#im gonna try and start working on something ill probably finish it tomorrow though

[ralseinumberonebiggestsupporter]

girl who eats toothpaste

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[daddystevee]

Crashing Down

(steve harrington x hopper!reader / billy hargrove x hopper!reader)

IM BACK Bleh I suck @ updating 😖 I’m sorry BUT I’m getting better at cranking shit out. Like I wrote this whole part in an hour and a half? I think? I’m happy with my progress though, if you go back and look at part 1 compared to this part- like whattt !!! Any-who, thank you for all the support I love you guys. Also go check out ‘Stories Tucked Away’ by @harringtown​ its AMAZING- she literally made my dream come true and I love it and her. Also enjoy part 5 :p

catch up here

Warnings: Angst for sure at the very end but is that even a warning? a few curse words?

Part 5/?

Word count: 1.3k 

Summery: Sometimes things just don’t go as planned and your world just come crashing down, but it’s a good thing that you have people in your life to be there to catch you when you fall.

><

After tossing and turning all night, thinking about what Billy could’ve been doing, the girls finally woke you up around 1 and asked you if you would take them to Max’s house and to just hang out for a while. Of course you said yes, why wouldn’t you? 

The two teens get dressed and El packs a set of clothes for the night and the next day as you go to the kitchen and write a quick note and put it on the fridge.

‘Gone to take the girls out and about.. Be back later?’ - Y/N

You grab your keys off of the counter as they walk out of El’s room and start heading towards the front door. You don’t bother locking the door because you know Hop will be up soon, getting ready for work. 

><

Upon arriving at Billy’s house you get a bad feeling about what’s been going on here, and you ask if you can just stay in the car but Max suggests that you come in with them. You nod your head and get out the car and follow them inside.

While they go and look around the room you’ve been in thousands of times, you decide to go into the bathroom to have a look around. What you find, is a little bit weird.

“Hey guys, you might wanna come have a look at this!” You call out.

They come down the hallway and into the bathroom to see you sitting on the side of the bathtub waving your hand around in the water that was once ice.

“Ice” they both say one after another

“Probably for his muscles or something, he works out like a maniac.” 

“Yeah but he never complains about being sore or anything and has never told me about taking ice baths after working out.” you say in response getting up from the tub.

Walking out into the hallway and you head towards Billy’s room. You sit down on his bed and sighed, you missed being here, you missed him.

The girls call out your name in a panic, you stand up and walk to the door and see them walking out of the bathroom holding what seemed to be a fanny pack.

“We gotta go, now” Max says with worry in her voice.

“Okay, okay let’s get out of here.”

Once in the car you ask, 

“Where to?”

“The pool” they say in unison

Almost as if on cue, there was a loud crash of thunder. Regardless, you listen to what the girls tell you and head towards the Hawkins pool. Thank goodness you had a few rain jackets behind your seat because as soon as the three of you got in your truck it was a constant downpour.

>< 

Once you got to the pool the El and Max reached behind the seat and pulled out two raincoats and got out of the truck and ran to the awning.

You decide to just stay in the truck and listen to your radio as you watch people run around in the rain trying to get home. After about 30 minutes they came running back to the truck and El had blood dripping down her nose. You knew that shit was about to go down.

The three of you decide on stopping for food before venturing on. You ride over to Starcourt and give the girls some money to go to the food court as you head over to none other than scoops. But before you can even get to the ice cream parlor you see Robin standing on one of the plant platforms.

“Watcha doing Rob?”

“I cracked it” 

Steve and Dustin come walking up next to you,

“Cracked what?” Steve asks

“I cracked the code..” she says with a smile on her face, obviously feeling proud of herself.

You follow them back to scoops, buying a corn dog from one of the venders out in the middle of the mall on the way. You go back into the back room and listen to the plan out what their next moves should be for the next hour.

You hear a ding coming from out front and pop your head out the back door and see none other than El and Max waiting for you.

“Hey guys, I gotta go, ill meet up with you guys later, yeah?”

The trio waves you goodbye and you head off with your sister and her friend to take on your own adventure.

>< 

You guys drive around for a few hours trying to figure out where this ‘big red door’ was and it was starting to get dark.

“Maybe we should come back tomorrow its getting really dark out and I really should get you guys home-” 

“No,” El says cutting you off, “this is important.”

“There!” Max says loudly. 

You pull over on the side of the road and the three of you get out of the truck and head to the front door.

“Guys I really think we should knock-” you say as El uses her powers to unlock and open the door before you can even finish your sentence.

The three of you step into the house, you feel really weird about it but carry on anyways. You follow the red head down the hallway and see a family photo.

“Heather Holloway?” 

“This is her house..” Max says

You stare at the picture for a second longer and you hear some laughing and music. Walking around the corner they come face to face with none other than your boyfriend, Billy Hargrove.

“Max, Y/N.” Billy says as he looks you up and down.

Max tries to cover up for why you had just barged into their home and El asks where Heather is. You just stare in disbelief that Billy, your Billy Hargrove was doing this to you right now.

The four of you talk for a few minutes and right before you go to leave you pull Billy to the side.

“Billy, I literally can not believe you right now.”

He doesn’t say anything, he just stares past you as El walks to your truck.

“Billy are you even listening to me right now? Hellooo?” You wave your hand in front of his face but he grabs your wrist and holds it tight, sure to leave a bruise, you wince at the pain.

You yanked your arm away from him and move into his view, making eye contact with him for the first time in days. He looked like he didn’t care that you were even there, seeing him eating dinner with another girl and her family broke your heart into pieces. Tears started to form in your eyes,

“Billy, I’m done. I'm done with all of this, I’m done with you. You've done nothing but avoid me for days, ignore my calls and this is what it's all about. Her.. How long have you two been a thing? Huh?” You got no response from him just a cold stare, “Alright, fine if this is what you want, were done. Fuck you Billy Hargrove.”

You turn around and walk to your truck, tears clouding your vision as you walked. With that, you got in your car and left. No looking back, this is what he’s wanted. Little did you know, that was not your Billy.

“Woah- Y/N what’s wrong? What happened?” Max asks, seeing your red eyes.

You turn to look at the two girls, “I dumped his ass.”

El leans her head on your shoulder as you crank your car and drive off. You drop the girls off at Max’s house and head to the store to buy some ice cream before heading to the cabin because man oh man were you gonna need it.

[alright--okay]

you ever been to a basement show? pt. 4

tsukishima kei x reader

summary: Tsukishima sees you everywhere, and for a big school thats weird. And it’s not like he’s gonna do anything, that’d be even weirder, but one day in your shared lecture he sees you wearing a shirt with some small band’s name. A band he know. And well, now he has to know who you are.

word count: ~2.7 k

a/n: the first five chapters are already on ao3 so imma post them here real quick, hope anyone reading enjoys!

read on ao3!

pt. 4 Go Home. Play Music. Feel Better. - Michael Cera Palin

“Ohoho, look who decided to show up,” you said to Tsukishima as he moved to sit beside you in the lecture hall.

Tsukishima gave you an exasperated look, “class didn’t even start yet. Also please don’t take on those idiots’ mannerisms.”

“Why not? I think it’s fun. And completely unrelated, but want to come to the store with me after class? Bokuto recommended me this hair gel and I’ve always wanted to try-”

“Please stop,” Tsukishima turned to face the front of the class as you broke out into quiet giggles.

“Seriously though, I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning so I’m gonna get something at that cafe near our apartments if you want to join.”

This wasn’t a date. Tsukishima knew this. That didn’t stop his heart from beating a tad bit faster or the apples of his cheeks growing rosier.

Tsukishima shifted his arm to one of the uncomfortable arm rests of the seat, leaning his head against his hand to hopefully help cover any of the heat on his cheeks, “yeah, I’m down.”

“Cool,” from the corner of his eye, Tsukishima saw you give your own small smile as you turned to focus on the professor about to start the lecture.

This wasn’t a date.

~~~~~~

Class dragged on, but soon enough you and Tsukishima were making the short journey to the cafe.

“Did you finish the paper for that class?” Tsukishima asked.

“What paper?”

“The one he assigned last week? Due on Wednesday? The one on that civilization-”

“Wait, no, no, no. That paper’s due on the 18th.”

“y/n…” Tsukshima slowed his pace to look you in your eyes, “Wednesday is the 18th.”

You let a quiet “fuck” slip from your mouth as you faced forward, moving quickly to the cafe now only a few shops away, “then no, I haven’t even started it.”

“Yeah that seemed pretty obvious,” Tsukishima said with a smirk.

“He never mentioned it again! I can’t keep track of everything!”

“Yeah, not even the date apparently,” Tsukishima snickered, opening the door for the two of you.

“Alright, listen!” Tsukishima’s laugh only grew louder, “I thought this class was gonna be fun and easy, and now I have to write a paper in like two days. Disgusting,” your attentioned moved to the menu hanging above the register.

“It’s short, you’re being dramatic.”

“Fuck you,” Tsukishima let out a startled laugh while you moved forward to give your order and pay then stood off to the side waiting for Tsukishima to do the same.

Tsukishima silently pointed to a table off in the corner that was free, “what is your major anyway?” he said as the two of you settled down into the seats.

You told him your major with a small shrug, “Nothing too special, but I liked it in high school so I figured I’d just keep up with it. Are you actually archeology or are you also just in this class for the hell of it?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’m an archeology major, but this class doesn’t count for much since it's pretty entry level.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re good at this stuff?”

“I’m not writing your paper.” “I wouldn’t ask that!” you said with a frown, “I was wondering if you could at least help me though. Read it over, give me some advice, make sure it’ll give me a decent grade, stuff like that. Come on, I’ll make you cookies.”

Tsukishima paused for a moment, “What about a strawberry shortcake?”

“I mean I’ll have to go to the store…” Tsukishima continued to stare at you, “but fine! Yes, I’ll make you a strawberry shortcake, you bastard.” You mumbled the last part under your breath as you got up to get yours and Tsukishima’s orders.

Making a cake would be a small price to pay for a good grade in a class you honestly didn’t care about. Spending time with Tsukishima didn’t hurt either.

“Get as much of it done as you can tonight, I’m done with class pretty early tomorrow so we can work on it together at my place whenever you’re free,” Tsukishima gave you the short rundown as you place the food on the table.

“Why don’t we do it at my place? You have like three roommates. I have Yachi.”

“Good point, text me tomorrow when you’re good,” Tsukishima said with a small nod.

~~~

It was a little past one on tuesday when you decided to text Tsukishima.

To Tsukishima archeology:

hey im walking home now so feel free to come over whenever

From Tsukishima archeology:

alright ill be there soon

You slid your phone back into your pocket, trying to turn your focus on the music flowing through your headphones and not on the lanky blonde that would be spending the rest of the day in your apartment.

You saw Tsukishima at least three times a week and most of that time was spent alone with each other in class or recitation, but this was… different. You were going to be actually alone with the guy. No distractions from a professor or a friend or a cafe worker calling out names. And okay Tsukishima was mildly attractive… Okay he was attractive but you wouldn’t let that come between you and the new friend you made in the snarky asshole.

It's not like anything would happen anyway. Tsukishima definitely didn’t like you like that, and no amount of daydreaming him confessing to you would make it come true (even if it was a very nice daydream).

It wasn’t long before you made it up to your apartment. Yachi had a late class today so you weren’t expecting her back until tonight, hopefully after Tsukishima had already left. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Yachi to know… but Yachi had already been making assumptions and Tsukishima coming over to “do work” alone in your room would do nothing but feed her imagination (even if it was the truth).

In the middle of eating a quick snack, Tsukishima sent you a text saying he was at your building.

You scrambled down the staircase of your building to meet Tsukishima who was waiting (somewhat) patiently on the stoop of your building.

“Finally,” he muttered as you widened the door for him to pass.

“You gave me no warning! Should’ve left you out here longer.”

“Should I just leave then? Seems like you don’t want me here so I’ll just-”

You put your hands on Tsukishima’s back, pushing him further into the building, “Nope, you’re helping me. You already agreed, no backing out.”

Tsukishima let out a dramatic sigh, now trailing behind you, “Did you at least start it?”

“Yes, in fact, I did. Almost done too, just need one more paragraph to push me over the word minimum.”

“What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I thought I was just gonna read it over?” Tsukishima asked as you let him into your and Yachi’s apartment, leading him to your small kitchen table.

