#im going to keep advancing on his quests and see if i get the correct path lol

[skeletonlover69]

help.

since my computer wont turn on i picked up my switch and began properly playing divinity: original sin in order to fuck court Fane,,,,,, but turns out im instead advancing on Ifan's romance plot 😭😭😭

he's nice and all and his dialogue is cute but...... Ifan im so sorry i crave bones 😭😭😭

[lu-twilights-pup]

just found your page and was wondering what does Hylia slander mean?? are we out here roasting the goddess herself and if so i’d like to see some examples lol

First off welcome to my page anon ! Second off- yes. Yes we are.

Both literally and metaphorically cause ooh boy do I have some words for her grace.

Now please note these are just my thoughts and I have no qualms withe the Zelda’s as Her graces reincarnates and such.

I also seem to have a built in urge to wanna fight gods

I apologize in advance this may be all over the place

First of all: Legend can fight her and win. I do not make the rules and you know I’m right. With the sheer amount of items, experience, and spite alone, it’s over and done with in 2 minutes anything after that is just for funzies. And that’s no one’s fault but her own.

Also she seems to drop the ball quite a bit, from failed timelines, to straight up not helping till the last second even if at all.

Despite being so devoted to helper her people, and proclaiming it her job to protect her people, she doesn’t seem to be doing much in the way of helping with actual threats like Calamity and all that. Miss girl seems to suddenly become blind.

Second, even though they are her ‘chosen one’ she doesn’t seem to be helpful to The heroes. She traumatizes them with these ‘quests’ and ‘destinies’ and such then just tosses them aside until the next battle needs to be fought. Ocarina of time link literally was so young that the master sword and sages froze him in time for 7 years to ‘mature’ to be able to go on and fight ganon, seemingly ignoring the fact that he still would have the mind of a 9-10 year old. I don’t think I have to explain Wind Waker links age. She’s breeding children to fight in gods wars. I have a theory that one of the only things she may do directly is keep most of them from dying on their own terms, robbing them from the rest they truly need/want.

And depending on the respective hero’s prior devoutness she really them got the out here believing that some of their adventures are their fault; that people getting hurt on their journey is their fault not hers for putting them in danger in the first place.

There’s also the prospect that Link may not have even been meant to be on Hylia side in the first place.

The triforce is a meant to represent the balance of three. Such balance can only be achieved through equal sides of all three. One good, one bad, one nuetral. A hero, a villan, and a mediator. A Lise light bearer, zelda, a powerful evil, Ganon, and a courageous umpire willing to hear out, and correct both sides. An advocate, a middle man, a passive nuetral.

But Hylia didn’t like that. She wanted her way. She gain the belief and worship of Hylians and used it to sway the mediation in her favor to then create the ever reincarnating Hero of Courage. Allow them to worship her, and make her word law to them.

Not to mention she completely used and dumped the first ‘hero’ ( I say hero because he was used like a pawn by his people and her to get the to the sky, had she truly been watching she would have, and probably did know, that there was no way he was to win against the demon king in his state, First deserved better smh), she did the whole gaslight, gatekeep and forgot the girl boss of being responsible for your flipping creations.

Tldr; she's reckless and cruel

Most of these are obviously just headcanons and ideas but there’s more Im forgetting as I have memory issues but if I remember it I will definitely put it here in an edit!

[symphonic-scream]

Okay so here's the summary of what happens in the first section of the ML Genshin au. If you're overly familiar with the lore of the game itself sorry in advance cause things are gonna be different. It's a mix of wanted to incorporate new ideas and I don't remember everything exactly lmao

This of course contains Spoilers for the first three Archon quests in Genshin Impact :) so there you've been warned. Also warning: long post. I'm sorry

--

So the story starts with two travelers soaring through the skies, visiting world after world as they go. However their journey is cut short when they encounter a strange god in the heavens above one such world

The travelers hold out against her for as long as they can, but she gets the upper hand, capturing one of the two travelers. She seals away the powers of the other, trapping him in this world

Some time passes. Our traveler has spent his time trying to survive in the wild in this new world, and has now fished a strange creature up out of the sea. Some floating cat thing, that insists he's not a cat. He calls himself Plagg

Our traveler is blond, with striking green eyes. His outfit is very strange, looking kinda like,, a thick leather armour type stuff but softer. There are dark stars on his shoulders, wrists, on the belt, and in the centre of his chest, and his shirt cuts off at the base of his ribs. Pants are much the same, boots ending just below the knees, and he's got some fancy golden gloves and padding on the knees

