#im just gonna pretend like they aren’t divorced

[cosmosnout]

FHJY SPOILERS EP 17!!

”And the second you see her, you're gonna feel like yourself again.”

[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

season 6 thoughts

hey quick question why the FUCK did you start with that

like on the one hand i’m glad that now i know what happened right after the end of “that’s too much man!”. on the other hand… ow

the mountain bojack climbs is called “metaphor mountain” God bless Lisa Hanawalt

i LOVE the way the episodes are framed… like you get one flashback to bojack drinking and you think that was the first time then it’s like NOPE he was even younger

CINDY CRAWFISH AKSHDJDSF

AND BABY BOJACK SNUGGLING UP TO HIS MOTHER… TRYING TO FEEL AN EMBRACE SHE WOULD NEVER GIVE… CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS NEW INTRO

AND THE WAY IT HAS ALL THOSE FLASHBACK SCENES BUT IT STILL ENDS WITH HIM FALLING INTO THE POOL AND DIANE AND PEANUTBUTTER CHECKING TO SEE IF HES OK AND THEN HES JSUT LOUNGING IN HIS APPLE SHORTS;;; it’s just,, he’s going back home in the end, going back to the place where he started, as if everything will go back to the way it was before and he’ll find himself stuck in the same cycles he tried so hard to escape… all im saying is, i dont think this season is gonna end well

and how it dwells on his past, everything he did wrong, all the most heartwrenching moments, and there aren’t any changes to the intro (as far as i could tell) until episode 8… nothing changes if all you do is look back.

I am LOVING the Mr. Peanutbutter we’re getting this season. I was never really attached to him before; it’s not that I hated him, just that I liked all the other main characters better. and now that they’ve had him do something really bad and reckon with that,, he’s plumbing new depths, exploring those dark places, questioning if he’s truly as happy as he says he is

and bonding with bojack??? who would have guessed

bojack keeps giving advice that is, at best, the kind he doesn’t follow himself, and at worst, bringing others down into the well of self-pity that he’s been stuck in the whole series

Someone give Princess Carolyn a break…

SHE NAMED HER DAUGHTER RUTHIE IM CRYING

Guy seems like a cool guy but I feel like they’re setting him up to seem nice so that it’s more surprising when it’s revealed he’s not. I’m probably being too suspicious, but also we don’t know much of the details about his divorce, do we? Lakeith Stanfield's great tho

EPISODE 4 WAS COMEDY GOLD

The return of Queefburglar69

I WANNA WRAP PICKLES UP IN A BLANKET LIKE A BURRITO AND TELL HER EVERYTHINGS OKAY

Oh man Pickles talking about how her subscribers will always be there for her… like… it’s not one person, it’s a cloud of people, the contents and shape of which changes, might even be completely different and unrecognizable from one year to the next, but they’re all still there as this nebulous support system. and it reminded me of what bojack said to young sarah lynn about how her fans are the only things she can count on

Todd is babey.

Also him wearing the ace colors under his hoodie!!

I knew Diane’s rationale for going to chicago was bullshit. she said it makes her feel good, but “it doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are,” and she still dwells on her bad feelings and hates herself just as much in chicago as she did in LA. moving somewhere else isn’t necessarily gonna change those tendencies, she has to work on it herself.

OH MAN AND WHEN BOJACK GETS DR CHAMP DRUNK AGAIN… THROWING THE BOTTLE OUT THE WINDOW WAS A WAY TO AVOID RUINING ANOTHER LIFE AND HE ENDS UP DOING THE EXACT THING HE HOPED HE WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN

was honestly kinda hoping that Dr Champ was just pretending he got drunk to show how bad bojack could get if he relapsed but at the end when he was like “stay…” that’s how i knew that shit was real.

todd is so fucking stupid i love him

ngl am kinda disappointed that todd’s confirmed white, cause i’ve kinda been picturing him as latino for a long time and i know rbw said he doesn’t want to alienate latino viewers who relate to todd. but it makes a  lot of sense, cause he always gets away with stupid shit and gets to the top of things without even having to try just because he knows a guy. and maybe the reason he’s so positive all the time is because it’s so easy for him to be, he never has to worry about shit bc of the privilege his whiteness affords him. also I love that we got to learn more about his backstory

THE CONTRAST BTWN “all the shitty things I did that I can barely even remember because I was high or drunk or it was thirty years ago” and “I remember everything. I’m sober now.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!

sharona sounds like a cross btwn princess carolyn and margo martindale

I have… mixed feelings about the haircut

Oh man Mr. Peanutbutter had a moment… he finally got that crossover episode… I was kinda hoping for a joke that went “Mr. Peanutbutter and BoJack Horseman in the same room? What is this, Philbert?” or “What is this, a short-lived show on a streaming network that got canceled because the star got addicted to painkillers and strangled his costar in a drugged haze?” but this is SO MUCH BETTER. I've never seen him cry before and the way he reacts to himself crying suggests that maybe he’s never cried before at all, and that’s why he just keeps laughing, almost like it’s forced, cause this is supposed to be his happiest moment and it’s not supposed to make him so sad. fucking,, character development

and the cold open of ep 8… you can forgive yourself and move on from your past wrongs but it doesn’t erase the things you did, the effects they have on people, and the trauma they’ve suffered. and then like, how can you forgive yourself if they never forgive you? how do you maintain that balance? why should you move forward if they can’t?

its weird to have an episode consisting entirely of guest stars but it also illustrates the extensive world they’ve built and i applaud that… also where the fuck is ana spanakopita

GINA RETURNS!!! HELL YEAH

her quote about not wanting to be defined by what bojack did to her has always stuck with me, and i feel like now, that quote has sort of come true. like, her saying that made us avoid reducing her to what happened to her, and thats why i wanted to see her come back this season, hopefully moving past it. but she can’t. it traumatized her. and everyone can see the effects of it but she feels like she can’t come forward, cause if she does she’ll be punished. shit like that changes you.

and it’s another instance on the show where someone chooses to advance their career & preserve their reputation over doing the right thing (like what bojack does with herb & sharona), but bojack does it out of self-interest, and gina does it so she doesn’t have to relive her trauma every time she gets interviewed or recognized by a fan. but even when she keeps quiet about it she’s still reliving her trauma

noah fence but what a waste of the once-per-season fuck word. youre really gonna use it in an episode IN WHICH BOJACK DOES NOT EVEN APPEAR, and not only that, but RECYCLE AN OLD SENTENCE FROM A PREVIOUS EPISODE

netflix places no limits on a show’s use of the fuck word (i think), so… fingers crossed for something better in the second part?

OH MY GOD PETE REPEAT INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS PETER ITS ALMOST LIKE HES TRYING TO FORGET THAT TIME & THAT PERSON HE WAS (im probably reading into it too much, I’m sure it’s mostly so we wouldn’t figure out who it was immediately. maybe im just like the kid with the coffee cup.)

and just… ppl describe this show as “family guy or the simpsons except the protagonist faces consequences for his actions” but bojack has gotten away with everything.

you ever just like… you ever watch a scene and feel the cliffhanger vibes creeping up and you just know it’s gonna end there and leave you unsatisfied and begging for more but at the same time that’s what makes it such a good place to end it. that was me with this. (and also the ending of undone)

the thing about this show is, it illustrates what it’s like to be a toxic person. and sure, he has it hard, but the show never asserts that he has it any worse than his victims, even if bojack himself does so. and he only does it so he can feel better about himself. he deserves a reckoning, he needs to pay for his bad deeds. but then, when you know what made him this way and what goes on inside his mind and that he wants to get better, it makes you feel for him, and forces you to ask if he deserves to get better and forgive himself and move forward. but even if he does, it doesn’t change the things he did. it doesn’t fix the lives he’s ruined.

anyway sound off if you think bojack’s gonna die at the end. hopefully not by suicide

[archivistsammy]

so, im going to try and keep my unkind s8 comments to a minimum, but I can no longer pretend dean gives me any joy thus far in this season, and I think this scene is really emblematic of why. context: sam has his deal with Amelia to meet back at the motel at a certain time if they want to be together. dean reminds sam he has an appointment, and sam--who has received nothing but shit from dean this whole time about Amelia, and in the previous episode dean actually used sam’s love for Amelia against him to get him away from benny--is like...since when do you care? and I kinda hate dean’s answer. a lot. 

for one, I think it’s backhanded. yeah, he’s saying one of them should be happy, but it’s hardly an earnest endorsement. “im tired of fighting, one of us should be happy, and im jealous about your ability to just ~give up hunting~ really couldn’t be me....” is hardly the same thing as actually sincerely wanting your brother to be happy. pretty petty imo, which I think dean is allowed to an extent, but this entire season has just been the pair of them failing to communicate and then dean being nasty (to literally everyone except charlie so far; im shocked at the way he’s been talking to kevin) on top of it. dean’s lost so much joy, so much empathy, after purgatory, and it’s exhausting and demoralizing to see. 

not to mention, as Katharine so smartly and rightly pointed out, this is very similar to how John tries to dismiss a serious conversation with sam back in season 2. 

I think this is notable bc it’s showcasing sort of that this way of handling conflict--brushing it off for the sake of getting down to brass tacks--is a learned behavior. how many arguments, how many conflicts, how many emotionally challenging conversations, have these two brothers been in wherein one of them simply ends it by saying they’re tired of fighting? this isn’t conflict resolution. this isn’t forgiveness. this isn’t healing. it’s just shoving it down to fester at some later date. 

I also think what dean says at the end here is really frustrating and upsetting and indicative of another huge problem both he and sam have. 

dean is still clearly holding onto issues that stem from his time with Lisa and how that living situation ended, and it’s almost like he thinks because he couldn’t make apple pie work, sam shouldn’t be able to either. like sam should function under the same set of rules dean set for himself. no hunting. no car. no relationships with anyone in your past life. you go for it, and you do it 100%. which puts sam in a pretty terrible situation of choosing Amelia or dean. why these brothers think relationships outside of hunting must mean excising what you had before is bewildering to me. dean excised things perfectly well and still had djinn coming for him. that’s not to blame dean, but point out shit’s gonna happen regardless of your efforts to divorce yourself from your previous life. not to mention, the mental and emotional toll it took on dean to cut out everything he had before Lisa...why wish that on sam?

the obvious reason is because he’s still hurt by sam’s not looking for him after he disappeared. but honestly, that’s...not sam’s problem if you never actually talk through your feelings with him. sam can know he hurt you and still know why he made the decision he made. and much like I discussed in these two posts, the fact these two refuse to talk openly about their lost year means they’re never going to move past it. they’re just going to have to decide to shove it back down. and I think we see that really clear here. dean (to me) is basically telling sam you go get the woman you love and leave me out, and we just never talk about this shit again. or you stay with me and leave the woman you love out, and we still....never talk about this shit again. 

idk, im not being very coherent, but this scene just seems like the intersection of their problems with both communication and how they envision happiness as something you cannot have with or without the other. they aren’t happy together this season. the first eight eps or so are filled with barely masked bitterness and rage and hurt. but clearly they can’t be happy apart, because being apart means literally never talking again. I don’t know! it’s just upsetting! depressing! frustrating! and that’s season 8!

[grizztheexplorer]

Ep 10!!!!! Love Victor live reaction:

-finally!!!! Never thought i would be rooting for the dad but here i am. I hateeee he doesn’t trust Isabel nor that he wants to tell her to not do things. But i ain’t with Isabel equating what she did to him beating up Roger. Girl fuck Roger.