“I dunno, dude; do other homework, work on your own paper, pick an album to listen to,” you gestured lazily towards your bedroom door, “all my vinyl is in the crates to the right.”

You could tell Tsukishima tried very hard to hide his excitement, “well, I already submitted my paper,” he ‘casually’ slid his backpack off his shoulders and made his way to the door you just pointed out.

You followed him over, showing him the milk crates you were talking about, your record player sitting on the dresser nearby.

“If you're gonna be sitting here, I’ll work at my desk,” you gathered your laptop and the notebook you had used to organize your paper, settling at the small desk, “if you need any help let me know.”

Tsukishima gave you a small smile and proceeded to get down on the floor to sit cross legged, flipping through the crate closest to him.

The two of you continued in silence for a while until Tsukishima gave a light poke to your shoulder, a recognizable album in his hand.

“I’ve never actually used a record player, so can you…” he trailed off, pushing the album towards you.

You tried to contain your amusement. Tsukishima clearly did not want to be asking you this, but you were glad he took this route instead of trying it and scratching up your records.

“Yeah sure, good pick by the way,” you got up from your desk chair and took the album, sliding the sleeve out to get to the vinyl itself, this one in particular being a bright blue as opposed to the typical black.

You ran him through how to handle the records and how to work your particular player so he would be able to flip and change the records whenever, and soon enough the beginning of Just Friends’ album Nothing but Love began to play.

You smiled again, making your way back to your desk to finish up your paper while Tsukishima went back to sitting on your floor, alternating between listening to the music and playing on his phone.

By the time the album came to an end you placed your laptop in Tsukishima’s lap, “be gentle,” you said, moving to grab an album at random and replace the one coming to an end.

“I’m not gonna promise anything,” he replied, adjusting his glasses to begin reading your paper.

You wandered off to the kitchen for a glass of water, not wanting to be in the room while Tsukishima was judging your writing.

“It’s not that bad!” Tsukishima called from your room, you walked over to lean in the door frame, “I marked some stuff you should reword and you should probably include that thing he mentioned a while ago…” Tsukishima continued to talk about your paper, flipping through notes to bring up examples and point out which parts he found errors in.

“But not bad?” you questioned again with a small smile, taking your laptop back.

“Not great, but not bad,” he said getting up to get his own stuff from the kitchen.

