#im fully expecting this to end in tragedy

[youngpettyqueen]

sorry not sorry but im here for La'an and Kirk in this episode. its true to Star Trek tradition of one-off episode romances. its cute. its fun. its not taken super seriously. im enjoying myself

[valleynix]

dawg i am NOT okay

"I want to be happy with you." "In another life." like ohoho in another life? i have to prep to give a lecture tomorrow how am i SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY

a futile but meaningful effort to carve out moments of happiness against a bleary backdrop against a powerful force that is mostly uncaring and apathetic to your suffering. that the only way to have more of those moments is in another life. that in THIS life it was always going to be tragedy

that for one the pain ends(?) with death but the other they have to live with the facsimile of them in their mind? a fuzzy imitation?

im chewing on drywall rn. i am going to cry

anyways great well-written story and i respect the heart-breaking ending. i almost feel like the Hunter the way i just got STABBED IN THE CHEST

i’ve been expecting this >:3

okay overall, i am SO glad my narrative choices are being understood. it was always going to be a tragedy; how do you fight against a faux goddess who facilitated your death from the very beginning? how do you do anything when it’s not only your life/safety on the line?

i was fully expecting an ask of, “in another life.” “WHY NOT THIS ONE?” but you’ve explained it so beautifully. the effort was made, the distant memories placed. alas, it was not enough and never would have been in that life. Cassandra and the Hunter both knew their time together would never be long enough and they tried to save it while they could. sometimes the love you have for another simply isn’t enough.

i will say… Cassandra’s POV is intentionally written in a way to make you wonder if the Hunter really is still alive or if she’s simply seeing the “ghost” of them through her connection with the megamycete/cadou. maybe their suffering at Miranda’s hands did end that night, and maybe something else was reborn. maybe they’re truly dead and all Cassandra has left are haunting memories of a blurry face who once almost got her dead heart to beat again.

she’ll never know, but her dreams and nightmares will reveal the truth to her.

you said everything so wonderfully and i want to thank you so much for writing this ask ❤️ i was worried the ending or the choices wouldn’t make sense, but seeing this little analyzation has warmed my heart immensely. thank you ❤️❤️

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hot new pieces of eden just discovered: fidget spinner, flash light, mug that keeps your drink warm, iPad with a dead battery, RC isu helicopter, animitronic from a children's party entertainment place (suspiciously sentient), the Canon isu infinite food despenser in the grand temple (it seems to make Goo? Shaun doesn't like it)

i need an assassin’s creed game fully centered around a fight over some completely useless shit. i want to watch a character lose everything in their struggle to kill all the templars who might get to it first. and then for it to just be a mug that keeps everything in it kind of warm.

and im saying that and it sounds like a meme. i don’t mean it as such! i’m being completely serious! i think it would do a great service to the series sense of power scaling and to underscoring just how fucking tragic this fight for these artifacts is if a bunch of people have to die to get their hands on this fabled item. only for it to be bullshit. not important tech, not a weapon, just a lucky mugwarmer that one of the isu used for their coffee thousands of years ago that managed to survive. value and myth placed on it to the point of being worth killing for simply by virtue of being from those who came before.

it’s both weirdly humanizing of this culture. because they were fucked and we know they were, but they still lived, so they still probably had useless shit like mugwarmers and fidget spinners. and it’s tragic. because it gives us a new way of looking at the pieces of eden. it’s always been a tragedy that the war for them ruins lives, but it’s always been framed as worth it in the end, because the pieces ARE important, ARE powerful, ARE valuable. so what if it’s not. because before someone actually gets their hand on it and uses it, no one could know what it does, just that it’s isu tech and therefore maybe it’s the key to the next century of this conflict. what if it’s not. what if we get to follow an assassin who didn’t get lucky and who ended up losing friends and family to get their hands on a mugwarmer.

it’s kind of a downer ending but idk, it’s been a long series. i feel like it’s about time to have another downer ending. just to keep things fresh. and so that the isu tech in the games doesn’t have to keep one-upping itself. reset our expectations a little? if that makes sense.

[paverics]

i feel soo mad that i'm not sadder about lottie the character dying than i am lottie's potential within the narrative. like lottie is my FAVORITE!! her death SHOULD leave me devastated but it shouldn't be because it feels like they killed her off too early for the sake of shock + to serve other characters' storylines (which. lbr sooo much of her time last season existed to serve nat's arc. likeee i was enjoying season 3 because it felt like they were finally using lottie's screentime in the adult timeline to explore LOTTIE. and then they do this. Anyway). her death should leave me devastated for other reasons. but it didn't, really! it feels so abrupt and not in a good way, not in a "jackie's death is a tragedy because she died so young and had so much life to live" way. it was in a "they were finally taking adult lottie in interesting directions and exploring HER in that timeline and they threw that away in service of a shocking end to an episode and a plotline for misty" way. and i got spoiled on the shocking end like. an hour after the episode dropped because i couldn't watch it immediately, so what was supposed to be "shocking" just fell completely flat. possibly a sign that this doesn't really work! like i've been spoiled on twists before that still hit hard, but this was absolutely not one. sorry for ranting about this in your inbox im just pissed lol and you also seem pissed. solidarity

exactly!!!!! I’m not necessarily mad that Lottie died. I’m mad that she was wasted. I’m mad that it’s 2 season later and we still haven’t answered the question “who is Lottie Matthews?” so like…what was the point? if I remember rightly, that was the s1 ending? the last line of the season? it set her up for something wonderful and ever since I’ve just been….waiting

part of me thought Lottie was going to be the 'big bad’ of the show, and I was fine with that. and then, actually, Lottie was kind and layered and complex and she didn’t do any of the evil things we thought she could have done. and I was fine with that too. she was just a girl and she was trying to deal with things in the best way she could and the others looked to her for guidance she couldn’t give and wisdom she didn’t have. she was a cult leader. she was a victim of circumstance. she was a manipulator and she was manipulated. she was medicated and she was trying. she was recognising what was real and what wasn’t. she was spiralling and succumbing to her delusions. she was created by the other girls and she was abandoned by them. she was the girl. and it went fucking nowhere

I genuinely just feel like they didn’t know what to do with her. s1 was setting up her being a bad guy. s2 showed us she wasn’t. and it just kind of feels like s3 cast her aside. I thought there was going to be this amazing storyline. I thought there was a set up for Lottie and Callie to have this odd but compelling dynamic where they connect to the wilderness and/or to understanding what happened out there via each other., and I thought it was going to drag the rest of the girls in too. but no

I am mad. but I want to reiterate that I’m not mad she died. I’m mad that her death doesn’t mean anything. maybe in the long term? sure. maybe it’ll be revealed to be a wonderful, poetic story that brings her justice. but isn’t that supposed to happen first? the other deaths have felt immediately meaningful. immediately tragic. I fully expect all of the Yellowjackets to die. I don’t think they can (or should) all survive. I think there’s tragedy in the story. I think that makes it better. I think the wilderness (or just them) should only allow there to be one. it might turn out to be the best storyline ever told on tv, but I’m genuinely not gonna be there to watch it because it’s already pissed me off so much

they just didn’t know what to do with her and I wholly believe that. I genuinely don’t think they meant to make her as complicated as she turned out to be. they wanted the shock factor of her being alive but couldn’t handle what they created, so they went for the shock value of her being dead. I can say that it’s not what I wanted to happen and it’s bad writing without one being more true than the other

[sp-ud]

Genloss is a tragedy. No not the actual content, but how hard it fucking fell off.

