's anatomy? One of her favourites. Hallmark is even putting out terrible bland movies with generic white gay people instead of generic white straight people, and since she's seen every hallmark movie to ever exist, she's seen those ones too.

So. Idk where I was going with this. She still wouldn't say this stuff at the dinner table if my father were there at the time. But, I'm just. Hopeful? Yes it's (imo) terrible tv for middle aged moms, and often it's mediocre tokenism, but maybe that's a starting point and maybe it can still be a good thing. (It's not like someone like my mother is going to go start watching indie arthouse films or reading weird uncomfortable novels. If this gets her to reach out of her very insular bubble, I'm happy).

[princekirijo]

Something I didn't really notice until replaying Royal but Ryuji really doesn't let the past hold him down? Like in the rank 2 scene he tells Akira that he doesn't want to focus on his past and he's more focused about the future.

I think that's kinda neat tbh he doesn't wanna let the stuff with Kamoshida or his dad drag him down, he just wants to keep going forward.

[mihai-florescu]

I've had this ask for months and I don't have the heart to tell this person it's not gonna happen. You're too optimistic buddy I'm so sorry

Im not sure if this means work out the issues they had from the war, or their idiosyncratic issues separate from their past together? Because if it's the former, i think we're past that and they have more or less moved on as of Altered. The things that have happened will never and should never be forgotten by any of the characters, but they are able to go on into yet another era with the hatchet buried. Even natsume who held onto the grudge the longest, well, i'm very curious about the switch climax, but i think even he, after the showdown in Altered, has been appeased. Not to say he'll start being buddy buddy bffs with eichi in any way, but the wounds and regrets of the past are being healed with the times changing. It's never going to be perfect, but such is life, and we move on.

[louismygf]

girls when they just finished watching aotv

[silbeni]

Brewing an alt timeline w Ryoma in the Rohan live action

[seariii]

Huh... /pos

[arcadequeerz]

Oh mind electric we're really in it now.