“I’ll take it!” you took it as a win when you heard Tsukishima’s laughter from the other room.

~~~

It was well into the evening by now, Tsukishima had helped fully finalize your paper a while ago but the two of you continued to talk and do work in your room. At this point you knew Yachi was going to be here soon. You would have to kick Tsukishima out now if you didn’t want her to notice just how long the boy had spent here and that just seemed rude and unnecessary (plus you didn’t really want Tsukishima to go just yet).

“Did you want to just stay for dinner? Yachi said she's picking something up, so if you want anything speak now.”

Tsukishima paused shortly at your question, “where’s she stopping?”

You relayed your and Tsukishima’s order to Yachi hoping she’d get home soon so you could have a proper meal.

You and Tsukishima were back to the floor, sifting through albums and talking over the music in the background.

“I wish you had A Flourish and a Spoil,” Tsukishima said, examining the art of one particular album.

“By The Districts?” Tsukishima’s eyes darted over to you, making you laugh, “I have that one, just probably got misplaced if it’s not with the D’s,” you took a minute to think back to the last time you had listened to the album, trying to place where it currently was.

You hauled yourself up and went to your dresser. Beside your record player was a short stack of albums you had been listening to the other day but were too lazy at the time to properly put away. Sure enough, the dark album art peaked from the pile.

You took the whole stack over to your crates, passing the album to Tsukishima’s waiting hands.

“We’re listening to this next,” Tsukishima said, eyes roaming the back of the album, examining all the details.

“We can definitely do that,” you replied, sorting the albums, “but Yachi’s gonna be here soon so you good with waiting a little bit?”

He gave you a small nod and the two of you resumed your quiet activities with the current record coming to an end. It wasn’t long after you heard the apartment’s door open with Yachi making her presence known.

The three of you sat around the small kitchen table, eating your food and talking about your days. You tried to ignore all of Yachi’s “subtle” looks in favor of asking about the class she just got out of.

“I hate that it lets out so late!” Yachi complained, dropping her head to the table, “I’m so tired and the walk home gets scary in the dark.”

“You can always ask me or Yamaguchi to walk with you,” Tsukishima said, looking up from his food, “if you’re really anxious we really wouldn’t mind, it’s a short walk.”

“Tsukki!” Yachi let out a cry, tears gathering in her eyes, “don’t listen to them, you’re so sweet, I love you.”

“Wait, listen to who-” Yachi interrupted his questions by giving his stiff posture a hug, “what are people saying about me?”

Yachi continued her hug, Tsukishima slowly raising a hand to pat her back, “nothing, nothing, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

You laughed at Tsukishima’s confused and irked expression, clearly not knowing how to interpret Yachi’s words.

Yachi removed herself from Tsukishima, “well, I am exhausted, goodnight,” Yachi said, giving you both a smile.

“Goodnight, Yachi, see you tomorrow,” you said, Tsukishima giving his own goodnight before turning to look you in the eye.

“It’s time,” he said, quickly cleaning up your plates and then heading to your room.

You laughed as you trailed behind him. He was already setting up the vinyl so you settled on your bed, letting your back fall into the comforter sitting atop your mattress.

The opening beats of the first song gently filled your room, quiet enough to not disturb Yachi but loud enough that the thumping drums still hit in your chest. Tsukishima turned around and you patted the spot beside you. He seemed to hesitate for a second before making his way over, letting his body lay beside your own.

“I used to listen to this album all the time in high school,” Tsukishima said to the ceiling. You turned your head to look at his side profile, “I think at the time it was just cause I liked how it sounded,” he paused for a particular chorus to pass, “but now I actually listen to it.”

You turned your head back to the ceiling, “I get that. A lot of albums have changed meaning for me over the years. This always felt like a new beginning though.”

Tsukishima hummed beside you. You let the music fill the room, you and Tsukishima each focusing on the lyrics of each song and how one connected to another.

Side A came to its gentle end, so you got up to slowly flip it, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere your room held at the moment. You took your spot beside Tsukishima again, trying not to disturb him.

“God, this album slaps,” Tsukishima mumbled under his breath at the crescendo of the song, making you break out into a laugh. Tsukishima surprisingly let out a chuckle of his own, “what? You know it's true.”

“I know, I know,” you let your giggles peter out, “I feel like you have to save that for Young Blood though.”

“It can be applied in a variety of places, don’t go around constricting me.”

“Fair enough,” you smiled at him, scooting your legs further on the bed to get more comfortable.

Young Blood, as good of a song as it was, was eight minutes long and by the final words of it, you could feel yourself drifting. It started with just resting your eyes, but soon your body was trying to catch up on the lack of sleep.

As your mind was shutting down, you heard a soft snore beside you. I’ll deal with this tomorrow, you thought to yourself before succumbing to the warmth of your room and the body beside you, letting the final song of the album lull you to sleep.

[yathinkbruh]

[7/2/2012 11:57:28 PM] Stephen: went to a 88 jiuba with some chinese friends, guy i met on weixin invited me. we went to some place in luohu which is right next to hongkong, that ***** didnt give me directions so i wandered the streets for 30 minutes until a taxi drivery finally directed me to the right place. had to pay fucking 200 kuai for the table we got, couldnt get in at first cuz they said i was wearing flipflops that werent allowed for dress code. i put on some size 3 chinese converse ripoffs and walked in with half of my foot sticking out like i didnt give a fuck, was k and then changed back to flipflops. drank this delicious juice and whiskey or something blend, could drink that shit all day which we pretty much did, not a lot of alcohol so we probly drank glasses each. the club was fuckin huge, had epic video screens with victoria secret runaway cameos going on along with music videos to the trash top 40 they like to play here. chiense people all stood around at the tables waiting for their friend to arrive. even though its a bar no one actually looks for others to mingle with and instead sticks to their friend circle only. i went around the bar trying to find a girl to coem to our table to drink with us but her guardian guy friend w/e was too jealous and butthurt so he gave me a hand motion to go away..lul. we played dice game a fuckton, for the first hour it was just 3 guys derping in the club looking around like fools. eventually their female friends came but not girlfriends, some randmo hoes who just came and went after playing some drinking games with us. didnt really make sense. i was asking one of the girls if she was having fun why she wanted to come to the bar if they were just going to stand around, shes like im just bored i guess. truth be told no one really dances there or does anything, they just personify awkwardness as they look around trying to make new acquaintances but its ultimlately impossible since they cling to their circle of friends. the employees at this bar were really fun & friendly and danced more than the guests. in the bathroom this guy tried to give me a stick of gum while iw as peeing and then led me around at the end demanding a tip. i gave him 5 kuai for the lulz. i made eye contact multiple times with one of the better looking girls in the club (probably late 20s), most were fugly and it was like 70/30 m/f...but she was with several other friends making it impossible for her to leave them and actually talk to me. i left after 1 cuz i have work tomorrow at 830

[7/2/2012 11:57:47 PM] Stephen: and this place was super chinese

no foreigners and every1 was speaking some trash dialect

including the guy i was with, fucking impossible to understand

he didnt slow down at all

[7/2/2012 11:58:06 PM] Stephen: i might as well have been at the train station

such a cluster

the club was so legit

live singers every half hour

good sound system

girl pretending to dj on the side

weith some beats headphones

chinese djs at these clubs are good

the people who go there are riffraff though

[7/2/2012 11:58:23 PM] Stephen: i was going along at the beginning just to be nice/ thought it would be an adventure to hang out w/ random guy

i was sitting on subway

he looking at me

i was sitting

as soon as seat opens he sits his fat ass next to me

starts talking like hey where you from what you doing in china

so hes this random businessman from dubai who's lonely and comes here a lot to the exhibition center

he has no friends or family

hes kind of awkward and creepy

but i have nothing better to do

 21 hours agoStephen Brownlee

and hes the same, finished for the day

so im like k ill go eat w you

maybe you're just lonely like i was today

i had to go exploring alone cuz no1 would hang out

(got a lot of weixin contacts that way though)

anyway we go to restaurant

hes kind of picky, has zero understanding of china, still kind of weird

we talk about general stuff

eat at a muslim restaurant

lol

he takes forever finding it

when i could have found it..

w/e

we took a taxi there

anyway hes just a fuckup in general and you wonder what hes doing in china

then he says some legitimate stuff about its hard to find true friends in china

every1 just wants money from you

and im like yeah i know that feel bro

so i sort of think maybe he just feeling really down cuz he has no friends

then we leave the restaurant and hes like where to go now

i told him i wanted to explore the city and hes like im tired

need to rest

then wanted to go to a hotel with him

also when we walked he would lead my with his arm awkwardly

he was like we can go back and rest, get a hotel

im like ...

his english is shit

so eventually he mades some super roundabout attempt at giving me a straight request

we just go to hotel herherher

this guy was middle aged and fat

anyway hes like i want to kiss your eyes

creepy motherfucker

messages not sending

then im like the fuck breh

oh before he was like

like what hes looking for

hes like haha just joking

im like uhh...

then hes like you arent gay

im like what the fuck are you even saying breh

lol

ok now no messages are sending

what the fuck

sorry idk how much you saw

anyway before he was like we believe meeting someone is part of gods plan

me meeting you today

god planned that to happen

lul...

k breh

anyway i was looking for an escape

at one point he was gonna get a taxi for us and i started walking in the other direction

waved as i left

he didnt follow

thank god

so i got the fuck out of there

like what hes looking for

me meeting you today

im like uhh...

what the fuck

messages not sending

[7/2/2012 11:58:39 PM] Stephen: hes like haha just joking

then hes like you arent gay

im like what the fuck are you even saying breh

lol

ok now no messages are sending

sorry idk how much you saw

anyway before he was like we believe meeting someone is part of gods plan

oh before he was like

then im like the fuck breh

creepy motherfucker

[7/2/2012 11:58:53 PM] Stephen: we just go to hotel herherher

waved as i left

he didnt follow

at one point he was gonna get a taxi for us and i started walking in the other direction

anyway i was looking for an escape

k breh

this guy was middle aged and fat

creepy motherfucker

then im like the fuck breh

[7/2/2012 11:59:13 PM] Stephen: anyway

as soon as he was out of sight

i ran

lol

and got on the first bus i saw

oh man

but then my roommates was like

awww you shoulda gotten his contact info

im looking for rich guys from dubai

can get a lot of money of them

lol

i gave him my fone #

at the start

we'll see...

he might give up

he complains about being alone but the whole time i was thinking yeah who would want to be with you you creepy fuck

i was feeling very down today cuz unable to find friends to hang out with all weekend

so i felt a little empathy

alright thats pretty much it

[chocojjk]

Eggs

summary: badboy! changbin if you squint 

words: 7k

warnings: one mention of death by illness

a/n: this took way too long cause i got so lazy lmfao, slide into my inbox with prompts cause idk what to write after this 

not edited per usual, im lazy :(((

you and changbin lived in different worlds

changbin has always been the schools most notorious bad boy

along with his group, 3racha

he was the typical bad boy -- gets into fights, wears leather, barely shows up to class, etc.

after watching countless of rom-coms, you and i, reader, should know that bad boys like to keep to themselves

and they won't bother you unless you cross their territory, not at all different from changbin

someone bullies one of his friends???

you might as well run now , because he will be coming for your ass

he catches you talking shit?

you should probably say goodbye to your mouth and have a doctors appointment ready

the point im trying to make is that seo changbin does not take shit from anyone

which doesn't really matter at this point because everyone has learned to fear him

on the other hand, you're, what they say is a “good girl”

too caught up with your books and your grades, in the library 24/7, worrying too much about the future you envision

you stayed away from drama as much as possible, happy with the 2-3 friends that you have  

and,,,

well,,,

you probably saw this coming,, but just in case you didnt, ill say it

your two different worlds are about to collide

---------------

youve been searching for a little over 20 minutes to where he could be when you finally spotted him at the table all way in the back of the library

you let out the deepest sigh, you shouldve figured he would choose that table jfc

‘he really is sticking to his reputation’ you think to yourself as you made your way over to him

“hi, im y/n, i'm your tutor,” you say, giving him a soft smile

changbin doesn't even bother to reply to you as he got up and left

you were left standing there like,,,

what the fuck just happened ??

before you finally snapped out of your confused trance and chased after him

catching up to him you grab his arm, putting a complete halt to his movement

and suddenly the library was even quieter than it should be

every single eye in the room focused on the interaction that lies in front of them

the notorious bad boy and the goody two shoes,,, how incredibly cliche

he looks at you, his eyes dark and unreadable

the expression on his face was emotionless yet it felt like he was crushing you under his stare

finally noticing that your hand was still gripped around his arm, you quickly let go, letting out a small “ehem”

the tension in the air was thick, it felt like someone just put a dark cloud above your head and you couldn’t blow it away

god damn this was awkward

not even the good awkward where you can laugh about it later, this is the kind of awkward situation that hits you in the middle of the night and suddenly you're just cringing at every bad thing you have done in the past

“uhm, im suppose to tutor you,” you try to say confidently as soon as you found your voice, but really it was barely above a whisper

“maybe show up on time,” he says, his voice as dark and as strong as his aura

and with one final look at you, he walked out of there

you didnt bother anymore, you knew you were at fault

‘we’ll try again tomorrow,’ you think to yourself before your best friend, hyunjin walked up to you, pulling you outside the library  

“dude are you okay?”

“uhmm, why wouldn’t i be?”

“i just saw you talking to changbin”

“ok and ?”

“he’s bad news y/n,” your best friend says, warning you

“ i dont really have a choice hyunjin” you reply

you think back to 3 days ago when you were called to the principal's office

not gonna lie, you were shaking in your boots,, only bad kids get randomly sent to the principal's office

as you entered the room, Mrs. Seo was already waiting for you behind her desk

“hi ms. l/n, i dont think weve formally met,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand

“ its nice to meet you”

“ please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” she continued, pointing to the seat right in front of her

sensing your nervousness she quickly added a, “don't worry, you're not in trouble”

phew

your brain was starting to hurt from trying to rack what you must have done wrong to be seated in the big office

“ why am i here then if you don't mind me asking?”

“ ah yes, i need you to tutor my son”

,,,,,

oh

(◎_◎;)

,,,

“umm, why me?”

“you're top 1 in the class, is there anyone better than you to do it?”

well,,, she wasn't wrong

you mentally pat yourself at the back for this, happy that your efforts were being noticed

“don't worry ms. l/n, if you succeed, i’ll make sure you get into any college that you desire “

‘pshhhh, im top 1 ms seo, i can do that on my own’ you think to yourself 