Now, I know there are still people who enjoy it, even enjoy the new things and are excited with each new release of the founders game chapters.

And if you are one of those people, good for you. Genuinely, good for you. Don't let me being a hater ruin your own enjoyment. So I'd recommend maybe not reading this post cuz im not gonna be sympathetic to genloss or ranboo. If you couldn't guess by my opening sentence.

Anyways, I don't know it's just. Sad. To see something that had so much potential just fall flat so quickly. In retrospect as soon as the founders cut took more than 3 months it should have been obvious the whole project was kinda fucked.

And tbh I do not care about any thing like "ranboos just one guy", "it's their first project", "their adhd medication wasn't being properly supplied" etc etc. Like 1) ranboo literally isn't the only guy credited as editing the founders cut in the version that did end up releasing. 2) okay, same with like. 99% of other indie horror things. And those guys usually don't start out with enough money to rent out malls and buy expensive props that can only be used for one thing. 3) we loop back to the team thing. I'm someone who genuinely can barely function on days I don't take my adhd meds btw

Back on topic instead of countering arguments I've seen before but haven't actually been brought up to me.

It's just, there's this lack of cohesion and planning in what we've gotten since TSE that is just. So strange. I would say it comes from ranboos perfectionism but everything that keeps coming out is half-baked shit that sure seems unfinished.

Like, the founders cut was so fucking unpolished which is insane for something that took over a year. And we can't try to make it an in-universe thing, be for fucking real. Ranboo wasn't thinking like that.

And ngl when ranboo was reacting to that fnaf timeline video and like, praised "community storytelling" (aka when u throw a bunch of shit out, seen fans theorizing and go "oh wait ahit that's smart, yeah that's what I meant haha") it just. Made me feel so defeated cuz that kind of storytelling isn't fucking good.

It works well enough for fnaf but that's cuz it's fnaf. Look at how little attention generation loss gets outside of its initial and constantly shrinking bubble.

Admittedly it was gonna always be hard to follow tse, those kinds of productions are pricy. No shit. But the next steps being:

1: Twitter acc that kept going on hiatus because ranboo hadn't even fully planned it out before ranboo just decided to scrap the Twitter acc and just vaguely promise zero will return somewhere else

2: a slapped together cut of tse that completely fails at being a quicker introduction to the series compared to watching the original streams that clearly doesn't understand any of the elements that made tse charming and enjoyable even if cringeworthy at times

3: a second person pov book disguised as a choose your own adventure where not a single choice has actually mattered, not even the ones that were voted on and had to wait a whole week to find out what happened next.

Is just kinda insane to me. Like idk how u fumbled it that hard.

Yall remember how ranboo gave us a generation 2 Spotify playlist? Oh or what about "generation 0: the story of lostfield" which they showed off the title card for at twitchcon and vidcon? Where the fuck is any news even about those. I'd at least like some clarification about if the founders game is tied to literally either of those.

Getting off track here but tbh this is just me collecting all my annoyed/frustrated generation loss thoughts into one post.

But it's just like. Idk it's just weird that it took over a year after Tse for ranboo to get enough of a team to keep them on track and producing things consistently. And then for that thing to be. Literally none of the things we were expecting.

And now that we're 7 weeks in, technically 8 if we're counting the skipped week. 9 if we include the week we waited for after inputting the password. I'm just tired man. I'm tired of waiting for genloss to be good. Of trying to trust the process.

"Letting ranboo cook" only for Tse to finally be what we got did work, but it just. Really doesn't feel like ranboo gets why tse worked for so many people. And no, it wasn't just the inclusion of other popular ccs although that did certainly help if we r being blunt.

Tse had a story that left you guessing what was intentional and what wasn't. Only for the final reveal to be that it all was intentional, it was us the audience that was being experimented on, being tested. And that was cool as shit!

But, nothing has been able to get even close to that yet. This newest chapter of tfg's did briefly give me an "oh shit" moment at the start. But then the chapter just. Went no where. It was empty. And now we have to wait another week for the payoff. Another week on top of 7/8/9 weeks.

And listen, I get good stuff takes time. I get that many other indie horror things go months without updating. But like. There's just nothing aside from a small sense of obligation and vague interest to see if it's finally interesting or if I'll just have something to complain about with my friends that keeps me coming back.

It's not engaging, it's not something I'm really all that invested in. I keep fucking forgetting every week that a new chapter is coming out cuz there's just nothing to be excited for.

Im not even excited that we will be talking to the founder or whatever in the next chapter which is crazy cuz I feel like I used to be pretty invested in the founder specifically. Like I was the guy who constantly brought up the merch site's about page that was a message from the founder when no one else did.

Anyways that kinda wraps up my frustrated thoughts on genloss at this current point in time. Sorry it might be hard to follow.

Also, if ur someone who genuinely has still been enjoying genloss and/or the founders game who actually did read through all of this, I'd be genuinely interested in hearing ur opinions. I mean, you read through all of mine so its only fair. And also I just. Genuinely want to know what other people r finding fun abt the recent things as pretty much everyone in my direct sphere has roughly the same opinions as me.

[stormyoceans]

i feel like in bl world it's somehow a no go to talk about why you dislike a show, because people always think it means you hate everyone involved, so it's nice to see that i'm not alone with my feelings about 4m. i was thoroughly disappointed by it and it's even worse considering it's sammon who wrote it. they (ceo and sammon) always went on about how they are working hard on the script and that's why it took 2 years and like... this is what they came up with? i like triage and love mod, but this one doesn't compare at all. the characters were flat and i did not care about them or the relationships at all (i will say, i liked the second couple much more than great and tyme), the mystery was okay i guess, but still lacking anything meaningful and even the chemistry between the actors, not just the pairings, but everyone interacting was so wooden and missing any depth to me. they tried and we know the actors can act, but none of that came across to me. and i 100% agree with you, the ending is so lame, they should have made this a tragedy and not whatever they tried to achieve with the ending they gave us, because that was just laughably bad imo. maybe my expectations were too high because of sammon, but i was just disappointed with this show :(

i honestly understand getting defensive over something you love or even just enjoy, i think that's pretty normal, but i also fully believe it's extremely important to be critical of the media we consume, and unfortunately i feel like over time 'being critical' has started to be equated with 'being hateful' by fandom in general, which couldn't be furthest from the truth: you can love a piece of media AND still be aware of its shortcomings, the two things aren't mutually exclusive. analyzing media and talking about different aspects of it is actually what makes fandom fun to me, so as long as everyone is being respectful im always going to encourage this kind of discussion