- I don’t need to watch further to KNOW someone heard Benji talk to Victor in the bathroom and I bet my ass it was Andrew bc drama

- I KNEW TAKE THIS HOMOPHOBIC ASS OUT OF HERE

-“whatever happens between us” are they gonna separate??? I thought before i started the show i saw a spoiler of divorce (hadn’t read why or anything) but i feel like if the separate for a while they could actually find their way back to each other??? I hope they try living apart and all for a while bc i do wanna root for them. Also i reallyyyyyy fucking hope she doesn’t get with Roger again s2. Like i said, FUCK that guy.

-okay is still fuck Andrew hours but AT LEAST him not even thinking of outing Victor gets him out my blacklist.

- TOO GOOD A GUY TO WALK AWAY FROM IM JUST GONNA GO CHOKE IM STRESSED

-LISTEN IK MIA IS STILL AN ISSUE HERE BUT VICTOR HAS BEEN SO REPRESSED AND SAD AND BENJI HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH DEREK BC THATS THE GAY GUY HE GOT AND LIKE G O D DEREK IS SUCH AN ASS DID U SEE BENJI’S FACE WHEN VICTOR WAS LISTING GOOD THINGS?? THEY BOTH DESERVE A CHANCE AT HAPPINESS IM CRYING

-also uh don’t think I didn’t hear Derek say “i feel weird at a high school dance” sir Benji ain’t a senior he’s a sophomore. Is Derek out of high school?? A college kid dating a sophomore in HS is🤢🤢AND he treats him badly??? Jail

-im crying🥺🥺🥺listening to Benji and Victor talk has also lowkey made me realize like even if they haven’t interacted as much Victor has allowed himself to be jusy a teen with Benji even if they have talked about heavy stuff. With Mia unknowingly he did the same with his parents. Showed her the version of him she wanted to see bc of guilt, fear, and in order to make her feel better. Victor has only been him with Benji (and with Felix) and wow. Didn’t notice until their talk and me starting to think back on the show. Perfect writing.

- is heartbreaking how Mia found out. I’m wondering if maybe she’ll be hurt but understand??? She’s a 15-16 year old smart girl. At that age i def saw cases like this and it always ends with the straight partners supporting the gay ones. Hell, a case EXACTLY like this happened my freshman year of HS. These really popular girl started dating this new kid and she was obsessed with him lowkey?? They broke up bc he came out and she was the most supportive. I understand she’s hurt bc he cheated, but i hope she listens to him and tries to understand like how hard it is for queer kids and how confused he was? Is heartbreaking bc he truly cares for her and im sure right she thinks he doesn’t and just used her. But i hope she’s willing to listen. As a queer person, I honestly understand all the shit Victor has done. Is not the best way to do it. But I don’t feel angry at him. I get it.

- ugh the song for that kiss was perfect tho🥺🥺

-omg I totally thought him talking to Mia would be a cliffhanger are they gonna have a confrontation now??? She’s still so raw😭😭 i want them to be besties noooo

-LAKE OMG GO OFF. Poor Wendy tho she was hyping herself up to ask Felix🥺

-THAT WAS SO CUTE FELIX AND LAKE ARE AT THE TOP OF THEIR GAME BC 🥺❤️

-lowkey Andrew didn’t try to intervene and instead got with Mia to take the opportunity but also im 1000% not surprised of the straight person not wanting to hear his side and instead taking the girl where they can be alone together 💀💀may I say though with their history i do not think Andrew and Mia should be alone together. She has feelings for him yes, but she already regrets having sex with him bc she was feeling vulnerable. He didn’t know it the first time but this time he know how she felt and how she is feeling now. So this time it is kinda taking advantage if he ends up having sex with her.

-Pilar girl i get it but also the queer romance life of ur brother is literally.... none of ur business and does NOT affect u the way ur parents’ relationships affect u. So please kindly stfu.

-thank Pilar hugged him back

-hell yeah Andrew said no. U still out the blacklist buddy good for u

-SIMON SAYING YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE ME IS THE TIP THATS MAKING ME CRY AGAIN BC YES THAT GAY COLLEGE SQUAD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR U AND I HOPE WE SEE IT AGAIN S2

- :)))))))) that ending :))))))))

S2 thoughts:

- okay well a lot of truth bombs. I truly think separating was the right choice to get them back together in a healthy manner. That is if they don’t date other people. Roger will most likely make a comeback. She will most likely date him. Maybe she’ll realize what a shit bag he is when he does/says something dumb and realize Armando is it for her??? I hope at least i do wanna root for them

- im so proud of Victor🥺🥺 he told everything to Benji, and came to out Felix + his family. Ik things will be hard with Mia at first, and Andrew is still no saint so he might be a dick to him on the team once he is out (or might defend him) but at least they know too. I saw the writers saying s2 will be now about Benji and Victor learning to be in a relationship and Victor’s environment changing. Benji and him will def struggle in the department that Victor is still learning how to openly be himself and let himself be seen versus Benji already having dealt with that before. So it will prob be hard for Benji too. It’s exciting tho and i hope despite everything s2 is kind to them.

- backetball will be hard for Victor without a doubt. I really hope Bram and Simon come for holidays or something and we get to see them again. Maybe even meet Benji or Felix too that would be so🥺🥺🥺

- can’t tell how the parents will react. Ik he won’t be kicked out and certain things will he hard bc s2 is gonna be about them working it out for sure, but I can’t tell if at first they’ll go in complete denial or will just quietly ignore it or fully pretend to be supportive while they aren’t. I hope s2 shows us the end of that scene and how the reactions went and not just a time jump. We will most likely start with a time jump but i hope the first ep of s2 shows us the reaction through a flashback.

Overall: amazing actors. Really good writing. These were realistic characters who make dumb realistic choices and are heartfelt and down to earth. All the actors are amazing and bring so much to the table. The writing is great dropping small hints for things to come without it being screamed at your face so you aren’t surprised 100% by certain choices but also not completely expected. And it’s honest about teens’ journeys at that age with appropriate age actors (except for Andrew I haven’t looked at his age but motherfucker looks older then ME lmao). I can’t WAIT for s2 and again, leaving it to existence so it happens: LET SIMON AND BRAM HAVE A LIL EP WITH VICTOR AGAIN IN S2!!!!!!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok hmmmm fake dating art school au with Malec, Claia, Lukemaryse and (platonic, obviously) garrowbane where hmmm magnus is with an ex at the start and tries setting up Luke with people

well this got really cracky really fast

okay so im gonna go ahead and say that i have no idea how art school works in the US so for the sake of My Convenience™ imma go with the way it is in Brazil, which is "there are numerous kinds of arts going on in the same institute/college"

so im thinking..... clary obviously is doing visual arts, painting, whatever its called (this is probably where i should warn you that i know nothing about visual arts). maia is not really an arts major, but she's doing a course on technical/scientific drawing since shes a biology major and that's useful for her field studies. magnus is on the same course, except hes like an engineering major really. im a slut for inventor Magnus so yeah he wants to be an engineer to develop new kinds of technology so technical drawing is important for him. meliorn (watch me slip meliorn in literally everything i can) is a theatre major, and Luke and Maryse r both studying music

Luke and Maryse r older and like idk how common that is in the US but here in Brazil some ppl (spec retired ppl) come back to college to study something they have Always Wanted To but that wouldnt bring them money. i know that the whole "no free college" thing makes that harder but they can be post-graduates i guess. or Luke is and maryse is a regular major but shes a super rich hotshot lawyer who after the divorce decided to be less stuck up and dedicate herself to things she enjoys, and since shes rich, she has the money to do a major or a music course just for fun

anyway! Magnus is the kind of guy whos friends with everyone from all ages and courses. he quickly becomes friends with maia (shes on his course after all) and meliorn (who is a theatre major but takes classes in everything they can because.... they can)

i just realized maia/meliorn has a LOT of brotp potential but ok anyway

magnus and maia bond greatly over their shared interests (yeah shes a biologist and hes an engineer but magnus' interests vary a lot and also hes a fan of biochemistry. they also have relatively similar life stories and a similar sense of humor, even if maia is sharper at the edges - which is something Magnus likes, really. she's fierce and fun and unafraid and he wishes he were more like her sometimes. they have a mutual admiration and kind of protection pact). meliorn on the other hand is kind of the local queer cryptid in a way, which of course means magnus immediately befriends him, and Maia is just delighted at how much of a trickster they are. magnus also likes meliorn a lot because they're so... chill and easy and unbothered by social conventions to the point of being nearly unaware, which makes Magnus feel so comfortable. and meliorn thinks Magnus is interesting, and they all get along.

maia kind of brings luke into the group. luke is kind of maia's adoptive uncle. she lives alone but once she ran away from home luke was super nice and helpful and also one of the ppl who most encouraged her to go after her major like she wanted

luke and maia are clearly close and have each other's backs, but they also tease each other a lot. so when one day luke teases maia over her crush on clary, she retaliates by looking DIRECTLY at meliorn and being like "he's just jealous. did you ppl know he hasnt been on a single date in years" and meliorn, who thrives on the chaos, is like "oooh we should set him up" and magnus of course jumps at the opportunity

so the three of them keep trying to set ppl up with luke, and it just ...... never works. like doesnt come even close to working. its kind of a disaster actually. its awkward, it never clicks, and at this point luke is begging them to stop but you know thats not gonna happen. so as a last resort, luke lies that he's dating a woman from class. cue him asking maryse, whom hes never talked to in his life but is the only eligible woman his age at class, to like, please do him a solid. and maryse is just so shocked by this random (but handsome) man's life, shes like. lmao sure. look shes a post-divorce woman she wants to be free and cease giving fucks

and maryse kind of has fun pretending to date luke, but she's a busy woman and she doesnt hang out with them often, and they are like [BANGING POTS AND PANS] WE WANT TO ACTUALLY MEET HER

and luke is all like "well maybe if all of yall singles got dates we could have a date together otherwise get out" so maia asks clary out purely out of spite and turns out it works, but Magnus and Meliorn are like "uuuuhhhhh,,,,,,," so meliorn is like "what if we pretend to be together lmao" and Magnus is like shit we're gonna do that aren't we

i know its not exactly Magnus having an ex but look im struggling to put all of this together okay udhdhdbd also im not big on the whole "breaking up because of someone else" trope ya feel

god this is just the setup for malec to meet, im,,,, a mess

so anyway Magnus and Meliorn are determined to totally sell this to luke (maia knows its a scam of course, she can smell bullshit from miles away). and luke and maryse are also totally determined to sell this cuz everyone is an idiot. so they keep having, like,,,,, dates together, until eventually they kind of become a solid group of friends. they all welcome maryse and are really impressed by how critical she is of her pre-divorce self and how it did wonders for her, they think shes really strong. she even shares about how she struggled with her son being gay and her daughter deciding to become a forensic pathologist instead of a lawyer like her, you know. in short they all become good friends

so now everyone (but maia and clary who are happy and drama free and laughing their butts off at Magnus and Meliorn) is in a difficult situation because now theyre all friends! what are they gonna do, confess it was a scam all along? pretend to break up and make the whole thing awkward? they're trapped in their fake dating and it looks like they're just gonna have to, like ... deal with it

and in luke and maryse's situation it's even more complicated because they are kind of getting into each other, and theyre like groaning because theyre grown ass adults they shouldn't be living this trope. and yet

anyway as they become closer they start going to maryse's (shes the only one with a large enough place) and that's when Magnus meets Alec and meliorn meets izzy