“....and fully paid for.”

well, shit , how can you say no to that offer

its literally free education right in your fingertips  

what's the catch??

“ you can do that?” you ask

“ of course. i know very important people. so what do you say?”

and after a few minutes of contemplating within yourself, you finally agreed

“ also, while you're at it, i want you to change my son's reputation.”

and there it is

“ i'm sorry?” you reply,, maybe you just misheard the fact that she literally asked you to change her son

“ i don't just want you to tutor him in english, i want you to make him a better person.”

“how do you expect me to do that?”

“be his friend. teach him the ways of life, i'm not always gonna be around to get him out of trouble. You're a smart girl ms. l/n you'll figure it out.”

without giving you a final say, she ushered you out of there but not before she added

“ one last thing ms. l/n, dont tell anyone about this.”

the way she said it was so scary, and its like a spell was casted on you and you could only utter out an

“ of course mam”

i guess from her standpoint, she made sense

“ i just dont understand why Mrs. Seo chose you out of all the people”

“ we’ve already gon over this hyunjin”

“ yeah yeah, its cause youre the smartest of the class-”

hyunjin continues to talk however you’ve tuned him out as your eyes went to focus on changbin, himself

greeting the rest of his friends, an actual smile on his face, much different from the changbin you encountered a couple minutes ago

he gets up on his motorcycle and was about ready to put his helmet on when he felt someone staring at him ( i told yall, tYpiCAl bad boy )

he whips his head around in quick search for the culprit

and for the second time that day, you found yourself looking in the dark brown eyes of the the one and only, seo changbin

his smile quickly disappearing once he found your eyes

putting on his helmet whilst still maintaining the eye contact, he quickly drove away and you can't help but continue to just watch his figure retreat to the size of a dot until he was completely away from your line of vision

the next day - friday

you were in the library, seated in the table changbin used the day before

unlike yesterday, you were there dummy early

exactly 30 minutes before the actual tutoring session

he wasn't going to get away this time

finally , the chair across from you gets occupied, a backpack loudly flopping its way unto the table

he doesn't say a word,

he doesn't even look at you

he just sits there, staring at the table between you guys

“uhm, i think we got on the wrong foot yesterday, im y/n”

you say, a wide smile on your face, trying to change the atmosphere

he scoffs at this

‘omyfuckinggod who does he think he is’

‘im gonna fucking murder this kid’

‘his mom was right when he said he needed to change’

as much as you wanted to just punch him in the face, you plastered a small smile on your face instead

“should we start?” you continue

“i guess”

for the next hour, you learn that changbin doesn’t even need tutoring

he was definitely smarter than he lead on

he knew the answer to every single question you asked and didnt even seem like he was trying 

“uhmm, changbin can i ask you something?”

he just nods at you, urging you to go on

“are you failing your class on purpose?”

and with that he stands up, giving you a small smirk, “i think this session is over,”

“i-okay- i-i’ll see you on monday!” you say even though he was already a good 5 feet away from you  

-----------

as you laid in your bed that night, you wondered why the boy chose to fail his class

but no matter what scenario you could think of, you just cant understand it

is this what privileged people do ?

they know that they can get away with anything so they dont even try ?

‘aish, why am i thinking about him,’

‘y/n stop it’

‘ahhhhh’

you tried forcing yourself to sleep, to completely shut off all thoughts

but damn that stupid smirk on his face just keeps reappearing

and with that you slapped your pillow unto your face, not at all excited for the days to come

saturday night - 9 pm

to be honest, you weren't the type to go out on a saturday night

however you stayed in bed the whole day binging your netflix shows that you completely forgot to run your errands

so now you're here, at the local supermarket, buying your weekly groceries

you may be asking why can't your parents just do it?

well,,,

you only live with your mom, and she was very busy running the night shift at the hospital + picking up extra shifts

so she's really never home 

and when she is, she crashes right to sleep, exhausted from work

so ever since two years ago, when you turned 16, this has been the life that you were used to

you weren't complaining of course, she was only working to provide for you and your future

the least you could do is help around the house

after a good 7 minutes, you finally gathered everything that you needed

eggs, check

bread, check

peanut butter, check

a bag of hot cheetos,,,, check check and check

you nodded, proud of yourself for finishing it so fast and made your way to your car until a loud crash stops you from doing so

the next thing you know, you were being dragged into the alleyway

“1!!!!1111! I- get off of me,” you say thrashing and kicking, trying to get away

‘oh god, im gonna die tonight,’

‘if there is a god out there,, pls,,, not tonight’

‘i haven't finished my netflix series yet,, plssss’

however your thoughts were cut short when your captor whispered, “shhh, its changbin”

changbin??

chaNgbIN???

chANGBIN???

he finally turns you around, making you face him

“play along if you don't want to get hurt,”

and in one quick motion, his lips were on yours,,,

seo changbin was kissing you

your eyes open, stunned at what was happening

and then you noticed it...5 men walking around the area

and hoping that you've watched the right dramas, you pieced together what you think is happening

leading you to closing your eyes and kissing him back

which honestly caught changbin off guard, “good girls” dont react this way???

but he’d never let you know that, as he pulled you closer to him,

his arms snaking  around your waist

your hands going around his neck, the grocery bag being forgotten

yall were full on making out now

too caught up with each other’s taste to even notice the 5 guys leaving

(((im really bad at writing these kinds of scenes jfc, this sounds awkward as hell pls just picture it)))

until finally after like 23823 years, you pulled away, trying to catch your breath

damn, that kiss was good

probably the best one you’ve ever had

what????

just cause you're a goody-two-shoes doesn't mean you haven't been kissed before okay,,, were not going THAT cliche

he slowly lets go of you, his eyes darting to the grocery bag on the ground

“your eggs are broken,” he says

“m-my eggs?”, you reply, still on cloud nine,

following his gaze, you snapped out of your daze

“oh, r-right, my eggs,” you say softly, a frown making its way upon your face

changbin grabs your hand, pulling you towards the grocery store

“what are you doing?”

as usual, he doesn’t reply

honestly, you should be used to this by now

he dashes around the supermarket

you were right behind him, trying to keep up with his fast paced speed

finally, he gets to his location, the egg aisle

“which one do you want?”

“what?”

“eggs, which one?” he replies

“uhm, you don't have to, i can ju-”

“i'm not doing this for you,” he replies, cutting you off

you looked at him , not knowing what he meant

‘if he wasn't doing it for me then who the fuck is he buying these eggs for, i don't see anyone else here’

sensing your dumbness he grabbed a carton of the most expensive eggs and made his way to the cashier, pulling you along  

and you don't know why, or what has gotten into you, but all you could do was watch and follow

“here. were even now.” he says, before walking away, leaving you in front of the grocery store, holding a carton of eggs

monday

and now we’re back to the start of the week

which means another week of tutoring

as you waited for changbin to show up at the usual spot, you can’t help but think back to two nights ago

the feeling of his lips against yours all a distant memory yet at the same time, one that you could still remember clearly

“hey,” changbin says, breaking you out of your thoughts

“hi?” you reply, confused as to why he even greeted you in the first place

you guys do the usual, read a couple of flash cards, learn new words blah blah blah and all that boring crap that you learn in a high school English class

at one point you guys find yourself just sat in silence, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s been on your mind since Saturday night

“so who were those guys?”

“doesn’t concern you”

“uhm, the fact that you had your tongue down my mouth says otherwise,”

changbin was shocked, he wasn’t used to people responding to him the way you just did

don’t you know who he is???

he gives you one of his signature smirks, regaining his composure

“you liked my tongue being down your throat,” he says teasingly

o_O

＜(。_。)＞

excuse me what

is he flirting with you ??

what’s happening ??

“who said I did?” you say mimicking his tone, not allowing yourself to back down of this conversation

after Saturday night you told yourself that you were never going to just watch and follow

if you didn’t want the damn egg, you should’ve said something, you were so disappointed in yourself

you had your own brain, you can make your own decisions

besides you were here to be in control over him, not the other way around

“oh cmon, you’re really gonna try to refute it??” he says, the stupid smirk still evident on his stupid face

god, how you wish you could just smack it off

with your mouth

wait, who said that???

“you enjoyed it just as much as I did,” you say, knowing that if you answer then he would stop

and you were right, he completely shut his mouth and let the silence envelop you once again

“they were kids from another school,”

you look up at him, shocked that he actually answered

“why were they looking for you?”

“I may have keyed their car,” he says chuckling

“Because?”

“Isn’t that enough questions y/n?”

y/n

that was the first time he’s ever said your name

and you weren’t gonna lie, you liked how it sounded

“sorry”

“it’s fine”

“i don’t want to question it but why are you being so nice?”

“you helped me out without questioning me which means you trust me. im just returning the favor.”

“so, what im hearing is , you trust me?”

<(￣︶￣)>

“don’t make me have to say it out loud”

trust

you don’t know how you did it so quickly,

maybe the gods are at your side, but you finally got thE seo changbin to trust you

2  weeks later

you’ve been tutoring changbin just the same

same time

same table

same library

however, so much has changed

mostly the dynamic of your guys’ relationship

it was like he was a totally different person

like I said before, changbin was smart

but in these last couple of days, you realized just how smart he actually was,

he can honestly probably give you a run for your money

and because of this, your past tutoring sessions have ended up with you guys just laughing and joking around

weird, right ?

changbin and laughing ?

who would’ve thought ??

even onlookers were surprised

and everytime changbin laughed at one of your guys’ silly antics, you swear you can hear a pin drop

the whole room just becomes silent

at first, it bothered you how people were just listening in to your conversation, obviously judging the scene

but as the days went by and it seemed that changbin could care less, you started not caring either

and if you were being completely honest, you looked forward to spending time with him

when changbin was with you, it was just you and changbin, nothing else

he somehow manages to make you forget about reality

“lets ditch tutoring sessions today,” he says as soon as he took the seat next to you

“changbin, no”

“c’mon y/n, live a little”

“excuse you! I do have a life!”

“making out with your homework and watching Netflix shows 24/7 is not a life”

“okAy, now you’re just being mean,” you say, pouting at him

“im not being mean, I’m being honest,”

“yeAH and?? no one asked for your honesty,”

changbin laughs at this

lately he found himself laughing more

and for once, he didn’t mind it

you were doing something to him

and he liked it

“cmon, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says, packing up your things

you sigh in defeat

you know that once changbin sets his mind to something, there's no changing it

so here you are, standing in front of an abandoned music building

“uhhhh, what are we doing here?”

“have you ever trespassed before?” he replies, a smug smile on his face

“nu-uh nope, no way in hell changbin!” you say, your attempt to stop this from happening

however, changbin was already making his way towards the door, completely breaking the lock

aannnndd

he was inside  

“c’mon y/n,” he says reaching out his hand to yours

even though all you need to do is take two steps forward and you're officially a criminal

you were scared shitless

what happens if you get caught omg

almost like he was reading your mind, he quickly says, “y/n, ive been here over a million times and ive never gotten caught,”

“i dont know changbin”

“hm, thats too bad, i wanted to share a secret with you,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice before he stepped out of the building and made his way towards his motorcycle

but of course,,,

you being a nosy bitch

“wait,”

“yes?”

“lets go inside”

you guys enter the building, the rooms getting darker and darker the deeper you go (this building is huge okAY)

if you weren't shitting your pants before, you definitely are now 

an abandoned building???

and its dark???

youve seen this in every scary movie out there

it never goes well

“uhm changbin,” you whisper, as you guys continue to walk

“hm”

“i-um can i hold your hand? im scared and - actually you know what its fine its dumb you dont hav-”

but before you can even finish your sentence, his hand were already laced around yours, providing you the comfort and security that you were looking for

you shut your mouth after that, just letting changbin lead the way

passing by so many rooms, each one looking the same as the other, it was starting to feel like a maze

however , changbin seemed to know exactly where to go

‘I guess he has been here over a million times’ you thought to yourself

“were here,” he says, opening the door and letting go of your hands as he reached out for the lights

not gonna lie, you were missing the way his hand felt around yours but thats not the time to think about that

“a music room?” you asked, clearly puzzled

“yeah, you might not know this about me but i can spit barsss,” he says, letting out chuckle

“eyE”

“you dont believe me huh”

“absolutely not”

“ok, watch this”

and with that he entered the recording booth, of course not after he pressed a bunch of buttons

honestly , you have no idea what he’s doing

but as soon as he put the headphones on

*cue any 3racha song because im too indecisive to choose one*

he was,,

indeed,,,

spitting bars

you could not believe your ears

who the fuck is this

you stood there, stunned at the fact the he was rapping about real shit and not something stupid and meaningless (rip wow, she is meaNinGFUL to me okAY)

after he finished rapping, the room was absolute silent

changbin felt dumb, he thought you were gonna praise him but there you were not uttering a single word,

he need you to say something ,anything,, hell, you can even laugh

he’d prefer anything over the silence  

he’s literally the ‘i just showed u my dick pls respond’ meme but its like ‘i showed u my talent pls validate me’

avoiding to make eye contact with you, he walks out of the recording booth

sitting on the couch against the wall, he finally breaks the silence

“so yeah, thats a song my friends and i wrote, its stupid-”

“its not stupid.” you say quickly

“oh?”

“since when where you into this?” you ask, curiosity filling your eyes, taking the seat right next to him

“what do you mean? music?? everyone’s into music y/n” changbin retorts, not wanting to go into detail

“hhhh, you know what i mean changbin,”

changbin doesnt know why

but he wanted to share this side of him with you

maybe because you were the first person that he has ever allowed himself to be close with

or maybe it was because you stuck around him for this long, no one, besides chan and jisung were able to do that

whatever it was, he wants to keep you by his side

he figured that showing you his true self would do just that

so after having a battle with his inner thoughts, he finally says

“my dad was really into this stuff, he taught me everything i know,” changbin beamed

“oh! thats really cool, do you still make music with him?” you say, genuinely interested, youve never really heard about his dad before

“uhmm, hes not really around for me to do that,”

aaaannd,,, thats why,, god reader smh

“oh, im sorry,” you say softly, mentally slapping yourself

“no its okay, you didnt know….he passed away when i was 11”

“what happened?,,,, y-you dont have to tell me if you dont want to,” you quickly added

“I want to,” changbin says, reassuring you

“he just,,, he just died in his sleep, apparently it was a stroke,” sighing, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back his tears

“you must miss him,” you say, your voice still soft