The traveler explains what he remembers of his story to Plagg, introducing himself as Adrien. He's not of this world, and he's going to find his identical cousin Felix, who was taken by a strange god, no matter what it takes

Plagg decides to be his guide in this world, which he calls Teyvat, and agrees to help him find the god and his cousin. He explains that Teyvat is divided into seven Nations, each under the rule of one of seven gods called Archons, collectively "the Seven". The land they're in now is called Mondstadt, the nation belonging to the Archon of freedom. And Anemo, the element of wind

Plagg leads Adrien into a small valley, a statue resting in the middle of a small lake right in the centre. The guide calls it a Statue of the seven, this one modeled after Barbatos, the name used for the Anemo Archon. Plagg believes there's a chance the strange god could be one of the seven, so perhaps praying to the statue may give them some answers

However when Adrien gets close, he's infused with a strange power. He now has control over Anemo

This is odd to Plagg because in Teyvat, only humans with something called a vision can use elemental abilities. Visions are gifts from the Archons, used to show who has earned their favour through what's usually some inhuman feat or something like that I guess

The statue left more questions than answers, so Plagg decides they should try to find the god in person in the City of Mondstadt. However on their way to the forest that will lead to the city, a dragon flies overhead

Plagg decides a dragon is too much work to deal with and suggests they turn back, cause maybe your cousin will show up on his own- wait - hey come back here-

Adrien marches on, interested in meeting a dragon. He walks carefully through the trees, stopping short when he spots the dragon and a shorter figure

The person slowly approaching the dragon has their back to Adrien, with pinkish-red hair, wearing a somewhat fancy looking grey hooded jacket, black high boots, and dark cyan trousers. On their left shoulder, attached to their lapel, is a spring green/seafoam?? Kinda? Idk- coloured gem

Their hand is outstretched towards the dragon, who growls lowly as the figure shushes them. Adrien leans in to see better, snapping a twig beneath his boots. At the sudden noise the dragon shoots off into the sky, flying off. The figure whips around to face Adrien, summoning a sword from thin air (vision users can just do this?? There's really no explanation that I've cared to read haha). The figure turns and runs off into the woods after staring at Adrien for a moment

Adrien and Plagg continue on their way through the woods, coming out the other end with no other issues. Once they exit the forest, a woman is calling for their attention

She's dressed in for the outdoors, emerald kinda green overalls that are cut like shorts, white,, idk kinda like tights but thicker?? And brown boots, the same colour as the pretty much useless belt around her waist, where a bright green gem and little pouches rest. Under the overalls is a navy collared shirt, soft fabric, button open at the top, a brown half jacket (cut like a crop top) open over it. Dark hair in two pigtails, bright blue eyes

She introduces herself as Marinette, an adventurer assisting the Knights of Favonius, who protect the city, with keeping monsters at bay from the city. She asks Adrien what he and his, cat? ("IM NOT A CAT!") Are doing outside the city, and he tells her he's looking for his cousin, and maybe Barbatos

Marinette explains that they haven't heard from their god in years, and only recently have they gotten any sign that the Archon actually exists, with the first Anemo vision to be given out in ages and the dragon attacks

Adrien helps her clear out a little monster camp before they head into the city, with Marinette planning on taking Adrien to see the Acting Grand Master to see if she can help

But OH NO DRAGON ATTACK. Adrien hears a voice and suddenly he's got boosted abilities, flying (using a wind glider) up with the dragon, chasing it away from the city by blasting it with Anemo energy

When he lands Marinette asks him what the hell he just did, and someone else steps in, claiming they were about to say the same thing. This woman has orange cat ears sticking out of bobbed orange hair, and is wearing glasses over teal eyes

She's got a simple, dark blue jacket on over a light blue collared shirt, a brown vest between the two. Dark pants, tall metallic, silver boots, a small kinda waist cape?? Idk what they are but she's got one and it's white and furred. A pale baby blue vision hangs from the side of her belt

This is Sabrina, one of the Captains with the knights, Marinette explains. Sabrina escorts the two of them to the headquarters of the knights, claiming the Acting Grand Master wants to speak with them

The Acting Grand Master has long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, and tired blue eyes. She wears a long dark coat, an orangey brown vision just off the right shoulder. Under the jacket is a dark brown, thick blouse and vest combo. Her pants are a pale brown, and her boots are the same as Sabrina's. Her clothing looks rather lavish