ANYWAY. all that aside, i fully understand your disappointment over 4 minutes, anon. it was one of the series i was looking forward to the most this year because both triage and manner of death are two of my favorite BLs, so it's just really weird to me to feel so..underwhelmed by it. i've mentioned this before, but my main issue with the show is that, like you said, i simply do not care about these characters. i wouldn't say they were flat, personally, because there was A LOT of potential that was not used, but it feels like the writing always remained on a very surface level and did not utilize the depth these characters had, and as such it failed to create a connection between them and the viewers (which is also why i think some of the acting may have felt a bit bland)

for example, i think they could have done SO MUCH MORE with the brotherly relationship between tonkladome and korngreat, maybe even by creating some parallels between them. like it's crazy to me that we didn't get a single flashback showing what tonkla and dome's relationship was like (and no, im not counting the one where tonkla killed their dad), or just that we didn't get more of dome's character by himself. 'he was tonkla's brother' is not enough for me to care about him dying or about tonkla's revenge. and now that im typing this out im realizing we never got a confrontation between korn and great about great helping thyme THAT'S INSANE (AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF INSANE). also not a single scene with tonkla and great other than tonkla shooting him!!!!!! all these characters could have been SO INTERESTING if only the narrative would have given them a bit more insight

and this is already so long so im gonna try to wrap it up, but i have to say this because me actually WISHING we would have gotten a sad ending is one for the history books. tbh i think there is a deeper narrative issue when it comes to great and thyme that im not gonna get into because this post will never end otherwise (to sum it up: they weren't treated as main characters), but MY personal issue is that i didn't want an happy ending for them, because at no point in the show i've been rooting for it. like take triage, for example: you start the story almost hating tol, and then time loop after time loop after time loop you see him go through one of the best character development i've ever seen and by the end of the show the viewers are BEGGING for him and tin to be happy and together. i don't wanna say great and thyme didn't deserve that happy ending, but they also didn't really earn it, which is why that perfectly wrapped up sense of peace we got falls completely flat and feels very out of place

idk sammon's concepts are always incredibly fascinating to me and 4 minutes is no exception, but while all the elements of the show had a lot potential, they just did not come together in a satisfying or coherent way, which is really a pity

at this point im looking forward to spare me your mercy even just to see if maybe these issues are more due to boc or to sammon just not being as good as a screenwriter 🤔

[brainisonfire]

I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

[beehiveofblorbos]

happy birthday Kokichi! i took my crack at drawing him XD hopefully ill have done him justice

for what would be his 24th birthday, im gonna take some of my top kokichi quotes and break down why i love them so much and how they illustrate his best character traits and moments. Quotes will be above cut, explanation will be under cut, numbers will line up

1. “It's funny... Is your common sense really so similar to everyone else's common sense? Is what you believe to be right based on your common sense also right for everyone else?” To Kaede, at the end of their second Free Time Event.

2. "As soon as that thought entered your head, Monokuma had you right where he wanted. Because what mattered most to Monokuma is that the killing game started. Regardless of your reasons, the moment you felt the urge to kill, you had already lost. You agreed to be part of this killing game when you allowed murder to fill your heart." To Kaede, at the end of trial 1, after the vote and before the execution.

3. “If you keep saying all this uplifting stuff about working together and cooperating... ...then you can expect to receive some painful retaliation. Get it?" Ch2, during group discussion

4. "But I like playing on Mean difficulty. Also, I don't run from battles in RPGs, either! I wanna win this killing game! So I'm not gonna run from it, I'm gonna crush it! That'll be waaaay less boring, don'tcha think?" Ch2, another group discussion (iirc)

5. “If you’re planning to expose a liar, you have to corner them psychologically… only then will they reveal their true self as a liar, hiding beneath a layer of deceit!” Ch2 and ch4 trial, during the debate

okok honestly originally I was intending to do 24, but I am so tired and also really pushing it on time. I will reblog this later with additions till I get to 24, though, so stay tuned! Hope to finish by end of month

1. As y’all know, I really love Oumatsu whether it be romantic or platonic. They’re both leader figures, both willing to go to morally grey measures, both focused on directly confronting the mastermind and the killing game, both stubborn liars, both self-sacrificing till their self-sacrificial end. Across all my pondering about Kokichi’s plans and plots, I’ve never come to any conclusions suggesting that he’d been planning to take any significant action in ch1. I think that was the closest time he was to “cooperating” with the group. I think he really did want to survive with everyone else, just as she did. He is fully aware that very few to none agree with his common sense. But with his awareness of what other people’s common sense looks like (and the jokes + teasing comments he makes sounding people out)

2. This is the moment I started to sit up and pay attention to Kokichi. Kaede is prone to assumptions and charging ahead with what she thinks is best for the group. Once again, she’s charged ahead on her own, and this time the mistake was fatal. Still, even as he criticizes her (noting that she fell into Monokuma’s trap the minute she decided to kill, and Kaede takes this in stride), he offers her the highest compliment he seems to give (the one he wants to receive as well when his death approaches) - that she wasn’t boring. Not only that, he displays his own insight. Instead of only focusing on the tragedy before him, he looks ahead to the larger picture. He focused on the collective enemy, Monokuma, and how this case impacts the class’s position.

3. Again, he’s looking at the big picture. Up until this point, he tries to make suggestions to the group about how to act. However, this also doubles as a clear warning. He’s learned from paying attention to Monokuma’s actions in ch1, and he learns fast. He takes this killing game so seriously!!!

4. Kokichi is someone who looks for the most complete and thorough victory possible, to ensure he’s fully handled the situation. He also enjoys challenges and games; so of course he’d have fun creating small little rules for himself to keep things interesting. Applying this mindset to the killing game to remain flexible and openminded, while reducing fear, is an admirable moment of self manipulation and encouragement as well. And I’ll talk more about his definition of “winning” later.

5. For one, it’s a bookend quote! He says it both in this trial and the last trial he’s alive during. Secondly, it’s a clever tactic, especially for V3 where frankly? The evidence isn’t always enough to concretely convict a culprit. Kokichi has a fantastic sense for people, and his strategy of sounding someone out by provoking and annoying them repeatedly is really intriguing and endearing to me.

[yournightowl]

Your Nightowl #027

i’ve noticed that the discussion around HK has splintered into three distinct groups.