for the first time since youve met changbin, he resembled a piece of glass

so fragile

he was giving you a piece of him, letting you see clearly a part of who he was

and all you wanna do is make sure that you won’t break that piece

“he built this studio...wanted to start his own music company,” he continued as you sat there just listening to him

“my mom hates it though, she stopped funding this place as soon as she can,”

oh

the mention of his mom suddenly brought you back to the deal that you have made 2 weeks ago

and god, you felt guilty

you were here, trying to change him, when nothing should be changed

sure seo changbin had a bad reputation but he is not bad

he’s just protective is all

to be honest, he was one of the kindest, gentlest soul you have met

“i promised myself that i would continue our dream, for him and me, but mostly for him,”

“i-is that why youre failing your classes?” you ask, everything finally piecing together

“huh?”

“you dont care about school because you already know what you want to do...where you want to be”

“hm, you truly are a smart girl y/n,” he says before nodding and flashing you a smile

those words

so similar to the ones his mom has given you

but this time you weren't in the mood to pat yourself in the back

because shit, this is thE dumbest thing you've ever done in your life

after hearing this, you made up your mind, you werent gonna partake in this deal anymore

if you were really as smart as everyone says, you can get into the school you want without any problem

sure it won't be free, but your mom aint working her ass off during her nightly shifts for nothing

and so, right when you go to school tomorrow, you were determined to end it

you’d still tutor changbin, you just won't accept any of the perks that came along with it

“thank you for sharing this with me,” you say genuinely, a smile creeping unto your face

“thank you for caring enough to listen,” changbin replies, his smile getting wider

and then it hits you,

“wait, so you mean to tell me that this is YOUR studio all along??”

and at this changbin lets out the loudest laugh

and you can't help but mirror his actions

1 week later

oof, that time jump, i thought you were gonna end it the next day reader

welp,,

you work hard, but somehow satan, aka the author, works harder

Mrs. Seo had to leave for two weeks, attending board meetings around the country, and whatever principals do,,, i'm too lazy to research what they actually do  

╥﹏╥

and so you spent another week, with seo changbin by your side

one week down, another to go

and when that day comes, you can finally freely hang out with him without all the guilt eating you up

this week you guys even hung out outside of the library

you’ve been with him so much, even your friends have started to notice it

“y/n, are you coming with us to the movies,” felix asks

“oh,, umm sorry guys, i cant,”

“who else are you gonna be with? i thought we were your only friends,” minho pointed out, a pout on his face  

“with changbin of course,” hyunjin hissed, obviously upset that you have been pushing them to the side  

“ i can hang out with anyone that i want,” you argued, really not having any of his attitude 

“ you shouldnt hang out with people like him,” hyunjin retorted

you scoffed, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean blink once if youre being held captive” hyunjin joked, as the rest of the table snickered

however, you didn't find it funny,

who were they to talk about changbin like that??

they didnt even know him

and so you stood up, leaving all your friends calling out for you

-------------

walking to the table, you flopped down on your chair, slamming your backpack on the floor

“what's got you in such a bad mood?” changbin asks

“nothing,” you huffed, getting your materials out of your backpack

you didn't want to tell changbin that your best friends think hes the devil himself and didn't want you around him

meanwhile , changbin was annoyed

it seems like he's shared so much with you since the music room yet he still barely knows anything about you

he wondered that maybe you didn't want to be in his life the way he wanted to be in yours

but fuck it, he’s just gonna spend the time he has with you enjoying it rather than filling his mind with negative thoughts

but damn, you're frown was really bothering him

“y/n,” he says, calling out to you

no response

“y/n,” he continues, poking you on the elbow

still no response

“y/n”

You sigh, looking up at him, an emotionless expression on your face, you responded with a strong, “what.”

*insert changbin doing aegyo*

and with that , you lost it

you were an absolute madman

you never expected that the one and only seo changbin

notorious badboy

would ever do aegyo

all because you had a stupid frown on yourself

you laughed so loud

changbin doing the same as soon as your melodic laugh hit his ears

which resulted to you guys being kicked out of the library

-------------

“ i cant believe you got me kicked out of my favorite place,” you say, seated in a booth inside the ice cream parlor near your guys’ school

another one of changbins ideas

“ hey its not my fault you laugh like a hyena!” he says smiling before you threw a curled up paper tissue at his face

a couple of seconds later, after your laughter has died down

“ so, you want to tell me now why you were in such a sour mood?”

you knew that if you werent gonna tell him now that would still end up finding out about it from someone else

and so you came clean

“ its just my friends,,,, they dont think youre a good influence, wants me to stop hanging out with you” you say

“ oh,”

“ but dont worry!, i didnt listen to them, i actually told them off,” you confessed

“ why didnt you listen to them? theyve been your friends longer than youve known me?” he asks

“ because they dont know you” you reply, “and im sure if they did, they would also be friends with you”

as much as he appreciated the way you stood up for him, he didnt want you going through all that trouble 

‘god, what did he even do to deserve an angel like you,’ changbin thinks to himself 

“ don't tell them off next time,” he grunted

“ wh-what?”

“ everything they say about me is true”

“ changbin, no its not”

“ honestly y/n it doesnt bother me so dont let it bother you”

“ why doesnt it bother you?” you ask, wanting to know the reason

“ because its high school. after this, literally no one would care anymore. and then real life starts, people move on and worry about bigger things, things that actually matter more than the status quo. let them say what they say.”

and just like every other time, changbin has left you stunned

the arrival of Ms. Seo - tuesday 

a week has passed since the ice cream parlor

and Ms. Seo was back in town

this was it

the day you finally put a halt to it

and you were beyond ready

you haven't seen changbin all day

you figured that since his mom was back then he was also back to avoiding the school like it was a plague

you entered Ms. Seos room, determined

“Ms. Seo -”

She puts a hand up to her lips, signaling you to be quiet

‘bitch omygod i literally cant keep doing this any longer,’

‘its already been over a month’

so you ignored her warning

“im not doing this deal anymore. I’ll still tutor changbin but I won’t change him,,,, and you can keep your stupid money,” you let out, releasing all the bottled up emotions

“is that all,”she replies

“yes”

“then you may leave”

what???

it was that easy????

you thought she was gonna stop you, force you to hold your end of the bargain

if you knew it would’ve been this easy then you wouldn’t have worried over it so much

but you don’t know a lot of things

and you certainly didnt know that changbin was on the other line

later that day

you’re seated in the library

usual place, usual time, waiting for the one and only seo changbin, yet he never showed

you didn’t think much of it

‘maybe he just forgot’ you tell yourself

the next day - wednesday

here you were again, waiting for him

still nothing

you try and think of reasons why he wouldn’t show up two days in a row and can really only think of one - maybe his mom told him that he didn’t need tutoring anymore?

but surely, he would tell you

right ???

sure you guys started off on the wrong foot but you were friends now

at least you thought so

you decided to just give him the benefit of the doubt

‘maybe he’s just busy’

2 days later - friday

you’ve tried everything you can do to get a hold of changbin

all your calls went straight to voicemail

texts were left on delivered

you didn’t even see him around school anymore

it was like your worlds never collided and he was never a part of yours

you were starting to get worried, what if he got himself into trouble

“look who decided to show her face,” hyunjin comments as you took the seat next to him

ever since the day you guys had your argument, you have never been able to talk to him about it

“im not in the mood,” you reply,

hyunjin sensing that you were exhausted,

“hey,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“y/n please, we’ve been friends for over 3 years, you don’t need to lie to me”

“aren’t you mad at me?”

“no. im upset that you’ve been pushing us to the side for your little boy toy but im not mad,” he says giving you a soft smile

hhhhh, it was times like these you remember why he was your best friend

hyunjin was just so thoughtful, so caring

you return the smile he gave you as you pulled him in for a tight hug

“I’m sorry hyunjin”

“it’s okay, im sorry too, now tell me what’s wrong?”

“it’s just changbin-“

“I swear to god, if he even laid a finger on you he’s a dead man”

“no!” you say quickly putting an end to his assumption

“so what happened?” he asks, eyebrows going up in sheer curiosity

and then you told him

you told him about the deal with Ms. seo

about how your relationship with changbin changed along the way

how you ended the deal

and now we’re back to changbin and ignoring you

“damn, well have you tried actually going to him?”

“i wouldnt even know where -”

and then it hits you

the abandoned music building

“hyunjin, youre a genius!!!,” you say excitedly

“thanks, we been knew”

“ i have to go ill explain later, bye!!” you say, dashing out of there as fast as you could and made your way to the abandoned building

taking the bus there gave you time to reflect on everything that has happened this past couple month

how much your life has changed since changbin entered it

he pushed you to take risks, to live out of your comfort zone, to not care about other people’s opinions

he made you feel free

and most importantly, he made you happy

the good girl has fallen for the bad boy, i told yall this was gonna be cliche right?

continuing on

just as you  expected, the door was open

the dark didnt even bother you anymore, the only thing in your mind was changbin

oh,, where could he be??

could you ever find your way into this maze of a building and retrace the steps that he took when he was by your side?

as you got deeper and deeper into the building, you feel yourself start to get lost

‘fuck i already saw this door’

‘omg y/n did you really just walk in a circle’

and then you hear it

music, singing

your nightingale

you walk faster, desperate to get to the voice

and here you are now, face to face with the one and only, seo changbin

he stops singing as soon as he saw you walk in

“hey,” you whisper out yet he continued to just stand there, not uttering a single word

“your voice is really pretty, i didnt know you could sing!-”

“what do you want?” his voice, dark and firm just like the day you first met him

This caught you off guard

Did you do something wrong?

“Did i do something wrong?” you say, not aware that you have said your thoughts out loud

changbin chuckles but it was so uninviting, like he was taunting you

“ please, drop the act”

?????

“what?” you reply, completely confused

“ you dont like me ”

“ changbin, what?”

“ you're just like everyone else”

“ changbin i really dont understand pl-”

“ i shouldn't have trusted you.”

“ what?!??, no changbin, you can trust me! just tell me whats wrong!”

all the while, you guys were still talking with a glass between the two of you

ironic, since you felt like a wall has been planted around changbin and you cant reach him  

“ you think i should change”

“ no”

“ what do you mean no? I heard you y/n! I heard what you told my mom, i heard about the stupid deal, the stupid money!”

(⊙…⊙,)

“ changbin, let me explain”

“ i know im known as the bad boy y/n, but you… youre even worse than me”

“ changbin.”

“ youre a monster”

and with hearing those words, the tears that you have been so desperately trying to keep just bursted out like a waterfall

changbin too, has let out his tears

and all we got now are two broken people who can clearly see each other yet are still on opposite sides of the glass

“ you're just like everyone out there that you have resented, you judged me by other people’s words, i thought- i thought that i can finally found someone i could open up to but you never even gave me chance from the beginning”

you let him talk without interrupting him

you deserved the ache you were feeling in your heart

everything he said was true

and with that he breaks down, straight to the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees

and all you could do was watch, until you couldn't take it anymore

you finally entered the recording booth , taking a seat on the floor right next to him, mimicking his broken figure

“im sorry”

silence

you looked up at the ceiling as you sighed

he deserves an explanation

“ yes, i took the deal, but that's because i thought i needed it changbin. I may be smart, but financially my family isn't doing well. my mom already works extra shifts but it still won't be enough. my dad isnt even in the picture, i dont know where the hell he is”

and with this, changbins head slowly perks up, looking at you with his glass-like eyes, as you continued to stare at the ceiling

you were finally opening up to him

just like how he has been doing

“ i took the deal because, you’re right, i judged you, i was stupid and i never expected us to actually be friends, clearly i was wrong. you have taught me so much. you have pushed me into doing things i never thought i could do. you made me see the world in a different way.”

he’s still just listening to you when you finally took your eyes away from the ceiling and faced him

“ i understand if you dont want to see me anymore but i cant leave you knowing that i never got to say this,” you continue, afraid of the results that were about to come

“ what else are you hiding from me?” he says, but this time, he says it softly, the furious changbin that you have encountered just minutes ago was completely gone

“ i think im in love with you,” you say, quickly looking down, embarrassed at your confession

“ y/n look at me,”

“ i dont want to”

“ why?”

“ i know you're gonna break my heart”

“ you broke mine first,” and with that he lifted your chin up, making you look him straight into his eyes before kissing you

this kiss was different from your first one

it was slow but passionate, filled with all of the unsaid words between the two of you

your guys lips both slightly chapped from all the crying

yet his lips still felt like the softest pair against yours

pulling away, changbin leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed

yours were open though, taking the sight all in before you pulled away, wiping away his left over tears

“ god, were a mess,” he finally says out loud, before he pulled you in a tight hug 

“ im sorry,” you say again

“ i’ll forgive you if you promise to continue tutoring me?”

“ what ?”

“ continue the deal, get the money”

“ changbin, i really don't want to do that”

“ i know you dont. but we have to finesse my mom somehow,” he says, bursting into a smile, clearly joking

…

..

“eYE,,, i cannot believe you right now! You can't be serious!”

“ but i am. go back into her office tell her you’ll continue it and get the money for your education.”

“changbin! stop joking! I already feel bad about it!”

“Okay fine i just like it when you tutor me okay, its kinda sexy” he says

playfully slapping him, you guys laugh, the tension in the air finally gone

“ you know if you didnt buy me those eggs, we wouldnt be here by now,” you say, a small smile on your face

“ hmm, and why?”

“ because those eggs were the first time i realized that the most notorious bad boy, the one and only Seo Changbin, can also be soft,”

“ do not use my name and soft in the same sentence ever again,”

“ what are you gonna do about it?” you reply, taunting him

and so

he pulled you into another kiss

and another

and another

until a series of laughter coming from the both of you interrupted it

“im glad i bought you those eggs”

hhhhhhh this ending is so rushed and so bad i just didnt wanna leave it unfinished 

ALSO IM SEEING STRAY KIDS BITCHES!!!!!,,,,,, MY SEAT HELLA FAR BUTS ITS OKAY BECAUSE ILL STILL BE THERE ╭(′▽`)╭(′▽`)╯

[sportsarenotoxygen]

GOM valentine’s HCs

some late gom+kuroko+momoi x reader (separately) valentine’s hcs that have probably been done to death before but i still wanted to write some so here! please enjoy!

akashi

akashi definitely shows how happy and grateful he is when he gets your chocolates. so much that he’s almost acting strange if you didn’t know him so well

(because he remembers all those days his mother tried to give his father love and never received any acknowledgement in return. he is not repeating that with you)