The Acting Grand Master, Chloe, she insists they call her, listens to Adrien's tale. She explains she can help once things calm down with the whole dragon thing. He wants to help, but she can't just let him in for liability reasons and strikes a deal. If he can locate the one citizen that didn't check in and confirm their health after the attack, he earns honorary knight status

The knights and adventurers head out to seek out the temples of three of the four winds while Adrien and Plagg look for this missing person. They follow traces of Anemo energy, leading them to the roof of the knights headquarters where they come face to face with the figure from the woods, the missing citizen

The citizen attempts to run, but they stop her and say the knights are looking for her. The figure cautiously introduces herself as Alix Kubdel, watching the duo cautiously

Plagg speaks first breaking the silence, asking her about what she was doing with the dragon. You know, the dragon that attacked the city? Got an explanation for that?

Alix hesitates but explains that she was trying to calm down the dragon, bond with it. When asked why, she finally explains that she's the New Anemo Archon, and she's still getting used to what she has to do

New? What do you mean new? Plagg kinda hounds at her, Adrien apologizes, and Alix says the last Archon died, and she was eventually chosen as a replacement

By now the knights are returning from the temples and Adrien takes Alix in to talk with Chloe to convince her that they don't need to kill "Stormterror", the name given to the dragon by the city. Alix corrects them, stating his name is Dvalin

Alix has to reveal to Chloe as well that she's the new Archon in order to convince her to let them try Alix's "bonding plan", and they set into action. The group sets off for the lair of the dragon, to confront him headon

Adrien fights the dragon the same way as before, realizing Alix was the one that gave him the ability to do the funky blasting and flying, and then they've got him weak enough that Adrien can do some weird otherworldly healing thing on him

Apparently the dragon was poisoned by the monsters from the Abyss, and was under their orders. Without the aid of the Archon he couldn't fight it, but now that he's met the new Archon, Alix, all is great and dandy and they have a fun chat

They all head back to the city to celebrate, but they're ambushed by a group called the Fatui from one of the other nations, Schnezneya. During the ambush a woman known as Signora, one of the Harbingers who executes the will of the Cryo Archon, gets a hold of Alix

She snatches something called a gnosis from her, leaving her weak on the ground as they flee. The gnosis, uh, it holds like,, uh, the godly powers of an Archon? It's what makes em an Archon I guess? Sorta? Anyways Alix's was stolen so she doesn't have it now

And that's pretty much it. Alix goes to heal at this big ass tree and advises Adrien fo go check out the next nation, Liyue, and their Archon Morax, to see about his cousin and thats it

Adrien would do other stuff before leaving including meeting two Alchemists and helping them explore a mountain, assisting the two owners of the Harmony Tavern with some bullshit and all that but yeah

This is a very condensed version, of the events, but anymore detail and this would be that much longer lmao

If you have any questions comments complaints or whatever let me know. Sorry this was long I tried to condense it as best I could,

[aspiring-ginger]

Forget-Me-Not Ch. 2 (Jaskier x Reader)

Summary: (Y/n) finds herself coming to terms with being thrown into another world. Geralt and Jaskier learn how to take pictures.

Warnings: Actually I don’t think there’s any for this chapter

Word count: 1,622

Pairing(s): Jaskier x fem!reader, platonic Geralt x fem!reader (The Witcher)

A/N: This one’s a short and sweet at around 1.5k. I promise the next one will be a bit more exciting!!

Comments and feedback are always appreciated!

Taglist: @thunderdog8  @dreaming-about-starfleet  @dandelionwitcher @msmimimerton  @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11​ @platinum-meadow33​ @le--petit--croissant​ @radicalcannoliqueen​ @emiwrites3reads​ @wackiekebab​ @sassyfandomwriter​ @whatawildone​ @belll29​ @scream-kiwi79​ @redsacrament​ @illegalplayer​ 

Masterlist I Previous I

You couldn't believe your eyes as you gaped at Geralt's hand. Fire flickered in Geralt's palm. Actual fire.

"Wow that's uh, wow… that's actual fire," You stated, staring dumbly at the flames.

Jaskier cleared his throat, "Alright Geralt, here's what we'll do. Hello! My name is Jaskier, bard and troubadour extraordinaire, and this is my wonderfully broody friend and your local witcher, Geralt of Rivia. See? Let's just start over fresh," Geralt nodded and closed his hand, extinguishing the flame. "Now just tell us who you are and where you're from, and we can get you on your way back home in a tick,"

"Um, I already told you. I'm (y/n) from (hometown). It's in the country of (country)....but if you just actually used Igni then I guess we're not even on earth anymore. It's the Continent, right?" You pulled your coat closer to you, getting chills as you slowly came to terms with being in a strange new land.