which,,,,, despair

because they had been doing a great job of fake dating so far, excuse you, they are partners in crime. they're a well oiled lying machine and they work together flawlessly. magnus is not even a good liar but shit if meliorn didnt teach him every trick on how to not technically lie, and also they are very close and the kind of ppl who are comfortable with sharing affection, so yeah they drape their arms on each others shoulders and hold hands and kiss each others cheeks NO PROBLEM but now theyre both interested in someone else

hell, theyre both interested in maryse's kids

fuck

shit

goddamn

meliorn is all like "i told you we should have pretended to have an open relationship" and Magnus is like luke KNOWS im monogamous he would KNOW we're lying and meliorn is like FUCK and maia and clary are losing their shits

meanwhile luke and maryse are becoming more and more domestic and oblivious to the world. they will b like "you kids put the movie on, we'll make dinner" and be all like fluffy asshole

izzy quickly picks up that its a scheme cuz shes smart, and flirts with meliorn when maryse isnt around, while Alec is like SHIT dude i cant believe ur into a TAKEN MAN what the fuck kind of sad gay stereotype r u

but their pull is like,,, stronk and they frequently find themselves getting lost in their own little world and lowkey flirting and just being a liiiiil too close (especially in alecs case since hes like ..... stoic extraordinaire) and then theyre like AH SHIT WAIT and they jump and pretend nothings happening

and look, izzy would tell Alec about the scam, but she's, como se dice...... having way too much fun at his expense. she and meliorn start dating on like day 1 and make a pact to see how long they can keep the act up and enjoy the show

maia and clary have eaten their combined weight in popcorn by this point

the intrigue. the chaos. the misunderstandings

it gets more and more ridiculous as time goes by but Magnus is still determined to yknow keep the act up and not expose his and meliorn's lies

they just,,,,,,, live like this

it lasts for so long

like ..... months of ridiculousness

and alec is suffering because hes into a taken man whos obviously very in love with his partner and he feels guilty and all of that shit

and magnus just.... doesnt know what to do with his predicament. look he has anxiety this was a bad idea how is he gonna walk up to Alec and b like "hey so I'm not really dating meliorn it was all a scam so we could spy on luke and ur mom but it went too far" and the more time passes the more awkward it gets

the dam probably breaks when magnus finds meliorn and izzy on a date on accident, and hes like rjrhrjrjdnc SO THEY KNOW???? and meliorn is like nah only izzy knows we wanted to see how long itd take for u and alec to get ur shit together. and magnus is like oh my god and meliorn is like "in my defense i didnt think it would take literal months!!!!!! and then it started to feel awkward to just tell you to go for it"

so magnus is like FINE i guess i will TELL ALEC and ask him if he wants to DATE ME IN SECRET so we can keep NOT HAVING TO CONFESS WE LIED TO HIS MOM

and then i guess he tells Alec???? and he still isnt sure whether or not Alec likes him so he isnt planning to ask him out immediately afterwards, just, you know, let him in on the secret, and Alec is like "dude my mom is lying too" and Magnus is like what she and luke are like married

anyway knowing about that gives them full permission to come out as lying bitches so they're like "how dare you lie to us like this.. but also we did the same thing"

eventually luke actually asks maryse out

i dont even know whats happening anymore god im done

this is your fault anon

if anyone wants to actually write this, feel free rjrhdjdn honestly id read it

[newjenns]

crossroads ⭐️

college au in which jeon jungkook tries his best to become a great dad but y/n isn’t pregnant. based on the author’s real life events ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

prev / part 29 / next

masterlist ⭐️

life comes at you fast.

in less than 2 years you had met, dated, and married the love of your life. and tomorrow you would be off on a honeymoon. but for tonight, it was just you and him.

“if you drop me so help me, jeon jungkook,” you said as you cling to his shoulders. it was his lovely idea to be cliche and carry you to your bedroom bridal style. no, you did not swoon.

“so help you what?” he replied, smile wide on his face.

“i’m filing for divorce,” you deadpanned as you moved your foot to avoid hitting the edge of the doorway to your room. finally, he put you down safely.

“so soon? what will the children think?” jungkook laughed, reaching to put his hands around your waist and gently knocking his forehead against yours. that soft smile never seemed to leave his face and you returned it before suddenly remembering something.

“speaking of children,” you began, “what was jimin talking about? during his speech he said something about me being pregnant?”

“oh yeah,” jungkook responded, “was 5 months too much? i told him there’s no way you’re that far, even i know you’re too skinny.” he squeezed your waist as if to emphasize his point.

“now what’re you talking about?” you ask incredulously. it was like an inside joke and you were determined to figure out the meaning.

“the baby, my love. how far along are you really though? i always forget to ask you,” he replied. still nothing made sense to you; every time he gave you an answer, another 20 questions came up in your mind.

“what baby, jungkook, what’re you talking about?” you questioned, eyebrows furrowed paired with a confused smile. suddenly it was like he froze. the smile on his face switched out for a look of confusion to match your own.

“aren’t you pregnant?” he asked.

“what?! no, oh my god! where did you get that idea from?!” you voice went up above the soft conversation you had been having. it was just, the absurdity of having a child, of jungkook believing you were having a child; it was so out of left field you couldn’t believe what he said. a chill ran down your spine and you stepped out of his embrace.

“is-“ you cleared your throat from the sudden lump, “-is that why you proposed? is that why you wanted to move in together? you thought i was pregnant?”

jungkook’s eyes widened, “no, no, no, no. no, baby, i wanted to do everything with you because i love you.” he sighed, “okay, i can admit, i moved faster than i would’ve liked because i thought you were pregnant. but at the end of the day i still wanted those things with you.” he moved to place his hand on your face.

“don’t pout,” he said, squishing your cheeks, effectively getting rid of the pout that was indeed there. you glanced off to the side.

through squished cheeks, you replied, “really?”

“really really,” jungkook answered with a smile, before leaning down to kiss you. it was a soft kiss but it did what he intended: conveyed his feelings for you and removed any doubt that he didn’t want to be married to you.

“wait,” you said, breaking off the kiss. “what in the world made you think i was pregnant?”

“ah,” he scratched behind his head, “ well the hyungs may have mentioned someth-”

“your hyungs?” you cut him off, eyes narrowing accusingly, “why would you listen to your dumbass hyungs?”

“well,” he struggled, “sometimes they know things..”

“no. no they don’t.” you told him. “ever. okay, you’re not allowed to believe anything they say ever again. we’re blocking them on our phones and from our lives.”

“thats a little harsh. to be fair, i did ask you.” jungkook said. you cocked your head at him questioningly. “when i asked you about crossroads, you said you were going there.”

your eyes widen in understanding, “oh my god, you dumb, sweet boy.” now he was the one looking at you, confused. “i was going there as community service. for my sorority. oh my god. you thought i was going for doctor appointments.”

you sit down on your bed in shock as everything starts to come together. there’s no way your loud mouthed friends could’ve ever kept a baby a secret. the whole campus must’ve thought you were pregnant. suddenly, the weird but nice gifts from friends and the accommodations from professors made sense. all those baby clothes for your puppy gojo were for an actual baby.

“how far did this go,” you moan, as you put your fingers against your temples.

“i mean, we did get married,” jungkook says as he crouched in front of you.

“that’s not funny,” you glare at him. “i’m gonna kill our friends.”

“please don’t, then i’ll have to go jail too for harboring a fugitive,” he replied. you weakly push against one of his shoulders in retaliation. “oh man, how am i gonna explain this to my mom.”

you whip your head up towards him. “you told your mother?!” you whisper-shout, not wanting to yell.

“well. yeah.” jungkook scratches the back of his head again, “she was kinda excited about a grandkid.”

“great,” you sigh and flop backwards on the back, “now i’m gonna have to really get pregnant as an ‘im sorry your son and his dumbass friends made you think we were having a baby’ gift to my mother-in-law.”

“good idea, let’s start now,” jungkook says and in one swift motion, he has you caged between his arms on the bed.

“i can’t believe you’re seriously thinking about sex right now as i’m having a mental breakdown,” you glare up at him again. in return, he whines at you, like a scolded puppy.

“i’m nineteen. i was expecting sex after my wedding, it’s all my dick can think about.” he shoves the side of his face against your chest and it’s cute if you think he’s listening to your heartbeat but you know your husband and he’s most definitely just enjoying how soft your boobs are.

“excuse me for not wanting to fuck after finding out everyone thinks i’m with child.” nonetheless, you pet his hair in a soothing manner.

“it wouldn’t be fucking, it would be love making,” he tells you.

you can’t stop yourself from giggling; only jungkook could make you laugh despite the stressful situation you would have to deal with come the next day. “so if you thought i was pregnant why didn’t you ask to come to crossroads with me?” you asked.

“i honestly didn’t think i was allowed,” he admits, a bit sheepish. “i only ever see girls going in and out of there.”

“well yeah,” you laugh lightly, “because it’s a female reproductive health oriented clinic.”

“ah” jungkook replies, partially muffled, “yeah, that would explain it.”

there’s a lull before you start talking again where you just enjoy each other, your hand still stroking his hair.

“how are we going to tell people that we’re not actually having a kid?” you say to the ceiling, as if all the answers were held there.

jungkook looks up at you, chin against your chest still. “just leave that to me.” he pauses. “but that’s a post honeymoon problem. right now, do you think we could-” you raise an eyebrow at him. “-ya know.. do the thing.”

“shy all of a sudden, jeon?” you laugh at the way he trailed off and a blush rises to his cheeks, along with an embarrassed smile.

“don’t laugh,” he whines. “you make me nervous.”

“we’re literally married,” you keep laughing.

“doesn’t mean the butterflies stop when i see you.” his gaze is so sincere and there’s truly nothing but love in his eyes. you stop laughing, but you do smile at him.

“fine, i guess if your dick was expecting sex, who am i to say no,” you pretend to sigh as if sex was some burdensome task but tbh there’s nothing like a good dicking down to make you feel better about life’s problems; like how everyone you know, including your parents probably, thinks you’re pregnant.

tagged: @aureumjeon @pocketfullofsuga @jjkbabie @hopetookmysoul @honeyalycia @pcyeuphoria @fangirllbookworm @ultrawheeze @flyingflowerseverwhere @neobts @miraisnotavailable @kimsamueldeservesbetter @triviayoongles @y-eehaw @bangtan-serendipity @kooksmono @bighitnoona @fabulouskk01 @jordunbtq5 @oodlespadoodle @jjeonsshi @sarcazmqueeen @jngkookoo @mayumioutloud @dimple-jungkook @goldenchemistry @jeonxgk

[bumblebet-20]

What we left behind

5sos x reader

warnings: swearing, divorce, angst (oh so much).

A/N: GUYS OMG THIS IS MY VERY FIRST SERIES AND IM SOOOO EXCITED :3

Couldn't have done this without my boo @aspiringwildfire

-FLASHBACK-

“Happy Birthday, Enid!” Everyone yells after I blow out the candles, tossing up confetti they held in their hands.

“What did you wish for, Ed?” Calum asks, face covered in frosting from the chocolate cupcake.

“You know I can’t tell you, Cal!” I giggle slightly, turning towards the slice of strawberry cake in front of me.

“I can’t believe my baby is 7 today!” My mum says, suddenly behind me and nearly squeezing the life out of me.