he’s super freaking happy and smothers you with kisses and cuddles

then he starts giving back

really giving back like he stays with you the whole day, is a complete gentleman (but more than usual because let’s be real he always is), more affectionate, really does not let you lift a finger

you: sei you know it’s okay, i can carry one bag

akashi: nonsense, it’s my thanks for those chocolates you made. which i absolutely loved by the way

you: you...you said that when you paid for lunch. and when you drove us to the park. and--

akashi: it’s my thanks. for the chocolates i loved. did i mention they were delicious--

you, blushing: ohmygod okay okay fine

midorima

if it’s your unlucky day, midorima’s gonna be watching your back and making this day as good as it could get because yes he believes in oha asa but he will not allow bad luck to ruin your day because he knows you’ve been working so hard to make this day good for the both of you

if it’s his unlucky day, he’s gonna be on edge maybe even entertaining thoughts of whether he should be near you so you’ll have to reassure him that all will be fine

you, over the phone: but i have to give you my gifts!!!!!

midorima: your chances of having a good day will be drastically lowered if i’m with you, so i’ll pick them up tomorrow, nanodayo

you: shintaro! dont! you! dare! think! you! could! ruin! my! day! you make my day so you better!!!! 

midorima: i’m sorry y/n, but i don’t want to risk it

you: well i guess i’ll just wait at the cafe by myself...with all these couples around me...

midorima, guilty: fine. but only for an hour

he’s got your lucky item ready and his own when he gets there

you don’t make a letter for him though, you merely just give a speech about every thing you love about him from his belief in oha asa, to the way he looks out for you, to his love for basketball, his manner of speech and everything else (yes right in that cafe. the elderly couple in the next table over are giving you such fond looks)

by the end of it, he’s a blushing mess and that’s what your goal was all along let’s be honest

aomine

he pretends to think valentine’s a really tacky and stupid day and how ‘theres no point giving anything on this particular day its just stupid’

so much so that you hesitate when giving your chocolates 

you hesitate so much so that he notices and now that he notices he feels slightly bad and tries to drop some hints 

you, reluctantly: it’s really...all in your face huh 

aomine, swearing at himself: it’s not too bad

but when you go the whole day without giving him anything he starts getting worried

aomine, thinking: crap did you think i meant all that

of course, if you actually got him nothing that’s fine too but he doesn’t want the reason you got him nothing was because he thinks it’s stupid

especially when he sees how you’re pointedly trying to ignore every other couple

so, just as you two are about to part ways, he goes

‘look, you know i didnt mean any of that stupid shit. i dont mind valentines chocolates or anything i was just being stupid’

he’s scared to look at you but when he does

youre giving him this shit-eating grin

you, smug: so you finally admit it huh

aomine: what the hell y/n

you reveal that you just wanted him to say all that and now that he has, you’ve won!

he’s half red because of frustration and half because of embarrassment but well

that’s one of the reasons he loves you ofc

kise, murasakibara, kuroko, momoi under the cut!

kise

patiently waits for his chocolates

patiently

but he has to wait hourrrrssss because he has a photoshoot that day which sucks because he’d wanted to stay over so he wouldn’t get caught with fans going over

and inevitably he does get caught by a bunch of fans and gets given loads of chocolates from them

but of course he’s waiting for yours

so he can’t wait until he meets up at your house and you greet him with a bright smile and his is equally as bright

he’s really not subtle at all

kise: hey hey y/n-cchi did you make me some chocolates?????? im really craving chocolates today!!!!!! chocolates you made!!!!! because i love you!!!!! (he had been too excited to realise mayyybe bringing over the chocolates his fans gave him would give the wrong impression so he hastily shoved them all under his coat at the last minute this boy)

you: you can just say you want some you know...i know its valentines 

when you give it to him he’s over the moon. he’s...very dramatic when he tastes them. like a lot

kise: THESE ARE SO GOOD Y/N-CCHI THE BEST CHOCOLATES IVE EATEN IN MY LIFE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I LOVE YOU--

you, slightly worried: thanks. i think. you know if they’re bad you can just say so--

kise: NO THEY’RE GOOD I SWEAR I JUST

he’s crying tears of joy this silly boy

murasakibara

don’t go outside with this boy during valentine’s 

he will see all those chocolates and sweets and will need them

goodbye money 

you have to promise to buy them all when the clearance sales come out but you and murasakibara enjoy a day-in together maybe baking some sweets yourself because you know that he does actually like to bake despite how ‘lazy and unreluctant’ he seems

he unintentionally does the move where he kisses you and says ‘oh there was something on your face’ because there was genuinely something on your face and he does not realise what a cliche cheesy romance film move that is

you already have some sweets ready so he munches on them whilst you wait for the others to finish

and surprisingly, murasakibara gives you half of what you both made. its special because he usually just gives like...a quarter which is fair because your appetites are nowhere near the same let’s be honest

he does it because he vaguely recalls muro-chin saying something about how “valentine’s day is a special day for y/n-san” and slightly misinterprets it 

it’s a touching gesture coming from him of course

you gotta cherish it because once you two go buy those leftover sweets the next day...

kuroko

you know him well enough by now that you understand that despite how small his smile is, he’s smiling wide inside when you give him the vanilla milkshake you made and maji burger coupons you made/got

he asks for the recipe to make and even though you’re more than willing to tell it to him, he insists that you need to show it to him

you, explaining: so then you just add the rest of the--

kuroko: i apologise, i do not understand, y/n-san. can you please show it to me instead?

you: are you sure? i’m sure you can do it fine!!! here, i’ll write it down!!

kuroko: no, please. i am not confident in my ability. i will be more confident with you by my side 

you blush at his words because they are so genuinely truthful but also cheesy af

so, kinda like murasakibara, you guys make some vanilla milkshakes together

kuroko smiles a heck of a lot but it’s always when you’re back is turned whether it’s getting the ingredients from the cupboard or turning the blender on so you miSS A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL SMILES FROM THIS BOY 

but in the end you two make more than enough for the both of you so you have to store some for later

it only makes the memories last all the more

momoi

well its canon that shes not...great at cooking and that goes for baking 

and contrary to popular belief, she is aware of that fact (she just tries realllllly hard to deny it because her food tastes fine!!! maybe burnt or salty af but fine!!!)

so she tries this time

employing kagami to help her through saying dai-chan will do a one-on-one with him (its not true but. but she will get the redhaired boy to help her make these chocolates the best damn thing you’ve ever tasted or else)

its hard work (kagami thinks he’s worked harder than any basketball game ever)

but the work pays off and the chocolates taste..................good!!!!

momoi is sooooooo excited to give them to you (because of course she is she’s a romantic)

you on the other hand are searching on google for “how to eat food you don’t like” “how to not gag” “how to lie”

because you love love love momoi and do not want to hurt her feelings but h o w will you eat what she makes

so you get such a huge surprise when you anxiously bite into the chocolate and it’s.......

amazing 

and maybe it’s just your love for momoi making you really biased but damn it’s so good!!

momoi, worriedly because you haven’t really moved for a few minutes: is it good????

you: ...no--

momoi, panicking: *thinking* nononono but but kagami said it was good did he lie i am going to kill him ohmygodohmygod

you: it’s the best chocolates i’ve ever eaten

[chobanist]

tw: mental illness, mention of blood idk also this is just me venting

i hate asking for accommodations because of my anxiety, it just sounds like i’m stupid and this is a convenient excuse for why i need more time? possibly but i didnt get extra time for my final. i didnt realize until it was finished and i emailed him the work i couldnt submit for maybe partial credit. it’s really embarrassing though because i could have emailed him if i saw that earlier, maybe i was write and he did forget my 30 extra minutes, maybe i wouldn’t have been as anxious. maybe i shouldnt still be thinking about it while i have this project due super soon.

also like ive always had a really bad problem of picking when im anxious. when i was a kid up until sophomore year of college, i would pick the skin of my thumbs so bad that ive had kids ask me if my hand was burned there or if there was an accident. i havent picked that in years, maybe minor picking on my fingers but for 2-3 years now i’ve pretty much left it alone. but this past semester every time i get anxious i keep picking my arms or face so this is like the 3rd test ive taken this semester where ill end up having blood smeared on my hands, wrists, or face because ill notice im bleeding mid-exam, ill try to clean it up (but i have no tissues sometimes) and it’s honestly so gross and it hurts. it’s embarrassing too like i have so many scars from picking and im upset with myself that ive started picking more intensely again. i dont even know if im going to do okay in this class now :( i’m really sad and i have to finish this paper and i still havent gotten up to wash the blood off my face or hands. i wish i just asked for the extra time i should have gotten because then maybe i wouldnt have picked this badly and it would hurt less and i would be less sad. there was no point for me to take this class and i just really want and need to pass now.

i think it’s the fact that i can feel the blood on my face and the urge to pick more that makes me want to give up and not even submit the paper. sometimes i think i’m like better and ive progressed and ive grown but its like... i did this in hs? i got super depressed because a bitch was poor and just didnt hand in my english final at all, even told my professor, just wasnt gonna do it because i didnt have the energy. i dont know, it is my last college class ever as an undergraduate but im also scared and dont want to ruin everything. i dont know. im going to try to finish as much of it as possible by the time it hits midnight or 1 am idk. i was able to get ppl to pick up my shifts for tomorrow and friday because i already knew i wouldnt have the energy to go into work and act normal and cheerful. which im thankful for because now my face hurts and it’ll probably hurt in the morning too.

okay okay okay

going to go work on this paper. i dont know if it’ll be finished, i dont know if it’ll be passable, but i will hand something in. i refuse to not hand in anything and take a full on 0 because that’s not what i paid those big tuition dollars for for the last 5 years.

[i-can-be-king-again]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Nope

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No, that person dumped me a couple years ago and we stopped talking after a while

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “okay”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’m being less of a pushover than I've been before and being less of a perfectionist in front of ppl

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? “In my head” by Ariana Grande, I listen to it sometimes to remind myself that I'm better off without them

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? I don’t use Facebook as much anymore

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Never been drunk, but I was super tense when I was buzzed lol

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate, it makes my stomach hurt lol

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Last week when I felt like I'm not improving in my self defense class, but I'm always disappointed in that lol

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? There’s a couple people that can

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Tell them to get tf out my house lol

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I’m so goddamn lonely lol

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably not

Are you okay right now? I’m never ok tbh lol

What time did you get up today? around 8:30 am

When was the last time you saw your mom? As of writing this right now, about 10 minutes ago

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Trump, my self defense teacher, and this stupid guy in my self defense class

Where is your best friend right now? Probably at home

When will your next kiss be? I’m not going to predict that because I don’t want to jinx the possibility lol

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? Hell no lol

Does anyone completely understand you? My therapist, I think

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A couple years ago I think

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Playing games

How often do you straighten your hair? I already have straight hair so I don’t need to do that

What are you currently looking forward to? This stupid pandemic and trump’s presidency to be over

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Probably not lol, mostly waste time

Who did you last hang out with? The person I'm dating(?) at the moment

Did anyone see your last kiss? Nope

Could things possibly get any better? I hope so ugh

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I have no clue!

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Anxiety and lack of sleep

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? No

How often do you see your ex? Never, thank god lol

Who was the last person to text you? My friend

Did you like anyone last summer? Not really

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time!

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My friend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? yes!! I’m fine with either one lol

Are you currently in a relationship? Nope

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Rarely

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Not really

What are you planning on doing after this? Probably play some games

Is there a girl you would do anything for? Yep!

Who IMed you on facebook last? An old classmate from college

How old are you? 27

Do you love dogs? I love them!!

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Some of them yeah

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rainbows lol

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Orange

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? Cartwheel

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Not performed, but one time I saw a comedian at a small venue and they had me come up on stage with him to be his “personal assistant” because I looked super young for my age, it was really fun lmao

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, but mostly intimidated lol

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? I don’t eat meat so no lol

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? I’m ok with either one

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Depends on the movie I'm seeing in the theater

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Brown

Do you like spaghetti? Spaghetti is pretty good

What about lasagna? Lasagna is pretty good too

Do you celebrate Christmas? Sort of

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No..? I've never heard of that tf lol

Do you like chocolate bars? Not really, I like chocolate in other forms lol

what about ice cream? nah, it hurts my teeth when I eat it

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mostly mosquitoes lol

Do you get tired easily? Sometimes

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Never lol

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered to help office workers at red cross What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but they were too hard to take out and they were uncomfortable

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? yes if they were easier to take out lol

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Nope

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but from genetics lol

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Not yet lol

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? not yet

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ If it’s a close family member yeah

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? no thank god

Do you like Harry Potter? not really