"I've never heard of the Kingdom of (country), but I'm sure it's not too far, right Geralt? Maybe it's way out east? Or south of Nilfgaard?"

Geralt shook his head, "No. She's not from the Continent. She's human, but not a mage. There's no way she could have gotten here on her own. Someone or something brought her here." He narrowed his eyes at you, looking you up and down for any sign of, well, anything.

"Where I come from, there's no such thing as magic. There's only humans, no mutated ones either. We don't have any monsters, just some dangerous animals. Elves, dwarves, magic, monsters- all that stuff is fantasy, like out of a fairytale."

"So you don't know of anything from your home that could have brought you here?" Jaskier asked.

"Um, no. We do have science. I guess it's closest to alchemy? But we don't have anything advanced enough for portals. We have all sorts of technology, though. Actually!" You fished around in your pockets for your phone, "Here I have this! It's my cell phone. It's like a… oh shoot what was that called... A xenovox? Xenogloss? And I guess also a megascope because it can let you talk to other people and see them too," You held your phone up and pressed the lock button to show your lock screen.

Geralt and Jaskier leaned in to get a closer look at your phone. "Here, see?" You unplugged your headphones and held your phone out to them, which Geralt gingerly took from your hands. Jaskier peeked over his shoulder. He turned it back and forth, examining the foreign object. He blinked in surprise when the screen went dark, flipping it over to see if he had broken something.

"Oh, it just does that. The screen turns off when it's not being used to save battery." The men in front of you furrowed their brows so you continued, “It runs off of electricity that’s stored inside the battery. Once the battery gets low, it needs to be recharged. There’s no magic involved.”

“So it’s used to communicate with others? Could we use it to get you back home?” Jaskier snatched your phone out of Geralt’s hands.

“Well...no. To contact someone they have to have a phone, too. And there’s no network here anyway, so it wouldn’t work. Umm..back home they have huge signal towers built that help pass the message across huge distances. Since there’s nothing like that here, I can’t use it. But it does more stuff, too! It can play music, take pictures, go on the internet, lots of other stuff?”

“Pictures?”

“Music?” Geralt and Jaskier asked at the same time.

“Uh yeah. Here, Geralt first.” You held out your hand and the bard gave your phone back to you. “See? Look.”

You held your phone out facing them and opened up your camera from your lock screen. The camera was facing out and only showed your shoulder, so you switched it to the front. Geralt and Jaskier stared at it.

“So, it’s just like a mirror?” Jaskier asked, waving a hand in front of your screen.

You held up a finger and flipped your phone back to you. You made sure your flash was off and held up your phone.

“Smile!”

Geralt furrowed his brows and Jaskier gave a nervous grin. You snapped the photo and showed them.

“See? It’s like having your portrait painted, but this is done instantly.”

Jaskier snorted, “Look, Geralt. Now you can see just how broody you are!” Geralt only nodded in response and continued to examine their picture.

You then went on to explain cameras and videos, giving examples and simple details where you could. Jaskier found it very silly when you attempted to explain snapchat to them, he thought it was strange to send pictures to communicate when writing or typing words was easy enough. Geralt saw the practicality in it. Sometimes, a picture is best when you can’t come up with the right words. After sprouting this wisdom, Geralt stood abruptly and began tearing down their makeshift camp. You kept Jaskier’s attention, continuing to mess around with your camera. Thankfully, your phone started out at 100% battery so at least you had some time with it before it became a useless brick. Once everything was away, Geralt cleared his throat.

“Oh, right!” said Jaskier, “We have to get going...but where exactly are we going now with (Y/n) here?”

“East.” Geralt replied.

“Wha- East? I thought we were making our way west?”

Geralt shrugged. “If we go east, we’re more likely to run into her.” He motioned for you to come closer as he held Roach’s reins.

“Her? As in the crazy witch Yennefer her? Geralt, come on! Surely you know of other sorcerers or sorceresses who haven’t completely lost their minds?” Jaskier sputtered.

Geralt ignored the Bard’s protests. Instead, he gestured at Roach once you were closer. You weren’t sure what he was getting at. Was he showing you his horse? You knew he was awfully protective of her.

“Get on.”

“Wait what?” You and Jaskier called at the same time.

“I said, get on. You’re likely still weak from your journey here and unused to the magic of my signs. You’ll slow us down, so get on.”