“Hey, Ed! Let’s go play!” Michael exclaims on the other side of the yard, holding a yellow ball in his hands. A quick giggle escapes my lips as I quickly move out of my mum’s arms, running over to where he stands, followed by Calum and Luke.

“Be careful of your dress honey!” My mum hollers as we chase the ball, her words barely reach my ears as I focus on beating the other team.

We played football until the sun set, the only time we took a break was when people left and I had to say goodbye to them. Daryl came out and brought us inside for dinner, only us four and our parents remain to finish the celebrations.

“Eat up kids, we’ll set up the tent in a bit.“Liz says, setting down a box containing a large Cheese pizza in front of us.

-After finishing the pizza and getting the tent set up, we settle in our sleeping bags, the only source of light being the lantern in the middle of our circle.“Did you have a fun birthday?” Michael asks, stopping his game of ‘Crazy Eights’ with Calum.“

I had a blast! You three made it great” “

Aw, Ed! We’ll always be here to make your birthday awesome” Luke exclaims, pulling me into a tight hug. The others soon join, causing a dog pile and loud laughs to erupt from all of us.

Once the laughter calmed down and we resumed our previous games, a thought ran through my head “Hey guys? Can we all agree to remain friends no matter what?” 

“Of course! Nothing will tear us apart” Calum says, earning agreement ‘yeahs’ “We’re gonna be best friends for life!” Luke hollers

.-10 years later (2012)-“Come on,Becks! We can’t miss this!” I exclaim, grabbing the hand of my best friend, weaving through the crowd outside the building and stopping in front of the stage, waving at the boys while they are getting their instruments ready.

“Oh! Here are our seats” She points to a round table filled with chairs right in front, our names scribbled on paper. 

“Hey girls,”Joy says, taking a seat in her designated chair, Mali following right behind her. 

“Everyone else is right behind us, “Mali says, motioning to the door where the familiar heads of the Hemmings’ bobs over everyone else.

-

Once everyone got settled in their chairs, Luke taps the microphone lightly.

“Hello, we are Five Seconds of Summer and welcome to our show!” Luke says into the microphone, earning a round of applause and a ‘whoop’ from me.

“1,2,3,4!” Ashton exclaims before the music begins, filling the nearly empty space with the beginning of ‘Unpredictable’. My foot starts to tap at the beat, unable to contain my smile when Lukes’ voice fills the room.

“She sit at home with the lights out” Rebecca sings lowly next to me.

“Seeing life in different colours” We finish together, pretending our hands are microphones.

-

“Thank you for coming! This has been Five Seconds of Summer! Good night!” Luke exclaims into the mic before walking off stage.

“Alright, let’s go see our boys,“Liz says as she stands up and heads to the doors where the boys went off from.

“Mum!”  Luke exclaims, running to her once we all enter their changing room. All the boys greet their families before I’m swiftly picked up by Ashton and spun around.

“Alright,put her down before you hurt someone, “My mum says, stopping Ashton from spinning my brains out and gently places me on solid ground.

“So, food anyone?” David receives shouts of agreement in return.The parents walked ahead to the cars while we took our time heading out.

“Oh boys! I made some gifts for you” I dig around my bag before finding the plastic baggy, taking out four bright bracelets, each one having a letter for each boy. Rebecca takes two and puts them on the right boy’s wrist.

“Are these friendship bracelets?” Michael asks, twirling around the orange one on his wrist.

“Yeah. I just thought that you boys are gonna make it big someday and I just- don’t  want you to forget about the little people” I awkwardly shuffle my feet across the concrete floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed that I even did this.

“I love it! What better way to signify our friendship than with a bracelet!” Ashton tugs me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.

“Alright you kids, let’s go!” Liz says from the end of the corridor, motioning with her hand to come.

“We better go, don’t want an angry Liz on our hands” Calum comments as we all walk towards the door.

[1 month later]

I hum quietly as I braid Becks hair, the two of us deciding to have a sleepover at my house.

“Have you been watching the videos they upload? They’re gaining a lot of views” She says quietly, busy drawing in her sketchbook.

“I know, it's about time people realize their talent”

A knock on my window makes us jump as we turn to it and see Calum’s face pressed against it.

“Cal, what are you doing?” I question once he’s inside.

“ You won’t believe the news we just got” Becks and I share a confused look before returning our attention to the bouncing boy.

“Well? Spill dude” Calum gives her an unamused look, but continues to bounce.

“Okay so we’ve been getting a good number of views on our covers and earlier we got an email asking if we’d be interested in opening for this group-”

“What group?” Rebecca asks, curiosity getting the better of both of us.

“One Direction” Both our jaws drop at the name.

“That’s amazing Cal! I told you you boys would get famous one day!”

“We sign the contract tomorrow and start working out a setlist”

“When do you guys leave?” Calum nervously swallowed at the question.

“Three months” I feel my heart drop at how soon they’ll be leaving.

“Senior year starts in three months…”

“We know, but this is such a great opportunity and this is the boost we need to become famous”

“I’m so happy for you guys!”I exclaim overly eager, earning an odd look from Rebecca.

“We just knew you would be!” He flashes us his award winning smiling before slipping back out the window.

“Alright, spill. That was such a fake congratulations.”

“I’m- I’m happy for them”I fiddle with the brush I was holding.

“Bull. Shit. I’ve never seen more forced joy than right there.”

“What’s gonna happen when they leave for tour? We’re gonna stay behind while they go off and make a name for themselves.” 

“Aren’t you happy that they got this opportunity? This is what they want” I sit on the edge of my bed and she joins, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah but- I can���t help but think that it was supposed to us 6. Forever. No one and nothing can come between us”

“They’re still your boys. Now-” She stands, grabbing my hands on the way. “Let’s go get some ice cream and watch movies.. We can deal with this later” I laugh but follow her out to the kitchen.

[5 months later]

“Any response yet?” I simply shake my head at my mum’s question, returning to the book I was reading. “They’ll text back. Just got to be patient honey.”

“Yeah” I reopen IMessage and all texts to them since they left have all been left on read and I can’t figure out why. “I’m going to hang out with Rebecca for a bit” I say after reading her text, receiving a simple ‘mhm’ from my mum.

<

“And they haven’t even said a simple ‘hi’ or ‘ thanks’?” Rebecca questions, popping a crisp in her mouth.

“Nothing. Did- Did I do something? Should I have sent mail or-”

“Ed stop. You did nothing wrong, okay? They’re hormonal teenage boys, we should really expect this behavior.. But that by no means excuses their rudeness.” I go quiet, opting to play with my sandwich.

“They’re performing in Sydney in two weeks.. I was thinking of stopping by” I casually say, not looking up from the food.

“Alright.” I look up at her, shocked by her response. “I don’t agree with this idea but I’m not not gonna let you do this- definitely not alone.” She puts her hand over my own, offering a soft smile. “Now. About this Art assignment”

\night of concert\

“Okay, the plan is as follows: we go to the concert. Park where we see tour buses and wait. Find the boys and talk. Ending the night with pizza, candy and scary movies at my place.”

“Sounds like a well thought out plan.” I take one last look at myself, adjusting my top before turning to my brunette friend. “Ready?”

“Ready” We loop arms, skipping the whole way to her car.

..

“Damn, they are loud” Becks jokingly says from our position against the car, listening to our boys play.

“They sound good (feels good hehe :D)” I comment, pushing some of the gravel around with the toe of my combat boots.

We remain in a comfortable silence until the doors swing open and familiar voices fill the air. I look over at her, wide eyed.

“Now or never babe”

“What do I-”

“Hey boys!” She screams, making them all turn around, alarmed looks on their faces.

“Uh- Hi” Luke says, waving awkwardly in our direction.

“Enid here would like to talk to you boys. In private”She nudges me forward and I take timid steps to them.

“Let’s go in the bus” Ashton opens the door for everyone before closing it behind him.

“So-”

“Why’d you guys do it? Why did you just up and ignore me?” They nervously look at one another before Calum steps forward.

“We- uh got busy?”

“If you wanted to still be my friend you would’ve made an effort” I state, crossing my arms across my chest.

“We do it’s just that-” Luke begins but I cut him off, anger starting to run in my veins,

“What happened to ‘remain friends no matter what’”?

“You don’t understand, our life is so crazy now! We still consider you a friend, not best friend but, friends. Why are you still upset about this? It’s not like we completely abandoned you” Michael says from his position in a chair.

“ You couldn’t say ‘hey thanks!’ when I congratulated you?”

“Yeah bu-” Ashton tries but I cut him off.

“You could’ve tried.. But you ALL decided I wasn’t worth the effort!” I take a few slow breaths to try and keep calm “I tried to keep this friendship when you guys left but, not much I can do when you won’t even try”

“We still want a friendship. It’s just gonna be a little different now” Ashton says, taking timid steps towards me.

“No. If you wanted a friendship you would’ve kept up with it. None of you even reached out when my parents went through a horrible divorce. I really needed my best friends support but I got nothing.”

“We didn’t know your parents divorced Ed” Michael explains, all four of them clearly looking distressed.

“Stop. Stop right now. Our parents all still talk so you would’ve been told about it but sure, let’s play dumb. Also, that nickname is reserved for close friends and none of you are that.”

“ Alright,let’s all calm down and think about this rationally.” Ashton says, trying to mediate the best he can.

“I’ve already said everything that I wanted.Goodbye” I quickly leave the bus, practically diving into the passenger seat.

“How did it go?” At the sound of her voice I immediately break down in tear, sobs shaking my whole body. “Oh honey no shh” She brings me into her side, rocking us slowly. “They didn’t deserve your friendship. You’re too kind and you need someone who will love you for yourself and not make you cry like this.”

“I’ll never trust them again” 

- 

AND THAT’S PART 1 HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED. please let me know your thoughts but be nice cause I’m a small bean :3

[shushvera]

*toy story shark vc* howdy howdy howdy ! i would like to make it known i’ve been unabashedly eyeing this since it opened ! anyway ! i’ve lost my ooc intro groove so we gonna move down to my ic intro down below:

oh hi there, welcome to holiday, VERA FLOROS. you’ve been here for TWO MONTHS? awesome! you look just like MARINA DIAMANDIS, it’s crazy. oh, so you’re a 30 year old ‘FORTUNE TELLER’/’MUSICIAN’. and you’re FEMALE and use SHE/HER? okay, just checking! oh, people say you’re INTUITIVE & DILIGENT but DECEITFUL & RASH? well, i’m sure that you can prove yourself here. you’re looking forward to the HALLOWEEN celebration? that’s a good one, you’ll love it. i have to get going now, bye! [fleur, 19, est, she/her]

i would like to start by saying i’ve played vera once (1 time) before and it was,, so much fun,, the dumbest smart person to exist. i’ve tweaked her bg a little (because..... that’s what happens when you read lucille ball’s autobiography that was SUMN.....), but ! who cares !

update: this got rly long so there’s a tl;dr at the bottom if that better floats your boat !

INTRO-WORTHY STATS

aka, stats that aren’t that deep™

FULL NAME: Vera Floros DOB: August 17th, 1989 AGE: thirty FROM: Abergavenny, Wales OCCUPATION: “fortune teller” & a musician who doesn’t understand marketing ORIENTATION: bisexual CLASS: middle class ( that inheritance kicked in ! )

BACKGROUND: 

CHILDHOOD

triggers: parental death, brief mentions of child abuse

alright, vera was born to a very young couple in wales. they’d gotten married fresh out of high school and had a child (her) just two years later. that being said, for about two years after, her mother began distancing herself from the father... not because he was a bad guy, but he moved cities entirely and she was NOT about that.

to be perfectly redundant, for about two years, it was just vera and her mother. 

grandparents weren’t about their daughter being married. at 18. did they help pay rent for a separate living space? until vera’s mom was 21, yes. but was she welcomed in their house? lmao!!!!!