The first group is the Detectives ಠ_ರೃ- the true crimers, the inquisitive types, the ones looking for a good mystery above all else, even to the point that they’ll ignore the plain answer just to keep the thread spinning a little while longer. It should go without saying that this group is the biggest and the easiest to empathize with. You might need to learn to excuse a little bit of insensitivity here or there, but you can hold real conversations with them and get real responses. i do, however, think that there’s more bleedover between them and the next group than most people would like to admit.

Said group (the loudest group) would be the Theorists. The ones convinced that all of HK’s targets were actually androids, or the incognito operators of cell corporations, or just plain old lizard people. ヽ(͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ Sure. Why not?

 For a big portion of them, this is all just trolling. That’s obnoxious, but whatever- Everyone’s done it, here or there. If you get recognized, you were just being ironic. If you get cornered, it's their fault for taking you seriously. ¯\_( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯ We all know the drill by this point.

Well maybe we don’t all know the drill. Every other day I see people in the media monologuing about how taken aback they are by the swell of conspiracy theories surrounding HK- Like they expected us to have left such childish things behind in the 20th century.

We didn’t. From what i’ve seen with my own eyes, out there in the real world, and back here on the oldnet, it’s only gotten worse. We’re still children.

Which isn’t necessarily a grim thought. I mean, if this is what humanity looks like when we’re fully formed, crystallized, and paying our taxes without our parent’s help? We’re screwed.

One last thing about the conspiracy theorists- their the only ones making money off of this tragedy. It’s not much, of course- Just whatever small profit they can eke out by spending all day on socials, parroting each other's talking points in an accelerating feedback loop that spirals directly to their store page, where you can buy coffee mugs that show how you think the state has secret death camps.

But its still dirty money if you ask me.

Which brings me to the last group: the nutjobs. ( °□°) ︵ ┻━┻

Maybe that’s too harsh. The Crazies?

Freaks is too sharp on the tongue.

But this is the written word, so maybe it’s forgivable.

Whatever you want to call them, they all sound similar.

“Dear hk, please unalive my boss”

“/srs hk should merc my stepdad”

“I want hk to shoot me before i start my next shift and im not even joking at this point”

Obviously, most of these are just people venting, which will always be ugly to see, and hard to read. It’s still in poor taste, but it’s definitely better for them to type it out into the void than to walk around with thoughts like that festering in the back of their mind. “ψ (｀∇´) ψ

But they aren’t all just people venting. Some amount of them aren’t being ironic. Some amount of them like what HK’s doing. They like seeing wrenches thrown in the works, even if the wrenches happen to be innocent people with bullets where their aorta’s used to be. And while this third group is definitely the smallest, it’s also the most naturally private.

I’m not worried that they’re some kind of silent majority or anything, it’s just

They’re silent.

So there could be a shitload of them out there, and even they wouldn’t know it. There could be thousands of HK fanboys out there waiting for a leader to step forward.

Step forward and funnel their frustration into coffee mugs, ʘ‿ʘ hopefully.

Cause otherwise, they might get tired of waiting for a leader.

And they just might get started without one.

To avoid ending on a grim note again, i’d like to instead insert here, in no particular order, my favorite theories about HK is, taken from the most disliked posts on the biggest conspiracy forum i could find.

-hk is an AI possessing random individuals through their Mods

-hk is an assassin working for the Elites to eliminate people found to have high genetic predisposition to resisting authority figures

-hk is a team of State Operatives culling the illegitimate children of powerful CEOs in order to keep them in check (how would this work?)

-hk is an angel of death but not like a grim reaper the beautiful kind biblically accurate

-hk is my cleaning guy who is secretly a robot (that was the entire thread)

International blogger of mystery,

Your nightowl

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

Not trying to have a debate, these are just my thoughts.

i absolutely agree with OP that the outrage at queer character deaths on tumblr, branched into condemning any media if queer characters experienced any hardship or tragedy. im sure this weaves into the puritanical culture that's spreading online - that OP references. This is a culture where there is so much fear and guilt around causing any offense and it becomes expected that this value must also be upheld in all content; our media needs to be perfect and free of any whiff of controversy, nothing remotely problematic can be present. Everything must be lighthearted and happy and "safe". But honestly this insults the power and purpose of storytelling,

However, the comment below that gives an explanation of the Bury Your Gays trope is where I have some more thoughts.

Introducing queer characters only to serve the arc of the straight characters' narratives, and then killing them can definitely send the message that queer people are only secondary, and more than that; queer people are disposable.

I think part of the issue is in identifying if the queer character's death was directly connected to their queerness and reflecting on how queerness is portrayed in the whole of the text.

Is the death tied to queerness? Historically, for the trope, an example would be the first kiss or sexual experience of the queer character within the narrative, being followed by an event of suffering or death. Sometimes the queer behaviour and the character's suffering would be causally linked, but other times only linked by being sequential in the storyline.

Although, I still think this is just one example of what is a much broader phenomenon.

At least, according to my understanding, the bury your gays trope originated in early 20th century. Obviously there was a demand for queer stories, and queer people who wanted to tell those stories- but to get those stories published or produced wasn't easy. Authors either had to take out anything explicitly queer and rely on coding, or they were forced to associate queerness with death or tragedy- so that these texts were underlined by the message that being queer is bad. Characters died because they were queer.

So, on one hand, the trope allowed queer stories to be told. But, on the other hand, the trope reassures and perpetuates homophobic ideologies.

I suspect that the time OP is is talking about, when tumblr learned the phrase "bury your gays" was around 2016/2017. At that time, so much media was being accused of using the "bury your gays" trope - even texts that had fully-fleshed out queer characters whose deaths were not tied to their queerness. And i think the accusation was being applied quite liberally, because at that time, queer character death was becoming a trend. Queer characters were relatively rare, and they were being killed off disproportionately.

Does this mean all queer character deaths at that time were utilising the bury your gays trope?

Yes and no. Each death on its own did not necessarily serve the trope. However, each addition to the queer character death trend, meant that many, if not all, of the deaths were poorly timed and insensitive. Additionally, the real-world social context wherein there was (and still is) so much resistance to explicit or public queerness, meant that the trend of queer character deaths stood in opposition to queer acceptance and queer existence. Whether the creator intended to punish their gay characters, was insensitive to the ongoing queer character death crisis, or just had bad timing... each queer character death at that time collectively served the same purpose as the 'bury your gays' trope.

So, whilst not all creators set out to hurt their queer audience, and a lot of blame was, and is, misplaced... that doesn't mean that the effect wasn't felt. The template for queer characters was death, and the scarcity of happy endings was depressing.

So, in conclusion, I think, maybe the accusation for using the"bury your gays" trope was misused, but I do think that there was still a very real problem.

And, yeah, a lot of creators were, and are, trying to tell good stories with themes of death and grief and pain and loss... and that's good. That's important. The problem is when those are the only stories.