What about Twilight? I liked it when I was younger, but not now How do you feel about Lord of the rings? It’s kind of boring lol

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I saw, it was ok

Do you have a glass that says ‘Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? Nope

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7-7.5 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Narrow

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? black sneakers

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? yep

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No, I love them lol

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? yes

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m a lot closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I think I was 10, I don’t remember their name

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Not at all lol

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? I've never watched it so I can’t have a valid opinion of it

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I had semi severe stomach problems when I was a baby, and still have them now lol

Do you collect DVDs? Nah, I just rent them

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? Sometimes

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? roly polies and ladybugs

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! I don’t remember having an art class back then lol

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes, I'm pretty good at dodging but not throwing

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? I’m fine with it

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? yes and still do lol

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter

Have you ever stepped on a snail? yeah, on accident :/

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Sonic the hedgehog lmao

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t know their middle name oops, I think it’s the same name as my dad though

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Nah, not interested

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Not really

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, my house gets cold a lot

What state were you born in? California

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Never had one

How far away do you live from your birthplace? An hour maybe?

Do you have a weak stomach? yes, I hate it ugh

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? No

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Not at all

Do you *really* like donuts? Hell yeah I do!

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? If I went there all the time, then yeah

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? I don’t like hooking up with people :/

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Games, art supplies, clothes

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? Probably not

What do you usually order on a pizza? vegan cheese with veggies on it Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I don't have one 😭

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? My cousin

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy!!!!!

How old will you be on your next birthday? 28 😱

What color are your underwear? That’s confidential information lmao

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? All the time, I always have to eat in an area with little to no people.  It sucks

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to. 

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see! 

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game. 

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

[kelanfilms]

Bad To Worse To... Insanity: Film Genre #4

Coming to the end of a project is always a stressful and exciting time. After I'd been ill the previous week Karina and I decided to really boss out the perfections during the three days prior to the crit. Everything was perfect, we had a really funky idea (heartbroken Karina shut down my other nuts ones I wanted to test out 2 days before deadline but in hindsight... Probably wise), and by Wednesday lunch we had a perfected project that we were proud of. But as always with crits, it wasn't to go right... (Buckle up people this is gonna be a wild and lengthy read) T-Minus 1 Day to the Crit 3.48pm: Seconds away from finishing, I'm walking back from reviwing another groups project, Karina's just shouted to say she thinks we're ready to bounce and... It disappears. The entire thing disappears, doesn't crash just vanishes. Everyone in the room goes quiet as Karina and I gasp in shock. No worries we'll get the backups. But they're gone? No worries we'll open to the last known save... But when it opens, its gone back to one of Mondays saves. The class look stunned as Karina and I both look to eachother and walk out.... *One relaxed smoke break later* We're back and ready for business, sure this looks hopeless but it takes more than a mere crash to throw the dynamic duo off. After chilling for a bit we decided screw it everything happens for a reason lets start again and do the best we can. Practice makes perfect so maybe this was protools way of telling us to get better. In the end we managed to construct something good, but unfortunately not as brilliant as before. At times when we got frustrated or lost Hollie was an amazing support in coming over to peer review and keep us ontrack. 4.58pm: Utter Chaos. Take the scene from Mean Girls where the students become animals and times it by 10, I genuinely think we've lost it... By we, I mean the entire 5 groups in the edit room. Protools has decided to hate our videos alongside the audio and won't export... But no matter, we'll just bounce the audio and make sure to have the video tomorrow. Worst to come worst, we try play both at the same time as exact as we can... Crit Day... Worse came, my harddrives officially just going in the bin. After a run to the studios, a fire alarm, a facetime to Klaudia whos stranded on a train about where their project is in the workspace, and a run back to Merchiston we think that our day can't get worse... It did. The program, the videos, much like me that day they weren't functioning at all. So Zoe and Catriona called the crit quits and put tutorials on instead. I was chuffed to get on with our new project...but I was so geared up for the crit. So the rest of the day my head was all over the place trying to process the rollercoaster of the last 2 days. Ah well, least we're ready for the actual crit, whenever that is. Project Review (Pre-Crit): Karina, as usual, was an amzing partner to team up with again, and Im quite chuffed with the idea I came up with. Whereas I was creating the bigger story, sourcing sounds, and laying it out, Karina was fantastic at really getting the smaller imperfections perfect (even after the disaster). She was also really good at working with the tempos of our SFX to inkeep with the atmosphere of the scene, so it didnt sound to animated or like it didn't belong. Joseph was also a great help to us, showing us how to use the pitch tool (EQ3 1-Band) to get the muffled effect on our door, so it was really nice of him to take time to show the amatuers how it's done. My protools skills have personally really improved since the independent project (thank god) and I feel like I can work independantally on projects now without help.For the music I managed to shorten a 5 minute song down to 40 seconds to suit our film, whilst still capturing the climaxes and tunes that helped the emotions and story of the scene. The difficulty there was finding the same notes throughout the song and lining them up, then covering any imperfections, but somehow I managed it! Even though our project is millimetres away from perfection Im really happy with the results of the music, effects, and SFX we used. Although I do feel that during the eventual crit people may challenge the... Unexplained essence of it. In my mind, its a drama, a period piece, or a small part of a bigger psychological thriller piece, but in one minute the essense of a genre in this film is easily lost. As well as it being the shortest option (accidental choice) we are scared that the lecturers might challenge the minimalism of our scene. But there's nothing we can do now and we'll see what the class and lecturers have to say during the eventual crit!

[thecharlesdilaurentis-blog]

7x19: FArewell my lovely

*WARNING SPOILERS*

"Hanna monas AD." GIRL U ARE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH YALL GOTTA STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS SO QUICK EVEN WE COULD SMELL THAT RED HERRING FROM A MILE AWAY

"I'll convince her" ok yea Caleb cause y'all are secret agent friends we all know it just admit it already    

Ezra talking like he knows AD personally or something, like he's been the one getting texts or something. I see u Ezra u can't fool me.

But he was right about everyone in the room making mistakes & the look on everyone's face when he said it HA I loved it

Ooooo looks like AD stole the game back "time for pie"??? Is that not screaming EzrA to anyone??? especially the crows.

Mary really does seem like she's the nice twin but I can't help but think she's still more involved than we think

"It took me so long to finally get here w/ you, I'm not gonna loose it now." MY EMISON HEART UGH EMILY YOU DESERVE THE WORLD ALI BETTER GIVE IT TO YOU

 AD PUT A GAS LEAK (But nothing ended up happening so i’m confused wtf marlene)

Did anyone else notice how when the video of ali kept playing on a loop she wanted emily to quickly turn it off, almost like she didnt want anymore questions raised about ‘That night’

"I'm not interested in you doing anymore sacrifices for your friends" BOYYYYYY IF U DONT GTFOH WITH ALL THAT THE ONLY SACRIFICES SHES MADE SO FAR ARE FOR YOUUUUUU OMG I AM DEAD I HATE EZRA I LOVE IAN HARDING BUT I HATE EZRA 

YEAH OF COURSE MONA LOOKS NERVOUS SHE STOLE ADs GAME AND THAT ASSHOLE KNEW & STOLE IT BACK I WOULD BE NERVOUS TOO SHE ONLY GOT INVOLVED IN THIS CRAZY SHIT AGAIN B/C HER POOR LIL HEART STILL WANTS TO BE ACCEPTED BY YALL UGH IM SO MAD

Hanna the only one who ever gives Mona the benefit of the doubt now that's a somewhat real friend lmao

"You two are fighting like a married couple.." AWKWARD we are. Spaleb who??

Lmao Caleb annoys me a lot now but I am not gonna lie dude has BALLS idk if that's a good or bad thing tho.

But like I said before him and Mona are too comfortable around each other. Look how easy she's talking to him and how calm he is with her. They have to be working together they just have to be!! (Not like as AD but idk as investigators to track AD or something, they know each other tea choices THERE AIN’T NO COINCIDENCES IN ROSEWOOD)

"There's always been someone watching, manipulating." Girl yes I been saying this since day one!!! Bethany young, twincer, wren, ezrA you may make your appearance now.

Lol I knew that waiter left a note from AD, like u said Mona, they be watching

 By the looks of Mona running they had to have said meet me in the back or something, Mona READY to see who keeps jacking her games lol

ANOTHER SECRET PASSAGE WAY GAH DAMN ROSEWOOD PROBABLY GOT THE WHOLE DAMN UNDERGROUND RAILROAD UNDER THERE

YES ARIA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS I LOVE IT AT LEAST SOMEONE IS 

Come on though I knew that body was gone the minute I realized they left it in the car

I'm not mad that they reshot the classroom scene or that it ended up being a dream but I would've much rather the dream be Ali's than Emily's dream the "emma thornwald" name would be a lot more relevant b/c how in the fucking world would emily know that. & why put that scene as the cliffhanger?? That's so anticlimactic! They could've put the liars burying Rollins but not showing who it was, or charlotte clutching the rose, or fuck even the fucking girls sipping mimosas w/ Mona would've been more climatic than that shit. 

"AD doesn't get notes they give them." Finally someone has a clue, go Caleb I get points. 

Btw idk if I really enjoyed that spaleb moment or if I just really love Troian & her amazing acting, her whole part in that scene was just perfect!

Was it a little weird to anyone else that Alison was the one who apologized to aria first?? I think it's because she knows she still has her own secrets/mistakes that haven't come to light. 

Ooooo I bet this tunnel that spaleb is in is going to lead to the church and radley. 

So Mona must have a split personality disorder or something cause the way she's telling on herself to Hanna and how she's dressed just give off a total old school Mona vibe like radley Mona vibe. Hanna really fucked up by letting her fuck with that game she should've just killed charlotte and GOT GONE GIRL. lol Ali 2.0 forreal this time.

I also figured she had some altercation w/ charlotte that was the only person I could see her saying "am I supposed to be scared of you?" Too lol I love ceces sass.

I love how Mona knew everything & I also think it's funny but slightly choosy how charlotte said "you always were the smart one Mona, not spencer."

I think this charlotte flashback is the FUCKING BEST THING EVER

Ceces such a bitch it almost doesn't seem like she's the charles she explained in her story. Like literally she’s not charles.

So I guess Mona does have a personality disorder and she's even convinced one said that the liars are actually her friends wow I'm sad. I love her :(

& I think it's now clear cece was planning to start the game right back up again but this time bigger and better it seems "not only did u lose the game you lost the story, its mine, everything's mine... god I hate this town I guess I'm supposed to do something about that too."

Fuck janels performance is EVERYTHING I am loving this flashback!!!!!

But did anyone else notice how we never actually SAW mona push the body off and fake the suicide. She could’ve ran and someone else came and covered it up. Like mona said to hanna she didnt mean to mess it up but what exactly did she mess up?? she didnt cover up the murder someone else did.

I think Hanna spoke for everyone when she said "not really an answer"

I told y'all Mary was gonna take the fall

Wow andrea Parker did so well at playing both Mary & Jessica

In the end im still confused and my brain hurts

OKAY SO, obvi alot of my predictions were a miss but I did get a few, I knew mary was gonna take the fall, I did see a few ali clues not a ton though maybe ill find more in the rewatch, I was right about mona getting into a fight with charlotte and somehow being involved in her murder & the episode did feel like a lame finale so I guess thats pretty good! This episode was amazing from start to finish they really kicked it into high gear for these last few episodes i’m finally seeing a picture in this crazy ass puzzle we call PLL. I’m trying not to expect alot from the finale but I just really hope it is as satisfying as all the cast say it’s going to be.

After this i’m really starting to hop on board with twincer, ezrA, or even Toby after seeing the finale promo. I’m going out of town for the next week so tomorrow i’ll post my finale PLL theory & then ill be off til the finale! It’s been real guys and although i’m ready for closure i’m also going to miss reading everyones amazing theories and all the possibilities this show could have gone with.

Tell me all you last minute theories!!! I wanna know what everyones thinking before the finale and how we all see this shit tying together!

[shameless-addicted-blog]

Im sorry|| Gallavich Mpreg series

Description; Mickey falls during his last month of pregnancy 

Words:1484

AO3 link to series

Notes: This is the first part Im doing in a series called “Just like their daddies” Its all about Mickey and Ian as fathers or Mpreg. Fluffy and cute. Please send in requests!

It had started as a normal day, Mickey had woken up at 7:30 am when Ian was getting ready for work and missed him goodbye before closing his eyes and began a peaceful sleep. He was 3 weeks from the due date and he was huge and the pregnant had been slightly high risk so the doctor had demanded bed rest.

It had been 11 am when Mickey woke up again, this time sweat running all over him and the bed sheets, he had quickly gotten up and got into the shower  to wash himself, the nice hot water felt good and relaxing on his body. When he had gone back to lay in bed he was faced with wet bed sheets and was stuck with changing them. This would be an easy Job if he was as tall as Ian, but as he was much shorter and Ian was the one who always changed the sheets because Mickey hated it, if it were up to Mickey there would be no bottom bed sheet, but it wasn’t up to him, so there was. Now with saying all of that Ian had put the bed sheets on the top shelve, way way to high for Mickey reach on his own. He had given up trying to reach them and got the ladder, something he wouldn’t be telling Ian.

He had just gotten the sheet from the top shelve when it happened, he had lost his balance and fell, horribly. Before he knew what was happening he was laying on the floor, in blood, tears running down his face. He was lucky enough to have his phone on him, not bothering to call Ian or text Mandy, just calling 9-1-1.

“Please help me, I’ve fallen and I think I lost my baby”

Quiet sobs left Mickey mouth as the words left his mouth. What was Ian going think? He was going to be so fucking angry. Did he lose the baby? Is she okay? So many fucking thoughts.