THEN her father blew back into town. they reconnected, they both began working more so that vera’s mother didn’t have to rely on her own (we’ll get to her dad’s parent’s in a second). 

vera, at the Tender Age of Three™ learned that she was a complete Daddy’s Girl™. although she loved her mom for obvious reasons, she connected with her dad on an entirely different level. he was fun! he was playful! he was young, but he was the perfect dad! he even told dad jokes! which she didn’t get until she was five because three year olds usually aren’t that smart! they did little ‘acrobatic’ things! it was cute and fun and good!

but? this is a roleplay character?

our man died from unexpected heart failure. the autopsy showed an abnormality that hadn’t previously been discovered, and we know our man rarely went to the doctor. vera was six at the time.

her mom: married at 18, mother at 20, widow at 26. 

because she and her mom had never developed that Close Bond™, it was difficult for her mother to figure out how to... like... keep her from wandering around... because just telling her not to wasn’t working... so she was like “you know what.... a leash.”

we love ‘puppy’ by george saunders

so whenever her mom was at work and vera wasn’t in school, she was tied to a tree in the backyard.

cruel and unusual punishment!

eventually, her mom kind of just... threw in the towel... she left completely for a change of pace. she said she would be back and that vera would be under the care of her father’s parents in athens until then.

her father’s parents had always been more accepting of the young marriage. they’d been more supportive of them being young parents, in spite of her father having left for a while. they’d definitely been supportive of vera and her mother during that time because they were like “omg mood”

there were a few other kids under their care, all related or not. they did some work for her father’s parents, but nothing very laborious – just sort of... Bonding™ ja feel?

so her mom DID keep her promise and returned three years later when vera was nine. mind you, vera had never held any feelings of resentment towards her mother. when she was six, she... just didn’t get it. at nine, she was old enough to be like “i get u.”

BUT her mother DID get remarried. she didn’t resent her for that, but... she was not fond of the new husband. he wouldn’t accept the ‘dad’ title, was very stern, very serious, made her mom seem like an absolute joy, etc. 

but her mom was in love, so what could she do? and then they had a son together, so what could she do? nothing.

that summer, to learn more Discipline™, vera was sent to live with her step-father’s parents in london. boy howdy, it was nothing like her father’s parents! they had a knack for pointing out flaws, induced actual laborious work, constantly quoted the bible at the worst of times, and thought that a single head nod was the equivalent of “good job!” there were a couple of other kids there too, but yikes.

TEENS ( *hang ten emoji* ) + COLLEGE

triggers: brief domestic abuse implications

early was filled with Drama™ surrounding her step-father’s parents and her step-father himself. the overall consensus was that he was not a dope dude, nor were his parents. vera’s mother filed for divorce and gained sole custody of their son (keeping in mind.... she basically already had sole custody of vera.... considering she was her only legal guardian left lmao)

after the divorce was filed, vera’s mother was like “u kno what. my parents hate me. my first husband is dead. my second husband was a douche. i have no reason to be here anymore.” so they went to the land of golden opportunity

but wound up in america instead

(joke patented by dr. doofenshmirtz)

vera, around sixteen at the time (y’all i’m figuring out ages as i go along bear with me), now attended some strange high-school where they were like “fahrenheit.” 

by the way! it was in holiday! that’s important to note for possible future connections!

it wasn’t an unwelcome change, though. starting over... was nice...

but the problem was that she was like her father in that she always acted before she thought... which made her a very dumb smart person. 

alright get ready for the single idea that drove this entire thing:

she majored in philosophy then was *pikachu shocked face* when she realized there were no jobs out there for philosophy majors.

ADULTHOOD

alright... so what do you do when you have no good opportunities for things in your major?

you would think you would do something like... idk... find a well-paying job that doesn’t require a major?

or maybe a job that just requires experience in ___?

or maybe a job that just requires a bachelor’s degree of any sort?

or maybe a job that doesn’t require a major, but would like a major similar to yours, thus giving you a leg up?

etc.?

lmao no. you go to new orleans and become one of many phony fortune tellers using the one good thing you got from your weird upbringing: easy analysis of body language.

in addition, you try to make something of your life through music, but have no clue what ‘marketing’ is because you really don’t understand social media and probably still have the egg as your twitter profile picture.

what do you mean print is out of style?

what do you mean no one listens to CDs anymore?

what do you mean garageband isn’t acceptable to record on?

that being said, it’s not like... she wasn’t good at it... i mean she was v good at it... but musician is in quotes because she has made NOTHING of her LIFE with it. DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MARKETING.

*sonic kid vc* WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? *end vc*

she got some decent pay from being a ‘fortune teller,’ though. tourists totally flocked and using a fake russian accent helped, as did... just speaking a language they didn’t know while pretending to contact spirits...

at least she’s a good scam artist

can’t market very well, but could probs create the next big ponzi scheme

returned to holiday when she heard news from her brother that her mother had fallen ill.

honestly rest in peace.

is still around because... that’s her home! sentiment! also rip!

also marketing isn’t as hard in holiday so???

also testing fortune telling out in holiday is more interesting so???

DOPE.

PERSONALITY

either really dumb for a smart person or really smart for a dumb person.

still has a childlike trait tbh. i mean when ur growing up just laying beneath child labor laws, ur gonna have to become a kid again eventually.

really bad at technology for reasons unknown to... everyone, but really good at scams.

has not thought before she acted even ONCE.

hasn’t used her degree since she was 22. the closest she’s come is buying some misc. philosophy books and sharing tidbits with strangers. 

“now this is a taoist anthem” - vera @ ‘soak up the sun’ by sheryl crow

so many ragrets.

will find a way to bring up she’s half greek in every conversation. 

“and i’ve had mental illness since i was in middle school. good night.” - that video someone edited of professor tox

im so bad at personality sections but she’s got a fun one y’all one of the few characters i’ve played who’s had a Sad Backstory™ but wound up being a Fun And Comedic Character™

TL;DR

that was my first time ever writing this whole thing out, so it got real long. so we gonna give a tl;dr:

triggers: v brief mentions of parental death, brief mentions of child abuse, v brief implication of domestic abuse

born to a v young couple in wales. dad was like “brb” then he did, indeed, come rb. loved dad. but dad died when she was six lmao get wreckt this is a roleplay character.

mom was like “idk what 2 do” so she took notes from george saunders’s ‘puppy’ and just tied vera to a tree when she was gone adjsflka. went away for a while and vera stayed with her dad’s parent’s in greece. came back three years later and reunitedanditfeelssogood.mp3.

got married tho and vera was like “i don’t like this guy” and mom was like “i’m having his child.” lived with his parents over the next few summers. they almost violate child labor laws. like. just a hair more. hare? became source of any self-hatred lmao get wreckt

vera’s mom and step-dad divorced bc he was horrible and they moved to holiday when she was sixteen. she left for college when she was eighteen. she decided to major in philosophy which was a bad idea and the source of her entire character. 

decided to become a phony fortune teller in new orleans instead of... idk... just getting a job that didn’t require a degree or sumn? pretty successful tho! talked in a fake russian accent around tourists bc? why not? 

also did/does music but has no idea how marketing works. bad at social media. records things on garageband. an overall fool. good but a fool.

back in holiday bc mom died lmao get wreckt we’re an orphan now boizzzz

Sad But Rad™

WANTED CONNECTIONS

it’s 2:38AM as i write this part and i still have to go back and include a stats thing bc i love those then post ic but i’ll update this w/ some when im done i suppose?? but we do love brainstorming in this house!!

like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[allaboutwannaone-blog]

soulmate!jihoon

genre: fluff word count: 2.4k author’s note: this is my first time writing a soulmate au,, it kind of sucks IM SORRY (p.s. being the stupidest person ever, I deleted this after posting it yesterday)

• in this universe, where the swirls of every other colour merge together in a magically fascinating harmony is accompanied with the adornment of countless stars, you, a person so small as compared to the big, big world, were lucky enough to be born with a soulmate.

• you’ve heard many tales of people doomed to be alone forever. in fact, your very own younger sister tragically has that same fate. of course, a person can fully well be independent. but let’s face it, while everyone else can feel their soulmates’ emotions alongside with their own, you can’t help but think that you have been condemned for not being able to do so. you’ll feel that a part of you is missing, which indeed, it is.

• thankfully, you were born to a lucky predicament, and you get butterflies whenever you think about your significant other. (well, your about-to-be).

• in the kingdom that you live in, whatever you feel, your soulmate feels it as well.

• that’s why whenever he feels something, you try to find ways to make him feel better.

• when he feels happy, you watch funny videos to get him even more excited. same goes for when he feels sad; the dose of memes always works, with the release of endorphins from your side, his spirit gradually soars.

• you were grateful to be able to have someone destined to be with you (trust me, it makes the ‘searching for your Prince Charming’ part way easier), and even more so to have found such a sensitive and nice one.

• he seemed to return the favour, and you’d find something tickling your funny bone whenever you got bad results or cry over a sad movie. (though it kind of makes you look crazy at times when you suddenly laugh through your tears.)

• you, and i’m sorry if this sounds shallow or weird, kind of just-

• just fell in love with the way he cared for you in that sense. you were afraid that he would be unfeeling and stoic before you began feeling him at the age of ten, but it seemed like it went right for you. perhaps falling in love was too deep of an emotion, but it certainly made you feel all warm inside when these deliberate gestures all but strengthen your bond with him.

• you fantasised about the day you would meet him. would you be casually taking a stroll down the road when you see him? would you crash into him, would he help you pick up the things you dropped, and would you two make eye contact and everything would fall into place?

• but then reality hits.

• how were you supposed to find your soulmate?

• other kingdoms have different ways to identify them, such as unique barcodes or countdown timers, tattoos, red threads or some fancy way but all you folks get is an ambiguous, shitty method. that’s why your realm actually has the lowest percentage of people finding their The Ones, and naturally divorce rates go up as well.

• ‘but you ain’t gonna suffer this fate, my love.’ your imaginary fairy godmother says in her small little cottage in the woods. ‘you are a special one, mi darling, mi chocolate croissant, pumpkin cake.’

• you were born just a minute before the grandfather clock struck twelve on 29th may. it was a miraculous birth because you were thought to not be able to make it due to your mother’s poor health at that point of time, and she had barely made it to the hospital before you popped out of her womb.

• but a secret you’ve recently uncovered from your parents for soulmates that have the same birthdays gave you a small, tiny ball of burning hope that maybe, just maybe, would you find your soulmate.

• it is something very, very rare and exquisite, something along the lines of being ‘one in a million’. it was almost as if it was part of folklore, a story parents would tell their children before stroking their hair and tucking them into their beds.

• they say that an opportunity, a superbly special one at that, would come for you to switch bodies with your soulmate. how long, you ask. certainly not a day. no, it is not even an hour. one minute is all you get, and in that measly sixty seconds, you can do whatever you want in his or her body, but the most logical thing to do would be to leave an address or phone number so that you could meet up.

• it was nearly impossible and you thought nothing of it, brushing off the flicker of hope inhibiting your heart with the notion that it was just a wishful myth for desperate people seeking for affirmation.

• until…

• it really did happen to you. one day.