I'm convinced it was a tragedy that tumblr learned the phrase "bury your gays" at the exact same time it decided that any fictional media darker than Landlord White was pearl-clutchingly problematic. Pouring one out for every creator of earnest LGBT+ media wanting to explore the themes of grief loss and tragedy who then got subsequently hounded by mobs of terminally online users brainrotted on nothing but conflict-free coffee shop AUs.

[starslibraryblog]

the virgin suicides, by jeffery eugenides. published 1993.

i read this over my summer uni break, i don't have the words to explain how it made me feel but the story is still lurking around in my head. i will give a trigger warning for suicide (for the book itself and my musings below also), as probably expected, but also a warning for abuse and sexual content. the story itelf carries themes of gender, youth, religion, religion tragedy and the horrors of the mundane. there is also an emphasis on the american dream, the pursuit of happiness. i noted themes of environmental despair too, if you've ever cried while talking to your therapist about the state of the world, this may be the book for you.

~ a brief summary~

the subject of this story are the five lisbon girls, cecilia, lux, bonnie, mary and therese, as beautiful as they are sheltered. they are watched by the neighbourhood boys, who are enchanted by them and their isolation. in the span of a year, each lisbon girl will take her own life, leaving the boys with the mystery of why.

~my thoughts~ (spoilers)

the quiet, mundane suburban setting of the lisbon family home compared to the graphic horror of their lives has stuck in my head, even though i finished reading this months ago. book analyses and video essays have only made me obsess harder. im already eager to reread, with the fresh perspective of knowing how it ends. there's a quiet dread to this book that is haunting me, my mind just keeps circling back to that ending. there is a dark sense of humour to this book, that balances out the misery to make an entertaining and charming read.

i think i resonated with mary the most out of the sisters, though its hard to explain why. cecilia reminds me of my own little sister, odd and endearing. lux was the most intriguing to read about, the frustration of only knowing the girls through the neighbourhood boys and other men in their lives was specifically intense with her. this portrayal of teenage girlhood feels familiar, a messy mix of budding feminity and blood. everything about the girls is normal, a normal home in a normal neighbourhood, a normal suburb. but the insanity that plauges the girls is catching, and makes me so glad that unlike them, i survived my years as a teenage girl. this book at times will make you feral with anger, sob in exasperation and genuinely gasp in horror.

i did find aspects of this book soothing, as disturbing as the themes are. eugenides' writing style worked well with my dompamine centered brain, with every sentence unlocking a new crevice of mystery to focus on. the passage of time passes slowly, and the girls seem to drift away from the neighbourhood boys and into isolation and then obsolescence. the answer of why never is fully answered, at least not to a degree that will satisfy. maybe putting my thoughts out into the world will let my mind put this book to rest, but i have my doubts. hell really is a teenage girl.

~ favourite quotes~

"we felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind active and dreamy, and how you ended up knowing which colours went together. we knew that the girls were our twins, that we all existed in space like animals with identical skins, and that they knew everything about us though we couldn't fathom them at all. we knew finally, that the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"dr. armonson stitched up her wrist wounds. within five minutes of the transfusion he declared her out of danger. chucking her under the chin, he said, "what are you doing here, honey? you're not even old enough to know how bad life gets."

and it was then cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: "obviously, doctor," she said, "you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl.""

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"the girls took into their own hands decisions better left to god. they became too powerful to live among us, too self-concerned, too visionary, too blind."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"they had killed themselves over our dying forests, over manatees maimed by propellers as they surfaced to drink from garden hoses; they had killed themselves at the sight of used tires stacked higher than the pyramids; they had killed themselves over the failure to find a love none of us could ever be. in the end, the tortures tearing the lisbon girls pointed to a simple reasoned refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them, so full of flaws."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"basically what we have here is a dreamer. somebody out of touch with reality. when she jumped, she probably thought she'd fly."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"what lingered after them was not life, which always overcomes natural death, but the most trivial list of mundane facts: a clock ticking on a wall, a room dim at noon, and the outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us... calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"with most people suicide is like russian roulette. only one chamber has a bullet. with the lisbon girls, the gun was loaded. a bullet for family abuse. a bullet for genetic predisposition. a bullet for historical malaise. a bullet for inevitable momentum. the two other bullets are impossible to name, but that doesn't mean the chambers were empty."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~song choice~

the old americana setting reminded me too much of lana del ray, and music to watch boys too was just fitting.

[spacelolli]

Maybe im absolutely fallen into pretentious territory with this take but ive seen it happen twice in kh and its genuinely driving me mad like

The tragedy of roxas (and xion) does not make sense from a narrative perspective and is made worse because of this

So im not a fan of kh. I bounced off kh1 and have experienced the games vicariously through my friends streaming the games and telling me about them. I will be talking about Roxas, but everything here applies to Xion as well.

As i understand it, the Nobodies in kh are told they dont have hearts. This seems to be a lie told to them to keep them in line. As far as i care, these people have emotions and and form relationships understand right and wrong like anybody else. They have hearts. Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, etc.

Roxas is no different. Hes a Nobody, and is told time and time again that he has no heart.

The thing about the Nobodies is that they are formed from anothed human being. Roxas isnt just a Nobody, hes Sora's nobody. Roxas came into existance when that piece of Sora was extracted from him.

Since Roxas is a part of Sora that was extracted, Sora cannot wake up from his coma without those pieces returning to him. It would apear that this dooms Roxas to die (as in, no longer be an active part of the story) by the end of his character arc.

Thats all fine and dandy. Now the villians of the story seem to revel in telling Roxas all this. The way they frame this information is that Roxas shouldnt exist, and that his experiences are meaningless because his only purpose is to return to Sora.

Great stuff. Chef kiss.

The problem is that the narrative agrees with this framing.

The narrative does not allow Roxas to assert that he is his own person. The narrative fully expects Roxas to buy into what the villians tell him. The narrative views Roxas' sacrifice as an inevitable and acceptable loss.

This is totally at odds with what makes the tragedy surrounding Roxas so good in the first place!!

Roxas is so clearly a fully realized person with unique experiences and values seperate from Sora or anyone! The reason its so sad to see Roxas story end where it does is that we, the audience, are invested in Roxas as a seperate and unique person. Roxas is robbed of his whole life by circumstances out of his control not unlike a young person dying before their time. Thats a good, heartbreaking story.

But the narrative doesn't treat Roxas like a person. As far as the narrative is concerned, Roxas is only a tool to drive Sora's plot forward. His death is treated as acceptable and desirable and that totally contradicts what makes Roxas story so potent.

[fuck-showers-in-general]

d. do you want to tell us about the history of panic at the disco. i feel like you want to do that.