“I’ve been your friend for years now and you haven’t let me ride your horse once. A mysterious woman shows up out of thin air and you offer it to her like it’s nothing? Unbelievable.” Jaskier scoffed, half joking.

You looked at Geralt sheepishly. “I don’t know how to ride a horse. It’s pretty rare for someone to have one-” You were cut off when Geralt suddenly lifted you up into the saddle. You hadn’t even seen him move behind you. Guess that must be those witcher reflexes.

Geralt lead Roach with you perched on top. Jaskier assured you that should you fall off, he would come rushing to your aid. You travelled this way for quite a few hours. The road you were on was completely empty as you followed it out of the woods and through vast fields. You passed the time answering any questions your new companions came up with to the best of your ability. It took a lot of effort on your part to think of ways to explain the advanced technology of your home to them, especially when you had to keep clarifying and correcting your slang. Your legs and ass were sore and your mouth incredibly dry, yet you still felt...strange.

You still couldn’t believe any of this was real. When silence fell your brain tried to justify everything that had happened with a logical answer. But logic couldn’t explain the monster’s corpse or when Geralt used Igni. A part of you was terrified. Here you were in a foreign world full of monsters and magic that you knew almost nothing about. You didn’t know how to fight, you didn’t have practically any of your belongings with you, and you had no idea how you even got here. The world of the Witcher is incredibly dangerous, and you were thrown in head first. What about school? You still had finals to finish, homework to do. Your friends? Family? They’ll all think you’re dead. There’s no way to tell them that you’re alright, you just vanished! You felt awful knowing you left your loved ones behind. Although, a part of you was excited. It’s not your fault that you were stuck here, and it’s not like you could do anything about it so why not enjoy it? Hadn’t you always dreamed of quests and adventures? You were talking to your favorite characters. They were real, and interested in what you had to say. They were trying to find you a way home. Isn’t this something you could enjoy?

The idea of getting to know Geralt and Jaskier better was comforting. Despite the difficulty of explaining your technology, they had been very easy to talk to. Both were incredibly interested in anything you said, and they shared stories and explanations as well. Hours had passed and you were genuinely enjoying their company. So you decided that you felt excited. Everything good always starts out a little bit frightening, but it’s usually worth it in the end. Geralt and Jaskier were going to help you, and you would get to have an adventure along the way. You  confidently straightened your back and gripped the horn of your saddle a bit tighter. You were going to get through this, and it would be awesome. You just had to make sure you didn’t get killed or eaten by some crazy monster along the way. You were in the Continent, after all.

Taglist is open!

[sylvernerdgirl-blog]

Funny Things People Say

Funny quotes people say: If you are what you eat, then cannibals are the only humans. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... In his house. Dear America, Since you released upon us the horror that is Miley Cyrus (I actually like her a bit but I thought this was funny) , we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Bieber (His songs are ok but I hate him.) and no-one will be spared. Yours faithfully, Canada. When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my facebook status to "Chilin' with Jesus" Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after I found it? When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back. When your down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you. Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within. Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. When your are in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "dang, that was fun!" People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? If something goes without saying, why do people say it? Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny. Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. God created man-THEN had a better idea! Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I like work. It fasinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be. It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese. I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL! You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh. A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun!" Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia? I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead. Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo? People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face. You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you. DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S (Or in my case UK)...tell your friends. Hey stupid! Your sock is untied... If my calculations are correct...slinkies escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!! Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "To be is to do" Socrates "To do is to be" Sartre "Do be do be do." Sinatra Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together? Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? We're so cool ice cubes are jealous. Im not as random as you think I salad. On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicatd. Haven't they met themselves? I see no good reason to act my age. Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls. Be a dork!! Because being cool is overrated. At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh? Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos? Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades. If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you. I ROCK! Guitar hero told me. I tried being normal, but I didn't like it. I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to. There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe. Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes. Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is. Be yourself. That's crazy enough. You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail. Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. The trouble with real life is that there is no background music I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything. Forecast for tonight: darkness If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do? I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. How come when you mix water with flour, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something Hell is full of musical amateurs There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line I'm not random I just have many thoughts I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it If you had a life you would stop talking about mine We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking The below statement is true The above statement is false Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner. In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop! When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Five tequila, six tequila, lock the jail door! I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah! If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?! Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport. I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret! Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1? By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday Hi! I'm human. What're you? Have you considered suing your brain for non-support? Everyone has a right to be ugly, but you're abusing that privilege. I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy. Yeah I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet One night, I looked up into the sky. I began counting the reasons why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars. Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!? Its not that I'm not a “people person”... its just that I'm not a “stupid people person”. Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?