• it was just another day in your boring, mundane life. you woke up with the usual bed hair in the morning, dragged your feet to school and then dragged it back with even more force when you came back because of all the assignments dumped on your shoulders. after a quick shower, you settled on your bed, procrastinating like you usually do since it’s your favourite pastime. minutes became hours, and soon it was nighttime. just then, your younger sister came in, lunged herself on your bed and started chatting with you.

• somehow, five minutes into the talk, you started feeling dizzy, and it was doubled with your soulmate feeling the same as well. (in case you were wondering how you knew he felt that way, it is kind of inexplicable, but something in your subconscious mind singles that train of emotions out for you.)

• nothing registered in your mind, and all you knew was that you were falling, falling… (FOR YOUR LOVE HEY YOU)

• after what seemed like five billion years, you found yourself standing in the middle of an unfamiliar sidewalk. you were, by then, confused out of your mind. especially with the feeling that something uncomfortable was sitting in your trousers.

• TROUSERS???? you definitely weren’t wearing trousers and you certainly didn’t have a snake in there when you last checked. *blushes*

• the signboards around you told you that you were still somewhere in seoul, and not sucked into a wormhole to mars, but since it was so big, you had no idea where you were.

• something clicked in your mind, and that seemingly impossible story that reverberated through it didn’t seem so impossible anymore.

• then, another wave of panic gripped you suddenly when you realised that if you aren’t actually dreaming right now, you have possibly just spent half a minute mentally breaking down and that YOU. HAVE. TO. GET. TO. WORK. IMMEDIATELY.

• whipping out the cellphone that was in the jacket he wore (and what you are wearing currently), you decided to record a video since you didn’t want to snoop nor did you have his password.

• you turned it into selfie mode and a part of you died.

• literally. because holy shizzles, this man is hotter than the surface of the sun, than the darning metal railings in summer (and that is really, very darning hot). after admiring his visuals for a very short while since you were tight on time, you (reluctantly) started recording your voice. (with the video blacked out because you didn’t want to get distracted by his face and waste even more time.)

• “so, haha. i’m, um, y/n and this is a really weird of meeting you. i actually don’t know how you feel about this entire soulmate thing or whether you want to actually meet or not, so i’ll just leave you with my phone number and it is up to you to decide whether you want to contact me. it’s XX-XXXX-XXXX, see you maybe?”

• a few seconds after you end the video, you were blasted back into your room to be met with the confused countenance of your sister.

• you: “the feck just happened?”

• her: “i actually have no idea what happened, but his name is jihoon, his surname is park, i think? he’s nineteen, AND he said that he has been wanting to meet you for years but he’s scared you won’t like him, but for most of his short stay here he was freaking out about how he had boobs.”

• you: “he,, said he wanted to meet,,, me???”

• her: “…yes.”

• you, mushing your head in your pillow: “asfghjkl, ##1234#5#&&&&””””????”

• five minutes later, you received a notification and saw that a ‘park jihoon’ had added you on kakao talk. you were literally shaking because this is your first time interacting with a beautiful guy, or any beautiful guy for the matter of that fact. (and because his visuals in his profile picture made you feel all sorts of things you never thought you were capable of feeling.)

• and you were mentally cringing at your username because seriously???? iamthememeyoufightme??? what hell was fifteen-year-old self thinking???

• your fifteen-year-old self: “wEELLL hoW wOUL;d I KNOW tHAT mY SOULmaTE iS A GREEK gOD?!?!?!?”

• but your heart stopped because his status was “i’m nineteen, you fight me?”

• a coincidence??? well i think not *strokes non-existent long beard*

• jihoonsucks: hi, nice username

• iamthememeyoufightme: hi, nice status

• jihoonsucks: :)

• iamthememeyoufightme: :)

• jihoonsucks: anyway,, y/n??? wanna meet?

• iamthememeyoufightme: HELL YEAH

• iamthememeyoufightme: i mean, hell yeah, but in a softer voice

• jihoonsucks: OKAY

• jihoonsucks: i mean, okay, but in a manlier voice

• iamthememeyoufightme: hehehehehehehee

• jihoonsucks: hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

• jihoonsucks: I HAVE MORE HEHEs

• iamthememeyoufightme: very well

• iamthememeyoufightme: but i have more chins :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

• and so, your playful and light hearted friendship/relationship began with jihoon from then.

• the effect he had on you was obvious, because you would drop everything and rush to your phone to reply him whenever he texts you. (your heart beat boxes every time he sends something, like pftbtbtbtbtbtbtpftkswaaaararrttt)

• your friends and family all tease you about it e ve r y single time. (“young love,” they chorused, pretending to be grossed out at you smiling at your phone yet again, for the trillionth time that day, even though they’re just secretly proud parents.)

• but jihoon was really the sweetest thing ever.

• he would greet you good morning every time, send you memes that would have you rolling on the floor, be really concerned whenever you tell him you were sick or injured.

• you’ve set the meeting date to be two weeks from now, and as the clock ticked and time passed, you found yourself getting more and more nervous because,,, you were really falling for him.

• especially when he sends things like this

• jihoonsucks: honestly i want to thank you always being by my side these few years. it was really comforting whenever you could sense my emotions and cheer me up when needed. thanks for being so kind and caring and i’m just saying all of these here before i meet you because i’ll be too shy to say it then.

• *inserts a picture of you speeding to the hospital on a stretcher*

• ^ that was the same reaction you had when your sister recounted that when he was in your body that minute,, he turned to the mirror and said, “what the hell, i’m so pretty.” but you figured she probably said it to boost your ego a little :“) (BUT NO IT WAS THE TRUTH YOU IDIOT)

• little did you know,, he was feeling the exact same way too!!! his best friends whom he lives with in a dorm snatches his phone and texts you sometimes, and had changed your contact to "y/n💖😭😚😍😘💗💕💞💓” (which he hasn’t changed up till now ;)) they never let him live it down and he just fuels their teasing by turning a bright shade of red whenever your name comes up in their conversation.

• finally, the day came. you woke up at the crack of dawn even though you guys were meeting at 11am and you were just like wtf @ yourself because it was only 5.30am.

• nevertheless, you took a loooooong bath while playing with your rubber duckies, tried to pick out an outfit for three hours, fussed over your hair and makeup for one hour, freaked out for yet another hour before leaving your house nervously.

• (and guess what?? even though jihoon didn’t wake up as early as you, he woke up at 9 o'clock, which was just about the best compliment ever because he is always, always late for meetings with friends…plus he spent more than an hour styling his hair because every. strand. matters.)

• you reached the rustic and cozy cafe you’ve agreed to meet at fifteen minutes early, hence you ordered a matcha latte before finding the booth beside the window to sit at. you were trembling just a tiny bit, and you were mentally scoffing at yourself like, “what in tarnation is wrong with you, you’re neither a hermit nor a hot-men-deprived woman, you are a female with high dignity and shall not be wavered by a boy whom you have never met in real life before.” (even though you knew that you were indeed both a hermit and a hot-men-deprived woman who does not have much dignity and has already been wavered by a boy whom you have never met in real life before.)

• just then, you were hit by another pang of anxiousness, but it was alongside a surge of exhilaration. you recognised the two emotions to be jihoon’s and just a second later, the bells attached to the door tinkled, signalling that someone had come in.

• to say that you were bewitched by him was the understatement of the country. you were entirely enthralled, engrossed, enamoured with him, the way he carries himself, the charisma that seem to radiate from him despite his shy steps towards you, even his mismatched neon yellow and pink shoelaces.

• he looked around the cafe before spotting you, the small smile on his face widening into a bigger grin as he walked over.

• “feck, you are so good-looking, god damn it. i wanted to be the hot one in the relationship,” you meant to come up with a slick and smooth greeting,, but silly you blurted that out instead.

• his eyes widened and a tint of pink appeared on his cheeks.

• in unison, you both said, “UM,,,, RE.LA,,TIONSHIP?????”

• you, overthinking: ‘dang it, he’s bound to think i am this weird person who wants to move super fast, what if he thinks that i just want to get into his pants??!?!?!?!!?!??!?!? what if he wants out of this and will never text me anymore????@?!?!?!?!?’

• but contrary to your pessimistic way of thinking, he’s like

• “,,, i guess u can call it a relationship now”

• *shyly takes ur hand* *blushes**chuckles and covers his face with his other hand*

• rest in peace, heart.

[bts-is-my-life-as-always]

Happiness comes from the weirdest places.

Genre: angst with fluff ending (cause I love him too much to make it an angst ending)

Pairing: jungkook x Y/N

Disclaimer: I am writing this on my phone hopefully this works and its angst, if you cry, don’t blame me.

Happiness something that you always yearned for because you’ve never felt it, your parents would always fight, nonstop, mentally abusing each other, and when that happened you seem to always be in the middle.

“LETS END IT HERE, LETS DIVORCE” screamed your mum

“FINEE BUT IM TAKING Y/N” your father fought.

“NO WERE ASKING HER WHO SHE WANTS TO GO WITH”

“FINE, Y/N WHO DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH YOUR MOTHER OR ME?!!?!?!?”

“Huh” you sighed “can you guys just stop now, don’t you think I’m a bit too old for this?”

They stared at you like they were confused because they were you never said anything to them, ever.

“YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO DECIDE”

You walked out.

This fighting thing went on for many years, you were outside and you could still hear them, the neighbours slowly turning their lights on and screaming at your front door, you wanted nothing more to do with this.

When you run, you feel extremely free, invincible even, so you did just that you ran and ran until you couldn’t breathe, you stopped to catch your breath but all you saw was a bright light.

2 years later

You woke up, trying everything to move your body, you couldn’t, once you fully opened your eyes, and you could finally look around, there was no one, no one there to remind you of who you were, or even tell you that everything was fine.

Minutes passed and you could finally move Just your arms, with hardly any strength, slowly you sat up, come to find out your name was Y/N, the hospital contacted your parents but all they did was pay for the hospital fee and pretend like you didn’t exist, it didn’t make you sad, because that’s what they were like.

When no one cares, you start to stop caring too, nothing mattered, why you woke up 2 years later was beyond you.

“You should’ve died.”

Your so called parents say, they were now finally officially broken off, and now it was all your fault, they fell out of love because of you, that’s what they were like, if they could rub the blame and guilt on anyone even their own child, then they felt a whole shittone better.

“This is all we’re giving to you, we should’ve just put you down”

Another few months passed, where it was a blur and pain, you were now able to walk, not properly but enough to leave hospital, you had no where to go.

You walked and walked, your legs were hurting because it hasn’t even been a month since you learnt how to walk again, but you didn’t want to stay I the hospital any longer, you didn’t want to see your Parents face let alone the nurses that looked at you with sympathy, or the doctors that were just full of cold dead stares.

So you were here walking on the streets of Seoul, it was cold you had no idea what day let alone what time it was, you just wanted to get away.

You fell on the floor with a thud, hitting something or someone.

“IM SOOOOOO SORRY” you looked up to a tall male figure covered from head to toe with warmth,

“No I’m sorry I wasn’t looking, hey ummm could you help me up a little, I can’t stand.

“Yeah sure” he smiled, he didn’t question why you needed help, he just helped you up out of kindness

“I’m really sorry about that my names jungkook what’s yours?”

“My names Y/N”

“Soooo what’s a beautiful lady like yourself doing out so late?”

“Sorry do you know what the time is? Or even where I am?”