YES I DO (small unreality cw for a few of the jokes i make in this)

so back in like 2005. this emo boy from suburban nevada named ryan ross and his childhood friend slash the only drummer he knew (spencer smith) decided to start a band together called pet salamander. they also got this other guy named brent wilson to play keyboard but brent is a bitch and they kicked him out after the first album so this is the first and last time you will hear me mention him. ryan was singing, playing guitar, and writing music, which was a lot of work for a depressed teenager in his first band ever, so they ended up trying to find someone else to either play guitar or sing, and end up putting out an ad in some newspaper or something. up turns this kid named brendon urie! he can do both. they end up just having him sing though, because ryan still wants to play guitar. it was also some time around this that they realized pet salamander was a stupid ass band name, so they changed it to panic! at the disco. and thus the most band of all time was born.

ryan, pretty much by himself, writes an album called a fever you can't sweat out, which takes heavy inspiration from chuck palahnuik (im totally spelling his name wrong but idc), moulin rouge, and ryan's own childhood living just outside las vegas. it toes the line between pop punk and cabaret goth, or more accurately pirouettes along the tightrope between them. it is a picturesque score of scandals, sins (not tragedies), classic literature, dark circus couture, and a troubled childhood. it still genuinely astounds me that this album was made by a bunch of teenagers. it is an absolute fucking masterpiece. panic! records a few demos, and then gets the bright idea that "hey, ryan's a huge fan of fall out boy, right? that pop punk band from chicago that's really popular right now? like, he's super obsessed with pete wentz's writing. and pete is really active on social media. what if we shot him a few demos?"

and what does peter lewis kingston wentz the motherfucking third, known lacker of common sense, do?

he makes an entire fucking record label just to sign panic!.

ma'am what.

pete decides to start decaydance records, a sublabel of fueled by ramen, and signs a bunch of his friends' bands, along with these random kids from nevada, because he thinks they have potential or whatever. panic! fully records afycso, and releases it on september 27th, 2005. it becomes a smash hit near immediately, and i write sins not tragedies remains to this day a staple of 2000's emo hits. and what, logically, do they do after this? well, first, they go on the nothing rhymes with circus tour, which i would have absolutely killed to get tickets to had i been, like, alive at the time. but after that they, of course, get this guy named jon walker to join the band as a bassist, take the exclamation point out of their name and retreat into the mountains to hotbox a cabin and write a classic rock album. of course. perfectly logical next move. ...look, they swore to shake it up and we swore to listen. this is on us.

some time in mid to late 2006, panic emerges from the mountains with an album called cricket and clover. after recording demos for pretty much the whole album, they realize, oh, we totally cannot release this. so they rework it into an album called pretty. odd., which is an absolute masterpiece. i don't understand why people don't like it. it's so fucking good. if pretty. odd. has 10000 fans i am one of them if pretty. odd. has 10 fans i am one of them if pretty. odd. has 1 fan it is me if pretty. odd. has no fans i am dead. i don't have as much eloquent stuff to say about p.o. as i do with afycso. i just really like it.

[bad wilbur soot impression] it was at this point that brendon decided to become a problem.

so ryan was struggling with a lot of mental health issues right? you would expect your bandmates, especially the one you trusted to sing the lyrics you expressed and processed a lot of those mental health issues with, to not make fun of you for that, right? you would think? brendon did not think. ever. that man has not had a thought in his life and i mean that as an insult. things get so bad eventually that panic splits in half, with ryan and jon splitting off to form a band called the young veins that released one album in 2010 and then broke up, and spencer and brendon being left with the record deal but being explicitly told by ryan to not use the name panic at the disco. which, technically, they didn't. they went back to panic! at the disco. but still. dick move, man.

panic! is still touring pretty. odd. at this point (late 2009), so they need some touring musicians, because they no longer have a bassist or a guitarist. so they hire. i believe ian crawford? but don't quote me on that. as a guitarist, and, more importantly, dallon weekes as a bassist. dallon becomes a full member of the band soon after, because they flat out don't have a bassist anymore, nor a songwriter, but dallon just so happens to have written music for a (very good) band called the brobecks since before panic! at the disco was even a twinkle in poor ryan's eye. justice for ryan ross. but dallon writes an album called vices & virtues, featuring a couple of songs (mostly bonus tracks) from our good friend pwentz, a song brendon wrote about his wife (the worst song on the album honestly), and like half a song left over that ryan wrote when he was still in panic!. which makes vices & virtues the only panic! album that has had every official panic! songwriter on it. four of them. what is wrong with this band. v&v is a fucking amazing album though. i love it so much.

after that, dallon gets to work on panic!'s fourth album, too weird to live, too rare to die!. his original draft is a fucking masterpiece, but unfortunately most of it never sees the light of day (as in, basically nothing minus all the boys, a demo of far too young to die, and the original lyrics to vegas lights) because brendon comes in and ruins the whole thing and turns it into a marketable alt pop album. as he does. justice for dallon weekes. justice for anyone who has ever interacted with brendon ever actually. twtltrtd is still an amazing album, don't get me wrong. just not as good as it would have been without brendon's meddling. i may be a little bitter.

dallon, inevitably, leaves the band, because not only has brendon been fucking up his writing, he's been harassing him, harassing his wife, and on top of it all, paying him so little he had to get a second job to support his family. spencer also leaves, for unclear reasons. so brendon's got three albums left on a record deal for a band that no longer exists. what does he decide to do? pretend the band still exists and is more than just him, of course. this band and its associates have a history of logical decision making and everything they have ever done was a good idea. of course. he releases an album called death of a bachelor in 2016, which was actually pretty good. you will come to see this is a fluke.

two years later, in 2018, brendon! at the disco releases their sixth album, pray for the wicked, which had like four good songs on it total. however, something much more important happened that year. see, something had been happening in the shadows of salt lake city. someone had been plotting. playing shows. a band that didn't exist had been popping up around, with a disturbingly long name. were they here from the past? were they, perhaps, back from the future? we'll never know. all we know is that the band consisted of dallon weekes, a man* who definitely had no connection to panic! at the disco, and ryan seaman, a man who definitely had no connection to falling in reverse. both of whom had dubious connections to the brobecks. and in 2018, they released their first single, a song called modern day cain.

THATS RIGHT THIS POST IS ABOUT I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME NOW BBY

iDKHOW ended up also releasing their first EP in 2018, called 1981 extended play. it is an absolute masterpiece. i did not care that it was 6 songs, i listened to those 6 songs on loop for months on end. they did not release a full album until 2020. so clearly those months turned into years at some point. i lost track. their first album, called RAZZMATAZZ, came out in october of 2020, after making everyone wait way too fucking long for a full album. you may recognize that album name. that is because it's my name. i am way too obsessed with this band. they haven't been around for very long, so they don't have much history for me to infodump yet, but i am very proud to say i was one of their first fans, and i'll be a fan until the day i die.

nowadays, jon's still releasing solo music (also we are tiktok mutuals), ryan is a hermit, dallon was never in panic! at the disco at all why am i mentioning him, and brendon released an album called viva las vengeance that bombed so hard he announced the formal disbandment of panic! at the disco last month. the evil is defeated. thanks for coming to the circus, everyone. you can go home now.