“Where is he?! Where is my husband?” Ian yelled running through the hospital. He had gotten a call that became life changing, he was having a good day. He had a break through with one of his longest kids, he had been doing amazing work and today it finally happened and Ian couldn’t have been happier. It was just after lunch when he got the call.

“Is this Mr.Gallagher?”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“We are calling from Chicago general, your husband has fallen off a ladder and when we got to him there was a lot of blood. We need you to get here as soon as possible”

The rest of what she said Ian didn’t hear, he didn’t hear anything. It was like the sound of the world had gone quiet, like he had lost his hearing. He had tears running down his face, not even knowing the state of the love of his life or his baby. He needed his family to be okay.

“He’s right this way Mr. gallagher, please follow me sweetie” a nurse said to him, trying to calm him down, trying to make him feel like his world wasn’t so close to falling apart, but it was and no one could change that.

“He’s in here, the baby had to come out with an emergency c-section. She’s in another room when your like to see her. Her lungs are still a little  under developed so she will be in an incubator for the next few days, possibly weeks. Mickey is still coming out of heavy medication and will be groggy. He will be spending the night but it’s okay, they will both be fine” she finished as they reached the room. Ian opened the door to see Mickey sleeping, wires and machines hooked up to him. Ian hated this.

“Ian?” Mickey called out, his eyes barely opening but open enough to see Ians figure, everything still fuzzy.

“Im here baby” Ian said walking over to the boy in the bed, leaning in and bring his hand up to mickeys forehad before placing a kiss on it and linking their hands together.

“I just wanted to change the bed sheets, im so fucking sorry” Mickey whispered, a few tears falling from his eyes.

“Hey, shh it isn’t your fault. Our baby girl is going to be okay, but you need to be okay too. She’s gonna need her daddy” Ian told him, holding him as close as possible.

“She?” Mickey asked, a small smile playing on his emotionally drained face gave a small smile. They had been saving the gender until the baby was born, neither of them knowing, Ian hadn’t even realized that it was a girl until Mickey said something.

“Yes baby, A girl” He smiled. Ian grabbed the chair and brought it right to the edge of the bed, not letting go on Mickeys hand.

“So you gotta rest and feel better, theres a lot of boys you gotta beat up” Ian smiled and so did Mickey.

“I don’t know how I fell. Im so sorry” He whispered once again, Ian’s heart broke. He knew that Mickey would hold this against himself forever even though he had no reason to think it was his fault, it was an accident.

“You listen to me Milkovich-Gallagher, You lost your footing, it was an accident and none of this is your fault baby, so please don’t hold this against yourself” Mickey once again had tears in his eyes as he listened to Ian, and he just nodded.

“Can we see her?” Mickey asked as the nurse had come in.

“Mr gallagher Can but Mickey you still need to rest, you can see her tomorrow okay?” The nurse told us.

“I don’t want to leave him” Ian said honestly, squeezing his hand.

“Go, shes scared and alone, she needs you okay? Ill be waiting right here when you get back and then Ill be the one who needs you. But go baby” Mickey said, his voice still soft and quiet. The nurse smiled at the two, they were so in love and you didn’t have to be in their lives to see or know that.

Ian gave Mickey a look and Mickey just nodded, at this point they didn’t need words, they just understood by looks and body language that Ian was still unsure about leaving Mickey, but they did.

They took Ian down the hall and up one floor into a room, with a incubator and many wires. Ian felt tears in his eyes.  The nurse left him alone in the room as he walked over to their baby. She had ginger hair and was a little tiny, “like Mickey” Ian thought, causing a sad laugh to leave his lips.

“They there babygirl, its your daddy. I know your probably scared right now and your daddies aren’t holding you and you don’t understand anything thats going on but its all going to be okay. You have two dads that will love and protect you every single day. We will love you with everything we have. We just need to find a good way to tell your dad that you have a boyfriend at the age of 17 without him going to jail but I think we can do it. Daddy could’t come right now, he’s still recovering, but he loves you so much, your our beautiful babygirl and I can’t wait to hold you” Ian found himself crying, all he wanted to do was hold his baby and it was still a little early yet.

“How is she?” Mickey asked as soon as Ian walked back into his room. When he looked up Mickey had moved all the way to one side of the bed and patted the free side, asking Ian to come up and lay with him.

“We made it together in your old bed at fi’s I think we can do it here” He laughed. Ian nodded and got into bed carefully with Mickey.

“She has my hair, and shes tiny just like you. I started talking to her and she gave me a small smile. She’s so beautiful” Ian smiled

“You did a good job Mick” Ian added, leaning his head on mickeys shoulder.

“No, we did” Ian smiled at the love Mickey was showing him, after such a scary day this was all he fucking needed, Mickey and his babygirl.

“We need a name” Ian said, looking at Mickey through his eyelashes.

“Charlotte?”

“Charlotte Milkovich-Gallagher?” Ian asked, wanting to know if it sounded okay.

“Its perfect” Mickey said, moving the little that he could to wrap his arms around Ian before closing his eyes and letting sleep take over him. He was going to be okay and so was their baby and that’s all that mattered.

[weeb-overlord]

well i guess i better update instead of just vague posting about my life LOL

i have a lot to do next week. I take my OGET, have a piano recital, choral auditions, test monitoring, two huge assignments, a final presentation, and all of my normal classes... i really dont know how im going to do it and ive been disassociating all day because i cant stop thinking about what needs to be done instead of focusing on the present. i need to study, i need to prepare that audition, i need to get those assignments done early, i need to come up with a concept for my Lit final, i need to prepare myself to wake up much earlier than usual next week while still maintaining all classes and work for those classes, i need to finish a commission. i cant stop thinking about my responsibilities and how i dont want to control anything at all.

my dog ate a chocolate chip cookie or at least maybe he did but now i cant stop thinking about him hurting because what if he has chocolate poisoning and i dont help him in time? i could just wake up tomorrow and he could be gone. i hate that. i hate it because im responsible for him and its my job to protect him.

i cleaned everything the other day. laundry, desk, dog bath, alll my sheets and linens and blankets... everything. i bought an air freshener too just because and now it smells amazing in my room and i at least have that to come home too.

im slowly starting to realize that im not going to get my contest piece done by Akon. thats ok. it really is. Tokyo in Tulsa is always my debut con. Ill debut 2B, Princess Fuse, and Kanna at Akon instead and get wasted on my honorary birthday and probably call everyone that comes to mind unless my friend takes my phone from me. itll be a party. no need to compete.

i do not like being dependant on people. i do not like attaching my dependency to people. i dont like valuing someone because they provide for me what others cant. i dont like it because it makes them special in my life, and it makes it more difficult for me to get over the loss and to repair the hole in me when they leave. i would rather them just sit on top of my heart rather than insert themselves into it. but here i am doing it anyway. im fighting love and acceptence for no good reason other than i believe i dont deserve it. i am scared and disgusted by it. but i am not disgusted by their love. which makes it even more terrifying to comprehend. i dont want to talk about it too much here and im being fuckin vague but sometimes i just really need to write and release something into the world...i really do.

i feel bad lately about interacting with anyone. mainly because i truly see myself as a grenade ready to blow as soon as the right pin is pulled. i dont think people understand how much of a chance there is that i could be gone without a second thought. im kind of glad they dont but i also wish everyone would understand. i dont see death as bad and never really have, i relish in the fact that i have control over my own death for the most part. it still sucks trying to retain long term relationships and friendships when you think you’re going to die within the next few years though. there are plenty of people around me trying to help me with this mindset, but even then i feel like their efforts should be put somewhere else where they willl actually thrive. people can put energy into me all day long, but i am a bad investment. there are plenty of others who need help much more than i do because i can’t seem to accept help properly.

i dont want to sing in my friends’ recital. at all. i  had a practice with the group the other day and felt so bad because i had learned my part by playing it on the piano and they had learned theirs by singing with the recording. so of course they were much stronger with their parts than mine. i looked like a complete idiot. they’re all ed majors too and so am I. so of course i was comparing myself to them.

im trying to think of something happy to write. i miss bts. i miss them a lot. they were amazing and i think about the concert everyday. next time we go see them we are definitely getting P1 tickets, end of story.

i want to play Horizon sooooo bad and now that i have a ps4 i can!!!!!!! also The Last Of Us 2!!!!

im getting fabric for 2B and a few little things for Kanna this weekend. it’s Easter but considering the fact that i dont believe the holy spirit moved a big rock, folded a napkin, and talked to the citizens about the rapture, i think i’ll survive without the festivities. i do like the day off though.

i cant tell if i’ve gained weight or lost it but either way i dont think my mentality will improve. i would like to lose a few inches but i dont really think it’s a priority right now. i’ve been eating like stupidly unhealthy food lately and im not gonna fuckin stop until all of my shit next week is done.

leatherfest is next weekend. im nervous about all the people, nervous about doing something wrong or being in the way, nervous about vulnerability. again i dont want to talk about it too much here but idk it’s part of the update, part of my life and who i am.

i think that’s it?? goodbye

[remembermemorablememories]

Monday, February 18, 2019

post #406

main points:

- wake up early to go to NYC

- turn in lease (officially signed an apt!)

- $1 pizza and gong cha

- come back home, get chipotle and go to target with sheena

- eat at home, watch bob’s burgers/help dad with the kitchen ventilation

- played smash online, getting lucina into elite and playing snake in elite smash

- dinner with fam, learn about dad’s childhood experiences with his mom in the hospital

- book tokyo housing, look into airbnb experiences/kyoto/osaka

- mario kart with deepak and sheena

writing this on tuesday feb 19

today i:

- woke up at 6:30am. i was so tired waking up. yikes. i mustered all my strength to get up and out of bed, grabbed a banana downstairs, then drove out in mom’s car to the trenton train station

i got there around 8am, then got on the 8:10am train. on the train i signed the blanks where i should fill out for the lease, then just listened to music and rested 

got to penn station and then walked 10 blocks to 43rd to meet up with marsha. it was wet out so i’m guessing it rained last night :s we went in to the broker office in the basement but before going in, marsha did one last pass on all of my paperwork, collect my checks, then we headed in

we dropped off the paperwork, everything seemed solid and that was it. the whole thing took like 20 minutes

marsha stopped outside to give me a bottle of champagne as celebration and we took a picture together. then we parted ways and said good bye :’( we’ll be in touch probably the next month to get everything sorted out logistically but it was good working with her

i stopped by the post office to try to get a refund for my remaining money order but the post office was closed cause it was president’s day :( i guess i’ll go tomorrow

- decided to walk back to penn station and just head home but i first stopped by $1 pizza to eat. it was like 10am lmaooo. while i was sitting there eating my pizza i also got a notification that my 4gb of data on my phone ran out :( it won’t renew until 3/5 rip. walked over to gong cha since it was near the station, got myself some milk tea and sheena some milk tea

hopped on the 11:14am train back to trenton. i watched white bear of black mirror since i downloaded it offline on netflix. then watched an episode on the stock market and then astrology for vox’s explained series. very interesting stuff

- drove back home, getting back around 1:30pm. idk why but i started getting a headache. i wonder if it was cause of the milk tea or if it was cause i was watching stuff on the train and maybe the light swaying caused me to be motion sick or something?

- once i got home, got settled down, i went out with sheena to target. she needed to go get sunscreen and some other travel sized stuff for her school trip to florida coming up soon. then we went over to chipotle and both got some burrito bowls. sheena stopped by wendy’s to get some large fries then we drove home and ate while we watched bob’s burgers S6E10. halfway through watching, dad went to the backyard deck to try to fix the ventilation for our kitchen stove. since it’s windy out sometimes the wind gets caught in it and makes flapping sounds. he stacked two chairs on top of each other to reach it and i was really concerned it was not stable so i went out to watch over it. i told him we should just use a ladder but it’s a bit buried in the garage since the kitchen renovations happened

he got a tentative fix with a spring and duct tape and then we went back inside. i finished the rest of my burrito bowl and the episode of bob’s burgers around 3:30pm

- i still had a headache so i was gonna do japan planning but played smash online instead. i played with lucina a bunch, then got her into elite smash. cutoff is around 3.81 mil GSP right now. then i played some snake in elite smash and did fairly well. there was this marth that i played really well against. but after 5-6 games he slowly started adapting to my gameplay which was interesting to see. (even though i still won :p). then i had to go eat dinner so i peaced out. i got snake to like 3.89mil... still can’t break 3.9mil GSP yet

- went to eat dinner with the fam. there was pork/potatoes, duck, and some veggies. yum :D i went to the bathroom and once i finished/came out, i sat back down and listened to some of dad’s stories from when he was a kid and living with his mom/visiting the hospital. the topic came up cause i mentioned my abdomen pain. he said he had a severe flu once and went to the hospital. they had to take a biopsy and mixed him up with the person next to him and thought he had cancer. but since his mom (my grandma) worked in the hospital, she thought it was really odd, especially at dad’s age (maybe like a teenager). fortunately they were able to do another biopsy and the people there realized it was a mistake. damn... these kinds of things are scary

- i cleaned up the dishes and put them in the dishwasher while dad cleaned up the kitchen table/stored food. we heard more flapping from the stove vent so dad went out again, this time with two chairs. i watched over him just in case, and he just stuck the screw straight through the flap instead of using duct tape this time. and it looks like it fixed it for good 

- went upstairs around 8pm and planned out some more of tokyo, mostly booking a hostel through airbnb. then also looking into airbnb experiences in tokyo, then kyoto and then osaka. i also looked into hostels for kyoto and osaka but i’m not too time pressed on it cause since they’re close to each other, i can figure something out. while i was doing this sheena was playing smash behind me. i told her about grab out of shield which helped her a lot. she was playing dittos against another zelda that was doing almost identically what she was doing LOL

- also i told deepak i’d play mario kart with him. so after taking a long shower, we played from 10pm-11pm. sheena also played with us (since she was already playing smash). we did shine thief battle mode for a bit (we got wrecked by deepak), then racing (again got wrecked) -- deepak 1st, me 2nd sheena 3rd. then we played teams to try to balance things out. sheena and i did better overall with CPUs/team so we won that one :p 

- hung out with sheena in her room a bit. browsed some instagram, watched some old videogamedunkey videos on smash, then went to sleep around 12:30am. i was so tired after waking up at 6:30 today

okay the end

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0