Over the 2 years and a half that you were asleep for a lot had changed, you looked around the place and had no idea where you were, you would’ve thought it was LA if jungkook hadn’t showed up, you were weirdly happy that you bumped into him.

“Oh it’s 3:15 am and your in Seoul, do you need help getting home?”

“Oh thanks..... I don’t have a home to go to”

You whispered the last part but it was late so no one was around which meant that he could hear your whisper.

“This is strange but... do you want to come with me, to somewhere more warm?”

For some reason you felt really safe around him, and what could be worse going with this young man to a warm place or dying out here cold.

“Ummm sure”

You guys walked for a really long time, too long, he took you to a cafe a small one, in a corner somewhere, all you cared about at this point was the warmth of this place, almost like the owner knew that you were extremely cold.

“Sooooo I’m sort of a very curious person and you still haven’t answered my question”

“Ummmm what was your question?”

“What is a beautiful young lady like yourself doing out this late?”

“Oh, I jut left a hospital I was staying at and I had no idea where I was going and I got lost, and then I met you and now we’re here”

“Oh are you a doctor or a nurse? Transferring from out of Seoul?”

“No no no I was a patient in that hospital, I got into a car accident 2 and a half years ago, and Seoul has really changed at lot in that 2 years, too much for someone like me.”

“.... I won’t question you anymore if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude on your personal detail”

“It’s fine, I feel a lot better, spilling it all, and shouldn’t we get going? The cafe must be closing soon”

“Actually the cafe is closed”

You lifted one brow, confused

“This cafe is mine, and it’s also christmas so it’s not open for a few days”

“Oh I’m sorry it’s your day off and I’m taking it away from you”

“No no no it’s not that, I like helping people out this is why I opened this shop, to help people feel warm and nice in cold times, and donate the money that I can to charity for people who aren’t as fortunate as I am”

You smiled at him, something you had forgotten how to do, since your birth.

“Thank you, really, your so kind and you do things hat most people would just ignore, your really amazing”

You say there talking to him for a few more hours.

Few more months passed and jungkook let you stay with him and his friends, the 7 of them were in a group, only jungkook owned a cafe on the side, you worked in the cafe and lived with the 7 dorks.

This made you extremely happy, that was until your parents started looking for you again, hey found you working in the cafe, and made you sit with them and talk.

‘Talk’ or them saying whatever they wanted and leaving.

“What do you want? I’m leaving you guys alone aren’t I?”

“We’ve decided to get married again”

“Really????!!! After all that really?? What’s wrong with you guys? Your old enough to know that this won’t work”

“Y/N HOW DARE YOU TALK BACK TO YOUR PARENTS LIKE THAT?!??!”

“I DONT CARE YOU GUYS CAN DO WHATEVER, I WAS FINE WITHOUT YOU GUYS, YOU BOTH LEFT ME TO DIE, ALL YOU DID WAS PAY FOR THE HOSPITAL AND BASICALLY TOLD ME TO GO DIE, SO HOW DARE YOU COME BACK TO ME AND TELL ME YOUR STARTING THIS STUPIDITY AGAIN”

“We understa..”

You cut them off.

“No... you will never understand what it feels like to wake up without anyone by your side and have doctors tell you, that you’ve been asleep for 2 years and then having to learn how to write read or even lift your arms up and down again, so I don’t care if you want to die together or get married again, I really don’t care, please get out of my shop I need to work”

“WE HAVENT FINISHED TALKING”

Jut then the door opened, it was jungkook, you didn’t want to show your boss/ boyfriend what your parents were really like.

“Oh jungkook your here?”

“Yeah, Oh we have customers I can go wait over there for you”

He smiled melting you.

“We’re not customers, were her parents” they made that smile, that fake smile that you hated.

“There not my parents jungkook, and could you two leave now?”

“FINE YOUR GONNA HAVE TO PAY FOR THE HOSPITAL FEE IT WAS A LOT THATS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR OUR WEDDING”

“So that’s what your here for? Not to see if your daughter is fine? Not to see if your daughter is still alive? Not to apologise?”

You went to the back took your wallet out and threw money at them, all that you had at them and told them to pick it up and get out, they did just that.

You were confused, you didn’t know weather they were your parents or some people that gave you a loan.

You say there and cried, and jungkook closed the shop and sat next to your curled up figure.

“That was your Parents isn’t it? Y/N talk to me, I’m here for you, you know that”

You looked up at his worried and somewhat hurt eyes.

“I’m sorry you shouldn’t have seen that, that was more uglier than...”

He just hugged you.

“That’s you and if that’s you then I love every inch of it, the scares that we’re left by your parents I want to heal and hide and care for, don’t think of anything right now but me, okay?”

“Okay”

Jungkook was everything to you and him saying he loved every inch of your life meant the world to you.

Soooooooooooooo...... I tried?

Okay it might have been kinda bad, tell me how it was guys, AND DONT FORGET TO REQUEST.

Because my imagination is limited, so help a girl out.

Anyways

Bye

[paulmccartneyofficial]

me n @maraudyrs co-wrote a harry potter fanfic while drinking i hope u all enjoy it’s called

Daddy’s Little Secret

Chapter One: The Pain and Suffery of Drabo Malfoy

“WHAT?” yelled a red hot Draco Malfoy, slamming his massive fists against the mahogany table.

His father smirked back coolly, playing with one nipple. “Yes it's true, Dranco, I bought the Toastidos fortune with your inheritance.”

Draco.  “How could you! What am I supposed to do when kill--when you die?”

“I dunno? Maybe get a job? Aren’t you going to school for that, anyway?”

Gravity weighted down on Draco, his head feeling like a million bees, buzzing around, torture. “Jobs are for poor people, Daddy. People who use the potty.”

Lucius Malfoy, his fingers still delicately tracing the outline of his erect nipple, the digits of his other fist firmly grasping the nape of his cane, sneered. “Don't make me spank you again, Dracio. When I die in three hundred years you will inherit my legacy of cheesy rolls and deliciousness.”

Pouting, Draco fell down to the ground, slamming his bottom on the floor. “But Daddy,” he moaned.

Louisiuss’s nipple was now rock hard, an inch from his chest. “Drabo, Muggles are stupid. They will buy these cheesy rolls and put them in intesntens and mounch and mounch until they are nothing but cheesy. We will be richer than ever, you insolutne fool.”

At a ripe twelve years old, Draco Malfoy finally knew pain.

Chapter Two: The Pizza Roll Fuckery

Peeves could not stop farting. No matter what he did, the gas would rupture through his thicc cheeks, loudly and furiously. And it was all because of those cheesy rolls.

The previous night he consumed 8,359 Toadistosa pepperoni pizza rolls, absolutely stuffing his mouth. But his tummy was angry with him, and wanted punishment.

Good thing Peeves loved punishment. ;););)

But Leeves   couldn't let the Pizza Roll Guys get away with ripping his insetenes. So he plotted his revenge. He would infiltrate the evil factory, and Peeves was pretty good at pisses people off.

And,,,,,getting people off.

Chapter Three: Bustling Buisness

Chapter Three: And Busting Nuts

Lucoousojs decided the Tuesday morning of overcast would be perfect to visit his Tontinos cheesy factor. His nipples were perky and ready for the work day.

“Hello stupid s” h said to his house elves slaves. Lusciosuoursoaigfe was, indeed, a racist, and hated everyone that didn't fit his perfect aesthetic: white, pure blood, and hard nipplmes. In Luscis s opinion, nipples had to be fully erected 24/7:365/9285482.

His slave elves wrrr working hard, tiny fingers grinding against the stuff. “Hello Master Sur Louoiscos,” all 3 million slaves said at the same time.

Louis walked back to his evil headquarters, nipples poking thru his evil white button up blouse. “Today sure is a good day to be rich and bigoted.”

“Im sure would like to plop some cheesy tastiness into my moist mouthture. Toc ensure the deliciousness of our pizza centric treats.”

Suddenly,

Chapter Four: It isn't gay unless you swallow and THEN bust a nut

Luckoodbfs traced the thicc pizza roll along his plump Kulier Jenner lip.s, pretending it was a large brautwurst. “Hmmmmmmmmm,” he noaned deliciously, finally sinking his white teeth into the soft surface.

But luck betrayed the twink, as a minty flouridic paste flooded into one of his holes. “hyksogyjtooe” he spat out, realizing it was………….

………..

……………..

TOOTHPATR

YES L

CHALTE R SIX; FUCK IM SO DRINK

“I WANT WHOMEVER PUT THIS MUGGLE TOOTH CLEANSER IN MY DELVIOUSN PIZZA MMMMMMMMMMROLL EXECUTED BY DEATH.”

“sounds problematic but ok.”

lusciously FROWNED, his hardened exterior melting as he realized the hurt in his heart. his big, racist ice cold heart. a house elf, who went unmentioned until it was convinejiybc went to look for the house elv who made those Pizza Roll Guys

it was …………

zxx……..

LEAVES ????

chapter six:

upon. the sight of the guilty “”””””””””elf!????”””””” luciusness’s dick raised like the amount of hate crimes after 9/11

(his dick could cut glass)

Peeves was the sexiest creature Los had ever seen. With his.

“So you are the stoidbthat tried to poison me ??? and dick???”

Peeves laughed. a sexy laugh that made loudogbs pop a hard one. “yeah. what are you gonna do abt it, daddy?”

Leaves ghostly mischiefs hand extended to unnatural lengths and reached towards lucas smaller than average peni, tracing circles over his groun   “what as you doing smelly idoot?@

“you want me duffy.”

lousier put his small shaft member friend buddy dick into leaves opening and they fuck.”

chapter 18: IS IT GAY YET

AND I DUG MY KEOY INTO THE SIDE OF HIS PRETTY LITTLE SIVEF OF FPUR WHERL DRIVE

narcissus malfoy punched louis in the face, and divorced his gay add. “whatever i'm a lesbian anyways.”

louosifbe showeded up to the fucktory with his sexiest langera black set. it was lacy and his nipples popped out like popcorn. he was waiting for peacs.

the Sexy Ghost Submissvie Ghost showed up. and looked at the set. “what r u doin”

“waiting ft u slit”

“i'm straight but i like macklemore so gays are cool. i was just PRANKING you like sam pepper? thedude.

losido was sad.

the  end.

[mommamouf]

I’m really tired of being ignored

I’m tired of ppl treating me like my feelings aren’t valid

I’m tired of trying to save face

I’m tired of being so angry at everybody and feeling guilty about it

I’m tired of the guilt turning into doubt and leaving me physically stuck.

Im getting so fucking tired of everyone getting mad at me for being stuck and depressed but won’t LISTEN to what’s wrong with me.

I’m tired of everyone feeling like I need to just have it together.

I’m tired of smiling

I’m tired of being nice

I’m tired of logic

I’m tired of saying ok to shit that NOT OK!

Most of all I’m tired of downplaying my pain so I don’t seem weak or like I can’t handle anything.