[xtinyslip]

“i would call it a lifetime of work in progress but… yes. i have.” it should have been something that she was proud to admit but recently it only felt like a weakness to be used against her. people took advantage of the fact that she knew how to care. that had to end. “only the truth. you have my word. alright? … not at first but eventually. it’s not important right now but he found someone. someone who made him want to be… better.” not wanting to tell parker that person was will. he remembered her father as only the monster, she didn’t want him to be more concerned about his friend. especially when there was no threat from her father at all towards will. she genuinely believed that. “effect? share it with me? what am I doing to you?” did she have an idea? perhaps, but she wanted to hear him say it. hearing it out loud might provide hope for the both of them. she had failed to mention the effect he had on her. cecilia graham was more than able and willing to hold a grudge. however, one moment with him and even when she had every right to hate him. to be angry. it all fell away and she couldn’t be. it was just them. “friends? when have we ever managed to be just friends. have we ever?” no? that seemed absurd to be only his friend with how much she loved him. cecilia wanted to be on his lap, tangled so tightly and messily in him that everything and everyone else became background noise. “you trust me to do that with her?” she’d been expecting push back from him. not that he had reason to, she did want to make things right with gabi. perhaps that was forged out of selfish reasons but… she wanted that. she did. “im fairly certain the only times i ever let myself be fully happy was with you.” at least back then, and perhaps she was avoiding that it ended in tragedy and that’s because right now ; he had no real idea, did he? of that tragedy because he didn’t remember. when he squeezed her hand three times back, she didn’t know how she controlled the urge not to grab him, pull him as tightly to her as she could and let him kiss the air out of her lungs. it was a challenge and the only thing that stopped her was the idea he might pull back. she had him this close, she couldn’t bare the thought of him not being this close again. “you don’t have to have it all figured out his second. just please—“ don’t keep me away. “they are your daughters, will is your friend… missing time doesn’t change that but yes. i understand that it must be quite difficult to hear but you are… so much of our time.” she wouldn’t lie, lies only tore them apart. cecilia instantly felt that warmth again when their hands connected, she wanted to bring it to her lips but she resisted. she held back the urge to break further boundaries, even when right now she wanted to break them all. “oh, i am. im learning to embrace it. i live with ten dogs. yes, me.” she chuckled because who the fuck would ever have thought it? not her. ever. truthfully she let herself get as lost in him as she could so she hadn’t noticed. she didn’t care either, people in this town were always gossiping. still, when she did glance up and saw the rooms attention had focused mainly on them. that made her uncomfortable, no, it made her nervous and she knew why. elaine. “I don’t want to leave you right now.” or ever again. “let’s. yes?” standing up to head upstairs with him. hand still in his, actually tighter now that it had been before. @fcdcdmcmories

PARKER FROWNED, RAISING AN EYEBROW AT THAT. was all of this.. strange? in so many ways, he thought that it was. "the you that i knew would have never been caught doing that. you've... you've really changed?" he tested the notion, almost as if he was trying to see if it felt right saying it out loud. it did. it did and strangely.. it made him relax a little bit. in a way that he hadn't been.. expecting. "A LOT OF THINGS ARE DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE, BUT.. APPARENTLY.. THEY'RE THE TRUTH? just.. he.. he just left you alone? out of the blue?" that was difficult to believe. to imagine - when they had spent so long running from the finn pederson. and now.. that was it? he only laughed, even if it was quite bitterly. "you really have no idea, do you? of the effect you have on people? ON ME?" she hadn't even been here for that long and he was already questioning everything that he had made himself believe over the last couple of months. it had been his truth and out of a sudden and now? it.. wasn't? what was he even meant to do with any of this right now? "you.. what? you decided you want us to be friends or something of the sort?" he doubted that was ever going to happen. two people who had felt as strongly as they did about each other - that didn't just go away, did it? he didn't want to be her friend. what kind of stupid notion was that? he wanted to reach forward and kiss her again and to hold her and to know what it was like to be able to be by her side again and-- WHAT? there it was again. the effect that she had on him. he couldn't trust her and he knew that and yet, after spending even this little time with her? HE WAS ALREADY BEING HAUNTED BY THOUGHTS AND FEELING HE WAS TRYING TO PUSH AWAY. feelings that seemed to keep on.. pulling him towards her. right? "then.. show her that. she's a good kid. she'll be hesitant, at first, but.. i know she loves you. that hasn't gone away, i don't think. you're family..." clearing his throat. "to her." and to him, too. but right now, all of it was messy and.. what could he do? say? "we were and.. for some brief moments that we were able to steal every now and then, we were happy. the happiest. but.. we always knew it'd end in tragedy and.. it did. didn't it?" it was as if he was frozen. it was as if he was frozen right there, on spot, as he squeezed her hand back. three times, knowing.. deep down, he knew what that meant. i don't think that i could ever not love you. hadn't he known that? from the second she had walked in, he had known that he did still love her. that he was still fucking madly in love with her? "I.. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW, BUT.. YEAH. MAYBE YOU DON'T HAVE TO." did he want her to leave? to walk out and so he'd never see her again? it felt like.. a fate worse than death. so no.. no, he didn't want that. "but.. i remember everything so clearly. this is my life. right here. this restaurant, my daughters, laney, will - all of it. AND THE LAST TIME YOU AND I SAW EACH OTHER WAS.. BACK HOME. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT'S NOT IT? THAT I'M MISSING TIME?" it was shocking, yes, but.. not as much as the rest. he froze as her hand touched his and without thinking, he found himself lacing their fingers together again, gently.. almost as if he was afraid of what would happen if he thought TOO MUCH. "you've never been a disaster, but.." but there were already people staring at them and at her and whispering to themselves and he wanted to.. SHELTER her from this. from everything. didn't he? for some reason, the looks made him feel.. uneasy. nervous. mostly for her, right? he stood up, but.. didn't let go of her hand yet. was he really about to say this? to invite her to his home, when he wasn't sure she wasn't going to stab him in the back again? but she was.. so different and seeing her like this, it.. "my place is.. just upstairs? it's the studio above the restaurant and we.. hm.. we could continue talking there? if you'd like? IT'S.. AWAY FROM PRYING EYES. that is.. if.. you don't want to leave right now?" why was he hoping she wouldn't? / @xtinyslip

[azumasoroshi]

dude im being 100% fr shizaya fanfic writers were and are fucking insane

because my school banned ao3 (my fault, but that's not important), i saved a bunch of super long shizaya fics (which are PLENTIFUL for some reason, maybe because tastewithouttalent wrote so goddamn many) and have them open to entire work which allows it to stay open on my school devices without being “registered” per say

and they have been like. fucking destroying me

To Hell and Back by corteae started with “izaya and shizuo travel around the world and wacky shenanigans happen” and i was messaging my discord server like “SHIZAYA WORLD TOUR WOOOOOOO” and i was expecting wacky shenanigans and then suddenly everything went off the fucking rails in the way i LEAST expected it to happen

like maybe i wouldn’t have been so blindsided if i hadn’t skimmed through the tags so quickly but like it’s more fun that way. i hate when i actually see a ‘major character death’ tag warning because i want to be surprised

ANYWAY that was genuinely like. one of my favorite fanfiction reading experiences to date. it was like reading a whole novel with how much original stuff was in there but it was so focused on izaya and shizuo and characterized them so unexpectedly well that the original stuff never really felt out of place or forced even though it was so wild

and even though it got super dark at times it maintained this really hopeful outlook on everything and sometimes it was downright cheesy but it just WORKS for that fic and i love it because of that

and some of the challenges it made the characters go through just worked SO well for their canon characters especially post-ketsu and i gasped audibly at some of them and Ahrhghgghhfdgfd

and then the past few days i was reading this zombie apocalypse fanfiction (april 23rd by izayas) and it was like. the most depressing fanfiction reading experiences to date. i literally had a panic attack in school after i read this for a bit too long a session like holy shit it just felt so real and so heavy and hopeless

the writing was phenomenal and well-planned/foreshadowed and probably has the best shizuo AND izaya characterization that i’ve ever seen?? like i could believe things would actually happen in this way in canon. probably because their hate for each other is so intrinsic and they’re never really able to let go of that?? which is not what i expected because yes they bond and yes they care for each other but it was always in a way so that you could feel the wall between them, and even when they connect it’s only briefly, never enough to tear them away from their hatred fully

it almost feels shakespearean in how tragic it is?? everything is so character driven and all their downward spiraling is so poetic and sickening but utterly gorgeous to read. like at so many points you’re like GOD if only they had done this one small thing different, if only if only if only and it’s just htrgrhgfhgd drives me insane which is probably what izayas-san was going for lmao. esoecially at the end you can really feel the shakespeare tragedy kicking in

it’s notable that although it’s tagged shizaya and very much centers around their relationship, it’s much more an exploration of the will of human nature and their individual struggles with coping and growing from their experiences, and there’s like. no typical romance whatsoever

it’s about their sick, twisted, passionate love and whether it’s enough to save either of them or if it’ll kill both of them and just. god. i am empty after that fic i didnt cry but it feels like all the tears have been drained from my body i dont even know how to feel or how to function. i had to take a break from writing this review and it’s been a whole weekend and there’s still this weight on my chest that i cant get rid of :sob: for my sanity’s sake i sincerely doubt i could ever read it again but i honestly treasure that experience

ANYWAY READ SHIZAYA FANFICTION IT’S BUIILT DIFFERENT

[fivveweeks]

i am so crasy abt ur tweet abt verdante being a tragedy its like in my mind at all times. like ,,, im rotating it in my head, im so ruined, this idea consumes me u do not understand i am opening up google docs and writing a fic im morose im captivated i am making an ao3 account

like ur so right 4 that one banger

KYAAAA ON MY KNEES... i have so much feelings on it u have no idea. twitter doesn't let me go ham but since we are on tumblr let me write a goddamn essay on this

the thing is that yes i enjoy both verdante being a romcom comedy or a tragedy or anything in between. ofc we'd like them to be happy but part of me like to explore what would happen if we really stayed canon-compliant

and like. let's take a look at them both. Vergilius is canonly someone who's weighed down by his past sins (killing and assassinating and orphaning children), who fully well accepts that he deserves the karma that comes for him (like this man literally is expecting it and doesn't fight it), yet he chooses to drag himself forward bc if he doesn't he will sink into despair. he is full of guilt and shame. verg also seems reluctant to form new bonds which is understandable considering that he lost everything prior to limbus, and how he doesn't want to drag people down with his karma, at the same time it would be extremely hard for him to trust people due to the risks of betrayal and manipulation in the city. he KNOWS that kindness and empathy will be consumed by the city if they don't adapt (see leviathan and his thoughts on garnet) therefore anyone would be wary bc there's always a catch. vergilius is also extremely duty bound to restoring garnet and lapis and it weighs down on him a lot

now i dont see Vergilius as oblivious bc the man would obviously recognise signs of attraction from Dante. but vergilius, despite his harsh exterior, is also kind deep down or at least practical, so taking the above into account, in this scenario he would probably outright address it to dante that he has... personal goals. maybe dante will be sacrificed at the end for limbus company as a whole, maybe not, but Verg makes it clear that he WILL choose lapis and garnet over dante bc that is his responsibility. what he owes to them.

executive manager, he doesn't say, do not be a fool.

and to his surprise, dante just nods and writes him, "I'm aware. It's ok, I understand."

bc dante respects him. they respect his space and not push anything at all (alongside how they probably feel that they are not worthy yet, or that they don't want to burden Vergilius, bc c'mon they're stumbling through their responsibilities after losing their memory, work is more important than personal interest now), i also like to think dante isn't say, self-depreciating, but more like they've accepted that they have so much to live up to and Vergilius has something to achieve and they will not stand in his way, so they're content to just spend time with Vergilius as manager and guide.

and there's that. they don't talk about it after the day. nothing changes between them. they continue on as manager and guide.

the only exception is that now Vergilius is aware that Dante fully accepts that he will sacrifice them for his own goals. yet Dante is content to spend time around him and vice versa (he doesn't admit it)

and isn't that the tragedy?

vergilius, to be aware that something could have sparked between the both of you, yet you cannot afford to cross the line due to circumstances. occasionally imagining what it could had been if the both of you were actually allowed to. how should you feel when the other person still seeks you out and befriends you despite knowing that you will never pick them

and dante, getting the confirmation that you will never be picked and will be the third or fourth or whatever choice but that's okay. manager and guide is enough, you WILL enjoy whatever there is between the both of you without asking for more

personally, unrequited love as a tragedy is not effective to me bc it's not that hard to respect another person's feelings and not make yourself the victim.

the REAL tragedy here is being aware of the lost potential and what-could-had-beens, yet IN SPITE OF THAT theres the quiet acceptance and humble enjoyment of whatever there is between the both of them bc that's all they can afford. how fate and the city fucked them both up. yet they stay professional because they respect each other too much (to the point of suppressing their personal feelings for the other) to make this into a hassle

maybe dante dies at the end of limbus and verg would reminisce on what it could had been. maybe verg dies and dante occasionally recalls the little moments they get to spend together. maybe they both die. maybe they both live but they walk a too different path to ever converge again. maybe we slap canon in the face and let them survive or meet up again in the future.

whatever it is, i just really enjoy the sweet sweet pining between the both of them throughout limbus company. the horrors of Knowing. i'm going to bite something