Sure my ex played with my emotions when we were teenage and constantly verbally abused me and made me cry and doubt myself all the time while also sleeping with every woman I’d later come into contact with making me angry and embarrassed and forced to hide these feelings because I don’t want to be “that girl”. Yeah I met a boy after him that I thought could help me move passed it and later on was taken advantage of physically.Sure our first time didn’t involve consent and when I went to my ex to verify this all he could do was be a self centered dick and pretty much blame me because he didn’t “understand” rape culture at that time even though he has a mother and several sisters he would never let that happen to. Sure I didn’t tell my mom about it out of fear that she would do exactly what she did years later and full on blamed me without even asking how the situation made me feel. Yeah I let him convince me to be his gf afterwards. Sure when I tried breaking up with him and just being friends he got me pregnant and lied about it. Sure my mom made me have a baby at 18 that I was not ready for and I couldn’t even be responsible enough to pass my classes. Sure my ex promised to be there for a child that wasn’t his while also living with a bitch he only knew for a month because his parents were getting a divorce and he was sad. Sure later on after entertaining the possibility that the baby might be his he goes around and tells everyone when we definitely agreed not to until we took the test and yes he used this later on to tell his gfs that I tricked him into thinking the baby was his just so he could get out of getting caught still fucking with me repeatedly for years afterwards. Sure I have to deal with my mother constantly guilt tripping me and tell me I’m WORSE THAN A CRACKWHORE mother and not giving me any actual guidance on how to be a mom, just barking constant demands at me all day. Sure my actual babydaddy ran off just to play where’s Waldo for years. Popping up and disappearing again as I desperately begged him to be in his daughters life. Sure I met a great guy and told him I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, he persisted, he made promises, he made it seem like he understood and when I broke up with him because, oh my ex, the king of “I’m gonna pretend like I really give af so u can let me back in and then break your heart” came back into my life and started filling my head up with bullshit. I knew better. And when this great guy finds out he leaves. But he could handle it right? Suuuuure after he leaves my ex feels guilty and tries to stick around for a while but lies and cheats and leaves.....ohhhhh I forgot the fighting. Oh how we fought. And the rumors and the lies and the fucking bitches I HAD TO DEAL WITH because he loved playing with ppls emotions Because he was insecure!!! Sure he’d stalk me but never actually lend a helping hand. Sure he stripped me from the only group of ppl I felt close to because he was insecure and possessive. Sure I fucked his brother and then his best friend because I needed to do something back instead of constantly made to look like a gd fool because I DESPERATELY wanted to believe him. Sure my mom knows all of this information and uses it as a weapon to remind me how stupid I am when she’s upset with me to convince me I don’t value myself. Sure after 8 years my ex decides to tell me that he could never actually commit to me because he doesn’t value me. Sure my cousin died. Yes I went to him for comfort but was met with physical violence and a threat of a restraining order. Sure I was permanently damaged. Sure I told him how a guy had just dragged me in a parking lot and he didn’t care. Not in the slightest. Sure my leg is fucked up. Sure my teeth are chipped sure I have scars all over my body and a lump on my shoulder blade. Sure. I asked him a question about fighting a guy Because I was still emotionally fucked up about it and got accused of threatening him and other ppl on his end got involved. And I was reminded what ppl say behind my back. I’m crazy.

Let’s not forget that this is all my fault because I drink heavy. But I started drinking at 20 and this all started when I was 16. 15 if were being really honest. So I’m here to say. I’m ok but me being “understanding” and holding this paint as guilt 🙅🏾‍♀️ that ain’t mines

[chaosamplified]

Answer all the questions!

Alisons: Sexuality?

gay 

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

he/him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?

January 23, 2000

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

I think so

Baneberries: Favorite song?

im really feeling Dimple by BTS right now

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my home family is me, my dad and Cammie. before college I saw my mom once a week. my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of Polaks, my grandma says she isn't polish but we have other thoughts (thats a joke...kind of) they are all mostly not affectionate and they show they care by making fun of each other and if you look at it from the outside it looks like we all really hate each other but thats just how we do things. my moms side is not like that at all, they all pretend to really care about each other but theres a split where half of them are really liberal and the other half is very conservative and borderline racist. I don't doubt that they all genuinely love each other and they do provide for each other in crisis times but they don't really....like each other u know. and the two sides of my family could start world war 3 with the hatred they have for each other 

Begonia: Favorite color? 

steel blue 

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

turtle 

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person 

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

id be a cat they are always so chill and they know they can do whatever they want and they're right  

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

the house I lived in only had 1 story that was safe for children to be in so I was very bad at using stairs until I was 12 because I never had to 

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? 

if I could do whatever I want id probably visit my mom and apologize for all the things I would never say otherwise. spend some time with Charlie and Lio. tell him all of the things im too afraid to say now. and end the day with Cammie and my dad, probably crying. 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

greece maybe? somewhere on the Mediterranean that isn't Cassis because I want variety 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

not yet

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

2 in each ear 

California Poppy: Height?  

5′1

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

no but I wish they were real

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

green sweatshirt, black “skinny” jeans, black vans, green and orange floral hat 

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I kept my closet light on every night for the first like 10 years of my life 

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

Lio

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

courier new 

Columbine: Are you tired?

eternally (not actually, im chillin right now)

Coneflower: Dream job?

head songwriter/performer/art coordinator/all that shit for a touring solo act (me, im the act)

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Puppy and Fred were both Dalmatians, and then Allie and Tom who were cats (I still have all of them at home except for puppy)

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius 

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

ive done lots of things that are worth having me remember, im not sure that ive done anything worth having other people remember 

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

literally not care at all

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Cammie I think

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

talking about things when they actually matter 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I finished editing one of my songs! I performed live for the first time in over a year! I uhhh started growing a penis!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

fine, not extraordinarily good but not bad 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

not one bit 

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

nothing :) sleep?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

fantasy ideal is like. waking up and making out with my boyfriend and then going to an amusement park for a couple hours just cuz we can, spending the evening performing and then getting wasted with that same boyfriend in our luxurious house 

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

play piano and lay on piano 

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like 5 that I would genuinely consider friends 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I try too hard at some things and not hard enough at other things and never the right amount about literally anything

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I can see anything as art or potential art 

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

hm. well. inability to talk about things when they matter. boobs. ugly in general. lazy. the list goes on

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

I really liked creating entire universes. like literal different planets and creatures that live there and relationships between them and the way they live their lives. 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

my mom going to jail

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

I picked Sam as a holder name while I was discovering that I was trans because it was very easily gender neutral and started with the first letter of my birth name and then when I came out I still hadn't picked a better name but I didn't want to hear my birthname anymore so I just said I was going by Sam. when I changed it legally I made it Samuel because I no longer related to gender neutrality and I never had a nickname growing up and wanted Sam to be my birthname. Somehow Alexander just came to me as a middle name, I didn't really think about it at all and was doodling things about names and wrote “Samuel Alexander” and was like huh. and didn't think about it for months. and then in class one day I said “guys I don't even have a middle name” and Hailey was looking up names and came up with a couple and wasn't satisfied with her findings and then she found Alexander and was like “ok this one for sure” and I had never even mentioned to her that I was considering Alexander and then I was like well this is it. later I realized that when I was little I usually picked the name Alex as my character names but then decided I couldn't use it because I wasn't cool enough. I still feel like im not cool enough for the name Alex but now I go by Sam to some people and Alex to others 

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Jackson, Michigan. I usually thought that it sucked because theres not a lot for like teenagers to do there. but I was never one of those who despised it there, which is how most people who live there feel. now that im in Ann Arbor I realize that there just aren't a lot of opportunities for what society says teenagers should do, but that we made do. I realize now that Jackson is actually pretty rad and I can't wait to go back there tomorrow. I miss it a lot. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

really awful lavender walls with pink, green, yellow and blue butterfly decor everywhere. my sister and I shared it and never changed anything about it from the years of 2003-2012 (2012 being when we moved out)

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

I kind of mentioned this before. It sucked in lots of ways. I was really suicidal for a long time. I hated all of my family situations. I thought I would never amount to anything, I thought I would never have the courage to come out as anything. I didn't think I was gonna go to college. but I also had some really awesome lovely friends in middle and high school, Max, Hailey and Eli in particular. Eli and I have some differing views and don't talk a lot anymore, and Hailey and I had a really bad falling out, but we had no tension it was great. with Max is where most of my “teenage fun” (?) happened tho. he had a car and we did dumb shit like go to Cascades and random parking lots and grocery stores. we smoked weed once and got drunk once. those days were great and I never thought about my family and was never suicidal when I went out with Max on random high school nights

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

we were moderately close when I was really little, and then my parents started getting divorced and some shit went down between us and we didn't talk for 6 months. when I started talking to her again things were very tense. I didn't like her and I didn't want her in my life at all. our relationship is still strained but I love her now and were never going to agree on everything and she's always going to hold to a lot of her ways, and were never going to have the relationship I wish we did. but she's doing her job as a parent now and thats what I care about. she has a very specific personality based off of pop culture and ive kind of developed some of that in my own life. she's hard to explain

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

until I was like 5 I genuinely thought that he hated me, but in reality he was just stressed and worked all the time and didn't really know how to be a parent. we were never exactly close when I was young, I was kind of afraid of him. then the divorce happened and he realized that I am a person with thoughts and feelings and goals and that he was in charge of helping me develop, now all on his own. he didn't do a great job with that transition, and kind of just started treating me as an adult. but it worked. we got really close and stayed that way for a few years. then he got in a new relationship and all of her children moved in with us and they were awfully behaved and him and his girlfriend treated my sister and I as if we were also awfully behaved even though we aren't, so for that time period I had strong feelings that he wasn't being a good parent and was quite frankly being neglectful, which honestly was true. now that they no longer live with us (them? I don't live there anymore) I feel like our relationships is a lot better. could also have something to do with the fact that ive moved out. now that im rebellious and don't care what he thinks my life is a lot better. aside from parenting, he's a really cool person. he plays guitar and has lots of knowledge about musical equipment, he is the reason I took this path in life and he supports me because that was his dream too. he is also so good at being a mechanic like his customers are so loyal that he moved companies and most of them came with him, he's great at it and has so much knowledge. he just in general has a lot of knowledge and great stories and is very funny. I love him a lot

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my Papa (grandpa on dads side) was my entire heart. he loved me more than anything and I felt the same about him. he died when I was 6 and I can't really get more into it because it is one of the saddest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't think I will ever get over it. his wife, my grandma, has surprisingly been one of my most supportive family members with my transition. she took me to France and not any other grandkids. I think im her favorite no offense. I also lived with her for a long time so we're moderately close. now that im older and don't care what my family thinks of me its really easy for me to talk to her. my grandma on my moms side lived with us 4 months of the year but she had some sort of mental problem that never got diagnosed that made it slightly uncomfortable to be around her, but she loved us with her whole heart and I love her too. her husband I only met twice in my life and I don't care about him at all

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

I met my crush by force 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I don't really have anyone that I look up to in the traditional sense 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

in love. making sufficient money off my music that I can take extended break periods and my partner doesn't have to work. having exciting adventures all the time

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

god. lol

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Cammie

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

not to be narcissistic but genuinely probably when I play a whole song on piano and can feel that im playing everything correctly 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

this is an unfair question! I usually put the nerf in the middle of the night at Michaels story because its lit. 

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

uhhh being abused. haha

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

easy when they are social issues or they don't personally affect me. hard if I have to tell another person my personal views on them or something they do

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Cammie

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 7 hours with waking up approx 6 times in there 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

school. sometimes thats not enough and I don't get up

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I don't have a job

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

I really like my blue/gold/white sweatshirt and the green and orange floral hat im wearing now (bc its from cassis)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

gay punk alcoholic wannabe skater kpoppie 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

I reallllyyyy want a Yoongi funko pop at this moment in time. in general I never know.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

not knowing if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

literally 0. i haven't read a book like last march (?) when I sped read The Kite Runner in 48 hours for a class 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I have no clue! hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

unfortunately 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I want to dye my hair a fun color but am afraid